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Republican Florida state Sen. Ronda Storms has seen enough of these poor assholes in her grocery line buying candy and salty potato chips and chemical cancer juices with their food stamps. They’re everywhere, these poor people! You may have seen one yourself, hmm? It’s time to kill them all. Or at least to stick it to ’em by restricting their food stamp purchasing ability. In the bill she’s moving through the state legislature, the poors would only be able to eat rocks, plastic, grass and poop, until they grow up and learn to stop being so goddamn poor.

The list of banned food stamp purchases under Storms’ bill would include “foods containing trans fats; sweetened beverages, including sodas; sweets, such as Jello, candy, ice cream, pudding, popsicles, muffins, sweet rolls, cakes, cupcakes, pies, cobblers, pastries and doughnuts; and salty snack foods, such as corn-based salty snacks, pretzels, party mix, popcorn and potato chips.” What about t-bone steaks? Strapping young bucks love those t-bone steaks, according to politics.

Why not throw in a “morning at the DMV” type dongle too?

Her bill would also require food stamp recipients to take state-run classes on healthy eating and how making your own baked goods is cheaper than store-made sweets.

It’s nice to see Ronda Storms holding public health measures in such earnest regard. What about all the other millions of people in Florida, though, who don’t get state benefits but do buy all of this terrible food by the tanker-load and then get diabetes and cancer and death and then pass along the bill to either the government or your health insurance premiums? How about a five-cent soda tax, Storms? Eh? This is going nowhere.

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