flotus files

British Tabloids Uncover Michelle Obama’s Fancy Underwear

That's MRS. Flotus to you...The Europeans just cannot get enough of our First Lady Michelle Obama. She is all they have right now, with their money spinning down the toilet and Heidi Klum experiencing a divorce tragedy, etc. Last week, the French shared their opinions about Michelle Obama and her brave decision to not dress like MC Hammer. Now, of course, the British have decided that they do not like competing with France for the title of “Country With Best Insane Published Writing About FLOTUS.” But their take on Michelle Obama is a little more “saucy,” as they would say, because it involves (tee hee!) underpants!

Several funny “news” outlets published claims that our fancypants Michelle Obama spent what we guess is about $50,000 on actual fancy pants.

Michelle Obama is reportedly sexing up the White House after blowing £32,000 on saucy underwear.

America’s First Lady splashed the cash in ONE DAY during a shopping spree in New York’s Agent Provocateur store.

She bought posh pants and a £900 corset while out with the Queen of Qatar, Sheikha Mozah.

We can just imagine all the fun they must have had in the dressing room, giggling about cosmopolitans and Sharia law! The White House is rejecting the story, but it would make for an excellent plot line in an eventual FLOTUS comic series, in which she would most likely be dressed in lingerie (and a cape) and fighting off Rush Limbaugh with her magic garden shears. [The Mirror]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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      1. horsedreamer_1

        PolitiFact would estimate the total money spent on lingerie in Michelle's lifetime, then give the British report a rating of TRUE.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Considering that, according to his Federal income tax returns, he spent a great deal more on his last year.

  1. comrad_darkness

    >She bought posh pants and a £900 corset while out with the Queen of Qatar, Sheikha Mozah.

    Well, my fantasy life just got about 100x richer.

    1. Advn2rgirl

      …And still look sexy/real sexy/like those models on TV. [She] don't need no designer tags to make her man want [her. She's] just a Redneck Woman…

        1. MittBorg

          I'd really like to see if *anybody* can convince the vast majority of men that frying their balls with some kinda technology or the other could *ever* be a *good* thing.

  2. ifthethunderdontgetya

    …she would most likely be dressed in lingerie (and a cape) and fighting off Rush Limbaugh with her magic garden shears.

    El Fathead, meanwhile, would be dressed like the Creature from the Black Lagoon. (Except way fatter, of course.)

    1. MittBorg

      When you're Flush Limpballs, you don't *have* to dress. At all.

      Wut? It's not like anyone could even *see* his peepee from under the FUPA.

          1. yyyaz

            I was thinking about all the other shriveled paniculi out there yearning for Flushblo's to join them. Oh, the humanity!

  3. SorosBot

    OK I just saw Michelle Obama's underwear in the title and um, I think I have to run off and take care of something; be back in a bit…

  4. Tundra Grifter

    It is going to be quelle amusing to trace this wild lie though the right wing nutz' media. From Drudge to Sheer InSannity to Off-the-Mark Levin, to Ann Falter, Boss "I wasn't wrong; I was misinformed" BlunderRush,and the rest of their ilk.

    There will be a blazed trail of stupid.

  5. paris biltong

    Very interesting. Problem is that the Mirror is less reliable as a source of actual news regarding matters of brassieres and bloomers than the National Enquirer.

  6. meatlofer

    I bought Barbara Bush's underwear at a surplus auction, it keeps the elements off my '75 Chevy Caprice, very nicely.

  7. ttommyunger

    I say it is only proper that America's First Pussy be wrapped in the finest silk and linen. They're just jealous 'cause their Queen's Twinky is all wrinkled and rancid.

  8. DerrickWildcat

    Salvation Army and Goodwill have pretty cheap underwears. If you ask a lady at the store really nice about them, sometimes they will just give them to you for free. They may not all fit very well, but they are under your pants so no one can see them anyway.

        1. SorosBot

          I don't think there is such a thing as sexy underwear for men that actually is sexy and not silly.

  9. Goonemeritus

    No sane person would use garden shears to fight off Rush Limbaugh. A long pointy stick is always the weapon of choice; it allows one to keep a reasonable distance.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Cattle prod. Always go with the cattle prod. One zap and he's on the ground crying for his mommy.

  10. Mahousu

    fighting off Rush Limbaugh with her magic garden shears.

    Oh, I think a set of nail clippers would be enough for that.

  11. GregComlish

    This whole story is zero-credibility bullshit engineered to titillate British sexuality. The only thing I will say for it is that its preferable to the fevered fantasies that we usually encounter on Wonkette, ie: the hateful, paranoid, and decidely unsexy rantings of America's rusty Winnebago racists.

    1. MittBorg

      I'm tellin' ya. Even the top-level kinksters of our fine neighbouring city will tell ya there ain't no such thing as $50K underroos. Maybe if you wanted to splurge on a REALLY fancy silk-lined corset with REAL whalebone and handmade lace trim, but nobody wears that shit because it's too uncomfortable. It's just for fancy play scenes, and Michelle and Barry don't have time for that shit.

    1. MittBorg

      I'm just really crushed that this hasn't turned into another discussion of the underroos you and that bad boy are buying each other for your birfdays.

  12. flamingpdog

    What the heck does Michelle need with a 900-pound corset? Sounds like she was reaching across the aisle and shopping for Rushbo.

  13. Terry

    "She bought posh pants and a £900 corset while out with the Queen of Qatar, Sheikha Mozah."

    I'd be more inclined to believe this if they said she was out shopping with some friends from Chicago.

  14. SayItWithWookies

    I imagine Michelle wears something tasteful yet hot — in fact, I'm imagining her right now wearing caramel dessert topping.

  15. MissTaken

    Based on what I've seen of AP's lingerie I don't think we'll be seeing or hearing from Barry in quite a while.

  16. gurukalehuru

    I will pass on this snark rich target to simply point out that a potential contributing factor to this journalistic embellishment might be the difference in American and British English interpretations of the word "pants."

  17. YouBetcha

    There must be something wrong with me, because information like this only makes me love the FLOTUS more.

    1. widestanceshakedown

      One look at Laura should tell you why–she's a commando kind of gal (because underwear confused W).

        1. widestanceshakedown

          But, Laura's the hotness. She could kill a man by not knowing when to stop.

          (thanks, here all week. . .)

  18. NellCote71

    A whole thread about underwear, the First Lady, and salacious rumors and not one reference to Santorum. Color me bitterly disappointed.

  19. ChessieNefercat

    Oh, gross. This story is just for the disgusting rwnj freaky creepazoids who now have a patriotic! noble! reason to picture! and think about! and write about! our dear FLOTUS wearing nothing but the skimpiest bits of lace and satin. Perverts, every last one of them.

    On the bright side, this will just make them ornerier than ever when they inevitably go on to picture the President taking advantage of his husbandly privileges.

  20. owhatever

    Let me guess. Some of those reports came from papers owned by Rupert Murdoch, which means Fox News will be all over the story tonight.

  21. alzronnie

    Callista has a diamond-studded chastity belt from Tiffany's. Just to make sure that Newtie doesn't get any ideas.

  22. Negropolis

    The whole United Kingdom can be shipped to Bagram Airfield for the unironic use of the word "posh", and no one will have lost any.

  23. edywin2

    So tell me, if Mittens wins, does the new first lady get Mormon tap pants and camisoles from Provo?

  24. greencar

    How about the comment from the professorcastillo that he is interested in Romney's underwear? Can we please get this Pervert investigated? Is he really a teacher and if so he should be so fired!

  25. fitley

    What a waste of money. You could get a diaper with a steaming hot doody in it, fresh from a famous Louisiana politician (Mr. Vitter) and he would PAY YOU $500. Shop the sales ladies.

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