Republican Florida state Sen. Ronda Storms has seen enough of these poor assholes in her grocery line buying candy and salty potato chips and chemical cancer juices with their food stamps. They’re everywhere, these poor people! You may have seen one yourself, hmm? It’s time to kill them all. Or at least to stick it to ‘em by restricting their food stamp purchasing ability. In the bill she’s moving through the state legislature, the poors would only be able to eat rocks, plastic, grass and poop, until they grow up and learn to stop being so goddamn poor.
The list of banned food stamp purchases under Storms’ bill would include “foods containing trans fats; sweetened beverages, including sodas; sweets, such as Jello, candy, ice cream, pudding, popsicles, muffins, sweet rolls, cakes, cupcakes, pies, cobblers, pastries and doughnuts; and salty snack foods, such as corn-based salty snacks, pretzels, party mix, popcorn and potato chips.” What about t-bone steaks? Strapping young bucks love those t-bone steaks, according to politics.
Why not throw in a “morning at the DMV” type dongle too?
Her bill would also require food stamp recipients to take state-run classes on healthy eating and how making your own baked goods is cheaper than store-made sweets.
It’s nice to see Ronda Storms holding public health measures in such earnest regard. What about all the other millions of people in Florida, though, who don’t get state benefits but do buy all of this terrible food by the tanker-load and then get diabetes and cancer and death and then pass along the bill to either the government or your health insurance premiums? How about a five-cent soda tax, Storms? Eh? This is going nowhere.
{ 191 comments }
Can I still get malt liquor and ammo? Cause if so, I'm cool.
Rhonda Storms, she should be a porn star or a stripper. Can I still get lap dances and glory hole visits with WIC?
In Florida, these occupations do not disqualify you from politics.
She does a great tandem-lapdance with her sister Gale.
Better ask your local crack dealer.
Yes on both but only of the Lite variety. Of course, for the ammo that means hollow points so that's kind of a bonus.
Sounds like Michelle Obama got a convert.
Except if Michelle had proposed it, this woman would have been screaming that it's just more government regulation interfering in the private affairs of The People.
just more government regulation interfering in the private affairs of The People.
"The People" is Commie-talk. It's "We The People", pinko.
"Hey look! He thinks he's people!"
Come on, we're talking about The Poors here.
First lady encouraging healthy eating: Government trampling our liberties.
State law mandating healthy eating: Just good plain common sense.
The difference is that it's mandating healthy eating FOR WELFARE BUMS. Only real Americans with jerbs are allowed to eat trash. That makes it okay.
The essential problem of Republicans with the welfare state is that not that it interferes with people's lives, but that it interferes with WHITE people's lives.
White is
rightcellulite.Muffins?! On a list of junk-food?? Barbaric.
Notice the clear omission of "cakes we like".
Loophole!
Every time I come back to visit, I see that my parents have purchased one of those giant trays-o-muffins from Sam's Club, and let me tell you, those things are not healthy. They do taste delicious, though. Like capitalism baked to perfection.
They're literally like 1,000 calories each, if I recall correctly. 1,000 calories of HEAVEN, that is!
My in-laws have always got the Costco equivalent of same sitting on their kitchen counter.
And they wonder why they're struggling with diabetes.
WHAT?? WHAT?? This is literally doing what they accuse Michelle O of. God DAMN I bet all the assholes I know who hate Michelle will support this without even thinking a thing about it. I hate people.
ETA HOORAY! Karen Handel quit SGK – Boo, she's gonna use this politically and not go away. yuck.
But see, this is forcing poor people to eat what government tells them; it's different, the government's supposed to make their life miserable, because they're not Real Americans. Plus Ronda is white and so entitled to be arrogant.
Not "poor people" – BLACK people, period. I hate to say stuff like this because I hate for it to be true, but it's all about that shit, still and only. The times we live in are showing the people who are like this for what they are though, and it isn't being appreciated by vast, thinking majorities, so I suppose at least THAT it is a thing to be grateful for? Fuck I don't know. These folks seem to be just hopping in a circle.
Food stamps will still cover recreational abortions though right?
Only for republican senators.
While Wingnuts go to Disneyland, Libtards prefer Abortionplex.
Likes music (all kinds!), long walks on the beach, movies, abortions.
Looking for friendship, possible LTR.
No kids.
Drugs, drama, and disease free.
OB/GYN a plus!
Funny how all these "small government" GNoPee'rs just can't keep themselves from messing around with other peoples' lives.
Seeing as how taxpayer money is paying HER salary can we ask that she be held to the same rules? I volunteer to meet her at the check out line and let her know what she can and can't buy.
We can still buy lap dances though, right?
Isn't she a member of the party that opposes the nanny state? You can't get more nanny-ish than saying "no dessert unless you swallow your pride".
It ain't about nannying. It's about telling the poors how they can spend your tax dollars…which actually sounds a little bit rational on the face of it. But like most teabagger ideas the rationality part is just white noise to hide the brazen dog-whistling.
Where is Sarah Palin to bitch slap her about making people
eat their peas. Or is that just for the black democratic woman in the WH?
Talk about voting against your own interests… Do Republicans really want to force poor fat people to become lean and healthy? Why not just throw in a pitchfork subsidy while they're at it?
You can take my freedom but you will never take my pies and cobblers.
You can take my hair pie and my knob cobbler when you pry them from my cold, dead fingers.
So they're gonig to learn to bake without being able to buy sugar or salt? This nitwit should be forced to eat the results.
Ronda Storms sounds like a porn name.
But not mainstream porn – like one of those weird "rub gelatin all over my body and crush mice with my stilettos" kind of porns.
More like Man On Top Finish Up Quick Porn.
Yes. That was the first thing that rushed into my mind.
State Senator Ronda Storms (R-BangBus.com)
Wait until Big Dorito and Big Little Debbie hears about this.
She just lost the Pepsico / Coca-Cola donations.
Ronda Storms? Didn't she work the titty bar off the A1A?
*The* titty bar off A1A? Which one?
I'd like to see what her grocery cart looks like.
As pickup lines go, that one needs work.
Ronda Storms
Her pornstar career over, Ronda decided to get involved with the poors.
~
But she dresses like a porn pirate.
Her pornstar career over, Ronda decided to fuck the poors.
First off, "Ronda Storms" is obviously her porn name. What's her real name?
Secondly, "Ronda," you can't expect Rush to do a 180 this quickly on this topic. That's a lot of mass to shift around, you know.
I don't see barbeque or hush puppies on the list, but other than that, Senator Storms' law would rule out the entire Southern diet. What kind of Republican values are these? I bet this she doesn't even fly the Confederate flag.
She wants to turn them into Mexicans by forcing them to eat rice and beans, then they can be deported!
Just Slim Jims and Velveeta.
meat-sticks and cheese-food
Does Ronda have a daughter named Sierra Mist?
Thought her name was Brandi Alexander.
And her older son, Gray Goose.
G(r)ay Goose
I miss Storm even more than I miss Surge.
So when Michelle talks about eating healthy it socialist and a war on freedomz but when a wants to make a law about eating healthy it's Emerican. Now that that is settled I'm going to buy some pez with my unemployment check.
Still have'n't mastered the old doublethink, Baconz? Orwell's zombie corpse shakes his head sadly.
I'm absolutely in favor of this bill myself and I hope every state passes something similar. We're going to need the Sans-Culottes to be in tip-top condition when the revolution comes.
Typical Repubican, shoving their government mandated healthy food down our throats.
Classes on healthy eating sound like class warfare to me.
First they came for my red dye number 2…
I brought this up in another thread several days ago, but the poor can't even buy toilet paper with food stamps. And now this fascist bitch wants to restrict their buying power even more?
Fuck these fucking fucks right in their fucking skulls. FUCK.
All the more reason to stick to a high fiber diet.
They can't buy the pans, mixers, bowls, cooling racks, paper towels, dish cloths , rolling pins, flour sifters, measuring cups, ovens, or electricity required to bake stuff themselves, either. So I don't see how her Eating Healthy from Scratch program is going to help out much.
No Fare my friend. No fucking.Fucking is pleasureable and fun. No, we are going to DRILL. With like drills and Black and Decker shit just to see if they have any fucking sense or humanity left.
that's always been the case. It's a puzzler to be sure. Back when I used to be an employment counselor, this one client of mine gave a very informative mini-seminar in one of my workshops. It was titled: How to steal toilet paper from McDonalds.
It appears as though the only people to suffer TYRANNY!!1 will be the neediest among us. Really, who the fuck are these assholes and how soon can we rid ourselves of them?
Like the poor, they will always be with us.
Sen. Ronda Storms is looking to get Frito-Laid
I think we're all missing the point here by trying to juxtapose this bill with the proposals Michelle Obama has made. Ms. Storms isn't interested in the health benefits of a dorito free diet. She's concerned that easy access to delicious snack foods lures people into poverty. People actually choose poverty for the sake of the government subsidized junk food delicacies. Ronda is just putting that new "freakanomics" science to work.
fuckanomics?
Seriously Sen. Stormy, wouldn't it just be easier to make a list of things they CAN buy with food stamps?
Bread
Milk
Eggs
Beets (canned)
carrots
cream of mushroom soup (generic, NOT Campbells)
toilet paperDrano
WIC is kind of like that, and while I think WIC is a good program, you sure don't want to get in the line behind a recipient at the grocery store, like I did last week.
They’re everywhere, these poor people! You may have seen one yourself, hmm?
It's as easy as looking in a mirror!
I don't see a lot of those 1%ers, though. I think they're a rumor, like Bigfoot or Batboy.
or Newt's intellect.
Please, Martha Stewart already taught all these ex-cons how to bake delicious cakes while they were in jail together.
Suggested alt-text: "I swear to god it was THIS big around. No shit. That's when I got out of the business."
But the lack of alt-text is how we know it's a Jimbles post! That, and his name at the top.
O/T – I see that the lame stream media and the libs got Handel to step down. Free abortions!
I had several just this morning, to celebrate! And I'm a dude.
Why don't you just propose banning purchases of grape soda to make it more obvious?
I assume watermelons and fried chicken are on the banned list, too.
Hey I've got grape soda in my refrigerator right now! It's delicious, and I for one am a pale ginger who loves it.
Do you also smoke Menthols?
And drink MD 20/20?
Nope, neither of those. I do however love fried chicken; but then who doesn't?
Radar libel!
"grape soda to make it more obvious?"
Either it's not as obvious as you think it is, or I'm missing something. What's the significance of grape soda?
Because if there is one thing that people on food stamps have, it is an oven in which to make baked goods.
And all the time in the world to do so, as well.
I am so going to start manufacturing the yellow "P" that the poor are going to have to start wearing. Only 5.00. 10.00 if you want silk.
Make it in cursive like the one LaVerne wore.
Or $20 worth of food stamps.
Orange. Or Ur-ange, as the locals say it.
Ronda, do you have no problem with fried chicken and watermelon?
Also, you used to be a dude, right?
Still is. Not talented enough for RuPaul's Drag Race though.
Ronda needs a better drag name.
The poors should also be taught how to butcher animals and cure their own meats for winter. Pigs, chickens, varmints. Whatever.
Aren't they having a real problem with boa constrictors down there? Ecological threat eliminated/low or no cost protein = win/win
Are these animals worth more or less at your doctor's office before curing, or after?
Hey, they used to do it back in the day, right? We could put their kids to work in the mines, too!
Oh Ronda, your staff is bein' Stormed with concerned calls from Kraft and Nestle' and PepsiCo.
And that will put a very quick end to this.
Just wait for when the Walton family sends in their goons.
They can only buy Total with bananas 'cause that's what she eats.
I wonder if Ronda Storms is influenced by General Jack D Ripper and his ideas of the Purity of Our Essence.
Well, look who just passed Michelle Obama in the category of "History's Worst Monster."
No, it goes under the "It's Okay if you're White and Republican" file.
IOKIYAR
No muffins? Does that include bran muffins? Thousands of food stamp children will thank you for this, Sen. Ronda.
BTW, does that outfit you're wearing have something to do with yodeling?
Are we talking about the strippers again? Candy and Chip's what?
O'Doules isn't bad if you put a little peppermint schnapps in it!
Two great tastes that…. nah…not even I can go there.
You put Mountain Dew on that list and the shit is gonna hit the fan.
Both kinds of "roof rabbits" are tasty: Outdoor roof rabbits (squirrel) or indoor roof rabbits (rats). If you eat them sushi style, you don't even need to give the poors money to light the stove!
And here I thought roof rabbits were more feline in nature.
A Repug pushing for nanny state status? Has she been following Rick Scott and his piss test lead? Last time I checked the Rethugs were about personal responsibility, not about limiting trans fats. Holy hell, you'd think this woman was the FLOTUS or something.
Of course, this makes Obama the greatest candy man President ever.
"Let them eat poop(burgers)."
So cost-efficient, those Japanese.
I'll take a rare Soylent Green pattie, thanks.
Is that her in the picture? She looks like a Michele Bachmann crossbred with a Laura Ashley.
She's got a bit of a Victoria Jackson look going on, too.
Needs moar crazy scrunchie (seriously what 50-some-yr old wears a goddamned scrunchie?)
I can still buy ruffly pirate shirts with food stamps, right Ronda?
Muffins were invented for people who were embarrassed to order cake for breakfast
Very OT (or maybe not) – but PROP 8 has been struck down by the 9th Circuit Court per MSNBC.
And Karen Handel resigns from the Komen Foundation.
Today is a good day!!!!!!!
Excellent! So, folks running the check-out registers get to be food police on top of all the other glamorous parts of their jobs! This will work out great.
Seriously, though, that would be only way this stupid law could be enforced. Like people want to spend even more time in the check out lane. It'd be pure hell for those having to work the self check-out.
Well, the job of supermarket checker pays so little that the only people who have it are those who are called to the profession.
I'm sure she'll give a well reasoned explanation for doing this that involves voter-fraud.
Wow — before I saw her picture, I was sure that David Caruso had to be the palest human in Florida. Well, Ronda Storm is definitely in touch with the needs of poor people, especially since trans fats are also found naturally in beef, lamb and some dairy products.
Another fundamentalist christian trying to invoke her rules onto those less fortunate. She's also from Iowa, which is home of another batshit crazy lady. And she's a pretty ineffective legislator according to this website:
http://udoj.wordpress.com/2008/04/21/ronda-storms…
Given the press between South Carolina, Minnesota and Florida, I'm expecting any minute now for a legislator from Texas to propose some absolutely stupid legislation.
OT: Any word on Barb?
Also, grew up in Turkey. TURKEY! Muslin plant, obvs!
I got an email from her; she's awaiting surgery tomorrow, and will be in the hospital for three days. Hopefully she'll be recovered soon.
Three days without Barb? Say it ain't so. Hopefully she has a laptop, and after 1.5 days or so, she can make some nice pain-med altered posts.
I'm actually OK with this in concept. If nothing else it would reduce public health expenditures (/cough DIABEETUS! /cough)
But…
1.) This is Florida. This will never ban anything sweetened with Florida-grown cane sugar.
2.) "Mandatory classes on healthy eating?" Just mail recipients a brochure and spend the money on adult education/GED programs instead. Except that would involve adding money to the education budget, and this is Florida, so…
3.) Crap food is cheaper than healthy food. FISCAL CONSERVATASM!!!!111
EDIT: Damn you, voice of reason!
And that was the Bushie USDA voice of reason, too.
If Jello is banned, then how will the poors make a congealed salad for church suppers?
Guess they will have to grind their own beef hooves
So can I still get cedar cheese and instat potatoes?
They can take the cakes we like when they pry them from my fat sticky fingers!
Just not "cakes we like".
Mutual upfisting?
Always!
I see I'm of the minority opinion here, but I see some sense in at least some of this. I used to own a general store in rural eastern Oregon (I think we had one black person in all 10k square miles and 5700 people in the county.) I liked the WIC program, which ensured that only healthy foods were supplied. Food stamps, on the other hand, were used largely for junk food. The people may have been a unique subset of the general food stamp population – most folks live out there because they are too "prickly" in one way or another to have many neighbors. Almost all the recipients were able-bodied but chose to live out in the boonies on occasional work moving irrigation sprinklers or the like. Few even joined the fire work available in the summer. The town mechanic used to ask "Did I just buy that for you?" when the adjacent person at the register loaded up with pure crap. Yes, I know that it's small potatoes compared to the corporate boondoggles we also pay for with our taxes, but it's still annoying as all hell. I used to be poor too (never had food stamps) and I sure didn't waste my limited resources on candy and chips. /end of old man rant/
True… I think it is more the policing rather than the fact that people truly do need to change their eating habits. However they are not doing it… kinda like there are still people wondering,"Hmm… that meth kinda looks like fun. Maybe I'll try it."
The WIC program is a pretty good idea… it is better food.
You can take away my Jello from my cold, sticky, slimey dead hands.
If you can't use your food stamps to buy booze, what's the point of being unemployed?
With a little patience (surprisingly little!), you can buy juice and make your own. I did that in my room, to see if I could, when I was about 15. It involved one of those big pear-shaped bottles, some juice, and a balloon, as I recall.
A young man I know who was stationed in Kuwait/Iraq (Semper Fi!) said that all of the fruit juice they could get underwent this very process.
We must immediately place fruit and balloons on the list of ineligible food stamps products!
Beware Floridians! Ronda Storms is looking to clear your blood of sugar so that she and her vampire ilk can sup freely on it without fear of catching the diabeetus!
Healthy eating you say, Ronda? Let’s examine your alternatives.
Our spinach has e-coli
Our peppers have salmonella
Our beef cattle are diabetic cyst colonies
Our milk and eggs contain enough growth hormones to give a 4-year-old pecs of melons
Our fish are ferrous and radioactive
Our amber waves of grain are contaminated with hydrofracking chemicals as is the water
The geniuses at Monsanto give us produce that has no flavor and will turn our bodies into Geode Growing Kits
All this for a price higher than the poor can afford.
Do us a favor and shut your pie-hole!
Is this whore Victoria Jackson's smarter or stupider sister?
“foods containing trans fats; sweetened beverages, including sodas; sweets, such as Jello, candy, ice cream, pudding, popsicles, muffins, sweet rolls, cakes, cupcakes, pies, cobblers, pastries and doughnuts; and salty snack foods, such as corn-based salty snacks, pretzels, party mix, popcorn and potato chips.”
Has she ever been to a ghetto food mart? (or for that matter a store out in the boonies) That is basically all they sell – along with booze, smokes and lottery tickets.
Food stamp recipients should also be required to take courses in urban foraging to keep the parks and greenbelts free of weeds and feral peasants.
And hey, there's some tasty pigeons all over the city!
I'm glad you read my misspelling as I intended it to actually be. The peasants eating peasants is from our Department of Redundancy Department.
The homeless could be used to end those urban food deserts!
To her credit, she is proposing a "culturally-sensitive education program".
This would never go over in Arizona.
Jello, salt, greese and sugar —>>> That's the four major food groups!
CAFFEINE LIBEL!
Why does Ronda Storms hate real American foods?
Is that Jerry Seinfeld's puffy shirt?
As long as I can still get my cream of aborted fetus soup with my food stamps then I am okay.
Yeah, frankly, I'm pretty far left and I think this is a good idea. More than once I've seen mothers in my local 7-11 buying candy, soda, and chips for their kids, with food stamps–box of Newports goes on a separate tab. I was fed on food stamps growing up and I have absolutely no problem sending a part of my paycheck to food stamps (in fact I'd double that part if it were up to me), but to my mind there's not a single good reason people should be allowed to buy "recreational" food with food stamps. You want that stuff, go strip some copper out of the abandoned tract housing, scrap it and there you go.
I use my food stamps to buy corn syrup to make moonshine. Which I then sell to fund my abortions. See me on the next season of extreme couponers/moonshiners.
Above the fold, I was about to say, guys, I have personally met kids who spent their moms’ food stamps on Doritos and Twizzlers and Mountain Dew and did not eat their vegetables, but then I went below the fold and found out this woman wants to ban dessert from poors unless they make it themselves (sorry, homeless!) and now I want to smash her with my fists.
Where does yogurt with fruit on the bottom fit in to all this? That's not really fruit, you know.
Ew.
The list of banned food stamp purchases under Storms’ bill would include “foods containing trans fats; sweetened beverages, including sodas; sweets, such as Jello, candy, ice cream, pudding, popsicles, muffins, sweet rolls, cakes, cupcakes, pies, cobblers, pastries and doughnuts; and salty snack foods, such as corn-based salty snacks, pretzels, party mix, popcorn and potato chips.”
Is there any other food available in Florida?
FEMA Camp cooking classes? Right, but first- you Poors hop in the shower.
Do you pee in a cup, (for freedom!), before or after using your food stamps?
A simpler plan would be to move poors into special cages where we can monitor their eating and drinking and defecating habits to ensure that noone is frauding us, the job-owning citizenry.
The Republicans will call this the Suzanne Somers – Frederick Sanford Postnatal Nondiscrimination Act of 2012.
Oh Those Hypocritcal Asswipe Teabaggers are At It Again. Now They Are Crawling Inside Poors Intestines Pickin' Out The Trans Fats & Diabetes. Get The Government The Heck Out Of Everything Except Your Intestines, Love, Rick Scott & Ron Paul
Bought that top at the Seinfeld costume sale, I'm guessin'.
when was that picture taken? because if it was anytime after 1983 i think we need a florida recall petition.
Why does Loretta Lynn (that's who's in the picture, right?) hate Ronnie Raygun and Archer Daniels Midland?
http://obrag.org/?p=3292
good god! senator storms is the size of a mcmansion!
good god woman!
do not be talking about taking sweets away from the poors when you look like a sugar doily meant for a restoration hardware table.
On the bright side, just think of all the jerbs this legislation will create….No, wait!
They ought to just go back to handing out surplus cheese, peanut butter and canned peas. That's plenty.
Well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.
As a kid growing up in the south, I never understood the concept of "soul food". Fried chicken, greens, biscuits, watermelon, grits were things that *everyone* ate, black or white, Gentile or Jew (although Jews usually leave out the lard and the fatback).
But that's the real secret, isn't it? The things that are stereotyped "black" are actually "Southern", because of course most Afro-USAmericans' ancestors were enslaved there. Even the "nigra" accent is only a little different from "po' white Southerner".
This also accounts for the strains of "America First"/'Quit speaking Messican' in the black voters views on immigration.
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