JUST DON'T GET ALL IN OUR FACE ABOUT IT  3:17 pm February 7, 2012

Appeals Court Mandates That All Californians Get Gay Married

by Jim Newell

The despised liberal 9th Circuit federal appeals court, which Newt Gingrich has pledged to pipe-bomb on his first day as president, ruled today that California’s Proposition 8, a law in which a bunch of out-of-state Mormons took away marriages from same-sex married couples, is unconstitutional. This upheld the original ruling by district court Judge Vaughn Walker. Now it’s almost certain that the fate of gay marriage in the United States will go to the Supreme Court and be determined by Anthony Kennedy, after he determines the fate of health care in the United States.

Just check out how liberal this 9th Circuit judge was!

“Although the Constitution permits communities to enact most laws they believe to be desirable, it requires that there be at least a legitimate reason for the passage of a law that treats different people differently,” Judge Stephen Reinhardt wrote in the decision. “There was no such reason that Proposition 8 could have been enacted.”

“All that Proposition 8 accomplished was to take away from same sex-couples the right to be granted marriage licenses and thus legally to use the designation ‘marriage,” the judge wrote, adding: “Proposition 8 serves no purpose, and has no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gay men and lesbians in California.”

In other analysis, the Washington Post‘s Greg Sargent, who’s always one tax form signature away from being an official Barack Obama campaign spokesperson, somehow spins this as a victory for Obama. We didn’t know this had anything to do with him.

 
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{ 239 comments }

Tengu February 7, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Win-Win Solution:
Allow gay people to marry but after they die the Mormons can perform mystic ceremonies to have those marriages annulled in LDS heaven.

Sparky MacGyver February 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

That's the kind of thinking that we need around here. You're definitely management material! Either that, or soylent green fixin's.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 7, 2012 at 6:05 pm

I suspect that gay Mormons don't get a planet stocked with young studly-looking cabana boys after they die… what, exactly, are they supposed to do? Does Moroni come along and "cure" the gay Mormon zombies?

(I was hoping to make it GAY MORMON ZOMBIES™, but damned if the Googlez didn't notice someone else being equally perverse.)

natoslug February 7, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Since homosexuality is a mental illness per the LDS guidelines (please don't make me find the citation again . . . ), probably.

BaldarTFlagass February 7, 2012 at 3:21 pm

You should see what that guy had to say about Propositions 1 through 7!

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

In fairness, he got slapped in the face by all those women…but when he got to the hot guy on the Castro? Ooolala!

Chet Kincaid February 7, 2012 at 10:09 pm

"Propositions 1 through 7" sounds like a Bang Bros. series.

MissTaken February 7, 2012 at 3:21 pm

And to celebrate, here in SF it's finally raining. It's raining men, Hallelujah, it's raining men!

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 3:36 pm

But, this being in San Francisco and in celebration of the gay marriage victory, sadly I doubt any of those men would be interested in you.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Nobody's that gay.

Man0nTheStreet February 7, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Some of those guys might be queer for girls – not that there's anything wrong with that!

MissTaken February 7, 2012 at 3:53 pm

True, but after leering at the boys for a bit I can meander down to Valencia and meet a few lesbians. I'm sure I could find one or two that would be interested.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 7, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I consider myself to be a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I'd rather be a man trapped inside a lesbian's body, if she's hot enough.

glasspusher February 7, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Monsieur_Grumpe, I've been using that line for years. Great minds think alike, but fools never disagree!

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Oh my, I think I need to take a little break again…

Dashboard Buddha February 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Um….I'll be back in a minute.

40 or 50 % McShineys February 7, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Dammit, the lacsturbation chamber is already booked!

OneYieldRegular February 7, 2012 at 3:50 pm

See? If Rick Perry had just embraced gay marriage instead of praying for rain, Texas' drought would have been over long ago.

MissTaken February 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Praying away the gay also prays away the rain.

MOG2410 February 7, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Job creator!!!!

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Every time a raindrop falls, a husband gets a second set of balls!

Extemporanus February 7, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I had brunch at Harvey's, and the whole area was moist with anticipation.

So messy!

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I bet the excitement was just bubbling over the tip!

Top. I mean, bubbling over the top.

SoBeach February 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm

"Appeals Court Mandates That All Californians Get Gay Married"

After what it cost me to get straight-divorced ain't no way I'm gettin' any kind of married ever again.

Katydid February 7, 2012 at 4:36 pm

After my also straight divorce I swore I was going gay. Didn't take, but I hear you, and second that emotion.

Man0nTheStreet February 7, 2012 at 5:48 pm

That's why Jesus outlawed straight-divorce in Mark 10:1-12. He didn't say anything about Teh Gheys, 'tho…

AlterNewt February 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm

The Ninth Circuit courthouse is quite tastefully appointed.

DaRooster February 7, 2012 at 3:44 pm

And the judges robes open from the front or back.

CessnaDriver February 7, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I know you are joking, but it actually is. One justice on the 9th calls it "A National Treasure".

The 9th Circuit courthouse in Pasadena is really terrific-they furnished it completely with items from Federal storage houses. The offices on the south side have a view of Catalina on a good day.

Schmannnity February 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm

"Proposition 8 serves no purpose, and has no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gay men and lesbians in California.”

Whut? That was the purpose and effect.

UnholyMoses February 7, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Yep — it was a feature, not a bug, as the kids say nowadays.*

(* Well, as far as I know. I'm old and it's hard to keep up with all the lingo.)

north_of_moscow February 7, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Congratulations, Adam and Steve.

aguacatero February 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Please … Adam and Stephen.

jus_wonderin February 7, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Track lighting for ALL!!!!!!

Negropolis February 8, 2012 at 3:00 am

Please…it's Stefon.

bagofmice February 7, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Does this mean Santorum is going to get even worse?

Preferred Customer February 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Hopefully, once confined to the marital bed, we won't have to see Santorum in public any more.

Swampgas_Man February 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Ooooh yeah. This, on top of everything else that's going to hit the neg-ads this years. Considering how excited that freak gets about the gays, I expect him to reach a frothy mixture hitherto unknown!

slowhansolo February 7, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I firmly believe gays should have the opportunity to be as miserable as the rest of the married folk.

RedneckMuslin February 7, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Yeah, fuck you. gays! Take that!

slowhansolo February 7, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Abortions for some, miniature American flags for all!

bagofmice February 7, 2012 at 4:00 pm

And they will. All the way.

tessiee February 7, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Wait till all those newly married gay couples have to write six slightly different thank you notes for the six identical Mr. Coffees they got as wedding presents.

OC_Surf_Serf February 7, 2012 at 3:24 pm

As a str8 Caleeefornyuan..I say goodbye to Prop Hate!

slithytoves February 7, 2012 at 3:25 pm

The despised liberal 9th Circuit federal appeals court, which Newt Gingrich has pledged to pipe-bomb.

That's a hell of a double entendre.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 7, 2012 at 3:25 pm

There are epic levels of whining coming from Wingnuttistan today.

The schaden, it freudes itself!

;-)

P.S. Yelp Abortionplex Reviews
~

Radiotherapy February 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Bully/Victim/Bully/Victim/Bully/Victim…….

ShaveTheWhales February 7, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Re: Yelp – ahahahahaha.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 7, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Now that is funny. Thanks.

GOPCrusher February 7, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Gluten-free fetuses!

CivicHoliday February 7, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Wow. Yelp made my day.

chitrade February 7, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Point of order: Another Newell post missing alt-text. That's half the job, isn't it?

smokefilledroommate February 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Pointer hovers over pic, yields nothing. You can't explain it.

KeepFnThatChicken February 7, 2012 at 3:29 pm

He's working part-time. For that, you get half a job.

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 3:38 pm

So that's a bl or a ha?

Jim Newell February 7, 2012 at 3:30 pm

This is part of my charm! Charm, yes…

chitrade February 7, 2012 at 3:43 pm

The posts all have merit, of course. But every time my cursor hovers, I can't help but notice the Hole in my Heart where the Snark Used to Be.

Lascauxcaveman February 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Maybe he forgot how do alt-text, since they don't do that over at Gawker. No, wait. He never did it here either. I'm OK with that, just as long as he waves his magic wand over an occasional Peggy Noonan column.

smokefilledroommate February 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I miss the Noonington blingee.

chascates February 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Newell was never completely 'wedded' to the idea of alt-text. Sometimes you get one, sometimes you don't.

Snark is like a box of chocolates.

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 3:50 pm

It gets mushy if you leave on the car seat in the sun?

jus_wonderin February 7, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Yes! And then the box is trashed and won't make a good hat for a horse.

Toomush_Infer February 7, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I like to think of my snark as being a box of chocolate-covered dog poo…

orygoon February 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm

WEST COAST! WEST COAST!

Your move, Oregon.

Lascauxcaveman February 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Washington is up to bat next. But Oregon's on deck.

BerkeleyBear February 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

It would be really hard to get legislative approval to repeal the 2004 ban (one house is split right down the middle and dems hold a one seat majority in the other) – although there might be some Rs from rich but not socially conservative areas that would support it. There's talk of putting it on the ballot in 2014, but the big advocacy groups didn't push for 2012 based on small sample polling last year. They also already have domestic partnerships, which gets used as a club by the Defense of Marriage idiots to try and claim that this is all part of the gay predatory conspiracy. So Oregon will probably bring up the rear, again. Damn lumberjacks!

notreelyhelping February 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Loggers.

GOPCrusher February 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm
jus_wonderin February 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Oh, I had been reading that wrong all along. It's not Position 8? I was still trying to master number 1.

SheriffRoscoe February 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm

In my next life I want to be a swing judge.

SWING!

jus_wonderin February 7, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I've always had this hankerin' to legislate from the bench. Hoping I could feed the squirrels too. And maybe heckle hot babes.

Lascauxcaveman February 7, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Heckle? Man, you're doing it wrong.

jus_wonderin February 7, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Oh, catcall. My bad.

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I'd rather be a hanging judge.

Well-hanging…

kissawookiee February 7, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Hey barrister
Hey barrister
Sa-WING barrister

tessiee February 7, 2012 at 10:54 pm

"I want to be a swing judge."

I do enjoy the music; it's just too bad that the black robe covers up your zoot suit.

smokefilledroommate February 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Yay! Sanity!

KeepFnThatChicken February 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Now it's time for the annual clamor for the Federal Constitutional Amendment rebuke from conservatards, who otherwise love states' rights so much they'd gay marry it if possible.

easytheresport February 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Dear Rick Santorum,
You're welcome.
Hugs,
The Ninth Circuit

Trannysurprise February 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

At least the straights will still have "Toddlers and Tiaras."

MOG2410 February 7, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Just not the same without Eden. heh.

AlterNewt February 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

This surely marks the end of Traditional Marriage/Divorce, and so on.

Toomush_Infer February 7, 2012 at 4:26 pm

"Bout time! I'll let the wife know…."

elviouslyqueer February 7, 2012 at 3:29 pm

HUZZAH. Obligatory buttsecks for everyone!

SheriffRoscoe February 7, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Oh Elvis! I'm kissing you from across the miles!

Guppy February 7, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Squirming around in excrement!

Lascauxcaveman February 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Get a room, you two three!

Steverino247 February 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Wait until I tell my wife!

Honey, I'm home! Did you hear the news? The Ninth Circuit says "No holes barred when it comes to marriage!"

doloras February 7, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Whut whut?

CessnaDriver February 7, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Orange County Republicans were actually told that middle school students were going to be forces to try the homo stuff if Prop H8 didn't pass.

YouBetcha February 7, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Suck it, Mormons! All that money on Prop 8 was obviously wasted. Maybe invest in more magical underwears next time. Or porn.

Guppy February 7, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Mormon porn shows gratuitous hand-holding and cohabitation!

SayItWithWookies February 7, 2012 at 3:30 pm

So if Newt gets divorced again, we'll all know who to blame.

elviouslyqueer February 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Today's to-do list, from My Big Ole Gay Agenda:

1) Ruin third marriage of adulterous egomaniacal porcine GOP clown car driver. √

AlterNewt February 7, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Good work.

bagofmice February 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Hoorah! To the moon Elvis! To the moon!

KeepFnThatChicken February 7, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Marcus? No, they can't fit their nether regions together.

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

They can if you force them. I find a little lube and a ballpeen hammer works.

YouBetcha February 7, 2012 at 5:13 pm

It helps if you start with a finger. So I've heard.

chicken_thief February 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Who knows, maybe him and Rush will divorce their current trophies, marry each other, and live happily ever after!

SayItWithWookies February 7, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Even better, they'd each have to quit public life so they could argue full-time with each other.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm

A 21 year old intern?

UW8316154 February 7, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Those rabid NOM wingnuts are already filtering through Washington State, laying the groundwork a similar signature-gathering effort here. The lies and rhetoric are shameful and insidious.

Waste your time and money, h8trs.

GunToting[Redacted] February 7, 2012 at 3:42 pm

nomnomnom.

BerkeleyBear February 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Yeah, they've discovered (and we can all thank California for this) that disingenuous campaigning works really well in referendums, where people don't have the time or process they do in a legislative setting to at least try and get the facts on the record.

And I'm not even talking about Prop 8. Prop 13 (anti-taxes) set the standard, followed by Uncle Ward Connellys "color-blind" bullshit and various anti-immigrant hatefests. Every one of them was a case study in sleaze and half-truth telling.

emmelemm February 7, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Also, too, the text of referendums and initiatives, particularly on this gay marriage issue, become highly confusing. "Wait, I'm voting to NOT repeal something?"

People are dumb. Fact of life.

GOPCrusher February 7, 2012 at 4:36 pm

They showed up in Iowa and spent 10,000 bucks on a special campaign to try to gain a Senate seat. They failed miserably.
But the Council on Families or whatever the fuck they call themselves, have vowed, it doesn't matter if it takes 30 years, they will pass a Constitutional Amendment in Iowa making same sex marriage illegal.

WhatTheHeck February 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

The Supremes will hand down its ruling: “Sure they can get married. They just can’t live together.”

Jukesgrrl February 7, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Maybe if they form a corporation …

jus_wonderin February 7, 2012 at 3:35 pm

"Stop, in the name of love….."

chicken_thief February 7, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Diana Ross, in her dissent, noted…

MissTaken February 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

“Proposition 8 serves no purpose, and has no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gay men and lesbians in California.”

I think I just had an orgasm. Yup, definitely an orgasm.

orygoon February 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Next time I'm in the Bay area, wanna get gay-married? I just adore the city hall.

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Can the rest of us watch?

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 3:39 pm

If you can't tell, ur doin it rong

glasspusher February 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

woman at cocktail party:"I finally had an orgasm, and my doctor said it was the wrong kind"

Alfie Singer:"Really!? That never happened to me. Worst one I had was right on the money"

slowhansolo February 7, 2012 at 3:49 pm

And here I thought that was just another fracking-induced earthquake in Cantor's district.

imissopus February 7, 2012 at 3:52 pm

See? There are men in California who can find the clitoris.

Steverino247 February 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Goddamn right we can.

Dashboard Buddha February 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

What town is that near?

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Plug it into your Tom-Tom

Steverino247 February 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Here's what CalTech said about it:

Version #2: This report supersedes any earlier reports of this event. This event has been reviewed by a seismologist (lucky bastard).

An earthquake occurred at 12:31:24 PM (PST) on Tuesday, February 7, 2012.
The magnitude 4.1 event occurred near San Francisco, CA.
The hypocentral depth is 7 inches.

MissTaken February 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

The hypocentral depth is 7 inches

Interesting, I've always preferred girth to depth.

Steverino247 February 7, 2012 at 4:24 pm

"An earthquake's hypocenter is the position where the strain energy stored in the rock is first released, marking the point where the fault begins to rupture. This occurs at the focal depth below the epicenter."

The focus is on where you feel it. Which is as it should be.

And let us all know if you're going above 4.0 again, sweetie, so we can get under a table next time. Thanks.

Dudleydidwrong February 7, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Santorum gusher!

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 4:27 pm

*taking notes*

Now…how do you feel about both?

MissTaken February 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Better watch out or SB is going to start keeping one of his apparently 20 eyes on you!

Man0nTheStreet February 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm

That wasn't an orgasm, it was an earthquake – cause by God clapping Her hands in approval…

BaldarTFlagass February 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Re the pic, do gay men still dress like they're extras in Saturday Night Fever? None of the gay men I know do that, but here in South Texas they'd be taking their life in their hands if they did so.

MiniMencken February 7, 2012 at 7:15 pm

In South Texas, the gays dress like extras in Travolta's subsequent nightclubbin' movie, Urban Cowboy.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 7, 2012 at 9:02 pm

I thought it was the Rick Perry look.

Data Exactly February 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Well, looks like Newt Gingrich won't be through like Wonkette convinced me of last time. It's stuff like this that keeps Newt in the biz longer…

Well, one more Newt is fat joke, for the road: Newt Gingrich is so fat, when he gains any weight Mt. Everest loses some of it's prominence.

MildMidwesterner February 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

The Supreme Court will certainly approve of gay marriage. After all, 7 of the members are men who wear long dresses to work.

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

No, just six now; fully 1/3 of the court have vaginas.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 7, 2012 at 3:55 pm

…that we know of.

Man0nTheStreet February 7, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Are you counting Thomas' fleshlight that he keeps under his desk?

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 7, 2012 at 3:55 pm

And at least one of the women plays softball.

MOG2410 February 7, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Scalia?

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Thank god I don't live in California! I don't want to be married!

Dr_Zoidberg February 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

And forcibly married against your will, too, as those devious gays planned.

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Right? I mean, you know, what will the kids think? hell, What will Carmen Electra think? Poor kid wakes up next to me, naked, and married….

WunkRocker February 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

How long until the gay marriage abortionists come for our bitter gun bibles?

Man0nTheStreet February 7, 2012 at 5:42 pm

3 – 2 – 1 – NOW!!!

Radiotherapy February 7, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Let's celebrate with an Irish Coffee.

Maman February 7, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Oh, I am sure that they do that already in Mormon heaven. Particularly since women can't get there without being dragged in by some guy. It's not polygamy that way. It is the salvation of spinsters!

Lascauxcaveman February 7, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I prefer the alternate headline:

Circuit Court Ruling: California Now as Gay as Iowa

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Really, with the combination of Lawrence v Texas and Loving v Virginia I see no legitimate legal reason for the Supreme Court to allow laws against same sex marriage to stand; but yeah this will all come down to Kennedy and he's often good at pulling an excuse not to do the right thing out of his ass.

slowhansolo February 7, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Indeed, it's not over yet. But live in the santorum moment, I always say.

DeeJayKitteh February 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I actually doubt that the Court will grant cert on this — the ruling was limited to California and was premised on first giving gays the right to marry and then taking it away. So my guess is that we're going to have wait quite a bit longer before we find out if Kennedy is a queer-loving pinko or good old 'Murika-loving patriot.

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Kennedy and Scalia are both 75 years old; come on aging…

BerkeleyBear February 7, 2012 at 4:20 pm

My experience is that hate can keep you alive and seemingly healthy for a lot longer than expected. So I sadly expect little Antonin to outlive his less dickish colleague by a decade or more.

GOPCrusher February 7, 2012 at 4:49 pm

ie. Dick Cheney

BerkeleyBear February 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Trouble is you only need the 4 votes for cert and Scalia, Roberts, Thomas and Alito seem more than happy to take any crack at taking sides in the "social wars" (as Scalia calls them) that they can. I mean, on health care they extended cert to consider a frivolous argument by states that the government can't change Medicaid's terms because they didn't "bargain" for it, never mind decades of precedent and the very nature of the program. So I could totally see these bozos champing at the bit to posit all sorts of plausible rationales for anti-gay marriage efforts, either with Kennedy as a tag along or in dissents that will serve as blueprints for NOM in every other state the issue comes up.

MiniMencken February 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

It will be big fun to read Scalia's opinion on this case when it gets to the Supreme Court.

DeeJayKitteh February 7, 2012 at 4:36 pm

If your idea of "fun" includes rage-inducing intellectual dishonesty and bigotry dressed up to sound like legal reasoning, then it's going to be a freakin' party.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 7, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Having just proclaimed that "if it ain't mentioned in the Constitution, the states can do whatever the hell they want," Scalia will have his undies in a bind if he grants cert. Or maybe he'll shamelessly ignore his own "principles", as he's wont to do when they prove inconvenient.

tessiee February 7, 2012 at 11:02 pm

States' rights are sacred, except when it comes to gayitude.

tessiee February 7, 2012 at 11:02 pm

"It will be big fun to read Scalia's opinion on this case"

How long does it take to read the words, "Stu'gotts"?

jus_wonderin February 7, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I think this non sequitur applies: "Nick..Heath..Jared..There's a Fire in the Barn!" (I use it too much, but it is just priceless."

imissopus February 7, 2012 at 3:55 pm

How 'bout some coffee, Johnny?

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

You anti-Mormon bigot!

flamingpdog February 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I'm gonna celebrate tonight by going home and watching movies about gladiators.

jus_wonderin February 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

"There's a sale at Penney's!"

MOG2410 February 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Ever spend time in the men's locker room, Jimmy?

chascates February 7, 2012 at 3:43 pm

This may not be on the Supreme's docket until after the 2012 election so it'll be a GOP rallying cry:
Activist judges usurp Founders unstated prohibition of sodomy and other things we imagine they wouldn't like if they knew what it was. SAN FRANCISCO VALUES!!!!
Vote for (to be determined) to save YOUR marriage and keep your children free from gay-marryin' elitists!

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 7, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Damn Liberals. Next thing you know, they will let the Blacks and the Yellows marry.

BigDumbRedDog February 7, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Oh nooooos! Here comes the end of civilization as we know it!

MOG2410 February 7, 2012 at 5:06 pm

About 10 years late, by my calendar.

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 5:08 pm

…and I feel fine.

BarackMyWorld February 7, 2012 at 3:45 pm

ACTIVIST JUDGES!!!!*

*Any judge who issues a ruling that Roger Ailes or the Koch Brothers don't care for.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 7, 2012 at 3:45 pm

And after teh Ghayez marry, and start producing little gay children, they will just take over the whole country. Are you happy now 9th Cir?

JustPixelz February 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Plus all those gay recruiters will be out of work. Unemployment!

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 4:29 pm

They breed like rabbits, let me tell you!

Guppy February 7, 2012 at 3:46 pm

It reads like the court would have been cool with it if gay marriage hadn't been previously allowed to begin with.

Here's your grain of salt for the day.

Jukesgrrl February 7, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Ah, the mysteries of the conservative dictionary:

Marriage = Man and woman only
Activist = Judge whose opinions they don't like
War = Spreading democracy
Corporations = People
Terrorist = Protester
Fetus = Mozart
Music = Taylor Swift

JustPixelz February 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm

fair and balanced = (no entry)
rentboy = luggage carrier
limited government = complete control of lady parts

Nothingisamiss February 7, 2012 at 5:53 pm

walking = hoveround
Gingrich = family values candidate

tessiee February 7, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Mothers and children = anti-family

BarackMyWorld February 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Ha-ha…Mormon church spent all that money for nothing…

flamingpdog February 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm

They'll make it up in two days by getting a revelation from God that tithing means 12 percent.

Man0nTheStreet February 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Plus "Temple gifts" of $75 per head, $120 per couple…

AnAmericanInTO February 7, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Now there's an investment that didn't pay off for Mitt and his tithing.

MOG2410 February 7, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Back to marshmallow/jello salad and family meeting.

comrad_darkness February 7, 2012 at 11:48 pm

This could be a net import scam for California. Pass some legislation that get's the mormon closet cases all hot and bothered, forcing them to spend megabucks to overturn it, IN California. Profit!

BigDumbRedDog February 7, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I personally can't wait for the gay marriage legislation in Washington (state for you east coast dumbies) to go to a referendum. I am already keeping a list of where I want to tell each of the signature gatherers to go. And then I will get a summer's worth of hate and vitriol and hand wringing "fair and balanced" reporting in the Seattle Times. The Seattle Times websites comments section is an amazing cesspool of teatards and bigots. I have no idea where they all come from. Mostly not Seattle.

kissawookiee February 7, 2012 at 4:28 pm

That's why I mostly read the P-I.

BigDumbRedDog February 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

The only crappy thing about being gay is that I hardly ever get to have abortions!

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Well you could always loan a male friend a turkey baster…

BigDumbRedDog February 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I said hardly ever!

Baconzgood February 7, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I looked over at the Blaze (I know guilty pleasure-don't judge me) and you should read the hate spewing from the Right Wingers.

GOPCrusher February 7, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Blaze and hate spewing is redundant.

Nothingisamiss February 7, 2012 at 5:55 pm

No wonder you drink.

neiltheblaze February 7, 2012 at 3:58 pm

This is one small step – but nevertheless a good day for anyone who thinks it sucks that a mathematical majority of voters gets to decide whether a minority can "retain" a right or not.

weej_bain February 7, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Straight ahead Gaily forward.

imissopus February 7, 2012 at 4:00 pm

True story: the morning after the '08 election, I had stopped at Starbucks on my way to work here in L.A. As I'm leaving a woman had just parked her Range Rover at the curb and was climbing out. Her friend seated at one of the outdoor tables called out, "How are you doing today, honey?"

Range Rover Driver responded: "I am so fucking pissed! Was it the fucking Mormons?"

I hope that lady is less pissed today.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 7, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Divorce Court will be soooooooo much more interesting now.

Steverino247 February 7, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Oh, it already is. There are some divorces already from those who were able to legally marry. And yes, they're just as ugly as anybody else's divorce.

You know, I don't get it. Six months ago, they're (straights and gays) licking each other's genitals and moaning. Today, he/she is the worst person in the world. Go figure.

Man0nTheStreet February 7, 2012 at 6:06 pm

and FAAAAAAAAABBBBBulous!

Baconzgood February 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Today we're all married California ass pirates!!!!!!!

(BTW to the "gay mafia"-I'm not a homophobe I'm just snarking here for enviouslyquer)

SheriffRoscoe February 7, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Ass Pirates happens to be one of the greatest films in the history of pr0n.

elviouslyqueer February 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Hahahahaha! Right up there with "Pizza Boy: He Delivers!" and "Batman and Throbbin."

flamingpdog February 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

That's OK, everybody knows that Bacon's gay.

Dr_Zoidberg February 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Let there be fabulousness!

ShaveTheWhales February 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

As a straight, pasty Cali old guy, I'd just like to say "About time".

Antispandex February 7, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Ah, but will they be forced to be fabulous?

mavenmaven February 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Here come hundreds of millions of dollars from the Mormons to fight this…

jus_wonderin February 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

All this Wonkete needs is more ferns.

rickmaci February 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

In other news, divorce lawyers in California are celebrating the creation of a brand new source of potential clients….

chicken_thief February 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Oh fuck me! I might as well go kneel by a glory hole now 'cause we know the librul judges will cram the decision to perform oral down our throats, too.

~ Larry Craig

flamingpdog February 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Judge Stephen Reinhardt – just another fudgepactivist judge!

Negligently_Joe February 7, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Damn, now all of my friends' marriages are undermined. Because one half of each pair is from California, they're all now forced by this court decision to break up from their new relationships and get gay married instead.

At least, I'm pretty sure that's what it means.

Extemporanus February 7, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I'm gonna celebrate by having premarital sex with a dog!

WOOF WOOF, BABY!

owhatever February 7, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Rush and Newt, having tried seven women wives between them, are looking at California and thinking…maybe…

Negligently_Joe February 7, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Also, I'm going to assume that Newt Gingrich is LIVID, as this decision totally undermines his marriage to his third wife, who me met as a result of an affair (and open marriage request) and subsequent unceremonious dumping of his ailing second wife, who he met as a result of an affair while married to his also-ailing first wife, who was his high school math teacher.

jus_wonderin February 7, 2012 at 4:29 pm

This is actually an example of how soap operas are pitched.

Negligently_Joe February 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Look, all right-thinking Americans know that real Traditional Marriage consistent with HISTORIC VALUES are between one man, one math teacher, one blowjob-giving congressional aide, and one other woman in-between and overlapping with each of those first two.

littlebigdaddy February 7, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Did the court comment on man on dog marriage?

dijetlo February 7, 2012 at 4:28 pm

"After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."
- Spock

Toomush_Infer February 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Spoilsport…

dijetlo February 7, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I rejoice in their joy. However, I've already bitten the apple and therefor am familiar with the serpent.

Man0nTheStreet February 7, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Logic is a pretty flower, that smells bad…

thefrontpage February 7, 2012 at 4:31 pm

MITT ROMNEY PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN 2012
OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE–FEB. 7, 2012

Twowives, Utah, Feb. 7, 2012—Presidential candidate Mittt Romney issued this statement today, Tuesday, Feb. 7, 2012, about the progressive and forward-thinking decision by the Califoria courts and judges: "what a wonderful, fabulous decision this is today, for all people, not only in California, but around the world! I fully, completely and wholly support this decision! Gay and lesbian people all around the world should have the same constitutional rights to get married as all other people–and that includes gay Mormons. So congrats to all of the gay and lesbian people today! I hope to attende a gay wedding in California–and Utah–soon myself!"

TinyDespot February 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm

This is gonna rain all over Stephanie Meyers' parade for the big "Twihard 2: Breaking Wind" opening this weekend. Almost warms the cockles of my cold black heart.

Indiepalin February 7, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Excuse me while I kiss this guy.

Troglodeity February 7, 2012 at 5:22 pm

"That government is best which governs least." – Henry David Thoreau

"Except when it comes to gays, lesbians, and uteruses." – 2012 GOP Amendment

Man0nTheStreet February 7, 2012 at 6:21 pm

I hear Rick Santorum will now include a kennel in his California HQ…

glamourdammerung February 7, 2012 at 6:28 pm

So they finally heard of the recently created 14th Amendment?

BZ1 February 7, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Romney and his minions plan to repeal the bill as soon as he is elected, (hint, hint, perhaps don't elect him?)

ttommyunger February 7, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Fuck it, I think everybody should be married; at least twice.

comrad_darkness February 7, 2012 at 11:46 pm

I wish I wasn't so shocked when sanity happens.

BigDumbRedDog February 8, 2012 at 2:13 am

I'm torn. I hate santorum the way I hate the fungus between my toes, yet I am kind of happy when he does well making the right wing slightly crazier than before. take that mittens!

ttommyunger February 8, 2012 at 7:45 am

…and you heard right (whimper).

KeepFnThatChicken February 7, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I always found it fantastic that the United States gubbermint once made those magic-speedo-wearin' people wholly denounce polygamic practices before they could achieve statehood. They had to reject a single, notable tenet of their belief system.

So, Mormons, you want to 'splain again how important those goddamn beliefs really are?

BerkeleyBear February 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Make sure that when you ask, you ask a black mormon, since he was considered marked by god with sin before the 1970s. Oh, and if you can do it while he's slurping a Coke (which was supposed to be evil in the 80s but now is ok in moderation because it isn't "hot", but iced coffee and tea are still works of the devil) that would be awesome.

Don't get me wrong – every organized religion has a shitload of hypocrisy and flip flopping. It just seems the LDS is much more cavalier about it than anyone else, like the tenets of the faithful are a series of switches to be turned off and on as necessary.

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

No no! This is research…uh, for a friend.

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Oh this is the internet; I can have infinite browser tabs, er, eyes.

Besides I like the way you turn other men (and some women) on.

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Mechanicals don't scare me! I've out-farked vibrators.

tessiee February 7, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Hey, listen, if YOU know of a place that sells silver bullets, the rest of us would all like to hear it.

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