OBESE SYMBOLISM  4:50 pm January 26, 2012

Florida Congressional Candidate Likens Obama’s Term to Slave Ship

by Liz Colville

nice goblets

Mark Oxner, a Republican running for Congress in Florida’s brand new 27th district, which will include parts of Orlando, just released this ad, which he promises to be the first of many. It depicts President Obama as a pirate who enslaves children to row his ship to its demise over a waterfall. Former Florida Representative and generally not-to-be-out-sassed Democrat Alan Grayson, who’s running again this year after losing his seat in 2010, plays the role of Obama’s parrot. “I just love this ship,” says some delusional Obama supporter as the boat makes its way to the edge of life and Oxner’s brilliant videographer Vernon Furniss fades out the sinister circus music and fades in some hotel lounge piano jazz, just because. THERE IS EVEN A WE-SLEEP-IN-SEPARATE-BATHTUBS CIALIS AD REFERENCE.

Weird little Obama balloons that look like Easter eggs floating in space hover around the U.S.S. Obamaboat (CLEVER) while people aboard the party cruise marvel at all the perks Obama’s given them, like “free health care for life.” Then cut to the miserable rowing children, whom Oxner depicts as being saddled with the debt from all the wonderful perks of Obamacare. Vernon Furniss certainly learned from the best (the Taiwanese). Too bad this isn’t as fun as any of the things that come out of Alan Grayson’s mouth, ever, in ads or otherwise. [Slate]

 

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{ 111 comments }

chascates January 26, 2012 at 4:53 pm

IT'S CALLED 'TRIANGULAR TRADE'!!!!!

edgydrifter January 26, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Moooooolasses to gold to tea… oh what a beautiful waltz…

Crank_Tango January 26, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I prefer the hairy triangular trade, myself.

weej_bain January 26, 2012 at 5:14 pm

As opposed to the triangular tirade? Limpblow, Beckster, & Bible Spice grifting like there is no tomorrow.

Negropolis January 27, 2012 at 1:38 am

Trilateral Trade, my friend. Trilateral.

Barb January 26, 2012 at 4:53 pm

The bathtubs remind me of those commercials that Romney makes for Cialis for daily use.

MrFizzy January 26, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Yeah, except he's in the tub in his clothes, reading the mormon bible with his woodie on.

BerkeleyBear January 26, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Having worked for Lilly, I can tell you the trademark minders will not be amused. Even though management are mainly GOP douchebags and the ads are fucking ridiculous.

nounverb911 January 26, 2012 at 4:54 pm

"pirate who enslaves children to row his ship"
I loved that ride at Disneyworld.

actor212 January 26, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Worst. Veggie-Tales. Ever.

Barb January 26, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I love Disneyworld! I prefer the "Walt Won't Let Any Employees Have a Mustache Ride" myself. Makes me tingle in my naughties just to think about it.

Chet Kincaid January 26, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Mustache Rides are only for our guests!!

MissTaken January 26, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Much more fun than the "Teabag Cups". Those always left a funny taste in my mouth afterwards.

nounverb911 January 26, 2012 at 5:09 pm

That's Callista's second favorite ride.

SorosBot January 26, 2012 at 5:20 pm

OK now I can't stop laughing again.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 26, 2012 at 8:51 pm

The best part of Disneyworld is the little "American suburb" theme park, where actual Republican Americans live, and simulate the White Republican American lifestyle in convincing and realistic detail. It's so realistic, you expect Ozzie and Harriet to step around the corner at any moment!

Gratuitous World January 26, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I remember when Reagan enslaved us with the same Debt-to-GDP ratio.
And New Coke.

DahBoner January 26, 2012 at 5:43 pm

"New Coke"

Well, Oliver North added baking soda to Old Coke and made crack…

actor212 January 26, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Why is Ann Coulter bathing next to Anderson Cooper?

And why are they wearing clothes?

Chet Kincaid January 26, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Because her horrifying nakedness turned him gay.

weej_bain January 26, 2012 at 5:15 pm

So that's the skinny.

nounverb911 January 26, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Which one takes the Cialis?

MissTaken January 26, 2012 at 5:08 pm

The one with the Adam's Apple.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 26, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Oooh. What a dig on Anderson.

MrFizzy January 26, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Because he's gay and she's frigid.

BlueMonkeh January 26, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Utopia or oxycontin fueled vision? You be the judge!

Seriously, I want to be on this mythical magic party cruise with Barry.

Wilcoxyz January 26, 2012 at 4:56 pm

The middle class passage?

Crank_Tango January 26, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Too soon!

edgydrifter January 26, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Fucking LARPers.

actor212 January 26, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Watched the ad.

Why does he make Obama out to be a Republican? Is he angling for an endorsement?

Baconzgood January 26, 2012 at 4:57 pm

This isn't about Australia.

chascates January 26, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Uh, British prisoner were sent (like slaves) to Australia. Where they brutalized the natives. Close enough?

weej_bain January 26, 2012 at 5:17 pm

One of Lord Arthur's first lifts of prisoners were Yanque invaders he caught in Canucklandia trying to start with the rebellion.

Loaded_Pants January 26, 2012 at 7:36 pm

*sigh*
I have a confession. Outside of the UK & US, the most number of people that share my surname live in Australia. Which means we probably share ancestry made up of mostly criminals. Draw your own conclusions.
Personally, I'd like to think they just forgot to pay taxes to the Crown for a couple of years.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 26, 2012 at 8:55 pm

No fun there. Why not think that they were pirates!

YouBetcha January 26, 2012 at 4:57 pm

It's amazing the stuff that passes for wank fodder when you're a conservative.

jakegittes January 26, 2012 at 4:58 pm

What kind of wild animal makes its home on Oxner's head?

Biff January 26, 2012 at 6:51 pm

I'm reminded of the Oxendine videos, with walkons by an ox and a gerbil.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 26, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Will the GOP get there metaphors right. Obama is like a Muslim Terrorist, plowing the plane of socialism into the Twin Towers of Capitalism.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 26, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Then cut to the miserable rowing children, whom Oxner depicts as being saddled with the debt from all the wonderful perks of Obamacare.

But at least they are healthy children.

PsycWench January 26, 2012 at 6:02 pm

They're miserable because they wanted the janitor duty that Mister Gingrich promised them.

imissopus January 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Well sure, all that rowing keeps them fit.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 26, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Beat me to it. Not having Michelle cracking the whip on 'em, and forcing them to eat their broccoli and water rations, was a major oversight.

Indiepalin January 26, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Shiver me timbers!

SorosBot January 26, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I think those kids could have made better Flash animations that that.

chascates January 26, 2012 at 5:03 pm

The Taiwanese will no doubt have something out shortly.

fartknocker January 26, 2012 at 5:02 pm

He's another Parrothead. He should have a nice rum drink, take some Cialis and hope he can last 4 minutes in bed with his life partner. I'm sure Rick Scott is his hero.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 26, 2012 at 5:03 pm

See?

When our kids finally stop going to those fancy lieberal universities, they'll be able to appreciate the fine qualities of ads like this.
~

mrblifil January 26, 2012 at 5:05 pm

So we're supposed to hate the well-coiffed patrician dude whose bank was bailed out, but we're supposed to chuckle at the mocking references to Guy Fawkes masks and caring about "the 99%?" I haz a confuse.

Lucidamente1 January 26, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Well, it is better than Oxner's first ad, which accuses Obama of being niggardly with the truth.

MzNicky January 26, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Wait — oceans have waterfalls? Or — pirate ships sail on lakes and rivers? Who knew!

GOPCrusher January 26, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Maybe he's one of those Flat-Earther Republiklans and the waterfall represents sailing off the end of the Earth?

MzNicky January 26, 2012 at 7:26 pm

That would explain it.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 26, 2012 at 9:03 pm

I think I spotted the outline of a ginormous elephant behind the falls. Symbol of the GOP, I guess.

OhNoGuy January 26, 2012 at 9:56 pm

"Not intended to be a factual statement".

Print that in big letters after all GOP commercials, press releases and sound bites.

DaRooster January 26, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Tweaky, man…

An_Outhouse January 26, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Well at least he didn't say that Obama was just like Hitler.

Crank_Tango January 26, 2012 at 5:13 pm

you know who else was just like Hitler…

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 26, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Pirates?

starfanglednut January 26, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Sigh….

Hitler?

MrFizzy January 26, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Did I miss something? Weren't the negroes below deck on slave ships?

DahBoner January 26, 2012 at 5:41 pm

No, the hot negro chicks got to ride on the Captain's lap…

JackObin January 26, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I liken Florida to an overrated Guatemala.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 26, 2012 at 9:05 pm

All of the mosquitoes, none of the charm.

Negropolis January 27, 2012 at 1:44 am

Yes, one of them is a malaria-infested, gang-filled, failed banana republic…and the other is Guatemala.

WriteyWriterton January 26, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Mr. Oxner must be from the Alabama/Meth-y interior of Florida.

PhilippePetain January 26, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I just keep getting the feeling that the Republican mind is like one of those Korean 3D political shorts, but with more mushrooms. The way they see the world, humor, facts, EVERYTHING is just so out of alignment with anything sensible I just can't believe it sometimes.

Rotundo_ January 26, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Yet another genius level Floriduh! politician who has delusions of talent and creativity and intelligence. The crab lice of politics.

hilbillyheroine January 26, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Those kids are part of Newt's new pilot program to teach poor kids to have a work ethic.

anniegetyerfun January 26, 2012 at 5:11 pm

You know what? Fuck my dream about being an extra in a Bollywood movie. I want to star in a Floridian political ad!

finallyhappy January 26, 2012 at 6:16 pm

really- when I was 28(30 years ago), I could have been in an Indian movie- they would recruit young tourists from the Salvation Army hostel. however after a day at that hostel and my "roommate" who was eating opium- I left for YMCa- where no one came to find foreigners for movies.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 26, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Are you saying the Village People had it wrong about the YMCA? Because that's the first place I was going to go to find the cast of my Broadway musical.

elviouslyqueer January 26, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I'm not saying that Mark Oxner is a pedophile or anything, but I also haven't seen a pedophile who doesn't look exactly like Mike Oxner either.

paris biltong January 26, 2012 at 5:17 pm

This old canard about burdening our children with debt has been around forever, it seems, or at least since the sixties. They can always default, or print money, which amounts to roughly the same things. Fucking protestant ethics.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 26, 2012 at 9:13 pm

And it's not as if they won't have children of their own to enslave to debt forever. (It's only the people who are still around at Rapture/Apocalypse time who get stuck with the check.)

SayItWithWookies January 26, 2012 at 5:19 pm

A three-masted sailing ship with a deck of oars? That's teabagger historical accuracy for you.

Biff January 26, 2012 at 6:56 pm

At least it didn't have funnels or smokestacks.

Negropolis January 27, 2012 at 1:47 am

I'm laughing so hard now that you brought that to my attention! lol! Eveyrone needs to see this.

WiscDad January 26, 2012 at 5:19 pm

If you can't baffle 'em with bullshit…blind them with some other bullshit

dadanarchist January 26, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Still better than "The Undefeated."

SenileAgitation January 26, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Mark Oxner is gay, gay gay, from his fruity hair piece to his southern lisp. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Hell, he can retire to New York and get married.

CapnFatback January 26, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Needz moar fetus burgers.

DahBoner January 26, 2012 at 5:38 pm

It's the old "Black People Are Turning Us Into Slaves" meme.

Been around since the Civil Rights act was passed, repeated by Stupid, Old White people who never picked cotton a day in their lives…

lochnessmonster January 26, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I think the kids in our high school television production clas could do a better job!

snackypants January 26, 2012 at 5:52 pm

I think this ad was made by people in the porn industry on their days off.

bikerlaureate January 26, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Free health care for life! That's exactly correct! You can tell who's on the side of the angels because they never have to exaggerate or lie to make their case.

imissopus January 26, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Needz moar Keira Knightley.

GregComlish January 27, 2012 at 8:13 am

Don't we all

djneedlz January 26, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I think Mark Oxner is a graduate of Marcus' fags-to-riches program. The Santorum is strong in this one.

Guppy January 26, 2012 at 6:16 pm

"row his ship to its demise over a waterfall"

Republicans are flat-earthers? Whoda thunk?

mormos January 26, 2012 at 6:55 pm

funny, i don't remember dropping any acid…

BarackMyWorld January 26, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Worst. Spongue Bob. Ever.

40 or 50 % McShineys January 26, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Spunge Bag Square Ponce

OKthennext January 26, 2012 at 7:11 pm

What do you suppose the fine print means by "immediate constitutional relief". Hmmm?

Biel_ze_Bubba January 26, 2012 at 9:17 pm

It's an ad for Ex-Lax, not Cialis?

Guppy January 26, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Second Amendment remedies!

Nostrildamus January 26, 2012 at 7:21 pm

I think Barry would look awesome in pirate regalia.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 26, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I'm pretty sure that's exactly how GOPtard millionaires see him.

SorosBot January 26, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Oh how we forget the classics; here you go…
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljygzylZZu1qa44

Granted, he'd probably look a little different now that he's no longer like five or six.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 26, 2012 at 7:38 pm

What an Amis-Tard

Naked_Bunny January 26, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Ground-up Republican is better than LSD.

Sassomatic January 26, 2012 at 8:24 pm

What? No welfare queens? Lame.

Walkinwiddaking January 26, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Sieg Heil, y'all.

Beowoof January 26, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Stupid should hurt.

valgal2342 January 26, 2012 at 9:38 pm

I love Alan Grayson but have to admit the parrot thing is kind of funny. Maybe Alan will get the last squawk soon.

ttommyunger January 26, 2012 at 11:15 pm

With ads like this, a face like his and a name like Oxner; if this over-ripe turd wins I'll never set foot in Florida again.

Negropolis January 27, 2012 at 1:13 am

Silly. Child labor is the Republican's thing.

Negropolis January 27, 2012 at 1:42 am

Somali pirate libel!

Biel_ze_Bubba January 27, 2012 at 2:35 am

Truth be told, it's the creepiest place in America … and I know that's saying a lot.

Dumbedup January 27, 2012 at 8:57 am

Who is that meatpie candidate? Where do they find these people? He is among the most unattractive people Ive ever seen run for public office.

BZ1 January 28, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Oxner deserves to get gored…

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