obese symbolism

Florida Congressional Candidate Likens Obama’s Term to Slave Ship

nice goblets

Mark Oxner, a Republican running for Congress in Florida’s brand new 27th district, which will include parts of Orlando, just released this ad, which he promises to be the first of many. It depicts President Obama as a pirate who enslaves children to row his ship to its demise over a waterfall. Former Florida Representative and generally not-to-be-out-sassed Democrat Alan Grayson, who’s running again this year after losing his seat in 2010, plays the role of Obama’s parrot. “I just love this ship,” says some delusional Obama supporter as the boat makes its way to the edge of life and Oxner’s brilliant videographer Vernon Furniss fades out the sinister circus music and fades in some hotel lounge piano jazz, just because. THERE IS EVEN A WE-SLEEP-IN-SEPARATE-BATHTUBS CIALIS AD REFERENCE.

Weird little Obama balloons that look like Easter eggs floating in space hover around the U.S.S. Obamaboat (CLEVER) while people aboard the party cruise marvel at all the perks Obama’s given them, like “free health care for life.” Then cut to the miserable rowing children, whom Oxner depicts as being saddled with the debt from all the wonderful perks of Obamacare. Vernon Furniss certainly learned from the best (the Taiwanese). Too bad this isn’t as fun as any of the things that come out of Alan Grayson’s mouth, ever, in ads or otherwise. [Slate]

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Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville

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111 comments

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Having worked for Lilly, I can tell you the trademark minders will not be amused. Even though management are mainly GOP douchebags and the ads are fucking ridiculous.

    1. Barb

      I love Disneyworld! I prefer the "Walt Won't Let Any Employees Have a Mustache Ride" myself. Makes me tingle in my naughties just to think about it.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The best part of Disneyworld is the little "American suburb" theme park, where actual Republican Americans live, and simulate the White Republican American lifestyle in convincing and realistic detail. It's so realistic, you expect Ozzie and Harriet to step around the corner at any moment!

    1. chascates

      Uh, British prisoner were sent (like slaves) to Australia. Where they brutalized the natives. Close enough?

      1. Loaded_Pants

        *sigh*
        I have a confession. Outside of the UK & US, the most number of people that share my surname live in Australia. Which means we probably share ancestry made up of mostly criminals. Draw your own conclusions.
        Personally, I'd like to think they just forgot to pay taxes to the Crown for a couple of years.

  1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Will the GOP get there metaphors right. Obama is like a Muslim Terrorist, plowing the plane of socialism into the Twin Towers of Capitalism.

  2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Then cut to the miserable rowing children, whom Oxner depicts as being saddled with the debt from all the wonderful perks of Obamacare.

    But at least they are healthy children.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Beat me to it. Not having Michelle cracking the whip on 'em, and forcing them to eat their broccoli and water rations, was a major oversight.

  3. fartknocker

    He's another Parrothead. He should have a nice rum drink, take some Cialis and hope he can last 4 minutes in bed with his life partner. I'm sure Rick Scott is his hero.

  4. mrblifil

    So we're supposed to hate the well-coiffed patrician dude whose bank was bailed out, but we're supposed to chuckle at the mocking references to Guy Fawkes masks and caring about "the 99%?" I haz a confuse.

  5. Lucidamente1

    Well, it is better than Oxner's first ad, which accuses Obama of being niggardly with the truth.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Maybe he's one of those Flat-Earther Republiklans and the waterfall represents sailing off the end of the Earth?

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        I think I spotted the outline of a ginormous elephant behind the falls. Symbol of the GOP, I guess.

    2. OhNoGuy

      "Not intended to be a factual statement".

      Print that in big letters after all GOP commercials, press releases and sound bites.

    1. Negropolis

      Yes, one of them is a malaria-infested, gang-filled, failed banana republic…and the other is Guatemala.

  6. PhilippePetain

    I just keep getting the feeling that the Republican mind is like one of those Korean 3D political shorts, but with more mushrooms. The way they see the world, humor, facts, EVERYTHING is just so out of alignment with anything sensible I just can't believe it sometimes.

  7. Rotundo_

    Yet another genius level Floriduh! politician who has delusions of talent and creativity and intelligence. The crab lice of politics.

  8. anniegetyerfun

    You know what? Fuck my dream about being an extra in a Bollywood movie. I want to star in a Floridian political ad!

    1. finallyhappy

      really- when I was 28(30 years ago), I could have been in an Indian movie- they would recruit young tourists from the Salvation Army hostel. however after a day at that hostel and my "roommate" who was eating opium- I left for YMCa- where no one came to find foreigners for movies.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Are you saying the Village People had it wrong about the YMCA? Because that's the first place I was going to go to find the cast of my Broadway musical.

  9. elviouslyqueer

    I'm not saying that Mark Oxner is a pedophile or anything, but I also haven't seen a pedophile who doesn't look exactly like Mike Oxner either.

  10. paris biltong

    This old canard about burdening our children with debt has been around forever, it seems, or at least since the sixties. They can always default, or print money, which amounts to roughly the same things. Fucking protestant ethics.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      And it's not as if they won't have children of their own to enslave to debt forever. (It's only the people who are still around at Rapture/Apocalypse time who get stuck with the check.)

  11. SayItWithWookies

    A three-masted sailing ship with a deck of oars? That's teabagger historical accuracy for you.

    1. Negropolis

      I'm laughing so hard now that you brought that to my attention! lol! Eveyrone needs to see this.

  12. SenileAgitation

    Mark Oxner is gay, gay gay, from his fruity hair piece to his southern lisp. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Hell, he can retire to New York and get married.

  13. DahBoner

    It's the old "Black People Are Turning Us Into Slaves" meme.

    Been around since the Civil Rights act was passed, repeated by Stupid, Old White people who never picked cotton a day in their lives…

  14. bikerlaureate

    Free health care for life! That's exactly correct! You can tell who's on the side of the angels because they never have to exaggerate or lie to make their case.

  15. djneedlz

    I think Mark Oxner is a graduate of Marcus' fags-to-riches program. The Santorum is strong in this one.

  16. valgal2342

    I love Alan Grayson but have to admit the parrot thing is kind of funny. Maybe Alan will get the last squawk soon.

  17. ttommyunger

    With ads like this, a face like his and a name like Oxner; if this over-ripe turd wins I'll never set foot in Florida again.

  18. Dumbedup

    Who is that meatpie candidate? Where do they find these people? He is among the most unattractive people Ive ever seen run for public office.

Comments are closed.