#WINNING  12:16 am February 7, 2012

Gingrich Spokesman Constantly Fiddling With Newt’s Wikipedia Page

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Oh to be a real nerd.

The number one reason nobody likes pedantic swamp bubble Newt Gingrich is because of all the horrible things they are reading about him on his Wikipedia page, obviously. Why else would Newt campaign spokesman Joe DeSantis spend so much time glued to his computer belaboring minor edits to Newt and Callista’s Wikipedia entries that even CNN finally bothered to notice and make fun of it?

This should fix Newt’s horrifying favorability ratings, sure:

Wikipedia records show DeSantis has made over 60 adjustments to entries in the online, publicly-edited encyclopedia to the biographical entry on Gingrich, the similar page on his wife, Callista, and a separate page on one of their books, Rediscovering Good in America.

DeSantis has actively lobbied for changes to the articles since mid-December in a discussion forum called “Talk” on the site, and previously from May to June of last year, though his most recent direct edit to the site was in June of 2011.

Oh, so he doesn’t even make edits on the site anymore. DeSantis just lurks around Wikipedia crafting tomes to lobby for the revision of some completely trivial detail, like this complaint thread from today that we spotted in three seconds of looking over the Wikipedia Talk page for Callista Gingrich:

Several recent changes to this article concern me, and there are two in particular from the “Personal life” section. Recently, someone has added this sentence:

In 2002, Newt Gingrich asked the Catholic Arch Diocese in Atlanta to annul the 19-year marriage to Marianne on the basis that she had been previously divorced.

This detail is not about Callista Gingrich and does not belong here. I would respectfully like to ask for another editor to remove it from this page.

Second, in this edit the clause “a lifelong Roman Catholic” referring to Callista was moved from the end of the paragraph to the beginning. This previously was included in a sentence about her role in Newt’s version to Catholicism, where it is relevant. It is now used in a sentence about Newt’s divorce proceedings, where it seems intented to depict her in an unfavorable light. I would like to ask that the previous version be restored. Thank you. Joe DeSantis Communications Director, Gingrich 2012 (talk) 16:09, 6 February 2012 (UTC)

Oh well, sounds like DeSantis can always get a job later with the team of self-appointed wingnuts who keep Wikipedia’s American history sections up to date with Sarah Palin’s constant errors. [CNN]

 
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{ 156 comments }

memzilla February 7, 2012 at 12:20 am

Wow, where can I get a high-paying jerb doing nothing but editing some politician's wiki page?

More satisfyingly, I bet the guy who edits Mitt Rmoney's wiki page makes ten times more munniez than DeSantis.

[Anagrams of "Joe DeSantis" include No Aides Jest and (apropos of Newt "I Need Two Bathrooms" Gingrich), Joined Seats.]

paris biltong February 7, 2012 at 3:11 am

Only an anagram buff or bad typist would come up with Rmoney. Mitts 'R Money.

Mahousu February 7, 2012 at 8:51 am

Didn't Gingrich go through a long period of not paying his aides last year (at which point most jumped ship)? Which would mean DeSantis was doing a lot of this quibbling for free.

Perhaps we should introduce him to Intense Debate. And, no doubt, shortly after to the banhammer.

Sparky MacGyver February 7, 2012 at 12:24 am

I'm sure they somehow think this will make people think better of Newt. But it doesn't matter what the wikipedia page says: as soon as Newt opens his mouth, everyone can clearly see that he's a shitbag.

chicken_thief February 7, 2012 at 9:58 am

Fundamentally and profoundly!

Maman February 7, 2012 at 12:26 am

Sounds like re-arranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

CapnFatback February 7, 2012 at 9:04 am

Well, since DeSantis is accused of "fiddling," I'm getting more of a Nero/Rome vibe.

Generation[redacted] February 7, 2012 at 9:21 am

Slim Pickens making some last minute edits to the "Hi there!" written on the bomb he's riding.

ShaveTheWhales February 7, 2012 at 1:12 pm

No, no, on the Hindenberg (thank you, Stephen).

Larry McAwful February 7, 2012 at 12:26 am

How does Newter find the time both to campaign for president AND write and draw the political cartoons in The Onion? The mind reels.

glamourdammerung February 7, 2012 at 12:33 am

Oddly enough, when one is not a total scumbag, they do not have to worry about nonsense like people bringing up all the wives they have replaced once they get seriously ill.

starfanglednut February 7, 2012 at 9:50 am

Imagine that!

Gratuitous World February 7, 2012 at 12:34 am

i was wondering why there was a picture of Paul Newman on his page

orygoon February 7, 2012 at 12:36 am

"Newt's version of Catholicism".

I've heard of cafeteria Catholics, but only the truly grandiose have their very own version.

Larry McAwful February 7, 2012 at 12:38 am

Are you suggesting that Pope Newton I's version in this schism isn't the true leader of the Church? Don't tell me you follow that heretic Pope Rick I!

Guppy February 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

Oh, he's "grandiose" alright…

Crank_Tango February 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

Grandiose is spanish for "morbidly obese," isn't it?

Negropolis February 7, 2012 at 1:08 am

Opus Dei libel!

tessiee February 7, 2012 at 1:20 am

Mel Gibson, and Newt?

BearNoLike February 7, 2012 at 3:31 am

Reformation = mangirdle, prolly

Spurning Beer February 7, 2012 at 6:49 am

Cafeteria? Newt's version is an all-you-can-eat buffet with Mongolian Grill and crab legs on weekends Catholicism.

not that Dewey February 7, 2012 at 9:03 am

"Holy Trinity" is not meant to refer to chins or wives.

SudsMcKenzie February 7, 2012 at 12:41 am

Third, I would like to edit the quote; "Sheldon and I had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers… Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls." It was three bags of grass.

Thank you. Joe DeSantis Communications Director, Gingrich 2012 (talk) 16:09, 6 February 2012 (UTC)

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 7, 2012 at 1:38 am

As your communications director, I advise you to take a hit from the little brown bottle in my shaving kit.

imissopus February 7, 2012 at 2:46 am

We were on the edge of Iowa when the drugs started to take hold…

valgal2342 February 7, 2012 at 9:07 am

"There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live and too rare to die. "
-HST

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 7, 2012 at 9:13 am

We can't stop here! This is Black country!

C_R_Eature February 7, 2012 at 6:02 am

KNOW YOUR DOPE WIKIPEDIA FIEND. YOUR LIFE HISTORY MAY DEPEND ON IT.

You will not be able to see his eyes because of Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim decent Presidential candidate to work for.

Thank you. Joe DeSantis Communications Director, Gingrich 2012 (talk) 16:09, 6 February 2012 (UTC)

BZ1 February 7, 2012 at 12:41 am

Newt: definition of a slimy creature, no amount of Febreeze will help

BarackMyWorld February 7, 2012 at 12:43 am

Joe DeSantis has removed or asked to remove factual references to Gingrich's three marriages as well as mentions of ethics charges brought against him while he served as speaker of the House.

*facepalm*

bumfug February 7, 2012 at 12:44 am

So how does he spin "blow job queen"?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 7, 2012 at 1:39 am

Trailer hitch chromium abatement specialist.

bumfug February 7, 2012 at 2:03 am

You have a real real future in government.

Negropolis February 7, 2012 at 8:38 am

Very slowly?

After all, wouldn't want to mess up the hairmet.

MissNancyPriss February 7, 2012 at 12:44 am

That photo…is…just….so….great

fuflans February 7, 2012 at 11:51 am

right? it has everything:

the best in nerd wear
the best in nerd ware
wooden panelling in the basement.

what is it?

ManchuCandidate February 7, 2012 at 12:45 am

Well Joe, stop fiddling with Newt's wiki or you'll go blind and get hairy palms.

plinthic February 7, 2012 at 9:12 am

Can't he just do it until he needs glasses?

BarackMyWorld February 7, 2012 at 12:45 am

You know…speaking of people who liked to re-write their own marital history and religious affiliations…if Henry VIII were alive today, I can't help but wonder horrific battles would be going on behind the scenes on his wikipedia entry. Newt's a fucking amateur compared to that guy.

PubOption February 7, 2012 at 12:07 pm

If Newt had the heads of his ex-wives chopped off, he wouldn't have to worry about comments regarding 'open marriages'.

doloras February 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Oh, to be fair, Fat Henry only did that twice out of six.

mavenmaven February 7, 2012 at 12:46 am

Hey, I lurk on the internet too and all I get are p-points.

imissopus February 7, 2012 at 12:46 am

"Pedantic swamp bubble" is all sorts of guffawing win.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 7, 2012 at 1:40 am

Pedant, pederast, whatever.

Antispandex February 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

"…“a lifelong Roman Catholic” referring to Callista…"

Me too, so I know what this means. Among other things, it means she doesn't believe in divorce.

Maman February 7, 2012 at 12:56 am

Divorce bad? Adultery good? Not quite sure what parish she attends to get that set of priorities.

SayItWithWookies February 7, 2012 at 1:46 am

It's not Callista's fault — she was hoping Newt's second wife would take the open marriage option.

Negropolis February 7, 2012 at 8:44 am

Oh, so that's the "public option" that the libs are always going on about. Yeah, Newt could totally be down with the public option as packaged that way.

LiveToServeYa February 7, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Well, perhaps she's a crypto-Mormon.

Spurning Beer February 7, 2012 at 6:51 am

Or in previous divorce, apparently.

Toomush_Infer February 7, 2012 at 9:10 am

Because "foregiveness" is so retro….

smokefilledroommate February 7, 2012 at 12:52 am

"In the 1970s he taught history and geography at West Georgia College. During this period he mounted several …animals and inanimate objects, including Callista."

Extemporanus February 7, 2012 at 2:28 am

As I uncovered — and a crew of fearless Wonketteers subsequently confirmed — a couple weeks ago, the beastly truth about Newt Gingrich is even worse than anyone could've ever imagined.

BearNoLike February 7, 2012 at 3:45 am

Can't believe he just ate it afterwards. Ee-yecchh.

Nothingisamiss February 7, 2012 at 6:50 am

It really is surprising to me that, having raped and murdered a pony in the 80's, he never even bothered to deny it.

chicken_thief February 7, 2012 at 10:12 am

When is the lame stream media going to do its job and get to the bottom of this?!

ElPinche February 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

Besides grazing on corn dogs and pooping all over Iowa every four years, what did Newt do between 1999 and 2012 again?

tealsheart February 7, 2012 at 1:27 am

somewheres in there, he taste-tested his new wife options. We see who 'won', so the pickings must have been really off

glamourdammerung February 7, 2012 at 2:23 am

He likes to "joke" about how Wife #3 will not let him have female staffers after Wife #2 and #3 both started out as staffers he was having sex with behind his then current wife's back. This probably explains the lack of activity.

Toomush_Infer February 7, 2012 at 9:15 am

Made offshore monies using Tiffanies as a laundromat…

smokefilledroommate February 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

Newt Is Teh Best
by Joe "Unbiased" DeSantis

Guppy February 7, 2012 at 1:02 am

if there's anybody who knows about rewriting history, it's professional historian Newt Gingrich.

Jukesgrrl February 7, 2012 at 6:17 am

Pat Buchanan and Haley Barbour are tied for second place.

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 9:21 am

And if there's anyone who knows about rewriting her own face, it's Callista.

Radiotherapy February 7, 2012 at 1:06 am

Newt wasn't thoroughly discredited in the late 90's and didn't grift his way through the last decade. He was viciously attacked by the secular left wing elitist media and the Republican establishment; he has earned an honest living working as a historian over the last few years.

Huevos Ocupados February 7, 2012 at 1:44 am

needz moar reagan

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 7, 2012 at 2:18 am

Who loved Newt like the son he never had.

Radiotherapy February 7, 2012 at 2:24 am

He loved Newt more than he was obsessed with Jane Wyman.

smokefilledroommate February 7, 2012 at 1:07 am

I won't be happy until Callista's page reveals the fact that the only sound she makes is 'meep!'

Biff February 7, 2012 at 1:25 am

If even that. Never heard a peep out of her!

tealsheart February 7, 2012 at 1:58 am

…that's the sound of her eyes blinking…

chicken_thief February 7, 2012 at 10:15 am

Newt swears she also makes a sound similar to a Dirt Devil Turbo Vac 3000 when promised a trip to Tiffany's.

doloras February 7, 2012 at 4:13 pm

BEAKER LIBEL

AlterNewt February 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

Every day is a new day on Wikipedia.

fartknocker February 7, 2012 at 1:11 am

I've made contributions to the Wikipedia machine on a very obscure subjects of oxidizers and organic peroxides. I've also written a number checks to the Obama campaign. My wife has told me that if I turn into a fat fuck shitstain like Newt she'll kick me in my balls. So we both agreed that I will stick with the science of chemicals and to fuck with a history teacher from Georgia who is nothing more than a bloviating ass gasket who can only satisfy a woman with blood diamonds.

I'm writing the check to the Obama Relection Campaign in the morning and dedicating it to my wife's favorite Wonkette women: Limeylizze and Barb.

Who knew that Wikipedia and this election was so important to my life. Thank you Wonkette.

Limeylizzie February 7, 2012 at 7:39 am

On behalf of Barb, now enjoying pre-operation drugs I assume, and myself ,we thank you and Mrs. Fartknocker

Tundra Grifter February 7, 2012 at 9:01 am

Funny – Limeylizzie and Barb are also MY favorite women on Wonkette.

Well, of course, there's also Jukesgrrl and PsycWench.

And the original Wonkette. And Jessica Cutler…

FlipOffResearch February 7, 2012 at 1:17 am

Thanks for the constant Wikipedia pollution, Republitards.

Extemporanus February 7, 2012 at 1:22 am

"Coming up next on To Catch an Editor, we pay a surprise visit to Joe DeSantis, a Wikipedophile who attempted to inappropriately touch Newt Gingrich's entries."

Negropolis February 7, 2012 at 1:22 am

This is how you win the nomination!

And, he wonders why Romeny is winning. lol Petty and bloated humanoid is petty and bloated.

SayItWithWookies February 7, 2012 at 1:28 am

"Additionally, in the article on welfare reform in the 1990s, there's a passage referring to Mr. Gingrich as a 'sanctimonious pigfucking hypocritical boor who fancies himself the genetic descendent of Merriwether Lewis, Parson Weems' George Washington, Solomon and John Holmes, and whose narcissistic appraisal of his historical significance would embarrass Nero.' Mr. Gingrich thinks of himself as more the protege of Ron Jeremy than Mr. Holmes."

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 7, 2012 at 1:43 am

Who are you calling scruffy-looking?

Radiotherapy February 7, 2012 at 1:46 am

Remember those Calvin Klein ads that were banned because they were labeled as child porn because of the paneled backdrop? C'mon KBJ, don't get nailed for nerd porn with that pic. Just sayin' "What are you wearing?" "Short shorts." "What kind of computer do you have?" "A Franklin PC6000 based on the Intel 8088 running at 4.77 MHz. The PC6000 has 512K of RAM and a single floppy drive. And an Epson 3800 dot-matrix printer."

smokefilledroommate February 7, 2012 at 1:57 am

"and my floppy's not floppy if you catch my drift! *snort*"

Barrelhse February 7, 2012 at 8:09 am

What's he smoking, Newports?

MissTaken February 7, 2012 at 8:14 am

Quit making fun of my boyfriend!

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 9:25 am

Hey, I may be nerdy but I'm not that nerdy!

HistoriCat February 7, 2012 at 9:46 am

On the internet, no one knows you're a dog debonair leading man type.

MissTaken February 7, 2012 at 10:26 am

Whatevs. We both know that's your Facebook profile pic!

Dashboard Buddha February 7, 2012 at 10:32 am

Do you have a…hard drive?

fuflans February 7, 2012 at 8:14 pm

holy shit i forgot about those ads.

the funny thing is, compared to standard internet fare, they're positively hygenic.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 7, 2012 at 1:49 am

Har!

Since the protection was removed last week, there have been numerous instances of vandalism, some of which is currently visible on the page. Specifically, the last sentence of the introduction, "third wife" in the introduction, and the current "known for" section were added by unregistered and new editor accounts. I'd like to ask again that this vandalism undone. –Joe DeSantis Communications Director, Gingrich 2012 (talk) 03:07, 3 February 2012 (UTC)

not that Dewey February 7, 2012 at 9:12 am

I'd just like to say that I never, in any way, not even once, ever vandalized a Wikipedia page about Newt.

MoeDeLawn February 7, 2012 at 9:37 am

Nice work!

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 9:26 am

How is adding accurate information like "third wife" "vandalism"?

tealsheart February 7, 2012 at 1:55 am

So in a few years, the current wifey can ask for a divorce on the basis that Newt was previously divorced…?

MissTaken February 7, 2012 at 8:18 am

Ha ha, no. A woman should feel lucky that a twice divorced fat fuck of a Newt would even look at them. However, her past is fair game and if she so much as gave a guy a kiss then she is a whore and can be divorced on the spot. She needs to understand the repercussions of her actions.

Yay.

tessiee February 7, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Yes; or on the basis that he's a fat, lardy, whiney, bloated pig boat with a limp weenie hidden in a nest of tangled white pubes.

ShaveTheWhales February 7, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I don't think so. As of now, in the eyes (and pocketbook) of the Church, Newt has only been married the one time, to Calistoga. Those other "marriages" were just hallucinations.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 7, 2012 at 2:00 am

Newt has always been at war with Realitystan

smokefilledroommate February 7, 2012 at 2:25 am

but his closest ally continues to be Jowlistan.

flamingpdog February 7, 2012 at 2:54 am

And a long-time citizen of Pachystan.

BearNoLike February 7, 2012 at 3:50 am

Sure, when you're from Ass County of Reactionarybigotstan, whaddya gonna do?

Negropolis February 7, 2012 at 8:42 am

And, apparently, Pete Hoekstra has always been at war with East Asia.

Chichikovovich February 7, 2012 at 10:13 am

Funny, I could have sworn that back in the 80s, all the Republicans were at war with Eurasia. But now when I check I just find references to Reagan demanding that Zhao Ziyang tear down the Great Wall of China.

flamingpdog February 7, 2012 at 2:42 am

Soundz to me like every day is a new Newt day on Wikipedia.

flamingpdog February 7, 2012 at 2:52 am

Gingrich Spokesman Constantly Fiddling With Newt’s Wikipedia Page

/fixed

Numbat_Dundee February 7, 2012 at 6:07 am

I will now proceed to edit his page myself.
Let me see…
His mother was a hamster and his father smelt of elderberry. He played Centre Half Forward for Collingwood in the Australian Football League until an unfortunate accident with a liniment dispenser in the changing rooms. He is a devout Buddhist and is only a Maoist on weekends. He married Callista under the misapprehension she was a heavenly body as he had always been an admirer of NASA.
There, that should get him the nomination.

doloras February 7, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Collingwood?!? That explains so much.

(We're a happy team at Hawthorn.)

johnnyzhivago February 7, 2012 at 6:33 am

I don't understand why Gingrich is even using this librul, mooslim website. Does anyone use it anymore? Wasn't it founded by Joseph Goebels or something??? I thought people used Conservapedia or foxnews.com for factual information?

ttommyunger February 7, 2012 at 6:48 am

Hmmm. I've checked Newt's entries and still no reference to him as a "sweaty bloviating pantload." Let's get busy, Joe; accuracy is everything on the Wiki.

Spurning Beer February 7, 2012 at 6:52 am

Who's heard how Barb and her uterus are doing?

Limeylizzie February 7, 2012 at 7:40 am

Barb and I are in email contact and she goes in for the operation on Wednesday and she said she will let me know how she is doing.

Spurning Beer February 7, 2012 at 8:04 am

Thanks, Liz. You'll keep us posted?

Limeylizzie February 7, 2012 at 8:10 am

Yes, the operation is at 7.30 am and she said she will get out of there as soon as she can and email me soon thereafter.So, I will let the Wonketariat know how she is doing.

fartknocker February 7, 2012 at 8:57 am

Thank you for keeping us informed. Let us know if she needs anything. And thank you for being such a good friend and kind person to Barb.

ThundercatHo February 7, 2012 at 9:10 am

Can you send her all our good wishes and cosmic healing vibes? I'm sure we could take up a collection of leftover painkillers and mind altering substances if you'd like to do a care pkg.

BelleSC February 7, 2012 at 11:11 am

Thanks, LL. Best regards from the Southern delegation as well.

Harry_S_Truman February 7, 2012 at 6:55 am

I read somewhere that DeSantis first got into this business when he heard that after the first mention of Callista, it read "…who bears a horrifying resemblance to a falcon."

PubOption February 7, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Is she Maltese?

Chichikovovich February 7, 2012 at 7:15 am

So Newt asked for an annulment of his second marriage on the grounds that Marianne was previously married and divorced. Since he doesn't have that option with Callista, I'm looking forward to the day when he requests an annulment of marriage #3, to marry wife #4, on the grounds that he was previously married and divorced.

Spurning Beer February 7, 2012 at 8:07 am

Are you suggesting, sir, that Former Speaker Gingrich would do anything to diminish the sanctity of traditional Roman Catholic open marriage?

Negropolis February 7, 2012 at 9:01 am

He could always go Anglican and go all King Henry VIII on her ass.

Toomush_Infer February 7, 2012 at 9:24 am

Um, would that be Self-Appointed King Newtery the Ith….?

Chichikovovich February 7, 2012 at 9:59 am

Well, Henry VIII tried the usual routes of bribery, political influence and military/economic pressure, to get the divorce from Katharine, and of course that had always worked with Popes in the past, so long as the petitioner had enough disposable loot, enough clout and enough resources and will to exert enough pressure. [He also had the advantage of having a pretty good case, since such annulments had OK scriptural support (he was marrying his late brother's ex-wife, after all (cf. Leviticus, normally Christian conservatives's favorite book, though Deuteronomy contradicted it) and the support of Canon law. Plus an excellent, learned advocate in Thomas Cranmer. Not that that mattered, Popes have always been flexible in the presence of enough gold/suasion/might, but it is always good to have a fig leaf.]

But Henry had bad timing, since Clement VII was, at the time, essentially the prisoner of the (so-called) Holy Roman Emperor Charles, who was not going to let his Aunt Katharine get dumped by some English pigdog whose mother was a hamster and whose father smelt of elderberries.

This of course has been elevated into a great triumph of moral principle by Catholic propagandists, in a package with the veneration of Thomas More, patron saint of wingnut legal institutes and enthusiastic Lutheran-burner.

Newt is dealing with a Pope who isn't the prisoner of Callista's nephew, so the traditional gold and political clout should be enough, even without an army at Newt's disposal.

ShaveTheWhales February 7, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I'd pay good money to watch a discussion of European history between "Historian" Gingrich and mathematico-logician Chichikovovitch.

donner_froh February 7, 2012 at 7:17 am

He should leave the lying, distortions and cover-ups to the journalism professionals at Fox News.

cheaphits February 7, 2012 at 7:33 am

The further N. Leroy Gingrich & Co.stays from anything to do with education or knowledge, the better off we all are.

gurukalehuru February 7, 2012 at 7:44 am

I think it's very unfair, and undignified, to name a bill after two people who are dead and would not likely in a million gazillion years support your stupid bill if they weren't.
But, with the universally accepted justification of "they started it" I humbly propose:

The Ronald Reagan Soak the Rich Act, which sets taxes on a sliding scale according to however much the government needs to pay for schools, roads, universal education, universal healthcare, and whatever else is needed to maintain a modern civilization.

The Herbert Hoover Universal Housing Act.

The J. Edgar Hoover Transparency in Government Act.

The Abraham Lincoln memorial Just Let the Fuckers Go, Already act

Barrelhse February 7, 2012 at 8:14 am

Act Up!

ThundercatHo February 7, 2012 at 9:14 am

The Anita Bryant Gay Marriage Act
The Billy Graham Tax the Churches Act
The Scott Roeder Free Abortions for Everyone Act

JustPixelz February 7, 2012 at 8:00 am

At last, some of those "bold new ideas" to rebuild American prosperity. In fact, to help out I've edited the Wikipedia entry for "The United States of America". First I deleted Dubya's presidency, which solved most of out problems. Then I removed Texas, Arizona and Oklahoma. Finally, I said the Patriots won the Superbowl.

BaldarTFlagass February 7, 2012 at 8:58 am

I would love to applaud your addition of Gronk's catch in the end zone on that hail mary there at the end of the game, but since you deleted my state as well, all you will hear is the sound of no hands clapping. Dang.

ThundercatHo February 7, 2012 at 9:03 am

Next time you're there please remove the Raygun administration, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi (fuck it, just make it so the Confederacy was kept intact and renamed Zippitydodastan (thanks, Owls). Also, too, it would make my husband very happy if the Browns could win the Superbowl and the Indians take the World Series. Thx.

Toomush_Infer February 7, 2012 at 9:28 am

…and just once, could the Vikings be more than a bridesmaid….? thx….

Negropolis February 7, 2012 at 9:50 am

I was with you until the very last sentence, for I feast on the tears of a Bundchen.

sunmusing February 7, 2012 at 10:52 am

The voices in my head, ya know God and the rest of the wise ones, all whispered to me the Broncos are going to win it all next season. Or maybe he was just fucking with me, like he did with Miche1e and Ricky P. We devout and long suffering fans will now see to Timmy's pass throwing abilities. Amen.

Spurning Beer February 7, 2012 at 8:19 am

I was worried that Mr. DeSantis had messed with the Gingrich entry in Dickipedia, so I checked.

I was too late:: http://www.themindisaterriblething.com/2011/12/pu

Dashboard Buddha February 7, 2012 at 8:46 am

Grasping for straws in the digital age.

Baconzgood February 7, 2012 at 8:50 am

This is the only page on Newt I read.
http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/Newt_Gingrich

Negropolis February 7, 2012 at 9:03 am

OT: But Fiat's current ad on television has me all hot and bothered.

Terry February 7, 2012 at 9:04 am

They're working hard to give Callista the reputation of a "devout Catholic woman". I come from a long, long line of devout Catholic women (a few awesome heathens, too). Not a single one of those devout Catholic women carried on a six year affair with a married man. Over the years, woman who carries on a six year affair with a married man was more appropriately called a "floosie". Perhaps that should go in Callista's wiki page?

SorosBot February 7, 2012 at 9:46 am

If she really is a devout Catholic, I wonder how many rosaries Callista had to read each weekend to get forgiven for all that adultery.

Terry February 7, 2012 at 10:02 am

She'll need a whole convent fingering beads for her. She has some major issues with several of the deadly sins, too.

tessiee February 7, 2012 at 12:37 pm

"She'll need a whole convent fingering beads for her."

Must.
Banish.
Mental.
Picture.

ThundercatHo February 7, 2012 at 9:04 am

All that picture needs is a bag of Cheetos.

Tundra Grifter February 7, 2012 at 9:05 am

If DeSantis spent more time editing Ole Newt himself, in time Wikipedia would take care of itself.

I wonder if those millions of phantom Twitter followers were his idea, as well?

not that Dewey February 7, 2012 at 9:06 am

This Republican presidential candidate and ex-Speaker of the House is a stub

Chichikovovich February 7, 2012 at 9:33 am

Well, the most active part of him is, anyway.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 7, 2012 at 9:46 am

[indictment needed]

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 7, 2012 at 9:30 am

Somewhat OT, but maybe not so much: Happy 200th Birthday to The Polar Opposite of Newt Gingrich in terms of talent, wit, and basic humanity. Dickens gave us Mr. Micawber, while Newt, that fan of orphanages, is simply macabre.

Also nice: A discussion of Dickens' Influence on the English language.

smitallica February 7, 2012 at 9:37 am

When do I get to write the "Ran for President in 2012 and failed spectacularly because everyone on earth thinks he is an asshole" graph on Newt's Wikipedia page?

starfanglednut February 7, 2012 at 9:56 am

I would like someone to edit my college transcript and the detox admissions on my medical records. Can this kid do that?

LiveToServeYa February 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Whatta Wikipidiot.

NellCote71 February 7, 2012 at 10:55 am

Blah country?

horsedreamer_1 February 7, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Dr. Gonzo was Mexican, though described as Samoan, so — close enough.

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