cry us a freaking river

NRO Will Now Explain to Stupid Liberals How Private Charity Works

Oh noes, National Review Online editors are feeling a touch put out that they went to all the “trouble” of holding a group fap session righteously congratulating the Susan G. Komen foundation for cutting off grants to Planned Parenthood and then posted the account of it online only for the charity to admit shortly thereafter that it had decided to restore the funding because of UGH, LIBERALS. “Does anyone on the Left even ask the basic question of whether a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?” demands to know NRO Corner blogger Daniel Foster, sassily. Yeah, why can’t charities just do what they want with their money in PEACE? It is THEIR MONEY, after all, that they collected off the money-growing trees, probably.

God those liberals, always trying to interfere in everyone’s private affairs, always trying to tell everyone else how to live their lives, pretty much that’s all they do is go around yelling about things that are none of their business like who they are supposed to marry or how they are supposed to have sex or what they do with their uteri like how the charity that they are giving a portion of their earnings to then goes and spends those funds:

In the NROHQ kitchen just now, Charlie Cooke wondered aloud, and here I paraphrase: “Does anyone on the Left even ask the basic question of whether a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?” But in fact, that anyone thinks there is a question here is a sign we’ve already lost.

Yes. What idiot would care about how the organization he or she donates to uses those funds. This type of idiot is a bully, as illustrated by the following analogy that helpfully compares breast cancer treatment and prevention access for low-income women to …child’s play:

Imagine I volunteered to run a cub scout troop, and for years, when the annual soapbox derby came near, I knew I could count on Joe’s Deli as good for a hundred dollar donation. If one year Old Man Joe decided he didn’t want to donate any more — because he didn’t like the design of our racer, or because he thought his hundred bucks was better spent on a little league team, or because he disapproved of the scouts’ stance on gays — what on earth would justify me going on public access TV to grill Old Man Joe on why he hates kids? What would justify me hacking the Joe’s Deli web site or maliciously editing Old Man Joe’s Wikipedia page? What would justify me goading a handful of my city councilman into standing up at the next town meeting and publicly calling on Old Man Joe to reinstate his donation?

Ha ha it’s the entire “Susan G. Komen bails on Planned Parenthood” debacle retold as an episode of the Andy Griffith Show. That makes sense. [The Corner]

Comments

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  • littlebigdaddy

    They sure do get themselves in a state over teh lady parts.

    • nounverb911

      The only time they've ever seen them was on fleshbot.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Yeah, but not in a good way.

      Actually, I've gotten mixed reviews myself, so I'll just STFU.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Problems with the wife/sweetheart/girlfriend, darlz?

    • Nostrildamus

      Me too, but not the same way.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Who doesn't?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Straight men *do* that kinda shit, dear.

      • HistoriCat

        I resemble that remark.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          (Inspects teh HistoriCat carefully)

          Why yes, you most certainly do!

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Watch out! He might sue you for definition of character. (stolen from MASH episode)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Hah!

          • HistoriCat

            (Goes back to licking self.)

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        What's the deal? Have you "prayed away the Bi"?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Who, me? No way! But us bi folks have twice the choice you straight folks do, you know. HAHAHA.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      OH MY GAWD:
      Komen stops funding stem cell research.

      Let's see them try to spin THAT as "not political".

      • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

        Well, you see, the stem cells are being investigated by a Republican senator…

      • Biff

        Seems they have gone full re+ard. Never go full re+ard.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        GAH!!! That website! Brain bleach, please.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Did you get YOUR Rosary of the Unborns? Tiny dried shrunken fetii wrapped in wire on a solid pewter rosary complete with plastic crosses and curlicues! Get yours now!

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            FetusFetishism

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        It's time to visit The Wrath of Dog upon those bitchez again.

  • barto

    That is some real deep thinking there, NRO. Now imagine Oldmanjoe (rhymes with banjo) just decided to keep his goddamned money, or give it all to the local serial killer. Hah, take that librul scum!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Oldmanjoe rhymes with Old Black Joe, so maybe the National Review thought that Kommen was a communist organization giving support to Barry.

      I'm comin'
      I'm comin'
      And my head is bending low…

      Oops, that's about Widestance Republicans and Santorum.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      Hah, I think I WILL give my money to the local serial killer if'n he'll take a keen interest in the harpie who is head of Komen…she is one scary lookin' bitch http://morallowground.com/

  • Barrelhse

    The Harvard Lampoon had nothing on these guys.

    • Nostrildamus

      Regularity?

    • flamingpdog

      No, at least back in the day, the Harvard Lampoon had boobs. And not on the editorial staff.

      • C_R_Eature

        I was thrilled to find a replacement copy of Bored of the Rings a few years ago, smack in the middle of the whole Peter Jackson frenzy. It made me laugh all over again.

        • flamingpdog

          I've managed to hang onto my copy of "The Best of National Lampoon" no. 1. all these years, much of it written by Micahel O"Donoghue. Funny articles, but more importantly, lotsa boobs.

          • C_R_Eature

            Outstanding. Scan that Sucker!

          • Radiotherapy

            I've got like three or four I kept from the late 70's, awesome shit. Ted Mann was my favorite.
            Dag, I just yahoo'd him and i didn't know he was a survivor.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            It was pretty good until P.J. O'Rourke took over, then it was just obnoxious. (See "Going Too Far" by Tony Hendra for how that went down.)

          • Radiotherapy

            I was like 14 years old when they first came out, and my mother (the Pope of Cleveland) found one and got irate. Cualquier. The Foto Funnies were often fapping material at that hypersensitive age.

          • Blueb4sunrise

            YOW! Grew up Catholic in Cleveburg at that time myself. I had a copy of NL taken away by a goddam PRIEST [nevertheless, I was not molested in any other way]

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            I lived in Cleveland until I was 14 ('74), but didn't discover Lampoon until I'd moved to Chicago. My Baptist preacher Daddy was not too thrilled about a great many of my pop culture enthusiams!

          • ThundercatHo

            My husband and I grew up in Cleveland and we are the same age as you. I have lived in 3 other states since leaving in 1980 but my heart will always be in the land of Cleve.

          • Radiotherapy

            ♪ ♫ Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks ♪ ♫
            Or:
            ♪ ♫ Just a skinny little boy from Cleveland Ohio, Come to chase your womenz and drink your beers ♪ ♫
            Or:
            ♪ ♫ Let's get the show on the road babe, let's get the spotlight on the stage ♪ ♫
            But, I left the bayou of Ohiou long ago.

          • Blueb4sunrise

            HEH!
            Ian (honorary resident)
            Alex
            Michael.

          • ThundercatHo

            Thx Radio, all those songs mean a lot to us. BTW, regarding your avatar, is your dog a Vizsla, cuz that butt sure looks familiar?

          • Radiotherapy

            Nah, my Rottie, Staffordshire Terrier mix is blah. The avatar in question is just an ante-SOPA silliness I got off the intertubes. My brother, however, had a few Vizsla's, and they are pretty cool cats.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            ZOMG, Chet. I'm imagining you trying to explain to a stern and pastoral Dad as he prepared Teh Belt of Butt Destruction.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            The Marvel comics adaptation of the Conan story where Conan gets crucified and then kills a vulture with just his teeth really got me a stern lecture about my reading material.

          • yyyaz

            "How to Drive Fast on Drugs While Getting Your Wing-Wang Squeezed Without Spilling Your Drink" went too far? For whom?

          • ShaveTheWhales

            P.J. was funny in a mean way for a little while. Then the meanness stared to obscure the funny. And my subscription lapsed.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Then he came out as an obnoxious conservative in the '80s, confirming the bigotry of his earlier work, and now he's just a harmless drunk.

          • tessiee

            One of the many reasons that PJ O'Rourke is going to fry in hell with Joe McCarthy's dick up his ass is that O'Rourke was one of the first people to promote the meme that being "politically incorrect" was somehow daring and rebellious, instead of just brown-nosing the established order.

          • tessiee

            IMO, the meanness started to obscure the funny somewhere around the second or third piece he published, then he just became a bigot, like everybody's unfavorite drunk uncle who won't shut the hell up at Thanksgiving.

          • C_R_Eature

            Spot on. The more "Conservative" PJ O'Rourke became (and acted) the less funny he got. Now he's just a cheap Bill Buckley knock-off in a nice suit, but dumber and far less charming.
            I think that there's got to be something programmed into the Conservative mindset that doesn't work well with Humor. Dennis Miller for example. Victoria Jackson isn't funny either but, really she never was.

          • tessiee

            "I think that there's got to be something programmed into the Conservative mindset that doesn't work well with Humor"

            Dumb + Mean + Arrogant + Lacking in the slightest glimmer of self-awareness

          • C_R_Eature

            I think you've got something, there!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            You know what's really bizarre? David Mamet coming out as a conservative on Huffington Post a few years ago. I don't buy the idea that he is the Great Genius Of Dramatic Dialog (I think his dialog sucks, actually), but I really thought he was more intelligent than that. The reasons he gave were straight out of the early '80s, superficial, and easily dismissed. If you're 25 years late to the party, how much critical thinking are you really able to put into what you're going to wear?

          • C_R_Eature

            David Mamet! Go figure. I missed that one, fortunately.

            Aren't people supposed to be able to make better choices the more information that they acquire? Maybe it's the cumulative effect of all the propaganda, or gross physical changes in the brain, that sends people over the Right Edge.

            Mamet's dialogue irritated me too, when I paid attention to it.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Here's the essay in question, and a couple of responses:
            http://www.villagevoice.com/2008-03-11/news/why-i
            http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rob-warmowski/a-yea
            http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eric-alterman/think

            He seems to be driven by extreme paranoia about anti-semitism.

          • C_R_Eature

            Hey, thanks Chet! Will peruse at my leisure.

            The whole psychology of reactionary Wingersim boggles me. I think there's usually some "Hook" that sends people in that direction and it looks like JOO FEAR is Mr. Mamet's

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            MAMET??? ZOMG. He's obviously gone insane.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            See links posted upthread.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Thanks, C-man.

          • Loaded_Pants

            There's lots of great stories about O'Donohue's days at SNL. My two favs:
            About the Muppets appearing on SNL, he said: "I don't write for felt."
            When Ackroyd first showed up at the SNL offices in his motorcycle leather gear, he told him: "You're the ugliest leather daddy I've ever seen."
            When I discovered Spin magazine in the 1990s, he was writing a column for them. It was always some sort of funny, misanthropic rant. It was only years later that I learned he wrote for SNL & the National Lampoon. He was a troubled guy but, in his prime, funny as hell.

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            I could add a lot more about how funny Michael O'Donoghue was, but suddenly I am run over by a truck.

          • C_R_Eature

            Thank you so much for that link and now I've got the perfect ending for my *THUMP* *THUMP*
            -ow.

          • tealsheart

            Thxs for that!

          • flamingpdog

            That article is in my Best of National Lampoon No. 1. I can't begin to count the number of times in the last 40 years that I've used that line!

          • Swampgas_Man

            Better, there's a CD-Rom available of ALL the issues of National Lampoon. Not as beloved as my CD-Rom of the entire run of MAD Magazine, but. . .

          • tessiee

            Gahan Wilson's comic strip "Nuts" was (and remains) one of the best evocations of what it was really like to be a kid. The strip about report card day, where he's looking at his report card and thinks, "Oh, God! How could I have done this badly?" and the row of other kids in his class all have thought balloons that say, "done this badly?", "this badly?", "badly"… "I even failed music, and you CAN'T fail music! Maybe Miss Jackson knows I hate 'Peter and the Wolf'!"

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          I had that one, too!

          • C_R_Eature

            "Frito", "Dildo Bugger", "Goodgulf the Wizard" and "The landscape stretched before them, full of Swiftly Rising Gorges". Gets me every time.

          • Blueb4sunrise

            HAWLEY SMOOT!!!!!!!!!

            Shit, I was just gonna get out because I have so many better things to d………

          • C_R_Eature

            Wonkette will suck you in.

          • Blueb4sunrise

            I reckon, I peeked in, and lurked for years. Must be the p.

          • C_R_Eature

            The exact same thing happened with me. I got this Avatar just to figure out what the hell all this "p" was about.

          • ShaveTheWhales

            The Ballhog, wearing the "Nova" jersey.

          • C_R_Eature

            "Aiieeee, a Ballhog!"

          • tessiee

            Villanova, I think, as in the Pennsylvania college.

          • Angry_Marmot

            "'Toes, I love hairy toes,' she moaned, forcing him down on the silvered carpet…"

          • C_R_Eature

            OK, now I've snorted coffee all over myself & had a coughing fit.

            Imagining this as filmed by Peter Jackson…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Did you ever see Meet The Feebles? Peter Jackson would have been the *perfect* choice for NL's spoof. PERFECT.

            Oh, yeah, also Bad Taste, IIRC. Truly awful movies.

          • C_R_Eature

            Never seen anything but clips of those, but The Frighteners was pretty good.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Imagine The Frighteners, except *much* more polished and professional and utterly gross slaughter, bloodlust, snark, satire, murder, sex, mayhem, and madness.

          • tessiee

            "Them what say that may be right", said Fatlip, winking at his cronies to let them know a punch line was coming, "But them what say such may be *wrong*!"

            also,

            "Come thee down, then! And what to thee is coming, taketh!"

          • tessiee

            I'm on at least my third or fourth copy of Bored of the Rings, having read the previous ones so much they physically fell apart, and the opening banquet scene can still render me absolutely helpless with laughter. It's the Lampoon's unique (or unique until MST3K, anyway) juxtaposition of ultra-literate wtih silly and crude.

          • C_R_Eature

            "Ultra Literate, Silly and Crude". Right up my alley.

            The Banquet scene is hysterical but it's made many Thanksgiving gatherings psychologically difficult for me. Explaining unprovoked bursts of hysterical laughter is difficult.

          • tessiee

            "I hope you have all stuffed yourselves until you are about to be sick."

            This customary greeting was met with the traditional volleys of farting and belching, signifying the guests' approval of the fare.

          • C_R_Eature

            Thaaaaat's the one!

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            don't forget to stash some food in your pockets…"for later."

        • ShaveTheWhales

          1. I am a fan of Lord of the Rings, and actually thought the movies were pretty damn good.

          2. I got a copy of Bored of the Rings a few years after I had read the trilogy (mid-70's, I suppose). I still have it. It's perfect.

          • C_R_Eature

            Oh, I absolutely love to movies too (actually have the extended version on DVD). I just like to laugh at stuff.
            My old roommate's drunk "friend" spilled beer, vomit and eventually stole my old copy. Asshole.

          • Blueb4sunrise

            OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • C_R_Eature

            Yah. My sentiments exactly.

          • Blueb4sunrise

            It was a time of icons, great and not so….being mocked . Apparently twisted us forever.

          • AlterNewt

            Once twisted, there can be no untwisting.

            Or something.

          • Geminisunmars

            We are all untwisting in the wind.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Hello my sweet, there you are! (Hugs the girl)

            Good morning. How's the Old Man? And the doggehs?

          • Geminisunmars

            You are so sweet to ask. Diego (my big chocolate lab) has been enjoying the 2 feet of snow we just got — his only character flaw is that he has a taste for the poopsicles he deposits out there. Oy. And Tom the Shitty Sue only ventures to the edge of patio to do his biz.I've been too busy and/or tired from shlepping the Ole Man around to docs to do more than an occassional post or reading comments. Hope your knee is now all better. ??

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I wrote you an extensive reply to this, but ID et it. Y?

            Anywho. The knee is simply brilliant, but I have now injured BOTH rotator cuffs (crutches dammit), and have a godawful cold, so pardon my crabbiness, dear lady.

            One hopes the Old Man is OK, simply doing the regular round of doc'ing?

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            Also a darn fine parody/tribute from The Old College Days: Venus On the Half-Shell by Kilgore Trout, one of those paperbacks that every literate nerd of the 80's either owned or borrowed from a greater nerd.

          • C_R_Eature

            There's a Blast from the Past, & for years I wasn't at all sure that was really written by Philip Jose' Farmer!

            Here's another gem from the archives, for the consideration of the Wonkette Literary Appreciation Group: Still Life With Woodpecker.

            "Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature."

          • Biff

            Had my copy signed, because when it came out I was dating a redhead and smoked Camels. It was perfect.

          • C_R_Eature

            Congratulations and Highly Envious!

          • Biff

            Wish I still had it, but I gave it to the redhead after we went our seperate ways. After all, she was still a redhead, and I no longer smoked Camels. Saddened to hear she died in 2010 from complications of being wheelchair-bound for 20+ years.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Even *I* had that.

        • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

          Tim Tim Benzedrine
          Hash Boo Valvoline

          • C_R_Eature

            "Don't mind Hashberry, this is her day to Crash."

          • tessiee

            First, second, neutral, park
            Hie thee hence, you leafy narc!

        • Biff

          Same here, but it's just not nearly as funny without chemical enhancement…

        • MosesInvests

          This Ring, no other, was made by the Elves,
          Who'd pawn their own mother to grab it themselves.
          Ruler of creeper, mortal and scallop,
          This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop.
          The power almighty rests in this lone Ring,
          The power, alrighty, for doing your own thing.
          If broken or busted, it cannot be remade,
          If found, send to Sorhed (the postage is prepaid).

      • Beowoof

        Why am I not surprised to find that many of those on Wonkette have in common a 1970's National Lampoon subscription, the rest of the Accounting Majors thought I was crazy then. (Small Catholic College near Niagara Falls that tended to be ultra conservative). Further, that so many here enjoyed Bored of the Rings as much as I did.
        And here we all are, 35 years later still aspiring to write for the NL.

        • Geminisunmars

          NL should be so lucky.

    • joobajooba

      "Mrs. Agnew's Diary"
      Craig Baker, Perfect Master

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    I'm envisioning the screeching Donald Sutherland from the remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers reading this article aloud.

  • boobookitteh

    Don't most of the right's arguments boil down to 'you can do what you want with your money and I can do what I want with mine'? Komen is still free to use their money to sue smaller charities who use pink or the word 'cure' in their name or take funding away from low income women and we can withhold our funding from them for exactly those reasons or any other.

    I'm so very tired of this.

    • Tundra Grifter

      " Komen is still free to use their money to sue smaller charities who use pink…"

      "Come On Up And Get This Party Started – And We'll Sue Your Ass."

      • jqheywood

        No, silly….pink, not P!nk (she has been screwing up my iTunes alphabetical listing forever.)

      • Terry

        Have the Komen lawyers gone after Victoria's Secret for that silly Pink spin off shop? Why do young girls want PINK written across their rear ends?

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          They think young men need directions?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Well … wouldn't that be on the FRONT end? You know, as in Clitoris –> HERE?

            At least that's what MissTaken seems to imply.

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            No, because that would make them not-virgins.

          • Fare la Volpe

            It don't count none iffin it go in the shitter.

            [hock, p'ting]

          • Dashboard_Jesus

            uh, well said, er played…I think?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Darling, you're MUCH too gorgeous and charming to *ever* indulge in such trashy behaviour. Why, I almost had to resort ot my fainting couch again.

          • Fare la Volpe

            How do you know what I'm spitting?

            [wink]

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I'd call you a slut, but you're way too cute for such treatment, damn your hot eyes.

          • SorosBot

            But that already is the tastiest bit of human anatomy; it doesn't need the extra attention.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Heterosexist.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            This is turning into a Gourmand site!

        • Tundra Grifter

          My last name is shared by a clothing line popular with the Youngs, and I'm still trying to get used to seeing it across girl's aft portions.

          • Swampgas_Man

            Juicy?

          • Tundra Grifter

            SGM:

            I used to see women walking around wearing "Guess?" on the front of their t-shirts.

            I always wanted to ask "36 B?"

            When I see "Gap" I figure it's between their ears.

            I'm still looking for the New Navy. And for someone who voted for Summer.

          • tessiee

            "I'm still looking for the New Navy"

            Years ago, a new store was opening in a mall I frequented for this then unheard-of chain. My response was: "Old Navy? EWW! Who wants a bunch of old pea coats?"

          • Geminisunmars

            Hey, Abercrombie. Wha'sup?

          • Tundra Grifter

            That's a great Fats Waller song – "Abercrombie had a Zombie."

            "How do you make a Zombie?"

            "Get her drunk."

            – Jack Douglas, "Never Trust a Naked Bus Driver"

        • tessiee

          "Why do young girls want PINK written across their rear ends?"

          The store was all out of the pants that had JUICY written across the seat?

    • LettucePrey

      Actually, the issue isn't even "whether a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit." The real issue is why low-income Americans have to rely on charity for basic medical care.

      But of course, I'm just a pinko.

      • Tilley

        Look forward to Komen's lawyer's letter to you in the mail for copyright infringement, or some such fucking thing.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Commie!!!

        Hi.

    • Biff

      Yep. Just like (R)money, I like firing people. People like Komen.

    • tessiee

      "Don't most of the right's arguments boil down to 'you can do what you want with your money and I can do what I want with mine'?"

      Can't agree with you there, kitteh. My observation is that their only argument is, "If I can't force other people to do what I want, you're taking away my freedumb".

  • SorosBot

    Yes, a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit. And the rest of us have the right criticize how they choose to dispose of that money, and not give if they do something shitheadedly wrong.

    • finallyhappy

      So does this Moran think Susan Komen funded this the way Bill gates funded the Gates Foundation.???

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Daniel Foster has probably never donated a dime, so wouldn't know. What does he care if some beyotch he doesn't even know/get sex from has cancer?

        • Beowoof

          I didn't know the plastic blow up dolls can get cancer.

    • Harry_S_Truman

      Score one up-fist for demonstrating the proper usage of "shitheadedly."

      • tessiee

        So much more boffo than "anile".

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Soros, you should know by now, market forces (Komen changing their mind in response to those who give them money threatening not to do so), do not work when they support liberal causes. That is the foundation of most conservative ideas.

  • GuanoFaucet

    I'll take dumb fucking analogies for $500, Alex.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Daily Double!

    • Crank_Tango

      and seriously, when was the last time you saw a box of soap?

      • Tundra Grifter

        For years I'd saved an Ivory box with Marilyn Chambers' photo.

    • fuflans

      my boy just read this story and said:

      "soapbox?? little league?? wtf century are we in? next we'll have dagwood bumstead and 'that beetle bailey comic sure was funny in the papers yesterday'."

    • tessiee

      "I'll take dumb fucking analogies for $500, Alex."

      What is, "But Obama's an elitist, too!"?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The right seems to be trapped in a death spiral of stupid. As people with brains bail out, dumbfucks like Foster and Cooke are free to rise to prominence. Once they contribute their not-quite-two-cents'-worth, the whole enterprise sinks another notch.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    "…a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?"

    Sure they do, and when they act like assholes we the people have the right to point that out. Following up on that thought, though is not likely Charlie Cooke or Daniel Foster have vaginas, we can say right now " Chuckie and Danny Boy you boyz are acting like a couple of cunts !!!1!!"

    Ah, feelz better already I do.

    • Beowoof

      Well they can dispose of their money as they see fit. And I can see fit not to give them any of mine to distribute. Eliminate the middle man and give directly to Planned Parenthood.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I'm going to start a charitable foundation. Something along the lines of, I dunno, free bikes for poor kids, or something. I'm going to solicit a lot of donations.

    Of course, at some point our foundation's focus may shift to research to determine what are the very best single malt scotches, but it will keep the Bikes for Poor Kids name, natch. But after all, a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit.

    • nounverb911

      How about a bicycle tour of the Isle of Islay for your donors? I'm in.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      I"LL BE ON THE BOARD!!!
      I had a bike. Several in fact over the course of my life. I was even a child with a bike.
      PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ.

    • Radiotherapy

      Imagine the outrage when the donors find out your Director of Development is a bourbon drinker.

    • WhatTheHeck

      Did you know you can get arrested for drunk bicycling. Much like you can soon get arrested for using Planned Parenthood services – if the conservative/Bible/right has its collective way.

      As for the single malt – smokey is nice.

      • OzoneTom

        Islay it is then!

      • emmelemm

        FWIW, I know someone who was arrested for drunk bicycling.

        • finallyhappy

          Wasn't some actor arrested for being drunk in a Walgreens in Chicago?

        • chicken_thief

          I know one, too! I marveled at his ability to ride a bike in the snow while balancing a case of beer. But alas, he is on foot now….

          • emmelemm

            I believe that was exactly the scenario where my coworker was arrested as well!

          • tessiee

            *looks around suspiciously*
            Has anyone actually seen chicken_thief and emmelemm together?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Now that you mention it, tessiee …

        • Biff

          Bicycles, riding mowers, ag tractors, horseback, even afoot. I got arrested for drunk walking on Xmas one time. Guess the pig figured if his Xmas was ruined, he was gonna fuck up someone else's, too. Charges dropped, but what a way to spend Xmas!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Aw, Biff! (Hugs the Biff)

            Just because we're gay Internet-married doesn't mean I don't care.

          • Biff

            Not to worry, it was a long time ago. Hell, I haven't had a drink at Xmas for 22 years and counting, so of course it's a distant memory, one which I would relish regaling the grandkids with if I only had grandkids. Or kids.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            It's my theory that those of us who managed to escape the misery of child-having can make up for it by telling our horror stories to *other people's children.* Hell, the little fuckers are the reason my property taxes totally suck mega-ass, and I can't enjoy my public streets, parks, or libraries because they are ALL OVER that shit.

            So do yourself (and those brats) a huge favour. Head on down to your local library and enroll in the Story telling program and then scare the shit outa the little fucks. Alternatively, practice on relatives, although, you know, they have a choice and eventually just stop bringing the brats around. Which is also not so bad in terms of wear and tear on the house and the Old Fart (i.e., oneself).

          • Biff

            At least I can thank the kids for the fact my road is no longer dirt, they oiled it for the school bus that lumbers down it thrice daily.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Trust me, they enjoy being tormented by horror stories *much* more than their parents would think. I have the hardest time peeling the little buggers off me after satisfying their grim taste for horror, to the shock of their parents.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            I got arrested for drunk walking too! Gave the cop a slurred diatribe about how he should be out looking for real criminals, and spent the night in the klink.

          • Biff

            Praise to thee, drunk person!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Let me guess: You're NOT BROWN. When I gave the cops a very unslurred diatribe about my taxes paying their wages, they threatened to toss me over a hillside. They arrested me for "jaywalking, obstructing traffic, and resisting arrest." Then I called my attorneys.

          • Sheesko

            The charge: Failure To Be White. Did your attorneys bargain down to Misdemeanor Asian, time served, 200 hours of community service?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Once the facts were in the possession of my attorneys, the PD moved to drop the case without prejudice. 200 witnesses saw the cops stop me, rough me up, and throw me in a black maria without provocation. I had welts on my wrists for weeks because they used cuffs that were a size too small.

            ETA: My eternal thanks to the elderly AA lady who started the Gathering of Witnesses by stopping in the middle of the street and asking the cops at the top of her lungs, "Whatchu doin' to that chile?" over and over again until people started pouring out onto the streets.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            S'true, Z. I'm disgustingly pale, and truly sorry for the fucking unconscionable bullshit you, my dear, dear wonkette friend, have to put up with.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I'm not blaming you, my dear, and I hope it didn't come off that way. Maybe I should get down off the cross, huh, just in case somebody needs the wood?

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            I didn't take it that way at all, Z. I do feel guilty, not because I personally oppress brown people (at least I hope I don't), but because I benefit from white privilege, in countless ways, large and small. And pretty soon we're going to have to burn all our crosses in our trashcan fires to heat our hobo beans.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            The privilege isn't something you sought, and it isn't something you can help. You do your bit by being conscious of it and acknowledging the role it plays.

            And yeah, hobo beans. On the plus side, they're much better for you than, oh, the stuff you eat when you're flush with money, so we'll still be around when they've all myocardially infarcted, right? I mean, OK, it won't be MUCH of an earth, but we meek will inherit it, right?

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      I'm in!

      I'm reminded of a charity set up by convicted perjurer and writer of awful novels Lord Archer, who set up a charity for Kurds in 1991 and proceeded to spend most of the cash (tens of millions) on himself. He was cleared of wrongdoing because he was careful and the lashings of money he spent on Krug and private jets and so on could be counted as administration.

      So, be sure to invite a select group of possible donors (I would unashamedly partake of this opportunity) to sample a wide variety of top-notch scotch and call it a fundraiser and you're golden.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Just curious, was this a UK charity?

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          It was UK-based but Lord Archole raised money overseas as well. The intent was to give funds raised to the Red Cross.

          • ShaveTheWhales

            That would be the "ostensible" intent, I presume.

    • mull_man

      MUST weigh in here – Tobermory wins or all my nickles will be sent to the Angus P. Potgorney Tennis Camp

    • Negropolis

      This is the business plan of the Underpant Gnomes.

  • e_z

    what would justify me just erupting in biblical rage to smite an idiot?

    • chicken_thief

      I think what was just said would warrant such an outburst. But that's just me…

  • Tundra Grifter

    "What would justify me hacking the Joe’s Deli web site…?"

    We prefer to think of it as free-lance, volunteer editing.

    • flamingpdog

      'Tards do it on teh Wiki all the time. Projection much?

  • edgydrifter

    Dear NRO Dumbshits,

    We, the donors to Komen, are Old Man Joe. Komen is the Cub Scout troop. Planned Parenthood is the derby car.

    And it's the Pinewood Derby. Not a soapbox derby.

    Analogy FAIL.

    PS: You suck.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Actually, in the NRO analogy, I believe PP is the Cub Scout "troop" (should be Pack, of course), and Old Fuck Joe is SGK, Inc.

      However, as you point out, it should be Pinewood Derby. Also, the analogy breaks down swiftly in that it is not the Cub Scout Pack that is hacking, dissing, or otherwise assailing Old Joe, but rather the surrounding adult society.

      We learn some things from this, one of which is that the jackoffs responsible for the NRO article have never known a fucking Cub Scout.

      • snickersnack

        They may not, at present, know a Cub Scout, but I bet they'll keep trying to meet one.

        • tessiee

          And by "meet", you mean "molest".

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            To be fair, snickersnack was NOT using the Republican-to-English dictionary, where "meet" is defined as "molest."

      • Dimitrios_M

        In fact, their general cluelessness about Cub Scouts may be the reason why their efforts to meet one has failed.

    • Biff

      They want to make it the demolition derby, the evil fucks.

  • nounverb911

    “Does anyone on the Left even ask the basic question of whether a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?”
    And we have the right to never ever give to it again.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The answer to the question is 'no'. We're not that stupid.

  • Tundra Grifter

    The right wing gas bags promote Hillsdale College, bragging that it refuses to accept Federal aid of "any kind."

    Now, the college website solicits donations, and helpfully points out they may be tax deductible.

    Somehow they don't consider this a government subsidy.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Chester Marcol Libel!

    • yyyaz

      Of course they don't: the charitable-donation deduction is part of the natural, gawd-given law that is self-evident to every sentient creature. Jeez.

    • Beowoof

      Thinking Hard

    • Chichikovovich

      I must say that Hillsdale "College" has has bounced back robustly from the scandal that took down their president of 30 years George Charles Roche III, the (apparently quite charismatic) man who took over an intellectually worthless, nearly bankrupt college and singlehandedly (i.e. with only the help of money bins full of neo-Bircher cash) transformed it into the intellectually worthless institute of wingnut indoctrination that it is today]. That upstanding, moral man, who could spin a Jeremiad about the decay of American moral standards with the best of them, turned out to have been carrying on a 19 year affair with his own daughter-in-law (an employee of the "College", as was Roche's daddy-cuckolded son). The sad finale of the daughter-in-law's suicide in the Hillsdale gardens made it more difficult to do the usual wingnut cover-up.

      But – (inspiring really) Hillsdale survived and prospered. Say what you will for the wingnuteratti, they never stop throwing money at their treasured shrines, however corrupt they are revealed to be.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I had forgotten about that sad derailed train of events, a situation I could cheerfully have gone to my grave with.

        (the only slightly crabby MB)

      • Geminisunmars

        Geesh. Someone should make that into an opera, along the lines of "Baby Doe".

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          You could do it.

          • Geminisunmars

            We could do it together! The writing team of Mesugh 'n Nah.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Don't think I didn't see what you did there.

            You do the outline.

          • Geminisunmars

            You're on!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            ZOMG, what HAVE I let myself in for!

          • HistoriCat

            Remember all us little people when you win your Tony.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            If and when that happy day comes, the entire damn Wonketz is invited to participate.

          • HistoriCat

            World's Largest Gang Bang?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Why not? It's not like we're all nuns, or anything (I woulda said "priests," but I remembered that those guys done been busted endlessly for all the boy-pranging of recent centuries).

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    What kind of goddamned idiot wrote "a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?" No they fucking don't. If you are a 501(c)(3) organization there are rules about what you can do with "your money". If you receive grants from other organizations, there are things called "restricted grants" and "unrestricted grants", which tell you what you bloody well can and cannot do with "your money." And God help you if you fundraise to people for one purpose and don't spend "your money" on that purpose — there are about 50 state attorneys general who will tan your ass over that.

    Not to mention the fucking hypocrisy of telling another organization to die an unfunded death because they do abortions, then getting sand in your pussy when people decide your organization doesn't deserve their money, either.

    Jesus, is it really that productive to throw up a post for every fucking stupid thing these guys say? Surely there are bigger flies to swat.

    • Barb

      You give me a girl erection when you get fired up like this.

      • Tundra Grifter

        Can we watch?

        • chicken_thief

          Film at 11?!!!!

          • Tundra Grifter

            ct:

            We can only hope…

    • flamingpdog

      Dude, Chet, I don't always agree with what you say (mostly about Barry), but I'm ready to come over and wash your feet right now.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Well, I couldn't stay that mad at you, because you're pretty consistently funny!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Sorry to get all crabby at the Proprietors at the end there, but these dumb fucks got me in a state.

      • Chichikovovich

        We asked them to post that, since we all enjoy it so much when you go into Prophet Jeremiah mode.

        (Hey – I heard some kid say that Lil Wayne makes better music than John Coltrane. What should I say to him?)

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          A kid like that is too far gone. Just cock-punch him instead.

    • Extemporanus

      Agreed, Mr. Kincaid — this place has been lousy with Trump, tits, and Christians the last few days. (There's a joke in there somewhere…)

      Here's an entire "Tips" email I sent to our Wonkette this week. Maybe it'll cheer you up and give you something to swat over the weekend, since it (like every other fucking tip I've ever sent) apparently wasn't up to snuff:

      Dear Tipsette:

      The following freshly breaking story seems especially well suited for our Wonkette's ongoing celebration of Aborted Black History Month:
      http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/articles/290374/20120131

      "Anonymous also claims that the organisation has links with Republican candidate Ron Paul. "We found a disturbingly high number of members who are also involved in campaigning for Ron Paul," the statement said, adding that Paul had regularly met with many party members and even engaged in conference calls with its board of directors.

      Another target of the hack was the A3P webmaster, Jamie Kelso. According to the hacker collective, Kelso, a former Scientologist and organiser for Paul campaign events, is also the account owner of neo-Nazi forums and websites."

      Here's a mirror of the defaced A3P website's internal email dump: http://zone-h.org/mirror/id/16824726

      If you do a "Find: Paul" on that page, you get 76 hits — most are by Kelso in emails to other White pridesters, and I found at least three mentions in the first 25 that directly tie Paul/Paul campaign to supremacist website muckity-mucks. (Including a fuckin' Illinois Neo-Nazi! Really!! His goes by the name "Imbar", and according to Kelso, he's Ron Paul's #2 man in the state. The Blues Brothers jokes practically write themselves!)

      Sooo…

      Ron Paul, Anonymous, white supremacists, neo-Nazis, Scientology, My Little Pony-defaced websites, etc! What more could you want?

      Keep up the swell work, Editors — you ladies have really been cookin' with gas lately!

      Best regards,
      Extemporanus

      • Biff

        Jeesus, no wonder they ignored it–tl;dr

        • Extemporanus

          Bullshit.

          The entire email was literally ten sentences long. The link to the tipped story is in the very first sentence. The bulk of the rest are a few key quotes from the article for context. It may look long, but that's mostly because it's crammed into a narrow comment thread reply field.

          If an Editor or anyone else is going to consider something like that "tl;dr", than I'm going to consider them unserious and not worth reading.

          By the way: Almost every other tip or comment that I've sent to our Wonkette over the years has been one or two lines and a link, and they went nowhere/got no response, too (unless directed at Ken). Perhaps I have the wrong email address, or I should try again in crayon…

          (Sorry if that came off as harsh, Jim, especially if you were only being sarcastic. It's just that as a writer, that lazy-ass "tl;dr" shit pisses me off on a visceral level. Also, I am very hungry.)

          • Extemporanus

            Once again, this time without a qualifier: I'm sorry.

            That was assholishly pedantic, and no way to reply to a friend. If you don't mind, I'm gonna head out to your old profile pic to chillax and work on my Boehner for the rest of the weekend.

          • Biff

            Not to say I didn't deserve it, but no offense taken. This joint gets to us all, sometimes. My only claim to literacy is winning almost all my spelling bees in elementary school, I am in awe of those of you that took it seriously enough to actually, you know, study. Now if you'll excuse me, Tamron Hall is on MSNBC and I'll have better things to do with my hands than type.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Chet, there you go again with your "facts" and "law" and so on.

      How are you going to rile a Cletus with knowledge? You know that knee-jerk reactions and disingenuous metaphorical stories are the best way to engage a halfwit.

      (also I kind of agree with you)

    • Bluestatelibel

      So the non-profits can't just go out and buy BMWs for themselves? Damn. (And Chet hits another one out of the ballpark.)

    • barrett808

      The "Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation" is a 501(c)3 and may not engage in lobbying; the "Susan G. Komen For The Cure Advocacy Alliance" is a 501(c)4, which may engage in lobbying, "so long as that is not its primary activity". (IRS.gov).

      Of course, these laws are very loosely enforced, as Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have shown (hilariously), so in the worst case, the 501(c)4 may be a de facto PAC.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Since they reportedly paid Hadassah Lieberman's outfit a mere $1mil to lobby against single-payer, I guess their Advocacy Alliance is within the bounds of the law — because I'm damn sure $1mil is a tiny percentage of its war chest.

        • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

          Haha, joke's on them–single-payer with no real supporters of single-payer in the administration, they totally blew their lobbying bucks on nothing. With friends like this, and so on…

      • Biff

        That's just Super!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Damn, I love it when somebody ELSE gets to do a screeching rant for a change.

      Nice work, Mister.

    • snickersnack

      NRO with sand in their collective pussy. Perfect.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      117? Well Jeez, there must be a lot of non-profit sector nerds out there! I know a lot about the rules and requirements for 501(c)(3) organizations; foundations, not as much. But when you aren't paying taxes, the whole country gets a say in what you do with "your money", that's just how it works.

    • tessiee

      *little cartoon hearts levitating overhead*
      *shuffles toe of shoe on ground*
      Um… Chet?
      I really admire the way you remain articulate, even when you're angry.
      Also, the correct pluralization of "attorneys general"?
      Made of awesome.

  • nounverb911

    We also have the right to demand that local government charge SGK for using public thoroughfares for their little walks.

  • nounverb911

    NRO? Aren't they the folks that support domestic terrorists like Timothy McVeigh and that Texas idiot that flew into the IRS?

    • billy_reuben

      Yes, yes they do.

    • BarackMyWorld

      It's only terrorism if it's Muslims.

    • MosesInvests

      That IRS office was a block away from my house. One of my neighbors, who was home, thought it was an earthquake. I think they've finished repairing the building now.

  • womanhattan

    What a obfuscating analogy. If tens of thousands of women joined walks and races around the country keep Old Man Joe in business, they'd have every right to be concerned about where he spent his money. Although I have never heard of a deli that people walked or raced to raise money for. The analogy is ridiculous.

  • Not_So_Much

    Keep it straight: Second Amendment, don't you fucking dare! First Amendment, whatevs.

  • Chichikovovich

    Obviously the NRO people failed the "analogies" part of the SAT. Maybe that's why they have to write for a hack magazine that would have vanished beneath the waves long ago were it not for a reliable stream of wingnut welfare. Here's what would get marked "correct" on the exam:

    Imagine I volunteered to run a cub scout troop, and for years, when the annual soapbox derby came near, I knew I could count on Joe’s Deli as good for a hundred dollar donation. If one year Old Man Joe decided he didn’t want to donate any more because some of the money raised by the derby went to a health clinic that the poorest and most needy people in town depended on, and this decision revealed, what many of us had suspected already, Joe subscribed to the political agenda of an organization that was dedicated to crushing that clinic, and all similar ones… what on earth would justify me ceasing to spend my money at Old Man Joe's, when frankly his sandwiches sucked, mostly because he spent little on ingredients, service or cleanliness, but rather spent most of what he took in on jobs for relatives and political cronies that paid well above market rate? How dare I email my friends, who share my concern for the health of the poor, to let them know of Joe's actions, since I am aware that if they learn what I know, they will stop buying (and sometimes even eating) Joe's crappy sandwiches in gratitude for the support he once provided for a charity we care about? How dare I allow myself to be reinforced in my determination to direct my money elsewhere when Joe learns of the decision of me and my friends, and responds with dishonest backtrackign in which he changes the claimed reason every ten minutes, as each one is shown to be empty. Don't you people understand that you are obliged to give your money to Old Man Joe, and tell everybody else to do that too, because he is a movement conservative, and it is evil and unpatriotic not to give money to such people?

    There. That's better.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      … changes the claimed reason every ten minutes, as each one is shown to be empty.

      The good old days never left did they?

      • SayItWithWookies

        No, but now they have video so the jackasses can be confronted with their lies.

        • Blueb4sunrise

          My understanding is that such maneuvers don't matter to psychopaths.

          • tessiee

            This was pretty much a weekly occurence with Raygun, who would dismiss the evidence with, "There you go again!", whereupon it was understood that the matter was settled.

            I still hate that stupid old fucker.

    • Barrelhse

      Plus the original has way too many comma's to be literate.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Wow, Chich. I was getting all wound up to deliver some righteous ranting, but it looks like you done beat me to it.

      Something tells me you need to save this one for your daughter, so when she's all being a teenager, you can show it to her and take her mind off how BAD Dad is.

    • snoopyfan2010

      Yes that sounds right. I have never given to SGK because $400,000 is a lot of compensation to lead a non profit.

  • Limeylizzie

    Imagine Charlie Cooke had a cunt rather than was one.

    • nounverb911

      Eeww, now I have this vision of Anne Coulter in my head. Better get out the single malt.

    • Tilley

      I upfisted you, LL, even though feministically I take issue with your analogizing Charlie Cooke with what Jules (Samuel L. Jackson's character) in Pulp Fiction correctly identified as the "holiest of holies."

  • OneYieldRegular

    It's not so bad if you imagine that pablum being babbled by Floyd the Barber.

    • Nothingisamiss

      The article finally makes sense!

    • Biff

      Even Arnold Ziffel makes more sense.

      • tessiee

        Marge Simpson's prom date?

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Hmm…to completely test this theory, the NRA needs to appoint a gun-control black guy to be 2nd in charge who decides, 'hey, maybe AK47s on the streets are bad'. And then when all the rednecks wig the fuck out & threaten to boycott the NRA, I will eagerly await Charlie Cooke & Daniel Foster's esteemed opinions.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Excellent.

    • HarryButtle

      I became a Life member of the NRA back before they went absolutely batshit insane (thank you, Wayne LaPerierre). I still get mailings (because like the Hotel California, you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave) and just got my ballot to vote for association leadership. I'm gonna write in Barry & Michelle, Eric Holder, Michael Moore, Chuck Schumer, and Hillary & Bill Clinton and see if THAT gets me taken off the mailing list.

      • Biff

        Same here, an Endowment Life member before the insanity. Haven't gotten my ballot yet, but you've given me some inspiration, thanks.

  • Callyson

    Does anyone on the Right even ask the basic question of whether a private citizen has the right to donate his or her money, and express opinions about private charities, as he or she sees fit?
    Didn't think so…

    • tessiee

      Does anyone on the Right even ask the basic question of whether a private citizen has the right to have a legal medical procedure, and control his or her own body, as he or she sees fit?
      Didn't think so…

  • BigDumbRedDog

    I'm still trying to figure out why we are having such an uproar over vaginas and boobs. Get a life people!

    • Tundra Grifter

      "And this positively infantile preoccupation with bosoms. In all time in this wretched Godforsaken country, the one thing that has appalled me most of all this this prepostrous preoccupation with bosoms. Don't you realize they have become the dominant theme in American culture: in literature, advertising and all fields of entertainment and everything? I'll wager you anything you like that if American women stopped wearing brassieres, your whole national economy would collapse overnight."

      ~ J. Algernon Hawthorne

      [Well, women did and the economy did, but that's another story…]

      • Dimitrios_M

        Great speech, TG, but it is best delivered as a syllabant hissing through the gap between your front teeth.

      • tessiee

        "if American women stopped wearing brassieres, your whole national economy would collapse overnight."

        The economy is already in the shitter, but if American women stopped wearing brassieres, they would be running the risk of their racks collapsing — and I, for one, don't think that's a risk we should be willing to take.

        • Tundra Grifter

          tessiee:

          The peach of a pair must be preserved!

    • Limeylizzie

      This is the Wonkette there is always uproar over vaginas and boobs, usually in a good way though.

      • flamingpdog

        When I took mineralogy in college, we learned about mineral cleavage. All the guys had a hard time not snickering every time the prof said "cleavage". Most of the girls stifled a snicker, too. Sometimes, even the prof.

        • C_R_Eature

          "Constant Head" got to me, in Hydrology.

          • Biff

            And who doesn't also like high head?

          • Dashboard Buddha

            Same herel…but I never took Hydrology.

          • C_R_Eature

            I just about fell off my chair laughing.

            WIN

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Good thing you never took biology, pdog.

          • flamingpdog

            The only biology class I took as an undergrad was "Comparative Anatomy of Vertebrates". The best part was the prof's name was Mitchell Byrd. And he was an ornithologist. And he had a beak nose. And he was short and dumpy, and looked like a screech owl.

            A good guy – he threw us a big beer bust after the final exam.

          • tessiee

            If only user of owls were still here for this comment.
            *holds hat over heart*

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            He'll be here, by and by. I understand he's busy terrifying students right now.

        • tessiee

          I remember an eighth-grade science class having quite the uproar when the teacher described astronomer Tycho Brahe (pronounced "bra") as being the first person to have "a systematic observation of heavenly bodies".

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Instigator!

        • Limeylizzie

          Moi?

          • QwertyToo

            Even worse, a french instigator!

          • AlterNewt

            "Ahhhh… the..Fffffrench…."

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            "fermented in the boddle…."

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    I have contributed to Komen by sponsoring friends who were running plus took part in a run (more of a walk) and paid money to do so. But according to Daniel Foster or Charlie Cooke or other NRO bottom feeders I shouldn't be able to tell Komen that I don't like how they are spending my money.

    Fuck these motherfuckers.

    • Tilley

      I want to post this as a Reply, because I don't want to make a big deal out of it.

      I was diagnosed with BrCa in 1999. (Went the full 9 yards: double mastectomy, chemo, radiation, 5 hellish years of Tamoxifen.) My daughter did the "Race for the 'Cure'" that fall and garnered $5,000 for the fucking Komen corporation, for which she never received any "thank you" or acknowledgment of any sort, not that that was the point, and yes it's whiny and petty, but still. Since then the "pinkification" of breast cancer has totally chapped my ass, to the extent that it inspired my master's thesis in journalism. My inspiration was the awesome Barbara Ehrenreich's 2001 recounting of HER hellish BrCa experience in Harpers magazine, titled "Welcome to Cancerland." A watershed exposé of women's insufferable infantilization by the medical establishment's patriarchal hegemony if there ever was one.

      Anyway, I fucking hate Komen's corporate enterprise exploitation of this sexualized cancer strain and fuck them and every pink KitchenAid mixer and pink rhinestone-encrusted ribbon trinket they've ever been responsible for.

      There. Got that off my flattened, scarred chest. Hope I didn't make a big deal out of it.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        (Hugs Ms. N)

        My dear, dear lady. I hate the colour pink, and I hate the infantilization of women, and my sister has breast cancer and just had her radical mastectomy, and I wish you had told me this earlier, because I would have asked you, how do I talk to a woman who has just had this experience?

        Thanks for any little bit of help. I don't even know how to deal with this, and she's dealing with much, much worse.

        • Tilley

          Well, mostly just take your cues from her and see if she wants to talk about it. Some retreat and don't want to discuss it; some (like me) couldn't shut the fuck up about it.

          It really does help to get in touch with other women who've been through it. Shouldn't be hard to find, our name is legion. She's just come smack up against the fact that she's mortal after all (we think we know it, but we really don't til something like this happens). Tell her this: Cancer isn't a death sentence. It's rough but she'll get through it. She will. This too shall pass, but she won't ever be the same. But that's ok too. A few years from now she'll look back at something that's going on now, and she'll think "oh yeah, I remember that; that was about the time I had my mastectomy." My "treatment" was going on 13 years ago, and there are actually several days in a row now that I don't even think about it anymore. Hugs to you and your sister. It does help to know you're not the only one who's had this happen. XXOOXX Wish I could help more.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Thank you very much. This is a good start. I will do as you recommend.

          • Tilley

            MittBorg: Having reread the Ehrenreich piece again after many years, I realize I'd forgotten about how smarmy and passive-aggressive some of the online BrCa chat sites can be. Always thought her way of describing them was hilarious.

            Maybe warn your sister off believing everything she reads on the InternetsTubes® about breast cancer as well. Some of even the most reliable medical sites can be as off-the-mark as the most lunatic of rightwing teabaggers. It really is a very individualized disease, and whatever "most" or "rarest" she may hear about lymph node involvement, nuclear grade of the tumor, size of the tumor, etc. etc. etc., means jackshit. "It's all a crap shoot," a friend in the BrCa sisterhood told me, bluntly, and she was right.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            She apparently has a very rare form of this cancer and AFATK it has not spread. Radical surgery is their hope for right now. She has refused any other form of therapy. Frankly, the whole thing frightens and disgusts me. I just got done taking care of both my parents in their last years, and dealing with my own medical issues. I'm a bit stretched as to how to cope with yet another suffering soul in my immediate circle. And she lives very far away and I have not seen her for a decade, so there are all kinds of other issues, and there is no time left to run away from them all. They must be resolved.

            Thank you very much for the advice and the kind words.

          • Tilley

            That's the key: If it doesn't seem to have spread, she'll probably be ok. I do wish she'd rethink traditional medical therapies if her docs recommend them. She should definitely get second, and third, opinions; I know, it's expensive, but I kinda wish I'd done it. I tend to think now in retrospect I was overtreated, but at the time I was all "give me everything you've got." Chemo, etc. are no fun, but the thing is, they actually work. That's why they do them. Best to you my virtual friend. Don't take on too much emotionally yourself; just "be available," I guess.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Well … we just talked, and she's still having a lot of pain, and needs further surgery. I wish she'd let me talk to her doctors, but I can't blame her — there's nothing more annoying than an older sibling swooping in and taking control of one's life, I think. I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I understand, upon doing research that her particular cancer is always treated with surgery first, and a course of radiation, but she is extremely thin (always has been) and her doctors don't think radiation is a good idea. (She's 5' 7" and weighs 98 lbs.) She seems to be coming around to some extent, so we'll see.

            Again, many thanks for sharing your experience. You made a real difference to me and mine, and I will always remember and be grateful.

          • Tilley

            Best of luck to her, and you — keep me posted.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Thank you. I will.

      • Geminisunmars

        Thanks so much for remembering Ehrenreich's piece. I was thinking about her ambivalance about Komen while reading this thread. This would be a good time for whoever first published that (do you recall?) to revisit that piece.

        I read it years before I had a hysterectomy, but years after my mother's double radical mastectomy, and I was so relieved to find someone of Ehrenreich's caliber voicing the same doubts (and distaste) that I was having about Komen.

      • tessiee

        *hugs to you*

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Thanks, love. I appreciate the kindness.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        I'm sorry for all you went through.

      • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

        God, I remember reading that Ehrenreich piece when it came out. It was an eye-opener–she really is a national treasure.

  • Selfish_T

    Old Man Joe/Kathryn Jean Lopez 2012!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      That's a winning ticket.

      What it's winning, we'd better not say.

  • Radiotherapy

    So what, they gave up on the "Oh, SGK's donations went up 3 million percent after the original cut to PP" retort?

    • StarsUponThars

      You'd better believe those sore cunts want their donations back now that SGK has changed its mind.

    • Judith_Priest

      Yeah! I remember that! Yahoo was full of comments from "ordinary Christian women" who had just decided to give a large donation to SGK for "standing up to the Liberals" … and then that meme and those people just … evaporated. Hmmm.

  • C_R_Eature

    Kind-Of-Semi-OT: But you know who's ultimately responsible for orchestrating this cataclysmic avalanche of Fail for the Komen Fund? Who interviewed and painstakingly handpicked the very person who guided this fat money barge straight into an iceberg?
    Ari Fleischer!
    The Minister of Fail in the Administration of Fail in the Kingdom of Fail.

    It's like there's been a Natural Selection process at work.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Holy Fuck!! That is a fucking riot!!

      • C_R_Eature

        Ain't it, though? *chuckles evilly*

        I'm real glad these guys are on the other team.

        • Blueb4sunrise

          I'm trying to keep my [our team] hubris at bay.

          • C_R_Eature

            Always a wise choice.
            I just keep remembering that They can afford to be Stupid because the game's so rigged in their favor. We can't.

          • Blueb4sunrise

            Still….doesn't hurt to hoist one …
            PROSIT!!!!!!!!

          • C_R_Eature

            Seconded, and approved.

            SKAAL!!

    • Crank_Tango

      ahem, intelligent design.

      • C_R_Eature

        Stockbreeding, but there's nothing Intelligent about it.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Holy hell, that is beyond anything you could stick in the worst potboiler airport novel.

      Awesome.

      • C_R_Eature

        Far too stupid for fiction. Just stupid enough for real life.

    • Barrelhse

      I knew the religious nuts were running this little game.

      • C_R_Eature

        Signature.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Thanks, CRE! Makes sense that the Senior Architect of Fail should be the orchestrator of this totally not-random piece of FAIL!

      • C_R_Eature

        Had to share this one, MB. Just too much fun not to.
        These people don't do half-measures. Fail Big or don't Fail at all.

        What kills me is that even after this unbroken streak of unmitigated public World Class Failure, Fleischer will still be able to talk some poor sad people & organizations into jobs.

        Forcasting Far more Fail for the Foreseeable Future.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          That was killer. Thanks from me, too. I could never have guessed there was a line connecting this fiasco to Tiger Woods, let alone it was drawn by Ari Fleischer. Schadenfuckinfreude You made my weekend.

          • C_R_Eature

            Yes, that Tiger Woods link was the Little Green Rosette of Icing on the Cherry on top of the whole Schadenfantastic Muffin for me. Have a great weekend!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            A little green Rosetta
            Makes the muffin betta … oh yeah!

          • C_R_Eature

            Some People prefer Cupcakes but I, for One, think Less of Them.

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            Every time I think the world can't get weirder, it does.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          No shit. I'm thinking of friends of mine, highly competent, incredibly smart, horribly over-educated and STILL fucking unemployed seven years after the last fucking layoff. And Ari Fleischer, who can't shake the piss off his putz without getting some in his eye, he gets a job.

          • Sheesko

            Oh wow, is that what happened to that eye? I always wondered.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Emmis.

            ETA: And you thought the putz was giving you the stinkeye. Well, now you know why.

          • C_R_Eature

            Legacy hires – explains a lot about the catastrophic Bush Administration.
            Wealth and family connections can paper over a lot of Stupid. But only for a while.

            In a perfect world, your friend would be wealthy & happily occupied and Fleischer would be saying "You want Fries with that?"

            Maybe all the Smart People need to go and create their own economy – but for everyone's benefit, not off in a Gulch with a bunch of selfish assholes.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            True dat. Even back in the glory days of the SillyValley, it was WHOM you knew, not WHAT, that got most people their jobs.

            And I hope to god that worthless asshole salesdick (YOU know who you are, you pathetic prick) lost HIS job and is still looking for one.

          • C_R_Eature

            There's a certain amount of "who-you-know" going on everywhere but remember…it's lots easier to get a job than to keep a job and incompetence can't be hidden forever.

            Well, maybe not everywhere – but Isn't it Pretty to Think So…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Who wants forever? Just let me build up my 401(k) and my resume!

            These guys make a career of hanging on for a year or two in each job before being booted upstairs to some sinecure, and we all know that. How many senior management folks do you know who actually *work*? Ours always seemed to be out schmoozing. When they weren't trying to institute top-down "plans" that were completely out of touch with the realities of our customer base and technical capacities.

            "Why can't you just make a button that does that?" <– Every marketing moron ever to every software developer ever.

    • Chichikovovich

      Ari Fleischer, former press secretary for George W. Bush and prominent right-wing pundit, secretly helped guide Komen Foundation’s disastrous strategy regarding Planned Parenthood. Fleischer personally interviewed candidates for the position of “Senior Vice President for Communications and External Relations” at Komen last December. According to a source with first-hand knowledge, Fleischer drilled prospective candidates during their interviews on how they would handle the controversy about Komen’s relationship with Planned Parenthood.

      But, but, …. their press release said that politics played no part at all in the decision to defund Planned Parenthood. And that it was all about the mammograms on-site. And that it was just about "fiduciary responsibility" concerning groups under investigation. Is it possible that Ari Fleischer is working with a group of pathological liars? When has that ever happened before.

      • C_R_Eature

        Another Favoritest part:
        Komen had to hire another Spin Doctor Firm to Despin the Furiously Spinning Public Clusterfuck created by their secretly hired Professional Spinmeister Ari.

        This is like watching an old movie of a badly designed Ornithopter flapping itself to pieces on the runway.

        • Chichikovovich

          Yes! That's exactly what it looks like!

          It's such a shame that Terry-Thomas is no longer with us, he would be perfect as Ari Fleischer in "Those Magnificent Wingnuts in their Flying Machines".

          • C_R_Eature

            Ah, hahahahah!

            I'd pay Theater prices to see that.

  • An_Outhouse

    I'm starting a breast exam stand. You get a free cup of lemonade with every exam.

    • nounverb911

      And what do you get?

      • C_R_Eature

        Exercise?

      • Tundra Grifter

        "I got a job – helping the girls in the Follies undress and dress."

        "What does it pay?"

        "Twenty francs a week. That's all I could afford."

        – Woody Allen

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      When life hands you lemons, handle some melons.

    • Judith_Priest

      A guy in our neighborhood once rented a white lab coat and stethoscope and began going door-to-door offering free breast exams.

      He got some takers, apparently.

    • tessiee

      Make it so you can pay with food stamps.

  • Radiotherapy

    Here's another well worn argument the wingtard propagandists are regurgitating today: Liberals aren't as charitable as Conservatards. Yeah, whatever.

    • Tundra Grifter

      "The Academy of Conservative Study." What a great title! Is it a 501(c)(3) non-profit?

      I think I will start "The Southern Institute for Black Folks' Civil Rights."

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Shouldn't that be The White Massa Institute for Nigra Rights? You know, to be more accurate, and stuff.

        • tessiee

          The White Massa Institute for Nigra Rights and Against the War of Northern Aggression.

      • Biff

        And you can bet the Southern Poverty Law Center would welcome you as another non-profit into their field, not sue your ass for infringement.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      And this fact has nothing to do with the stat that 80-85 percent of charitable giving is to ones church. They can eat that meme and choke on it.

    • Loaded_Pants

      "Conservative Thinking is Critical Thinking"
      Wut?

      • Radiotherapy

        You guys actually read that shit, Wow.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        What IS your new av, darlz? Because I'm just loving it for reasons I'll keep to myself for now.

        • Radiotherapy

          From the queen of avatar and moniker shape shifting, that is a total compliment. But, do share, we are here for you and "How Soon is Now?"

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Geez, dood, I'm not THAT much of a fucking queen, am I? OK, OK, I'll adjust back to normal. (stiffens wrist)

            Er … now is, you know, like, uh, carpe diem? I'm not gonna tell till Loaded tells me what that av is!

        • Loaded_Pants

          Flatface Fred is from the blog Human Descent.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Flatface Fred reminds me of something from a gay porn mag. Jes' sayin'!

    • Judith_Priest

      Those are mostly those "voluntary" tithes to the church. (I've been in those churches — it's about as voluntary as taxes, although the only jail term you get is total ostracism, and a sermon preached about you. If they could garnish (?) your paycheck, they would.)

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      Watch this drive:
      "Residents of the states that voted for John Kerry in 2004 gave smaller percentages of their incomes to charity than did residents of states that voted for George Bush. "

      See how that's done?
      "smaller PERCENTAGES of their incomes"…Not total amount.

      Now put the Red State/Blue State map in your brain hole and think of the average income of Red Staters vs the average income of Blue Staters. Now also think that a lot of the Red Staters are Bible Belt folks. Tithing is charity. Is it really charity when the Tithe directly benefits the Chariter?
      This is a BS stat that was shot to pieces years ago.

      • Biff

        Nobody knows how much or how little I donate to any charities because I don't use them as tax deductions. I love skewing their statistics like that.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I love when you talk drive and stat to me.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Alternate GOP Reality,
    Look, I really can't do this anymore. Your constant projection, lack of any real grasp of what is happening in the ENTIRE world – your abject denial of numbers, facts, science, truth – your willful desire, nay, demand to be lied to in order to create the world you ignorantly, yet still self righteously believe you want to live in, I just can't do it. Also, get out of my twat, you cunts. Every "they's killing babies in thar" bit of horseshit I read today was from a man. I can't take it. The misogynistic, life worsening, hateful bunch of bullshit is driving me crazy. Get out. You're fucking everything up for everybody all the time.
    FS

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Every "they's killing babies in thar" bit of horseshit I read today was from a man.

      Yeah, no shit. Even strong female political figures decrying abortion (e.g. Bachmann) also spout anti-feminist crap about being "subservient" to their husband. Even if their husband looks like a gay muppet brought to life.

      As a non-woman it pisses me off, so dog knows what it's like being on the receiving end of this sanctimonious shit when you actually are one.

      • FakaktaSouth

        David Vitter taking credit for the idea behind SGK de-funding PP was probably the most beautifully-perfectly disgusting part of all of this for me. I do realize that there were plenty of stupid idiot conservabitches running their heads today too, but the sheer number of self righteous asshole guys (who HONESTLY DO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANY OF THIS BEYOND THEIR OWN POLITICAL GAIN) doing the whole "tragic baby murder" schtick – I mean, just grow the fuck up.
        http://maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/01/

      • fuflans

        well, it's kind of annoying but then we have an abortion, harass susan g koman and donate money to PP and then we feel much better.

        • FakaktaSouth

          I like PP's mani-pedi-facial-abortion combos. Truly just cleans out all the pipes.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Wow, you Lib gals sure do know how to have a GOOOOOOD time, don'tcha?

          • Fukui_sanYesOta

            I hear they're uniformly good-looking, thoughtful and fantastic in bed.

          • tessiee

            "Pass some of that honey this way, Betty Friedan!" — reanimated Robot Nixon in "Futurama"

    • fuflans

      man i like fakakta mad.

    • Barrelhse

      Oh, shit. For a minute there I thought you were talking to me!

  • LettucePrey

    People who should stay out of politics: women's health charities, reality show hosts, Newt Gingrich.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Uh, could I pretty please add Mitt Romney to that list? Pretty please? I'll do your dishes for a week.

    • flamingpdog

      I'll do your breast exam for two weeks.

    • Sheesko

      Actors…

      • Radiotherapy

        REAGAN LIBEL!

  • Goonemeritus

    First of all the money being distributed is not their money as in the case of the hardware store. In this case it is our money which we have entrusted to them to distribute more effectively than we could. By bringing politics into it they make me want to skip the middle man (middle harpy?) and give where I choose just as these pricks suggest. It's a perfectly market driven response to an intrusive decision by a bureaucrat so fuck the fuck off NRO.

  • rickmaci

    Jeez. Are these guys Tardbots or what? You can tell things are not going well in Repubtard World right now. They are all running around frothing at the mouth and screaming incoherently about nearly everything everyday. The entire Repubtard World will need to be confined in rooms with foam walls and locks on the doors next November when BHO is re-elected.

    • Barrelhse

      That'll be more fun to watch than a rapture!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You know, even if I didn't already like Barack Obama and think he is the only candidate worth electing to the post, I'd vote for him just to make these wingnuts Extra Crazy with Crazy Sauce. Because, yes, it is so entertaining.

  • owhatever

    Old Man Joe is being investigated by a rightwingnut Republican congressman for suspected allegations of being possibly affiliated at some time with Cub Scouts who like Girl Scouts better than their own Scoutmaster, according to usually reliable sources close to the Pastrami Institute. Therefore, he will be shot.

    • tessiee

      I don't give two shits about Old Man Joe OR the soapbox racers; however, I *would* like to join the Pastrami Institute.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    No snark, sure, but those people are fucking imbeciles.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Except without so much fucking, unfortunately. It's what makes them crayzee.

      • Chichikovovich

        But there is no question that in the unlikely event that they do happen to be fucking someone, that person is an imbecile.

        Hmmm…. A fucking imbecile fucking a fucking imbecile fucking imbecile.

        Sums it right up.

        • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

          OK OK, I promise to stop using that cheap, lazy construction. It's just… the rage these people induce makes one almost as stupid as they are.

          • Chichikovovich

            Don't stop on my account. I too find it a difficult stylistic problem: when the people you are discussing are indeed fucking imbeciles (or, sporadically, fucking imbeciles fucking fucking imbeciles fucking imbeciles) , the temptation to use the phrase “fucking imbeciles” to refer to them is compelling. No doubt about it.—

          • Biff

            Buffalo buffalo buffalo etc.

          • flamingpdog

            UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO FOOTBALL LIBEL!!!1!

            Oh, wait, go ahead. Be my guest.

          • Biff

            The complete sentence is: "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo." Make of it what you will.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Spaggheti bolonaise a la bufalo, is wut I makes of it.

          • Biff

            Great, now I'm hungry.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Damn it, Biffitude, we have to move closer or sump'n. I coulda fixed ya a bowl of superlicious pasta bolognese last night, pas de problem. Feh.

          • Biff

            On the internet, nobody can hear your stomach growl.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            And a good thing too, or they'd be wapping it into silence with mighty thwacks.

  • horsedreamer_1

    When the NRO wants to see a whispering eye, they'll watch the TIVO of the Biden-Palin debate.

  • Goonemeritus

    Oh and another thing no one on the political right has any standing what so ever to make that argument. The right invented this response and used it to great effect against scores of charities that were not sufficiently conservative enough. From the Red Cross to the United Way these pricks have been doing this for decades. So I say again FUCK YOU NRO may the Ghost of Bill Buckley visit you this morn and piss on your Shredded Wheat.

    • chicken_thief

      "…and used it to great effect against scores of charities that were not sufficiently conservative enough"

      Like maybe Planned Parenthood?

  • BarackMyWorld

    This is just like how the Dept. of HHS requiring Catholic-run hospitals getting public money to follow federal regulations on contraceptives is a WAR ON RELIGION.

    • sharethegrief

      Well, the season for the WAR ON CHRISTMAS is over.

      • Biff

        Xmas is just a squirmish in the greater war on Xtainity. (spelling intentional)

        • Geminisunmars

          Well, yah, everyone knows that is how you spell squirmish.

    • SorosBot

      Telling someone they can't discriminate against women when their religion tells them that women are inferior is apparently a violation of freedom of religion in wingnut land. Obviously the rights of smug Christian men trump those of people with vaginas.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I'm always amazed at your feminist stance on these issues, SB. I came by mine honestly, Dad was a feminist and staunchly so, but he grew up in a goddess-centered culture. I'm pretty sure it had no ginger members.

        Is your Mom a feminist icon who made you imbibe it with mother's milk, or what?

        • SorosBot

          My parents were basically feminist, but not super-feminist or anything. I guess it came from the experiences of several women I've been close to – for one, someone who I'm very close to telling me about her abortion helped set as staunchly pro-choice, especially considering what things could have been like if she had had bad parents, since she was in a state with parental consent laws for minors.

          While I've been pro-choice since I was a teenager – as a kid, I went to Catholic school, and for a time I swallowed all the Church's bullshit but as I got older and learned to think for myself I grew out of it (learning one of my favorite high school teachers was gay also helped) – I've grown to care more and more about it over the years. I also took a couple courses on feminist philosophy in college which helped shape me.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Interesting. It's not easy being feminist when you have a fraught relationship with your female parent, but a little philosophy certainly goes a long way.

            Pity you're such a sprout, my lad, all the older women I know are constantly complaining that all the nice men have boyfriends. Apparently, you're the only nice *straight* man on the planet. But too young for the cougar crowd.

          • SorosBot

            Aw, thanks; sadly I seem to have trouble finding women my age who are attracted to me who don't live on the other side of the country.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Trust me, if I were rich, I'd be springing for weekend trips for you two. But if MissTaken's not taking, and I come across someone in YOUR age range, I will certainly point them in your direction.

            Did you know gay boys make the BEST matchmakers? Srsly.

          • SorosBot

            No, things are great there; I'm just bemoaning the whole long distance thing.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I'll see if GeminiSunMars and I can make enough on our new opera to spring for regular weekend trips for you two. I like MissTaken better anyway, she's smart, cute, short, AND ready for her jetpack.

            ETA: (Hugs SB and MissT)

          • Biff

            Ahem…

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            See? "Empathy" DOES cause socialism! (Just typing that made me flash back to some idiot R on a politics talk show, using the phrase "Obama's Unconstitutional empathy standard" over and over as if it had been handed to him by Frank Luntz himself, emblazoned in gold, from high atop the thing…a bit of googling suggests it may have been Jeff Sessions, and consequentlyI feel like I may vomit)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            What kind of idiot thinks that empathy violates the Constitution?

            Please find this person and direct me to them, I need to strangle someone as a result of frustration, and they probably possess a neck best suited to such squeezings as I am wont to currently bestow.

  • arihaya

    NRO = Nothing Reasonable On there

  • SayItWithWookies

    So wait — these guys who are saying that the public has no right to bitch about what a charity does with its money — these are the same people who've been trying desperately for years to defund Planned Parenthood, right?

    It's amazing how they suddenly find this principle that they've been violating all along. What a subtle grasp of ethics.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Yes.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      But you see, liberals want to kill black babies.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        You'd think the GOP would be on board with that.

        • Chichikovovich

          But they need lots of black male adults to fill those expensive private prisons.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I just *love* that line, really, I do. The same people who could not give a steaming shit in the middle of the road whether those black babies will have decent food or clothes or shelter or schools, the same people who will refuse our black babies a place in their schools or a job in their firm or a house in their neighbourhood, are squalling about their tremendous compassion for those black babies that they would eat alive if nobody was looking, with sauce.

    • snickersnack

      But PP is for keeping the wimmins healthy and informed about their bodies, and that's just wrong.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    You know, the stupidity is just stunning. I wouldn't have pegged Komen as political, would have gladly sponsored a hiker from work or what have you. First they piss off the left with a blatantly political decision, feel the heat and change their minds, now they double the stupid/stop the damage and piss off the right. They could have left well enough alone but no, nice move VP Policy Handel, quite likely you've destroyed a respected charity in one decision.
    Apparently Foster and Cooke at NRO have no problem if I set up a charity "Puppies, Orphans and Widows Fund" solicit donations and then spend all the proceeds at the casinos. After all, what right has anyone to question how I spend the money?

  • coolhandnuke

    Otis, the Mayberry sot, has made more cogent analogies than this buttsteak.

    • Biff

      Considering that Otis is Jan Brewer's (apparently well-deserved) sobriquette, then no.

  • flamingpdog

    I will never accept the existence of Yahweh until Jesus comes back to Earth, lines up all the Conservatards, all the Christtards, all the Klantards, and walks down the line pointing at every one (using Jan Brewer's bony finger) and saying, "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid", "You're stooopid"…

    • Crank_Tango

      oh I think that finger was in an O. Henry story, wasn't it?

    • Biff

      "I will never accept the existence of Yahweh until Jesus comes back to Earth" and Texas executes him? That's where I thought you were going with this.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Honestly, sometimes you're just SO bloody-minded, darls.

        • not that Dewey

          Great bloody minds think alike.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            ntD! My buddy! (Hugs the ntD fondly)

            How have you BEEN, dude?

      • HistoriCat

        That's assuming he doesn't get shipped off to Gitmo first.

    • tessiee

      The satisfaction of that would be mitigated by the fact that they don't consider "stupid" an insult.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Look at News Corp, they must be the largest private charity in the world given all the retards they employ.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Nothing like having Ayn Rand fans to explain to us simpletons how a charity is supposed to work.

    The schaden freudes itself, once again.
    ~

    • C_R_Eature

      Awe Inspiring McArdle Smackdown. Huge Upfisty Thanks!

      This week has been kind of fun.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Is it wrong of me to want to kick Megan McArdle very hard in her situpon? Perhaps not.

      But it is certainly wrong of you to post links to that overrated hack that then make me want to read ALL her stuff so I can repeatedly kick her very hard at least in my imagi…

      Thanks, thunder. That was a really fun 20 minutes of kicking the shit out of Megan McArsehole. It's all the exercise I'm gettin' today.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    In the DoktorZoomHellbender living room just now, my pet fish, Darth Betta, wondered aloud, and here I paraphrase: “Does anyone on the Right even ask the basic question of whether a private citizen has the right to do with her womb as she sees fit?” But in fact, that anyone thinks there is a question here is a sign we’re already lost.

    • fuflans

      go darth betta, go!

    • ThundercatHo

      When he builds his little bubble nests does he make that iron lung kinda sound?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Is your aquarium large enough to submerge Foster and Cooke? Long enough for Darth to teach them the basics?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        With any luck, Biely, Darth Betta is a large and hungry piranha. That would teach them the basics right quick.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Sorry fundies, we're just not that in to you. ~America

  • AlterNewt

    There is nothing quite so persuasive as kindergarten story-time analogies.

    • tessiee

      I particularly like the one that goes, "And then the car went off the cliff and all the right-wingers died horribly. The End".

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    It's not like Jesus ever said anything about helping the poor!

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      I've seen conservatives use 2 Thessalonians 3:10 as biblical proof of their desire to destroy the safety net.

      From the KJB: "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat."

      Amusingly enough, they get very annoyed when you point out this was the 12th article of the soviet constitution of 1936, and was referenced by Lenin.

      Doubly amusingly, the communist interpretation was for the bourgeoisie – people like Willard.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Triply amusingly, the actual translation (at least from the Greek) is
        "If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat."

        The "willing" part sort of got lost along the way.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I take it then, that unlike Ben Jonson's harsh judgement upon that upstart crow, thou hast a little Latin and more Greek? Kudos, Biely. Lawyers learn Latin, after a fashion, but few and far between are those who have any scholarly Greek.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            If "wiki" is Greek, then yes.
            Otherwise it's "small Latin and lesse Greek". Which puts me in good company.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Indeed. I met a man once who spoke over 60 languages, most of them fluently. I've often wished I had the opportunity to learn Greek — and the time, of course — but there are other things of importance now, and nobody really cares that much about Byron's diaries, does they?

          • Biff

            They're all Greek to me…

  • Fare la Volpe

    So the wingtards are upset that, because we sensible people were cheesed by Komen's completely political shafting of PP, we decided to take our moneys to other charities? Do these Trotskyites even understand how a free market works? If you don't like an organization, you don't give them money.

    WHY DO YOU HATE CAPITALISM, NRO?

    • Biff

      I like firing people!
      (R)money

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    On the bright side, Americans can rest free of concern that tonight's dinner included any ground up fetuses.

    • BigDumbRedDog

      speak for yourself. i'm havin baby back ribs.

      • ProgressiveInga

        Oh. Yes. Beautiful.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Who the h-e double hockey pucks is Faniel Doster?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I just looked at his Twitter account. He's a fan of Miley Cyrus and the NY Jets. One of his tweets read, "Obama just called for a military dictatorship. Outrageous!" So I guess he has bad taste and he hallucinates.

  • Mahousu

    Look, do you think Sheldon Adelson expects to have any influence over Newt Gingrich just because he and his wife have given the Gingrich Super PAC $11 million? Or that Consol Energy (which coincidentally had just been fined $5.5 million by the EPA) made a large contribution to Romney because it expected to have some sort of influence on him? Certainly not! So why should you expect to have any influence on Komen?

  • C_R_Eature

    Just caw a clip of Limbaugh thrashing about in his pigwallow, bellowing in Rage & Frustration.

    This is fun.

    • fuflans

      share, please.

      • C_R_Eature

        Oh, it was on "The Ed Show" in the background. I'll look for it & post

  • fuflans

    so what i'm taking from all of this is that i can get an abortion at Old Man Joe's deli.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      with free refills

    • HistoriCat

      "Freshest meat in town!"

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Just don't order anything that looks like "mystery meat."

  • DarwinianDemon

    OT but as it is likely the last post of the weekend:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/2012/02/0

    Rich dildos pledge 100 million to stop Obama

    • flamingpdog

      "Charles Koch pledged $40 million and David pledged $20 million."

      Well at least now we know who's the cheapskate in the family.

    • C_R_Eature

      With any luck, they'll be flushing that hundred mil down the same toilet that Adelson did with Gingrich's campaign in Florida. To the same effect.

    • Barb

      They could have just come up with one decent, viable candidate that wasn't a complete douche nozzle and saved 99 million dollars. (and they would still lose)

      • bagofmice

        99 million and a bitch ain't one.

      • tessiee

        The beauty part of that is that a decent, viable candidate would never get the party's nomination. They've pandered so far right that now, anyone who could be approved by their base would be well-nigh unelectable.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox
  • flamingpdog

    Also OT, but hey, we've been talking about some awfully piggish people today. This one's for the old hippies.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Heh. Off(end) the pigs!

    • tessiee

      It's like the naked man on the pack of Camel cigarettes.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Got a fundraising call tonight from Planned Parenthood. I told the nice woman on the phone that her timing was horrible. She started to launch into her spiel about why funds are needed, and I interrupted her, expalining that her timing was horrible, because I gave last night to the local Planned Parenthood clinic.

    She was thrilled. It was a cool moment.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    These dumbasses need to find out the difference between a public foundation, a private foundation, and a non-profit organization. If you don't know, you shouldn't be writing about them.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      They're a little touchy about that because most of them wouldn't have a roof over their heads without salaries provided by groups like the Heritage Foundations. They're all just charity cases themselves.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Charities or government agencies that actually help the poor, are bad. Well-endowed foundations that that pay for your summer/vacation home(s) are good.

    • HistoriCat

      Jeez Chet – if you're going to restrict them to writing about stuff they know about what will they do after the first set of articles?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    If you guys give me your money, I promise it will go to the right place…me.

  • fuflans

    this is kinda off topic, but does anyone know if you should simmer bolognese covered or uncovered?

    i look to the wonkette for all the important things.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Covered at first to allow flavour blending, then uncovered to make it less watery.

      Be sure to add the wine at the start.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        X2

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          Haha, glad to know you're a fellow cook, Jukesgrrl.

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            I'll be making the old-fashioned red gravy on Sunday.No snack food for the Super Bowl.Spaghetti and meatballs at my place.C'mon over.

          • HistoriCat

            Should we bring wine, beer, or other beverage?

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            Whatever you're drinkin'.

          • tessiee

            "the old-fashioned red gravy"

            Oh! You called it "gravy"!
            *swoons*

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            Lotsa Eye-talians in Pittsburgh.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      with ketchup on white bread.

      • Barb

        Dude, ketchup is the condiment of the damned.

        • Blueb4sunrise

          See National Lampoon post way up above and growing up in Cleveland.
          On holidays, we would fry the boloney and have it on toast.

    • C_R_Eature

      It's a good bet. There's a lot of collected Expertise amongst the Wonkette Commentariat.

  • Antispandex

    It seems that money is speech, only if it is being used by a corporation…or right wing super pac…or Mittens…

  • BarackMyWorld

    Rick Santorum Fails to Qualify for Indiana Ballot.

    (Not that it matters, as he'll be out of the race by then anyways…)

    • ProgressiveInga

      "Hoosiers Reject Santorum"

      /fixed

    • Negropolis

      May 8th? Why even bother holding a primary that late? lol

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Geez, all the Christiban, Hardcore Catholics, Wingnuts, Capital-R Racists, and Lady-Haters in Indianapolis and they couldn't find 500 of them who can write? The frothy mix goes flat.

    • Radiotherapy

      Santorum Bottoms Out

      • bagofmice

        and then is expelled from the state roster.

    • ProgressiveInga

      "Santorum Will Not Be On The Indiana Ballot"

      Oh, thank goodness.

    • BarackMyWorld

      The only person who still seems to think he's got a shot is Bill Kristol…so, yeah, he's toast.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        The last time Bill Kristol was correct was … let's see … NEVAH!!

        So, yeah. 'Bye, Ricky II.

        • LetUsBray

          This is a good weekend to recall that Bill Kristol got his start as a prognosticator when, in a argument with Joe Namath in Miami, he guaranteed the Colts would win Super Bowl III. True story.

    • Mondo_Cane

      I sent this in as a tip, but don't know if it will rate – IN secretary of state was convicted on 6 felony counts, three of them voter fraud – but not to worry, Mitch Daniels will reappoint him… http://www.indems.org/index.php/blog/entry/indefe

      • Geminisunmars

        Did the jury come to a decision? The suspense is killing me. What happened?

        • Mondo_Cane

          convicted on 6 of 7 counts – felonies –

          "After about 12 hours of deliberation, a jury convicted White of three counts of voter fraud, two counts of perjury and one count of theft…

          he was living with his mistress at one address and using his ex-wife's address as his residence –

          • Geminisunmars

            Thanks for reporting. It took them 12 hours, eh? Must've been some Gringrinch followers on the panel.

          • Mondo_Cane

            they acquitted him on one count

            "White was acquitted of his most serious charge, fraud on a financial institution, a class C felony."

            I imagine that took quite a lot of discussion…

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            It's OK, though, since he had his state-issued ID with him at the time.

    • Negropolis

      Speaking of Bajoana, wasn't their SoS convicted of voter fraud, yesterday? Stay classy, Indiana.

  • Negropolis

    Ain't this just rich? They are bitching about bullying, when their entire movement in relation to Susan G. Komen involves bullying them into submission. Hell, the entirerty of tactics used by conservative in general are tactics of bullying and worse. Have these fuckers no decency, no shame? And, yes, that's rhetorical.

    I love their victimization bullshit. Whereas their side actually and unconstitutionally discriminates against people, when liberals decide to make changes, they do it with the pocket book and actual free speech.

    • Radiotherapy

      A few weeks ago I pointed out my observation that conservatards are fluent, adept and seamless about switching from bully to victim to bully and back again. It's a telltale sign of right wing fascism. They have some kind of self-esteem problem that is nothing more than a sociopathic personality disorder.
      Wherein here amongst us we are comfortable being reasonable and even accepting criticism. The wit (us) and the pendulum (them).

    • Barb

      I was just over on HuffPo, perusing the Komen comments. Wow, a lot of "pro lifers" are accusing a lot of evil over there. I believe that Komen is going to take a huge hit over their bully bullshit.

      • Negropolis

        To be honest, they probably should. Though they've reversed their decision, it shows how incredibly inept they are at making decisions. They've kind of revealed just how incredibly amoral they are. Maybe, it's best to cut out the middleman.

        • Barb

          The "pro lifers" are trying to make a stand now. A few are going down and dirty and think that we should ban contraception. For medical reasons, I had my tubes tied at age 20. Healthy moms make healthy babies and healthy relationships make for healthy families.

          • Negropolis

            Let them continue to entrench. It makes it a whole lot easier to find them when we crush them.

            Yeah, I'm feeling kind of aggressive, tonight.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            And ONLY A WOMAN can decide whether she wants to be a Mom. Forcing women into Momism is what makes monsters like my mother. She woulda been fine as a single, childless gal, or even a married, childless gal. But someone put that idea into her head that woman=Mom, and she had five kids and ruined all their lives. Personally, I would've paid for the abortion if anyone had given me a choice.

          • Negropolis

            Ain't that the truth.

            I've seen too many people (in my own family), women and men, who shouldn't have had children, not because they were horrible people, but simply because they weren't cut out for the role. It breaks my heart to see otherwise good people who resent their children for no other reason than that they had them. It's not like they've blamed their unhappiness or purposelessness on their kids; they are far too kind to do that, but the children know it very early on. This society places way too much importance and emphasis on reproduction for reproduction's sake. This society must stop viewing children as commodities and accessories.

          • Fukui_sanYesOta

            I have a man-crush on both you and MittBorg there.

            People are people and shouldn't be pushed into anything, despite whatever crap is shoveled at them through media.

          • Barb

            Fukui_sanYesOta, I am looking down at my breasts, asking, "are these things on?"

          • HistoriCat

            Here – let's check.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Children, like animals, have excellent instincts, and their instincts are rarely wrong. Because they rely on other humans for their very survival, children can read the adults around them very accurately. They *know* when they're not wanted, and no amount of talking will convince them otherwise. And there is no pain greater than the pain of being an unwanted child.

          • tessiee

            "simply because they weren't cut out for the role"

            One of the few non-stupid decisions I made in my entire life is knowing that I would have sucked as a parent, and not having kids.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Kudos to you. I am so sick of seeing these stupid stupid young people with their desperate desire for a "mini-me" suddenly find out, upon the birth of their child that your child is NOT put on this planet for YOUR enjoyment, but is a person in their own right who will ask of you everything that you have to give and will fly the nest to make their own life when ready. And if you can't accept all that sacrifice and pain basically going for naught, then you don't want a child, you want a dog or cat or robot toy.

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            As one of the social workers where I work* likes to say, what a lot of people in divorce & custody cases really want us to do is to make them never have had a baby with the other person.

            I have been kicking around a short-story idea, in which a Time Court could send a bailiff back in time to prevent a couple from ever meeting….
            _____

            *Family Court Services–For All Your Divorce & Custody needs!

          • C_R_Eature

            I have been kicking around a short-story idea, in which a Time Court could send a bailiff back in time to prevent a couple from ever meeting….

            Please make it George H.W.Bush & Barbara, Please make it George H.W.Bush & Barbara, Please make it George H.W.Bush & Barbara, Please make it George H.W.Bush & Barbara, Please make it George H.W.Bush & Barbara, Please make it…

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            Yeah, it's the time paradoxes that would trip everything up, of course; if such a Retroactive Annulment (and abortion, sorta…) were performed, how would the unhappy couple ever make it to Time Court to get the order in the first place?

            EDIT: Also, my favorite variation on this theme: "Wikihistory", by then first-time author Desmond Warzel. Combining time travel and reversions to others' edits: "everybody kills Hitler on their first trip"

          • C_R_Eature

            Well, they wouldn't. And they would.
            If the "Many Worlds" Theory is correct, any alteration in the past would spin off huge numbers of wholly new worldlines, some leading to a present where the Unhappy Couple never met and some leading right to the present where apparently nothing happened (and they would want their money back!).

            No idea how you could write this down, unless you followed several different outcomes.

            My, how Geeky.

          • C_R_Eature

            Doc, Doc, I've got it!

            Worldline 1: Bailiff returns to Present, Happy Couple have never met. Success! Judge Hellbender is pleased. Profit! Somehow,

            Worldline 2: Bailiff returns to Present. Unhappy Couple are still together & Irate, demand refund. Judge Hellbender shows them fine print in contract re: Worldlines; Not Responsible for Ending Up In.

            Worldline 3: Bailiff returns to Present. Photo of President Palin in courtroom. Bailiff, in growing horror, finds crushed butterfly in boot. Judge Hellbender raises sidearm. There is a sound of thunder.

            How's that? I want an autographed copy.

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            Very nice–the last one, of course, would only work in a Lovecraftian tale that would leave the reader a babbling shell of their former self. As to the basic paradox, I suppose it would be sufficient for the Bailiff to take a copy of the Retroactive Annulment Order along for the time trip, for receipting purposes, as the judge would presumably have no recollection or record of ever meeting the unhappy couple either.

            Further complications: Suppose they get with child together no matter how many times they cross the Multiverse, simply because the Quantum kept falling off?

          • C_R_Eature

            Well, yes, Doc…the introduction of President Palin into the last bit was clearly Going Too Far (we don't want to lose all the Gentle Readers to managed care facilities – who would buy the book?).
            In addition, Ray Bradbury's law firm would go to war.

            A clever Resolution of the Temporal Paradox, having a copy of the Annulment! Perhaps the Bailiff could travel with a video disposition, also!

            Those Quantum's have been known to fall off. Quantums can also Break – but Chico can Not talk about that!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Sweetie Poo, is that you?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Wonderful idea. The biological urge of humans to reproduce is too often permitted to override their cerebral knowledge that they are attempting to do so with someone whose genes never ought to be permitted into the pool.

          • Biff

            My story exactly.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            That is why I hugz you alla da time.

          • Biff

            Amazing how some of us survived!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            The *real* miracle is, we're not tormenting other unwanted sprog. As you already know, most people in our situation rush to reproduce as the result of the misguided idea that they will do better than their parents — while apparently forgetting that they learned all about parenting FROM those same damn parents. And they continue the endless cycle of violence and misery.

            Somehow, you and I (and a few others like us) missed out on that part. What's more, we're not even serial killers, or anything. And we ought to be. Eh. We made it, kiddo!

          • SorosBot

            I kind of like it when the anti-choicers come right out and admit they want to ban contraception; it exposes them for the pure sex-hating misogynists they are, stripping their policies of the veneer that it's about saving the precious fetuses and showing the pure evil that they really are.

  • Negropolis

    These bastards better get used to losing, because 2012 will not be kind, to them, Koch-whore money or not.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      I bloody hope so. It should be a landslide in favour of Bammaz.

      • Negropolis

        I really hope the president comes out at them with overwhelming force. It seems to be the only thing they understand and learn things. When they've made him their enemy, I'm not sure how he fights them without also marking them for destruction.

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          I'm of the hoping kind, in that I'm confident that Bammaz can hit back as hard as he's hit.

          This Republican primary season has been ideal for Bammz to bring some big guns against whosoever gets the nomination.

          Obama has been a fantastic president, and I'll argue against anyone who says otherwise. Sure, he's not been perfect, but I still regard him as amazing.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            If he *was* perfect, we would hate him with the heat of a thousand suns. Isn't it *enough* that he's good-looking, brilliant, charismatic, and married to the perfect woman with the perfect children?

            Fuck, us regular folks, who might wear tennis shoes …

  • lulzmonger

    Komen's litigious predilections notwithstanding, I remain confident that my "Lulz For Teh Cure" foundation will remain unmolested, based on the ancient & venerable "Blood From A Stone" precedent.

    LFTC takes Visa, Discover, PayPal & unsequential unmarked bills in large denominations. Won't you please give 'til it hurts? Those hookers & blow aren't going to just buy THEMSELVES, you know!

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Here's another analogy, Daniel. When you donate money to the National Republican Committee and Rinse Peebot assigns a half-way sane person to run in an election, something tells me you throw a shit fit and yell, "How DARE you spend my money this way? I demand a full-blown teatard for every office!"

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    It's like RAAIIN ON YOUR WEDDING DAY. It's like getting facts and reason from the NRO…

    Isn't it ironic?

    • Barb

      I'm voting for the black fly in their Chardonnay.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Lemme tell you how fast the entire Pro Life enterprise would evaporate if'n they figured out how to get rid of cellulite and crows feet aborto-fetal-ly. Poof.

  • flamingpdog

    OhmyDarwin, someone snarked about this today or yesterday. Is this for real?.

    Also on Gawker.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Yes, but Komen is running away from that saying it's not their stupid idea.

      • flamingpdog

        And of course Komen has never (1) lied or (2) changed its story in the late 48 hours. Sigh.

        • Radiotherapy

          It's about a good a "cure" for cancer as anything else they've come up with in the last 50 years.

          • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

            Right-o Radio and less intrusive than a hydrogen bomb.

  • spinozasgod

    so, here's the thing, charities do get to choose how they dispense funds, but donors get to decide which charities they give their money to based on where the funds go……..if people have an objection to how the charitable organization distributes the funds they get to voice that objection(the 1st amendment blah blah blah)…..the government didn't force komen to change their minds, a lot of angry donors did.

  • Steverino247

    My mother sent me the following comment: The yellow from egg on the face looks super cool with the pink, don't you think? Mom

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I like your Mom, she sounds like a totally cool, fun person.

      • Steverino247

        She got it from her kids. Actually, she's done some interesting things. For example, she listened to Tommy when it came out to make sure is was "appropriate" (or something like that) and explained the story to me. So, I returned the favor by watching The Big Lebowski and The Aristocrats with her. We both agreed the ending of There Will Be Blood was a happy one.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      My mum, last weekend, said "I really like Islam. Any religion which can see God in a rain shower can't be wrong."

      She's 70.

      I love my mum.

      • Chichikovovich

        A lot of wingnut-style fundies can see God in a golden shower.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I think I love her too. You don't mind, do you?

        Wow. She's pretty damn fantastic, if she can feel *that* way about life.

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          She'd be honoured.

          I get my worldview and pragmatism from mum, and my engineering mind from dad. Mah dad is lovely too, a pretty conservative atheist, which I think is a reaction to my aunt being a (now ex) communist.

          It's as things are.

    • flamingpdog

      Moms can be weird. My now departed mom, who mainly listened to classical music, liked the "Jesus Christ Superstar" record I bought when it came out so much that I gave it to her. I'm couldn't believe with all the screeching that Ian Gillan did as Jesus that she would like it, but she did. She also complemented the "Hair" soundtrack record, although I never played it close enough to her so she could hear the words. Not sure she would have cared for the song about masturbation and fellatio if she's ever heard the words.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I wouldn't know, mine was an insane bat who occillated wildly between giving me Lady Chatterly's Lover to read at the age of 12 (along with the entire collected works of Sigmund Freud, stuff I consider most unsuitable reading matter for children) and dragging me to screenings of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf and Rashomon and holding week-long prayer sessions for my immortal drug-addicted (unknown to me) soul, while simultaneously telling my ever so gay friends to "come play with the children any time!"

  • justincasetoo

    Stopped at the local Planned Parenthood Center today ( a place I had not had voluntarily or involuntarily visited in my twenty years in this town during the pre-Komen-goofzeit era) and with great pleasure gave them Twenty Dollars. It was every bit as much pleasure that other partings with twenty dollar bills have brought me!! I might even do it once a month or so for while…..

  • wrksuxcreatbeer

    Goddammit we OWN the FUCKING MONEY. Now just FUCK OFF!! Goddamn kids playing on my MONEY LAWN!

  • Schmegeg

    Ha Ha OldManJoe just gave $100 to Obama for President. Suck it NRO.

  • Veritas78

    How to destroy your organization in one fucking news cycle. Oops!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Wonkette favorite K-Lo, also from NRO, has an opinion:
    http://www.salon.com/2012/02/03/komen_victim_of_b

    • Radiotherapy

      Bully/victim/bully/victim/bully/victim…etc. blah,blah,blah.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Daniel Foster is calling us gangstahs?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Wingtards are finally poking the hornet's nests with their heavy-handed social engineering, between this Komen thing and their attacks on unions in states across the country. I don't think backwards (conservative) women reckoned they would have to face the wrath of sane (liberal) women scorned.

      • flamingpdog

        I don't reckon backwards (conservative) women thought. Period.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          They "thought" Sarah Palin had cute glasses.

  • freakishlywrong

    Small confession here, Wonkateers. I try and explain this to "conservatives" all the time. When I was 17, I found myself preggers. I went to PP to have the test and confirm this. They confirmed it. They didn't push me to make a decision. I found I simply couldn't have an abortion. They were entirely supportive and put me in touch with an adoption organization and I went through with it. This is something I live with. I HAD a choice, other women should have a choice. Period. If Komen chooses to play politics with breast cancer, that's their choice. If I choose to not support them because of that, well, suck it, assholes. Period. PP has a place in young women's lives. I know that from experience.

    • Limeylizzie

      Thta's not a confession, Freakishlywrong, that's a part of your life that was painful and you got to make a choice about how to proceed. I had to make that choice as well and chose a different way and am glad that frightened teenagers are able to find help.

      • freakishlywrong

        Thank you Lizzie. And I honor all of us who've had to make that choice, and will fight to the death for us to have it. That's what wingnuts don't understand, we're not pro-abortion, we're pro-choice.

        • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

          But you see, none of what you're describing fits with what conservatives KNOW really goes on at PP–a place inhabited by ghouls who get off on killing babies and Destroying America. Oh, sure, you could show them this thread, but they also KNOW that, rather than supporting your having made the right choice as you saw it, we're all really teaming up to Shun you for not having had an abortion when you had the chance.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Not a "small" confession at all.
      Thanks.

      (And to hell with those fucking fucks at Komen!)

    • Geminisunmars

      While we are "confessing" I'd like to say that I had an abortion at 15 at a time when it was illegal (yes – I am that old). Fortunately I had supportive parents, but the effort they had to make to find a doc that would help me was enormous, and scarey. I cannot imagine what my life would have been like had I been forced to carry to term. The scars I have from that is largely from fear and furtiveness, not from the procedure. Damn those anti-choice forces to hell. And why do we have to keep fighting this same fight over and over again?!

      • Biff

        The youngs forget all that we olds had to endure to ensure their rights. THAT is why we have to fight the same fights over and over again.

      • SorosBot

        Thank you all for speaking up. One of the problems with the debate in this country is that the anti-choice people have made having an abortion a mark of shame, so most women who have had one don't discuss it except with those they are very close to. Because of this, many people, particularly men, can think they don't know anyone who has had an abortion. Let me tell everyone – you do know someone who has had an abortion; in fact many of the women you know have had abortions. You just don't know about it.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Here's where I have to speak up: Every single woman of my acquaintance has had at LEAST ONE abortion. I personally know at least TWO women who have had four each. None of them have any regrets. I don't think women tell *straight* men that much about their sexual/reproductive lives. But I'm willing to bet my experience is *very* far from unique.

        • MosesInvests

          My grandmother's first pregnancy, in 1930, nearly killed her. The pregnancy was terminated, and 1 year later my father was born. I'm alive because of that abortion, dammit, and I am sick and tired of these Christo-fascists and their misogynist agenda. This comment is 100% snark-free.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      You're righteous babes, all of you.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

        Big thumbs up.

      • Radiotherapy

        Hear, hear, SB, our Wonkette ladies would make Mary Daly proud.

    • C_R_Eature

      freakishlywrong:
      I just wanted to take a minute to thank you for your story. That's a terrible choice to have to make at any age, let alone at 17. I think you showed character and courage and I hope that you had lots of help and support.

      We should all show support, understanding and love to everyone in this situation, especially the young. And they need to have a choice – not have the choice made for them by a superstitious, authoritarian theocracy.

      Well, before I get off this soapbox, I did want to share This Story with you. Hopefully it will cheer you and let you know that personal stories can make a difference. Even today.

      Thank you, again, CRE

      PS: Ditto to LL & G, also!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      It was brave of you to speak up. Thank you for sharing your story. Truly, if ALL the women who have ever had an abortion spoke up, I think wingnuts would assplode.

      Nobody who doesn't share a woman's biology has any business intruding into women's specific biological concerns. I can understand men feeling as if, once there is a pregnancy, they are involved because their genetic material is involved. But if they're not willing to carry the damn thing themselves (and we have the technology to do it) then they don't get a say. Personally, I would not care for such an assault on my perceived bodily autonomy as would be required to nurture another lifeform, therefore what other people do about it = it don't make me no never mind.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        The thing about it is, the abortion foes believe "But Life!!" It's all well and good to call them stupid and misogynist and point out their hypocrisy on other "But Life!" issues, but the only way to get them to see this differently is to make them see the mother as "Life" as well, with more rights and autonomy than "potential life."

        If they don't believe the government can compel you to support the less fortunate through social programs, or support your own family by purchasing health insurance, how can they compel someone to be the physical host of another being against their will? Is that "freedom"?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Your words are wise, my friend. But I suspect the negative view of women engendered by Judaeo-Christo-Islamist myth are at the basis of this valuation of the life of a dividing cell clump as greater than that of a full-grown collection of cells identified as female.

    • Cicada

      As a former PP counselor, I am very happy to hear your story. I referred many women to adoption services during my time there and was always happy to be able to give them the tools they needed to make the choice that was right for them.

      Thank you for sharing!

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      My wife took a friend from Montgomery to Birmingham in the late 1960s to get an illegal abortion. It was secretive, sleazy, unsafe, and sad, but better than having a child as an unmarried teenager then. At that time, if you had money and understanding parents, you went to New York for an abortion. People with money will always have that choice, even if they have to go to Europe or Thailand.

    • 102415

      I only get my PP abortions when I'm married.
      I'm grateful too because I do remember the days when only rich girls could get any help mostly by taking a vacation in England.The really strange thing about this all is that Barbara Bush(old) a was a huge vocal supporter of PP. I wonder if the old bag has anything to say on the subject of Every Child a Wanted Child.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        And she wasn't the only one. Many Republican women supported PP back in the day. It's hard to believe that within my lifetime there were plenty of open-minded Republicans who believed in live and let live and acted as if the welfare of EVERYONE in the community was their concern.

        Elsie Hillman, wife of Henry Hillman aka the Richest Man in Pittsburgh, is hugely influential in Pennsylvania Republican politics and she is both pro-choice and pro-gay rights. She generously opens her home to groups supporting both causes and contributes generously (to Public Broadcasting, too, something else the Repukes would like to kill off). But Elsie's an old girl now and I wonder if there is anyone to take her place.

        • 102415

          Those days are over I'm sorry too.

  • PuglyDoRight

    So it looks like Ari "Human Douchebag" Fleischer was behind this, including hiring the Sarah Pahlin wannabe. Seems like it was more a political move than pressure from the religious right, but they can all go kiss Cecile Richard's ass as far as I'm concerned.

    • smashedinhat

      You are who your friends are. I keep that in mind at all times as it has never let me down.

  • Redhead

    “Does anyone on the Left even ask the basic question of whether a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?”

    Of course they have the right. But only children think that having a right to do something extends to having the right to do something free of consequences.

    • LetUsBray

      Well, children and wingnuts; the former have the excuse that they just haven't seen much of life yet.

  • LiveToServeYa

    By that logic, if jim wants jane and jack wants jane, then jim wants jack. Really, if I had a uterus it would not be on speaking terms with any of these people, nor would it read NRO.

  • fatbob54

    I'm confused: NRO thinks that people should continue to give the Susan Komen Foundation money even though they don't like what they're doing with their money, but it's ok that Susan Komen stopped giving money to Planned Parenthood because they don't like what Planned Parenthood does with their money?

  • ingloriousbytch

    The invisible uterus of the marketplace has spoken.

  • Chichikovovich

    A further observation – reminded by Meg Macbabble's even-dopier-than-usual post on this topic. Ms. MacScrambled reiterates the wingnut talking point: "Of course contributing to PP's breast cancer screening is supporting abortion, because money is fungible. Contribute to one activity, and that frees up money for other activities."

    OK, if that's the way you want to go, then so be it. Ever since Bush established, and Obama continued, the "Office of Faith-Based Initiatives" churches have been getting an avalanche of money from the Feds. How can this be? Well, it's for activities that can be claimed to be not intrinsically religious in nature, such as abstinence education, and sometimes things that genuinely are not, like running soup kitchens.

    But these are churches and religious organizations, that engage in religious proselytizing (or should I say "recruitment of even underage children") and political advocacy. No problem, we are told, the money for teaching kids how not to have sex is kept separate from the money for teaching kids to hate gays.

    OK, fine. If we're going to adopt the "money is fungible" principle for PP, then so be it, as long as we adopt it across the board. As we've learned in the last few days, the religious wackaloon contingent has amassed a lot of power mostly by being careful to avoid letting people see what they are doing. When it becomes clear what they are up to, legions of PP supporters step up to put their money where their principles are, as I and Chichikovna have done. PP will survive. And the closing of the Office of Faith-Based Initiatives will save an awful lot of money that can be put to better use elsewhere.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Your logical consistency has no place in American politics, sir.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      This whole thing is a huge boon for PP getting funded directly by people who support all that they are doing. But on another front, they still have to face battles with all of the states who are trying to legislate abortion providers in general, and PP in particular, out of existence, as Rachel Maddow has been documenting.

  • Chichikovovich

    Ah, NRO – it's hard to keep up with the bluster and stupidity. Laugh at one piece of sheer incompetent, disingenuous idiocy and you miss a dozen more. Here Ms. Lopez steps on her own "evil bullies stomp on non-partisan charity for political reasons" meme. Presumably it is suggested to her that she's too obviously displaying the dishonesty of the agreed-on-bullshit-narrative and she edits. But the internet is forever, Ms. Lopez:
    http://www.balloon-juice.com/2012/02/04/k-thug-th

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    OT (although nothing's really OT on the weekend): How about those unemployment and stock market numbers yesterday? Aren't they worth a mention just for the embarrassment caused to Mittens, since Hopium is frowned upon in this establishment?

    • Gainsbourg69

      I saw Mittens' last stump speech and his argument has changed from Obama made things worse to he didn't improve the economy fast enough. He sounds like a fucking whiner now.

      • Crank_Tango

        Yeah the republicans in congress should have obstructed a little more, that would have sped things along nicely…

        • Gainsbourg69

          I bet you ten grand that they'll take responsibility for the improving job numbers just how Newt claims that he balanced the budget.

        • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

          I'm sure they're looking for chances to throw job growth into the shitter for a few more months…as long as it doesn't affect capital gains.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Yeah well, public option compromise bully pulpit Afghanistan something something.

      • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

        Dr Paul is the only one smart enough to save us!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Personally, I don't give a shit what anyone ELSE says. I'm *celebrating.* Because every day, in every way, it looks like MY PRESIDENT is about to win it in a landslide.

      I always knew that shayne punim would go far.

    • Chichikovovich

      I don't know about the rest of these Puritans, but I like nothing more than relaxing in a Hopium den.

      • yyyaz

        Snark is the Hopium of we asses.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    To bring our spirits up after this sad Pinkaploozer, will we be having electrifying Wonkette coverage of the Nevada Rethug Cacaucuses?

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Cool.
      NYT from 2008 sayed…..

      ….Mr. Romney had 52 percent of the vote, while Representative Ron Paul and Senator John McCain each had 12 percent.

      Over or Under 52 this time?

      • SorosBot

        I believe there's a lot of Mormons in Nevada, so Mittens should have this one wrapped up.

        • flamingpdog

          Nevada is Utah-West, while Arizona is Utah-South. Oh,and westernmost Colorado is Utah-East. They really seem to like the desert. But their spread to the east will probably be stopped at the Vail/Aspen connection. But then, now that I think about it, Douglas and Elbert Counties (south of Denver) are a big Mormon hangout these days. My friend in the cubicle next to me (a Catholic) finally had to get out of Elbert County because the Mormons got to be too much for him and his kids.

    • Radiotherapy

      Needz moar cowbell.

  • Biff

    I remember the faux outrage over the Red Cross donations that the 'wingers expected to go directly to the "victims" of the 9-11attacks, but when the immediate needs were met dozens of times over, Red Cross put some of the funds into procuring more whole blood and plasma, and disaster preparedness elsewhere. They figured, and rightly so, how many millionaires should charity create anyway, and did the reasonable thing, for which they were roundly chastized. Some days it's just not worth chewing through the restraints.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Did anyone else have their "p" rating take a dive this week? Seems like I just lost 4 points.

    Not that I care, of course…

    • Geminisunmars

      No. I only lost points off my IQ. (watched segments of the last debate.)

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Solar flare?
      Use of the r-word?
      Russian judges?

      • Tundra Grifter

        "P' goes up, "p" goes down – ya just can't explain it.

        At least, I certainly can't.

    • SorosBot

      Now, the size of one's p-ness doesn't really matter.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Easy for YOU to say, Mister I-Have-Teh-Biggest-P-Ness.

    • Limeylizzie

      Did you go to some vile right wing nutjob website and take a dump on their site? I have done that and seen my p-ness shrink.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I used to have that happen back when I was first here, but we had a downfist button then, and I just figured some people didn't like what I had to say. It went away once my p hit 120, I think.

  • tessiee

    “Does anyone on the Left even ask the basic question of whether a private charitable organization has the right to dispose of its money as it sees fit?”

    But I don't have the right to dispose of what's left of my money as I see fit.
    Righty-o.

  • C_R_Eature

    Well, just flipped over to MSNBC for the Latest in Sick Thrills and the Nevada Republican Primary news.

    So far, two write-in candidates are leading: Generalissimo Francisco Franco in the lead, with The Angel Moroni coming in a close second.

    • Angry_Marmot

      I'm pretty sure the incredible Hulk has Nevada residency.

      • C_R_Eature

        Well, if he's registered, he probably wrote in General Curtis LeMay, then.

        • flamingpdog

          Our top story tonight: Generalissimo Curtis LeMay is still dead.

          • C_R_Eature

            Gold Star!

  • ttommyunger

    I just thought of a better analogy: the revolving waffle. That's where you think you are trick-fucking somebody and wind up getting trick-fucked yourself. Fuck you very much, Charlie, if that is your real name.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Mmm, waffles. And fucking.

      • C_R_Eature

        Fuckwaffles.

        Hey… Fuckwaffles for Everybody is a Campaign platform I'd support!

        • Radiotherapy

          The Fuchwaffe was a very effective fighting force in WWII.

          • C_R_Eature

            "Vafflez, Vafflez Uber Alles!"

      • ttommyunger

        fap,fap,fap……

  • C_R_Eature

    "Lips that touch Fetuses will Never touch Mine!"
    Anita Bryant

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Radiotherapy asked for cowbell
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3i0DMbCKnAg&fe

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Get out your tinfoil blimp helmets Wonketteers, CNN sayz Ron Paul is in 2nd place. It's all about expectations. Now if Mittens 2012 can lose to Mittens 2008 the world will be good. Well maybe that's a reach but ya know what I mean.

    • C_R_Eature

      It's The Blimp, Frank!

      Oooh, this will be fun.

      • Radiotherapy

        To the wingtard base, the highly inflammable hydrogen gas in Ron Paul's blimp is his foreign policy. And the goopers are all carrying lighters.

        • C_R_Eature

          Ron Paul '12!

          That's just…just….Hysterical!

          • Radiotherapy

            At least I didn't say "First!"

          • C_R_Eature

            No it was magnificent and I can't wait for the corresponding Paultard Explosion of comments.

  • tribbzthesquidz

    I guess some people really never have stuck their finger in their butt. Just to see.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Live results Nevada
    3%
    reporting

    Romney
    2,715
    48%
    Gingrich
    1,305
    23%
    Paul
    1,032
    18%
    Santorum
    584
    10%

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Mmmm, from the earlier 3% returns looks like Newter is surging, Paul slipping, and Santorum leaking. But, but, and butt Romney now under 50% and losing to the 2008 Mittens. Hazzah!

      • Blueb4sunrise

        itz teh TRUMP effeckt!

      • Blueb4sunrise

        Ya could cut the tension with a dildo.
        I'm gonna go eat something . It's gonna be a long night.

        • C_R_Eature

          Tweety's babbling about Gingrich being a Super Interesting Candidate and an Ideas Guy, so I had to stab the MUTE button and lay on some Cowboy Junkies. before I Go Mad.
          Again.

          • yyyaz

            WTF kind of meds is Tweety on these days? Talk about irrational exuberance.

          • C_R_Eature

            I think he may be Off his Meds…

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            Usually he's shrieking about what a con-man Newt is. Is con-man a good qualification for president this year?

          • C_R_Eature

            It's pretty much every year, I think.

          • Biff

            Mmmmm, Margo….

    • SorosBot

      I guess there will be no liveblogging tonight; that's too bad. Right now, CNN has Mittens 45%, the bloated amphibian 22%, the crazy old man 21%, and the frothy mix bringing up the rear with 11%.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Some how CNN is stealing ballots reporting quicker that the rest.
    CNN @ 8% (all ruralz):
    Mittens 45%
    Newter 22%
    Blimpmeister 21%
    Leaking Santorum 11% (Obtuse Angle's endorsement sure helped)

    • C_R_Eature

      Did all the Black, Urban precincts report in yet?

      Ah, hahaha, hahahah, just kidding.

      • Biff

        You mean Northtown, doncha? About as "Urban" as we got.

        • C_R_Eature

          I guess I do mean Northtown! A whopping 19% AA, huh?

  • Biff

    Judging by the yardsigns I see around rural NV, it should be Paul in a landslide. Barring that outcome, I'll be thrilled to see newt finish behind him.

    • V572 the Merciless

      I think you're going to get your wish.
      http://www.rentadrone.tv/msnbc-live-rockinrooster

      • Biff

        In my county (Nye), Ron Paul did win big. 45.6% over Mitten's 29.2% and the newt's 16.7%. Proud Paultard Country, right here.

        • Negropolis

          I was about to say that I think Nye and Lincoln (maybe?) have already gone to Paul. If he runs up a good amount in Clark, he could still top Gingrich.

          • Biff

            Nye and Esmeralda went for Paul. I find it pretty disgustipating that Washoe actually pulled through for newt.

          • Negropolis

            Come on, now. You know Washoe fits Gingrich like a glove. It's the Redneck Vegas.

          • Biff

            Reno actually used to be kinda liberal, considering how close it is to Carson City, where all the wingtards legislate from.

          • Negropolis

            Really? Certainly not more so than Vegas, was it? I was always under the impression that it was the poor man's Vegas. Plus, Reno 911. Also.

          • Biff

            Vegas liberalism is a relatively new development, brought about by the large influx of hospitality workers from elsewhere. Everything turned upside-down. Plus, the heat fries people's brains.

    • LetUsBray

      Santorum, of course, will be behind all of them.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        How could anyone resist to upfist this?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      The LV Sun isn't reporting results yet from Elko. Is that because they closed late up there for those who keep kosher?

      • Biff

        I think Sheldon Adelson's precinct is the only Kosher precinct in the whole state, and he had his own caucus, in his own hotel, that he bought with his own money.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    mmmm, late night Tamron grllll…

    • V572 the Merciless

      Doesn't she look awesome?

      • SorosBot

        Though, according to rumor, she's busy fucking Lawrence O'Donnell now and out of our reach.

        • V572 the Merciless

          Really! Tell me more, if only for the vicarious pleasure to mix with the grief! O’Donnell’s married, or used to be married, to Kathryn Harrold, whom I always found rather hawwtt.
          http://www.moviemarket.com/library/photos/320/320

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            The NYPost practically invented canoodling and they say yes: "MSNBC anchors Lawrence O'Donnell and Tamron Hall have a romance spicing up off set. The single 'Last Word' host, 60, has been quietly dating the pretty midday anchor and rising star at the network for months. The duo have kept their relationship low-profile in the studio but have been spotted canoodling at downtown haunts."

            If LD is divorced from Kathryn Harrold, they've really kept it quiet. But she was on Desperate Housewives, so I guess if she needed a divorce lawyer she could have gotten a referral there.

          • V572 the Merciless

            Canoodling! Have they no shame?But few are more canoodle-worthy than the lovely Tamron. Pardon me for letting my guy-ness show…

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            It's OK, she's hawtt by most anyone's standards.

          • V572 the Merciless

            It’s that mocha-colored skin…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Is *that* what makes for hawtness? I had no idea.

          • V572 the Merciless

            In this instance, yes. Hawwtitude takes many forms.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            You are the first person in the history of my long sojourn on this extremely colour-prejudiced planet to tell me that mocha-coloured skin = "hawtness." I regret that you are supported by no scientific studies to that effect, but you are certainly entitled to your opinion. Even the "hitam manis" ("sweet black," for those non-Malay/Indonesian speakers among us) is hardly acknowledged as the source of all hawtness any more. But perhaps you have evidence, secreted in your bosom, no doubt, that you plan to share with us at your leisure.

          • Negropolis

            You are the first person in the history of my long sojourn on this extremely colour-prejudiced planet to tell me that mocha-coloured skin = "hawtness.

            Really? Know you not of the dreaded and highly contagious "Jungle Fever"?

        • SudsMcKenzie

          *puts fingers in ears* LALALALALALALALALALA

        • HistoriCat

          With the implication being that if she wasn't busy fucking LO'D she would not be out of our reach? Dare to dream Soros – dare to dream.

    • AlterNewt

      mmmm…Tamron/Halle samich..

  • V572 the Merciless

    Sheldon Adelson has thrown Newt over the side, and told Mittens, "Yeah, okay, you win and and I'm with you." A Diós, Newtie…When you said you couldn't see any scenario in which you weren't the nominee, you must've been overlooking this one. Kinda wanted him to win, since he'd have delivered the House to the Dems.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      And the rumors are milling that Newt will bail tonight, while Doughboy sayz now. What is a casino owner with the worst ginger dye job ever, ever to do?????

      • V572 the Merciless

        If Ronnie P would get right with Israel (instead of his insane “Stop bombing Browns” foreign policy) Sheldon would probably back him. Who could be more Libertarian than a casino magnate who says he won’t talk to people who aren’t rich because they must be dumb?

  • C_R_Eature

    Just saw a still shot of Mittens at a rally and, I swear to FSM I saw Orly Taitz in the background, standing, arms up & cheering. It made me physically ill.

    Someone tell me I'm wrong.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Well, if she's endorsed Mitt it got absolutely no press. But there are probably thousands of schizo-looking bleached blondes in Las Vegas. Chicken Sue Lowden and Heidi Harris spring to mind immediately. Either one of them could have had ringside seats. Enjoy your dinner until we know for sure.

      • C_R_Eature

        Thanks. Duly Placated, although Nightmares may Ensue.

      • Biff

        Jesus, what a hate-monger Heidi Harris is. I can thank her for my going to satellite radio exclusively, though. Her and the other nutjobs on KDWN were what I was stuck with on the only terrestrial station I could get in my work truck, not acceptable.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          I can never imagine how anyone with a voice like that got a job in radio.Gawd Almighty that is one horrible screech she's got going on.I'd turn her off even if she were a liberal.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    If Mittens doesn't break 50%, with a lower voter turnout than 2008, this doesn't seem to be a momentum-builder.

  • V572 the Merciless

    Chuck Todd has augmented his repugnant prison-pussy facial hair with the night's worst-looking 100% Sleaze-A-Cron® window-pane-check carnival-barker suit jacket.

  • Biff

    zomg, Santorum wants name recognition in Colorado! I think there's an app for that.

    • LetUsBray

      Santorum on the lips of Coloradans? I'd enjoy seeing that. You'd think in a place like Colorado Springs you'd be seeing Santorum everywhere as it is, of course.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Ted Haggard certainly managed to find his fair share.

    • C_R_Eature

      The Good News for Ricky is that, if they have Internet connections and Google, he's got Name Recognition.

    • V572 the Merciless

      There may be an app, but there's really a dick you have to suck, and it's attached to the Chief Theocrat in Colorado Springs, "Doctor" James Dobson.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Yes, isn't Colorado the world headquarters of the Christiban? You'd think Rickie would be already be in their pantheon. Doesn't he get any credit for all the fetuses he's turned into Mozarts?

  • AddHomonym

    RED ALERT! (Literally.) Santorum just called for a "great … society"!!! No kidding. You can look it up.

  • Biff

    So Sheldon adelson's caucus has opened and closed, and now they can officially project Mittens as the winner. I love watching billionaires trying to buy elections and failing, not so much when they succeed.

    And now I want Nia Malika Henderson to bear my children instead of Tamron Hall.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      She's had an interesting (as in Chinese "interesting times") career. Surprising someone with those looks didn't start out in TV.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Watching the MSNBC coverage of the Nev. caucus…

    Mitt is seen by caucus voters as "most electable." A little like being the smartest Kardashian sister.

    • C_R_Eature

      The Least Stoned Teenager at the mushroom party.

      No, man, I'm fine. I can drive. He he he hehehehehe…

      • BarackMyWorld

        The least racist Alabaman.

        • C_R_Eature

          Woah! good one!

          The Teabagger with the fastest Lil' Rascal.

          • BarackMyWorld

            The darkest albino.

          • C_R_Eature

            You are hereby awarded the Official Gold-Coloured Five pointed Threadwinning Star!

          • BarackMyWorld

            Happiest emo kid.

          • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

            The best Grateful Dead album.

          • V572 the Merciless

            Now wait a minute…"Live Dead"

          • Radiotherapy

            OK, V, how about the best Yoko Ono album?

          • Angry_Marmot

            "The leper with the most fingers" (best line in The Two Jakes).

          • V572 the Merciless

            Or her unforgettable duet with Celine Dionne.

          • Biff

            Harsh!

          • BarackMyWorld

            Not sure I get your point…

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          FakaktaSouth Libel!!

  • Biff

    I find it oddly comforting that, at least according to the stats Tamron Hall shared a few minutes ago, I'm surrounded by far more Paultards than Mormons. Good to know.

  • Biff

    Sounds like mittens' campaign is using a Bruce Springsteen song. Don't they ever fucking learn?

    And Chicken Lady lurves newt!

    • LetUsBray

      I'm sure they've decided no one can stop them from doing it once. I'd like to see musicians – Bruce would be a good one to start – issue preemptive cease-and-desist letters.

      • tessiee

        Not pre-emptive, but Bruce did this when Raygun used "Born in the USA" (which, if you're familiar with the lyrics, is the polar opposite of rah-rah "patriotism").

        Also, Heart stopped Sarah from using "Barracuda" without permission, and Jackson Browne sued John McCain for copyright infringement for "Running on Empty".

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I hope Bruce sues him and donates the money to OWS … or at least Planned Parenthood.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Gah…this coverage is boring. Is it just Tweety tonight?

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Ann Romney and her Hall Monitor demeanor will restore integrity to the White House.

  • Biff

    Fuck you mitt, you lying piece of shit!

  • Biff

    The ghosts of all the people whose jobs were axed by mitt find this interesting, too.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Mitt Fucking Romney is explaining how Obama is a detached out of touch arrogant guy who doesn't care about the poor. OK, yeah, I believe that.

    • tessiee

      Jeez louise, that couldn't be a more textbook example of projection if he said Obama superglued his dog to the roof of his car.

    • bagofmice

      Mitt Romney is a gated community organizer.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I'm sorry, bagofmice, but you are now on teh Twatter. I just had to Tweet that line. Duly credited.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Haw-haw, those awful academics with their hating on America… and divisiveness.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    He hasn't mentioned Europe yet. Are we sure this is Mitt?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Mitt thinks "mentioning Europe" illustrates his knowledge of international affairs.

  • C_R_Eature

    Mitt's obviously one of those aliens from This Island Earth.

    Have you seen his forehead? I think he just dyes his hair.

    • tessiee

      "And then I'll ram my ovipositor down your throat and lay my eggs in your chest… But I'm not an alien."

      • C_R_Eature

        Crow T. Robot? That you?

        MST3K reference, FTW!

    • Biff

      So his hair dyed/died? That's a start.

      • C_R_Eature

        Q: What's 100,000 Lawyers Romney's Hair in a hole in the bottom of the Ocean?

        A: A good start!

  • flamingpdog

    Newt is like the inflatable dinghie?

    • C_R_Eature

      Wait, his Dingy is inflatable? I just assumed he used the Little Blue Pills.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        That's "dingus," darls.

  • dcjdjay

    And the majority of SGK's donors and supporters – college educated, relatively wealthy liberals and moderates have the right to take their money and send it elsewhere. Note to NRO – that's the way things work.

    • bagofmice

      Why does NRO hate Free Market Forces?

  • flamingpdog

    Little know fact: The Christtards started arriving in Jesurado Springs because the city fathers invited them in. The city was terrified that Fort Carson was going to be shut down as part of the nationwide base closing move at that time and the city would be left with no economic base. Fort Carson was not shut down, and in fact is now bigger than ever.

  • Negropolis

    Anyone watching the live Caucus Cam on CNN? Good gawd are these Paultards crazy, and have totally taken over this particular Vegas caucus. A few of them are halfway sane, but one woman just went through vaccination conspiracies and shit.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      yes, yes I am, the NV Caucus Cam on Saturday night; I've decided I may have to re-evaluate my life.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Tweety must have collapsed. Prison shows are back on. CNN has called for Rmoney, but he still hasn't broken 50%. Ron Paul and Newt are vying for second place. Santorum is likely to stay in fourth. Not enough Jeebus in Sin City.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      What kind of nominee can't get half the electorate? Mittens consistently falls below 50%. If he didn't have Newt and Paul and Santorum to contend against, he'd already be out of the running.

  • Negropolis

    Shorter Gingrich Press Conference: President Obama is going to come into your home and intimidate you to worship the way that he wants to.

    And, Gingrich continues to say this absolutely shamelessly as if there is even an iota of truth in it. Yes, drop out, already. I don't have the stomach to support Operation Chaos, if you're going to continue to say bullshit like this.

  • Negropolis

    Newt can't believe Romney is being mean to him; he can't believe that Romney is winning. What a delusional, whiney cad of a human-shaped individual.

    • Angry_Marmot

      A formerly human-shaped individual, please.

  • Negropolis

    Congratulations, Mitt! You've just won the prize of being one step closer to losing to the 44th President of the United States, Barack H. Obama!

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Well, it is a step up from loosing to McCain

      • Negropolis

        You're right. I'd be honored to lose to Obama.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Let's face it: the Republicans KNOW that any candidate who lost to Obama would have a REALLY HARD TIME explaining to the stupid frothing madmen that now make up the Repug base how the HELL they could have lost to that weak, timid, ineffectual, incompetent, moronic, Affirmative-Action beneficiary that they have tried to paint our President as for the past four years. And if they admit that he's as competent as we all know him to be, then they'll have a hard time explaining their intransigence.

          He who diggeth the pit for his brother shall fall in it … and it makes me so damned happy. They dug him pits, they laid snares for his feet; and so they are hoist upon their own petard.

          • Rotundo_

            Though in this case "petard" should really begin with the letter "r" due to the incredible gifts they all posess for shooting themselves in the foot

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Hahaha! That's what Republicans used to say about us lefties, a few years ago. It's fun turning the tables.

    • Biff

      I'm going to Disneyland!

      • Negropolis

        Truly, Disneyland is the Disneyland of Disney Worlds.

  • Limeylizzie

    Just got back from "Anything Goes" on Broadway and there was a Santorum joke, nearly peed myself.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      no "Crook of Mormon"?

  • Biff

    Paultards are going apeshit at the mere mention of their hero's name!

    • AlterNewt

      "Freebird!"

      • tessiee

        Stairway to Freebird!

    • Angry_Marmot

      They're flinging their poo?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      All over teh Internets, teh Paultards' howl may be heard tonight. Over on ABC, it's all, "But they're denying the REAL WINNER!!"

  • Negropolis

    The Jews and 7th Day Adventists are voting now.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Sooo, 70% of the final vote is being held up because of an "after sunset" caucus with Sabbath observing Jew's AND 7th Day Adventists.

    Meanwhile, Tamron and Lawrence are already on their second course at Le Bernadin.

    • Negropolis

      Zing!

      Though, it depends on how quickly Lawrence works. They may already be at home in bed watching…

  • Biff

    Now newt says HE feels us poorz, NOT (R)Money! Who am I to believe?

    • flamingpdog

      Newt feels the poorz? Yeah, right. Although I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be above feeling up the poorz.

  • Biff

    Nevada, Nevahduh, newt hits 'em all!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I've noticed that. What's he going to do in Colora(rah)do?

      • Biff

        Color(ay)do?

        • tessiee

          Colora(D'oh!)?

      • flamingpdog

        Hopefully he does all of Coloradans a favor and fails to show his fat face here.

  • Biff

    Wow, nearly 2 to 1 Paul over (R)money in adelson's own caucus! I know it's early still, but it's gotta burn his ass that his fellow observant Jews (and Adventists) would reject his chosen newt so roundly.

    • Negropolis

      Nah, the amoral asshat announced, tonight, that he'll support Mitt if (read: when) he wins the nomination, a kind of explicit kick in the balls for Newt.

      • Biff

        Whatev, it's just good to know that money from Macau is being used to buy a candidate. Let freedom ring, bitches!

    • flamingpdog

      Newt does everything roundly.

  • Steverino247

    I don't give a shit who Nevada Republicans want to be President. Half these caucus goers are Mormons and the rest are insane coots who drink or smoke too much and live in an environment even lizards try to stay out of when the sun's up.

    • Biff

      It was opening day at my local dirt track yesterday, and I was pleasantly surprised by how many of the usual crowd of spectators, not to mention drivers, chose to attend the races rather than caucus. But yeah, you know you're in Nevada when you have to wash the smoke out of your clothing after attending an outdoors event.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You quit smoking, right? Me too. Mostly I don't mind the smell, although it sometimes evokes longings in me. But I hate when it clings to my clothes.

        • Biff

          I quit cigarettes over 20 years ago, but still like the occasional good cigar. Only outdoors, in solitude, so as to offend as few people as possible.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            It's been *decades* since I enjoyed a good cigar.

          • Fukui_sanYesOta

            Whenever I find myself back in England, it's either the Monte Cristo or the Romeo y Julieta – proper fucking Cubans.

            A good cigar is nectar.

          • Biff

            Also available in Canada City, and Mexico. My favorites are the Monte Cristo Afriques, available domestically because Dominican; smooth Connecticut shade wrapper, African long-cut fillers, razor-straight burn, easy draw, like eating chocolate. Damn, now I want…

        • tessiee

          "Mostly I don't mind the smell, although it sometimes evokes longings in me."

          Years after quitting, I can still identify Camels (my old brand) by the smell.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I smoked rokok kretek for years — those Indonesian clove cigarettes? — a habit I took up after my first trip to Bali. You can identify *those* by their smell a mile off. Interestingly enough, the longings have never translated into the actual buying of a cigarette, for which I'm grateful.

          • Biff

            So few true afficionados left! I never could get into filtered cigs. Went from Philip Morris to Lucky Strike to Chesterfield to Pall Mall to Camels, then off into weird hippie roll yer own stuff, mostly Bugler, then back to Camels and quit cold turkey before they killed me dead…
            Edit: Also Players when in Canada, Delicados in Mexico, Shermans when I felt rich, and Gauloises when offered, didn't like them much.

  • Buckminster

    Yes, the private foundation can do whatever it wants with the money, as long as it follows its own bylaws in doing so. If part of its bylaws says the foundation will fund cancer prevention functions of Planned Parenthood, they are screwed. If the bylaws say they simply support and fund cancer prevention screenings and testing, they are indeed in the clear, as far as I can see. However, it's still bullpucky. I think the RW is full of it.

  • Radiotherapy

    Ain't this interesting? These überhypocrits can't keep their torturous logic straight.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Well, those Egyptians aren't paying for any abortions with the Komen money, so I don't see what she's so upset about.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      "A nationally recognized authority on the threat of radical Islam" — Rep. Steven King (R-IA)

      That's enough for me!!

      (Seriously, this Geller woman is crazier than Orly Taitz.)

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        As a Jew, if Geller hates them it makes me want even more to give them money. But I don't want to give money to Komen ever after this past week's little dust-up. It's very confusing. I think I'll just get drunk in front of the game this afternoon.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Pamela Geller is the kind of Jew that makes you want desperately to NOT be a Jew. A shonda fur die goyim is the kind of Jew she is.

  • HistoriCat

    Way OT – having fun going through the Wonkette Facebook page and assigning real people to the Wonketteriat commenters. Yes – this is my idea of excitement.

    • Limeylizzie

      I have looked at that and wondered who was who, have you had much success?

      • HistoriCat

        None at all. But that hasn't stopped me from trying.

        • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

          I'm guess that those of us who wander aimlessly though life without Twatter or Facebook accounts likely won't be there. Mrs. weejee is a Facebookie, but I'm not sure if she's goes to the Wonkface page

          • Steverino247

            It's not really that hard, depending on how careful the user is. I avoid doing it because a) you all would think I'm a creep and b) because it would frighten people if they saw evidence of just how easy it is for a complete (yet friendly) stranger to do it. I was able to figure out one in about a minute and then stopped. I don't really care if anybody finds out who I really am (except for the IT guys at work, of course!) because I know how this works and that it would be friendly. Plus, I'm a large male and don't get spooked easily. I'm not sure how others would take it if they got a friend request from someone who figured it out. Yes, I'd like very much to have a social gathering someplace, but then you get to attend or not. With the Internet, you don't always get that choice.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Some of us might have Twatter or FuckBook accounts but be unaccountably shy about teh Wonkface page …

          • HistoriCat

            It's all about retaining the air of mystery with you, isn't it?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            No, it's all about paranoia, actually. I'm extremely asocial by nature, and it's getting worse as I get older. I find myself, at this stage of my life, limiting most of my interactions with the world to the Internet. I'm not sure if it's indicative of any kind of … dementia, or anything. I don't think so, at least all my faculties are as sharp as they ever were, but I have not socialized with anybody except my partners in about half a decade.

            And I used to be such a party person as a yoof!

          • tessiee

            *raises hand*
            Another introvert here. In the Simpsons episode where Homer goes to college, and the nerds check their answering machine, and it says "you have no messages", and they sigh with relief, I laughed because it was funny, but I also laughed with recognition, if you know what I mean.

            I'm content to let everybody here be their avatars. It's just as much fun to picture Barb, Historicat, et. al. as cute kittehs.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            HAHAHA!!! I screen all my phone calls. I only answer the phone if I'm *expecting* a call. And of course my little house upon the hill is so far up that nobody EVER drops in unannounced. I don't answer the door anyway, unless it's someone I expect and WANT dropping in. NOBODY wants to do the 88 steps to the front door.

            The funny thing is, as a yoof, I was a walking party. There was never a day or a night that I wasn't out on the town drinking myself into a stupor, dancing my ass off and fucking everything that breathed.

            Old age. That's my excuse.

          • SorosBot

            I'm just glad that Spanky seems to have finally given up on stalking us a few months ago; for a while I really did not want to give too much personal information, since the crazy guy seemed particularly obsessed with me. Maybe someone finally put him in the mental institution where he belongs.

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            Or maybe that's just what he wants us to think.

          • HistoriCat

            But you're such a social butterfly on teh Wonkette! Of course, I keep my mouth shut IRL, so what do I know?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I know! And in my yoof I was the ultimate party person. I worked as a journalist, I did PR for the Hyatt Hotel chain, I worked in advertising, I was a blackjack dealer in a casino for crisake! I was a compere/announcer at a nightclub! And I never spent an evening alone.

            Nowadays, all I want is to spend my evenings alone. And my days, nights, and weekends. Weird, huh?

        • Biff

          I think I found Johnny Zhivago, but that's about it.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Geez. Now I gots to check in and see if anyone's discovered ME.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Well here's hoping Mittens is enjoying his morning after. Let's just see what he was celebrating last night to bring on his spiritual hangover (none physical 'cause Boney Moroni says exnay on the oozebay).
    1. He well may not break 50%*
    2. He lost to Mittens 2008
    3. The Rethug cacaucus turnout dropped 24% from 2008

    Looks like Nomentum Romney will be shuffling-off to moar months of Newterie.
    / tosses glitter confetti about with wild abandon

    * Odd, but Clark County, the Lost Wages' county, has only reported ~50% by 7:00 am PST. Odd that Clark would be the last to provide full results, it being Nevada's most urban, well suburban & exurban, county. Unless! Unless the GeeOhPee leaderati are so fearful of a Sharon Angle redo that they are frantically stuffing the Clark County cacaboxes with Mittens mouse droppings.

    • AlterNewt

      E7#9s for everybody!

    • Biff

      @L.A.Times quote:

      “We made a mistake with Sharron Angle,” said one man loud enough to make the entire room burst into laughter. Angle lost to Harry Reid in the 2010 U.S. Senate race. The man urged other caucus-goers to support Romney.

  • AlterNewt

    Wonkette ex-pat Jason Linkins:

    "Out of context quote from Rick Santorum, explaining away his loss: He says he didn't "drive and penetrate" in Nevada. And it's true! He did not drive and penetrate in the Silver State, and the irony there is that it's not frowned upon out there."

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I guess he doesn't have the strong enough thrust that most Republicans seek.

  • Barb

    I'm glad SNL spoofed Newt's moon colony. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/05/snl-newt

    "May divorce be with you."

  • snoopyfan2010

    It is almost like people who donate to charities are the same as people who pay taxes. I mean they want to know how their money is being spent.

    Oh yeah and the analogy about Ole Man Joe is spot on because people stopped donating to SGK when they disagreed with their stance on preventing cancer.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Is Daniel Foster related to Vince?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Vince? That stuff you rinse your mouth out with?

  • icesk8schnauzer

    Except SGK is NOT a private foundation – according to their website "Susan G. Komen for the Cure is a Texas nonprofit corporation. Komen for the Cure is a public charity exempt from federal income tax under Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code."

    What is the difference? Private foundations normally receive substantially all of their contributions from relatively few sources and often rely on investment earnings as their source of ongoing support, a public charity is either "publicly supported" (i.e. derives a substantial portion of its financial support from the public) or functions to "support" one or more organizations that are public charities.

    They keep saying "private foundation". I do not think it means what they think it means.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ah, American Exceptionalism. In no other country would that lardy bloviator make so much fucking money.

  • Nostrildamus

    I want to be a good liberal and, as Rush says, treat abortion as a sacrament. Can anyone here provide some advice on setting up an appropriate altar?

  • C_R_Eature

    In another country he might well be considered a public embarrassment and driven from polite society.

  • C_R_Eature

    Mine's a Tiki bar, but that's a matter of personal preference.
    I find that abortions go better with rum drinks, especially if pineapple is involved.

    Oh…have an electric outlet handy, for the Blender.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    The Sacrament of Abortion is holiest when performed beneath an endangered tree on an Indian reservation,* but if you can manage to abort a black baby while promising the mom food stamps in exchange for eternal fealty to the Democrat Party, that's good too.

    Protip: Arriving at the clinic in a Prius with a rainbow flag bumper sticker is, while not absolutely necessary, always a thoughtful touch.

    ——
    * "sacred tree on reservation" gleefully stolen from some other wonketteer heaven knows when…

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    You *do* know, I'm sure, that in many Asian countries, young pineapple is used as an abortifacient.

    It turns out that there actually *is* an enzyme in pineapple, most plentiful when it is somewhat unripe, that induces uterine contractions, so *that* old wives' tale is indeed based in fact. The things you learn as you age.

  • C_R_Eature

    I was wondering if anyone would pick up on that. Leave it to you, MB!

  • Rotundo_

    Egad! Does this mean Catholics and the fundies will go after Dole for peddling them? "That's Satans' fruit cup your're eatin' boy!"

  • tessiee

    Embarrassment, schmembarrassment; in a just world, his heart valves would have blown out like the sides of an old tire, preferably while he was in a compromising position with an underage Dominican hooker.

  • C_R_Eature

    "…a compromising position with an underage Dominican hooker Male Prostitute.

    On an FBI/INTERPOL sting's hidden videocam. In disgusting color.

  • HistoriCat

    I pity the law enforcement personnel who have to review that!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    What have we EVER done to you that you should contemplate treating THE REST of us so badly?

  • C_R_Eature

    (In shocked voice) "Hey, Fred! Lookit this!"

    "What? OH! *BLURRRRGH!!*

  • Geminisunmars

    Wow, you guys.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Busted *again,* dammit!

  • C_R_Eature

    I get carried away fairly easily.

    Sorry.

    (Looks around) "Huh? Where am I? Uh, oh, it's Too Far!"

  • Geminisunmars

    No no! You guys are fantastic. I lurves all the info I get here. And discussions.

  • C_R_Eature

    Why, thank you! I happily skewer the irritating for sport, but I hate to upset the Good People.

    I love this place. There's lots of really knowledgeable people here and we're Proud to be Rude.

  • tessiee

    That was me, and the original description was "an abortion performed by a witchcraft-practicing Lesbian midwife under an endangered tree on an Indian reservation", but I'm willing to share, because that's the kind of commie-pinko sharin' moonbat that I am.

  • C_R_Eature

    Boy, I'm glad we finally got all that straightened out!

    *Jots notes down in margins of Standard Methods of Godless Liberal Abortion Practitioners.*

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    I'm always blown away by the collective wisdom of the truly wise, heah. Question about abortion? No problem! Best method for making ratatouille? Bring it! Esoterica concerning nonprofits? We gotcher info right here. Roman history, ditto, physics, ditto, the finer points of advertising campaigns or ju-jitsu, likewise.

    It's a delight.

  • C_R_Eature

    Well, You know what this place is like! We have to share all our Night Terrors.

    Trust me, there's far worse things in my head that I'll spare you.

  • C_R_Eature

    The Wonkette-Hiker's Guide to the Universe

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    CRE, PLEASE don't spare us. Half the joy of teh Wonketz is finding out that one's fellow Wonketeerz put one's own weirdness to shame, as it were.

  • C_R_Eature

    Allright, then but don't say I didn't warn you!