stfu sotu

States and Unions: Why Have Either? Liveblogging the SOTU, Part Deux

G A M E O V E ROh hi, how is the State of the Union? Sounds pretty gassy so far, what with the drilling for natural gas in every national park, and the drilling for more Blackwater spills on every U.S. coast, and shale oil extraction to ruin the Earth for a thousand generations, etc. Yay? Why not just, uh, stop having a civilization based on the burning of fossil fuels? Well, that will happen soon enough! ALSO: What is with the Pac-Man Jobs Program?

9:45 PM — Part One of the Liveblogging Orgy of Blogging can be found here, while our popular/fatal SOTU Drinking Game can be found here.
9:47 PM — Haha, the Republicans (and Democrats) are not at all excited about letting underwater homeowners get a chance to refinance.
9:48 PM — But then, wild applause when this is somehow against the Wall Street bailouts. Everyone in Washington pretends to be against the Wall Street bailouts.
9:50 PM — Grandpa Obama made a “crying over spilled milk” joke. Several grandpas in Congress very slowly decided to weakly chuckle.
9:51 PM — “I will expand offshore oil drilling to every coast, ever beach! And I will stop offshore oil spills!”
9:56 PM — BOOOOOOOO nobody in Congress wants to pay their fair share of taxes. Taxes are for poor people!
9:57 PM — Boehner looks like he’s having a spontaneous abortion right now. (Of his liver.)
9:58 PM — Oh great, now Obama is trying to impress the seniors on a fixed income. What next, citizenship for Mexicans? Oh right he already said that.
9:59 PM — So far, we’ve got liberal talking points on income equality and fair taxation, some kind of crazy plan to drill for oil EVERYWHERE, FOREVER, and some Tea Party anti-bailout rhetoric. Something for everyone! (Nothing to even begin to fix this ruined country and cancerous economic system based on exploitation, the pillaging of natural resources for profit, etc.)
10:00 PM — And someone is screaming “Ohhhhh Noooooooes” … it sounds like? What is that loon screaming? Is it this year’s “You Lie!”?
10:01 PM — It’s about time for one of those PETA stripping YouTubes with the Congressional Applause, right?
10:02 PM — Oh boy we’re about to get post-partisan now, a feel good moment to make us remember that no matter whether Republican or Democrat, we’re all basically faced with the same pro-corporate Wall Street Pentagon world-rape choice, which is no choice at all, or something. Let’s get the temperature down, in this town!
10:04 PM — (Even though the temperature in that town and all others is going to be increasing rapidly, from now on, in large part because the World’s Biggest Economy and Richest Nation failed to do a goddamned thing when the Earth began melting.
10:05 PM — Nancy Pelosi now looks exactly like Pat Benatar.
10:06 PM — Jeez, we almost forgot about how America assassinated Qadaffi, too!
10:07 PM — And they cut to Vinegar Joe Lieberman just in time for Obama to mouth some AIPAC talking points about nuking Iran, to make sure Iran doesn’t have a dangerous nuke.
10:08 PM — Obama must have let his Atlanta Jewish Times subscription lapse. Maybe there’s an iPad app?
10:09 PM — Oh, bite it, Obama. Those who speak of America’s decline know exactly what they’re talking about.
10:10 PM — “The growing dangers of cyber threats ….” He is talking about Anonymous, Facebook, Twitter, #OWS, etc. He’s talking about you, because you are the biggest threat to him and Them.
10:13 PM — One of Obama’s “proudest possessions” is the pirate flag brought back by the military assassins we sent after Osama bin Laden. “All that mattered that day was the mission,” says Obama. “No one thought about politics. No one thought about themselves.” This is such a ridiculous fucking pile of lies that it’s not worthy of additional comment.
10:15 PM — “Just like Pac Man, these men ran up dark corridors, etc.”
10:16 PM — “This nation is great because we will kill literally anyone who annoys us, anywhere, eventually.”
10:17 PM — So the nation is great because after terrorists lash out at us, we will spend 10 years fucking up totally unrelated countries, and then eventually slaughter some half-mythical terror king in a suburb, in Pakistan, because we are so great.
10:19 PM — Truly a great speech, from the greatest president, before the greatest Congress, in the greatest country in the world FOREVER and fuck the rest of the world, we are going on a “bipartisan date” with an old millionaire who wants to suck us off in a broom closet at Union Station, the end, may Allah bless the USA.
10:23 PM — All kinds of horror is still coming, such as the “Tea Party Response.” Ugh when will that poison take effect?
10:37 PM — So we just returned to the video stream and there’s Mitch Daniels saying, “We will never have the funding for anything,” which is … honest? Cheery?
10:38 PM — So Obama says how we are such a kick-ass country that can kill anybody and even make kids go to high school. And then Mitch says Obama *actually* said America is in decline, the world is too weird, etc. No, that’s what bloggers and leftists and anarchists say, because it’s true. Obama says a bunch of patriotic bullshit talking points.
10:41 PM — And there’s Mitch Daniels, everybody! What a personality, what charisma! Truly the Republican field is weaker without his stately, dullard presence.
10:45 PM — Brian Williams smirks something audible about how nothing will come of this SOTU speech, etc. He really does just want to be a blog commenter, but lacks the snark.
10:58 PM — THANK YOU everyone for spending the SOTU date night with your Wonkette. There is no way in Hell we would suffer through this televised misery without your delightful / drunken comments and emails and tips. Now we will go weep into a cup of bourbon, the end.

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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        1. iburl

          A good time to compliment you on your first-posting etiquette, Barb. Well done. Perhaps slightly obsessively first, but always with class. :)

  1. shrillharpy

    Okay. i'm screaming "BULLSHIT!" I've been trying to refinance for months, with excellent credit. But my home is underwater. I'm stuck paying PMI which negates refinancing. Not that this is Obama's fault. Just pisses me off. Sorry for venting.

    1. DaRooster

      I'm right there with you… well the credit was good three missed payments ago.
      The same bank (Chase) that holds my mortgage told me, "You don't make enough to refinance at a lower rate to save $350 per month."
      "So, I can afford it now but not for less?"
      Fuck you Chase, B of A, etc…

      1. shrillharpy

        I was trying to refi to save $300/mos. I was even willing to have the BoA assholes add an extra 5k to my overinflated principal. I'd be totally screwed if I didn't rent out my basement. Makes my head spin. Fuckers. Good luck with your home, Rooster.

  2. SlunkyPete

    "I've ordered every federal agency to eliminate rules that don't make sense!" Start with the marijuana statutes.

      1. salt_bagel

        Chief Justice gets the honor, and chooses the method. Roberts does it right there in the main chamber with his pappy's old rusty pen knife. At dawn.

  3. Mumbletypeg

    It's like the guns for toys swap, only we're trading in "red tape" for … no; military spending for infrastructure remedial work… Then he lost me at "milk."

  4. iburl

    Obama is defending the very concept of government regulation. I love it, but also sad that these GOP crybabies have brought us to this.

  5. SorosBot

    And of course all the Republicans at yesterday's debate were for repealing the new rules and letting the financial system cause another crisis.

  6. salt_bagel

    B-b-but the STAAAATES should get to decide how much mercury their kids should eat! /feebly flails arms like Ron Paul

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Warren was on with Jon Stewart tonight. She's amazing… knocking the Repuke's pretty-boy airhead out of the ring should be easy. (It's Massachusetts, remember.)

        1. Negropolis

          I love how frustrated she gets simply trying to find the most appropriate words to explain just how horrible Republican policies really are. It's like she can barely contain herself.

  7. finallyhappy

    was that booing at "insurance companies can no longer charge different rates for women?" – gee, who would boo that?

    1. sati_demise

      People who just KNOW women are hypochondriacs and the fact that lady bits are always more expensive than peni.

  8. Monsieur_Grumpe

    He's hitting all the hot buttons. Jeez Hopey don't blow your whole load here. There's an election coming up.

  9. flamingpdog

    Eric Holder wasn't smiling when his boss said he was going to set up a special unit to investigate fraud on Wall Street. Just sayin'.

  10. SorosBot

    But the GOP won't pass the payroll tax cut without delay because it's a political football to them.

  11. AlterNewt

    If Mitch Daniels doesn't have strippers and a band, he should probably just yield back his time.

  12. PuckStopsHere

    Can't he just say, "Fuck Republicans"? 'Cause that's what I would say if it were me up there tonight.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Can he not also bestow a single-finger salute to the Republican side of the aisle? That would be presidential. At least I think so.

    2. Loaded_Pants

      This is why I could never be Prez. If it had been me during the whole healthcare reform debates, I would have just resigned and said "Joe, I hate to due this to ya, but you're going to have to deal with these motherfuckers now. I'm going back to Illinois."

    1. flamingpdog

      He was so drunk he forgot to put on his flag pin. Or maybe it just wouldn't stay on because the pin kept bouncing off the flask in his suit coat breast pocket.

  13. CountryClubJihadi

    I think Biden has a cold and is forced to swallow his snot right now. He keeps coughing on his post-nasal drop, poor thang.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Boehner is one ugly muthafucker, he is. They should at least put a bag over his head while he's on TV so much.

  14. Barb

    Oh snap! No more insider trading in Congress. No more owning stocks in companies that benefit from their votes. He's talking about you, Boehner and all that oil stock you have that would make you some money from the pipeline.

    1. fuflans

      i have been rehearsing things all night and missed this. i was HOPING we would see this bamz.

      and i knew you would note it.

      1. SorosBot

        It's an insidious practice that long predates America; it was invented by the great historical right-wing douchebag Cato the Younger, first to try and prevent Julius Caesar from running for Consul, then to try and block many of his bills meant to benefit the plebeians.

    1. Man0nTheStreet

      For real! It's almost enough to make me give a serious though to that wing-knut email that goes around about "Congreff not passing laws that don't apply to Members"

    1. SorosBot

      Because even if you're a toad like Newt attractive members of your preferred gender will throw themselves at you? It's like being an athlete or a rock star.

  15. Mumbletypeg

    Wait, no inside trading for elected reps nor bennies for bundling lobbyist cronies?

    Ooh, I like how he emphasized "BOTH parties" should put an end to this. My hat's off to you, Mister President.

  16. flamingpdog

    The Executive Branch needs to change. Yeah, that got some applause, but I think I know what "change" they were applauding.

    1. MittBorg

      But at least 55% of America does not know, or believe, that and so one must always be careful to play the game. This is what you have to do for example when you work with people you can't stand. You know you can't win with them. But if you beat the shit out of them as they so richly deserve, *you'll* lose your job (and a whole bunch of other shit) and they'll look like the victim. So you go out of your way to be reasonable ALL the fucking time and keep trying to do what youcan and work around the rest.

      I've worked with people I couldn't stand and it drives me crazy. I don't know how Barry does it.

  17. finallyhappy

    During applause, do you all hear weird feedback? Sara Benicasa called it wind chimes. I get in on all three channels I tried.

    1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Oh, thank god–you heard that too? I'm pretty sure I'm getting a sinus infection anyway, and thought it was affecting my ears as well…

    1. MittBorg

      I'm sorry, baby, there was all this hot gazillion-way action going on here, and we had a very red Boehner, and … things just got out of hand, is all.

    2. Negropolis

      This always happens to me. I need to remember that each of the editors need to get the pageviews for their money, but I always forget. Perhaps, it'd be nice if the editors would post a simple "goodbye" or something when another's thread is up, but I realize that they are in competition.

    3. flamingpdog

      I found out because either my web browser sucks or Intense Debate sucks (or both) and I keep having to shut down my browser and reboot to make Wonkette work, so I saw the lead page with the new blog post.

  18. Limeylizzie

    Nancy P.. has that special glow that I get when MrLimeylizzie dry humps me from behind when I am bending over the sink.

  19. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Oh Hillary, you look so tired. If you need a love slave to make you feel good and relive that… tension, give me call.

    1. ChocoPuff

      Hillary looks like she just found out that a) Iran got the Bomb, or b) Bill's been f'n another 18 year old. Hard to tell…

  20. BarackMyWorld

    "…a feel good moment to make us remember that no matter whether Republican or Democrat, we’re all basically faced with the same pro-corporate Wall Street Pentagon world-rape choice…"

    Layne, I'm getting that tattooed on my ass.

  21. orygoon

    Ron Wyden! He should Jew-wrestle Cantor and of course win. We'll throw what's left of that weasel into the nearest volcano.

  22. salt_bagel

    "We are the one indispensible nation in world affairs and I intend to keep it that way." Yes, we are like the cloth shopping bag of military forces.

  23. flamingpdog

    If you're going to make all our returning soldiers cops and firefighters, please make sure you take care of the PTSD first, OK?

    1. Negropolis

      You're a blond, white woman, right? So you can totally haz foostampz without direct, public scapegoating.

  24. DarwinianDemon

    Really Ken? In the face of Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich you're going with the "they're all the same" meme?

    1. Ken Layne

      Actually, that's what *Obama* said at the end of his speech, did you not see it? If there's any time to draw very clear lines between an Obama admin and a potential GOP admin, tonight would've been a good time. Instead, Obama says we're all Americans with the same goals, etc. We are most certainly *not.*

      1. CivicHoliday

        Referring to the public vs. referring to two millionaire puppets are two different things. Once again he's trying to get the public on his side with all the populist rhetoric, and draw a line between what he is proposing (clearly much of which is favored by lots of Americans, especially thanks to OWS) vs. what is being proposed by GOP leaders

  25. BarackMyWorld

    Since Daniels is giving the Republican response this year (I'll save my rant about why state-level office holders shouldn't be the ones giving them for later), I really, REALLY hope he gets interrupted a bunch by union protesters.

      1. flamingpdog

        I think she just fell asleep after washing her hair and it dried that way. It happens to the oldz.

  26. Mumbletypeg

    Second person ["you"] doesn't work well here Barry. Most of your immediate audience has never served for our country overseas, nor have their children, nor will their children's children if they can help it.

  27. Dudleydidwrong

    Destiny: sticking together. Good idea. Send all Republicans into the sea and we might get something done. Otherwise, we're fucked.

  28. BarackMyWorld

    …there is no challenge too great; no mission too hard….

    "…No mountain high enough, no valley low enough…"

    1. C_R_Eature

      Outstanding. Rang all the bells. He's one helluva Orator and he really screwed the Republicans at several points.

      1. MittBorg

        You know what the BIGGEST problem is with Hopey? He makes every single Republican sound like a whiny piece of shit. He's got a fucking BEAUTIFUL voice, mellow, with rich, warm overtones, it sounds like a good clarinet or an oboe, and despite having the slightly stiff external manner of the typical academic. His voice is very soothing and pleasant, and even when you don't agree with what he's saying, listening to him is a real pleasure. And listening to Mitt or Mitch right afterwards? Nails on chalkboard.

  29. flamingpdog

    "God bless the United State of America!"

    And while you're at it Yahweh, please fuck the Confederate States of America.

  30. mavenmaven

    Where's Michele Bachman's response? Or Sara Palin's? Come on, Obama rocked it, we have to have something stoopid to make fun of now.

    1. SorosBot

      It could be because several TV shows simultaneously referenced that song last week, weirdly. It's somehow back in the zeitgeist.

      1. Fukui_sanYesOta

        Oh no, Peggy Noonan is very smart indeed. There's no denying that.

        However, in this case she's wrong.

        1. MittBorg

          Is she? I haven't read that much by her, but I mostly couldn't stand what she wrote because it seemed to me to lack substance. Not analysis so much as opinion, and the opinion, at that, of one of the last vestiges of a crumbling demographic. A Rich Bitch who dallies with the written word as a way of earning the so-called gravitas required for punditry.

          1. Fare la Volpe

            Peggy Noonan long ago mastered the rhetorical flourishes to sound profound without saying anything at all.

            She's all style with no substance – she's the drag queen of punditry.

    1. Ken Layne

      I tried … I think I actually dozed off. If they just wanted to avoid the comedy viral video fun of a Jindal or Bachmann, the GOP succeeded … by putting America to sleep.

  31. Fukui_sanYesOta

    I'll stick this in this thread as well:

    That was a truly stunning speech. I might not agree with everything in it (e.g. wrt energy) but that delivery and conviction was amazing. It really shows up the truly pedestrian nature of the current crop of Repub candidates.

    Loving the "no new taxes on the 98% but the 2% are paying more" theme.

    1. MittBorg

      Yeah. And then to have to listen to Mitchy Dee rolling his enormous eyes at us and waggling a rusty, freckle-spotted pair of hairy brows.

      Dear god why did I look.

    1. MittBorg

      Srsly. Oh god he looked as if someone was pranging him from the rear every fourth word, his eyes would suddenly widen and his eyebrows would waggle as his intonation rose, and he appeared to be lifting bodily off his seat for a brief second.

  32. flamingpdog

    Wow, 30 seconds into this talk and I can already see why Mitch Daniels bombed out as a possible Prez candidate. Where's the blah-hate, dude?

    1. ThundercatHo

      Thank you President Obama for showing us what real family values look like.

      WTF! Is it opposite day?

  33. DonnyKerabotsos

    Half of all persons under 30 didn't go to work today? Yeah, they went to school, had recess and then took a nap. But wait until Newt is Preznit.

  34. C_R_Eature

    "As Republicans, our first concern is those who cannot climb up the ladder defeating President Obama.

  35. flamingpdog

    Obama's grand experiment in trickle-down government, Mitch? It's sure feels a lot better than the violent urine stream we got during the Dumbya administration.

  36. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Could someone please sedate Governor Daniels' eyebrows? They're in peril of jumping off his forehead altogether.

    1. Ken Layne

      Also, Reagan had far worse numbers, so his administration changed the way unemployment is reported, so that it immediately "dropped" by five points. Hahaha those people were shameless. (And it worked.)

  37. Fare la Volpe

    Did Mitch just say being a businessman is the noblest calling a man can have?

    I think Jesus has something to say about that, fucker.

    1. SorosBot

      Scientists, teachers, doctors, nurses, the rare non-corrupt cops, firefighters, porn stars; all much nobler and less well-paid callings.

  38. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Um, so Mitch, why is Apple headquartered in uber-liberal California rather than Alabama? Answer me that.

  39. C_R_Eature

    "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored.""Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored."

          1. MittBorg

            Best way to keep people from blathering on forever at meetings is to assign a specific amount of time to each item on the agenda, print copies of the damn agenda and give one to each participant, and then appoint a timekeeper whose ONLY job is to say "You have X minutes left" right before the participants run out of time.

            It's wonderful how much MORE you can get done. Of course, on the flip side, you're *gonna* be unpopular as fuck-all, but you can't have everything.

  40. Negropolis

    I see that America's Littlest Governor is going with the Bachmann treatment for his rebuttal.

    Why the hell does it sounds like everyone from Indiana is from Kentucky? This is a state that literally borders mine to the south. Not even Ohio sounds so Southern.

      1. Extemporanus

        In retrospect, "touching America inappropriately with his eyes" probably would've been more accurate.

    1. Sparky MacGyver

      He has two gestures. The side-glance (read: I think you're stupid), and the head shake (No. Just no.)

  41. RavenRant

    OMFG! Could Mitch Daniels be any more smarmy and dishonest? Newt's obvious psychosis is less repulsive than this 'plausible' sociopath.

  42. WiscDad

    Mitch the Bitch….though I used to only call McConnel that…but I guess they're twin sons of different motherfuckers

    1. Extemporanus

      Word on the street is that he's like 5'2", 5'3" tops.

      He stands on a box when at speaking events and debates. (Really.)

  43. Fare la Volpe

    I believe it was Ezra Klein who once said that worrying about debt during a recession is like worrying about your gas bill when your house is on fire.

  44. Fukui_sanYesOta

    "The dumb way"

    OK, so let's hear the smart way. Oh ok – I see. It's stopping the top 341,000 people benefits and pension checks. That'll save, oh, near a billion dollars?

    As opposed to taxing them properly, which will generate nearly a trillion.

    However, in Republican-land, it's the President who is bad at arithmetic.

  45. whatwhatinthe

    Mitch Daniels looks like someone cut around his features and shifted them all down to the lower left corner of his face.

  46. FakaktaSouth

    I just had the virtual experience of SorosBot coming over to the apartment (ie, old thread) where some of us were still chatting and hitting the bong, and making me notice that the cool kids had already left, gone out to a field, started the bonfire and gotten drunk. (that pretty much describes most of my youthful outings.)

    ANYway, hey y'all! Mitch is failing at proper Newt-onian hate. This is awesome. He's actually boring me instead of pissing me off. Who'd Barack properly attack? Who passed what alone? Who shot down what? HELL NO YOU CAN'T!!!!! Blabbity blab.

  47. C_R_Eature

    I'm just not drunk enough for this.

    Obama's administration's constant effort to divide us?!?

    What Fucking channel do you watc… Oh, never mind.

  48. MittBorg

    This is the guy the pugs are thinking of throwing into the mix. Oh jeezus he sounds like a mincing ponce after Hopey. I say this, of course, as a mincing ponce.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I think he sounded like he was trying too hard. Of course I agree with my gf The Maddow – it was all BE AFEARED YOU FUCKERS, but he's too much of a poseur to go the full Cheney, much less a good W, even with all the left off g's he used tryin' to do some talkin' with the bubbas round these parts. They shoulda let Cantor do the talking. The haters want hate. (I just seen it on the facebook) Reasonable folk have only one fucking choice. Period. (BTW, digging your latest incarnation for sure.)

      1. MittBorg

        I thought I was imaginin' him playin' the hick! Good so he was doing that. They can't let Cantor do the talking because all-out frothing at the mouth and screaming "HATE! STAB! KILL!" will just really upset the proles who are already real nervous at this point watching their shenanigans.

        Thanks, I'm hoping it sinks Mitt like notThatDewey thinks it will. Then I'll change my av to the NEXT contender. I have found the perfect Republican Candidate Destroying Tool! YAAAH!

  49. MissTaken

    Yup, my neighbor totally fucked the country up. Always leaving his newspaper on the doorstep and such.

  50. iburl

    Re: Mitch Daniels: What an out of touch loser. I won't be surprised if the Dems take the house back after this wingnut speech.

  51. Fare la Volpe

    My father offered me to come over and watch the Republican response with him. I told him honestly that he wouldn't hear anything Daniels said over my yelling.

    1. MittBorg

      Sounds like your Dad is really sweet and loves you, though. That is great!

      People like me had to live in the closet back when until we were all grown up and far from home — and even then there was always the fear that someone would talk. It makes me really really happy to see that changing.

  52. flamingpdog

    Bammers just got through saying Americans are the most efficient workers(repeatedly) in the world and nothing can stop us now, and Daniels said he didn't say anything like that. Holy crap – DRINK!

  53. Extemporanus


  54. salt_bagel

    "We can reopen the stairway upward." At about 6:45 Mitch Daniels is going to break into a long guitar solo at a higher tempo, and it is going to blow your mind.

    1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      "It was a pretty good speech, I guess, but it probably sounded better in the original German"–Molly Ivins, on Pat Buchanan's 1992 "culture war" speech

        1. SorosBot

          It's a Midwest thing, but yeah it was one of those affections (like "pop" instead of soda) that annoyed me when I lived there. They also say room like "rum" (yes, exactly like they were talking about the drink). It seems most pronounced among Minnesotans; or as they pronounce it, Meenahsohtahns.

          1. Fare la Volpe

            I wanted to bring up "rum" as well, because it's always ticked me off. I also knew a Wisconsinite who said "plague" and "vague" with a short A sound, like he was trying to say "plaque" and didn't know any better.

          2. Negropolis

            Hey, don't make fun of my Great Lakes brethren. Hell, at least we don't sound like rural New Engladers, or **shivers** Southerners.

    1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Kurt Vonnegut said that Indianapolitans have voices 'like a bandsaw cutting through sheet metal." So, yay, Hoosiers.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Rachel just had a shit-fit about that. She says the City on the Hill was not "shining" as the quote is, "A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden."

  55. SorosBot

    My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but
    tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
    and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.

    1. flamingpdog

      I don't know about the baseball part, but that speech reminded me of a pitcher – it definitely made me want to hurl.

      1. RavenRant

        The Firesign Theater has destroyed my life, by giving me the perfect quip for every occasion, that turns out to be incomprehensible to everyone with whom I share meatspace.

  56. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Huh…didn't say anything of note, yet didn't make me want to crawl under the bed and hide like Piyush Jindal did. So, uh….I really didn't notice whether he said anything, really.

    1. MittBorg

      Wotthehell, he was droning endlessly on in that cough-syrupy tone of one who has recently had to swallow revoltingly bad medicine and is surreptitiously trying to scrape his tongue off on his tonsils. Plus with the endlessly waggling eyebrows and widening eyes at most inappropriate moments, and the complexion the colour of freshly cooked lobster, it was hard to actually concentrate on his words.

      1. flamingpdog

        Ditto to that, bro. Although I suppose I should go get some dinner to go with the beer I've been drinking.

        1. MittBorg

          Damn, I wish you lived nearby. I have a fridge full of good food. Although it might be spicy for the likes of you. Go eat already, I don't want you should get sick.

          1. flamingpdog

            I lerv spicy food. There's so much I can't eat that spicy food is about the only enjoyable food I can eat. I have an iron stomach – it's just my intestine that doesn't like me anymore.

          2. MittBorg

            Oh, pdog. I wish you and Barb lived close by, and then I could bring you the terrific stew I made — chicken and chorizo with chickpeas, tomatoes, sweet peppers, and hot peppers. I put about 20 jalapenos in it. It makes you cry a bit at first, but man, it is SO fucking good.

            Of course, you need lots of ice cream for after, but still. It's totally tasty and very nutritious.

      2. SorosBot

        Joan was my first crush, way back as a kid. It was both disappointing and hot to learn that she wasn't interested in people with penises like myself.

        1. Mumbletypeg

          After seeing "The Runaways," I couldn't get "Cherry Bomb" out of my head. It was playing inner-loop style earlier today in me brain, something I read on here prompted it.

        2. FakaktaSouth

          One of my clearest childhood memories involves singing on either end of a jump rope (this is sadly not a euphemism, we were 9 or 10 and this was our microphone) with my best friend Heather, who was quite a JoanJett type – I LOVE ROCK N ROLL over and over and over again. We were so tough. JJ looks good still now too.

          1. SorosBot

            Oh yeah; I just looked it up, and apparently she's now 53, and yet she still looks amazingly hot; and she's still rocking the leather.

            And the video for her cover of Crimson and Clover (one of the few that, to me, is better than the original) awakened certain feelings in my seven year old self that I didn't know I had before. Though the fact that she didn't change the pronouns should've been a dead giveaway that she would never be interested in me.

          2. MittBorg

            That's so cute, though. Today, kids have tons of useless glittery shit that they break and throw away about three weeks after they get 'em. Back then, we had to be *creative* because we just didn't have any of that stuff.

          1. MittBorg

            ZOMG, it would be spectacularly weird.

            I once dropped four tabs of blotter with a friend, an ex-marine who served in VN, and then we went and watched Apocalypse Now.

          2. MittBorg

            We were young and, obviously, very foolish. Later, I walked home in a state of shock to find my neighbour, a very nice young Englishman, loudly singing opera to a snail on the grassy divider of the main road. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was conducting an experiment to determine if snails could hear.

            I still have no idea if it was just part of the trip, or what. Sure was interesting, though.

  57. Fukui_sanYesOta

    haha, some tard on CNN called Daniels' speech "like a glass of warm milk with a fly in it – both boring AND depressing"

    1. flamingpdog

      And while every American is sleeping, he'll steal $4 of it back.

      Oh, and am I the only one that had to refresh their web browser like three times before it would let them make a comment just now. Sometimes I think Intense Debate is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Americans for Prosperity, Inc.

      1. MittBorg

        The more I see of the Prez and his team, the more I see how *ready* they are. I trust my Prez. He's gonna win this thing. He's the best available candidate.

    1. Negropolis

      Favreau, dear; speechwriter Jon Favreau. You know, the guy that was caught in a picture drunkely groping a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Hillary Clinton.

      1. MittBorg

        No, darlin', I was talking about David, because he showed up on air on NBC and spent a few minutes telling Brian Wilson how fulla shit he was.

        ETA: Waitaminnit, it's Williams, innit? They all look alike, who gives a shit. Kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out.

  58. Gainsbourg69

    America doesn't elect fat men or short hobbits with combovers. No offense to the fat and bald amongst us.

      1. MittBorg

        That was *then,* sweetie. You know, before TV. When hardly anyone ever saw the President but maybe once or twice in their lives, if they lived in DC or were famous statesmen or scholars.

    1. MittBorg

      I seem to remember reading something about a study (Science News?) showing that Americans consistently preferred tall men with hair in elections.

    1. flamingpdog

      Network news used to be 100 percent separate from network entertainment. They couldn't even talk to each other. Those days are long gone.

    1. MissTaken

      Not that you really want to know, but those are called 'headbands'. And no, I would not. Being short I have enough problems being treated like a little girl, don't need to add to it!

      1. MittBorg

        Uh-oh. Barb called SorosBot a tall drink of bitch, which must mean he's at least 6' tall, Barb being a tall drink herself.

        Heels are very in right now!

          1. SorosBot

            Sorry to disappoint; if it helps, back when I thought you were a woman (because of your old avatar) I found your comments attractive.

          1. flamingpdog

            Dude, I'm a short person, too. Just like my womyns tall. You hug the tall ones and your face gets to rest in a soft place.

  59. Fare la Volpe

    Shit, Bachmann's on Fox. I thought she had crawled back into her shriveled toadstool and died.

    UPDATE: Holy fuck, she literally just said "Green energy – that's socialism." Cunting cuntbag.

    1. MittBorg

      That's fine, you know, because the only people who would listen to her on this issue already agree with her. The rest are all like, "WTF did KrayZ Shelley just say?"

    1. MittBorg

      That reminds me of me when I was young and making a living as a blackjack dealer. The house always sent me out when they were winning too much. The sight of me had the big players creaming their jeans because they KNEW the house was gonna lose if I was dealing. That's Mitch.

  60. BarackMyWorld

    Governors should not give SOTU responses. They have no direct power over national policy and usually end up peppering their speech with references to their own state which no one gives a crap about.

    1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Yeah, but they have the foreign policy experience of being C in C of the West Bumfuck National Guard.

  61. MissTaken

    Mitt is such a dick. "Between charity and taxes I pay close to 40%". Douche. The bulk of your charity goes to an organization that actively campaigns against equal rights for all Americans. Fuck off.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      And gives that motherfucker so much power within its organization that we don't even KNOW about yet – but, okay Mitt, keep on about how much money you give the church that is gonna freak the fuck out of a bunch of folks. Holy crap it really might be Newt after all.

    2. LetUsBray

      That "charity" is called a tithe and it's strictly required to be a Mormon in good standing. I mean, it's subject to a freaking audit.

      1. MittBorg

        That needs to become common knowledge. What the hell kinda religious organization has the *gall* to meddle in its members' private financial matters? That is pretty fucking cheeky!

        1. Biff

          First Sunday of the month, members are handed an envelope by (usually) a stake missionary on their way into the chapel. In the envelope is a slip of paper upon which you calculate your earnings for the prior month and write a check for 10% of the pre-tax total. Just like a credit card slip, there's also a line for any additional gratuity gifts you wish to give. This same Sunday is "fast" Sunday, and breakfast and lunch are passed by, and the estimated cost of those meals is considered good form for a "fast offering", see "gifts" above. I hate that I know any of this shit.

          1. Biff

            I was one, but quit before the underpants ritual. Once I learned that I would have to wear underpants of any description, I kinda knew it wasn't gonna be my thing. Sadly, no planet for me.

          2. MittBorg

            Going commando, eh?Don't be sad. You'll have us Wonketteerz. That's WAY better than having a planet.Besides, in order to get that damn planet, you'd have to live like some freak-fucking-monk for decades.Come over to teh dark side. We haz teh best cookies.

      1. ThundercatHo

        Yes, everyone should watch "A Mormon Proposition". I think the LSD contribution to Prop 8's campaign was $22 million.

    3. SorosBot

      He said that? Ugh. And hey, those "charity" contributions are tax deductible and so part of the reason he pays so few taxes. I wonder how much of his money went to ensuring that gay Californians don't have equal rights.

        1. SorosBot

          As noted below, I turned the TV off as soon as Williams said, "And next, an interview with Mitt Romney"; sounds like I made the right choice.

    4. Z Crudmonger

      His charity goes to "the CORPORATION of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints" technically. Read it as you will.

      correction "corporation of the presiding bishop of the cojcolds" not-blah-blah-blah.

    5. BklynIlluminati

      The fact that he equates charity with tax never mind that half of his "charity" goes to the moron (not a typo)church, makes it seem like such a burden. Charity is supposed to help others and give light to the soul, not make you think of H&R Block. He is such a dick

    6. Buckminster

      Some of us would like to tithe, although we are not Mormon, but our heat and electricity bills make that untenable.

      1. LetUsBray

        From what Biff is saying, if you are Mormon and you have heat and electricity bills, that's just too damn bad.

        A church with its own IRS: Why, that's not cult-like at all, is it?

  62. ProgressiveInga

    Congressman Reid Ribble (R Wisconsin) is being interviewed on msnbc. Are we being left-wing tv punked? And if that's his real name he must hate his parents.

    1. MilwaukeeKent

      From the state that gave you Reince Priebus — when your Reid Ribbles, seek treatment and suggest your partner do the same.

      1. MittBorg

        Oh god are these parents just truly horrible people who hate their children, or what? If my parents had stuck me with a name like that, I'd be serving time today.

        1. Radiotherapy

          Every fuck I have ever met with a stupid name has been a complete twat. Dick Cummings, Dick Bigelow, Harry C. Beaver (srsly, no lie) was an Ob-Gyn, and an idiot to boot, etc.

          1. MittBorg

            OT: I was once referred to a surgeon named Carver. I decided his name was just too unfortunate for me to ever allow him to touch me. I picked up the paper recently to find that he had been arrested for a crime — I think it included carving upon someone.

            Sometimes our apparently irrational prejudices are little warning signals from our subconscious, which is noticing things our conscious mind does not.

          2. MittBorg

            I remember reading about that, ages ago. Back when Dr. Masson was still teaching here, before the huge fallout with the Freud Institute. Are you a psychologist by training? Why the sudden interest in Freud?

          3. Chet Kincaid

            No, I'm not, I just have a layperson's interest in Jung and Freud. Way back in the late-80s/early 90s I thought I was onto The Meaning Of Life by exploring and connecting Jung, Joseph Campbell, Gregory Bateson, Allan Watts, Chaos Theory, and that Dancing Wu Li Masters stuff; and Freud was interesting in reductionist, anti-mystical contrast to all of that, while not actually being very scientific, either. It seemed as if the Great Debate boiled down to Jung wanting to establish a scientific understanding of spirituality and growth, while with Freud it was all just elaborations of shitting and fucking.

            I also read the book, "A Most Dangerous Method" (the basis for the plays and movie) when it came out in the early '90s, and it's really fascinating, gossipy and novel-esque. I knew then it was going to be a mini-series or movie some day, and even wrote my own parody scene for laughs. Oh, but I'd never post that old thing, unless somebody wanted to see it…

          4. Radiotherapy

            C'mon Chet, post it, or link to it. We'll be more than interested. Freud is important to me, in a very pragmatic, daily way because of his initiation of the discussion of anxiety as an important component of our psyche's. 70% of what I do while at work is anxiety management.

          5. Chet Kincaid

            Chet Kincaid's A MOST DANGEROUS METHOD

            Based upon the 1994 nonfiction book dishing the juicy details of the Freud/Jung beef over Jung's sexy patient/lover and their later colleague, Sabina Spielrein


            FREUD (Cranky):
            Riklin, you schmuck! You didn't even cite my work in your last article! Is that so much to ask?

            RIKLIN (Flustered):
            Why, your contributions are so well known, it seemed redundant to always —

            Oh, so I'm redundant, then!

            Ahem! Er, why don't you share with us some of your most recent discoveries, Dr. Freud?

            Well, *if* you're interested…I've just finished reading Abraham's essay on Amenhotep, the ancient Egyptian ruler and founder of monotheism. As part of his reforms, he erased his father's name from public monuments. It's obvious to *me* that he harbored parricidal wishes, and that this in fact proves the ancient origins of my Oedipal theory —

            JUNG (Earnestly):
            I disagree, Herr Doktor! It's a bit more complicated than that. Amenhotep's father had been considered a god, and eliminating the old god's name was part and parcel of consolidating the new religion.

            FREUD (Irritated):
            Well, it all rather reminds *me* of you Swiss, and your tendency to forget to cite my name in your psychoanalytic publications!!

            (A hubub arises.)

            JUNG (Solicitously):
            My dear Freud, you underestimate the esteem with which we hold your seminal accomplishments! Because we have taken them to heart, there's no need to constantly —

            Well excuse me and my ideas for being so tedious!

            Don't you think you're taking this a bit personally, Dr. Freud…?

            Besides, the Amenhotep story is indeed true to nature. The father already has a name, and the son must go out and make one for himself.

            FREUD (Sarcastically):
            Am I dissociating? I thought I was in Munich, not Memphis!

            I've done a bit of research on Amenhotep myself. I've found that —

            (Freud looks shocked, and suddenly falls off his chair in a dead faint.)

            JUNG (Alarmed):
            Herr Doktor!! Herr Doktor!!

            (Jung rushes to Freud, picks him up and carries him toward the door. Freud comes to while being carried.)

            How sweet it must be to die!


            (As you can see, my version would have tended more toward Seinfeld/Monty Python than whatever David Cronenberg came up with.)

          6. Chet Kincaid

            This is basically exactly what happened at this particular lunch, as described in the book! It was so absurd that I thought it was a great scene. All I added was a couple of colloquialisms.

          7. MittBorg

            Really?I've never seen the film. I suppose I shall have to, now, just to see that scene.Reading something by Walter Moseley tonight, he was the first author to bring Chester Himes to my notice.What do you think of Moseley and Himes as writers?

          8. Chet Kincaid

            I haven't seen the movie yet either, so I don't know if this incident is in it.

            Hey, I am a big Walter Mosely fan! I've read all the Easy Rawlins mysteries.

          9. MittBorg

            I've read most of his detective stories except Bad Boy Brawley Brown. Right now I'm reading a collection of his called Futureland, and I think what I am most grateful to him for is his portrayal of black male heroes. He has said that that is his mission as a writer, to make heroes for us to replace those who have been taken away, hidden and buried in the mythology we are taught in school. A mythology in which all black men are slaves and all black women either mammies who give love and care to everyone but themselves, or exotic harlots. Mosley turned me on to Chester Himes, for which I will always be grateful. Himes spotlighted a particularly ugly episode of American history. As does Mosley. Great writer. I'm waiting for the next Great Black Novel from a new young writer, though. Zadie Smith is certainly good, but she's not the one, and Alice Walker has already proved her merit. So tell me, which young Black writers can you recommend who write about the plight of Black people exactly as it is out there?Not the African writers, who are all just great and fantastic, but are writing about being African in Africa, which doesn't begin to describe the hell of racism for Blacks in the White man's land.Whom do you recommend?

          10. Chet Kincaid

            Can't even begin to make a reco, as I haven't been keeping up with literature. I'm more qualified to recommend some African music, which I promised, and will get around to one of these days.

          11. MittBorg

            Well, if you haven't read Futureland, let me highly recommend it now. The collection contains his story, The Nig in Me. All I can say is I'm so fucking furious right now that I just blew up at a fellow Wonketeer, which I know is a no-no. Ugh. Why do white people feel SO obliged to tell me about all the shortcomings of black folk? Do they think I'm stupid, that I can't see how flawed we are? Or do our flaws excuse their attitudes?Enough! I'm going to get my ass kicked in a bit for what I just said.Thanks very much for remembering the music. I'll just go calm down and read some, I don't know, white folks' literature for a bit.

  63. Fare la Volpe

    The Fox talking heads are now criticizing Obama for giving "a political speech."

    Fuck them right in the fucking holes in their heads.

  64. Jukesgrrl

    I just looked up info about John Kerry's face. His office says, "Kerry suffered two black eyes and a broken nose during a 'friendly game of hockey' with family and buddies over the Christmas break." My 20-years-older mother looked just like that when she tripped over a curb in a parking lot and fell face down on the sidewalk. I hope a 68-year-old recovers faster than she did.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I know a buncha chicks that have looked like that after a trip to the plastic surgeon. He looks like botox and a scalpel might've gotten him harder than anything.

    2. smashedinhat

      From the colour of those bruises I'd say he's well on his way. Keep your head up John, you got caught napping!

  65. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Huh, Jim deMint is on CNN saying he's talked to manufacturers and they've said Dodd-Frank will damage their businesses.

    The "Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act", which only affects financial services companies.

    Jim DeMint can fuck off as well.

  66. AlterNewt

    "Now we will go weep into a cup of bourbon"

    I believe the old-timers call that 'Bourbon and sad-water'.

  67. Mojopo

    So Mitch Daniels might be the consensus candidate if Titty Baby and the Robot can't stop clawing at each other? That pasty butt toad? Sorry, he's no Lincoln.

        1. Mondo_Cane

          Mitt's proving himself a loser – Newt can be bought off (cheap) – Santorum's mother wouldn't vote for him – RP is going his own way –

          Daniels has been a loyal hack, doing what he's told – he's a 1 percenter that does 'aw shucks', an 'anti Gingrich' personal story, made his $$$ pushing drugs running Eli Lilley –

          oh – and he's white….

          1. Mojopo

            How will the voters feel? And how many alliances will be broken when it comes time to vote someone off the island? When the deals come to pass in 2013, we might get to see some Eastern Bloc style beatdowns in the chambers.

          2. SorosBot

            The thing is, Mitt's proving himself a sore loser; he could probably have shrugged off the South Carolina loss and continued on the inevitability train, but instead he's reacted horribly to the loss and keeps digging himself into holes. He really may be the Republican equivalent of Ed Muskie.

      1. SorosBot

        It's strange that the one who used to date extremely funny and sexy actress Rashida Jones is the speechwriter, and not the director.

          1. SorosBot

            Then watch Parks and Recreation! You should anyway; it's one of the best sitcoms on now.

            And she is very, very sexy, too.

  68. Negropolis

    Just back from a burger run, and I'm still giddy about this speech. I thought "pass this bill" was good, last year, but this was chocked so full of specifics and so "refudiated" the Republicans bullshit talking points I was nearly overwhelmed.

    BTW, Mitch who?

  69. FakaktaSouth

    BERNIE!!!!!! Okay, I can lie down now, having listened to this beautiful man talk and really feel that it's NOT ME that's utterly crazy (on this particular subject) and maybe, one day, I'll get to Vermont before one of us dies.
    Good night and truly, thank you wonkette – without you guys specifically I could never make it through all this bullshit – y'all keep me sane, or at least out of the clock-tower…love.

  70. Panty_Buns

    Argh! I hate to admit it but I voted for Barack. How wonderful that he's in favor of putting a higher tax rate on the dividends of senior citizens on fixed income even if they make less money per year than they need for food, water and shelter. Even better he apparently still wants to make the hard choices and tax half of the social security paid to seniors if they earn over $15,000 per year and are between the ages of 62 and 65, er 66, er the age will keep going up. But DON'T WORRY. President Obama made it clear he won't cut spending on any of the really important things like war, bombs, drones, the Pentagon, increased surveillance, imprisonment without trial, etc.. The Pres. will make sure everyone can borrow money at loan-shark rates so they can go to college and understand what the jobs were about that they're missing out on because they were shipped overseas due to trade agreements without the advice, consent concurrence of 2/3 of the Senators and wind up with huge loans to pay off for learning about it. He'll make sure the Corporations are still people and the will of people is still ignored. You could tell the fix was in because Joel Lieberman was smiling. The phone companies can rest assured that they won't be held responsible for helping the government and the corporations spy on you. Rest easy, defense contractors. As long as Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul can be ignored and denied speaking time on camera your flow pork-barrel goodies won't be one of those tough budget choices in question.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      I can definitely get over your fetish, your blog spamming and your rather incoherent post. All that is fine.

      However: please, PLEASE use paragraphs.

    2. fuflans

      well panty honey i don't know if you're a boy or a girl, but if you actually put any buns in those panty ovens and want a choice about reproductive rights, i suggest you think about obama as, well, a distasteful firewall.

      cause i personally don't think the roberts court needs any tilting to the right.

      1. Panty_Buns

        Wouldn't it be nice if we had a Chief Justice and President capable of not flubbing the Oath of Office? I love the Bill of Rights and I'm pro-choice. No buns baking in my panty oven – no cannon fodder and wage slaves from my loins. At least Paultards and Kucinich supporters don't want to increase the prison-industrial complex the way Mitt Rummy, Newt Grinch and Rick Sanitarium do.

        The Supreme kangaroo Court has been tilted off the scale to the right ever since Lewis Powell got on it back in the Nixon administration. Your correct. It doesn't need to be tilted any further to the right, but neither does it need justices who advocate a unitary executive. Obama is like Bush in advocating more Presidential power.

      2. Nothingisamiss

        Amen, fuflans. I note that in his/her reply there's still no understanding of this salient fact: SCOTUS is for decades, and the repercussions of the Bush years are hardfly started. Hate on O as you will, a lot more is at stake than the next 4 years.

    3. SorosBot


      Well actually no; I would've read something that long, if it didn't start off so incoherent with no paragraph breaks.

    4. DarwinianDemon

      Hahaha…Dennis Kucinich or Ron Paul. That's like saying "I could watch Empire Strikes Back" or "Phantom Menace"…they're both good."

        1. DarwinianDemon

          A nerd would point out that although Luke was Vader's son, he was not evil himself. I will merely point out that Kucinich and Paul are complete opposites on almost every single domestic issue and even on foreign policy their reasoning is quite different.