ugh poor people

Mean Old Florida Senator Won’t Let You Buy Candy With Food Stamps

Republican Florida state Sen. Ronda Storms has seen enough of these poor assholes in her grocery line buying candy and salty potato chips and chemical cancer juices with their food stamps. They’re everywhere, these poor people! You may have seen one yourself, hmm? It’s time to kill them all. Or at least to stick it to ‘em by restricting their food stamp purchasing ability. In the bill she’s moving through the state legislature, the poors would only be able to eat rocks, plastic, grass and poop, until they grow up and learn to stop being so goddamn poor.

The list of banned food stamp purchases under Storms’ bill would include “foods containing trans fats; sweetened beverages, including sodas; sweets, such as Jello, candy, ice cream, pudding, popsicles, muffins, sweet rolls, cakes, cupcakes, pies, cobblers, pastries and doughnuts; and salty snack foods, such as corn-based salty snacks, pretzels, party mix, popcorn and potato chips.” What about t-bone steaks? Strapping young bucks love those t-bone steaks, according to politics.

Why not throw in a “morning at the DMV” type dongle too?

Her bill would also require food stamp recipients to take state-run classes on healthy eating and how making your own baked goods is cheaper than store-made sweets.

It’s nice to see Ronda Storms holding public health measures in such earnest regard. What about all the other millions of people in Florida, though, who don’t get state benefits but do buy all of this terrible food by the tanker-load and then get diabetes and cancer and death and then pass along the bill to either the government or your health insurance premiums? How about a five-cent soda tax, Storms? Eh? This is going nowhere.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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    1. WunkRocker

      Rhonda Storms, she should be a porn star or a stripper. Can I still get lap dances and glory hole visits with WIC?

    2. Ruhe

      Yes on both but only of the Lite variety. Of course, for the ammo that means hollow points so that's kind of a bonus.

    1. bumfug

      Except if Michelle had proposed it, this woman would have been screaming that it's just more government regulation interfering in the private affairs of The People.

      1. Chichikovovich

        just more government regulation interfering in the private affairs of The People.

        "The People" is Commie-talk. It's "We The People", pinko.

      2. Generation[redacted]

        First lady encouraging healthy eating: Government trampling our liberties.
        State law mandating healthy eating: Just good plain common sense.

        1. doloras

          The difference is that it's mandating healthy eating FOR WELFARE BUMS. Only real Americans with jerbs are allowed to eat trash. That makes it okay.

          The essential problem of Republicans with the welfare state is that not that it interferes with people's lives, but that it interferes with WHITE people's lives.

    1. MadBrahms

      Every time I come back to visit, I see that my parents have purchased one of those giant trays-o-muffins from Sam's Club, and let me tell you, those things are not healthy. They do taste delicious, though. Like capitalism baked to perfection.

      1. emmelemm

        They're literally like 1,000 calories each, if I recall correctly. 1,000 calories of HEAVEN, that is!

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          My in-laws have always got the Costco equivalent of same sitting on their kitchen counter.

          And they wonder why they're struggling with diabetes.

  1. FakaktaSouth

    WHAT?? WHAT?? This is literally doing what they accuse Michelle O of. God DAMN I bet all the assholes I know who hate Michelle will support this without even thinking a thing about it. I hate people.

    ETA HOORAY! Karen Handel quit SGK – Boo, she's gonna use this politically and not go away. yuck.

    1. SorosBot

      But see, this is forcing poor people to eat what government tells them; it's different, the government's supposed to make their life miserable, because they're not Real Americans. Plus Ronda is white and so entitled to be arrogant.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Not "poor people" – BLACK people, period. I hate to say stuff like this because I hate for it to be true, but it's all about that shit, still and only. The times we live in are showing the people who are like this for what they are though, and it isn't being appreciated by vast, thinking majorities, so I suppose at least THAT it is a thing to be grateful for? Fuck I don't know. These folks seem to be just hopping in a circle.

  2. Tundra Grifter

    Funny how all these "small government" GNoPee'rs just can't keep themselves from messing around with other peoples' lives.

    1. SoBeach

      Seeing as how taxpayer money is paying HER salary can we ask that she be held to the same rules? I volunteer to meet her at the check out line and let her know what she can and can't buy.

    1. Ruhe

      It ain't about nannying. It's about telling the poors how they can spend your tax dollars…which actually sounds a little bit rational on the face of it. But like most teabagger ideas the rationality part is just white noise to hide the brazen dog-whistling.

    2. annettaj

      Where is Sarah Palin to bitch slap her about making people
      eat their peas. Or is that just for the black democratic woman in the WH?

    3. CthuNHu

      Talk about voting against your own interests… Do Republicans really want to force poor fat people to become lean and healthy? Why not just throw in a pitchfork subsidy while they're at it?

    1. LionHeartSoyDog

      You can take my hair pie and my knob cobbler when you pry them from my cold, dead fingers.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      So they're gonig to learn to bake without being able to buy sugar or salt? This nitwit should be forced to eat the results.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      But not mainstream porn – like one of those weird "rub gelatin all over my body and crush mice with my stilettos" kind of porns.

  3. Mahousu

    First off, "Ronda Storms" is obviously her porn name. What's her real name?

    Secondly, "Ronda," you can't expect Rush to do a 180 this quickly on this topic. That's a lot of mass to shift around, you know.

  4. OneYieldRegular

    I don't see barbeque or hush puppies on the list, but other than that, Senator Storms' law would rule out the entire Southern diet. What kind of Republican values are these? I bet this she doesn't even fly the Confederate flag.

  5. Baconzgood

    So when Michelle talks about eating healthy it socialist and a war on freedomz but when a wants to make a law about eating healthy it's Emerican. Now that that is settled I'm going to buy some pez with my unemployment check.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Still have'n't mastered the old doublethink, Baconz? Orwell's zombie corpse shakes his head sadly.

  6. Chichikovovich

    I'm absolutely in favor of this bill myself and I hope every state passes something similar. We're going to need the Sans-Culottes to be in tip-top condition when the revolution comes.

  7. JustPixelz

    Typical Repubican, shoving their government mandated healthy food down our throats.

    Classes on healthy eating sound like class warfare to me.

    First they came for my red dye number 2…

  8. Fare la Volpe

    I brought this up in another thread several days ago, but the poor can't even buy toilet paper with food stamps. And now this fascist bitch wants to restrict their buying power even more?

    Fuck these fucking fucks right in their fucking skulls. FUCK.

    1. ChernobylSoup

      They can't buy the pans, mixers, bowls, cooling racks, paper towels, dish cloths , rolling pins, flour sifters, measuring cups, ovens, or electricity required to bake stuff themselves, either. So I don't see how her Eating Healthy from Scratch program is going to help out much.

    2. DaSandman

      No Fare my friend. No fucking.Fucking is pleasureable and fun. No, we are going to DRILL. With like drills and Black and Decker shit just to see if they have any fucking sense or humanity left.

    3. Dashboard Buddha

      that's always been the case. It's a puzzler to be sure. Back when I used to be an employment counselor, this one client of mine gave a very informative mini-seminar in one of my workshops. It was titled: How to steal toilet paper from McDonalds.

  9. freakishlywrong

    It appears as though the only people to suffer TYRANNY!!1 will be the neediest among us. Really, who the fuck are these assholes and how soon can we rid ourselves of them?

  10. Ruhe

    I think we're all missing the point here by trying to juxtapose this bill with the proposals Michelle Obama has made. Ms. Storms isn't interested in the health benefits of a dorito free diet. She's concerned that easy access to delicious snack foods lures people into poverty. People actually choose poverty for the sake of the government subsidized junk food delicacies. Ronda is just putting that new "freakanomics" science to work.

  11. Lascauxcaveman

    Seriously Sen. Stormy, wouldn't it just be easier to make a list of things they CAN buy with food stamps?

    Beets (canned)
    cream of mushroom soup (generic, NOT Campbells)
    toilet paper

    1. orygoon

      WIC is kind of like that, and while I think WIC is a good program, you sure don't want to get in the line behind a recipient at the grocery store, like I did last week.

  12. Oblios_Cap

    They’re everywhere, these poor people! You may have seen one yourself, hmm?

    It's as easy as looking in a mirror!

    I don't see a lot of those 1%ers, though. I think they're a rumor, like Bigfoot or Batboy.

  13. Wilcoxyz

    Please, Martha Stewart already taught all these ex-cons how to bake delicious cakes while they were in jail together.

  14. littlebigdaddy

    Suggested alt-text: "I swear to god it was THIS big around. No shit. That's when I got out of the business."

    1. b[redact]opple

      But the lack of alt-text is how we know it's a Jimbles post! That, and his name at the top.

    1. SorosBot

      Hey I've got grape soda in my refrigerator right now! It's delicious, and I for one am a pale ginger who loves it.

          1. MosesInvests

            As a kid growing up in the south, I never understood the concept of "soul food". Fried chicken, greens, biscuits, watermelon, grits were things that *everyone* ate, black or white, Gentile or Jew (although Jews usually leave out the lard and the fatback).

          2. doloras

            But that's the real secret, isn't it? The things that are stereotyped "black" are actually "Southern", because of course most Afro-USAmericans' ancestors were enslaved there. Even the "nigra" accent is only a little different from "po' white Southerner".

          3. horsedreamer_1

            This also accounts for the strains of "America First"/'Quit speaking Messican' in the black voters views on immigration.

    2. tessiee

      "grape soda to make it more obvious?"

      Either it's not as obvious as you think it is, or I'm missing something. What's the significance of grape soda?

  15. bagofmice

    Because if there is one thing that people on food stamps have, it is an oven in which to make baked goods.

  16. Wonderthing

    I am so going to start manufacturing the yellow "P" that the poor are going to have to start wearing. Only 5.00. 10.00 if you want silk.

  17. Wilcoxyz

    The poors should also be taught how to butcher animals and cure their own meats for winter. Pigs, chickens, varmints. Whatever.

    1. ThundercatHo

      Aren't they having a real problem with boa constrictors down there? Ecological threat eliminated/low or no cost protein = win/win

    2. Loaded_Pants

      Hey, they used to do it back in the day, right? We could put their kids to work in the mines, too!

  18. Lascauxcaveman

    Her bill would also require food stamp recipients to take state-run classes on healthy eating

    Well, look who just passed Michelle Obama in the category of "History's Worst Monster."

  19. zappadoo76

    No muffins? Does that include bran muffins? Thousands of food stamp children will thank you for this, Sen. Ronda.

    BTW, does that outfit you're wearing have something to do with yodeling?

  20. EatsBabyDingos

    Both kinds of "roof rabbits" are tasty: Outdoor roof rabbits (squirrel) or indoor roof rabbits (rats). If you eat them sushi style, you don't even need to give the poors money to light the stove!

  21. hagajim

    A Repug pushing for nanny state status? Has she been following Rick Scott and his piss test lead? Last time I checked the Rethugs were about personal responsibility, not about limiting trans fats. Holy hell, you'd think this woman was the FLOTUS or something.

  22. MozakiBlocks

    Very OT (or maybe not) – but PROP 8 has been struck down by the 9th Circuit Court per MSNBC.

    And Karen Handel resigns from the Komen Foundation.

    Today is a good day!!!!!!!

  23. neiltheblaze

    Excellent! So, folks running the check-out registers get to be food police on top of all the other glamorous parts of their jobs! This will work out great.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Seriously, though, that would be only way this stupid law could be enforced. Like people want to spend even more time in the check out lane. It'd be pure hell for those having to work the self check-out.

      1. tessiee

        Well, the job of supermarket checker pays so little that the only people who have it are those who are called to the profession.

  24. SayItWithWookies

    Wow — before I saw her picture, I was sure that David Caruso had to be the palest human in Florida. Well, Ronda Storm is definitely in touch with the needs of poor people, especially since trans fats are also found naturally in beef, lamb and some dairy products.

  25. fartknocker

    Another fundamentalist christian trying to invoke her rules onto those less fortunate. She's also from Iowa, which is home of another batshit crazy lady. And she's a pretty ineffective legislator according to this website:

    Given the press between South Carolina, Minnesota and Florida, I'm expecting any minute now for a legislator from Texas to propose some absolutely stupid legislation.

    OT: Any word on Barb?

    1. SorosBot

      I got an email from her; she's awaiting surgery tomorrow, and will be in the hospital for three days. Hopefully she'll be recovered soon.

      1. emmelemm

        Three days without Barb? Say it ain't so. Hopefully she has a laptop, and after 1.5 days or so, she can make some nice pain-med altered posts.

  26. Guppy

    I'm actually OK with this in concept. If nothing else it would reduce public health expenditures (/cough DIABEETUS! /cough)


    1.) This is Florida. This will never ban anything sweetened with Florida-grown cane sugar.

    2.) "Mandatory classes on healthy eating?" Just mail recipients a brochure and spend the money on adult education/GED programs instead. Except that would involve adding money to the education budget, and this is Florida, so…

    3.) Crap food is cheaper than healthy food. FISCAL CONSERVATASM!!!!111

    EDIT: Damn you, voice of reason!

  27. Gunner Asch

    I see I'm of the minority opinion here, but I see some sense in at least some of this. I used to own a general store in rural eastern Oregon (I think we had one black person in all 10k square miles and 5700 people in the county.) I liked the WIC program, which ensured that only healthy foods were supplied. Food stamps, on the other hand, were used largely for junk food. The people may have been a unique subset of the general food stamp population – most folks live out there because they are too "prickly" in one way or another to have many neighbors. Almost all the recipients were able-bodied but chose to live out in the boonies on occasional work moving irrigation sprinklers or the like. Few even joined the fire work available in the summer. The town mechanic used to ask "Did I just buy that for you?" when the adjacent person at the register loaded up with pure crap. Yes, I know that it's small potatoes compared to the corporate boondoggles we also pay for with our taxes, but it's still annoying as all hell. I used to be poor too (never had food stamps) and I sure didn't waste my limited resources on candy and chips. /end of old man rant/

    1. DaRooster

      True… I think it is more the policing rather than the fact that people truly do need to change their eating habits. However they are not doing it… kinda like there are still people wondering,"Hmm… that meth kinda looks like fun. Maybe I'll try it."
      The WIC program is a pretty good idea… it is better food.

    1. orygoon

      With a little patience (surprisingly little!), you can buy juice and make your own. I did that in my room, to see if I could, when I was about 15. It involved one of those big pear-shaped bottles, some juice, and a balloon, as I recall.

      A young man I know who was stationed in Kuwait/Iraq (Semper Fi!) said that all of the fruit juice they could get underwent this very process.

  28. CapnFatback

    Beware Floridians! Ronda Storms is looking to clear your blood of sugar so that she and her vampire ilk can sup freely on it without fear of catching the diabeetus!

  29. VinnyThePooh

    Healthy eating you say, Ronda? Let’s examine your alternatives.
    Our spinach has e-coli
    Our peppers have salmonella
    Our beef cattle are diabetic cyst colonies
    Our milk and eggs contain enough growth hormones to give a 4-year-old pecs of melons
    Our fish are ferrous and radioactive
    Our amber waves of grain are contaminated with hydrofracking chemicals as is the water
    The geniuses at Monsanto give us produce that has no flavor and will turn our bodies into Geode Growing Kits

    All this for a price higher than the poor can afford.
    Do us a favor and shut your pie-hole!

  30. Allmighty_Manos

    “foods containing trans fats; sweetened beverages, including sodas; sweets, such as Jello, candy, ice cream, pudding, popsicles, muffins, sweet rolls, cakes, cupcakes, pies, cobblers, pastries and doughnuts; and salty snack foods, such as corn-based salty snacks, pretzels, party mix, popcorn and potato chips.”

    Has she ever been to a ghetto food mart? (or for that matter a store out in the boonies) That is basically all they sell – along with booze, smokes and lottery tickets.

  31. chascates

    Food stamp recipients should also be required to take courses in urban foraging to keep the parks and greenbelts free of weeds and feral peasants.

      1. chascates

        I'm glad you read my misspelling as I intended it to actually be. The peasants eating peasants is from our Department of Redundancy Department.

  32. MadBrahms

    To her credit, she is proposing a "culturally-sensitive education program".

    This would never go over in Arizona.

  33. BigDumbRedDog

    As long as I can still get my cream of aborted fetus soup with my food stamps then I am okay.

  34. Alex

    Yeah, frankly, I'm pretty far left and I think this is a good idea. More than once I've seen mothers in my local 7-11 buying candy, soda, and chips for their kids, with food stamps–box of Newports goes on a separate tab. I was fed on food stamps growing up and I have absolutely no problem sending a part of my paycheck to food stamps (in fact I'd double that part if it were up to me), but to my mind there's not a single good reason people should be allowed to buy "recreational" food with food stamps. You want that stuff, go strip some copper out of the abandoned tract housing, scrap it and there you go.

  35. BigDumbRedDog

    I use my food stamps to buy corn syrup to make moonshine. Which I then sell to fund my abortions. See me on the next season of extreme couponers/moonshiners.

  36. undeadgoat

    Above the fold, I was about to say, guys, I have personally met kids who spent their moms’ food stamps on Doritos and Twizzlers and Mountain Dew and did not eat their vegetables, but then I went below the fold and found out this woman wants to ban dessert from poors unless they make it themselves (sorry, homeless!) and now I want to smash her with my fists.

  37. SheriffRoscoe

    Where does yogurt with fruit on the bottom fit in to all this? That's not really fruit, you know.

  38. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The list of banned food stamp purchases under Storms’ bill would include “foods containing trans fats; sweetened beverages, including sodas; sweets, such as Jello, candy, ice cream, pudding, popsicles, muffins, sweet rolls, cakes, cupcakes, pies, cobblers, pastries and doughnuts; and salty snack foods, such as corn-based salty snacks, pretzels, party mix, popcorn and potato chips.”

    Is there any other food available in Florida?

  39. Tommy1733

    A simpler plan would be to move poors into special cages where we can monitor their eating and drinking and defecating habits to ensure that noone is frauding us, the job-owning citizenry.

  40. Troglodeity

    The Republicans will call this the Suzanne Somers – Frederick Sanford Postnatal Nondiscrimination Act of 2012.

  41. Serfville

    Oh Those Hypocritcal Asswipe Teabaggers are At It Again. Now They Are Crawling Inside Poors Intestines Pickin' Out The Trans Fats & Diabetes. Get The Government The Heck Out Of Everything Except Your Intestines, Love, Rick Scott & Ron Paul

  42. fuflans

    when was that picture taken? because if it was anytime after 1983 i think we need a florida recall petition.

  43. fuflans

    good god! senator storms is the size of a mcmansion!

    good god woman!

    do not be talking about taking sweets away from the poors when you look like a sugar doily meant for a restoration hardware table.

  44. joobajooba

    They ought to just go back to handing out surplus cheese, peanut butter and canned peas. That's plenty.

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