orange death monster crooks

Tanning Machine Cancer Industry Sends Big Bucks To Boehner

Weeping burnt orange cretin.People who are not Sarah Palin and/or “Snooki” may not understand the importance the Indoor Tanning Industry plays in making people look like wrinkled, rotten oranges with melanoma, but weeping boozebag would just be a bright red nose on a bloated clown face if not for the magic of the tanning beds down at the strip mall next to the “Cheap Smokes” shop. That’s why he’s happy to take the Indoor Tanning Industry’s big money to make sure burnt orange trailer trash Americans retain their White American rights to turn into cancer-ridden Medicare charity cases.

Think Progress reports on this not-really-shocking development in the Lobbying World of amoral congressional leadership:

The Indoor Tanning Industry’s political action committee has contributed $5,000 House Speaker John Boehner’s (R-OH) campaign account and another $5,000 to the National Republican Congressional Campaign’s Boehner for Speaker Committee.

A small reward for Boehner putting tanning beds into the Affordable Care Act! [Think Progress via Monsieur Grumpe]

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    1. Golfing_OJ

      Wingnut jackass dingdouche BONER can be purchased cheaply, for an evening with a vinyl siding company's top salesgirl and 2 cartons of Kools.

      1. SorosBot

        Well tanning the body outside is only possible in the summer, though. Still doesn't make it a good idea.

        1. freakishlywrong

          I live in Floriduh. You can't throw a rock and not hit a tanning salon, ( I know, I've tried).

    1. Biff

      My gym has a tanning booth available and included in the membership dues. Apparently, the radiation discharged by it is less than what we get from the white hot sun here in the Mojave Desert. Nobody uses it, but it's there.

    2. GOPCrusher

      Isn't the fact that the Indoor Tanning Industry has a political action committee indicate that it's time to do away with political action committees?

    1. CapnFatback

      No joke. When you do business with the tanning industry, it's expected that you're going to lube up and crawl in bed.

  1. Mumbletypeg

    "Come away, human child
    to the water and the wild
    With a cigarette in hand
    for the Speaker's seat's more full of weeping
    than I can understand

    To and fro we leap
    And chase the proffered dollars
    while the world is full of sun lamps
    Forcing many a blistered skin cell to repair overtime
    in its sleep"

    with apologies to Yeats, and the Waterworks — I mean, Waterboys

  2. SorosBot

    Well stupid people who are willing to damage their future health and appearance for what they somehow think are better looks now need representation too!

    1. MrFizzy

      Probably not a bad thing to own the tanning shop he uses – doesn't need any other clients to make a good living.

  3. chascates

    He should use some of that money to buy better ties. His current ones were apparently purchased at the golf course pro shop. Orange skin and turquoise ties are pretty frightening.

  4. memzilla

    I have to believe there's a restricted Intrade website that lists the current prices and bid/ask market trends for bribing Congressmen.

    Cracking this story would be an excellent collaborative project for Wonkette™, Anonymous™, and OWS™.

  5. Sue4466

    Looking at Boehner's "healthy orange glow," I'da guessed the campaign cash would come from Melanoma Awareness Foundation. But I guess they get the awareness without having to otherwise support this walking cancer billboard.

    1. Biff

      A friend of mine out here in this god forsaken desert is the Executive Director for the Melanoma Education Foundation, Nevada Chapter. Lost his wife to melanoma, and has dedicated his life to pointing out the dangers to everyone that will listen. Probably too late for me, but you can save yourself, mostly by avoiding this god forsaken desert in the first place.

    1. MosesInvests

      Speaking as a native of Florida and current resident of Tejas:
      DO. NOT. WANT.
      Got enough stupid, reactionary white people in both states, thanx.

  6. memzilla

    Fast forward to the C-SPAN video feed of March 15th:

    "It is now in order to introduce H.R. 1576, The Snooki Act For Melanin Freedom, onto the House Floor. All those in favor say 'Yo?'"


    "All those against say 'Whatev?'"


    "In the opinion of the chair, the Yos have it."

    "Mr. Speaker, on that I would ask for a recorded vote."

    "Is the gentleman asking for the Yos and Whatevs?"

    "I am."

    "Pursuant to House Rule 7A, further proceedings on this bill are suspended until the armored Brinks van full of SuperPAC munniez pulls up to the House receiving dock."

  7. Tundra Grifter

    "Indoor Tanning Industry?"

    Indoor tanning is an "industry?" This what our nation has come to? Steel mills are an industry. Automobile manufacturing is an industry. Cutting down damn big trees is an industry.

    Indoor tanning is a hobby – up there with stamp collecting, killing butterflies in glass jars and hoarding Beanie Babies, waiting for the market to finally return.

  8. FakaktaSouth

    I have to admit, things are really fucked up in my head with money and PACs and all – when it got down to the end I was all, "$5000? That's it? They must not like him THAT much."

      1. FakaktaSouth

        It's impressive enough to be worth a google – but not as good as the golden gate bridge – I'd show you myself but I don't think I know 4 other people well enough, maybe 3, not 4. The punks on urban dictionary don't have enough imagination though – ya gotta go deeper.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      For those in the business, 5 ironmen is probably a great deal of money. What with the economy and all – I'm sure many people pay their rent before they go for an indoor tan.

      And keep in mind it is often astonishing how little it takes to buy many, many people. The popular defense is "Do you think I would do _______ for just _____?"

      My answer is "Looks to me like you just did."

  9. bflrtsplk

    Wierd that wrinkled up white folks who want a white world would spend so much time and money trying to turn themselves brown. Just sayin'.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    When bribing the speaker
    Don't opt for the meeker
    Denominations to put in his till;
    Just give fistfulls of plunder
    To that lachrymose umber —
    He's got an enormous country club bill.

    1. prommie

      What do you have to do for bags under the eyes? I mean, assuming that more sleep, or going to sleep sober, is off the table?

  11. chicken_thief

    The Orange Man must have needed booze money or something. $10k seems like a paltry sum for influence from the Speaker of the House. No greens fees thrown in?! Pelosi could have gotten $25k and free tans for San Francisco.

  12. soeoho

    I promise huge kickbacks to any candidate supporting my Solar Powered tanning beds.
    Revolutionary concept, but thinking outside the bed is my forte. M.C. (moon commander) Gingrich is my target audience however. Gotta think expansion.

Comments are closed.