fyi

Tennessee Bigot: AIDS Caused By One Monkey-Loving Airline Pilot

oh thooooose?? those are from ricky santorum

Arguably the worst person permitted to make laws on behalf of America, Tennessee State Senator Stacey Campfield, author of the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, recently took part in an interview on Sirius in which he not only defended his already nightmarish views on homosexuality and AIDS, but pushed his insane agenda even farther, twisting the knife all the way through the chest of America and then pulling it out the other side. And then pushing it back through to create a nice big hole, putting his arm through, waving, making an obscene gesture, etc. Campfield, who evidently grows wild carnivorous rose bushes in his office and has blocked access to every site on the Internet that is not (gay) porn, first of all reminds Sirius OutQ’s “The Gist” show host Michelangelo Signorile that AIDS is all the fault of one monkey-loving airline pilot. It gets wooo-orse.

Campfield also thinks that anti-gay bullying is bullshit:

That bullying thing is the biggest lark out there. There are sexually confused children who could be pushed into a lifestyle that I don’t think is appropriate with them and it’s not for the norm for society, and they don’t know how they can get back from that. I think a lot of times these young teens and young children, they find it very hard on themselves and unfortunately some of them commit suicide.

Campfield defends his “Don’t Say Gay” bill, which is basically “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” FOR SCHOOLS. He then says AIDS could have been prevented if this airline pilot (????) had not been gay, never mind the monkey part for now.

Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community — it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall. My understanding is that it is virtually — not completely, but virtually — impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex…very rarely [transmitted].

Actually, you freak, as Signorile points out, heterosexual sex is widely viewed to be a big factor in the spread of AIDS.

And finally:

Homosexuals represent about 2 to 3 percent of the population yet you look at television and plays and theaters, it’s 50 percent of the theaters, probably more than that, 50 percent of the theaters based on something about homosexuality.

STACEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Huffington Post]

About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    "Stacey Campfield, author of the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, "
    Isn't Stacey a girl's name?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

      So is Lindsay.

    • chascates

      Yeah, names like that and Jodie and Lindsey are gender-confusing and lead to bad outcomes.

      • emmelemm

        Possibly even teasing and bullying.

        • WunkRocker

          and fisting.

          • GOPCrusher

            In the face.

    • Biff

      According to this guy, it's not gay unless you spell it with an "i", and dotted with a heart.

      • Fare la Volpe

        And that "i" is a cock.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          *Some*body's in fine form, today!

    • C_R_Eature

      Just don't call him "Shirley".

      • horsedreamer_1

        Povich Libel.

    • OneDollarJuana

      And the first half of his last name is "camp". That's how he knows so much about the percentage of gays in the theater.

    • teebob2000

      That's what it says on this panties, anyhow.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Why do you think he sponsored the "Don't Say Gay" bill?

    • mannacler

      Stacey is his drag name.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Dumbass fucktard represents about 20% of the population, yet they make up about 90% of the Tennessee Legislature. Go figure.

  • Antispandex

    If monkey love is wrong, I don't want to be right.

    • Biff

      Scoooooopes!

    • insidebeltway

      He's just jealous, 'cause the monkey turned him down.

    • Not_So_Much

      Bonobo boner!

      • Limeylizzie

        I love bonobos.

      • Negropolis

        Aren't bonobos the only other primate besides humans that have sex as a recreational acitivity?

    • BornInATrailer

      Loco for Koko!

    • flamingpdog

      If I can't have hot monkey love, I'll settle for a hot organ grinder.

    • thisdavo

      Now I finally know why I used to jerk off to Magilla Gorilla. Thank you, Mr. Campfield.

    • tessiee

      Won't someone think of the monkey butlers??

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

    "Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community — it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men."

    Here's another theory:

    "Most people realize that Rep. Campfield came from the heterosexual community — it was his dad screwing his sister, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with other relatives."

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    For an allegedly straight guy, Stacey spends a lot of time contemplating gay. I'll bet he bores the shit out of the guys down at the glory hole with all the gay stuff he can't help but contemplate about.

    • Beowoof

      Seems that Stacey doth protest too much. Something tells me that if he isn't at a glory hole, then he's at the Denny's with Ted, for some meth and whatever else is going on in the men's room.

    • Operalala

      His musings are strikingly vivid and specific.

  • SorosBot

    "they find it very hard on themselves and unfortunately some of them commit suicide"

    Some of them commit suicide because of the bullying that you are defending, and because of bigots like you, you sick motherfucker.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Thank you.

      Somebody needs to call these sick motherfuckers sick motherfuckers.

  • savethispatient

    Oh, so that's why Campfield doesn't use condoms when he's with hookers… Somebody better tell him to go for a check-up.

    • widestanceshakedown

      Let's not.

      • MzNicky

        Trust me, Stacie (as some of us call him down this a way) doesn't need to worry about using condoms with anyone, of any sex. This total douche-hose is my state "representative." Even the most knuckledragging of slackjaws here ridicule this narcissistic sac o' shit.

  • CapnFatback

    it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly,

    "At least, that's what the hole in the back of my monkey costume suggests to me."

  • http://archikvetch.blogspot.com/ archikvetch

    Pretty sure the monkey screwed the guy

    • HarryButtle

      Clarence Beeks libel!

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        Something else to blame on that good-for-nothing Minnesota liberal senator!

    • CapnFatback

      Every Which Way AND Loose.

      • teebob2000

        At least he was loose after the monkey was finished with him. Those things are HUNG!!!

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Every Which Way BUTT Loose?

    • BornInATrailer

      Get your dick out of me you damn dirty ape!

    • tessiee

      Pics or it didn't happen.

  • fartknocker

    I'm sure well be hearing more from him when TN law enforcement catch him on his knees at some rest stop glory hole smoking a white owl, if you know what I mean.

    • widestanceshakedown

      Drinks at the White Swallow, wink, wink. . .

  • Barb

    This guy seems a little preoccupied to homosexuality and bestiality. I doubt he could get laid in a gay monkey whorehouse with a crate of bananas.

    • SorosBot

      I think he's a closet furry.

    • emmelemm

      I doubt he could get laid in a gay monkey whorehouse with a crate of bananas.

      I am in love with you. I want to have gay babies with you. (I'm not sure if that means the babies will be gay, or if we'll have to make magic babies because we're both women.)

      • Barb

        I love you back!

        • WunkRocker

          I want to have gay marriage abortions all over your comments.

          • Barb

            We have to save something for the aba daba honeymoon.

      • SorosBot

        Well it's far from being possible yet, but scientists are working on that:
        http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/1431489.stm

        Interestingly a child with two genetic mothers could only be a girl; this could lead to an all-lesbian future!

        • LetUsBray

          It grieves me that I won't live to see this indescribably hot sapphic future.

        • GOPCrusher

          I, for one, welcome our Amazon Overlords.

          • tessiee

            Quiet, man person! Prepare for snoo-snoo!

      • flamingpdog

        Little known fact: Jesus had two mothers in the King Dyke Version of the Bible.

    • MOG2410

      Even monkeys have some taste!

    • tessiee

      "a gay monkey whorehouse"

      There are such things as gay monkey whorehouses? [a la Dale Gribble] Why was I not informed??

    • Negropolis

      I doubt he could get laid in a gay monkey whorehouse with a crate of bananas.

      ROTFLMAO!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    If there ever was a byproduct of monkey love it would be Campfield.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    APE-ANALLING AVIATOR ADVANCES AIDS
    more at 11

    • Barb

      Will their be ape rape tape?

      • Fare la Volpe

        I hear it's bananas.

        • Barb

          too funny, Fare!

      • Chichikovovich

        at which we can gape and jape, mouths agape? And feel tingles at that place – you know, the one just at the base of your neck? Dammit, what's that called…

        • tessiee

          7th cervical vertebrae.

  • MissTaken

    You know, Stacey, just because even a monkey won't let you stick it in doesn't mean you have to be a dick to those who can get laid.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Zing! I see your rapier is sharp this morning, Miss!

      Yup, Dr. MittBorg pronounces the charming young lady fully cured.

  • fartknocker

    By the way Wonkette, where's Kourtney? I'd like her opinion on this and vegetables in annular orifices of TN legislators.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Even vegetables have better taste than THAT.

  • nounverb911

    Wait! Wasn't Campfield the guy in the ape suit in "Trading Places"?

  • OkieDokieDog

    Jesus Fucking Christ. This guy… he's stupid.

  • Callyson

    Arguably the worst person permitted to make laws on behalf of America, Tennessee State Senator Stacey Campfield
    Santorum: "Bitch, please…back in my heyday I was way better."

    • MOG2410

      They'd make a cute couple.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Oh, god (retches).

        The coupling of Santorum is most vomit-inducing, MOG.

    • MzNicky

      Santorum is George Clooney compared with this jackass. He's also known as "Staci X" (tx. Jesus' General) for once trying to join the Tennessee Black Caucus to prove how racist they were. If I'm lyin' I'm dyin'.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    it's clear that AIDS can be transmitted by flying a plane.

    But can it be transmitted by lifting the luggage?

    ask around

    • chicken_thief

      Not so much by lifting the luggage, but packing it in the rear has been shown to increase the odds.

    • Baconzgood

      I got AIDS once from eating an not completely cooked chicken thigh.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        AIDS comes from bacon, Son, and your licentious, bacon-chasing lifestyle!

        • Baconzgood

          Bacon is PURE. It is clean. It is bacon

        • Negropolis

          Heresy!

          Bacon is the way and the truth and the life. No man gets to the Father but by bacon. But by the grace of bacon, go I.

          You need a Come-to-Paul-Deen-Moment, son! Them anti-bacon demons done got a hold on you.

    • Not_So_Much
    • Guppy

      Chemtrails!

    • OneDollarJuana

      It's transmitted by baseball players. You know, catchers, pitchers, etc.

    • MosesInvests

      It can be transmitted by hiring a Rentboy to lift one's luggage.

  • Baconzgood

    "twisting the knife all the way through the chest of America and then pulling it out the other side. And then pushing it back through to create a nice big hole, putting his arm through, waving, making an obscene gesture"

    You are like a woman Faulkner. Give this broad a chick version of the Nobel Prize or whatever you fun holes give out at the NOW meetings for *snicker* "writers".

    • MzNicky

      um … huh?

    • tessiee

      A word of advice: If you're angling for death by snoo-snoo, this isn't the way to go about it.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        You made me look up a new word! I thought "Snoo-Snoo" was a character in Li'l Abner.

  • SexySmurf

    My understanding is that it is virtually — not completely, but virtually — impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex

    I guess that's why they call him "Magic" Johnson.

    • Franknflower

      All those gay Africans. Who knew?

    • flamingpdog

      He wouldn't have caught teh AIDS if he had been wearing "magic" underwear.

    • tessiee

      "I guess that's why they call him "Magic" Johnson."

      Um… Yeah, sure; *that's* why.

  • CapnFatback

    it’s 50 percent of the theaters, probably more than that, 50 percent of the theaters based on something about homosexuality.

    Huh. That explains why the local adaptation of Hamlet had the young Dane contemplate mortality while holding a butt plug instead of a skull.

    • savethispatient

      Yeah, but I have a feeling being a gay playwright and being an English playwright are equivalent in the mind of this Tennessean at least.

      • CapnFatback

        Could he at least tell which authored this line?

        "Alas, poor Anal Oakley. I knew him, Horatio."

        • Chichikovovich

          It helps to explain Campfield's distaste for the theatre that he has always hated Hamlet, because it reminds him that in the collection of all his women relatives, there is a 1:1 Horatio.

        • emmelemm

          Shouldn't that be "I blew him, Horatio"?

        • savethispatient

          "To tell, or not to tell? There is no question." – Shakespeare on DADT

      • SorosBot

        Well there are the scholars that think his sonnets show evidence that Shakespeare liked both the theater and sports, if you know what I mean.

        • CapnFatback

          "I am but 'merry' north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a lark from my lube."

      • Negropolis

        Hence the popular American parlour game: Gay or British.

      • sewollef

        And as my yankee wife keeps reminding me… "it's a fine line between English and gay."

        I THINK she's joking….

    • Guppy

      Nah, they're just Eurotrash. Infamously hard to tell the difference at times.

  • V572 the Merciless

    Jeez, don't tell this guy about the Jews.

    • Barb

      Mazel tov, ya'll! I don't think there are many jews in the south.

      • Fare la Volpe
      • V572 the Merciless

        Ha ha, Lehman Brothers was originally a Birmingham cotton brokerage. Savannah established its first synagogue in 1733. Likewise in Mobile and New Orleans.But not Tennessee – they’re much smarter than that.

        • Barb

          Snark is rarely based on facts or reality. My "mazel tov, ya'll" was just meant as a joke and it didn't really need correction.

          • V572 the Merciless

            = not intended to be a factual statement.

            And yet I love you anyway, Barb, as ever.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            You have an odd way of showing it.

    • Negropolis

      The Gheys did 9/11!

      Wait, wha?! I'm getting all my wingnut talking points mixed up again, aren't I?

  • memzilla

    Leaked interview with Tennessee State Senator Stacey Campfield's rentboy in 7… 6… 5…

    • MOG2410

      Cell pictures of his junk to follow.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Hahaha, you said leaked.

  • WiscDad

    What kind of backwoods, inbred, hillbilly family was this guy brought up in? He's just thankful it didn't come from sheep…or he'd have it.

    • Fare la Volpe

      That's where syphilis came from, so we can guess what kind of procedures Stacey has done at the doc's office.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Wonder if he can tell us where he got his Mad Cow disease from.

    • insidebeltway

      He should get tested for anthrax.

    • MzNicky

      Um, actually, Stacey hails from New York.

      • WiscDad

        Um, actually, there's no particular city or state that ignorant fucking inbred hilllbilly rednecks come from…um, get my drift?

  • Callyson

    My understanding is that it is virtually — not completely, but virtually — impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex…very rarely [transmitted].
    Has this fucker ever heard of Africa?

    • Generation[redacted]

      I think it's safe to say, no. No he hasn't.

      • Callyson

        Now that you mention it, that's probably a good thing.

    • Fare la Volpe

      "Africa? That's where my maid came from! I hear it's a charming little town."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Not just Africa, it's spreading like wildfire (or was, haven't checked for over a year) in India and China and various other parts of Asia, and eastern Europe. Dumb as fuck, this hick.

  • ph7

    "it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.

    And trust me, Stacey spends a lot of time recalling that imagery.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I was unaware the 'A' in AIDS stood for airborne.

  • RadioFetusEater

    I'm worried about those larks that carry West Nile Virus.

    • Biff

      Show us your Lark pack!

      • MzNicky

        Wow Biff, you must be as old as I am! Now I've got the William Tell overture ear-worm.

  • Joshua Norton

    it’s 50 percent of the theaters, probably more than that,

    Dude! I'm pretty sure it would be %100 of the television and plays and theaters you want to see, if you were really honest with yourself.

    • Poindexter718

      It's only 50% in the Branson, Mo. venues he frequents.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Keep fuckin' that monkey!

    • Antispandex

      Everyone in Tennessee knows monkeys are for spankin'. This Senator must be an undercover New Yorker.

      • Tundra Grifter

        ASX:

        And chickens are for chokin'.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Biff?

  • widestanceshakedown

    I always made Lancelot Link use a condom, so don't blame me.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      That show taught me at an early age that Hollywood hates children.

      • widestanceshakedown

        Most of the shows I watched seemed to suggest that. That said, whoever drew Johnny Quest's dad must have loved cock.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Major Matt Mason and Ken…Dr. Quest and Race…my entire childhood was a lie!! Don't you say a word to me about Yogi and Boo-Boo!!

          • Chichikovovich

            Heavens to Murgatroyd! That explains a lot about Quick-Draw and Babba Louey too.

          • tessiee

            Why do you think Hardy Har Har was always groaning, "OH, LIPPY!"?

          • widestanceshakedown

            Bears, the pair of them.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Hey, some guys are *into* bears.

  • Extemporanus

    Scopes wept.

    • CapnFatback

      Why? That airline pilot's just putting the EVOL in EVOL-UTION!

    • OneYieldRegular

      So many fists up for that.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    "Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community — it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall. " he said between moans, removing one cock from his mouth, but not the other from his ass, so he could enunciate clearly.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "If I recall correctly…"

    Recall from what, exactly?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Office.

    • SorosBot

      His own ass?

  • Tundra Grifter

    $10,000 sez he thinks that airline pilot was French.

    Is this the storyline that did in the recent rather short-lived airline tv series?

    • prommie

      French-Canadian steward, actually; his misinformation seems to be based on "patient zero" who did exist.

    • Biff

      Where else may I catch furtive glimpses of Karine Vanasse, then?

    • Inchhigh

      $10,000 eh? Willard Romney will take you up on that!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Among the signorile.com commenters:

    As an volunteer HIV testing counselor in Knoxville, and despite the number of educational programs out there, we continue to see hundreds if not thousands of individuals every year who don't understand how HIV disease is spread… His behavior on your show only exacerbates ignorance. While I am angry that a politican of his responsibility is wasting time arguing about something like sexuality, I am more disappointed that he spews such hatred and ignorance, literally condoning bullying, bigotry, and unprotected heterosexual sex.

    This counselor is the kind of Tennessee Volunteer I can believe in.

    • MzNicky

      They's a few of us'n who got us some sense, and book-larnin'.

  • BornInATrailer

    "Most people realize that Stacey Campfield came from inbreeding — it was his uncle/father screwing his aunt/mother, if I recall correctly, and then forgetting to withdraw. It was in an abandoned Port-A-Potty, if I recall. My understanding is that it is virtually — not completely, but virtually — impossible to get a useful member of the state house via generations of inbreeding…very rarely [produced]."

  • Tundra Grifter

    Years ago I figured out it isn't a good idea to try to monkey with a girl wearing a gorilla label on her pants. This appears to be beyond all that. Also.

    • Biff

      Or a full-on gorilla suit, like Brisket?

  • Joshua Norton

    blocked access to every site on the Internet

    OK, who the hell told Tennessee about the internet?

    • insidebeltway

      That would be Al Gore.

    • GOPCrusher

      Once they got electricity, it was inevitable.

  • Generation[redacted]

    "it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall. And then the pizza guy came in, with another monkey. The pool boy was behind the sliding glass door, watching. Then it was two girls on one monkey, and a hedgehog. yes, I definitely remember the hedgehog."

    • MissTaken

      Stacey quit watching when the two girls arrived, though.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I definitely remember the hedgehog

      It's pretty hard to forget Ron Jeremy.

    • unStunned

      I'm betting the hedgehog was the easier lay. Monkeys are not the most tractable creatures–which might help explain their virtual absence from bestiality legends. Also helps explain why blood-borne exposure during the bushmeat-butchering process is generally accepted by the non-idiot community as the probable original method of AIDS transmission.

  • chascates

    Tennesseans are still pissed off over the Scopes trial. And I'm betting Stacey Campbell throws his own feces at people.

    • MOG2410

      Easier and cleaner than throwing someone else's and keeps the outhouse from overflowing.

    • MzNicky

      How'd you know? And that's us, his constituents!

  • Tundra Grifter

    This joker probably shouldn't watch "Rise of the Planet of the Apes." Ever.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Oh, Cornelius! How could you!

  • Poindexter718

    In the pilot's defense, he had just landed the red-eye from New York to Jo'berg and was well into his third scotch when the monkey slid up next to him at the hotel bar dressed in a smokin' hawt stewardess uniform.

    • Tundra Grifter

      PD718:

      Some time back a couple of friends and I wanted to dress up for April Fool's Day in pilot uniforms, head to the airport bar, and yell "Double Scotch and hurry up! We got a plane to catch!"

      Then 9/11 happened and we figured that be a bit more risky than we had originally planned.

  • neiltheblaze

    Wasn't that a Johnny Cash hit, "A Boy Named Stacey"?

    • Tundra Grifter

      ntb:

      I was thinking more Smokey Robinson – "Mickey's Monkey." Only in this case I guess it would be "Stacey's Monkey…"

  • MinAgain

    Stacey Campfield is the gift that keeps on giving. To Wonkette and Jon Stewart, that is.

    He's in his forties, never been married, and is obsessed with gay people. I, personally, think he's so far back in the closet he can see Narnia, but you make your own call.

    • widestanceshakedown

      Methinks the stance is wide on this one.

    • emmelemm

      TIME. OUT. This guy isn't married? First of all, I would think not even bothering to have a beard would automatically disqualify you for public office in Tennessee.

      "Well, I'm just a confirmed bachelor, you see…"

      • Not_So_Much

        Lindsey Graham is his role model.

    • neiltheblaze

      "….he's so far back in the closet he can see Narnia…"

      Effin' brilliant. I'm so stealing that.

    • BornInATrailer

      The Lyin', the Swish and the Wardrobe?

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        My understanding is that it is virtually — not completely, but virtually — impossible to give multiple upfists, but I would if I could.

    • C_R_Eature

      Well, here's somebody who clearly needs a Hobby.

      What? This is his Hobby?

      Well, takes all kinds, doesn't it. I just wish he did all this in private. Away from, you know, making laws n' stuff.

      • flamingpdog

        It's pretty clear he could use a Hubby, too, also.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I'm in my forties, never been married, and obsessed with gay people. But then, I'm a queer.

  • Extemporanus

    Hey, where the hell's that randy ol' cabin rascal Roscoe at?

    If there's any trusted Wonketteer who would know anything about a graying gay monkey-fucking flyboy, it would be him.

    • RadioFetusEater

      I don't think Kaposi's Sarcoma is gray.

      • Extemporanus

        If he were, there's no way Carla Bruni ever would've married him.

  • MaxNeanderthal

    That wouldn't be an airline pilot who likes to watch gladiator movies, hangs around gymnasiums and has spent time in a Turkish prison, would it?
    "Stacey CAMP-field"? Obsessed with gays, uninhibited monkeys, etc. etc. This guys closet door is straining at the hinges…..

  • Tundra Grifter

    Tennessee, eh? Is he trying to tell us what the Scopes Monkey Trial was really all about?

    • PubOption

      Clearly, someone tried it with a monkey.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Well I'll be a monkey-fucker's uncle-fucker.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Oh for fuck's sake.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I always, always upfist that comment. I don't know why, but it gets me every time.

  • chicken_thief

    I am not defending Stacey by any means – there is no defense for bullying. But I have heard the "airline flight attendant" theory – in fact, his name is Gaetan Dugas, and that Magic Johnson was a statistical anomaly in the US. (He was the one and only male in LA County to contract HIV via heterosexual sex the year he was diagnosed according to the article.)

    Now, if I was an elected official would I be spouting that shit like it's gospel – hell the fuck no.

    • Chichikovovich

      Well, that Gaetan Dugas was patient zero in the was suggested by Randy Shilts in And the Band Played On based on a study that hasn't been universally accepted, but is a genuine study made by serious researchers. And Dugas was a flight attendant, that's true.

      But it's the monkey-fucking part that is the problem with what the Rocky Top Rockhead said, not the "patient zero worked for an airline" part.

      Edit: Random pointless afterthought: Shilts' book came out just after I had finished high school, and one moment of it stuck in my mind. He introduced Dugas into the story with a phrase like "with the exotic name of Gaetan Dugas". At the time I found that a bizarre thing to say, since in my in high school alone I knew at least 10 people named Gaetan, and about 20 people with the last name Dugas.

      • tessiee

        "in my in high school alone I knew at least 10 people named Gaetan, and about 20 people with the last name Dugas."

        did you go to high school in/on the Louisiana bayou?

        • Chichikovovich

          I grew up in a French-speaking town in the northern part of Ontario. My high-school, in another French-speaking town a longish bus ride away, was bilingual, because there weren't enough students to warrant separate French and English speaking schools.—

    • IceCreamEmpress

      The theory that Gaetan Dugas was "patient zero" in the US is a bit reductive (and also disappears the thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people in Africa who had AIDS before Dugas, as if the disease didn't exist until some white guy had it).

      But the theory that Dugas was "patient zero" is only barely related to the garbled nonsense this loser is spouting. Monkey-fucking? Where the FUCK did that come from?

      • MzNicky

        From Staci X's fervid imagination. (fervid? febrile? fermented? vivid? Too lazy this morning to look up "fervid.")

    • tessiee

      I remember back in the day, they caught somebody (though I'm pretty sure that it was NOT Gaetan Dugas) who was HIV positive and deliberately having unprotected sex. There wasn't, at that time, a law on the books pertaining to such a thing, and they couldn't decide exactly what to charge him with — not rape/sexual assault, since all the sex he had was consensual, and not murder, because nobody died (in fact, I don't even know for sure that anybody got HIV from him; they might have been competely physically unharmed). They seriously even considered "assault with a deadly weapon". I think they finally settled on "reckless negligence" or something like that.

    • Negropolis

      But I have heard the "airline flight attendant" theory –

      And?

      I swear that I'm missing your point. I hear a lot of crazy shit, myself, but if I don't believe it, why the pre-emptive apology?

      • chicken_thief

        Clearly I didn't convey the point I was trying to make very well. Which was/is: the basics of his theories are not that far out of mainstream – infection in the US was traced to one person in at least one semi-scientific study (I think there are other theories that trace back to other single persons carrying the infection to the US) and female to male transmission via intercourse (including anal) is fairly rare in the US.

        The pre-emptive apology was for while understanding why he might believe those underlying "facts", the conclusions are off the chart crazy – including the monkey fucking and that bullying is therefore ok. Accepting either of those two beliefs as gospel is hardly reason or justification for publicly using them as a basis as he did.

        Maybe I should have stuck to snark…… :-)

  • SayItWithWookies

    Stacey, AIDS was probably transmitted to humans via bushmeat — which, despite your convictions, doesn't mean at all what the tranny hookers on Beale Street told you it means.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      And the fun practice of procuring and eating bushmeat is still thriving in Africa! Not really trying to blame them, it's an old practice, and mainly gets attention in the context of endangered species. But yeah, I was watching a documentary or something that was about how Western scientists have outposts in some remote African locations specifically to collect strains of whatever virus they can find. To proactively be prepared for whatever might appear next.

      • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

        Isn't bushmeat a private joke that Barbara tells to all her daughters in laws???

      • HistoriCat
        • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

          Yep, not a surprise.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I just hope this Stacey Campfield doesn't give Rick Perry any ideas…

    • MzNicky

      Actually, that would explain where Rickah Purrah DOES get his ideas, if by "ideas" one means stupidly hateful made-up shit intended for consumption by one's stupid hateful constituents.

  • Extemporanus

    Pssst…

    Curious George is HIV Patient Zero.

    (Pass it on.)

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Bi-Curious George. (How could you miss that one?!)

      • Extemporanus

        I decided to play it straight and let one of you monkey with it.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Ba dump ump.

    • nounverb911

      So Campfield's the man with the yellow hat?

      • Extemporanus

        That hat used to be white.

    • Extemporanus

      Like most monkeys, he swings both ways.

    • Negropolis

      Man in the Yellow Hat libel!

      I hear it was Swiper Swipes.

  • prommie

    You have to admit, he's right about the theater. And he doesn't mention it, but politics, its the same way.

    • SorosBot

      Pfft, where you been, Homer? Entire steel industry's gay. Yeah, aerospace too. And the railroads! And you know what else? Broadway!

      • Biff

        According to Signorile, we're all gay around the edges.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Oh, I love gay steel mills!

  • Troglodeity

    Well, we clearly need to ban unnatural flight.

  • ingloriousbytch

    Campfield's mother was a whore who gave $20 handjobs behind the WalMart, if I recall correctly.

    (See how that works Stacey? )

    • anniegetyerfun

      $20? You must be recalling incorrectly. She was a lefty, for one thing, and charged $12. IF I RECALL CORRECTLY.

      Even if I don't recall correctly, he hasn't denied it, so it must be true.

    • chicken_thief

      By any chance did she did have on a really shitty wig and co-incidentally, also be named "Stacey"? If I recall correctly, he and her haven't been seen together for years.

  • Indiepalin

    The entire AIDS epidemic was started by the zany on-screen antics of the cast of Three's Company. John Ritter? Dead. Norman Fell? Dead. Don Knotts? Dead. Neidermeyer?

    • chascates

      Plus Suzanne Somers is as goofy as a run-over dog now.

    • Extemporanus

      "Hey, sailor. Come here often?"

  • meatlofer

    Well they were the first ASSTRONAUTS.

  • fuflans

    twisting the knife all the way through the chest of America and then pulling it out the other side. And then pushing it back through to create a nice big hole, putting his arm through, waving, making an obscene gesture.

    waiting for 'Django Unchained' are we, liz?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    This guy is going places in the GOP!

  • coolhandnuke

    …look at television and plays and theaters, it’s 50 percent of the theaters,

    In Campbell's small Tennessee town they have two theaters–The Heteroplex and the Man on Monkey Mlie High Clubplex.

    • coolhandnuke

      Also known as the Sinaplex.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Stacey's jealous because he couldn't get laid in a monkey whorehouse with a bag of bananas.

  • owhatever

    That pilot's name was Newt Gingrich.

    • chicken_thief

      But, let's see – he was just hired to teach in flight history, amirite?

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Why can't Christians just admit they love teh cock?

    • tessiee

      "There's nothing wrong with sucking dicks. Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doing it." — George Carlin

    • MzNicky

      Because then Jesus would send them all straight to HAY-ell.

  • http://www.marionstein.net MarionNYNY

    "I think a lot of times these young teens and young children, they find it very hard on themselves and unfortunately some of them commit suicide." Especially after getting the shit beaten out of them on a daily basis by other teens who are secretly terrified that they too might have a touch of the gay.

    "it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly" I wonder if it was t Lenny Bruce's friend Morty, the one who also killed Jeebus because he didn't want to become a doctor.

  • C_R_Eature

    The Sexual Tension in that office must be unbearable.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Especially for the monkeys.

      • C_R_Eature

        "Dammit, Stacey! Leave the Monkeys alone! They've still got Twelfth Night to type today!"

        • chicken_thief

          Their tenure as Palin tweet composers has ended?!

          • C_R_Eature

            They spelled too well. Sarah got jealous & had Todd fire them.

        • Negropolis

          On, that was so full of win…

  • JackObin

    I'll bet it was that Clarence Oveur. Him and his "Modern Sperm" Magazine.

  • http://www.marionstein.net MarionNYNY

    I blame Stacey's parents for giving him a gender neutral name.

  • lochnessmonster

    WWhat does that say about the ppl in that state who actually voted him into office?

    • MzNicky

      Okay, this is as good a place as any to say this: Staci is unfortunately a tireless campaigner. He goes door-to-door in my neighborhood several times each election season. Last time he knocked on my door, I told him I'd swear out a restraining order if he ever set foot on my porch again. Sure enough, two weeks later he came back.

      • HistoriCat

        I'm sure all that walking is good for working off some of that sexual frustration.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        Is there a heart over the "i"?

        • MzNicky

          How'd you know!

  • sharethegrief

    Out of necessity, Stacey and Santorum often share a room at Motel 6.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    "if I recall correctly," famous last words …

  • Slim_Pickins

    In Tennessee, its not gay sex if its with an uncle or male cousin. Its just family values.

  • DemonicRage

    Did the guy who screwed the monkey phone this Tennessee State Legislator as soon as the weekend was over, or was it pillow talk that the two of them shared, because, when the pilot is in town, he always bunks with Stacey. That's how he KNOWS, right?

  • aguacatero

    That's not a proper use of "if I recall correctly."

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Nah, it's the same rhetorical construction as "For your convenience" or "I don't mean to be racist, but…"

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        … if I offended anyone.

      • MzNicky

        "with all due respect … "

  • http://www.marionstein.net MarionNYNY

    Monkey-loving? In Tennessee it's ok to love on your sister or brother, or maybe a farm animal if one is handy, but a monkey???? That's just sick.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    His figures are off. Way more than 50% of Tennessee Williams plays have the Gay. Usually he writes poetry and kills himself.

  • http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

    Rocky Top, you'll always be
    Homo free, to me!
    Good ole Rocky Top (wooh)
    Homo free Tennessee

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Rocky was a Top.

    • C_R_Eature

      Monkey Chunks, you'll always be
      Home Sweet Home to me!
      Good Ol' Monkey Chunks
      Monkey Chunks, Tennessee

      (Repeat)

    • MzNicky

      You know what the really fun thing is? Knoxville was named last week as one of the "gayest" towns in the country! haw haw, you shoulda seen the wingtards' posts on the local news site at that one. Mercifully the comments were quickly shut down, as usual.

      • http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

        Yea, as a resident of Knoxville though I don't really get it, theres plenty of gays here but Johnson City and Chattanooga I always thought were popular places for them to live too – Knoxville is pretty damn redneck still

  • LeAlbatross

    Tertiary syph. The only explaination for this guy.

  • joobajooba

    You can rearrange the letters in his name to spell "Mystic fecal ape," with a D left over

    • anniegetyerfun

      D Mystic Fecal Ape will be the name of my new jazz trio.

    • Biff

      (D) TN

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Roger Ailes will have your contract ready on Monday morning.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community — it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.

    Apparently someone saw this and thought it was a documentary.

    • tessiee

      Do you like… *gladiator movies*, Stacy?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      That was wrong on so many levels.

  • C_R_Eature

    What's to become of Good Od Stacey? When will he be found Out?
    Hey, I know – let's Play "Clue"!

    Naked, in the Basement, with Colonel Mustard
    with a Dildo-Festooned Candelabra.

    I'm sure it's just a matter of time.

  • JimNauseam

    This jackoff thinks the Scopes Monkey Trial was how Proctor & Gamble developed Mint.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Holy sweet jesus jumped up christ

  • thefrontpage

    Stacey Campfield is surely gay–everyone knows this, right?

    Taking bets in the Weekly Hypocritical Politican Pool on how long it is until Campfield is caught in some type of homosexual encounter with a man 20 years younger than him.

    I'll start off the pool by guessting mid-February, 2012.

    • MzNicky

      Down here in his district, we've been playing that pool for a long time. He's a nimble one, I'll give him that.

    • tessiee

      mid-February, 2012.
      \
      Thereby giving his constituency a truly memorable Valentine's Day.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    I would point out that AIDS is mostly spread by ignorance, but I thing this would me lost on this moron.

  • HeadsIWin

    God hate gays so he filled them with theater talent and forced them to leave the beautiful state of Tennessee to us geniuses who like going old school with that there bible.
    Vote Santurum.

  • DrunkIrishman

    HIS NAME IS STACEY LLLLOOOOOOLLLLZZZZ

  • littlebigdaddy

    Haha, Stacey can't even keep his gay stereotypes "straight." My partner was a medical journalist in the 80s and the index case of AIDS was a male flight attendant. And French Canadian. But I guess Stacey likes teh butch, so he is masturbating about a big hairy captain.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      And the monkey-fucking. Because what the hell. Or maybe he is just so crazy racist that he elides all the steps between "Gaetan Dugas is identified as 'Patient Zero' for AIDS" and "Gaetan Dugas contracts AIDS from sex he had in Africa" and "AIDS jumps from monkeys to humans in Africa via the butchering of monkeys for bushmeat" into "Some airline captain was fucking monkeys and that's how AIDS got started."

      I'd hate to see his PowerPoint presentation on Mad Cow Disease!

  • NewtsChicknNeck

    I'm sooooo goddamn disappointed in Knoxville. This fucker's district is basically the entire city–including the University, my alma mater (but thankfully not Stacey's). From his profile:

    Single
    Christian
    Occupation: Real Estate Re-developer
    B. S. Management Regents College
    Associate's Degree, Broome Community College
    Excelsior College, Associates in Marketing

    So 43 year old single white male christian real estate re-developer arch conservative republican nutjob with questionable education credentials (yet somehow elected) with a virulently anti-gay agenda and homophobic worldview…where have I seen this before. 30 Rock?

    • MzNicky

      "Real Estate Re-developer" = slumlord. Yet another thing for which this waste of space is notorious.

  • mavenmaven

    This is guy is so totally a wide-stance-in-the-men's-room-scandal just waiting to happen.

    • littlebigdaddy

      And a double-wide stance in the trailer park, of which Knoxville has no shortage.

  • littlebigdaddy

    He's got a purty mouth.

    • tessiee

      Attached to his dick.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    "My understanding is that it is virtually — not completely, but virtually — impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual LESBIAN sex "

    This is now a factual statement.

  • Trinket

    If *I* recall correctly, it was this guy who was at one time considered Patient Zero in the HIV epidemic in North America, and he was a flight attendant, not a pilot, and there is no record of him having sex with monkeys:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ga%C3%ABtan_Dugas

    I read "And the Band Played On" when it came out, too, you shithead. Apparently I have a better memory than yours, and also I check my sources before spouting off fucking bullshit. Except maybe when I am drunk, but even then I'm not an elected fucking official. Fuck yourself with a fucking corkscrew.

    • MzNicky

      You give our Staci X way too much credit, my friend. He's proud of the fact that he's never read a book in his whole sorry life.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Also, too, NPR's science program Radiolab did a pretty through debunking of the "Patient Zero" story…as well as the "sex with monkeys" idiocy.

  • tessiee

    "There are sexually confused children who could be pushed into a lifestyle that I don’t think is appropriate with them and it’s not for the norm for society, and they don’t know how they can get back from that."

    ???
    I thought it was, "once you go blah, you don't go back". Did they change that when I wasn't paying attention?

  • tessiee

    So, they cut all the references to slavery and Indians out of the schoolbooks to make room for the "AIDS from Monkeys, you Hellbound Homos" chapter?

  • AlterNewt

    This is good news for St. Augustine. The guy, not the place.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    What the fuck is a Tennessee conservative doing talking about "theaters?" And what's all this about kids "not being able to come back" from accidentally being exposed to gayness. How exactly does he know of the addictive allure of gay cooties? Personal experience I'm guessing (every Tuesday and Friday when he tells his wife he's taking the "long route" home).

    • SheriffRoscoe

      He likes to take the "thick route" home too, on occasion.

  • Negropolis

    My God, I am absolutely speechless. I honestly have nothing to say.

    Dmlweidnlkdbgppgems?!

  • Negropolis

    Why do I get the feeling that this guy likes to dress up in antebellum drag and pretend that he's the wife of a Savannah crab fisherman while sitting on his veranda sipping sweat tea on a hot, summer's day whilst fanning himself with with the urgency of now and letting out overdramatic sighs of impatience?

    Why, I do declare!

  • Negropolis

    I hear that Stacie raped and killed a chimp in a Knoxville restroom in 1984…pass it on.

  • gogogodzilla

    So I guess Magic Johnson is the exception that proves the rule?

  • Troglodeity

    I always thought Sully Sullenberger was too good to be true.

  • HelmutNewton

    (Sigh!) These self-hating closeted Republicans are getting REALLY tiring.

  • Three_Stars

    I am from Tennessee. I have lived here all of my life and in no way do I agree with this man on any level, nor do many that live here. Despite what some may say or think, we are not all a bunch of bible thumping backwards hicks. Some of us are able to form ideas, views, and opinions on our own, as well as receive an education and understand that a lot that happens within this state politically, is all bullshit.

  • HolyCow!!

    Why not just say, "I hate gays" and be done with it?

    • Loaded_Pants

      That is just too simple, it wouldn't make Campfield sound intelligent & stuff.

  • DahBoner

    Homosexuals represent about 2 to 3 percent of the population yet you look at television and plays and theaters, it’s 50 percent of the theaters…

    Well, you should look at upscale hair salons!!!

    It's more like 99%…

    • Loaded_Pants

      I doubt Campfield's ever been to one of them fancy plays. I think the only theater he's ever been in probably smelled of semen, Clorox, and the sweat of self-hating closet cases.

  • MissNancyPriss

    Make "Stacey Campfield is GAY" the most googled phrase ever

  • ttommyunger

    ".. they find it very hard on themselves…." This motherfucker is so in the closet.

  • Negropolis

    I hear crazy, ungodly things go on in campfields…let's start a new meme. A "bonfire" could be a really strange sex act at a "campfield."

  • dcjdjay

    Doesn't he represent 90% of the GOP?

    Yes, he does.

  • labman57

    Just another conservative politician demonstrating his scientific illiteracy and unabashed ignorance of well-documented medical facts. Clearly he has no clue about the nature of the AIDS epidemic plaguing Africa today, nor the mechanisms through which HIV is spread.

  • mormos

    couldn't read whole article cause RAAAAAGGGEEE!

  • http://www.eloquentscience.com EloquentScience

    If I recall correctly, this guy is an asshole.

  • stevedawn865

    you can hear an interview from yesterday by our east TN embarrassment over here: https://www.facebook.com/NewsTalk98.7
    He continues to make Tennesseeans look like idiots (we aren't all like this… trust me!).

  • deelzebub

    We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.–Zap Branigan

  • HistoriCat

    There are not enough up-fists.

  • tessiee

    It wasn't an easy decision to make, but I think this may be my favorite episode of Futurama.

    OK, serious competition from the valentine candy and golden fiddle eps, but still…