Herman Cain Gives SOTU Response Sadly Bereft of 9-9-9 Mentions

Herman Cain had the honor of delivering the Tea Party’s official rebuttal to Obama’s State of the Union address, and praise Jesus, the thing is only 13 minutes long. Oddly, it does not mention 9-9-9. It also was only streamed on the Tea Party Express website, owing to the fact that part of the Tea Party’s mission is to raze every already rickety, swaying footbridge that exists between itself and people who are paid to give free space and airtime to political ideas and words. The gist of Cain’s response: “The state of the union is not good!” Also, “a lot of people don’t know they’re Tea Party people” because most people are surreptitiously injected in the butt with Tea Party antibodies and don’t know they have it until they get tested. Many can go symptom-free their whole lives.

The media says Obama’s speech drew a sharp contrast between rich and poor. HERMANSLATION: CLASS WARFARE. Cain claimed that we didn’t hear anything about unemployment last night. Well, not exactly true. But anyway:

The real rate of unemployment is 18 percent. It’s a matter of how you want to count it.

Oh, right, so if you include people that hate their jobs, the unemployment rate is 99 percent (the other 1 percent is…well…ha…you know). Later, attacking Obama for only talking about lovely things last night:

With all due respect, Mr. President, some of us are not stupid. The state of the union is not good. We want common-sense solutions. That’s how we do it outside of Washington.

And, once again, because America, you are stupid:

The American voters are saying ‘we ain’t stupid.’ They know it [?] was well timed and planned, and people are waking up to the dirty side of politics. They hadn’t awaked totally to the dirty, negative side of politics when I was first attacked, but I happen to believe that people are waking up.

Cain also made a reference to his Colbert romance during his rebuttal, accidentally pointing out that young people hate everybody on offer except maybe Ron Paul and occasionally Obama, and Colbert is hence their savior because, funniness.

Later,

‘Made in America’ is possible, if we maximize all of our energy resources right here at home.

But, well, Obama kind of suggested that exact thing??

We deserve a strong military, not a weakening military.

Interesting, yet completely random point. Is this the Tea Party’s official stance? More military spending now? Also, Mr. Obama, please:

Discourage your circus from making racial innuendos.

Eh?

Cain didn’t mention his 9-9-9 tax plan, but he did make reference to the need for a flat tax plan, and he also embedded his plan in a secret Dan Brown-like message by referencing his first grandchild, who was born in 1999!!!

Cain also repeated his whispery weird WE WON line about the Revolutionary War, borrowed from his campaign suspension speech. In this context, hmmm, yikes! The Tea Party is declaring war on the Democrats! Goodbye! [Mediaite]