CRY US A FREAKING RIVER  6:43 pm February 3, 2012

NRO Will Now Explain to Stupid Liberals How Private Charity Works

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Oh noes, National Review Online editors are feeling a touch put out that they went to all the “trouble” of holding a group fap session righteously congratulating the Susan G. Komen foundation for cutting off grants to Planned Parenthood and then posted the account of it online only for the charity to admit shortly thereafter that it had decided to restore the funding because of UGH, LIBERALS. “Does anyone on the Left even ask the basic question of whether a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?” demands to know NRO Corner blogger Daniel Foster, sassily. Yeah, why can’t charities just do what they want with their money in PEACE? It is THEIR MONEY, after all, that they collected off the money-growing trees, probably.

God those liberals, always trying to interfere in everyone’s private affairs, always trying to tell everyone else how to live their lives, pretty much that’s all they do is go around yelling about things that are none of their business like who they are supposed to marry or how they are supposed to have sex or what they do with their uteri like how the charity that they are giving a portion of their earnings to then goes and spends those funds:

In the NROHQ kitchen just now, Charlie Cooke wondered aloud, and here I paraphrase: “Does anyone on the Left even ask the basic question of whether a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?” But in fact, that anyone thinks there is a question here is a sign we’ve already lost.

Yes. What idiot would care about how the organization he or she donates to uses those funds. This type of idiot is a bully, as illustrated by the following analogy that helpfully compares breast cancer treatment and prevention access for low-income women to …child’s play:

Imagine I volunteered to run a cub scout troop, and for years, when the annual soapbox derby came near, I knew I could count on Joe’s Deli as good for a hundred dollar donation. If one year Old Man Joe decided he didn’t want to donate any more — because he didn’t like the design of our racer, or because he thought his hundred bucks was better spent on a little league team, or because he disapproved of the scouts’ stance on gays — what on earth would justify me going on public access TV to grill Old Man Joe on why he hates kids? What would justify me hacking the Joe’s Deli web site or maliciously editing Old Man Joe’s Wikipedia page? What would justify me goading a handful of my city councilman into standing up at the next town meeting and publicly calling on Old Man Joe to reinstate his donation?

Ha ha it’s the entire “Susan G. Komen bails on Planned Parenthood” debacle retold as an episode of the Andy Griffith Show. That makes sense. [The Corner]

 
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{ 869 comments }

littlebigdaddy February 3, 2012 at 6:48 pm

They sure do get themselves in a state over teh lady parts.

nounverb911 February 3, 2012 at 7:11 pm

The only time they've ever seen them was on fleshbot.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Yeah, but not in a good way.

Actually, I've gotten mixed reviews myself, so I'll just STFU.

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Problems with the wife/sweetheart/girlfriend, darlz?

Nostrildamus February 3, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Me too, but not the same way.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 3, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Who doesn't?

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Straight men *do* that kinda shit, dear.

HistoriCat February 4, 2012 at 8:43 am

I resemble that remark.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 1:36 pm

(Inspects teh HistoriCat carefully)

Why yes, you most certainly do!

starfanglednut February 4, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Watch out! He might sue you for definition of character. (stolen from MASH episode)

HistoriCat February 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm

(Goes back to licking self.)

Chet Kincaid February 5, 2012 at 2:11 am

What's the deal? Have you "prayed away the Bi"?

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:25 am

Who, me? No way! But us bi folks have twice the choice you straight folks do, you know. HAHAHA.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 4, 2012 at 7:32 pm

OH MY GAWD:
Komen stops funding stem cell research.

Let's see them try to spin THAT as "not political".

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Well, you see, the stem cells are being investigated by a Republican senator…

Biff February 4, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Seems they have gone full re+ard. Never go full re+ard.

imissopus February 4, 2012 at 10:24 pm

GAH!!! That website! Brain bleach, please.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:36 am

Did you get YOUR Rosary of the Unborns? Tiny dried shrunken fetii wrapped in wire on a solid pewter rosary complete with plastic crosses and curlicues! Get yours now!

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 5, 2012 at 2:57 am

FetusFetishism

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:12 am

It's time to visit The Wrath of Dog upon those bitchez again.

barto February 3, 2012 at 6:51 pm

That is some real deep thinking there, NRO. Now imagine Oldmanjoe (rhymes with banjo) just decided to keep his goddamned money, or give it all to the local serial killer. Hah, take that librul scum!

Dudleydidwrong February 3, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Oldmanjoe rhymes with Old Black Joe, so maybe the National Review thought that Kommen was a communist organization giving support to Barry.

I'm comin'
I'm comin'
And my head is bending low…

Oops, that's about Widestance Republicans and Santorum.

Dashboard_Jesus February 4, 2012 at 1:09 am

Hah, I think I WILL give my money to the local serial killer if'n he'll take a keen interest in the harpie who is head of Komen…she is one scary lookin' bitch http://morallowground.com/

Barrelhse February 3, 2012 at 6:52 pm

The Harvard Lampoon had nothing on these guys.

Nostrildamus February 3, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Regularity?

flamingpdog February 3, 2012 at 7:47 pm

No, at least back in the day, the Harvard Lampoon had boobs. And not on the editorial staff.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 8:09 pm

I was thrilled to find a replacement copy of Bored of the Rings a few years ago, smack in the middle of the whole Peter Jackson frenzy. It made me laugh all over again.

flamingpdog February 3, 2012 at 8:19 pm

I've managed to hang onto my copy of "The Best of National Lampoon" no. 1. all these years, much of it written by Micahel O"Donoghue. Funny articles, but more importantly, lotsa boobs.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Outstanding. Scan that Sucker!

Radiotherapy February 3, 2012 at 8:31 pm

I've got like three or four I kept from the late 70's, awesome shit. Ted Mann was my favorite.
Dag, I just yahoo'd him and i didn't know he was a survivor.

Loaded_Pants February 3, 2012 at 10:09 pm

There's lots of great stories about O'Donohue's days at SNL. My two favs:
About the Muppets appearing on SNL, he said: "I don't write for felt."
When Ackroyd first showed up at the SNL offices in his motorcycle leather gear, he told him: "You're the ugliest leather daddy I've ever seen."
When I discovered Spin magazine in the 1990s, he was writing a column for them. It was always some sort of funny, misanthropic rant. It was only years later that I learned he wrote for SNL & the National Lampoon. He was a troubled guy but, in his prime, funny as hell.

Swampgas_Man February 4, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Better, there's a CD-Rom available of ALL the issues of National Lampoon. Not as beloved as my CD-Rom of the entire run of MAD Magazine, but. . .

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Gahan Wilson's comic strip "Nuts" was (and remains) one of the best evocations of what it was really like to be a kid. The strip about report card day, where he's looking at his report card and thinks, "Oh, God! How could I have done this badly?" and the row of other kids in his class all have thought balloons that say, "done this badly?", "this badly?", "badly"… "I even failed music, and you CAN'T fail music! Maybe Miss Jackson knows I hate 'Peter and the Wolf'!"

Chet Kincaid February 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I had that one, too!

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 8:44 pm

"Frito", "Dildo Bugger", "Goodgulf the Wizard" and "The landscape stretched before them, full of Swiftly Rising Gorges". Gets me every time.

ShaveTheWhales February 3, 2012 at 9:21 pm

1. I am a fan of Lord of the Rings, and actually thought the movies were pretty damn good.

2. I got a copy of Bored of the Rings a few years after I had read the trilogy (mid-70's, I suppose). I still have it. It's perfect.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Oh, I absolutely love to movies too (actually have the extended version on DVD). I just like to laugh at stuff.
My old roommate's drunk "friend" spilled beer, vomit and eventually stole my old copy. Asshole.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 9:41 pm

It was a time of icons, great and not so….being mocked . Apparently twisted us forever.

DerrickWildcat February 4, 2012 at 2:07 am

Tim Tim Benzedrine
Hash Boo Valvoline

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 8:30 am

"Don't mind Hashberry, this is her day to Crash."

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:09 pm

First, second, neutral, park
Hie thee hence, you leafy narc!

Biff February 4, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Same here, but it's just not nearly as funny without chemical enhancement…

MosesInvests February 5, 2012 at 1:55 am

This Ring, no other, was made by the Elves,
Who'd pawn their own mother to grab it themselves.
Ruler of creeper, mortal and scallop,
This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop.
The power almighty rests in this lone Ring,
The power, alrighty, for doing your own thing.
If broken or busted, it cannot be remade,
If found, send to Sorhed (the postage is prepaid).

Beowoof February 4, 2012 at 10:56 am

Why am I not surprised to find that many of those on Wonkette have in common a 1970's National Lampoon subscription, the rest of the Accounting Majors thought I was crazy then. (Small Catholic College near Niagara Falls that tended to be ultra conservative). Further, that so many here enjoyed Bored of the Rings as much as I did.
And here we all are, 35 years later still aspiring to write for the NL.

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 12:51 pm

NL should be so lucky.

joobajooba February 6, 2012 at 7:53 am

"Mrs. Agnew's Diary"
Craig Baker, Perfect Master

mrblifil February 3, 2012 at 6:54 pm

I'm envisioning the screeching Donald Sutherland from the remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers reading this article aloud.

boobookitteh February 3, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Don't most of the right's arguments boil down to 'you can do what you want with your money and I can do what I want with mine'? Komen is still free to use their money to sue smaller charities who use pink or the word 'cure' in their name or take funding away from low income women and we can withhold our funding from them for exactly those reasons or any other.

I'm so very tired of this.

Tundra Grifter February 3, 2012 at 7:25 pm

" Komen is still free to use their money to sue smaller charities who use pink…"

"Come On Up And Get This Party Started – And We'll Sue Your Ass."

jqheywood February 3, 2012 at 9:06 pm

No, silly….pink, not P!nk (she has been screwing up my iTunes alphabetical listing forever.)

Terry February 3, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Have the Komen lawyers gone after Victoria's Secret for that silly Pink spin off shop? Why do young girls want PINK written across their rear ends?

Jukesgrrl February 3, 2012 at 10:31 pm

They think young men need directions?

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Well … wouldn't that be on the FRONT end? You know, as in Clitoris –> HERE?

At least that's what MissTaken seems to imply.

Tundra Grifter February 4, 2012 at 11:49 am

My last name is shared by a clothing line popular with the Youngs, and I'm still trying to get used to seeing it across girl's aft portions.

Swampgas_Man February 4, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Juicy?

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Hey, Abercrombie. Wha'sup?

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:12 pm

"Why do young girls want PINK written across their rear ends?"

The store was all out of the pants that had JUICY written across the seat?

LettucePrey February 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Actually, the issue isn't even "whether a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit." The real issue is why low-income Americans have to rely on charity for basic medical care.

But of course, I'm just a pinko.

Tilley February 3, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Look forward to Komen's lawyer's letter to you in the mail for copyright infringement, or some such fucking thing.

ShaveTheWhales February 3, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Commie!!!

Hi.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Yep. Just like (R)money, I like firing people. People like Komen.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:11 pm

"Don't most of the right's arguments boil down to 'you can do what you want with your money and I can do what I want with mine'?"

Can't agree with you there, kitteh. My observation is that their only argument is, "If I can't force other people to do what I want, you're taking away my freedumb".

SorosBot February 3, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Yes, a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit. And the rest of us have the right criticize how they choose to dispose of that money, and not give if they do something shitheadedly wrong.

finallyhappy February 3, 2012 at 8:08 pm

So does this Moran think Susan Komen funded this the way Bill gates funded the Gates Foundation.???

Jukesgrrl February 3, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Daniel Foster has probably never donated a dime, so wouldn't know. What does he care if some beyotch he doesn't even know/get sex from has cancer?

Beowoof February 4, 2012 at 10:59 am

I didn't know the plastic blow up dolls can get cancer.

Harry_S_Truman February 3, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Score one up-fist for demonstrating the proper usage of "shitheadedly."

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:17 pm

So much more boffo than "anile".

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 4, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Soros, you should know by now, market forces (Komen changing their mind in response to those who give them money threatening not to do so), do not work when they support liberal causes. That is the foundation of most conservative ideas.

GuanoFaucet February 3, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I'll take dumb fucking analogies for $500, Alex.

Tundra Grifter February 3, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Daily Double!

Crank_Tango February 3, 2012 at 7:39 pm

and seriously, when was the last time you saw a box of soap?

Tundra Grifter February 4, 2012 at 11:51 am

For years I'd saved an Ivory box with Marilyn Chambers' photo.

fuflans February 4, 2012 at 2:54 pm

my boy just read this story and said:

"soapbox?? little league?? wtf century are we in? next we'll have dagwood bumstead and 'that beetle bailey comic sure was funny in the papers yesterday'."

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:18 pm

"I'll take dumb fucking analogies for $500, Alex."

What is, "But Obama's an elitist, too!"?

Biel_ze_Bubba February 4, 2012 at 7:04 pm

The right seems to be trapped in a death spiral of stupid. As people with brains bail out, dumbfucks like Foster and Cooke are free to rise to prominence. Once they contribute their not-quite-two-cents'-worth, the whole enterprise sinks another notch.

weej_bain February 3, 2012 at 6:55 pm

"…a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?"

Sure they do, and when they act like assholes we the people have the right to point that out. Following up on that thought, though is not likely Charlie Cooke or Daniel Foster have vaginas, we can say right now " Chuckie and Danny Boy you boyz are acting like a couple of cunts !!!1!!"

Ah, feelz better already I do.

Beowoof February 4, 2012 at 11:01 am

Well they can dispose of their money as they see fit. And I can see fit not to give them any of mine to distribute. Eliminate the middle man and give directly to Planned Parenthood.

Lascauxcaveman February 3, 2012 at 6:59 pm

I'm going to start a charitable foundation. Something along the lines of, I dunno, free bikes for poor kids, or something. I'm going to solicit a lot of donations.

Of course, at some point our foundation's focus may shift to research to determine what are the very best single malt scotches, but it will keep the Bikes for Poor Kids name, natch. But after all, a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit.

nounverb911 February 3, 2012 at 7:15 pm

How about a bicycle tour of the Isle of Islay for your donors? I'm in.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 7:18 pm

I"LL BE ON THE BOARD!!!
I had a bike. Several in fact over the course of my life. I was even a child with a bike.
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ.

Radiotherapy February 3, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Imagine the outrage when the donors find out your Director of Development is a bourbon drinker.

WhatTheHeck February 3, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Did you know you can get arrested for drunk bicycling. Much like you can soon get arrested for using Planned Parenthood services – if the conservative/Bible/right has its collective way.

As for the single malt – smokey is nice.

OzoneTom February 3, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Islay it is then!

emmelemm February 3, 2012 at 7:43 pm

FWIW, I know someone who was arrested for drunk bicycling.

finallyhappy February 3, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Wasn't some actor arrested for being drunk in a Walgreens in Chicago?

chicken_thief February 3, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I know one, too! I marveled at his ability to ride a bike in the snow while balancing a case of beer. But alas, he is on foot now….

emmelemm February 4, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I believe that was exactly the scenario where my coworker was arrested as well!

Biff February 4, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Bicycles, riding mowers, ag tractors, horseback, even afoot. I got arrested for drunk walking on Xmas one time. Guess the pig figured if his Xmas was ruined, he was gonna fuck up someone else's, too. Charges dropped, but what a way to spend Xmas!

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Aw, Biff! (Hugs the Biff)

Just because we're gay Internet-married doesn't mean I don't care.

starfanglednut February 4, 2012 at 9:23 pm

I got arrested for drunk walking too! Gave the cop a slurred diatribe about how he should be out looking for real criminals, and spent the night in the klink.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 8:11 pm

I'm in!

I'm reminded of a charity set up by convicted perjurer and writer of awful novels Lord Archer, who set up a charity for Kurds in 1991 and proceeded to spend most of the cash (tens of millions) on himself. He was cleared of wrongdoing because he was careful and the lashings of money he spent on Krug and private jets and so on could be counted as administration.

So, be sure to invite a select group of possible donors (I would unashamedly partake of this opportunity) to sample a wide variety of top-notch scotch and call it a fundraiser and you're golden.

Chet Kincaid February 3, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Just curious, was this a UK charity?

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 8:52 pm

It was UK-based but Lord Archole raised money overseas as well. The intent was to give funds raised to the Red Cross.

ShaveTheWhales February 3, 2012 at 9:27 pm

That would be the "ostensible" intent, I presume.

mull_man February 3, 2012 at 9:05 pm

MUST weigh in here – Tobermory wins or all my nickles will be sent to the Angus P. Potgorney Tennis Camp

Negropolis February 3, 2012 at 10:06 pm

This is the business plan of the Underpant Gnomes.

e_z February 3, 2012 at 6:59 pm

what would justify me just erupting in biblical rage to smite an idiot?

chicken_thief February 3, 2012 at 10:09 pm

I think what was just said would warrant such an outburst. But that's just me…

Tundra Grifter February 3, 2012 at 7:00 pm

"What would justify me hacking the Joe’s Deli web site…?"

We prefer to think of it as free-lance, volunteer editing.

flamingpdog February 3, 2012 at 7:50 pm

'Tards do it on teh Wiki all the time. Projection much?

edgydrifter February 3, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Dear NRO Dumbshits,

We, the donors to Komen, are Old Man Joe. Komen is the Cub Scout troop. Planned Parenthood is the derby car.

And it's the Pinewood Derby. Not a soapbox derby.

Analogy FAIL.

PS: You suck.

ShaveTheWhales February 3, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Actually, in the NRO analogy, I believe PP is the Cub Scout "troop" (should be Pack, of course), and Old Fuck Joe is SGK, Inc.

However, as you point out, it should be Pinewood Derby. Also, the analogy breaks down swiftly in that it is not the Cub Scout Pack that is hacking, dissing, or otherwise assailing Old Joe, but rather the surrounding adult society.

We learn some things from this, one of which is that the jackoffs responsible for the NRO article have never known a fucking Cub Scout.

snickersnack February 3, 2012 at 11:08 pm

They may not, at present, know a Cub Scout, but I bet they'll keep trying to meet one.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 8:36 pm

And by "meet", you mean "molest".

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:43 am

To be fair, snickersnack was NOT using the Republican-to-English dictionary, where "meet" is defined as "molest."

Dimitrios_M February 4, 2012 at 3:17 am

In fact, their general cluelessness about Cub Scouts may be the reason why their efforts to meet one has failed.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 12:48 pm

They want to make it the demolition derby, the evil fucks.

nounverb911 February 3, 2012 at 7:02 pm

“Does anyone on the Left even ask the basic question of whether a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?”
And we have the right to never ever give to it again.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 4, 2012 at 7:07 pm

The answer to the question is 'no'. We're not that stupid.

Tundra Grifter February 3, 2012 at 7:02 pm

The right wing gas bags promote Hillsdale College, bragging that it refuses to accept Federal aid of "any kind."

Now, the college website solicits donations, and helpfully points out they may be tax deductible.

Somehow they don't consider this a government subsidy.

horsedreamer_1 February 3, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Chester Marcol Libel!

yyyaz February 3, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Of course they don't: the charitable-donation deduction is part of the natural, gawd-given law that is self-evident to every sentient creature. Jeez.

Beowoof February 4, 2012 at 11:03 am

Thinking Hard

Chichikovovich February 4, 2012 at 12:03 pm

I must say that Hillsdale "College" has has bounced back robustly from the scandal that took down their president of 30 years George Charles Roche III, the (apparently quite charismatic) man who took over an intellectually worthless, nearly bankrupt college and singlehandedly (i.e. with only the help of money bins full of neo-Bircher cash) transformed it into the intellectually worthless institute of wingnut indoctrination that it is today]. That upstanding, moral man, who could spin a Jeremiad about the decay of American moral standards with the best of them, turned out to have been carrying on a 19 year affair with his own daughter-in-law (an employee of the "College", as was Roche's daddy-cuckolded son). The sad finale of the daughter-in-law's suicide in the Hillsdale gardens made it more difficult to do the usual wingnut cover-up.

But – (inspiring really) Hillsdale survived and prospered. Say what you will for the wingnuteratti, they never stop throwing money at their treasured shrines, however corrupt they are revealed to be.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I had forgotten about that sad derailed train of events, a situation I could cheerfully have gone to my grave with.

(the only slightly crabby MB)

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Geesh. Someone should make that into an opera, along the lines of "Baby Doe".

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 3:27 pm

You could do it.

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 4:12 pm

We could do it together! The writing team of Mesugh 'n Nah.

Chet Kincaid February 3, 2012 at 7:03 pm

What kind of goddamned idiot wrote "a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?" No they fucking don't. If you are a 501(c)(3) organization there are rules about what you can do with "your money". If you receive grants from other organizations, there are things called "restricted grants" and "unrestricted grants", which tell you what you bloody well can and cannot do with "your money." And God help you if you fundraise to people for one purpose and don't spend "your money" on that purpose — there are about 50 state attorneys general who will tan your ass over that.

Not to mention the fucking hypocrisy of telling another organization to die an unfunded death because they do abortions, then getting sand in your pussy when people decide your organization doesn't deserve their money, either.

Jesus, is it really that productive to throw up a post for every fucking stupid thing these guys say? Surely there are bigger flies to swat.

Barb February 3, 2012 at 7:12 pm

You give me a girl erection when you get fired up like this.

Tundra Grifter February 3, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Can we watch?

chicken_thief February 3, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Film at 11?!!!!

Tundra Grifter February 4, 2012 at 11:46 am

ct:

We can only hope…

flamingpdog February 3, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Dude, Chet, I don't always agree with what you say (mostly about Barry), but I'm ready to come over and wash your feet right now.

Chet Kincaid February 3, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Well, I couldn't stay that mad at you, because you're pretty consistently funny!

Chet Kincaid February 3, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Sorry to get all crabby at the Proprietors at the end there, but these dumb fucks got me in a state.

Chichikovovich February 4, 2012 at 9:41 am

We asked them to post that, since we all enjoy it so much when you go into Prophet Jeremiah mode.

(Hey – I heard some kid say that Lil Wayne makes better music than John Coltrane. What should I say to him?)

imissopus February 4, 2012 at 7:34 pm

A kid like that is too far gone. Just cock-punch him instead.

Extemporanus February 3, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Agreed, Mr. Kincaid — this place has been lousy with Trump, tits, and Christians the last few days. (There's a joke in there somewhere…)

Here's an entire "Tips" email I sent to our Wonkette this week. Maybe it'll cheer you up and give you something to swat over the weekend, since it (like every other fucking tip I've ever sent) apparently wasn't up to snuff:

Dear Tipsette:

The following freshly breaking story seems especially well suited for our Wonkette's ongoing celebration of Aborted Black History Month:
http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/articles/290374/20120131

"Anonymous also claims that the organisation has links with Republican candidate Ron Paul. "We found a disturbingly high number of members who are also involved in campaigning for Ron Paul," the statement said, adding that Paul had regularly met with many party members and even engaged in conference calls with its board of directors.

Another target of the hack was the A3P webmaster, Jamie Kelso. According to the hacker collective, Kelso, a former Scientologist and organiser for Paul campaign events, is also the account owner of neo-Nazi forums and websites."

Here's a mirror of the defaced A3P website's internal email dump: http://zone-h.org/mirror/id/16824726

If you do a "Find: Paul" on that page, you get 76 hits — most are by Kelso in emails to other White pridesters, and I found at least three mentions in the first 25 that directly tie Paul/Paul campaign to supremacist website muckity-mucks. (Including a fuckin' Illinois Neo-Nazi! Really!! His goes by the name "Imbar", and according to Kelso, he's Ron Paul's #2 man in the state. The Blues Brothers jokes practically write themselves!)

Sooo…

Ron Paul, Anonymous, white supremacists, neo-Nazis, Scientology, My Little Pony-defaced websites, etc! What more could you want?

Keep up the swell work, Editors — you ladies have really been cookin' with gas lately!

Best regards,
Extemporanus

Biff February 4, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Jeesus, no wonder they ignored it–tl;dr

Extemporanus February 4, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Bullshit.

The entire email was literally ten sentences long. The link to the tipped story is in the very first sentence. The bulk of the rest are a few key quotes from the article for context. It may look long, but that's mostly because it's crammed into a narrow comment thread reply field.

If an Editor or anyone else is going to consider something like that "tl;dr", than I'm going to consider them unserious and not worth reading.

By the way: Almost every other tip or comment that I've sent to our Wonkette over the years has been one or two lines and a link, and they went nowhere/got no response, too (unless directed at Ken). Perhaps I have the wrong email address, or I should try again in crayon…

(Sorry if that came off as harsh, Jim, especially if you were only being sarcastic. It's just that as a writer, that lazy-ass "tl;dr" shit pisses me off on a visceral level. Also, I am very hungry.)

Extemporanus February 4, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Once again, this time without a qualifier: I'm sorry.

That was assholishly pedantic, and no way to reply to a friend. If you don't mind, I'm gonna head out to your old profile pic to chillax and work on my Boehner for the rest of the weekend.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Chet, there you go again with your "facts" and "law" and so on.

How are you going to rile a Cletus with knowledge? You know that knee-jerk reactions and disingenuous metaphorical stories are the best way to engage a halfwit.

(also I kind of agree with you)

Bluestatelibel February 3, 2012 at 8:51 pm

So the non-profits can't just go out and buy BMWs for themselves? Damn. (And Chet hits another one out of the ballpark.)

barrett808 February 3, 2012 at 9:10 pm

The "Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation" is a 501(c)3 and may not engage in lobbying; the "Susan G. Komen For The Cure Advocacy Alliance" is a 501(c)4, which may engage in lobbying, "so long as that is not its primary activity". (IRS.gov).

Of course, these laws are very loosely enforced, as Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have shown (hilariously), so in the worst case, the 501(c)4 may be a de facto PAC.

Jukesgrrl February 3, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Since they reportedly paid Hadassah Lieberman's outfit a mere $1mil to lobby against single-payer, I guess their Advocacy Alliance is within the bounds of the law — because I'm damn sure $1mil is a tiny percentage of its war chest.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Haha, joke's on them–single-payer with no real supporters of single-payer in the administration, they totally blew their lobbying bucks on nothing. With friends like this, and so on…

Biff February 4, 2012 at 12:57 pm

That's just Super!

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Damn, I love it when somebody ELSE gets to do a screeching rant for a change.

Nice work, Mister.

snickersnack February 3, 2012 at 11:14 pm

NRO with sand in their collective pussy. Perfect.

Chet Kincaid February 4, 2012 at 1:14 pm

117? Well Jeez, there must be a lot of non-profit sector nerds out there! I know a lot about the rules and requirements for 501(c)(3) organizations; foundations, not as much. But when you aren't paying taxes, the whole country gets a say in what you do with "your money", that's just how it works.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:30 pm

*little cartoon hearts levitating overhead*
*shuffles toe of shoe on ground*
Um… Chet?
I really admire the way you remain articulate, even when you're angry.
Also, the correct pluralization of "attorneys general"?
Made of awesome.

nounverb911 February 3, 2012 at 7:04 pm

We also have the right to demand that local government charge SGK for using public thoroughfares for their little walks.

nounverb911 February 3, 2012 at 7:09 pm

NRO? Aren't they the folks that support domestic terrorists like Timothy McVeigh and that Texas idiot that flew into the IRS?

billy_reuben February 4, 2012 at 8:00 am

Yes, yes they do.

BarackMyWorld February 4, 2012 at 12:50 pm

It's only terrorism if it's Muslims.

MosesInvests February 5, 2012 at 2:12 am

That IRS office was a block away from my house. One of my neighbors, who was home, thought it was an earthquake. I think they've finished repairing the building now.

womanhattan February 3, 2012 at 7:10 pm

What a obfuscating analogy. If tens of thousands of women joined walks and races around the country keep Old Man Joe in business, they'd have every right to be concerned about where he spent his money. Although I have never heard of a deli that people walked or raced to raise money for. The analogy is ridiculous.

Not_So_Much February 3, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Keep it straight: Second Amendment, don't you fucking dare! First Amendment, whatevs.

Chichikovovich February 3, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Obviously the NRO people failed the "analogies" part of the SAT. Maybe that's why they have to write for a hack magazine that would have vanished beneath the waves long ago were it not for a reliable stream of wingnut welfare. Here's what would get marked "correct" on the exam:

Imagine I volunteered to run a cub scout troop, and for years, when the annual soapbox derby came near, I knew I could count on Joe’s Deli as good for a hundred dollar donation. If one year Old Man Joe decided he didn’t want to donate any more because some of the money raised by the derby went to a health clinic that the poorest and most needy people in town depended on, and this decision revealed, what many of us had suspected already, Joe subscribed to the political agenda of an organization that was dedicated to crushing that clinic, and all similar ones… what on earth would justify me ceasing to spend my money at Old Man Joe's, when frankly his sandwiches sucked, mostly because he spent little on ingredients, service or cleanliness, but rather spent most of what he took in on jobs for relatives and political cronies that paid well above market rate? How dare I email my friends, who share my concern for the health of the poor, to let them know of Joe's actions, since I am aware that if they learn what I know, they will stop buying (and sometimes even eating) Joe's crappy sandwiches in gratitude for the support he once provided for a charity we care about? How dare I allow myself to be reinforced in my determination to direct my money elsewhere when Joe learns of the decision of me and my friends, and responds with dishonest backtrackign in which he changes the claimed reason every ten minutes, as each one is shown to be empty. Don't you people understand that you are obliged to give your money to Old Man Joe, and tell everybody else to do that too, because he is a movement conservative, and it is evil and unpatriotic not to give money to such people?

There. That's better.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 7:29 pm

… changes the claimed reason every ten minutes, as each one is shown to be empty.

The good old days never left did they?

SayItWithWookies February 3, 2012 at 7:57 pm

No, but now they have video so the jackasses can be confronted with their lies.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 8:11 pm

My understanding is that such maneuvers don't matter to psychopaths.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:44 pm

This was pretty much a weekly occurence with Raygun, who would dismiss the evidence with, "There you go again!", whereupon it was understood that the matter was settled.

I still hate that stupid old fucker.

Barrelhse February 3, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Plus the original has way too many comma's to be literate.

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Wow, Chich. I was getting all wound up to deliver some righteous ranting, but it looks like you done beat me to it.

Something tells me you need to save this one for your daughter, so when she's all being a teenager, you can show it to her and take her mind off how BAD Dad is.

snoopyfan2010 February 5, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Yes that sounds right. I have never given to SGK because $400,000 is a lot of compensation to lead a non profit.

Limeylizzie February 3, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Imagine Charlie Cooke had a cunt rather than was one.

nounverb911 February 3, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Eeww, now I have this vision of Anne Coulter in my head. Better get out the single malt.

Tilley February 3, 2012 at 9:17 pm

I upfisted you, LL, even though feministically I take issue with your analogizing Charlie Cooke with what Jules (Samuel L. Jackson's character) in Pulp Fiction correctly identified as the "holiest of holies."

OneYieldRegular February 3, 2012 at 7:16 pm

It's not so bad if you imagine that pablum being babbled by Floyd the Barber.

Nothingisamiss February 3, 2012 at 9:36 pm

The article finally makes sense!

Biff February 4, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Even Arnold Ziffel makes more sense.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Marge Simpson's prom date?

Texan_Bulldog February 3, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Hmm…to completely test this theory, the NRA needs to appoint a gun-control black guy to be 2nd in charge who decides, 'hey, maybe AK47s on the streets are bad'. And then when all the rednecks wig the fuck out & threaten to boycott the NRA, I will eagerly await Charlie Cooke & Daniel Foster's esteemed opinions.

ChernobylSoup February 3, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Excellent.

HarryButtle February 4, 2012 at 10:59 am

I became a Life member of the NRA back before they went absolutely batshit insane (thank you, Wayne LaPerierre). I still get mailings (because like the Hotel California, you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave) and just got my ballot to vote for association leadership. I'm gonna write in Barry & Michelle, Eric Holder, Michael Moore, Chuck Schumer, and Hillary & Bill Clinton and see if THAT gets me taken off the mailing list.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Same here, an Endowment Life member before the insanity. Haven't gotten my ballot yet, but you've given me some inspiration, thanks.

Callyson February 3, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Does anyone on the Right even ask the basic question of whether a private citizen has the right to donate his or her money, and express opinions about private charities, as he or she sees fit?
Didn't think so…

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Does anyone on the Right even ask the basic question of whether a private citizen has the right to have a legal medical procedure, and control his or her own body, as he or she sees fit?
Didn't think so…

BigDumbRedDog February 3, 2012 at 7:19 pm

I'm still trying to figure out why we are having such an uproar over vaginas and boobs. Get a life people!

Tundra Grifter February 3, 2012 at 7:35 pm

"And this positively infantile preoccupation with bosoms. In all time in this wretched Godforsaken country, the one thing that has appalled me most of all this this prepostrous preoccupation with bosoms. Don't you realize they have become the dominant theme in American culture: in literature, advertising and all fields of entertainment and everything? I'll wager you anything you like that if American women stopped wearing brassieres, your whole national economy would collapse overnight."

~ J. Algernon Hawthorne

[Well, women did and the economy did, but that's another story...]

Dimitrios_M February 4, 2012 at 3:51 am

Great speech, TG, but it is best delivered as a syllabant hissing through the gap between your front teeth.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 8:41 pm

"if American women stopped wearing brassieres, your whole national economy would collapse overnight."

The economy is already in the shitter, but if American women stopped wearing brassieres, they would be running the risk of their racks collapsing — and I, for one, don't think that's a risk we should be willing to take.

Tundra Grifter February 6, 2012 at 9:44 am

tessiee:

The peach of a pair must be preserved!

Limeylizzie February 3, 2012 at 7:36 pm

This is the Wonkette there is always uproar over vaginas and boobs, usually in a good way though.

flamingpdog February 3, 2012 at 7:58 pm

When I took mineralogy in college, we learned about mineral cleavage. All the guys had a hard time not snickering every time the prof said "cleavage". Most of the girls stifled a snicker, too. Sometimes, even the prof.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm

"Constant Head" got to me, in Hydrology.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 1:23 pm

And who doesn't also like high head?

Dashboard Buddha February 4, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Same herel…but I never took Hydrology.

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Good thing you never took biology, pdog.

flamingpdog February 4, 2012 at 5:34 pm

The only biology class I took as an undergrad was "Comparative Anatomy of Vertebrates". The best part was the prof's name was Mitchell Byrd. And he was an ornithologist. And he had a beak nose. And he was short and dumpy, and looked like a screech owl.

A good guy – he threw us a big beer bust after the final exam.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I remember an eighth-grade science class having quite the uproar when the teacher described astronomer Tycho Brahe (pronounced "bra") as being the first person to have "a systematic observation of heavenly bodies".

Chet Kincaid February 3, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Instigator!

Limeylizzie February 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Moi?

QwertyToo February 3, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Even worse, a french instigator!

donner_froh February 3, 2012 at 7:19 pm

I have contributed to Komen by sponsoring friends who were running plus took part in a run (more of a walk) and paid money to do so. But according to Daniel Foster or Charlie Cooke or other NRO bottom feeders I shouldn't be able to tell Komen that I don't like how they are spending my money.

Fuck these motherfuckers.

Tilley February 3, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I want to post this as a Reply, because I don't want to make a big deal out of it.

I was diagnosed with BrCa in 1999. (Went the full 9 yards: double mastectomy, chemo, radiation, 5 hellish years of Tamoxifen.) My daughter did the "Race for the 'Cure'" that fall and garnered $5,000 for the fucking Komen corporation, for which she never received any "thank you" or acknowledgment of any sort, not that that was the point, and yes it's whiny and petty, but still. Since then the "pinkification" of breast cancer has totally chapped my ass, to the extent that it inspired my master's thesis in journalism. My inspiration was the awesome Barbara Ehrenreich's 2001 recounting of HER hellish BrCa experience in Harpers magazine, titled "Welcome to Cancerland." A watershed exposé of women's insufferable infantilization by the medical establishment's patriarchal hegemony if there ever was one.

Anyway, I fucking hate Komen's corporate enterprise exploitation of this sexualized cancer strain and fuck them and every pink KitchenAid mixer and pink rhinestone-encrusted ribbon trinket they've ever been responsible for.

There. Got that off my flattened, scarred chest. Hope I didn't make a big deal out of it.

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 11:00 pm

(Hugs Ms. N)

My dear, dear lady. I hate the colour pink, and I hate the infantilization of women, and my sister has breast cancer and just had her radical mastectomy, and I wish you had told me this earlier, because I would have asked you, how do I talk to a woman who has just had this experience?

Thanks for any little bit of help. I don't even know how to deal with this, and she's dealing with much, much worse.

Tilley February 4, 2012 at 9:25 am

Well, mostly just take your cues from her and see if she wants to talk about it. Some retreat and don't want to discuss it; some (like me) couldn't shut the fuck up about it.

It really does help to get in touch with other women who've been through it. Shouldn't be hard to find, our name is legion. She's just come smack up against the fact that she's mortal after all (we think we know it, but we really don't til something like this happens). Tell her this: Cancer isn't a death sentence. It's rough but she'll get through it. She will. This too shall pass, but she won't ever be the same. But that's ok too. A few years from now she'll look back at something that's going on now, and she'll think "oh yeah, I remember that; that was about the time I had my mastectomy." My "treatment" was going on 13 years ago, and there are actually several days in a row now that I don't even think about it anymore. Hugs to you and your sister. It does help to know you're not the only one who's had this happen. XXOOXX Wish I could help more.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Thank you very much. This is a good start. I will do as you recommend.

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Thanks so much for remembering Ehrenreich's piece. I was thinking about her ambivalance about Komen while reading this thread. This would be a good time for whoever first published that (do you recall?) to revisit that piece.

I read it years before I had a hysterectomy, but years after my mother's double radical mastectomy, and I was so relieved to find someone of Ehrenreich's caliber voicing the same doubts (and distaste) that I was having about Komen.

Tilley February 4, 2012 at 3:52 pm

It was Harpers magazine, Nov. 2001.
http://www.barbaraehrenreich.com/cancerland.htm

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Thank you. You are a dear. And a sweetie-pie.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:52 pm

*hugs to you*

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Thanks, love. I appreciate the kindness.

starfanglednut February 4, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I'm sorry for all you went through.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 9:51 pm

God, I remember reading that Ehrenreich piece when it came out. It was an eye-opener–she really is a national treasure.

Selfish_T February 3, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Old Man Joe/Kathryn Jean Lopez 2012!

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 11:01 pm

That's a winning ticket.

What it's winning, we'd better not say.

Radiotherapy February 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

So what, they gave up on the "Oh, SGK's donations went up 3 million percent after the original cut to PP" retort?

StarsUponThars February 3, 2012 at 8:32 pm

You'd better believe those sore cunts want their donations back now that SGK has changed its mind.

Judith_Priest February 4, 2012 at 10:16 am

Yeah! I remember that! Yahoo was full of comments from "ordinary Christian women" who had just decided to give a large donation to SGK for "standing up to the Liberals" … and then that meme and those people just … evaporated. Hmmm.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Kind-Of-Semi-OT: But you know who's ultimately responsible for orchestrating this cataclysmic avalanche of Fail for the Komen Fund? Who interviewed and painstakingly handpicked the very person who guided this fat money barge straight into an iceberg?
Ari Fleischer!
The Minister of Fail in the Administration of Fail in the Kingdom of Fail.

It's like there's been a Natural Selection process at work.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Holy Fuck!! That is a fucking riot!!

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Ain't it, though? *chuckles evilly*

I'm real glad these guys are on the other team.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 8:06 pm

I'm trying to keep my [our team] hubris at bay.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Always a wise choice.
I just keep remembering that They can afford to be Stupid because the game's so rigged in their favor. We can't.

Crank_Tango February 3, 2012 at 7:48 pm

ahem, intelligent design.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Stockbreeding, but there's nothing Intelligent about it.

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Holy hell, that is beyond anything you could stick in the worst potboiler airport novel.

Awesome.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Far too stupid for fiction. Just stupid enough for real life.

Barrelhse February 3, 2012 at 9:02 pm

I knew the religious nuts were running this little game.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Signature.

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Thanks, CRE! Makes sense that the Senior Architect of Fail should be the orchestrator of this totally not-random piece of FAIL!

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Had to share this one, MB. Just too much fun not to.
These people don't do half-measures. Fail Big or don't Fail at all.

What kills me is that even after this unbroken streak of unmitigated public World Class Failure, Fleischer will still be able to talk some poor sad people & organizations into jobs.

Forcasting Far more Fail for the Foreseeable Future.

Jukesgrrl February 3, 2012 at 11:59 pm

That was killer. Thanks from me, too. I could never have guessed there was a line connecting this fiasco to Tiger Woods, let alone it was drawn by Ari Fleischer. Schadenfuckinfreude You made my weekend.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 8:45 am

Yes, that Tiger Woods link was the Little Green Rosette of Icing on the Cherry on top of the whole Schadenfantastic Muffin for me. Have a great weekend!

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 12:03 am

No shit. I'm thinking of friends of mine, highly competent, incredibly smart, horribly over-educated and STILL fucking unemployed seven years after the last fucking layoff. And Ari Fleischer, who can't shake the piss off his putz without getting some in his eye, he gets a job.

Sheesko February 4, 2012 at 1:18 am

Oh wow, is that what happened to that eye? I always wondered.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 9:02 am

Legacy hires – explains a lot about the catastrophic Bush Administration.
Wealth and family connections can paper over a lot of Stupid. But only for a while.

In a perfect world, your friend would be wealthy & happily occupied and Fleischer would be saying "You want Fries with that?"

Maybe all the Smart People need to go and create their own economy – but for everyone's benefit, not off in a Gulch with a bunch of selfish assholes.

Chichikovovich February 4, 2012 at 9:55 am

Ari Fleischer, former press secretary for George W. Bush and prominent right-wing pundit, secretly helped guide Komen Foundation’s disastrous strategy regarding Planned Parenthood. Fleischer personally interviewed candidates for the position of “Senior Vice President for Communications and External Relations” at Komen last December. According to a source with first-hand knowledge, Fleischer drilled prospective candidates during their interviews on how they would handle the controversy about Komen’s relationship with Planned Parenthood.

But, but, …. their press release said that politics played no part at all in the decision to defund Planned Parenthood. And that it was all about the mammograms on-site. And that it was just about "fiduciary responsibility" concerning groups under investigation. Is it possible that Ari Fleischer is working with a group of pathological liars? When has that ever happened before.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 10:09 am

Another Favoritest part:
Komen had to hire another Spin Doctor Firm to Despin the Furiously Spinning Public Clusterfuck created by their secretly hired Professional Spinmeister Ari.

This is like watching an old movie of a badly designed Ornithopter flapping itself to pieces on the runway.

Chichikovovich February 4, 2012 at 11:44 am

Yes! That's exactly what it looks like!

It's such a shame that Terry-Thomas is no longer with us, he would be perfect as Ari Fleischer in "Those Magnificent Wingnuts in their Flying Machines".

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 11:50 am

Ah, hahahahah!

I'd pay Theater prices to see that.

An_Outhouse February 3, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I'm starting a breast exam stand. You get a free cup of lemonade with every exam.

nounverb911 February 3, 2012 at 7:31 pm

And what do you get?

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Exercise?

Tundra Grifter February 3, 2012 at 7:36 pm

"I got a job – helping the girls in the Follies undress and dress."

"What does it pay?"

"Twenty francs a week. That's all I could afford."

- Woody Allen

Spurning Beer February 3, 2012 at 8:22 pm

When life hands you lemons, handle some melons.

Judith_Priest February 4, 2012 at 10:36 am

A guy in our neighborhood once rented a white lab coat and stethoscope and began going door-to-door offering free breast exams.

He got some takers, apparently.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Make it so you can pay with food stamps.

Radiotherapy February 3, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Here's another well worn argument the wingtard propagandists are regurgitating today: Liberals aren't as charitable as Conservatards. Yeah, whatever.

Tundra Grifter February 3, 2012 at 7:39 pm

"The Academy of Conservative Study." What a great title! Is it a 501(c)(3) non-profit?

I think I will start "The Southern Institute for Black Folks' Civil Rights."

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Shouldn't that be The White Massa Institute for Nigra Rights? You know, to be more accurate, and stuff.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:57 pm

The White Massa Institute for Nigra Rights and Against the War of Northern Aggression.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 1:36 pm

And you can bet the Southern Poverty Law Center would welcome you as another non-profit into their field, not sue your ass for infringement.

MilwaukeeKent February 3, 2012 at 7:43 pm

And this fact has nothing to do with the stat that 80-85 percent of charitable giving is to ones church. They can eat that meme and choke on it.

Loaded_Pants February 3, 2012 at 8:08 pm

"Conservative Thinking is Critical Thinking"
Wut?

Radiotherapy February 3, 2012 at 8:12 pm

You guys actually read that shit, Wow.

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 11:06 pm

What IS your new av, darlz? Because I'm just loving it for reasons I'll keep to myself for now.

Radiotherapy February 3, 2012 at 11:31 pm

From the queen of avatar and moniker shape shifting, that is a total compliment. But, do share, we are here for you and "How Soon is Now?"

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 12:05 am

Geez, dood, I'm not THAT much of a fucking queen, am I? OK, OK, I'll adjust back to normal. (stiffens wrist)

Er … now is, you know, like, uh, carpe diem? I'm not gonna tell till Loaded tells me what that av is!

Loaded_Pants February 3, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Flatface Fred is from the blog Human Descent.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 12:08 am

Flatface Fred reminds me of something from a gay porn mag. Jes' sayin'!

Judith_Priest February 4, 2012 at 10:38 am

Those are mostly those "voluntary" tithes to the church. (I've been in those churches — it's about as voluntary as taxes, although the only jail term you get is total ostracism, and a sermon preached about you. If they could garnish (?) your paycheck, they would.)

DerrickWildcat February 4, 2012 at 11:01 am

Watch this drive:
"Residents of the states that voted for John Kerry in 2004 gave smaller percentages of their incomes to charity than did residents of states that voted for George Bush. "

See how that's done?
"smaller PERCENTAGES of their incomes"…Not total amount.

Now put the Red State/Blue State map in your brain hole and think of the average income of Red Staters vs the average income of Blue Staters. Now also think that a lot of the Red Staters are Bible Belt folks. Tithing is charity. Is it really charity when the Tithe directly benefits the Chariter?
This is a BS stat that was shot to pieces years ago.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Nobody knows how much or how little I donate to any charities because I don't use them as tax deductions. I love skewing their statistics like that.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:02 am

I love when you talk drive and stat to me.

FakaktaSouth February 3, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Alternate GOP Reality,
Look, I really can't do this anymore. Your constant projection, lack of any real grasp of what is happening in the ENTIRE world – your abject denial of numbers, facts, science, truth – your willful desire, nay, demand to be lied to in order to create the world you ignorantly, yet still self righteously believe you want to live in, I just can't do it. Also, get out of my twat, you cunts. Every "they's killing babies in thar" bit of horseshit I read today was from a man. I can't take it. The misogynistic, life worsening, hateful bunch of bullshit is driving me crazy. Get out. You're fucking everything up for everybody all the time.
FS

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Every "they's killing babies in thar" bit of horseshit I read today was from a man.

Yeah, no shit. Even strong female political figures decrying abortion (e.g. Bachmann) also spout anti-feminist crap about being "subservient" to their husband. Even if their husband looks like a gay muppet brought to life.

As a non-woman it pisses me off, so dog knows what it's like being on the receiving end of this sanctimonious shit when you actually are one.

FakaktaSouth February 3, 2012 at 8:49 pm

David Vitter taking credit for the idea behind SGK de-funding PP was probably the most beautifully-perfectly disgusting part of all of this for me. I do realize that there were plenty of stupid idiot conservabitches running their heads today too, but the sheer number of self righteous asshole guys (who HONESTLY DO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANY OF THIS BEYOND THEIR OWN POLITICAL GAIN) doing the whole "tragic baby murder" schtick – I mean, just grow the fuck up.
http://maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/01/

fuflans February 3, 2012 at 8:51 pm

well, it's kind of annoying but then we have an abortion, harass susan g koman and donate money to PP and then we feel much better.

FakaktaSouth February 3, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I like PP's mani-pedi-facial-abortion combos. Truly just cleans out all the pipes.

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Wow, you Lib gals sure do know how to have a GOOOOOOD time, don'tcha?

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 11:28 pm

I hear they're uniformly good-looking, thoughtful and fantastic in bed.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:59 pm

"Pass some of that honey this way, Betty Friedan!" — reanimated Robot Nixon in "Futurama"

fuflans February 3, 2012 at 8:46 pm

man i like fakakta mad.

Barrelhse February 3, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Oh, shit. For a minute there I thought you were talking to me!

LettucePrey February 3, 2012 at 7:39 pm

People who should stay out of politics: women's health charities, reality show hosts, Newt Gingrich.

Dudleydidwrong February 3, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Uh, could I pretty please add Mitt Romney to that list? Pretty please? I'll do your dishes for a week.

flamingpdog February 3, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I'll do your breast exam for two weeks.

Sheesko February 4, 2012 at 1:19 am

Actors…

Radiotherapy February 4, 2012 at 4:28 pm

REAGAN LIBEL!

Goonemeritus February 3, 2012 at 7:43 pm

First of all the money being distributed is not their money as in the case of the hardware store. In this case it is our money which we have entrusted to them to distribute more effectively than we could. By bringing politics into it they make me want to skip the middle man (middle harpy?) and give where I choose just as these pricks suggest. It's a perfectly market driven response to an intrusive decision by a bureaucrat so fuck the fuck off NRO.

rickmaci February 3, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Jeez. Are these guys Tardbots or what? You can tell things are not going well in Repubtard World right now. They are all running around frothing at the mouth and screaming incoherently about nearly everything everyday. The entire Repubtard World will need to be confined in rooms with foam walls and locks on the doors next November when BHO is re-elected.

Barrelhse February 3, 2012 at 9:07 pm

That'll be more fun to watch than a rapture!

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 12:12 am

You know, even if I didn't already like Barack Obama and think he is the only candidate worth electing to the post, I'd vote for him just to make these wingnuts Extra Crazy with Crazy Sauce. Because, yes, it is so entertaining.

owhatever February 3, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Old Man Joe is being investigated by a rightwingnut Republican congressman for suspected allegations of being possibly affiliated at some time with Cub Scouts who like Girl Scouts better than their own Scoutmaster, according to usually reliable sources close to the Pastrami Institute. Therefore, he will be shot.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I don't give two shits about Old Man Joe OR the soapbox racers; however, I *would* like to join the Pastrami Institute.

slowhansolo February 3, 2012 at 7:49 pm

No snark, sure, but those people are fucking imbeciles.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 12:16 am

Except without so much fucking, unfortunately. It's what makes them crayzee.

Chichikovovich February 4, 2012 at 10:02 am

But there is no question that in the unlikely event that they do happen to be fucking someone, that person is an imbecile.

Hmmm…. A fucking imbecile fucking a fucking imbecile fucking imbecile.

Sums it right up.

slowhansolo February 4, 2012 at 11:10 am

OK OK, I promise to stop using that cheap, lazy construction. It's just… the rage these people induce makes one almost as stupid as they are.

Chichikovovich February 4, 2012 at 11:51 am

Don't stop on my account. I too find it a difficult stylistic problem: when the people you are discussing are indeed fucking imbeciles (or, sporadically, fucking imbeciles fucking fucking imbeciles fucking imbeciles) , the temptation to use the phrase “fucking imbeciles” to refer to them is compelling. No doubt about it.—

horsedreamer_1 February 3, 2012 at 7:54 pm

When the NRO wants to see a whispering eye, they'll watch the TIVO of the Biden-Palin debate.

Goonemeritus February 3, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Oh and another thing no one on the political right has any standing what so ever to make that argument. The right invented this response and used it to great effect against scores of charities that were not sufficiently conservative enough. From the Red Cross to the United Way these pricks have been doing this for decades. So I say again FUCK YOU NRO may the Ghost of Bill Buckley visit you this morn and piss on your Shredded Wheat.

chicken_thief February 3, 2012 at 10:22 pm

"…and used it to great effect against scores of charities that were not sufficiently conservative enough"

Like maybe Planned Parenthood?

BarackMyWorld February 3, 2012 at 8:02 pm

This is just like how the Dept. of HHS requiring Catholic-run hospitals getting public money to follow federal regulations on contraceptives is a WAR ON RELIGION.

sharethegrief February 3, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Well, the season for the WAR ON CHRISTMAS is over.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Xmas is just a squirmish in the greater war on Xtainity. (spelling intentional)

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Well, yah, everyone knows that is how you spell squirmish.

SorosBot February 4, 2012 at 10:54 am

Telling someone they can't discriminate against women when their religion tells them that women are inferior is apparently a violation of freedom of religion in wingnut land. Obviously the rights of smug Christian men trump those of people with vaginas.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I'm always amazed at your feminist stance on these issues, SB. I came by mine honestly, Dad was a feminist and staunchly so, but he grew up in a goddess-centered culture. I'm pretty sure it had no ginger members.

Is your Mom a feminist icon who made you imbibe it with mother's milk, or what?

SorosBot February 4, 2012 at 4:02 pm

My parents were basically feminist, but not super-feminist or anything. I guess it came from the experiences of several women I've been close to – for one, someone who I'm very close to telling me about her abortion helped set as staunchly pro-choice, especially considering what things could have been like if she had had bad parents, since she was in a state with parental consent laws for minors.

While I've been pro-choice since I was a teenager – as a kid, I went to Catholic school, and for a time I swallowed all the Church's bullshit but as I got older and learned to think for myself I grew out of it (learning one of my favorite high school teachers was gay also helped) – I've grown to care more and more about it over the years. I also took a couple courses on feminist philosophy in college which helped shape me.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Interesting. It's not easy being feminist when you have a fraught relationship with your female parent, but a little philosophy certainly goes a long way.

Pity you're such a sprout, my lad, all the older women I know are constantly complaining that all the nice men have boyfriends. Apparently, you're the only nice *straight* man on the planet. But too young for the cougar crowd.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 9:10 pm

See? "Empathy" DOES cause socialism! (Just typing that made me flash back to some idiot R on a politics talk show, using the phrase "Obama's Unconstitutional empathy standard" over and over as if it had been handed to him by Frank Luntz himself, emblazoned in gold, from high atop the thing…a bit of googling suggests it may have been Jeff Sessions, and consequentlyI feel like I may vomit)

arihaya February 3, 2012 at 8:03 pm

NRO = Nothing Reasonable On there

SayItWithWookies February 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm

So wait — these guys who are saying that the public has no right to bitch about what a charity does with its money — these are the same people who've been trying desperately for years to defund Planned Parenthood, right?

It's amazing how they suddenly find this principle that they've been violating all along. What a subtle grasp of ethics.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Yes.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 3, 2012 at 8:30 pm

But you see, liberals want to kill black babies.

starfanglednut February 3, 2012 at 8:51 pm

You'd think the GOP would be on board with that.

Chichikovovich February 4, 2012 at 10:08 am

But they need lots of black male adults to fill those expensive private prisons.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I just *love* that line, really, I do. The same people who could not give a steaming shit in the middle of the road whether those black babies will have decent food or clothes or shelter or schools, the same people who will refuse our black babies a place in their schools or a job in their firm or a house in their neighbourhood, are squalling about their tremendous compassion for those black babies that they would eat alive if nobody was looking, with sauce.

snickersnack February 3, 2012 at 11:25 pm

But PP is for keeping the wimmins healthy and informed about their bodies, and that's just wrong.

MilwaukeeKent February 3, 2012 at 8:07 pm

You know, the stupidity is just stunning. I wouldn't have pegged Komen as political, would have gladly sponsored a hiker from work or what have you. First they piss off the left with a blatantly political decision, feel the heat and change their minds, now they double the stupid/stop the damage and piss off the right. They could have left well enough alone but no, nice move VP Policy Handel, quite likely you've destroyed a respected charity in one decision.
Apparently Foster and Cooke at NRO have no problem if I set up a charity "Puppies, Orphans and Widows Fund" solicit donations and then spend all the proceeds at the casinos. After all, what right has anyone to question how I spend the money?

coolhandnuke February 3, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Otis, the Mayberry sot, has made more cogent analogies than this buttsteak.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Considering that Otis is Jan Brewer's (apparently well-deserved) sobriquette, then no.

flamingpdog February 3, 2012 at 8:08 pm

I will never accept the existence of Yahweh until Jesus comes back to Earth, lines up all the Conservatards, all the Christtards, all the Klantards, and walks down the line pointing at every one (using Jan Brewer's bony finger) and saying, "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid"…

Crank_Tango February 3, 2012 at 10:27 pm

oh I think that finger was in an O. Henry story, wasn't it?

Biff February 4, 2012 at 1:57 pm

"I will never accept the existence of Yahweh until Jesus comes back to Earth" and Texas executes him? That's where I thought you were going with this.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Honestly, sometimes you're just SO bloody-minded, darls.

not that Dewey February 4, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Great bloody minds think alike.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:12 am

ntD! My buddy! (Hugs the ntD fondly)

How have you BEEN, dude?

HistoriCat February 4, 2012 at 4:34 pm

That's assuming he doesn't get shipped off to Gitmo first.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 4:07 pm

The satisfaction of that would be mitigated by the fact that they don't consider "stupid" an insult.

Slim_Pickins February 3, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Look at News Corp, they must be the largest private charity in the world given all the retards they employ.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 3, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Nothing like having Ayn Rand fans to explain to us simpletons how a charity is supposed to work.

The schaden freudes itself, once again.
~

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Awe Inspiring McArdle Smackdown. Huge Upfisty Thanks!

This week has been kind of fun.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Is it wrong of me to want to kick Megan McArdle very hard in her situpon? Perhaps not.

But it is certainly wrong of you to post links to that overrated hack that then make me want to read ALL her stuff so I can repeatedly kick her very hard at least in my imagi…

Thanks, thunder. That was a really fun 20 minutes of kicking the shit out of Megan McArsehole. It's all the exercise I'm gettin' today.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm

In the DoktorZoomHellbender living room just now, my pet fish, Darth Betta, wondered aloud, and here I paraphrase: “Does anyone on the Right even ask the basic question of whether a private citizen has the right to do with her womb as she sees fit?” But in fact, that anyone thinks there is a question here is a sign we’re already lost.

fuflans February 3, 2012 at 8:41 pm

go darth betta, go!

ThundercatHo February 3, 2012 at 10:42 pm

When he builds his little bubble nests does he make that iron lung kinda sound?

Biel_ze_Bubba February 5, 2012 at 5:27 am

Is your aquarium large enough to submerge Foster and Cooke? Long enough for Darth to teach them the basics?

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:36 pm

With any luck, Biely, Darth Betta is a large and hungry piranha. That would teach them the basics right quick.

Designer_Rants February 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Sorry fundies, we're just not that in to you. ~America

AlterNewt February 3, 2012 at 8:26 pm

There is nothing quite so persuasive as kindergarten story-time analogies.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I particularly like the one that goes, "And then the car went off the cliff and all the right-wingers died horribly. The End".

johnnyzhivago February 3, 2012 at 8:27 pm

It's not like Jesus ever said anything about helping the poor!

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I've seen conservatives use 2 Thessalonians 3:10 as biblical proof of their desire to destroy the safety net.

From the KJB: "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat."

Amusingly enough, they get very annoyed when you point out this was the 12th article of the soviet constitution of 1936, and was referenced by Lenin.

Doubly amusingly, the communist interpretation was for the bourgeoisie – people like Willard.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 5, 2012 at 5:32 am

Triply amusingly, the actual translation (at least from the Greek) is
"If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat."

The "willing" part sort of got lost along the way.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I take it then, that unlike Ben Jonson's harsh judgement upon that upstart crow, thou hast a little Latin and more Greek? Kudos, Biely. Lawyers learn Latin, after a fashion, but few and far between are those who have any scholarly Greek.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 5, 2012 at 3:45 pm

If "wiki" is Greek, then yes.
Otherwise it's "small Latin and lesse Greek". Which puts me in good company.

Fare la Volpe February 3, 2012 at 8:29 pm

So the wingtards are upset that, because we sensible people were cheesed by Komen's completely political shafting of PP, we decided to take our moneys to other charities? Do these Trotskyites even understand how a free market works? If you don't like an organization, you don't give them money.

WHY DO YOU HATE CAPITALISM, NRO?

Biff February 4, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I like firing people!
(R)money

johnnyzhivago February 3, 2012 at 8:29 pm

On the bright side, Americans can rest free of concern that tonight's dinner included any ground up fetuses.

BigDumbRedDog February 3, 2012 at 8:57 pm

speak for yourself. i'm havin baby back ribs.

ProgressiveInga February 3, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Oh. Yes. Beautiful.

BZ1 February 3, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Who the h-e double hockey pucks is Faniel Doster?

Jukesgrrl February 3, 2012 at 11:27 pm

I just looked at his Twitter account. He's a fan of Miley Cyrus and the NY Jets. One of his tweets read, "Obama just called for a military dictatorship. Outrageous!" So I guess he has bad taste and he hallucinates.

Mahousu February 3, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Look, do you think Sheldon Adelson expects to have any influence over Newt Gingrich just because he and his wife have given the Gingrich Super PAC $11 million? Or that Consol Energy (which coincidentally had just been fined $5.5 million by the EPA) made a large contribution to Romney because it expected to have some sort of influence on him? Certainly not! So why should you expect to have any influence on Komen?

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Just caw a clip of Limbaugh thrashing about in his pigwallow, bellowing in Rage & Frustration.

This is fun.

fuflans February 3, 2012 at 9:13 pm

share, please.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Oh, it was on "The Ed Show" in the background. I'll look for it & post

fuflans February 3, 2012 at 8:42 pm

so what i'm taking from all of this is that i can get an abortion at Old Man Joe's deli.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 8:55 pm

with free refills

HistoriCat February 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm

"Freshest meat in town!"

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Just don't order anything that looks like "mystery meat."

DarwinianDemon February 3, 2012 at 8:43 pm

OT but as it is likely the last post of the weekend:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/2012/02/0

Rich dildos pledge 100 million to stop Obama

flamingpdog February 3, 2012 at 8:58 pm

"Charles Koch pledged $40 million and David pledged $20 million."

Well at least now we know who's the cheapskate in the family.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 8:59 pm

With any luck, they'll be flushing that hundred mil down the same toilet that Adelson did with Gingrich's campaign in Florida. To the same effect.

Barb February 4, 2012 at 12:27 am

They could have just come up with one decent, viable candidate that wasn't a complete douche nozzle and saved 99 million dollars. (and they would still lose)

bagofmice February 4, 2012 at 3:34 am

99 million and a bitch ain't one.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 11:09 pm

The beauty part of that is that a decent, viable candidate would never get the party's nomination. They've pandered so far right that now, anyone who could be approved by their base would be well-nigh unelectable.

Pres.Beeblebrox February 4, 2012 at 9:47 am
flamingpdog February 3, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Also OT, but hey, we've been talking about some awfully piggish people today. This one's for the old hippies.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 3, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Heh. Off(end) the pigs!

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 11:11 pm

It's like the naked man on the pack of Camel cigarettes.

Harry_S_Truman February 3, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Got a fundraising call tonight from Planned Parenthood. I told the nice woman on the phone that her timing was horrible. She started to launch into her spiel about why funds are needed, and I interrupted her, expalining that her timing was horrible, because I gave last night to the local Planned Parenthood clinic.

She was thrilled. It was a cool moment.

Chet Kincaid February 3, 2012 at 8:59 pm

These dumbasses need to find out the difference between a public foundation, a private foundation, and a non-profit organization. If you don't know, you shouldn't be writing about them.

Jukesgrrl February 3, 2012 at 11:18 pm

They're a little touchy about that because most of them wouldn't have a roof over their heads without salaries provided by groups like the Heritage Foundations. They're all just charity cases themselves.

Loaded_Pants February 3, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Charities or government agencies that actually help the poor, are bad. Well-endowed foundations that that pay for your summer/vacation home(s) are good.

HistoriCat February 4, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Jeez Chet – if you're going to restrict them to writing about stuff they know about what will they do after the first set of articles?

DerrickWildcat February 3, 2012 at 9:11 pm

If you guys give me your money, I promise it will go to the right place…me.

fuflans February 3, 2012 at 9:22 pm

this is kinda off topic, but does anyone know if you should simmer bolognese covered or uncovered?

i look to the wonkette for all the important things.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Covered at first to allow flavour blending, then uncovered to make it less watery.

Be sure to add the wine at the start.

Jukesgrrl February 3, 2012 at 11:05 pm

X2

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Haha, glad to know you're a fellow cook, Jukesgrrl.

Jukesgrrl February 4, 2012 at 4:55 am

I'll be making the old-fashioned red gravy on Sunday.No snack food for the Super Bowl.Spaghetti and meatballs at my place.C'mon over.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 9:44 pm

with ketchup on white bread.

Barb February 4, 2012 at 12:29 am

Dude, ketchup is the condiment of the damned.

Blueb4sunrise February 4, 2012 at 3:21 pm

See National Lampoon post way up above and growing up in Cleveland.
On holidays, we would fry the boloney and have it on toast.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 9:54 pm

It's a good bet. There's a lot of collected Expertise amongst the Wonkette Commentariat.

Antispandex February 3, 2012 at 9:23 pm

It seems that money is speech, only if it is being used by a corporation…or right wing super pac…or Mittens…

BarackMyWorld February 3, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Rick Santorum Fails to Qualify for Indiana Ballot.

(Not that it matters, as he'll be out of the race by then anyways…)

ProgressiveInga February 3, 2012 at 9:47 pm

"Hoosiers Reject Santorum"

/fixed

Negropolis February 3, 2012 at 10:25 pm

May 8th? Why even bother holding a primary that late? lol

Jukesgrrl February 3, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Geez, all the Christiban, Hardcore Catholics, Wingnuts, Capital-R Racists, and Lady-Haters in Indianapolis and they couldn't find 500 of them who can write? The frothy mix goes flat.

Radiotherapy February 3, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Santorum Bottoms Out

bagofmice February 4, 2012 at 3:36 am

and then is expelled from the state roster.

ProgressiveInga February 4, 2012 at 11:20 am

"Santorum Will Not Be On The Indiana Ballot"

Oh, thank goodness.

BarackMyWorld February 4, 2012 at 12:33 pm

The only person who still seems to think he's got a shot is Bill Kristol…so, yeah, he's toast.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 3:54 pm

The last time Bill Kristol was correct was … let's see … NEVAH!!

So, yeah. 'Bye, Ricky II.

LetUsBray February 4, 2012 at 4:52 pm

This is a good weekend to recall that Bill Kristol got his start as a prognosticator when, in a argument with Joe Namath in Miami, he guaranteed the Colts would win Super Bowl III. True story.

Mondo_Cane February 4, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I sent this in as a tip, but don't know if it will rate – IN secretary of state was convicted on 6 felony counts, three of them voter fraud – but not to worry, Mitch Daniels will reappoint him… http://www.indems.org/index.php/blog/entry/indefe

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Did the jury come to a decision? The suspense is killing me. What happened?

Mondo_Cane February 4, 2012 at 3:08 pm

convicted on 6 of 7 counts – felonies –

"After about 12 hours of deliberation, a jury convicted White of three counts of voter fraud, two counts of perjury and one count of theft…

he was living with his mistress at one address and using his ex-wife's address as his residence –

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Thanks for reporting. It took them 12 hours, eh? Must've been some Gringrinch followers on the panel.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 9:41 pm

It's OK, though, since he had his state-issued ID with him at the time.

Negropolis February 5, 2012 at 12:18 am

Speaking of Bajoana, wasn't their SoS convicted of voter fraud, yesterday? Stay classy, Indiana.

Negropolis February 3, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Ain't this just rich? They are bitching about bullying, when their entire movement in relation to Susan G. Komen involves bullying them into submission. Hell, the entirerty of tactics used by conservative in general are tactics of bullying and worse. Have these fuckers no decency, no shame? And, yes, that's rhetorical.

I love their victimization bullshit. Whereas their side actually and unconstitutionally discriminates against people, when liberals decide to make changes, they do it with the pocket book and actual free speech.

Radiotherapy February 3, 2012 at 11:46 pm

A few weeks ago I pointed out my observation that conservatards are fluent, adept and seamless about switching from bully to victim to bully and back again. It's a telltale sign of right wing fascism. They have some kind of self-esteem problem that is nothing more than a sociopathic personality disorder.
Wherein here amongst us we are comfortable being reasonable and even accepting criticism. The wit (us) and the pendulum (them).

Barb February 4, 2012 at 12:35 am

I was just over on HuffPo, perusing the Komen comments. Wow, a lot of "pro lifers" are accusing a lot of evil over there. I believe that Komen is going to take a huge hit over their bully bullshit.

Negropolis February 4, 2012 at 1:13 am

To be honest, they probably should. Though they've reversed their decision, it shows how incredibly inept they are at making decisions. They've kind of revealed just how incredibly amoral they are. Maybe, it's best to cut out the middleman.

Barb February 4, 2012 at 1:31 am

The "pro lifers" are trying to make a stand now. A few are going down and dirty and think that we should ban contraception. For medical reasons, I had my tubes tied at age 20. Healthy moms make healthy babies and healthy relationships make for healthy families.

Negropolis February 4, 2012 at 1:34 am

Let them continue to entrench. It makes it a whole lot easier to find them when we crush them.

Yeah, I'm feeling kind of aggressive, tonight.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 1:34 am

And ONLY A WOMAN can decide whether she wants to be a Mom. Forcing women into Momism is what makes monsters like my mother. She woulda been fine as a single, childless gal, or even a married, childless gal. But someone put that idea into her head that woman=Mom, and she had five kids and ruined all their lives. Personally, I would've paid for the abortion if anyone had given me a choice.

SorosBot February 4, 2012 at 11:26 am

I kind of like it when the anti-choicers come right out and admit they want to ban contraception; it exposes them for the pure sex-hating misogynists they are, stripping their policies of the veneer that it's about saving the precious fetuses and showing the pure evil that they really are.

Negropolis February 3, 2012 at 10:26 pm

These bastards better get used to losing, because 2012 will not be kind, to them, Koch-whore money or not.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 10:33 pm

I bloody hope so. It should be a landslide in favour of Bammaz.

Negropolis February 4, 2012 at 1:18 am

I really hope the president comes out at them with overwhelming force. It seems to be the only thing they understand and learn things. When they've made him their enemy, I'm not sure how he fights them without also marking them for destruction.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 4, 2012 at 2:05 am

I'm of the hoping kind, in that I'm confident that Bammaz can hit back as hard as he's hit.

This Republican primary season has been ideal for Bammz to bring some big guns against whosoever gets the nomination.

Obama has been a fantastic president, and I'll argue against anyone who says otherwise. Sure, he's not been perfect, but I still regard him as amazing.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

If he *was* perfect, we would hate him with the heat of a thousand suns. Isn't it *enough* that he's good-looking, brilliant, charismatic, and married to the perfect woman with the perfect children?

Fuck, us regular folks, who might wear tennis shoes …

lulzmonger February 3, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Komen's litigious predilections notwithstanding, I remain confident that my "Lulz For Teh Cure" foundation will remain unmolested, based on the ancient & venerable "Blood From A Stone" precedent.

LFTC takes Visa, Discover, PayPal & unsequential unmarked bills in large denominations. Won't you please give 'til it hurts? Those hookers & blow aren't going to just buy THEMSELVES, you know!

Jukesgrrl February 3, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Here's another analogy, Daniel. When you donate money to the National Republican Committee and Rinse Peebot assigns a half-way sane person to run in an election, something tells me you throw a shit fit and yell, "How DARE you spend my money this way? I demand a full-blown teatard for every office!"

ManchuCandidate February 3, 2012 at 10:56 pm

It's like RAAIIN ON YOUR WEDDING DAY. It's like getting facts and reason from the NRO…

Isn't it ironic?

Barb February 4, 2012 at 12:36 am

I'm voting for the black fly in their Chardonnay.

FakaktaSouth February 3, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Lemme tell you how fast the entire Pro Life enterprise would evaporate if'n they figured out how to get rid of cellulite and crows feet aborto-fetal-ly. Poof.

flamingpdog February 3, 2012 at 11:04 pm

OhmyDarwin, someone snarked about this today or yesterday. Is this for real?.

Also on Gawker.

ManchuCandidate February 3, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Yes, but Komen is running away from that saying it's not their stupid idea.

flamingpdog February 3, 2012 at 11:32 pm

And of course Komen has never (1) lied or (2) changed its story in the late 48 hours. Sigh.

Radiotherapy February 3, 2012 at 11:50 pm

It's about a good a "cure" for cancer as anything else they've come up with in the last 50 years.

weej_bain February 4, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Right-o Radio and less intrusive than a hydrogen bomb.

spinozasgod February 3, 2012 at 11:50 pm

so, here's the thing, charities do get to choose how they dispense funds, but donors get to decide which charities they give their money to based on where the funds go……..if people have an objection to how the charitable organization distributes the funds they get to voice that objection(the 1st amendment blah blah blah)…..the government didn't force komen to change their minds, a lot of angry donors did.

Steverino247 February 3, 2012 at 11:51 pm

My mother sent me the following comment: The yellow from egg on the face looks super cool with the pink, don't you think? Mom

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 12:31 am

I like your Mom, she sounds like a totally cool, fun person.

Steverino247 February 4, 2012 at 1:40 am

She got it from her kids. Actually, she's done some interesting things. For example, she listened to Tommy when it came out to make sure is was "appropriate" (or something like that) and explained the story to me. So, I returned the favor by watching The Big Lebowski and The Aristocrats with her. We both agreed the ending of There Will Be Blood was a happy one.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 4, 2012 at 2:13 am

My mum, last weekend, said "I really like Islam. Any religion which can see God in a rain shower can't be wrong."

She's 70.

I love my mum.

Chichikovovich February 4, 2012 at 10:25 am

A lot of wingnut-style fundies can see God in a golden shower.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I think I love her too. You don't mind, do you?

Wow. She's pretty damn fantastic, if she can feel *that* way about life.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 6, 2012 at 5:31 am

She'd be honoured.

I get my worldview and pragmatism from mum, and my engineering mind from dad. Mah dad is lovely too, a pretty conservative atheist, which I think is a reaction to my aunt being a (now ex) communist.

It's as things are.

flamingpdog February 4, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Moms can be weird. My now departed mom, who mainly listened to classical music, liked the "Jesus Christ Superstar" record I bought when it came out so much that I gave it to her. I'm couldn't believe with all the screeching that Ian Gillan did as Jesus that she would like it, but she did. She also complemented the "Hair" soundtrack record, although I never played it close enough to her so she could hear the words. Not sure she would have cared for the song about masturbation and fellatio if she's ever heard the words.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:20 am

I wouldn't know, mine was an insane bat who occillated wildly between giving me Lady Chatterly's Lover to read at the age of 12 (along with the entire collected works of Sigmund Freud, stuff I consider most unsuitable reading matter for children) and dragging me to screenings of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf and Rashomon and holding week-long prayer sessions for my immortal drug-addicted (unknown to me) soul, while simultaneously telling my ever so gay friends to "come play with the children any time!"

justincasetoo February 4, 2012 at 12:10 am

Stopped at the local Planned Parenthood Center today ( a place I had not had voluntarily or involuntarily visited in my twenty years in this town during the pre-Komen-goofzeit era) and with great pleasure gave them Twenty Dollars. It was every bit as much pleasure that other partings with twenty dollar bills have brought me!! I might even do it once a month or so for while…..

wrksuxcreatbeer February 4, 2012 at 12:43 am

Goddammit we OWN the FUCKING MONEY. Now just FUCK OFF!! Goddamn kids playing on my MONEY LAWN!

Schmegeg February 4, 2012 at 1:09 am

Ha Ha OldManJoe just gave $100 to Obama for President. Suck it NRO.

Veritas78 February 4, 2012 at 2:21 am

How to destroy your organization in one fucking news cycle. Oops!

imissopus February 4, 2012 at 3:22 am

Wonkette favorite K-Lo, also from NRO, has an opinion:
http://www.salon.com/2012/02/03/komen_victim_of_b

Radiotherapy February 4, 2012 at 4:39 am

Bully/victim/bully/victim/bully/victim…etc. blah,blah,blah.

weej_bain February 4, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Daniel Foster is calling us gangstahs?

Chet Kincaid February 4, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Wingtards are finally poking the hornet's nests with their heavy-handed social engineering, between this Komen thing and their attacks on unions in states across the country. I don't think backwards (conservative) women reckoned they would have to face the wrath of sane (liberal) women scorned.

flamingpdog February 4, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I don't reckon backwards (conservative) women thought. Period.

Jukesgrrl February 5, 2012 at 12:04 am

They "thought" Sarah Palin had cute glasses.

freakishlywrong February 4, 2012 at 6:06 am

Small confession here, Wonkateers. I try and explain this to "conservatives" all the time. When I was 17, I found myself preggers. I went to PP to have the test and confirm this. They confirmed it. They didn't push me to make a decision. I found I simply couldn't have an abortion. They were entirely supportive and put me in touch with an adoption organization and I went through with it. This is something I live with. I HAD a choice, other women should have a choice. Period. If Komen chooses to play politics with breast cancer, that's their choice. If I choose to not support them because of that, well, suck it, assholes. Period. PP has a place in young women's lives. I know that from experience.

Limeylizzie February 4, 2012 at 7:55 am

Thta's not a confession, Freakishlywrong, that's a part of your life that was painful and you got to make a choice about how to proceed. I had to make that choice as well and chose a different way and am glad that frightened teenagers are able to find help.

freakishlywrong February 4, 2012 at 9:49 am

Thank you Lizzie. And I honor all of us who've had to make that choice, and will fight to the death for us to have it. That's what wingnuts don't understand, we're not pro-abortion, we're pro-choice.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 9:35 pm

But you see, none of what you're describing fits with what conservatives KNOW really goes on at PP–a place inhabited by ghouls who get off on killing babies and Destroying America. Oh, sure, you could show them this thread, but they also KNOW that, rather than supporting your having made the right choice as you saw it, we're all really teaming up to Shun you for not having had an abortion when you had the chance.

DemmeFatale February 4, 2012 at 11:16 am

Not a "small" confession at all.
Thanks.

(And to hell with those fucking fucks at Komen!)

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 12:00 pm

While we are "confessing" I'd like to say that I had an abortion at 15 at a time when it was illegal (yes – I am that old). Fortunately I had supportive parents, but the effort they had to make to find a doc that would help me was enormous, and scarey. I cannot imagine what my life would have been like had I been forced to carry to term. The scars I have from that is largely from fear and furtiveness, not from the procedure. Damn those anti-choice forces to hell. And why do we have to keep fighting this same fight over and over again?!

Biff February 4, 2012 at 2:47 pm

The youngs forget all that we olds had to endure to ensure their rights. THAT is why we have to fight the same fights over and over again.

SorosBot February 4, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Thank you all for speaking up. One of the problems with the debate in this country is that the anti-choice people have made having an abortion a mark of shame, so most women who have had one don't discuss it except with those they are very close to. Because of this, many people, particularly men, can think they don't know anyone who has had an abortion. Let me tell everyone – you do know someone who has had an abortion; in fact many of the women you know have had abortions. You just don't know about it.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:21 am

Here's where I have to speak up: Every single woman of my acquaintance has had at LEAST ONE abortion. I personally know at least TWO women who have had four each. None of them have any regrets. I don't think women tell *straight* men that much about their sexual/reproductive lives. But I'm willing to bet my experience is *very* far from unique.

MosesInvests February 5, 2012 at 12:53 pm

My grandmother's first pregnancy, in 1930, nearly killed her. The pregnancy was terminated, and 1 year later my father was born. I'm alive because of that abortion, dammit, and I am sick and tired of these Christo-fascists and their misogynist agenda. This comment is 100% snark-free.

Spurning Beer February 4, 2012 at 12:52 pm

You're righteous babes, all of you.

weej_bain February 4, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Big thumbs up.

Radiotherapy February 4, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Hear, hear, SB, our Wonkette ladies would make Mary Daly proud.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 1:55 pm

freakishlywrong:
I just wanted to take a minute to thank you for your story. That's a terrible choice to have to make at any age, let alone at 17. I think you showed character and courage and I hope that you had lots of help and support.

We should all show support, understanding and love to everyone in this situation, especially the young. And they need to have a choice – not have the choice made for them by a superstitious, authoritarian theocracy.

Well, before I get off this soapbox, I did want to share This Story with you. Hopefully it will cheer you and let you know that personal stories can make a difference. Even today.

Thank you, again, CRE

PS: Ditto to LL & G, also!

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 4:21 pm

It was brave of you to speak up. Thank you for sharing your story. Truly, if ALL the women who have ever had an abortion spoke up, I think wingnuts would assplode.

Nobody who doesn't share a woman's biology has any business intruding into women's specific biological concerns. I can understand men feeling as if, once there is a pregnancy, they are involved because their genetic material is involved. But if they're not willing to carry the damn thing themselves (and we have the technology to do it) then they don't get a say. Personally, I would not care for such an assault on my perceived bodily autonomy as would be required to nurture another lifeform, therefore what other people do about it = it don't make me no never mind.

Chet Kincaid February 5, 2012 at 1:57 am

The thing about it is, the abortion foes believe "But Life!!" It's all well and good to call them stupid and misogynist and point out their hypocrisy on other "But Life!" issues, but the only way to get them to see this differently is to make them see the mother as "Life" as well, with more rights and autonomy than "potential life."

If they don't believe the government can compel you to support the less fortunate through social programs, or support your own family by purchasing health insurance, how can they compel someone to be the physical host of another being against their will? Is that "freedom"?

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:31 am

Your words are wise, my friend. But I suspect the negative view of women engendered by Judaeo-Christo-Islamist myth are at the basis of this valuation of the life of a dividing cell clump as greater than that of a full-grown collection of cells identified as female.

Cicada February 4, 2012 at 4:25 pm

As a former PP counselor, I am very happy to hear your story. I referred many women to adoption services during my time there and was always happy to be able to give them the tools they needed to make the choice that was right for them.

Thank you for sharing!

Spurning Beer February 4, 2012 at 5:11 pm

My wife took a friend from Montgomery to Birmingham in the late 1960s to get an illegal abortion. It was secretive, sleazy, unsafe, and sad, but better than having a child as an unmarried teenager then. At that time, if you had money and understanding parents, you went to New York for an abortion. People with money will always have that choice, even if they have to go to Europe or Thailand.

102415 February 4, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I only get my PP abortions when I'm married.
I'm grateful too because I do remember the days when only rich girls could get any help mostly by taking a vacation in England.The really strange thing about this all is that Barbara Bush(old) a was a huge vocal supporter of PP. I wonder if the old bag has anything to say on the subject of Every Child a Wanted Child.

Jukesgrrl February 5, 2012 at 12:17 am

And she wasn't the only one. Many Republican women supported PP back in the day. It's hard to believe that within my lifetime there were plenty of open-minded Republicans who believed in live and let live and acted as if the welfare of EVERYONE in the community was their concern.

Elsie Hillman, wife of Henry Hillman aka the Richest Man in Pittsburgh, is hugely influential in Pennsylvania Republican politics and she is both pro-choice and pro-gay rights. She generously opens her home to groups supporting both causes and contributes generously (to Public Broadcasting, too, something else the Repukes would like to kill off). But Elsie's an old girl now and I wonder if there is anyone to take her place.

102415 February 5, 2012 at 12:42 am

Those days are over I'm sorry too.

PuglyDoRight February 4, 2012 at 6:14 am

So it looks like Ari "Human Douchebag" Fleischer was behind this, including hiring the Sarah Pahlin wannabe. Seems like it was more a political move than pressure from the religious right, but they can all go kiss Cecile Richard's ass as far as I'm concerned.

smashedinhat February 4, 2012 at 9:09 am

You are who your friends are. I keep that in mind at all times as it has never let me down.

Redhead February 4, 2012 at 8:14 am

“Does anyone on the Left even ask the basic question of whether a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?”

Of course they have the right. But only children think that having a right to do something extends to having the right to do something free of consequences.

LetUsBray February 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Well, children and wingnuts; the former have the excuse that they just haven't seen much of life yet.

LiveToServeYa February 4, 2012 at 8:22 am

By that logic, if jim wants jane and jack wants jane, then jim wants jack. Really, if I had a uterus it would not be on speaking terms with any of these people, nor would it read NRO.

fatbob54 February 4, 2012 at 9:48 am

I'm confused: NRO thinks that people should continue to give the Susan Komen Foundation money even though they don't like what they're doing with their money, but it's ok that Susan Komen stopped giving money to Planned Parenthood because they don't like what Planned Parenthood does with their money?

ingloriousbytch February 4, 2012 at 10:03 am

The invisible uterus of the marketplace has spoken.

Chichikovovich February 4, 2012 at 11:10 am

A further observation – reminded by Meg Macbabble's even-dopier-than-usual post on this topic. Ms. MacScrambled reiterates the wingnut talking point: "Of course contributing to PP's breast cancer screening is supporting abortion, because money is fungible. Contribute to one activity, and that frees up money for other activities."

OK, if that's the way you want to go, then so be it. Ever since Bush established, and Obama continued, the "Office of Faith-Based Initiatives" churches have been getting an avalanche of money from the Feds. How can this be? Well, it's for activities that can be claimed to be not intrinsically religious in nature, such as abstinence education, and sometimes things that genuinely are not, like running soup kitchens.

But these are churches and religious organizations, that engage in religious proselytizing (or should I say "recruitment of even underage children") and political advocacy. No problem, we are told, the money for teaching kids how not to have sex is kept separate from the money for teaching kids to hate gays.

OK, fine. If we're going to adopt the "money is fungible" principle for PP, then so be it, as long as we adopt it across the board. As we've learned in the last few days, the religious wackaloon contingent has amassed a lot of power mostly by being careful to avoid letting people see what they are doing. When it becomes clear what they are up to, legions of PP supporters step up to put their money where their principles are, as I and Chichikovna have done. PP will survive. And the closing of the Office of Faith-Based Initiatives will save an awful lot of money that can be put to better use elsewhere.

BarackMyWorld February 4, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Your logical consistency has no place in American politics, sir.

Chet Kincaid February 4, 2012 at 1:47 pm

This whole thing is a huge boon for PP getting funded directly by people who support all that they are doing. But on another front, they still have to face battles with all of the states who are trying to legislate abortion providers in general, and PP in particular, out of existence, as Rachel Maddow has been documenting.

Chichikovovich February 4, 2012 at 11:26 am

Ah, NRO – it's hard to keep up with the bluster and stupidity. Laugh at one piece of sheer incompetent, disingenuous idiocy and you miss a dozen more. Here Ms. Lopez steps on her own "evil bullies stomp on non-partisan charity for political reasons" meme. Presumably it is suggested to her that she's too obviously displaying the dishonesty of the agreed-on-bullshit-narrative and she edits. But the internet is forever, Ms. Lopez:
http://www.balloon-juice.com/2012/02/04/k-thug-th

Chet Kincaid February 4, 2012 at 1:00 pm

OT (although nothing's really OT on the weekend): How about those unemployment and stock market numbers yesterday? Aren't they worth a mention just for the embarrassment caused to Mittens, since Hopium is frowned upon in this establishment?

Gainsbourg69 February 4, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I saw Mittens' last stump speech and his argument has changed from Obama made things worse to he didn't improve the economy fast enough. He sounds like a fucking whiner now.

Crank_Tango February 4, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Yeah the republicans in congress should have obstructed a little more, that would have sped things along nicely…

Gainsbourg69 February 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I bet you ten grand that they'll take responsibility for the improving job numbers just how Newt claims that he balanced the budget.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I'm sure they're looking for chances to throw job growth into the shitter for a few more months…as long as it doesn't affect capital gains.

imissopus February 4, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Yeah well, public option compromise bully pulpit Afghanistan something something.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Dr Paul is the only one smart enough to save us!

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Personally, I don't give a shit what anyone ELSE says. I'm *celebrating.* Because every day, in every way, it looks like MY PRESIDENT is about to win it in a landslide.

I always knew that shayne punim would go far.

Chichikovovich February 4, 2012 at 6:54 pm

I don't know about the rest of these Puritans, but I like nothing more than relaxing in a Hopium den.

yyyaz February 4, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Snark is the Hopium of we asses.

weej_bain February 4, 2012 at 1:20 pm

To bring our spirits up after this sad Pinkaploozer, will we be having electrifying Wonkette coverage of the Nevada Rethug Cacaucuses?

Blueb4sunrise February 4, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Cool.
NYT from 2008 sayed…..

….Mr. Romney had 52 percent of the vote, while Representative Ron Paul and Senator John McCain each had 12 percent.

Over or Under 52 this time?

SorosBot February 4, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I believe there's a lot of Mormons in Nevada, so Mittens should have this one wrapped up.

flamingpdog February 4, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Nevada is Utah-West, while Arizona is Utah-South. Oh,and westernmost Colorado is Utah-East. They really seem to like the desert. But their spread to the east will probably be stopped at the Vail/Aspen connection. But then, now that I think about it, Douglas and Elbert Counties (south of Denver) are a big Mormon hangout these days. My friend in the cubicle next to me (a Catholic) finally had to get out of Elbert County because the Mormons got to be too much for him and his kids.

Radiotherapy February 4, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Needz moar cowbell.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I remember the faux outrage over the Red Cross donations that the 'wingers expected to go directly to the "victims" of the 9-11attacks, but when the immediate needs were met dozens of times over, Red Cross put some of the funds into procuring more whole blood and plasma, and disaster preparedness elsewhere. They figured, and rightly so, how many millionaires should charity create anyway, and did the reasonable thing, for which they were roundly chastized. Some days it's just not worth chewing through the restraints.

Tundra Grifter February 4, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Did anyone else have their "p" rating take a dive this week? Seems like I just lost 4 points.

Not that I care, of course…

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 2:38 pm

No. I only lost points off my IQ. (watched segments of the last debate.)

Blueb4sunrise February 4, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Solar flare?
Use of the r-word?
Russian judges?

Tundra Grifter February 4, 2012 at 3:00 pm

"P' goes up, "p" goes down – ya just can't explain it.

At least, I certainly can't.

SorosBot February 4, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Now, the size of one's p-ness doesn't really matter.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Easy for YOU to say, Mister I-Have-Teh-Biggest-P-Ness.

Limeylizzie February 4, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Did you go to some vile right wing nutjob website and take a dump on their site? I have done that and seen my p-ness shrink.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I used to have that happen back when I was first here, but we had a downfist button then, and I just figured some people didn't like what I had to say. It went away once my p hit 120, I think.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:26 pm

“Does anyone on the Left even ask the basic question of whether a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?”

But I don't have the right to dispose of what's left of my money as I see fit.
Righty-o.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Well, just flipped over to MSNBC for the Latest in Sick Thrills and the Nevada Republican Primary news.

So far, two write-in candidates are leading: Generalissimo Francisco Franco in the lead, with The Angel Moroni coming in a close second.

Angry_Marmot February 4, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I'm pretty sure the incredible Hulk has Nevada residency.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Well, if he's registered, he probably wrote in General Curtis LeMay, then.

flamingpdog February 4, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Our top story tonight: Generalissimo Curtis LeMay is still dead.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Gold Star!

ttommyunger February 4, 2012 at 6:51 pm

I just thought of a better analogy: the revolving waffle. That's where you think you are trick-fucking somebody and wind up getting trick-fucked yourself. Fuck you very much, Charlie, if that is your real name.

Angry_Marmot February 4, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Mmm, waffles. And fucking.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Fuckwaffles.

Hey… Fuckwaffles for Everybody is a Campaign platform I'd support!

Radiotherapy February 4, 2012 at 7:28 pm

The Fuchwaffe was a very effective fighting force in WWII.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 7:36 pm

"Vafflez, Vafflez Uber Alles!"

ttommyunger February 4, 2012 at 7:13 pm

fap,fap,fap……

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 6:55 pm

"Lips that touch Fetuses will Never touch Mine!"
-Anita Bryant

Blueb4sunrise February 4, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Radiotherapy asked for cowbell
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3i0DMbCKnAg&fe

weej_bain February 4, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Get out your tinfoil blimp helmets Wonketteers, CNN sayz Ron Paul is in 2nd place. It's all about expectations. Now if Mittens 2012 can lose to Mittens 2008 the world will be good. Well maybe that's a reach but ya know what I mean.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 7:39 pm

It's The Blimp, Frank!

Oooh, this will be fun.

Radiotherapy February 4, 2012 at 8:14 pm

To the wingtard base, the highly inflammable hydrogen gas in Ron Paul's blimp is his foreign policy. And the goopers are all carrying lighters.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Ron Paul '12!

That's just…just….Hysterical!

Radiotherapy February 4, 2012 at 11:29 pm

At least I didn't say "First!"

tribbzthesquidz February 4, 2012 at 7:30 pm

I guess some people really never have stuck their finger in their butt. Just to see.

Blueb4sunrise February 4, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Live results Nevada
3%
reporting

Romney
2,715
48%
Gingrich
1,305
23%
Paul
1,032
18%
Santorum
584
10%

weej_bain February 4, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Mmmm, from the earlier 3% returns looks like Newter is surging, Paul slipping, and Santorum leaking. But, but, and butt Romney now under 50% and losing to the 2008 Mittens. Hazzah!

Blueb4sunrise February 4, 2012 at 8:27 pm

itz teh TRUMP effeckt!

Blueb4sunrise February 4, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Ya could cut the tension with a dildo.
I'm gonna go eat something . It's gonna be a long night.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Tweety's babbling about Gingrich being a Super Interesting Candidate and an Ideas Guy, so I had to stab the MUTE button and lay on some Cowboy Junkies. before I Go Mad.
Again.

yyyaz February 4, 2012 at 8:57 pm

WTF kind of meds is Tweety on these days? Talk about irrational exuberance.

Jukesgrrl February 4, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Usually he's shrieking about what a con-man Newt is. Is con-man a good qualification for president this year?

Biff February 4, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Mmmmm, Margo….

SorosBot February 4, 2012 at 8:42 pm

I guess there will be no liveblogging tonight; that's too bad. Right now, CNN has Mittens 45%, the bloated amphibian 22%, the crazy old man 21%, and the frothy mix bringing up the rear with 11%.

weej_bain February 4, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Some how CNN is stealing ballots reporting quicker that the rest.
CNN @ 8% (all ruralz):
Mittens 45%
Newter 22%
Blimpmeister 21%
Leaking Santorum 11% (Obtuse Angle's endorsement sure helped)

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Did all the Black, Urban precincts report in yet?

Ah, hahaha, hahahah, just kidding.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 9:38 pm

You mean Northtown, doncha? About as "Urban" as we got.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 9:47 pm

I guess I do mean Northtown! A whopping 19% AA, huh?

Biff February 4, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Judging by the yardsigns I see around rural NV, it should be Paul in a landslide. Barring that outcome, I'll be thrilled to see newt finish behind him.

V572 the Merciless February 4, 2012 at 9:05 pm

I think you're going to get your wish.
http://www.rentadrone.tv/msnbc-live-rockinrooster

Biff February 4, 2012 at 9:41 pm

In my county (Nye), Ron Paul did win big. 45.6% over Mitten's 29.2% and the newt's 16.7%. Proud Paultard Country, right here.

Negropolis February 4, 2012 at 11:26 pm

I was about to say that I think Nye and Lincoln (maybe?) have already gone to Paul. If he runs up a good amount in Clark, he could still top Gingrich.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Nye and Esmeralda went for Paul. I find it pretty disgustipating that Washoe actually pulled through for newt.

LetUsBray February 4, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Santorum, of course, will be behind all of them.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:26 am

How could anyone resist to upfist this?

weej_bain February 4, 2012 at 9:16 pm

The LV Sun isn't reporting results yet from Elko. Is that because they closed late up there for those who keep kosher?

Biff February 4, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I think Sheldon Adelson's precinct is the only Kosher precinct in the whole state, and he had his own caucus, in his own hotel, that he bought with his own money.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Well, now. Isn't it Good to be the King?

SudsMcKenzie February 4, 2012 at 9:04 pm

mmmm, late night Tamron grllll…

V572 the Merciless February 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Doesn't she look awesome?

SorosBot February 4, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Though, according to rumor, she's busy fucking Lawrence O'Donnell now and out of our reach.

V572 the Merciless February 4, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Really! Tell me more, if only for the vicarious pleasure to mix with the grief! O’Donnell’s married, or used to be married, to Kathryn Harrold, whom I always found rather hawwtt.
http://www.moviemarket.com/library/photos/320/320

Jukesgrrl February 4, 2012 at 11:06 pm

The NYPost practically invented canoodling and they say yes: "MSNBC anchors Lawrence O'Donnell and Tamron Hall have a romance spicing up off set. The single 'Last Word' host, 60, has been quietly dating the pretty midday anchor and rising star at the network for months. The duo have kept their relationship low-profile in the studio but have been spotted canoodling at downtown haunts."

If LD is divorced from Kathryn Harrold, they've really kept it quiet. But she was on Desperate Housewives, so I guess if she needed a divorce lawyer she could have gotten a referral there.

SudsMcKenzie February 4, 2012 at 9:29 pm

*puts fingers in ears* LALALALALALALALALALA

HistoriCat February 5, 2012 at 12:19 am

With the implication being that if she wasn't busy fucking LO'D she would not be out of our reach? Dare to dream Soros – dare to dream.

AlterNewt February 5, 2012 at 10:55 am

mmmm…Tamron/Halle samich..

V572 the Merciless February 4, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Sheldon Adelson has thrown Newt over the side, and told Mittens, "Yeah, okay, you win and and I'm with you." A Diós, Newtie…When you said you couldn't see any scenario in which you weren't the nominee, you must've been overlooking this one. Kinda wanted him to win, since he'd have delivered the House to the Dems.

weej_bain February 4, 2012 at 9:21 pm

And the rumors are milling that Newt will bail tonight, while Doughboy sayz now. What is a casino owner with the worst ginger dye job ever, ever to do?????

V572 the Merciless February 4, 2012 at 9:25 pm

If Ronnie P would get right with Israel (instead of his insane “Stop bombing Browns” foreign policy) Sheldon would probably back him. Who could be more Libertarian than a casino magnate who says he won’t talk to people who aren’t rich because they must be dumb?

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Just saw a still shot of Mittens at a rally and, I swear to FSM I saw Orly Taitz in the background, standing, arms up & cheering. It made me physically ill.

Someone tell me I'm wrong.

Jukesgrrl February 4, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Well, if she's endorsed Mitt it got absolutely no press. But there are probably thousands of schizo-looking bleached blondes in Las Vegas. Chicken Sue Lowden and Heidi Harris spring to mind immediately. Either one of them could have had ringside seats. Enjoy your dinner until we know for sure.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Thanks. Duly Placated, although Nightmares may Ensue.

Biff February 5, 2012 at 12:01 am

Jesus, what a hate-monger Heidi Harris is. I can thank her for my going to satellite radio exclusively, though. Her and the other nutjobs on KDWN were what I was stuck with on the only terrestrial station I could get in my work truck, not acceptable.

Jukesgrrl February 5, 2012 at 12:34 am

I can never imagine how anyone with a voice like that got a job in radio.Gawd Almighty that is one horrible screech she's got going on.I'd turn her off even if she were a liberal.

weej_bain February 4, 2012 at 9:33 pm

If Mittens doesn't break 50%, with a lower voter turnout than 2008, this doesn't seem to be a momentum-builder.

V572 the Merciless February 4, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Chuck Todd has augmented his repugnant prison-pussy facial hair with the night's worst-looking 100% Sleaze-A-Cron® window-pane-check carnival-barker suit jacket.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 9:42 pm

zomg, Santorum wants name recognition in Colorado! I think there's an app for that.

LetUsBray February 4, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Santorum on the lips of Coloradans? I'd enjoy seeing that. You'd think in a place like Colorado Springs you'd be seeing Santorum everywhere as it is, of course.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:06 am

Ted Haggard certainly managed to find his fair share.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 9:50 pm

The Good News for Ricky is that, if they have Internet connections and Google, he's got Name Recognition.

V572 the Merciless February 4, 2012 at 9:51 pm

There may be an app, but there's really a dick you have to suck, and it's attached to the Chief Theocrat in Colorado Springs, "Doctor" James Dobson.

Jukesgrrl February 4, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Yes, isn't Colorado the world headquarters of the Christiban? You'd think Rickie would be already be in their pantheon. Doesn't he get any credit for all the fetuses he's turned into Mozarts?

AddHomonym February 4, 2012 at 9:54 pm

RED ALERT! (Literally.) Santorum just called for a "great … society"!!! No kidding. You can look it up.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 10:04 pm

So Sheldon adelson's caucus has opened and closed, and now they can officially project Mittens as the winner. I love watching billionaires trying to buy elections and failing, not so much when they succeed.

And now I want Nia Malika Henderson to bear my children instead of Tamron Hall.

Jukesgrrl February 4, 2012 at 10:36 pm

She's had an interesting (as in Chinese "interesting times") career. Surprising someone with those looks didn't start out in TV.

BarackMyWorld February 4, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Watching the MSNBC coverage of the Nev. caucus…

Mitt is seen by caucus voters as "most electable." A little like being the smartest Kardashian sister.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 10:17 pm

The Least Stoned Teenager at the mushroom party.

No, man, I'm fine. I can drive. He he he hehehehehe…

BarackMyWorld February 4, 2012 at 10:20 pm

The least racist Alabaman.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Woah! good one!

The Teabagger with the fastest Lil' Rascal.

BarackMyWorld February 4, 2012 at 10:30 pm

The darkest albino.

Chet Kincaid February 5, 2012 at 1:45 am

FakaktaSouth Libel!!

Biff February 4, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I find it oddly comforting that, at least according to the stats Tamron Hall shared a few minutes ago, I'm surrounded by far more Paultards than Mormons. Good to know.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Sounds like mittens' campaign is using a Bruce Springsteen song. Don't they ever fucking learn?

And Chicken Lady lurves newt!

LetUsBray February 4, 2012 at 10:27 pm

I'm sure they've decided no one can stop them from doing it once. I'd like to see musicians – Bruce would be a good one to start – issue preemptive cease-and-desist letters.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Not pre-emptive, but Bruce did this when Raygun used "Born in the USA" (which, if you're familiar with the lyrics, is the polar opposite of rah-rah "patriotism").

Also, Heart stopped Sarah from using "Barracuda" without permission, and Jackson Browne sued John McCain for copyright infringement for "Running on Empty".

Jukesgrrl February 4, 2012 at 10:29 pm

I hope Bruce sues him and donates the money to OWS … or at least Planned Parenthood.

BarackMyWorld February 4, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Gah…this coverage is boring. Is it just Tweety tonight?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Ann Romney and her Hall Monitor demeanor will restore integrity to the White House.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Fuck you mitt, you lying piece of shit!

Biff February 4, 2012 at 10:43 pm

The ghosts of all the people whose jobs were axed by mitt find this interesting, too.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Mitt Fucking Romney is explaining how Obama is a detached out of touch arrogant guy who doesn't care about the poor. OK, yeah, I believe that.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Jeez louise, that couldn't be a more textbook example of projection if he said Obama superglued his dog to the roof of his car.

bagofmice February 5, 2012 at 1:59 am

Mitt Romney is a gated community organizer.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I'm sorry, bagofmice, but you are now on teh Twatter. I just had to Tweet that line. Duly credited.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Haw-haw, those awful academics with their hating on America… and divisiveness.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 10:47 pm

He hasn't mentioned Europe yet. Are we sure this is Mitt?

Jukesgrrl February 4, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Mitt thinks "mentioning Europe" illustrates his knowledge of international affairs.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Mitt's obviously one of those aliens from This Island Earth.

Have you seen his forehead? I think he just dyes his hair.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 11:38 pm

"And then I'll ram my ovipositor down your throat and lay my eggs in your chest… But I'm not an alien."

C_R_Eature February 5, 2012 at 8:52 am

Crow T. Robot? That you?

MST3K reference, FTW!

Biff February 5, 2012 at 6:20 pm

So his hair dyed/died? That's a start.

C_R_Eature February 5, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Q: What's 100,000 Lawyers Romney's Hair in a hole in the bottom of the Ocean?

A: A good start!

flamingpdog February 4, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Newt is like the inflatable dinghie?

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Wait, his Dingy is inflatable? I just assumed he used the Little Blue Pills.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:05 am

That's "dingus," darls.

dcjdjay February 4, 2012 at 11:00 pm

And the majority of SGK's donors and supporters – college educated, relatively wealthy liberals and moderates have the right to take their money and send it elsewhere. Note to NRO – that's the way things work.

bagofmice February 5, 2012 at 2:00 am

Why does NRO hate Free Market Forces?

flamingpdog February 4, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Little know fact: The Christtards started arriving in Jesurado Springs because the city fathers invited them in. The city was terrified that Fort Carson was going to be shut down as part of the nationwide base closing move at that time and the city would be left with no economic base. Fort Carson was not shut down, and in fact is now bigger than ever.

Negropolis February 4, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Anyone watching the live Caucus Cam on CNN? Good gawd are these Paultards crazy, and have totally taken over this particular Vegas caucus. A few of them are halfway sane, but one woman just went through vaccination conspiracies and shit.

SudsMcKenzie February 4, 2012 at 11:23 pm

yes, yes I am, the NV Caucus Cam on Saturday night; I've decided I may have to re-evaluate my life.

Jukesgrrl February 4, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Tweety must have collapsed. Prison shows are back on. CNN has called for Rmoney, but he still hasn't broken 50%. Ron Paul and Newt are vying for second place. Santorum is likely to stay in fourth. Not enough Jeebus in Sin City.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:59 am

What kind of nominee can't get half the electorate? Mittens consistently falls below 50%. If he didn't have Newt and Paul and Santorum to contend against, he'd already be out of the running.

Negropolis February 4, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Shorter Gingrich Press Conference: President Obama is going to come into your home and intimidate you to worship the way that he wants to.

And, Gingrich continues to say this absolutely shamelessly as if there is even an iota of truth in it. Yes, drop out, already. I don't have the stomach to support Operation Chaos, if you're going to continue to say bullshit like this.

Negropolis February 4, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Newt can't believe Romney is being mean to him; he can't believe that Romney is winning. What a delusional, whiney cad of a human-shaped individual.

Angry_Marmot February 5, 2012 at 1:37 am

A formerly human-shaped individual, please.

Negropolis February 4, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Congratulations, Mitt! You've just won the prize of being one step closer to losing to the 44th President of the United States, Barack H. Obama!

SudsMcKenzie February 4, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Well, it is a step up from loosing to McCain

Negropolis February 5, 2012 at 12:16 am

You're right. I'd be honored to lose to Obama.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:52 am

Let's face it: the Republicans KNOW that any candidate who lost to Obama would have a REALLY HARD TIME explaining to the stupid frothing madmen that now make up the Repug base how the HELL they could have lost to that weak, timid, ineffectual, incompetent, moronic, Affirmative-Action beneficiary that they have tried to paint our President as for the past four years. And if they admit that he's as competent as we all know him to be, then they'll have a hard time explaining their intransigence.

He who diggeth the pit for his brother shall fall in it … and it makes me so damned happy. They dug him pits, they laid snares for his feet; and so they are hoist upon their own petard.

Rotundo_ February 5, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Though in this case "petard" should really begin with the letter "r" due to the incredible gifts they all posess for shooting themselves in the foot

Biff February 5, 2012 at 10:51 am

I'm going to Disneyland!

Negropolis February 6, 2012 at 1:33 am

Truly, Disneyland is the Disneyland of Disney Worlds.

Limeylizzie February 5, 2012 at 12:00 am

Just got back from "Anything Goes" on Broadway and there was a Santorum joke, nearly peed myself.

SudsMcKenzie February 5, 2012 at 1:08 am

no "Crook of Mormon"?

Biff February 5, 2012 at 12:03 am

Paultards are going apeshit at the mere mention of their hero's name!

AlterNewt February 5, 2012 at 12:12 am

"Freebird!"

tessiee February 5, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Stairway to Freebird!

Angry_Marmot February 5, 2012 at 1:39 am

They're flinging their poo?

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:53 am

All over teh Internets, teh Paultards' howl may be heard tonight. Over on ABC, it's all, "But they're denying the REAL WINNER!!"

Negropolis February 5, 2012 at 12:05 am

The Jews and 7th Day Adventists are voting now.

SudsMcKenzie February 5, 2012 at 12:06 am

Sooo, 70% of the final vote is being held up because of an "after sunset" caucus with Sabbath observing Jew's AND 7th Day Adventists.

Meanwhile, Tamron and Lawrence are already on their second course at Le Bernadin.

Negropolis February 5, 2012 at 12:23 am

Zing!

Though, it depends on how quickly Lawrence works. They may already be at home in bed watching…

Biff February 5, 2012 at 12:06 am

Now newt says HE feels us poorz, NOT (R)Money! Who am I to believe?

flamingpdog February 5, 2012 at 12:54 am

Newt feels the poorz? Yeah, right. Although I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be above feeling up the poorz.

Biff February 5, 2012 at 12:08 am

Nevada, Nevahduh, newt hits 'em all!

Jukesgrrl February 5, 2012 at 12:25 am

I've noticed that. What's he going to do in Colora(rah)do?

Biff February 5, 2012 at 12:43 am

Color(ay)do?

tessiee February 5, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Colora(D'oh!)?

flamingpdog February 5, 2012 at 12:55 am

Hopefully he does all of Coloradans a favor and fails to show his fat face here.

Biff February 5, 2012 at 12:21 am

Wow, nearly 2 to 1 Paul over (R)money in adelson's own caucus! I know it's early still, but it's gotta burn his ass that his fellow observant Jews (and Adventists) would reject his chosen newt so roundly.

Negropolis February 5, 2012 at 12:25 am

Nah, the amoral asshat announced, tonight, that he'll support Mitt if (read: when) he wins the nomination, a kind of explicit kick in the balls for Newt.

Biff February 5, 2012 at 12:36 am

Whatev, it's just good to know that money from Macau is being used to buy a candidate. Let freedom ring, bitches!

flamingpdog February 5, 2012 at 12:57 am

Newt does everything roundly.

Steverino247 February 5, 2012 at 1:05 am

I don't give a shit who Nevada Republicans want to be President. Half these caucus goers are Mormons and the rest are insane coots who drink or smoke too much and live in an environment even lizards try to stay out of when the sun's up.

Biff February 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

It was opening day at my local dirt track yesterday, and I was pleasantly surprised by how many of the usual crowd of spectators, not to mention drivers, chose to attend the races rather than caucus. But yeah, you know you're in Nevada when you have to wash the smoke out of your clothing after attending an outdoors event.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:41 pm

You quit smoking, right? Me too. Mostly I don't mind the smell, although it sometimes evokes longings in me. But I hate when it clings to my clothes.

Biff February 5, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I quit cigarettes over 20 years ago, but still like the occasional good cigar. Only outdoors, in solitude, so as to offend as few people as possible.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:10 pm

It's been *decades* since I enjoyed a good cigar.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 6, 2012 at 5:52 am

Whenever I find myself back in England, it's either the Monte Cristo or the Romeo y Julieta – proper fucking Cubans.

A good cigar is nectar.

tessiee February 5, 2012 at 2:51 pm

"Mostly I don't mind the smell, although it sometimes evokes longings in me."

Years after quitting, I can still identify Camels (my old brand) by the smell.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I smoked rokok kretek for years — those Indonesian clove cigarettes? — a habit I took up after my first trip to Bali. You can identify *those* by their smell a mile off. Interestingly enough, the longings have never translated into the actual buying of a cigarette, for which I'm grateful.

Biff February 5, 2012 at 6:27 pm

So few true afficionados left! I never could get into filtered cigs. Went from Philip Morris to Lucky Strike to Chesterfield to Pall Mall to Camels, then off into weird hippie roll yer own stuff, mostly Bugler, then back to Camels and quit cold turkey before they killed me dead…
Edit: Also Players when in Canada, Delicados in Mexico, Shermans when I felt rich, and Gauloises when offered, didn't like them much.

Buckminster February 5, 2012 at 1:52 am

Yes, the private foundation can do whatever it wants with the money, as long as it follows its own bylaws in doing so. If part of its bylaws says the foundation will fund cancer prevention functions of Planned Parenthood, they are screwed. If the bylaws say they simply support and fund cancer prevention screenings and testing, they are indeed in the clear, as far as I can see. However, it's still bullpucky. I think the RW is full of it.

Radiotherapy February 5, 2012 at 2:33 am

Ain't this interesting? These überhypocrits can't keep their torturous logic straight.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 5, 2012 at 3:04 am

Well, those Egyptians aren't paying for any abortions with the Komen money, so I don't see what she's so upset about.

Jukesgrrl February 5, 2012 at 6:19 am

"A nationally recognized authority on the threat of radical Islam" — Rep. Steven King (R-IA)

That's enough for me!!

(Seriously, this Geller woman is crazier than Orly Taitz.)

imissopus February 5, 2012 at 1:47 pm

As a Jew, if Geller hates them it makes me want even more to give them money. But I don't want to give money to Komen ever after this past week's little dust-up. It's very confusing. I think I'll just get drunk in front of the game this afternoon.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Pamela Geller is the kind of Jew that makes you want desperately to NOT be a Jew. A shonda fur die goyim is the kind of Jew she is.

HistoriCat February 5, 2012 at 8:11 am

Way OT – having fun going through the Wonkette Facebook page and assigning real people to the Wonketteriat commenters. Yes – this is my idea of excitement.

Limeylizzie February 5, 2012 at 8:44 am

I have looked at that and wondered who was who, have you had much success?

HistoriCat February 5, 2012 at 10:15 am

None at all. But that hasn't stopped me from trying.

weej_bain February 5, 2012 at 11:20 am

I'm guess that those of us who wander aimlessly though life without Twatter or Facebook accounts likely won't be there. Mrs. weejee is a Facebookie, but I'm not sure if she's goes to the Wonkface page

Steverino247 February 5, 2012 at 11:30 am

It's not really that hard, depending on how careful the user is. I avoid doing it because a) you all would think I'm a creep and b) because it would frighten people if they saw evidence of just how easy it is for a complete (yet friendly) stranger to do it. I was able to figure out one in about a minute and then stopped. I don't really care if anybody finds out who I really am (except for the IT guys at work, of course!) because I know how this works and that it would be friendly. Plus, I'm a large male and don't get spooked easily. I'm not sure how others would take it if they got a friend request from someone who figured it out. Yes, I'd like very much to have a social gathering someplace, but then you get to attend or not. With the Internet, you don't always get that choice.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Some of us might have Twatter or FuckBook accounts but be unaccountably shy about teh Wonkface page …

Biff February 5, 2012 at 11:44 am

I think I found Johnny Zhivago, but that's about it.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Geez. Now I gots to check in and see if anyone's discovered ME.

weej_bain February 5, 2012 at 10:11 am

Well here's hoping Mittens is enjoying his morning after. Let's just see what he was celebrating last night to bring on his spiritual hangover (none physical 'cause Boney Moroni says exnay on the oozebay).
1. He well may not break 50%*
2. He lost to Mittens 2008
3. The Rethug cacaucus turnout dropped 24% from 2008

Looks like Nomentum Romney will be shuffling-off to moar months of Newterie.
/ tosses glitter confetti about with wild abandon

* Odd, but Clark County, the Lost Wages' county, has only reported ~50% by 7:00 am PST. Odd that Clark would be the last to provide full results, it being Nevada's most urban, well suburban & exurban, county. Unless! Unless the GeeOhPee leaderati are so fearful of a Sharon Angle redo that they are frantically stuffing the Clark County cacaboxes with Mittens mouse droppings.

AlterNewt February 5, 2012 at 10:18 am

E7#9s for everybody!

Biff February 5, 2012 at 11:51 am

@L.A.Times quote:

“We made a mistake with Sharron Angle,” said one man loud enough to make the entire room burst into laughter. Angle lost to Harry Reid in the 2010 U.S. Senate race. The man urged other caucus-goers to support Romney.

AlterNewt February 5, 2012 at 10:26 am

Wonkette ex-pat Jason Linkins:

"Out of context quote from Rick Santorum, explaining away his loss: He says he didn't "drive and penetrate" in Nevada. And it's true! He did not drive and penetrate in the Silver State, and the irony there is that it's not frowned upon out there."

Jukesgrrl February 5, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I guess he doesn't have the strong enough thrust that most Republicans seek.

Barb February 5, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I'm glad SNL spoofed Newt's moon colony. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/05/snl-newt

"May divorce be with you."

snoopyfan2010 February 5, 2012 at 12:23 pm

It is almost like people who donate to charities are the same as people who pay taxes. I mean they want to know how their money is being spent.

Oh yeah and the analogy about Ole Man Joe is spot on because people stopped donating to SGK when they disagreed with their stance on preventing cancer.

WinterOuthouse February 5, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Is Daniel Foster related to Vince?

Jukesgrrl February 5, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Vince? That stuff you rinse your mouth out with?

icesk8schnauzer February 5, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Except SGK is NOT a private foundation – according to their website "Susan G. Komen for the Cure is a Texas nonprofit corporation. Komen for the Cure is a public charity exempt from federal income tax under Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code."

What is the difference? Private foundations normally receive substantially all of their contributions from relatively few sources and often rely on investment earnings as their source of ongoing support, a public charity is either "publicly supported" (i.e. derives a substantial portion of its financial support from the public) or functions to "support" one or more organizations that are public charities.

They keep saying "private foundation". I do not think it means what they think it means.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Still….doesn't hurt to hoist one …
PROSIT!!!!!!!!

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Seconded, and approved.

SKAAL!!

Chet Kincaid February 3, 2012 at 8:40 pm

It was pretty good until P.J. O'Rourke took over, then it was just obnoxious. (See "Going Too Far" by Tony Hendra for how that went down.)

Radiotherapy February 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm

I was like 14 years old when they first came out, and my mother (the Pope of Cleveland) found one and got irate. Cualquier. The Foto Funnies were often fapping material at that hypersensitive age.

yyyaz February 3, 2012 at 8:57 pm

"How to Drive Fast on Drugs While Getting Your Wing-Wang Squeezed Without Spilling Your Drink" went too far? For whom?

ShaveTheWhales February 3, 2012 at 9:24 pm

P.J. was funny in a mean way for a little while. Then the meanness stared to obscure the funny. And my subscription lapsed.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 9:05 pm

HAWLEY SMOOT!!!!!!!!!

Shit, I was just gonna get out because I have so many better things to d………

ShaveTheWhales February 3, 2012 at 9:22 pm

The Ballhog, wearing the "Nova" jersey.

Angry_Marmot February 4, 2012 at 7:26 am

"'Toes, I love hairy toes,' she moaned, forcing him down on the silvered carpet…"

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I'm on at least my third or fourth copy of Bored of the Rings, having read the previous ones so much they physically fell apart, and the opening banquet scene can still render me absolutely helpless with laughter. It's the Lampoon's unique (or unique until MST3K, anyway) juxtaposition of ultra-literate wtih silly and crude.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 9:07 pm

YOW! Grew up Catholic in Cleveburg at that time myself. I had a copy of NL taken away by a goddam PRIEST [nevertheless, I was not molested in any other way]

Chet Kincaid February 3, 2012 at 10:00 pm

I lived in Cleveland until I was 14 ('74), but didn't discover Lampoon until I'd moved to Chicago. My Baptist preacher Daddy was not too thrilled about a great many of my pop culture enthusiams!

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Wonkette will suck you in.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I reckon, I peeked in, and lurked for years. Must be the p.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 9:25 pm

The exact same thing happened with me. I got this Avatar just to figure out what the hell all this "p" was about.

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 9:26 pm

"Aiieeee, a Ballhog!"

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Villanova, I think, as in the Pennsylvania college.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Ah, American Exceptionalism. In no other country would that lardy bloviator make so much fucking money.

Nostrildamus February 4, 2012 at 12:52 am

I want to be a good liberal and, as Rush says, treat abortion as a sacrament. Can anyone here provide some advice on setting up an appropriate altar?

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 9:33 pm

In another country he might well be considered a public embarrassment and driven from polite society.

Blueb4sunrise February 3, 2012 at 9:46 pm

OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Yah. My sentiments exactly.

ThundercatHo February 3, 2012 at 10:18 pm

My husband and I grew up in Cleveland and we are the same age as you. I have lived in 3 other states since leaving in 1980 but my heart will always be in the land of Cleve.

MittBorg February 3, 2012 at 11:21 pm

ZOMG, Chet. I'm imagining you trying to explain to a stern and pastoral Dad as he prepared Teh Belt of Butt Destruction.

AlterNewt February 3, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Once twisted, there can be no untwisting.

Or something.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 2:08 am

Also a darn fine parody/tribute from The Old College Days: Venus On the Half-Shell by Kilgore Trout, one of those paperbacks that every literate nerd of the 80's either owned or borrowed from a greater nerd.

Radiotherapy February 3, 2012 at 11:26 pm

♪ ♫ Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks ♪ ♫
Or:
♪ ♫ Just a skinny little boy from Cleveland Ohio, Come to chase your womenz and drink your beers ♪ ♫
Or:
♪ ♫ Let's get the show on the road babe, let's get the spotlight on the stage ♪ ♫
But, I left the bayou of Ohiou long ago.

Jukesgrrl February 3, 2012 at 11:29 pm

No, because that would make them not-virgins.

SorosBot February 4, 2012 at 10:46 am

But that already is the tastiest bit of human anatomy; it doesn't need the extra attention.

Blueb4sunrise February 4, 2012 at 12:23 am

HEH!
Ian (honorary resident)
Alex
Michael.

ThundercatHo February 4, 2012 at 11:53 am

Thx Radio, all those songs mean a lot to us. BTW, regarding your avatar, is your dog a Vizsla, cuz that butt sure looks familiar?

Fare la Volpe February 4, 2012 at 12:36 am

It don't count none iffin it go in the shitter.

[hock, p'ting]

Dashboard_Jesus February 4, 2012 at 1:12 am

uh, well said, er played…I think?

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Darling, you're MUCH too gorgeous and charming to *ever* indulge in such trashy behaviour. Why, I almost had to resort ot my fainting couch again.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 1:25 am

Emmis.

ETA: And you thought the putz was giving you the stinkeye. Well, now you know why.

Negropolis February 4, 2012 at 1:54 am

Ain't that the truth.

I've seen too many people (in my own family), women and men, who shouldn't have had children, not because they were horrible people, but simply because they weren't cut out for the role. It breaks my heart to see otherwise good people who resent their children for no other reason than that they had them. It's not like they've blamed their unhappiness or purposelessness on their kids; they are far too kind to do that, but the children know it very early on. This society places way too much importance and emphasis on reproduction for reproduction's sake. This society must stop viewing children as commodities and accessories.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 2:39 pm

My story exactly.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 1:59 am

I could add a lot more about how funny Michael O'Donoghue was, but suddenly I am run over by a truck.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 4, 2012 at 2:11 am

I have a man-crush on both you and MittBorg there.

People are people and shouldn't be pushed into anything, despite whatever crap is shoveled at them through media.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Children, like animals, have excellent instincts, and their instincts are rarely wrong. Because they rely on other humans for their very survival, children can read the adults around them very accurately. They *know* when they're not wanted, and no amount of talking will convince them otherwise. And there is no pain greater than the pain of being an unwanted child.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

"simply because they weren't cut out for the role"

One of the few non-stupid decisions I made in my entire life is knowing that I would have sucked as a parent, and not having kids.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 9:47 pm

As one of the social workers where I work* likes to say, what a lot of people in divorce & custody cases really want us to do is to make them never have had a baby with the other person.

I have been kicking around a short-story idea, in which a Time Court could send a bailiff back in time to prevent a couple from ever meeting….
_____

*Family Court Services–For All Your Divorce & Custody needs!

Barb February 4, 2012 at 2:57 am

Fukui_sanYesOta, I am looking down at my breasts, asking, "are these things on?"

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 8:10 am

OK, now I've snorted coffee all over myself & had a coughing fit.

Imagining this as filmed by Peter Jackson…

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:07 pm

"Them what say that may be right", said Fatlip, winking at his cronies to let them know a punch line was coming, "But them what say such may be *wrong*!"

also,

"Come thee down, then! And what to thee is coming, taketh!"

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 8:25 am

There's a Blast from the Past, & for years I wasn't at all sure that was really written by Philip Jose' Farmer!

Here's another gem from the archives, for the consideration of the Wonkette Literary Appreciation Group: Still Life With Woodpecker.

"Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature."

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Even *I* had that.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 8:38 am

Thank you so much for that link and now I've got the perfect ending for my *THUMP* *THUMP*
-ow.

tealsheart February 4, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Thxs for that!

flamingpdog February 4, 2012 at 5:20 pm

That article is in my Best of National Lampoon No. 1. I can't begin to count the number of times in the last 40 years that I've used that line!

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 9:11 am

Mine's a Tiki bar, but that's a matter of personal preference.
I find that abortions go better with rum drinks, especially if pineapple is involved.

Oh…have an electric outlet handy, for the Blender.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 9:18 pm

The Sacrament of Abortion is holiest when performed beneath an endangered tree on an Indian reservation,* but if you can manage to abort a black baby while promising the mom food stamps in exchange for eternal fealty to the Democrat Party, that's good too.

Protip: Arriving at the clinic in a Prius with a rainbow flag bumper sticker is, while not absolutely necessary, always a thoughtful touch.

——
* "sacred tree on reservation" gleefully stolen from some other wonketteer heaven knows when…

Chet Kincaid February 4, 2012 at 11:13 am

The Marvel comics adaptation of the Conan story where Conan gets crucified and then kills a vulture with just his teeth really got me a stern lecture about my reading material.

Chet Kincaid February 4, 2012 at 11:15 am

Then he came out as an obnoxious conservative in the '80s, confirming the bigotry of his earlier work, and now he's just a harmless drunk.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 2:52 pm

IMO, the meanness started to obscure the funny somewhere around the second or third piece he published, then he just became a bigot, like everybody's unfavorite drunk uncle who won't shut the hell up at Thanksgiving.

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 12:11 pm

We are all untwisting in the wind.

Radiotherapy February 4, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Nah, my Rottie, Staffordshire Terrier mix is blah. The avatar in question is just an ante-SOPA silliness I got off the intertubes. My brother, however, had a few Vizsla's, and they are pretty cool cats.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Did you ever see Meet The Feebles? Peter Jackson would have been the *perfect* choice for NL's spoof. PERFECT.

Oh, yeah, also Bad Taste, IIRC. Truly awful movies.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Hello my sweet, there you are! (Hugs the girl)

Good morning. How's the Old Man? And the doggehs?

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Heterosexist.

Chet Kincaid February 4, 2012 at 1:49 pm

This is turning into a Gourmand site!

Biff February 4, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Buffalo buffalo buffalo etc.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 2:04 pm

A little green Rosetta
Makes the muffin betta … oh yeah!

Jukesgrrl February 5, 2012 at 12:39 am

Every time I think the world can't get weirder, it does.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 2:07 pm

True dat. Even back in the glory days of the SillyValley, it was WHOM you knew, not WHAT, that got most people their jobs.

And I hope to god that worthless asshole salesdick (YOU know who you are, you pathetic prick) lost HIS job and is still looking for one.

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 2:09 pm

You are so sweet to ask. Diego (my big chocolate lab) has been enjoying the 2 feet of snow we just got — his only character flaw is that he has a taste for the poopsicles he deposits out there. Oy. And Tom the Shitty Sue only ventures to the edge of patio to do his biz.I've been too busy and/or tired from shlepping the Ole Man around to docs to do more than an occassional post or reading comments. Hope your knee is now all better. ??

Biff February 4, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Not to worry, it was a long time ago. Hell, I haven't had a drink at Xmas for 22 years and counting, so of course it's a distant memory, one which I would relish regaling the grandkids with if I only had grandkids. Or kids.

Tundra Grifter February 4, 2012 at 2:16 pm

SGM:

I used to see women walking around wearing "Guess?" on the front of their t-shirts.

I always wanted to ask "36 B?"

When I see "Gap" I figure it's between their ears.

I'm still looking for the New Navy. And for someone who voted for Summer.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 2:36 pm

It's my theory that those of us who managed to escape the misery of child-having can make up for it by telling our horror stories to *other people's children.* Hell, the little fuckers are the reason my property taxes totally suck mega-ass, and I can't enjoy my public streets, parks, or libraries because they are ALL OVER that shit.

So do yourself (and those brats) a huge favour. Head on down to your local library and enroll in the Story telling program and then scare the shit outa the little fucks. Alternatively, practice on relatives, although, you know, they have a choice and eventually just stop bringing the brats around. Which is also not so bad in terms of wear and tear on the house and the Old Fart (i.e., oneself).

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Some People prefer Cupcakes but I, for One, think Less of Them.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 2:45 pm

There's a certain amount of "who-you-know" going on everywhere but remember…it's lots easier to get a job than to keep a job and incompetence can't be hidden forever.

Well, maybe not everywhere – but Isn't it Pretty to Think So…

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:01 pm

One of the many reasons that PJ O'Rourke is going to fry in hell with Joe McCarthy's dick up his ass is that O'Rourke was one of the first people to promote the meme that being "politically incorrect" was somehow daring and rebellious, instead of just brown-nosing the established order.

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:15 pm

"I'm still looking for the New Navy"

Years ago, a new store was opening in a mall I frequented for this then unheard-of chain. My response was: "Old Navy? EWW! Who wants a bunch of old pea coats?"

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 3:21 pm

*looks around suspiciously*
Has anyone actually seen chicken_thief and emmelemm together?

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Who wants forever? Just let me build up my 401(k) and my resume!

These guys make a career of hanging on for a year or two in each job before being booted upstairs to some sinecure, and we all know that. How many senior management folks do you know who actually *work*? Ours always seemed to be out schmoozing. When they weren't trying to institute top-down "plans" that were completely out of touch with the realities of our customer base and technical capacities.

"Why can't you just make a button that does that?" <– Every marketing moron ever to every software developer ever.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 3:45 pm

You *do* know, I'm sure, that in many Asian countries, young pineapple is used as an abortifacient.

It turns out that there actually *is* an enzyme in pineapple, most plentiful when it is somewhat unripe, that induces uterine contractions, so *that* old wives' tale is indeed based in fact. The things you learn as you age.

Tilley February 4, 2012 at 3:58 pm

MittBorg: Having reread the Ehrenreich piece again after many years, I realize I'd forgotten about how smarmy and passive-aggressive some of the online BrCa chat sites can be. Always thought her way of describing them was hilarious.

Maybe warn your sister off believing everything she reads on the InternetsTubes® about breast cancer as well. Some of even the most reliable medical sites can be as off-the-mark as the most lunatic of rightwing teabaggers. It really is a very individualized disease, and whatever "most" or "rarest" she may hear about lymph node involvement, nuclear grade of the tumor, size of the tumor, etc. etc. etc., means jackshit. "It's all a crap shoot," a friend in the BrCa sisterhood told me, bluntly, and she was right.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I was wondering if anyone would pick up on that. Leave it to you, MB!

Rotundo_ February 5, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Egad! Does this mean Catholics and the fundies will go after Dole for peddling them? "That's Satans' fruit cup your're eatin' boy!"

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Embarrassment, schmembarrassment; in a just world, his heart valves would have blown out like the sides of an old tire, preferably while he was in a compromising position with an underage Dominican hooker.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 4:12 pm

That is why I hugz you alla da time.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

"…a compromising position with an underage Dominican hooker Male Prostitute.

On an FBI/INTERPOL sting's hidden videocam. In disgusting color.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Hah!

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 4:36 pm

She apparently has a very rare form of this cancer and AFATK it has not spread. Radical surgery is their hope for right now. She has refused any other form of therapy. Frankly, the whole thing frightens and disgusts me. I just got done taking care of both my parents in their last years, and dealing with my own medical issues. I'm a bit stretched as to how to cope with yet another suffering soul in my immediate circle. And she lives very far away and I have not seen her for a decade, so there are all kinds of other issues, and there is no time left to run away from them all. They must be resolved.

Thank you very much for the advice and the kind words.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Yes, indeed. I second that emotion.

HistoriCat February 4, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I pity the law enforcement personnel who have to review that!

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:00 am

What have we EVER done to you that you should contemplate treating THE REST of us so badly?

HistoriCat February 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Should we bring wine, beer, or other beverage?

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 11:13 pm

"the old-fashioned red gravy"

Oh! You called it "gravy"!
*swoons*

HistoriCat February 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Here – let's check.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Never seen anything but clips of those, but The Frighteners was pretty good.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm

"Ultra Literate, Silly and Crude". Right up my alley.

The Banquet scene is hysterical but it's made many Thanksgiving gatherings psychologically difficult for me. Explaining unprovoked bursts of hysterical laughter is difficult.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm

(In shocked voice) "Hey, Fred! Lookit this!"

"What? OH! *BLURRRRGH!!*

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Wow, you guys.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:01 am

Busted *again,* dammit!

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Don't think I didn't see what you did there.

You do the outline.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I get carried away fairly easily.

Sorry.

(Looks around) "Huh? Where am I? Uh, oh, it's Too Far!"

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Imagine The Frighteners, except *much* more polished and professional and utterly gross slaughter, bloodlust, snark, satire, murder, sex, mayhem, and madness.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Spot on. The more "Conservative" PJ O'Rourke became (and acted) the less funny he got. Now he's just a cheap Bill Buckley knock-off in a nice suit, but dumber and far less charming.
I think that there's got to be something programmed into the Conservative mindset that doesn't work well with Humor. Dennis Miller for example. Victoria Jackson isn't funny either but, really she never was.

MittBorg February 4, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Now that you mention it, tessiee …

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 5:51 pm

You're on!

Geminisunmars February 4, 2012 at 5:52 pm

No no! You guys are fantastic. I lurves all the info I get here. And discussions.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Why, thank you! I happily skewer the irritating for sport, but I hate to upset the Good People.

I love this place. There's lots of really knowledgeable people here and we're Proud to be Rude.

AlterNewt February 4, 2012 at 6:27 pm

"Ahhhh… the..Fffffrench…."

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I just about fell off my chair laughing.

WIN

SorosBot February 4, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Aw, thanks; sadly I seem to have trouble finding women my age who are attracted to me who don't live on the other side of the country.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Ahem…

Tundra Grifter February 4, 2012 at 7:23 pm

That's a great Fats Waller song – "Abercrombie had a Zombie."

"How do you make a Zombie?"

"Get her drunk."

- Jack Douglas, "Never Trust a Naked Bus Driver"

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 8:31 pm

"I think that there's got to be something programmed into the Conservative mindset that doesn't work well with Humor"

Dumb + Mean + Arrogant + Lacking in the slightest glimmer of self-awareness

Chet Kincaid February 5, 2012 at 2:22 am

You know what's really bizarre? David Mamet coming out as a conservative on Huffington Post a few years ago. I don't buy the idea that he is the Great Genius Of Dramatic Dialog (I think his dialog sucks, actually), but I really thought he was more intelligent than that. The reasons he gave were straight out of the early '80s, superficial, and easily dismissed. If you're 25 years late to the party, how much critical thinking are you really able to put into what you're going to wear?

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 8:34 pm

"I hope you have all stuffed yourselves until you are about to be sick."

This customary greeting was met with the traditional volleys of farting and belching, signifying the guests' approval of the fare.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I think you've got something, there!

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Thaaaaat's the one!

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 5, 2012 at 2:59 am

don't forget to stash some food in your pockets…"for later."

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 8:42 pm

If only user of owls were still here for this comment.
*holds hat over heart*

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 9:00 pm

I think he may be Off his Meds…

Biff February 4, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Not to say I didn't deserve it, but no offense taken. This joint gets to us all, sometimes. My only claim to literacy is winning almost all my spelling bees in elementary school, I am in awe of those of you that took it seriously enough to actually, you know, study. Now if you'll excuse me, Tamron Hall is on MSNBC and I'll have better things to do with my hands than type.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Amazing how some of us survived!

Biff February 4, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Praise to thee, drunk person!

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:42 am

Let me guess: You're NOT BROWN. When I gave the cops a very unslurred diatribe about my taxes paying their wages, they threatened to toss me over a hillside. They arrested me for "jaywalking, obstructing traffic, and resisting arrest." Then I called my attorneys.

flamingpdog February 4, 2012 at 9:46 pm

UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO FOOTBALL LIBEL!!!1!

Oh, wait, go ahead. Be my guest.

Tilley February 4, 2012 at 10:05 pm

That's the key: If it doesn't seem to have spread, she'll probably be ok. I do wish she'd rethink traditional medical therapies if her docs recommend them. She should definitely get second, and third, opinions; I know, it's expensive, but I kinda wish I'd done it. I tend to think now in retrospect I was overtreated, but at the time I was all "give me everything you've got." Chemo, etc. are no fun, but the thing is, they actually work. That's why they do them. Best to you my virtual friend. Don't take on too much emotionally yourself; just "be available," I guess.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I have been kicking around a short-story idea, in which a Time Court could send a bailiff back in time to prevent a couple from ever meeting….

Please make it George H.W.Bush & Barbara, Please make it George H.W.Bush & Barbara, Please make it George H.W.Bush & Barbara, Please make it George H.W.Bush & Barbara, Please make it George H.W.Bush & Barbara, Please make it…

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:11 am

Wonderful idea. The biological urge of humans to reproduce is too often permitted to override their cerebral knowledge that they are attempting to do so with someone whose genes never ought to be permitted into the pool.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 4, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Yeah, it's the time paradoxes that would trip everything up, of course; if such a Retroactive Annulment (and abortion, sorta…) were performed, how would the unhappy couple ever make it to Time Court to get the order in the first place?

EDIT: Also, my favorite variation on this theme: "Wikihistory", by then first-time author Desmond Warzel. Combining time travel and reversions to others' edits: "everybody kills Hitler on their first trip"

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:12 am

Sweetie Poo, is that you?

Biff February 4, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Had my copy signed, because when it came out I was dating a redhead and smoked Camels. It was perfect.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Well, they wouldn't. And they would.
If the "Many Worlds" Theory is correct, any alteration in the past would spin off huge numbers of wholly new worldlines, some leading to a present where the Unhappy Couple never met and some leading right to the present where apparently nothing happened (and they would want their money back!).

No idea how you could write this down, unless you followed several different outcomes.

My, how Geeky.

C_R_Eature February 5, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Doc, Doc, I've got it!

Worldline 1: Bailiff returns to Present, Happy Couple have never met. Success! Judge Hellbender is pleased. Profit! Somehow,

Worldline 2: Bailiff returns to Present. Unhappy Couple are still together & Irate, demand refund. Judge Hellbender shows them fine print in contract re: Worldlines; Not Responsible for Ending Up In.

Worldline 3: Bailiff returns to Present. Photo of President Palin in courtroom. Bailiff, in growing horror, finds crushed butterfly in boot. Judge Hellbender raises sidearm. There is a sound of thunder.

How's that? I want an autographed copy.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 10:42 pm

You are hereby awarded the Official Gold-Coloured Five pointed Threadwinning Star!

Spurning Beer February 4, 2012 at 10:56 pm

The best Grateful Dead album.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 10:50 pm

At least I can thank the kids for the fact my road is no longer dirt, they oiled it for the school bus that lumbers down it thrice daily.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Congratulations and Highly Envious!

tessiee February 4, 2012 at 11:06 pm

That was me, and the original description was "an abortion performed by a witchcraft-practicing Lesbian midwife under an endangered tree on an Indian reservation", but I'm willing to share, because that's the kind of commie-pinko sharin' moonbat that I am.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Boy, I'm glad we finally got all that straightened out!

*Jots notes down in margins of Standard Methods of Godless Liberal Abortion Practitioners.*

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 11:15 pm

It's pretty much every year, I think.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 11:21 pm

The complete sentence is: "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo." Make of it what you will.

Fare la Volpe February 4, 2012 at 11:31 pm

How do you know what I'm spitting?

[wink]

Biff February 4, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Wish I still had it, but I gave it to the redhead after we went our seperate ways. After all, she was still a redhead, and I no longer smoked Camels. Saddened to hear she died in 2010 from complications of being wheelchair-bound for 20+ years.

C_R_Eature February 4, 2012 at 11:34 pm

No it was magnificent and I can't wait for the corresponding Paultard Explosion of comments.

Mondo_Cane February 4, 2012 at 11:36 pm

they acquitted him on one count

"White was acquitted of his most serious charge, fraud on a financial institution, a class C felony."

I imagine that took quite a lot of discussion…

Negropolis February 4, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Come on, now. You know Washoe fits Gingrich like a glove. It's the Redneck Vegas.

Biff February 4, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Reno actually used to be kinda liberal, considering how close it is to Carson City, where all the wingtards legislate from.

Jukesgrrl February 4, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Whatever you're drinkin'.

Jukesgrrl February 4, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Lotsa Eye-talians in Pittsburgh.

V572 the Merciless February 5, 2012 at 12:17 am

Canoodling! Have they no shame?But few are more canoodle-worthy than the lovely Tamron. Pardon me for letting my guy-ness show…

Negropolis February 5, 2012 at 12:19 am

Really? Certainly not more so than Vegas, was it? I was always under the impression that it was the poor man's Vegas. Plus, Reno 911. Also.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:19 am

I wrote you an extensive reply to this, but ID et it. Y?

Anywho. The knee is simply brilliant, but I have now injured BOTH rotator cuffs (crutches dammit), and have a godawful cold, so pardon my crabbiness, dear lady.

One hopes the Old Man is OK, simply doing the regular round of doc'ing?

Jukesgrrl February 5, 2012 at 12:19 am

It's OK, she's hawtt by most anyone's standards.

V572 the Merciless February 5, 2012 at 12:20 am

Now wait a minute…"Live Dead"

Biff February 5, 2012 at 12:31 am

Harsh!

BarackMyWorld February 5, 2012 at 2:28 am

Not sure I get your point…

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:21 am

I'd call you a slut, but you're way too cute for such treatment, damn your hot eyes.

V572 the Merciless February 5, 2012 at 12:23 am

It’s that mocha-colored skin…

Biff February 5, 2012 at 12:29 am

Vegas liberalism is a relatively new development, brought about by the large influx of hospitality workers from elsewhere. Everything turned upside-down. Plus, the heat fries people's brains.

Radiotherapy February 5, 2012 at 12:30 am

OK, V, how about the best Yoko Ono album?

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:41 am

Trust me, they enjoy being tormented by horror stories *much* more than their parents would think. I have the hardest time peeling the little buggers off me after satisfying their grim taste for horror, to the shock of their parents.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:50 am

ZOMG, what HAVE I let myself in for!

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:54 am

He'll be here, by and by. I understand he's busy terrifying students right now.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:58 am

Well … we just talked, and she's still having a lot of pain, and needs further surgery. I wish she'd let me talk to her doctors, but I can't blame her — there's nothing more annoying than an older sibling swooping in and taking control of one's life, I think. I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I understand, upon doing research that her particular cancer is always treated with surgery first, and a course of radiation, but she is extremely thin (always has been) and her doctors don't think radiation is a good idea. (She's 5' 7" and weighs 98 lbs.) She seems to be coming around to some extent, so we'll see.

Again, many thanks for sharing your experience. You made a real difference to me and mine, and I will always remember and be grateful.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:08 am

Trust me, if I were rich, I'd be springing for weekend trips for you two. But if MissTaken's not taking, and I come across someone in YOUR age range, I will certainly point them in your direction.

Did you know gay boys make the BEST matchmakers? Srsly.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:09 am

What kind of idiot thinks that empathy violates the Constitution?

Please find this person and direct me to them, I need to strangle someone as a result of frustration, and they probably possess a neck best suited to such squeezings as I am wont to currently bestow.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:30 am

Is *that* what makes for hawtness? I had no idea.

Angry_Marmot February 5, 2012 at 1:32 am

"The leper with the most fingers" (best line in The Two Jakes).

V572 the Merciless February 5, 2012 at 10:19 am

Or her unforgettable duet with Celine Dionne.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:58 am

Spaggheti bolonaise a la bufalo, is wut I makes of it.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:03 am

I'm always blown away by the collective wisdom of the truly wise, heah. Question about abortion? No problem! Best method for making ratatouille? Bring it! Esoterica concerning nonprofits? We gotcher info right here. Roman history, ditto, physics, ditto, the finer points of advertising campaigns or ju-jitsu, likewise.

It's a delight.

Chet Kincaid February 5, 2012 at 2:07 am

"fermented in the boddle…."

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:10 am

Kudos to you. I am so sick of seeing these stupid stupid young people with their desperate desire for a "mini-me" suddenly find out, upon the birth of their child that your child is NOT put on this planet for YOUR enjoyment, but is a person in their own right who will ask of you everything that you have to give and will fly the nest to make their own life when ready. And if you can't accept all that sacrifice and pain basically going for naught, then you don't want a child, you want a dog or cat or robot toy.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:15 am

The *real* miracle is, we're not tormenting other unwanted sprog. As you already know, most people in our situation rush to reproduce as the result of the misguided idea that they will do better than their parents — while apparently forgetting that they learned all about parenting FROM those same damn parents. And they continue the endless cycle of violence and misery.

Somehow, you and I (and a few others like us) missed out on that part. What's more, we're not even serial killers, or anything. And we ought to be. Eh. We made it, kiddo!

BarackMyWorld February 5, 2012 at 2:30 am

Happiest emo kid.

Tilley February 5, 2012 at 6:36 am

Best of luck to her, and you — keep me posted.

HistoriCat February 5, 2012 at 7:07 am

Remember all us little people when you win your Tony.

C_R_Eature February 5, 2012 at 10:15 am

Well, You know what this place is like! We have to share all our Night Terrors.

Trust me, there's far worse things in my head that I'll spare you.

V572 the Merciless February 5, 2012 at 10:20 am

In this instance, yes. Hawwtitude takes many forms.

C_R_Eature February 5, 2012 at 10:20 am

The Wonkette-Hiker's Guide to the Universe

C_R_Eature February 5, 2012 at 10:29 am

David Mamet! Go figure. I missed that one, fortunately.

Aren't people supposed to be able to make better choices the more information that they acquire? Maybe it's the cumulative effect of all the propaganda, or gross physical changes in the brain, that sends people over the Right Edge.

Mamet's dialogue irritated me too, when I paid attention to it.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:08 pm

MAMET??? ZOMG. He's obviously gone insane.

Sheesko February 5, 2012 at 10:57 am

The charge: Failure To Be White. Did your attorneys bargain down to Misdemeanor Asian, time served, 200 hours of community service?

starfanglednut February 5, 2012 at 4:46 pm

S'true, Z. I'm disgustingly pale, and truly sorry for the fucking unconscionable bullshit you, my dear, dear wonkette friend, have to put up with.

Biff February 5, 2012 at 11:02 am

Great, now I'm hungry.

SorosBot February 5, 2012 at 11:48 am

No, things are great there; I'm just bemoaning the whole long distance thing.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:18 pm

If and when that happy day comes, the entire damn Wonketz is invited to participate.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I'll see if GeminiSunMars and I can make enough on our new opera to spring for regular weekend trips for you two. I like MissTaken better anyway, she's smart, cute, short, AND ready for her jetpack.

ETA: (Hugs SB and MissT)

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Damn it, Biffitude, we have to move closer or sump'n. I coulda fixed ya a bowl of superlicious pasta bolognese last night, pas de problem. Feh.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Once the facts were in the possession of my attorneys, the PD moved to drop the case without prejudice. 200 witnesses saw the cops stop me, rough me up, and throw me in a black maria without provocation. I had welts on my wrists for weeks because they used cuffs that were a size too small.

ETA: My eternal thanks to the elderly AA lady who started the Gathering of Witnesses by stopping in the middle of the street and asking the cops at the top of her lungs, "Whatchu doin' to that chile?" over and over again until people started pouring out onto the streets.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 12:48 pm

You are the first person in the history of my long sojourn on this extremely colour-prejudiced planet to tell me that mocha-coloured skin = "hawtness." I regret that you are supported by no scientific studies to that effect, but you are certainly entitled to your opinion. Even the "hitam manis" ("sweet black," for those non-Malay/Indonesian speakers among us) is hardly acknowledged as the source of all hawtness any more. But perhaps you have evidence, secreted in your bosom, no doubt, that you plan to share with us at your leisure.

Biff February 5, 2012 at 12:56 pm

On the internet, nobody can hear your stomach growl.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Thank you. I will.

HistoriCat February 5, 2012 at 1:29 pm

World's Largest Gang Bang?

HistoriCat February 5, 2012 at 1:30 pm

It's all about retaining the air of mystery with you, isn't it?

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:31 pm

And a good thing too, or they'd be wapping it into silence with mighty thwacks.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 1:40 pm

CRE, PLEASE don't spare us. Half the joy of teh Wonketz is finding out that one's fellow Wonketeerz put one's own weirdness to shame, as it were.

C_R_Eature February 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Allright, then but don't say I didn't warn you!

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:16 pm

No, it's all about paranoia, actually. I'm extremely asocial by nature, and it's getting worse as I get older. I find myself, at this stage of my life, limiting most of my interactions with the world to the Internet. I'm not sure if it's indicative of any kind of … dementia, or anything. I don't think so, at least all my faculties are as sharp as they ever were, but I have not socialized with anybody except my partners in about half a decade.

And I used to be such a party person as a yoof!

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Why not? It's not like we're all nuns, or anything (I woulda said "priests," but I remembered that those guys done been busted endlessly for all the boy-pranging of recent centuries).

tessiee February 5, 2012 at 2:58 pm

*raises hand*
Another introvert here. In the Simpsons episode where Homer goes to college, and the nerds check their answering machine, and it says "you have no messages", and they sigh with relief, I laughed because it was funny, but I also laughed with recognition, if you know what I mean.

I'm content to let everybody here be their avatars. It's just as much fun to picture Barb, Historicat, et. al. as cute kittehs.

HistoriCat February 5, 2012 at 3:18 pm

But you're such a social butterfly on teh Wonkette! Of course, I keep my mouth shut IRL, so what do I know?

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 3:13 pm

HAHAHA!!! I screen all my phone calls. I only answer the phone if I'm *expecting* a call. And of course my little house upon the hill is so far up that nobody EVER drops in unannounced. I don't answer the door anyway, unless it's someone I expect and WANT dropping in. NOBODY wants to do the 88 steps to the front door.

The funny thing is, as a yoof, I was a walking party. There was never a day or a night that I wasn't out on the town drinking myself into a stupor, dancing my ass off and fucking everything that breathed.

Old age. That's my excuse.

SorosBot February 5, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I'm just glad that Spanky seems to have finally given up on stalking us a few months ago; for a while I really did not want to give too much personal information, since the crazy guy seemed particularly obsessed with me. Maybe someone finally put him in the mental institution where he belongs.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I know! And in my yoof I was the ultimate party person. I worked as a journalist, I did PR for the Hyatt Hotel chain, I worked in advertising, I was a blackjack dealer in a casino for crisake! I was a compere/announcer at a nightclub! And I never spent an evening alone.

Nowadays, all I want is to spend my evenings alone. And my days, nights, and weekends. Weird, huh?

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Indeed. I met a man once who spoke over 60 languages, most of them fluently. I've often wished I had the opportunity to learn Greek — and the time, of course — but there are other things of importance now, and nobody really cares that much about Byron's diaries, does they?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 5, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Or maybe that's just what he wants us to think.

Biff February 5, 2012 at 6:18 pm

They're all Greek to me…

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 7:59 pm

I'm not blaming you, my dear, and I hope it didn't come off that way. Maybe I should get down off the cross, huh, just in case somebody needs the wood?

starfanglednut February 5, 2012 at 9:23 pm

I didn't take it that way at all, Z. I do feel guilty, not because I personally oppress brown people (at least I hope I don't), but because I benefit from white privilege, in countless ways, large and small. And pretty soon we're going to have to burn all our crosses in our trashcan fires to heat our hobo beans.

MittBorg February 5, 2012 at 9:38 pm

The privilege isn't something you sought, and it isn't something you can help. You do your bit by being conscious of it and acknowledging the role it plays.

And yeah, hobo beans. On the plus side, they're much better for you than, oh, the stuff you eat when you're flush with money, so we'll still be around when they've all myocardially infarcted, right? I mean, OK, it won't be MUCH of an earth, but we meek will inherit it, right?

Negropolis February 6, 2012 at 1:30 am

You are the first person in the history of my long sojourn on this extremely colour-prejudiced planet to tell me that mocha-coloured skin = "hawtness.

Really? Know you not of the dreaded and highly contagious "Jungle Fever"?

MittBorg February 6, 2012 at 3:00 am

Hahaha! That's what Republicans used to say about us lefties, a few years ago. It's fun turning the tables.

Chet Kincaid February 6, 2012 at 9:53 am

Here's the essay in question, and a couple of responses:
http://www.villagevoice.com/2008-03-11/news/why-i
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rob-warmowski/a-yea
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eric-alterman/think

He seems to be driven by extreme paranoia about anti-semitism.

Chet Kincaid February 6, 2012 at 9:55 am

See links posted upthread.

Biff February 6, 2012 at 11:54 am

Also available in Canada City, and Mexico. My favorites are the Monte Cristo Afriques, available domestically because Dominican; smooth Connecticut shade wrapper, African long-cut fillers, razor-straight burn, easy draw, like eating chocolate. Damn, now I want…

MittBorg February 6, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Thanks, C-man.

C_R_Eature February 6, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Hey, thanks Chet! Will peruse at my leisure.

The whole psychology of reactionary Wingersim boggles me. I think there's usually some "Hook" that sends people in that direction and it looks like JOO FEAR is Mr. Mamet's

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 7, 2012 at 1:21 am

Very nice–the last one, of course, would only work in a Lovecraftian tale that would leave the reader a babbling shell of their former self. As to the basic paradox, I suppose it would be sufficient for the Bailiff to take a copy of the Retroactive Annulment Order along for the time trip, for receipting purposes, as the judge would presumably have no recollection or record of ever meeting the unhappy couple either.

Further complications: Suppose they get with child together no matter how many times they cross the Multiverse, simply because the Quantum kept falling off?

C_R_Eature February 7, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Well, yes, Doc…the introduction of President Palin into the last bit was clearly Going Too Far (we don't want to lose all the Gentle Readers to managed care facilities – who would buy the book?).
In addition, Ray Bradbury's law firm would go to war.

A clever Resolution of the Temporal Paradox, having a copy of the Annulment! Perhaps the Bailiff could travel with a video disposition, also!

Those Quantum's have been known to fall off. Quantums can also Break – but Chico can Not talk about that!

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