Turbo edition ridiculousness machine Newt Gingrich is terminally unable to shut up about his “wait why is this even a fake issue?” theory that America’s disadvantaged students are incurably lazy — first it was elementary school students, and this weekend he delivered a diatribe excoriating the current generation of university students for expecting “free money” to go to school and refusing like a bunch of snot-nosed ninnies to get part-time work study jobs. (That seems like pretty much every college student you know, right?) Of course Newt SURELY speaks from experience, having diligently worked his way through school?
Flog the dead high horse harder, Newt:
“Students take fewer classes per semester. They take more years to get through. Why? Because they have free money,” Gingrich said. “I would tell students: ‘Get through as quick as you can. Borrow as little as you can. Have a part-time job.’ But that’s very different from the culture that has grown up in the last 20 years.”
And now the key excerpt from the 1995 Vanity Fair profile that proves Newt’s generalizations about college kids are, no surprise here, derived solely from his own experience trying to wheedle money from his parents and spouse:
“Newt, who avoided Vietnam with student and marriage deferments, resisted taking a job. During his college years, Newt called up his father and stepmother to ask for financial help. His stepmother, Marcella McPherson, can still hear his exact words: ‘I do not want to go to work. I want all my time for my studies. . . . Bob Gingrich told me he will not help me one bit. So I wondered, would you people help me?’ Big Newt began sending him monthly checks.
“Dolores Adamson, Gingrich’s district administrator from 1978 to 1983, remembers, ‘Jackie put him all the way through school. All the way through the PhD. . . . He didn’t work.’ ”
Anyway. So how is Newt Gingrich faring in the polls ahead of tomorrow’s primary in Florida? Oh look, he’s going to lose by a million points. [WaPo]
{ 158 comments }
I thought Newt was the first man on the moon in 1969.
He has the same gravitational pull.
Oh, I see the problem. No, uh, nounverb991, Newt was the first man who's ass was mistaken to be the moon in 1969. Honest mistake…
I guess that's why the flag stayed in place. They found to right hole to put it in.
He traveled there by hot-air balloon. Guess the origin of the hot air?
Its been said before that we'd be very lucky to see Newt work for us.
Yes, sort of like catching a glimpse of sasquatch in the woods. And much like sasquatch, is it just someone in a scary costume?
Well that picture sure explains everything.
And Fox Noise hates them too.
Except nEWt has the wrong one on.
Froggy went a courtin' and he did……wait, is that a furry pig or a pink bear?
It's a furry pink pigbear.
I thought this sounded familiar!
"Hey, I've got an idea – I'll dress up as a frog, and you dress up as me!"
What, no employers seeking insufferable hairballs?
Looking at my student loan bill, that money sure ain't free, Newt.
No shit. I still have 2 more years until I'm paid off and have been paying $800/month for as long as I can remember.
Funny how all my students have scholarships and grants and still owe $20,000+ when they leave.
Student loan bill? Oh, you mean that pile of unopened envelopes from Sallie Mae, collecting dust (and interest!) on my mantle.
SorosBot:
That's Ole Newt's idea of "free money."
Newt Gingrich? A disingenuous, hypocritical lard-sac you say?
If he only gets early-onset Alzheimer's then he really is the one to wear the Mantle of St Reagan (pbuh).
Takes one to know one, amirite, Newt?
Is Shelly Adelson still paying for Newt's education?
No, the first wife did..
In more ways than one.
Aren't we all in some sense? If he only graduated high school, got shipped off to Vietnam and sent home in a body bag we wouldn't have to listen to him.
I hated myself for upfisting you.
Whoever paid for it, got ripped off.
Well, look how consistent the guy is on "family values." What more would you expect?
Newt doesn't wear that outfit much, nowadays, pity …
Every day I think my Newt Hate Meter has maxed out, but then I learn more about him, and must turn the dial WAY past 11.
So Newt sucked at the teat of his parents? I wonder why he didn't ask his teachers for the money. He could have sold sex…
It looks like his college was mostly paid for by his first wife – who was also his high school teacher, That's the wife he repaid with divorce papers while she was being treated for cancer. Family values!
That, um, was my point ;-)
you mean his teatchers?
I'm pretty sure the wife who got divorce papers in the cancer ward was his second wife. Mr. Gingrich would like to remind his constituents that he was a late-in-life scumbag.
No, first wife got served papers in the cancer ward. Second wife/firsts mistress got told of Newt's desire for an open marriage right after she found out she has MS. I know, it's hard to keep track without a program.
I am entering all this into my Excel Spreadsheet.
No wonder Callista never goes to the doctor.
SB;
Ole Newt went "Ph.T." – "Putting Hubby Through."
His wife shoulda "put hubby down.
OK, may I borrow some of YOUR brain bleach now?
Speaking as someone who actually did work as a night janitor to pay for college, I would like to extend to Newt my most cordial invitation to go fuck himself.
From the desk of Groton P Arsegargler III, Secretary to Speaker Gingrich
Dear Mr Drifter
Mr. Gingrich, whilst delighted by your very kind missive, is afraid he must decline your invitation of autocopulation.
He has asked me to convey the sentiment that you should, in fact, do as he says, not as he does. He finished with "I've got mine, ha ha, let the proles suffer", which I believe is in the Bible.
Yours etc
Groton P Arsegargler III
pp Newt Gringrich
Me too. 'Cept I mostly worked in Motorcycle shops.
You gotta be able to find your own dick to fuck yourself, so Speaker BileSac is out of luck
"I do not want to go to work. I want all my time for my studies."
I was the same way, Newt, totally dedicated to getting a first-rate education (nudge nudge wink wink).
He even got his parents/wife to cover all the bar tabs? Sheeesh.
Seriously, our top students usually work at least 10 hours per week. It doesn't hurt you.
Crow T. Robot was always right. "We sent the wrong people to Vietnam."
Newt would have loved Vietnam. So much HISTORY!
Slacker.
Not the first time the family has had problems with "Little Newt".
Free money?
Is that why a students debt is a zillion times more than ever before?
I advise students to get through as quickly as possible, and call Newt's parents if you need money.
Now why didn't I think of that?
Newt cashed the checks, and then sought to emancipate himself from his parents in order to seek out richer adoptive parents.
Holding others to standards that you don't hold for yourself… what a hypo (wait for it…) pottamus!
Why does Newt's middle finger smell like bacon?
I really, really don't want to know.
He eats it raw?
MISS PIGGY LIBEL!!!
Ah, but you see, working your way through school is for the little people.
Newt, you will note, is not "little."
Having a part time job in addition to taking classes makes it harder to get through college as fast as possible, Newt you moron.
Higher education for me, janitorial work for thee..
"Students take fewer classes per semester. They take more years to get through. Why? Because they have free money."
Lazy shits. Get it through your commie heads. It's okay to take more years to get through school if you're hanging out on campus to avoid getting your lily white ass shot at in Viet Nam. But if you're dragging your feet toward graduation just so you can pile up more student loan debt you're nothing but a slacker.
Newt's a plushie, and pig f*cker by the looks of it. Kermit and Miss Piggy really ought to sue.
Hey now, keeping your older, ugly sugar momma happy, if you know what I mean, that is hard work. People have a lot of misconceptions about sex workers. most are forced into it by circumstance, they don't choose it, and its a hard life. Newt deserves our support and compassion.
Damn. Seeing that picture has made me leave the yiff pile.
Hell hath no furry, like a Newt Gingrich scorned.
If he goes to the Moon he will only weigh 1/6th of what he weighs on the Earth. Imagine that! However, he will still have the same big fat head and matching body. The Moon can not help him there.
But, the vacuum of space could.
Gravity-defying fupa, think of it!
In Newt's defense, he is still paying off his fursuit dry cleaning bill loans.
Is there like a single word that's ever flown out of Newt's blowhole that wasn't a piece of hypocritcal crap?
Perhaps conjuctions and proper nouns, but when analyzed as a whole, no, it has all been hypocritical crap. Sorta like picking corn out of a turd.
No
If there was, he's certainly already retracted it.
So . . . .what kind of cleanser did his kids use to clean their
school toilets? Damn lazy, pasty white men . . . .
Dutch or Bon Ami, because he's fucking old.
Fuckin' Pig Newton.
I got student loans every year and worked in the dish room. (Union job, too, by the way.)
~
The only career advice Newt is capable of giving from experience is that panhandlers do better if they wear a suit and speak faux-academic condescenscion.
The suit and condescension do fundamentally and profoundly transform a person….
He does love himself, doesn't he? He is utterly dazzled by his own intellect.
He's a legend in his own mind.
"Bring it on down to Panderville…!!!!"
Fuckin Hypoc….What's the point. I just want to say I came from a poor family (my mom was a maid) and I put myself through a Masters at a school WAY more prestigious then Emory(board) University. Now I'm the porky success you see today.
EDIT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWT!
But, but, but, Emory is one of the Harvards of the South! The South has so many Harvards, its kinda cute, they want to think they have real universities, just like the grown-ups.
"Students take fewer classes per semester. They take more years to get through. Why? Because they have free money."
No, actually, the reason is that there have been so many cutbacks that students cant *get* the classes they need to graduate, hence they are taking longer to get their degree, asshole.
Not to mention that cutbacks have driven up the tuition at state schools so that you have to work more hors to pay for it.
Why are women so nice to this guy? It's not like he's especially charming–quite the opposite, he's fucking repulsive.
Only the ones in search of a convenient meal ticket or that are spectacularly ugly and being used as a meal ticket by Newt! The first was the latter, the following two were the former in Newt!'s case.
Listen to the Steve Martin routine Cruel Shoes and substitute Chubby White Moneybags.
technically, only three of us were nice to him.
It's not like a bird faced gold digger can be super choosy. Like Callista Bisek was going to score a Clooney? Bitch please.
Because (whore)diamonds are a girl's best friend?
See, he is just helpfully pointing out what one SHOULD do if one did not have the foresight to be born upper middle class/rich. But since he had the foresight to be born into the correct socio-economic class then none of this has anything to do with him.
The important distinction is that Newt didn't suck off the federal government and then have to pay them back with interest on loans you can't get rid or, he sucked off of people he could con and could just ignore (or divorce for someone younger) if he didn't want to pay them back.
That's good old fashion American Entrepreneurship.
Wait, who did newt suck off?
Infamous Bob Dole/ Newt Gingrich exchange from 1996:
Newt: "Why do people take such an instant dislike to me?"
Bob Dole: "Because it saves them time."
The first time he fooled most of the people, most of the time.
It's a sad day when one longs for the likes of Bob Dole.
He was obviously too busy creating jobs for the ladies to work himself.
Blow, hand….
By the way, Kirsten, if you still have any outstanding student loans, "turbo edition ridiculousness machine Newt Gingrich" just paid them in fucking full.
Yeah, seconded. I had to re-read that a couple of times to let the true awesomeness of the phrasing sink in.
Close to par with "guano faucet," which remains my perennial favorite cut-down.
He was too busy finding that first wife to work. Freeloader.
Haven't we had about enough of the MSM and their stupid gotcha! facts?
I managed to avoid college debt by working my way through college and getting partial scholarships. Of course, I also did this by going to an inexpensive state school that was no help at all when it came time to actually use my degree. Then I wised up and took out a loan to pay for grad school.
I think I'm too debt-averse to go to college these days. Between going back into the Reserves, Berkeley's $110 per quarter tuition (in 1971), and living in a serial-rapist type of van I made it through without owing a nickle. BTW, did I mention where my future wife and I had our first, um, studying session?
But I'm sure Newt paid his step-mother back every penny right?
Oh! Is that just something that the lazy people who don't have rich relatives need to do?
I figured there was a reason the Snowbilly Queen would endorse Speaker Moonshot. Grifters have to stick to together.
…“Newt, who avoided Vietnam with student and marriage deferments,…"
Which is why Newt is so adamantly anti-war today. Also. Too.
"I don't wanna live with my current wife, I wanna devote all my time to my mistresses"
Slightly off topic, but is that Newt's first wife with him in the photo above or the gal that he was fucking while his first wife was out earning money to put him through college?
Second wife. I like this one, you can see in her face, she's smart, has a look about her.
Also ratted on him, which is to her credit.
Kids can get out of mopping floors when they come up as ideas as clever as moon colonies and voluntary tax codes.
You guys ever notice how the work always comes first in work/study?
I gotta say I worked and paid for my college up front. On the other hand, my daughter got a scholarship for our instate school by keeping her grades up. She worked as well. She also graduated Suma Cum Laude. With TWO distinct degrees.
Newt is a slacker. Though, he blows hard.
Edit: Oh heck, whatever the highest honors are…she got em.
The old make-your-wife-pay-for-your-education-then-dump-them-when-you-start-making-money scam perfected by doctors. Nice!
Is every republican a furry?
Yes. But not all furries are Republiklans.
The right-wing hypocrisy gravy train. Whooo hoooooooo! Chugga Chugga chuga chuga.
To paraphrase my dad: If you bought Newt Gingrich for what he's worth and sold him for what he think's he's worth, you'd never have to work a day in your life again.
Infinite return on investment!
Wasn't he too busy fucking his high school math teacher on the back roads of some army base somewhere in Geogia when he was in college to get a job? I know every time I told my boss I needed time off from my work study job at slip it to my girlfriend (which was every day, pretty much but that goes w/out saying) it was no problemo getting the time off. Especially after they fired me for missing work, pretty much every day.
Fixxored.
“Politicians sit and debate even less per session. They take more years to get through the simplist legislation. Why? Because they have free money. I would tell politicians: ‘Get through the election as quick as you can. Beg from deep pocketed PACs as little as you can. Have a real job just like your constituents.’ But that’s very different from the culture that has grown up in the last 20 years.”
Absofuckinglootely it is.
He majored in Redneck Studies and did so well they awarded him not only a diploma, but a red satin Klan sheet, too. His high school teacher, who by then was his first wife and paying his tuition, wept with joy, then got sick and that was that.
I don't think I knew a single student who wasn't on work-study. And I went to one of those private all-women's East Coast colleges, where you expect everyone to be a debutante child of wealthy, powerful men, or raging lesbians*.
*They were generally both, actually.
So you got the complete Communist Indoctrination.
So is that Newt's newt costume?
Newt needs to be reminded of the dignity of work.
A little O/T, but don't the Conservative Jesus fans usually, you know, scorn "homewrecker" ladies? It has been admitted by all parties that Newt was plowing Callista while wife #2 was still on the books. She gets a free pass, does she?
Free pass for expensive ass.
It should be noted that Newt has never had a "real job" in the sense that we and 99% of Americans have. Neither has his former "employee," Grover Norquist.
Jeez, I worked full-time and got my BA in three and a half years; but as it turns out only a few thousand people think I'm a total asshole, whereas literally millions world-wide hold that opinion of Newtie. Guess I'm just a piker compared to an over-achiever like him.
True that, my friend. I worked 30+ hours a week while going full time (18 to 19.5 credit hours). Thought I was hot shit until a girl who was in one of my classes confessed to working 50 hours a week and taking 22 credits a semester. She denied any use of speed. Did I also tell you she was recovering from cervical cancer? Hope she's OK…
Don't know your excuse, but I hated school.
I hated school until grad school.
Never did any of that……ever! Never had the urge.
Seen pictures of his first wife? He was more of a Rover-achiever.
Fer some people, looks don't matter 'cause they always have their face in your lap.
But look; he didn't have to work through university because his first wife helped him out. That's what spouses do; they stick by each other – through thick and thin, rich and poor, sick and health. That's why you can't have gays marrying; why, I'm sure if one of them got sick the other would just abandon his obligations and find a younger replacement. Which would necessitate something like Obamacare; if the people don't care enough about common decency then 'Big Government' would have to. And it would need to raise the money by doing something crazy like saying income from investments was income. Lunacy! So Newt "the definer of civilization" was protecting us from all that hideousness by being so faithful and noble and leeching off his first wife. See?
So, it appears Newt's a furry. That paints a horrifying picture.
She makes an exception for Dr. Botox, I believe. That and the hair has enabled her to look a mere 10 years my senior, even though she is five years younger than I am.
do porcelain cyborgs go to doctors?
They do dream of electric sheep.
Anything to take her mind off blowing Newt
Mind?
Anything to distract her CentralWhoreDiamondAcquisitionSubRoutine when she applies 3-4 psi negative pressure to Captain FatBack's reproductive member
Who's doing what to me now? And it's worth 3-4 p-points, you say?
Sorry Cap'n – I completely forget that there was already a Wonketeer by that name. I was referring, of course, to Speaker Fuckwit. I apologise for any feelings of squirmishness you might have experienced at the thought of the Callistatron going down.
You'll need a bigger hard drive if you want to keep track of the number of time Newt acts like an asshole.
I think he's going to refudiate that.
ps: My spellchecker hates Sara Palin.
Castration before Callistatron!
If she's getting botoxed, why do they keep missing her lips?
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