Can't you two see... that you're in love with each other?America’s relationship with the breakaway republic of Arizona remains a contentious one, with especially pungent ill-will bubbling between President Obama and Arizona’s current monarch Jan Brewer. First, Brewer blamed Obama for blowing up her beeper, two-way, AND cellie, and thereby delaying the completion of her book “Scorpions for Breakfast: My Fight Against Special Interests, Liberal Media, and Cynical Politicos to Secure America’s Border.” Brewer eventually released the erotic thriller late last year to well-deserved indifference. Now Obama is getting into it with Brewer in front of God and everybody, because she used her stupid book to kiss and tell about a top-secret Oval Office meeting the two once had. JESUS! Will they or won’t they, already!!

The Hill relays Brewer’s version of events:

“He was a little disturbed about my book,” Brewer said. “I said to him that I have all the respect in the world for the office of the president.”

But Obama “didn’t feel that I had treated him cordially” in the book, the governor said.

In the book, Brewer complains about one meeting at the White House with Obama — centered around immigration and border security — writing, “It was though President Obama thought he could lecture me, and I would learn at his knee.”

What Brewer at the time called a “cordial” encounter later in her book became a tense meeting with a “patronizing” president. Um, this may be terrible to say…. but could one ever be anything but patronizing to someone who excretes a pile of dung called “Scorpions for Breakfast: My Fight Against Special Interests, Liberal Media, and Cynical Politicos to Secure America’s Border?” Really. What can a human say to the silly puppet behind such a thing?

Well, whatever it was Obama managed to sputter in response, it went over like the opposite of gangbusters:

At one point in the tense conversation on Wednesday, Brewer pointed her finger at Obama and at another time, they were talking over one another, according to a White House pool report.

Obama appeared to walk away from Brewer in the middle of their conversation, according to the pool report.

News of the latest beef between the two has predictably sparked a heated partisan rap battle (which you should join!) on the book’s Amazon page. Oh, also four libraries spontaneously combusted upon hearing that Brewer is officially a published author. [The Hill]

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  • Barb

    Jan's got jungle fever.

  • Barb

    I hope Barack said to her, "go fetch me a pack of Kools and some macaroni and cheese and oh, iron my shirt, BITCH!"

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      And don't forget the grape soda this time.

  • nounverb911

    Too bad the Secret Service didn't take her out.

  • SorosBot

    Maybe he thought he could lecture Brewer because she's obviously a clueless moron who has no idea what she's talking about.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      His inner professor, struggling to get out, vs. her inner high school freshman, already on display.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    So hard for her to feel such strong emotions towards a brown.

  • "Fuck you, Crone." — Love, Bams

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Jan should remember that Gitmo is still open for business.

  • Considering Jan's poor grasp of finance (selling the Az House building and renting it back at a much higher cost was an AWESOME idea) to history (Daddy Fake Nazi Smasher) and everything in between… I don't blame the Kenyan Preznit for treating her one notch above a Palin.

    • memzilla

      Poor sense of finance???? PLEAZE! You know her Rethuglican backers are the ones making the rent and refinancing munniez. I'd say she has a great sense of finance.

      • Till someone realized it and are going to waste a huge amount of money to buy it back.

  • nounverb911

    Brewer is trying to get Palin to come back to Arizona so she won’t be the most batshit craziest lady in Arizona anymore.

    • Terry

      Oh, all she has to do is visit any of the local Republican clubs or committees.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Did she borrow one of Newt's ghost writers or hire her own?

  • MissTaken

    Am I the only one who is totally turned on by this?

    EDIT: NOT Jan Brewer, but the idea of Obama saying fuck it, and just walking off and away from her nonsense

    • SorosBot

      Sometimes walking off is the only way to deal with jabbering morons.

      And ew at the thought of getting turned on by leatherface.

      • Loaded_Pants

        I do the same when I'm approached by crazy people on the street.

    • Limeylizzie

      No. Moi-aussi

    • coolhandnuke

      Jan Brewer: "You read my book right. In chapter twelve of my new book I wrote, I talk about…yo­u read my book right, my new book I wrote about me where in my new book that I wrote…
      Pres Obama: "Yes Governor Brewer it is sitting on my nightstand and my heartfelt congratula­tions upon your entry into the literary world."
      Jan Brewer: " Yes but in my new book I wrote, you did read it right, I talk about the part in the book I wrote where I was writing the book and…
      Pres Obama: "Pardon me Governor Brewer, but this being my first visit to the Phoenix area your desert air has struck me as vastly different to the environs of our nations' Capitol. In fact, if my olfactories deceive me, I detect faint traces of formaldehy­de, nicotine, peroxide, white linen, hamburger helper and an overpoweri­ng sciroco of Chanel #2."

    • MissNancyPriss


    • fuflans

      no, no not at all.

  • Eve8Apples

    Calling Brewer an "author" and her propaganda "a book" is like calling Ronald McDonald a "chef" and his anus burgers "haute cuisine."

  • nounverb911

    Needs more headless governors in the desert.

  • Oh come on, Kaia! She saw a booger in his nose! She couldn't resist! It's the President, for goodness sake! You can't expect him to pick his own!

    • Dashboard Buddha

      You can pick your friends…you can pick your nose…but you can't pick the president's nose.

      (Hmmmm…I might use that on my FB page. Just to piss people off cuz that's how I roll)

  • elviouslyqueer

    Dear Jan:

    Don't make me come down there and take my earrings off, you insane cow.



    • Limeylizzie


  • ChernobylSoup

    But it's a dry crazy.

    • mull_man

      It's not the heat, it's the stupidity.

    • sarah_connor

      100 upfists served!

  • fartknocker

    Stupid bitch. Rick Perry tried the same thing when the President came to Austin for some DNC fund-raising and all he did was take Rick's letter, passed it to an aide, shook his hand and walked away.

    Jan could have had an important moment in her tenure and that is to actually learn something useful from Rick Perry.

    • fuflans

      wtf is up with these teatards giving the president a letter??

      i mean seriously, what is up with that?

  • SudsMcKenzie

    I think Jan was just giving Hopey a card for Gabby and saying "make sure she gets this". Because , you know, it was the same day she handed in her resignation as an AZ Congresswoman. Anything else would just be classless.

  • freakishlywrong

    Somehow, I picture this vicious bitch eating scorpions, and little Hispanic babies, for breakfast.

    • Loaded_Pants

      And washing it down with the blood from virgins.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Ya know, Imma gonna go with: Barry was making a little joke about the account in the book, and Brewski went fucking nuts.

    • widestanceshakedown

      Bing-frickin-go! She'd not had enough paint thinner ("never mix, never worry") and was feeling vulnerable about herself.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    They say that you can judge a man by his enemies. If that's the case, despite all of the disappointments with his administration, I like him even better.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Nice of Jan to take some time off from pulling the plug on comatose medicaid patients to greet the POTUS.

  • StarsUponThars

    I like to imagine the President is saying, "Cracker, please."

  • Flat_Earther

    I didn't know she could write. I guess she did attend junior college.

    Does anybody want to bet her publisher told her to make some noise so they can get these goddamn books out of the warehouse?

  • Barb

    I'd love to see Michelle tie Jan to a cactus and beat her with a curtain rod for the better part of a day.

    • nounverb911

      Michelle has staff she can delegate for that mess.

    • You had me at "I'd love to see Michelle…"

    • widestanceshakedown

      That would be the better part of any day in my book.

    • ttommyunger

      Who knows, Governor Drinky Crow might enjoy it?

    • An_Outhouse

      I bet that would be good exercise, too. Win-win.

  • prommie

    She has the greatest respect for the OFFICE of president, but not for that commie Kenyan blah usurper.

    • Hey this is a fun game!

      I have the greatest respect for the OFFICE of Governor of Wisconsin.
      I have the greatest respect for the OFFICE of Fox News.
      I have the greatest respect for the OFFICE of Speaker of the House During the Middle Part of the Clinton Administration.

    • bikerlaureate

      He's a public servant, so he should listen to the nonsensical tirades of us all.

      Up, uppity and away.

  • memzilla

    Man, drunks can be so argumentative and rude.

    It is reputed that her drinking problem is well known, to the point that her Crazy-ona nickname is "Otis," after the town drunk in Mayberry RFD.

    Of course, it's delicious irony that a wingtard with an alcohol problem has a last name of "Brewer."

    [Yes, I know alcoholism is a disease — but so is Rethuglicanism.]

    • MegPasadena

      You forgot to mention that her maiden name is Drinkwine.

  • MrFizzy

    I would give a year off the end of my life to see Barry take her head off with an upper-cut. Nasty old cunt.

  • Callyson

    "Governor, just because you want to hype up the immigration issue to prop up your disastrous reign over Arizona does not mean I have to play along and spend even more money than we already are when fewer people are even crossing the border in the first place. Why don't you focus on the real problems in your state instead of bashing immigrants yet again?"
    "Waaaah, the president is lecturing me!"

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Jan is a spy. She has the pointy chin of a spy. I base my thesis on reading one hundred periodicals. All the same. Spy vs Spy, but I can't tell if she is the black one without looking into her soul like W did with Vlad the Pootin'

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Careful how you behave around them white women down there in Arizzippi, Barry. Remember Emmett Till.

    • Why, I hear the Kenyan was in a white woman's pants even before he was born!!

      (Reduce, reuse, recycle!)

  • meatlofer

    Sarah Palin did the same thing to Glenn Rice…………….and we all know how that came out ,don't we?.

  • proudgrampa

    This woman needs to be taught some manners. Pointing at people is just not done.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Manners? We're talking Brewer here.

  • I can't wait for Newt's next memoir to come out, "Marshmallow Peeps® for Breakfast."

  • elviouslyqueer

    Foreword by Governor Sarah Palin

    Ah, so it's a kids book along the lines of, say, this.

    • Loaded_Pants

      That cover always confused me. Apples poop?

  • What, incompetent person feels insecure and put-upon when informed of her incompetence? Hi there, Dunning-Krueger effect

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Just hang up the phone, Mr. President.

    • PhilippePetain

      "Meh, fuck your state."

  • AnAmericanInTO

    Oh jeez, now we're gonna have to see this pic used forever on wingnut FB pages with captions about a "real" American showing that secret Kenyan Muslim who's boss.

  • "Special Interests, Liberal Media, and Cynical Politicos"

    Or what we call "our fellow Americans".

  • widestanceshakedown

    Obama is all like, NO, I won't smell your finger, beech!

  • PsycWench

    I thought that the title of the book was a spectactularly good piece of snark by Kaia but it turns out it's the real title. Gawd.

  • freakishlywrong

    Has the fund-raising off of this started yet?

    • For both sides.

    • widestanceshakedown

      Smells like CUM spirit to me!

  • Baconzgood

    That's not writing that's typing

    -Crow T. Robot-

  • WiscDad

    Blows? I didn't think Conservative women did that…that's why Larry Craig did tap dance in the public restroom

    • chicken_thief

      But the men – that's a hoss of a different color. Marcus, Miss Lindsay, and Perrywinkle would be purse slapping each other for best spot on the tarmac if they thought they had a chance to polish some POTUS knob.

  • jus_wonderin

    "But this is how we talk to our Negras in AZ."

  • chascates

    Perry tried the same trick of confronting the usurper on the tarmac. Didn't work for him either.

    • What happened?

      • chascates

        AP: AUSTIN, TX — Texas Gov. Rick Perry hand-delivered a letter to President Barack Obama on Monday warning about the "dire threat" from drug violence along the U.S.-Mexico border.

        Perry, dressed in a tan suit and cowboy boots, handed the letter to Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett after greeting Obama at the airport in Austin. Obama is in Texas for fundraisers and a speech to students at the University of Texas.

        As I recall Perry tried to hand it to the President but Obama motioned him toward Ms. Jarrett. Today a poll came out showing Perry has the lowest approval rating in Texas he's ever had.

  • snackypants

    Arizona is really a scary, fucked up place, in'nt it?

  • Poindexter718

    Asked about the encounter today, Gov. Brewer called the president "thin skinned." She should know from thick skin, considering her face would make a fine catcher's mit.

    • widestanceshakedown

      I'm sure its caught plenty of fly balls in its day.

      • DahBoner


    • Lascauxcaveman

      She's an inspiration for all the saddle makers of Arizona.

      • DahBoner

        Or a fine pair of Lizard skin cowboy boots…

  • VinnyThePooh

    Obama: "Quiet is good. Noise is our enemy, quiet is our friend."

  • Self-published or real published?
    Oh for crap's sake, It's "Broadside Books" the new Harper Collins imprint for teabaggers, books so awful that even Sarah Palin's publisher has to use an alias.
    Could we please have a boycott of HC?

    • GOPCrusher

      Looking at the "People that bought this also bought" section, the only question I have is where is the Ann Coulter books? The Turner Diaries? Weaponized Anthrax For Dummies?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Boy, I cun't wait to read this book. Is it available on Amazon? Or can I get it for free if I subscribe to National Review? With her level of education, I'm sure it will be as easy to read as James Joyce's "Ulysses."

    • mannacler

      You can get it free when you subscribe to Newsmax.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Pull my finger."

    • Man0nTheStreet

      Obama: "For the last time, Governor, No – I will NOT pull your finger. And stop calling me 'Mandingo'­!"

  • chascates

    Or as FoxNation tells it:
    Gov. Brewer on 'Terrible Encounter' with Obama: 'He Was Thin-Skinned' About My Book

    Watch for 'Brewer Schools Obama' stories to follow.

    • chicken_thief

      Which they could have made up before, but now they have proof!

  • I, for one, would have loved to see the Secret Service go all Rambo on Jan when she pointed her finger at the President.

    • widestanceshakedown

      Her finger is being held at Gitmo for an undetermined period.

    • GOPCrusher

      I'm hoping that the last thing Obama said to her as he turned and walked away was "You point that thing at me one more time, I'll break it off and stuff it up your old, wrinkled, ass."

  • NewtsChicknNeck

    Please, please, please notice and fight with me!!11! it'll do wonders for me among 'zonas gun-nuts and old-ass peepulz!! this is just exactly like when some no-name rapper tries to start a beef Jay-Z.

    Barack's and Jay-Z's response: Go fuck yourself, you sorry ass nobody. It's embarrassing enough that in a few months I'm going to have to share a stage with some hack like mittens or the 90s third most important fat white right-wing blowhard. For now, I'm going to go to the Nets game and then go home and plow Beyonce. Have fun on your book tour of retirement homes in the greater Yuma area.

  • sharethegrief

    Aren't Brewer and Dog the Bounty Hunter twins?

    • Loaded_Pants

      Well, they do have the same facial hair & craggy wrinkles.

  • PhilippePetain

    Shrill peroxide wraith puts finger in face of charming black guy. Yeah, this is a picture that will go over really well with everyone outside of the south and spotty rural areas.

  • ttommyunger

    I guess she was expecting the POTUS to Tebow her? Funny how little people with big jobs used to getting their assess kissed expect everybody on Earth to kiss their ass 24/7. Have another drink, Governor, it'll make you feel better.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Gee, I wonder which of these two was the rude, shitty instigator — President Obama, who's been called every name under the sun and who hasn't said a nasty thing in return, or Jan Brewer, who complains about an illegal immigration problem that she doesn't have, claims there are headless bodies out in the desert that aren't there, endorsed a bill written by a neo-Nazi sympathizer, and who runs away from reporters when she's asked any question she can't handle, which is most of them? I say we should teach the controversy.

  • Not Tupac and Biggie… Dick and Liz

  • 40 or 50 % McShineys

    Every time a scorched angry day-of-the-dead swimsuit model/dessicated denturecunt can jab her boney claw at the dark-skinned President, an Arizona Teablubberist gets his wings!

    Which is a euphemism for something you don't want to ever think about with those people.

    • Rotundo_

      Truly a great description of the physical aspects of the governor, but it doesn't really touch on the wonderful personality. As for Teablubberists getting their wings, I'm thinking it has something to do with buckets full of chicken so it closes off the last coronary artery and vapor locks the assholes.

  • jus_wonderin

    Shorter Jan Brewer:

    No, really, she' short.

    • Limeylizzie

      So am I, but I am never rude to tall , attractive, charismatic black men.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I suppose it would be in poor taste to say that heads oughta roll?

  • Guppy

    A he-said-she-said in a room that Nixon wired for recording? This should be real easy to straighten out.

  • kissawookiee

    Goddammit. I live in Tucson. I only this morning got over my sniffles from watching Barry hug Gabby Giffords, and then watching Gabby resign from the House, and, you know, GABBY, and then this fuckhalfwit of a "governor" goes and pulls this shit and, and, and, GLARGHLEBARGLEMMMFFF *asplodes*

  • Slim_Pickins

    She sure looks dessicated, maybe she's a Zombie governor.

  • Was the word 'uppity' used anywhere? Because I definitely heard it.

  • ElPinche

    Obama: "Get yo ass and yo nasty geritol breath outta my face before I ram my golf club up yo ass and make you a sun-dried pigskin lollipop, you ugly ass racist sack of desert detritus."
    ('detritus'….Barry's gotta mix some of the Harvard shit with the Chicago thug )

  • friendlyskies

    The librotraficantes are coming for you, Jan.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Anyone who wants to read at least a mildly entertaining Amazon "review" Texas Steel Cage Death Match / Flame War should check out Off-the-Mark Levin's Drones vs. Dr. Ron Paul's Zombies.

    The Zombies give Levin's lastest book one-star, so the Drones respond on Dr. Paul's books.

    The comments are cream o' wheat mush dumm.

  • owhatever

    Tea Brewer would perform the duties of her office with grace, but Grace left Arizona.

    • DahBoner

      But Grace's head can be found a few exits west of Phoenix, off I-10…

  • Tommy1733

    Orly? Is that you?

  • lulzmonger

    Ecccch, what a twunt.
    Wonder if BHO set her off with a jocular "headless bodies in the desert" ice-breaker?
    "Scorpions For Breakfast" … they weren't the main course – they were Jan's siblings.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Now what if the tables were turned and a black man pointed his finger at a white woman president?

  • ProgressiveInga

    Barry: "Three words, Governor Brewer: Seal. Team. Six."

  • SaintRond

    I'd probably think of something funny or ironic to write, but it's kind of hard considering that unspeakable creature they call a Governor used to send love letters to anti immigrant "activist" Shawna Forde, just before she got together with a couple of her "activist" bunkies and shot nine year old Brisenia Flores in the face.

    I'm getting a migraine simply because the President didn't have the wherewithal to smack that woman hard enough to send her dentures skittering across the tarmac.

    Makes sense to me… Does it make sense to you?

  • DahBoner

    "Brewer blamed Obama for blowing up her beeper, two-way, AND cellie…"

    No, no, no.

    That was Hillary in the Black Helicopter turret blowing up her electronics.

    Didn't this Arizona Nutter learn anything in the 90's???

  • BlueStateLibel

    I love the way old harridan is shaking her finger in the President's face. I wouldn't even try that with my cats, they'd kick the shit out of me.

  • Millennial Malaise


    If I were on the tarmac when this picture was taken, my earrings would be coming off right before I grabbed a clump of that straw she calls hair, and pulled her to the ground. No one gets fresh with my president except me! Ugh, the fucking nerve.

  • kissawookiee

    This is not putting the best face on my scorpion-based skincare business.

  • Gleem_McShineys

    Scorpions for Breakfast

    Well, now we know how Jan Brewer maintains her beautiful lovely smile.

  • alzronnie

    "Hey, man–smell my finger."

  • notreelyhelping

    Guess whose book publicist gets free dinner tonight.

  • He's the president, she's a governor. He is taller, smarter, younger, hipper and better looking than she is, by a rather wide margin in each category. It would be condescending of him to not be condescending.

  • sarah_connor

    her book tour starts and ends on that tarmac…

  • MissNancyPriss

    Can you even imagine what would have transpired if that bony finger of death had been pointed at George W's smirking mug when he was president?

  • lizcharm

    When I saw the title of the book, I thought Wonkette had made it up. Then I checked Amazon. The title alone tells you all you need to know about the Crazy this woman is carrying around in her head.

  • JackObin

    I do believe we have a new American Queen of the Cunts. Move over Little Annie Coulter.

    • Rotundo_

      I would agree with you, but Annie only plays one on TV.

  • DahBoner

    "Brewer described the contents of the letter on national TV, saying she wrote the note to invite the president to lunch…"

    I think it was her hand-drawn picture of a noose and the words scribbled in crayon (Flesh color) that said "Neckties Required!" that upset Obama….

  • Man0nTheStreet

    Are you sure Brewer's autobio isn't called "Scotch & Midol for breakfast – how to go from dead-end G.E.D.-holder to Leatherface, Queen of the Desert in 5 E-Z steps"?

  • Ducksworthy

    Jan, with regard to the word "cordial", I think it does not mean what you think it means. Or in any case it does not mean the opposite of what it meant the last time you used it.

  • BZ1

    Brewer, no matter what, an embarrassment and disgrace …

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