gop criminals of the past

Newt’s GOP Pal Duke Cunningham Offers Support, From Federal Prison

Maybe Newt will join you soon!Randy “Duke” Cunningham was a fantastic Republican congressman. After a career bombing peasants in Vietnam, he came back to teach pilots at an ugly suburban theme park based on the Tom Cruise movie Top Gun, and then “Duke” became a congressman from San Diego, until his inevitable conviction for fraud and bribery and douchery and Viagra sex crimes with hookers ended his time in the House of Representatives. Since then, he has toured various prisons and is now locked up in the federal penitentiary outside Tucson, where he offered Newt Gingrich a very special endorsement.

Cunningham is in some white-collar prison where there’s lots of time to watch Fox News and fart around on the Internet, so life for “Duke” is not much different than it is for other old Republican men living alone with their rage and failure. Here’s the email Cunningham supposedly sent to his House colleague Newt Gingrich:

Newt, a voice out of the past. Down but not out and still fighting. First I do not want anything from you but have been watching the debates. I have 80% of inmates that would vote for you. They might not be able to but their extended families will.

Ha ha, sorry we can’t vote, we’re all felons. And who are the 20% in this white-collar prison for Republican crooks who will not support the Newt? Is there maybe a welfare minority in this fancy jail? [Voice of San Diego]

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  1. nounverb911

    I smell voter fraud here.

    What do you think?
    Do you believe that convicted felons should be allowed to vote in public after they have completed their punishment?
    No Strong Opinion

    1. WriteyWriterton

      I have a strong opinion on this subject: "None of the above!"

      Admittedly, it doesn't make any sense, but that's why I'm running for the (R) nomination for President. And because I need to get out of the house more. And sell my latest book.

    2. Barb

      Let them vote while in prison, yet they have to close the toilet wine outlets while the booths are open. If I can't get hammered on election day then they shouldn't be able to either.

    3. GOPCrusher

      Depends, are they registered Republiklans?

      80% of inmates would vote for Newt Gingrich? Going to be tough to get the Law and Order Demographic with numbers like that.

    4. Nostrildamus

      Losing your right to vote while imprisoned (or afterward) creates a strong incentive for the administration to come up with creative ways of imprisoning their opposition. Witness our current drug laws.

    5. James Michael Curley

      Not in public! Make them do it in private, say little 6 foot by 8 foot rooms with a peep hole in the door so they can't steal the pencil.

  2. Tundra Grifter

    Is that photo what Al Franken is going to look like in twenty years?

    And is Duke Cunningham what Speaker Pelosi has been hinting at?

    Only Ole Newt knows for sure…

  3. WhatTheHolyHeck

    Passive-aggressive revenge is best served cold.

    With a pruno-wine sauce on a segmented aluminum tray.

    1. ph7

      He's imprisoned in Tuscon – with email access, apparently. Those with brown skin are kept in Sheriff Joe's tent city, and can only talk to the press through soup cans on a string.

  4. OKthennext

    That's how it always starts…"First I don't want anything from you." Next, they are your fourth wife.

  5. iburl

    Favorite recent headline "Newt Gingrich drops 6 points after Fred Thompson endorsement".
    Getting the federal inmate endorsement should have a similar effect.
    "Big Bubba says he likes your unkempt white hair, Newt."

  6. Tundra Grifter

    Those ex-felons could probably vote in South Carolina. If they were dead.

    Oh – NEVER MIND! That story wasn't true, was it? But the good citizens will still need to show a photo ID. Alive or dead.

  7. Radiotherapy

    And here I naively thought there wasn't anybody more thoroughly discredited or corrupt than Newt.

    1. Tundra Grifter


      Look at the current GNoPee slogans for Ole Newt. Either "Nobody's perfect" (now there's a stirring call to vote for a Presidential candidate!), or "At least he isn't Obama."

    2. James Michael Curley

      "most of the criminals and scumbags here think your really tops" and would love you as a bottom.

    1. PsycWench

      Ah, you brought back a fond memory of an old Wonkette post, a clip of an apparently drunk DeLay on some interview, saying that Obama needed to show his gift certificate.

  8. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Well, that's the bribery and fraudsterism vote locked up. Who will get the vaunted pedophile endorsement?

  9. coolhandnuke

    If memory serves, wasn't Duke Cunningham Richies older brother on the first season of Happy Days. Then, he disappeared or had to be written out because of some transgression involving Ralph Malph, power tools, Arnolds' dishwasher, lime jello, Spiro Agnews' buttplug and that wayward girl from Welcome Back Kotter.

  10. Slim_Pickins

    So that's it! Nancy has pictures of Newt and Duke "frolicking" together and the Santorum samples they left behind, and since they are Polaroids they couldn't have been photoshopped!

  11. SayItWithWookies

    With a little extra effort, Newt could pull ahead in the feloniously corrupt ex-public servant primary. But he'll have to win over Tom Delay who, of course, seems to be angling for some kind of favor.

  12. YouBetcha

    "PS: I'll never forget our weekend in Hilton Head. Please send carton of ciggies and some Playboys."

  13. AutomaticPilot

    Right, I'm sure a lot of friends and relatives are out there just waiting to see whom Uncle Randy in prison is going to endorse for president.

  14. ElPinche

    On that Top Gun note, Duke wrote this letter after getting his daily sodomy from his wingman (cellmate).

  15. V572 the Merciless

    Duke's fellow aviators used to joke about the near-illiteracy they saw in his memos and such — they called it "Duke-lexia." This endorsement is suspiciously free of typos and such. Just sayin.

  16. MissTaken

    Wait, you guys don't normally consult with convicted felons in federal penitentiaries when making your voting decisions? Guess it's just me then.

  17. CarnyTrash

    "It was written in all caps, but we've changed the case for readability."

    Of course it was. Was there also "FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW:" in the subject line?

  18. JackObin

    So this asshole is responsible for that appalling "film" Top Gun. I guess that makes him gay also.

  19. Rotundo_

    Next on Fox and Friends, Kilmeade goes deep in a report from Spiro T, Agnew federal prison: The Con Vote: A perspective on who felons would vote for if they got away with it.

  20. NewtsChicknNeck

    80%!!! That is a fucking amazing claim. I can't think of a single demographic that he's polling that well in. Gingrich daughters perhaps?

  21. OneYieldRegular

    So basically it looks like Newt has the inmate vote locked up.

    Thanks! I'll be here all week!

  22. Tundra Grifter

    So who was in the Big House longer, Duke Cunningham or Jack'emUp N. Rip'EmOff?

    Meanwhile, does Speaker Pelosi's November surprise have anything to do with lobbyists? I sure hope so!

  23. Guppy

    Any chance of him getting moved from Club Fed to Joe Arpaio's Happy Funtime Camp? Or is he too rich/white?

  24. rickmaci

    OK. Now we know. The Rethug Crazy Train is moving at full steam; you can get on but you can never get off. If this primary was a movie script it would get rejected for being totally crazed and unbelievable.

  25. BarackMyWorld

    Remember the days Cunningham and his other buddy Bob Dornan used to make insane speeches on C-Span after hours? Ah, the 90s.

  26. Mrspanky

    " I have 80% of inmates that would vote for you."

    This endorsement by Duke and his pals should easily put Newt in the White House!

    I'm sure they would be willing to vote early and often.

  27. robcypher

    Wait a second – why does a supposed prisoner have access to e-mail? I don't recall that being one of the standard "privileges" available when you're incarcerated.

  28. DahBoner

    Gingrich: "I will go all the way to Republican convention"

    Newt says he will "go all the way?

    This is news, how and why????

Comments are closed.