Occupy Everything.In a bold strike of the kind we hope to see in a lot of nations this year, a protesting group of indigenous people mobbed Australian prime minster Julia Gillard and opposition leader Tony Abbott from a fancy 1% restaurant in the capital of Canberra — Gillard and Abbott were about to be torn apart, but their security teams managed to drag the politicians to safety. Why all the excitement? Because right-winger Tony Abbott suggested tearing down the aboriginal “tent embassy” erected 40 years ago in protest of two centuries of brutal oppression by the colonizing Europeans. Things are very weird in Australia! It’s sort of like if America went straight from the Old West/Plantation Era directly to the Earth Day hippie Beatles world circa 1970, with nothing in the middle.

Here’s what the newspapers and websites are looking like today, in Australia:


The tent embassy is not a “legal structure,” and is actually (according to Wikipedia), “a controversial semi-permanent assemblage claiming to represent the political rights of Australian Aborigines. It is made of a group of activists, signs and tents that reside on the lawn of Old Parliament House in Canberra, the Australian capital.”

It’s as if the Native American seizure of Alcatraz Island back in 1969 had lasted not for 18 months, but for four decades. A great inspiration to Occupation Movements worldwide, of course — and that’s exactly why Tony Abbott is suggesting it’s time to “move on” from letting long-oppressed native people keep their story right in the face of Australia’s politicians, year after year. It has held the same spot on Old Parliament Hill for twenty years now.

It is an effective story, too, because even the most venal Murdoch supplicant in Australian politics is remarkably “politically correct” about the indigenous people of Australia. Real justice would involve the aboriginal people taking control of Canberra entirely, but a more likely result will be that Gillard’s government moves quickly to establish a permanent “tent embassy” on the hill, an idea that has been knocked around for seven years now with no progress.

An indigenous elder apparently picked up Julia Gillard’s right shoe, lost in the tussle, and it will be auctioned off for a Good Cause.

Thursday’s protest marks “Australia Day,” when the first English and Irish convicts were dumped near present-day Sydney, to die. Indigenous people refer more accurately to the federal holiday as “Invasion Day.” [Sydney Morning Herald/Courier Mail with reporting by Wonkette operative “Danny O.” in Acton, Australia]

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  • nounverb911

    Put another Gillard on the barbie! Matey.

  • StarsUponThars

    Tent embassy libel!

  • Barb

    "An indigenous elder apparently picked up Julia Gillard’s right shoe, lost in the tussle, and it will be auctioned off for a Good Cause.'

    Something tells me that the other shoe is about to drop there.

    • <groan>

    • jqheywood

      Have you considered writing jokes for Barry?

    • Geminisunmars

      Throw another barb on the barbie, Barb.

  • Local_Mojo

    Aussies are Texans with British accents.

    • JerkCade

      I've heard Australia referred to as 'Arkansas with beaches.'

    • Millennial Malaise

      Australia: first in faraway destination vacations and prison colonies.

    • caitifty

      Texans who believe in socialized medicine, free education, and a strong welfare state.

  • nounverb911

    Australian's are people, too?

  • SorosBot

    It could have been worse – they could have had to deal with Russel Crowe.

    • nounverb911

      Needs more flying telephones.

  • Baconzgood


    • SorosBot

      G'day, mate! Throw another shrimp on the barbie!

  • MosesInvests

    "The time has come, to say fair's fair,
    To pay the rent, to pay our share…."

    • It belongs to them, LET'S GIVE IT BACK!

      But they sleep in comfort and the world turns, and the Aboriginal people die from the white man's poison liquor as the lands they wandered for centuries are fenced against them. When does it end?

    • WhatTheHeck

      Time has come to burn some midnight oil.

    • doloras

      The guy who wrote that song is now a federal Labor Party MP.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Which one is the singer for Midnight Oil?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    How does this affect me, Sarah Palin?

  • Wonderthing

    We are all waltzing with Matilda today.

  • Baconzgood

    Is Yahoo Serious ok ?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Tojo never made it to Darwin. Hoodoo Gurus said so.

  • Limeylizzie

    My name is Limeylizzie and I am a Pommie bastard.

    • nounverb911

      I love it when you talk dirty.

    • chascates

      OT but am watching Kathleen Turner on Tavis Smiley. Have you seen her one-woman Molly Ivins show?

      • Geminisunmars

        Ooooh. That sounds good.

      • Limeylizzie

        No, but reviews were good, I believe, and she is pretty fabulous onstage especially now that is older.

        • Tundra Grifter

          2L: She did a pretty good job in "Body Heat."

          • chascates

            The clips Tavis played sure made you think she was Molly. The show's been extended and is at the Geffen Theater in Lalaland.

    • jqheywood

      Howdy Sheila! What braaanch of pheelosophy will you be teaching here at the University of Wallamaloo?

    • HateMachine

      Your name is Limeylizzie? Well, that's going to cause a little confusion.

      Mind if we call you "Bruce" to keep it clear?

    • WhatTheHeck

      cor blimey mate. You are both a pommie and a Limey. No scurvy there.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    OWS could take a lesson from these folks.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    The infamous pepper-spraying cop Jim Pike should apply for emergency asylum in Australia. Gillard needs him stat.

  • I'm telling you people, all that Vegemite really angries up the blood.

    • I thought it was the Bovril. Weak beef tea, anyone?

  • bumfug

    Mark Wahlberg woulda kicked all their asses.

  • MissTaken

    They need more Mic Check to really make it count.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    So did he take the shoe after the house fell on her?

  • Baconzgood

    In Australia snow falls up.

    • sarah_connor

      and, the toilets flush backwards!

    • "Wee that live now at Peru, and inhabite that parte of the worlde which is opposite to Asia and theire Antipodes, finde not ourselves to bee hanging in the aire, our heades downward and our feete on high." — Jesuit missionary Joseph Acosta, ~1560

  • BaldarTFlagass

    (too far away, don't care)

  • freakishlywrong

    "That's nawt a raeht, mate, THIS is a raeht"

  • littlebigdaddy

    I hope they washed down their lunch with some Chateau Wagawaga ("It has the bouquet of an Aborigines armpit.")

    • I'm not sure why, but this offends me. Are Aborigines' armpits any worse than a foul Ocker's? I've experienced a lot of smelly Ockers close up, but only met one Aboriginal, and she was beautiful and not in the least bit smelly.

      • littlebigdaddy

        Ozzies hate that sketch–don't know whether because of the racism or the slander of Australian wines. Prolly the latter.

        • The only Australian friends I have would say its the racism. But then, they're probably in the minority, just as we are here.

    • MosesInvests

      Or maybe Chateau Chunder-"This is a woine with a missage, and the missage is 'Beware!'".

      • LionHeartSoyDog

        Kath and Kim? Is that you?

    • GOPCrusher

      What's it made out of? Limburger cheese?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    This is the environmental catastrophe that comes from invasive species. Zebra mussels, English ivy, Cedar Rapids dingoes, the Irish.

    Foster's: Australian for Budweiser.

    • It was the English who invaded. The Irish, they sent there in chains by the boatfull, where many men died from the sickness and heartbreak, as indentured servants or slaves, for the crime of trying to teach their own children the Irish language and culture and customs, or for the stealing of bread.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "The OWS have got a protest."
    "That's not a protest."
    [he points at the 40-year tent embassy.]
    "THAT's a protest."

  • savethispatient

    Given the score from Adelaide (Australia 604/7d & 50/3 v India 272), it seems they celebrated by beating some other non-white people.

    • doloras

      That's not a cricket result. This is a cricket result, said the resident Kiwi.

      • savethispatient

        The phrase "New Zealand won" still shocks me :)

  • Baconzgood

    You know what? I don't give a shit about Australia. In fact I hate them. You wanna know why? True story: I went to The Outback once and they fucked up my order.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      Blamin' Onions Libel!

    • Allmighty_Manos

      Bloomin Onions!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I had a similar experience; also, I don't think the chick that waited my table was really from Australia, either.

    • WhatTheHeck

      C’mon Baconz, everyone knows before you sit down for dinner, you go walkabout in the Outback so they don’t fuck up your order, mate.

    • fuflans

      this is really really funny baconz and i think i am in love with you.


      don't tell mr. fuflans.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Australia's aboriginies=tent city.
    America's aboriginies=fancy casinos.

    Now that's American exceptionalism!!

  • chascates

    I think Barry would be OK but I would have loved to see a few thousand of our 'Native' Americans confront George W. Bush.

    • pdiddycornchips

      Barry is the same uber elite douche GWB was only a little prettier. Truthfully, would you miss him?

      • You're so full of shit, the whole room's starting to smell. Man worked his way up from the bottom that you would never know about, you uber elite privileged douche with your white skin. His mama raised him on food stamps, you asshole, and he worked with the poor. And don't try to feed me any line of shit about how he sold out and he's someone else now. You don't know what it's like to live in a black person's skin. Until you do, stick your opinions back up your arse where they'll be comfortable next to your head.

        • pdiddycornchips

          Kiss my black ass. Hopey has been a corporate shill and that fact is evident if you'd take a look at what he's done, not just what he says. If he really gave two shits about what people like me and millions of the rest of us are going through, he'd have let the Bush tax cuts expire, fire Bernanke and Geithner and otherwise stop fellating the wealthy classes like an eager crack whore.

          • I apologize for attacking you the way I did. I still don't agree with you, but it was uncalled-for. It won't happen again.

            And, just FYI, it has nothing to do with the blackness of your ass. People can be black outside and white inside. I have no idea if you're one of them, but that's not my business, it's yours. Just as my castigation of you had nothing to do with you, but with me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to attack you.

  • edgydrifter

    France would like to thank Australia for distracting Wonkette with some juicier southern-hemisphere racial insensitivity.

  • mavenmaven

    A little more beer, mates, and everything will be good on ya…

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Don't worry. This will all be taken care of when Newt as President places a base on Australia, making sure that it is ruled by freedom.

  • Guppy

    That's it, I'm gonna move to Candada New Zealand!

  • Biff

    In other news, Happy Australia Day, my wonkeets!

  • even the most venal Murdoch supplicant in Australian politics is remarkably “politically correct”

    So we get the worst of the worst over here, eh?

    Where's the FTC when you need 'em?

  • Goonemeritus

    “Indigenous people refer more accurately to the federal holiday as “Invasion Day”

    For Manhattan Invasion day is Oct. 24, commemorating the sad day in 1931 when the George Washington Bridge allowed unrestricted access to the hoards from New Jersey.

    • Guppy

      What happened before then? Jerseyites got bogged down in the Bronx?

    • James Michael Curley

      Little do you know. We were crawling through the Holland Tunnel since 1927. Then, disguised as Chinese laborers from the laundries on Canal Street we moved uptown to 178th Street to anchor the bridge. Then while you suckers were preoccupied with starving migrant workers from the south we finished the Lincoln Tunnel during the Great Depression, the Great One not this pissant thing now. We can be clearly heard in your Wednesday Matinee's "accidentally forgetting" to turn off our cell phones.

  • meatlofer

    Things went to shit down there,right after that Crocodile Hunter stepped on that raccoon,or whatever the fuck it was.

  • poorgradstudent

    Being big on rights for indigenous people I have to say this is like Christmas, my eighteenth birthday, and Paycheck Day wrapped up in one.

  • They'll be reopening the penal colony recreational centre at Port Arthur in 3, 2, 1…

  • prommie

    I love Australia for making Meryl Streep ridiculous with that crappy accent and screaching "a dingo got my didgereedoo!"

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Only Angus Young can calm this crowd down

  • HateMachine

    Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you! Amen!

    • MosesInvests

      G'day, Bruce!

  • pdiddycornchips

    The world needs new elites. The ones we have now suck ass. A thinning of the herd is in order. Let the movement begin! From this day forward, no elite douche bag is ever going to feel safe in a fancy restaurant. Wingnuts will soon regret that no eating fetuses thing.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Your move, Arizona!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Some heady stuff from the Adelaide linky:

    Paul of Townsville posted: So no charges are going to lay anginist these people , why that. We know why, one rule for them and one rule for us.

    Brenton S of Adelaide posted: The problem lies in our Government continually pandering to extreme minority groups who are favoured over the democratic process of representing all or the majority of Australians.

    James of SA posted: Who's the thief with the shoe?

    Faire attention, France! This is how you do racism.

    • SayItWithWookies

      "Extreme minority group?!" They were there for 40,000 years, maybe more. The mind just boggles.

      • doloras

        Yeah, and in all that time they never even invented cricket. What more proof do you need that they deserved invading?

      • Are they WHITE? NO? Next question.

        You have no idea how bad theyhave it still. Friend of mine used to work on Aboriginal issues up in Darwin. God, those people have almost been exterminated and what's left of them ain't nothing to be proud of.

        Although I suppose the same could be said for the Aboriginals of the Americas.

    • HateMachine

      That's the best display of ignorance they can manage in their Australian comment threads? Adorable.

    • GOPCrusher

      So Australia has Tea Baggers too?

      • doloras

        Yes, and Tony Abbot is their leader.

  • coolhandnuke

    Australia's PM and opposition leader should know better than to dine at a restaurant named INXS.

  • SorosBot

    You shouldn't fuck with the Aborigines; these are a people who have spent tens of thousands of years in a land where every goddamn animal has deadly poison, damn right they're tough.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Yummy bloke rescuing her is yummy.

  • Guppy

    All I know about Australian history came from watching Quigley Down Under.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Shoe? Should have followed the gourd.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "A dingo ate my Prime Minister!"

  • 40 acres and a 'roo?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Tony Abbott and all the other right-wing racist white Australians would look wonderful after a year or so wandering around the outback in bare feet and living on roots and witchety grubs like the people they criticize did for forty thousand years before Abbott's ancestors got there. Of course they might not be identifiable by anything but dental records, but when you're trying to teach someone a lesson, the occasional risk is worth it.

    • GOPCrusher

      So, you're trying to tell me that The Road Warrior is not an accurate portrayal of life in modern Australia?

  • owhatever

    Occupy Bondi Beach!

  • iburl

    If she is a Democratic prime minister I'm outraged at these lawless protesters. If she's a Republican prime minister, I'm outraged at her insensitive policies. If neither label applies in Australia, then I don't have any comment.

    • doloras


      Julia Gillard = Hilary Clinton
      Tony Abbott = Newt Gingrich

      • FrankChasseur

        Actually, Tony Abbot is head of the Liberal Party, and a staunch anti-Republican.

      • worrierqueen

        Gillard's Mittens in Hilary's clothing. Although not Mormon, she's living in sin, so hard to tell the difference.

  • ttommyunger

    I haven't said this nearly as often as I should have, but my God that is an unfuckably ugly woman.

  • mandsb

    Some of us whiteys call it Invasion Day too, and don't think there's much celebratin' to be had.

  • mandsb

    Also, we are beating India in the cricket so all is well down under.

    Manda from Melbourne

  • glenhuntly

    Listen for a second.
    The embassy is ignored, or not held in high regard by most indigenous Australians. Indigenous citizens, who work across all sectors of society- health, academia etc, have no interest in their counterparts who choose to live in a slum for some kind of political gesture. It is a fringe activity.
    Tony Abbott spends his holidays every year volunteering in remote Aboriginal communities. He doesn't brag about this. The Occupy movement certainly don't do it.
    He did not call for the ten embassy to be cleared. He suggested that race relations should "move on" from debates of forty years ago, and his close colleagues in the indigenous community have backed him on this. He is not racist.
    The Aboriginal tent embassy occupants have clearly stated they are disappointed that "occupy-type" people hijacked their protest.

    Convicts were in no way sent here "to die". They were sent here because the country was considered a prison – they were put to work on what was effectively a prison farm and were expected to form communities in the colonies. Some colonies were indeed the equivalent of maximum-security prisons (eg Norfolk Island), but these were few. In the end they took over the colonies: a forger started what is now our largest bank and various other petty criminals reformed and ended up running the society.

    Lastly, the restaurant was not a "1%" affair. The event hijacked by the government officials was held to honour and thank volunteers from all walks of life who had contributed to society. All over our country services such as community fire brigades are staffed (given the long distances) by local communities, everyone from the local garbageman to, yes that's right, Tony Abbott the Opposition leader himself, who has been a volunteer for years.

  • RobbieBRwlid

    I always knew that most Americans were as thick as two short planks in relation to history, geography or indeed any topic without a US context. But the comment that "English and Irish convicts we're dumped near present day Sydney and left to die" is surely one of the most stupid things ever written about Australia. However coming from a country who would elect Obama president i think says it all.

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