Our libertarian-Bostonian correspondent is on the road in Florida, chasing the GOP clowns. Here is a video-photo dispatch from him!
JACKSONVILLE — We always feel bad for the poor interns/work-study kids who get stuck holding those goofy signs in spin rooms after debates. Don’t their arms get tired? We asked one of the poor bastards stuck with this post-debate task, “What’s it like?” Maybe it’s all part of Newt Gingrich’s plan to make poor kids clean the school toilets?
SAINT AUGUSTINE, FLA – But the highlight of our driving around Florida was this Jeep parked outside a polling place. Just needed some Truck Nutz … which were soon spotted on Interstate 10:
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FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!
Barb:
Are you sure you weren't thinking of Iowa?
PLM 493…worst personalized plate EVER.
The second worst plate:
(as seen on Newt's car)
"D-WIFED"
MOONGUY
FATHEAD
FATTARD
3M TA3
ASSTUMR
PLOOKR
Actually saw that one. Colorado.
PLO OKer. We haz lots o' Muslin terr'ists in the Square State.
That's what it was about?! Now I am Pissed.
I thought it was Bald-Headed John. I waved and everything, all friendly-like.
OK, I'll admit it, I've tried….but….I don't get it…what does PLM 493 mean?
Ah ha! it means nothing right? Just a normal plate. d'oh!
Psalm 49.3?
"My mouth shall speak of wisdom; and the meditation of my heart shall be of understanding. Trucknutz, also."
At least they're not making those interns rap. That would be frightening.
I couldn't think of anything to say about these poor brainwashed bastards, so I took the poll on the side. I like answering all questions with: I don't know who/what that is.
Garrett, while you're in Florida stop by my mother's house, she'll make you some nice chicken soup to give you the strength to put up with all the mishigos.
I've never actually seen truck nuts – yet another reason to be glad for living in a non-Southern city.
Oh we've got them out here in California. They're actually kind of mesmerizing.
Do they sway?
Depends on the music, darlz.
(Hint: it's almost always Country music.)
The only time they don't is when they're being rubbed at the corner of 5th and Market.
Dood!
This kind of confuses me, because I'm thinking of 5th and Market in Philadelphia, which is right near Independence Hall and the Liberty bell and is tourist central.
WHERE in CA? I've never seen them.
Try Ye Olde Sac of Tomatoes, Sacramento. It's a cow town and the capitol. Perfect breeding ground for TrukNutz.
Oh, shit, you're right, I was up there last year or summat, and there were trucks driving around with Gadsden flags and Confederate flags and shit. Right then. Not going back to Sackamanna.
Anywhere in the Owens Valley, or San Bernardino.
Thank you, darlz. Two more places to AVOID like the fucking plague.
…or Simi Valley
I haven't seen any since moving back to CA, but I loved the homemade ones I saw in Spokane, WA. Tube sock, a pair of tennis balls, and the magical mix of gravity and wind made for an entertaining drive.
I saw some on a truck once which consisted of a loop of chain and two hexagonal nuts, meant to be used with some huge bolts – they probably had a center hole diameter of at least 4 inches.
Non-anatomical which actually made them sorta clever.
We have them in WA too, except here, they're driving the trucks.
Truck-Nutz are illegal in Florida. That must have been some other sort of pendulous sack ornament. A bag of grapefruits, maybe.
Really? There was someone who used to live around the corner from me in J-ville who had Trucknutz.
I'm in the other redneck corner of the state (Pensacola), and I saw them for a while here, too. But:
http://www.autoblog.com/2008/04/21/the-irony-stat...
The only place I have ever seen truck-nutz is on wonkette. I'll bet anything that they are illegal in Alabama because of the anti-dildo law. No fake penis parts at all, anywhere. Real dicks of course – those are everywhere.
It's too bad you're stuck in Alabama with that; within the last few years the Fifth Circuit ruled that Texas' law against sex toys was unconstitutional under Lawrence v Texas (the case where the Supremes struck down anti-sodomy laws), but the Eleventh Circuit differed and upheld Alabama's anti-sex toy law in a very similar case.
I live way-the-hell-up here in Michigan, and have seen them on numerous occasions. They know no single region, though, they tend to appear more often in rural and rustic areas. Also, you tend to seem them more on pick-ups than on cars, but you do, indeed, see them on cars. I'd imagine, though, that you wouldn't ever see them on a Prius or Volt or Leaf.
"a Prius or Volt or Leaf."
Unless some hipster was unwise enough to attempt to display them ironically. Of course, we all know there's no such thing as ironic Truck Nutz.
I think you need a trailer hitch, which would certainly make them rare on hybrids and EVs.
WILL WORK FOR FOOD and HUNGRY…PLEEZ HELP would earn that kid a better payday. Just a thought.
Couldn't prove it by James O'Keefe.
Test question:
What are the three laws of Newtonian child labor?
1. Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.
2. Look at them on that playground. Goldbrickers.. Layabouts.. Slug-a-beds! Little do they realise their days of suckling at my teat are numbered
3. Today is "take your daughter to work day" or as Newt likes to call it, "their turn at the factory."
A body at rest is likely to remain at rest, a body set to work early, is likely to remain at work, and remain off the welfare rolls.
I'm not sure if the next two have anything to do with child labor.
Any action in moving to the right, will bring about an equal move to the right in the other candidates.
Forcefulness at debates is the product of the mass of the candidate, and the apparent snarkiness of the planted question.
A minority group member at rest will remain at rest until taught the skills of showing up on Monday to earn a paycheck for once in their lives.
For every political action committee there is an equal and opposite political action committee.
And one more. Uh, …nope. Can't. Oops.
[Sorry for the cross-post, PO.]
Okay, that whole thing was brilliant.
All of them, Katie
Newt: "Laws? Government should not impose regulations on businesses–that will kill jobs. You kids stop reading this and get back to work!"
1. Catch baby
2. Murder baby
3. Feed baby to Calista
Oh, like Callista hasn't been feeding herself just fine on the corpses of babies for decades.
Yeah, silly me. That would mean Newt was actually helping one of his wives.
True. I mean, basically — can you see that schmuck helping *anyone* but himself?
1. A welfare layabout at rest tends to stay at rest unless you beat the every-loving shit out of him to get him to do his menial work.
2. ?
3. Profit!
Underpants Gnomes Strike Again!!
1. Only use workers under 50 lbs for repairs in crawlspace above ceiling.
2. If an apple falls from the tree and hits you on the head, you missed one, and that cuts into profits.
3. The shirts of good children will be brown.
BearNoLike, that was nasty. I upfist you and claim your post as my own.
I am really beer-buzzed right now. Your name makes me think of my friend Todd shot me with an arrow that one time, whoa it hurt a lot, but we laughed like crazy. OMG cute kitteh.
A child, through inaction, may not injure a human being's profit margin or, through inaction, allow a human being's profit margin to come to harm.
A child must obey the orders given to it by it's overseer, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
A child must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws, or not…we don't really care. If the child breaks, we can get more.
Thank you, Dr. Newt Asimov!
Your comment has a good foundation.
Mitt Robotny finds these vaguely familiar.
You win.
That flag pointed the wrong way looks at a quick glance like it reads "Don't Terd on me", which in a Rethug primary seems like a reasonable request, if one unlikely to be honored.
Don't turd me, bro!
If you squint, it looks like it reads "Dog Terd On Me". Who knew the GOP overlapped with the scat-loving furry community?
Who am I kidding….no surprise there.
A smarter tea-bagger would have taken the picture from the other side.
♪♫ Silver Balls
Silver Balls
Ding-a-ling
See them swing
It's batshit time in Florida ♪♫
The use of the "don't tread on me" flag by the teabaggers is fairly ironic, considering it was originally used by the famous atheist scientist and sex fiend Ben Franklin, in support of a rebellion against the sort of aristocratic monarchy they want to turn the US into.
Evidence suggests that it is a shortened version of two other Colonial era revolutionary flags, with the mottos:
Don't Tread on Me, Asshole!
and
Don't Tread on Me. Tread on Him!
Just googled "Ben Franklin sex" because this was news to me. Get ur freak on, Founders!
The man was a towering intellect, a visionary, and a playa, no question.
Old Ben loved the sex, with women of every size, shape and age; it didn't matter to him.
I kind of embarrassed my history teacher in 9th grade when I gave an oral report on Ben Franklin and noted that he had 13 children, 6 of them by his wife. True facts.
ORAL?! No wonder she was embarrassed!
Sweetie, the guy was a *true scientist!* How many other people do you know who would spend a lifetime researching ways to make their farts smell better?
Oh yeah, that's why Ben invented the bifocals: so he could see both the ladybits and the lady's face clear as a bell at the same time. He was the first American horndog, god love him!
Well it's great to be able to see both at the same time; thanks Ben!
I used to use an old Franklin half-dollar for coin tosses and before I did that I always said, "And heads is Benjamin Franklin–the older you are, the more you can know about him." I now use a big Jefferson nickel and introduce him as "Mr. Sally Hemmings."
(Gotta do something to keep yourself sane at kid's games…)
Hell yeah, I'm convinced todays Tea Party (GOP base) would have had a dim view of the original Tea Party itself, viewing them exactly like they view OWS today — filthy, ragged radical lawless mob! They would have been Tories in the Revolutionary War. All of this would have been the "conservative" position. Shits.
Plus, they threw all that private property in the Boston Harbor. Obviously they were anti-capitalists which means they were immoral according to the world's highest paid historian.
Ben Franklin was the Father of his Country … or at last half of it.
honey you and i both know they don't know any of that.
and care even less.
Can I get "No Tread on Me" stickers, to put on my car's tires?
Only if you are bald, honey.
See that avatar?
Those are the high-class chromed truck nutz. He must be a 1%-er.
1%-ers have their myrmidons drive their trucknutz around for them.
Sterling silver, from Tiffany's?
(Lots of Republicans are born with a sliver dick in their mouth.)
And most of them have slivers for dicks, also.
Gahh … my fingers are dyslexic.
As a representative of the flag industry, I can tell you with confidence that the Gadsden flag on that Jeep was not manufactured in the US of America. Where's your pride, morans?
Are the trucknutz manufactured in China? If so, what must those poor chinese factory workers think of us?
They probably think America needs more balls. Well, y'know…
But are those actual TruckNutz or some kind of knockoff? The real ones, it seems to me are pink and plastic, while those look like chrome? Too upscale? A 1%er pretending to be a redneck?
The Donald has some. His are dipped in gold.
Rick Santorum has some. His are dipped in … well, I don't think I have to finish that one.
Mighty low-hanging fruits there … they're gonna be "knock-offs" the moment he takes his truck off-road.
Mr. Quinn:
The flag in the pic is fully unfurled in a parked car, suggesting
1. pic was taken in gale-force winds
2. pic was staged using giant fans stolen from set of Pirates of the Carribean
or 3. photoshop
In either case, excellent journalmalizing.
Well, in the defense of Mr. Quinn (?who?), the campaign signs on the lawn behind the car are bent back like it's windy, too.
The economy must be improving. Our overLayne Ken seems to be hiring!
Speaking of Newt…
What's even stupider is that he suggested the Moon should apply for statehood, but he won't answer the same question about Puerto Rico.
Geez if the Moon turns out to have BROWN ALIENS do you think Newt would suddenly opt for Mars?
I was more concerned about how claiming territory in space violated international law, but I doubt that would give him a second's pause.
Honestly, BMW, you must have forgotten who we were discussing.
Mitt's trying to grab that state by the panderhandle.
Re: Don't Tread on Me Flag….. This makes me mad…. We live in the country and have talked about putting a flag pole up for a long time. My wife actually has a "don't tread on me flag" – but now we're afraid to even use it for fear of being viewed as lunatics.
What should I do?
display it proudly
cripes, this is our America too
Can you put a sticker on it to make it say "Don't Teabag On Me"?
I'd be more worried about being viewed as Republicans.
Oh, wait …
– PLM 493, American King James Version
Wait, is that about oral sex?
Is there any Psalm that's not about sex, oral, anal, or otherwise?
Psalm 23 in particular is merely a "Dear Lord, For verily, I never thought this shall't happen to me…" away from being a full-on proto-Penthouse Letter, for Christ's sake.
Psalm 23 would be a teensy bit premature, if you begat my meaning.
#'S5:11-30
The husband brings his wife (and an offering of barley) to the priest, who has the woman stand in front of the altar. He pours some holy water into a bowl and takes some of the dirt from the floor of the Tent of the Lord's presence and mixes it in with the water. Then he loosens the woman's hair and puts the barley flour in her hands while he holds the bowl of bitter water that has the power to curse. The woman recites an oath attesting to her innocence. This same oath (containing a curse) is written down by the priest who washes the ink into the bowl of bitter water. The priest then takes the barley flour from the woman's hands and dedicates it to the Lord, burning a small portion on the altar. The poor woman then gets to drink the water with the ink and dirt in it. If she is guilty, the water will cause bitter pain, her genital organs will shrink away, and her stomach will bloat out! She will become barren.
So, if she weighs the same as a duck, she'd float in water, and she must be made of wood, so.
You said wood, hehehe.
*FAP FAP FAP*
What about this?
You're right! That driver obviously must be the Brazilan designer of that 2011 iF award-winning lighting element.
How could I have been so blind?!
(Also, how could I have been so dumb not to have submitted my original comment as a reply to your earlier "PLM 493" comment, as God intended. Please forgive me, BMW…)
(Isaac) Newton, historians may recall, had a dog named Diamond.
Political sign holder: Worst. Job. Ever. That's what the look on that kid's face said.
Worse yet, he's probably doing it as school-mandated "volunteer" work.
I hear you, loud and clear. I feel for him and his classmates. Newt is proof: there is no bigger asshole than an academic asshole.
Tbaggers have co-opted a patriotic flag and symbol that none of them has any idea of its significance
OT, but I really hate it when fellow squirrels are libeled.
I'm watching the X-Games and I haven't seen anything Christian yet.
Rick's daughter, Bella is in the hospital:
"Rick and his wife Karen are admitting their daughter Bella to Children's Hospital of Philadelphia this evening," spokesman Hogan Gidley said in a statement Saturday night, adding "Rick intends to return to Florida and resume the campaign schedule as soon as is possible."
————
It breaks my heart that this little muffin is sick like this. I hope that she gets better and I hope that her dad visits the Wizard and gets the heart that he so desperately needs.
and the brain while he's at it.
Barb, I'm sure if Malia or Sasha became ill, the RWNJ's would be vicious in their attacks. Nonetheless, I'm sure the docs and nurses taking care of Bella act in a most professional and compassionate manner, devoid of politics; and the humorless, middleman insurance company types and hospital administrators don't give a shit.
Oh yeah, a whiff of snark: Obamacare will not pull the plug on Bella.
I agree, Radio Fetus.
I love how a dem can send freaky tweets, texts, e-mails, etc. and they try to drum them OUT of politics. Newt sees more ass than Santa's lap and he gets Palin, shouting that those who attack him are "Stalin-esque" If Barack Obama was seen leaning in a little too close to a babe the rumor mill would be on FIRE.
The truth is that Newt is a "Historian" who doesn't want anyone to know his history.
This is the Tri-18 kid, right? I hope she's not suffering.
Yes, Shave, it is. This child deserved better. She won't live to graduate high school, know first love, attend the prom, etc. Rick said her life was "measured in days…." This baby deserved her days, short as they are, to be filled with belly flubbers, snuggles, kisses and sweet tickles.
Rick Santorum is the worst asshole.
They'll just make more.
A fetus a week. It's all we ask.
Per Wikipedia, if she's survived infancy she has a chance of reaching adulthood. I wish that for her. And as much as I despise Rick Santorum, I do not wish upon him the heartbreak of burying his child (my worst fear, personally).
It is a nightmare to lose one's kid. I've lost three, and now I hover near the edge of…….? This is something I would never wish on even the worst person in the world. Even a Republican. I only wish that the people voting for these assholes knew the pain and suffering this type of loss is, so they would try to be more human.
He has no chance of winning- at all. Why not stay with your very sick child? I guess her illness – while real- is just something for Rick to use for sympathy
I just saw a USA Today headline on the Google that the Duggars Support Santorum, I was having doubts about mentioning it here because of the kid
[it's a warm sunny day and I guess I was feeling nice]
BUT, since you bring it up……… http://content.usatoday.com/communities/onpolitic...
The Duggars campaigned for him in Iowa out of a ginormous RV and Ricky didn't even know about it until he saw the RV parked in a motel parking lot and he asked his staffers where they got the money to spend on that monstrosity.
Maybe he's setting up for another run when all those kids are registered voters.
Ah, good, ole Jacksonville, the largest city in Georgia…
Filthy Jew propaganda served up as news once again. When will Santorum really take the gloves off? The Holy Office of the Inquistion Into Matters of Faith and Morals is getting mighty itchy waiting for Sanctorium to assume the high office which the Roman Curia has assigned him. The Inquisition IS expected.
The comfy chair?
Indeed. Nothing less will do.
Herman Cain has now endorsed Newt.
This changes everything and by everything I mean nothing.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57367931-5...
It'll carry a lot of weight in the "I like to cheat on my wife but I would never actually leave my wife for the little whore" crowd.
Heh. Bingo, oh Grumpe One.
Is this Guardian snark?
Mitt Romney ahead in polls despite Herman Cain, who dropped out of the contest, backing Gingrich at late stage.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jan/29/newt-...
He must want paychecks instead of food stamps.
As Kurt Vonnegut said, "…Go take a flying fuck at the moon." I'm sure he meant you, newt.
As someone who fills in "Religious Preference" as Physics I am offended that anything having to do with Gingrich is called "Newtonian".
I'm just stopping by for a minute to say 'nitey-nite to all the wonkeratti. The aged DustBowlBlues has to take her tired self off to watch Downton Abbey. (Like virtually every regular in this place wouldn't know it.) Then to bed, sleeping comfortably on the knowledge that my food was fetus-free today and Sharia Law hasn't overrun our little U.Methodist church.
God bless the OK State lege. Without them, all of us UM Church women would be turned into black-shroud-wearing full-time bakers of fetus-meat pies. Our only remaining nightmare is the zombies.
OT, but Rick Perry finally got his prayers answered.
Best part: "the storms did not bring enough rain to help end the historic drought the state is facing."
"ROFL!" – God
Why doesn't that kid get a real sign job – spinning around a big arrow in front of the local mall?
You know what they say…all the nuts roll down to Florida.
You *slay* me. Regardless of whether you intend to.
Well, I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
ZOMG!! You … you … YOU'RE the ORIGINAL Man In Black!!
Well, my balls where there with the rest of me playing tourist one day, but no one was rubbing them for me. I pulled the "5th and Market" location out of a spot not far from the aforementioned balls.
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