flotus files

British Tabloids Uncover Michelle Obama’s Fancy Underwear

That's MRS. Flotus to you...The Europeans just cannot get enough of our First Lady Michelle Obama. She is all they have right now, with their money spinning down the toilet and Heidi Klum experiencing a divorce tragedy, etc. Last week, the French shared their opinions about Michelle Obama and her brave decision to not dress like MC Hammer. Now, of course, the British have decided that they do not like competing with France for the title of “Country With Best Insane Published Writing About FLOTUS.” But their take on Michelle Obama is a little more “saucy,” as they would say, because it involves (tee hee!) underpants!

Several funny “news” outlets published claims that our fancypants Michelle Obama spent what we guess is about $50,000 on actual fancy pants.

Michelle Obama is reportedly sexing up the White House after blowing £32,000 on saucy underwear.

America’s First Lady splashed the cash in ONE DAY during a shopping spree in New York’s Agent Provocateur store.

She bought posh pants and a £900 corset while out with the Queen of Qatar, Sheikha Mozah.

We can just imagine all the fun they must have had in the dressing room, giggling about cosmopolitans and Sharia law! The White House is rejecting the story, but it would make for an excellent plot line in an eventual FLOTUS comic series, in which she would most likely be dressed in lingerie (and a cape) and fighting off Rush Limbaugh with her magic garden shears. [The Mirror]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke

Comments

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  • vulpes82

    History's greatest monster.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Politico, right?

      • horsedreamer_1

        PolitiFact would estimate the total money spent on lingerie in Michelle's lifetime, then give the British report a rating of TRUE.

  • professorcastillo

    I think a story about Mitt Romney's underwear would be much more interesting.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Considering that, according to his Federal income tax returns, he spent a great deal more on his last year.

    • flamingpdog

      I won't believe corporations are people until they start wearing sexy negligees.

    • Beowoof

      It would be a magical tale.

  • comrad_darkness

    >She bought posh pants and a £900 corset while out with the Queen of Qatar, Sheikha Mozah.

    Well, my fantasy life just got about 100x richer.

  • MOG2410

    Yikes, and I thought the NY Post was bad.

    • Guppy

      With News of the World gone, someone has to carry the banner!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    You can get a bag of like 6 or 7 underwears at Walmart for 10 dollars.

    • Guppy

      And they're made in SaipanAmerica!

    • Advn2rgirl

      …And still look sexy/real sexy/like those models on TV. [She] don't need no designer tags to make her man want [her. She's] just a Redneck Woman…

  • MrFizzy

    The last occupant of the White House who spent $50,000 on women's underwear was George Bush.

    • Barrelhse

      For Condi?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    fap fap fap fap fap

    • MrFizzy

      Quick, more cold cream.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Ice works faster.

        • widestanceshakedown

          If that's not snark, I want to know more about this, "ice."

          • Limeylizzie

            Couple of cubes in the mouth + oral sex = fabulousness.

          • widestanceshakedown

            Oh, that one. I knew that one (Halls cough drops also).

          • Extemporanus

            Or, if you're not sick, Altoids.

            I keep a few of 'em on me at all times, just in case…

          • Toomush_Infer

            Dammit, Lizzie, there you go again…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            It's snark, it's snark!

            That's all I need, to develop a rep for even more weird and kinky sex.

          • widestanceshakedown

            A rep for more weird and kinky sex is always in demand (here at least).

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Explain please. Just for the sake of my, um ahh curiosity.

          • NellCote71

            Oh, it's for men. Never mind.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Now I'm even more confused.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I haz no explanashunz.

      • Blueb4sunrise

        Testicular zap 'may stop sperm'
        http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-16756381

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I'd really like to see if *anybody* can convince the vast majority of men that frying their balls with some kinda technology or the other could *ever* be a *good* thing.

          • widestanceshakedown

            We are famous for WTF-applications to our junk, tis true.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    …she would most likely be dressed in lingerie (and a cape) and fighting off Rush Limbaugh with her magic garden shears.

    El Fathead, meanwhile, would be dressed like the Creature from the Black Lagoon. (Except way fatter, of course.)
    ~

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      When you're Flush Limpballs, you don't *have* to dress. At all.

      Wut? It's not like anyone could even *see* his peepee from under the FUPA.

      • Fare la Volpe

        So THAT'S what that's called!

        I always wondered what the hell to call that….thing.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I have learned SO MUCH since I first started hanging out here. SO MUCH more than I wanted, anyway.

      • yyyaz

        (Yet-to-be) shriveled paniculus libel!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          *Nothing* you say about Flush Rimbown could *ever* be libel.

          • yyyaz

            I was thinking about all the other shriveled paniculi out there yearning for Flushblo's to join them. Oh, the humanity!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Oh. OK. Carry on, then.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I see London, I see France, Michelle buys fancy underpants.

  • UW8316154

    Yowza! I'll forgive Barry if he seems a little distracted for the next few days.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Um. BRB.

  • Chichikovovich

    Where's everybody going? Let's keep talking about Canada.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Are you sure the FLOTUS wears flannel long johns?

  • SorosBot

    OK I just saw Michelle Obama's underwear in the title and um, I think I have to run off and take care of something; be back in a bit…

  • Fare la Volpe

    A black woman who doesn't wear Snoop Dogg thongs? Mon dieu!

    • Chichikovovich

      Sneaky devil – trying to audition for a job at French Elle

      • Fare la Volpe

        Je ne regrette rien.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Don't call the FLOTUS a neregrette!!

          • flamingpdog

            Can you call her negligee "filmy noir"?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I'll be right back.

          • Chichikovovich

            Say that one more time, Fare, and Chet will smack you.

            Piaf! right in the kisser.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            When you hear Piaf, you'll wake up into another thread.

        • Negropolis

          The motto of the Republican Party.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Sisqo Libel.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Rush: used undies of GTFO

  • ProgressiveInga

    "Let them eat panties!"

    Wait, what?

  • Tundra Grifter

    It is going to be quelle amusing to trace this wild lie though the right wing nutz' media. From Drudge to Sheer InSannity to Off-the-Mark Levin, to Ann Falter, Boss "I wasn't wrong; I was misinformed" BlunderRush,and the rest of their ilk.

    There will be a blazed trail of stupid.

  • paris biltong

    Very interesting. Problem is that the Mirror is less reliable as a source of actual news regarding matters of brassieres and bloomers than the National Enquirer.

  • Extemporanus

    Anyone mind if I smoke?

    I'm out of lube…

    • PsycWench

      Friction burn?

      • Extemporanus

        The Agent Provocateur website is an out of control crotch fire waiting to happen.

  • meatlofer

    I bought Barbara Bush's underwear at a surplus auction, it keeps the elements off my '75 Chevy Caprice, very nicely.

    • Tundra Grifter

      The great Carrie Snow used to say she had the same bra size as a Corvette.

  • ttommyunger

    I say it is only proper that America's First Pussy be wrapped in the finest silk and linen. They're just jealous 'cause their Queen's Twinky is all wrinkled and rancid.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You're *awful,* even on your *good* days.

      • ttommyunger

        Yes, but you love it; admit it ;)

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Salvation Army and Goodwill have pretty cheap underwears. If you ask a lady at the store really nice about them, sometimes they will just give them to you for free. They may not all fit very well, but they are under your pants so no one can see them anyway.

  • flamingpdog

    Just as long as she doesn't get those panties all up in a wad.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      THere ain't enough to wad, sweetie. Go take a look on their Web site.

      • flamingpdog

        Probably NSFW. Tonight after I get home.

  • sarah_connor

    Beats the heck out of W.'s, I mean, Condi's, shoe shopping sprees

  • MissTaken

    Don't know about you all, but I know where I'm spending my tax return this year!

    • SorosBot

      I'm thinking of getting some fancy underwear too; maybe a purple satin thong.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You guys! Pix or GTFO!!!

      • MissTaken

        My ladybits just clamped up….thanks.

        • SorosBot

          I don't think there is such a thing as sexy underwear for men that actually is sexy and not silly.

  • Goonemeritus

    No sane person would use garden shears to fight off Rush Limbaugh. A long pointy stick is always the weapon of choice; it allows one to keep a reasonable distance.

    • PsycWench

      A sharpened boat oar, say.

    • comrad_darkness

      Cattle prod. Always go with the cattle prod. One zap and he's on the ground crying for his mommy.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I have it on good authority (the Area 51 Hatchery) that Flush Rimbowl doesn't *have* a mommy.

    • fuflans

      i believe the elizabethean term of choice is 'sup with a long spoon'.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    I wonder exactly how they found out who spent what on which items. I'm sure the Queen of Qatar would be interested too.

    • PsycWench

      They have a Ouija board for that kind of hardcore fact-checking.

  • OkieDokieDog

    I have some posh pants. They're American made Levi's. (yes, they're old)

  • Mahousu

    fighting off Rush Limbaugh with her magic garden shears.

    Oh, I think a set of nail clippers would be enough for that.

  • GregComlish

    This whole story is zero-credibility bullshit engineered to titillate British sexuality. The only thing I will say for it is that its preferable to the fevered fantasies that we usually encounter on Wonkette, ie: the hateful, paranoid, and decidely unsexy rantings of America's rusty Winnebago racists.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    And so the Great Mooshelle $50,000 Underpants Myth is born. Don't leave a comment without it, Wingtards!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I'm tellin' ya. Even the top-level kinksters of our fine neighbouring city will tell ya there ain't no such thing as $50K underroos. Maybe if you wanted to splurge on a REALLY fancy silk-lined corset with REAL whalebone and handmade lace trim, but nobody wears that shit because it's too uncomfortable. It's just for fancy play scenes, and Michelle and Barry don't have time for that shit.

  • freakishlywrong

    The teatards panties will be in a wad about this one, hooo-boy!

  • MissTaken

    Finally! An underwear thread that doesn't involve magical Mormon long johns.

    • flamingpdog

      When I have underwear threads, I just yank real hard on them and they usually snap right off.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I'm just really crushed that this hasn't turned into another discussion of the underroos you and that bad boy are buying each other for your birfdays.

  • flamingpdog

    What the heck does Michelle need with a 900-pound corset? Sounds like she was reaching across the aisle and shopping for Rushbo.

  • Baconzgood

    I find this easy to masterbate to.

  • Terry

    "She bought posh pants and a £900 corset while out with the Queen of Qatar, Sheikha Mozah."

    I'd be more inclined to believe this if they said she was out shopping with some friends from Chicago.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Especially since there isn't a single damn corset in their entire line that sells for even $1,000. A far cry from a £900 corset.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I imagine Michelle wears something tasteful yet hot — in fact, I'm imagining her right now wearing caramel dessert topping.

    • Nothingisamiss

      FTW.

  • MissTaken

    Based on what I've seen of AP's lingerie I don't think we'll be seeing or hearing from Barry in quite a while.

    • flamingpdog

      The Secret Service stationed in the family living quarters might be hearing from him.

      • MissTaken

        I really hope that Sasha and Malia have rooms quite a distance away.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Hey, Rush–want to lose fifty pounds of ugly fat?

    Let FLOTUS chop off your head with her magic garden shears.

  • Antispandex

    No pictures of the FLOTUS in her knickers? What a jip!

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    I will pass on this snark rich target to simply point out that a potential contributing factor to this journalistic embellishment might be the difference in American and British English interpretations of the word "pants."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Good lord, you're right!

  • IncenseDebate

    Can my dream possibly be reality?

  • tealsheart

    £ 2,000 on SAUCY underwear

    ONE question, how much for the "saucy'ness?"

    • chicken_thief

      I was thinking the same – were those fucking things USED?!

  • philpjfry

    Dressed in lingerie and a cape. Now THAT I would pay to see.

  • Beowoof

    How many of those news outlets happen to be owned by Rupert?

    • widestanceshakedown

      AOT, K?

  • mavenmaven

    And to think, in Japan you can just buy them from machines on the street.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Why are they not saying she stole it all? Hello, she IS black, you know.

  • pdiddycornchips

    My girl did the same thing last weekend.

  • chicken_thief

    I think Saul Alinsky would approve.

  • YouBetcha

    There must be something wrong with me, because information like this only makes me love the FLOTUS more.

  • Nothingisamiss

    How come we never had stories of lingerie buying when W was in the white house?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      He liked to keep it on the QT.

    • widestanceshakedown

      One look at Laura should tell you why–she's a commando kind of gal (because underwear confused W).

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Might I ask to borrow some of your "brain bleach" after reading that?

        • widestanceshakedown

          But, Laura's the hotness. She could kill a man by not knowing when to stop.

          (thanks, here all week. . .)

          • Negropolis

            Oh, you're horrible…and I love you for it.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I'll be in my bunk if anyone's looking for me

  • widestanceshakedown

    FLOTUS Accused of Being Panty Waste[r]

  • NellCote71

    A whole thread about underwear, the First Lady, and salacious rumors and not one reference to Santorum. Color me bitterly disappointed.

    • Negropolis

      …'Cause we're klassy like that.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Relax people. She and Hopey are just doing their part to combat obesity.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    British tabloids don't have -an …ahem, good reputation

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    I dunno, man, we ALL do it around here.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Oh, gross. This story is just for the disgusting rwnj freaky creepazoids who now have a patriotic! noble! reason to picture! and think about! and write about! our dear FLOTUS wearing nothing but the skimpiest bits of lace and satin. Perverts, every last one of them.

    On the bright side, this will just make them ornerier than ever when they inevitably go on to picture the President taking advantage of his husbandly privileges.

  • owhatever

    Let me guess. Some of those reports came from papers owned by Rupert Murdoch, which means Fox News will be all over the story tonight.

  • Limeylizzie

    OT Lovely in-depth column on Mittens, with special attention to HIS underpants.
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jan/30/mitt-

  • insidebeltway

    Bill Clinton donated his used underpants to charity and took a deduction. True.

  • alzronnie

    Callista has a diamond-studded chastity belt from Tiffany's. Just to make sure that Newtie doesn't get any ideas.

  • Negropolis

    The whole United Kingdom can be shipped to Bagram Airfield for the unironic use of the word "posh", and no one will have lost any.

  • gogogodzilla

    I'll be in my bunk.

  • edywin2

    So tell me, if Mittens wins, does the new first lady get Mormon tap pants and camisoles from Provo?

  • greencar

    How about the comment from the professorcastillo that he is interested in Romney's underwear? Can we please get this Pervert investigated? Is he really a teacher and if so he should be so fired!

  • fitley

    What a waste of money. You could get a diaper with a steaming hot doody in it, fresh from a famous Louisiana politician (Mr. Vitter) and he would PAY YOU $500. Shop the sales ladies.

  • Biff

    On. The. Floor.