Randy “Duke” Cunningham was a fantastic Republican congressman. After a career bombing peasants in Vietnam, he came back to teach pilots at an ugly suburban theme park based on the Tom Cruise movie Top Gun, and then “Duke” became a congressman from San Diego, until his inevitable conviction for fraud and bribery and douchery and Viagra sex crimes with hookers ended his time in the House of Representatives. Since then, he has toured various prisons and is now locked up in the federal penitentiary outside Tucson, where he offered Newt Gingrich a very special endorsement.
Cunningham is in some white-collar prison where there’s lots of time to watch Fox News and fart around on the Internet, so life for “Duke” is not much different than it is for other old Republican men living alone with their rage and failure. Here’s the email Cunningham supposedly sent to his House colleague Newt Gingrich:
Newt, a voice out of the past. Down but not out and still fighting. First I do not want anything from you but have been watching the debates. I have 80% of inmates that would vote for you. They might not be able to but their extended families will.
Ha ha, sorry we can’t vote, we’re all felons. And who are the 20% in this white-collar prison for Republican crooks who will not support the Newt? Is there maybe a welfare minority in this fancy jail? [Voice of San Diego]