fear of a black planned parenthood

House GOP To Ban Black Ladies From Going Pro-Choice On Their Fetuses

Would-be aborted black fetuses have found a new friend in Rep. Trent Franks (of Arizona, sigh) and the collected shiny-faced grinners of the House Republican caucus. A clever woods-goblin has planted into these congressmen’s heads the notion that “abortion is the leading cause of death in the black community,” and not the official NIH-sanctioned answer of “terminal flank pain, secondary to laughing at congressional imbeciles.” Now the caucus is circulating a memo in support of the subtly titled Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglass (GET IT?!) Prenatal Nondiscrimination Act, which was aborted failed to reach mark-up when it was last put forward but which will probably reach viability make it to a floor vote this time around.

Mother Jones gives the background on this manic episode:

Bills outlawing sex-selection abortions—a procedure most Americans oppose—have passed on the state level. But a bill outlawing abortions based on race ran into trouble in Georgia in 2010. […]

Like the Georgia bill, backers of Franks’ bill, including Rep. Lamar Smith (R-Texas), the powerful chairman of the judiciary committee, have pointing [sic] to a supposed epidemic of abortions based on the race of the fetus—an argument that dominates the memo ….

The Franks bill would ban abortions based on race or gender, and even let a woman’s family sue her doctors if they think her abortion might have anything to do with race or gender. True, less than 5% of abortions actually take place after it would be possible to determine a baby’s sex. But in the Republicans’ defense, it has been getting easier for black ladies to guess earlier and earlier, and with surprising accuracy, the probable race of their fetuses (black, shh), using just a few simple bits of old folk wisdom. Perhaps medical science just finally forced the GOP’s benevolent hand? [Mother Jones]

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  1. chascates

    But nothing about sky-high unemployment among young blacks, insanely high percentage of black inmates, lack of medical care for diabetes, and..


    The only good black to the Republicans are the 'Stepin Fetchit' clones!

  2. Tundra Grifter

    The " Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglass Prenatal Nondiscrimination Act?"

    I didn't even know they were a couple! Now those two wild and crazy guys are out there about to have a baby?

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Little Known Fact: Susan B. Anthony aborted all of the babies she had with Frderick Douglas.

      1. Crank_Tango

        Actually, they are both buried in Mt Hope Cemetery in Rochester, NY, so who knows what happened last Halloween…

  3. elfgoldsackring

    Investment banking services are also concentrated in cities. I say we ban them before they victimize vulnerable minorities. Oops, too late.

      1. V572 & friends

        They like the Urbans whom they can persuade to send a check to the bank every month for 30 years. And they don't care what color their skin is….as long as they don't hang around bank lobby too much.

  4. smitallica

    When I think of all the things that concern conservatives in this country, "Too few blacks" is the first thing that comes to mind.

    1. MittBorg

      Unlike you liberals, it's something they worry about ALL the time. I mean, *some*body's gotta do the dishes, pick up the trash, and keep the grounds clean, yaknow. And as long as you, um, teach them the consequences of wrongdoing, black folks are just the best for such tasks. None better.

        1. MittBorg

          Yabbut, see, *those* folks will go all Aztlan on your ass when you're not lookin'. With them n******, you can always tell 'em to go back to Africa.

          1. Crank_Tango

            Yet they never do go back to Africa, do they? I just call la migra–that shit works on everybody. You can get anybody you want deported to anywhere, just give them a call…Sent from my iPhone

  5. SorosBot

    Abortion is not a cause of death in any community in America, and that is because it is legal and so women no longer have to risk their lives going to some back alley butcher but actually have access to safe legal abortion, you moron.

    1. MissTaken

      Too many back alley butchers aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country.

          1. MittBorg

            Then you're smiling all the time, pretty lady, because I'm sharing my p-ness with … oh, hi, SB, fancy meeting YOU here.

            Uh, BRB you two.

          2. MittBorg

            I am, I am! And no, I'm bi. Besides, you must admit MissTaken is pretty darn cute. And I am, therefore, clearly a person of good taste. (backs away slowly)

          3. flamingpdog

            That's what you said to me the other day. Pretty soon you're gonna run out of eyes.

            But then I guess you being a bot and all, you can just screw in a few extras if need be.

        1. flamingpdog

          Oh gawd, I just saw that video a little while ago on another web site. I hope it shows up on teh Wonkette tomorrow – I'm ready. But since I'm ready, it prolly won't.

        2. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

          In the good old days, abortions were performed only in the shadows. And women who had them risked death, the way God wanted them to.

  6. OkieDokieDog

    So I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I'd bet ol' Lamar and his buddy Trent have some ties to the private prison industry. We can't have them prisons full of good old white boys that have made some little mistake like killin' the pregnant wife, ya know. That would make Merikkka look bad or somethin'.

    1. MissTaken

      As we know when abortions are legal the crime rate 15 to 20 years later goes down and that's not good for prison business.

  7. coolhandnuke

    It's always these guys with the whitest sounding names who live in the dark ages when it comes to controlling a lady's parts.

    1. V572 & friends

      As a white guy, I'd have to object to "Trent Franks" being characterized as a "white sounding name." It's more properly the name of a cocktail snack. White guys are named "Bob" and "Larry."

    2. flamingpdog

      And here I thought Trent Franks was a ladyparts doctor himself. Didn't he write the medical memoir, "Franks for the Mammaries"?

  8. Joshua Norton

    I'm confused here. Are they implying that women somehow are having the procedure done without their knowledge or consent?

    The last republican to do anything to help the black population was Lincoln, so consider the source.

  9. Callyson

    and even let a woman’s family sue her doctors if they think her abortion might have anything to do with race or gender.
    Snark off–what the FUCKING FUCK?!? Now the anti choice wingnuts want families to become thought police?!?

    1. SorosBot

      And if something is legal, you can't make it illegal under a certain motivation. Fuck these cocksuckers. And it shows what they think of women that they think their family's choice should be allowed to override the woman's own.

    2. MittBorg

      Yes. I find this extremely insidious. Should a woman become pregnant and choose to share this information with her family, as she most likely will, given that women need the assistance of their families to go through this sort of thing, especially if there are young children to be cared for — there is bound to be SOME member of the family who will not agree with the woman regarding her bodily autonomy. Now that one person, who might not be the closest relative, or have ANY involvement with the woman and her family, other than an ideological axe to grind, can cause actual legal problems for the woman, her family, and anyone who assists her. The purpose of this law is to make abortion inaccessible by one means or another, and such laws have already had great effect. There are very few doctors in the US these days who graduate medical school with sufficient knowledge to perform the risky and fraught procedures that women who need abortions, especially late-term abortions, must endure.

  10. poorgradstudent

    Amazing. Even Republicans have to pretend they give a damn about issues of race and gender when it comes to the Fetus!

    Is there anyway to exploit this to get them to support universal health care?

    1. Maman

      Republicans care very much about race and gender when it comes to fetuses (fetae? feti?)

      The fetus might have a white penis and that is VERY important to them.

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      Once the feti become real, breathing children the GOP doesn't give a rat's ass for them unless they belong to the 1% Club. Health? Education? Housing? Forget about it.

  11. Chichikovovich

    Apparently we are to use the expression "cause of death" to mean a course of action that results in no additional person existing, in circumstances where, without that course of action, an additional person may have come to exist in the future.

    So by Republican logic, abstinence is the biggest killer of Americans today.

    1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      By that logic, most men have singlehandedly perpetrated genocides that dwarf the Holocaust, Stalin's purges, and the Cultural Revolution.

          1. MittBorg

            As you ought to know, dear SB, you can leave the Church but it does not leave you. AFAIR, until and unless you are excommunicated, you are a Catholic once baptised. As are all your, ahem, issue.


  12. Extemporanus

    I'm starting an "Underwear Railroad" to help lead these runaway fetuses to freedom.


    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Holy Mormon Underwear, Batman! We can get Massa to Let My Chillin' Go Free. This be The Year of Jubilee…

    1. savethispatient

      It's sad when real life imitates Monty Python… Did the doctor also wheel out the machine that goes "PING!" as well?

    2. Texan_Bulldog

      Hmm…if my doctor had said this to me, a speculum would be protruding from at least 2 of his orifices.

    3. MittBorg

      I sincerely hope she lost control of her knee and reflexively swung a pointy-tipped shoe into his ballocks. Sweet fucking Christ, has it come to this?

      I know so many women who have gone through awful icky pregnancy and reproduction related stuff that I would be very happy indeed if we could go back to *never* discussing the topic, but clearly, pignorami like your friend's doctor need more education. I should send all my lady friends over to besiege him.

        1. MittBorg

          I'm tellin' ya. He needs to so NOT be practisin' his lovin' with wimminz all across the land, or whatever it is that these misogynistic assholes do.

          In most of Asia, most gynaecologists and pediatricians are female — I don't know if that's the result of societal bias or pressure or what, but it has very beneficial effects in some ways. For example, women in that part of the world used to be able to get birth control and abortions with scarcely any interference, because women know what all this stuff is about for chrisake, and don't seem to suffer from the same desperate need to control someone else's pussy.

    4. Dudleydidwrong

      Sadly, the same could be said about several of the doctors that we have dealt with over the years. Some were still "practicing" medicine but never got it right.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      Ah, no. GOPers love teh blahs. As controllable indentured servants at the widget factories which makes their billions.

      The whites seem to be a bit bolshie, you know? Wanting unions and so on. GOPers are sure that a pliable african-american community forced into jobs, rather than getting socialist shit like 'food stamps' or 'food', are an ideal labour force. Then we can be like China, but our poors are a different colour so you can pick them out!

      I hate the GOP and everything it stands for.

      1. Negropolis

        GOPers are sure that a pliable african-american community forced into jobs, rather than getting socialist shit like 'food stamps' or 'food', are an ideal labour force.

        So, yeah, how has that been working out for them in the last 40-50 years? You know, the "pliable" part? Black worker unionization rates are the highest of any racial or ethnic group, if even still low. They gave up on us a long time ago. Economy-wise, hispanics are the new black, and it shows in that they actually have the lowest unionization rate of any ethnic group in this country.

        1. MittBorg

          Not Too Well, I'd say. Which is why they're now declaring open war on all people of colour, and the institutions which represent them — the unions, the post office (one of the largest employers of PoC and military veterans), PP, Social Security, the government that is their only representative against the mighty power of the oligarchs who own us all.

  13. ifthethunderdontgetya

    I'd like to introduce the "Truth In Party Naming Act of 2012".

    Under the Act, the G.O.P. (Gross Old Perverts) will officially be named the Ku Klux Klan Party.

    (And the Democratic Party will become the "Better Than The KKKP By As Tiny A Fraction As The Hypocrites In Charge Think They Can Get Away With Party".)

  14. SayItWithWookies

    Blacks aborting too many babies — this was an issue that Simon Legree and Belgium's King Leopold were both very concerned about, back in the day — so I guess we owe the Republicans a big thank-you for bringing up this pressing issue.

    1. MittBorg

      Yup. Because, you know, those dumb-as-fuck n***** mothafuckas don't have the sense to keep their fetuses from popping out their pussies without some white man's help. Goddamn, what is it with these people and their desperate need to control the sexual organs of nonwhite people? Like I haven't been insulted enough this week by hearing some dumbass mothafucka tell me about his jungle fever, now I gotta worry about black fetuses being saved from abortion mills too.

      1. snoopyfan2010

        Jungle fever? Did you tell him that no one is coming to dinner?
        Also, I hope you realize that the obsession is not about increasing but limiting the number of births. It has long been a fear of theirs that they don't reproduce as efficiently as other races. Because life is a competition, you know.

    2. spinozasgod

      I've heard that black babies are born with light skin……so imagine how white they are as fetuses, they're practically caucasian.

      1. MittBorg

        All babies are born some shade of pinky beige as a result of having really thin, translucent skin. Shortly after birth they begin to assume some sort of recognizable coloration, though often as not, that's infant jaundice, a frightening but apparently commonplace occurrence. I was so pleased that my friends' baby was closer in coloring to me than to them (they're both very white), until they announced it was the result of jaundice!

    3. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      See, this is why The Blacks will never leave the Democrat Plantation–they refuse to give any credit to Republicans for finding at least one segment of the black community that they can pretend to give a shit about.

  15. Schmannnity

    Sure, my wife and I are white, monogamous, and all, but I can't tell you how worried we were about the eventual racial profile of our babies. Only when the amniocentesis found traces of mayonnaise did we cancel the abortions.

    1. MittBorg

      Here is what has me secretly laughing my ass off: with all those white girls dying for a big black cock and then relying on a Dustin' & Cleanin' to get rid of the evidence, there's gonna be a WHOLE LOTTA head-scratchin' going on in some quarters when this bullshit law passes. Do you want your wife to dump the evidence, Cletus? Or do you want to let everybody know she's been fuckin' around with some n***** on the side?

      1. SorosBot

        Yeah, that's what I was thinking – the only situation I can think where a woman might have an abortion because of race is if she was married, and the fetus' race would be evidence that she had been fucking around. Otherwise I think it's an imaginary concern. And while abortion on account of gender is common in certain other parts of the world, here it's also pretty much non-existent.

        1. MittBorg

          Exactly. Ain't no black woman is ever going to abort her baby because it might could happen to be black. The only women that might want to abort a suspected biracial child would be white women married to white men. This is going to be another of those GOP laws with unintended consequences, if it ever passes.

          1. MissTaken

            I think these consequences are absolutely intended. Black women can't get abortions because they'd be aborting black fetuses. Welcome to post-racial America.

          2. HistoriCat

            You need to try thinking like a Republican. Drink a large amount of alcohol and then hit yourself in the head several times – it's not exactly right but you'll be close enough.

          3. MittBorg

            That fucking cat just bit me on the head four times, pulling out tufts of hair each time. I bleev it's having the same effect. I'll have to wait till the room stops spinning and check.

          4. flamingpdog

            No, no,no, I've drunk a large amount of alcohol and hit myself in the head several times more times than I care to remember, and I still don't think like a … huh, what, where am I, pdogette, where's my beer?

          5. Fare la Volpe

            "Racism will go away when people stop talking about race," say internet conservatives.

            Right, because that's how Jim Crow ended – by ignoring it.

    1. Negropolis

      THANK YOU.

      The kind of blatant patronization is the most offensive thing about this, to me. Not even the churchiest black church lady would fall for this bullshit, yet, they really think they are being clever about it. And, then they are shocked — shocked, I tell you — that black voters still stay with the Democratic Party. The only shocking thing is that they seriously believe that this is an effective strategy for attracting black voters.

      1. MittBorg

        Imagine that, dumb culludz don't seem to appreciate being referred to as dumb culludz. Wut next, uppity cunts not wanting to be treated as uppitty cunts? Flaming faggots demanding respect?

        1. MittBorg

          Nobody knows better than those churchy black ladies how hard it is to raise a child right in this society. Especially a black child. They know better than to judge the suffering, they leave that for their god and try to do their good works quietly on this earth.

  16. fuflans

    A clever woods-goblin has planted into these congressmen’s heads…

    i bet that woods-goblin is a closeted homosexual.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      it depends on the region where the gay fetus lives. For instance, if the fetus lives in a state where bullies have too much time on their hands, than no. Gay fetuses will have the same protections as none-gay fetuses. However, in those areas where the there are more gays than bullies can push around, aborting gay fetuses will be mandatory.

      Of course, all of the above is off of the table if the woman has access to cash. Then she can travel to whatever country she likes and have as many abortions as she wants.

  17. Texan_Bulldog

    So this means I can't abort my black baby? Seriously, WTF?

    Also every time I see Trent Franks standing next to Gabby Giffords, I hope some of her humanity rubs off on him….or that she punches him for being a dick.

    1. Negropolis

      Everytime I see Trent next to Gabby, I wish it would have been him…

      Gawd, I feel so dirty for saying that. :(

  18. qwerty42

    Over at Balloon-Juice, ABL jumped into this one. Here is one of the quotes she provides:
    "It's kind of hard to find evidence that a black woman is going to have an abortion because she's surprised to find her baby is black. It just strains credulity to think that's a problem," [Ross] says with a hearty laugh. "I mean, she wakes up in the morning and says 'Oh my god! My baby's black?'"

          1. MittBorg

            The more I read about Mormons, the less I like them. I hope you haven't heard Donny Osmond defend the Mormon stance on the evilitude of black folks. I'm still steaming over that. Don't go looking for it, it'll make you really mad.

  19. MinAgain

    Don't guns kill more African Americans than abortions? So when is Franks going to propose a Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglass Postnatal Nondiscriminatioin Act?

  20. Swampgas_Man

    I guarantee you 100% of abortions, white and black, are based on sex; how many MEN do you see getting abortions?

    1. HistoriCat

      I tried to get an abortion but they refused to take my money! That's gender discrimination, that is.

    1. NYNYNYjr

      This law sounds so weird…a black woman would be aborting her baby Because it's black? No, probably because of some other reasons.
      It almost sounds as if the law was written just to protect mixed-race babies of unmarried people. That's not a very Republican thing to support, honestly.

  21. Sassomatic

    Black babies are an endangered species? You do happen to fucking know that white people and black people are the same species right? Good lord.

  22. littlebigdaddy

    I thought the #1 cause of death for black women was whiplash from doing that thing with their heads.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Love the picture of John Fleming. He looks like one of the choices for The Monster when they were getting ready to film Young Frankenstein. Mel Brooks rejected Fleming (Gaa! That's too damn scary/ugly!) and chose the less-frightening Peter Boyle Monster.

  23. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I can't wait for the blow back from this, when all those white cheer leaders in Texas and Missippi start having black kids.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Upshot? As a group, mulatto kids tend to be pretty good looking, and possibly because of that, at many (most?) high schools have become sort of a popular, trendy, sought-after group among the cool kids. You know, like in the same way all the white boys wanted to have a HAG* ten years ago or so.

      (*Hot Asian Girlfriend)

  24. owhatever

    It's not that too many black feti are aborted, but that not enough white feti are being mercilessly butchered by Nazi Democrat doctors. White people need to step up and meet this challenge. Be the first one on your block to take your girl down to see the doc.

  25. Lascauxcaveman

    Woman: "I din't know I was black until I got all preggers. I ain't gon' raise no lil' black pickanninny chile."

    I'm pretty sure this is how the Repubs see this issue.

  26. MissTaken

    Shit like this fucking pisses me off. Cocksuckers like Franks really think that women just walk around getting knocked up for shits and giggles and then decide, "oh, black just isn't in this season so I'm gonna get me an abortion". Fucking stupid piece of shit.

    I'm growing fucking sick and tired of old white men telling women what they can and can't do with their bodies. Fuck you Franks, do you even know what a lady's genitalia looks like? Of course not so fuck off and leave us and our bodies alone.


    1. SorosBot

      It's the same attitude that leads morons to believe that Planned Parenthood really is building an abortionplex. They do seem to think women are just running around getting abortions at a whim; just look at all the state laws that require ultrasounds and extra counseling to get one, as if a woman who has decided to have an abortion hasn't already thought through her options thoroughly.

      Also you're cute when you're righteously angry.

    2. MittBorg

      Girl, that was righteous.

      Now write it in a letter or an email and send it to that douche-assed motherfucker. They NEED to hear from people who disagree with them.

    1. MissTaken

      Between this and the pic of Rmoney, I think I will be celibate for the foreseeable future. Yikes.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Also….Another syndrome, SideriusX-linked mental retardation, is caused by mutations in thePHF8gene (OMIM300263); in addition to cleft lip and/or palate, symptoms include facial dysmorphism and mild mental retardation.[26]

        1. Sparky MacGyver

          There's actually quite a few links between facial problems (dysmorphology) and psychiatric conditions. It's not crazy– the face develops right next to the forebrain (the part that does the thinkin' and 'memberin), and the same things that pattern the face (set up where the parts go) also pattern the brain.

          There's also a strong link between conservative fuckheads and facial dysmorphology. For example, look at how close together GW Bush's beady eyes are, or even better, look at how soul-less cocksucker Scott Walker's right eye is about an inch higher and a half-inch further out than his left eye.

          1. Limeylizzie

            One of my eyebrows has a higher arch than the other, but I think it gives me a certain louche yet quizzical quality!

          2. Dashboard Buddha

            I wish I could do the eyebrow thing….there was a time when things were so slow at work that I would sit and practice this rare feat.

          3. Limeylizzie

            I don't do anything , it is just a different shape , a higher arch, so it looks as if I am raising it.

          4. Dashboard Buddha

            I have a friend who is, apropos of nothing, an actress and she has that eye brow thing down cold. I once started to make a suggestion that was too soon to make, and she stopped me DEAD in my tracks with that frickin' eyebrow.—

          5. flamingpdog

            Here's one to make you lose a good night sleep, MB. What if I could find a picture of Snotty Wanker with a textbook FAP face?

          6. Sparky MacGyver

            What's scary: that's his official portrait. That was from a photographer who was paid to make him look good.

          7. MittBorg

            (bows deeply with joined hands) Oh Great and Worthy ntDewey, if you were to link that hideous thing that I am pretending you haven't linked to, I would surely die from viewing it and I therefore give you credit, LOTS of credit for restraint! (prepares restraints)

          8. Dashboard Buddha

            You know…poor as I am, I would still opt for the deluxe model where at least the fucking pupils matched.

      2. MittBorg

        Don't say that! I've already earmarked some of the proceeds from the opera I'll be writing with a fellow-commenter for airfare for you and SB!

        1. Geminisunmars

          It opens with a dark and stormy night on the campus of Mount Veneris, a small mid-western college dedicated to the proposition that all men is an island. Entering from stage-left is the college President, James Jay Jamison III, singing to his one true love. He is holding a mirror and sings "Je t'aime, moi meme."

          1. Geminisunmars

            Did I ever tell you that I used to be a writer of "erotica"? I had to quit it, though. The research was killing me.

          2. MittBorg

            Those lines are from your stand-up comedy routine, aren't they? (hugs the girl)

            How's the old man? Why for you are schlepping him to doctors, is he OK?

          3. Geminisunmars

            He is just — old. Primary care, vision care, podiatrist, back specialist, urologist… It's a good thing he is one of the best humans ever, or this would be making me starkers.

          4. MittBorg

            Ah! Poor love. Give him my best wishes for his relief from pain and many warm and loving hugs to you both.

            Old age ain't for sissies, and truer word was never spoke. I just ran into a neighbour today who's a bit older than me, and she just had her knee done 6 months after mine. Then her doctor put her on Fosamax, and now she's had to have her hip replaced and a shattered femur repaired. Last week she had her shoulder joint replaced. Oy!

          5. flamingpdog

            On the upside, before you know it, she'll be completely bionic and a perfect match for Soros. Then you can put the moves on MissTaken.

          6. MittBorg

            You are such a DOG, pdog!

            I suspect those two only have virtual eyes for each other right now. Have you seen either of them make ONE response to any of us when the other one's around? Bet you good money they're texting or on the phone with one eye on Wonkette, if that.

          7. Geminisunmars

            Thank you for your kind thoughts and wishes. Hugs back at ya.I've heard nothing but bad about Fosamax. Hope things aren't too hard for your neighbor.

          8. MittBorg

            She ended up flying to Washington to testify to Congress about it. Apparently it causes fractures in women over a certain age due to imbalance between osteoblasts and osteoclasts. I must investigate further, of course.

            She seems remarkably … fit for someone who's undergone so much. She hikes pretty regularly and in fact was out trundling down the road with her hiking stick when we ran (haha) into her. With her arm in a sling.

        2. MissTaken

          An shucks! And with it being Ginger Week it would be ideal if SB and I were actually able to fly to see each other. Oh if only!

          1. MittBorg

            Wouldn't it? Makes me wish I was RICH! Young love is just so precious, too.

            (Hugs MissT) Ooops, here comes SB all keeping an eye on me and stuff.

    2. MittBorg

      Jesus fuck me blind, but that's an ugly-assed douche. WTF happened to his eyes? The clothespegs on the lids seem to have pulled them right down to a level with his nostrils. Beady little black eyes remind me of a cornered rat.

        1. MittBorg

          I believe the correct term for Mrs. Franks is "cum-dumpster," courtesy of Teh Biff. And after looking at Mr. Franks, I imagine she shuts her eyes tightly and thinks of God and Country.

    3. JackDempsey1

      As the parent of a kid with a cleft lip and palate (adopted counts, does it?), I have seen a fair share of guys pre-and post-surgery. I'd say he looks pretty good, if he's being judged in the non-Clooney class. I realize that you're poking fun in a generic "look at the dimwit" way, which is perfectly acceptable. I take offense to the cleft = hideous (or stupid, etc, depending on the day of the week) equation. Sorry, I'm unable to suggest an alternative pejorative at the moment. Carry on.

      1. Limeylizzie

        I was just mocking him in general certainly not people with cleft palates in particular and he just seems so concerned about my uterus that I was shallow and petty. Oh, adopted absolutely counts my one and only cousin is adopted .

    4. tessiee

      OK, I'm really not trying to be a hateful shithead here, but what is wrong with that man's eyes? He looks like a pekinese.

  27. Negligently_Joe

    So, somewhat OT, except for the fact that it involves religious nuts and The Blacks, but has anyone noticed the recent trend, since the latest National Prayer Breakfast, that the right-wing nut jobs that call themselves "religious" have been attacking Obama, not for being a secular atheist Muslim, for seeming too pious while Presidenting?

    Might have something to do with him accurately citing scriptural calls to do social and economic justice, I dunno. For added lulz, you have the right-wing developing a full-blown case of Obomnesia, and claiming that this "politicization of a 'traditionally non-partisan event'" is "unprecedented".

    Oh yeah, it also gave us this, which in itself is probably worthy of a post.

    1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Jesus fucking Christ.

      In other news, the smoking ruins of the National Institute For Irony* imploded into a singularity today.

      *It burned to the ground shortly after Herman Cain proclaimed that America's problems are caused by there being "too many stupid people."

  28. Guppy

    What if there was a prenatal test that could determine if the fetus would end up being homosexual? Would abortion be OK then?

  29. SorosBot

    From the Mother Jones article, this is probably the key – "Critics warn that it would be next to impossible to prove that an abortion was obtained on the basis of race or gender and fear the provision could lead to nuisance suits against abortion providers by family members who are opposed to abortion on principle." That's not a bug, that's a feature.

    Just as states have been piling on regulations designed to make getting an abortion much more of a hassle than it should be, here this is a stupid legal tool that anti-choicers could use to harass clinics; to join with the illegal tools they've been using, like bombings and assassinations.

      1. MissTaken

        But he's a doctor so he obviously knows what he's talking about. Sure the morning after pill is progestin, not estrogen, but he doesn't need to be concerned with such details because he's a man without a uterus.

      2. C_R_Eature

        "Is he out of his fucking mind?" = Rhetorical Question.

        "Just How Far out of his Fucking Mind is he?" = Good Question.

        1. Biff

          Maybe because he quit practicing his love in the 1960's, and lady parts have somehow evolved since then?

      3. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

        A shot of estrogen for an honest rape. A sound dollar for an honest day's work. And a chicken for every surgical procedure.

    1. Redhead

      This sounds like an Aqua Buddha idea. Has Rand been going into trances and channeling his favorite deity lately?

      1. SorosBot

        Really, this pisses me off; I think the "honest" rape thing is playing into rape apologism, with the idea that many victims are just making rape up – some push the idea that some victims really just make up rape after they regret sex the morning actor, or it was really their fault because of how they dressed or because they got drunk.

        1. MittBorg

          Well, you know how those bitches are, they wear tight clothes and short clothes and lean over in front of a man till he can't think straight, and then they want to say no! Slap that shit right out of 'em, they think they can lead a man on till he cain't hold on no more and then change they minds? What kinda shit?

    2. Dashboard Buddha

      Our old parish priest use to return to the rectory at the end of the day, put his feet up on a 10 year old boy, and pontificate about how nice it was to sit down after a long day of honest rape.

          1. Sparky MacGyver

            Perhaps using it in a sentence will help: The parish priest put his Dictum in the boy's Rectory.

    3. CapnFatback

      Gather 'round children and heed my tale
      Listen intently with mouths wide agape
      As I speak of the pelvis that no law could jail
      The impeccable pecker of Ol' Honest Rape

      The thunder in his thighs was only outdone
      By his fingers' candor as they squeezed your neck's nape
      Spraying truth bullets from "Red," his love gun
      The veritable violator, Ol' Honest Rape

      At night, if you listen to the wind, you might hear
      The cries of his victims as he makes his escape
      "His advance was unsolicited, yet his intention was clear!
      That trustworthy, thrust-girth, he–Ol' Honest Rape!"

  30. OneYieldRegular

    I'll consider listening to what these men have to say about women's reproductive health when they'll agree to start practicing birth control by using IUDs on themselves.

    1. chascates

      "if men got pregnant, reproductive choice would be in the Bill of Rights – if not a sacrament."
      attributed to lots a people

    2. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      For these sanctimonious fuckers, let's just skip the IUD and go straight to the dreaded candiru.

  31. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    D: "This is an incredibly stupid bill, and I'm voting against it"

    R: "My Opponent voted to allow abortions on the basis of gender and race!"

    1. Crank_Tango

      That Trent Franks isn't as stupid as he looks. But then again, he looks pretty stupid or deformed or something.

  32. elfgoldsackring

    I'm sure this issue is entirely unrelated to structural unfairness in the economy, inherited disadvantage, unemployment, poverty level wages, demonizing the victim, lack of affordable healthcare including contraception, family breakdown, insane levels of incarceration, lack of affordable childcare or political opportunism. No siree.

  33. chascates

    Boehner on PBS Newshour just now said Congress was designed not to work.

    Why does the Speaker hate America? Contrast this with FoxNation claim:
    Obama Blames Founding Fathers
    Pres. Obama: “Our Founders designed a system that makes it more difficult to bring about change than I would like sometimes.”

    1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      When Boehner says it, it's praise for the Founders' wisdom in creating a Constitutional Republic. When Obama says it, it's spitting on their graves. Duh.

    2. orygoon

      "Why does the Speaker hate America?"

      I don't know, but if I hate him, is it a case when two wrongs are kind of okay?

    3. Negropolis

      When I heard them say this I knew, instinctively, that that is how the conservatives were going to spin the quote. I just knew it.

  34. mavenmaven

    I'm guessing that if Trent Franks' daughter came home saying she was pregnant with a black child, this law wouldn't apply.

  35. Tilley

    Okay, wait. Does this mean black women are dying from abortion procedures more than white women? That's what they mean by "leading cause of death"? Or are they calling abortion itself "death," as in, the faux "abortion = killing babies" death? And the proposed remedy to this manufactured outrage is what, exactly? Deny black women abortions? Or WHAT THE FUCK, exactly, for fuck's sake??

  36. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Gotta admire these bozos' laser-like focus on creating jobs…and be glad that no one trusts them with actual lasers.

  37. Chichikovovich

    I’m still a bit rusty on the wingnutese, but I believe that by “family member” in “family members may sue” they mean “estranged abusive control freak husband who has been stalling the divorce and has been in contact with lunatic ‘fathers rights’ organizations”

  38. spinozasgod

    Is this guy thinking that doctors are prowling the streets looking for pregnant black women, knocking them out and aborting their fetuses? I don't see how this could be applied any other way. If a black woman comes in to have an abortion then the fetus is "black" so she certainly isn't having an abortion because the fetus is black, and how would you know if a fetus is black if the woman isn't black? So the only way to be nefarious is to be looking for unwitting pregnant black victims.

  39. C_R_Eature

    Somebody made an offhand remark in the Congressional cloakroom to Representative Franks that America seems to be running out of Shoeshine Boys and things just escalated from there.

    1. Blueb4sunrise

      Judge Smails: Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois, and I want them now. Chop chop.

  40. Jukesgrrl

    First they get to make the laws for the Violent Young Offenders® to break, then they get to feel all manly arresting them, then they get to make their lawyer friends rich, then they get to make themselves rich because no one owns more stock in the private prison industry than Arizona politicians. Who wouldn't want the poor to have more unwanted children?!

    BTW, I was driving today in Tucson behind huge white pick-up bearing the Arizona license place WINGNT.

    1. littlebigdaddy

      Golliwog–a technical term referring to cloth dolls based on African-American children with exaggerated racial features. Could also be applied to actual people in the distant past of which certain Wonkette commentators have personal memory.

  41. Crank_Tango

    I love non-issue issues. Next, I will introduce a bill banning the abortion of fetuses using burning american flags.

  42. orygoon

    One of The Heir's classmates/friends back in Texas was the son of the local Planned Parenthood administrator. Those people–the antis–will do any and all kind of loathsome things. I found that out a few days after I dropped The Heir's Friend off at his mommy's workplace one time…a creepy card was sent to my mailbox (they had a source to trace cars that entered the parking lot at the DMV) that suggested that some underaged loved one of mine might be seeing a doctor whose credentials I should look up. It had the doctor's name, photo, and approximate address, which indicated that they just really wanted someone to follow him home and kill him. That, I was told, was one of many little pranks the antis pulled. (When they didn't get inconveniently knocked up themselves, and sneak in for abortions, too.)

      1. orygoon

        It's horrible indeed. Not only did the clinic have a big fence around it and a lot of security, but PP paid for some assertive security systems at all of the employee's homes. The Heir's friend's father had recently died of cancer, and it made me nervous that his mother was at risk, but she wasn't the backin'-down type.

        My own doctor (a lady–by which I mean, "with class" as well as one of us with lady bits) was on the board at that clinic. I heard that one quiet Saturday she went to a meeting at the clinic. She took her preschool daughter with her. Protesters were there, even though the clinic was closed that day (I think), and folks screamed vile imprecations at her. While she walked into the clinic with her four-year-old! And one of the screamers was another local doctor.

  43. InnerPrincess

    They're going to name the bill after Fredrick Douglass, who decided that women's equality was just too difficult to obtain at the same time as racial equality? JFC, somebody explain to congress that people will figure out that Republicans really have hated women since the War of Northern Agression.

  44. Chichikovovich

    I still am a long way from mastering wingnutese, but I think the word "family" in the expression "family may sue" means what we would mean if we said "estranged abusive control freak husband who is stalling the divorce waiting for some leverage and has been obsessively combing through the website of a so-called `father's rights' group".

  45. GregComlish

    What about horny white sluts who can't get enough thick black meat?? We should legislate against them because they are totally racist!!!

    1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Groups like the Radiance Foundation, in their language about abortion as “genocide” and “holocaust,” imply instead a larger conspiracy, perhaps promoted by government, to threaten the black community. And like other public health conspiracy theories that have circulated in black neighborhoods over the years, the assertion is rooted in a very real and troubling history.

      Yep. These fuckers are a bottomless pit of cynical manipulation. One could almost admire their breathtakingly adept co-opting of cultural memes, if it were possible to overlook the whole evil racist misogyny thing, of course. Takes some balls to be that cynical, and yet–they manage to!

    1. C_R_Eature

      I'm sorry. I don't think there's anyone here who's stupid enough to understand that Bill.

      If they were, they'd be too stupid to explain it.

  46. comrad_darkness

    Yeah, because republicans only believe in granting personal responsibility to one group: themselves when they are trolling for rent boys. All others: women, minorities, etc, should bow to their superior everything and just shut the fuck up.

    1. C_R_Eature

      "What is 'The most popular joke at the Weyrich Awards Dinner 2012', Alex?"

      "You are correct!" *Ding!*

        1. C_R_Eature

          they're not only dumb, but they're evil and dumb, that's probably one of the mildest of the jokes that will be circulating when they think no one's watching and sarcasm is the only real weapon I've got left when I see this kind of really reprehensible thing.

          1. MittBorg

            Permit me to hug you with great affection, C_R_Eature. You are indeed a C_R_Eature after my own heart.

            I can't hear this sort of shite without saying what I think of it in a most undiplomatic fashion. Having been offered the equivalent of plastic surgery, or at least the rearrangement of my physiognomy on a regular basis has not deterred me, nor has advanced age. I fully expect to be beaten to death by some moral midget offense kleptomaniac whom I offend with a vituperative poke, someday.

          2. C_R_Eature


            Learn Aikido. Purely defensive, anyone can do it, keeps you in shape and they can't hurt you if they can't hit you.

      1. CapnFatback

        Unless "Harlem" is the name of a thirteenth month–wait, nope, that honor goes to Smarch–it's also the most grammatically illogical joke as well.

    2. MittBorg

      Pardon me, I'm trying not to be any nastier to fellow Wonketteerz than I have to be, and that was probably snarkaciously intended, but I just wanted to say fuck you.

      There, I feel so much better now.

    3. Negropolis

      Q: What's the most confusing time of year?

      A: Sarah/Bristol Palin late-night cramming for her pregnancy tests.


      Q: What's black and white and red all over?

      A: Sarah Palin and Glenn Rice fucking on a hill of moose carcasses.

  47. C_R_Eature

    We all know that the problem today is that Government isn't the answer and there are too many Regulations and… oh, wait.

    Never mind.

  48. MittBorg

    I sometimes post a link to something from my blog here. Not often enough to incur a charge of blogwhoring, I don't think, since it's fairly obvious that there has been no great invasion of Wonketteers over on me blog. But sometimes when I think I've already written about this issue and just can't stand to get so furious over it again. Anywho. I wrote this back when McCain was running for the Presidency, and it's about PP, and it says exactly how I feel right now. http://kalimao.blogspot.com/2008/06/2008-election

  49. Negropolis

    I can't even begin to tell you how offensive this is. And the very saddest thing is that some of these pro-lifers really believe that this is a way to attract black voters. It blows my mind.

    The Republican Party just needs to die. They need to kill the thing and start all over again. There is no reforming this vile pile of shit. Ole Abe is spinning in his grave with such velocity that you could stick him in a local coal-fired power plant and produce power for the city of Springfield for years to come.

    1. MittBorg

      I can't help but view this sudden solicitousness for the lives of dark-skinned children with great suspicion, given how cavalierly these same people and their ancestors unto the nth generation have always treated those lives when they have had them in their power.

  50. tessiee

    "The Franks bill would ban abortions based on race or gender, and even let a woman’s family sue her doctors if they think her abortion might have anything to do with race or gender."

    What possible sequence of events could lead to this?
    Patient: Doctor, my throat is really sore. I think I might have tonsilitis.
    Doctor [thinks to self]: Holy crap, this lady is so dumb that, not only doesn't she know she's pregnant, she doesn't even know she's black! I'm gonna tell her I'm taking her tonsils out, but *really* give her an abortion. THAT oughtta fix her wagon!

  51. snoopyfan2010

    I agree with the GOP, the USA should be predominantly black by now and we need to correct that by any means necessary.

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