worst zombie movie ever

Zombie Voters Latest Scourge to Terrorize SC GOP’s Imagination

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ENFRANCHISE USSSSSSSS

We all know that Democrats are forever trying to let poor and minority people be allowed to vote, which, you know, huge SCANDAL already right there, but have you heard about the latest Republican voter “fraud” outrage du jour? ZOMBIES, VOTING! (Vampires: so last year.) South Carolina’s DMV director Kevin Shwedo, a Nikki “what massive state unemployment rate” Haley appointee, produced a list of 957 dead people who he claims managed against all odds to vote in South Carolina’s primary last weekend. This conclusively proves the need for a voter ID, in order to help poll workers better determine whether the person standing before them at the registration desk is or is not a member of the undead. Shwedo won’t let anyone from the state’s election commission see the list of names, of course, maybe because the whole six names he did hand over to the commission were investigated and did not turn out to be cases of fraud at all?

From Corey Hutchins at the Columbia Free-Times:

Before the hearing, Horry County GOP Rep. Alan Clemons, who led the hearing, said, “We must have certainty in South Carolina that zombies aren’t voting.”

The State Election Commission responded in kind.

In a news release that election agency spokesman Chris Whitmire handed out prior to the hearing, the agency disputed the claim that dead people had voted. One allegedly dead voter on the DMV’s list cast an absentee ballot before dying; another was the result of a poll worker mistakenly marking the voter as his deceased father; two were clerical errors resulting from stray marks on voter registration lists detected by a scanner; two others resulted from poll managers incorrectly marking the name of the voter in question instead of the voter above or below on the list.

The attorney general’s office had only given the State Election Commission six names off its list of 957 names to examine. The agency found every one of them to be alive and otherwise eligible to vote, except for the one who had voted before dying.

Yeah. Anyway. [Columbia Free-Times]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barb

    Dead people are people too, my friend. They just happen to be dead.
    Jesus, South Carolina won't let the Civil War die, why not let dead people vote.

    • Grief_Lessons

      Are dead corporations also people? 'cause I'd like to know who Braniff Airlines is supporting.

      • nounverb911

        Didn't Mitt's daddy run a dead corporation?

        • GhostBuggy

          What, Michigan? Yes, that is how we refer to it around here.

          • Negropolis

            Hey, now. We may be dead, but at least we aren't Mississippi. Dear lord, we'd rather be a hollowed-out hulk of a memory than to be Mississippi.

          • GhostBuggy

            Well, that's true.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Mitt's daddy IS a dead … oh, right, he never incorporated.

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        I knew the Braniff president's son in college. His name — may Jah strike me dead if this is not true — is State Rights.

        • qwerty42

          Well, there was a Secesh general from South Carolina named States Rights Gist. He did not survive the waugh, being killed in 1864 at the Battle of Franklin.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          It sure was nice knowin' ya, Spurnin'. (wipes tear)

          • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

            Google search:

            Harding Lawrence- Of Braniff- Passes On — Civil Aviation Forum …
            Harding Lawrence was an interesting man, a genius in some respects, certainly an enigma (who else would name their son "States Rights"?). http://www.airliners.net/aviation-forums/general_aviatio...

            I appreciate the display of humanlike fondness, though, Mittsy.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            ZOMG, Spurning, I fell asleep and missed your update. Wow. Wun Sik Pup, as we say among my people. Jezus, why do parents DO this shit to their kids?

            You're welcome, Spurning. It isn't easy to get the bot to respond properly to commands. It's nice to be appreciated. (Hugs Spurning Beer)

          • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

            More, please. (hugs back)

            I remember something about Braniff being fined for illegal contributions to the Nixon campaign 40 years ago, which may be a clue to the answer to your question about "what kind of parents."

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Aww! Aren't you sweet! (Hugs you and pats your back)

            Oy gevalt oy vey is mir! I thought yer kids were supposed to give ya tsuris, not yer parents.

    • WhatTheHeck

      And just as they say in the Confederate states, ”The South shall rise again,” so shall the dead (Democratic) voters.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Our only hope for the South is the fact that dead people don't vote. The last thing we need is a zombie demographic, with 1940s social views, just as the 1950s voters are finally dying out.

    • Biff

      In the fullness of time, according to Mittens, dead people are Mormon people. As soon as they get around to baptizing them in absencia, anyway.

      • yyyaz

        Coolio. Do I get my own planet, too, then?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          No. Those who tithe regularly to the Mormon Church and get a Temple Recommend get planets. I think all of us wot get baptized by them without our permission get to be lowly slaves on their planets or something.

        • Biff

          Prolly not. I think you have to turn in all those tithing receipts from the whole time before they just sign over a planet.

    • Negropolis

      They won't let dead people die because they are just that "pro-life" down there.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Hey! Zombies have rights too!

  • slithytoves

    What do you mean Zombies can't vote? Helllooo – Tea Party anyone?

  • teebob2000

    After the decay and decomposition and all, zombies are only like three-fifths of a person anyhow.

    • WinterOuthouse

      I thought we already decided this 3/5ths shit? WTF? Part people have feelings too

      • OhNoGuy

        FEELINGS??? Try "smellings", have you ever had to go into a voting booth after one of them? STINK-AH-ROO!!

    • Tommy1733

      Zing – nice one!

  • BigDumbRedDog

    The funny thing is that flesh eat zombies are probably more rational and well mannered than the average South Carolina voter.

    • DaRooster

      And sans all that deep frying…

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Clearly, you've never had long pig bacon

    • GOPCrusher

      Certainly, more educated on the tissues.

  • YasserArraFeck

    Jesus Christ – first it's hanging chads, now it's dangling limbs. Will it never end?

    • Grief_Lessons

      The dangling limbs of Jesus Christ would be allowed to vote in South Carolina, ID or no ID.

      • CapnFatback

        Call me Thomas, but I live by one simple rule: no stigmata, no vote.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Yeah? How would they know The Man was not indulging in some voter fraud there?

  • Wonderthing

    The dead are constantly playing with your head. They tap you on the shoulder and then hide so you think a ghost did it. They use dribble glasses at their homes and boy do you look like an idiot then. They go house to house asking if your refrigerator is running and when you say yes, they say "You'd better go catch it, then." Then they laugh at their own joke, which is such a dead thing to do.

    • jus_wonderin

      Knock. Knock.

      • 102415

        Whose their?

    • OhNoGuy

      "they laugh at their own joke". Oh shid, does that mean I'm dead? For God's sake don't tell the people in payroll.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Joseph McCarthy, Zombie Hunter

    • memzilla

      "I have in my pocket, the names of 957 card-carrying Deads, currently working in the Dessicate Department."

      • jus_wonderin

        If history is our guide, Hollywood will cave and begin to dustlist Zombie sympathizers.

    • Extemporanus

      His close ties to the Kennedy family go a long way toward explaining why he never went after infamous zombie sympathizer Richard J. Daley.

  • SorosBot

    I'm undead … and I vote!

    • Barb

      I heard people mumbling in line, "I'd rather die than to vote for any of these ass clowns."

      • SorosBot

        SPOILER ALERT: They were actually dead the whole time!

        • Callyson

          Who–the candidates or the voters?
          I know, I know…all of 'em, Katie…

        • bagofmice

          It's like you have a sixth sense about these things.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        They'll get their wish, like enough.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Plant an ACORN, grow Zombie Democrats?

    "science" the GOP won't deny

  • Radiotherapy

    Build the dang fence.

    • Not_So_Much

      Around South Carolina? Approved.

  • WinterOuthouse

    God-damned dead people. They CANNOT be trusted

  • Grief_Lessons

    Don't tell these people about ghouls, wights, liches, ghosts, shades, specters, skeletons, or wraiths, we'll never hear the end of it.

    • Baconzgood

      Banshees. Once they hear of banshees it's over for the dems.

      • Grief_Lessons

        Republicans have the Banshee edge already, with Palin, Coulter, Bachmann. Who do we have? Hillary and the PUMAs? Joan Walsh? Heather Mallik?

        • Callyson

          Don't forget Princess Nancy, the "she is no lady" DWS, and Rachel Maddow. We're holding our own…

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            Ah Jeez, I'm gettin' all weepy eyed over our awesome lineup of political ladies.

    • SorosBot

      Or the vampires. I'm not sure if they'd lean Republican or Democrat; well except the sparkly Mormon abstinence vampires; they're all Reps.

      • MissTaken

        But Edward's so SENSITIVE!!

        • SorosBot

          Breaking in to a woman's bedroom at night to watch her sleeping is just so sweet!

          • MissTaken

            Edward could've spent his nights vampiring around town but instead he chose to spend his time staring at Bella non stop for hours on end.

            See, not creepy…SENSITIVE!!

          • SorosBot

            And true love waits until marriage – which is right out of graduating high school – and then it's the most bestest sex ever. Oh and good girls will keep their fetus even if it's killing them.

            What great lessons to be teaching our country's preteen girls!

      • Preferred Customer

        Pretty sure it breaks down this way:

        Dracula = R
        Grandpa Muenster = R
        Lestat = D
        Angel = D
        Spike = Whatever Buffy is, so D

        • Grief_Lessons

          Nosferatu = R, and also Vice President of the United States January 2001-January 2009.

          • Preferred Customer

            Mina Harker = Ariana Huffington?

    • PsycWench

      And haints. Don't forget the haints.

      • 102415

        And the Orly Taintz!

      • carolinaswamp

        Haints are definitely a South Carolina specialty. I'm pretty sure one of them is governor.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Well. they are already terrified of "spooks."

      • emmelemm

        ZING!

    • Negropolis

      But, alas, they don't seem to mind corporate vampire squid.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    OMG! It's the VOTING Dead!! Soon to be a TV series on AMC.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Happy to stand in line, as long as there's someone to munch on…

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Zombies are people too, my friend!

    • OhNoGuy

      Good news for John McCain? Or not?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        McCAINSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Well, this explains the 957 votes for Ronald Reagan.

  • Extemporanus

    Zombies feed on brains; ergo there are no zombies in South Carolina.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      They could be on a diet! Maybe there's a big old zombie fat farm somewhere back in the hills! Can you prove there isn't? It's probably run by skunk apes! Hadn't thought of THAT, had you? Huh? Huh?

      • Extemporanus

        Or perhaps a hunger strike.

      • DaRooster

        Newt is kinda like a fat zombie…

    • Baconzgood

      You know….I can't find a flaw in that logic. Air tight argument.

    • Radiotherapy

      At least they don't eat fetus.

      • Extemporanus

        Are you kidding?

        Pregnant women are the turduckens of the zombie dinner table.

        • elviouslyqueer

          WIN.

          *hands you the Internet*

          • Radiotherapy

            Extem, is just killing us today. I'm glad just to toss my cerebellum up as a softball.

        • Negropolis

          L-O-fuckin'-L!

    • Biff

      What's left behind in SC is living proof that the zombies have done their job and moved on.

  • nounverb911

    SC Zombies? Didn't they lose the Orange Bowl this year?

  • Baconzgood

    Voooooooooooootezzzzzzzzzzzz

  • teebob2000

    Kevin Shwedo related to Pete Schweddy?

    • DaRooster

      He held his balls once… while Pete voted.

      • jus_wonderin

        "Oh my. Look how they glisten."

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    BRAINS

  • CapnFatback

    "They're coming to elect you, Barbara!"

    • GOPCrusher

      WIN!

    • C_R_Eature

      Gold Star!

    • CapnFatback

      Aw, you two are the living (dead) end!

  • edgydrifter

    "Non-material clerical errors" sounds way less sexy/outrageous than "ZOMG! ZOMBIE DEMCRAT VOTE FRAUD!!!"

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    And, you know 6 = 957 because math is hard, facts lie, and there are incumbencies to protect.

  • LabRodent

    Was any of the Zombies convicted felons, then my friend we have a problem.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I'll bet some them wuz even….you know…black!

  • meatlofer

    Dang'it, This is the one thing Barry didn't talk about last night.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Number 957
    Number 957
    Number 957

  • PhilippePetain

    We must stop at nothing to make sure they do not seize the braaaaaaeins of power.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      Then make sure they are Republican.

  • Ruhe

    In order to save themselves the trouble of coming up with all these perversely complex voter-fraud scenarios why don't the GOP operatives just run around with actual red herrings and just keep slapping reporters and judges and whoever else with them?

    • prommie

      COTD

      • Ruhe

        I had to go to Acronym Finder to get hip to that one. Interestingly, number four on their list was "City of the Dead".

        • jus_wonderin

          I thought it was a new pharma scare to sell more pharma.

          "If your COTD lasts longer than………………………….."

          • Ruhe

            Brilliant!Sent from my BlackBerry device from Cincinnati Bell Wireless

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Catch of the Day
        Comment of the Day

        Works both ways, so … extra points!

    • Toomush_Infer

      Little known fact: in the days running up to secession, this was an actual SC legislative sport, like tag: especially funny was to slip a red herring into some Puritan's cumberbund unseen….

    • Biff

      How utterly Pythonesque!

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Its a Great Day to be dead in South Carolina.

    • http://www.acepilots.com/wwi/can_bishop.html WABishop

      Every day is a great day to be dead in South Carolina!

  • Goonemeritus

    It’s a shame they were unable to confirm actual zombie voting. It would do a lot to comfort me if we could prove these Republicans are being voted in by the un-dead.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Laugh all you want, what the hell else explains Newt's rise down south (eww)?

    • pdiddycornchips

      That's easy. Mittens cannot convey that combination of bitterness, ignorance and crazy that Southern crackers demand in their candidates. Newt's got that shit down pat.

      • widestanceshakedown

        That's what Nixon said.

        • Biff

          Tha's also why St. Ron opened his campaign in Philadelphia, Mississippi.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Lee Atwater?

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      BAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!

  • DaRooster

    Mitt should hope for zombies voting for him. Eventually their numbers will be great enough to allow him to win the Presidency… another 24 years or so.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    957 votes is almost as many as Herman Colbert got!

  • chascates

    There's bound to be some way to prevent people from voting for the Democratic Party. They've called them weak on defense, haters of capitalism, seeking reparations for blacks, promoters of same-sex relationships, and now, voting from the grave.

    Could be that South Carolina has some people who don't watch Fox News or listen to AM talk shows, or surf HumanEvents and RedState!

  • MissTaken

    You all laugh now. But just try to punch the ballot with that little stylus while a zombie is nom nom nomming on your arm. We'll see whose laughing then.

    • jus_wonderin

      Mama, take this vote off of me
      I can't use it anymore.
      It's gettin' dark, too dark for me to see
      I feel like I'm nomming on heaven's door.

  • CapnFatback

    Great. Another special interest group to pander to: speaking at braincake breakfasts, photo ops at state fairs eating medulla on a stick, empty promises to abolish the Undeath Tax . . .

    • jus_wonderin

      The Republican Zombies want Unhealth Care.

      • CapnFatback

        Republican Zombies

        And redundancy protection!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I wonder, do they have to pander to the Born Again?

    • Biff

      Deep-fried medulla on a stick, please!

  • PuckStopsHere

    Would they, the undead, be for or against the death penalty? Is their any polling on this?

    • Toomush_Infer

      It's the Redundancy Conundrum, once again!…

    • GOPCrusher

      Well, since zombies are technically not undead, but are reanimated corpses, I'm thinking that they are pro-death penalty in order to increase their caucus numbers.

      • Biff

        Or carcass numbers, as it were.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Polling: Frank Luntz would like us to call them "Life Challenged", unless they vote Democrat, then; "Brain Stamp Voters"

  • Schmegeg

    If s zombie wanted to vote in my district, the authorities require the production of a death certificate.

    • YasserArraFeck

      And that'd better be a Long Form death cert!

  • pdiddycornchips

    Typical.

    "We finally have evidence of voter fraud!"

    "Let's see it"

    "No way!" You'll just use some fancy science or logic and try and make us look stupid,
    we're not falling for that"

    • GOPCrusher

      And why is all this evidence of voter fraud showing up in Republiklan primaries? Maybe we should make Republiklans show a photo ID in order to vote.

  • UnholyMoses

    Well, something has obviously eaten the brains of Republicans …

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Assumes facts not in evidence.

      • jus_wonderin

        Not intended to be a factual statement.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Nicely played! *polite golf clap*

          Martini?

  • rickmaci

    Does this mean that brain dead South Crackerlina Teatards can't vote either? Fair is fair, if your brain isn't working, you shouldn't be eligible to vote.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "A Vote Before Dying" is going to be the title of my next mystery/horror/slash fiction novel.

    • MissTaken

      Sounds like a Lifetime Original Movie.

      • jus_wonderin

        Or, a very special episode of Blossom.

  • MrFizzy

    I challenge anyone to find a non-zombie voter in South Carolina. Please. And pass the biscuits and gravy, assholes.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Dead people are sooooooo sneaky. The poll workers didn't even see them! It was like they were ghost or something. All of a sudden there were 957 dead people standing in front of Bertha Waterberry demanding a ballot. What could she do? She hoisted her homely toothless ass out of the folding chair and the rest is dead people history. One dead person was quoted as saying, "My Gawd did you see the rack on Bertha."

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Someone let the zombies out to vote, before feeding them?
    Senator Shortey, bewares — your constituents' unborn children are next!!..

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Fetus braaaaains…

  • Slim_Pickins

    Those are Republican voters, stupid!

  • Geminisunmars

    Don't give those zombies any ideas.

  • Preferred Customer

    The real story here is the voter that had the foresight and commitment to submit an absentee ballot before dying. One more thing to put in my living will…

    • Negropolis

      I heard quite a few gravely ill oldz voting for Obama from their hospital beds.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Zombies are liberals? I doubt it. The ones I've seen don't care about the environment, they never recycle, and their truck radios are always tuned to Limbaugh.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    If I was among the undead I'd probably vote Republican; it just makes so much more sense with the lack of need for health care, education, the social safety net … you know, pretty much all the things the living need.

    • Chichikovovich

      True. But if the Republicans get Santorum-level extreme, every one else will start leaving the country, which will be a massive blow to the fresh brain supply.

  • YasserArraFeck

    I'm definitely amending my Will to request that I be dug up every four years to vote Democrat.

    • jus_wonderin

      So, instead of a DNR, you have an R?

      • YasserArraFeck

        My tombstone will read "YasserArraFeck, (D)ead"

  • Guppy

    The main problem here is that South Carolina assumes it has elections worth stealing.

  • YasserArraFeck

    "The South Will Rise Again!!!!!

    Careful what you wish for, Cletus.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Reminds me of a joke David Cross had about how separate white and black cemeteries in the South were there so a zombie apocalypse could be segregated.

      • YasserArraFeck

        Absolutely – you don't want white goo mixin' with colored goo!

        • jus_wonderin

          Well, you know how those black male zombies are around our white female zombies. Always. Always with their eyes hanging out of their heads leering at them.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    They love Zombie Jesus.
    They love Zombie Reagan.
    They love Zombie Strom Thurmond.

    Where's the love for Zombie Voters?

  • Callyson

    “We must have certainty in South Carolina that zombies aren’t voting.”
    Trust me, with the selection of candidates in South Carolina, they are definitely not voting…

  • MissTaken

    Have any zombies come forward to comment on this? I'd be interested to hear what the zombie response is.

    • SorosBot

      Grrr… Arrrgh…

      • elviouslyqueer

        Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains.

        *looks around South Carolina in despair*

        • MissTaken

          I feel sorry for that hungry zombie.

          • jus_wonderin

            Cue Sally Struthers. "Just look at these hungry zombies. For pennies a day…………………"

          • Steverino247

            Brilliant!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Have you no brains, sir? At long last, have you no brains?

    • Nostrildamus

      What do we want?
      BRAAAAAAINZZZ!!!!
      When do we want it?
      BRAAAAAAINZZZ!!!!

  • DaRooster

    You guys got any of them Horry Zombies left… they's my favorite kind.

  • Indiepalin

    Duane Johnson for President!

  • WiscDad

    I'm not surprised. Wait til the Twat Walker recall election up here…the Urp-up-licans will go berserk with accusations

  • littlebigdaddy

    What is Santorum's stance on zombie-on-zombie sex?

    • HarryButtle

      Between a boy zombie and a girl zombie? He's down with that because that's how God intended it to be (provided it's just for the creation of lil zombies and not for fun). That boy zombie – boy zombie buttsechs is an abomination, though.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        It's not, you know, zombie on dog or whatever.

  • BarackMyWorld

    This detail seems pretty important:
    The attorney general’s office had only given the State Election Commission six names off its list of 957 names to examine.

    What do we call the key piece of the story the right-wing outrage machine doesn't report? It happens so often we need a name for it.

    • Ruhe

      The MacGuffin?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I think they're called "facts".

  • Ruhe

    Of course I shall not pretend to consider it any matter for wonder, that the extraordinary case of Zombie South Carolinian voters has excited discussion. It would have been a miracle had it not—especially under the circumstances. Through the desire of one of the parties concerned, to keep the affair from the public, at least for the present, or until we had further opportunities for investigation—through our endeavors to effect this—a garbled or exaggerated account made its way into society, and became the source of many unpleasant misrepresentations; and, very naturally, of a great deal of disbelief.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I don't know how we got on this Poe kick, but it's a good thing. On a second reading, btw, the narrator's attempt to "re-compose" the patient cracked me up.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Well, of course they're voting – they're voting for Zombie candidates…!

  • Dashboard Buddha

    That's unpossible. Only lefties are capable of committing voter fraud.

  • shrillharpy

    So, zombie voting definitely explains how Nikki Haley, teabagger emeritus got elected.

    • SorosBot

      And here I thought she was elected because of horny voting.

      • GOPCrusher

        Yeah. Wasn't her campaign slogan "Vote for me and I'll show you my tits."?

        • Boojum_Reborn

          It works.

  • BlueStateLibel

    South Carolina really is a very silly state, isn't it?

  • Chichikovovich

    One allegedly dead voter on the DMV’s list cast an absentee ballot before dying; another was the result of a poll worker mistakenly marking the voter as his deceased father; two were clerical errors resulting from stray marks on voter registration lists detected by a scanner; two others resulted from poll managers incorrectly marking the name of the voter in question instead of the voter above or below on the list.

    This is exactly why we need voter id laws. If we had such laws, poll workers would never make clerical errors, stray marks would never cause scanners to misread, and [frankly, I regard this as a major upside] people who cast absentee ballots would never die before the election.

    The savings on health care alone will be astronomical.

  • WhatTheHeck

    There's class warfare and there's zombie world warfare.

  • YasserArraFeck

    South Carolina Zombies – I can't believe no-one has mentioned Strom Thurmond, the only zombie ever to have served in the US Senate.

    • shrillharpy

      And that doesn't even begin to hint at the list of zombie congressmen. Or presidents. Wth?

    • Negropolis

      What a trailblazer. Not even death could keep him from his country and his racism, satan bless him.

  • MissTaken

    I'm not a zombie, I'm you.

  • YasserArraFeck

    To paraphrase Hamlet, "There's something rotten in the state of South Carolina"

  • ibwilliamsi

    So they're saying that 937 dead Republicans voted. I figure that standard is relative, or they've way underestimated the number of brain-dead who voted last weekend. Either way, it seems to be a problem with Republicans, not Democrats.

  • ChrisM2011

    Zombies are going to be very disappointed at the lack of brains in that party.

  • fitley

    The Repubtards are deathly afraid of having to "honestly" win an election. After Shrub stealing his election all Repubtards think they are entitled to win whether they actually win or not. Inbred cheaters, ha.

    • Biff

      No reptard left behind.

  • Barrelhse

    "Shoes for the dead!"

    (that one's for you, Raven)

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      What about industry? Oh right … it moved to China. Nevermind.

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    Republican blatantly lying about "voter fraud" again? I could think of some valid examples but for some reason Republicans seem to have "forgotten" 2000-2008.

  • Steverino247

    There are exactly 57 dead voters in the Defense Department at this time.

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    Wasn't this a Republican Primary? If so, the fucker's looking at it wrong: Obviously this teaches us that Republicans cannot be entrusted with the right to vote.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Fucking Dead People, how do they work?

    • Nostrildamus

      Most of 'em work in the offices of Chicago aldermen.

    • Negropolis

      Life goes in; life goes out. You can't explain it.

  • barto

    What he failed to mention was that most of those people died immediately upon voting in the primary – of shame! Cadavers with heart-stopping grimaces on their faces were piled up like cordwood outside of most polling places, last I heard.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    That's the trouble with all these born again types … dying once doesn't keep 'em down.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    People get put into the grave, then they come out. Who can explain it?

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Braaains. Braaaaains. Conservative jeebus bigots have no braaaains.

  • Sassomatic

    Maybe the Rapture came and those are the only 957 people who got resurrected.

  • carolinaswamp

    I was actually at the Judiciary subcommittee meeting this morning to hear Marci Andino testify. It was fun, in a perverse sort of way, if you like watching idiots squirm, and I do.

  • C_R_Eature

    How can they tell they're Zombies?

    It's South Carolina. Have you seen these people?

  • mavenmaven

    Romney does give off that undead impression.

  • owhatever

    I hold in my hand a list of 5,000 Communist zombies, where Mitt Romney will pay them each forty brains for their vote.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    A late salute to KBJ for the alt-text.

  • ttommyunger

    Zombie libel, you betcha!

  • Negropolis

    This is so calling for a hipsters Zombie Walk to the polls in November.

  • fuflans

    so i have a confession to make: i hate zombies.

    i really do. i love all manner of creepies and crawlies and vampires and witchcraft and bad movies and gore and tarantino.

    but i hate motherfucking zombies. even snarky zombies like zombieland zombies.

    i am ashamed to admit this, but i trust you people so i can say the truth.

  • Nostrildamus

    I doubt any non-zombies voted in the SC Republican primary.

  • Nostrildamus

    No worries SC! Zombies around your parts would immediately starve to death.

  • lulzmonger

    "We're here, we're fermenting & putrefying, deal with it!"

    Zombie at GOP debate: "I'M STAAAAAAAARVINNNNNNNG…"

  • worrierqueen

    Does this mean Enron gets a vote?

  • Grief_Lessons

    Dangling-limb Jesus is the very popular Ass-Kicking Jesus in the Book of Revelation. I agree, Hippie Jesus who fed all those fucking poor people while giving them free health care would be, well, crucified.

  • CapnFatback

    From your mouth to the p-god's ears.