NOT BY THE HAIR ON NEWT'S CHINNY CHIN CHIN  7:21 pm February 2, 2012

Today’s Love Fest: Sharron Angle For Santorum, Trump For Romney

by Kaia Mursi

They bluster on.O blessed day! Breathing desert mirage Sharron Angle has emerged from her candle-lit study, after a meticulous examination of the remaining combatants for head GOP clown, to anoint the weirdest available clown of them all, Rick Santorum! She shuffled her thoughts about, then stapled them together and literally read them aloud, right there on Fox — just like she imagines the real politicians do! Politico is delicately referring to her endorsement as a “shot in the arm” for the Santorum campaign. Which, HELLO FRIEND, that’s not how Earth works!!! You cannot re-animate the corpse of a chupacabra. Like Santorum’s campaign, it doesn’t really exist, it cannot die, and it will never gallop triumphantly off into the sunset. Just not happening. It will haunt the landscape forever, unseen and yet everywhere.

Since we are obligated to speak ill of the Newt so long as his DVD/merch tour continues, we were all ready to cover the rumors swirling around this morning, that Donald Trump was on the cusp of endorsing his fellow pustule Gingrich in Las Vegas. You cannot begin to imagine our excitement at the prospect of the three most famous heads of fleshy hair in all of America — Callista, Born As A Helmet; Newt With Face Of Rising Dough; and Donald Of The 3D-Printed Combover — together on one stage, and melting under the Nevada sun. But, oh bully for him, Trump had to ruin everything by picking Mittens instead:

Donald Trump endorsed GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney in the lobby of the Las Vegas hotel that bears the Trump name.

[...]

Mr. Romney, having a good time, called the endorsement “a delight.” “There are some things that you just can’t imagine happening in your life. This is one of them,” he said.

True, it’s not too hard to believe Mittens never imagined getting propositioned like a down-on-her-luck hooker in the lobby of a Vegas hotel — and then saying, “Yes.” [Politico/WSJ]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 234 comments }

Barb February 2, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Romney:
“There are some things that you just can’t imagine happening in your life. This is one of them,” he said.

Mitt-Wit, the other one would be your moving into the White House.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 2, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I'm not concerned about Mittens moving into the White House.

arihaya February 2, 2012 at 7:51 pm

I wonder why Mitt doesn't just built replica of White House with his gajillions of money?

Fukui_sanYesOta February 2, 2012 at 8:14 pm

He's waiting until after his presidential run, then he'll be sending buses down to his local Home Depot in order to pick up enough messicans.

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 8:39 pm

He's running for Awfuz, for Pete's sake!

Biff February 2, 2012 at 11:30 pm

You been sleeping all day, or whut? Hope you're OK…

C_R_Eature February 2, 2012 at 8:58 pm

One of the things that I can't imagine is having Gordon Gekko run for President of the United States, pick up the endorsement of Snidely Whiplash and some people thinking it's a good idea.
All this not 5 years out from a cataclysmic worldwide economic collapse brought about by the very same policies that the aforementioned Gekko would happily pursue, should America be so unfortunate as to elect him.

Nostrildamus February 2, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Mitt wouldn't need to move in in any case. He could just plug in to an exterior outlet.

SpiderCrab February 3, 2012 at 9:22 am

Mitt-Wit? Oooh, I like that!

Harry_S_Truman February 2, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Who's fired more people; Trump or Romney?

johnnymeatworth February 2, 2012 at 7:26 pm

All of them, Katie.

arihaya February 2, 2012 at 7:49 pm

let's ask Gary Busey about that

Callyson February 2, 2012 at 7:51 pm

If we're going with "corporations are people," my money is on Mittens, in a competitive race…

Fukui_sanYesOta February 2, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Trump was all about firing both China and OPEC at one point. Even Mittens isn't stupid enough to suggest that. Santorum might be, but then he'd actually have to know what OPEC was.

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Santorum thinks it's part of a sentence. That ends with an "er."

Fukui_sanYesOta February 2, 2012 at 8:53 pm

and there was a crisis about oily peckers in the 70s. yeah, I can see his tiny mind recoiling in horror at the thought.

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 9:09 pm

You have no idea how that man *longs* for an oily pecker. *Longs,* I tellsya.

Beowoof February 2, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Romney, Trump is a half-wit, oft bankrupted reality tv sort of celebrity with no real business accumen. Romney on the other hand is that slick motherfucker that you just know is evil.

slamtundra February 2, 2012 at 10:07 pm

But who enjoyed it more?

chicken_thief February 3, 2012 at 10:00 am

My money is on Rmoney. Except for his stupid teevee show, The Combover usually let's the bankruptcy court handle those details.

privatejoker77 February 2, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Oh, Trump, you so crazy!

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 2, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Needs moar 2nd Amendment Solutions.

nounverb911 February 2, 2012 at 7:35 pm

And surveyors marks too, also.

SudsMcKenzie February 2, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I really expected that endorsement to be more luxurious.

BelleSC February 2, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Hyoooge!

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Not Bush-y enough?

Beowoof February 2, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Shit Romney didn't even get to eat pizza with a fork.

BklynIlluminati February 2, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I am sure Trump not only endorsed Mittens but traded helmet hair secrets with him. The secret AQUANET

Beowoof February 2, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I was thinking shellac.

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Outgoing-governor Walker recommends a Tonette.

memzilla February 2, 2012 at 7:28 pm

"Money Endorses Money; Crazy Endorses Crazy."

It couldn't work out any other way.

The stars are in their proper alignment… for another four years of Sheriff Near (FSM willing).

HarryButtle February 2, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Maybe when he doesn't have reelection to worry about, he'll put on Sheriff Bart's big boy pants and hit some fuckin rednecks in the head with a shovel…NAH! But it was fun to imagine it, anyway.

ManchuCandidate February 2, 2012 at 7:28 pm

It's not like either of them are intelligent or wise. I'd be shocked if they picked wisely.

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 8:41 pm

And yet, it takes a modicum of intelligence to get *accepted* to Hahvahd, as Mittens was. WTF happened to him, I wonder.

starfanglednut February 2, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I think of rightwing "intelligence" as a kind of heat seeking, reptilian cunning, rather than a trait marked by curiosity, open mindedness, and self examination. Plus, he probably just bought his way in.

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Sigh.

SorosBot February 2, 2012 at 9:09 pm

To get accepted at Harvard, it takes a modicum of intelligence, or a really rich and connected daddy; guess which path both Mittens and W took.

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 9:10 pm

And sigh again.

Lucidamente1 February 2, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Well, Trump has had more wives than Miles Park Romney.

anniegetyerfun February 2, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Tied with Newt, though, right?

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Oh, how I'd love to see him tied with Newt — TO A FUCKING ROCKET, and STRAIGHT TO THE MOON!

CivicHoliday February 2, 2012 at 7:30 pm

The combined quantity of hair spray required to maintain just their two car salesman up-dos will release enough CFCs to keep the ozone hole open permanently.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 2, 2012 at 7:31 pm

I think Trump is after Mitt's hair. It all makes sense now.

nounverb911 February 2, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Hair today, gone tomorrow?

Nostrildamus February 2, 2012 at 10:54 pm

For God's sake, don't look at the portrait in Mitt's attic!

tealsheart February 3, 2012 at 2:53 am

…LOL…

Is that the same as his quiet room?

OneYieldRegular February 2, 2012 at 7:32 pm

"You cannot re-animate the corpse of a chupacabra."

Oh, come on – did you people never watch "Mystery Science Theater 3000"?

ttommyunger February 2, 2012 at 9:04 pm

I did, and I would again, gladly.

Fare la Volpe February 2, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Watching it right now!

Fukui_sanYesOta February 2, 2012 at 9:07 pm

"Trumpy, you can do magic things!"

"It's called evil, kid"

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Gawd, you're on a roll tonight! I'm still laughing about "norquist."

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 12:53 am

That was a real MST3K quote!! I can't take credit.

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Wut's this "you peepul" shit?

Ohforcripessake February 2, 2012 at 9:29 pm

In the not too distant future?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 2, 2012 at 10:21 pm

♪ ♫ ♬ Don't crap in your hand, crap in your poopy suit!
You'll feel relief filling your briefs
Filling your pants over France in your poopy suit!
Flying high, in the poo, free to do Number 2
poo-poopy-de dooo!!!!!
♪ ♫ ♬

The Starfighters

lulzmonger February 3, 2012 at 1:26 pm

… or see video "highlights" of last year's CPAC convention?

nounverb911 February 2, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Who did Trump's hair endorse?

SudsMcKenzie February 2, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Alf

Harry_S_Truman February 2, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Landon?

anniegetyerfun February 2, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Hilter?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 2, 2012 at 7:54 pm

I don't like the sound of these 'ere "boncentration bamps."

bagofmice February 2, 2012 at 8:02 pm

All of them, verby.

SorosBot February 2, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Hey you stole that from me on the Wonkwire item; no fair!

Beowoof February 2, 2012 at 9:04 pm

The Hair Club.

Loaded_Pants February 2, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Thinking fondly of it's homeland, Trump's hair endorsed Trump's ass.

Nostrildamus February 2, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Romney. Trump's hair is the brains of the outfit and it admires the way Mittens goes which ever way the wind blows.

chicken_thief February 3, 2012 at 10:03 am

And when it doesn't…

nounverb911 February 2, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Did Angle donate all of her medical chickens to santorum too? Oops, sorry that was Sue Lowdon. Same state different crazy.

Fare la Volpe February 2, 2012 at 9:04 pm

It's amazing how ubiquitous it is down there, isn't it?

I think it's the (lack of) water.

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Mass apoptosis of brain cells due to dehydration? Could be, could be.

Biff February 2, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Hey! I'm walkin' around down here too, ya know!

Negropolis February 3, 2012 at 3:13 am

Lake Mead is, indeed, running pretty low these days, and so is Vegas.

orygoon February 2, 2012 at 7:35 pm

"Sharron Angle" Jeez, Rick Santorum just can not catch a break, can he?

hollywooddood February 2, 2012 at 8:29 pm

He's probably thinking about buttsecks too much to care.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 2, 2012 at 7:35 pm

She supports Santorum? That's one obtuse Angle, all right.

weej_bain February 2, 2012 at 7:49 pm

That is normal to reality.

SorosBot February 2, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Well with all those wrinkles it's certainly not acute Angle.

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Not cute enough, anyway.

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Sauron Angel cares not for your mockery, Hellbender!

Nostrildamus February 2, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Secant destroy!

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2012 at 7:38 pm

"She shuffled her thoughts about, then stapled them together and literally read them aloud, right there on Fox — just like she imagines the real politicians do! "

Teleprompter libel!!!

MissTaken February 2, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Las Vegas hotel that bears the Trump name

Notice the lack of the word CASINO when describing the Trump Hotel in Vegas? Yes, you definitely want the endorsement of a hairball that can't manage to open a fucking casino in Nevada. Well played, Mittens.

Crank_Tango February 2, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Fail libel!

weej_bain February 2, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Mittens continues trying to fill an inside straight.

Beowoof February 2, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Ah yes, it was also a condo development, the Los Angles Times said this about it:

"The much-ballyhooed project opened in 2008 during the economic meltdown, and today sits amid a collection of vacant lots and silent cranes. Some might call it a metaphor." The Trump Mystique is alive, he is doing for Vegas what he did for Atlantic City.

Loaded_Pants February 2, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Well, this makes perfect sense. One job killer endorsing another job killer.

tealsheart February 3, 2012 at 2:51 am

PLUS: Vegas hair is always better! Donald didn't have a chance

Troglodeity February 2, 2012 at 7:40 pm

I'll see your Adelson and raise you a Trump.

chascates February 2, 2012 at 9:39 pm

That casino magnates are so heavily invested in this contest proves what a crap shoot democracy really is.

Lucidamente1 February 2, 2012 at 7:41 pm

This will go down well with the blacks.

anniegetyerfun February 2, 2012 at 7:42 pm

I'm struggling a bit here to figure out who I hate more: Newt or Donald. I guess I would find Newt to be the more intelligent of the two, given that Donald Trump has the cognitive abilities of wet cement, but does that mean that I hate Newt less than Donald?

savethispatient February 2, 2012 at 7:47 pm

You can't blame an idiot for being an idiot. Newt consciously says things to annoy you, for the very reason of annoying you, so you should hate him more.

anniegetyerfun February 2, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Newt's voice = also so terrible. Then again, better hair.

savethispatient February 2, 2012 at 8:00 pm

I have more respect for Newt, despite the fact his point of view is usually terrible. Apart from moon-bases. Moon bases are awesome.

Beowoof February 2, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Oh yeah, the hair thing, an old TV commercial from New York City stations we used to get on cable plays in my mind whenever I see Donald, " The Bald Look, The Masterline Look" I think they're bankrupt so it also has that Trump relate.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 2, 2012 at 7:49 pm

I think it's entirely consistent to hate both equally, even if it's for different reasons. Newt and Donald both have loathsomeness that goes to 11.

Nothingisamiss February 2, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Such a liberal. "Yeah, you can hate them BOTH." Where's the competition, commie?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 2, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Not at all–like a true American Exceptionalist, I demand the God-given right to hate as fully and freely as I want to. Maybe in Europe they make people choose from a limited number of hatred options, but not here!

♪ ♫ ♬ And I'm proud to hate an American…♪ ♫ ♬

emmelemm February 3, 2012 at 1:10 am

Well, Newt has more potential to actually affect my life, so I'm going with Newt.

gingerland62 February 3, 2012 at 1:26 am

I think of Trump as a rich Joe the Plumber and Newt as a less stupid Sarah Palin– if that helps.

arihaya February 2, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Romney might as well seeking endorsement from Jerry Sandusky

SorosBot February 2, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Now I think Sandusky would endorse Santorum in return for the award Rick gave him for his work with children a few years back:
http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/big_tent/13354

Generation[redacted] February 2, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Award? I didn't even know it was a competitive sport!

Beowoof February 2, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I didn't know there was an award for Santourm production. Wow, the things I learn on Wonkette.

sharethegrief February 2, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Many attributes were bestowed on Mitt by Trump but the most important one wasn't mentioned…..Mitt Romney is white.

Fare la Volpe February 2, 2012 at 9:09 pm

They all are, really.

Really, really white.

tealsheart February 3, 2012 at 9:01 am

YES, BUT Newt will do more for his blacks than Mittens will ever do for his blacks (if he had any)

sharethegrief February 3, 2012 at 9:53 am

Mitt hires the browns to manicure his 20 lawns.

deelzebub February 2, 2012 at 7:44 pm

That blingee was clearly intended for a jewelry debt piglet post.

tealsheart February 3, 2012 at 9:02 am

He's mad: lost the endorsement and his diamonds.

ManchuCandidate February 2, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Isn't it more the hair on Newt's Chinny Chin Chin Chin Chin Chin Chin?

Crank_Tango February 2, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Didn't Tchrump quit being a republican last month? Or did I fever dream that…

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 11:03 pm

It might have seemed like an illness, but it was reality.

anniegetyerfun February 2, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Is Mitt's description of a Trump endorsement as "delightful" sort of like when people from the South say "Oh, bless your heart"?

Loaded_Pants February 2, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Yes it is.

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Or when someone from Pittsburgh says, "Isn't that inneresting."

JustPixelz February 2, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Did Trump demand to see Romney's birf certificate before opening his pizza hole today?

starfanglednut February 2, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Rich, white people are automatically automatically assumed to be legit American citizens.

chicken_thief February 3, 2012 at 10:10 am

Even when their dad's are Messicuns.

coolhandnuke February 2, 2012 at 7:49 pm

The F List endorsements will not be complete until the Octomom sides with Newt.

Nothingisamiss February 2, 2012 at 8:28 pm

I was trying to come up with a clever less-than-Octomom F-list celebrity reply, but I think you've gotten to the very bottom mold of the barrel.

Loaded_Pants February 2, 2012 at 10:51 pm

I'm waiting for the "Mob Wives" endorsements.

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 11:11 pm

I won't vote until I hear from the Cajun Pawn Stars and that lovely "family" from Operation Repo.

Negropolis February 3, 2012 at 3:14 am

Drita would totally endorse Newt, 'cause like Newt, she ain't afraid to cut a bitch.

Me, though? I'm waiting for the vaunted Hillbilly Hand Fishin' endorsement.

Mort_Sinclair February 2, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Well, this certainly is an Aqua-Net moment, isn't it?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 2, 2012 at 7:55 pm

I dunno, any mention of these idiots is more of a Maalox Moment.

JackObin February 2, 2012 at 7:51 pm

What is an asshole to do but endorse another asshole? But seriously Mitt, I think The Donald drinks alcohol. Doesn't that make him the devil?

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 11:12 pm

He wears the wrong kind of underwear, too. But PLEASE, I don't want to know what The Donald has on underneath that stuffed shirt.

tealsheart February 3, 2012 at 2:48 am

its OK, once his hair kills him, we morans will convert him, like we did Jesus.

When will this chit end?

weej_bain February 2, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Looks like Newt will be playing no-Trump. And he has already been finessed in Virginia and Missouri, the crafty chubby weasel.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 2, 2012 at 7:56 pm

A Bridge Too Far

SorosBot February 2, 2012 at 7:53 pm

How, exactly, is an endorsement from a total failure a "shot in the arm"? Although I want to thank Angle for turning a nearly sure GOP pickup in the Senate to a Democratic retention by a fairly large margin.

Generation[redacted] February 2, 2012 at 7:59 pm

It's a shot in the arm, from a howitzer.

Callyson February 2, 2012 at 7:53 pm

rumors swirling around this morning, that Donald Trump was on the cusp of endorsing his fellow pustule Gingrich
What, The Donald choosing the less wealthy candidate? Never!

Local_Mojo February 2, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Donald endorsed Willard? Heck, that's good enough for me!

Bluestatelibel February 2, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Well, Mittens and Donald both have a lot of experience in bankrupting companies, so there's that. They'll make a lovely couple.

Walkinwiddaking February 2, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Is there any truth to the rumor that Trump is a geriatric version of Milo Minderbinder?

ttommyunger February 2, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Milo was charming and not an unpleasant looking fellow, so-no.

Walkinwiddaking February 2, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Oh yes, all aspects of Milo were quite charming. I know what you're getting at but…

ttommyunger February 2, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Most con-men are. Republican operatives are the exceptions.

bumfug February 2, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Gallup's new poll of everyone on earth reveals that not one fuck was given about who Sharron Angle or Donald Trump endorse.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 2, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Jennifer Rubin of the WaPoop was so angry this morning when she announced that Trump was endorsing Pig Newton.

Now that he's gone for her man Rmoney, she's singing a different tune.
~

fuflans February 2, 2012 at 11:06 pm

who?

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 11:18 pm

He might be her man, but she's going to have to get in line behind CNN'S Erin "Citicorp" Burnett.

lulzmonger February 3, 2012 at 1:29 pm

"We have always been at war with Newtonia!"

Guppy February 2, 2012 at 7:55 pm

A shot surveying mark in the arm from Angle has to be an improvement over a shot in the ass from Santorum.

bagofmice February 2, 2012 at 8:07 pm

You may have a directionality issue there. Depending on the timing.

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 11:19 pm

WIth Angle, it will be over quickly and followed up with a refreshing glass of lemonade.

Rotundo_ February 2, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Having "The Donald" on board sure cements that average middle class guy who is unemployed image of Mittens in my mind. Pity that Jim Backus is dead or they could have Thurston Howell endorse him too.

Biff February 2, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Or Mr. Magoo.

Harry_S_Truman February 2, 2012 at 8:03 pm

I'm pretty sure this will bring Romney exactly one more vote in New York, a state that is unreachable to Republicans.

Generation[redacted] February 2, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Now there's a guy who is truly not concerned about the poor.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 2, 2012 at 8:10 pm

But he's always had a great relationship with the blahs, or so he said.

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 11:22 pm

"What are 'the poor'? Surely, if there were any uptown I would know about it."

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 2, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Well, this should solidify Romney's hold on Self-Absorb Conservative Millionaires.

C_R_Eature February 2, 2012 at 8:05 pm

I'd like to say that Chimpanzees pick better leaders and make more thoughtful intra-Community alliances, but the comparison would be a grave insult to the Chimpanzees.

I'll bet, though that the surviving Chimps are breathing a sigh of relief, realizing that their ancestors really did choose the right Evolutionary Branch to climb.

JackDempsey1 February 2, 2012 at 8:07 pm

The rotating diamond in the Blingee should really be reserved for a Newt-related post. Though I suppose it's quite difficult to animate a GIF file for a fleet of Brink's trucks.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 2, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Look at it this way, Romney bankrupt companies for his profit, and Trump bankrupt companies. They have so much in common!

imissopus February 2, 2012 at 8:09 pm

"A shot in the arm." Yeah, a syringe full of black tar heroin.

Barrelhse February 2, 2012 at 9:00 pm

I was thinking penicillin.

GeorgiaBurning February 2, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Newt and Trump together on one stage would be too much weird, even for Las Vegas. Making nice with Mittens can be helpful when the Donald needs another "bankruptcy" bailout.

Designer_Rants February 2, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Meme captioning… I'm sure someone can do better than I did. But it has potential?

Angry_Marmot February 3, 2012 at 12:53 am

Not so much Whigs as a pack of vile, ranting Tory dogs.

Designer_Rants February 3, 2012 at 7:30 am

I just checked "quckmeme" and someone DID re-caption. Fun!

SorosBot February 2, 2012 at 8:12 pm

If we care about the endorsements of vapid reality TV hosts, then I want to know who Paula Abdul supports.

Beowoof February 2, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Really, Paula, I would argue Matt Lauer is more vapid. His update on Demi Moore this morning almost made me puke.

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 9:44 pm

She endorses all of them, Katie. Really, she always calls everyone a winner, and she thinks you're Katie Couric, because she's so high on painkillers.

tealsheart February 3, 2012 at 12:00 am

Not qualified, she was fired this week.
Simon Cowell used his Donald voice, "You're Fired",

Data Exactly February 2, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Forget politics – let's get our belongings in order and stop the Chupacabra, which is 'unseen and yet everywhere'!

philpjfry February 2, 2012 at 8:14 pm

why do people pay attention to these walking pussbags

mrblifil February 2, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Wow, women were already cRAyZaY for Mitt. With the Trump endorsement they'll be throwing panties soaked in squirt juice, propelled over great distance with little more than the cunning use of kegel muscles.

James Michael Curley February 2, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Are those the muscles one develops working as a lighting technician?

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Depends on what you're lighting.

tealsheart February 3, 2012 at 12:31 am

Yeah, but only when screwing

chascates February 2, 2012 at 8:41 pm

So what is Ron Paul, chopped liver?

ShaveTheWhales February 2, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Yes. Yes he is.

Angry_Marmot February 3, 2012 at 12:57 am

Pickled souse, I believe.

WhatTheHeck February 2, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Ronnie RayGun’s endorsement has hit a snag this year. He’s holding out for someone to save the GOP and so far he’s disappointed. I have it on good authority he’s liking Obama more than those bozos.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 2, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Obama is far more like Reagan than any of these godawful fuckwits, it's just that the electorate is too fucking stupid to see that.

edit: and that's not a good thing about Obama. I'd still vote for him though.

WhatTheHeck February 2, 2012 at 9:09 pm

ditto

chascates February 2, 2012 at 8:58 pm

I predict that in eight years the GOP nominee will be decided via a reality show. Conducted not on an island but in the Ronald Reagan Library.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 2, 2012 at 9:01 pm

The celebrity judges will be Beyonce, Grover Norquist and James O'Keefe.

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 11:26 pm

In eight years Beyonce's baby will be at the same intellectual level as the average conservative, so let's go with Ivy Blue.

tealsheart February 2, 2012 at 11:53 pm

That woman is going NOWHERES near a bookStore, much less the RR Library.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 1:41 am

Perfect judge for a GOP candidate then, amirite?

Chet Kincaid February 2, 2012 at 9:43 pm

How is that different than the public defecation we have witnessed this Primary Season?

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 9:45 pm

MOAR actual bleeding?

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Even greater ratings? Snack food purchases at Super Bowl levels? Moderators from the MMA?

Angry_Marmot February 3, 2012 at 1:01 am

They paint the candidates' names on the field, and wherever the electorate craps, that's the nominee.

spends2much February 2, 2012 at 9:03 pm

To help out undecided GOPers:
Do you like conspiracy theories and Jesus (Fundamentalist Strength)? Sharron and Rick have the answers!
Do you like hairspray and white men (one of whom pretends to be working class, but has hundreds of millions of dollars, the other pretends to be Midas, but they know his name down at Bankruptcy Court)? The Mittald, all the way.

SilverTsunami February 2, 2012 at 9:05 pm

A Sharon Angle endorsement is a shot in the arm — yes, like that shot of drain cleaner in the arm that Sara Conner threatened the smug shrink with in Terminator 2. Remember?

ttommyunger February 2, 2012 at 9:09 pm

These two endorsements carry at least as much weight as Sheriff Joe R. Piehole's or Albert Yawkey, for that matter.

vtxmcrider February 2, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Sharron Angle's endorsement of Santorum is a shot in the arm all right … like the kind Rick Perry gives in Texas.

shrillharpy February 2, 2012 at 9:36 pm

OT, but is anyone else annoyed that Romney-bot is now getting Secret Service protection. Courtesy of us.

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Herman Cain was, too, before he dropped out. It's something that's been going on for some time, now.

SorosBot February 2, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Yeah; it started after Robert Kennedy's assassination. It does make sense in light of past events.

shrillharpy February 2, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Yeah, you're right. It does make sense. But it frosts my ass that the taxpayers have to foot the bill to protect these guys when not one of them has shown any compunction to protect anything but their bottom line. Or their egos.

C_R_Eature February 2, 2012 at 10:10 pm

I'm Pissed Off that Cheney's still got SS protection.

I think he'd be far safer in the Hague. We wouldn't have to foot the bill, either.

Negropolis February 3, 2012 at 3:12 am

You know who else got SS protection?

This is why I never abbreviate their name. lol

C_R_Eature February 3, 2012 at 5:28 am

I see that you saw what I did there.

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 11:32 pm

I'm pissed off that he's now trained to say "Democrat Party." Something he never did before and sometimes he still stumbles over the name, making sure he gets it "right." Seriously, I'd love to know which one of his donors demanded that.

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Yep, this conceit is definitely a George Soros-sponsored piece of perfomance art. Angle and Trump on the same day? Yep.

We're running out of sharks to jump.

BTW, Angle's endorsement was a "shot in the arm"…with a shotgun, of course.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 1:45 am

Shark jumping? Paddling amongst rays, I say.

DocChaos February 2, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Trump was never going to endorse Gingrich – I don't think the bloated huckster really gives a shit who's President – he just wants to back the obvious nominee so he can take credit for putting him over. Not that anyone will really believe it, but they'll surely give him the airtime to proclaim it.

If Mitt is obviously losing by October, look for Trump to start saying nice things about Obama again.

shrillharpy February 2, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Yeah, but didn't the Hairball and doughy smudge sack strike up a plan to teach poor kids how to be janitors? What's gonna happen to those children now? Why is no one thinking of the children?!?

mavenmaven February 2, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Trump is people too!

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Really?

HarryButtle February 2, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Sharon Angle's still alive?

Chet Kincaid February 2, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Mitt, you grinning, soulless phony, why didn't you have the guts to tell Trump to stuff his endorsement? Is this some kind of "Dancing With The Proles" for you, this campaign? Willl you be scooping up the coveted Drew Peterson endorsement tomorrow? Joseph H. Smith in a jumpsuit!!

scarface99 February 2, 2012 at 10:04 pm

strap romney to the roof of his limo…and after a high speed ride on the freeway hose him down at a truck stop

BZ1 February 2, 2012 at 10:09 pm

A commentator on CNN reminisced whimsically, "we used to joke about how surprising it was that he was a Mormon but acted like he'd sell his kids if he had the chance..".

owhatever February 2, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Comb over to the dark side.

Dashboard Buddha February 2, 2012 at 10:40 pm

I lol'd.

SudsMcKenzie February 3, 2012 at 12:57 am

me too.

Chichikovovich February 2, 2012 at 10:41 pm

She shuffled her thoughts about, then stapled them together and literally read them aloud, right there on Fox

No doubt the sheets contained a few "Obama needs the teleprompter" jokes.

Loaded_Pants February 2, 2012 at 10:42 pm

This endorsement clearly Trumps Kelly Clarkson's endorsement of Ron Paul.

neiltheblaze February 2, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Newt must feel really jilted. Maybe there's still hope he'll get the much coveted Ted Nugent endorsement.

tealsheart February 3, 2012 at 12:17 am

Yeah seems all the red'publicans, will vote for the one normally hated, in order to remove YKW from the WH. Don't be suprised when they fund a SparkingNewWhiteHouse.

Nostrildamus February 2, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Angle is one of the most stable politicians around. Combinatorically stable, that is, in that any permutation of her words sounds about the same.

slowhansolo February 3, 2012 at 12:33 am

I thought Mormons were programmed to explode the second they set foot in Vegas?

Designer_Rants February 3, 2012 at 7:36 am

Meet Mittens 4.0. He can now even accept a porno pamphlet without shorting out.

barto February 3, 2012 at 1:35 am

Wait, Sharron can read?

barto February 3, 2012 at 1:38 am

Your move, Palin.

(Oh God I'm so sorry I said that…)

chicken_thief February 3, 2012 at 10:17 am

Angle's endorsement will surely help Sant rum with the *Asian* vote.

DustBowlBlues February 3, 2012 at 10:51 am

Shit–Democrats are aborting black babies? Well, hell. I'm white and so is my husband, the rat bastard who wasn't responsible for contraception because he refused to get his nuts operated on. Now that I'm too old to have another abortion, (and even if I were, it wouldn't matter because I had the old man neutered) I find it was supposed to a black baby. My bad.

archikvetch February 3, 2012 at 11:19 am

Chupacabra libel!

MRjonz February 3, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Sharron Angle endorsed Santorum because both hold the opinion that “Life Begins at Ejaculation.”

lulzmonger February 3, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Romney has shrewdly copped a big slice of that vital "Aspiring Cretinous Lowlife" demographic away from Gingrich, right after making him eat Loser Pie in Flo'da. It's becoming more & more easy to see who's made campaigning for POTUS into a fucking full-time lifestyle-choice & who hasn't in this circus.

Ahh, still, I think Newticles' endorsement from Randy Duke Cunningham trumps Trump pimping for Willard … at least until someone finally indicts the OTHER vile corpulent oleaginous oxygen-thieving noise-polluting epic fucking waste of protein.

PhilippePetain February 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm

"You cannot re-animate the corpse of a chupacabra. Like Santorum’s campaign, it doesn’t really exist, it cannot die, and it will never gallop triumphantly off into the sunset. Just not happening. It will haunt the landscape forever, unseen and yet everywhere."

Kaia Mursi, please be mine this Valentine's day.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 2, 2012 at 9:16 pm

He'd squeal and cry and beg for it to end, but there's no way he'd say the safe word.

The safe word is "norquist".

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Thanks for checking, sweetie. I've been OK, just trying to deal with damage to the rotator cuff (using a crutch and a cane will do that). Makes it painful to use te computer.

Biff February 2, 2012 at 11:47 pm

OK, I understand that mess. 3 years ago I had one of mine repaired, along with the bicep tendon. Took 2 1/2 years to get over it! Left arm/shoulder, too bad I'm left-handed.

MittBorg February 2, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Oh, gee, that sounds like fun. Hopefully this fecking thing will respond to exercise and heat/cold. Thanks, sweetie. (Hugs the Biff)

Fukui_sanYesOta February 3, 2012 at 12:51 am

Just get well soon, you snarky fuck.

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