Whoa hey, look at those numbers in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado for Mittens. Two out of three isn’t so bad. And the sheer numbers of votes — tens and hundreds of thousands! What a world. The only problem is that those are his numbers from the 2008 primary cycle, when he still ended up losing the nomination to crabby old rust tit Juan McCain. He performed infinitely worse last night in his hilarious losses in all three states to Rick Santorum, a whiny George W. Bush conservative who has been dead for five years.
MORE NUMBERS?
Colorado:
2008 Mittens: 42,218 votes
2012 Mittens: 22,875 votes
Minnesota:
2008 Mittens: 25,990 votes
2012 Mittens: 8,096 votes
Missouri:
2008 Mittens: 172,329 votes
2012 Mittens: 63,826 votes
And yeah yeah yeah, they’re nonbinding caucuses/primaries in terms of delegate selection, so they don’t matter. That didn’t stop Rick Santorum’s supporters from showing up to the polls though, did it? And so we point and laugh, the end.
{ 224 comments }
None of the above/No One 2012
What do you expect from the Party of No?
At one point last night, Ron Paul was trailing "uncommitted" by 5 points.
This is good news for Tim Pawlenty!!!
This is even better news for Montgomery Brewster.
Is that Punky's given name?
Who?
Gzzzzzzzzzzzzzz … WHO? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Why don't they nominate Obama? At least then they would have a candidate with a winning record going into the election.
Santorum oozes to the lead!
Go Ricky! Take down Mitt, and take the House GOPer majority with him!
Santorum lapped the field!
Santorum surges to the top in a three-way.
On Kansas City Fox 4 News this morning, talking about Santorum winning, the news lady said…
"call it a Santorum shocker"
That actually happened and I wish I could have taped it.
Did Mr. Schuden Freude show up to the polls yesterday?
That's "Dr." to you, Sir!
Herr Professor Doktor!
That's Freuden-STEEN.
Yep, and he also signed the petition to recall that Walker asshole.
Thank FSM! The Black Helicopters now have an accurate targeting list!
Santorum pounds Romney.
Romney Toppled By Santorum Surge.
Santorum on Romney like stink on shit.
Romey plunges as Santorum erupts.
Romney chokes as Santorum surges,
Is hell freezing over? Because I'm feeling a tinge of empathy for Rick Santorum.
Don't worry, a little seltzer and that tinge'll wash right off.
Or just listen to him saying a thing. Any thing, really, you don't need to seek out any particular instance of him speaking to find the repugnance.
Just remember that he doesn't have empathy for anybody.
If you have an empathy lasting more than 4 hours, see his twitter feed right away.
Nice. This will kill an erection, also.
Be careful though – reading anything Santorum writes will give you the poops.
Empathy for Santorum? Are you referring to "frothy lube"? I understand that, because once it appears it is wiped away and is gone. If you refer to that Other Santorum, then I guess one could also find some empathy for that guy who died in a bunker with his just-married lady friend.
Bunker Guy loved his dog, and Margaret Thatcher was on the research team that invented soft-serve ice-cream, proving that no-one's all evil.
Nah. All it proves is that even evil can look attractive all gussied up.
Shit, he is one of the few people I could see get hit by a truck and think,"Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy."
$10,000 bet that "Romney buried in Santorum landslide" is the grossest thing you'll read all week.
If Mitt was wearing his fudge-packing gloves he should be fine.
Froth libel!
Shit/Semen/Lube 2012!!!
Da-YUM Sununu MUST be right – based on the folks staying at home, they have clearly decided Mittens is the one they love. Clearly. (clearly and frankly – two words I am frankly, clearly tired of for the whole election season already)
Minnesota Fats couldn't spin it any better.
Points. Laughs. Votes for the black guy.
Herman Cain?
Bill Cosby?
(goes with the laughing)
Nothing in my life ever goes this well. There must be an asteroid heading our way that's going to kill us all. This is so depressing.
Yes, the monkey's paw tightens.
Their son comes home, but HE'S STILL DEAD! (like Mittens' chances of winning).
Look on the bright side, Mittens, at least you're not Ron Paul.
Mittens has his money in a computer on the Caymen Islands.
Dr. Paul has his money in Krugerrands buried in his garden.
Who is ready for what's next?
I had two posting from friends of a friend(they are all Muslim) that Ron Paul is the guy to vote for. someone suggested that they are one issue voters- against Israel.
Oh I think it might be looking like 1964 all over again.
Cool. Maybe the Beach Boys and the Beatles will come out with a couple new tunes for us.
Well it is the 50th anniversary of the first Beatles single this year, so I'm sure that Paul and Ringo will get out and play a gig or two, and Yoko will turn up uninvited and get on everyone's nerves.
And seriously, isn't there a Beach Boys tour happening with Brian Wilson pried out of his sandbox for it?
Drummer & bassist? They should fuck with all of us & do an all-Roni Size/Reprazent covers show.
If we're lucky. If we're not, it might be just a bit more like 1932 all over again. And in America, also too. /Godwin
But no seriously, the idea of a Santorum presidency is kinda fucking terrifying.
But the idea of a Santorum nomination is fucking golden. He's got no shot in hell of winning; this is a man who lost as an incumbent by nearly 20 points, and whose name has literally been turned into a joke, and who is hated by everybody outside of the far right Christianist fringe.
Bizarrely, you're much more optimistic about the nature and disposition of the American people than I am.
But he's garnered that all important Mahmoud Ahmadinejad endorsement.
Dear Negligently_Joe,
I realize I'm not an Oracle as such, but I want to assure you that in the General? There is no way on this green earth that Santorum will convince even 10% of Independent/unaffiliated/unregistered voters ever to vote for him.
You can relax now. That shitbird ain't winning squat except to let our President use him (repeatedly) as a verbal punching bag.
President Biden?? Be careful with your analogies, there!
Goldwater's best slogan was "In your heart you know he's right," a line which could not be credibly used by any of the current candidates, assuming any of them could come up with it.
Romney: In Your Heart You Know He's Rich
Santorum: In your Heart You Know He's a Loser
Gingrich: In Your Heart You Know He's Lying
Paul: In Your Heart You Know He's Nuts
I would have also accepted "Paul: In Your Nuts You Know He's Heartless."
Your Paul slogan is one word away from the classic rejoinder to the Goldwater line: "In your gut you know he's nuts"
I'd forgotten that one. Still, compared to the present crop, old Barry looks pretty good, in a one-eyed-man kind of way.
AuH2O!!1!
Chemistry humour!
Chem formulae FTW
So the GOP front runner is now NO ONE?
This morning Tim Pawlenty is sitting at the kitchen table crying in his glass of 2% milk and ignoring his peanut butter & jelly sandwich, even though his wife cut off the crusts and everything.
Upfisted because you made me LOL!!
At this rate, Brewster will never get his Millions (and no I never get tired of that joke).
Not Me / Ida Know 2012!
Santorum Cleans Up!
Santorum Makes a Mess of Republican Primary Season!
Santorum Rushes to the Front!
Santorum Unleashed in Missouri!
Santorum Riding a Wave!*
*Actually spoken by Anderson Cooper last night on CNN
The fact that Anderson kept a straight face while saying this makes me luff him all the more.
Oh, Anderson! You naughty, naughty boy.
"Santorum slides into first place"
"Santorum too slippery for Romney to handle"
No, No, No!
The correct headline, describing the state of play following the previous several contests, should be "SANTORUM SPURTS OUT FROM BEHIND." Nothing else will do.
Please, oh esteemed Jeebus, let this shit go on forever.
This is what Mitt Romney calls his "2-2-3" plan.
At least with Frothy in the White House, Coloradans won't have to worry about U.N.-mandated bike paths!
Un-fucking-believeable! Those kitchen colander helmets must be really uncomfortable.
Well, now we get to see what dirt Romney has on Santorum because he's going to flood Arizona and Michigan with so much negative advertising, Ricky's best press will be found by Googling his name.
So, here's a legit question: How in the name of all that is holy can Romney win Michigan?
I mean, the only people in Michigan who could possibly think the auto bailouts were a bad idea are…uh…yeah, no, I can't think of anyone. Dead people, maybe.
http://www.businessweek.com/news/2011-11-16/romne...
EVEN RICK SNYDER THINKS THEY WERE A GOOD IDEA.
So, with Mittens wheeling around in a Chrysler telling everyone in Michigan how nothing good came from the bailouts, under what planet's logic would he favored in Michigan? How is not being run out of the state on a rail?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoQ1gged_KI
Fuck you, Mitt. I remember going to the auto show with my dad, too. I'm glad that I can take my daughter. If you'd had your way, I wouldn't be able to do that.
Asshole.
/ex-Michigander
Pope-3, Joseph Smith-0.
I guess it really is true – the more you get to know him, the worse you think of Willard.
Just wait until the anti-mormon whispering campaign starts.
It can't start soon enough! I can't wait to see the Fundies dragging out every looney detail of MorManism, and Mitt's head exploding every time he gets confronted with them.
Just like how Romney's head would explode if he ever read a sign stating the very word "coffee" itself.
Starts?
You don't really think Santorum won a moderate state like Minnesota on his religious zealotry, do you?
The choices seemed to be between Santorum and Ron Paul, so I guess they shat in the wind and see where it all landed for a little more mainstream candidate?!
Barkeep- Thrumbs all around, I say. And don't spare the Moroni!
Thank you Dan Savage et all. Without the code speak this would be,, should I say ,,Greek to me?
Santorum and Greeks would involve a lot more hair.
Mittens is already gearing up for the 2016 primaries–he is the Harold Stassen of this century.
Romney said that if he lost he'd go back to living his life, so yeah, he'd be back to the campaign trail.
Willard Romney, perennial candidate, Though I think of him as Willard Rmoney, perineal candidate.
Well done.
It's hard for a party to cultivate a politician with a consistent leadership image when the party's whole reason for being is to be against anything, literally anything, the incumbent president is for AND to toss as many bones to wealthy donors as possible. That approach really doesn't leave their potential leaders with any firm high ground.
Suck it, GOP.
I'd prefer to point and laugh at Newt Gingrich's Horrible Failure!
When does Callista start looking for a younger man?
Oh I'm sure the pool boy has been there all along.
That poor, unfortunate pool boy.
She probably had a pool boy all access clause written in the pre-nup right after her yearly diamond allowance.
She has to defend the sanctity of open marriage.
Fucking that bloated amphibian can't bring any pleasure to a woman, she's got to get it somehow.
She always looked lie the Hitachi "magic wand" and Ron Jeremy Signature model wife tamer type to me. Blowing Newt! was a career move for Callista, and after suffering along with his arrogant ass, she probably finds a vibe much more enjoyable and less annoying
New wave of negative ads from the Romney camp in 3…. 2…. 1….
Poor Mittens, no magic underwear will keep that stench off.
"HA HA"
-Nelson Muntz
Fundamentalist, evangelical, xtian, teabagging wingnuts would rather go commando than vote for the guy in the magic underwear.
Reap what ye sow, bitches.
And just when did Wonkette start looking at the actual numbers?
Monday?
Makes sense that Romney would run worse than in 2008–voters had four years to realize what an asshole he is.
Ah man, you got Santorum all over my Mittens.
And you got your Mittens in my Santorum!
Wait…I have an idea for a chocolate bar….
Well at least you were wearing Mittens; doing that barehanded could get really messy.
She believes in safe sacks, you say?
Minnesota should try building a building over two stories high, before attempting to pick a presidente! They GOT nutten!
Santorum sure made quite a splash! It was a Santorum Tsunami! Romney was swept away by the rising tide of Santorum.
Hush up, Anderson!
It's safe to say that Mitt slipped on Santorum
This is really starting to get old.
So Santorum is the new Newt. Disgusting.
You need to look at the big picture here, less than 2% of the eligible voters cared enough to come out and vote. When Romney finds a way to reach out to the 98% of the Republican electorate who stayed home and cried the night away he will finally win the honor of being this years Bob Dole.
oh, good, now I don't have to look and see what % of voters came out. I don't hate those states as much now- if only such a small % of their people are stupid bigoted morons.
Ok Dogs, listen up. I have some good news and some bad news.
Romney lost!
Yay!
But Santorum won!
Crap!
"The good news – we're going for a car ride. The bad news . . . ."
Turns out Mary Pawlenty was a leading indicator.
Romney came behind Ron Paul in bringing up the rear of Santorum.
The problem is that all of them are against Obama and none of them is for anything that matters.
So is the triple santorum going to be an event at the next Olympics?
Pointing & Laughing at mitt romney is one of our favorite pastimes here in massachusetts.
HAHA lookit the phoney baloney shitty EX governor try to be president.!
.
"Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you." –Mr. Burns
Mittster Roms!
Mittens isn't worried — right now in Salt Lake City, the Mormon Elders are baptizing millions of dead votes for Romney.
Snort!
OT, but apparently the "brains" behind that hilarinsanely racist "Yellow Girl" ad is also the guy who did such other Wonkete favorites as Demon Sheep and "I'm not a Witch". Let's just marvel over this, folks.
And yet he still finds work. High-paid work. Shoot me, just shoot me.
Lee Atwater found work, too.
Uwe Boll, also.
How dare you say such mean things about the hard-working, job-creating, meritoriously wealthy. Why do you hate capitalism? THE MARKET HAS SPOKEN, SIR.
Is he also the guy who did Madonna's completely Satanic superbowl performance?
http://worldtruth.tv/satanic-ritual-performed-at-...
I'm waiting for Rick's/Mitten's "you're no Ronald Reagan" moment
They hate you Mittens, they really hate you.
Time to call in Bain Capital and outsource this underperfomer's job to China, if you ask me.
Great. Now Ricky Santorum is going to believe it really IS Jesus' voice inside his head and not just paranoid schizophrenia like it really is.
Mitt Romney 2012: "I'll eat it, but I won't like it."
So giving money to Little Ricky gets one access to santorum? What a whore.
I'm liking this SuperPAC shit. Really rich fools and their money are being parted much faster than ever before by supporting GOP losers.
And they say that the rich got that way by being way smarter than the rest of us.
You'll notice that the "they" who say that are usually the rich.
Us Poorz know better. Luck and inheritance is what makes the wealthy of today. NOBODY is ever going to convince me that Paris Hilton has a single IQ point over anyone I know.
Look at all this Santorum momentum. Looks like Mittens has shit the bed.
It's the Coffee Thing, for me. Mittens has no fucking outlets — not drink, sex, heroin, cocaine, cigarettes, coffee, tea, hot chicken broth, nothing! Even the Alcoholics and Praise Ministry Fundies are allowed to get jacked-the-fuck-up on nonstop Starbucks! How can you trust a guy who claims he won't even allow himself a measly tall coffee?!
Zackly. South Carolina wouldn't vote for him because the old boys know they can never have highballs with Mitt at the golf course.
Personally, and I mean this sincerely, there is something seriously wrong with Mittens. It's in his eyes and the way he chases windmills. I would not be surprised to find out that he has a very bizarre, probably repulsive habit or secret hobby. He literally turns my blood cold.
Oh, jeez, the answer is right under our nose! MorMen are allowed as much sweet young yummy as they like, so long as they marry all of them! (Shh, use your Insider Teachings Voice!)
But to appease the Feds and bring about Statehood for Utah, they decided to let you be polygamous after you're dead instead of now, when it might be more fun. Kinda like Muslim martyrs get their 72 virgins after death. No one says whether all your wives after you die are virgins or not, though.
They say you still have Free Will after death. So why don't they go out there and vote or nab 'em in the sack?!? Do they need golden tablets to tell them everything???
That second paragraph is right out of my own mind. Either he is so bland as to be passionless and without the capacity to be creative, or he's the freakiest motherfucker this side of Mars. Neither of those makes me feel comfortable. He makes me crawl in my own skin just looking at him.
Al Gore and Kerry were stiff, but they are nowhere near as odd as Mittens. Mittens is a Republican caricature brought to life.
Worse – the guy lived in France for a couple of years, with no coffee, wine, or
sweet bootay. Makes you wonder some about his judgement.
Fuck dude, you're right. Paris was a beautiful blur of wine and cigs for me. I can't imagine being there without them.
What kind of God would want you to?
George Romney had to fly over there and bail Mitt out after he made an ass of himself in a fromagerie, it is the Great Shame of Mittens' youth.
A fucking cheese shop? How does one get into trouble in a cheese shop for fuck's sake?
I always heard the Mormon womens would use their body to convert a man, but never heard if Mormon men would do likewise.
Firing people wasn't a vice to Romney – it was his pass-time. A hobby of sorts, and he 'liked' doing it, too.
I know!! Either he secretly indulges in a bunch of these things, or he is trying to obscure the fact that he is a hardcore Mormon believer — either way, his public persona is phony. Kind of like how Joseph Smith never OFFICIALLY sanctioned polygamy and never OFFICIALLY had more than one wife.
I thought his vice was making money by firing people.
Which, come to think of it, might be worse than having no vices at all…
Santorum slid to victory, leaving his mark on the republican caucauses.
You know who else was embarrassed by Santorum the day after they got pounded three times?
Larry Craig?
Liberace?
Ted Haggard (although coming down off a meth bender probably helped to distract him from the shame)
Jesus H. Christ, because having three spikes driven into your body would likely result in something very like santorum.
Lindsay Graham?
Ted Stryker?
It cost Missouri tax payers $28 for each person who voted in a primary WHICH WILL AWARD NO DELEGATES!
Republicans passed a law to hold the primary on February 7.
Republicans passed rules stating that if the primary is not moved back to March Missouri looses its delegates to the Republican National Convention.
Republicans decided that they could not change the state law so the Primary will award no delegates and a second Primary will be held on March 13.
If the turn out does not increase it means Missouri will be paying $50 for each person who votes.
These Asshats want to run the economy?
They think they can make it up through volume.
It doesn't work for insurance companies either.
Sometimes, you gotta go twice.
I'm thinking at this point they should just nominate former Kansas Republican Senator Nancy Kassebaum. As Alf Landon's daughter she would be better prepared for what is coming in November.
I think Michele should get back in the race. She's PERFECT don't cha know.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Yes. That would be (hic) wonderful.
It's weird Missouri hates Mittens so much, considering Jackson County is Mormon Ground Zero.
As I understand it, the Mormons that stayed behind in Missouri broke off from the main group that went to Utah. They were the "Reorganized Latter Day Saints" and that schism remained in place until 2001. For all I know, there could still be some resentment from that.
You've got a point, but I also think all the Mormon sub-groups are represented in the area since it's so significant.
Then again, Jackson Co. is pretty reliably Democratic.
"Then again, Jackson Co. is pretty reliably Democratic. "
Fersure. They didn't call it the "machine" for nothing!
Way to lose the leaning-Democratic Mormon former-subgroups, Romney.
Some other communities to keep an eye on.
Good grief, that entire thing is disgusting.
3 out of 3 GOP primary voters prefer sweater vests to magic panties. What did you expect in frigid northern states voting in February?
Speaking of panties… isn't it time for Tundra Twat to toss hers in the ring?
No, grifting pays better.
Maybe she thinks she'll be magically selected at the convention. That way, she can skip all that grubby primary business and save herself for the main event.
Why bother? I'm sure she fully expects that come the Convention, the Republiklans will come begging for her to be their nominee.
Don't measure those drapes yet, Mittens.
Don't know about y'all but I'm stocking up on condoms and pinot noir just in case this Santorum Surge actually flows all the way to the White House.
Hell, might as well invite SB to come spend that weekend, too!
I'm waiting for Mitt to be all, "I am a frothy mess and always have been!"
Barb's Hubby reporting:
Surgery successful. All is well. She's in recovery should see her in about 90 minutes.
Too tired to write more. Will update this evening.
Thanx, best wishes your way for all.
Thank you; and when you see her let Barb know we're all thinking about her.
Always good to hear about a happy ending!
Tell Barb the Uterine Sacrifice worked! Santorum beat Romney three times before the Wonkettes crowed.
Thank you, please tell Barb to get well soon cuz she's missing all the fun and we all miss her.
Great news!
We appreciate the update, sir, and are sending good vibes.
(Batteries not included.)
Thanks for the update–we send our love and support!
Good news! And you be sure to take care of you!
Make sure you get plenty of rest yourself – and you are both in our thoughts!
Thank you very much Jeffer! OMG, you'll be seeing her right now. Please 2 deliver hugs and kisses all around. Pls not to get too tired. Thank you again.
AAAAHHH!!!! I hate the fucking horse spittle.
Great news. Thanks for sharing it. We all miss your humor and thoughts.
Thanks for update. And feel better soon Barb, we miss you. Smooches!
OT
Putin bots
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/feb/07/hacke...
I just love it. Mitt, Newt and Paul all woke up with the same thought: "I'm getting beat by THIS fucking guy?". Yes, boys, you are.
When does The Doktor get his turn? I mean, if we're going to chance putting crazy in the WH I'd rather it be that flavor.
Haha. Awesome. Particularly because NOBODY, and seriously NOBODY, actually votes for creepy Rick Santorum and his whole child molester affect. These are all people who are voting against Mitt for being a waffly douche and many of whom will presumably fail to show up to vote for him when he's the nominee.
$10,000 says Mittens shows up on the campaign trail today wearing a sweater vest.
Can't wait to see how Gail Collins is going to work in the Santorum surge in her next column:
"Seamus, the dog who was tied to the roof of Romney's car, had his revenge this week…"
I really don't think this country can survive a Commander In Chief Frothy Anal Leakage
If Mitt keeps this up he could end up losing the Obama by like 101,000,000 to zero.
Mitt's new strategy: Sympathy Voting!
I wonder if Rmoney has Santorum in mind for VP? Not funny. I can live with Rmoney, because while I don't like him as a candidate he is clearly a moderate. But Santorum needs to be kept out of public office. DANGER.
The Revenge of Seamus.
THIS is the reason Jeb Bush and any other possible contenders did not want to get into the fray. Whoever wins this thing is coming into the General deeply damaged as a result of the savage infighting. Mittens is staking everything on this race, and it is becoming more obvious by the day that he does not have the support of his own purported constituency. He can't run again with any modicum of success. Jeb Bush is looking at this right now and thanking his deities that he dodged THAT bullet.
MAY THE FROTH BE WITH YOU!!!
'est headline I've seen lately: "The Vest Man Wins".
I smell an enthusiasm gap.
But, who would have thought, after sending GOP governors to WI, FL, MI, & OH, then having them shit all over the 99%, that a good number of the non-Teabag Right would hav second thoughts?
Romney's promising to get tough on Santorum.
http://m.cnn.com/primary/wk_article?articleId=urn...
He's going to wipe the floor with Santorum, you watch.
Santorum leads the way…
I'm gonna defer to Limeylizzie on that one!
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