GOP CRIMINALS OF THE PAST  4:34 pm January 26, 2012

Newt’s GOP Pal Duke Cunningham Offers Support, From Federal Prison

by Wonkette Jr.

Maybe Newt will join you soon!Randy “Duke” Cunningham was a fantastic Republican congressman. After a career bombing peasants in Vietnam, he came back to teach pilots at an ugly suburban theme park based on the Tom Cruise movie Top Gun, and then “Duke” became a congressman from San Diego, until his inevitable conviction for fraud and bribery and douchery and Viagra sex crimes with hookers ended his time in the House of Representatives. Since then, he has toured various prisons and is now locked up in the federal penitentiary outside Tucson, where he offered Newt Gingrich a very special endorsement.

Cunningham is in some white-collar prison where there’s lots of time to watch Fox News and fart around on the Internet, so life for “Duke” is not much different than it is for other old Republican men living alone with their rage and failure. Here’s the email Cunningham supposedly sent to his House colleague Newt Gingrich:

Newt, a voice out of the past. Down but not out and still fighting. First I do not want anything from you but have been watching the debates. I have 80% of inmates that would vote for you. They might not be able to but their extended families will.

Ha ha, sorry we can’t vote, we’re all felons. And who are the 20% in this white-collar prison for Republican crooks who will not support the Newt? Is there maybe a welfare minority in this fancy jail? [Voice of San Diego]

 
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{ 114 comments }

nounverb911 January 26, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I smell voter fraud here.

What do you think?
Do you believe that convicted felons should be allowed to vote in public after they have completed their punishment?
Yes
No
No Strong Opinion

WriteyWriterton January 26, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I have a strong opinion on this subject: "None of the above!"

Admittedly, it doesn't make any sense, but that's why I'm running for the (R) nomination for President. And because I need to get out of the house more. And sell my latest book.

Barb January 26, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Let them vote while in prison, yet they have to close the toilet wine outlets while the booths are open. If I can't get hammered on election day then they shouldn't be able to either.

Crank_Tango January 26, 2012 at 7:59 pm

pruno libel!

GOPCrusher January 26, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Depends, are they registered Republiklans?

80% of inmates would vote for Newt Gingrich? Going to be tough to get the Law and Order Demographic with numbers like that.

Nostrildamus January 26, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Losing your right to vote while imprisoned (or afterward) creates a strong incentive for the administration to come up with creative ways of imprisoning their opposition. Witness our current drug laws.

James Michael Curley January 27, 2012 at 11:02 am

Not in public! Make them do it in private, say little 6 foot by 8 foot rooms with a peep hole in the door so they can't steal the pencil.

DerrickWildcat January 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I can't even imagine how awesome the boner pill parties that Duke, Rush and Newt had. Well Newt and Rush still probably have these parties.

WriteyWriterton January 26, 2012 at 4:44 pm

With each other?

DerrickWildcat January 26, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I don't see why not. You can use a boner on a guy nowadays.

WriteyWriterton January 26, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Does Sam Brownback know about this?

Tundra Grifter January 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Is that photo what Al Franken is going to look like in twenty years?

And is Duke Cunningham what Speaker Pelosi has been hinting at?

Only Ole Newt knows for sure…

Mumbletypeg January 26, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Is that photo what Al Franken is going to look like in twenty years?

I was gonna say Bill Maher, but either way, it doesn't look pretty.

WhatTheHolyHeck January 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Passive-aggressive revenge is best served cold.

With a pruno-wine sauce on a segmented aluminum tray.

Tundra Grifter January 26, 2012 at 5:56 pm

An aluminum tray that turns a hot meal into a greasy pile of slop in about 45 seconds?

actor212 January 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm

80% of inmates? He must be at one them Whites Only prisons.

ph7 January 26, 2012 at 4:53 pm

He's imprisoned in Tuscon – with email access, apparently. Those with brown skin are kept in Sheriff Joe's tent city, and can only talk to the press through soup cans on a string.

actor212 January 26, 2012 at 5:00 pm

They got string?

SOLITARY!

Baconzgood January 26, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Getting the prison bitch vote.

mrblifil January 26, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Dildo boats for everyone!

WriteyWriterton January 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm

A rising tide lifts all dildo boats.

jus_wonderin January 26, 2012 at 4:52 pm

ROH!!!

OKthennext January 26, 2012 at 4:39 pm

That's how it always starts…"First I don't want anything from you." Next, they are your fourth wife.

WriteyWriterton January 26, 2012 at 4:47 pm

But only after the third wife gets sick and should be shielded from unnecessary stress.

YasserArraFeck January 26, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Sorry, Duke is already someone's "wife"

iburl January 26, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Favorite recent headline "Newt Gingrich drops 6 points after Fred Thompson endorsement".
Getting the federal inmate endorsement should have a similar effect.
"Big Bubba says he likes your unkempt white hair, Newt."

Crank_Tango January 26, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Personally, I like that dark patch he has around the bottom. that shit is interesting.

starfanglednut January 26, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Did you mention Fred Thompson? I was just thinking about zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

smokefilledroommate January 26, 2012 at 4:40 pm

First I do not want anything from you

Sounds like a typical preface to a letter written by a Republican.

Tundra Grifter January 26, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Those ex-felons could probably vote in South Carolina. If they were dead.

Oh – NEVER MIND! That story wasn't true, was it? But the good citizens will still need to show a photo ID. Alive or dead.

starfanglednut January 26, 2012 at 9:30 pm

"Those ex-felons could probably vote in South Carolina. If they were dead. "

And baptized as Mormons, also too.

Tundra Grifter January 27, 2012 at 9:29 am

FTW !

EloquentScience January 26, 2012 at 4:40 pm

"I do not want anything from you"

Except a federal pardon after you become president.

Radiotherapy January 26, 2012 at 4:41 pm

And here I naively thought there wasn't anybody more thoroughly discredited or corrupt than Newt.

Dumbedup January 26, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Worlds best endorsement: "most of the criminals and scumbags here think your really tops" wow.

Tundra Grifter January 26, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Dumbedup:

Look at the current GNoPee slogans for Ole Newt. Either "Nobody's perfect" (now there's a stirring call to vote for a Presidential candidate!), or "At least he isn't Obama."

James Michael Curley January 27, 2012 at 11:08 am

"most of the criminals and scumbags here think your really tops" and would love you as a bottom.

Indiepalin January 26, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Shoot. And Obama was shooting for a 50-50 split of the inmate vote at the very least.

BaldarTFlagass January 26, 2012 at 4:43 pm

"I have 80% of inmates that would vote for you."

Wow, what an endorsement!!

ph7 January 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm

The other 20% are either Newt's former business partners or related to his ex-wives.

Tundra Grifter January 26, 2012 at 5:58 pm

BTF:

They also have some exciting investment opportunities to discuss with you.

Lucidamente1 January 26, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Next up for Newt: a singing telegram from Tom Delay.

nounverb911 January 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm

"If I had a hammer
I'd hammer in the morning
I'd hammer in the evening
All over this land"

RadioFetusEater January 26, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Dancing With the Cons.

PsycWench January 26, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Ah, you brought back a fond memory of an old Wonkette post, a clip of an apparently drunk DeLay on some interview, saying that Obama needed to show his gift certificate.

OKthennext January 26, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Jack Abramoff approves this message.

DerrickWildcat January 26, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Inmates have ingenious ways of contacting the outside world.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 26, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Well, that's the bribery and fraudsterism vote locked up. Who will get the vaunted pedophile endorsement?

Lucidamente1 January 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Mark Foley?

RadioFetusEater January 26, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Isn't Santorum a Penn State grad?

SorosBot January 26, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Not to mention to hooker enthusiast vote!

Negropolis January 27, 2012 at 2:18 am

Nah. Ron Paul has already locked up the hooker/whorehouse vote.

WriteyWriterton January 26, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Pope Benedict the Somethingth already locked it up. In his, you know, dungeon?

Sue4466 January 26, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Knew crooks were stupid, but didn't realize 80% were that dumbass.

GOPCrusher January 26, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Probably 50% would vote for Newt for the Lulz.

BornInATrailer January 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I imagine Newt in prison as a more accommodating version of Ned Beatty in Deliverance.

YasserArraFeck January 26, 2012 at 5:39 pm

You'd have to be seriously desperate to consider pronging Newts flabby white arse

ManchuCandidate January 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Ironic considering the GOPer love of voter caging.

Oh right. Criminals are okay as long as they're white and vote GOPer.

WriteyWriterton January 26, 2012 at 5:00 pm

These voters come pre-caged, so they're perfect.

UnholyMoses January 26, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Your move, James Traficant.*

(* The first move should be to remove that dead animal perched upon your noggin. After that, your call.)

Negropolis January 27, 2012 at 2:19 am

He just wants you to think its dead. The minute you go in to pet it, you lose a few digits.

MissTaken January 26, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I'm looking forward to Duke Cunningham launching the Federal SuperMax SuperPAC

jus_wonderin January 26, 2012 at 4:56 pm

How many ads can cigerettes and toilet paper buy one???

V572 the Merciless January 26, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Duke's in more of a Club Fed, being as how all his violence was state-sponsored. http://www.bop.gov/locations/institutions/tcn/ind

YasserArraFeck January 26, 2012 at 5:40 pm

That would be the FudgePAC

fitley January 27, 2012 at 12:46 am

They take in a big haul of donations but its all cigarettes.

SudsMcKenzie January 26, 2012 at 4:47 pm

80% would vote for Newt to do what?

MissTaken January 26, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Crawl in a hole and die?

coolhandnuke January 26, 2012 at 4:49 pm

If memory serves, wasn't Duke Cunningham Richies older brother on the first season of Happy Days. Then, he disappeared or had to be written out because of some transgression involving Ralph Malph, power tools, Arnolds' dishwasher, lime jello, Spiro Agnews' buttplug and that wayward girl from Welcome Back Kotter.

Slim_Pickins January 26, 2012 at 4:50 pm

So that's it! Nancy has pictures of Newt and Duke "frolicking" together and the Santorum samples they left behind, and since they are Polaroids they couldn't have been photoshopped!

SayItWithWookies January 26, 2012 at 4:50 pm

With a little extra effort, Newt could pull ahead in the feloniously corrupt ex-public servant primary. But he'll have to win over Tom Delay who, of course, seems to be angling for some kind of favor.

YouBetcha January 26, 2012 at 4:51 pm

"PS: I'll never forget our weekend in Hilton Head. Please send carton of ciggies and some Playboys."

Baconzgood January 26, 2012 at 4:51 pm

"Vote for you"= Shank you.

SorosBot January 26, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Is he going to get the coveted Tom DeLay endorsement too?

AutomaticPilot January 26, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Right, I'm sure a lot of friends and relatives are out there just waiting to see whom Uncle Randy in prison is going to endorse for president.

Mumbletypeg January 26, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Newt should get a customized bumper sticker for his tour bus that says "My Other Endorser Is A.. A Person Of Real Conviction!"

ElPinche January 26, 2012 at 4:56 pm

On that Top Gun note, Duke wrote this letter after getting his daily sodomy from his wingman (cellmate).

V572 the Merciless January 26, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Duke's fellow aviators used to joke about the near-illiteracy they saw in his memos and such — they called it "Duke-lexia." This endorsement is suspiciously free of typos and such. Just sayin.

WriteyWriterton January 26, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Probably had one of the prison pro se specialists fly-speck it for errors/

Negropolis January 27, 2012 at 2:21 am

That's cause his prison-husband wrote it for him.

MissTaken January 26, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Wait, you guys don't normally consult with convicted felons in federal penitentiaries when making your voting decisions? Guess it's just me then.

mrblifil January 26, 2012 at 5:08 pm

No GOTV effort is complete without a canvas of the extended families of convicted felons.

Chet Kincaid January 26, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Oh Miss, don't trust him! He'll just take all your money and jewelry and disappear the second day after he gets out!

MissTaken January 26, 2012 at 5:40 pm

But I luuuuvvve him! And it's nice to know where he's at all times!

SorosBot January 26, 2012 at 5:42 pm

You've got to get over this whole bad boy thing; he'll just break your heart!

mrblifil January 26, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Meanwhile OJ Simpson is still playing coy with his endorsement.

GOPCrusher January 26, 2012 at 5:25 pm

As is Blago.

Chet Kincaid January 26, 2012 at 5:39 pm

"If I Voted…"

SorosBot January 26, 2012 at 5:44 pm

I'm voting for whoever gets Ted Kaczynski's support.

starfanglednut January 26, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Whoever got Ted's support would have to go out and get bombed.

DerrickWildcat January 26, 2012 at 5:04 pm

80% of the inmates were Republican Congressmen?

paris biltong January 26, 2012 at 5:06 pm

The cons like the con-man.

CarnyTrash January 26, 2012 at 5:11 pm

"It was written in all caps, but we've changed the case for readability."

Of course it was. Was there also "FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW:" in the subject line?

JackObin January 26, 2012 at 5:12 pm

So this asshole is responsible for that appalling "film" Top Gun. I guess that makes him gay also.

GOPCrusher January 26, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Just the sand volleyball scene.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 26, 2012 at 5:18 pm

You would think as felons, they would support Santorum.

Rotundo_ January 26, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Next on Fox and Friends, Kilmeade goes deep in a report from Spiro T, Agnew federal prison: The Con Vote: A perspective on who felons would vote for if they got away with it.

Wadisay January 26, 2012 at 5:27 pm

I bet Newt wishes his first name was "Randy", too.

NewtsChicknNeck January 26, 2012 at 5:31 pm

80%!!! That is a fucking amazing claim. I can't think of a single demographic that he's polling that well in. Gingrich daughters perhaps?

OneYieldRegular January 26, 2012 at 5:33 pm

So basically it looks like Newt has the inmate vote locked up.

Thanks! I'll be here all week!

arihaya January 26, 2012 at 5:43 pm

"Hey Newt, wanna say that we're looking forward to have you here soon."

Love
Duke Cunningham

chascates January 26, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Take away that computer and back to making the license plates, you scum!

Tundra Grifter January 26, 2012 at 6:01 pm

So who was in the Big House longer, Duke Cunningham or Jack'emUp N. Rip'EmOff?

Meanwhile, does Speaker Pelosi's November surprise have anything to do with lobbyists? I sure hope so!

Guppy January 26, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Any chance of him getting moved from Club Fed to Joe Arpaio's Happy Funtime Camp? Or is he too rich/white?

DahBoner January 28, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Glen Campbell got out of it on his DUI sentence, because he sang a love song to Joe!

rickmaci January 26, 2012 at 6:47 pm

OK. Now we know. The Rethug Crazy Train is moving at full steam; you can get on but you can never get off. If this primary was a movie script it would get rejected for being totally crazed and unbelievable.

BarackMyWorld January 26, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Remember the days Cunningham and his other buddy Bob Dornan used to make insane speeches on C-Span after hours? Ah, the 90s.

Redhead January 26, 2012 at 8:02 pm

"Duke" and "prison" just look so good in a sentence together.

Mrspanky January 26, 2012 at 8:51 pm

" I have 80% of inmates that would vote for you."

This endorsement by Duke and his pals should easily put Newt in the White House!

I'm sure they would be willing to vote early and often.

ttommyunger January 26, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Thanks for reminding me of this big, dumb blubbering cunt.

Negropolis January 27, 2012 at 2:24 am

BTW, this guy's son is almost as bad as he is.

outragedcitizen January 27, 2012 at 9:26 am

That 80% of inmates in prison would vote for Newt says a lot… none of it good.

robcypher January 28, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Wait a second – why does a supposed prisoner have access to e-mail? I don't recall that being one of the standard "privileges" available when you're incarcerated.

DahBoner January 28, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Gingrich: "I will go all the way to Republican convention"

Newt says he will "go all the way?

This is news, how and why????

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