FAT ARMCHAIR SURFING FOOLS  2:35 pm January 30, 2012

Lazy Jerk Newt Gingrich Refused To Get Job While Studying

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Those are some weird jammies, Newt!

Turbo edition ridiculousness machine Newt Gingrich is terminally unable to shut up about his “wait why is this even a fake issue?” theory that America’s disadvantaged students are incurably lazy — first it was elementary school students, and this weekend he delivered a diatribe excoriating the current generation of university students for expecting “free money” to go to school and refusing like a bunch of snot-nosed ninnies to get part-time work study jobs. (That seems like pretty much every college student you know, right?) Of course Newt SURELY speaks from experience, having diligently worked his way through school?

Flog the dead high horse harder, Newt:

“Students take fewer classes per semester. They take more years to get through. Why? Because they have free money,” Gingrich said. “I would tell students: ‘Get through as quick as you can. Borrow as little as you can. Have a part-time job.’ But that’s very different from the culture that has grown up in the last 20 years.”

And now the key excerpt from the 1995 Vanity Fair profile that proves Newt’s generalizations about college kids are, no surprise here, derived solely from his own experience trying to wheedle money from his parents and spouse:

“Newt, who avoided Vietnam with student and marriage deferments, resisted taking a job. During his college years, Newt called up his father and stepmother to ask for financial help. His stepmother, Marcella McPherson, can still hear his exact words: ‘I do not want to go to work. I want all my time for my studies. . . . Bob Gingrich told me he will not help me one bit. So I wondered, would you people help me?’ Big Newt began sending him monthly checks.

“Dolores Adamson, Gingrich’s district administrator from 1978 to 1983, remembers, ‘Jackie put him all the way through school. All the way through the PhD. . . . He didn’t work.’ ”

Anyway. So how is Newt Gingrich faring in the polls ahead of tomorrow’s primary in Florida? Oh look, he’s going to lose by a million points. [WaPo]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 158 comments }

nounverb911 January 30, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I thought Newt was the first man on the moon in 1969.

spends2much January 30, 2012 at 2:39 pm

He has the same gravitational pull.

BarryOPotter January 30, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Oh, I see the problem. No, uh, nounverb991, Newt was the first man who's ass was mistaken to be the moon in 1969. Honest mistake…

Loaded_Pants January 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I guess that's why the flag stayed in place. They found to right hole to put it in.

PsycWench January 30, 2012 at 3:25 pm

He traveled there by hot-air balloon. Guess the origin of the hot air?

lefty74 January 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Its been said before that we'd be very lucky to see Newt work for us.

GhostBuggy January 30, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Yes, sort of like catching a glimpse of sasquatch in the woods. And much like sasquatch, is it just someone in a scary costume?

Crank_Tango January 30, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Well that picture sure explains everything.

nounverb911 January 30, 2012 at 2:42 pm

And Fox Noise hates them too.

DaRooster January 30, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Except nEWt has the wrong one on.

valgal2342 January 30, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Froggy went a courtin' and he did……wait, is that a furry pig or a pink bear?

smokefilledroommate January 30, 2012 at 2:59 pm

It's a furry pink pigbear.

Biff January 30, 2012 at 7:15 pm

I thought this sounded familiar!

YasserArraFeck January 30, 2012 at 3:32 pm

"Hey, I've got an idea – I'll dress up as a frog, and you dress up as me!"

MrFizzy January 30, 2012 at 2:40 pm

What, no employers seeking insufferable hairballs?

SorosBot January 30, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Looking at my student loan bill, that money sure ain't free, Newt.

Oblios_Cap January 30, 2012 at 2:56 pm

No shit. I still have 2 more years until I'm paid off and have been paying $800/month for as long as I can remember.

PsycWench January 30, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Funny how all my students have scholarships and grants and still owe $20,000+ when they leave.

Millennial Malaise January 30, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Student loan bill? Oh, you mean that pile of unopened envelopes from Sallie Mae, collecting dust (and interest!) on my mantle.

Tundra Grifter January 30, 2012 at 6:52 pm

SorosBot:

That's Ole Newt's idea of "free money."

Fukui_sanYesOta January 30, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Newt Gingrich? A disingenuous, hypocritical lard-sac you say?

If he only gets early-onset Alzheimer's then he really is the one to wear the Mantle of St Reagan (pbuh).

Lascauxcaveman January 30, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Takes one to know one, amirite, Newt?

nounverb911 January 30, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Is Shelly Adelson still paying for Newt's education?

freakishlywrong January 30, 2012 at 2:50 pm

No, the first wife did..

Callyson January 30, 2012 at 3:02 pm

In more ways than one.

Rotundo_ January 30, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Aren't we all in some sense? If he only graduated high school, got shipped off to Vietnam and sent home in a body bag we wouldn't have to listen to him.

Nothingisamiss January 30, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I hated myself for upfisting you.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 30, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Whoever paid for it, got ripped off.

BaldarTFlagass January 30, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Well, look how consistent the guy is on "family values." What more would you expect?

BZ1 January 30, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Newt doesn't wear that outfit much, nowadays, pity …

spends2much January 30, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Every day I think my Newt Hate Meter has maxed out, but then I learn more about him, and must turn the dial WAY past 11.

actor212 January 30, 2012 at 2:43 pm

So Newt sucked at the teat of his parents? I wonder why he didn't ask his teachers for the money. He could have sold sex…

SorosBot January 30, 2012 at 2:49 pm

It looks like his college was mostly paid for by his first wife – who was also his high school teacher, That's the wife he repaid with divorce papers while she was being treated for cancer. Family values!

actor212 January 30, 2012 at 2:53 pm

That, um, was my point ;-)

smokefilledroommate January 30, 2012 at 3:08 pm

you mean his teatchers?

Fare la Volpe January 30, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I'm pretty sure the wife who got divorce papers in the cancer ward was his second wife. Mr. Gingrich would like to remind his constituents that he was a late-in-life scumbag.

MosesInvests January 30, 2012 at 3:02 pm

No, first wife got served papers in the cancer ward. Second wife/firsts mistress got told of Newt's desire for an open marriage right after she found out she has MS. I know, it's hard to keep track without a program.

jus_wonderin January 30, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I am entering all this into my Excel Spreadsheet.

Fare la Volpe January 30, 2012 at 3:12 pm

No wonder Callista never goes to the doctor.

Tundra Grifter January 30, 2012 at 6:54 pm

SB;

Ole Newt went "Ph.T." – "Putting Hubby Through."

Biff January 30, 2012 at 7:24 pm

His wife shoulda "put hubby down.

widestanceshakedown January 30, 2012 at 2:50 pm

OK, may I borrow some of YOUR brain bleach now?

edgydrifter January 30, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Speaking as someone who actually did work as a night janitor to pay for college, I would like to extend to Newt my most cordial invitation to go fuck himself.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 30, 2012 at 2:49 pm

From the desk of Groton P Arsegargler III, Secretary to Speaker Gingrich

Dear Mr Drifter

Mr. Gingrich, whilst delighted by your very kind missive, is afraid he must decline your invitation of autocopulation.

He has asked me to convey the sentiment that you should, in fact, do as he says, not as he does. He finished with "I've got mine, ha ha, let the proles suffer", which I believe is in the Bible.

Yours etc

Groton P Arsegargler III
pp Newt Gringrich

James Michael Curley January 30, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Me too. 'Cept I mostly worked in Motorcycle shops.

YasserArraFeck January 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

You gotta be able to find your own dick to fuck yourself, so Speaker BileSac is out of luck

BaldarTFlagass January 30, 2012 at 2:44 pm

"I do not want to go to work. I want all my time for my studies."

I was the same way, Newt, totally dedicated to getting a first-rate education (nudge nudge wink wink).

PsycWench January 30, 2012 at 3:35 pm

He even got his parents/wife to cover all the bar tabs? Sheeesh.

Seriously, our top students usually work at least 10 hours per week. It doesn't hurt you.

KeepFnThatChicken January 30, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Crow T. Robot was always right. "We sent the wrong people to Vietnam."

NYNYNYjr January 30, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Newt would have loved Vietnam. So much HISTORY!

DaRooster January 30, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Slacker.

Come here a minute January 30, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Not the first time the family has had problems with "Little Newt".

DaRooster January 30, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Free money?
Is that why a students debt is a zillion times more than ever before?

Generation[redacted] January 30, 2012 at 2:45 pm

I advise students to get through as quickly as possible, and call Newt's parents if you need money.

starfanglednut January 30, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Now why didn't I think of that?

Wilcoxyz January 30, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Newt cashed the checks, and then sought to emancipate himself from his parents in order to seek out richer adoptive parents.

AutomaticPilot January 30, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Holding others to standards that you don't hold for yourself… what a hypo (wait for it…) pottamus!

OzoneTom January 30, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Why does Newt's middle finger smell like bacon?

starfanglednut January 30, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I really, really don't want to know.

Loaded_Pants January 30, 2012 at 8:26 pm

He eats it raw?

doloras January 30, 2012 at 9:10 pm

MISS PIGGY LIBEL!!!

Pragmatist2 January 30, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Ah, but you see, working your way through school is for the little people.
Newt, you will note, is not "little."

SorosBot January 30, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Having a part time job in addition to taking classes makes it harder to get through college as fast as possible, Newt you moron.

freakishlywrong January 30, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Higher education for me, janitorial work for thee..

SoBeach January 30, 2012 at 2:51 pm

"Students take fewer classes per semester. They take more years to get through. Why? Because they have free money."

Lazy shits. Get it through your commie heads. It's okay to take more years to get through school if you're hanging out on campus to avoid getting your lily white ass shot at in Viet Nam. But if you're dragging your feet toward graduation just so you can pile up more student loan debt you're nothing but a slacker.

SockBunny January 30, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Newt's a plushie, and pig f*cker by the looks of it. Kermit and Miss Piggy really ought to sue.

prommie January 30, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Hey now, keeping your older, ugly sugar momma happy, if you know what I mean, that is hard work. People have a lot of misconceptions about sex workers. most are forced into it by circumstance, they don't choose it, and its a hard life. Newt deserves our support and compassion.

Oblios_Cap January 30, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Damn. Seeing that picture has made me leave the yiff pile.

MinAgain January 30, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Hell hath no furry, like a Newt Gingrich scorned.

DerrickWildcat January 30, 2012 at 2:54 pm

If he goes to the Moon he will only weigh 1/6th of what he weighs on the Earth. Imagine that! However, he will still have the same big fat head and matching body. The Moon can not help him there.

jus_wonderin January 30, 2012 at 3:42 pm

But, the vacuum of space could.

Biff January 30, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Gravity-defying fupa, think of it!

Extemporanus January 30, 2012 at 2:54 pm

In Newt's defense, he is still paying off his fursuit dry cleaning bill loans.

johnnyzhivago January 30, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Is there like a single word that's ever flown out of Newt's blowhole that wasn't a piece of hypocritcal crap?

Rotundo_ January 30, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Perhaps conjuctions and proper nouns, but when analyzed as a whole, no, it has all been hypocritical crap. Sorta like picking corn out of a turd.

real_dc_native January 30, 2012 at 3:20 pm

No

comrad_darkness January 30, 2012 at 4:09 pm

If there was, he's certainly already retracted it.

raygotaway January 30, 2012 at 2:58 pm

So . . . .what kind of cleanser did his kids use to clean their
school toilets? Damn lazy, pasty white men . . . .

Biff January 30, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Dutch or Bon Ami, because he's fucking old.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 30, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Fuckin' Pig Newton.

I got student loans every year and worked in the dish room. (Union job, too, by the way.)
~

SayItWithWookies January 30, 2012 at 3:00 pm

The only career advice Newt is capable of giving from experience is that panhandlers do better if they wear a suit and speak faux-academic condescenscion.

chicken_thief January 30, 2012 at 3:20 pm

The suit and condescension do fundamentally and profoundly transform a person….

prommie January 30, 2012 at 3:50 pm

He does love himself, doesn't he? He is utterly dazzled by his own intellect.

starfanglednut January 30, 2012 at 5:08 pm

He's a legend in his own mind.

Chet Kincaid January 30, 2012 at 3:59 pm

"Bring it on down to Panderville…!!!!"

Baconzgood January 30, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Fuckin Hypoc….What's the point. I just want to say I came from a poor family (my mom was a maid) and I put myself through a Masters at a school WAY more prestigious then Emory(board) University. Now I'm the porky success you see today.

EDIT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWT!

prommie January 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm

But, but, but, Emory is one of the Harvards of the South! The South has so many Harvards, its kinda cute, they want to think they have real universities, just like the grown-ups.

Callyson January 30, 2012 at 3:04 pm

"Students take fewer classes per semester. They take more years to get through. Why? Because they have free money."
No, actually, the reason is that there have been so many cutbacks that students cant *get* the classes they need to graduate, hence they are taking longer to get their degree, asshole.

real_dc_native January 30, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Not to mention that cutbacks have driven up the tuition at state schools so that you have to work more hors to pay for it.

smokefilledroommate January 30, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Why are women so nice to this guy? It's not like he's especially charming–quite the opposite, he's fucking repulsive.

Rotundo_ January 30, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Only the ones in search of a convenient meal ticket or that are spectacularly ugly and being used as a meal ticket by Newt! The first was the latter, the following two were the former in Newt!'s case.

comrad_darkness January 30, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Listen to the Steve Martin routine Cruel Shoes and substitute Chubby White Moneybags.

fuflans January 31, 2012 at 12:15 am

technically, only three of us were nice to him.

Mojopo January 31, 2012 at 1:38 am

It's not like a bird faced gold digger can be super choosy. Like Callista Bisek was going to score a Clooney? Bitch please.

Negropolis January 31, 2012 at 7:20 am

Because (whore)diamonds are a girl's best friend?

BigDumbRedDog January 30, 2012 at 3:07 pm

See, he is just helpfully pointing out what one SHOULD do if one did not have the foresight to be born upper middle class/rich. But since he had the foresight to be born into the correct socio-economic class then none of this has anything to do with him.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 30, 2012 at 3:08 pm

The important distinction is that Newt didn't suck off the federal government and then have to pay them back with interest on loans you can't get rid or, he sucked off of people he could con and could just ignore (or divorce for someone younger) if he didn't want to pay them back.

That's good old fashion American Entrepreneurship.

Biff January 30, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Wait, who did newt suck off?

ph7 January 30, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Infamous Bob Dole/ Newt Gingrich exchange from 1996:

Newt: "Why do people take such an instant dislike to me?"
Bob Dole: "Because it saves them time."

MOG2410 January 30, 2012 at 3:33 pm

The first time he fooled most of the people, most of the time.

Veritas78 January 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

It's a sad day when one longs for the likes of Bob Dole.

smoothmineral January 30, 2012 at 3:09 pm

He was obviously too busy creating jobs for the ladies to work himself.

actor212 January 30, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Blow, hand….

Extemporanus January 30, 2012 at 3:13 pm

By the way, Kirsten, if you still have any outstanding student loans, "turbo edition ridiculousness machine Newt Gingrich" just paid them in fucking full.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 30, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Yeah, seconded. I had to re-read that a couple of times to let the true awesomeness of the phrasing sink in.

KeepFnThatChicken January 30, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Close to par with "guano faucet," which remains my perennial favorite cut-down.

VaWyo January 30, 2012 at 3:14 pm

He was too busy finding that first wife to work. Freeloader.

chicken_thief January 30, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Haven't we had about enough of the MSM and their stupid gotcha! facts?

BarackMyWorld January 30, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I managed to avoid college debt by working my way through college and getting partial scholarships. Of course, I also did this by going to an inexpensive state school that was no help at all when it came time to actually use my degree. Then I wised up and took out a loan to pay for grad school.

Gunner Asch January 30, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I think I'm too debt-averse to go to college these days. Between going back into the Reserves, Berkeley's $110 per quarter tuition (in 1971), and living in a serial-rapist type of van I made it through without owing a nickle. BTW, did I mention where my future wife and I had our first, um, studying session?

real_dc_native January 30, 2012 at 3:17 pm

But I'm sure Newt paid his step-mother back every penny right?

Oh! Is that just something that the lazy people who don't have rich relatives need to do?

rickmaci January 30, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I figured there was a reason the Snowbilly Queen would endorse Speaker Moonshot. Grifters have to stick to together.

chicken_thief January 30, 2012 at 3:23 pm

…“Newt, who avoided Vietnam with student and marriage deferments,…"

Which is why Newt is so adamantly anti-war today. Also. Too.

Douché January 30, 2012 at 3:26 pm

"I don't wanna live with my current wife, I wanna devote all my time to my mistresses"

chicken_thief January 30, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Slightly off topic, but is that Newt's first wife with him in the photo above or the gal that he was fucking while his first wife was out earning money to put him through college?

prommie January 30, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Second wife. I like this one, you can see in her face, she's smart, has a look about her.

paris biltong January 30, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Also ratted on him, which is to her credit.

Allmighty_Manos January 30, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Kids can get out of mopping floors when they come up as ideas as clever as moon colonies and voluntary tax codes.

BigDumbRedDog January 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm

You guys ever notice how the work always comes first in work/study?

jus_wonderin January 30, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I gotta say I worked and paid for my college up front. On the other hand, my daughter got a scholarship for our instate school by keeping her grades up. She worked as well. She also graduated Suma Cum Laude. With TWO distinct degrees.

Newt is a slacker. Though, he blows hard.

Edit: Oh heck, whatever the highest honors are…she got em.

BlueStateLibel January 30, 2012 at 3:34 pm

The old make-your-wife-pay-for-your-education-then-dump-them-when-you-start-making-money scam perfected by doctors. Nice!

mavenmaven January 30, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Is every republican a furry?

GOPCrusher January 30, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Yes. But not all furries are Republiklans.

comrad_darkness January 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

The right-wing hypocrisy gravy train. Whooo hoooooooo! Chugga Chugga chuga chuga.

PsycWench January 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm

To paraphrase my dad: If you bought Newt Gingrich for what he's worth and sold him for what he think's he's worth, you'd never have to work a day in your life again.

PubOption January 30, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Infinite return on investment!

PuckStopsHere January 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Wasn't he too busy fucking his high school math teacher on the back roads of some army base somewhere in Geogia when he was in college to get a job? I know every time I told my boss I needed time off from my work study job at slip it to my girlfriend (which was every day, pretty much but that goes w/out saying) it was no problemo getting the time off. Especially after they fired me for missing work, pretty much every day.

UnholyMoses January 30, 2012 at 3:42 pm

"I do not want to go to work. I want all my time for my studies trying to convince women to be faithful to me while I go around fucking others, both literally and figuratively.

Fixxored.

comrad_darkness January 30, 2012 at 4:04 pm

“Politicians sit and debate even less per session. They take more years to get through the simplist legislation. Why? Because they have free money. I would tell politicians: ‘Get through the election as quick as you can. Beg from deep pocketed PACs as little as you can. Have a real job just like your constituents.’ But that’s very different from the culture that has grown up in the last 20 years.”

Absofuckinglootely it is.

owhatever January 30, 2012 at 4:11 pm

He majored in Redneck Studies and did so well they awarded him not only a diploma, but a red satin Klan sheet, too. His high school teacher, who by then was his first wife and paying his tuition, wept with joy, then got sick and that was that.

anniegetyerfun January 30, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I don't think I knew a single student who wasn't on work-study. And I went to one of those private all-women's East Coast colleges, where you expect everyone to be a debutante child of wealthy, powerful men, or raging lesbians*.

*They were generally both, actually.

GOPCrusher January 30, 2012 at 4:40 pm

So you got the complete Communist Indoctrination.

littlebigdaddy January 30, 2012 at 5:29 pm

So is that Newt's newt costume?

Thedongsofwar January 30, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Newt needs to be reminded of the dignity of work.

spends2much January 30, 2012 at 7:52 pm

A little O/T, but don't the Conservative Jesus fans usually, you know, scorn "homewrecker" ladies? It has been admitted by all parties that Newt was plowing Callista while wife #2 was still on the books. She gets a free pass, does she?

flamingpdog January 30, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Free pass for expensive ass.

Veritas78 January 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm

It should be noted that Newt has never had a "real job" in the sense that we and 99% of Americans have. Neither has his former "employee," Grover Norquist.

ttommyunger January 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Jeez, I worked full-time and got my BA in three and a half years; but as it turns out only a few thousand people think I'm a total asshole, whereas literally millions world-wide hold that opinion of Newtie. Guess I'm just a piker compared to an over-achiever like him.

glasspusher January 30, 2012 at 10:43 pm

True that, my friend. I worked 30+ hours a week while going full time (18 to 19.5 credit hours). Thought I was hot shit until a girl who was in one of my classes confessed to working 50 hours a week and taking 22 credits a semester. She denied any use of speed. Did I also tell you she was recovering from cervical cancer? Hope she's OK…

ttommyunger January 30, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Don't know your excuse, but I hated school.

glasspusher January 30, 2012 at 11:49 pm

I hated school until grad school.

ttommyunger January 30, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Never did any of that……ever! Never had the urge.

flamingpdog January 30, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Seen pictures of his first wife? He was more of a Rover-achiever.

ttommyunger March 2, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Fer some people, looks don't matter 'cause they always have their face in your lap.

Crowe2011 January 31, 2012 at 7:38 am

But look; he didn't have to work through university because his first wife helped him out. That's what spouses do; they stick by each other – through thick and thin, rich and poor, sick and health. That's why you can't have gays marrying; why, I'm sure if one of them got sick the other would just abandon his obligations and find a younger replacement. Which would necessitate something like Obamacare; if the people don't care enough about common decency then 'Big Government' would have to. And it would need to raise the money by doing something crazy like saying income from investments was income. Lunacy! So Newt "the definer of civilization" was protecting us from all that hideousness by being so faithful and noble and leeching off his first wife. See?

FlipOffResearch January 31, 2012 at 9:09 am

So, it appears Newt's a furry. That paints a horrifying picture.

PsycWench January 30, 2012 at 3:33 pm

She makes an exception for Dr. Botox, I believe. That and the hair has enabled her to look a mere 10 years my senior, even though she is five years younger than I am.

YasserArraFeck January 30, 2012 at 3:34 pm

do porcelain cyborgs go to doctors?

jus_wonderin January 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm

They do dream of electric sheep.

YasserArraFeck January 30, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Anything to take her mind off blowing Newt

actor212 January 30, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Mind?

YasserArraFeck January 30, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Anything to distract her CentralWhoreDiamondAcquisitionSubRoutine when she applies 3-4 psi negative pressure to Captain FatBack's reproductive member

CapnFatback January 30, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Who's doing what to me now? And it's worth 3-4 p-points, you say?

YasserArraFeck January 30, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Sorry Cap'n – I completely forget that there was already a Wonketeer by that name. I was referring, of course, to Speaker Fuckwit. I apologise for any feelings of squirmishness you might have experienced at the thought of the Callistatron going down.

starfanglednut January 30, 2012 at 5:02 pm

You'll need a bigger hard drive if you want to keep track of the number of time Newt acts like an asshole.

starfanglednut January 30, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I think he's going to refudiate that.

ps: My spellchecker hates Sara Palin.

CapnFatback January 30, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Castration before Callistatron!

Biff January 30, 2012 at 7:21 pm

If she's getting botoxed, why do they keep missing her lips?

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