Jim Newell Is Back, Writes ‘Failed Blogger Returns To Wonkette’ Headline

by Jim Newell

I'm sorry.Hello, humans. My name is Jim. I used to edit this stupid website for two or three years back when it was stupider, in The Roaring Twenties.

The publisher has let me come back and type idiot nonsense about American politics after my 20-month adventure sifting the New World for gold, silk, spices, pornography and Jonah Goldberg’s Crystal Skull. Ha no I just sat on my couch for 20 months and ate belly button lint and poop and cat heads.

Anyway what would you lunatics like to read about today, Mittens, Newt, or some other shitbird fraud?

 
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{ 180 comments }

Salam Bombay February 6, 2012 at 10:23 am

Woohoo! Bliss.
Welcome back, Newell!

Mumbletypeg February 6, 2012 at 10:24 am

my 20-month adventure sifting the New World … Ha no I just sat on my couch

Jim. It's February. Around this time last year, Stuef landed squarely in Tokyo right as Tsunami Fever was breaking. Try a little harder next time. (Seriously, welcome back).

HateMachine February 6, 2012 at 10:24 am

Let's not limit ourselves, I say any and all shitbird frauds are on the table.

memzilla February 6, 2012 at 10:44 am

There may not be enough Internet to do that.

bagofmice February 6, 2012 at 10:48 am

We're gonna need a bigger table.

HistoriCat February 6, 2012 at 11:08 am

I'm not sure whether to commend you or berate for not saying "All of them Katie."

memzilla February 6, 2012 at 10:25 am

Needs Moar Peggington Noonington!

Her latest column is some blathering gin-and-Vicodin-fueled drivel about how Obama hates teh Catlicks and is imposing Sharia law on fetuses. Which is just more red meat for the proles to distract them from the Koch Bruddahs' continuing Rape 'N Pillage™ of us 99%.

And welcome back!!!lebenty!!!

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 10:35 am

What is it, more of that bullshit claiming that telling Catholic-run hospitals and universities can't discriminate against female employees is somehow anti-Catholic prejudice? Fuck that shit; if you believe your invisible friend doesn't want anyone to use birth control, don't use it, but you don't get to try and force people who don't share your views (which includes the majority Catholics, just not the Church itself) to adhere to your moronic rules.

BerkeleyBear February 6, 2012 at 10:40 am

And they could go ahead and limit it to adhere to their precious beliefs if they weren't sucking the sweet sweet teat of Federal funding – so I guess their beliefs aren't all that important to them at the end of the day. Let's see, early Christians suffered martyrdom happily according to my copy of the New Testament, but these assholes get their panties in a bunch over any threat to getting free monies? Not quite living up to tradition.

memzilla February 6, 2012 at 10:40 am

Spot on, Soros & Bear.

I don't know which pi**es me off more, the lying about Obama's position, the repression of women's rights to choose, the insidious nibbling at Roe v. Wade, or the red-herring-ness of using another invented issue to distract us all from the important things we should be doing.

I choose all of the above, Katie.

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 10:49 am

And here they're not even dealing with abortion, just fucking birth control. They do want to get rid of Griswold v Connecticut, not just Roe v Wade.

chascates February 6, 2012 at 10:44 am

I loved the part where she said the Church couldn't possibly afford to pay fines.

BerkeleyBear February 6, 2012 at 10:48 am

Well the Pope's Prada slippers don't pay for themselves, you know! Oh, wait, they do . . . my bad.

Lucidamente1 February 6, 2012 at 10:48 am

We need to construct an algorithm that would determine how much and what Lady Noonington has had to drink before wriitng each column.

Mahousu February 6, 2012 at 11:22 am

I tried writing one once, but it didn't work – just kept returning NaN.

Come to think of it, maybe it was working.

PsycWench February 6, 2012 at 10:25 am

I want to know how Bob McDumble came to this conclusion: http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/02/mcdonn

The PUMAs are beside themselves with excitement, Jim!

ManchuCandidate February 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

Easy… Obama's a nearer and demoncrap. The end.

paris biltong February 6, 2012 at 10:33 am

Come again?

ManchuCandidate February 6, 2012 at 10:37 am

He's a black not all that liberal democrat and there is no way in hell Mr "In a closet" Turtle is going to give credit where credit is due because if Barry had done what the GOPer gubbiners did then we (and I mean all of us stuck in the economy of money not the fantasyland world of libertards or an economy built around frogs and chickens as currency) would have been fucked.

PsycWench February 6, 2012 at 10:43 am

Well, the motivation wasn't hard. I'm more interested in how he's going to explain the fact that improvement was seen even in states with Democratic governors, and that they've tried so hard to make Obama own the economy that the about-face seems too obvious even for them.
Or is it wrong to expect a frisson of logic here?

BerkeleyBear February 6, 2012 at 10:41 am

Reverend! (or whatever the hell that crowd keeps saying).

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 10:43 am

Well the Republican governors are responsible for the recovery being nowhere near as strong as it could have been if so many states hadn't slashed spending and laid off a whole bunch of civil servants; so he's right, from a certain point of view. That point of view being up his own ass.

WinterOuthouse February 6, 2012 at 10:25 am

Welcome back poopy head

IncenseDebate February 6, 2012 at 10:25 am

I'm designing a personalized M&M just for you, Jimmy!

ChernobylSoup February 6, 2012 at 10:26 am

Oh happy day.

bagofmice February 6, 2012 at 10:26 am

Given that alaska is 75% male or so, dicks will do.

BarackMyWorld February 6, 2012 at 10:34 am

The Palins need to pop out more girls, then.

bagofmice February 6, 2012 at 10:38 am

Drill baby, drill!

tealsheart February 6, 2012 at 10:58 am

70% of that = SarahPalin's dick'tards

WinterOuthouse February 6, 2012 at 10:27 am

Make it about the womenz of newt and mittenz and otherz

Selfish_T February 6, 2012 at 10:27 am

Let's start cranking out some poop jokes.

Dashboard Buddha February 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

Welcome back ya big galoot.

Salam Bombay February 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

I have been excited with anticipation for Newell's return to Wonkette since last evening. If that make me pathetic, so be it.

Schmannnity February 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

I'd like to hear more about the human who was replaced by the Romneytron.

chascates February 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

The Return of the Prodigal Ginger!!!!

Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know.

stanpan February 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

Welcome back to Walton's Mountain, Jim Boy.

OC_Surf_Serf February 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

From Gawker back up to Wonkette…

Jim, as my Grampa used to say: "When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane."

fartknocker February 6, 2012 at 10:29 am

I love your position on Alaska. I've never met you but after witnessing your cartography skills, I am impressed.

ChernobylSoup February 6, 2012 at 10:29 am

He's been back for five minutes and he's already giving shitbird frauds a bad name.

ManchuCandidate February 6, 2012 at 10:29 am

Rush sighted digging for Ron Paul Ameros in his nose.
http://deadspin.com/5882485/somebody-in-robert-kr

prommie February 6, 2012 at 10:43 am

Fifty bucks says he eats it! I love saying that. You know he did!

Chet Kincaid February 6, 2012 at 10:30 am

Dish on Gawker Media! I can't stand those bitches.

widestanceshakedown February 6, 2012 at 10:33 am

I would re-follow you if it were possible, just for that.

chascates February 6, 2012 at 10:36 am

That 'blind items' bullshit belongs on Page 6 of that New York rag!!!

Biff February 6, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Jalopnik is still cool, though.

sezme February 6, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Yes! Today might be unseemly, but soon, Jim, you must start supplying us with dirt about the nefarious Denton enterprise.

horsedreamer_1 February 6, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Be ready to have ChetKincaid dong gracing the Internet.

Daulerio's gonna get ye! Daulerio holds grudges!

DaRooster February 6, 2012 at 10:30 am

"Anyway what would you lunatics like to read about today, Mittens, Newt, or some other shitbird fraud?"

Delicious cat head recipes!!

widestanceshakedown February 6, 2012 at 10:30 am

I find this post difficult to. . .oh, hell, just welcome back and glad you came to your senses, Jack.

paris biltong February 6, 2012 at 10:31 am

Jim Newell and Mimi Alford – Telling It All, at long last.

fuflans February 6, 2012 at 10:31 am

ah here is the brighter tomorrow we've been promised.

CapnFatback February 6, 2012 at 10:32 am

Whatever the story is, it better have one bitchin' Blingee.

Oh, and Jim, for your edification: we can't say the wicked "r" word anymore, so that might limit your post subjects or cause you to invest in a new thesaurus.

Nothingisamiss February 6, 2012 at 11:07 am

The thing I don't understand about this insanity is that I can write retard, which seems happily rude, but I cannot use the retard*d word in it's past tense. Sometimes retard isn't the word I need AT ALL. (see, down thread, mcnaughtonart.com)

prommie February 6, 2012 at 10:33 am

Madonna, Jim, we want Madonna, the oafish klutz who fell down, almost, twice, talk about her. I try to type idiot nonsense, myself, but you do it so much better, being a professional typer of idiot nonsense, so please type some idiotic nonsense about Madonna, so I can LOL and claim that I spurted liquids on my keyboard. I will leave the typing to you, while I practice my hobby of artisanal masturbation.

BerkeleyBear February 6, 2012 at 10:44 am

Only the finest hand crafted lubricants and dildos for you, eh, prommie? Elitist!

weej_bain February 6, 2012 at 10:33 am

Welcome back Ginger Jim. Good to see you haven't lost your rhetorical savoir-faire.

Sharkey February 6, 2012 at 10:34 am

Let's look into Bo Obama today. Always seemed very corrupt to me.

BklynIlluminati February 6, 2012 at 10:34 am

Great you've comeback just in time for the apocalypse election 2012!!! Pull up a chair

AlterNewt February 6, 2012 at 10:34 am

It's a day of re-Newell.

chascates February 6, 2012 at 10:34 am

That 'Rembrandt of the Christian Reconstructions' has 2 new pieces of propaganda both featuring Obama.
One of Obama standing (TRAMPLING!) on the U.S. Constitution as all the former Presidents observe, some approving (Democrats and the now-hated Teddy Roosevelt) and others, more godly & America hazing a sad.
The other of Obama surrounded by chained Americans with dollar bills flying around. AND A SOLE CHICKEN WALKING AROUND!! What does it mean, oh Mighty Jim???? http://www.theblaze.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/0http://www.mcnaughtonart.com/artwork/view_zoom/?a

Also, was or was not Rush Limbaugh picking his nose at the Super Bowl?

bagofmice February 6, 2012 at 10:40 am

Link plz!

ManchuCandidate February 6, 2012 at 10:42 am

See my earlier post.

chascates February 6, 2012 at 10:43 am
CapnFatback February 6, 2012 at 10:56 am

WARNING: DO NOT GO TO BLAZE LINK IF YOU WISH TO KEEP YOUR BRAIN FROM ATROPHYING! IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME, BUT I CAN SAVE OTHERS FROM . . . THE . . . *gurgle* . . . meedep . . . guuuuuuuuhhhhhhh . . .

tealsheart February 6, 2012 at 11:05 am

Thxs CaptFB. Here have a fistUp'er

bagofmice February 6, 2012 at 10:58 am

'bammerz makin it rains
While all these white folk are up in chains.

Light from the sky above
Shinin on current head of the gov.

I never knew McNaughton was so gangsta.

ManchuCandidate February 6, 2012 at 10:40 am

Yes, he was.

prommie February 6, 2012 at 10:45 am

Picking his nose, and eating it, you just know he did.

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 10:52 am

Though it seems like the mainstream media is obsessed over M.I.A. possibly flipping the bird during her performance. Think of the children, and her their lives were ruined by seeing a woman's finger briefly make a gesture that's considered rude!

chascates February 6, 2012 at 11:31 am

FoxNation has it as their main article:'
Super Bowl Singer Gives America The Middle Finger

Nothingisamiss February 6, 2012 at 11:04 am

Oh, Good Lord, it's a happy Monday morning indeed when we get Newell back AND another masterpiece of McNaughton art.

cheetojeebus February 6, 2012 at 11:16 am

W o r s t Blingees Eve r!

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 11:20 am

I just looked at the McNaughton painting and, along with lying about Franklin Roosevelt and claiming that his Depression-ending policies extended it, FDR is standing unassisted in the painting. History fail.

chascates February 6, 2012 at 11:24 am

Apparently Invisible Space Giant restored his walking ability once he gained entrance to the Eternal Place of Hymn Singing!

Biff February 6, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Must be a MorMan. They say the infirm become firm, the incontinent become continent, the colored become white and "delightsome"…
whut?

HistoriCat February 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

Look – that one guy is taking a hack saw to the chains! Bet that black man who is watching him will rat him out – poor Negro has been brainwashed into believing he's better off on the Democrat plantation than being freedumbed!

John Birf Society February 6, 2012 at 10:35 am

Welcome back, Kim. And congratulations to the Patriots! They are now the only group in history to let more balls through their hands than Madonna.

tealsheart February 6, 2012 at 11:08 am

Did they win?
I boycotted the game, since and till they wouldn't admit that they have a lesbian QB

EatsBabyDingos February 6, 2012 at 10:35 am

If Jim Newell returns, can Jim Crow be far behind? Ann Coulter lifted her tail and crapped three times this morning, so the answer is "yes."

JackDempsey1 February 6, 2012 at 10:36 am

There he is, let the verbal and nonverbal hazing begin.
[This is known as "crossing paragraph B."]
Note to D.C., NoVa, MD residents: confine yourselves to trunk/torso blows, less visible to the men in blue. Also, stay away from the fingers —– they are the journalistic "moneymakers."

BerkeleyBear February 6, 2012 at 10:46 am

So the blanket party is on for tonight? Sweet – got my sock full of soap right here (although I don't think the liquid stuff works as well as those old bars of Ivory they used in Full Metal Jacket).

philpjfry February 6, 2012 at 10:36 am

Hurray, The alien space overlords loose this one. Welcome back

paris biltong February 6, 2012 at 10:36 am

"Stupid," "idiots," "lunatics"? Take it easy, man! We've got important things to say here, not like at some other blogs you may have been associated with.

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 10:37 am

Jim, we promise to be better commenters than the ones over at Gawker; although that is a very, very easy promise to keep.

widestanceshakedown February 6, 2012 at 10:53 am

To whom are our comments submitted for approval now? I have a really great pun, and it's essential that it post before noon.

Schmannnity February 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

Modest suggestion: take your vacation during the birthday week of the youngest son of a former vice-presidential candidate from Alaska.

tealsheart February 6, 2012 at 11:11 am

Which week? Oh, the ' official version' otherwise, two months earlier to celebrate

bureaucrap February 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

Don't care too much about the articles as long as the pics/gifs show more skin. Hope you'll get right on that.

WinterOuthouse February 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

Do you know what I heard?

I heard that Newell's women are all posts.

Dashboard Buddha February 6, 2012 at 10:42 am

C'mon Jim…submit an another article – we respond you long time.

Fixed

tealsheart February 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

Welcome back and all that other stuff!
Send me your 20 months of belly button lint, (I know you saved it), I'm making a cute blanket for my headless cat.

Dashboard Buddha February 6, 2012 at 10:41 am

You have a headless cat?! How do you manage to take "breading cats" pictures??

tealsheart February 6, 2012 at 11:14 am

SIMPLE: I use the head from one of my Sarah Palin blowUp dolls

Dashboard Buddha February 6, 2012 at 11:28 am

Wow…you sure know how to give a fella nightmares. I bet I dream of being chased by Palin-headed cats tonight.

tealsheart February 6, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I'm only following doctor orders here.

facehead February 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

Jimbo! Can I call you 'Jimbo'? OF COURSE I CAN IT IS THE INTERNET!

So Jimmy, now that you're back, I'd like to hear some news about those gumdrop forests my mother was always talking about. Or maybe Riley? Yes, Riley, wtf is going on with Riley. That's mostly it.

LOL, I ALMOST FORGOT TO CALL YOU A GINGER YOU GINGER!!!

Barrelhse February 6, 2012 at 10:40 am

If you had only gone to England. You could be writing for the Guardian instead of what's-her-name.

chascates February 6, 2012 at 10:40 am

For new visitors to the site: http://pumapac.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/jim

BerkeleyBear February 6, 2012 at 10:54 am

The paleness – it burns!

tealsheart February 6, 2012 at 11:18 am

Red hairs! I've heard some really-really-really toe curling rumors. Never mind repeating them, since this site deals only with the factuals

Blueb4sunrise February 6, 2012 at 10:40 am

Howzabout shitbird fraud Pete Hoekstra?
http://www.boston.com/news/politics/articles/2012

Jim Newell February 6, 2012 at 10:50 am

Winner!

Blueb4sunrise February 6, 2012 at 10:57 am

Oh Happy JOY JOY!!!!!!!!
I had my grav-hair dyed just for your return!!!!!!!!!!!

BerkeleyBear February 6, 2012 at 10:58 am

Pete Hoekstra running again at all is all I need to know that there is evil in this world. That guy is a pure fucking nut.

And if I'm Debbie Stabenow, I'm pointing at the recovery of the auto industry in Michigan, and saying "scoreboard, bitches." Not that the shitheads in Grand Rapids that Hoekstra's ad is pandering to will understand or care.

Blueb4sunrise February 6, 2012 at 11:07 am

Yup. Even besides the rice paddy racism, the ad doesn't even come close to making sense.

It's an appeal to those that remember the 'rice-burner' tag for import cars, uhhhhh,
like 40 years ago when U.S. Auto started to tank.

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 11:02 am

What, did he hire the same ad agency as godaddy.com?

V572 the Merciless February 6, 2012 at 10:40 am

Hooray, Jim's back! Tell us how Ari Fleischer seized control of SG Komen. Or didn't, according to him. But watch what you say!

prommie February 6, 2012 at 10:47 am

Hey, that was some amazingly excellent job of public relations consulting old Ari did, wasn't it? Most succesful rollout of a new policy ever, what ho?

V572 the Merciless February 6, 2012 at 10:51 am

Ha ha, that’s why he’s disowning it. “All I did was tell them to call a crisis management firm,” AFTER he wiped out their fundraising ability for years to come.

EatsBabyDingos February 6, 2012 at 10:41 am

Mr. Newell was staying in Washington, DouCee, (renamed for our favorite Fox Gnus beastiality, uhhh, personality, Steve Douchey) during his absence. He tried opening a new restaurant in Anacostia, the "Jim Crowbar Inn." Guess it didn't work out.

muthalovin February 6, 2012 at 10:42 am

So, Jim "The Empire Strikes Back" Newell has returned. Hooray? Yeah, for sure, hooray.

Lucidamente1 February 6, 2012 at 10:42 am

How can we not love the guy who wrote this the last time he tried to leave?:

http://wonkette.com/415762/goodbye-forever-deares

To the Wonkette Commentariat, for being the absolute most consistently hilarious group of one-liner writers on the Internet since forever. I’m not just being a fairy here: it’s kind of “Internet consensus” that Wonkette commenters are, without a doubt, the best on any blog on the Internet. Ask anyone (who isn’t dumb) and they will tell you this.

paris biltong February 6, 2012 at 10:48 am

Forever is such a short time…

emmelemm February 6, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I got a tear in my eye!

TheRiverCharley February 6, 2012 at 10:42 am

Personally, I want you to write a story about how creeped out you are I followed you over here from Gawker.

Salam Bombay February 6, 2012 at 10:43 am

Interesting. Images folder on Pumapac.org is full of shirtless pictures of Barack Obama
http://pumapac.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/

Nostrildamus February 6, 2012 at 7:20 pm

That's hilarious.

vulpes82 February 6, 2012 at 10:44 am

Twenty months?!!? How DID you survive Gawker that long? Now, show us on the doll where Nick Denton touched you. This is a safe place.

Also, PLEASE TO GIVE US DAME NOONINGTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Delicious_2 February 6, 2012 at 10:47 am

I want Sara K. back, too….hurry, before the stargate closes

chascates February 6, 2012 at 11:10 am

I'm afraid SKS has gone over to the Dark Side, you know: motherhood, family, .that kind of crap.

HistoriCat February 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

She needs to get that kid started in a day care, cleaning toilets and sweeping the floor.

ThundercatHo February 6, 2012 at 10:49 am

Since it's Monday morning and your first day back how about something easy and always a crowd pleaser, Sarah Palin. The Daily Beast had an article about what a great mother she is because she has a handicapped child or some such puke. No way I was gonna click on that. Or Rush picking his nose on national television. Same thing.

widestanceshakedown February 6, 2012 at 11:02 am

The photo at HuffPo is of Rush in the upper right corner and what appears to be Steven Tyler in the lower left corner, summarizing everything that is wrong with this nation.

Come here a minute February 6, 2012 at 10:49 am

Fuck this, we already had a welcome back thread when Ken made the announcement. Give us jokes, content monkey!

freakishlywrong February 6, 2012 at 10:51 am

Yay! Bitter ginger! Make me laugh, bitch!

Oblios_Cap February 6, 2012 at 10:54 am

Ken Layne – solving America's unemployment problem one job at a time!

tunamelt February 6, 2012 at 10:54 am

A sequel?

Schmegeg February 6, 2012 at 10:54 am

Hmmm. Cathead recipes?

Nostrildamus February 6, 2012 at 7:23 pm

These look pretty good.

Terry February 6, 2012 at 10:56 am

Welcome back, Jim!

I saw that Newtie is advocating spending like a drunken sailor. Who is his demographic? Denfense contracting companies? Did Reince Priebus neglect to send Newt a copy of the script?

johnnyzhivago February 6, 2012 at 10:57 am

Needz moar Blingee Contests and better prizes!

proudgrampa February 6, 2012 at 10:57 am

Jim Who?

Oh, just kidding. Welcome back, son.

Nothingisamiss February 6, 2012 at 10:58 am

Despite what I'm thinking is a bad attitude in the above post, I am gloriously giddy that you're back!

Gawker surely did not give you enough love.

(Possibly better/more regular paychecks, but….)

SnarkoMarx February 6, 2012 at 10:59 am

Stories told with hand turkeys. I miss those stories.

notreelyhelping February 6, 2012 at 11:03 am

Oh yeah…I remember: this is the snide/funny guy. The other one's the bitter/funny guy. Cool. Welcome back.

johnnyzhivago February 6, 2012 at 11:03 am

Only other suggestion is to stay away from broad generalization – except proven ones like all conservatives are idiots or all Republican politicians are bloodsucking lizard people.

Goonemeritus February 6, 2012 at 11:03 am

Welcome back Jim a timely piece comparing the leadership style of Sarah Palin and Vaclav Havel would be nice. BTW there are no failed bloggers only shortsighted advertisers and readers.

actor212 February 6, 2012 at 11:06 am

Battered, but unbowed. Welcome home, loserboy.

Veritas78 February 6, 2012 at 11:12 am

Is this a Newell post? Hahaha!

chicken_thief February 6, 2012 at 11:19 am

Needz moar Sant rum.

MissTaken February 6, 2012 at 11:23 am

Yay! Newell's back and I'm on a webex with drunken Irishmen. Ginger Week has officially begun!

SorosBot February 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

Isn't drunken Irishmen kind of redundant?

MissTaken February 6, 2012 at 11:43 am

Well, I do work for the Department of Redundancy Department.

Chet Kincaid February 6, 2012 at 12:49 pm

After it got canceled for several years due to drunken Irishmen, the Chicago Southside Drunken Irish Parade is back on this year, because the organizers promised to stop being such drunken Irishmen. Since public drunkenness had always been the main point, we'll see how that works!

Jack Stuef February 6, 2012 at 11:26 am

It was all just a bad dream.

chascates February 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

At least in this dream I was wearing more than just underwear.

qwerty42 February 6, 2012 at 11:31 am

Hello Jim and welcome back.

Gopherit February 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

"Anyway what would you lunatics like to read about today, Mittens, Newt, or some other shitbird fraud?"

Aw, Jim, it's nice to see your Muse coming back to you after being stifled by those frauds over at Gawker.

More like this, please: http://wonkette.com/401158/401158

WhatTheHeck February 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

I don’t think you ever left, did you, Jim?
So I can’t welcome you back in the true sense. Just carry on doing what you do and we’ll eat it up.

sarah_connor February 6, 2012 at 11:54 am

BUTTERSTICK. But I'll settle for Newell.

Redhead February 6, 2012 at 11:59 am

"Anyway what would you lunatics like to read about today, Mittens, Newt, or some other shitbird fraud?"

All of them, Katie! Welcome back, ginger Jim!

chandadeepti February 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm

<3

Nostrildamus February 6, 2012 at 7:23 pm

<==3

Guppy February 6, 2012 at 12:15 pm

What, no Boricua love?

OKthennext February 6, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Will you pleese swear at us and secks-shoe-alee abuse us, like sara benincasa used to do?

johnnymeatworth February 6, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Welcome back, Jim.

tealsheart February 6, 2012 at 12:25 pm

THANK YOU! This is a clear sign that BHO wins again!

dipfan February 6, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I'd like to pre-congratulate you on your next job (Buzzfeed Politics, sometime in August) and save time.

neiltheblaze February 6, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Dammit, Jim, we've missed you.

thefrontpage February 6, 2012 at 1:01 pm

I thought I was the only person who ate cat heads!

By the way, they are delicious with A-1 sauce and Kraft American cheese slices.

illnoise February 6, 2012 at 1:13 pm

We're glad to have you back, Jim, you were missed. Go truck nuts.

BornInATrailer February 6, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays!

Extemporanus February 6, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Welcome back to the party, Jim.

I trust that you brought enough lightly salted poison rat dicks for everyone.

ttommyunger February 6, 2012 at 1:19 pm

"Anyway what would you lunatics like to read about today, Mittens, Newt, or some other shitbird fraud?". I've got a craving flung on me for some deep fried Mitten Fuck-ups, scattered over a bed of Newt Bloviation served with the Shitbird Fraud Sauce. Pleeeeze.

bringmeanaxe February 6, 2012 at 1:30 pm

So glad you're back, 'cause I totally have a thing for gingers. No really, I do.

Biff February 6, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Anybody else get their Ron Paulaction figure doll yet?

Allmighty_Manos February 6, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I wasn't sure if that was "meh" or "meth" scribbled over America's heartland. Both are spot on observations.

natoslug February 6, 2012 at 1:37 pm

SHOE US UR TITZ!!1!!1LEBENTY!!!!!

Nah, I got nuffink today.

Buckminster February 6, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I got all confused by your map, Jim. I have a bro-in-law named Dick who lives in Seward, AK and used to own a liquor store, so my egotistical brain thought, "He spent 20 months up at my brother-in-law's?

twoeightnine February 6, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Nice to have you back Jim! Now go fuck yourself.

Come here a minute February 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Just came back and already breaking the rules — isn't that supposed to be, "Our name is Jim. We used to edit this stupid website…"?

vtxmcrider February 6, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Just to be clear … are you the gay guy who left Wonkette because of too much buttsecks?

sezme February 6, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Our long national nightmare is finally over. Welcome home, Jim-Bob. We will never let you leave again. [Cue ominous music]

Jerri February 6, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I get all my news from Wonkette and sugar packets from the Denney's, so I don't really care what you write about, Jim. I'm just glad you're back.

ManchuCandidate February 6, 2012 at 10:44 am

Where there's racism there's a way.

BerkeleyBear February 6, 2012 at 10:50 am

Wrong, wrong, wrong – and you should know better by now. The GOP talking head apparatus is completely impervious to logic or consistency. This is what happens when you model your entire approach to elections on a guy with Alzheimer's who thought astrology was a legitimate science.

ManchuCandidate February 6, 2012 at 10:56 am

Randolph Scott!

Lascauxcaveman February 6, 2012 at 11:21 am

"What if me 'n the boys were to shoot that nearer dead? Would that cheer you up?"

Lascauxcaveman February 6, 2012 at 11:29 am

Seinfeld: "I was scratching, not picking!"

CapnFatback February 6, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I snark to serve.

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