great moments in congressional internetting

Rep. John Fleming Shocked By Abortionplex Scoop In ‘The Onion’

Look, Rep. John Fleming is too busy putting food on the table with his $400,000 business income (after food expenses and all other expenses) to know that THE ONION is a satire publication and there are no plans for an $8 Billion Abortionplex in the works, as of now.

Oops! He has now deleted this Facebook wall post because it made him “seem like” an idiot. Here’s a picture of Rep. John Fleming, from the TeeVee:

Sure this guy deserves at LEAST $400,000 in walking around money.He doesn’t “look like” an idiot, either. [The Atlantic Wire]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  1. SorosBot

    I like how morons don't seem to understand that deleting something stupid they said doesn't make it go away forever. Sorry Congressman, we all know how gullible you are.

      1. LionHeartSoyDog

        Odd, indeed.
        These fuckwits have the most expensive dumbass hairpieces that obscene wealth can buy, and they think they're fooling somebody.

  2. MissTaken

    More on Planned Parenthood, abortion by the wholesale

    I've been paying retail for my abortions, what a rip off!

      1. MissTaken

        Did you know if you abort a black baby you can buy one, get one for free? Can't pass up a bargain like that.

    1. SorosBot

      Yeah but just think you've been helping your local abortion provider instead of those big soulless chain abortion clinics.

    2. MildMidwesterner

      Yeah, I don't know about you people, but I don't have $8 billion to spend on an abortion.

    3. Steverino247

      And ever since Abort Mart came along, all the local Mom and Pop abortion clinics closed up shop.

  3. prommie

    Derr, derp, duhhh, man, seriously, fuck this ban on the R-word, this motherfucker is a motherfucking full-on retard.

      1. comptoneffect

        The banhammer might just be rusty. You might want to give it an hour or two before celebrating.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      He can't even spell his fucking name! It's Phlegming, damn it! He was so stupid that is mother couldn't even teach him his real name. "Phlegming, you fuckwad!" she'd scream at him. He would just stare, glassy eyed at her and then go beat off. And this was at age 22.

        1. SorosBot

          Yeah, that one's pretty much a dead-on description of the teabaggers. Is it satire when it's true?

    1. fuflans

      several years back, i remember a story about the onion confusing a chinese newspaper.

      the chinese newspaper had a whole lot more excuses than this twatwaffle does.

  4. angerbear

    Rep. Fleming also wanted Alfred E. Neuman investigated because he thought Spy vs. Spy was leaking valuable state secrets.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      I'd like to think that this is how satire becomes reality so remains very much alive, to get all philosophicated about it. But, damn, it makes it hard on those of us who write/do satire occasionally.

  5. UnholyMoses

    Dude should've known it was fake simply by the "Topeka" dateline. After all, abortion isn't legal within about 100 miles or so of the place.

    Which is a shame, if you've seen most of the people living within 100 miles or so of the place …

  6. Schmannnity

    What's a Louisiana Republican doing on The Onion? Shouldn't you be at with your esteemed Senator?

  7. Tundra Grifter

    Is it just coincidence that Jim Newell returns to Wonkette and immediately a right wing nut confuses The Onion with a real news source?

    I think not.

  8. KeepFnThatChicken

    Fleming: The abortionplex is in Topeka. You're in Louisiana. Out of your fucking jurisdiction, entcha?

  9. OkieDokieDog

    After my abortion I like to enjoy a yummy pizza topped with fetus. Luckily the pizza joint is located right in the same center as the abortion clinic!

  10. Maman

    It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. ~ Abraham Lincoln

    I think posting to Facebook is like screaming out loud.

  11. FakaktaSouth

    I have had a couple of the conserva-movement's best and brightest fb-post the one about Pres O "being an ass for living in a mansion while people are suffering" with great righteous indignation. Accidentally posting Onion articles is probably the best thing they ever do though, so I ain't saying shit.

  12. Baconzgood

    If I had a nickle every time one of these douche bags believed a story from the Onion I'd almost have 8 bucks.

  13. bflrtsplk

    Fleming's mother had an abortion but forgot to tell him.

    "Johnny? the Onion's not real and neither are you."

    1. Loaded_Pants

      The same thing that allows them to take books such as the Bible, Book of Mormon(y), or Assless Tugged seriously.

  14. ifthethunderdontgetya

    Louisiana's 4th congressional district is a congressional district in the U.S. state of Louisiana. The district is located in the northwestern part of the state and is based in Shreveport-Bossier City. It also includes the cities of Minden, DeRidder, and Natchitoches.

    And they sure can be proud of their Rep, John C. Fleming (R-Etarded).

  15. Come here a minute

    If you forgive his inability to understand the mission of The Onion, he still "seems like" an idiot because his grammar is so bad. Rep. Fleming must buy his stupid pills "by the wholesale".

  16. SheriffRoscoe

    It's called The Onion. It's like they're warning you not to trust them right there in the name.

  17. SorosBot

    But really, I love going to the abortionplex; there's always a bunch of women on the prowl, looking for guys to knock them up so they can enjoy their next abortion.

        1. imissopus

          I like to add a shot of wheatgrass to my fetus smoothies. It helps my digestion and has antioxidants to protect against common, every-day illnesses.

        2. SorosBot

          However you do not want to know what the artificial insemionationatorium nearby uses to make theirs so creamy.

    1. prommie

      And they are vulnerable! Its like the Hyena's singling out the slowest member of the herd. Craft stores are good, too.

  18. mrblifil

    Right now he is negotiating a deal to get a team of Young Republicans to scour the internet attempting to delete screen captures from every user's hard drive in America. It's down to the question of whether the sandwich coupons will be from Subway or Papa John's.

  19. bumfug

    His great-great-great-great grandfather was executed in Ireland for taking Swift's advice and actually eating babies.

  20. LettucePrey

    Fleming also replied to Henny Youngman that no, he did not want to take his wife, he already has his own, thank you.

  21. Local_Mojo

    If a Republican congressman speaks in the woods and nobody hears him, is he automatically wrong?

  22. BigDumbRedDog

    The BBQ place right behind the abortionplex in my neighborhood is really good. Very tender meat. Also, for every abortion you get a 1/2 off coupon for a plate of baby back ribs.

    1. jus_wonderin

      I've seen that place. Right next door is the English Emporium that specializes in Finger Sandwiches.

  23. Dashboard Buddha

    "Ok honey…going through with the abortion? Fine fine. So…your appointment at the Abortionplex is at 3? Great…I'll be waiting for you in the food court."

  24. Generation[redacted]

    Yes, it was a joke, but what does it say about Planned Parenthood that a story like this would seem real?!

    1. SorosBot

      We joke about eating fetuses, but based on the law against fetus eating that that wingnut in Oklahoma was trying to pass some of the anti-choicers believe that we liberals actually do eat fetuses. These guys are both nuts and stupid; you could tell them that Planned Parenthood sells the souls of aborted fetuses to Satan and they'd believe you.

      1. MissTaken

        I read on the internet that Planned Parenthood sells the souls of aborted fetuses to Satan. It's on the internet so it must be true.

    2. Come here a minute

      Planned Parenthood needs to repair its public image with some consulting from Ari Fleischer.

    3. PsycWench

      Actually I read that "story" when it first appeared and I thought it sounded like a satirical pro-life piece.

        1. horsedreamer_1

          Such illustrious company. Steuf hanging with Josh Modell, Steve Hyden, et. al., speaks less to his judgment than going to Gawker ever did to Newell's.

          But, eh, keep frying that chicken, Jack. (All the ONION eds. are fat like Craig Finn — but they hate fat people. I hope they have arteries more clogged than Rick Majerus's.)

    4. MinAgain

      It says nothing about Planned Parenthood. OTOH, it says a lot about the gullibility of Lousiana representatives.

  25. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Now, if Conservatives would get embarrassed when they site to that other great satire: FOX News.

  26. smitallica

    Wait, so your saying Fox News viewers are prone to mistake a joke news source for a legitimate one and not know the difference? Hmmm….

  27. SayItWithWookies

    The Onion is probably where these Republican jackasses get their information about Mickey Mouse being registered to vote, isn't it?

  28. veritass

    It's times like these that I like to thank all of the poor souls that friend/follow republicans just for the lols. Your efforts do not go unnoticed.

  29. prommie

    Ooops, boy have I got egg on my face, early on I posted and said this guy is an "R-word," and I used the whole word, too, but now I have just noticed that he's from Louisiana, which would make him, relative to the population, some kind of genius, at least based on his ability to spell. Sorry, my mistake.

  30. Indiepalin

    Rep. Fleming is sure to enjoy the forthcoming Bob Dylan album, "I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up"

  31. YouBetcha

    Some poor schmuck in his office is frantically deleting Facebook comments now. So much hilarity ensues when the Internet is unleashed.

  32. prommie

    Isn't there some kind of a beautifully ironic symmetry going on here? I mean, the fact that we observe the actions and statements of the current generation of raving conservative cultists, and we marvel that they have become immune to parody, and at the same time, these very same imbeciles are exposed to parody, and they think its real? I am having a hard time finding a way to say this succinctly, but there is something profound about this, that they are indistinguishable from parody themselves, and they are unable to distinguish parody in others. Thats just freaky, man.

    1. BigDumbRedDog

      If there isn't already a word to describe this disorder (besides the obvious R-word) I think we should invent one.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      Hip dysphasia? We might have to put them down if it gets too painful for the poor things.

    3. BlueStateLibel

      I've found the conservatives I've known to be pretty humor-impaired in general, I think it goes with the territory. But they do seem to be taking it to a whole new level lately. How a grow man, and a congressman at that, could take The Onion seriously for more than a few seconds blows the mind.

  33. orygoon

    I used to live in Texas and we took road trips to get out of Texas a lot. And the parts where we drove through Louisiana or Oklahoma had a kind of a bonus–they made one thankful for, um, living in a somewhat better place.

    1. Sassomatic

      Mind you that guy represents NORTHERN Louisiana, which isn't really Louisiana, anyway. It's southern Arkansas.

  34. comrad_darkness

    No wonder republicans acted scared all the time. They are spooked by fairy tales and shadows . . . and satire.


  35. hollywooddood

    Too bad it's not real. I can see getting my nails done, having an abortion, going shopping and really making a day of it.

  36. hagajim

    Is this guy the father of that Miss USA candidate who talked about the Iraq's and stuff….seems like he's idiotic enough to be, maybe even borderline **tard**.

  37. SheriffRoscoe

    "Our hope is for this facility to become a regular destination where a woman in her second trimester can whoop it up at karaoke and then kick back while we vacuum out the contents of her uterus. " –The Onion

    The karaoke part threw the congressman off. It has the whiff of legitimacy.

    1. jus_wonderin

      It must be noted that you can bring your own reusable bag so you can protect the environment. I have my NPR Nino-Totem-Bag.

  38. Sassomatic

    Well in his defense, after years of believing the shit Fox News says, it becomes very difficult to recognize a bogus story, no matter how fucking ridiculous it is. Next he'll be frothing at the mouth about how Obama is a cactus.

    1. flamingpdog

      No disrespect to the Onion, but 1 in 5 people believe, for realz, that Dubya was a good President. It is hardly a stretch of the imagination to accept that the same 1 in 5 believe Hopey is a cactus.

  39. TheRiverCharley

    I mean, The Onion piece might be satire or whatever, but people like Rep. John Fleming – anti-choice people, I mean – might be starting to catch on to the fact pro-choice people love abortions.

    I mean, I got my wife pregnant 17 times last year so that we could get a bunch of abortions. We're, like, gobbling up all these abortions because we just love them so much and we're getting really greedy for them.

    Just the other day, I said to my wife, "Mmmmmmm, these abortions are so gooooodd!! We could LITERALLY not have you have enough abortions. If I ever say to you 'You know, I'm a little tired of all these abortions' I want you to SHOOT ME IN THE FACE."

  40. barto

    What should have tipped him off was the $8 billion. Hah! you could only do like two, maybe three hundred abortions a minute for that. Even Planned Parenthood wouldn't bother.

    1. jus_wonderin

      Though not explicitly stated in the Onion article, I do believe the Abortionplex plans an expansion in 2016 with a Robo-bortion area.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        And Mitch Daniels is doing his best to get Mr. White's convictions reduced to misdemeanors so that — um — he can stay in office. But then what does White go and do? Allege that Daniels himself has engaged in the same type of voter fraud for the last ten elections or so.

  41. Redhead

    Why is it that olds still can't seem to grasp the concept of The Onion – congressman or not? I see this kind of crap posted constantly on facebook.

  42. widestanceshakedown

    Does the Abortionplex have one of those ball-filled rooms like IKEA for the kids (that got away) to play in while I use my Groupon?

  43. fartknocker

    The next Facebook posting by John Fleming is that he'll be joining the Westboro Baptist Church at the Topeka Abortionplex this weekend holding up a sign that says "God Hates Fags."

  44. Chet Kincaid

    I always order abortions in advance at That way we can skip the long lines at the AbortionPlex, and even have time to get popcorn and candy before our abortion starts!

  45. chascates

    Did that Onion article run last year? Is this idiot stick just now reading his emails from then?

    1. prommie

      Can you imagine, the proud father, taking his son for the ceremony of his first abortion? "Today son, you are a man," he would say, with tears in his eyes, and they would hug. You ain't kiddin it would be a sacarament. Just like "first whore day" is now, for the upper upper class types.

    2. Generation[redacted]

      The #1 pickup line would be, "Don't worry, baby, if I get knocked up I'll take care of it."

  46. Radiotherapy

    The only thing this nimrod would get more bent up about is if the Onion ran an article: Obama to Cut Bush/Obama Tax Cuts!

  47. rocktonsam

    When I came to Madison, a couple of decades ago, I started to pick up the Isthmus and the Onion every week and have ever since. They're were free then and they're still free!

    I don't know an alive person that hasn't at least heard of The Onion,

    Except this guy. Thank God he's Republican.

  48. scarface99

    i took my girlfriend to their drive through abortion but the line was too long, so we went inside and she got hers at the counter while i rented another dvd at redbox.

  49. labman57

    It's a curious position being taken by the tea party/conservative movement– the idea that a college education is a waste of time and that intellectuals are elitists and should be shunned. Santorum, Bachmann, Perry, Palin, Beck, and other reality-challenged politicians and pundits such as Fleming have embraced ignorance of the modern world, and they regard a distrust of the well-educated as an attribute to be used in their desire to be perceived as "just one of the common folk" … albeit very wealthy common folk.

    Lord knows we don't want our children to go to college and have their heads filled with all kinds of IDEAS. Before you know it, they'll be thinking for themselves, challenging the status quo, and developing new points of view.

    And we certainly don't want our national leaders to be eloquent, scientifically literate, and generally well-informed about the world in which we live. Much better to derive scientific theories based on the teachings of the Bible, and to form national public policy based on the rumors, gossip, and unverified anecdotal accounts described in supermarket rags, online blogs, and yes, even blatantly satirical pieces.

  50. DahBoner

    An Abortionplex is a great idea because if your abortion is starting to get boring, then you can always sneak over to the abortion next door…

  51. Ms_E_Abernathy

    How embarrassing–all his colleagues were outraged/confirmed as idiots over this last year. Talk about being late to the abortion party.

  52. ttommyunger

    "….seem like” an idiot." Hmmmm. Looks like one, too. Kinda makes you wonder who actually voted for this person. No, I don't want to think about that, way too depressing.

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