Cadaverous walking smirk Rick Santorum must still be high on endorphins from Tuesday’s surprise threesome in some meaningless/game-changing voting things. Having seen how turgid the prospects of Abortionplexes and FEMA-officiated gay marriage have been making conservative voters of late, Santorum is preparing a new front in the Culture Wars that, incidentally, also feed and shod his family. So, uh, down with Barack Obama and his quest to force Catholics to ordain lady priests like a bunch of common Episcopalians!
Rick voiced his mewling concerns on, where else, the Fox, and there they were captured by Think Progress:
This is a president who, just recently, in this Hosanna-Tabor case was basically making the argument that Catholics had to, you know, maybe even had to go so far as to hire women priests to comply with employment discrimination issues. This is a very hostile president to people of faith. He’s a hostile president, not just to people of faith, but to all freedoms.
Think Progress helpfully points out that Rick is full of santorum on this one:
The Obama Administration’s brief in the case Santorum cites expressly stated that it would be unconstitutional to tell the Catholic church to do so, a fact that Santorum would have been aware of if he had actually bothered to read the Supreme Court’s opinion in Hosanna-Tabor. That opinion explains that the administration “grant[s] . . . that it would violate the First Amendment for courts to apply [anti-discrimination] laws to compel the ordination of women by the Catholic Church ….”
Hmm. Do you think it would still be “kosher” with Rick to abort a lady fetus who is leaning toward the priesthood? [Think Progress]
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All of his kids were conceived immaculately, right?
That's what Mrs Santorum told him, yes.
That's what Mrs Santorum wishes. Alas, the memory of that 15 seconds of the sweaty sweater vest writhing above her will haunt her for life
You think Rick Santorum is capable of a boner?
would anyone be able to tell? There's a good reason the Fundies like to screw with the lights off.
When he thinks back to those times when Father Richard made him help put his holy vestments on. Which he often reflects on. As often as he can.
Our lady priests don't diddle little children, and we consider that to be a good thing.
They can diddle me.
Why do your priests hate firm young strapping boys?!
Think Progress is giving Santorum too much credit to think he didn't read the Court's opinion. He read it. He's just LYING about Obama's position. Because he is a frothy piece of Santorum.
Lying seems to be the default mode
when one is behind in the polls,during the campaign season, on any day ending in the letter "Y," so any Republican-made stump speech should not be taken as intended to be a factual statement.This. Whenever anyone is even slightly inclined to think "Well, at least he's sincere (unlike Rmoney or the Toad)", they should read this to be reminded that Santorum just fucking LIES. And pretty regularly, too.
The only thing that Santorum doesn't spread is facts.
Santorum spreads endlessly – it gets on the carpet, the curtains….fuckin' everywhere
Sharia law has to figure in this somewhere?
No, a President who is hostile to all freedoms would be one who wanted to ban birth control and same-sex marriage, you vile freedom-hating fuckhead.
SB, why would you expect anything other than vocal suppuration from him? Have you Googled his last name? The man is vileness defined!
But how can women be priests? Their clitorises wouldn't even fit in an altar boy's asshole.
Think more in the ways of Mrs. Robinson.
Confession would be fun. A quarter slot, a curtain…
Leader in the clubhouse.
I know, right? How you gonna froth it up with lady parts? Hengh?
No really – how? I, uh, am doing some research for a, uh, paper I'm writing…
"Some Women Have Clits 3, 4, 5-inches Long"
–Headline Hustler Magazine c. 1986.
Resubmit this in AMA style, and include the study design! We have standards!
If you use centimeters and throw in a percentage it sounds really scientific.
Father Vanessa del Rio blesses you, my child.
Rubirosa. For some reason, this is all that pops up.
I call mine "Duck of Death," but whatever floats your boat, I guess.
Their clitorises wouldn't even fit in an altar boy's asshole.
That's why churches come equipped with candlesticks. Maybe it's to comply with the ADA – women are, after all, Penis-Challenged Americans….probably some priests also.
Neither would an adult penis, but the power of faith gets the job done.
Speaking as a someone who recently submitted a "dead rats in women's vaginas" comment, this is upfistfuckingtastic, Foxy.
Thread win.
I'm all for the Santorum Spurt in theory, but not if I have to read/watch what comes out of this asshole on an hourly basis. Messy!
Eyepatch underwear, also.
Lady Priests, eh?
Would there be spankings, and then the oral sex?
I might start going to church, then
Yeah, but just when things get exciting, some idiot in armor will charge in and "rescue" you.
Every night I look for the church with a grail beacon. So far, no luck.
Grail bacon…..mmmmmmm…
Oh, bEacon?
Pardon me.
Spaking and oral sex, eh? How's that different than the current church experience? Well, I guess it'd now be practiced regularly on adults, too, if the ladies were let in.
Obama is also requiring that fetus jars be certified BPA-free, imperiling our G-d Given Right to have American-made carcinogens in our homes.
If you think we're going to let this happen, you've got another thing coming…sorry…that would be Judith Priest…sorry again.
I know Santorum is good for Obama, but I'm pretty sure I can't stand much more of him. And btw, he may be getting the support of evangelicals, but what I know of what's left of Catholic demographics (and I know a lot), he's got support of about 1% of them.
One thing I've always appreciated about Catholics is the consistency with which they grow up to become pinko commie liberals. It's sticks-up-the-butts like Santorum who don't get it.
Well, I was a pretty damn liberal Catholic as a Catholic theologian until I said "Gah."
Anyway, there is some seriously progressive and liberal history in Catholic theology – geez, Liberation Theology anyone? But the church itself has been hijacked for several decades and is administratively clueless to the general notions and feelings of the people. Big news.
Your move, Gustavo Gutierrez!
You'll notice that we're hearing more from Slick Rick than we are from his fellow Catholics. Except the ones who are screaming about Obama and contraception.
"a fact that Santorum would have been aware of if he had actually bothered to read the Supreme Court’s opinion in Hosanna-Tabor. "
OMG! Did Think Progress actually use the words "Santorum" and "aware" in the same sentence? I'm never reading any of their shit ever again!
It just makes good political sense to base your campaign on defending an institution as highly esteemed and respected as the Catholic Church.
Lady priests = bad
Pedophile priests = um why not?
Santorum is right; women priests would have no direct line to god. Every good Catholic knows that the penis is God's antenna.
Ooops! I'm getting a call from the big guy right now.
I know He's coming in crystal clear when my partner screams "Oh, God!" during sex.
. . . that one time . . .
He apparently calls me 2 times a day. He may leave messages but I never listen to them.
Tune me in altar boy!
What's the frequency, Kenneth?
A vagina could be Satan's satellite dish
That's exactly why the female orgasm is evil! Every time you hit the button, Satan spies on God!
I get signals from Venus occasionally "when the moment's right."
in Rick's world, even lesbians are dudes.
mama, dont let your babies grow up to be female
When Rick says "basically making the argument" he means "not making that argument at all."
Women should remain the legal property of their fathers, until they get married and become the property of their husbands. We went wrong in this country when we granbted them their own individual "personhood" and started letting them enter into contracts, and vote, and everything.
Yeah! Next they'll start thinking they're corporations and hire lobbyists to demand tax cuts.
And Mitt will be thinking of ways to bankrupt 'em while still profiting from the assets.
Back when I was a younger woman, I used to ride my horse on the absentee neighbor's land. One time, though, he wasn't absent and I ran into him. (Not literally.) He said he didn't really mind if I rode back there, but–where was my father? or my husband? Get him, whichever, to "sign a release" so that if I got hurt he wouldn't be liable. He said this a bunch of times, to "sign a release" in case I "broke my back or something." Then, a year or two later, this fucking geezer left his wife for a Young Thing and ran off to Denver. I wonder if the Young Thing's father signed her over to that nasty old fart?
"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people." – Rebecca West
Whatchu talking bout lapsed-Episcopalian? You (used to) go to a church that not only treats women decent, they debate letting GAY PEOPLE be in the clergy – and some even GET TO. (But not in my town, so I don't have to go no wheres on Sundays either) But yeah, we womens are chattel. Sweet, sweet chattel that you will never get enough of. (dangling participles and all.)
Thats why rape isn't really an offense against the woman, its an offense against the man who owns her; soils his property. And hey, I quit as senior warden because we had a faction of anti-gay Bishop types who were all hatey and obnoxious, we not only have female priests, and gay priests, we have gay Bishops, up here.
That concept might run into some trouble with the "blastulas have personhood" concept.
Its just as wrong to abort property.
Wait a minute, let me get this straight – Santorum says he should be in charge because Obama's the one trying to tell people how they should run their own lives? This motherfucker is flat out nuts.
This is the modern conservative movement, where the "freedoms" they care about are the "freedoms" to refuse to serve black people, tell women what they can do with their ladyparts, and arrest gay people just for fucking. It's opposite land.
They don't want to *arrest* gay people for fucking, SB. They want to KILL all the LGBTQ folks they can get their ugly little paws on.
Probably, but at they know they can't say that publicly; however Santorum was all angry when the Supreme Court said the states can't arrest people for consensual sodomy.
They don't have to *say it* publicly. They just keep on with those dog whistles to their crazy cunt followers who then turn around and start beating shit out of the closest handy person who "looks like a fag." One of my partners had someone set fire to her apt. while she and her then-lover were out; another died in a late-night fire that everybody *knows* was arson, but "insufficient evidence" resulted in no conviction. We're not fooled, though. We know what Santorum means when he says "gay unions don't benefit society." He wants us taken out like trash.
"They are unpracticed in introspection, and therefore badly equipped to deal with opponents whom they cannot shoot like big game or outdo in daring…" The modern conservative movement is constipated by the "…mental rabble of the wised-up world."
– Both quotes from Saul Bellow, but not about the modern conservatism, but I just think they do describe parts of it awfully well…
Yes.
Rick Santorum shod his family, just to watch them cry.
~
Please win the GOP nomination. Please win the GOP nomination. Please win the GOP nomination. Please win the GOP nomination. Please win the GOP nomination. Please win the GOP nomination.
Half of me agrees, but the other half has not enough trust in the voters to know better if he did.
Something tells me that even Adolf Hitler could get at least 25% of the popular vote, running against a blah in the White Man's House.
You know in your heart that that is true.
The write-ins would be epic.
Yeah, since his policy of taking all our guns away is just about complete, I guess it's time for Obama to take out the Pope, now.
That and rounding up the conservatives and placing them in the FEMA built re-education camps.
And don’t forget the death panels for the olds.
Wait a minute…I thought it was Clinton who was going to take everyone's guns away?! I guess Obama is just continuing the policies of both W & Bill.
Rick will NEVER forget all that Father Francisco did for him…
Wait until Rick finds out about the Bene Gesserit's plans for him and his fellow mackerel-snapping bead jigglers. He gone sheet heez drawers.
Obammer really won't be happy until he forces you to ordain the gays.
Oh, wait…
Maybe Obama should push a regulation barring priests from fucking altar boys in the ass and we can all stand back and enjoy watching the frothy mix bitch about that particular Federal intrusion into religion.
"The government oversteps its authority when it intrudes on the freedom of the righteous to freely intrude into select members of the flock."
–Bishop Ricardo Santorini
If the Catholic Church started allowing women priests I might forgive the institution for 2, maybe 3%, of its actions over the past 2000 years.
For shits sake Rick — just ask him out already!
Dammit, I got some Santorum all over my copy of the Constitution. Now it's sticky and I can't read most of it.
But you'll have no trouble finding it in the dark.
It is ok to abort a lady fetus leaning toward the priesthood,as long as you bring it home for the other kids to see!
He’s a hostile president, not just to people of faith, but to all freedoms.
I thought he was a closet Mooslin. I'm confused.
Oh sure — start saying that what the Obama administration says is a fact, as though that's what they really feel in their hearts. Every good Christian now gets a direct link from The LORD about the super-secret Obama agenda that even the president apparently isn't aware of — which just tells you how big a threat to our freedoms it is.
Sadly, the gullible don't need voices in their heads to get the real truth – they greedily gobble up every festering emission from these lying bastards as though God himself were pouring free soda down their gaping gobs with promises of free anus burgers to follow.
Actually, I enjoy my freedom from faith.
Would that it were so. *sigh*
If only we could get freedom from the faithful.
A Republican corporatista appeared on the airwaves and issued a bald-faced lie about his competition, with help from the propaganda arm of the United States of Corporations. The news would be if he didn't.
Rick, Rick, I know it's against your natural sense of self-discipline, but it's really OK to remove the butt plug every now and again. Even if only for a few minutes. Doing so really won't do anything to compromise the all-engrossing capacity of your asshole.
This is a very hostile president to people of faith.
I''m very hostile to a head of a foreign country telling Americans what to do. The pope is not our leader and the Vatican is not one of the stars on the flag.
Claiming ultimate allegiance to the head of a foreign country over the laws of this country is treason, Santorum.
Fuck off.
Not a big Kennedy fan, eh?
I hate Notre Dame's football team, but not because of that.
Kennedy made it clear he didn't practice "dual loyalty". Santorum elevates his religion to primary loyalty, to the detriment of everyone else.
Next thing you know, Obama will be against Catholic Priest and the close relationship they have with their alter boys.
I normally have to pay for women in costume to tell me what to do.
"…told the archbishop that he couldn't communicate with the people in the Army the information that, what about the Obama administration is doing"
You want tax exempt status for churches? Then play by the rules other non – profits have to follow and don't use the church to promote your politics, asshole…
And the world is still flat and the old Nazi in Rome still wears a dress.
Where the hell is the "free press"?
Why doesn't anyone (except Wonkette) ever question what this creepy loser says?
Why don't they question what any of these Republiklan candidates say?
Liberal media, my ass.
Don't be silly, that would be Liberal and Anti-Catholic.
Santorum's really sticking to the issues people give a crap about.
Wedge issues?
I can see why Pennsylvania dumped him. He’s so annoying and whiney. Reminds me of a 2 year old that isn’t getting his way. Maybe he needs a spanking.
True. I also get the same feeling from Wisconsin's Scott Walker.
He'd like that too much.
I'm sorry, I lost track. Which Republican are you talking about?
After reading Death Cookie and Are Roman Catholics Christians? I can't wait to read what Jack Chick's tract about Rick Santorum is going to say!
Godamn, I can't wait for this clown to get caught with a dick up his ass.
Or huffing meth off of some teenage boy's bare ass.
I have a nice idea. Let's make the Pope the POTUS!
I've only a vague recollection of the details of Hosanna-Tabor, but if I recall correctly (lawyers here please correct at will) the issue was over whether a Lutheran school could fire a teacher without paying any attention to employment law, by the simple expedient of calling her a "minister". Or it was something like that.
The government conceded that you can't tell a religion who their ministers should be, but that doesn't mean you can then just get out of a legal obligation by calling everyone who receives money from you a minister of your church.
So Santorum is telling a twofold lie. Not only is the government not arguing that the Church has to make women priests, but they are in addition arguing that if the Church suddenly decided to call women "priests" just to avoid a legal obligation, that would be illegitimate.
OK, law-talking guy, now how much does Wonkette owe you for that padded hour of legal research?
The implication that "freedom" can be pluralized in just the begining of this theocratic horrorshow. "That isn't a freedom!! THIS is a freedom!!" Argh. Just fucking argh.
"He's a hostile president …to all freedoms." And you, dear sir, are trying awfully hard to make us forget about George Bush.
"You've misplaced some data?
Mm, the whole of the thirteenth century. Misplaced the computers several conventional computers. We can't find them.
We're always moving things around, getting organized, my assistants and l.
But this is Santorum's fault. Santorum, he's the world's file cabinet. Pity. Poor old thirteenth century and all those female Popes."
Wait till Santorum finds out that Obama also wants to pardon everyone in hell rotting on a "meat rap"
Rick thought "The Convent Of Hell" was an official DHHS position paper, while he was fapping to it.
I won't know what to think about all this until Father Guido Sarducci weighs in with an opinion.
How does the Catholic Church stop practicing Muslims and Jews from becoming priests??? How can it stop men from becoming nuns??? And what about this "heaven" ?? Has St. Peter been properly vetted to insure that he isn't profiling potential new residents? There is a whole world of discrimination that needs to be investigated here.
"Sister Christian, oh the time has not come."
- Ranger Rick Santorum
Santorum Lie Generator (picked up on the cheap from post-Bachmann campaign yard sale):
"Why, I have [ past-tense verb indicating the 'source' of this lie ] that Obama's [ executive department/subordinate/family member ] wants to [ shocking verb ] our freedom to [ something normal, white, male American Christians favor, preferably offensive to everyone else ], until [ dire consequence, preferably involving a European nation ]!!"
That is frighteningly accurate.
ROTFLMAO!
"Goest thou, and take thy comely Kenyan lady from my church, lest she spreadth the woe of socialism and whatnot."
II Santorum, chapter 3, verse 12.
He's against women priests? I think Rick just lost himself the penguin vote.
Santorum knows lady priests are a slippery* slope to something he finds unfathomable.
*this is the key word to reply off of / make me proud, Wonkekeets.
Even as we speak, a talking German Shepherd is telling some severely maladjusted dope that "Jesus says Obama's got to go, capiche?" But no way will this be Santorum's fault!
Apparently, the Frothy One also said that Obama is probably going to start beheading religious people (via guillotine):
Good grief, what an asshole.
I can't believe you read the slog before this esteemed publication! :)
Ugh!! Hit me in the head with a baseball bat. Sometimes, I just don't scroll down. And I had to do actual work this morning. So awful!!
Hey, The Stranger's Dan Savage created the whole Santorum mystique, they deserve it. I love that paper.
Heaven forbid that women ever wear frocks! Or dresses of any kind! They're for men only!
"He’s a hostile president, not just to people of faith, but to all freedoms."
What about freedom from getting dropped from your health insurance after cancer is diagnosed? I know at all but one of the presidential candidates is hostile to that freedom.
This dude really is the gift that keeps on giving, ain't he? Keep bringing the crazy, Ricky.
This guy right here is why, apart from that nice Kennedy boy, we won't stand for a catholic president.
The Supreme Court cut right through to the heart of the matter and put those papists in their place.
The power of Chrissie compels you!
Three years ago, Wonkette hosted lots and lots of articles about Sarah Palin. We laughed sometimes, got scared sometimes, but overall we had a whole bunch of chuckles at her expense.
Today, though, Every. Fucking. Thing. this assclown does makes me seethe. I feel like hitting and kicking him. I want to berate his wife for encouraging him. I want to write memos to his staff, or attend their meetings and shake them at the shoulders, saying "Do you realize what kind of vapid, self-righteous imbecile you work for?!"
Good people and righteous posters of Wonkette, please continue to make me laugh… and let's promise to hold fast and cleave to each other in case he fucking wins the nod in Tampa, okay?
All those fucktards are essentially evil, but frothy santorum takes misogyny to new heights. He honestly believes that the very idea of female priests is so abominable to the general public (in two thousand fucking twelve!) that they will elect him president, despite him being dumb as a loaf of bread.
I just can't stand that righteous, charismatic Pentecostal tone. You want to see the kennel of dog whistle politics? Right fucking there. I mean, he says shit Catholics don't believe anymore.
I posted basically the same thing on Yahoo on what a hateful piece of shit Santorum really is.
I was informed that I was bigoted toward Xtians and hated anyone that showed that they had morals.
The stupid, it burns. Oh God, how it burns.
GOP Convention motto:
Screw, baby, screw. And screw now!
"maybe even had to go so far as to hire women priests"
And this is terrible because….?
Hey, now. Priests aren't "hired". They're *called*. They are called by *jesus* to the priesthood. The trouble is, jesus told a pope once that he only called dudes to the priesthood. Dudes with a penis.
If there's vagina-having catholics who believe they are called to become clergyfolk, they are at best deluded, and at worst just plain nuts or possessed.
I believe the technical term is "hysterical".
When you have a dozen kids, that free babysitting the priest offers is ever so nice.
I'm beginning to think Santorum is my favorite candidate to lose against Obama, if only to see just how much of the Catholic vote he gets.
You brought your baby to a bar?
In a jar?
What happened to the all-purpose standing headline, "Rick Santorum Said Something Stupid"?
I like to think that this President is not hostile to faith. He's hostile to your wacky bullshit beliefs fucking up people's lives because you don't approve of them having sex.
So, wait, I guess he is hostile to faith.
https://twitter.com/#!/DickSantorum
or something…… there's a lot to work with there.
ever notice his nose goes in every direction, "the "Pinocchio" effect??
This clown is in need if a good blowjob more than any other white man on the planet, but he would never accept one, because it would be wrong; unless it was from a dood.
This dude is so deep within the closet, he's finding gold, frankincense and myrrh from the first Christmas. This fucker is so deep inside the wardrobe, he regularly converses with the inhabitants of Narnia on public policy.
Oh god, that's horrible; I think hugs are in order.
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