Everybody Please Prepare To Have Jim Newell Back At Wonkette, Next Week

by Ken Layne

HOORAY!

That is what your semi-managing editor has to say about this important news, from your beloved past-and-future Wonkette typing monster of Capitol Hill, Jim Newell:

An Important Announcement Regarding Your Gawker Political Desk: Goodbye

Tuesday greetings from the Gawker Political Desk! We have some news: This will be the last post for its main political writer, me.

[...]

I am leaving to fulfill my lifelong dream: Building a golden shrine to our nation’s Romulus and Remus of the future, Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain, in the Secret Forest. It’s an option, at least. (No.)

Where you’ll find me now: Next week I’m going to be guest-blogging with my good friend Ken Layne and his staff at Wonkette, the first Gawker Media site that hired me to write about politics in 2007. It’s going to be fun. I’m hoping to contribute more to The Guardian’s US site. I have a lengthy piece that will appear in next month’s relaunch edition of The Baffler about my experience in a high school monetary policy competition. (Seriously.)

So, now that our late-night gmail conversations are public knowledge, Wonkette is very happy to announce that Jim Newell is Wonkette’s new Senior Editor at Large or whatever title we are making up, and you can expect to see his vicious and insightful prose right here, starting next week, again, and hopefully continuing on whatever level we can keep him contributing, until the End of the World, may God Have Mercy On Us All.

Fag.Welcome back, Newell. We have missed you a lot.

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 261 comments }

actor212 January 31, 2012 at 3:02 pm

::blink::

Jim? JIM???

Oh, it IS you! Welcome back!

Come here a minute January 31, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Yay! I hope Peggy Noonan and David Denby still exist, stupidly.

actor212 January 31, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Can they exist any other way?

Nothingisamiss January 31, 2012 at 3:43 pm

If David Denby is going to come to these pages, first he'll need a rectal exam.

RavenRant January 31, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Oh, Peggington Noonington! How we've missed Newell's translations and interpretations.

SorosBot January 31, 2012 at 3:05 pm

And here I was getting used to not having competition from other gingers.

Limeylizzie January 31, 2012 at 3:13 pm

SorosBot is a Ginger? Oh my Goodness, I have quite a history with your people, my first love was a dark ginger with brown eyes and MrLimeyLizzie was a Ginger, he is now completely white except for…well…you know.

Barb January 31, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I'm a Ginger.

Man0nTheStreet January 31, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Well, I'm a Pepper. We're all Peppers. Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?

emmelemm February 1, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Ask me how!

Redhead January 31, 2012 at 3:39 pm

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!

SorosBot January 31, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Well I mean other male gingers.

MissTaken January 31, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Like I said previously, I am very excited about the Official Ginger Week next week

Crank_Tango January 31, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Too soon!!!

SorosBot January 31, 2012 at 5:27 pm

As a ginger, so am I.

Man0nTheStreet January 31, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Well, it won't be so much "competition" as it will be "breeding" and/or "mortal combat"…

savethispatient January 31, 2012 at 3:05 pm

The Guardian? You pinko!

memzilla January 31, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Barkeep! One Peggingtonshire Special, two olives — shaken, not stirred, please. And Vicodin on the side.

Nothingisamiss January 31, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Oh, yes, oh yes, OH YES!!!!!!

*sighs* That felt good.

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 11:16 am

"I'll have what she's having."

Troubledog January 31, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

elviouslyqueer January 31, 2012 at 3:09 pm

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP

spudgun January 31, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Aww, isn't that sweet!

Bonzos_Bed_Time January 31, 2012 at 5:50 pm

"Guest-blogging" so fap it while you can!

BaldarTFlagass January 31, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Can you put him on the morning shift, Ken? I think the present staff are narcoleptics or slug-a-beds.

HistoriCat January 31, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Shit – if we want the morning shift, then we need Sarah K. Smith back. In his previous goodbye post Jim acknowledged that Sarah was doing the early heavy lifting even though she was an hour behind him.

Damnit baby toddler Smith – you need to start sharing your mama!

emmelemm January 31, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Those of us on the West Coast don't even notice.

DaRooster January 31, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Being on the West Coast I usually find myself watching Stewart and Colbert going,"When the fuck is Wonkette gonna wake up? They are east of here right?"

Ken Layne January 31, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Morning shift it is!

paris biltong January 31, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Well, we were puny then, we're kind of huge now. Five thousand views and one thousand comments was something unheard of when he was in charge. And there were no p's. Those were the days.

Crank_Tango January 31, 2012 at 11:00 pm

This is a big fucking deal.

Barb January 31, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I can't wait to throw my panties up on the stage when he gets here!

CapnFatback January 31, 2012 at 3:12 pm

This news makes me want to throw up too!

Throw up with joy!

Guppy January 31, 2012 at 3:29 pm

You may need to actually start wearing panties, then.

Barb January 31, 2012 at 3:33 pm

True that!

MissTaken January 31, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I'm already twirling mine around my finger in anticipation.

Steverino247 January 31, 2012 at 4:17 pm

How long to get to your place from 5th and Market? This I gotta see.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 31, 2012 at 6:34 pm

The joy of Jim returning is only slightly lessen by the knowledge that you usually wear panties.

JustPixelz January 31, 2012 at 7:07 pm

She didn't say that. She only said she has them within reach for throwing. Like the puppies I keep next to the keyboard.

ttommyunger February 1, 2012 at 7:42 am

Panties? We don' need no stinkin' panties!

Extemporanus January 31, 2012 at 3:11 pm

HALLELUJAH! The Prodigal Snark returns!

PsycWench January 31, 2012 at 3:11 pm

The PUMAs will be so excited!!!

nounverb911 January 31, 2012 at 3:12 pm

OH NO!
This is great news?
Wait I'm confused.

Welcome back Jim.

CapnFatback January 31, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Everything old is Newell again.

Tundra Grifter January 31, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Will Jessica Cutler be returning?

actor212 January 31, 2012 at 3:14 pm

So, now that our late-night gmail conversations are public knowledge

I bet you would have landed him sooner if you hadn't asked "So…what are you wearing?"

KotBR January 31, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Will he tell us about that time Denton tied him to a chair until he pounded out 2,000 words on Newt's affairs?

Limeylizzie January 31, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I am going to comment naked all week.

nounverb911 January 31, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Speaking of naked, how did the audition go?

Limeylizzie January 31, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Haven't heard a peep, it went well but these things are so random, I try to forget it even happened!

James Michael Curley January 31, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Naked

James Michael Curley January 31, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Saved you a couple days work.

Limeylizzie January 31, 2012 at 3:53 pm

You are such a card.

Guppy January 31, 2012 at 3:30 pm

So you're not doing anything special?

flamingpdog January 31, 2012 at 3:33 pm

You hear that, Soros? Limeylizzie is trying to one-up you!

SorosBot January 31, 2012 at 5:30 pm

My apartment gets too cold this time of year to comment naked; I do at least need my underwear and a t-shirt.

BaldarTFlagass January 31, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Huh. You've been commenting naked ever since I got here to Wonkette, at least in my mind.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 31, 2012 at 4:03 pm

There is an option not to comment naked?

WhatTheHolyHeck January 31, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Only if you submit to an ultrasound first.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 31, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Pictures please.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 31, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Or GTFO!

north_of_moscow January 31, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Will this comeback include the requisite training montage? I want to see Jim chop wood and outsmart his KGB handlers and run through the snow to a mountaintop and shout "Noonan!"

Beowoof February 1, 2012 at 9:21 am

Shouldn't he be running over a golf course yelling Noonan.

BaldarTFlagass February 1, 2012 at 9:49 am

Miss! Missmissmissmissmissmissmiss!

ifthethunderdontgetya January 31, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Darn, I must be getting old.

I first started common-tatin' round this joint after an email from David Lat back in May, 2006.

Welcome back, Jim, ya n00b!
~

Geminisunmars February 1, 2012 at 8:33 am

Congratulations on your upcoming 17th birthday, ifthe!!!

Negligently_Joe January 31, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Wow, first Gawker let go of Lauri, and now Jim. What is it, over there, that they have against talent?

Nothingisamiss January 31, 2012 at 3:49 pm

this was my second thought, after "HOORAY!"

horsedreamer_1 February 3, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Newell refused Daulerio's hectoring to get some politico dong up in the place.

twoeightnine January 31, 2012 at 3:16 pm

This is the world's best circle jerk.

CapnFatback January 31, 2012 at 3:32 pm

No, this is the world's largest circle, jerk.*

*Forgive the insult. And the pun. Just forgive my life, really. Please?

Iam_Who_Iam January 31, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I suppose it really isn't my place, but I forgive you anyhow. I love all the random links our Wonkettes share, I always learn and laugh so much (frequently simultaneously). I must of been living under some Wonkette political rock for the last few years as I hadn't been aware of that amazing bit of art(?) before.

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 11:34 am

Cool!

CapnFatback February 1, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I just saw that you edited your comment to read "best" instead of "largest" before I replied, thus rendering my ha-ha into huh-huh? Well played.

chascates January 31, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Newell RULES! Newell RULES! Newell RULES! Newell RULES! Newell RULES! Newell RULES! Newell RULES!

Indiepalin January 31, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Great. If you're interested, I have these two jokes for sale:

Tonto, blow me pronto

and

Kimosabe, bite my lobbie

These are sold only as a set. Five bucks. Thank you.

BaldarTFlagass January 31, 2012 at 3:19 pm

So is this a step up, a step down, or a step sideways for Mr. Newell?

chascates January 31, 2012 at 3:21 pm

It's his court-ordered community service.

nounverb911 January 31, 2012 at 3:21 pm

All of them, Katie.

G. Friday January 31, 2012 at 3:26 pm

So just step sideways from this place, today…Just step outside this grubby place, today (kazoo solo).

actor212 January 31, 2012 at 3:28 pm

It's just a jump to the left….

Ken Layne January 31, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Considering that Newell hasn't left his Capitol Hill rat house since 2008, I am guessing there are not a whole lot of "steps" involved, unless you're talking about the steps behind his kitchen, where he smokes his repulsive cigarettes.

qwerty42 January 31, 2012 at 3:43 pm

…where he smokes his repulsive cigarettes.
Now Ken, be nice. Besides, weren't you a press guy? They used to smoke like chimneys.

Ken Layne January 31, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Like most former smokers, I am now an insufferable anti-cigarette nazi.

actor212 January 31, 2012 at 4:38 pm

You know who else….oh, hell, you can write the rest in your head…

Man0nTheStreet January 31, 2012 at 11:22 pm

But he's been using the cig butts to build a new room onto his hovel – you know, American ingenuity and all that…

Negligently_Joe January 31, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Yes.

jus_wonderin January 31, 2012 at 5:56 pm

"You put your left foot in. You take your left foot out…………………"

SorosBot January 31, 2012 at 6:11 pm

I take two steps forward,
I take two steps back,
We come together
'Cause opposites attract

CHUDster_Arthur January 31, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Huzzah!!!

BaldarTFlagass January 31, 2012 at 3:21 pm

♫ Meet the Newell boss
Same as the old boss. ♪

doloras January 31, 2012 at 5:51 pm

We won't get trolled again!

G. Friday January 31, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Hooray, indeed! I just recovered my long-forgotten password to express my delight.

Fred_Wertham_Jr January 31, 2012 at 3:21 pm

YAY! When is Salon going to fire Pareene?

vodkamuppet January 31, 2012 at 4:02 pm

That was my first thought also, too.

I_P January 31, 2012 at 6:18 pm

I wish. I miss me some Pareene.

SayItWithWookies January 31, 2012 at 3:22 pm

It'll be good to see Newell's stuff at a site that isn't blocked from my office. Um — on those rare occasions I go online at work, that is.

chascates January 31, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I hope we'll see the return of the Neweller's keen insight on Dame Peggy Noonington.

qwerty42 January 31, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Oh, if only. This will be the season of teh krazi, so the whole Wonkette staff will have to be on their toes.
So, who will be on the crack blogging team in Tampa and Charlotte?

Jim Newell January 31, 2012 at 3:23 pm

BRING BACK ANA MARIE COX

elviouslyqueer January 31, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Hear hear! Because Cox and buttsecks made Wonkette what it is today!

Wait, what?

I_P January 31, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Let's not forget our Butterstick. OBEY.

V572 the Merciless January 31, 2012 at 7:21 pm

That was definitely the low point. Animals are wonderful and adorable, but don't deserve to be worshipped.

DustBowlBlues January 31, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Worship what you will, including animals, but remember to insert the funny in between fuzzy-wuzzy bear posts.

Man0nTheStreet January 31, 2012 at 11:42 pm

The Goddess is NOT amused, Infidel! PREPARE TO BE SMITED-ED!!

actor212 January 31, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Peggy Noonan's Sith apprentice?

*ducking*

Dumbedup January 31, 2012 at 4:03 pm

yes, needz more assfucking stories

SorosBot January 31, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Hey are you gonna be getting a cool blue bar like Ken et al. now?

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 31, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Wait, isn't posting in all caps a bannable offense?

Biff January 31, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Welcome back, ginger.

blogslut January 31, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Welcome home, Mr. Newell. Welcome home.

Data Exactly January 31, 2012 at 3:23 pm

The old gang is back together again! Well, almost back together again….

PhilippePetain January 31, 2012 at 3:25 pm

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!

Blueb4sunrise January 31, 2012 at 3:28 pm

HITLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

superdave January 31, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Who says you can't go home again? Oh right, my parents, that's who.

emmelemm January 31, 2012 at 3:29 pm

O Frabjous day, callooh callay!

V572 the Merciless January 31, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Here's some funny stuff, if you know any furrin talk:
http://www76.pair.com/keithlim/jabberwocky/transl

The Italian one sucks, though.

emmelemm January 31, 2012 at 7:24 pm

I enjoy that there are several Esperanto versions…

V572 the Merciless January 31, 2012 at 7:48 pm

But, sadly, no Klingon.

Geminisunmars February 1, 2012 at 8:42 am

Yet.

Nothingisamiss February 1, 2012 at 10:18 am

I'm chortling in my joy.

vulpes82 January 31, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Hooray! Those Gawker commenters never appreciated you, Jim. Not the way we do!

Now, get to writing a Dame Nooningtonshire piece, pronto! Dance, monkey, dance!

Quantum Suicide January 31, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I appreciated him! So much so that I've defected–I'm sure there will be more coming annnny minute now. Like, hundreds. THOUSANDS even.

flamingpdog January 31, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I'm growing wood just anticipating the next Newell post.

Geminisunmars February 1, 2012 at 8:43 am

More raw wood.

FlownOver February 1, 2012 at 4:45 pm

The one-L newel, it's a column.
The two-L Newell, more like Gollum.

qwerty42 January 31, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Jim!
Welcome back. I left a post in response to your exit on Gawker, and am happy to see you back here.

BornInATrailer January 31, 2012 at 3:38 pm

You know who else left for bigger things but then later happily returned?

Nothingisamiss January 31, 2012 at 3:51 pm

All of them, Katie.

actor212 January 31, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Demi Moore?

Bonzos_Bed_Time January 31, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Jackie The Jokeman Marlting?

edywin2 January 31, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Newt?

Blueb4sunrise January 31, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Dorothy Hitler.

SayItWithWookies January 31, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Gladys Knight's man?

BaldarTFlagass January 31, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Deion Branch?

Indiepalin January 31, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Nicki Haley?

BTWBFDIMHO January 31, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Elin Nordegren?
Heidi Klum?

BornInATrailer January 31, 2012 at 5:20 pm

salmon?

(maybe this is how Gingers spawn?)

GOPCrusher January 31, 2012 at 5:23 pm

The wacky Totenkopf Waffen SS Division?

jus_wonderin January 31, 2012 at 5:58 pm

The Incredible Fifty Foot Woman? Though, instead of happily returned, she returned happy.

AlterNewt January 31, 2012 at 7:20 pm

David Lee Roth?

reliefsinn February 1, 2012 at 9:35 am

So, those rumors about the Jolly Green Giant and The Incredible 50 Foot Woman are true?

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 11:38 am

I thought the Jolly Green Giant was gay.

satyricrash February 1, 2012 at 4:08 am

You guessed it, Frank Stallone.

BaldarTFlagass February 1, 2012 at 9:46 am

Andy Richter?

BaldarTFlagass January 31, 2012 at 3:39 pm

You know who else went away for a little while, only to return to great success on the political scene? (It would be even better if Newell had written a book about His Struggle while he was gone).

Bonzos_Bed_Time January 31, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Al Franken?

Loaded_Pants January 31, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Sarah Palin?

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 31, 2012 at 6:45 pm

We won't have Jim Newel to kick around anymore?

horsedreamer_1 February 3, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Nader?

whiskeybaby January 31, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Hooray, Newell returns!!!! I predict 300% more posts that mention space rats. I've missed the space rats.

ph7 January 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Gingers do have souls!

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 31, 2012 at 4:20 pm

They must…, right? No… no, I'm sure they do.

emmelemm January 31, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Says who?

Man0nTheStreet January 31, 2012 at 11:46 pm

I've seen no proof of that – ever.

Redhead January 31, 2012 at 3:43 pm

yayayayayayayayaya! Truck nutz and whore diamonds for all! (Too excited to snark!)

CountryClubJihadi January 31, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Dad, can we keep him? Pleeeeeeeease?

4TheTurnstiles January 31, 2012 at 3:46 pm

MISSLE KRUSHER DONGLE.

seriously, look it up.

Designer_Rants January 31, 2012 at 11:56 pm
CrunchyKnee January 31, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Can we dig Riley up from whatever shallow grave in Zucotti park he's in, as well, too?

Mumbletypeg January 31, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Ha! He fled the country already. Srsly, he's over in Czechoslovakia teaching English.

But agreeing, he is missed here. Myself in particular, I wish for more international-scene updates..

Man0nTheStreet January 31, 2012 at 11:54 pm

"He fled the country already. Srsly, he's over in Czechoslovakia… "

Hiding from Reichfart's personal boy-grabbers, while pretending to teach Czech to the Slovaks and vice-versa…

Nothingisamiss January 31, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Hooray!!!!

Sharkey January 31, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Shut UP!

EvieP January 31, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Can we have a Blingee contest to celebrate?

OobyDoobyDoo January 31, 2012 at 4:05 pm

no snark…just YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!

edywin2 January 31, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Stuffing that Gawker swag in your pants and walking out the door baby.

Gopherit January 31, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Yay! We miss us some newell…..Gawker just wasn't the same.

vodkamuppet January 31, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Hear hear indeed. Got so sick of wading through the idiotic Real Housewives recaps to find Jim's posts. And their commenters are terrible. Welcome back!

Fukui_sanYesOta January 31, 2012 at 4:16 pm

That's some gold-plated truth right there.

Welcome back, Jim!

Loaded_Pants January 31, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I had to just quit Gawker altogether. Don't miss it at all.

vodkamuppet January 31, 2012 at 6:20 pm

I pretty much quit after the redesign a year ago. I'd still go check out Newell but that's really it. Now I have no reason to go there.

Crank_Tango January 31, 2012 at 10:58 pm

I have no idea how the commenting works there…people refer to things being pink and I don't see anything pink.

And they are a bunch of assholes. I mean we are a bunch of assholes here, but we are usually all firing in the same direction, or thereabouts.

And then there is the lady that manages to turn everything into something racist…

Designer_Rants February 1, 2012 at 12:08 am

Yes. I know of which lady you speak.

Unlike everything else I've ever been addicted to, my Gawker addiction has just cured itself over the last month with zero effort on my part. It all started with a post about "Cars With Eyes In The Wrong Places" -or something. They're now going for a Cat Bread Head demographic, apparently. Not my scene.

satyricrash January 31, 2012 at 4:19 pm

I am so, so happy I never have to look at Gawker again. I'm sure this sentiment has already been expressed 800,000 times, but I don't ever read what you preverts hasta say.

Loaded_Pants January 31, 2012 at 6:12 pm

But won't you miss those Blind Items they pick from other sites like the one about the actor who's really gay who's married to a singer who's bisexual who likes threesomes with two of her producers?

Designer_Rants February 1, 2012 at 12:12 am

OMeffinG! Did you know every famous person is gay and on drugs?

Sharkey January 31, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Next thing you know, Slash will rejoin GNR.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 31, 2012 at 4:20 pm

The Ban Hammer will Return!

We will be a War Blog again!

The Sleeper has Awoken!

Sharkey January 31, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Release the Crackin'!

All hands on dick!

el_donaldo January 31, 2012 at 4:23 pm

oh, good! finally we can make ginger jokes again.

littlebigdaddy January 31, 2012 at 4:26 pm

The Red Menace is back! Yay!

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 31, 2012 at 4:27 pm

They come for the buttsex,

but then they can never leave…..

Monsieur_Grumpe January 31, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Jim, remember all the all that stuff I said when you left? Just kidding.
MG

amarain824 January 31, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Hi There, I stopped reading Wonkette when I moved out of the district a really, really long time ago. But, being a Jim Newell Groupie has brought me back. :) I imagine you guys are going to get a few more from the gawkerverse….

johnnyzhivago January 31, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Herman Cain heard that women are from Venus and now he's trying to get Newt to build a colony there too!

ChernobylSoup January 31, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Let's give him a test to make sure he's the real Jim.

Okay, Newell, explain the origins of Joe Lieberman.

Fox n Fiends January 31, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Since you're leaving Gawker, does that mean she's dying?

tunamelt January 31, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Retro futurism.

(Yes, I dusted off my commenting account for this.)

smokefilledroommate January 31, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I'll turn off ad-block just for him !

neiltheblaze January 31, 2012 at 4:52 pm

This makes me very happy!

Chet Kincaid January 31, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Today we are all Gingers.

Quantum Suicide January 31, 2012 at 5:03 pm

YES! I've defected from Gawker JUST to follow Jim.

I'll be preparing by re-counting my gold coins and revisiting my stash of Ron Paul newsletters–those things really are timeless.

SenileAgitation January 31, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Oh, fine, sure, swell, Mr. Newell (if that's even your real name!), just saunter back whenever you feel the urge, when your fancy new commenters turn on you and there's no place to call home, sure, come back, return of the prodigal poster, kill the fatheaded calf, we'll be here, waiting, hoping and wondering and waiting like the silly little fools we are! Just don't break my heart again Jim! I couldn't bear it!

RadioFetusEater January 31, 2012 at 5:10 pm

They all return to the scene of the crime.

CrankyLttlCamperette January 31, 2012 at 5:15 pm

As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly (Prov. 26:11)

See! It was ordained in Scripture!

Wait, is this a sign of the Rapture (TM)?

Man0nTheStreet February 1, 2012 at 12:07 am

Psst!! The Rapture was sooo last year – it was cool and all, but it's over now so try to keep up… k thx bye!

flamingpdog January 31, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Can we bring back Sara Benincasa, too – I miss spelunking in her cleavage.

TinyDespot January 31, 2012 at 5:17 pm

There is no possible way, barring Ed McMahon's corpse showing up at my house with a large fake check, that I could get any better news today. Amen and pass the biscuits!

Geminisunmars February 1, 2012 at 8:56 am

/////Ding Dong//////

Nothingisamiss February 1, 2012 at 10:18 am

mmmmmmm….biscuits.

Jerri January 31, 2012 at 5:25 pm

YES! This is literally the only good news I have heard all day. And, it absolutely made having a shitty rest of the day worth it!

Sharkey January 31, 2012 at 5:26 pm

In a way, it's like he never left.

Like that time I found some leftover weed that I totally forgot about.

Also like that time we got a new President and he kept doing the same shit the old one did.

TheWidestStance January 31, 2012 at 5:31 pm

I haven't commented since the upgrade to Intense Debate (or whatever it is, sounds hot though). In honor of Newell's return, I will stop trolling (men's rooms) and start commenting again. Welcome back Newell!

Love,
Not Larry Craig

Salam Bombay January 31, 2012 at 5:46 pm

OMG OMG OMG. This is the best news EVER! Jim was being wasted over at Gawker.

Sharkey January 31, 2012 at 5:52 pm

While we’re at it, I’d also like a pony. (For lunch.)

jus_wonderin January 31, 2012 at 5:54 pm

He's not dead. Jim.

mileslarboy January 31, 2012 at 6:00 pm

YAY!!!!!!!!! Welcome back! Now I don't have to make an extra trip to Gawker to read you.

I_P January 31, 2012 at 6:22 pm

<bursts into song>

Man0nTheStreet February 1, 2012 at 12:15 am

♪♫ The Hills are Alive, with the Sound of New-well!!! ♬

Rotundo_ January 31, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Gawker's loss our gain, time to tap a virtual keg and set the Ron Paul blimp on fire or something to celebrate!

Lascauxcaveman January 31, 2012 at 7:03 pm

This is when the long knives come out.

Veritas78 January 31, 2012 at 7:11 pm

If I was Jack Steuf, I'd be PISSED!! Passed over for a reprise cameo by an older, more faded, chunkier ginger! After all the shit stories that Ken sicced Jackie on! Who's a tart got to fuck to get some respect around here?

Man0nTheStreet February 1, 2012 at 12:18 am

All of 'em, Katie!

Nothingisamiss February 1, 2012 at 10:19 am

Jack, is that you?

fuflans January 31, 2012 at 7:12 pm

can we get the 'r' word back too?

DustBowlBlues January 31, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Shhhhh . . .

weej_bain January 31, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Welcome back Jim!

NYNYNYjr January 31, 2012 at 7:29 pm

I like Jim Newell's writing, I will say, in an unqualified statement of support.

Sharkey January 31, 2012 at 9:22 pm

NewellPac™® thanks you!

JackDempsey1 January 31, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Young man, don't forget to roll over your 401(k).

Bluestatelibel January 31, 2012 at 7:42 pm

This is bad news for Peggy Noonan. But great news for the rest of us!

rocktonsam January 31, 2012 at 7:56 pm

will we be able to type retard again?

Biff January 31, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Rolls off the tongue, retard..

Sharkey January 31, 2012 at 8:37 pm

aaaaand kaboom

Nothingisamiss February 1, 2012 at 10:23 am

So, apparently the word "retar@@d" is what's still banned.

Lazy Media January 31, 2012 at 8:54 pm

So say we all.

OyeBuelah January 31, 2012 at 9:03 pm

From Gawker – Wonkette Bookmarked!

godhammer6 January 31, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Gawker lost Jim, Wonkette just gained my readership. Bad move Gawker, bad move.

notreelyhelping January 31, 2012 at 9:22 pm

And I feel fine.

BearNoLike January 31, 2012 at 9:38 pm

haha key-tinkler for the lobsterbacks haha

this is a good day

sezme January 31, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Newell vs Noonington: this time, it's personal. (Very Happy!)

slowhansolo January 31, 2012 at 11:06 pm

That boy ain't right.

tribbzthesquidz February 1, 2012 at 12:04 am

Who's Jim Newell?

SudsMcKenzie February 1, 2012 at 12:50 am

please Ban-hammer anyone who says "all of them Katie", there I said it.

Jukesgrrl February 1, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Nooooooooooooooooooooo.

dogscantlookup February 1, 2012 at 1:47 am

Jim Newell: Sweet jebus this is a good day, A good day!

ttommyunger February 1, 2012 at 7:47 am

I was hoping for Maureen Dowd, Peggy Noonan or maybe Thomas Friedman. Oh well guess we'll have to make do…

Biel_ze_Bubba February 1, 2012 at 9:19 am

Finally, I will be getting my money's worth from Wonkette!

Magister February 1, 2012 at 9:44 am

I've dusted off my commenting account, now hit me with the posts.

Welcome home!

widestanceshakedown February 1, 2012 at 10:13 am

It's gonna take heroic effort to sandblast the taint of Gawker off him, but we'll be happy to do it.

Naked_Bunny February 1, 2012 at 11:12 am

Ironically, I've heard that working at Gawker is like getting your taint sandblasted.

superdave February 1, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Gah! That mental image made me clench.

NorbertsRevenge February 1, 2012 at 10:14 am

There goes the neighborhood.

jus_wonderin February 1, 2012 at 11:06 am

"Welcome back. Your dreams were your ticket out. Welcome back……………."

Naked_Bunny February 1, 2012 at 11:10 am

Bah. Newell can't commit. Just ask our children.

mrblifil February 1, 2012 at 11:15 am

See, meth addiction rarely works out well.

Terry February 1, 2012 at 11:18 am

Welcome back, Jim! Now I don't have to hang out with New Yorkers to read your posts!

johnnymeatworth February 1, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Fuck yeah!

Trinket February 1, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Everybody drink!

frostbitefalls February 1, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Glad you're back Jim. Here you go.. .http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v78-ftcqpNw

weej_bain February 1, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Ken is this just a red hairing?

bfstevie February 2, 2012 at 12:03 am

Where can we send the congratulatory Carvel ice cream cake? Cookie Pus couldn't be prouder.

DerrickWildcat February 2, 2012 at 9:59 am

I think I've got everything I need. I am ready.

Mort_Sinclair February 2, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Warning, snark-free comment ahead: that is fucking fabulous! Love it!

horsedreamer_1 February 3, 2012 at 8:02 pm

2012 Convention Road-Trip??

snoopyfan2010 February 6, 2012 at 7:05 am

A red head? Whoo hoo!

V572 the Merciless January 31, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I am chastened.

Geminisunmars February 1, 2012 at 8:51 am

The editor wanted something on how cats are bred, and this is what s/he got.

Designer_Rants February 1, 2012 at 9:54 am

I think his exact instructions were: "Let's keep it light and irrelevant."

V572 the Merciless February 1, 2012 at 10:12 am

I see the light and will now worship your Goddess. Spare this humble apostate!Although I really prefer calicos.

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