Today’s Love Fest: Sharron Angle For Santorum, Trump For Romney

  not by the hair on newt's chinny chin chin

They bluster on.O blessed day! Breathing desert mirage Sharron Angle has emerged from her candle-lit study, after a meticulous examination of the remaining combatants for head GOP clown, to anoint the weirdest available clown of them all, Rick Santorum! She shuffled her thoughts about, then stapled them together and literally read them aloud, right there on Fox — just like she imagines the real politicians do! Politico is delicately referring to her endorsement as a “shot in the arm” for the Santorum campaign. Which, HELLO FRIEND, that’s not how Earth works!!! You cannot re-animate the corpse of a chupacabra. Like Santorum’s campaign, it doesn’t really exist, it cannot die, and it will never gallop triumphantly off into the sunset. Just not happening. It will haunt the landscape forever, unseen and yet everywhere.

Since we are obligated to speak ill of the Newt so long as his DVD/merch tour continues, we were all ready to cover the rumors swirling around this morning, that Donald Trump was on the cusp of endorsing his fellow pustule Gingrich in Las Vegas. You cannot begin to imagine our excitement at the prospect of the three most famous heads of fleshy hair in all of America — Callista, Born As A Helmet; Newt With Face Of Rising Dough; and Donald Of The 3D-Printed Combover — together on one stage, and melting under the Nevada sun. But, oh bully for him, Trump had to ruin everything by picking Mittens instead:

Donald Trump endorsed GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney in the lobby of the Las Vegas hotel that bears the Trump name.

[...]

Mr. Romney, having a good time, called the endorsement “a delight.” “There are some things that you just can’t imagine happening in your life. This is one of them,” he said.

True, it’s not too hard to believe Mittens never imagined getting propositioned like a down-on-her-luck hooker in the lobby of a Vegas hotel — and then saying, “Yes.” [Politico/WSJ]

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