Rep. John Fleming Shocked By Abortionplex Scoop In ‘The Onion’

by Jim Newell

Look, Rep. John Fleming is too busy putting food on the table with his $400,000 business income (after food expenses and all other expenses) to know that THE ONION is a satire publication and there are no plans for an $8 Billion Abortionplex in the works, as of now.

Oops! He has now deleted this Facebook wall post because it made him “seem like” an idiot. Here’s a picture of Rep. John Fleming, from the TeeVee:

Sure this guy deserves at LEAST $400,000 in walking around money.He doesn’t “look like” an idiot, either. [The Atlantic Wire]

 
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{ 229 comments }

OkieDokieDog February 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Congressman John Fleming #hesucksalot & #heblowstoo plus he's just stupid.

weej_bain February 6, 2012 at 2:48 pm

hashtags²

Fare la Volpe February 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

George W. Bush: "Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity is Finally Over"

arihaya February 7, 2012 at 3:56 am

also" "Despite Strong Republicans Opposition, Obama Turns 50"

EatsBabyDingos February 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Louisiana Republicans: Frontal labotomortion by the wholesale.

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I like how morons don't seem to understand that deleting something stupid they said doesn't make it go away forever. Sorry Congressman, we all know how gullible you are.

bagofmice February 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

That's the best thing! Olds not understanding webspiders is hilarious!

Not_So_Much February 6, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Any yet, he does nothing about that hairpiece? Odd…

LionHeartSoyDog February 6, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Odd, indeed.
These fuckwits have the most expensive dumbass hairpieces that obscene wealth can buy, and they think they're fooling somebody.

MissTaken February 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

More on Planned Parenthood, abortion by the wholesale

I've been paying retail for my abortions, what a rip off!

OkieDokieDog February 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

One more abortion on my punch card and I get a FREE latte !

MissTaken February 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Did you know if you abort a black baby you can buy one, get one for free? Can't pass up a bargain like that.

Fare la Volpe February 6, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I hear you can get coathangers in bulk at Sam's.

DaRooster February 6, 2012 at 3:13 pm

But they are plastic and from China.

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Yeah but just think you've been helping your local abortion provider instead of those big soulless chain abortion clinics.

Fare la Volpe February 6, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Abort Local! Down with Big Pussy!

Blueb4sunrise February 6, 2012 at 3:12 pm

OMG!! there's not enough upfists in the internets.

Spurning Beer February 6, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I thought we were talking about "Big Box" stores.

Generation[redacted] February 6, 2012 at 2:40 pm

You can earn points and miles if you use your frequent aborters card.

MissTaken February 6, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I like to use my Capital One No Hassle card. I get 2 times miles with every abortion.

Geminisunmars February 6, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Cheaper by the dozen!

prommie February 6, 2012 at 2:49 pm

So I take it you are not a member of the Tribe, then? They never pay retail.

MildMidwesterner February 6, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Yeah, I don't know about you people, but I don't have $8 billion to spend on an abortion.

actor212 February 6, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I get mine at Omar's Abort-o-rama & Carpet Outlet. With every abortion, you get a free hall runner!

Steverino247 February 6, 2012 at 3:50 pm

And ever since Abort Mart came along, all the local Mom and Pop abortion clinics closed up shop.

actor212 February 6, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I miss the personalized service, how they knew me and my girlfriends by name, and offered us coffee and extra benzadrene…

prommie February 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Derr, derp, duhhh, man, seriously, fuck this ban on the R-word, this motherfucker is a motherfucking full-on retard.

fuflans February 6, 2012 at 2:59 pm

it's true!! jim returns and so does our access to the r-word!!

comptoneffect February 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

The banhammer might just be rusty. You might want to give it an hour or two before celebrating.

Oblios_Cap February 6, 2012 at 3:35 pm

What a retard maroon!

Dudleydidwrong February 6, 2012 at 4:15 pm

He can't even spell his fucking name! It's Phlegming, damn it! He was so stupid that is mother couldn't even teach him his real name. "Phlegming, you fuckwad!" she'd scream at him. He would just stare, glassy eyed at her and then go beat off. And this was at age 22.

nounverb911 February 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Congresstwit 101: The Onion is not real!

chicken_thief February 6, 2012 at 2:33 pm

For an MD this motherfucker ain't too sharp.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 6, 2012 at 2:40 pm

You mean that Congress did not actually debate the coolness of Rush:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-debates

Callyson February 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

IDK, it's news stories are more accurate than those on FAUX News…

PsycWench February 6, 2012 at 3:52 pm
SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Yeah, that one's pretty much a dead-on description of the teabaggers. Is it satire when it's true?

starfanglednut February 6, 2012 at 4:48 pm

My all time favorite! I like this one too.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these

Loaded_Pants February 6, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Perfection.

cheaphits February 6, 2012 at 10:24 pm

I like this one –

"Romneymania Sweeps America"

http://www.theonion.com/articles/romneymania-swee

fuflans February 6, 2012 at 3:06 pm

several years back, i remember a story about the onion confusing a chinese newspaper.

the chinese newspaper had a whole lot more excuses than this twatwaffle does.

GOPCrusher February 6, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Next you'll try to to tell me that Jim Anchower isn't a real person.

40 or 50 % McShineys February 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm

HOLA DUDE

V572 & friends February 6, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Not to mention Herbert Kornfeld…
http://www.theonion.com/articles/keep-your-fuckin

horsedreamer_1 February 6, 2012 at 7:58 pm

R.I.P.

reliefsinn February 6, 2012 at 10:25 pm
angerbear February 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Rep. Fleming also wanted Alfred E. Neuman investigated because he thought Spy vs. Spy was leaking valuable state secrets.

KeepFnThatChicken February 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Heard that Sergio Aragonés was a member of ETA.

Chillwillard February 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

And this is how satire dies.

BarackMyWorld February 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Not with a bang but with a twitter.

Loaded_Pants February 6, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I'd like to think that this is how satire becomes reality so remains very much alive, to get all philosophicated about it. But, damn, it makes it hard on those of us who write/do satire occasionally.

pukebot February 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

i hear they have a playroom where you can play fetus tag.

starfanglednut February 6, 2012 at 2:29 pm

An abortionplex! Great! Now I can have several abortions a day!

MinAgain February 6, 2012 at 8:02 pm

After which you can go to the on-ground spa and have a placenta facial and a massage.

Baconzgood February 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

"Seem"…..No seem in that.

UnholyMoses February 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Dude should've known it was fake simply by the "Topeka" dateline. After all, abortion isn't legal within about 100 miles or so of the place.

Which is a shame, if you've seen most of the people living within 100 miles or so of the place …

prommie February 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Hey, wait a minute, is this article the reason the Komen foundation cancelled its grants?

Schmannnity February 6, 2012 at 2:29 pm

What's a Louisiana Republican doing on The Onion? Shouldn't you be at Diapersex.com with your esteemed Senator?

Tundra Grifter February 6, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Is it just coincidence that Jim Newell returns to Wonkette and immediately a right wing nut confuses The Onion with a real news source?

I think not.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 6, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Do morons feel embarrassment? The restraint gene must be broken or missing in this fool.

DaRooster February 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm

DERP!

Baconzgood February 6, 2012 at 2:38 pm

No more needs to be said.

smokefilledroommate February 6, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Herp Derp!

KeepFnThatChicken February 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Fleming: The abortionplex is in Topeka. You're in Louisiana. Out of your fucking jurisdiction, entcha?

comrad_darkness February 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Messing with other people's states is what republicans call "state's rights".

Tundra Grifter February 6, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Big of John Flaming to take one for the team and distract attention from Pete Hoekstra.

OkieDokieDog February 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm

After my abortion I like to enjoy a yummy pizza topped with fetus. Luckily the pizza joint is located right in the same center as the abortion clinic!

Baconzgood February 6, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Hey John, did you know they took the word gullible out of the dictionary?

Chillwillard February 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Patriots fans are still celebrating the Super Bowl XLVI win, as the reported by The Onion.

DaRooster February 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I can't wait to see their food court-
Fetus Amos Cookies
Pap Smear Express
Chik-Fil-B-Plan

Geminisunmars February 6, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Sin-a-bonne

DaRooster February 6, 2012 at 2:59 pm

SuBaby Sammiches

PubOption February 6, 2012 at 4:03 pm

One outlet must sell baby back ribs!

DaRooster February 6, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Chilin's

Barrelhse February 6, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Little Debbie
McDandC (try the quarter-pounder)
"Veal" Scallopini

Maman February 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. ~ Abraham Lincoln

I think posting to Facebook is like screaming out loud.

FakaktaSouth February 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I have had a couple of the conserva-movement's best and brightest fb-post the one about Pres O "being an ass for living in a mansion while people are suffering" with great righteous indignation. Accidentally posting Onion articles is probably the best thing they ever do though, so I ain't saying shit.

Loaded_Pants February 6, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Some of my relatives fall for the articles. I keep my mouth shut.–more fun that way.

DaRooster February 6, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Yours are the relatives that believe Stephen Colbert… amiright?

Loaded_Pants February 6, 2012 at 7:34 pm

He's too liberal for them.

Baconzgood February 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

If I had a nickle every time one of these douche bags believed a story from the Onion I'd almost have 8 bucks.

Fare la Volpe February 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm

8 billion bucks.

bflrtsplk February 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Fleming's mother had an abortion but forgot to tell him.

"Johnny? the Onion's not real and neither are you."

smokefilledroommate February 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Such a credible news source, that Onion.

EloquentScience February 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

It's been said here before, but what is about Republicans that make them immune to irony?

Loaded_Pants February 6, 2012 at 7:04 pm

The same thing that allows them to take books such as the Bible, Book of Mormon(y), or Assless Tugged seriously.

glamourdammerung February 6, 2012 at 7:10 pm

It's been said here before, but what is about Republicans that make them immune to irony?

It is called "being stupid".

ifthethunderdontgetya February 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Louisiana's 4th congressional district is a congressional district in the U.S. state of Louisiana. The district is located in the northwestern part of the state and is based in Shreveport-Bossier City. It also includes the cities of Minden, DeRidder, and Natchitoches.

And they sure can be proud of their Rep, John C. Fleming (R-Etarded).
~

jus_wonderin February 6, 2012 at 2:55 pm

That's where my farm is. Yes. I am embarrased…all the time.

Radiotherapy February 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Imagine the fetus cuisine that would result from the abortionplex. Yummy.

Loaded_Pants February 6, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Buffet!

littlebigdaddy February 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

If you have the tag R-LA after your name, it is impossible for your IQ to be above 80.

Come here a minute February 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

If you forgive his inability to understand the mission of The Onion, he still "seems like" an idiot because his grammar is so bad. Rep. Fleming must buy his stupid pills "by the wholesale".

mavenmaven February 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

But he still believes Colbert is the truest conservative voice out there.

SheriffRoscoe February 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm

It's called The Onion. It's like they're warning you not to trust them right there in the name.

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 2:38 pm

But really, I love going to the abortionplex; there's always a bunch of women on the prowl, looking for guys to knock them up so they can enjoy their next abortion.

Generation[redacted] February 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I like to hang out by the Orange Julius stand. It's made from real baby Julius!

MissTaken February 6, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I always wondered how those were so creamy and tasty.

imissopus February 6, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I like to add a shot of wheatgrass to my fetus smoothies. It helps my digestion and has antioxidants to protect against common, every-day illnesses.

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 3:08 pm

However you do not want to know what the artificial insemionationatorium nearby uses to make theirs so creamy.

MissTaken February 6, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Mmmm…..frothy.

jus_wonderin February 6, 2012 at 4:07 pm

supercaliflagelisticexpialidocious

prommie February 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

And they are vulnerable! Its like the Hyena's singling out the slowest member of the herd. Craft stores are good, too.

actor212 February 6, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Dammit! That's why my designer condom booth went bust!

Radiotherapy February 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm

We go to the abortionists we have, not the abortionists we wish we had.

mrblifil February 6, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Right now he is negotiating a deal to get a team of Young Republicans to scour the internet attempting to delete screen captures from every user's hard drive in America. It's down to the question of whether the sandwich coupons will be from Subway or Papa John's.

Biff February 6, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Papa John's, because he's extra cheesy calf-lick!

bumfug February 6, 2012 at 2:40 pm

His great-great-great-great grandfather was executed in Ireland for taking Swift's advice and actually eating babies.

LettucePrey February 6, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Fleming also replied to Henny Youngman that no, he did not want to take his wife, he already has his own, thank you.

Local_Mojo February 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

If a Republican congressman speaks in the woods and nobody hears him, is he automatically wrong?

flamingpdog February 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

No matter where he speaks or who hears him, he's pretty much automatically wrong.

JackDempsey1 February 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Who bought the naming rights for the Abortionplex?
Is it too late for the Acme Hanger Corp?

Radiotherapy February 6, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Or, the abortionplex is in an old hangar.

GOPCrusher February 6, 2012 at 3:28 pm

"No Fetus Can Beat Us!"

Blueb4sunrise February 6, 2012 at 3:30 pm

What was that Santorum foundation…CumPac or something…?

RedneckMuslin February 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Or Kids 'Aren't' Us

BigDumbRedDog February 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

The BBQ place right behind the abortionplex in my neighborhood is really good. Very tender meat. Also, for every abortion you get a 1/2 off coupon for a plate of baby back ribs.

Steverino247 February 6, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I want my baby back, baby back…

You want fries with that?

Biff February 6, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Due to HIPPA regulations, they won't let us have our baby back after the Abort-O-Tron procedure.

jus_wonderin February 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I've seen that place. Right next door is the English Emporium that specializes in Finger Sandwiches.

Dashboard Buddha February 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

"Ok honey…going through with the abortion? Fine fine. So…your appointment at the Abortionplex is at 3? Great…I'll be waiting for you in the food court."

Generation[redacted] February 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Yes, it was a joke, but what does it say about Planned Parenthood that a story like this would seem real?!

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 2:52 pm

We joke about eating fetuses, but based on the law against fetus eating that that wingnut in Oklahoma was trying to pass some of the anti-choicers believe that we liberals actually do eat fetuses. These guys are both nuts and stupid; you could tell them that Planned Parenthood sells the souls of aborted fetuses to Satan and they'd believe you.

MissTaken February 6, 2012 at 3:02 pm

I read on the internet that Planned Parenthood sells the souls of aborted fetuses to Satan. It's on the internet so it must be true.

Negligently_Joe February 6, 2012 at 3:15 pm

No, I'm pretty sure that's Proctor and Gamble.

Come here a minute February 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Planned Parenthood needs to repair its public image with some consulting from Ari Fleischer.

PsycWench February 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Actually I read that "story" when it first appeared and I thought it sounded like a satirical pro-life piece.

AutomaticPilot February 6, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I don't know, but it says a lot of good things about the writers at The Onion.

Biff February 6, 2012 at 6:47 pm

At least one of them is a former Wonkette editor.

horsedreamer_1 February 6, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Such illustrious company. Steuf hanging with Josh Modell, Steve Hyden, et. al., speaks less to his judgment than going to Gawker ever did to Newell's.

But, eh, keep frying that chicken, Jack. (All the ONION eds. are fat like Craig Finn — but they hate fat people. I hope they have arteries more clogged than Rick Majerus's.)

MinAgain February 6, 2012 at 8:05 pm

It says nothing about Planned Parenthood. OTOH, it says a lot about the gullibility of Lousiana representatives.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Now, if Conservatives would get embarrassed when they site to that other great satire: FOX News.

mrblifil February 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I love that there's a government staffer out there with a Yahoo News Alert set to "abortionplex."

paris biltong February 6, 2012 at 4:32 pm

"Abortionplex" gets 63,500 hits on Google. Also, the Onion story came out back in May 2011.

WinterOuthouse February 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Stupid fuckstick

smitallica February 6, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Wait, so your saying Fox News viewers are prone to mistake a joke news source for a legitimate one and not know the difference? Hmmm….

OneYieldRegular February 6, 2012 at 2:45 pm

For $8 billion, the population of the entire planet could be aborted in Tijuana.

Dashboard Buddha February 6, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Wow…that's a little over $1 per…who knew Tijuana was home to such value.

prommie February 6, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Or they could watch the donkey show, whichever.

MissTaken February 6, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I thought the abortion came with the donkey show included?

prommie February 6, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Now thats a fun date!

Steverino247 February 6, 2012 at 3:58 pm

The donkey show is there to answer the question of paternity.

RedneckMuslin February 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm

It's a ping-pong ball show but with feti.

IceCreamEmpress February 6, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I'm firing up a Kickstarter campaign RIGHT NOW.

SayItWithWookies February 6, 2012 at 2:46 pm

The Onion is probably where these Republican jackasses get their information about Mickey Mouse being registered to vote, isn't it?

veritass February 6, 2012 at 2:47 pm

It's times like these that I like to thank all of the poor souls that friend/follow republicans just for the lols. Your efforts do not go unnoticed.

Data Exactly February 6, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Wow, with 8 billion dollars in tow, Planned Parenthood could wipe out whole nations….

weej_bain February 6, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Must stem this cell.

Gopherit February 6, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Are we sure that this abortorama wasn't canceled because of a lack of funding from Komen?

prommie February 6, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Ooops, boy have I got egg on my face, early on I posted and said this guy is an "R-word," and I used the whole word, too, but now I have just noticed that he's from Louisiana, which would make him, relative to the population, some kind of genius, at least based on his ability to spell. Sorry, my mistake.

Indiepalin February 6, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Rep. Fleming is sure to enjoy the forthcoming Bob Dylan album, "I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up"

Geminisunmars February 6, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Just like your P-ness.

YouBetcha February 6, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Some poor schmuck in his office is frantically deleting Facebook comments now. So much hilarity ensues when the Internet is unleashed.

Neoyorquino February 6, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I don't care what he says – Abortionplex is the B-52s' best album ever.

prommie February 6, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Isn't there some kind of a beautifully ironic symmetry going on here? I mean, the fact that we observe the actions and statements of the current generation of raving conservative cultists, and we marvel that they have become immune to parody, and at the same time, these very same imbeciles are exposed to parody, and they think its real? I am having a hard time finding a way to say this succinctly, but there is something profound about this, that they are indistinguishable from parody themselves, and they are unable to distinguish parody in others. Thats just freaky, man.

BigDumbRedDog February 6, 2012 at 3:03 pm

If there isn't already a word to describe this disorder (besides the obvious R-word) I think we should invent one.

SayItWithWookies February 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Hip dysphasia? We might have to put them down if it gets too painful for the poor things.

BlueStateLibel February 6, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I've found the conservatives I've known to be pretty humor-impaired in general, I think it goes with the territory. But they do seem to be taking it to a whole new level lately. How a grow man, and a congressman at that, could take The Onion seriously for more than a few seconds blows the mind.

MosesInvests February 6, 2012 at 4:08 pm

It's as if they're working on some sort of mathematical proof of Poe's Law.

Baconzgood February 6, 2012 at 2:55 pm

This guy is driving around right now looking for Spatula City.

starfanglednut February 6, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Don't lay it on me man, cause you can't afford the ticket…

Baconzgood February 6, 2012 at 5:24 pm
fuflans February 6, 2012 at 2:55 pm

the south will rise again, just not in the way anyone expects.

prommie February 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Its a fermentation process. Yeast is involved.

Advn2rgirl February 6, 2012 at 3:28 pm

"It's a meat process."

Dudleydidwrong February 6, 2012 at 4:28 pm

It involves methane.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 6, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Don't know about that, but they're certainly risible again.

orygoon February 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I used to live in Texas and we took road trips to get out of Texas a lot. And the parts where we drove through Louisiana or Oklahoma had a kind of a bonus–they made one thankful for, um, living in a somewhat better place.

Sassomatic February 6, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Mind you that guy represents NORTHERN Louisiana, which isn't really Louisiana, anyway. It's southern Arkansas.

jus_wonderin February 6, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Ouch!

comrad_darkness February 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

No wonder republicans acted scared all the time. They are spooked by fairy tales and shadows . . . and satire.

Boo!

hollywooddood February 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Too bad it's not real. I can see getting my nails done, having an abortion, going shopping and really making a day of it.

hagajim February 6, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Is this guy the father of that Miss USA candidate who talked about the Iraq's and stuff….seems like he's idiotic enough to be, maybe even borderline **tard**.

SheriffRoscoe February 6, 2012 at 3:03 pm

"Our hope is for this facility to become a regular destination where a woman in her second trimester can whoop it up at karaoke and then kick back while we vacuum out the contents of her uterus. " –The Onion

The karaoke part threw the congressman off. It has the whiff of legitimacy.

VinnyThePooh February 6, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Hey, kids! Have your picture taken with Santa and the baggie of your brother or sister!

Shellwith2Ls February 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Just like the Santorums did with Gabriel!

jus_wonderin February 6, 2012 at 4:12 pm

It must be noted that you can bring your own reusable bag so you can protect the environment. I have my NPR Nino-Totem-Bag.

actor212 February 6, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Now Showing in Theatre 14 of the AbortionPlex: The Red-Faced Congressman

Sassomatic February 6, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Well in his defense, after years of believing the shit Fox News says, it becomes very difficult to recognize a bogus story, no matter how fucking ridiculous it is. Next he'll be frothing at the mouth about how Obama is a cactus.

flamingpdog February 6, 2012 at 3:25 pm

No disrespect to the Onion, but 1 in 5 people believe, for realz, that Dubya was a good President. It is hardly a stretch of the imagination to accept that the same 1 in 5 believe Hopey is a cactus.

Generation[redacted] February 6, 2012 at 4:12 pm

They must have read that Onion article, "Dubya was a Good President."

fuflans February 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm

this is the only rep left in america that could still be on 'better know a district'.

TheRiverCharley February 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I mean, The Onion piece might be satire or whatever, but people like Rep. John Fleming – anti-choice people, I mean – might be starting to catch on to the fact pro-choice people love abortions.

I mean, I got my wife pregnant 17 times last year so that we could get a bunch of abortions. We're, like, gobbling up all these abortions because we just love them so much and we're getting really greedy for them.

Just the other day, I said to my wife, "Mmmmmmm, these abortions are so gooooodd!! We could LITERALLY not have you have enough abortions. If I ever say to you 'You know, I'm a little tired of all these abortions' I want you to SHOOT ME IN THE FACE."

barto February 6, 2012 at 3:14 pm

What should have tipped him off was the $8 billion. Hah! you could only do like two, maybe three hundred abortions a minute for that. Even Planned Parenthood wouldn't bother.

jus_wonderin February 6, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Though not explicitly stated in the Onion article, I do believe the Abortionplex plans an expansion in 2016 with a Robo-bortion area.

ElPinche February 6, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Let me guess, Rep. John Fleming is Stephen Colbert's biggest fan?

Biff February 6, 2012 at 3:17 pm
jus_wonderin February 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm

What a douche.

GOPCrusher February 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm
SayItWithWookies February 6, 2012 at 3:43 pm

And Mitch Daniels is doing his best to get Mr. White's convictions reduced to misdemeanors so that — um — he can stay in office. But then what does White go and do? Allege that Daniels himself has engaged in the same type of voter fraud for the last ten elections or so.

horsedreamer_1 February 6, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Vote fraud in Indiana is the new Minneapolis Airport Toe-Step.

starfanglednut February 6, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Oh, fer fucks sake.

Dudleydidwrong February 6, 2012 at 4:35 pm

May they all soon apply for unemployment assistance. And be turned down.

DaRooster February 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

This guy is probably one of those conservatives that believe in Stephen Colbert.

Redhead February 6, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Why is it that olds still can't seem to grasp the concept of The Onion – congressman or not? I see this kind of crap posted constantly on facebook.

ChrisM2011 February 6, 2012 at 3:26 pm

He looks like a bad copy of an Adam West clone.

widestanceshakedown February 6, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Does the Abortionplex have one of those ball-filled rooms like IKEA for the kids (that got away) to play in while I use my Groupon?

Extemporanus February 6, 2012 at 3:27 pm

For $8 billion, you'd think they could've at least included a drive-thru.

imissopus February 6, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I bet he's upset about this too. And also.

GOPCrusher February 6, 2012 at 3:40 pm

TERRI SCHIAVO LIBEL!!1!

Advn2rgirl February 6, 2012 at 3:35 pm

You laugh, but the number of well-meaning Church Ladies who emailed me the "Harry Potter Sparks Rise In Satanism Among Children" story was truly frightening. http://www.theonion.com/articles/harry-potter-boo

ThundercatHo February 6, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Yay! I can get my next abortion in 3-D!

emmelemm February 6, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Costs $2.00 extra, though.

fartknocker February 6, 2012 at 3:58 pm

The next Facebook posting by John Fleming is that he'll be joining the Westboro Baptist Church at the Topeka Abortionplex this weekend holding up a sign that says "God Hates Fags."

PubOption February 6, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Westboro were picketing a school in St. Louis, this morning http://www.ksdk.com/news/article/301949/3/Counter

proudgrampa February 6, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Well, hey, they wouldn't print it if it wasn't true!

Somebody already said it: what a maroon!

Chet Kincaid February 6, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I always order abortions in advance at UnPlanDango.com. That way we can skip the long lines at the AbortionPlex, and even have time to get popcorn and candy before our abortion starts!

paris biltong February 6, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Still, some people remember when it was perfectly respectable to wear one on your belt

chascates February 6, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Did that Onion article run last year? Is this idiot stick just now reading his emails from then?

AlaskaGrrl February 6, 2012 at 4:41 pm

If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.

prommie February 6, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Can you imagine, the proud father, taking his son for the ceremony of his first abortion? "Today son, you are a man," he would say, with tears in his eyes, and they would hug. You ain't kiddin it would be a sacarament. Just like "first whore day" is now, for the upper upper class types.

horsedreamer_1 February 6, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Mazel tov, also. & whatever Kunta Kinte's father said after the "manhood ceremony".

Generation[redacted] February 6, 2012 at 5:54 pm

The #1 pickup line would be, "Don't worry, baby, if I get knocked up I'll take care of it."

Radiotherapy February 6, 2012 at 4:50 pm

The only thing this nimrod would get more bent up about is if the Onion ran an article: Obama to Cut Bush/Obama Tax Cuts!

valgal2342 February 6, 2012 at 4:52 pm

8 billion dollar abortion complex? So…men are able to get pregnant now?

owhatever February 6, 2012 at 6:25 pm

An intern needs to stand between this moron and his Tweeter.

C_R_Eature February 6, 2012 at 7:09 pm

All right, now were any of you Deviated Preverts responsible for this Yelp "Abortionplex" Profile?

If so, High praise, Indeed. Now I'll bet there will be Outraged Tweets from Governor Brownback about this.

rocktonsam February 6, 2012 at 8:53 pm

When I came to Madison, a couple of decades ago, I started to pick up the Isthmus and the Onion every week and have ever since. They're were free then and they're still free!

I don't know an alive person that hasn't at least heard of The Onion,

Except this guy. Thank God he's Republican.

scarface99 February 6, 2012 at 11:09 pm

i took my girlfriend to their drive through abortion but the line was too long, so we went inside and she got hers at the counter while i rented another dvd at redbox.

labman57 February 6, 2012 at 11:14 pm

It's a curious position being taken by the tea party/conservative movement– the idea that a college education is a waste of time and that intellectuals are elitists and should be shunned. Santorum, Bachmann, Perry, Palin, Beck, and other reality-challenged politicians and pundits such as Fleming have embraced ignorance of the modern world, and they regard a distrust of the well-educated as an attribute to be used in their desire to be perceived as "just one of the common folk" … albeit very wealthy common folk.

Lord knows we don't want our children to go to college and have their heads filled with all kinds of IDEAS. Before you know it, they'll be thinking for themselves, challenging the status quo, and developing new points of view.

And we certainly don't want our national leaders to be eloquent, scientifically literate, and generally well-informed about the world in which we live. Much better to derive scientific theories based on the teachings of the Bible, and to form national public policy based on the rumors, gossip, and unverified anecdotal accounts described in supermarket rags, online blogs, and yes, even blatantly satirical pieces.

DahBoner February 6, 2012 at 11:33 pm

An Abortionplex is a great idea because if your abortion is starting to get boring, then you can always sneak over to the abortion next door…

Ms_E_Abernathy February 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

How embarrassing–all his colleagues were outraged/confirmed as idiots over this last year. Talk about being late to the abortion party.

BZ1 February 7, 2012 at 12:23 am

those vacant eyes, nothing at all behind them…

Negropolis February 7, 2012 at 3:29 am

What century is that haircut from?

arihaya February 7, 2012 at 3:57 am

these kind of people should have been washed up when Katrina hit the shore

ttommyunger February 7, 2012 at 7:11 am

"….seem like” an idiot." Hmmmm. Looks like one, too. Kinda makes you wonder who actually voted for this person. No, I don't want to think about that, way too depressing.

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Well it's the chocolate smoothies that are made by Santorum.

Steverino247 February 6, 2012 at 3:54 pm

With genuine santorum in every glass!

starfanglednut February 6, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Ha!

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