GREAT LEGISLATIVE ACHIEVEMENTS  3:11 pm February 1, 2012

House GOP Earning Salary Today Worrying About Strip Clubs

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Michael Steele is around here somewhere.

Oh how thoughtful, House Republicans are bringing to the floor today a bill to close some kind of sexy-sounding “strip-club loophole” in what, campaign spending disclosure rules or something? No? NO. Oh right, it’s a bill meant to stop all the silly misbehaving poors from spending their welfare money at strip clubs. No wonder they aren’t out getting jobs! Please, bill sponsor Rep. Charles Boustany Jr., tell us more about this terrifying epidemic of taxpayer waste!

From The Hill:

“It’s pretty rampant around the country,” Boustany said of the abuses. “This has really eroded the credibility of the TANF program in the eyes of the American taxpayer — a program that has been successful, by and large.

Is that really what American taxpayers think about when they consider their support for welfare programs? Strip clubs? Only if you are a Republican, maybe, because everything in that case somehow relates to (gay) strip clubs.

Boustany’s office cited reports of welfare abuses in eight states, totaling millions of dollars. His legislation would not reduce spending directly, but would restrict how taxpayer funds can be used.

In one well-publicized example, the Los Angeles Times reported in 2010 that California welfare recipients were able to withdraw cash from their state-issued debit cards at more than half of the casinos in the state.

“We have an obligation to make sure taxpayer dollars are spent appropriately,” Boustany said.

Hahahaha, don’t you always love that one, “we need to make sure taxpayer dollars are being spent appropriately?” Because of “millions of dollars” being wasted by poor people! Wait, hang on…

Okay, let’s see, here we go, after four seconds of Google searching, here is this article about taxpayer waste that we remember reading in Forbes last year:

The Army’s biggest budgetary mis-step was a family of networked air and ground vehicles collectively called the Future Combat System. Although prime contractor Boeing managed to keep the program on schedule and on budget through a series of restructures, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates decided in 2009 that the project wasn’t ready for prime-time and canceled it after a staggering $19 billion had already been spent. Bloomberg Business News subsequently reported that the service had wasted $32 billion on doomed weapons projects since 1995.

OOOH but POINT: the billions of dollars invested in the defense industry create so many JOBS! JOBS EVERYWHERE! Counterpoint: strip clubs ALSO provide jobs — jobs that don’t build giant terror machines used for killing people all over the world, which is true no matter how you feel about strip clubs.

So here’s a modest proposal: maybe instead we should actually expand our taxpayer-sponsored program for strip club visits and allocate $19 billion to give the millions of poors and the six or so middle-class workers still left all the chances they want to go see a mostly-naked person writhe around in front of them LIVE instead of having to sit through all the godawful commercials on TEEVEE to watch the same thing and there might even be ten or so dollars left over to send an Afghan kid to school for a year instead of murdering her. God. [The Hill]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 308 comments }

nounverb911 February 1, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Can we stop buying diapers for congressmen too?

memzilla February 1, 2012 at 3:29 pm

It depends™.

widestanceshakedown February 1, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I'm sick of pampering their asses!

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Huggies to all of you!

hagajim February 1, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I'd Luv's to see where Vitter stands on this.

HistoriCat February 1, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Where he stands on the issue depends on where he shits.

nounverb911 February 1, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Strip bars take food stamps?

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Hey. those Ph D fry cooks don't feed themselves!

finallyhappy February 1, 2012 at 3:28 pm

seriously! I know a Phd Starbucks barista- needs that job to get health insurance- along with the p/t teaching/tutoring job. If only he had stopped at a HS diploma and gotten married

Extemporanus February 1, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Strip joints take boob stamps (unless the stripper's lactating, of course.)

starfanglednut February 1, 2012 at 5:35 pm

But I don't think a stripper would appreciate having it tucked in her bikini.

Toomush_Infer February 1, 2012 at 3:49 pm

For the tacos…!

Guppy February 1, 2012 at 4:14 pm

From their employees.

bagofmice February 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm

It's an EBT card nowadays. You just have to run it through the slot and push the right buttons.

GunToting[Redacted] February 1, 2012 at 3:14 pm

"His legislation would not reduce spending directly"

This should be a required sentence in every GOP bill ever.

SudsMcKenzie February 1, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Jasmine, Krystal, we had a good ride. But its over.

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I guess I have say goodbye to Buck and Girth too.

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Two more doctoral students, forced to give up their dreams.

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 12:24 am

Surely, the terrorists have won.

johnnymeatworth February 1, 2012 at 3:15 pm

So this legislation is going to keep Michael Steele, whatever the hell he's doing now, out of strip clubs then?

Slim_Pickins February 1, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Only straight clubs.

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Herman Cain disapproves.

Nothingisamiss February 1, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Of courser not, silly. THOSE taxpayer dollars (to pay his salary at the RNC and funneled by generous donors who also get their money at decr. taxpayer rates) are LEGALLY spent on strip clubs.

hahaha. Only the poors should be drug tested, voter ID'd and strip club checked.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 1, 2012 at 4:12 pm

No. Rich Republicans going to gay Strip Clubs is A-OK. It is just the poor that can't go. Last thing we want is a poor person enjoying his or her self, and taking a seat at the dance stage away from a rich person. This is America, damn it!

HistoriCat February 1, 2012 at 5:00 pm

White strippers. Very urban foodstampers. You do the math.

bagofmice February 1, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Steele is getting a paycheck from MSNBC these days, and honestly, I can see why. He's a likable guy. He won an election amongst a bunch of money obsessed party elements, and is the polar opposite a scornful and scandalous fellow like newt. He has a positive attitude and will make fun poses with interns. He also won.

I think the right word might be collegial. This is in stark comparison to the total war (deferred from real war) Rovian extremism.

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 12:26 am

Anyone that can affect such a personality while remaining a part of the party that he does has some kind of mental illness. Sorry. He lost me while RNC chair the minute he capitulated to the party's power structure by apologizing for calling Limbaugh **gasp** an "entertainer."

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I am tired of Washington breathing my air.

nounverb911 February 1, 2012 at 3:17 pm

George or Denzel?

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 3:22 pm

All of them…………………………………….. (I know, you folks can taze me for almost using that)

Nothingisamiss February 1, 2012 at 4:12 pm

But we wouldn't because we're not fuckface jackasses.

Chichikovovich February 1, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Half of us are fuckfaces and the other half jackasses, but keep those fuckface jackasses out of here. We've got standards.

GhostBuggy February 1, 2012 at 3:17 pm

"…there might even be ten or so dollars left over to send an Afghan kid to school for a year instead of murdering her."

Well, who would murder her, then? What, are we to believe that she won't be shredded by high-powered explosives dropped by robots? How does that help FREEDOM AND CAPITALISM? You liberals are clueless!

memzilla February 1, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Ya know, robot congressmen wouldn't be a terrible idea, come to think of it.

GhostBuggy February 1, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Eh, I think we'd break even. After all, both types are fond of the "KILL ALL HUMANS" approach to governing.

donner_froh February 1, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Why are the Repubs trying to destroy the jobs of hard-working strippers?

Pithaughn February 1, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Ezactly, and the multiplier effect also. Every stripper is putting herself and her child through Montessori school or at least cosmetology academy. I'm willing to donate to an economics doctoral thesis that studies the multiplier effect of strip clubs. Just have Krystal come by my office, I'll be the guy with a five dollar bill sitting in a chair, with nothing on my lap.

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 3:34 pm

They want to outsource the jobs to India and the Dominican Republic

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 5:19 pm

You wanna kill this bill?

Bring it up at the next meeting of the American Board of Cosmetic Surgery. It'll be out of the hopper in no time, or the RNC will be looking for a new source of contributions.

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Listen, that mythical millions being spent in casinos and in strip clubs, if you added it up over millenium could buy an unarmored Hummer and a few MREs! Why do you hate our troops????

chicken_thief February 1, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Troops*! Military! USA!!! USA!!! USA!!!

*Well, 'cept that buff gay one in Iraq….

DaRooster February 1, 2012 at 3:31 pm

"BOOOOoooo!"

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 3:43 pm

"Listen, that mythical millions being spent in casinos and in strip clubs, if you added it up over millenium could buy an unarmored Hummer and a few MREs!"

Please, like you can't get an unarmored hummer in a strip club.

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Dammit! One upped on my own joke!

Well played, madam….well played….

*cleaning nails with stiletto*

Nice flower you got there…be a shame something happened to it.

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Uncle Garlic?? Is that you?

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 4:26 pm

SNOOKIE???????

Grief_Lessons February 1, 2012 at 3:19 pm

But how many strippers does this keep off welfare?

memzilla February 1, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I volunteer for the study group.

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 12:29 am

All of them, Kati…no.

weej_bain February 1, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Speaking of boobies, burn yer pink ribbons Wonketeers, the Komen Foundation has caved to the anti-abortion true-believers and pulled the funding plug on Planned Parenthood. doG has piddled on 170,000 mammograms per year for the poorz. Add to that killing Obamacare and we should see soon see God's glory writ large with cancer helping to clear those welfare rolls. Jeebus fucking weeps.

GOPCrusher February 1, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Time to bring the Predator drones home and start targeting the Taliban in this country.

finallyhappy February 1, 2012 at 3:29 pm

yup, Komen buckled under to some teabagger GOP congresscritter in Florida. No more donations from me to them. Lots of anger on many places on the internet about this

weej_bain February 1, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I've got a lot of anger too, and I lost a mother and two aunts to breast cancer. Komen can kiss my patootie before they'll see another dime from me, our firm, much less our 5K team!

memzilla February 1, 2012 at 3:36 pm

If your team runs the 5K backwards, would that take money away from them?

Limeylizzie February 1, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I just called them and ripped some poor soul a new , improved asshole.

Chichikovovich February 1, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Wonkette management: we need a post on this development, so we can rant properly.

emmelemm February 1, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Agreed.

Chet Kincaid February 1, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Are your dues up to date?

widestanceshakedown February 1, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Is this when Komen is revealed to be nothing more than the HRC of breast cancer?

sharethegrief February 1, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Komen needs a new mission statement: Women run for us and , in turn, we run from women.

Callyson February 1, 2012 at 4:06 pm

And I have run my last Race for the Cure. Assholes.

sharethegrief February 1, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Komen: Race for the Pure.

Limeylizzie February 1, 2012 at 4:34 pm

1-877 GO KOMEN

1-877 GO KOMEN (1-877-465-6636) is the resource for any and all things relating to breast health, breast cancer and Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

emmelemm February 1, 2012 at 4:50 pm

It really is just them showing their true colors. It's run by right-wingers, always has been, and is always more about publicity than actually doing good.

Fuckers.

MissTaken February 1, 2012 at 4:53 pm

If you or someone you love has boobies donate directly to your local Planned Parenthood clinic.

SorosBot February 1, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I donated last year after the Republicans tried to cut their funding; gah that made me so angry. They really do hate women. This is just as enraging.

MissTaken February 1, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Yay for men who love women!

Limeylizzie February 1, 2012 at 5:13 pm
Negligently_Joe February 1, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Well, that's fucking great. And of course, wonderful things will come of this, because it's not as though the pro-forced-birth-ers out there like to spread misinformation about breast cancer being linked to abortion.

And it's not as though the only acceptable pro-forced-birth view on pregnant breast cancer sufferers (breast cancer hits an awful lot of women of childbearing age) is that they'd better hope they just outlive their pregnancies.

And it's not as though the pro-forced-birth movement doesn't still hate Komen, for not opposing *all* science, forever

I swear, this is going to end up being richer than that time that major Autism charity decided to go all anti-vaxer. Also too, donate to Planned Parenthood.

Jerri February 1, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Ugh. One more reason I'll never give them money or buy any "Pink" product (whether it is associated with them or not. I hate that whole trend in general, but that's another rant entirely.)

And yes, I have lost friends and family to BC. I'd rather give my money directly to Planned Parenthood.

Negligently_Joe February 1, 2012 at 7:55 pm

God, I work at a cancer center, and I'd rather give my money to Planned Parenthood.

And yes, the Pink thing is pretty dumb. Komen's been pretty shameless about partnering with literally any business that will give them money and visibility, even when the products being sold directly undercut the core message of Breast Cancer awareness and prevention.

Jerri February 1, 2012 at 11:25 pm

That's just disgusting.

A friend who has been fighting cancer for the better part of a year now was livid when she saw that story. And really, livid doesn't even begin to cover it.

Checking out all the pre-packaged crapola on grocery store shelves in October that have little pink shelf-talkers is pretty fun too, if your idea of fun is nearly having an aneurysm in the cereal aisle.

Biff February 1, 2012 at 5:45 pm

My annual gift in my sister's name will now go to Planned Parenthood. Enough of us do that, it'll have a good net effect.

C_R_Eature February 1, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Fuck the Komen Foundation. They're an Admin-heavy money collection machine that's specifically designed to enrich themselves and as a side benefit direct cancer patients towards lucrative Treatment schemes, while directing a fraction of the funds they collect to minor academic research. The fact that they caved to the Loud Voiced Anti- Crowd doesn't surprise me in the least. They're all about protecting the Income Stream.
These days I donate exclusively to research through small non-profits, so I know that most of the funds go directly towards finding the tools and knowledge needed to beat these terrible Cancers.
Cancer's run through my friends and family like a threshing machine and I don't know anyone who's life has not been touched in some way.

If in fact there was a thing called Hell, there would be a fine and horrible little corner of it for people who make a living profiting on so much pain.

Sorry, folks. Not too Snarky today.

Jukesgrrl February 1, 2012 at 10:17 pm

All of my internet aliases signed petitions about this today.

chicken_thief February 1, 2012 at 3:19 pm

rentboy.com however, will still be allowed to cash Congressional pay checks.

SorosBot February 1, 2012 at 3:19 pm

How the fuck is the federal government supposed to be able to know, much less control, what welfare recipients spend fucking cash on?

GOPCrusher February 1, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Easy. Don't give them any. Nothing.

GhostBuggy February 1, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Yeah, that's pretty much the endgame here. "Well, it's just too hard to help the poors. We'll have to cancel social safety net programs because we voted in these difficult, impossible-to-work-around provisions. Wish we didn't have to, but, you know…"

BigDumbRedDog February 1, 2012 at 3:39 pm

They should give them different colored monies so that everyone can tell they're poor when they pay for stuff. Maybe they could use canadian monies.

SorosBot February 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I remember one wingnut complaining about how the switch from literal food stamps to card meant that they could no longer tell who was on government assistance at the grocery store, as if that was any of their business; but they love being able to feel superior to others.

BigDumbRedDog February 1, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Obviously the welfare recipient is the one buying only beer, porn and lottery tickets. Duh!

ShaveTheWhales February 1, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Wait. I'm not on welfare.

GOPCrusher February 1, 2012 at 4:15 pm

That gets back to the entire "shame" issue. Republiklans don't want the people that need assistance to feel like human beings.

Jukesgrrl February 1, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Bingo.

Loaded_Pants February 1, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I know people that receive SNAP benefits. If the card (which works like a debit card) isn't used for a certain amount of time (I can't recall exactly…it's something like 3 months) the account is frozen so the card can't be used. Fraud is impossible unless one just flat out lies on an application. And you can't use them in anyway to receive cash (at least here in VA).

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 3:45 pm

"They should give them different colored monies so that everyone can tell they're poor"

Or maybe make them wear some kind of… oh, I don't know, symbol… on their clothing.

Generation[redacted] February 1, 2012 at 4:32 pm

If we're going to all that trouble, we should probably just wall off the ghettos.

Chet Kincaid February 1, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Hey the Great Urban Legend of the '60s and '70s among Big City Urbans was that the Interstate Highway System was designed to do just that. See Chicago, Minneapolis/St. Paul….

Ohforcripessake February 1, 2012 at 7:33 pm

How about a crimson "N" for "Nobody"?

Chichikovovich February 1, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Actually, that's a fine idea. That's what they do in Canada, and the poor are much better off.

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I thought that's what the Freedom Brain Implants [tm] and Freedom Monitoring Devices [tm Fox corporation] were for.

savethispatient February 1, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Lets replace food stamps with 3 bowls of gruel a day!

widestanceshakedown February 1, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Just two if they own their own bowl.

HistoriCat February 1, 2012 at 5:04 pm

If they own their own bowl then they aren't really poor, now are they?

widestanceshakedown February 1, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Azackly.

Jukesgrrl February 1, 2012 at 10:24 pm

And when you take your bowl to the Gruel Dispensing Station, it will require a photo ID that you have no moneez to buy.

savethispatient February 1, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Don't forget the mandatory drug test. Got the munchies? No gruel for you!

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 12:34 am

Also, a long-form birth certificate.

owhatever February 1, 2012 at 3:19 pm

We taxpayers invest by giving a poor a dollar and he buys a ticket in the new GiantestRollerballLottery, wins a gazzillion and not only does he no longer need government assistance he becomes a creator of jerbs. What's wrong with that?

Jukesgrrl February 1, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Oh, I thought he bought wine so he could be a Jerbs Creator in Napa Valley.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 2, 2012 at 2:14 am

You'd have to tax his lottery winnings at 15% if you want him to create the jerbs.

If you're a lottery winner, you aren't part of the "real" 1%, so no special tax rates for you!
Mitt collects the equivalent of a lottery jackpot every couple of months … and he gets the tax break. Think of the jerbs he''s created: his tax accountant, his gardener, and, ummm… nope. Sorry.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 1, 2012 at 3:20 pm

…and there might even be ten or so dollars left over to send an Afghan kid to school for a year instead of murdering her.

"We just can't do it, my friends."

- Space Reptiloid Rmoney

BarackMyWorld February 1, 2012 at 3:20 pm
actor212 February 1, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Y'know how we can prevent this bill from being approved? Claim there's a strip club gap with China and that the US must remain exceptional in ALL areas of our economy.

NorthStarSpanx February 2, 2012 at 9:01 am

Well, this certainly is an affront to a sense of the citizen's fiscal responsibilities!

Palin said in a press release. "With savings and funding priorities covered, I am confident that Alaskans, who are the owners of our resources, can spend their resource revenue better than government can."

SayItWithWookies February 1, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Yes, we definitely need to spend more money on strip clubs — those girls are working their way through college, you know.

chicken_thief February 1, 2012 at 3:26 pm

If they would just get married and have a baby all their financial problems would be solved. Thank you.

~Rick Sant rum

Chichikovovich February 1, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Absolutely. And it should be easy – they entertain scores or even hundreds of high-quality husband material every night!

Barrelhse February 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm

They'll be brainwashed by liberals in college, and join the Democrat Party.

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 12:35 am

Girls going to college?! Now, we wouldn't want that, now would we?

terriblyfamous February 1, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Giving money to poor people does not make America's big swinging dick any bigger. Military spending is the fiscal equivalent to Ron Jeremy's dick pump.

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 3:47 pm

"Military spending is the fiscal equivalent to Ron Jeremy's dick pump."

i.e., doesn't really work, and if used persistently, can cause a lot of damage?

hagajim February 1, 2012 at 4:04 pm

And no matter how much Ron spends eventually all that dick will do is swing….no Boehner anywhere.

Slim_Pickins February 1, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I think what he really wants is to shutdown the strip clubs so there isn't a Republican Cocktober surprise.

Grief_Lessons February 1, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I'm pretty sure he's just looking to shut down strip clubs for the poor. The wealthy will always find a way to get their rocks off. You can say that I've grown bitter, but of this you can be sure.

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 3:33 pm

"You may say that I've grown bitter, but of this you can be sure." That is almost poetry. Sounds like a line from a well written song.

Though, I don't know what the next line in the verse should be.

Grief_Lessons February 1, 2012 at 3:43 pm

This is the exact reason that google was invented.

Iam_Who_Iam February 2, 2012 at 5:08 am

Oh thank you so much, I needed that. It's as if you heard my soul crying.
http://youtu.be/wYJf4J7VBaY

Nothingisamiss February 1, 2012 at 4:16 pm

They say I'm getting bitter…..but I'm not the only one….

Chet Kincaid February 1, 2012 at 5:30 pm

If my fist clenches, crack it open! Before I use it, lose my cool.

Loaded_Pants February 1, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Oh I get it now…hence the pic?
Remember how Kidman & Cruise's chemistry just burned up the screen?
Me neither.

chicken_thief February 1, 2012 at 3:28 pm

One more allegation wouldn't do any harm to Newt. Paul's supporters don't give a fuck as long as he ends the Fed and gets us back on the gold standard. So it's either Mittens or Rick. Any wagers?

JustPixelz February 1, 2012 at 3:21 pm

So that's what small government looks like.

Anyway, while they're at it, they can take a look at whether any taxpayer money is being used by defense contractors for lobbying. Also whether seniors are spending their social security properly — no bingo for you granny!

Come to think of it, maybe Congressional salaries aren't being well spent. Let's get dollar-by-dollar accounting of that spending.

Boehner:
orange tanning cream : $50,000
scotch : $50,000
no more tears shampoo : $100,000

chicken_thief February 1, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Cigarettes and green fees?……

Jukesgrrl February 1, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Priceless.

Antispandex February 1, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Wow, for just a second there I thought they were going to stop strip MALLS, and I was totally for it…then I read it more carefully and realized that it's Republicans and they aren't sane, so strip clubs made way more sense. Well, at least we still have the interwebs…until President Mittens is elected.

Barrelhse February 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Or Santorum. You what HIS first Intertubes decision will be.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 2, 2012 at 2:25 am

I think the only reason he's still running is his faint and fading hope that being in the news will move http://spreadingsantorum.com/ down from it's perch at the top of everybody's search results.

So long as people continue to post links to http://spreadingsantorum.com/ all over the intertubes, this will not happen. Ever.

coolhandnuke February 1, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Rep. Charles Boustany Jr wants to take a cleaver to one of our country's few remaining solvent industries–strip clubs…the others–porn, weapons and video games.

MissTaken February 1, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I can still use my welfare check at Good Vibrations, right?! RIGHT???

Oh, duh, NSFW.

elviouslyqueer February 1, 2012 at 3:30 pm
chicken_thief February 1, 2012 at 4:01 pm

"The mayor is said to be at an undisclosed medical facility."

Marcus is back in business!

SorosBot February 1, 2012 at 3:31 pm

You do know how to get the men of Wonkette excited, don't you.

Blueb4sunrise February 1, 2012 at 4:19 pm

More importantly , why is your box sometimes pale green?

This happens with other commenters sometimes too.

Duh. Nevermind.

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Oh, that is a rash I am treating. Sorry.

prommie February 1, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Not if you live in Mississippi!

elviouslyqueer February 1, 2012 at 3:22 pm

“It’s pretty rampant around the country,” Boustany said of the abuses.

Translation: This may or may not have happened one time, 27 years ago, but we're going to pretend like it's a problem because we don't have anything better to do.

terriblyfamous February 1, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Yeah, I hear they rampantly use welfare money to look at strippers, and then they all go for abortion tacos.

OhNoGuy February 1, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Translation: Negroes do this all the time.

And if we give them money, they don't got the blues and American culture goes down the tubes. SAVE AMERICAN CULTURE!!

Just get rid of them Negroes.

MaxNeanderthal February 1, 2012 at 3:23 pm

"Pretty" and "rampant" are words I never associate with strip clubs- well, "hard"-ly ever……

donner_froh February 1, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Only if you are a Republican, maybe, because everything in that case somehow relates to (gay) strip clubs grinding the iron heel of fascism into the throats of the poor.

As well as gay strip clubs, of course.

SorosBot February 1, 2012 at 3:23 pm

And you know what; I don't give a shit what welfare recipients spend their money on. It's their money, which the government already makes them go through hoops to get; if a visit to a strip club makes their lives slightly more bearable, good for them. It's not any of our fucking business what they spend it on, and this is just more of the Republican attempt to do everything they can to make poor people's lives even harder than they already are.

They want to fuck over and humiliate the poor, and enjoy causing suffering. Fuck those flaming douchebags.

SoBeach February 1, 2012 at 3:33 pm

"It's not any of our fucking business what they spend it on, and this is just more of the Republican attempt to do everything they can to make poor people's lives even harder than they already are.

To be fair, republican politicians really don't give a shit. They just know their voters like the feeling of crapping on someone worse off than they are. Keeps 'em distracted.

mavenmaven February 1, 2012 at 3:35 pm

They don't care about the poor one way or the other, they are just a convenient distraction and sure-fire fox talking point to inflame their constituency, since "the poor" in this context always implies minorities.

SorosBot February 1, 2012 at 3:39 pm

True; even though the majority of welfare recipients, like the majority of Americans, are white, the Republicans always just mean poor black folk. In fact I'm sure Boustany is particularly concerned about black men using money for white strippers.

emmelemm February 1, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I have only one word, and it's one of my favorites: Chiffarobe.

FakaktaSouth February 1, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Hola. Lemme tell you how this works down here. "I HATE black people, but I need a reason to point to so that I may do so without looking like I'M THE COCKSUCKER" Repubs know this, and they do this exact thing here so that the fucking pricks I am surrounded by WHO KNOW NOTHING MORE OF THIS THAN WHAT FOX TELLS THEM (ie they don't care about the facts of who is on public assistance and what they can or can't do with it feasibly ANYway) But now the dickbags can nod their heads and point and say, see? I TOLD YOU they were worthless. It's not me, it's them, and the Repub gets a voter. It's a definite racism ourobouros. Makes me kind of stabby.
Me personally, if I were a better person I guess I would get naked for some poor folks today, but I am exhausted from stepping over all the BULLSHIT around here.

Nothingisamiss February 1, 2012 at 4:19 pm

God I love you, sister of the south.

terriblyfamous February 1, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Someone should open a welfare-themed strip club. Instead of tips, you give the strippers all your pink slips and rejection letters.

FakaktaSouth February 1, 2012 at 4:52 pm

For reals. Who deserves some ti-tays in they face more than some poor dude that just lost his job? If a lady lost her job, a wang dang doodle all night long might be EXACTLY what would make her feel better. I bet they fund this in the Netherlands.

*ETA, Or vice versa. We are an equal opportunity lost job strip club, of course. Whichever dangly things you prefer, its fine by us.

Loaded_Pants February 1, 2012 at 9:34 pm

The unemployed gheys approve of this. What's the address of this particular wonderful establishment?
Unfortunately, I have friends who can only throw nickels on the stage.

Chet Kincaid February 1, 2012 at 5:34 pm

"We've hired an outplacement firm called 'Tassles' to help you with the transition. Good luck, if you know what I mean!"

Preferred Customer February 1, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Yes. What happened to letting the market decide? And to ending government paternalism? Telling people they can't spend their welfare money in casinos/strip clubs/on booze isn't just paternalistic; it's Ward Cleaverish.

Chet Kincaid February 1, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Next, they'll outlaw beaver cleaving!

hagajim February 1, 2012 at 4:05 pm

As I once told my younger brother about food stamps (then)….your fucking company gives them to the government and they get paid with dollars that pay you asshole.

chicken_thief February 1, 2012 at 4:07 pm

The government could save way more money, without the innuendo and humiliation of recipients if they simply means tested for benefits like SS and Medicare. I'm with you – GOP, please stop fucking with the poor!!!

Biff February 1, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Sadly for me, I'm just above food stamp eligibility. Who will pay my way into the strip joint?

prommie February 1, 2012 at 3:23 pm

This just proves how lucky the poors are, they get so much on welfare that after they buy their Cadillacs and spinner rims and flatscreens and refrigerators, they have enough left over to spend on gambling, strippers, and we have to assume, drugs and booze, too.

slowhansolo February 1, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Don't forget the fraudulent voting! I heard that happens a lot!

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Little known fact: Live strippers don't vote. Dead strippers vote often.

hagajim February 1, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Gotta love the 70s stereotypes. Where the fuck is Huggie Bear when you need him.

GOPCrusher February 1, 2012 at 4:21 pm

When do they find the time to have all those children?

Goonemeritus February 1, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I would bet that the Republican convention will do more to help the top line at strip clubs than the poor will do all year.

Jukesgrrl February 1, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Seriously, I saw a news report recently about how the Tampa strip clubs are all making expansion plans to be prepared for a deluge of customers in August.

PhilippePetain February 1, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Republicans need to realize that we just want everyone to have equal opportunity to join clandestine secret sex-cieties, not take theirs away.

Nothing is too good for the working class!

SudsMcKenzie February 1, 2012 at 3:25 pm

This sounds like a Pole Tax.

Chillwillard February 1, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Don't Tax the Titties!

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Serves them right! Most strippers tax my pole!

GOPCrusher February 1, 2012 at 4:24 pm

If I put a 5 in a stripper's G-String, do I claim that on my tax return as a charitable contribution or a gratuity?

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Do what FOX News does: Ask her to read a news headline, then pay her as on-air talent.

HistoriCat February 1, 2012 at 5:19 pm

A gratuitous contribution – you're wasting four whole dollars that way!

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 12:40 am

Well, if the stripper's name is Charity, the former, for sure.

SoBeach February 1, 2012 at 3:26 pm

If you added up every $5 bill stuffed in every g-string by someone on public assistance last year how would it compare to the taxes Mitt Romney didn't pay thanks to his sweet tax loophole?

I'm thinking Mittens made out a whole lot better than "Mercedes" and "Cinnamon".

GOPCrusher February 1, 2012 at 4:34 pm

O/T, But I made a comment on Yahoo this AM about Mittens 15% income tax rate and was informed that Rmoney was only paying 15% on return on his investment since he had already paid 39% on the money when he had earned it.
I wasn't aware that unemployment was taxed at 39%.

Blueb4sunrise February 1, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Related….
Blue balls mystery close to being solved http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/jan/31/blue-bal

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 3:28 pm

"For just pennies a day, you can support a stripper that can no longer get her tips from food stamp funds……………………"

Won't anyone think of the strippers???!!

SorosBot February 1, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I think most want a little more than just pennies.

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 3:52 pm

"You can help Tiffany… Or you can turn the page."

mavenmaven February 1, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Its important to keep the poorz out of strip clubs, I mean, if I'm a big shot republican, do I want to get a lap dance after some poor person?

SayItWithWookies February 1, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Rep. Boustany has just been observing that the kind of folks he finds himself elbow-to-elbow with at the foot of the runway just seem a bit shabbier than they used to be.

PhilippePetain February 1, 2012 at 3:31 pm

So, in effect, the government isn't going to make it rain anymore?

Extemporanus February 1, 2012 at 3:31 pm

TIPS or GTFO!

FakaktaSouth February 1, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Oh my god I hate these fucking people. If you work at WalMart you really don't have a lot of other choices besides public assistance and a second job. WHEN THE FUCK is THAT GUY going to a strip club? Also, strippers totally take EBT cards, right down the crack of that ass. FUCK OFF YOU RACIST PIGS.

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Teehee!
Not to diminish your comment, but now I'm picturing the guy swiping his card in Shandalear's asscrack.

Chichikovovich February 1, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Shandalear? I've never heard that one before – but I like it!

"We were swinging from the Shandalears"

Rotundo_ February 1, 2012 at 4:51 pm

With the pace of miniaturization in electronic components, it was only a matter of time before debit/credit card reading equipment could be contained within the miniscule confines of a g-string strap. The tough part is entering the PIN numbers without having the bouncer throw you out on your keister.

slowhansolo February 1, 2012 at 3:32 pm

What's the point of giving them my money if I can't tell them what to do?

Chet Kincaid February 1, 2012 at 5:38 pm

That's what the poor man said at the Strip Club!

littlebigdaddy February 1, 2012 at 3:34 pm

And think of the adverse effects it will have on the Palin girls.

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 4:49 pm

They are NOT strippers!

They are ecdysiasts with their own reality show…

littlebigdaddy February 1, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Wow. SOmebody had a fancy edumacation!

Jukesgrrl February 1, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Who needs the University of Phoenix? Amazing the things I learn at Wonket College.

DaRooster February 1, 2012 at 3:35 pm

"Clem, I got my EBT Card!! Load up, we're goin' to the Titty Bar!"

BigDumbRedDog February 1, 2012 at 3:35 pm

But strip clubs keep a lot of single moms OFF welfare.

Mojopo February 1, 2012 at 3:35 pm

The poors don't have money in the bank, no 401(k), no investments and no way to increase their income. No wonder the lottery (or a poker machine) seems like a good idea every few weeks.

Should I go ahead and guess that Rep. Boustany conducted "research" at strip clubs? Is that how he sold it to his wife?

BigDumbRedDog February 1, 2012 at 3:36 pm

These are the poor people that Mitt Romney doesn't fuckin care about.

Eve8Apples February 1, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Rep. Charles Boustany Jr. spent thousands of hours and millions of taxpayer dollars in America's finest strip clubs researching their employees and patrons.

His next bill will focus on airport travelers, airport restrooms and glory holes. Rep. Charles Bousttany Jr. won't quit until he gets to the bottom of airport restroom glory holes.

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 3:37 pm

*eyeroll*
Oh, puh-leeze!
Reagan was flogging this "welfare queen" bullshit thirty years ago, and it was bullshit, then, too.
Can't they at least come up with some *new* lies and scare tactics?

widestanceshakedown February 1, 2012 at 3:59 pm

There's still plenty of grift left in the old ones, so no.

hagajim February 1, 2012 at 4:07 pm

No they cannot. They have no brains nor imagination.

chicken_thief February 1, 2012 at 4:17 pm

They don't need to be creative with the crowd they are pandering to – the same old shit just keeps working. Not one of them would actually stop to think "if tax cuts for the rich create jobs, why did the economy lose jobs for 6 straight years after the Bush cuts?" or question any other talking point.

MosesInvests February 1, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Hell, they're still using "COMMIES!!!!!" 20 years after the dissolution of the Soviet Union.

GOPCrusher February 1, 2012 at 4:41 pm

The whole "Muslim Menace" thing isn't getting the same traction that it used too.

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Yeah, and they have all these kids who *my* taxes support, so let's make their access to birth control and abortion virtually nonexistent, so…
um…

Chillwillard February 1, 2012 at 3:39 pm

So we are helping hobos help strippers pay for their college education. What's wrong with that?

Extemporanus February 1, 2012 at 4:05 pm

If I'm short on beans, most hobo strippers I know will accept tramp stamps.

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 3:40 pm

"biggest budgetary mis-step was a family of networked air and ground vehicles"

So, in conclusion, no hovercraft for the poorz?

Rotundo_ February 1, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Well, you could look at it in that way, but it created jobs twice: First was all the research and development money hiring engineering types and more importantly, former pentagon procurement goofballs to convince the current pentagon procurement goofballs that the system is valid and working. Then when it finally leaks out that it is totally non functional, the scrap dealers and recycling folks make out like a bandit on the wretched refuse of fail. Rinse, Lather, Repeat…

BigDumbRedDog February 1, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Next they're gonna make it so my dealer can't take my welfare monies. That is gonna piss me off.

coolhandnuke February 1, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Each and every time Boustany visits a New Orleans nudie bar, he shows his devotion to his cause by keeping his Eyes Wide Shut.

Sassomatic February 1, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Breasts are essentially a food source. They are, in fact, a dairy food. I therefore see no problem with spending food stamps at strip clubs, so long as the people using food stamps suck on them a little.

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 12:45 am

While the clientele is receptive to the idea, Strippers Local 69 is totally against such an immodest proposal.

savethispatient February 1, 2012 at 3:45 pm

This yet another example of the cognitive dissonance the Republicans embrace: they always say "the people know best how to spend their money" when talking about tax cuts, but now, if the money is welfare they want the government to proscribe exactly what it can be spent on. Does is really matter where the welfare money goes, even if it's not where we'd recommend? It gets spent, that's all that matters.

RadioFetusEater February 1, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Especially this:

welfare recipients were able to withdraw cash from their state-issued debit cards at more than half of the casinos in the state.

If they win (unlikely) then: profit!
If they lose then: the casino (Native Americans) take their cut and pay taxes back to the war coffers.

Wynn-Wynn.

Blueb4sunrise February 1, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Well, my work-around here in Az. has been to buy guns, then sell the guns to get the $$ for the strippers and crack.

BarackMyWorld February 1, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I just realized he thinks poor people aren't smart enough to get the cash from an ATM at a grocery store, then take the cash to the strip club.

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Shorter: Booze and hotpants!

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I'm all for shorter hotpants

WhatTheHeck February 1, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Occupy Loopholes.

chicken_thief February 1, 2012 at 4:20 pm

CLASS WARFARE!!!!

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 12:46 am

Right, right…"loop"holes.

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Boustany.

Sounds like a French undergarment.

elviouslyqueer February 1, 2012 at 4:06 pm
Extemporanus February 1, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Monsieur Boustany's senior citizen semen-smeared brie cheese teeth are très sexy, non?

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I does. And I am wearing one, right now. This one chafes my Moobs though.

BarackMyWorld February 1, 2012 at 3:56 pm

'Gasland' Journalists Arrested At Hearing By Order Of House Republicans http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/01/house-re
WASHINGTON — In a stunning break with First Amendment policy, House Republicans directed Capitol Hill police to detain a highly regarded documentary crew that was attempting to film a Wednesday hearing on a controversial natural gas procurement practice.

Fuck.

SudsMcKenzie February 1, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Frak

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 4:50 pm

If only he'd have been a stripper…

LiveToServeYa February 1, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Strippers are people, too, my friends. Only wearing less. They're upstanding citizens, anyway. Well, certainly more upstanding than banks, especially when viewed from certain positions. Must go lie down, now.

Toomush_Infer February 1, 2012 at 3:57 pm

See, I blame the Newt Factor for this kind of psychological reverse warfare: Boutany obviously either spends a lot of time at strip bars or (more likely) wishes there was a strip bar close to the Capital that he felt safe in going to, one without hidden cameras….

widestanceshakedown February 1, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Kortney is gonna haffa turn trix for her beloved vegetables now.

CapnFatback February 1, 2012 at 3:58 pm

ALL LAP DANCES ARE EQUAL
BUT SOME LAP DANCES ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS

savethispatient February 1, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Four legs good, two legs bad… Wait, what?

CapnFatback February 1, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I believe I'll vote for the Third-leg Party candidate.

Generation[redacted] February 1, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Sure, toss off your vote like that.

chicken_thief February 1, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Those "other parties" always take a pounding from the D's and R's.

actor212 February 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Yes, but sometimes, they get lucky, can split the votes and slip a member in.

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 12:47 am

The Missouri state motto.

BarackMyWorld February 1, 2012 at 4:39 pm

"Animal Farm" sounds like a good name for a strip club.

Sheesko February 1, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I think this dude got his statistical signals crossed. It's the welfarers (siing it with me now: "I am a poor welfaring stranger…") who WORK AT the strip clubs, not who patronize them. Cash in the garter is food on the table. I know this. How do you think this once-svelte chick made it through the Reagan years?

Biff February 1, 2012 at 7:59 pm

I salute you!

WeHaveIssues February 1, 2012 at 4:08 pm

So the guvamint gives me the money for food but when I get lucky huntin gator and want to spend my xtra money watching jigglin titties the guvamint says NO? There cuntrolling my money now? Sound like kommunizm to me. Taint right I tell yu.

Who is this Boustany? Sounds like an A-rab to me.

DahBoner February 1, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Going to a strip club is the closest thing a Republican gets to supporting Single Mothers

ttommyunger February 1, 2012 at 4:11 pm

SHIT! And I've been spending MY OWN money all these years!

GOPCrusher February 1, 2012 at 4:48 pm

You are a job creator and therefore deserve a tax break!
Huzzah!

ttommyunger February 1, 2012 at 5:05 pm

According to the Right, I pay no taxes, being one of the poorz, ya know.

DahBoner February 1, 2012 at 5:54 pm

We should pay you, kind sir, for stimulating the economy!

ttommyunger February 1, 2012 at 6:47 pm

…and not just the economy, my friend, not just the economy.

SorosBot February 1, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Gah; my sympathies. And these cocksuckers want poor kids like you were feel shame for it; fuck them with a chainsaw.

Guppy February 1, 2012 at 4:15 pm

And if there's anybody who knows anything about blowing money on a boondoggle, it's Lord Boustany

chicken_thief February 1, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Awesome find, Gup!!! There are no limits to the hypocrisy of these mofos.

Jukesgrrl February 1, 2012 at 10:51 pm

That deserves its own article. Here you are digging for the dirt when all those network journamalists are raking in the cash.

Guppy February 1, 2012 at 11:59 pm

I learned it from the comments here. And it was already old news then.

BaldarTFlagass February 1, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Physician, heal thyself. Maybe they should make it so that RNC credit cards don't work at faux lesbian bondage clubs, either.

shrillharpy February 1, 2012 at 4:21 pm

What the hell is wrong with Louisiana that they keep foisting these Republican turds on the rest of the nation? Not that Kentucky is any better. Or Arizona. Or… wait. Oh, fuck it.

BaldarTFlagass February 1, 2012 at 4:26 pm

My daughter got off on this feminist rant. She told me it's demeaning for a girl to be working at the Bing. The fact that these girls make $1500 a week has no bearing with my principessa.
—Silvio Dante

GOPCrusher February 1, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Yeah. They used to get adult film stars, strippers, prostitutes on the talk show circuit during the early 90's. Used to be comical to see these church ladies yelling and screaming about how these women were demeaning themselves, until one of them would point out exactly how much money they made in a year.

Naked_Bunny February 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Yeah, it's much less demeaning to wear a McDonald's uniform for minimum wage.

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Heather Dante: So, can *I* go work at the Bing?
Silvio Dante: HELL, NO!! GO TO YOUR ROOM, YOUNG LADY! YOU'RE GROUNDED!

BaldarTFlagass February 1, 2012 at 4:30 pm

There’s a place I like to go
Where everybody knows my name
Where an ugly man with money
And a handsome man are treated just the same
And you can drink a seven-dollar Heineken
Until you get your fill
And the girls will put a smile upon your face
For just a dollar bill
I always seem to get the most attention
When I’m at the pulse machine
A girl can make an honest living
Just as long as she’s eighteen

‘Cause I’ve got money to spend but it’s nice to pretend
Tonight I’m a superstar
I may be white trash, but if you’ve got the cash
The girls will love you just as you are—
DOWN AT THE TITTY BAR!!!
Come on my friend ‘cause it’s right up the street
Down at the titty bar!!!
Go home alone, you’ll be beating your meat
Down at the titty bar!!!
You’ll have the greatest time of your life
Down at the titty bar!!!
Tonight you’ll enjoy making love to your wife
Down at the titty bar!!!
A little money never went so far—DOWN AT THE TITTY BAR!!!

Douché February 1, 2012 at 4:33 pm

But they can still buy Viagra®, Pfizer would NEVER let their lackeys inhibit that. What the strip clubbers need is a good strong lobbyist, and then everything will be cool, Jeeze.

Jukesgrrl February 1, 2012 at 10:53 pm

I'm sure Boehner will be available when he gets kicked to the curb.

gurukalehuru February 1, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Just an excuse for a fact finding junket or two…or three…or

prommie February 1, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Do the strippers wear safety fishnets?

When I was in high school I went to the local strip bar a couple of times, it was called "Evil Peoples," in Fort Pierce, Florida, and the best time was the night one of the dancers only had one arm. Amputee strippers, now, we got that free, but I bet if she were properly marketed, they could have charged extra for that.

GOPCrusher February 1, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I bet that made for some interesting pole moves.

Toomush_Infer February 1, 2012 at 7:39 pm

I like the little people strippers – they don't need as much headroom….

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 12:49 am

High school?!

BaldarTFlagass February 1, 2012 at 4:42 pm

TANF = Temporary Assistance for Needy Families

Maybe Daddy just needs a little help catching some wood.

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Tits and Nice Fanny

Tundra Grifter February 1, 2012 at 4:44 pm

For the money the Federal government wasted on Star Wars, we probably could have sent every poor kid in the United States through four years of college.

Thank you very much, St. Ronnie of Reagan.

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Can the funds be used to get a massage?

imissopus February 1, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Yes, but no happy ending. If you get a happy ending, you're not really poor, are you?

orygoon February 1, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Today, we are all being stripped of our dignity.

thefrontpage February 1, 2012 at 4:58 pm

"I think people should be legally able to spend their hard-earned money in strip clubs every day of the week," said exotic dancer Tiffany Chocolate Ember Amber Kandi Apples, 22, of Las Vegas. "I mean, what's wrong with strip clubs?!!!"

"I agree with Tiffany, completely," said actor and rehabilitation and anger management consultant Charles Sheen, of Los Angeles. "I mean, this is a vital, important, productive element of our society."

–Gentleman's Club Quarterly magazine (GCQ), Los Angeles

OneYieldRegular February 1, 2012 at 5:00 pm

i can see the new Bay Area bumper sticker now: "It'll be a great day when the strip clubs have all the money they need and the air force is forced to pole dance for money."

Generation[redacted] February 1, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Didn't Tom Cruise do that in 1986?

tessiee February 1, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Yes, the fine, buff enlistees in the Air Force should be forced to pole dance for my–… um, I mean for money.

barto February 1, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Just an expeditious way to keep the riffraff out and have more strippers per GOPerative

JackObin February 1, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Once that twerp Romney takes office, we'll all become tea-drinking zombies.

MightySix February 1, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Nope, Mormons put tea off-limits with coffee. Hot chocolate and board-games night at home once a week!

Naked_Bunny February 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Naturally, the Republican program would cost two orders of magnitude more than the money spent at strip clubs.

littlebigdaddy February 1, 2012 at 5:13 pm

If they outlaw titty bars, only outlaws will have titty bars!

BZ1 February 1, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Why stop at strip clubs, casinos and liquor stores; them poors also need to rein in their waystrel behaviour, spending on Big Macs, slurpees and other medicinal spending …

cheetojeebus February 1, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Or clothing? How bout Heftywear for the poors or maybe old wooden barrels? http://www.regretsy.com/2010/10/page/9/

lochnessmonster February 1, 2012 at 5:19 pm

He has to do intensive investigation onsite at strip clubs so he can be sure to write in all the loopholes he sees while there.

lowaltflier February 1, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Yea! But those jobs at Boeing keep many strip clubs open and the dancers employed.

Chichikovovich February 1, 2012 at 5:39 pm

welfare recipients were able to withdraw cash from their state-issued debit cards at more than half of the casinos in the state.

I haven't been to many casinos, but on some trips I'll go to one, because the prices at the restaurants are artificially low, to get people in the door, and there is often a buffet that is really, really, really cheap. Again, this makes good business sense for the casino. Some of the people who come for the food will, on impulse, stay to gamble.

Of course it hasn't occurred to any of these jackasses that perhaps people took money out of a casino ATM because that's where cheap food was.

Or maybe (I have no idea if this is true, but I wouldn't be surprized) the casino ATM had low fees, while the fees in all the grocery store ATMs in the neighborhood were extortionate, because people in that neighborhood had few banking choices and so there was a few extra bucks to be made?

Or maybe the food aid was supplementing what they earned at a part-time minimum wage job at that casino? (The only jobs to be had in town after Bain moved the factory to Malaysia.)

Or perhaps some of them are good enough at counting cards that they can actually turn a tiny (though of course irregular) profit in the long run, despite constant casino surveillance, betting limits etc. This is not facetious – I know from having moved in those circles once upon a time that many among the serious chess/bridge/poker/blackjack/backgammon/etc. community are somewhat challenged in their general coping and life skills, and find themselves often in quite pinched circumstances.

If I kept at it I could list dozens of other reasons, all of them more plausible than the suggestion that there is an epidemic of people gambling away the money that – as they are well aware – is the only thing between them and possible starvation, not just themselves but their families. . But no, it isn't even worth thinking about: of course if poor people are using casino ATM's to cash their government support cards it simply has to be because poor people are stupid and morally weak, since with people like the despicable Congressman Boustany, it is a never-examined article of faith that they are.

Mojopo February 1, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Brilliant.

Jukesgrrl February 1, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Actually, for some Native Americans the casino ATM is the closest one to where they live. Not a lot of Wells Fargo branches on the rez.

Beowoof February 1, 2012 at 5:40 pm

On my trips to Washington, I have noticed a shortage of these establishments on Capitol Hill. Thus, I am sure that the male congressional contingent is exploring the topic closely. For the female crowd I am sure there is interest in male strip clubs but then too many republicans would hang out in them.

sezme February 1, 2012 at 6:35 pm

How can we help the economies if the poors aren't spending $8 a bottle on watered-down beer? And what about the silicone implant industry? What about Gillette?

chascates February 1, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I remember the golden age of titty bars (at least in Austin). No cover charges, beer only 20% more than regular bars, no pressure to buy a table dance. Before those dratted 'twin stages' that lead only to neck pains if not whiplash.

At least some of the joints do have great lunch deals but only expense accounts let you go to the 'gentlemens clubs' these days. You're more likely to find people on public assistance in Walmart (where they may well work) or the dollar stores.

Biff February 1, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Once the strippers have all gone on food stamps themselves, you might find one amenable to getting adopted.

Jukesgrrl February 1, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Actually it still happens. In my state the EBT swipe cards are very distinctive looking and I've had people tell me they've been accosted in supermarket lines by baggers who see them being used. As in, "How dare you spend my taxpayer money on Skippy peanut butter when there is a generic brand that is five cents cheaper!"

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 2, 2012 at 2:55 am

Isn't it amazing how Conservatives love the free market, except when it comes to poor people.

Fare la Volpe February 2, 2012 at 9:42 am

The non-profit my family and I work for runs a donation drive every Christmas for elderly people and children on food stamps, SS, Medicaid, etc. You know those "angel trees" that hang in your mall and supermarket lobby? We're those people.

Last December (not two months ago), one of the businesses who hosted one of our trees called my mother and started complaining that she didn't receive any children's wishes – only elderly people who asked for toilet paper. "No one wants to buy toilet paper on Christmas!" she shrieked into the phone. "People want to buy toys and slippers and fun things! How could you give me a bunch of toilet paper?! These people are living off my tax dollars and they ask for this?!"

My mother (veins in her forehead visibly bulging) calmly explained to the woman that you can't buy toilet paper with food stamps because it isn't considered "necessary to live." The elderly poor ask for toilet paper at Christmas because for the rest of the year they have to wipe themselves with their bath towel.

The line went silent for a few seconds before turning to a tell-tale dial tone. Two days later the woman called back and apologized. She's agreed to host two trees next year.

Jukesgrrl February 2, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Thanks for sharing that story. Remarkable. Sorry your mother had to listen to that, but at least it will have a good result for a couple of poor people — and somebody learned something. I used to take gifts to an eldercare community at Christmas when I lived in Pittsburgh, but here in Tucson I only see the trees for children — which is odd because there are more elderly people in Southern AZ than kids. I participated this year through my credit union.

Thanks and blessings to you and your family for doing such wonderful work. I enjoy your snark here so much — interesting to see another side of you. But not surprising — many of the Wonkeratti suffer from soft-heart-syndrome. XO

WiscDad February 1, 2012 at 10:51 pm

What? Using foodstamps for a lapper…the nerve of those poors. I give the bitches S&H Greenstamps

Jukesgrrl February 1, 2012 at 10:57 pm

But, but, but where does Shadrack McGill stand on this issue?

Negropolis February 2, 2012 at 12:44 am

Everyone knows that this is just a plot by Big Pimpin' to stomp out Big Strippin'.

wrksuxcreatbeer February 2, 2012 at 1:08 am

In other news, the Senate has discovered that people are actually enjoying life sometimes, which completely goes against the "Misery and Wretched Despair Edict" that was passed in a quiet room some time back which commanded each poor to greet the day by kissing a rich person's ass and submitting to a public "shaming" whenever they tried to "live".

real_dc_native February 2, 2012 at 10:38 am

Everyone knows that the only way we create good jobs in Amerika today is through sexy high tech weapons systems. The more complex and failure prone the better. That way we can save tax payer dollars by never actually deploying these turkeys but instead ship them directly to the scrap yards.

As far as strip clubs – the poors should only go to BDSM-themed lesbian strip clubs like their rich Republican overlords do!

Yay America!

Extemporanus February 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm

You got your fuckface in my jackass!

Come here a minute February 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm

And who will speak for the fuckasses and jackfaces?

bagofmice February 1, 2012 at 5:36 pm

You got your jackass in my f*face!

Regular expressions, bitches!

Loaded_Pants February 1, 2012 at 6:13 pm

*raises hand* I will gladly speak for the fuckasses.

LesBontemps February 2, 2012 at 10:33 am

Proud Wonkette heritage, right there.

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