UGH POOR PEOPLE  12:35 pm February 7, 2012

Mean Old Florida Senator Won’t Let You Buy Candy With Food Stamps

by Jim Newell

Republican Florida state Sen. Ronda Storms has seen enough of these poor assholes in her grocery line buying candy and salty potato chips and chemical cancer juices with their food stamps. They’re everywhere, these poor people! You may have seen one yourself, hmm? It’s time to kill them all. Or at least to stick it to ‘em by restricting their food stamp purchasing ability. In the bill she’s moving through the state legislature, the poors would only be able to eat rocks, plastic, grass and poop, until they grow up and learn to stop being so goddamn poor.

The list of banned food stamp purchases under Storms’ bill would include “foods containing trans fats; sweetened beverages, including sodas; sweets, such as Jello, candy, ice cream, pudding, popsicles, muffins, sweet rolls, cakes, cupcakes, pies, cobblers, pastries and doughnuts; and salty snack foods, such as corn-based salty snacks, pretzels, party mix, popcorn and potato chips.” What about t-bone steaks? Strapping young bucks love those t-bone steaks, according to politics.

Why not throw in a “morning at the DMV” type dongle too?

Her bill would also require food stamp recipients to take state-run classes on healthy eating and how making your own baked goods is cheaper than store-made sweets.

It’s nice to see Ronda Storms holding public health measures in such earnest regard. What about all the other millions of people in Florida, though, who don’t get state benefits but do buy all of this terrible food by the tanker-load and then get diabetes and cancer and death and then pass along the bill to either the government or your health insurance premiums? How about a five-cent soda tax, Storms? Eh? This is going nowhere.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 191 comments }

Beetagger February 7, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Can I still get malt liquor and ammo? Cause if so, I'm cool.

WunkRocker February 7, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Rhonda Storms, she should be a porn star or a stripper. Can I still get lap dances and glory hole visits with WIC?

littlebigdaddy February 7, 2012 at 12:45 pm

In Florida, these occupations do not disqualify you from politics.

Chichikovovich February 7, 2012 at 12:46 pm

She does a great tandem-lapdance with her sister Gale.

Lascauxcaveman February 7, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Better ask your local crack dealer.

Ruhe February 7, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Yes on both but only of the Lite variety. Of course, for the ammo that means hollow points so that's kind of a bonus.

nounverb911 February 7, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Sounds like Michelle Obama got a convert.

bumfug February 7, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Except if Michelle had proposed it, this woman would have been screaming that it's just more government regulation interfering in the private affairs of The People.

Chichikovovich February 7, 2012 at 12:42 pm

just more government regulation interfering in the private affairs of The People.

"The People" is Commie-talk. It's "We The People", pinko.

MadBrahms February 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

"Hey look! He thinks he's people!"

Come on, we're talking about The Poors here.

Generation[redacted] February 7, 2012 at 12:52 pm

First lady encouraging healthy eating: Government trampling our liberties.
State law mandating healthy eating: Just good plain common sense.

doloras February 7, 2012 at 5:19 pm

The difference is that it's mandating healthy eating FOR WELFARE BUMS. Only real Americans with jerbs are allowed to eat trash. That makes it okay.

The essential problem of Republicans with the welfare state is that not that it interferes with people's lives, but that it interferes with WHITE people's lives.

horsedreamer_1 February 7, 2012 at 10:50 pm

White is right cellulite.

MittsHairHelmet February 7, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Muffins?! On a list of junk-food?? Barbaric.

WhatTheHolyHeck February 7, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Notice the clear omission of "cakes we like".

Loophole!

MadBrahms February 7, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Every time I come back to visit, I see that my parents have purchased one of those giant trays-o-muffins from Sam's Club, and let me tell you, those things are not healthy. They do taste delicious, though. Like capitalism baked to perfection.

emmelemm February 7, 2012 at 2:06 pm

They're literally like 1,000 calories each, if I recall correctly. 1,000 calories of HEAVEN, that is!

Lascauxcaveman February 7, 2012 at 2:46 pm

My in-laws have always got the Costco equivalent of same sitting on their kitchen counter.

And they wonder why they're struggling with diabetes.

FakaktaSouth February 7, 2012 at 12:38 pm

WHAT?? WHAT?? This is literally doing what they accuse Michelle O of. God DAMN I bet all the assholes I know who hate Michelle will support this without even thinking a thing about it. I hate people.

ETA HOORAY! Karen Handel quit SGK – Boo, she's gonna use this politically and not go away. yuck.

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 12:47 pm

But see, this is forcing poor people to eat what government tells them; it's different, the government's supposed to make their life miserable, because they're not Real Americans. Plus Ronda is white and so entitled to be arrogant.

FakaktaSouth February 7, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Not "poor people" – BLACK people, period. I hate to say stuff like this because I hate for it to be true, but it's all about that shit, still and only. The times we live in are showing the people who are like this for what they are though, and it isn't being appreciated by vast, thinking majorities, so I suppose at least THAT it is a thing to be grateful for? Fuck I don't know. These folks seem to be just hopping in a circle.

Goonemeritus February 7, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Food stamps will still cover recreational abortions though right?

nounverb911 February 7, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Only for republican senators.

Chillwillard February 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm

While Wingnuts go to Disneyland, Libtards prefer Abortionplex.

smokefilledroommate February 7, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Likes music (all kinds!), long walks on the beach, movies, abortions.

ThundercatHo February 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Looking for friendship, possible LTR.

Fare la Volpe February 7, 2012 at 12:54 pm

No kids.

MissTaken February 7, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Drugs, drama, and disease free.

chicken_thief February 7, 2012 at 1:01 pm

OB/GYN a plus!

Tundra Grifter February 7, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Funny how all these "small government" GNoPee'rs just can't keep themselves from messing around with other peoples' lives.

SoBeach February 7, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Seeing as how taxpayer money is paying HER salary can we ask that she be held to the same rules? I volunteer to meet her at the check out line and let her know what she can and can't buy.

Chillwillard February 7, 2012 at 12:39 pm

We can still buy lap dances though, right?

JustPixelz February 7, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Isn't she a member of the party that opposes the nanny state? You can't get more nanny-ish than saying "no dessert unless you swallow your pride".

Ruhe February 7, 2012 at 12:54 pm

It ain't about nannying. It's about telling the poors how they can spend your tax dollars…which actually sounds a little bit rational on the face of it. But like most teabagger ideas the rationality part is just white noise to hide the brazen dog-whistling.

annettaj February 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Where is Sarah Palin to bitch slap her about making people
eat their peas. Or is that just for the black democratic woman in the WH?

CthuNHu February 7, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Talk about voting against your own interests… Do Republicans really want to force poor fat people to become lean and healthy? Why not just throw in a pitchfork subsidy while they're at it?

Goonemeritus February 7, 2012 at 12:40 pm

You can take my freedom but you will never take my pies and cobblers.

LionHeartSoyDog February 7, 2012 at 2:30 pm

You can take my hair pie and my knob cobbler when you pry them from my cold, dead fingers.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 7, 2012 at 6:32 pm

So they're gonig to learn to bake without being able to buy sugar or salt? This nitwit should be forced to eat the results.

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Ronda Storms sounds like a porn name.

Fare la Volpe February 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

But not mainstream porn – like one of those weird "rub gelatin all over my body and crush mice with my stilettos" kind of porns.

Dashboard Buddha February 7, 2012 at 1:20 pm

More like Man On Top Finish Up Quick Porn.

emmelemm February 7, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Yes. That was the first thing that rushed into my mind.

horsedreamer_1 February 7, 2012 at 10:51 pm

State Senator Ronda Storms (R-BangBus.com)

DerrickWildcat February 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Wait until Big Dorito and Big Little Debbie hears about this.

LowProfileinGA February 7, 2012 at 3:03 pm

She just lost the Pepsico / Coca-Cola donations.

actor212 February 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Ronda Storms? Didn't she work the titty bar off the A1A?

MosesInvests February 7, 2012 at 3:26 pm

*The* titty bar off A1A? Which one?

OyeBuelah February 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I'd like to see what her grocery cart looks like.

MadBrahms February 7, 2012 at 1:43 pm

As pickup lines go, that one needs work.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Ronda Storms

Her pornstar career over, Ronda decided to get involved with the poors.
~

chicken_thief February 7, 2012 at 1:03 pm

But she dresses like a porn pirate.

IncenseDebate February 7, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Her pornstar career over, Ronda decided to fuck the poors.

Mahousu February 7, 2012 at 12:42 pm

First off, "Ronda Storms" is obviously her porn name. What's her real name?

Secondly, "Ronda," you can't expect Rush to do a 180 this quickly on this topic. That's a lot of mass to shift around, you know.

OneYieldRegular February 7, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I don't see barbeque or hush puppies on the list, but other than that, Senator Storms' law would rule out the entire Southern diet. What kind of Republican values are these? I bet this she doesn't even fly the Confederate flag.

smokefilledroommate February 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm

She wants to turn them into Mexicans by forcing them to eat rice and beans, then they can be deported!

VinnyThePooh February 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Just Slim Jims and Velveeta.

Maman February 7, 2012 at 1:04 pm

meat-sticks and cheese-food

WunkRocker February 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Does Ronda have a daughter named Sierra Mist?

smokefilledroommate February 7, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Thought her name was Brandi Alexander.

Fare la Volpe February 7, 2012 at 12:49 pm

And her older son, Gray Goose.

WunkRocker February 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

G(r)ay Goose

horsedreamer_1 February 7, 2012 at 10:52 pm

I miss Storm even more than I miss Surge.

Baconzgood February 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm

So when Michelle talks about eating healthy it socialist and a war on freedomz but when a wants to make a law about eating healthy it's Emerican. Now that that is settled I'm going to buy some pez with my unemployment check.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 7, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Still have'n't mastered the old doublethink, Baconz? Orwell's zombie corpse shakes his head sadly.

Chichikovovich February 7, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I'm absolutely in favor of this bill myself and I hope every state passes something similar. We're going to need the Sans-Culottes to be in tip-top condition when the revolution comes.

JustPixelz February 7, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Typical Repubican, shoving their government mandated healthy food down our throats.

Classes on healthy eating sound like class warfare to me.

First they came for my red dye number 2…

Fare la Volpe February 7, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I brought this up in another thread several days ago, but the poor can't even buy toilet paper with food stamps. And now this fascist bitch wants to restrict their buying power even more?

Fuck these fucking fucks right in their fucking skulls. FUCK.

Generation[redacted] February 7, 2012 at 12:54 pm

All the more reason to stick to a high fiber diet.

ChernobylSoup February 7, 2012 at 1:00 pm

They can't buy the pans, mixers, bowls, cooling racks, paper towels, dish cloths , rolling pins, flour sifters, measuring cups, ovens, or electricity required to bake stuff themselves, either. So I don't see how her Eating Healthy from Scratch program is going to help out much.

DaSandman February 7, 2012 at 1:02 pm

No Fare my friend. No fucking.Fucking is pleasureable and fun. No, we are going to DRILL. With like drills and Black and Decker shit just to see if they have any fucking sense or humanity left.

Dashboard Buddha February 7, 2012 at 1:10 pm

that's always been the case. It's a puzzler to be sure. Back when I used to be an employment counselor, this one client of mine gave a very informative mini-seminar in one of my workshops. It was titled: How to steal toilet paper from McDonalds.

freakishlywrong February 7, 2012 at 12:46 pm

It appears as though the only people to suffer TYRANNY!!1 will be the neediest among us. Really, who the fuck are these assholes and how soon can we rid ourselves of them?

Loaded_Pants February 7, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Like the poor, they will always be with us.

GregComlish February 7, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Sen. Ronda Storms is looking to get Frito-Laid

Ruhe February 7, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I think we're all missing the point here by trying to juxtapose this bill with the proposals Michelle Obama has made. Ms. Storms isn't interested in the health benefits of a dorito free diet. She's concerned that easy access to delicious snack foods lures people into poverty. People actually choose poverty for the sake of the government subsidized junk food delicacies. Ronda is just putting that new "freakanomics" science to work.

Loaded_Pants February 7, 2012 at 7:53 pm

fuckanomics?

Lascauxcaveman February 7, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Seriously Sen. Stormy, wouldn't it just be easier to make a list of things they CAN buy with food stamps?

Bread
Milk
Eggs
Beets (canned)
carrots
cream of mushroom soup (generic, NOT Campbells)
toilet paper
Drano

orygoon February 7, 2012 at 1:05 pm

WIC is kind of like that, and while I think WIC is a good program, you sure don't want to get in the line behind a recipient at the grocery store, like I did last week.

Oblios_Cap February 7, 2012 at 12:48 pm

They’re everywhere, these poor people! You may have seen one yourself, hmm?

It's as easy as looking in a mirror!

I don't see a lot of those 1%ers, though. I think they're a rumor, like Bigfoot or Batboy.

Loaded_Pants February 7, 2012 at 8:00 pm

or Newt's intellect.

Wilcoxyz February 7, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Please, Martha Stewart already taught all these ex-cons how to bake delicious cakes while they were in jail together.

littlebigdaddy February 7, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Suggested alt-text: "I swear to god it was THIS big around. No shit. That's when I got out of the business."

b[redact]opple February 7, 2012 at 1:05 pm

But the lack of alt-text is how we know it's a Jimbles post! That, and his name at the top.

Oblios_Cap February 7, 2012 at 12:50 pm

O/T – I see that the lame stream media and the libs got Handel to step down. Free abortions!

Lascauxcaveman February 7, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I had several just this morning, to celebrate! And I'm a dude.

Schmannnity February 7, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Why don't you just propose banning purchases of grape soda to make it more obvious?

MissTaken February 7, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I assume watermelons and fried chicken are on the banned list, too.

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Hey I've got grape soda in my refrigerator right now! It's delicious, and I for one am a pale ginger who loves it.

emmelemm February 7, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Do you also smoke Menthols?

Biff February 7, 2012 at 1:50 pm

And drink MD 20/20?

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Nope, neither of those. I do however love fried chicken; but then who doesn't?

CthuNHu February 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Radar libel!

tessiee February 7, 2012 at 9:26 pm

"grape soda to make it more obvious?"

Either it's not as obvious as you think it is, or I'm missing something. What's the significance of grape soda?

bagofmice February 7, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Because if there is one thing that people on food stamps have, it is an oven in which to make baked goods.

Jerri February 7, 2012 at 1:27 pm

And all the time in the world to do so, as well.

Wonderthing February 7, 2012 at 12:50 pm

I am so going to start manufacturing the yellow "P" that the poor are going to have to start wearing. Only 5.00. 10.00 if you want silk.

ThundercatHo February 7, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Make it in cursive like the one LaVerne wore.

chicken_thief February 7, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Or $20 worth of food stamps.

Oblios_Cap February 7, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Orange. Or Ur-ange, as the locals say it.

Spurning Beer February 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Ronda, do you have no problem with fried chicken and watermelon?

Also, you used to be a dude, right?

ThundercatHo February 7, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Still is. Not talented enough for RuPaul's Drag Race though.

Loaded_Pants February 7, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Ronda needs a better drag name.

Wilcoxyz February 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

The poors should also be taught how to butcher animals and cure their own meats for winter. Pigs, chickens, varmints. Whatever.

ThundercatHo February 7, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Aren't they having a real problem with boa constrictors down there? Ecological threat eliminated/low or no cost protein = win/win

Biff February 7, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Are these animals worth more or less at your doctor's office before curing, or after?

Loaded_Pants February 7, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Hey, they used to do it back in the day, right? We could put their kids to work in the mines, too!

orygoon February 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Oh Ronda, your staff is bein' Stormed with concerned calls from Kraft and Nestle' and PepsiCo.

widestanceshakedown February 7, 2012 at 1:59 pm

And that will put a very quick end to this.

Loaded_Pants February 7, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Just wait for when the Walton family sends in their goons.

smokefilledroommate February 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

They can only buy Total with bananas 'cause that's what she eats.

ManchuCandidate February 7, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I wonder if Ronda Storms is influenced by General Jack D Ripper and his ideas of the Purity of Our Essence.

Lascauxcaveman February 7, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Her bill would also require food stamp recipients to take state-run classes on healthy eating

Well, look who just passed Michelle Obama in the category of "History's Worst Monster."

ManchuCandidate February 7, 2012 at 12:54 pm

No, it goes under the "It's Okay if you're White and Republican" file.

Dashboard Buddha February 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

IOKIYAR

zappadoo76 February 7, 2012 at 12:52 pm

No muffins? Does that include bran muffins? Thousands of food stamp children will thank you for this, Sen. Ronda.

BTW, does that outfit you're wearing have something to do with yodeling?

jus_wonderin February 7, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Are we talking about the strippers again? Candy and Chip's what?

meatlofer February 7, 2012 at 12:55 pm

O'Doules isn't bad if you put a little peppermint schnapps in it!

Dashboard Buddha February 7, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Two great tastes that…. nah…not even I can go there.

ThundercatHo February 7, 2012 at 12:55 pm

You put Mountain Dew on that list and the shit is gonna hit the fan.

EatsBabyDingos February 7, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Both kinds of "roof rabbits" are tasty: Outdoor roof rabbits (squirrel) or indoor roof rabbits (rats). If you eat them sushi style, you don't even need to give the poors money to light the stove!

HistoriCat February 7, 2012 at 2:41 pm

And here I thought roof rabbits were more feline in nature.

hagajim February 7, 2012 at 12:58 pm

A Repug pushing for nanny state status? Has she been following Rick Scott and his piss test lead? Last time I checked the Rethugs were about personal responsibility, not about limiting trans fats. Holy hell, you'd think this woman was the FLOTUS or something.

Radiotherapy February 7, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Of course, this makes Obama the greatest candy man President ever.

Mumbletypeg February 7, 2012 at 12:58 pm

"Let them eat poop(burgers)."

So cost-efficient, those Japanese.

MOG2410 February 7, 2012 at 2:04 pm

I'll take a rare Soylent Green pattie, thanks.

el_donaldo February 7, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Is that her in the picture? She looks like a Michele Bachmann crossbred with a Laura Ashley.

Biff February 7, 2012 at 1:54 pm

She's got a bit of a Victoria Jackson look going on, too.

Loaded_Pants February 7, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Needs moar crazy scrunchie (seriously what 50-some-yr old wears a goddamned scrunchie?)

MissTaken February 7, 2012 at 12:59 pm

I can still buy ruffly pirate shirts with food stamps, right Ronda?

donner_froh February 7, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Muffins were invented for people who were embarrassed to order cake for breakfast

MozakiBlocks February 7, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Very OT (or maybe not) – but PROP 8 has been struck down by the 9th Circuit Court per MSNBC.

And Karen Handel resigns from the Komen Foundation.

Today is a good day!!!!!!!

neiltheblaze February 7, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Excellent! So, folks running the check-out registers get to be food police on top of all the other glamorous parts of their jobs! This will work out great.

Loaded_Pants February 7, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Seriously, though, that would be only way this stupid law could be enforced. Like people want to spend even more time in the check out lane. It'd be pure hell for those having to work the self check-out.

tessiee February 7, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Well, the job of supermarket checker pays so little that the only people who have it are those who are called to the profession.

Baconzgood February 7, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I'm sure she'll give a well reasoned explanation for doing this that involves voter-fraud.

SayItWithWookies February 7, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Wow — before I saw her picture, I was sure that David Caruso had to be the palest human in Florida. Well, Ronda Storm is definitely in touch with the needs of poor people, especially since trans fats are also found naturally in beef, lamb and some dairy products.

fartknocker February 7, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Another fundamentalist christian trying to invoke her rules onto those less fortunate. She's also from Iowa, which is home of another batshit crazy lady. And she's a pretty ineffective legislator according to this website:
http://udoj.wordpress.com/2008/04/21/ronda-storms

Given the press between South Carolina, Minnesota and Florida, I'm expecting any minute now for a legislator from Texas to propose some absolutely stupid legislation.

OT: Any word on Barb?

Biff February 7, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Also, grew up in Turkey. TURKEY! Muslin plant, obvs!

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I got an email from her; she's awaiting surgery tomorrow, and will be in the hospital for three days. Hopefully she'll be recovered soon.

emmelemm February 7, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Three days without Barb? Say it ain't so. Hopefully she has a laptop, and after 1.5 days or so, she can make some nice pain-med altered posts.

Guppy February 7, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I'm actually OK with this in concept. If nothing else it would reduce public health expenditures (/cough DIABEETUS! /cough)

But…

1.) This is Florida. This will never ban anything sweetened with Florida-grown cane sugar.

2.) "Mandatory classes on healthy eating?" Just mail recipients a brochure and spend the money on adult education/GED programs instead. Except that would involve adding money to the education budget, and this is Florida, so…

3.) Crap food is cheaper than healthy food. FISCAL CONSERVATASM!!!!111

EDIT: Damn you, voice of reason!

ShaveTheWhales February 7, 2012 at 2:43 pm

And that was the Bushie USDA voice of reason, too.

cotugirl February 7, 2012 at 1:13 pm

If Jello is banned, then how will the poors make a congealed salad for church suppers?

DaRooster February 7, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Guess they will have to grind their own beef hooves

DaRooster February 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

So can I still get cedar cheese and instat potatoes?

widestanceshakedown February 7, 2012 at 1:34 pm

They can take the cakes we like when they pry them from my fat sticky fingers!

emmelemm February 7, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Just not "cakes we like".

widestanceshakedown February 7, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Mutual upfisting?

emmelemm February 7, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Always!

Gunner Asch February 7, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I see I'm of the minority opinion here, but I see some sense in at least some of this. I used to own a general store in rural eastern Oregon (I think we had one black person in all 10k square miles and 5700 people in the county.) I liked the WIC program, which ensured that only healthy foods were supplied. Food stamps, on the other hand, were used largely for junk food. The people may have been a unique subset of the general food stamp population – most folks live out there because they are too "prickly" in one way or another to have many neighbors. Almost all the recipients were able-bodied but chose to live out in the boonies on occasional work moving irrigation sprinklers or the like. Few even joined the fire work available in the summer. The town mechanic used to ask "Did I just buy that for you?" when the adjacent person at the register loaded up with pure crap. Yes, I know that it's small potatoes compared to the corporate boondoggles we also pay for with our taxes, but it's still annoying as all hell. I used to be poor too (never had food stamps) and I sure didn't waste my limited resources on candy and chips. /end of old man rant/

DaRooster February 7, 2012 at 3:02 pm

True… I think it is more the policing rather than the fact that people truly do need to change their eating habits. However they are not doing it… kinda like there are still people wondering,"Hmm… that meth kinda looks like fun. Maybe I'll try it."
The WIC program is a pretty good idea… it is better food.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 7, 2012 at 1:18 pm

You can take away my Jello from my cold, sticky, slimey dead hands.

Selfish_T February 7, 2012 at 1:18 pm

If you can't use your food stamps to buy booze, what's the point of being unemployed?

orygoon February 7, 2012 at 1:37 pm

With a little patience (surprisingly little!), you can buy juice and make your own. I did that in my room, to see if I could, when I was about 15. It involved one of those big pear-shaped bottles, some juice, and a balloon, as I recall.

A young man I know who was stationed in Kuwait/Iraq (Semper Fi!) said that all of the fruit juice they could get underwent this very process.

Selfish_T February 7, 2012 at 2:19 pm

We must immediately place fruit and balloons on the list of ineligible food stamps products!

CapnFatback February 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Beware Floridians! Ronda Storms is looking to clear your blood of sugar so that she and her vampire ilk can sup freely on it without fear of catching the diabeetus!

VinnyThePooh February 7, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Healthy eating you say, Ronda? Let’s examine your alternatives.
Our spinach has e-coli
Our peppers have salmonella
Our beef cattle are diabetic cyst colonies
Our milk and eggs contain enough growth hormones to give a 4-year-old pecs of melons
Our fish are ferrous and radioactive
Our amber waves of grain are contaminated with hydrofracking chemicals as is the water
The geniuses at Monsanto give us produce that has no flavor and will turn our bodies into Geode Growing Kits

All this for a price higher than the poor can afford.
Do us a favor and shut your pie-hole!

widestanceshakedown February 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Is this whore Victoria Jackson's smarter or stupider sister?

Allmighty_Manos February 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

“foods containing trans fats; sweetened beverages, including sodas; sweets, such as Jello, candy, ice cream, pudding, popsicles, muffins, sweet rolls, cakes, cupcakes, pies, cobblers, pastries and doughnuts; and salty snack foods, such as corn-based salty snacks, pretzels, party mix, popcorn and potato chips.”

Has she ever been to a ghetto food mart? (or for that matter a store out in the boonies) That is basically all they sell – along with booze, smokes and lottery tickets.

chascates February 7, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Food stamp recipients should also be required to take courses in urban foraging to keep the parks and greenbelts free of weeds and feral peasants.

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 1:54 pm

And hey, there's some tasty pigeons all over the city!

chascates February 7, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I'm glad you read my misspelling as I intended it to actually be. The peasants eating peasants is from our Department of Redundancy Department.

Loaded_Pants February 7, 2012 at 8:33 pm

The homeless could be used to end those urban food deserts!

MadBrahms February 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

To her credit, she is proposing a "culturally-sensitive education program".

This would never go over in Arizona.

johnnyzhivago February 7, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Jello, salt, greese and sugar —>>> That's the four major food groups!

tessiee February 7, 2012 at 9:37 pm

CAFFEINE LIBEL!

Nostrildamus February 7, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Why does Ronda Storms hate real American foods?

VaWyo February 7, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Is that Jerry Seinfeld's puffy shirt?

BigDumbRedDog February 7, 2012 at 1:59 pm

As long as I can still get my cream of aborted fetus soup with my food stamps then I am okay.

Alex February 7, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Yeah, frankly, I'm pretty far left and I think this is a good idea. More than once I've seen mothers in my local 7-11 buying candy, soda, and chips for their kids, with food stamps–box of Newports goes on a separate tab. I was fed on food stamps growing up and I have absolutely no problem sending a part of my paycheck to food stamps (in fact I'd double that part if it were up to me), but to my mind there's not a single good reason people should be allowed to buy "recreational" food with food stamps. You want that stuff, go strip some copper out of the abandoned tract housing, scrap it and there you go.

BigDumbRedDog February 7, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I use my food stamps to buy corn syrup to make moonshine. Which I then sell to fund my abortions. See me on the next season of extreme couponers/moonshiners.

undeadgoat February 7, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Above the fold, I was about to say, guys, I have personally met kids who spent their moms’ food stamps on Doritos and Twizzlers and Mountain Dew and did not eat their vegetables, but then I went below the fold and found out this woman wants to ban dessert from poors unless they make it themselves (sorry, homeless!) and now I want to smash her with my fists.

SheriffRoscoe February 7, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Where does yogurt with fruit on the bottom fit in to all this? That's not really fruit, you know.

not that Dewey February 7, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Ew.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 7, 2012 at 2:16 pm

The list of banned food stamp purchases under Storms’ bill would include “foods containing trans fats; sweetened beverages, including sodas; sweets, such as Jello, candy, ice cream, pudding, popsicles, muffins, sweet rolls, cakes, cupcakes, pies, cobblers, pastries and doughnuts; and salty snack foods, such as corn-based salty snacks, pretzels, party mix, popcorn and potato chips.”

Is there any other food available in Florida?

Barrelhse February 7, 2012 at 2:22 pm

FEMA Camp cooking classes? Right, but first- you Poors hop in the shower.

DemmeFatale February 7, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Do you pee in a cup, (for freedom!), before or after using your food stamps?

Tommy1733 February 7, 2012 at 4:28 pm

A simpler plan would be to move poors into special cages where we can monitor their eating and drinking and defecating habits to ensure that noone is frauding us, the job-owning citizenry.

Troglodeity February 7, 2012 at 5:34 pm

The Republicans will call this the Suzanne Somers – Frederick Sanford Postnatal Nondiscrimination Act of 2012.

Serfville February 7, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Oh Those Hypocritcal Asswipe Teabaggers are At It Again. Now They Are Crawling Inside Poors Intestines Pickin' Out The Trans Fats & Diabetes. Get The Government The Heck Out Of Everything Except Your Intestines, Love, Rick Scott & Ron Paul

Loaded_Pants February 7, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Bought that top at the Seinfeld costume sale, I'm guessin'.

fuflans February 7, 2012 at 9:21 pm

when was that picture taken? because if it was anytime after 1983 i think we need a florida recall petition.

tessiee February 7, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Why does Loretta Lynn (that's who's in the picture, right?) hate Ronnie Raygun and Archer Daniels Midland?
http://obrag.org/?p=3292

fuflans February 7, 2012 at 10:22 pm

good god! senator storms is the size of a mcmansion!

good god woman!

do not be talking about taking sweets away from the poors when you look like a sugar doily meant for a restoration hardware table.

ttommyunger February 7, 2012 at 11:52 pm

On the bright side, just think of all the jerbs this legislation will create….No, wait!

joobajooba February 8, 2012 at 9:57 am

They ought to just go back to handing out surplus cheese, peanut butter and canned peas. That's plenty.

DaRooster February 7, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

MosesInvests February 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

As a kid growing up in the south, I never understood the concept of "soul food". Fried chicken, greens, biscuits, watermelon, grits were things that *everyone* ate, black or white, Gentile or Jew (although Jews usually leave out the lard and the fatback).

doloras February 7, 2012 at 5:23 pm

But that's the real secret, isn't it? The things that are stereotyped "black" are actually "Southern", because of course most Afro-USAmericans' ancestors were enslaved there. Even the "nigra" accent is only a little different from "po' white Southerner".

horsedreamer_1 February 7, 2012 at 10:54 pm

This also accounts for the strains of "America First"/'Quit speaking Messican' in the black voters views on immigration.

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