the next barry manilow

Mitt Romney Bursts Into Song, Awkwardness Ensues (VIDEO)

AW, how long had Mitt Romney been practicing his rendition of “America the Beautiful” in the mirror before he decided to try to slip it into his stump speech all casual-like? We’re going to go with a wild guess here and say, “since Barack Obama sang Al Green.” Mittens even tries to be cool enough to get the Florida crowd of napping old people to do backup for him by asking in a solicitous music teacher voice, “Can you sing with me?”

They do briefly wake up to accompany him through about half a verse before trailing off again after Mittens meets the high note at 0:19 with a rather stinging defeat. Then there is a round of confused, tepid clapping like they aren’t sure whether silence or applause will embarrass him less, and Mittens smiles like he’s just won the junior high talent contest. TAKE THAT, OBAMA. [YouTube]

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    1. hagajim

      I'd ask him to please quit his day job….since it seems that running for Preznit is all he does nowadays.

  1. Barb

    Sorry Mitt, even in your snazzy dungarees, I just don't believe that America is ready for a white male President.

  2. PuckStopsHere

    Singing, like dancing, must be another one of those activities proscribed by the Mormon religion (unless, apparently, one in a member of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir). And based on the :23 of this video I made it through, they ought to keep it that way.

  3. teebob2000

    Reciting it like a weenie wasn't good enough for him. The part this doesn't show is immediately prior to the singing where he muffed the words, which is funny.

  4. jus_wonderin

    I heard this on NPR this morning before I had coffee. Not sure if that was a good thing or bad. But, kind of made me want to up-chuck.

    1. sarah_connor

      same, and on WNYC, twice before 8 a.m. it went on and on, worse than fingernails on chalkboard. cough cough gag. Brian Lehrer can't even wash that noise out of my brain at this point… :(

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    I heard he's singing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl this Sunday, on the strength of that performance alone.

    1. Negropolis

      Well, he can't do any worse than Madonna's gonna do, can he?

      Yes, Metro Detroit apologizes for giving you guys Madonna.

  6. arihaya

    Mitten is just trying to copy Obama crooning Al Green

    Lemme tell you, Mitten. I knew Barrack Obama, Barrack Obama is the president of mine. Mitten, you are no Barrack Obama.

  7. SexySmurf

    I can either listen to Mitt or unmute the TV and listen to the Coldplay video currently infecting VH1. It's like Sohpie's choice if Sophie had to choose between a rectal exam or a punch in the boob.

  8. freakishlywrong

    White, robotic and pandering like a mothafucker. Dear Newt, this is not a "moderate Massachusetts librul" He's one of y'ourn.

  9. Dumbedup

    BTW, I predicted this when I saw the Obama video, Willard is just so fucking predictable. This guy has a totally psychopathic fixation on becoming POTUS, and feels no shame or humiliation or any other human emotion about doing whatever needs to be done to win. To paraphrase JFK "I will change any position, distort any fact, risk total humiliation to achieve that which I desire, Power!!!"

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      Wait, and what was that shit Newt did in Brevard County, regarding the space program? *scoff* Like Americans give a fuck about science…

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Romneytron used to have a much bigger database of songs, but had to dump them after SOPA was proposed.

  10. MrFizzy

    This on huffington – I would send to KBJ or wonkette, but my Mac doesn't work wtih this system.
    Newt Gingrich Robocall: Mitt Romney Forced Holocaust Survivors To Eat Non-Kosher Food

    1. Chichikovovich

      Did they also Robocall with "Mitt Romney preached the doctrine, until he was in his thirties, that blacks were marked by God as inferior, and that black skin was punishment for sin"? Or did they think that would actually gain votes from the 27% ers?

      1. Extemporanus

        Please continue to post this little WTF nugget from time to time, Chichi, and I'll do the same.

        With all the brouhaha over Ron Paul's old Nigger Beat articles, it astounds me that Bishop Mitt's preached beliefs that God left sinners in the minority microwave too long hasn't gained greater traction.

        Mitt Romney may not be a racist, but he sure as hell is a craven, fucking coward for promulgating that shit well past his "youthful indiscretion" years. And his church as well, for cynically ditching long-held racist beliefs in order to get a break on their goddamn taxes.

        [NOTE: I pinched a nerve in my back this morning that has left me nearly paralyzed in pain. I am currently wolfing down a brunch of Vicodin, muscle relaxants, anti-inflammatories, Valium, and whiskey. I apologize for this and all other comments made by me over the next 24 hours.]

        1. ThundercatHo

          Hope you are better soon, try applying heat and/or ice to affected area. Also, too the drunk, drug-addled posts are favorites.

          1. Extemporanus

            Thanks. I'm using one those olde-tyme-y big red water bottles, which always seems to cheer me up a bit, probably because it reminds me of a Woopie cushion full of piping hot diarrhea.

          2. ThundercatHo

            Those always remind me of the old-fashioned pink rubber douche bags hanging off the shower (hmm, maybe I should get one just to embarrass the snot out of my teenaged son). Anywho, I must agree with Chichi about the prednisone burst. It's like a drink from the fountain of youth.

          3. DaRooster

            Those bottles do hold a good amount of whiskey…

            15 minutes heat
            15 minutes cold
            (about 3 revolutions and then give yourself a break of at least an hour… nerve damage possibilities)

          4. bagofmice

            Brilliant idea! A hot water bottle toddy! Ease the pain in two ways at once. You sir are a genius.

        2. Chichikovovich

          Thanks – I'm glad to have help doing what I can to put this one into circulation. If the Republicans and Fox have taught me anything, it's the importance of ceaseless repetition. Also this does make me particularly angry too – not just the hatefulness of the message, but the fact that it's given a pass because they add "Hey, it wasn't me. That was God talking."

          Sorry to hear about the pinched nerve. I had something like that which had me nearly incapacitated for months. And I have just two words for you: Prednisone burst. Even if it doesn't fix the nerve issue (by reducing inflammation that was interfering with the body getting itself back into order) it will be the most energized, well-being filled few weeks of your life.

          1. Extemporanus

            I've mentioned it a number of times, but if fisting is any judge, I think most people think it's a yawner. Out of all the crazy shit that's been cranked out by the Mormon cash cult, for some reason their racist beliefs piss me off most of all.

            My siatic nerve in my upper back/neck goes haywire about once a year — I usually can't turn my head for at a month if I don't over-medicate the hell out of it within the first day or so. I'm gonna Google the shit out of "prednisone burst" right now, and probably name my next band after it too.


          2. Chichikovovich

            Apparently there are quite bad consequences if you take it too long – like serious compromise to the immune system bad – but if your reaction is anything like mine, you'll want to keep taking it forever. The "burst" comes from the fact that you typically get it in a short, condensed blast over a few days. But it's such a jolt to the system that you need to take it in increasing doses for about a glorious week, then the hit, then slowly decreasing doses for another glorious week. Then bye-bye prednisone. (Wipes away manly tear.)

          3. elviouslyqueer

            And I can tell you, weaning yourself off of prednisone must be done s…l…o…w…l…y. A million years ago, my oncologist gave me prednisone as part of my chemo but neglected to give me a "come down dose." LSS, I quickly discovered that males can indeed have PMS.

          4. Extemporanus

            Sincere thanks for the additional info and words of warning, you guys.

            (EQ: Any chance that you'd consider taking it and then stopping without a come down dose again? Something tells me that your PMS-poisoned comments would be positively p-ness shaking.)

          5. RadioFetusEater

            I hope you haven't dropped off into a opiate/benzo/alcohol coma yet. I've finally got more than a few seconds to offer you advice my friend. From a pharmacological standpoint a burst of anti-inflammatory steroids is safe and effective. Prednisone 40 mg daily for five days has been my go to for the last 20 or so years. Despite Chich's and Elvious' concerns, there is NO need to taper and there are minimal side effects — except like the NSAID's take with something in your little belly.
            The vicodoodles and benzo's are effective but try to reserve them for for severe pain or sleepytime. Keep the NSAID's steady state. I like Ibuprofen 600 mg 4 X's a day with food.
            No Chiropractor needs to go near that precious neck of yours — talk about made up religion, that's a made up science.
            Like MittBorg was talking below heat is good, and alternating with cold is even better. Those Shaq sponsored sticky heat pads are pretty cool.
            No soft collars, they tend to weaken the supporting muscles. Stay up and active, for the same reason. Stretching, Stretch, and range of motion is great and your limits should be when you feel pain. Build the dang fence.
            And finally, the best advice I can give you regarding medicine is to move to Canada.

          6. Extemporanus

            Well shit, Radio, I feel like a fuckin' schmuck right about now.

            I replied to your wholly unexpected, incredibly helpful, totally awesome above-the-call-of-duty comment shortly after you left it, but because I neglected to hit "Submit", or I shut down before it went through, or I simply imagined the whole thing in my addled alter state, said reply ain't here. It just ain't here, man!


            I'm sincerely sorry about that, and hope that my delayed response hasn't left you worried to distraction, or more understandably, P.O.'d. (I actually went grocery shopping, did laundry, made meat loaf, and stretched until I cried in the interim.) I'll attempt a quick recap during this supposedly brief post-beddie-byebathroom break blog check:

            Had I known that your "doctor is in" comment was — as Baconz might say, "100% snark free" — I wouldn't have been quite so cavalier in replying with an off-hand request for a "rad prescription". For some reason, I've always assumed that your medical field bona fides were focused on just cold zappin' cancer cells and shit while wearing a badass lead lined black butcher bib or something.

            I lay corrected, sir.

            So anyhoozle, here's the deal-e-o with my whack-ass back 'n' shit, shared if for no other reason than to possibly help make your cyber house call clinically worthwhile through the unsolicited introduction of statistically insignificant, inherently suspect, anecdotal data:

            My sub-cervical vertebrae — most notably T2-T5, adjacent to the top and leading edge of my scapula — display what I've been told is an unusual anomaly. Basically, they each have an extra set of superior articular processees (sp?), which means that my lower neck/upper shoulder nerves need to traverse an especially gnarly, pinch prone route out from the spine. One sneeze with my head turned just so (such as what happened this morning), and I'm screwed.

            I've dealt with this for as long as I can remember (though I've been able to minimize flare-ups to once or twice a year), and the response you prescribed (minus the Prednisone) is pretty much what I finally settled upon about ten years ago as being the most efficacious. If I don't hit it fast and hard with cold/hot, Vicodin, muscle relaxants, and ibuprofen, the pain and immobility quickly spreads to the point where it's a good (bad) few months before I'm back to relative normal and no longer lurching around like Herman Munster. My biggest problem always is getting the necessary meds when it happens: You walk into a doctor's office detailing exactly what you need, and they tend to assume that you're just 'script shopping and send you on your way with just some Motrin, if you're lucky.

            Here's another fun back fact, which I've been told is also seldom (if ever) seen in individuals thirty years past puberty: My sacrum never fused, so when my lower back goes out (which it does a few times a year), the foundation of my spine offers all the support of a bendy straw, and my sciatic nerve array sucks pure pain from my ass on up. Awesome!

            Um, sorry….I should probably stop typing now. (Did I really even type all that? Really?!)

            Thanks again, my friend, and please don't be offended if I delete this tomorrow, for dignity.

        3. DaRooster

          So, given your current predicament you have embraced DaRooster's daily regimen…
          Seriously. Good luck with relief.

          1. Extemporanus

            I've been there (and usually am there) all too often, dude.

            Try to save a little for when you really need it, but until then, "CHEERS!"

          1. Extemporanus

            You wouldn't believe what deliciousness my dealer, er waiter, is bringing me for lunch.


            /Rachel Ray

        4. sunmusing

          I'm on the percocet and tequila regimen for the next few dayz myself, as the knees keep afflicting me with intolerable pain. I don't remember much after morning meds, and the dogs keep me informed if there is anyone at the front door. Hope you feel better soon.

          1. MittBorg

            So sorry to hear that, my friend. With the knees, it's much worse, since it's not muscle pain but bone pain. You know that you have to keep exercising, though, right. I know it hurts, but this is our sentence, my friend. The more you exercise, the better support you get from the big muscles, which can keep pain levels lowER, at least.

          2. sunmusing

            Thanks for your encouragement, truly appreciated. I slipped on the ice and did the splits. Ya know an old body just doesn't want to do those things. The dogs just looked down on me, and I could just hear them thinking how funny I looked laying there rolling around in pain. If I could I would make a feeble attempt at giving them a good kick in the ass. But they would just laugh.

        5. MittBorg

          Since I am currently in exactly the same predicament, let me recommend to you some things that appear to have pretty much fixed the problem for me. 1. I purchased, for the princely sum of $19.99, an item called a Thermalon neck pad. It uses microwaveable beads that release moist heat, which is what body workers recommend for this type of pain. A few minutes in the microwave ensures that you get about two hours worth of relief and the moist heat seems to relax the muscles in the area, which increases the range of motion *gradually*. The second item is a heavy-duty foam roller, approx. 4-6 inches in diameter, purchaseable online or through any shop that stocks exercise/physical therapy equipment. Place the roller on the floor and gently lower yourself onto it so that the base of your skull is supported by the top end. Keep your knees bent and center the roller under the spine. Lie on this and relax for no more than 1-5 minutes initially, with your arms folded over your torso or by your sides. You should feel the entire shoulder/neck area on the affected side relaxing. Extend your arm sideways for additional stretch but ONLY if the spasming/pain has lessened.

          Hope it helps.

          1. Extemporanus

            Thank you from the bottom of my bottle for the super detailed, super helpful, super-duper heartfelt response, FriendBorg!

            I've already integrated a couple of your suggestions into my hooch & hydrocodone-heavy emergency response regimen, and I must admit that I'm already feeling a bit less fill-in-the-blank-cidal. At the very least, following your prescription gave me something other than blinding pain to focus on all afternoon.

            Were I cognitively capable of saying more, I would, but until such time as I am, I hope one more sincere "Thank you, friend" for taking the time to reply will suffice.

          2. MittBorg

            Rest easy, my friend. I'm happy to have been of help. It takes about 24 hours, but after a good night's sleep and the heating and deep relaxation, you should be back to a less -cidal self in no time! With warmest wishes and a very careful hug, MittBorg.

        6. Chet Kincaid

          The MorMen are the the MorMen, but it's still a fact that Mitt's Dad was a supporter of the Civil Rights Movement, and maybe that had some influence on the MorMen joining the 20th Century. (You could probably also say cynically that George Romney knew the country couldn't keep pissing off the black workers in his auto factories and expect business to function properly.)

          1. Extemporanus

            Form what little I've read/heard about Pop Romney, I'm inclined to believe that he was indeed a relatively principled and pragmatic man of his time.

            Doesn't make me feel any less inclined toward embracing the cynical angels of my nature, but I nonetheless suspect that he, unlike his winds-of-self-beneficial-opinion blown husk of a son, would be someone with whom one might at least be able to have a reasonable and constructive exchange of opposing ideas.

            But I'm so hopped-up on booze and goofballs right now, what the fuck do I know?

        7. Ducksworthy

          To be fair, the Book of Mormon teaches that brown and black people were just left in the oven too long when Gawd made them. Oh and that indians are actually jews. Also, Too.

    2. MittBorg

      It's true, too. He slashed a lousy $600K that would have given nursing-home residents kosher food. Cheap bastard. Apparently, the only religion entitled to any consideration is his own.

        1. MittBorg

          You implied something I didn't say, Chet. It is not clear that kosher food costs more than non-kosher food, although it certainly makes sense that there would be some difference in cost.

          I would imagine the $600,000 difference can be accounted for by various differences in the sourcing, procurement, licensing, and distribution of kosher food. How much of that is actually the dollar cost differential, I do not know.

        2. BerkeleyBear

          It wasn't that it cost that much more, but that was the full amount budgeted for the state to supply Kosher meals for seniors.

          Apparently some nursing homes were going to shut their kosher kitchens in 2002 for economic reasons (not a lot of Mass. seniors keeping kosher, and the savings had to come from somewhere). The legislature pushed 600k to supply the food for the seniors who did want it, which was probably a lot cheaper than keeping all the kitchens open and staffed 7 days a week. Basically a partial repeal of the budget cuts. Mittens, ever the compassionate conservative, vetoed it, and the legislature passed it over the veto.

          1. MittBorg

            I'm glad the legislature gave him the finger on this issue. I personally follow no religion, but at that age, I don't expect people to adjust easily to changes, and it would have been an unnecessary cruelty to a demographic in its last days, for goodness' sake. Honestly, the Mittbot hasn't a speck of human compassion AFAICT. For THAT reason alone, anybody who has ever needed mercy a little more than justice needs to vote for Obama.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Weird Al is also deliciously self-aware.

        Sadly, such sentience will forever elude the Romneytron.

        1. MittBorg

          You've GOT to be in love. You've just been PowSockWham all over the place, lately, in FINE damn form.

          Out with it. Who is it, and is he wonderful?

  11. OkieDokieDog

    I'm currently listening to The Specials singing The Pogues Dirty Old Town – so I'm not about to stop it and listen to this dog abuser sing anything.

  12. kissawookiee

    In Mitt's defense, he does a version of "Fuck You" that absolutely kills, but only when singing at poors and ladies who don't want to be pregnant.

  13. EatsBabyDingos

    Songs not sung by Mittens:

    "So look for the Union Label"
    "(Domo Arrigato) Mr. Roboto"
    "Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll"

  14. SayItWithWookies

    "Now please open your hymnals to page 146, and sing with me 'When the Angel Moroni Gave This Land to the White People.'"

    1. MittBorg

      I have to wonder if Joseph Smith The Mormon Scammer ever read Trollope. In Phineas Finn, there is some mention of a dining establishment in London called "Moroni."

  15. comrad_darkness

    Oh good. My mirror cracked this morning for reasons not pertaining to my appearance after a late night out.

      1. MittBorg

        You got it, did you?

        I knew he was gonna end up at your place, Biely. He'll complain about the provender, no doubt, but I take great pleasure in knowing he'll get his, ahem, just desserts.

  16. flamingpdog

    Based on the sincerety and vigor of his "Oh, wow"s to the audience, I would have to surmise that his sexytime shouts of "Oh God, oh God" put his wife to sleep.

    1. MittBorg

      So … where exactly did this myth about Mitt's "sexytime" get started? Because you know that the Mormon God makes the space babies, right?

      1. flamingpdog

        Whew, thanks for that revelation, MB. Now I don't have to think about my Mormon daughter and son-in-law doing the nasty in order to produce my sweet grandchilluns!

        1. MittBorg

          Anytime, Pdog! *Nobody* should have to think about Mormons doing the nasty in their magic underwear. Not even unwillingly baptized Mormons.

  17. Barb

    I've got my Flyers jersey on and I am not watching election crap tonight. I'm watching the hockey game and Newt and Mitt can eat each other for all I care.

    1. LesBontemps

      As the sainted Jim Newell (PBUH) once described them: "Flyers season-ticket holders are rabid, drunk trash who will almost certainly (a) lead a chant of “SHOW YOUR TITS, SHOW YOUR TITS” and (b) throw batteries at her [Palin] when she doesn’t show her tits. There will be vomit everywhere."

      His prediction was dead-on, although given the predictability of Flahrs fans, not much of a feat.

      1. Barb

        You say that like it is a bad thing.
        When Palin went and dropped the ceremonial puck, complete with human shield, Piper, I was uberpissed that the stadium piped in recorded cheers to cover the fans who were booing.

    2. SorosBot

      Have fun!

      I just can't pull myself away from the livebloggings, no matter how infuriated the debates and speeches make me.

      1. Barb

        Oh man, you know I will go mental if you are having fun and I'm not. Must rethink this hockey obsession.

    1. actor212

      What they forget is, while most people sing from their throats and lungs, Mitt sings from his ass, which is mostly blocked by the stick up there.

    2. MittBorg

      I guess we'd better pray that the Prez doesn't suddenly decide to strip to his boxers on stage.

      I mean, I'd sure as hell appreciate that, but only until Mittens and Newtie started doing the (urp) same.

      1. deelzebub

        You asshole! Now, whenever I want to sit back and relax with a naked Bams fantasy, naked Newt is going to pop into my head and make me nauseous instead of horny.

  18. Mumbletypeg

    Is this what's meant by the phrase "elevator pitch"? Like it's sung at the kind of pitch best heard from an elevator…. carrying the singer away from you.


    1. James Michael Curley

      I discovered a Michael Bolton version of "Like a Rolling Stone." also a Nancy Sinatra version. Compared to either Mitt Romney's singing exercise is tolerable.

  19. flamingpdog

    Mittens failed to mention another long-forgotten verse of America the Beautiful which says in part:

    "America! America!
    God shed his grace on thee
    Till selfish gain no longer stain
    The banner of the free!"

    Ooops! SOCHULIZM!!!

    1. CapnFatback

      Far more surprising is his neglect in mentioning the verse that speaks of America's "alabaster cities." Know your base, Mitt.

      1. flamingpdog

        I dunno about that. The oldz don't hear so well, and they might misunderstand "alabaster" as "Ali bastard" and think he was talking about Muslin Obama's cities.

  20. Biel_ze_Bubba

    I thought Obama's Barry White impersonation was weak, but Mitt doing Wayne Newton is a whole Mormon zombie planet-full of fail.

  21. EatsBabyDingos

    He should sing Marcel Marceau's Greatest Hits or do the Milli Vanilli and have Basil Marceaux do his singing.

    1. MittBorg

      You *might* just be the MOST-HATED little piglet on Wonketz today, Baconz.

      Fellow Wonketteers, DO NOT CLICK that link. Unless, of course, you have a weapon handy and REALLY want to end it all.

        1. MittBorg

          Don't think Baconzgood doesn't KNOW it and REVEL in it!!@!

          If he weren't so cute and snarky, we'd probably be helping ourselves to some of that stored bacon right theah.

  22. Chet Kincaid

    Why is Mitt running from his background as a Flip Flop pioneer?! He used to rock the Hi-Fi turntable with his groups the Bloomfield Hills Gang and Run D.C.:

    "I said a flip, flop, a flippy to the floppy
    to the flip flop — I don't stop a floppin'
    and I change my positions and switch my opinions,
    whichever way the wind blows at me!"

  23. Dumbedup

    You know how sometimes you pass out on the floor with CNN on and then come to hours later and they are playing some clip, then you pass out again and in the morning can't tell if it was real or a hallucination? That was this clip of willard.

  24. CapnFatback

    I wouldn't exactly say he "burst" into song, Kirtsen. Dribbled into song? Mewled into song? I'll get back to you.

    1. CapnFatback

      Okay, I got a metaphor. My dog, when he gets sick, calmly moves to a carpeted piece of the house (WHY?), calmly and rhythmically regurgitates his food, effortlessly opens his mouth, and lets what comes up his throat fall with little circumstance onto the carpet. THAT'S what Romney's singing reminds me of. What's the word for that?

  25. Toomush_Infer

    Willard's handlers knew he couldn't sing. They figured his "Ahem, (Squeeak) "Hgggghomme…" would humanize him somehow. I guess there are humans, and then there are humans…. Personally, I think, for the sake of continued interest, that all the Republicans should have to sing their way through each of the next 127 debates… or at least a duet between Newt and Willard (which we could send to the Iranian ruling cabal as a threat)….

    1. Dumbedup

      I think said handlers testicles shrank visibly when they saw Barry, sparkling and smooth, at the Apollo delivering a line from one of the genuinely coolest artists ever, and said, well, we gotta' respond.

      1. Toomush_Infer

        Yeh, that Barry….he should put out an album of six second takes….Michelle could star in the video in all that new sexy underwear…umm…Sash and….whoops, what did you do to me….?

      2. MittBorg

        You know, President Obama isn't even *trying* to make all these douchelockets look like douchelockets. People who talk about how lucky Obama is to be facing this hapless clutch of FAIL will look back on this ten years from now and marvel at the Republicans' terrible luck in finding someone like Obama to run against.

        Think about it. If Dukakis or Kerry were running this year, these troglodytes wouldn't look a tenth as bad. In fact, if these guys were running against Alan Grayson (whom I love with all my heart) or Dennis Kucinich (ditto) or Mike Gravel, or even Hillary, formidable and brilliant as she is, they wouldn't be viewed as such hapless losers. They just happen to be running against someone who's a decade or more younger than them, who's slim, trim, fit, in great shape, brilliant, highly educated, a gifted scholar, a gifted athlete, with tons of charisma, personal charm, likeability, a beautiful voice, a gifted orator with both the intellectual heft to marshal complex arguments and a great talent for using common speech to explain those ideas. He's not perfect, but he's a helluva candidate, and there isn't a single Republican in recent memory or currently out there who can stand next to him without looking like a loser and a dweeb.

          1. MittBorg

            No, the lesson is, you can do everything right and plan for everything — and you should — but you can't plan for luck. The Republicans could never have foreseen President Obama in 2006. Hell, most of the electorate couldn't, despite their longing for a candidate to save them from Bush and the Republicans. They didn't foresee the size of his win. They didn't foresee his staying power.

            Of course, none of that would mean squat if he weren't also a highly competent, efficient, and brilliant strategist with an apparently endless capacity for hard work.

          1. MittBorg

            The funny thing is, I'm hearing this from all my white friends. And they're also "only half joking." I'm not sure what to think. It's a fact that the Browning of America is well under way, and those who think that they have nought but the blood of the Vikings or the Celts or whomever in their veins are sadly mistaken, to say the least. Those two facts combined have caused a shrinking demographic of racial purists. Perhaps America IS, after all, the Great Melting Pot, the Rainbow Nation, and henceforth, its political makeup will reflect that. But I'll need to amass more hard evidence before I'd be willing to say so.

            Although who won our GAY, GAY, GAY heart this month? Cory Booker, that's who, after his *beautiful* response to Chris "IAteNJ&FuckYou" Christie's homophobic remarks.

  26. BaldarTFlagass

    Like Michigan J Frog, I bet he never does that again.

    ♫ Hello! ma baby
    Hello! ma honey
    Hello! ma ragtime gal ♪

  27. ThundercatHo

    When Barry crooned Al Green half the ladies in America had moist panties. The only ladies in that audience with moist panties are the ones who forgot their Depends.

  28. b[redact]opple

    OT but ZOMG Jim Newell just said on the Gawker that he's coming back next week. Like temporarily or something.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      I just came here to post that. Awesome – Newell is totally wasted at Gawker.


  29. Indiepalin

    They played this on Morning Edition this morning while I was in the shower and it was all I could do to keep from taking a shit right there in the tub. Thanks Steve and Rene.

  30. Bluestatelibel

    Can this guy be any more awkward, corny, and cringe-worthy? I know it's hard work trying to be like the humans, Mittens, but please try harder.

  31. BaldarTFlagass

    He should have done an old Al Jolson or Eddie Cantor song, to maybe win back the votes of the old Jewish people down there in FL who are all pissed off about his making Holocaust survivors in Massachusetts nursing homes eat non-kosher foods.

  32. ElPinche

    Needs moar Hall of Presidents… looks like the good folks at Disney said "fuck Animatronics" with Romney's model.

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      The fingers of one hand inserted into his jeans pocket does make him seem rather life-like. In a Sears & Roebuck catalog photo sort of way.

  33. KeepFnThatChicken

    Singers and songwriters tend to be democrats, because they have an innate capability of connecting to people through lyrics.

    If Republican songwriters want to connect to their base, every song would be titled "Fuck You."

    1. Mumbletypeg

      oh.. I nearly lost it when I read this, what a non-sequitur! unless — since I can't play/ listen to Mitt's savaging of the patriotical hymn — the sound really blew your hound's brains out. Geezus, someone help me stop laughing. I'm at work, and surely doomed~

    2. SheriffRoscoe

      Is that some sort of koan, Extemp? Are we supposed to be imagining ourselves shopping for new rugs? Cuz that's what I did!

    3. Extemporanus

      TO ALL FOUR OF YOU: Hahahahahaha!

      (And an extra "Hahaha!" to Mumbletypeg, for getting fired. Sorry woof-woof!)

      1. Mumbletypeg

        I had tears in my eyes.. each time my boss would walk past my open door,.. I was conjuring up an excuse — (appropriately enough) "Just got some bad news from the vet* " — in case he asked me why I was crying.

        * it wouldn't be lying, b/c I did get word from the vet, she can't see my dog til later in the week than hoped (non-emergency…) ..But now I can't stop thinking of the headline: "Mitt Romney Bursts into Song; Extemporanus's Dog Bursts Into Flames"

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      HA! I love that movie. At first I thought of Chevy Chase in Fletch where he breaks out into O Say Can You See for an audience of old veterans, sitting there, transfixed.

    1. Extemporanus

      That was white with all the excitement of beige.

      Say, any word on how your recent performance was received?

      1. Limeylizzie

        No news, probably should hear by the end of this week, if not then they went with someone much less fun than I . Or taller.

  34. lulzmonger

    Let The Kleagle Soar!

    Worth millions, perpetually running for office, always out in public … & you won't splurge on a fucking vocal coach?


  35. MissTaken

    Mitt and I are exactly the same! We both sing horribly and, mmm, what's the other thing? Oh well, can't remember. But we both sing badly!

    1. orygoon

      I can't carry a tune either. But I don't want music classes cut out of the schools for lack of funding, so Mitt and I are not like each other.

    2. SorosBot

      Well you've both worked hard for your money and earned every dollar you have! Oh wait that's just you.

  36. Poindexter718

    I like it. The president's song was so, well … urban. This, on the other hand, is something we can all dance to.

  37. prommie

    They should just settle the nomination by playing Fear Factor, see who can guzzle the most donkey cum.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Actually, I think he might have got that same response from a bunch of inbred redneck honkies, too. With cigarette lighters lit and extended!

  38. prommie

    Man, it is time to put away the things of youth. Arrested Development going back into production is way huger.

      1. Extemporanus

        Thank god your disturbingly random reply wasn't "Ginger Lynne as Jm Newell", or all of my childhood fap-athons would be forever tainted.

  39. rickmaci

    The election in a nutshell. Obama does a short Al Green thing and adds a moment of fun to the usual dreary stump speech. Mittens feels obligated to show he can sing too, so he responds by going all off key Kate Smith long version on the Florida Teatards. Advantage to the O. LMAO.

  40. MittBorg

    You're right. It's a difficult piece, requiring range and control. For some reason, he's obsessed with this song, stupidly, since he lacks a rich voice and just doesn't have the range to support the sudden swoops from low to high notes and back. Nor does he have the control.

    If he keeps doing this, he'll give the election to Obama by a landslide.

    1. Poindexter718

      I didn't mean you, Mittens. We all know you can't dance (due to both religious and rhythmic considerations).

  41. Ducksworthy

    Mittens. Why don't you change "America" to "Switzerland" and let us know where your real love is.

  42. marionetta

    The homophobic Morman moran sings a lesbo song…

    (the wordicist, Katherine Lee Bates was a "free flying spinster")

  43. Negropolis

    Imma let you finish, Willard, but Donny Osmond was the best Mormon singer evah.

    "America the Beautiful" makes all the wimmenz wet.

  44. Biel_ze_Bubba

    And in spite of this dreadful performance, Mitt collected $54,000 in interest and dividends today. Just like yesterday. Just like tomorrow. Just like every day of the year. Taxed at 15%.

    If you're not sufficienlty horrified by that, check out where the money in his $30 million PAC comes from.

    These brain-dead redneck imbeciles, after being royally fucked over by Wall Street banksters, are going to vote for a puppet president with Goldman Sachs' hand up his ass. It's absolutely mind-boggling.

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