Poisonous creature of the deep Bill O’Reilly did a segment on his show Tuesday about One Million Moms’ boycott of Ellen DeGeneres’ spokesperson deal with JC Penney. Strangely, the segment was, for the most optimistic among us, some evidence that world peace will happen before the world ends (which is this year). Ellen recently signed on with JC Penney, which is doing this weird American flag-y logo happy makeover thing in an effort to get people to remember it exists and stop buying so many pairs of rhinestone-encrusted Forever 21 leggings made by Korean infants. One Million Moms are not psyched, and Bill O’Reilly is touchingly not psyched that they’re not psyched!
One Million Moms, an offshoot of the American Family Association, which is an unofficial Rick Santorum fan club, is calling for JC Penney to drop Ellen, because she isn’t “traditional.” Said OMM, which is not the right kind of acronym for this organization at all, “DeGeneres is not a true representation of the type of families that shop at their store. The majority of JC Penney shoppers will be offended and choose to no longer shop there.” This, as a generalization based on invented data, is incredible.
Anyway, whatever, “one million” moms isn’t that many moms. JC Penney has stood by Ellen, anyway, which Ellen announced on her show, throwing in some jokes about affordable socks in the process. O’Reilly, meanwhile, attempted to invite one millionth of one million moms onto his show, but was unable to, because there are actually probably 238 moms in this group and they were all busy doing Traditional Things like making Hamburger Helper in their Rachel Ray-branded nonstick skillets and watching Real Housewives of Everywhere. So Bill got Fox freelancer Sandy Rios on the show and this squirrel actually found herself on the opposite side of Bill O’Reilly.
First off, O’Reilly’s little headline in the area next to his head was “Controversial Spokeswoman?” OK, spokesperson would have been better, but hey, at least it didn’t say “spokeslesbian,” and THERE WAS A QUESTION MARK. Eyebrows of many watching eyes raised up in hope and curiosity, while some “traditional” viewers just died on the spot. The deceased bigots missed these words from O’Reilly:
…the million moms say, hey, because we feel a certain way about Ms. DeGeneres’ lifestyle, you need to fire her. I don’t think that’s the spirit of America, Sandy, I gotta tell ya.
When Rios blithered on about how spokespeople are chosen because they “stand for” things, and that Ellen doesn’t “stand for” Christianity whatever whatever, O’Reilly responded:
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This is where we run into a problem, because if you remember with the McCarthy era in the ’50s and they were trying to hunt down Communists and symphathizers and not let them work and put them on a blacklist…what is the difference between a McCarthy-era Communist blacklist in the ’50s and the million moms saying hey, JC Penney and all you other stores, don’t you hire gay people, don’t you dare. What is the difference?
Rios’ response is that Ellen is “acting out” her lesbian lifestyle by marrying her partner. Acting out! Get in the corner and put a dunce cap on, Ellen. She added:
We are seeing homosexuality so embedded in our culture in alarming ways, and that’s the part of the story that we’re not allowed to tell.
Rios then says something about how One Million Moms should be allowed to “voice their opinion” WHICH FYI IS NOT THE SAME THING AS TELLING A COMPANY TO FIRE A SPOKESPERSON.
Bill O’Reilly’s final message to the moms:
This JC Penney thing is a witch hunt, and it shouldn’t happen.