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It feels so smooth on the lips...

So Barack Obama is in favor of greater access to college education (like most every other modern president before him), you say? There’s a sinister, political reason for that, according to dim dweeb Rick Santorum. Learning turns people liberal. “It’s no wonder President Obama wants every kid to go to college,” he told an audience in Florida. “The indoctrination that occurs in American universities is one of the keys to the left holding and maintaining power in America.” Woah! But wait, wasn’t he just saying that it’s the vast cabal of single moms who conspiratorially refuse to go out and get a man that make up the base of leftist power in the country?

Well okay, let’s just say for a minute that it’s both of them: single moms and students, and also probably black people, all of them, going around clamoring for food stamps as they are wont to do in Rick Santorum’s fevered racist imagination. So get married, make babies, be white and fear education, and that about sums up Rick Santorum’s policy platform.

From The Hill:

Santorum said that if higher education institutions “taught Judeo-Christian principles” “they would be stripped of every dollar.”

Haha, WRONG. Dead bigot Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University got almost a half billion dollars in federal funds in 2010, which is particularly tragic when you think of the half billion dollars taxpayers did not get to spend on a more sane use of their money, like free sea monkey kits in every senior center.

“If they teach radical secular ideology, they get all the government support that they can possibly give them,” Santorum continued. “Because, you know, 62 percent of children who enter college with a faith conviction leave without it.”

Let’s see, Rick. You got a BA from Penn State, an MBA from University of Pittsburgh and a JD from Dickinson School of Law and STILL managed to emerge an unrepentant bigot, so certainly there’s hope! [The Hill]

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  • nounverb911

    "You got a BA from Penn State,"
    Was Santorum one of Sandusky's first victims?

    • At the very least, it was a result. Hi-yo!

      I will now flog myself with a chain wrapped in barbed wire for even thinking this.

    • "Show me on the Nittany Lion doll where Sandusky touched you…"

    • monty4prez

      Does BA stand for Backdoor Access? Too soon?

  • Barb

    Screw prayer and pray in school. We don't need a moment of "silence", we need a moment of "science" if we want to be able to compete in this world.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Dear RNC,
    Seriously?
    MG

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    Education makes you liberal.

    Ignorance makes you conservative.

    . . .

    I don't see the problem here.

    • OneYieldRegular

      It's called deductive reasoning – but one would have to go to college to learn about it.

    • TimWasTim
    • GOPCrusher

      This AM I read an article where the Republiklans have decide the defend the rights of people who want to drop out of high school, since the President called on the states to pass a law mandating that student remain in school until they graduate or turn 18.
      I guess they see it as one way to try to increase their Base.

    • Grief_Lessons

      It's that old, plenty true aphorism, that not all Conservative people are stupid, but all stupid people are Conservative.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Well, Ignorance Is Strength IS one of Big Brother's Big Rules.

  • ph7

    “Because, you know, 62 percent of children who enter college with a faith conviction leave without it.”

    Finally, some good news.

    • Biff

      This alone is why I don't mind paying taxes for education, even though I clearly never benefitted from an education myself.

    • teebob2000

      Hmm…. Maybe it's because they learn CRITICAL, INDEPENDENT THINKING rather than blindly following the various religious dogma that's been hammered into them by their fundie families for the first 18 years of their sad lives?

      • SorosBot

        Hell, learning critical thinking in high school (and partially in grade school before that) lead me to drop my faith convictions. Ironically it was a Catholic school.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Same here. I was all but atheist in name by middle school, and it only took a few eastern religion courses in high school for me to realize how silly it was to believe that my single, solitary interpretation of the supernatural was any more valid than the billions of others in the world. With all the millions of gods throughout history, it takes some real chootz-pah (thank you, Shelly) to think that yours is the only one that's real.

          It wasn't until later that I heard the quote "We're both atheists, I just believe in one less God than you do" and everything clicked.

        • Loaded_Pants

          I'm sure getting a pass during study hall to go the library & read up on other religions did it for me. But, earlier, I think it was going through puberty that started it. I was baptized around the time my puberty started. After I was dunked into the water, I came up with a boner for the preacher (he was pretty hawt).

    • BarryOPotter

      I read that as "62% of children who enter college with a faith conviction leave it having wasted neither time nor money" as faith is absolutely and utterly built on logical fallacies. I guess some of ours chilluns' iz lurnin'…

      I find myself turning more frequently to Hitch's aphorism: "what can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence."

      • Fare la Volpe

        Hitchens' Razor, they're calling it now.

        • BarryOPotter

          Hitchens' Razor

          And so it came to pass… Well done, FV!

    • chicken_thief

      I think that quote falls into the "93% of all statistics are made up on the spot" category. As does this one…

  • Are they now requiring the Rethug debasers to pass a Breathalyzer™ test before the debates? Do they have to blow a 0.3% or more to participate? With their answers so far that would make sense.

    • Swampgas_Man

      These guys blow 100% as far as I'm concerned.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Santorum: The dopiate of the Masses and the Massuh's.

  • So get married, make babies, be white and fear education, and that about sums up Rick Santorum’s policy platform.

    Reminds me of someone…
    ~

    • Loaded_Pants

      Koresh would have been the perfect 2012 Presidential candidate. AND he was from TX!

  • prommie

    Why is it again we don't have any math, science, or engineering students in this country? Oh, thats right, the raging fundamentalist anti-intellectualism.

  • MrFizzy

    That should have read: opiate of the asses.

    • Sue4466

      Really, either way works. Kudos to both of you.

  • MrFizzy

    Education: opiate of the masses. Santorum: opiate of the asses.

    • Religion is the opiate of the masses and Ricky is their high priestess.

      • MrFizzy

        do they get baptized in Santorum?

        • One can only imagine. ewwwwwwww ewwwwwww ewwwwwwwww

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    "62 percent of children who enter college with a faith conviction leave without it.”
    If this alleged fact came from where I think it did it’s probably covered with santorum.

    • Baconzgood

      56% of all percentages are made up you know.

      • 40 or 50 % McShineys

        Yes, yes I do.

        –Mitt Romney

    • SenileAgitation

      He didn't mention the percentage of children who enter college anal virgins and leave with a deep knowledge of santorum.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    So the new American Exceptionalism will be built upon the backs of ill-educated religious types with no respect for – or even an inkling of – hundreds of years of human knowledge.

    Otherwise known as Santorum's Base, now I think about it.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Jan Brewer (the nation's only governor w/out a bachelor's degree) agrees!

    • Thurman Munster IV

      Scott "Kochgobbler" Walker doesn't have one neither.

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        I stand corrected. And unfortunately not the least bit surprised to read that…

  • Again, fuck this guy.

  • Book larning's for communists and Kenyans.

  • CommieLibunatic

    And people actually want to vote for this guy… Hey, America. Did I ever mention how much I hate you?

  • arihaya

    i think Santroum has trauma about college lives,

    maybe because he was rejected by his dream boy in college?

    or considering that he was from Penn State, maybe he had an unpleasant encounter with Jerry Sandusky

    • GOPCrusher

      Might of been that time he awarded Jerry the Congressional Angels of Adoption award for the good works he was doing with disadvantaged youths.

  • The more you know, the less you hate.

    • Millennial Malaise

      The more you know, the better you hate. At least, that's been my experience

  • finallyhappy

    "radical secular ideology" = science, technology, engineering, math

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      geography, history, english lit, journalism – hell, anything which might teach a student any kind of critical thinking skills

      • bureaucrap

        and don't forget astronomy (lest they learn that the earth goes around the sun, and that the universe is more than 5,000 years old); meteorology and climatology (for the obvious reasons); and biology (lest they learn that pizza is not actually a vegetable).

    • GOPCrusher

      Rick gave a speech at a college here in Iowa shortly before the Caucuses where he insisted that Climate Change does not exist, and that professors and scientists need to stop teaching about it as an absolute fact, since they cannot absolutely prove it exists.
      But he also stated that we need to bring teaching students about Jesus back in to schools.

      • finallyhappy

        A real college let him speak? I know it wasn't Grinnell unless it was part of comedy night.

  • chascates

    Now that they've gotten people to get their news from Fox and their marching orders from talk radio that's all that's needed. Education just fills people with hope and dreams and makes them think they can rise higher than their betters.

    In short: get that high school diploma, get married, and get ready for 50-60 years of manual drudgery.

    • SenileAgitation

      DO NOT let Obama force you to graduate high school! He wants to tell you what to think and what to wear while you are doing it! Drop out for Freedom!

  • Radiotherapy

    Your move Newt.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "62 percent of children who enter college with a faith conviction leave without it."

    Thank Jesus!

  • Where did that religious conviction disappear to, you ask of our nation's co-eds?

    Rabid manglers of your cherished Christian bromides including famous author Michele Bachmann take them on a regular basis, violate them with abysmally flawed-exampled stewardship, gnaw them to the core and spit them out.

  • larryfinexx

    Rick Santorum gets better looking as every day goes by.

  • Fare la Volpe

    College is evil, evil, evil, EVIL*

    *Except for all the filthy rich schmucks like me.

  • Extemporanus

    Jesus Christ never went to college, yet that didn't stop Him from trying to join a frat and getting hazed to death.

    • "Sigma Chi forever! Can you let me down now? Dudes?"

      • Extemporanus

        Christ got hammered for our sins.

    • Fare la Volpe

      And man did his dad chew him out for that.

    • …or date raping Mary Magdalene.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Don't listen to anything that whore says! *hock, p'ting*

    • ph7

      Last words: "Why hath Dean Wormer forsaken me?"

      • GOPCrusher

        "Eight years of college, down the drain."

      • Biff

        "Knowledge is good". But not according to santorum.

  • Baconzgood

    Being edumacated makez it moare hardest to swallow they're bullshit.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Santorum hates education so much, he only hires staff if they fail to read "See Spot Run."

  • Joshua Norton

    Wow. He really showed those people who think the president ought to know stuff.

  • SorosBot

    “Because, you know, 62 percent of children who enter college with a faith conviction leave without it.”

    That's because knowledge helps people separate reality from fantasy, and that's actually a good thing But Santorum here wants Americans to remain ignorant and therefore easier to exploit, the fucking douchebag.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I don't think Santorum is smart enough to exploit. Really, I think Santorum is one of those ingrates that Republicans love to con, but they didn't think one of those dumbfucks would ever actually run for office.

      Joke's on them.

      • SorosBot

        For him, it's that he it to be easier for the Catholic Church to exploit the people, keeping them flush with donations (not to mention access to their children).

      • Radiotherapy

        Exploiting Santorum, ewww.

  • Wilcoxyz

    My school would have been vastly improved if most of the college republicans had dropped out. They were about as much fun as the abstinence club — at their little table set up on the quad. Which actually was kind of funny.

    • pdiddycornchips

      At my alma mater, Univ. of Nevada @ Reno, we had a few Republicans at first but soon the combination of beer, casino gambling and legalized prostitution replaced the holy trinity.

      • GOPCrusher

        Beer, gambling, and prostitution ISN'T the Holy Trinity?

    • SorosBot

      The College Republicans at my school (otherwise a hotbed of liberalism) put out a monthly journal, and I remember one time one woman published an article claiming that women were naturally happier being just housewives and mothers. I read it in shock, wondering why the fuck she was going to college (not to mention a top tier school) if she really believed that.

      • MosesInvests

        Going for her MRS degree, obviously.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Heh heh, "Dickinson."

    Get it? Dick In Son?

    • ph7

      Manondog College waitlisted him.

      • MissNancyPriss

        I can't believe Man on Dog hasn't been invoked in a debate yet. What are they waiting for?

        • SayItWithWookies

          Santorum's poll numbers to get above 4%.

          • GOPCrusher

            Ahhh, another Santorum Surge.

  • edgydrifter

    "radical secular ideology"–because NOT believing fairy tales is radical and unreasonable.

  • Puffperney

    Well, here's a timely article: "Low IQ & Conservative Beliefs linked to Prejudice." I'm shocked!

    http://news.yahoo.com/low-iq-conservative-beliefs

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Hodson was quick to note that the despite the link found between low intelligence and social conservatism, the researchers aren't implying that all liberals are brilliant and all conservatives stupid. The research is a study of averages over large groups, he said.

      Yeah, just most conservatives are dimbulbs. That is just too good.

      • Biff

        The irony of such an article appearing on yahoo is delicious. Read the comments therein at your own peril.

    • Callyson

      Oh boy, I hope HuffyPo has a thread on this. The wingnuts there will lose their shit.
      BRB…

    • gizdal

      yeah and at least 50% of americans have low IQs. it's the ole
      Bell Curve, check it out.
      imagine how dumb thems guys are….

      • Swampgas_Man

        To paraphrase Carlin: Think about how stupid the average American is; now realize that half are even stupider than THAT.

  • Baconzgood

    College:

    Christian goes in atheist comes out. You can't explain it.

    • WhatTheHeck

      Bravo Bacon. You hit the nail right on the cross.
      This explains why a lot of students can’t find proof that dinosaurs roamed the earth 6,000 years ago. And for that, the republicans will cut funding for higher education.

    • gizdal

      can be explained by looking at the Sexual dimension. the more sex they have in college, the more liberal they become. that's why it's best, folks, to send your childrens to a Christian colllege where they keep their virginity and their religion for 4 years. great, ain't it?

  • Karl Rove:

    “As people do better, they start voting like Republicans –
    unless they have too much education and vote Democratic,
    which proves there can be too much of a good thing.”

    Hey, Rick! You know who else was for keeping the masses dumb?

    • The Pope?
      ~

    • Fare la Volpe

      King Louis XVI?

    • SorosBot

      TLC and E!?

    • Fran Drescher?

    • jus_wonderin

      The elusive Higgs-Boson particle? (Okay, I have used that, in a fashion, twice today.)

    • Radiotherapy

      Mother Teresa.

    • ph7

      The Farrelly Brothers?

  • "Free Sea Monkey kits"

    Kirsten, can I have your babies?

  • GhostBuggy

    I would like to request Santorum's school records be made public. When did he enter Dickinson, for example, and when did they let Santorum out?

  • SayItWithWookies

    “Because, you know, 62 percent of children who enter college with a faith conviction leave without it.”

    This is testament to the failure of our educational system — the number of students who leave college without their faith should be at least as high as the number who leave without their virginity.

  • CapnFatback

    Yes, yes, our magical wizardry indoctrination of leftist ideals has all gone to plan. Now if I could only indoctrinate my students into doing their damn reading for each class!

    • HateMachine

      Speaking as a product-in-progress of our nation's leftist indoctrination machine, I didn't have my reading done yesterday because I spent the previous night getting drunk to the SOTU, which is, incidentally, the same reason that you didn't have our quizzes graded yet.

      • CapnFatback

        No worries. On special nights like the SOTU, I have special dice prepared. The six sides of one have the grades "A," "B," "C," "D," "F," and "Roll again." The other die has "+," "-," and a blank side, all repeated twice.

        It's almost orgasmic when an Obama standing ovation corresponds with an "F-."

        • HateMachine

          Ooh, that's positively diabolical. I like you.

          If you prefer, the head nerd at your local comic/D&D store thing can recommend an exotically-shaped dice setup that will allow you to generate results in the full 0-100 range. Plus an additional d20 to determine a penalty to the rolled score, for grammar.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Mr. Santorum,

    Although your principled stance advocating for little education and no sex without procreation may not win you a lot of votes in the United States, your values are exactly what we require in our leadership. We offer a generous relocation package.

    Sincerely,
    The Taliban

  • He's so touchy ever since people started noticing his wife's late abortion.

  • “Because, you know, 62 percent of children who enter college with a faith conviction leave without it.”

    Education. Amazing, ain't it?

  • justkillmenow

    I work for one of those liberal institutions of higher learning and I'm here to tell you, we are not getting all the money we could use. So, if anyone knows where those dollars are hiding, please share. We're dying over here.

    • HateMachine

      I always thought the dollars were sitting in a big pile over in the administration building, where the president, trustees, bursar, and a select few deans use it for rolling papers.

  • “Because, you know, 62 percent of children who enter college with a faith conviction leave without it.”

    The sentence was actually five years, but they got a year off for good behavior.

  • Sue4466

    Rick's right. Going to college makes you more liberal. Because facts have a well known liberal bias.

  • prommie

    He wants to be President so he can lead us back to the Dark Ages!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “Because, you know, 62 percent of children who enter college with a faith conviction leave without it.”

    Well, the idea is to get smarter. Improvement is obviously still needed, as we evidently still have a 38% failure rate.

  • Sue4466

    "So get married, make babies, be white and fear education, and that about sums up Rick Santorum’s policy platform."

    Also sums up Santorum's base. I've met so many Teatards who proudly proclaim they rejected being indoctrinated by their college professors. Which is code for "I failed out."

    • GOPCrusher

      Probably only watch Fox News, since any other outlet for news or opinion is just more of The Vast Left Wing Indoctrination Conspiracy.

  • bureaucrap

    Santorum — Because a mind is a terrible thing to use.

  • Terry

    "“If they teach radical secular ideology, they get all the government support that they can possibly give them,” Santorum continued. "

    I'm not sure how I did it, but I graduated from multiple large state universities and never once took a course in radical secular ideology.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    God I hope he goes away after FL. He is starting to reach my "Cantor" zone.

  • VinnyThePooh

    "If there's one thing I've learned, it's learning things never taught me nuthin'. And books is the worst."
    – Madeline Kahn as Betty in Yellowbeard.

  • DaRooster

    “If they teach radical secular ideology…"

    I tend to notice far more radicalism in folks that are religious.

    • BarryOPotter

      I tend to notice far more radicalism in folks that are religious.

      That's probably because, for a religion's radical element, they choose not to learn humane behavior towards the species writ large, but use the guise of religion to justify their actions, no matter how base. The non-believer must bow to [Insert Your God's Name Here] by whatever means convenient/necessary – jihad, holy war, crusade, clinic bombing, murder, rape, genocide, you know, "doing god's work…"

      • DaRooster

        … and louder too, also.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Hmmm. Critical thinking skills and general knowledge make people less conservative (aka crazy). That's really strange.

  • jus_wonderin

    Dude, you have such tiny, dainty hands!!

  • meatlofer

    When I had my Hip replaced I asked if I could bring it home for my dog. Denied! Yet this fucknut brings dead babies home. America, so unjust.

  • Callyson

    "you know, 62 percent of children who enter college with a faith conviction leave without it.”
    Um. yeah, and yet the latest Gallup poll on the topic found that 94% of college graduates believe in God.
    Unless, by "God," Ricky means "a fascist dictator who wants to impose fundi Christian Taliban rule." Then, maybe he's on to something…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “The indoctrination that occurs in American universities is one of the keys to the left holding and maintaining power in America.”

    Well, we on the left need something to balance out the indoctrination that occurs in American churches for the right holding and maintaining power in America.

    • GOPCrusher

      If The Left is holding and maintaining power, why don't we have Single Payer Health Care?

      • 40 or 50 % McShineys

        FOX News.

  • SorosBot

    No one tell Rick that at my college, they even had us read Marx; of course I was a philosophy major and any philosophy program that doesn't include Marx is failing the students.

    • chicken_thief

      SAUL ALINSKY LIBEL!!!!

    • GOPCrusher

      How about Nietzsche?

  • Guppy

    "62 percent of children who enter college with a faith conviction leave without it"

    So their faith can only subsist in a vacuum, unchallenged and untested?

    This word "faith," I do not think it means what you think it means.

    "single moms and students"

    My local community college has both!

  • Eve8Apples

    Well that should help American workers – Fuck the fancy book learnin'. Americans should drop out of high school, sit at home, read their Bibles and pray for a paycheck. Then the dumb bastards wonder why American companies move their workforce overseas.

  • chicken_thief

    "…MBA from University of Pittsburgh…"

    Too fucking dumb to get into Wharton or Hahvahd, I see….

  • owhatever

    When Newt was a college prof, he required students to reject religion and stomp on the cross in order to get a passing grade.

    • MissNancyPriss

      As well as sleep with him

      • chicken_thief

        Since having read that comment, Herman Cain has sent resumes to every institution of higher learning listed in the US News & World Report review. And a few trade schools.

  • MissNancyPriss

    I've been actually wondering when a Republican would call out higher learning as liberal indoctrination, just needed a candidate stupid enough to say it.

  • Schmegeg

    I used to cut my dialectical materialism seminar to attend chapel.

  • mavenmaven

    "You got a BA… and STILL managed to emerge an unrepentant bigot"

    That's because he's an idiot.

  • Jerri

    Keep being amazing, Ricky!

    I hope he never, ever gets image advisers or handlers of any sort. Particularly the competent sort.

  • ElPinche

    "Hey! Whatcha reading for? "

  • JackObin

    Perhaps this bright light Santorum can explain Biblical indoctrination, which seems to me far more prevalent here in Land of the Lost.

  • upthruster

    ""Because, you know, 62 percent of children who enter college with a faith conviction leave without it."

    He forgot to specify that the "62 percent of children" leave as educated ADULTS and the remaining 38 percent don't graduate.

  • rickmaci

    The 2012 Rethug platform for America. "Keep them ignorant, fearful, bigoted, procreating and menially employed." The Wingtardlican future in a nutshell. Scary.

  • gizdal

    and not only does edjication make them liberals, those dirty students are having SEX in college. and Rick is agin this sacrilege.
    and don't forget, says Rick, they'se also having butt-butter sex in the dorms (for more info, Google the name Santorum!).

  • ttommyunger

    "Santorum To Win This Thing With New Stance…" Wide, I assume.

  • Bonghits4Jesus

    Are we not GOP men? We are DEVO!

  • Bonghits4Jesus

    Oddly, the Frothy Mix (http://spreadingsantorum.com/) is right this time a new study has just come out correlating stupidity with conservatism with racism:
    http://news.yahoo.com/low-iq-conservative-beliefs

  • So if I have this right, in Ricky's world, Liberals are college educated while the perfect Conservative is an uneducated high school drop out.

    Ok, I can live with that.

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