Attention, President Obama! Mousy Mormon Senator Orrin Hatch would like to have a word with you in the undersea Holocaust-victim baptizing chamber. Hatch will be doing that thing he always does, that raisin-mouthed, monotonous, mild-mannered smug thing he uses to cloak all manner of backwards beliefs and statements. The decrepit senator from Utah is currently offended because Barack Obama had the absolute gall to directly quote a famous Biblical character like Jesus Christ at the National Prayer Breakfast and thereby make this annual networking event/affront to the Constitution tawdry and, what’s worse, political!
OUR STARS INDEED! Did Obama even, like, CONSIDER the feelings of the Breakfast’s long-time sponsors, “a secretive evangelical Christian network called The Fellowship, also known as The Family,” which is alleged to have backed “legislation in Uganda that calls for the imprisonment and execution of homosexuals”?
The Hill covers Hatch’s indignation:
Hatch skewered the president for a remark he made at the National Prayer Breakfast on Thursday morning, during which he suggested Jesus might support his plan to raise taxes on wealthy Americans.
“For me as a Christian, it also coincides with Jesus’s teaching that ‘for unto to [sic] whom much is given, much shall be required,’” Obama said at the breakfast.
Hatch, who is a devout Mormon, suggested Obama was trying to “assume the role of theologian in chief” and said he ought to stick to public policy.
DANG! How exactly did Obama manage to inject that bit of radical free expression into the proceedings?
And when I talk about shared responsibility, it’s because I genuinely believe that in a time when many folks are struggling, at a time when we have enormous deficits, it’s hard for me to ask seniors on a fixed income, or young people with student loans, or middle-class families who can barely pay the bills to shoulder the burden alone. And I think to myself, if I’m willing to give something up as somebody who’s been extraordinarily blessed, and give up some of the tax breaks that I enjoy, I actually think that’s going to make economic sense.
But for me as a Christian, it also coincides with Jesus’s teaching that “for unto whom much is given, much shall be required.” It mirrors the Islamic belief that those who’ve been blessed have an obligation to use those blessings to help others, or the Jewish doctrine of moderation and consideration for others.
Well. How very, very uppity of our president, to drag Moses and Mahomet into this as well, of all people. Orrin, look, just take a deep breath and tell us how we can help:
Someone needs to remind the president that there was only one person who walked on water and he did not occupy the Oval Office.
Dude. You do know Jesus actually stole that line from Spiderman? [The Hill]
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I have always wanted to slap this guys face with a 2×4.
Or yank up his magic underwear until he has an atomic wedgie.
may i suggest we use 4×4 instead?
I also vote for ^^ this ^^ suggestion regarding additional armament.
My hands are small and I feel that I would not be able to grip a 4×4 firmly enough to cause sufficient cranial damage.
Since we're dedicated to the idea that EVERYONE has the right to join in the bashing, I will then suggest that each of you takes one end of the victim and proceeds, as it were, apace.
It'll be like that scene in Airplane! with everybody lining up to let Orrin know how they *really feel* about him.
I believe Brother Arihaya was referring to a 4-wheel drive vehicle in this instance, and I concur.
May I suggest a crow bar, then?
I would like to wrap your 2×4 with venom-dipped barbed wire before you begin.
How was Ted Kennedy ever friends with this creep?
Ted was able to put politics aside. Unlike the current crop of right-wing fucktards.
whatever senator urine….eat shit and die!
Once a Hatch-hole always a Hatch-hole.
Oh Orrin, you make it sound like ruining the National Prayer Breakfast by quoting scripture is a bad thing.
With all the Mormon secrecy, how do we know they don't actually read from the "Book of Muslin"?
Hmm….maybe "Pearl of Great Price" is really a jewelry catalog for the Saudi royal family.
Orrin's right. The GOP never cites the Bible when arguing policy.
And besides, Jesus' exact words on the subject were "Render unto Caesar…
jack shit."
I think it went more like "Render unto Caesar, that which…fuck that; give me all of your money. This is a stick-up!"
Well, they very rarely quote Jesus, smelly hippie radical that he was.
"Orrin Hatch would like to have a word with you in the rectory."
Sounds like Orrin has a pew in his rectory, if you know what I mean.
Come and taste the body, Barb. Make sure you swallow.
Swallow? Like there is any other way?
Yeah, you never spit out the Host. Otherwise, you're never invited to any of their future parties.
Orrins not getting anywhere near my rectory.
Speaking of pews in your rectories, I learned something new yesterday.
One man's prairie dog is another Fat Bastard's (TM) turtle head. Mitch, that you?
Gah!
Wait'll Newell gets back here with the banhammer…
WHY? Oh, deity, WHY did I fucking click that?
It's not like I haven't had at LEAST a year's worth of Urban Dictionary, Red State, and the vilest of all possible .jpgs, gifs, video clips, audio clips, barfacious stories … WHY OH FUCK ME WHY???
Et tu, you brute? I could have gone to my grave without knowing THAT definition of "prairie dog." Especially since, in the SillyValley, "prairie-dogging" has a WHOLE 'nuther meaning.
eh, that's nothing. the same guy who taught me that phrase over a decade ago used to also announce every morning that he was going to take a "growler". This was named after the sounds he made during it. fortunately i haven't worked there in a long time.
ZOMG. This is like being on alt.tasteless all over again.
"Fuckin' Anuses – how do they work?"
– Insane Clown Proctologists
"All right Orrin…I'll talk to you but you just keep your hands off my Rectory."
The nerve of this uppity Near, now he thinks he can tell us what our God wants us to do.
YOU know how God is about the Colour Bar, Prommie. Why, I understand that up till pretty recently, Orrin's co-religionists believed that Nearism was emblematic of The Almighty's disapproval of the Neared.
Oh fuck you, ya old fuck.
Wait, shouldn't Obama be like Mohammed?
Someone needs to remind the president that there was only one person who walked on water and he did not occupy the Oval Office.
Orrin Hatch is right. If Jesus was so great, how come he wasn't elected President?
Wasn't Mormon Jeebus born in Missouri?
I won't believe it until Donald Trump sees the birf certificat.
Sharon, Vermont, in fact. December 23 (or a couple of days early), 1805 (a few centuries late).
He died just a few years short of eligibility, right?
Only because he wasn't "native born".
(Imagine the fun the birthers would have had: Mom's an Israeli Jew, and Dad is God.)
Fox News: Obama says "Islamic belief" supports taxing Job Creators.
Oh god. You're probably right.
Nostril, you've got a future writing for Fox, or for the Onion. (Same talent required for either.)
I totally thought Batman said that.
Also, "ain't no body trying to blow Orrin Hatch" – Chris Rock said this in like 1999. I really feel this is the problem still. Someone needs to take one for the team and calm this motherfucker down. Either Obama is presumptuous for the Prayer Breaky or he's a godless Muslim (?) for trying to play that Jesus shit down. Bor-ing. I long for the days when Sen Hatch could really piss me off.
Ted Haggard to the rescue!
I think Hatch's problem is that noone will let him blow them. Man is jonesing for some cock.
Aw man, don't be accusing me and Orrin of having he same habits. I'd rather you just say he can't do that shit at all.
Don't be grossed out, it's completely different — Orrin can take out his teeth.
Not to be picky or nuthin', Hon, but there's a *reason* Orrin's never scored a blow job. At this stage of the game, the only way anybody's "takin' one for the team" and doin' Orrin is if you put a gun to their head.
Wait until Orrin finds out Jesus was black.
Mormon heads asplode all of Utah
And Jewish!
Wait until someone tells him the Garden of Eden wasn't in redneck Missourah. Boy howdy, is he gonna' have a fit!
Jeebus was blah?!!!!!
Which he was, at least brown:-)
Not Mormon Jesus – he was blond-haired and blue-eyed.
And muscular!
Hatch, who is a devout Mormon, suggested Obama was trying to “assume the role of theologian in chief” and said he ought to stick to public policy.
The post of Theologian in Chief is reserved for Zombie Joe Smith.
They spelled "white horse" wrong.
well, to be fair, no republican has ever used god in a political context.
And nor would they ever think of doing so!
I am sure glad Jesus never said anything political…
Jesus didn't like to rock the boat, that's why he's so famous.
I thought it was because he gave such great fish fries. "Everybody, come on in!"
Was Mr. Obama quoting his Jesus, or Orrin's?
Probably his. The one who was community organizer who promoted class warfare in the Middle East. Orrin's Jesus wrote the original draft of the Constitution.
preznit's speech needz moar book of mormon.
How DARE that President do exactly what we do all the time constantly.
"How DARE that BLAH President do exactly what we do all the time constantly."
Fixed.
Isn't that adorable how Orrin thinks he's a Christian?
Look, I could give a crap either way, but every since the Nicene Creed the trinity as a single unified entity has been a basic definitional element of Christianity. The Mormons say the trinity consists of three separate entities, and according to people who care about these things, this is NOT a minor quibble.
Anyway, just saying. Buttsecks, etc.
And didn't Jesus explicitly say that there would be absolutely no more prophets after him? Funny how the Mormons goofed on that one.
Well, he obviously forgot Mohammed. So what's one more slice off a cut loaf?
That's very true. Like other many other Christians, Mormons believe things that are nutty, things that are preposterous, things that are contrary to established laws of nature, things that are morally suspect and many, many, many unlikely things that stand utterly without a shred of evidence. But, as far as I know, in flagrant disregard of the Councils of Nicaea, Calcedon and Constantinople, they do not believe anything logically and metaphysically impossible.
No wonder fundamentalists regard them with suspicion.
"Metaphysically impossible" requires more thought than I want to muster on a Friday afternoon. Regardless, I must say that being able to reduce the concentration of one's melanin through devotion seems a bit of a logical stretch. (Not that logic has anything to do with religion, but still.)
"Metaphysically impossible" leaves them with just a teeny bit of wiggle room. When you believe things like "Eveyrbody becomes, after death, a God with his own personal planet," you need a bit of wiggle room — because without it, you're completely batshit crazy.
I thought the 'trinity," also known as the "round the world," was oral, anal, and vaginal?
Definitely a holey trinity.
Punched an awesome hole in the New Mexico desert, back in 1945. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7…
An airtight definition.
As usual, Trinity was an awesome band name in the 60's.
Who is and is not a "true Christian" is a question I leave to the fundamentalists.
I figure, if someone calls themselves a Christian, then they're a Christian; it's pretty simple that way and you don't have to wade through all that theology bullshit.
But Soros, our great nation was FOUNDED on theological bullshit. Were it not the Puritans who fled England because they found their religious brethren to be guilty of horrid sins such as dancing and not murdering enough Catholics? And were it not for the complete asininity of the early Massachusetts colonists and their aversion to anything touched by vagina, would we not have the colony of Rhode Island? And were it not the Pilgrims who were kicked out by even the historically tolerant Dutch for being a bunch of pantywaisted shitheads? And did our forefathers not slaughter our native cousins in droves for the sin of not converting to Christianity the instant the noble white man said so?
Theological bullshit pulses through our veins like so much high fructose corn syrup, clogging the arteries of liberty and suffocating the valves of our freedom.
Thanks for pointing that out. After all, if you are going to use Christianity as way to judge others then you should be subject to he same judgement.
This is an awesome paragrah that I may steal.
Oh, and I love how Mittens, a former high-ranking leader and missionary in his Church, now fakes ignorance whenever you ask him something specific about the MorMen.
The Mormons also say that man created God. Now, we all know that that IS the case, since there's absolutely ZERO convincing evidence for the existence of God, but PLENTY of evidence that humanity has a wild and wacky imagination. But that's not the point. The very centralmost tenet of the Christian faith is that GOD created MAN. And once Christians discover that, according to the Book of Mormon, they worship a God who used to be a human being but became a god later, well, it's not going to be pretty. At ALL.
You would think some would actually like the idea given the way they act.
I come here for the trucknutz but every once in awhile, I get some edumakation.
Someone outside of Christianity really needs to say that. When it coming from the inside, it has emotiona and history attached to it, but just looking objectively by the own rules of Christendom, Mormonism is no more Christian just because it has a Christian tradition than Christianity is Jewish because it has a Jewish tradition. The end of the Book of Revelation codified as canon makes pretty clear that there was to be no additional books to the Bible.
Meh, Revelation may or may not have been written after John, per scholarship by people like Bart Ehrman and other sharp cookies. In any case, the whole shtick of the Book of Mormon is that it's new and improved, now with more angel power. Some dude's 1st century line in the sand doesn't mean squat compared to angels.
It doesn't matter who wrote Revelation or even when it was written. The various councils of the Middle Ages and before sealed what could be added to the scripture; it's as simple as that. I'm not a Christian or Mormon or anything else, but every religion has a right to select what it's canon is, and Christianity's was solidified centuries ago.
And yet there's still no ecumenical consensus on the canonicity of Maccabees, let alone how much.
Besides, focusing on such a "top-down" definition of "Christian" is at odds with much of the Protestant Reformation. You'd end up throwing out the Baptists and Presbyterians along with the Mormons if you're relying on the canonicity of ecumenical councils. You're better off trying to wade into a "trespass" versus "debt" debate.
And freedom of conscience belongs to the individual, not to the religion.
Just sit back, grab a drink, and enjoy the hypocritical holy war from the sidelines.
To some Christiany means being to reinterpret scripture. Just ask the multitude of Christian denominations out there.
It's one thing to reinterpret the existing scripture; it is entirely another to add or subtract from the ones already in the book.
To be clear, the Reformation reinterpreted the scripture, the Latter Day Saints created a new religion in the same way Christianity was created by adding additional books to the Jewish canon.
Surprising to many that don't know about the faith, Christianity is surprisingly elastic when it comes to reinterpretations of the scripture. But, one of the very few things that has been kind of set in Christianity very early on was the unique and sole divinity of the young carpenter-turned-savior. The early church stomped out arianism within a few hundred years of the faith.
True. Point taken. But there is still some Irony in the fact that there can be hundreds of different interpretations of the word of God when everyone says that theirs is based on a rigid translation of the Bible. Sent from my iPad
But isn't a theologian in chief what the GOP really really wants?
Yeah, and when Mittens gets elected he's gonna put a big statue of that angel Rigatoni or Moroni on the top of the White House, just like the one on the Mormon temple there by the DC Beltway/parking lot or the real one in SLC. Then we'll know who is the theologian-in-thief, er, chief.
I used to ski a lot, and sometimes flew into SLC to ski nearby mountains. Driving by the temple one time in the late 60's, I saw that someone had climbed to the top and painted Moroni's face black. Much hilarity ensued.
Upon a few minute's research, it seems that I did indeed see Moroni in blackface, but according to the Salamander Society, it was due to a lightning strike, which is way more cosmicly awesome when you think about it.
Yeah, but not a black one, jeez.
Well, yes, but not a BLAH one.
I made it through a little over a minute of the video. Do I win some magic panties?
You can have the panties but if you want (and you do!) the matching bra, stockings and garter belt you have to watch the whole thing.
Yeah. Worn by Mittens and never been washed since he started campaigning.
Speaking of pews …
Bad puns ftw!
How dare the president tell the rich folk that they have an obligation to at least minimally contribute to their poorer countrymen. Jesus would have a holy rolling shit fit if someone started talking about caring for poor folk. "Verily I say unto thee, once thou hast made a safety net for thy neighbor that satisfiest thou and not him thy obligation is complete. If thy neighbor doth not likest it, he can movest himself to another land. We art number one, We art number one Verily!
I would not want to be around for a Jesus holy rolling shit fit. I think there'd be a lot of lightening involved. And probably fire.
is today 'jesus round-up day' or what?
You know who else tried to round up a lot of important Jews?
Mel Brooks?
AIPAC?
No, I'm not going to give the obvious answer.
JDate.com?
Newt's super PAC?
But all he needs is one!
Newt is never satisfied with just one of anything!
Nebuchadnezzar II?
Goldman Sachs?
My favorite part of the Jesus Round-Up is the rope and tie.
Nailed it!
"This Week In God." Back before Colbert got too big for his britches.
You know who ELSE tried to round up guys named Jesus?!
Joe R. Piehole?
La migra?
George Steinbrenner?
Contractors, outside Home Depot?
Monsanto?
uh wrong round up
The GOP has been shoving religion down our throats (YES, I"M CO-OPTING YOUR FAVORITE LINE) for years and the first time it's used correctly, they soil their magic panties.
Suck it and like it. You are a dying sect and we only tolerate your cornered animal behavior because you are dying.
Hey Orrin, render unto Caeser the things that are Caesar's.
Look it up.
Sadly, I think the Rethugs think that means to put dressing on the salad.
Pizza pizza.
Salad?
Sid?
Oh, trust me – the GOP trots that crap out anytime poors get uppity about their taxes, here or abroad (like supporting regimes that sought to crush liberation theology movements).
Oh right, the Tax Whisperer.
Who let this asshat open his mouth in front of a live microphone?
If that was the typical C-SPAN speech on the floor of the Senate, there was no one else there in the Senate changber to stop him.
Fresenius Medical Care, Herbalife International, Cancer Treatment Centers of America, Blue Cross/Blue Shield, KKR & Co global investment, and the people of Utah.
Maybe Santorum can give him some pointers on use of the tongue.
I heard the speech on C-SPAN (I know, get a life). Bamz mentioned Muslins, Jews and Christians, but not Morons (sorry, Mor-mons). Maybe that's why he's got his knickers in a twist. But you don't hear the Dalai Lama whining now, do ya?
However I bet Tom Cruise is whining back in his closet.
In Cartman voice: "Come out of the closet, Tom Cruise!"
I think that was Stan – "Dad, Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!"
lbd:
This is a classic example of the GNoPee faux indignation. Had Mr. Obama specifically mentioned Mormons, they'd whine he's undermining Mittens by making the subtle claim they aren't Christian.
If he doesn't mentioned them by name, then he hates 'em.
Typical right wing nutz' lose-loser.
Remember, we should only look to the Bible when it comes to condemning the gays for existing, or treating women as second class citizens who can't control their own bodies; nothing Jesus says about helping the poor is appropriate in politics.
Ramen~
What about hanging out with whores? I never ever hear anyone SAY it, but they are also very good at doing that.
Hmmm. Just exactly what does the wholly magick playbook say about hangin'/bangin' with the rentboys?
"Let the little children come
onto me."Yeah, but Jesus didn't do it for the sexytime – and he was up front about who he was spending time with, not posing with a botoxed near to death beard while hiring rentboys on the sly.
There's some that are members of my gym. Makes my workout way more fun.
Well, yeah, all that shit about helping the poor is clearly metaphorical. Kill the abominable gays and make the women shush? The literal and unchanging word of God! LITerally!
That one line in Leviticus about killing the gays, surrounded by rules on stoning disobedient children, selling children into slavery, not wearing mixed fabrics, and staying away from the ladies when it's their time of the month is clearly so much more important than Jesus' talk of helping the poors. And we'll just forget that the Bible says nothing about abortion, which was common in the Roman Empire – there was actually an herb back then that worked as a fairly decent natural form of birth control and induced miscarriage; it sadly was eventually overfarmed to extinction.
Is it me or do none of the "religious" douche bags have any idea what Jesus actually said.
It's not you.
Albert Schweitzer's "The Quest for the Historical Jesus" settled the issue 106 years ago. Everybody who thinks they know what Jesus said and meant is projecting their own agenda. Period.
Orrin needs to brush up on his Jeezus stuff – He is EVERYWHERE!!!! Like, even in the White House. Hanging with the Kenyan-in-Chief. So take that, Mr "For a Man Named Hatch, many of Your Thoughts Need More Incubation".
So Reagan Didn't walk on water?
… for shame
Only while raising taxes.
He might have at one point, but then he forgot how.
Mr. Gorbachev, drain this sidewalk!
Isn't somebody (Rand Paul?) going to criticize Obama for neglecting to mention Xenu?
A shout out to Xena and Gabrielle would sure win my– oh, wait. Never mind.
Can't mention Xena and Gabrielle at a
Christianreligious meeting – they're thespians!Ah yes, that show helped me get through some lonely nights back in college.
Still have my mib Xena and Gabrielle action figures-and I've.met Kevin Sorbo
Or quoting Galt's speech?
Hatch's real problem is that President Obama correctly quoted and attributed a text that clearly related to his point. Such responsible rhetoric makes for bad precedent.
Elitist!
I get more than a lttle tired of all this chit-chat about how Jeebus was the only person to walk on water. Ummm, 900,000 Minnesota ice fishermen DISAGREE!!1!.
SCIENCE, for the win!
And what about Eddie Money?
Or that singer from the Cars, on MTV? Remember when MTV had music videos of rock stars walking on water? Pepperidge Farm does.
If you remember when MTV had music videos, you're old.
Uh-ohhh, it's magic… when I'm with you…
SCIENCE, for the win!
BOOM!
Charlize Theron walked on water on Arrested Development!
Orrin Hatch knows more than you about the Bible because he's read all the sequels.
"In the name of Allah, the most gracious, the most merciful…"
Wait, what?
you said sequel, I say fanfic
Bible 3: Coming To America
You know who else used Religion from elected public office to influence the country?
Pope Hilarius?
Now that's a reference!
LOLPope?
Glorious Godfrey?
The Church Lady?
Um, all of 'em Katie and Hitler. (Well, it wouldn't be Wonkette it nobody said it)
Yes, you're right! You get the solid gold (colored) Godwin Star.
Cotton Mather?
Gladstone?
Billy Graham Cracker
This clown sure likes to suck 1% salted rat dicks.
Pass him a heaping plate of poison pickled rat pricks, please. Extra salty.
Just swallow your wormwood-and-gall pill and STFU, dammit.
Isn't it interesting that Conservative "Christians" only like the parts about the Bible that are bad to teh Ghayez and Women folk, but don't care for the parts that want you to take care of the poor, be nice to one another, or "render unto Caesar what is Caesar's."
And, of course, they never live by any of the provisions of the Bible themselves. They just want all the uppity people to do so so that they won't make a fuss.
Orrin — Your church demands 10 percent of your earnings. You don't pay, you will have a scary Mormon hell dream.
Don't count your blessings before Orrin Hatch.
As one of the four Republicans still in Congress that supported the Individual Mandate in 1993 but now declares it unconstitutional only because Obama passed it, I don't think Orrin's ailing pussy over this issue matters much.
Unrelated to this post.
FUCKING CLIENT FUCKS!!!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE. IT'S 10 TO FIVE AND YOU'RE STILL FUCKING HERE. I WANNA GET DRUNK YOU FUCKIN FUCK STICKS!!!!!!!!!!!
(this comment is 100% snark free)
Pull the fire alarm, dude!
Why not just them read a little Wonkette?
They'll leave.
Let Baconzgood be free.
♫ Let my bacon goooo!♫
Free Baconz? I'm there!
ITS FUCKING 5:05 ON A FUCKING FRI-FUCKING-DAY!!!
Tell em you'll be right back, then make B-line to the fucking exit door.
Make 'em watch the Orrin Hatch video. They'll fall asleep and you can sneak out. And then have security arrest them for trespassing.
Next time remember to eat a couple three bean burritos for lunch. Clears 'em right out.
Garlicky bean burritos.
Add extra cheese for truly killer effects.
Freedom for my people! Let the Baconzgood go!
Those tallywhackers probably expect you to take them out too. I always hated that. I had good beer to drink with good friends; I did not want to go to TGIFridays with a bunch of fucking tools. I don't do that shit anymore.
Just goes to show you = those Mormons aren't real Christians anyways.
Not to defend those racist, misogynistic, homophobic sons of sows (the Mormons), but neither are most Christians.
Jesus wept (again).
Getting to be a regular Boehner, that Jeebus.
Real Christians have a Boehner for Jeebus!
Somebody get Jesus a hanky!
Obama's references to alms, charitable conviction and forthrightly administered blessings stood out for me too, Orrin, from among you many politicians' invoking Judeo-Xtianese as well. What did I notice missing from Barry's delivery in particular?… HUBRIS!
POTUS pushed the Rethugs from off the high ground on foreign policy. Then he checkmated them on the economy. The economic inequality issue turned out to be too heavy for them but BHO picked up the ball and ran with it. Now he is holding the holy grail of Christian teaching as the foundation of his personal philosophy. If only we could get him to take up some recreational target shooting…
I love the guy. In less than four years, he's turned the entire Pox Ooze slime and all their mouthpieces and cohorts into dust. If he can push this religious poison out of the political space, I will personally be convinced that he is the greatest President and politician EVAH.
This is more my kind of preaching.
I'd pay good money to see Barry say that at the Prayer Breakfast.
Maybe he would if they didn't let him have his motherfuckin' iced tea.
"I'm tired of these Motherfuckin' Jeezusfreeks at my Motherfuckin' Breakfast!"
I'll give you a "fuckin' a" and a "Halle-fuckin-looya" to go with it.
*Please note my new avatar. Thanks a million.
Lulz.
One of David Cross's greatest shows.
Too much cross-Hatching. Orin is such a shady character.
Is cross-hatching anything like cross-dressing?
Is Orin moving in on Lieberman's beau Lindsey? Who knew?
No, it just refers to pissing Orrin off.
Art school humor!
It mirrors the Islamic belief that those who’ve been blessed have an obligation to use those blessings to help others
IMPEACH THE KENYAN MUSLIM !!11!!one!!
Of course if Obama had just skipped the National Prayer Breakfast, Mormon Orrin would be chastising him for that.
Or if he HADN'T mentioned Jesus.
And heaven forbid he said anything in ARABIC!
Like if he had mentioned Darrell Issa?
He did mention that Islam has a teaching with a similar sentiment to the one in Christianity and I'm sure the wingtards are going batshit insane over that. ISLUM IS FROM SATAN, HOW DARE HE, etc. and so forth. I'm tempted to go over to Atlas Shrugged and check but I'd like to hold onto my last few remaining bits of sanity.
Hatch claims in the clip that the Gospels didn't talk about money matters.
As my Assembly of God wingnut ex-pastor put it "The Bible says more about money than it does about heaven or hell."
Yeah that shit about the widow's mite – purely in your imagination, not the text.
I'm sure the money-changers in the Temple in Jerusalem would have a bone to pick with Massa Hatch over that.
Oops, sorry, Tundra Grifter (below).
Jesus can't do the following surrounded by haters like my man Barry:
* Dow ends at its highest point since 2008
* Nasdaq levels not seen since 2000 (46pts/1.6%)
* Unemployment rate to 8.3%
* In process of ending two pointless wars
* And piles of dead terrorists
Barry Christ also has the power to make a bunch bitter racist r33tards cry, too.
Fuckin' right.
also, too!!
Apparently Orrin thinks Jesus threw the money changers out of the temple to make room for the CPA's.
Derivatives traders. Those money changers were Ron Paul supporters, dealing in gold coins.
No, to make room for the capitalists.
I wonder how many wives Orrin is hoping for in his glorious after-life? Does he get them by them losing a lottery or something?
Mormons are getting uppity . Pull up your fucking magic panties and fuck off-mealy-mouthed,uptight, niggardly cunt.
I'll bet that Orrin would find being called "niggardly" the most offensive thing in that sentence. Until he actually went and looked it up, that is.
Jesus, this country. Assholes are allowed to be utter contrary despicable cutnty rathfucer hypocrites. Fuck them.
The Disciples were all like, "We'll hold our noses and accept him as our Savior, but…"
They all really would have preferred Caiaphas, the only "true conservative" in the Savior race, but they accepted that Paul could never sell him to the Gentiles.
"Grow a pair, Christey! Turning the other cheek proves you're morally weak!!"
And he was a big supporter of capital punishment, with his This Jesus Must Die platform.
OT: I'm watching Tweety talk about Romney's "not concerned about the poor" comment some more. He wants to know why if Romney "misspoke" why he defended the comment in the interview, and is now beating a Romney supporter over the head with all of Romney's other rich-guy gaffes.
"But you're taking it out of context!" says the Romney surrogate (Bob Ehrlich), repeatedly, multiple times, over and over.
Kind of funny.
Pretty strong words coming from a guy who's a member of a cult founded by a child molesting conman.
"[Obama] suggested to the attendees that Jesus would have supported his latest tax-the-rich schemes," Hatch said. "
Actually, this is what *I* learned in Sunday School.
————————-
"And, behold, one came and said unto him, Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life?
17 And he said unto him, Why callest thou me good? [there is] none good but one, [that is], God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments.
18 He saith unto him, Which? Jesus said, Thou shalt do no murder, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness,
19 Honour thy father and [thy] mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
20 The young man saith unto him, All these things have I kept from my youth up: what lack I yet?
21 Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go [and] sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come [and] follow me.
22 But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions."
Oh, great, you mean, you're actually going to QUOTE Jesus? Communist.
Orrin also believes that Jesus said to the men about to stone the prostitute, "Let he who is without sin move your ass — you're blocking our shot!"
Lucky for her she didn't say "Jehovah".
I may be somewhat partisan, but do Hatch's remarks really amount to a 'skewering', per the Hill writer?
More like an attempt at tweaking but not carried off due to complete lack of logical coherence – or, in other words, a standard GOP line against Obama.
Thank you for the clarification.
It's the blathering bullshit of a politician who knows that someone has one-upped him big time and doesn't know anything sensible or even coherent to say in response so he just word-farts and hopes that the faithful dipshits will say "Amen."
Ad Hominem Hominem Hominem. Amen.
Someone needs to remind the MorMen that their religion is laughable and their founder was a loon and fraud.
Doesn't help.
"Someone needs to remind the president that there was only one person who walked on water and he did not occupy the Oval Office."
Except for Reagan, of course, who walked on water and single-handily defeated Communism at the same time.
While eating fucking jelly beans.
So many Christians, so few lions.
The fact that a half-Kenyan would even use the ENGLISH LANGUAGE is offensive to all JESUS FEARING dildoes.
Yeah, um, that's where I heard it from.
I'm getting the distinct impression that Orrin's conception of his very own post-death Mormon Paradise Planet involves ruling as a God in an enormous palace in his very own Gated White City on a Hill, surrounded by happy compliant slaves that know their place.
With his very own harem of 17 Virgins.
Who are all fat young boys.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I wish Orrin Hatch would follow more closely these sacred teachings: "put in your earplugs, put on your eyeshades, you know where to put the cork."
(Winks in the direction of FakaktaSouth)
"Uh, Orrin… Here comes Uncle Ernie to guide you to
Your Very Own Machine!"
Don't want no religion, And as far as we can tell We ain't gonna take you, Never did and never will, We're not gonna take you, Let's forget you better still.
"See me
Feel me
Touch me
Fuck you, orrinhatch"
I blame Susan G. Komen.
Orrin is obviously reading the book of Moron in which neocon Jeebus lays out his new world spells. Actually, the original Jewish Jeebus we pretty explicit about paying taxes (good) as opposed to stoning the Gheys (neutral at most.)
Another devout Mormon, hasn't the quota been reached??
Bony Moroni.
He had me until I remembered his name was "Orrin."
Referring to the image…look at that sexy neck…
As someone who believes jesus and the devil are brothers, perhaps Orrin isn't the best choice to comment on Obama's beliefs. It might ruin Mitt's chances, if nothing else.
Don't ya just hope that Rambo Jesus will show up and take these idiots out.
Always remember Orrin and Romney never grew out of this cosmic racist bullshit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7q6brMrFw0E
Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions. Then said Jesus unto his disciples, Verily I say unto you….. It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.
You know the entire history of the Mormon faith is one of seclusion, of trying to find a land where they could worship whatever the fuck they worship and keep everyone else away from them.
We should return to those days. They can have the entire stinking desert state they live in, they just can't leave it. Fair?
Planet Utah?
Utah isn’t in the desert. It’s in the Great Basin.
Yeah, it’s the “Great Basin Desert,” in fact. –ED.
…and yet he said nothing about the planet Zolob? What a heathen!
What's keeping me up nights lately, is whether President Obama or a President Mittens would have better luck getting Gladys Knight to sing at the White House.
I read this as "Orrin Hatch Tells Obama He Can’t Be Like Jesus, Because Of Texas" and was going to agree. Yes, so long as Obama does not repent the grave sin of tolerating Texas in the union, we shall forever be cursed.
you know, it's really outrageous that there's not enough jesus on his christmas cards and sometimes he doesn't say god bless america and this nation is a christian nation just read the back of our moneys and also STOP TALKING ABOUT JESUS SO MUCH.
nailed it
Talk about the case of the pot calling the president black. Honestly, these guys are getting so racists. Dubya went on and on about god; Clinton was not above using god, but not a peep from these bastards. Obama goes and delivers a sober piece at the prayer breakfast, and he's accused of being America's Next Top Imam/Priest/Rabbi.
Dude, you're a Mormon who is often lectured on praying to the right Jesus. Maybe, you should find some self-awareness and shut the fuck up, and stop judging.
No more profits? I told you that Jesus was a Commie.
Whatsoever you do for the 1%, that you do for Me.
–The Gospel of the GOP
I don't know, I am just so into throwing the first (or second) stone here.
THEY MAD! How can that 'NoQuiteRoomHavingSocialistKenya-born&breedWarLord, Communist,Terrorist&FoodStampPresident," (They call him ALLTHINGSbutBLACK) have the nerve to quote SCRIPTURES. The Red'publicans MAD, their whole world is crumbling & they don't think that shit is kosher or hallah.
Crosshairs on the Prez.
Where is the outraged?
Thanks for the update from Crazytown, Senator. By the way, you don't walk on water, either, and when it comes to leadership that puts partisanship aside, etc., etc. … get a clue!
where i'm from Mr. Hatch isn't even a real Christian so…
BIBLE LIBEL!
Hatch is indeed smug. And arrogant. It comes with being an "RM," a returned LDS missionary. (Listen to W. Mitt Romney, and you'll hear the same arrogance.) To go on their missions, 19-year-old boys must "go through" an LDS temple and be crowned not only an "elder" of their church but as young gods, worthy of their own planet. Imagine what that does to their heads. Or don't imagine; instead, spend a few hours in Utah. To paraphrase H. L. Mencken, It will make you burn every bed in the state. And Idaho, too.
I'll be 71 if I can make it through next Month. This wrinkle-room fugitive fancies himself a bit of a pugilist, you betcha. I would like to publicly state I would love to spar with him for two or three rounds. Well, one would be enough, I think. That would be sweeeeet!
*Not meant to be a factual statement.
But, but, but we don't like that Bible verse, so it doesn't apply to us…
Yeah, Jesus put down poor people for being lazy and spent all his time hanging out with rich Jewish money changers and petitioning Cesar for a little tax relief for the Job Creators…
Aw, c'mon. Do it for us.
oh, well that's okay then.
working in a male dominated field and coming it at 6 am, I here all kinds of shit I would rather not. but I also wouldn't trade my job for all of bain capital's millions. I test beer. good beer. and they pay me for it.
He has to have the next one lined up in case the one gets sick.
Wow, and I always thought mattress testing would be my dream job.
That freedom of conscience thing only works if you agree with the reformation. I know of at least one church that never bought that argument. So yes the Baptists and Presbyterians too.
Until the Catholic SCOTUS gets around to overturning the Free Exercise Clause, I don't have to care what they think.
That is coming soon. I have a feeling Obama is going to pull a Tony Blair and convert. Boehner is going to be his sponsor for his catechism classes. The enemies thing is just an act.Sent from my iPad
I really don't find it odd, at all. It's a very natural and human thing to do, whether it's philosophy or religion. Just about every religion has different sects. The religious tradition that is Hinduism has so many interpretations of the same basic premise that it makes Christianity look downright narrow in its amount of reinterpretations.
You're so smart and intellectual. I on the other hand just like to make fun of people.Sent from my iPad
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