Anthony Albanese, the transport minister of Australia’s leading Labor Party, recently went on the offensive in a speech targeted at the country’s opposition party leader Tony Abbott, and for inspiration, looked to the B movie The American President written by our beloved cinematic fabulist Aaron Sorkin and starring Michael Douglas. By which we mean, he essentially lifted lines from President Douglas more or less verbatim!
What is the best and saddest part about this? That Albanese took orating tips from Aaron Sorkin, or that somebody, upon hearing Albanese’s speech, actually remembered the words as coming from this random political movie from the ’90s, of which there seem to be ten million?
For visual comparison’s sake, although the video is much more fun, Albanese:
In Australia we have serious challenges to solve and we need serious people to solve them. Unfortunately Tony Abbot is not the least bit interested in fixing anything. He is only interested in two things: making Australians afraid of it and telling them who is to blame for it.
Douglas:
We have serious problems to solve and we need serious people to solve them and whatever your particular problem is I promise you that Bob Riompsden is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things, and two things only: making you afraid of it and telling you who’s to blame for it.
The source from which this story comes suggests that Albanese is probably just in love with Sorkin from his days writing Martin Sheen’s speeches, etc., on The West Wing, and wanted to find a less obvious source from which to lift so-called brilliant weapons of mass verbal downsizing. But…really? [International Business Times]
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He also plays with his meat puppet and imagines that he is married to Catherine Zeta Jones.
I'll be right back.
Mmmmmmm Cathy….*fap fap fap*
You say that like it's a bad thing.
T-Mobile isn't the same without her. Mind, her younger, thinner clone is hawt, just not voluptuously so. (Tap, tap…is this mike on?)
Oh but I do love the T-Mobile girl, she gets me in the fapping mood.
She makes you want to reach out and touch yourself?
What is it with you and brunettes?
He's a brunette himself. Hence, the touching.
But I'm not judging.
Yes, though I do want somebodies else, when I think about the T-Mobile girl I touch myself.
And hey, there's just something about dark hair that particularly gets to me; not that I'm unattracted to blondes or redheads; hell my biggest celebrity crush is Kristen Bell.
There is nothing wrong with us brunettes!
That cross-legged, slightly knock-kneed move is…yeah.
Don't judge me!!
"He is interested in two things, and two things only: making you afraid of it and telling you who’s to blame for it."
Must have been talking about Newt Gingrich.
Definitely Santorum.
All of 'em, Katie.
Someone had to say it…
Needz moar shrooms.
When confronted with the plagiarism, Albanese shouted: "YOU WANT THE TRUTH? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"
"Why can't you give me the respect that I'm entitled to? Why can't you treat me like I would be treated by any stranger on the street?"
I wish I could quit you!
But this one goes to eleven.
KAAAAAAAHHHHHHNNN!!!
Or, "Something something, it's Chinatown."
To be fair, Michael Douglas' "Falling Down" was kind of a take-off on "Mad Max." In a way…
Let us hope that Newt has not seen Triumph of the Will.
More like Crocodile Dundee.
George Will? Leni made a movie about him?
To make the speech seem different he should of had a koala bear on his shoulder.
Charlie Chaplin did it.
I am definitely going to remember this at next Monday's staff meeting.
Australian day on Wonkette eh? All right I'll grab a Fosters and make a Vegemite sandwich and you can pop Crocodile Dundee into the VCR.
I read- "… poop Crocodile Dundee…"
Now that's a bowel movement…
Remember the rules, though. We don't want to catch you not drinking in your room after lights-out.
And listen to INXS while you're hanging around.
Or Men At Work. And then hang yourself.
I like Fosters…does that make me bad? My future brothers-in-law say it's just an Australian version of Budweiser (which they drink…Bud Light to be exact)…but the can is so fucking cool that I don't care.
"Oil can beer" was our beverage of choice in college!
More like the Australian version of Natural Light, but YMMV …
is there actually a difference between bud and natty light?
One is swill the other piss.
Anyone that drinks Bud Light should not be questioning someone elses choice of beverage.
Pass SOTU and PIPA so we can shut down Australia.
We have serious problems to solve and we need serious people to solve them and whatever your particular problem is I promise you that Liz Colville is not the least bit interested in solving it. She is interested in two things, and two things only: making you afraid of it and telling you who’s to blame for it.
(100% original snark)
"Weeeee! Cheating is fun!"
-Newt Gingrich
I have a hard time looking at The Newt and not thinking of the Geico commercials with the squealing piglet.
I have a hard time looking at The Newt and not thinking of any of the trailers from the Saw movies. But, in a different way.
"He is interested in two things, and two things only: making you afraid of it and telling you who’s to blame for it."
Sounds like a line right out of the Cheney playbook.
Cheney just makes me think of dingos eating babies.
At least you didn't say fetuses.
Is Mrs. Albanese bipolar as well?
It's OK. Mitt Romney plagiarized Gordon Gekko to live his life.
*blink blink…swoon*
Mr. Albanese, I saw Michael Douglas in The American President. I knew Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas was a friend of mine. Mr. Albanese, you're no Michael Douglas.
He won't dare plagiarize a Russell Crowe line.
Isn't that the republican platform?
Shoulda stole from Billy Madison-
"Yahoo-hoo-hoo… Dabba-doo!"
Well, to be fair, we here at Wonkette use lines from movies in our comments all the fucking time, so maybe we shouldn't be too critical.
Here's looking at you BaldarTFlass.
Win.
Yeah, I know, I'm one of the worst offenders. But what else am I gonna do with all this shit floating around in my head?
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Ni! Ni!
You talkin' to me, Baldar?
What we've got here is a failure to communicate.
We're not in Kansas anymore, BTF.
Well, Baldar, maybe that's because we are not one of your faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaans!!!!!110!11!111!!!
D'Oh!
You had me at "Well" …
We are not the droids you're looking for, Baldar.
You know who else plagiarized Michael Douglas? (besides Mittens Gekko, of course).
Karl Malden?
Shia The Beefy?
Hitler? Wait…what?
Falling Down, Downfall… yeah now I see it.
I thought "Albanese" was maybe his native language from some tiny Australian hamlet. It's his name? Really? Can I go by PsycWenchology now?
You're committing a Fare la Volpeism.
Have they no italians, guineas, wops, what have you, where you live? Its a common dago name.
Not a whole lot of ethnic groups where I live. You can tell by the food.
"I'M MAD AS HELL and I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE"-Honest! I just coined that term.
Mitt at the next republican fracas “I’m Spartacus.”
I'm Brian-and so is my wife!
The Chuck Norris of Australia?
How completely repugnant — not the plagiarism so much as the choice of such a clunky passage to steal. It has all the rhythm and melody of a manhole cover landing on a Norway rat. Can we sentence this guy and his speechwriter to a remedial writing class, please?
Agreed, "Riompsden" is a horrible name for a movie hero's adversary.
Oh, you were talking about the nonfictional plagiarist in real life… Funny, I didn't find much clunky about either version for prosody's sake – - but that name remains glaringly in need of a rewrite.
Riompsden is awful, but the clunky part for me was the pronouns. Starting off with problems, then getting singular with "whatever your problem is," then bouncing back to "two things," and then using "it" twice to refer to the singular problem — it's all grammatically correct, but it landed with a thud when I read it.
He would do better if he quoted Caddyshack like everyone else.
Or The Big Lebowski.
This aggression will not stand, Man.
Mehhh, at least he didn't pilfer from "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip".
WES:
This show used to be cutting edge political and social satire, but it's gotten lobotomized by a candy-ass broadcast network hell-bent on doing nothing that might challenge their audience.
We were about to do a sketch you've already seen 500 times. Yes, no one's gonna confuse George Bush with George Plimpton, we get it. We're all being lobotomized by the country's most influential industry which has thrown in the towel on any endeavour that does not include the courting of 12-year-old boys.
And not event the smart 12-year-olds, the stupid ones, the idiots, of which there are plenty thanks in no small part to this network. So change the channel, turn off the TV. Do it right now.
Remember when that show came out, and all the critics thought it was a surefire hit and it was silly that NBC was also letting Tina Fey make a sitcom with the same premise? They were certainly right about that!
SAT analogy (right answer): "Network executives: geniuses as burros:thoroughbreds"
Is there any aspect of Australia that doesn't appear to be poorly plagiarized?
That's a good one. BBQ? No. Casual racism? No. Surfing? No. Being eaten by sharks? No. Cricket? No.
GOT ONE!
hats with corks on
Try again, por favor.
Those platypuses just took a bunch of parts from random other animals and slapped them together!
God is a hack comedian.
"Australians are like English rednecks."
– Robin Williams
"Robin Williams is like a less funny wombat."
- Me
You know what wombats eat? Womflyinginsects.
Australian politician: plagiarizes film about politics
American wannabe politician: plagiarizes children's film about pokemon
At least he didn't send a Virginia ham to the girl he's trying to bang.
Frankly, Anthony, I don't give a damn. — From the movie Sands of Iwo Jima, starring Scarlett Johannsen as Sergeant Stryker.
It's a much much better thing that I'm doing, than anything that I've ever done before.
You won me.
Wasn't there this politician who used to say stuff like, "Make my day"? Oh right, nevermind…he was an actor.
Well, c'mon, it was Australia Day. Even speechwriters deserve a day off now and then.
True at least he never said "I'll slip another shrimp on the barbie for you…"
Priceless
So he "stole" a few lines. He's an Australian, they're genetically predisposed for larceny.
WTF, it's like ANZAC Day around the Wonkettes.
When does the slaughter by the Ottoman Army begin?
I need to get hold of Mel Gibson.
He's such a big fan, he got throat cancer just to be like Mike.
"You call that a quote?"
:::pulls out copy of Reader's Digest Quotable Quotes:::
"Now, THIS is quote".
Dad?
Everything in Australia can kill you! I believe that all of Satan's pets and house plants escaped from his castle and they ended up there.
Here, have a box jellyfish.
I'm impressed he got the quote right. I know I have a hard time undertanding when people are speaking upside down.
It's also hard to understand the people from the land down under because the women roar and the men thunder.
I better run and take cover.
I give him a pass.
Plagiarism is a quaint notion derived long before there were so many monkeys typing in so many chat rooms.
[A confession: my comment stream is ripped from the Bard, give or take a word. Verily.]
Everyone should borrow at least one Sorkin quote at least once a day. The man's a genius.
Huh. I thought everyone in Australia is named Sydney Melbourne. Wait, what?
Nah! 'e're named Bruce, mate!
And g'day to ya, Bruce!
lol! I just realized you can make some good names with Australia's largest cities and locales.
You've got Canberra Perth, and Adelaide Newcastle, and Darwin Melbourne, and Hobart Brisbane and Sydney Tasman. But, I'm stuck with "Surfer's Paradise."
Not only lifting some lines from a film, but is following the Rethug two major talking points:
1. Be afraid, be very, very afraid
2. The other guys (in our case the libtards, in Oz the Conservatives) are to blame for everything that is wrong in your life.
Do you teachers & profs out there give extra credit for double plagiarizing? An F squared or a double FF?
Albanese had been plagiarizing from Sports Night for years, so he thought it wouldn't be a big deal.
"One morning I shot a koala bear in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know."
Sounds like a party!
He's labor party, so I applaud his ingenuity in coming up with such an apposite quote, and forgive the harmless lapse he made in not attributing it. But if he were conservative, or tory, I suppose, is the 'strine version, I would decry his complete lack of ethics and morals and note that it is typical of the corrupt lying mean bastards.
All I can say is I wish I were on Cottlesloe Beach right now! Snow is bullshit!
So we celebrate national holidays around here by covering the local politics?
And we celebrate the high holy days by covering the local sex scandals.
His plagiarism's just a form of genetic drift.
I dunno. I think Sorkin is worth ripping off sometimes. Like you have no idea I've wanted to shout this at some asshat Republican:
"Liberals got women the right to vote. Liberals got African-Americans the right to vote. Liberals created Social Security and lifted millions of elderly people out of poverty. Liberals ended segregation. Liberals passed the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act. Liberals created Medicare. Liberals passed the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act. What did Conservatives do? They opposed them on every one of those things…every one! So when you try to hurl that label at my feet, 'Liberal,' as if it were something to be ashamed of, something dirty, something to run away from, it won't work, Senator, because I will pick up that label and I will wear it as a badge of honor."
– Matt Santos, The West Wing
Ugh. This makes me very sad. I am an American and teach at a British university. Many students plagiarize content right off the internet for my writing assignments. It would be ALMOST understandable if they plagiarized the best stuff, but they don't. These politicians don't set good examples for our students. Uh oh, I think I just threw some raw meat to the Wonkers…
You teach at a "British University." What subject? Dental hygiene? I suppose it's a sparsely subscribed elective.
Look, we don't plagiarize according to quality. We plagiarize according to a link-counting search ranking algorithm first developed by two Stanford students in 1998…
Then we change the font to get the right page count.
Comic san serif FTW.
Proof that politics really is Hollywood for ugly people.
Maybe Wonkette is going international. I look forward to snarking regularly on Sarkozy, Merkel, and the Greek financial crisis. Expand my snark horizons, as it were.
Too many "k"s in that post.
When last this site had editors that mentioned Sarkozy on a regular basis, it was less "snarking on" and more "lusting after."
Add in Jonathan Goodluck and Jacob Zuma, and we'll have ourselves a blog.
Meh, 100 monkeys writing for ten minutes would probably produce those lines several dozen times…
NEEDS MOAR SHIA LABOOOOOOF
The lines may not be original but that doesn't mean the statements are not true. And why shouldn't an Australian Labor Party minister quote a liberal Democrat American President, especially one who performed as well as Andrew Shepard?
Didn't we Americans have a presidential candidate once who plagiarized a foreign politician's speech and had to drop out of the race in disgrace? I wonder what ever became of him….
If only we had candidates that plagiarized Aaron Sorkin instead of Pokemon, we'd be aight.
Advance, Australia Fair!
Well you know, Aaron writes some good stuff. I use that "we have serious problems to solve and need serious people to solve them" almost every time I have a conversation with a conservative yapping about some bullshit that doesn't solve any of our problems. Like the no fetus leftovers in our food and that kind of shit.
I'm sorry, I have no respect for any people who are so dumb they wear overcoats in August and shorts in January.
Meh. Tony Abbot really is all kinds of terrible, so any stick to beat a horse, I guess.
Aussies can't handle the truth:
Your country is full of nasty insects, snakes and fish that can kill you…
"This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!!"
No I'm not, I'm a redhead!
I don't have enough hair left to be any kind of [...]head. Sigh…
You know I realized a few years ago that I NEVER dated a blond. Not even one date with any blond. Brunettes ROCK!!!!
I was involved with a blond, but she had a dye job & naturally brown hair; I'm not sure if that counts.
suicide blonde=dyed by her own hand.
Mmm, brunettes…
"And don't call me Shirley!"
"I'm tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"
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