the 90s

Gingrich Wants Florida Primary Rules Changed, Now That He Lost

come to mommy

Mittens-hating muffin is noooot too psyched about what happened in Florida on Tuesday. HE LOST. GOODBYE. Oh, you’re still here. Instead of accepting that no one south of the very Southern north of Florida likes him at all, Gingrich has suddenly decided that the winner-takes-all ruling on the Florida primary is about as fair as Mitt Romney being liked by even so much as one person in this world, let alone a couple million. So, following a Hispanic roundtable in Las Vegas on Thursday, Gingrich spokesperson R.C. Hammond told a group of reporters that the Gingrich campaign will be petitioning the Republican Party of Florida to try to get the state’s 50 delegates awarded proportionally. Responded the state’s Republican Party chairman, Lenny Curry, “It is a shame when the loser of a contest agrees to the rules before, then cries foul after losing.” ISN’T IT THOUGH?

Hammond thinks Gingrich might have a case only because very slightly technically, Florida moved its primary ahead of April 1, and any primary moved ahead of that date is supposed to award delegates proportionally. But the Republican Party of Florida “unanimously” ruled that the primary would be winner-takes-all last September, Curry told the Washington Post. “All campaigns and the RNC have known since then that Florida was winner-take-all,” he said. “RNC’s legal counsel has, on numerous occasions, noted their understanding and acceptance of Florida’s rule.”

AND ANYWAY, even though anyone is entitled to dispute this rule, it’s pretty irrelevant if the second-place person was a very large 14 points behind the equally gross and terrible winner! Nevertheless, it’s likely Gingrich’s petition could get some airtime, but not until right before the convention this summer.

Finally, in a truly beautiful moment, when asked by reporters if the Gingrich camp would have contested the rule had Gingrich won Florida, Hammond responded, “Probably not.” [Washington Post]

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Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

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          1. Fare la Volpe

            Just a small town girl…

            Livin' in a lib'rul world…

            She took the midnight train goin' "Fuck you all!"

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Oh, and Newt? Be sure to spend as many millions of those rightwingnut dollars as you possibly can. We'd like to see your donors flat broke in time for the general election campaign.

  1. PuckStopsHere

    He also believes the Lombardi Trophy should be awarded proportionally after the Super Bowl (gross trademark infringement alert; should only be referred to as "The Big Game" by anyone not affiliated with the National Football League).

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Secondary Trademark Violation – The Big Game, all capitalized, refers to a contest between the football squads of The University of California and Leland Stanford Jr. University, and has been used in commerce to refer to the same for at least 80 years. The correct, public domain usage is "the big game" or "big game."

      BTW, the NFL tried to trademark "The Big Game" a couple of years back to avoid all the free riders out there but couldn't get a registration over Cal-Stanfurd's use. Interestingly, one of the major users of that euphemism – Papacrap pizza – is now a sponsor of the Super Bowl.

      1. tessiee

        "The Big Game, all capitalized, refers to a contest between the football squads of The University of California and Leland Stanford Jr. University, and has been used in commerce to refer to the same for at least 80 years."

        Meh, you guys got the better end of the deal; the University of Oregon/Oregon State game is referred to as "the Civil War".

    2. Chichikovovich

      Perhaps if everyone would just insist on calling it "The Toilet Bowl" if we aren't allowed to call it the "Super Bowl" they would get the message and call off the lawyers.

      1. PuckStopsHere

        Thank you Berkeley for both the heads-up and for not bringing the appropriate governmental enforcement agency down on my head (which in the instant case would, of course, be the Department of Homeland Security because, why not?) Is there any extant (lawyers word) case law as to whether we can still use the phrase No Fun League?

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          I reserve that for when Dallas plays in it. Which is the same as retiring the expression entirely.

  2. nounverb911

    “If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.”
    –W.C. Fields

  3. prommie

    Thats some choot-spa, and gall and shamelessness, too. And pathological narcissism, did I mention that?

    1. JustPixelz

      He was never very mature, so watching him devolve is like watching tectonic plates move. It's exactly like watching tectonic plates move because every now and then it's an earthquake, thousands die and nuclear plants melt down.

        1. tessiee

          The only good thing about KKKarl Rove is that he supports my theory that God's revenge on right wingers for being such pigs is making them *look* exactly like pigs.

  4. Goonemeritus

    This reminds me of trying to teach my son chess when he was 5. If any of the rule changes that he insisted on would be adopted by FIDE the game would be a lot more colorful.

  5. BarackMyWorld

    I take to look like I am taking Newt's side here, but the the Florida primary IS violating RNC rules by making it winner-take-all. I don't think the Florida's party chair is being straight about the RNC's acceptance of their terms.

    This is of course, after they already had half their delegates taken away for moving the primary date to January.

    So, in summary Florida + elections = fail.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Yeah, I'm guessing the RNC counsel is on record as saying "Sure, Florida, whatever – just so long as you have the screwed up ballots and rigged machines ready to go in the fall" and the Florida GOP took that as a blanket endorsement of anything they do.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      There's a reasonable compromise here — the GOP could award the delegates proportionally and then disqualify all of them because Florida disregarded the national party's rules. I think that would be fair. And fun.

    3. Chichikovovich

      Yeah, I agree. I hate to take the side of the Moby Dick of Douchebags, but look – if the rule is stated clearly and unambiguously, and (I assume) Newt didn't sign something that said he was OK with waiving the rule… Absolutely he should give this a shot.

    4. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Couldn't have said it better. Just another case of Florida screwing up an election for no other reason than it is Florida. While I hate to be on Newt's side of anything, the rule says you have to have proportional representation. And, does it really make sense that a person who got 47% of the vote gets 100% of the delegates? Why ignore 53% of the voters?

    5. KeepFnThatChicken

      Fine. Then in trade, he gets to have his poor widdle dewegates, and we get to keep Welfare.

    6. Guppy

      If the GOP doesn't like the Florida Legislature calling the shots, they can pay for their own damned primaries. It's not like they can't afford to after Citizens United.

    7. imissopus

      Didn't the Dems have a similar situation with Michigan in '08 – they wanted to move up the primary, the DNC said if you do we won't seat any of your delegates at the convention, they did it anyway, Hilary won and then tried to bug the DNC into seating said delegates. Can't remember the exact details or what happened in the end.

      1. SorosBot

        They ended up agreeing to seat the delegates, but only after Clinton dropped out and it was clear that Obama's margin was big enough that they wouldn't make a difference.

    1. memzilla

      Since Newt doesn't believe in States' Rights to set their own rules for their own primaries, I expect Newt to stop using that particular dog whistle of States' Rights to pander to the Rethuglican racist faction.

      I also expect to be able to drink Goldschläger and poop out krugerrands.

  6. Monsieur_Grumpe

    He's so presidential. I can see president Newt whining to the Chinese. “Awwww come on you guys, quit dumping low cost subsidized steel on our markets. Iran “Awwwww jeez you guys, quit making nuclear bombs.” North Korea. “Awwww come on Kim, please stop shooting up South Korea, pleeeease.”

  7. EatsBabyDingos

    Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Virginia tries to change her law regrding write-in votes in primaries, so that Shamoogrich, the Great White Wail, can get his name written onto Virginia's ballots. Our favorite son, the McFatty from McLean, and his strumpet ghoulfriend, Blondarth Vader, the Money Badgers, will not be denied. Let the Fraud begin!

  8. freakishlywrong

    “It is a shame when the loser of a contest agrees to the rules before, then cries foul after losing.”

    This guy knows this is Newt fucking Gingrich, right?

  9. JustPixelz

    Proportional results would have been useful in 2000 when Dubya got all Florida's electoral votes even though the voting results were 5-4. Hooray, Newt agrees Al Gore should have been POTUS.

  10. SorosBot

    Who could have expected the Newt would be a petulant whiny sore loser? Well I mean besides everybody.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    Shut up and cue up the Abba, Mitt.

    I don't wanna talk
    About the things we've gone through
    Though it's hurting me
    Now it's history
    I've played all my cards
    And that's what you've done too
    Nothing more to say
    No more ace to play

    The winner takes it all
    The loser's standing small
    Beside the victory
    That's a destiny

      1. ThundercatHo

        All the credit goes to BarackMyWorld who sent this to me and thanks also, too, to the other Wonks who gave me helpful advice and my teenage son (with much eye-rolling and huffy breaths) made my dream a reality.

        1. CapnFatback

          Considering the picture, I would expect as much eye shielding as rolling from young WilyKit. The huffy breaths you're hearing are coming from Panthro, I believe.

  12. teebob2000

    That picture always makes me shudder. I try very hard to exorcise from my brain the Newt-Callista diaper play scenario that spontaneously appears.

    "Lady, that is one ugly fucking baby you got there."

  13. SayItWithWookies

    Wait — Newt agreed to the rules and then wants them changed post-facto when they hurt his interests? Why that's so McCainesque that it's only fair that Newt win the nomination so he can duplicate John's sweeping electoral victory over that uppity senator from Chicago in 2008.

  14. Tundra Grifter

    First Ole Newt couldn't get on the primary ballot in his "home state" of Virginia – so he sued to have the rules changed.

    Now that he has lost in Florida, he's trying to get the rules changed.

    Can we please connect the dots here?

    If this fucker gets nominated by the GNoPee, after he gets his ass handed him in November he's going to have the election tied up in the courts until 2016.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Can you imagine the GNoPee coming apart due to a brokered convention? The T-Baggers would riot in the streets.

        If SCOTUS pulls that Presidential election crap again, it won't be a pretty picture out here in the real world.

      1. bagofmice

        The face mapping bit is Richard D. James's signature piece of flair. Come to Daddy is the song I linked to, and the alt-text was a dead giveaway.

        I could be wrong, but the creepy Calista grin inclines me to think that this is an appropriate reference.

        Come to mommy.

    1. chicken_thief

      Along similar lines, I was thinking that if he wants to haggle the results, he should argue that instead of votes, they go off of cranial circumference.

    1. SorosBot

      As someone who's basically a member of Megs' generation, being less than a decade older, let me just say that no, there is no way members of our generation will generate any enthusiasm for Mittens.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        She did. Then she wrote a condescending Daily Beast article about how it was all a "social experiment" that the rest of us just didn't "get."

  15. pinkocommi

    I guess the Republitard primary will have to be in the hospital sick with cancer before Gingrich will finally leave it.

  16. freakishlywrong

    OT, but my office wingnut has become self-aware, now that he's found other office wingnuts. Now, everything I say he yells out; "Did you used to do that at a Democrat fundraiser"? See the jobs report today? Bitch?

    1. Oblios_Cap

      We've got one of those, too. Since he's a State worker, I don't think you can say he's really self-aware, though.

    2. Callyson

      My sympathies–I've got a similar problem, only it's an accounting professor who goes off on how poor corporations are double taxed (no word on why it's OK for corporations to have separate legal liability but not be separate tax entities) and how "both sides" have moved to the extremes (no, Obama has bent over backwards to try bipartisanship–it's *your* party that has lost all sense of reason).
      It's going to be a long quarter…

  17. Mojopo

    $10 says that the by the time he quits, he will be seen wandering naked in an alley. Any shred of socially acceptable behavior he had left is all but exhausted.

  18. johnnymeatworth

    Good thing he wasn't mistreated on his plane out of there, he might have tried to pry Florida into the sea with a crowbar.

    1. bagofmice

      This is roughly the point where Newt is careening through the air philosophically on a toboggan.

  19. Mumbletypeg

    Geez. If this "I was for it until I was against it" pivot-tripping becomes the fashion, these GOP flaketards will have an awfully hard time digesting the truth when it dawns on them, come time to announce the nominee, that No One Was Voting For You — they were just voting for Not-Barry.
    But even if the tea-leaves got up, spun themselves into spelled-out letters and pelted the message into their faces, none of them would admit it.

  20. Barrett808

    The 2012 Bloggies are open for voting:

    I ask of the Wonkette Army only that global-warming denialist site “Watts Up With That?” not win the “Best Science or Technology” award, as it has in the past. Because that would be…paradoxical

  21. BaldarTFlagass

    I see over on TPM that the Newt is being called out for using "Eye of the Tiger" as a campaign song. Fucking brilliant. Copyright laws, how do they work? You'd think that a guy that's "written" a dozen books might at least understand that much.

    1. chicken_thief

      My second Colbert reference on one thread, but whatevs…. Colbert had the singer from Survivor sing the words from one of Newt's books to the tune of Eye of the Tiger.

    2. fuflans

      i just posted a comment about not understanding why newt is considered 'brilliant'.

      really, seriously, why does the media (including the economist) keep insisting he is brilliant? i have seen no evidence of this.

      and he's got a crappy speaking voice.

      1. Rotundo_

        From what I gather, he is one of the few GOP members that can use polysyllabic word and stitch them together into coherent sentences. Mind you, this doesn't mean that he isn't full of crap, it just means that he doesn't breathe heavily through his mouth and go "I hates negroes and poor people and womens and…" when asked for a policy position. By comparison with most of his cohort, he actually *sounds like* he might have a brain cell or two still firing now and then.

  22. barrett808

    The 2012 Bloggies are open for voting:

    I ask of the Wonkette Army only that global-warming denialist site "Watts Up With That?" not win the "Best Science or Technology" award, as it has in the past. Because that would be…paradoxical

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Sigh… it's 4 technology blogs, and that's the only "science" blog. Science, in the sense that they spend all their time insulting scientists.

    2. Fare la Volpe

      I clicked on the first link, and the blog is completely open about being "climate skeptical." How can that kind of thing even be considered for a legitimate "science" blog?

  23. OneYieldRegular

    I'll agree to this, but only if they make it retroactive to 2000 and include the electoral college apportionment in the general election and a way to turn back time.

  24. DemonicRage

    Florida better watch out. If by some devil's whim Newt does become Supreme Ruler, there will be payback for this insult to Pillsbury doughboy's ego.

  25. KeepFnThatChicken

    So who do we speak with to get Al Gore installed as President in 2000, again? Half a percent margin must mean something

  26. YasserArraFeck

    Will someone just ask SCOTUS – I thought they were the Deciderers of elections in America's Flaccid Member (TM).

  27. Ruhe

    On a side note, when asked for his prediction on the Super Bowl Newt responded that so long as the referees appropriately applied the "tuck rule" the Patriots would have a fair chance.

  28. PhilippePetain

    "…about as fair as Mitt Romney being liked by even so much as one person in this world, let alone a couple million"

    Not to split hairs, but I'm not exactly sure you can count being like more than Newt Gingrich as being "liked."

  29. tessiee

    Vote count tampering in Florida so that some right-wing shitbag can steal the election? Who saw THAT coming?

  30. tessiee

    You guys, you know what would rawk? If they recounted the votes the way Newt wants them to, and he STILL lost.

  31. tessiee

    Really? Really, THAT's his hot shit strategy/coping mechanism for when things don't go his way? Bitch, gripe, piss, and moan? Whining doesn't work for anybody over the age of 3.

  32. kissawookiee

    His spokesman is named R.C. Hammond and he still goes with Eye of the Tiger instead of Can't Touch This?

  33. fuflans

    why does everyone keep saying this guy is 'brilliant'? i understand the 'unpredictable', 'undisciplined', 'disorganized' parts, but really, he's done nothing in his decades of public service to convince me he's anything more than a walking id in search of a super ego.

    1. Rotundo_

      It really is his verbal ability and the genuine stupidity of his fellow GOP cohort. Ninety percent of the GOP are so dazzlingly stupid that someone with Newt!'s "gifts" seems like an erudite idea man. The first caveman to figure out that shitting *outside* the cave made things stink less was probably considered a visionary too.

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