Where were you when you found out Mitt Romney made $42.5 million in two years? On the toilet, as you are now? Well the truth is that this Republican f—-runner would like to downplay this significant Event in our country’s history by telling you that, actually, he paid ‘closer to 40 or 50 percent’ in taxes in 2010 and 2011. Oh, that’s great, sorry, it’s just that tax returns are so hard to understand and we just thought the amount that you paid in taxes was the amount you paid in taxes, but apparently it’s actually any money that you spent that did not go towards making you or your houses prettier.

Oh, this is a dizzying one. In the above interview with Univision’s Jorge Ramos, Romney was asked whether it is fair that he pays a 13 percent tax rate.

Romney responded that “Well, actually, I released two years of taxes and I think the average is almost 15 percent.” Almost 15 percent. Clearly that sounded ridiculous coming out of his mouth, so he decided to try to scrounge up another 30 to 35 percent somehow:

And then also, on top of that, I gave another more 15 percent to charity. When you add it together with all of the taxes and the charity, particularly in the last year, I think it reaches almost 40 percent that I gave back to the community. One of the reasons why we have a lower tax rate on capital gains is because capital gains are also being taxed at the corporate level. So as businesses earn profits, that’s taxed at 35 percent, then as they distribute those profits as dividends, that’s taxed at 15 percent more. So, all total, the tax rate is really closer to 45 or 50 percent.

Oh, that makes TOTAL SENSE. So because corporations get taxed before they give you your interest and dividends, you are really secretly paying a 35 percent tax rate, because corporations are people and therefore people are also corporations? Interesting. But does Bain Capital even pay a 35 percent tax on its revenue? As Think Progress points out, many Fortune 500 companies pay far less than 35 percent, and some don’t pay any tax.

Even if Bain does pay 35 percent, this is like saying that the average American employer reduces the salaries of its employees because it has to factor in the corporate taxes that it will have to pay every year. Even if they did, the employees still have to pay 25 to 35 percent on that income. In every scenario, Romney loses.

Bottom line, we all know that Romney made this “dividends-as-income” deal with his employer expressly so that his income would not only be spread out across as many years as possible, but would also be taxed at a nearly nonexistent rate. It’s called a get-rich-quick scheme, and for some reason it’s legal. Now what simply amounts to greed is coming back to bite Romney in the ass, and he is fully aware of his own evilness. It’s why he’s finding himself saying — in the very same interview — things like:

I want to help the 99 percent.

We don’t want your help.

And you know it’s bad when a person worth 32 times the amount you’re worth is giving a eulogy for your presidential bid on Twitter:



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  • Barb

    I'll bet you $10,000.00 he's lying.

    • Newt could cover that bet with 10 minutes of speaking fees. Or 1/50th of his Tiffany's line-of-credit. Or a few seconds of lobbying historian-ing for his johns clients.

    • lulzmonger

      Make it 10,000 lire & I'm in!

  • nounverb911

    Isn't math a requirement from graduating from Harvard B-school?

    • Sue4466

      Yeah, but you can opt-out if you get an A in bullshit.

    • Of course not. In "B-204 Minions and Sycophants" future Captains of Industry are taught how to avoid pesky facts and other details.

    • Yes, but so is statistics. I think they use this textbook: How to Lie With Statistics

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      George W. Bush would say no.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You can choose between math and "Hiring Accountants 101".

  • Crank_Tango

    What's a fartrunner?

  • Crank_Tango

    Also too, when he says he gave 15% to charity, does he mean his tithe to the church?

    • nounverb911

      All of it, Katie.

      • Crank_Tango

        Yeah I am just wondering how much that fucker gave to prop 8, and how you could call that charity work or giving back to the community.

        • Fare la Volpe

          It's "charity" in that the Mormons don't need to disclose where it came from; it's "giving back" because Romney is paying back all those wonderful gays who supported him during his governor race; and it's helping the "community" of self-righteous polygamist bigots tell the rest of the world how to live their own goddamn lives.

    • SorosBot

      Exactly; he's giving money to religion, a harmful force in society. He's not "giving back" with that money; he's actively making things worse.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Well some of it went to his family charity, which only gives most of its donations to the LDS.

      Still, I agree that the Mormons, from what I've seen, would be hard pressed to prove what community service they really provide- waking people up on weekends with visits from annoying young men? Propping up the polyester pants and short sleeved shirt industries? Converting people without their knowledge or consent, "for their own good"?

    • Generation[redacted]

      If we all gave 15% to his church, there wouldn't be a deficit! BTW my tax rate is something like 185%.

      • nonbeliever7

        You work for Fox News?

    • HateMachine

      He does, and it's also worth noting that he used it as a tax deduction.

    • paris biltong

      I tithe to (?) the supermarket and also to the gas pump. I also give to the telephone company and the ISP, the clothing, sporting goods and video stores and a whole lot of other causes, so that I end up putting back into the community all that the government doesn't take. Must total about 100 percent. Fuck you, Mitt.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Gas pumps are people too, my friend. Just look at Newt Gingrich.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Gas Pump Libel! At least a gas pump spews out something useful.

  • memzilla

    SPECIOUS ARGUMENT ALERT. Except for the fact that the rest of us 99% are taxed on our income and taxed again on whatever we buy. Elitist dickhead.

    LOGIC FAIL AT 0x000001.
    POPULISM FAIL AT 0x000099.

    The system has halted. Please reboot Mittbot 2.0.

    • An_Outhouse

      All those waiters, waitresses, and hairdressers don't have to pay any taxes on their tips because that money was already taxed. right? All the money I spend is not treated as revenue by the establishments where I spend it because its already been taxed – right? Mittbot dereferenced a null pointer.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I'm following Mitt rules with my taxes this year. Since someone must have paid taxes on the money I've made before I was paid, as I didn't find it on the floor of the Federal Reserve, I figure I can deduct 35% from anything I own.

        Mitt rules Rule!

    • Gleem_McShineys


      • James Michael Curley

        Sounds like the next half time show at Brigham Young University.

  • larryfinexx

    If Romney saves his money he will be able to afford a manhattan apartment soon.

  • Sue4466

    Just for the record, donating money to charity is not paying taxes. Even if you consider it went to the Mormons, a tithe is not a tax.

    • OneYieldRegular

      And that you can deduct it from your taxes as a "charitable contribution" means that you're not really paying anything or helping anyone – you're just improving your bottom line and buying support (in this case) for your campaign. I think in other countries this is called "corruption" or something like that.

  • chascates

    Pretty high rate for a guy who considers himself unemployed.

  • "So, all total, the tax rate is really closer to 45 or 50 percent."

    Apparently he agrees the tax rate on his type of non-labor income should be taxed at 45-50%. We're just left with a disagreement over the arithmetic and accounting used to get there.

  • PhilippePetain

    Man, the dick on this guy.

    • RedneckMuslin

      His humongous balls hide that tiny thing.

    • Geminisunmars

      His dick is awash in gall.

    • Chichikovovich

      I wouldn't put it quite that way. But it is true that when you look at him you see a huge dick.

    • GOPCrusher

      Looks like a penis, only smaller.

  • Only Mitt's humanity rate is "closer to 40 or 50%"

    • Half man, half machine, all douchebag. MITT ROMNEY FOR ROBOPRESIDENT

  • Chichikovovich

    " I gave another more 15 percent to charity. "

    I assume that 10 of that 15 percent went to an organization that until Romney was in his thirties taught as fundamental doctrine that blacks were fundamentally inferior to whites, and were marked by God as such. An organization that currently is spending a king's ransom to ensure that gay parents will never be able to have their families legally recognized for what they are. [And, you know, it takes a family to raise a child, right Rick].

    • An_Outhouse

      Everybody knows what great works of charity that the Mormon Church is known for, right? Because I can't name one.

      • SorosBot

        Making sure that gay people don't have equal rights in California?

      • Fare la Volpe

        Brigham Young had a great charity going – the families of his compound would "donate" their daughters to his bedroom, and he would "give back" their own Aryan planet when they died.

    • memzilla

      It takes a village that we had to destroy in order to save it to raise a child.

    • HateMachine

      It truly is the most American religion for American Americans in this, the most American of all the Americas.

  • Not_So_Much

    Fuzzy Math?

    • I believe the correct term among the Party of the 1% is "Voodoo economics."

  • "as businesses earn profits, that’s taxed at 35 percent, then as they distribute those profits as dividends, that’s taxed at 15 percent more"

    My paycheck — for working (and writing Wonkette comments) — comes from similarly already-taxed money. So I guess I should add that same 50% to my tax rate. Sorry, Mitt — I know you pay more dollars than me, but your rate is still much lower than mine.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      Um, no, sorry. I mean, Mittens is a lying sack of shit, but for other reasons. Salary and wages are a deductible business expense, so corporations don't pay taxes on income paid out in wages. Dividends, which come from profits, are taxed to the corporation before they are paid and then to the shareholder.

      But carried interest, Mittens' scheme, was never taxed as a corporate profit, which is why he lies.

      • Romney is arguing we tax when money is exchanged, so we tax the same dollar when it's a profit and when it's distributed and when it's spent over-and-over until it gets to retire in the Cayman Islands. Thus, my pay ultimately comes from some already-taxed money, regardless of how many hands it passed through on its way to me (and then to the liquor store).

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Seems to me we'd prefer that corporations take those profits and invest them in building plants and creating jobs, no? Taxing dividends pushes the money toward tax-deductible capital spending and hiring.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "I want to help the 99 percent."

    Mitt, please send a check for a million and a half bucks (so I can clear a million after taxes) to:
    Baldar T Flagass
    69 Fuck You Lane
    Fuck You, Fuxas 78666

    That will be a good start.

    • Holy shit, we are next door neighbors!

    • pdiddycornchips

      If he's serious about helping the 99%, I'll lend him my shotgun. It's best to tilt the head forward, place the barrel against the roof of your mouth and steady the butt end firmly between your knees

  • Sue4466

    Other unbelievable things Mittens would like us to believe:

    That he knows what it's like to be afraid of getting pink slipped.
    That he's unemployed.
    That he cares about the 99%
    That his dog liked being on the top of that car.
    That he's a regular guy who knows how to do laundry.
    That his underwear is magic.
    That he is not a robot.

  • Boojum_Reborn

    Here's (one) problem with that argument: Mitt declared 42.5 million in income. He kept, AFTER TAXES, 36.1675 million. So, if we attribute corporate taxes to Mitt (of which there were none, see carried fucking interest, dickhead), using his bullshit 35% rate, then his pre-tax income was 85 million, for doing not dick. Either way, fuck him.

  • Boojum_Reborn

    Oh, and did Mittens tithe based on the corporate income? I thought not.

    • Biff

      Tithes are supposed to be 10% of gross. I think SLC will be sharpening up their red pencils over this, possibly even rescind that quit-claim deed to that planet he bought.

  • An_Outhouse

    So Romney's charity is going to invade Iran, bomb Cuba, reinvigorate the 'space coast', and send people to Mars? Because he said he wanted to do all of that the other night but he didn't offer to pay for any of it.

    • pdiddycornchips

      They will pay for this by cutting taxes on rich people.

  • ph7

    Now that donating to your religion constitutes "taxes", I'd like to know what he plans to about all those Cadillac Pastors living off the dole.

  • Callyson

    "You see, my employer has already paid taxes on its revenues before it paid those of us who work for them. Therefore, this money has already been taxed and I should pay a lower payroll tax."
    I think I'll try it. I'm sure the IRS agents could use a good laugh…

    • GOPCrusher

      And the same people bitch that 47% of Americans pay no taxes, because the taxes they pay on the pittance they earn gets returned as a refund. No mention of sales tax, fuel tax, property tax, etc. etc.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    And the Banker, inspired with a courage so new
    It was matter for general remark,
    Rushed madly ahead and was lost to their view
    In his zeal to discover the Snark.
    But while he was seeking with thimbles and care,
    A Bandersnatch swiftly drew nigh
    And grabbed at the Banker, who shrieked in despair,
    For he knew it was useless to fly.
    He offered large discount—he offered a check
    (Drawn "to bearer") for seven-pounds-ten:
    But the Bandersnatch merely extended its neck
    And grabbed at the Banker again.
    Without rest or pause—while those frumious jaws
    Went savagely snapping around—
    He skipped and he hopped, and he floundered and flopped,
    Till fainting he fell to the ground.
    The Bandersnatch fled as the others appeared
    Led on by that fear-stricken yell:
    And the Bellman remarked "It is just as I feared!"
    And solemnly tolled on his bell.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      Yes. This.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      Bander-whut? Jan Brewer thread is over there.

    • And the most relevant lines:

      " I have said it thrice:
      What i tell you three times is true."

  • Well that doesn't seem very fair. No wonder he wants to be the President.

  • SorosBot

    I'm not the world's biggest math genius, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way.

  • teebob2000

    He was counting on the gabbering browns at Univision to lose everything in translation.

  • Oblios_Cap

    If he's only thought to include the highly regressive sales tax in his calculations, he might get closer to 60%.

    Of course, sales tax hits the lower income folks a lot harder.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That's because they don't have the good sense to buy their yachts in the Cayman Islands.

  • freakishlywrong

    Er..Rupert, you ARE the Retardlican establishment.

  • BerkeleyBear

    Of course, Mitt also ignores that many of the off shore entities he's drawing money from exist solely for the reason of evading corporate taxes, so that's just stupid. And trying to claim carried interest is "double taxed" when it is really ordinary income getting a tax break is just insane. I mean, by his argument no one who draws a government paycheck should pay any tax, since every dime they get is the product of multiple levels of taxation before it gets to them (ie 100 percent of it has been taxed) and everyone knows you can't tax something any more than 100 percent.

  • "I want to help the 99 percent."

    We wanna help you too, Mitt – by keeping you out of the WH, where you don't belong.

    • RedneckMuslin

      It's not an election, it's an intervention.

      • The show is called "Money Hoarders." Take note, A&E.

    • friendlyskies

      Just don't get him a 99% job! Can you imagine how frustrating it would be if this dingbat had real responsibilities, like a waiter?

      "Um, Mitt, I ordered a half vegetarian, half pepperoni pizza. This thing is 15% pepperoni, 15% ham and pineapple (barf), and 70% cheese. WTF, man?"

      "Well ham, if you think about it, COMES from vegetables, because pigs eat vegetables. People forget that – it's like a double vegetable, and therefore 30% of the pizza. And cheese is also vegetarian. Pepperoni, on the other hand, is an entitlement, and we all have to make sacrifices to get the economy going again, except for me. That will be $375,000.

  • teebob2000

    "… and since EACH dollar I paid was at something like 45 or 50%, that means I paid eleventy-billion percent in total, really."

    *well-practiced smirk*

    "Hey, after the show you want to come do my lawn?"

  • V572 the Merciless

    This is such utter bullshit, Mittens, and people won't buy it. Using that reason, you could argue that a minimum-wage-earning greeter at Walmart is really paying 60% tax because Walmart pays corporate taxes on the revenue it uses to compensate the orange-vested grandpa standing in the door.

    Own it, Mitt: you're rich, and the system favors you, and you and your B-school compadres (talking about you, Chimpy) did everything you could to make it favor you more. You were born rich (to a father whose company made real stuff…well, okay, Ramblers) and got a lot richer by looting companies, and are still "earning" money for having done so.

    You're not a "venture capitalist" who bankrolls nascent companies to advance their new ideas. You're a misadventure capitalist who borrows money to strip value from real companies and sell the remnants at auction.

    It's nothing to be proud of, and it's good that you're trying to hide the true nature and consequences of your real life's work. But you can't. Sorry!

    • Chichikovovich

      your father ran a real business that made real stuff, okay, Ramblers

      What, no love for the Gremlin?

      • V572 the Merciless

        Never! My ex-wife's first husband bought one new. Maybe the Pacer, but that was post-Rmoney.

      • The Romney family really does exemplify what has gone wrong with American business, don't they? It's Godfather Part I & II as a Mormon farce.

    • sunmusing

      V…you really are MERCILESS. Thanks that was refreshing.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Walmart pays corporate taxes on the revenue it uses to compensate the orange-vested grandpa standing in the door

      Not anymore, seeing as Wal-Mart just announced that it's laying off thousands of the poor old blue hairs. Thank God they have all that Social Security and Medica–oh wait, no they don't.

      • V572 the Merciless

        Not after Mittens gets elected and implements Ryan’s wonderful, wonderful plan!Oh wait, nobody who’s close to retirement will be cut off, they claim. But what they can’t guarantee is that the still-working Youngs will support a plan that is better for the Olds than it will be for them. Which is why us Olds are against it. They think we’re stupid, I guess.

    • To be clear though, Walmart does not pay taxes on salaries. Salaries are an expense; revenue/income is the money you bring in before paying expenses; profit is the money left after subtracting expenses; and profit is what gets taxed. (Accountants, correct me if I'm financially illiterate.)

      • V572 the Merciless

        Well, it's complicated and boring. But employers pay Soshecurity and Medicare on employee payroll, plus state and federal unemployment. You're right that all that comes off the bottom line and reduces taxable profit. Mitt's argument that he “paid” corporate taxes by receiving less profit/income from Bain is true if he were the sole owner, but in truth he shares that corporate tax burden with all the other shareholders. I'm not an accountant but have been an employer, and stayed at a Holiday Inn Express once, and man did it suck.

        • Yes, corporations would like to look at social security, medicare, and unemployment as corporate taxes, but they are really part of the total compensation for employees, i.e. a government-mandated portion of wages. So the workers are really the ones who are paying those taxes in the form of less take-home pay, not the corporations, n'est-ce pas? Of course, if the government didn't require all those payments, I don't think workers' take-home pay would magically embiggen; Corporations would pass the savings on to the Caymans.

          • V572 the Merciless

            Exactamundo. It’s not at all clear that employees really pay both sides of SS or Medicare. Who says the employer would bump their salaries up if the requirement were eliminated?

            The real mystery is how Mittens can have an IRA with $101 million in it when you can only contribute $15K/year. Maybe he’s older than he looks.

          • Would he be able to roll over a bigger sum from a 401k to avoid the limit?

          • GOPCrusher

            Which is what they've been doing since 1981, when the Great American Job Migration began to enrich the lives of Third-World laborers and raise them up to the same standard of living that we enjoy in America today.
            USA! FUCK YEAH!

  • Baconzgood

    So my company paid taxes which means I don't right?

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    It scalds me to say this, but I agree with Rupert.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    "When you add it together with all of the taxes and the charity, particularly in the last year, I think it reaches almost 40 percent that I gave back to the community"

    So that means I'm paying something like 80 percent in taxes then.

  • proudgrampa

    Unbelievable, the implosion.

  • Millennial Malaise

    When you add it together with all of the taxes and the charity, particularly in the last year, I think it reaches almost 40 percent that I gave back to the community.

    Stop the presses, you guys! We just saw a republican admit that taxes are the price you pay for civilization and for the well being of the community and not gubmint slavery!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Uh-oh. Wait 'till the teabaggers hear about this!

  • Geminisunmars

    Well, to be fair, think of all the money he musta paid in property taxes.

    • chicken_thief

      It may not be as much as you think – it can be negotiated when you spend the kind of money that he does on a house.

  • Eve8Apples

    More proof that Republicans suck at math and science and logic and communication.

  • Oblios_Cap

    O/T, here in America's Dinghus™, the "Party of Keeping the Government out of Our Lives" is trying to pass a bill to randomly drug test state workers, with a single positive test getting a person fired.

    All in the name of trying to counteract the bills sponsor's perceived growing indifference to casual drug use by society at large. What a bunch of rat bastards.

    • SoBeach

      It's all about the pinchy-faced cotton tops. They just know those rude blah people at the DMV are on the reefer or something. And unlike real issues affecting the state that take actual time to learn and understand, this one is easy, emotional, and appeals to the basic need some people have to arbitrarily crap on people they think are beneath them.

    • freakishlywrong

      They realize they're state workers as well, right?

    • GOPCrusher

      Well, you know, all those drug addicts, hooked on those reefer sticks, are more likely to vote to be unionized.

  • Yeah. Mittens is proof that figures don't lie, but Liars figure.

  • If Romney had used that kind of creative accounting while at Bain, a lot of people would still have their jobs.

    "When we sold that widget, the revenue was transfered to the internal cost account. So we really sold it twice. Then we capitalized the equipment cost against future revenue. So we really sold it three times. And when we shipped it, the funds were released. So we really sold it four times. This company is like having a license to print money!"

  • ttommyunger

    "Romney Would Like You to Believe His Tax Rate Is ‘Closer to 40 or 50 Percent’. He would also like us to believe a Romney Presidency wouldn't result in the total collapse of any remnant of a middle class in America.

  • memzilla

    Wonder how much he took as a deduction for his books that didn't sell?

  • RedneckMuslin

    "I want to help the 99 percent".

    In R-money math, that means he wants to help the 99% but 1% of the time. It has to add to 100, people.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Unless you are a Fox News graphic.

  • freakishlywrong

    So, if I sell dog carriers, and I buy a dog carrier, and I pay sales tax on the dog carrier, I'm getting the shit taxed out of me.

    • Geminisunmars

      Oh, that explains what happened. Taxes made poor ole Seamus shit.

  • SayItWithWookies

    See, Mitt's such a man of the people, that he counts his employer's taxes as his own taxes in addition to the taxes he actually pays. He probably counts the unemployment insurance that the companies he buys have to pay when they lay off thousands of workers as his own taxes too — not to mention the taxes those workers have to pay on their unemployment compensation, or the taxes they pay when the government bails out the pension funds that Bain used as collateral when over-leveraging all the companies they've raided. See, he's just like us!

    • pdiddycornchips

      Imagine if he belonged to one of greedy, freeloading unions? Everyone knows it's all their fault. Living wage? Benefits? Retirement? Those greedy bastards keep it up and they may cause Mittens taxes to go up .01% someday. That's totally not fair!

  • SoBeach

    All I know is in 2010 I gave twice as big a chunk of my income to the gubmen as Romney. He can flat out kiss my ass.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Romney's finances are obviously controlled by the simple algebraic formula of "I Got Mine+Numerous Tax Loopholes+Charity+Tithing to Batshit Church=FUCK YOU."

    • jus_wonderin

      Oh, there is a new update for TurboTax!!

  • Chichikovovich

    "So as businesses earn profits, that’s taxed at 35 percent, then as they distribute those profits as dividends, that’s taxed at 15 percent more. So, all total, the tax rate is really closer to 45 or 50 percent."

    Oh, Oh! That looks like fun! Can I do it too? Let's see… OK, when you take that money and spend it there's sales tax, which in your home state is about 6% but counties and cities often add more so let's round it off to 10%. Then of course, the companies that [sorry, I mean "the companies who" – they're people too!] make the stuff you buy are taxed, and that is incorporated into the price [not entirely, as Republicans love to claim, but some] so let's say it adds 10% to everything you buy. So that's already 70% right there! Then if it's a house (you like to buy lots of houses, don't you?), there's property taxes that really should be counted as a tax on the money used to buy the house, and that's another 5%. When you die there will be estate tax on some of the money you have left, and let's prorate that over your remaining years as about 2% a year tax on that same money. The fees to your financial managers are higher than they would be if those managers weren't taxed, so let's count that difference as really a tax on you. And then if you buy a car, well there's registration every year, lets count it as a tax, plus airport fees for your jets – a big chunk of that is tax. And don't get me started on the gasoline for your jets, yachts, cars [no hybrids for you] etc. – the taxes on gas are enormous, and that's not even counting the taxes also paid by the companies refining, drilling, etc. More taxes right there. …

    [Punching calculator buttons, much fudging and computing sneaky algorithms ensues.]

    Dammit, Mitt! You're getting taxed 123% on that investment income! Take my advice, and follow Christ's instruction (tho I gather that these days it's more of a "recommendation" or "ideal, model best practice") to sell all you have and give it to the poor.

    You can't afford not to — You're losing money on every dollar you earn!

    • snackypants

      I love you, Chichikovovich. You are clearly a man of the maths.

      • Chichikovovich

        I'm very flattered that you would say that, especially because back when I was younger and working on construction in summers to pay for school, my bosses thought that I didn't know math from a hole in the ground. (At least I'm pretty sure that's what they kept saying to me.)

    • GOPCrusher

      No wonder everyone wants to be unemployed!

  • Guppy

    So… Mittens is in favor of a European-style VAT?

  • OneYieldRegular

    If I were the director of this melodrama, I'd have Mitt sport one of those pencil-thin, upward-curling, waxed mustaches. He'd look much more the part.

    • Chichikovovich

      Perhaps an enterprising journalist (of a sort that no longer exists) could win a Pulitzer by unearthing the long-buried scandal of Mitt tying a young woman to railroad tracks, where she would surely have been sliced to bits were she not rescued at the last moment by a square-jawed Mountie.

    • memzilla

      Richie Rich + Snidely Whiplash = Mitt Romney.

    • Biff

      He only wishes he could grow a Pencil-thin Mustache.

    • BlueStateLibel

      And make him say, "I DRINK your milkshake, I drink it up!"

  • Of the approximately $7 million he gave to charity in those two years, about $4 million went to the Mormon Church. So it's not really charity, but a down payment on that planet he gets for himself when he dies. And real estate is often a good investment. Mitt's just a smart businessman.

  • jus_wonderin

    Mama always told me, sometimes it is just better not to say anything. Zip it!

  • Capital gains are not taxed at the corporate level, only dividends are, if that. Also, a good deal of Mitt's income is 'carried interest' which are sales commissions disguised as capital gains so he doesn't have to pay FICA or Medicare on it either.

    I hate to bring facts to such a beautiful case of Wishful Thinking Math.

    • pdiddycornchips

      Are you in a quiet room? Than it's okay.

  • Look seriously 15% + 15% charity is what 30% – ok, but – round it up to 50%. and 50% you usually round to 100%. So the guy is paying 100% of his income to taxes and you're complaining???

    • Gleem_McShineys

      No. Obviously you're messing up the math. See, quite clearly, that adds up to 99%, because the statement about helping "the 99%" has to be100% true.

    • pdiddycornchips

      I was watching CNBC the other day and Cramer said he pays 65% in taxes. All the other rich douche bags and assorted money whores nodded in agreement. You can fool a few wingnut lunatics in South Carolina, maybe. But the rest of us aren't nearly as stupid.

      • GOPCrusher

        Jim Cramer? Pfft. Is he still pushing Lehman Brothers as a strong buy?

  • Murdoch is really a european liberal who has NO IDEA what his stupid employees have done to screw up Fox News.

    • Guppy

      He's European? Fuckin' Austrians.

  • BTW – no snark – all the media industry owns Newt – because I believe he was the guy who pushed to end the limit on owned and operated stations, among other things.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe


    • Have you no respect for the office of White Guy Who Wants to Be President?

  • Bluestatelibel

    No major U.S. corporation today pays 35% in taxes, what a frickin' lie, he must have given a few bean counters a good laugh with that one.

  • Extemporanus

    This might look like comment 100 or so, but it's really closer to 40 or 50.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    I only payed 8% in income tax this year. I guess that makes me way more elite than Romney.

    • SoBeach

      Yeah, but you paid 7.65% in Social Security and Medicare on top of the income tax. So you paid a higher effective rate than Mitt. Sorry. No elite for you.

      • BigDumbRedDog

        Dammit! I guess I am going to have to quit my job, move back in with the parents, go on food stamps and have zero income to tax. Then I will be a super elite non-tax payer.

  • VinnyThePooh

    Mittens is 100% asshole.

  • Discovering a Rupert Murdoch tweet is like discovering bird shit on my windshield.

  • snackypants

    That video made me want to vomit a little. Watching that patronizing fuck-face explain "corporate taxation" like he was talking to a five year old and then not actually answering the question–AGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

  • cheetojeebus

    So, Jimmy, I had to take your PB&J, so that and I didn't tell you this, and and so when you didn't cry like last time and jimmy, is your sister going to be home? So and I, Did you do the math homework yet. hey Jimmy can I pet your Lama? I ended up only eating half of it, the rest I gave to midge so i could see her panties, Hey you wanta go throw rocks at the freight train when it passes? So and, What did you say?

    • DahBoner

      Kim Dotcom?

      Is that you?

  • meatlofer

    Taxes! How do they work?

    • chicken_thief

      Like a fucking charm if you have Mitten's money.

  • DocChaos

    So if I get paid by an employer who is taxed 35% on their income ( – and then after I'm taxed at a combine fed/state/fica rate of say 30% , I spend what's left buying stuff from a business that is taxed at 35%, and pay 8% sales tax on top of that , and that business then pays their employees who are taxed at 30%, I can see pretty quickly that the gubmint is taxing me at a hundred and eleventy percent.

  • owhatever

    I want this Ditweed in charge of running the whole American economy.

    When he turns 65 next year, is he going to take Social Security, to which he is entitled as an old?

    • GOPCrusher

      Probably get a job as a greeter at Wal-Mart too.

  • widestanceshakedown

    I used this before, but it still fits, so:

    The destruction of mathematics is a beautiful thing.

  • fartknocker

    Mitt, you have forgotten this mantra from one of the groups your pandering to:

    TEA Party = Taxed Enough Already Party.

    The logic isn't working, even for the Huver-Round

    • GOPCrusher

      To be fair, Tea Baggers hate Mittens too.

  • aguacatero

    $4 million to an entity dedicated to fighting gay marriage.

  • MissTaken

    I think we can all agree that Mitt is Taxed Enough Already. In fact, instead of him paying any taxes at all, the US Americans should pay him for the privilege of having his oh-so smart business savvy available to us. It's just the right thing to do.

    • SorosBot

      If he does to America what Bain dead to the companies it acquired, then oh we'd be in trouble with President Mittens.

      • MissTaken

        But he single-handedly saved the Olympics! Don't we owe him some gratitude?

        And by gratitude I mean getting his magic underwear covered ass handed to him by Obama in November, of course.

        • SorosBot

          That is assuming his magic underwear covered ass isn't handed to him by that fat slimy amphibian first.

  • Gleem_McShineys

    Add, the three, carry the one, and see? 50%!

    MittBott just made the strongest argument against foreign-manufactured microchips I've ever seen.

  • LiveToServeYa

    That's the first time I've seen anybody use the Chewbacca Defense in a tax argument.

  • SorosBot

    It's funny; when Republicans try to claim that 48% of Americans don't pay taxes, they want us to look just at the income tax rate and ignore the payroll taxes (which are not applied to capital gains), along with state and local taxes, that everyone does pay. But now we're supposed to look at everything for Mittens, and somehow include any taxes paid by the company before the money went to him, along with claiming donations to church as taxes.

    In Republican land, they get to make up the rules.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      They're truly despicable scum.

      I saw Rmoney on the tv box last night talking about how taxing the rich more would somehow lose jerbs for everyone else, and how his super-awesome tax the rich less plan would "widen the tax base" to make up for shortfall. Which, of course, is code for "tax the shit out of poor people".

      They truly believe in Randian dynamics and long for an America where the top few get to say how things are run. Everyone else is just a healthcareless piss-poor worker whose only use is to both build and consume the worthless gewgaws shat out by the businesses the elites run.

    • Biff

      I pay income taxes. Not just so-called payroll taxes, but real, actual income taxes. If 47.999999% of USAmericans make less money than I do and pay no income taxes, this country is more fucked up than even I thought, and I'm the most cynical person I know. but if, rather, most of that 48% who pay no income taxes are Mitt's peers, which I suspect to be true, this country is even more fucked up x∞

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        but if, rather, most of that 48% who pay no income taxes are Mitt's peers

        That'd make the top 1% comprised of 48% of the population, which, well.

        No, the sad truth is that the 48% who "pay no taxes" are actually just dirt fucking poor. The median income was around $26K in 2011. I dunno about you, but I can't even imagine how painful it must be to live in America on a wage like that – but 50% of the population have to live that reality every day. And it's these people who apparently, according to Republican Scum, aren't pulling their weight taxation-wise.

        • Biff

          I did live on that, and less, for the time between being kicked to the curb due to on-the-job injuries and the day I qualified for Social Security Disability, and I even paid income taxes then. Their numbers are skewed, obviously.

    • GOPCrusher

      Give tax breaks to the wealthy+Increased spending on shit to kill people=PROFIT!

  • Bidness peeple shure is smart wons.

  • lulzmonger

    Dubious math is dubious.

    Also, I'm sure his returns will show that MittBot didn't actually declare any deductions on his "charity" so it totally counts!

  • DahBoner

    "On the toilet, as you are now?"

    This reminds me–I need to get a piece of duct tape to cover up the webcam…

  • PhilippePetain

    It seems like the Mittster, not being raised as a down home shoot-from-the-hip lying fuckface like your W or your Lee Atwater/Karl Rove types, is somewhat uncomfortable with what is needed to win as a Republican: lie your face off with no hint of shame so that the olds and the dumbs can believe you without question. This equivocating is only going to keep hurting him. He needs to go Full-Bullshit or leave.

  • StarsUponThars

    Jon Stewart explains it all to you:

  • Terry

    "We don’t want your help."

    Well, if he was paying the same 30% us po' folks are paying, we could fix a few highways or fund a slew of scholarships. That sort of help from him would be appreciated.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Off topic but in a similar vain, Mittens should choose Tom Friedman as his running mate. According the Mustache of Knowledge, it's not the elite douchebags who caused our current predicament. No, it's because we can't compete. He gives an example of a chinese factory that manufactures iPhones. Apparently Apple redesigned their screen at the last minute. Mr. Friedman writes with admiration:

    "The new screens began arriving at the (chinese) plant around midnight. A foreman immediately roused 8000 workers from their company dormitories, according to the executive. Each employee was given a biscuit and a cup of tea, guided to a workstation and within a half an hour started their 12 hour shift fitting glass screens into beveled frames."

    This is the future these cocksuckers want for us.

    • GOPCrusher

      8000 workers? They call that productivity?

  • It's closer to 40 or 50% than it is to Proxima Centauri, for instance.

  • iburl

    Rupert Murdoch is a Santorum booster. Rupert Murdoch is always trying to pump up Santorum. Rupert Murdoch loves everything about Santourm. Rupert Murdoch considers Santorum to be the best.

  • coron4

    Hahahaha!!! 32 in base 2000!

  • DarwinianDemon

    Hey everybody! Guess who just revised his taxes after he forgot to include all those offshore accounts?

  • Mitt's tithe is helping the 99%. Those after-death baptisms don't pay for themselves.

  • aguacatero

    Is there some amount of money I can pay so the LDS will promise not to baptise me posthumously?

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