hey spider eyes

In a shocking turn of events, the birther trial in Georgia of which Orly Taitz tries to be a part despite the fact that she can’t practice law in Georgia (and probably anywhere else) has ruled in favor of sanity i.e. Obama! Which means that Taitz, who evidently steals bedspreads from Las Vegas hotels and fashions them into suits, has now ordered an “emergency appeal,” which is the kind of thing that Actual Lawyers use when their client is about to be put to death, etc. But for Orly Taitz one Georgia citizen’s loss of a trial to prove Obama is a heathen from abroad is AKIN TO DEATH, so, writing in five different fonts, including underrated favorite of seventh-grade history presentations, StageCoach, and using, variously, all-caps, bold and underline to convey her point, Taitz has ordered for the criminal investigation of the presiding judge in the case, Michael Malihi, and Obama’s lawyers, and of course Obama, as well as, probably, the court typist, the courtroom attendants, and that one elderly lady who was drinking from the water fountain outside the courtroom when the trial let out.

Judging by the fact that between zero and one news outlets even covered the Farrar v. Obama ruling, really the only noteworthy thing about this is Orly Taitz’s ability to make a really strong case for herself as a lawyer by insulting a judge and otherwise throwing a tantrum in broken legalese. Some excerpts from the “official” appeal:

This behavior of judge Malihi was so outrageous, that not only his advisory opinion needs to be set aside, as not grounded in any fact or law, but state and county grand juries and the Attorney General of Georgia need to launch a criminal investigation into actions of judge Malihi and possible direct or indirect undue influence by Obama. Decision by Malihi reads, as if it was entirely written by Obama’s personal attorneys Robert Bauer and Judith Corley of Perkins Coie and rubber stamped by Malihi. It is noteworthy, that both Robert Bauer and Judith Corley need to be criminally investigated as well, as both of them were complicit in aiding and abetting Obama in presenting to the public on April 27, 2011 a computer generated forgery and claiming it to be a true and correct copy of Obama’s birth certificate.

Malihi, national hero, actually said in his decision that he normally rules for the plaintiff when the defendant fails to show up in court, but he ruled in favor of Obama, even though Obama didn’t show up, because, well, the plaintiff’s case was a jooo-ooooo-ooooke:

The Court finds the testimony of the witnesses, as well as the exhibits tendered, to be of little, if any, probative value, and thus wholly insufficient to support Plaintiffs’ allegations.

No “probative value”! Likewise Orly Titz (sic).

Taitz in the end calls for the “criminal prosecution” of Obama and all his “accomplices,” which apparently is the term for someone who actually knows how to draw up a normal-looking legal document.

Some other gems from the appeal:

  • “As Obama did not appear in court and did not provide any records, it became clear that Barack Obama is even more of a fraud than previously thought.”
  • “The only thing Obama provided, was an empty chair. Did the empty chair testify under penalty of perjury in front of judge Malihi and told him, that Obama was born in this country? Did the empty chair provide Malihi with any evidence, with the original birth certificate or a certified copy?”
  • “It appears that the advisory opinion by judge Malihi was made as a result of some undue pressure from the defendant Obama, who as a sitting President has vast abilities to apply undue pressure on judges.”

Also, of course, Taitz has taken to her blog to utter profound musings such as this one:


[Fox 19/Crazy Internet People]

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  • nounverb911

    Sounds nazi-ish to me. Isn't the constitution somewhere on the Bar exam? (BTW When does her "Green" card expire?)

    • BerkeleyBear

      Actually, depending on which year you take the bar exam in California, there might be only one section of multiple choice questions on the United States Constitution in it, or there might be several essays. The bar exam also tends to question the same issues over and over (ie things where there is a "right" answer based on precedent), so a good cram program can prep even complete sociopaths to pass – there's a reason people are willing to spend thousands of bucks on those courses. Now, if I didn't know what a pain in the ass the security on the bar is, I'd think she paid someone off to take it for her, but my guess is that she managed to pass by parroting the entire BarBri outline series without learning anything.

  • Hotter, wetter, tighter LIBEL!

    • tcaalaw

      I don't know where the "hotter, wetter, tighter" meme got started, but I wish it would stop because the use of those three words in connection with Orly Taitz makes me throw up in my mouth a little each time I read them.

  • FlyOverGirl

    What the hell does "Orly" stand for?

    • nounverb911

      It's French for "the other airport in Paris".

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Must be tough, being named after your landing strip.

    • tealsheart

      Well, I heard, that it has to do with, how do I say this without offending some here (lol)… OralSexual acts…

      But OILY works better

      • Swampgas_Man

        "Orly to bed and Orly to rise. . . "

    • Tundra Grifter

      "Who was the greatest Civil War general?"

      "U.S. Grant. Or Lee."

    • According to my book of "35,000 + Baby Names", which I keep handy for such occasions, "Orly" is an old Irish name meaning "golden woman." I suppose a modern translation is "bottle blonde in lame lamé."

    • widestanceshakedown

      Personal drainage?

    • bagofmice

      The predicate for YARLY?

    • DeeJayKitteh

      An internet meme featuring a picture of a surprised-looking owl?

    • Dashboard Buddha
  • Haven't you heard, all the BIG LAWYERS use several fonts in their "briefs" and their "appeals". I hear Comic Sans is especially good for signifying gravitas, like in a death penalty appeal or parking violation.

    • paris biltong

      Wingdings is the font she should use.

      • bagofmice

        It would retain the same level of parsability.

  • ttommyunger

    The Oily Taint: "Suspects no one, and suspects everyone."

  • hagajim

    I'm getting a little tired of Orly's taint….can we just cover her in Santorum and be done with it.

  • Trannysurprise

    Wouldn't she be shot by now if she pulled this shit in whatever Fuckistan she's from?

  • freakishlywrong

    Where's this pesty cunt''s birf certificate? They just never stop. We're re-litigating the fucking pill again, ferfuck'ssake.

  • FraAnima

    The M stands for Mohammed, of course, as evidenced by his hate for America.

    • Isyaignert

      Jesus Christ's middle name is Hussein.

      • baghdadroz

        LOL. No, it's not. It's Henrietta. Jesus is a trannie.

  • The use of StageCoach proves that she is country and western.

  • prommie

    I could swear I remember her from somewhere. I think I saw her once, standing on the corner of Pacific Avenue, near the Flamingo motel in Atlantic City, on a Tuesday night, yes, that was it!

    • widestanceshakedown

      Must have been early if she could still stand.

    • Dudleydidwrong


  • OC_Surf_Serf

    insulting a judge and otherwise throwing a tantrum in broken legalese…

    'round here that is referred to as a Tuesday.

    • Trannysurprise

      Malihi OR Malia???? Coincidence????


    • paris biltong


  • Orly is in line to be the first judge on Newt's moon colony.

    • YasserArraFeck

      The First Lunar* Circuit… of the more conservative courts in the Solar System


    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Can we send her up in advance? Like, 20 or 30 years in advance?

      • RedneckMuslin

        Only if that means tomorrow.

  • Crank_Tango

    Hey Orly! I have a ranch house in suburbia that needs a root canal, maybe you should take care of that first.

  • Steverino247

    Wait! Let me feenish!

    Oh, you're finished, honey. Now step away from the news van so we can go cover the Girl Scout cookie sale at the local supermarket.

  • paris biltong

    Malihi sounds suspiciously Swahili. Birth certificate, please.

  • Callyson

    Managing not to ROTFL over this wingnut's atrocious writing, convoluted logic and utter insanity, that's what the M stands for…

  • OC_Surf_Serf



    • bagofmice

      The mighty capital M stands on its two strong legs to support the weight of the capital V in the middle. Together, the IVI construct is strong enough to define the em, and indeed point size for all fonts. The welding at the serifs ensures an even stronger bond than Impact.

      fo realz.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      "Motherfucking", obvs.

    • Swampgas_Man


  • memzilla

    Orly Taintz' badly crafted, badly composed, and highly laughable appeal is a Long Form Mirth Certificate.

  • Terry

    I don't know a thing about Judge Malihi, but I really feel for him having to hear this case.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Is there any reason he shouldn't sock her with all the costs of this farce? Let the crazy harpie spend her vast excess of spare time fighting off seizures and garnishments, out of our sight.

      • This whole thing could be cleared up, if she'd just get those seizures diagnosed.

    • CessnaDriver

      I don't feel bad for him, read his whine about Mr. Obama's dismissal of his authoritay!

  • tealsheart

    I read "In broken Senegalese" started thinking she could be on to sumthing.

    Is it ever too early to wakeUp?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Who can resist StageCoach? That is one awesome font.

    • I'd rather she use "Countdown" font. It fits her crazy ass SF allegations.

    • MOG2410

      Explains why they won't let us have it here in the asylum.

  • pinkocommi

    Orly Taitz … Orly Taitz … That's the part of the male anatomy between the scrotum and anus, right? That so easily gets covered in santorum.

    • RedneckMuslin

      No that's the taint. Taitz is the asshole. It taitz bad.

  • proudgrampa

    Isn't there some judge, some where, who will just throw her ass into jail?

    • GOPCrusher

      I think the one that threw out her original Birther case threatened to hold her in contempt if she didn't quit filing frivolous lawsuits.

      • CessnaDriver

        That judge actually called her "stupid" in his ruling.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    She's so crazy I have to doubt she uses toilet paper. That was she can scratch the judicial opinions with her finger and legitimately say the opinion stinks.

  • FraAnima

    Oily uses the most articulate of legal arguments, also too:

    'Orly Taitz, Counsel for Plaintiffs,flew to Hawaii 5 times at her own dime'.

    A frickin' Clarence Darrow.

    • chicken_thief

      What's her point – that Hawaii should be more judicious in who they let into the state?

      • yrbmegr

        That Hawaii should have the common decency to be closer to everywhere else so that investigating Obama's birth in not-Hawaii would be cheaper.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I flew to Hawaii once, on my own dime, but I never made a federal case out of it.

    • CessnaDriver

      Oily belittles a plaintiff who couldn't afford an attorney, they whines that she has to travel to Hawaii "at (sic) her own dime".

      Attorneys working for clients travel on the client's dime.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    When does she have time to practice dentistry, law, and real estate? No visible means of support? In other news, Zsa Zsa Gabor is 95 today. And she wants her accent back.

    • CessnaDriver

      In California an attorney doesn't need a real-estate license. Just a note.

      Zsa Zsa was hungarian and had a much cuter accent. Or was that Eva….

  • I watch a lot of TV so I know that Orly and Barrack will fall in love at the end.

    • It's twue, it's twue. Orly is our generations Lili von Schtupp.

      • CessnaDriver

        No, that's the Talibunny.

  • YouBetcha

    Orly, the "M" stands for "Muhammad". All your worst fears just came true.

  • spinozasgod

    the M is for Muslin…..

  • chicken_thief

    Nothing says "professional" like a gmail account in lieu of a domain name.

    • CessnaDriver

      Her website is chock-full of malware. Don't click on it!

    • I needed a real estate lawyer last month, and I thought it might be a bad sign when I noticed the guy had an AOL email account. It was: besides his general incompetence, we actually got Viagra spam from his email address. True story!

  • Baconzgood

    The "M" stands for Murder?

  • Tundra Grifter

    Orly – never go full r-word. Ever.

  • Baconzgood

    Man….That's one ugly fuckin' dude.

    • CessnaDriver

      The legend here in CA is that a guy dressed up as her actually took the bar exam so she could get a license.

  • angerbear

    If you put ten baboons in a room with ten typewriters, made them each drink a Red Bull Slurpee and then rigged the typewriters so that certain keystrokes would fire a Taser dart at one of the other baboons… Orly Taitz wouldn't have to write her own legal appeals.

    • KeepFnThatChicken


      • widestanceshakedown

        It's something people used to spit coffee into while reading letters.

        • nonbeliever7

          Beautiful. I nearly spit up all over my abacus.

          • KeepFnThatChicken

            I spilled my ink reservoir all over this crinkly paper, and knocked over my drying sand (or whatever that junk is).

      • bagofmice

        Oh Snap! Snap snap snap, snap snap. Ka-ching!
        snap snap snap snap snap snap chunk, snap snap.

    • A perfect summing up of Orly's style.

  • OneYieldRegular

    As the world turns. Wasn't Malihi Orly's BFF a couple of weeks ago when he agreed to entertain her complaint (clearly out of desperation to get away from her shrill harping)? And isn't it way past time for the white van and the orderlies with a strait-jacket to arrive?

  • Can't help but feel for the freak, a little. The sound of the maggots devouring one's brain matter must be deafening.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Orly, you're just another reason why __________________ are horrible people.

    (dentists, lawyers, the malevolently ignorant, eurotrash, Gabor sisters, Dolly Parton lookalikes)

    • Fare la Volpe

      ZsaZsa Libel!!

    • CessnaDriver

      Orange Countians.

  • SexySmurf

    Confidential to Orly Taitz: It's not good for your law practice to announce publicly you lost a case to an inanimate object.

  • Since Dr. Oily Titz is a dentist, would it be too much to get her fitted with a permanent mouth guard?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    That picture reminds me why I do not drink a quart of vodka before I go to bars. I've already chewed off both my arms.

  • prommie

    I see that Orly's "Tara" had pink-ish drapes.

    • VinnyThePooh

      She used the rod for other purposes.

  • ElPinche

    Go back to Russia , commie!!11!!

  • neiltheblaze

    If only Orly knew how much the field of dentistry misses her.

  • Steverino247

    You know, it's pretty pathetic to lose to an empty chair. The funny part is that they would have won the case if they had just shut up and let the judge rule. But nooooo. They wanted to win on the merits so they went ahead and presented testimony and documents for the Court. The Court would have ruled for them by default, but when they demanded to present their case, the Court was able to rule against them on the points of law ignored by Taintz.

    Somewhere in the world, Orly Taitz is sobbing and slapping herself, saying, "I'm the plaintiff. I'm the lawyer. I'm the plaintiff and the lawyer."

    • That's what happens when you have a fool for a lawyer.

    • Biff

      Forget it, Jake…

  • Goonemeritus

    Loosing to an empty chair will not look good to all her other high profile clients. Well at least she always has biting the heads of chickens at state fairs to fall back on.

    • bagofmice

      Losing to a typo would loosen her up.

  • soeoho

    All together now!
    Taitz so, honey Taitz so, Orly says yes but the Lord says no, Taitz so…….honey Taitz sooo.

  • chicken_thief

    Is Orly Jerome Corsi in drag or vice versa?

  • Has anyone ever mentioned that she looks like Lady GaGa in drag?

  • sharethegrief

    Someone tell Orly that Obama is a STANDING President. If he were sitting there wouldn't be an empty chair.

  • bagofmice

    Is this a Taitz named sue?

  • Generation[redacted]

    How can she be sure that Obama even exists?

  • dijetlo

    It was a sad day when Reagan closed the mental hospitals to all but the suicidal and criminally insane, thus dooming the mentally ill to lives of endless litigiousness and intermittent dentistry.

  • Barrelhse

    Suddenly, she was run over by a truck. -the end-

  • Oblios_Cap

    No “probative value”! Likewise Orly Titz.

    I hear ya, man. Normally I like the crazies, but Orly defintely is lacking any sort of probative possibilities.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Malihi?! No wonder O'bama won. His daughter was the judge.

  • SorosBot

    Someone please put this woman back on her meds.

  • Barrelhse

    OT- but, when is it OK to start with the Barbara jokes?
    Don't wanna be too soon.

    • Limeylizzie

      As in "Barb's old uterus has more sense than Orly Taitz"?

      • Barrelhse

        Do you suppose she'll keep it in a jar?

  • barto

    This wasn't covered very well but apparently the empty chair presented a much tighter legal case than Ms. Taitz, hence the unfavorable ruling. She might consider hiring a more competent legal team, I'm thinking. That and maybe get some therapy.

    • soeoho

      The empty chair did a fine job but I believe our average stools would have been an equitable challange.

    • Barrelhse

      Very much like Barney Frank's dining room table.

  • UnholyMoses

    That woman should be arrested immediately for Flagrant and Foul Use of Commas.

    And because she's certifiably fucking insane. Just … wowza. Lots of crazy in such a small package.

  • kissawookiee


    If it doesn't already stand for MMMMMM BITCH BE CRAZY, it will just as soon as he can get the paperwork notarized and filed.

  • sarah_connor

    Just wait, sheeple, the Kenyan overloards are coming! Bringing with them a delicious supply of aa coffee, I hope.

  • VinnyThePooh

    Orly took an oath to be a cunt, a whole cunt, and nothing but a cunt.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Orly? M mean Mind Your Fucking Business you dense, bugfuck crazy twit.

  • blitzgal

    If Obama is not a natural born citizen despite being born in this country, then Mitt Romney is also not a natural born citizen, as George Romney was born in a Mormon camp in Mexico and didn't come to the United States until his family fled the Mexican Revolution.

  • Wait'll she gets a gander at Mitt Romney's Mexican father's birth certificate written in the spanglish lingo. And does she know Newt Gingrich was adopted?!?? Orly: You must stop them.

  • Truly, she is the Jim Garrison of our time!! Who will play Orly in the hagiographical, Oliver-Stone-esque film of these historic, heroic events, "BHO"? Can Victoria Jackson be Jenny Craiged into suitable shape? And what about the rest of the cast?

  • BZ1

    Oily apparently has her brain on caps lock permanently

  • You mean Taitz is completely delusional? Who would have guessed besides, well, everyone with an IQ high enough to not be a birther.

  • lulzmonger

    Orly Taitz: wetter, hotter, tighter, hornier … & of little probative value.

  • plinthic

    You know, I hired her to represent me in my foreclosure. Am I making a mistake?

  • L188188

    Oh sure, you can CALL her crazy. But she's crazy like a crazy person.

  • rickmaci

    Talk about repeated abuse of process!!! Why does this hideous person still have a license to practice law? Are there no professional rules governing California lawyers to stop her? Her conduct is a disgrace.

    • chicken_thief

      She was sanctioned once to the tune of $20,000 if I recall correctly.

    • BerkeleyBear

      She's been under investigation in California for years, but just filing frivolous crap doesn't normally get you disbarred – the sanctions the court can hit you with are supposed to bring you in line. Typically disbarred attorneys have stolen from their clients, gotten popped for criminal behavior, ignored their clients or otherwise demonstrated fucked up ethics, not just fucked up brains. But she's trying hard to convince the state bar to make an exception in her case.

  • Manhattan123

    What does the M stand for? Fuck you, that's my name.

  • owhatever

    I still like Oily Titz. Not her, just her name.

  • meatlofer

    Come on Wonkette! It's a full moon,retards are supposed to be a little off.

  • Ramon X

    “The only thing Obama provided, was an empty chair."

    Wait. So, Obama actually sent a fricken chair???

    This shit's just gettin too weird for me.

  • Biff

    In the deep south, initials are legitimate names.

  • CessnaDriver

    If Mr. Obama sends a representative, they scream that he's spending millions and millions of dollars trying to keep the truth from the public.

    Just like the idiots who believe in chemtrails, they insist on having it both ways.

    • Steverino247

      Happy chemtrails to you…
      …until we meet again.

  • MRjonz

    Orly the Loony (with apologies to Roy Orbison)

    Orly the loony
    (Dum dum dum, dumdy doo wah)
    Knows the president ain’t right
    (Oy vey, yea, yea, yea)
    Orly the loony
    (Dum dum dum, dumdy doo wah)
    Knows that she must wage this fight
    (Dum dum dum, dummy doo wah)

    Those Kenyan Birth Papers, she bought were all fakes
    But she’ll keep on babbling, just as long as it takes
    And Orly the loony, continues to cry
    Orly the loony
    (Dum dum dum, dumdy doo wa-a-a-ah)

  • CessnaDriver

    DON'T click on Orly's website!

    It's full of viruses and malware!

    If you want to see her crap, find a mirror site.

    Wonkette should delete that link!

  • Nostrildamus

    Orly, Bammerz has taken shits that are smarter than you.

  • beavertank

    Is it just me, or does the text of that appeals brief become progressively smaller and smaller point as it goes? Almost as if the writer is slowly running out of air because they keep shouting so fast…

  • fuflans

    the republicans should take a look at this 'empty chair' fellow. might be just the ticket for 2012.

  • PhilippePetain

    Further down the blog, Orly apparently thought highly enough of the following comment on her blog to repost as a headline:

    Coincidence… 1] hussein dunham meets secretly with supreme court 2] law clerk hired for judge carter shortly before Orly hearing 3] eric holder apparently seen entering judge land court house before hearing 4] Orly hawaiian hearing changed from before hussein’s arrival to after hussein leaves hawaii 5] Iranian valerie jarrett speaks in ATLANTA shortly before the iranian judge malihi hearing in Atlanta….hmmmm????

    It is simply amazing that the American judicial system will put up with madness of this caliber repeatedly. Can't she be made to pay for the court costs of these cases or something? I think I'm starting to understand the Republicans who think their taxes are funding abortions.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Okay, which Wonketeer wrote this comment? Upfisty for "Iranian valerie jarret". 'Fess up, now.

      • PhilippePetain

        I was thinking the same thing but this was before the linked article, so someone either has to be reading that blog regularly or….okay, you got me, that's not really a stretch for us masochists.

  • Troglodeity

    "Despite the Defendant's failure to appear, Plaintiffs asked this Court to decide the case on the merits of their arguments and evidence. The Court granted Plaintiffs' request."

    ROFLMAO! Only the great Orly Taitz, Esquire could turn a GUARANTEED DEFAULT JUDGMENT in her favor into a loss on the merits of the case. What a dipshit.

    "Ms. Taitz attempted to solicit expert testimony from several of the witnesses without qualifying or tendering the witnesses as experts."

    ROFLMAO again! Even a first-year law student knows that experts need to be "tendered" (i.e., presented) to the court as experts in their field: which should be pretty easy to do WHEN THERE'S NO OPPOSING PARTY IN THE COURTROOM TO OBJECT! All she had to do was ask them a few leading questions. Un-frickin'-believable.

    Seriously: Orly Taitz's wingnut clients should be turning their wrath on her and demanding their monetary support back – and suing her for malpractice if she refuses. And she should be censured, suspended or disbarred: not for her peculiar beliefs but just for her abysmally, horribly, outrageously bad lawyering.

  • Limeylizzie

    For Orlybots this site is fantastique!

  • Troglodeity

    It's ironic that someone claiming that copies are unreliable would write (on p. 23 of her appeal): "As some of the exhibits in the Court Case File were not clear due to scanning,clear copies were added."

  • Barrelhse

    The "M" is for MUSLIN, bitch. And I'm goin' Sharia Law all over your ass!

  • Tommy1733

    I'm a little concerned that his Mom is named "Stanley". This apparent same-sex-marriage which somehow resulted in a child indicates some much more serious issues.

  • Tommy1733

    Please, Wonketeers, DO NOT attempt to read this document in its entirety, as it will result in BRAIN FREEZE.

    I think we need to send flowers and chocolates to Brian Kemp, Secretary of State of Georgia, as he may be suffering long-term damage from having to endure that dumbness.


  • Arken

    David Farrar, the Farrar named in the case above, used to be a regular at Talking Points Memo and, if you'll believe it, he's even nuttier than Taitz. Every time he posted anything, it was hilariously stupid. He actually believed that no one is eligible to run for president unless both of their PARENTS were born in the U.S. whether they were born here or not. He's also one of those Sovereign Citizen nuts.

  • Mohammed, obvy. God, she's stupid.

  • personalrob

    All the lithium carbonate on earth would be just a speed bump in her manic episode

  • baghdadroz

    When is Oily Taters going to collect her marbles and leave the playground? The ones that fell out of her head?

  • kwdavids

    I think the font is "Algerian," the same font on Secretary Kemp's office door. ;)

  • 12X34X

    She's not talking about the Constitution. She's talking about the constipation.

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