stfu sotu

States and Unions: Why Have Either? Liveblogging the SOTU, Part Deux

G A M E O V E ROh hi, how is the State of the Union? Sounds pretty gassy so far, what with the drilling for natural gas in every national park, and the drilling for more Blackwater spills on every U.S. coast, and shale oil extraction to ruin the Earth for a thousand generations, etc. Yay? Why not just, uh, stop having a civilization based on the burning of fossil fuels? Well, that will happen soon enough! ALSO: What is with the Pac-Man Jobs Program?

9:45 PM — Part One of the Liveblogging Orgy of Blogging can be found here, while our popular/fatal SOTU Drinking Game can be found here.
9:47 PM — Haha, the Republicans (and Democrats) are not at all excited about letting underwater homeowners get a chance to refinance.
9:48 PM — But then, wild applause when this is somehow against the Wall Street bailouts. Everyone in Washington pretends to be against the Wall Street bailouts.
9:50 PM — Grandpa Obama made a “crying over spilled milk” joke. Several grandpas in Congress very slowly decided to weakly chuckle.
9:51 PM — “I will expand offshore oil drilling to every coast, ever beach! And I will stop offshore oil spills!”
9:56 PM — BOOOOOOOO nobody in Congress wants to pay their fair share of taxes. Taxes are for poor people!
9:57 PM — Boehner looks like he’s having a spontaneous abortion right now. (Of his liver.)
9:58 PM — Oh great, now Obama is trying to impress the seniors on a fixed income. What next, citizenship for Mexicans? Oh right he already said that.
9:59 PM — So far, we’ve got liberal talking points on income equality and fair taxation, some kind of crazy plan to drill for oil EVERYWHERE, FOREVER, and some Tea Party anti-bailout rhetoric. Something for everyone! (Nothing to even begin to fix this ruined country and cancerous economic system based on exploitation, the pillaging of natural resources for profit, etc.)
10:00 PM — And someone is screaming “Ohhhhh Noooooooes” … it sounds like? What is that loon screaming? Is it this year’s “You Lie!”?
10:01 PM — It’s about time for one of those PETA stripping YouTubes with the Congressional Applause, right?
10:02 PM — Oh boy we’re about to get post-partisan now, a feel good moment to make us remember that no matter whether Republican or Democrat, we’re all basically faced with the same pro-corporate Wall Street Pentagon world-rape choice, which is no choice at all, or something. Let’s get the temperature down, in this town!
10:04 PM — (Even though the temperature in that town and all others is going to be increasing rapidly, from now on, in large part because the World’s Biggest Economy and Richest Nation failed to do a goddamned thing when the Earth began melting.
10:05 PM — Nancy Pelosi now looks exactly like Pat Benatar.
10:06 PM — Jeez, we almost forgot about how America assassinated Qadaffi, too!
10:07 PM — And they cut to Vinegar Joe Lieberman just in time for Obama to mouth some AIPAC talking points about nuking Iran, to make sure Iran doesn’t have a dangerous nuke.
10:08 PM — Obama must have let his Atlanta Jewish Times subscription lapse. Maybe there’s an iPad app?
10:09 PM — Oh, bite it, Obama. Those who speak of America’s decline know exactly what they’re talking about.
10:10 PM — “The growing dangers of cyber threats ….” He is talking about Anonymous, Facebook, Twitter, #OWS, etc. He’s talking about you, because you are the biggest threat to him and Them.
10:13 PM — One of Obama’s “proudest possessions” is the pirate flag brought back by the military assassins we sent after Osama bin Laden. “All that mattered that day was the mission,” says Obama. “No one thought about politics. No one thought about themselves.” This is such a ridiculous fucking pile of lies that it’s not worthy of additional comment.
10:15 PM — “Just like Pac Man, these men ran up dark corridors, etc.”
10:16 PM — “This nation is great because we will kill literally anyone who annoys us, anywhere, eventually.”
10:17 PM — So the nation is great because after terrorists lash out at us, we will spend 10 years fucking up totally unrelated countries, and then eventually slaughter some half-mythical terror king in a suburb, in Pakistan, because we are so great.
10:19 PM — Truly a great speech, from the greatest president, before the greatest Congress, in the greatest country in the world FOREVER and fuck the rest of the world, we are going on a “bipartisan date” with an old millionaire who wants to suck us off in a broom closet at Union Station, the end, may Allah bless the USA.
10:23 PM — All kinds of horror is still coming, such as the “Tea Party Response.” Ugh when will that poison take effect?
10:37 PM — So we just returned to the video stream and there’s Mitch Daniels saying, “We will never have the funding for anything,” which is … honest? Cheery?
10:38 PM — So Obama says how we are such a kick-ass country that can kill anybody and even make kids go to high school. And then Mitch says Obama *actually* said America is in decline, the world is too weird, etc. No, that’s what bloggers and leftists and anarchists say, because it’s true. Obama says a bunch of patriotic bullshit talking points.
10:41 PM — And there’s Mitch Daniels, everybody! What a personality, what charisma! Truly the Republican field is weaker without his stately, dullard presence.
10:45 PM — Brian Williams smirks something audible about how nothing will come of this SOTU speech, etc. He really does just want to be a blog commenter, but lacks the snark.
10:58 PM — THANK YOU everyone for spending the SOTU date night with your Wonkette. There is no way in Hell we would suffer through this televised misery without your delightful / drunken comments and emails and tips. Now we will go weep into a cup of bourbon, the end.

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • SlunkyPete

    First! But still bored!

    • SorosBot

      Downfist!

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Double downfist

      • Barb

        Triple downfist.

        • iburl

          A good time to compliment you on your first-posting etiquette, Barb. Well done. Perhaps slightly obsessively first, but always with class. :)

          • Barb

            Thanks!

        • NellCote71

          Quadruple downfist.

  • proudgrampa

    Yay! Am I the first? Go, Mr. President!

    Nope.

  • chascates

    Is there no relief? Are we condemned to listen to politics forever!!1!???

  • shrillharpy

    Okay. i'm screaming "BULLSHIT!" I've been trying to refinance for months, with excellent credit. But my home is underwater. I'm stuck paying PMI which negates refinancing. Not that this is Obama's fault. Just pisses me off. Sorry for venting.

    • DaRooster

      I'm right there with you… well the credit was good three missed payments ago.
      The same bank (Chase) that holds my mortgage told me, "You don't make enough to refinance at a lower rate to save $350 per month."
      "So, I can afford it now but not for less?"
      "Yes."
      Fuck you Chase, B of A, etc…

      • shrillharpy

        I was trying to refi to save $300/mos. I was even willing to have the BoA assholes add an extra 5k to my overinflated principal. I'd be totally screwed if I didn't rent out my basement. Makes my head spin. Fuckers. Good luck with your home, Rooster.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Good thing the drink word isn't "Regulations."

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Going to the Medical Maryjane Dispensary, anybody need more weed?

    • chascates

      I'll have some seeds or clones, if you please!

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      I don't think I could afford shake right now, which is of course why I need some.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Me pleez. I NEED IT.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Weed makes me paranoid. I mean, more than usual.

    • Angry_Marmot

      242 Republicans need it more than any of us.

  • BarackMyWorld

    "Spilt milk"

    Wocka wocka.

    • MissTaken

      Knee slapper!

  • SlunkyPete

    "I've ordered every federal agency to eliminate rules that don't make sense!" Start with the marijuana statutes.

    • Loaded_Pants

      That would be too much of a job killer.

  • salt_bagel

    When you become a SCOTUS, they cut your arm tendons so you can no longer clap.

    • proudgrampa

      So THAT's what's going on!

      • salt_bagel

        Chief Justice gets the honor, and chooses the method. Roberts does it right there in the main chamber with his pappy's old rusty pen knife. At dawn.

    • Loaded_Pants

      In the case of Justice Thomas, I think they cut out his tongue.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        No WONDER Ginny's been drunk-calling Anita Hill!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    It's like the guns for toys swap, only we're trading in "red tape" for … no; military spending for infrastructure remedial work… Then he lost me at "milk."

  • iburl

    Obama is defending the very concept of government regulation. I love it, but also sad that these GOP crybabies have brought us to this.

  • SorosBot

    And of course all the Republicans at yesterday's debate were for repealing the new rules and letting the financial system cause another crisis.

  • Crank_Tango

    waca waca waca waca waca…

  • salt_bagel

    B-b-but the STAAAATES should get to decide how much mercury their kids should eat! /feebly flails arms like Ron Paul

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Do you have a clawlike, liver-spotted, arthritic forefinger? USE IT!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Suck it, Senate Republicans!

  • SorosBot

    Lots of boos at Rich Cordray (sp?); suck it, Republicans.

  • SlunkyPete

    See, they could have had Elizabeth Warren, but they've got this ol' grumpus instead.

    • SorosBot

      Instead, we're probably going to have Sen. Warren in a year – a fair trade.

      • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

        Karma is a bitch, isn't she Scott?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Warren was on with Jon Stewart tonight. She's amazing… knocking the Repuke's pretty-boy airhead out of the ring should be easy. (It's Massachusetts, remember.)

        • Negropolis

          I love how frustrated she gets simply trying to find the most appropriate words to explain just how horrible Republican policies really are. It's like she can barely contain herself.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    I'm glad Cordray will "look out for us." My question is, who will look out for Mr. Cordray?

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Senator Warren

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      That's what we have teh Secret Service for, darlz.

  • finallyhappy

    was that booing at "insurance companies can no longer charge different rates for women?" – gee, who would boo that?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Republicans, because he's STANDING ON THE NECK OF THE FREE MARKET!!!

    • Crank_Tango

      boooooooooooooobbbbssssssss

    • zwoits

      women are so expensive because of their various lady parts….and those future babies.

    • sati_demise

      People who just KNOW women are hypochondriacs and the fact that lady bits are always more expensive than peni.

    • SorosBot

      I was saying "Booo-urns".

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    He's hitting all the hot buttons. Jeez Hopey don't blow your whole load here. There's an election coming up.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      yeah.. it's slightly less effective when you hit them *all* at once… Each idea needs to be heard in turn and at a smart pace.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Fragile recovery is fragile.

  • flamingpdog

    Eric Holder wasn't smiling when his boss said he was going to set up a special unit to investigate fraud on Wall Street. Just sayin'.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      And Geithner looked physically pained.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Geithner's been looking, all night, like he was in the middle of taking a poop and is worried he'll leak, or something.

        • NellCote71

          But he always has looked like that.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Oh, grl.

  • SorosBot

    But the GOP won't pass the payroll tax cut without delay because it's a political football to them.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Ken is speaking French tonight. Commie!

  • AlterNewt

    If Mitch Daniels doesn't have strippers and a band, he should probably just yield back his time.

  • Barb

    He's going after the millionaires. Huzzah!

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Huzzah!

  • SorosBot

    Was that just a shot at Romney?

    • flamingpdog

      Yes.

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        Hell yes!

  • SlunkyPete

    Grrrr grrr says the members of the millionaires' club.

  • flamingpdog

    Middle clas – he said it! Karl Rove poops his pants.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Gross Karl's gonna have to spend another $20mil on the "Kenyan Socialist" ad buy after that one.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Here comes the Mttens 15% tax. Pay up suckers.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Can't he just say, "Fuck Republicans"? 'Cause that's what I would say if it were me up there tonight.

    • iburl

      Fuh-kalla-y'all!!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Can he not also bestow a single-finger salute to the Republican side of the aisle? That would be presidential. At least I think so.

    • Loaded_Pants

      This is why I could never be Prez. If it had been me during the whole healthcare reform debates, I would have just resigned and said "Joe, I hate to due this to ya, but you're going to have to deal with these motherfuckers now. I'm going back to Illinois."

  • finallyhappy

    whoa- Boner's nose and cheeks are really red- how much did he drink before this talk?

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      He was drinking Hot Boners: sweet vermouth and atropine.

    • Loaded_Pants

      All of it, Katie.

    • flamingpdog

      He was so drunk he forgot to put on his flag pin. Or maybe it just wouldn't stay on because the pin kept bouncing off the flask in his suit coat breast pocket.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    I think Biden has a cold and is forced to swallow his snot right now. He keeps coughing on his post-nasal drop, poor thang.

  • chascates

    John Boehner has no lips at all. That's freaky.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Boehner is one ugly muthafucker, he is. They should at least put a bag over his head while he's on TV so much.

      • flamingpdog

        Or a white sheet.

        • Fare la Volpe

          From the Jesse Helms Collection.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Oh he has them, they just blend in to the orange.

  • SlunkyPete

    I was sick that day at law school.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Newt is against the Buffet rule because he thinks it's a tax on buffets.

    • Limeylizzie

      Win.

    • snackypants

      Chris Christie also hates this tax.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Boehner looks like beef jerky. Emphasis on the jerky part.

  • SorosBot

    And hey, I'm raising my own taxes, too.

  • flamingpdog

    "We don't begrudge financial success". Eat shit, MInt RawMoney!

  • SlunkyPete

    I think "America–Built to Last" is a better slogan than "America–Chevy Tough."

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      "It's Not Your Father's America."

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        You can say that again.

  • saratoday

    I like how he just mentioned the 98%. Ha ha.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "Being a little cynical?" Cynicism is the fuel that gets me through my day. (Here.)

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Oh for crying out loud. They can't applaud sharing the tax burden. Fuck em all.

    • philpjfry

      Ya know?!! it makes you wonder what they would clap for.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Maybe putting kids to work cleaning the toilets in their own schools?

  • SorosBot

    Nice to remind everyone of the shit the Republicans pulled with the debt ceiling.

  • philpjfry

    Boner is no longer Orange but hasa changed to red

    • Loaded_Pants

      What color will he turn next? Purple? Blue?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        One can only hope, dear.

        • flamingpdog

          Even better hope – he wakes up blah tomorrow morning.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Oh, pdog, you really know how to get a leftie all hot and hard. Or hot and wet, depending on your equipment.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Is someone yelling "No!"?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I thought I heard that too.

    • salt_bagel

      They're actually yelling NOOO-URNS.

  • Barb

    Oh snap! No more insider trading in Congress. No more owning stocks in companies that benefit from their votes. He's talking about you, Boehner and all that oil stock you have that would make you some money from the pipeline.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    I think I hear Ed McMahon in the audience.

    HEY-OH!

    • flamingpdog

      Zombie Ed McMahon replace Zombie Ronald Reagan this year.

  • SorosBot

    And you're all corrupt too! I like feisty Obama.

    • fuflans

      i have been rehearsing things all night and missed this. i was HOPING we would see this bamz.

      and i knew you would note it.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Me too.

  • SorosBot

    Fuck the filibuster; yes.

    • Radiotherapy

      You mean the one that isn't in their precious literal reading of the Constitution.

      • SorosBot

        It's an insidious practice that long predates America; it was invented by the great historical right-wing douchebag Cato the Younger, first to try and prevent Julius Caesar from running for Consul, then to try and block many of his bills meant to benefit the plebeians.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Let me see if I can guess: was that PhD in history, by any chance? Ancient, even, perhaps?

  • proudgrampa

    I didn't see Nancy Pelosi applaud the idea of no insider trading for Congress…

    • Man0nTheStreet

      For real! It's almost enough to make me give a serious though to that wing-knut email that goes around about "Congreff not passing laws that don't apply to Members"

  • philpjfry

    Boner look like he is going to burst

    • MissTaken

      I had to switch to the C-Span feed just to protect my sanity. Can barely see Boner's chin tip now!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Boehn-head looks worried.

    • flamingpdog

      I haven't seen Boner's face change all night. I think he's dead.

      • Terry

        All his sphyncters are clenched.

      • NellCote71

        Botox, baby, Botox

      • MosesInvests

        Just pickled.

    • DaRooster

      Worried about how much drinking time he's losing.

  • Extemporanus

    Ladies and gentleman, I am proud to report that the state of my laundry is drying.

  • AlterNewt

    "Everything is going to be fine. you'll see".

  • OurHoboSenator

    Ugh, stop with the false equivalence stuff, Mr. President.

  • memzilla

    Boehner looks like he is swallowing a particularly spicy bag of lightly salted poisoned rat dicks.

    • Extemporanus

      Someone get that tan a glass of milk.

  • MissTaken

    But, but, but if I can't insider trade, why should I be in Congress??

    • SorosBot

      Because even if you're a toad like Newt attractive members of your preferred gender will throw themselves at you? It's like being an athlete or a rock star.

    • Radiotherapy

      Because you can retire and become a lobbyist.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Wait, no inside trading for elected reps nor bennies for bundling lobbyist cronies?

    Ooh, I like how he emphasized "BOTH parties" should put an end to this. My hat's off to you, Mister President.

  • SlunkyPete

    "Finally, none of this can happen" (I love quoting out of context.)

  • flamingpdog

    The Executive Branch needs to change. Yeah, that got some applause, but I think I know what "change" they were applauding.

  • SorosBot

    Sorry, but with these Republicans you'll never get consensus.

  • philpjfry

    Making another pitch for bi partisanship. They hate you Barry and will never help you do anything

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      But at least 55% of America does not know, or believe, that and so one must always be careful to play the game. This is what you have to do for example when you work with people you can't stand. You know you can't win with them. But if you beat the shit out of them as they so richly deserve, *you'll* lose your job (and a whole bunch of other shit) and they'll look like the victim. So you go out of your way to be reasonable ALL the fucking time and keep trying to do what youcan and work around the rest.

      I've worked with people I couldn't stand and it drives me crazy. I don't know how Barry does it.

  • iburl

    Rand Paul sat down first after the Lincoln quote.

    • BarackMyWorld

      His cyborg knee must be bothering him.

      • iburl

        Aqua-botic-buddha?

    • AlterNewt

      He's had a rough week.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        HAHAHAHA … I'm sorry. That was pretty mean. He has.

  • memzilla

    OK, who stood up last?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Firing squad?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Lincoln quote!
    Drink!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "Gov't reliance… only for what one cannot do for oneself, and no more."

    Channeling Lincoln. Joe Wilson is stifling a "You Lie!" right about now.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Yes, there is something we cannot achieve: getting Mitch McConnell a lower lip.

  • salt_bagel

    Mitch McConnell is made of nutsacs.

  • finallyhappy

    During applause, do you all hear weird feedback? Sara Benicasa called it wind chimes. I get in on all three channels I tried.

    • flamingpdog

      I wish Sara would let me ring her chimes.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Pdog, you slut, I have dibs on Sara. If she ever comes back to us again, of course.

        • flamingpdog

          She's posting on several other blogs now. I think she must have asked Ken for too many Ameros.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Which ones? I'll follow her anywhere.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Oh, thank god–you heard that too? I'm pretty sure I'm getting a sinus infection anyway, and thought it was affecting my ears as well…

    • sati_demise

      yea, me too, thought it was my sinuses

  • Biff

    Jesus christ, why didn't anyone tell me to come to a new post an hour ago?

    • Barb

      We left you a trail of breadcrumbs and empty beer bottles.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You sure those bottles were *empty* baby? Cause I could use a drink right now.

    • SorosBot

      Liz did, and the link is right at the bottom of the comments too!

      • Biff

        Uh, I was still at the pre-SOTU warm-up post…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I'm sorry, baby, there was all this hot gazillion-way action going on here, and we had a very red Boehner, and … things just got out of hand, is all.

    • Negropolis

      This always happens to me. I need to remember that each of the editors need to get the pageviews for their money, but I always forget. Perhaps, it'd be nice if the editors would post a simple "goodbye" or something when another's thread is up, but I realize that they are in competition.

    • flamingpdog

      I found out because either my web browser sucks or Intense Debate sucks (or both) and I keep having to shut down my browser and reboot to make Wonkette work, so I saw the lead page with the new blog post.

      • Negropolis

        Bingo. I said it the other night, but these pages-long threads are just killing my browser.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    I think it was smart of Barry's/ SOTU handlers to tap a weepy-eyed sort of Al Franken-distant-cousin lookalike to participate as an invited guest.

  • Limeylizzie

    Nancy P.. has that special glow that I get when MrLimeylizzie dry humps me from behind when I am bending over the sink.

    • Extemporanus

      Try turning the hot water off next time.

    • MissTaken

      Nothing says love like a dry hump when you're busy doing chores.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      You and my wife are one of a kind. Sext tarts!

      • Limeylizzie

        I love being molested when I am trying to do other things.

        • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

          Beats doing the dishes.

  • SorosBot

    Yay Arab Spring!

  • AlterNewt

    "Now everybody turn to the person on your right and give 'em a hug".

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Well, that pissed the cat off something spectacular. Thanks a lot, AlterNewt.

      • AlterNewt

        I blame Obama.

  • philpjfry

    Republicans applaud human dignity, the hypocrites

  • Biff

    Hilz is thinking she could have totally won this crowd.

  • SorosBot

    Iran: not really a threat.

  • flamingpdog

    Oh, finally the Israel pander.

  • memzilla

    AKK! NO LIEBERMAN CLOSEUPS PLZ !!!lebenty!!! Scrotum-jowled sack of crap.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Ballchinian sighting! Ballchinian sighting!

  • philpjfry

    Cantor is applauding, the world must be ending

  • OurHoboSenator

    Lieberman! That reminds me — I need to punch Connecticut when I'm there next week.

  • proudgrampa

    That's it. We just declared war on Iran.

    • Terry

      All will be forgiven, though, when the Iranian film wins an Oscar.

  • Limeylizzie

    Chuck Shumer is beaming.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Someone must be dry humping him over the congressional sink.

  • AlterNewt

    Nixon and his speech writers used to call this 'uplift'.

  • Selfish_T

    The only parts of this speech that are actually going to happen are the parts I hate.

  • flamingpdog

    SECOND Israel pander in a minute or two. Joe Loseman just blew his wad.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Oh Hillary, you look so tired. If you need a love slave to make you feel good and relive that… tension, give me call.
    MG

    • ChocoPuff

      Hillary looks like she just found out that a) Iran got the Bomb, or b) Bill's been f'n another 18 year old. Hard to tell…

  • MissTaken

    I think Biden has a hangnail that is bothering him

  • BarackMyWorld

    "…a feel good moment to make us remember that no matter whether Republican or Democrat, we’re all basically faced with the same pro-corporate Wall Street Pentagon world-rape choice…"

    Layne, I'm getting that tattooed on my ass.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      In a spiral around your anus, one hopes.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Lieberman won't be happy until the bombers are in the air.

  • SorosBot

    And the rest of the world no longer hates us like they did under Bush.

  • IndianaKevin

    Opinions of America are higher than they've been in years? Doubt it.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Boehner would rather cut off his cock than clap.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    oh… so all that "We're No. 1" sentiment was just a "best intentions" extrapolation. *refills drink*
    or whatever the opposite of "extrapolation" is.

  • SorosBot

    Um, what growing danger of cyberthreats is there, besides /b being assholes?

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Amurkan eccepshunalismisn hic also cyberthreats

    Yay

  • orygoon

    Ron Wyden! He should Jew-wrestle Cantor and of course win. We'll throw what's left of that weasel into the nearest volcano.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Pleez god yes.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    He made them stand up by saying yay for the TROOPS

  • ElPinche

    Who's doin the GOP rebuttal tonight? Larry the Cable guy?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Mitch Daniels. Larry the Cable Guy, after a hunger strike, with the jokes removed.

      • iburl

        Then stay tuned to the newsmax network for Herman Cain's Tea Party Rebuttal.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    As if Pat Benetar would ever wear brown.

  • Wadisay

    The Repubs are applauding our gay armed forces.

    • ElPinche

      "gay armed forces" as in young male escort services, perhaps?

    • HarryButtle

      "I LOVE MY DEAD GAY SON!"

  • flamingpdog

    How long has this been going on? Even Fidel Castro is getting tired.

  • salt_bagel

    "We are the one indispensible nation in world affairs and I intend to keep it that way." Yes, we are like the cloth shopping bag of military forces.

  • Man0nTheStreet

    Hey! Is that bald guy in the bleachers banging *both* the 1st and 2nd ladies?

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Yay General Shinseki dood!

  • flamingpdog

    If you're going to make all our returning soldiers cops and firefighters, please make sure you take care of the PTSD first, OK?

  • Barb

    I listen to the speech. Do I get my food stamps now?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      No, but you can apply for a voter ID.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Depends, you trading them in for beer?

      • Fare la Volpe

        Can I buy flavored condoms with food stamps?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Are you planning to *eat* them?

          Because if you are, we should definitely argue that it's a food item.

    • Negropolis

      You're a blond, white woman, right? So you can totally haz foostampz without direct, public scapegoating.

  • SorosBot

    Time to brag about DADT repeal I think.

  • DarwinianDemon

    Really Ken? In the face of Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich you're going with the "they're all the same" meme?

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      Actually, that's what *Obama* said at the end of his speech, did you not see it? If there's any time to draw very clear lines between an Obama admin and a potential GOP admin, tonight would've been a good time. Instead, Obama says we're all Americans with the same goals, etc. We are most certainly *not.*

      • CivicHoliday

        Referring to the public vs. referring to two millionaire puppets are two different things. Once again he's trying to get the public on his side with all the populist rhetoric, and draw a line between what he is proposing (clearly much of which is favored by lots of Americans, especially thanks to OWS) vs. what is being proposed by GOP leaders

  • Terry

    I think Boehner isn't really tanned. I think he's been stained and varnished.

    • salt_bagel

      Boehner's spirit animal is an antique leather chaise lounge.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I can see the stained part.

    • flamingpdog

      Why can't he just be stained and vanished?

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Gayz in the military! Yay!

  • SorosBot

    And remember again, I got bin Laden!

  • BerkeleyBear

    Got OBL chunk, boo-yah!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Since Daniels is giving the Republican response this year (I'll save my rant about why state-level office holders shouldn't be the ones giving them for later), I really, REALLY hope he gets interrupted a bunch by union protesters.

  • Terry

    Hillary, I love you but change that hairstyle

    • memzilla

      Seriously. I've seen more becoming hairstyles in a Vermeer painting.

    • SorosBot

      Yeah; that looks like something that belongs on a twelve-year-old.

      • flamingpdog

        I think she just fell asleep after washing her hair and it dried that way. It happens to the oldz.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Alice bands! I remember them from *MY* childhood. And that was in another century.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Second person ["you"] doesn't work well here Barry. Most of your immediate audience has never served for our country overseas, nor have their children, nor will their children's children if they can help it.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Amurkan eccepshunalismisn hic also cyberthreats.

    Hillary smiles. I worry.

  • Extemporanus

    Smooth way to slip the Osama reminder in there, Prez.

    Seriously.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Smooooth Barry.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Barry's a smoove dood. Smoove moove, Bar!

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Mitt Romney believes in the Mission, too. In France. As a missionary.

    • flamingpdog

      As Prezdint, he'll be the missionary position-in-chief.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Let's wrap this up. I have to pee.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Word.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Leon Pancetta looks like weepy bacon.

  • flamingpdog

    Schumer looks like a teen-age girl in love with Obamer.

    • finallyhappy

      yes, that's it exactly!!!

  • Terry

    Chuck Schumer is posing for animal crackers

  • SorosBot

    We built this nation on Rock and Roll.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      I owe you a Coke.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    We built this nation on rock'n roll!

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Did Peggy Noonan write this ending? Does she hate Newt that much?

  • Barb

    "50 stars on that flag." See, I knew he knew how many states we have.

    • iburl

      Kenya believe it?

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Destiny: sticking together. Good idea. Send all Republicans into the sea and we might get something done. Otherwise, we're fucked.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Sticking together is what good waffles do.

  • C_R_Eature

    Man. I've been three posts back. Way to let us know, folks.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      We missed you.

      • C_R_Eature

        Sorry. I'll try to do better…

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      I think you and I missed the updates. Oops

  • Limeylizzie

    Awesome speech.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Totally fucking awesome. Change your tagline, dammit.

    • fuflans

      oh yay! i missed and came here for coverage.

      i am seeing all sorts of thumbs up from the regulars.

  • BarackMyWorld

    …there is no challenge too great; no mission too hard….

    "…No mountain high enough, no valley low enough…"

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Big wind up. Looks like are going for the big finish.

  • WinterOuthouse

    The turtle is being a petulant little baby prick.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Nice, nice very nice.

    • C_R_Eature

      Outstanding. Rang all the bells. He's one helluva Orator and he really screwed the Republicans at several points.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You know what the BIGGEST problem is with Hopey? He makes every single Republican sound like a whiny piece of shit. He's got a fucking BEAUTIFUL voice, mellow, with rich, warm overtones, it sounds like a good clarinet or an oboe, and despite having the slightly stiff external manner of the typical academic. His voice is very soothing and pleasant, and even when you don't agree with what he's saying, listening to him is a real pleasure. And listening to Mitt or Mitch right afterwards? Nails on chalkboard.

  • flamingpdog

    "God bless the United State of America!"

    And while you're at it Yahweh, please fuck the Confederate States of America.

  • proudgrampa

    Nice speech!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Bullshit about the "great divide" in opinion about economics. "Fairness" is just WRONG!

  • AlterNewt

    Peroration man!

  • orygoon

    If Barry kissed me I wouldn't wash my face for a year.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      I shook Bill Clinton's hand and it is still unwashed.

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        I shook Jimmy Carter's hand. I washed it and I like the smell of peanuts.

        • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

          Yeah. That smell gets old really fast

      • flamingpdog

        You must not own any blue dresses.

  • memzilla

    Ken, today We Are All Cyber Threats.

  • MissTaken

    I think Hillary was going for some Obama tongue just then.

    • SorosBot

      Wouldn't you?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I've come to the conclusion you can't be too obscure at Wonkette.
    I blame google.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Andrea Vampire wonders aloud if he took too much credit for bin Laden.

  • mavenmaven

    Where's Michele Bachman's response? Or Sara Palin's? Come on, Obama rocked it, we have to have something stoopid to make fun of now.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Will Farrell?

    • C_R_Eature

      Oh, you know it's on its way. It has to be.

    • ProgressiveInga

      Jindal the Page would be nice.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        We're getting Daniels the Anti-Union Shithead.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    We must be the same age

    • SorosBot

      It could be because several TV shows simultaneously referenced that song last week, weirdly. It's somehow back in the zeitgeist.

  • AlterNewt

    Will there be refreshments?

  • ElPinche

    "God bless the United State of America!….except Texas and Arizona. Fuck them."

    • C_R_Eature

      Don't forget South Carolina. Think of what we were just forced to go through.

  • salt_bagel

    Ray LaHood looks like he speaks with his fists.

    • fuflans

      i believe he always does.

  • Barb

    I wonder if Palin is going to give the Republican re-butthole? I mean "rebuttal."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I wouldn't mention buttholes around Republicans, they're all liable to jump you.

  • AlterNewt

    I was told there would be 'Coming Soon' clips from the Dem. convention.

  • smashedinhat

    Peggy Noonan on ABC, "a speech about everything is a speech about nothing." Cunt.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      She is just jealous that someone else wrote it.

    • C_R_Eature

      Peggy Noonan is so Dim it's a miracle that she doesn't fall over.

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        Oh no, Peggy Noonan is very smart indeed. There's no denying that.

        However, in this case she's wrong.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Is she? I haven't read that much by her, but I mostly couldn't stand what she wrote because it seemed to me to lack substance. Not analysis so much as opinion, and the opinion, at that, of one of the last vestiges of a crumbling demographic. A Rich Bitch who dallies with the written word as a way of earning the so-called gravitas required for punditry.

          • Fare la Volpe

            Peggy Noonan long ago mastered the rhetorical flourishes to sound profound without saying anything at all.

            She's all style with no substance – she's the drag queen of punditry.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Total WIN.

            ETA: For drag-queen of punditry.

    • Negropolis

      That quote is so quintessentially Peggy; all drugz and no buzz.

  • Extemporanus

    Ken, can we please have a short liveblog of Midget Daniel's rebuttal?

    • Extemporanus

      Okay, I quit.

      My iPhone autocorrect is officially funnier than me.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I'm trying to stay awake……..
      For the response….

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      I tried … I think I actually dozed off. If they just wanted to avoid the comedy viral video fun of a Jindal or Bachmann, the GOP succeeded … by putting America to sleep.

      • Extemporanus

        You've followed enough assholes into dark corridors for one night, soldier.

        Sahhh-LOOT!

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          I think I just heard Marcus Bachman yell "Never!"

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    I'll stick this in this thread as well:

    That was a truly stunning speech. I might not agree with everything in it (e.g. wrt energy) but that delivery and conviction was amazing. It really shows up the truly pedestrian nature of the current crop of Repub candidates.

    Loving the "no new taxes on the 98% but the 2% are paying more" theme.

    • Radiotherapy

      Just get rid of the Bush/Obama tax cuts And that bullshit payroll tax bribe.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Yeah. And then to have to listen to Mitchy Dee rolling his enormous eyes at us and waggling a rusty, freckle-spotted pair of hairy brows.

      Dear god why did I look.

    • fuflans

      i missed tonight and am so pleased so many of you are in agreement.

      herding cats, etc.

  • BarackMyWorld

    And now Mitch Daniels shows us all why he should NOT jump into the presidential race…

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Is he a vampire? Shine a light on Mitch Daniels. Does he sparkle?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Srsly. Oh god he looked as if someone was pranging him from the rear every fourth word, his eyes would suddenly widen and his eyebrows would waggle as his intonation rose, and he appeared to be lifting bodily off his seat for a brief second.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Rachel just said the unions in Indiana are running a big anti-Mitch Daniels ad there when he gives the rebuttal.

  • C_R_Eature

    Heeeeres Daniels!

    Wow, this will suck.

  • SorosBot

    And here's Mitch Daniels; even he has to praise Obama for getting bin Laden.

    • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

      And admit Bush drove the economy in the ditch.

  • Extemporanus

    TRUE FACT: Midget Daniel's forehead makes up 40% of his overall height.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    WTH is Mitch Wotsisface doing with the eyebrows?

    • fuflans

      coordinating with dr paul?

  • Z Crudmonger

    At least I made the after party. Found you degenerates on the correct thread. Harumph.

    • C_R_Eature

      Me too. Humph.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    And now, a word from Kevin Spacey Mitch Daniels on how Obama suckz.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Mitch is clutching his precioussssss ring.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Why is there a hole cut out of the American flag on MyManMitch's lapel?

  • flamingpdog

    Wow, 30 seconds into this talk and I can already see why Mitch Daniels bombed out as a possible Prez candidate. Where's the blah-hate, dude?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Just having a little life without those constantly popping eyballs would be good.

      • flamingpdog

        Luckily for me, I guess, I couldn't even watch that turd.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    ZOMG, why is Mitch Daniels reminding all of us that the Republicans are CONSTANTLY getting involved in sexual scandals.

    • ThundercatHo

      Thank you President Obama for showing us what real family values look like.

      WTF! Is it opposite day?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I'm shocked.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Mitch Daniels looks like someone who is made up to look like Bush Sr.

  • Wadisay

    Mitch Daniels is using his fear voice.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      That high squeak? I thought that was the sound hamsters made when sexually excited.

  • Z Crudmonger

    1/5 PRIME MEN? What language is this?

    • BarackMyWorld

      To serve man…it's a cook book!

  • MissTaken

    Trickle-Down Government? WTF?

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Mitch Daniels is just straight-up lying now.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He's been lying all along.

  • Limeylizzie

    He looks like Coolidge.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Rita? Jennifer?

    • Angry_Marmot

      Without Coolidge's humor.

  • EdFlintstone

    I saw a good drive-in movie on Mitch's forehead.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Half of all persons under 30 didn't go to work today? Yeah, they went to school, had recess and then took a nap. But wait until Newt is Preznit.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Shorter Mitch Daniels: "WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE RICH WHITE MAN?!"

  • WiscDad

    Is Mitch Daniel's hair painted on? Or is that Danielses?

  • salt_bagel

    TODAY WE ARE ALL SOON-TO-HAVES.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    A state of the union without any firm plans to bomb a new country??? Is this suddenly France we're living in?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Even Republicans are exhausted by that meme from listening to the GOP "debates."

  • C_R_Eature

    "As Republicans, our first concern is those who cannot climb up the ladder defeating President Obama.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Wasn't he W's budget director? Yes? Then, F*CK YOU, Mitch.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Exactly. They keep hoping the rest of America will forget that.

      That, and his wife's a fucking howling loon — or he is. It's not clear.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Yeah, America is just like Greece or Spain. You hyperbolizing, deliberately ignorant fuck.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Mitch Daniels is not as much fun as his alcoholic cousin, Jack.

    • ThundercatHo

      FTW! Note: I did participate in the drinking game tonight.

  • flamingpdog

    Obama's grand experiment in trickle-down government, Mitch? It's sure feels a lot better than the violent urine stream we got during the Dumbya administration.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Yeah, well, that was a trickle-ON government, dood.

  • proudgrampa

    Mitch Daniels translation: THE SKY IS FALLING!!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!!

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Could someone please sedate Governor Daniels' eyebrows? They're in peril of jumping off his forehead altogether.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      FTW. Jezus, it's like looking in at your pet caterpillars in a bottle.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    My suggestion for a nuclear attack on Twitter must not have reached his desk.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Mitch Daniels: the charisma of Romney and the sliminess of Gingrich. WIN!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Again….here's the chart I made comparing the unemployment rate under Reagan and Obama… http://i1115.photobucket.com/albums/k551/denniver

    …and Reagan won re-election in a landslide.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Why do you Hate America?

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      Also, Reagan had far worse numbers, so his administration changed the way unemployment is reported, so that it immediately "dropped" by five points. Hahaha those people were shameless. (And it worked.)

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      So you're saying the "Obama's numbers are worse than Reagan's he wil loze" meme is bull?

      • BarackMyWorld

        Yup.

  • flamingpdog

    Constant disparagement of people in business? What speech was this fuckhead listening to?

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      "Pay their fair share" = HATE

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Steve Jobs!
    Drink!

  • SorosBot

    Oh god Daniels is boring; he's making me want to sleep.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Did Mitch just say being a businessman is the noblest calling a man can have?

    I think Jesus has something to say about that, fucker.

    • SorosBot

      Scientists, teachers, doctors, nurses, the rare non-corrupt cops, firefighters, porn stars; all much nobler and less well-paid callings.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Jobs created most of his jobs in China, asshole.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Um, so Mitch, why is Apple headquartered in uber-liberal California rather than Alabama? Answer me that.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Because it's closer to China?

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        Must be it.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    I gag every time a Republican tries to use the word 'equality's with a straight face.

  • C_R_Eature

    "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored.""Please Stop. I'm Bored." "Please Stop. I'm Bored."

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      And the Ig Nobel goes to….

      • C_R_Eature

        Not This Asshole.

        and, just for you, my favorite collection of Miss Sweetie Poo Interventions!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Hilarious!

          • C_R_Eature

            I have so wanted to bring Miss Sweetie Poo into meetings for years.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Best way to keep people from blathering on forever at meetings is to assign a specific amount of time to each item on the agenda, print copies of the damn agenda and give one to each participant, and then appoint a timekeeper whose ONLY job is to say "You have X minutes left" right before the participants run out of time.

            It's wonderful how much MORE you can get done. Of course, on the flip side, you're *gonna* be unpopular as fuck-all, but you can't have everything.

          • C_R_Eature

            Well, of course, We Could Do That but…

            I prefer Water Pistols.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            You just want an excuse to bring Miss Sweetie Poo into meetings.

          • C_R_Eature

            What? I need an excuse?

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Steve Jobs made huge numbers of jobs. In China.

  • WiscDad

    Yeah BITCH….Make money and donate to REPUBLICANS…you poor ass fucker

  • Negropolis

    I see that America's Littlest Governor is going with the Bachmann treatment for his rebuttal.

    Why the hell does it sounds like everyone from Indiana is from Kentucky? This is a state that literally borders mine to the south. Not even Ohio sounds so Southern.

    • Biff

      What, staring into camera #2?

      • Negropolis

        Yep.

  • Extemporanus

    Mitch Daniels is fucking America with his eyes.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Hate-fucking.

      • Extemporanus

        In retrospect, "touching America inappropriately with his eyes" probably would've been more accurate.

    • Sparky MacGyver

      He has two gestures. The side-glance (read: I think you're stupid), and the head shake (No. Just no.)

      • Extemporanus

        What, you didn't find that alluringly coquettish?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Making money is a noble calling.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    A pefectly safe Pipeline?

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      solid diamond

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Even as someone who love laying pipe, I know that you want to have protection.

      • flamingpdog

        I see what you did there.

    • C_R_Eature

      An Unsinkable Ship.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Perfectly Safe Pipelines are the best kind, I must agree.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Mitch's lizard eyes are driving me nuts as he widens them with each word — a PRO POVERTY POLICY blinkblink

  • AlterNewt

    I….I….just….ARRRGGGGHHH…

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I know.
      Have some tea and watch some teletubbies.

      • AlterNewt

        That DOES sound good.

  • RavenRant

    OMFG! Could Mitch Daniels be any more smarmy and dishonest? Newt's obvious psychosis is less repulsive than this 'plausible' sociopath.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    We must destroy the safety net in order to save it.

    • AlterNewt

      res ipsa loquitur.

  • salt_bagel

    "Businessman is one of our noblest occupations." God, this is going from zero to awesome so fast.

  • SorosBot

    Mitch: fuck the young, you get no Medicare or Social Security when you're old.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Pay for regulations in America or bribes in China.

  • flamingpdog

    At least Bobby Jindal was funny to look at.

  • WiscDad

    Mitch the Bitch….though I used to only call McConnel that…but I guess they're twin sons of different motherfuckers

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Brother from another motherfucker, dood.

      • WiscDad

        That works too but I'm from the Fogelberg era

  • C_R_Eature

    Which planet, exactly, is he from?

    • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

      Mordor.

    • OurHoboSenator

      Hoosieranus

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Ballsuckian. Or Kochsuckian, depending on whether you live in the Northern or Southern hemisphere.

      • C_R_Eature

        One Ball spins clockwise, and one spins counterclockwise!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    My bullshit per second meter has blown a fuse.

  • Limeylizzie

    Is he under 5 feet tall?

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      I don't know but he seems entirely without melanin

    • Mondo_Cane

      known as 'Lord Shorty' locally – unaffectionately –

    • AlterNewt

      I don't know, but I bet he has teeny tiny feet.

    • Extemporanus

      Word on the street is that he's like 5'2", 5'3" tops.

      He stands on a box when at speaking events and debates. (Really.)

  • orygoon

    Mitch is flirty with his eyebrows. What's with that?

  • Fare la Volpe

    I believe it was Ezra Klein who once said that worrying about debt during a recession is like worrying about your gas bill when your house is on fire.

  • flamingpdog

    What channel was the speech Daniels heard on? Cartoon Network?

    • C_R_Eature

      SyFy.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Mitched Daniels' face looks like a slapped ass.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    "The dumb way"

    OK, so let's hear the smart way. Oh ok – I see. It's stopping the top 341,000 people benefits and pension checks. That'll save, oh, near a billion dollars?

    As opposed to taxing them properly, which will generate nearly a trillion.

    However, in Republican-land, it's the President who is bad at arithmetic.

  • whatwhatinthe

    Mitch Daniels looks like someone cut around his features and shifted them all down to the lower left corner of his face.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I just had the virtual experience of SorosBot coming over to the apartment (ie, old thread) where some of us were still chatting and hitting the bong, and making me notice that the cool kids had already left, gone out to a field, started the bonfire and gotten drunk. (that pretty much describes most of my youthful outings.)

    ANYway, hey y'all! Mitch is failing at proper Newt-onian hate. This is awesome. He's actually boring me instead of pissing me off. Who'd Barack properly attack? Who passed what alone? Who shot down what? HELL NO YOU CAN'T!!!!! Blabbity blab.

    • SorosBot

      Glad to invite you over to these parts.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Thanks man, I often depend on the kindness of wonketteers.

    • fuflans

      well i missed everything so once again i am special needs class.

      • flamingpdog

        aw, fuf, we missed ya too.

  • mindo99

    Mitch Daniels uses the word 'bossy', ergo he sounds gay.

  • Limeylizzie

    What is this "other category" of which he speaks?

    • ProgressiveInga

      Blah?

    • pbrex

      All of 'em.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Gay, of course. What other category dare not speak its name?

  • orygoon

    YOU LIE!

  • Z Crudmonger

    Askew you, too, buddy. What's with the lookin out the corner of the eyes?

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    '…some Americans…'

    Dog whistle!

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Daniels looks like the illegitimate spawn of Kevin Spacey and Orinn Hatch.

  • pbrex

    Other category?! Damn he is afraid of the gay.

  • MissTaken

    Is mouth is saying "pro-poverty policy", but his eyebrows are saying "hey baby".

  • C_R_Eature

    I'm just not drunk enough for this.

    Obama's administration's constant effort to divide us?!?

    What Fucking channel do you watc… Oh, never mind.

  • Extemporanus

    "The wrong governor…"

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Is Mitch Daniels shirt fueled by radium. It positively glows.

    • ProgressiveInga

      I think it's a dickie. From Sears Boy's Dept.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    And now, with the Republican response, Gov. Rachel Dratch (R-IN).

    WAAAH waah.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Daniels Downer.

  • gullywompr

    Still with the fucking lightbulbs of freedom?!?! Sheesh!

  • Z Crudmonger

    Neighbors are people too.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      not mine. Mine are rednecks who threaten to shoot me

  • smashedinhat

    This is pretty weak. I need drink.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Speaking of lightbulbs….nice skull, Mitch.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    This is the guy the pugs are thinking of throwing into the mix. Oh jeezus he sounds like a mincing ponce after Hopey. I say this, of course, as a mincing ponce.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I think he sounded like he was trying too hard. Of course I agree with my gf The Maddow – it was all BE AFEARED YOU FUCKERS, but he's too much of a poseur to go the full Cheney, much less a good W, even with all the left off g's he used tryin' to do some talkin' with the bubbas round these parts. They shoulda let Cantor do the talking. The haters want hate. (I just seen it on the facebook) Reasonable folk have only one fucking choice. Period. (BTW, digging your latest incarnation for sure.)

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I thought I was imaginin' him playin' the hick! Good so he was doing that. They can't let Cantor do the talking because all-out frothing at the mouth and screaming "HATE! STAB! KILL!" will just really upset the proles who are already real nervous at this point watching their shenanigans.

        Thanks, I'm hoping it sinks Mitt like notThatDewey thinks it will. Then I'll change my av to the NEXT contender. I have found the perfect Republican Candidate Destroying Tool! YAAAH!

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      PONCE LIBEL!!

  • MissTaken

    Yup, my neighbor totally fucked the country up. Always leaving his newspaper on the doorstep and such.

  • iburl

    Re: Mitch Daniels: What an out of touch loser. I won't be surprised if the Dems take the house back after this wingnut speech.

  • Fare la Volpe

    My father offered me to come over and watch the Republican response with him. I told him honestly that he wouldn't hear anything Daniels said over my yelling.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Sounds like your Dad is really sweet and loves you, though. That is great!

      People like me had to live in the closet back when until we were all grown up and far from home — and even then there was always the fear that someone would talk. It makes me really really happy to see that changing.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Mitch Daniels sounds like a kid who memorized a speech for teevee.

    • flamingpdog

      His speech certainly had nothing to do with the speech before his.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Give up on the lightbulbs already! Who are who, Thomas Fucking Edison?

  • C_R_Eature

    Would You Buy A Car From This Man?

  • flamingpdog

    Bammers just got through saying Americans are the most efficient workers(repeatedly) in the world and nothing can stop us now, and Daniels said he didn't say anything like that. Holy crap – DRINK!

  • Extemporanus

    MITCH DANIELS WAS GEORGE BUSH'S BUDGET DIRECTOR WHEN THE TAX CUTS WERE ENACTED AND WE RANG UPRECORDDEBTAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!1!!1

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Ironic no?

      • Extemporanus

        It's like free reign, on your inauguration day…

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    City on a hill! DRINK!

  • salt_bagel

    "We can reopen the stairway upward." At about 6:45 Mitch Daniels is going to break into a long guitar solo at a higher tempo, and it is going to blow your mind.

  • SorosBot

    "Freeborn citizens", huh?

    • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

      Birther dog whistle.

    • AlterNewt

      That made my next-door neighbor's dog howl.

    • Fare la Volpe

      More patriotic than Freebird citizens.

      • SorosBot

        OK that's two days in a row someone's referenced Freebird here; goofy.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Great minds recognize shit.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      "It was a pretty good speech, I guess, but it probably sounded better in the original German"–Molly Ivins, on Pat Buchanan's 1992 "culture war" speech

  • Fare la Volpe

    Can we throw in the stockades anyone who says "ma-TOOR"?

    • AlterNewt

      Yes. Along with the people who say 'Luncheon".

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You grab their back end, hon, I'll grab the front end.

    • Limeylizzie

      Yes, also "ruhf" instead of roof.

      • Fare la Volpe

        THANK YOU.

        • SorosBot

          It's a Midwest thing, but yeah it was one of those affections (like "pop" instead of soda) that annoyed me when I lived there. They also say room like "rum" (yes, exactly like they were talking about the drink). It seems most pronounced among Minnesotans; or as they pronounce it, Meenahsohtahns.

          • Fare la Volpe

            I wanted to bring up "rum" as well, because it's always ticked me off. I also knew a Wisconsinite who said "plague" and "vague" with a short A sound, like he was trying to say "plaque" and didn't know any better.

          • Negropolis

            Hey, don't make fun of my Great Lakes brethren. Hell, at least we don't sound like rural New Engladers, or **shivers** Southerners.

    • salt_bagel

      Yoooothes.

      • RavenRant

        Utes.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          As they say in Jersey.

    • ThundercatHo

      axe (ask), don't instead of doesn't, over-exaggerate are currently on my no-fly list.

  • EdFlintstone

    This had all the enthusiasm of an insurance sales pitch.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Pick the wrong light bulb???????

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Ooh, he said "free-born" citizens, did you hear that? What a fucking weasel.

    • C_R_Eature

      Thought that was "Pre Born".

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Yeah, right.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    A city on a hill that shines once again? This from a guy from Indianapolis? Really?

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Kurt Vonnegut said that Indianapolitans have voices 'like a bandsaw cutting through sheet metal." So, yay, Hoosiers.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Anyone who has endured the mind-numbing dullness of driving through Indiana knows that God has not placed a single hill in that state.

  • flamingpdog

    City on the Hill? In that case, I DO favor leveling mountains.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Rachel just had a shit-fit about that. She says the City on the Hill was not "shining" as the quote is, "A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden."

  • SorosBot

    My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but
    tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
    and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I vote for this offering.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Dame Peggy?

      • SorosBot

        (It's a Simpsons quote).

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Oh.

    • flamingpdog

      I don't know about the baseball part, but that speech reminded me of a pitcher – it definitely made me want to hurl.

    • OurHoboSenator

      Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!

    • Barrelhse

      Shoes for Industry!

      • RavenRant

        The Firesign Theater has destroyed my life, by giving me the perfect quip for every occasion, that turns out to be incomprehensible to everyone with whom I share meatspace.

        • flamingpdog

          We're all bozos on the Wonkette bus.

        • ShaveTheWhales

          You may have to go in for re-grooving.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Hooray For Everything!

    • Negropolis

      Don't blame me; I voted for Kodos.

      Kodos/Kang 2012!

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Huh…didn't say anything of note, yet didn't make me want to crawl under the bed and hide like Piyush Jindal did. So, uh….I really didn't notice whether he said anything, really.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Wotthehell, he was droning endlessly on in that cough-syrupy tone of one who has recently had to swallow revoltingly bad medicine and is surreptitiously trying to scrape his tongue off on his tonsils. Plus with the endlessly waggling eyebrows and widening eyes at most inappropriate moments, and the complexion the colour of freshly cooked lobster, it was hard to actually concentrate on his words.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Mission accomplished

  • iburl

    Tweety needs to go to bed.

  • SorosBot

    NBC;s interviewing Mittens next; I'm turning this off and putting the Joan Jett back on.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Well, I'm not listening to THAT, although I'll hang out here if y'all do.

      • flamingpdog

        Ditto to that, bro. Although I suppose I should go get some dinner to go with the beer I've been drinking.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Damn, I wish you lived nearby. I have a fridge full of good food. Although it might be spicy for the likes of you. Go eat already, I don't want you should get sick.

          • flamingpdog

            I lerv spicy food. There's so much I can't eat that spicy food is about the only enjoyable food I can eat. I have an iron stomach – it's just my intestine that doesn't like me anymore.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Oh, pdog. I wish you and Barb lived close by, and then I could bring you the terrific stew I made — chicken and chorizo with chickpeas, tomatoes, sweet peppers, and hot peppers. I put about 20 jalapenos in it. It makes you cry a bit at first, but man, it is SO fucking good.

            Of course, you need lots of ice cream for after, but still. It's totally tasty and very nutritious.

          • Biff

            Come on, ice cream…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            You're getting some, too.

      • SorosBot

        Joan was my first crush, way back as a kid. It was both disappointing and hot to learn that she wasn't interested in people with penises like myself.

        • Z Crudmonger

          You Lie! I wish. Yeah, Joan. sigh.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I'm still totally in love with her.

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          After seeing "The Runaways," I couldn't get "Cherry Bomb" out of my head. It was playing inner-loop style earlier today in me brain, something I read on here prompted it.

        • FakaktaSouth

          One of my clearest childhood memories involves singing on either end of a jump rope (this is sadly not a euphemism, we were 9 or 10 and this was our microphone) with my best friend Heather, who was quite a JoanJett type – I LOVE ROCK N ROLL over and over and over again. We were so tough. JJ looks good still now too.

          • SorosBot

            Oh yeah; I just looked it up, and apparently she's now 53, and yet she still looks amazingly hot; and she's still rocking the leather.

            And the video for her cover of Crimson and Clover (one of the few that, to me, is better than the original) awakened certain feelings in my seven year old self that I didn't know I had before. Though the fact that she didn't change the pronouns should've been a dead giveaway that she would never be interested in me.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            That's so cute, though. Today, kids have tons of useless glittery shit that they break and throw away about three weeks after they get 'em. Back then, we had to be *creative* because we just didn't have any of that stuff.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Chrissie Hynde or GTFO.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Was Daniels reading from a TELEPROMPTER?

  • flamingpdog

    I was inspired … to vomit for the third time tonight.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    What does a Hoosier know about Niagara? Nothing! Nothing at all I tell you. And they don't know what an escarpment is either.

  • C_R_Eature

    Nice contrast? isn't it?

  • Z Crudmonger

    Worst. Afterparty. Evah. At least I brought coke.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I won't ask you for a toot, because you'll need all you got to get that outa your ears.

      • Z Crudmonger

        Thanks, I'll save the acid for something else.

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          Man, I would totally do acid during the next Repub debate.

          • Z Crudmonger

            Debates are bad trips, too, my friend.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            ZOMG, it would be spectacularly weird.

            I once dropped four tabs of blotter with a friend, an ex-marine who served in VN, and then we went and watched Apocalypse Now.

          • HuddledMass

            You are … way tougher than I am.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            We were young and, obviously, very foolish. Later, I walked home in a state of shock to find my neighbour, a very nice young Englishman, loudly singing opera to a snail on the grassy divider of the main road. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was conducting an experiment to determine if snails could hear.

            I still have no idea if it was just part of the trip, or what. Sure was interesting, though.

    • Negropolis

      I much prefer Pepsi, myself, though, both burn like a motherf%ck#r taking it through the nose.

  • salt_bagel

    Let's have a big round of applause for Mitch "Saliva Noises" Daniels!

  • AlterNewt

    I'm going to take Grumpe's advice and opt for tea and Telletubbies.

    • flamingpdog

      Whaaaa? After watching Obama speak to a bunch of Tea Party Teletubbies for over an hour?

    • Barrelhse

      I'm going with Bugs and Drugs.
      (Bugs Bunny)

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    At least Mitch was no Bobby 'Volcano' Jindall.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Mitch was a cold, wet fart.

    • Buckminster

      Thank God. I have never heard such a besmirch on the great state of Louisiana.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    haha, some tard on CNN called Daniels' speech "like a glass of warm milk with a fly in it – both boring AND depressing"

    • C_R_Eature

      I think that's spot on. That's exactly the way I felt about it.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I hope you're sorry. You made me LOL and scared at least one of the cats out of a whole pound of growth.

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        I wish I could claim credit for that bon mot. Please give your cat a stroke from me!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          He's back and snoring peacefully, ignoring the bloody slash he left on my leg.

    • Buckminster

      Spot on! evasive eyes to boot

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Mitch Daniels will not sleep until every American is making $5 an hour.

    • flamingpdog

      And while every American is sleeping, he'll steal $4 of it back.

      Oh, and am I the only one that had to refresh their web browser like three times before it would let them make a comment just now. Sometimes I think Intense Debate is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Americans for Prosperity, Inc.

    • Buckminster

      He can't face the camera! Get him for it

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    David Plouffe is on top of his game.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      He better be.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        The more I see of the Prez and his team, the more I see how *ready* they are. I trust my Prez. He's gonna win this thing. He's the best available candidate.

        • fuflans

          please don't lie to me.

    • Negropolis

      Favreau, dear; speechwriter Jon Favreau. You know, the guy that was caught in a picture drunkely groping a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Hillary Clinton.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        No, darlin', I was talking about David, because he showed up on air on NBC and spent a few minutes telling Brian Wilson how fulla shit he was.

        ETA: Waitaminnit, it's Williams, innit? They all look alike, who gives a shit. Kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out.

  • proudgrampa

    Well, that's it for proudgrampa! I'm gonna get ready for bed. Sleep tight, fellow wonketteers!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Nitely, nite, PG.

    • flamingpdog

      Sleep tight. Don't let the bednewts bite.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Oh, that is SO cruel! Now I'll be worrying about bedslime all night long.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Sleep tight, sweetie. Have a fond hug.

  • Gainsbourg69

    America doesn't elect fat men or short hobbits with combovers. No offense to the fat and bald amongst us.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Cleveland Libel!!!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        That was *then,* sweetie. You know, before TV. When hardly anyone ever saw the President but maybe once or twice in their lives, if they lived in DC or were famous statesmen or scholars.

    • SorosBot

      Taft and Madison libel!

    • Fare la Volpe

      Bob Dole Lib–oh wait.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I seem to remember reading something about a study (Science News?) showing that Americans consistently preferred tall men with hair in elections.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    "He's going to appear tomorrow on Today." Brilliant, Brian. This guy's an announcer?

    • C_R_Eature

      No. But he plays one on Teevee!

    • flamingpdog

      Network news used to be 100 percent separate from network entertainment. They couldn't even talk to each other. Those days are long gone.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Ridiculous! I don't want to hear some coiffed moron mouthing blabbage.

  • SorosBot

    You mean you wouldn't wear a, whatever those hair things are called, like a little girl?

    • MissTaken

      Not that you really want to know, but those are called 'headbands'. And no, I would not. Being short I have enough problems being treated like a little girl, don't need to add to it!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Uh-oh. Barb called SorosBot a tall drink of bitch, which must mean he's at least 6' tall, Barb being a tall drink herself.

        Heels are very in right now!

        • SorosBot

          I'm 6'1"; taller than average, but not super tall. But I like short women.

          • Fare la Volpe

            "But I like…women."

            What a shame. Sigh.

          • SorosBot

            Sorry to disappoint; if it helps, back when I thought you were a woman (because of your old avatar) I found your comments attractive.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Sounds like you might have found one, SB.

        • MissTaken

          And I'm only 5'3", so even with heels I'm lucky if I can reach people's shoulders.

          • flamingpdog

            OK, in that case, Soros, she's yours. I need a tall woman, like Barb.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Wut you got against us short peepul?

          • flamingpdog

            Dude, I'm a short person, too. Just like my womyns tall. You hug the tall ones and your face gets to rest in a soft place.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Oh. Right. Yes.I like girls TOO, yaknow.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            You don't need to reach people's shoulders, sweetie. Just SB's.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Shit, Bachmann's on Fox. I thought she had crawled back into her shriveled toadstool and died.

    UPDATE: Holy fuck, she literally just said "Green energy – that's socialism." Cunting cuntbag.

    • Barrelhse

      He's probably with her.

    • flamingpdog

      Somebody needs to shove a wind turbine up her twat.

      • Radiotherapy

        First thing in there since a turkey baster 20 years ago.

    • chascates

      And recycling is Satanism!

    • RavenRant

      Space Program = Invading Heaven!

    • PsycWench

      I don't know if anything can top Daniels saying that it's sad how Obama demonizes his opposition.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      That's fine, you know, because the only people who would listen to her on this issue already agree with her. The rest are all like, "WTF did KrayZ Shelley just say?"

    • Buckminster

      what a turd wrapped in a crap sandwich! she is awful

    • AlterNewt

      She really is the cuntiest cunt in cunt-town.

    • Radiotherapy

      EPA = Politburo

  • C_R_Eature

    Daniels is like the guy the Club's owners put up onstage to get people to go home.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      That reminds me of me when I was young and making a living as a blackjack dealer. The house always sent me out when they were winning too much. The sight of me had the big players creaming their jeans because they KNEW the house was gonna lose if I was dealing. That's Mitch.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Governors should not give SOTU responses. They have no direct power over national policy and usually end up peppering their speech with references to their own state which no one gives a crap about.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Yeah, but they have the foreign policy experience of being C in C of the West Bumfuck National Guard.

      • Biff

        Never even an issue until they started grasping at whatever legitimacy they could invent for Mooselini.

    • fuflans

      and his state is indiana.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Memo to the Governor: Iran will not be intimidated by the shock and awe of your state's fireworks arsenal.

  • MissTaken

    Mitt is such a dick. "Between charity and taxes I pay close to 40%". Douche. The bulk of your charity goes to an organization that actively campaigns against equal rights for all Americans. Fuck off.

    • FakaktaSouth

      And gives that motherfucker so much power within its organization that we don't even KNOW about yet – but, okay Mitt, keep on about how much money you give the church that is gonna freak the fuck out of a bunch of folks. Holy crap it really might be Newt after all.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You're right, I think. He's just reminded Amurka once again that he's a Mormon.

    • LetUsBray

      That "charity" is called a tithe and it's strictly required to be a Mormon in good standing. I mean, it's subject to a freaking audit.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        That needs to become common knowledge. What the hell kinda religious organization has the *gall* to meddle in its members' private financial matters? That is pretty fucking cheeky!

        • Biff

          First Sunday of the month, members are handed an envelope by (usually) a stake missionary on their way into the chapel. In the envelope is a slip of paper upon which you calculate your earnings for the prior month and write a check for 10% of the pre-tax total. Just like a credit card slip, there's also a line for any additional gratuity gifts you wish to give. This same Sunday is "fast" Sunday, and breakfast and lunch are passed by, and the estimated cost of those meals is considered good form for a "fast offering", see "gifts" above. I hate that I know any of this shit.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            How DO you know so much of this shit? Were you raised a Mormon? I hope I haven't offended you with all my comments about Mormons.

          • Biff

            I was one, but quit before the underpants ritual. Once I learned that I would have to wear underpants of any description, I kinda knew it wasn't gonna be my thing. Sadly, no planet for me.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Going commando, eh?Don't be sad. You'll have us Wonketteerz. That's WAY better than having a planet.Besides, in order to get that damn planet, you'd have to live like some freak-fucking-monk for decades.Come over to teh dark side. We haz teh best cookies.

          • Biff

            Very difficult being an atheist in the mormon church, I tellzs ya!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            HA! We all know you *really* came for the cookies.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Ah, the church which encouraged people to vote for Proposition 8 (against gay marriage) in California. When virtually nobody in California is mormon. Lovely.

      • ThundercatHo

        Yes, everyone should watch "A Mormon Proposition". I think the LSD contribution to Prop 8's campaign was $22 million.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          You mean LDS, dear. I won't have one of my favourite drugs maligned that way.

        • Buckminster

          yikes, you slay me. I love it.

    • SorosBot

      He said that? Ugh. And hey, those "charity" contributions are tax deductible and so part of the reason he pays so few taxes. I wonder how much of his money went to ensuring that gay Californians don't have equal rights.

      • MissTaken

        He gave that line of bullshit to Brian Williams. Ugh, indeed.

        • SorosBot

          As noted below, I turned the TV off as soon as Williams said, "And next, an interview with Mitt Romney"; sounds like I made the right choice.

    • Z Crudmonger

      His charity goes to "the CORPORATION of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints" technically. Read it as you will.

      correction "corporation of the presiding bishop of the cojcolds" not-blah-blah-blah.

    • BklynIlluminati

      The fact that he equates charity with tax never mind that half of his "charity" goes to the moron (not a typo)church, makes it seem like such a burden. Charity is supposed to help others and give light to the soul, not make you think of H&R Block. He is such a dick

    • C_R_Eature

      "Tax The Churches."
      "Tax the Business Owned by the Churches."

      Zappa, Heavenly Bank Account

      • Biff

        IE: Deseret Industries.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Thank you.

      Fucking prick that he is, I can't believe he has the gall to say that.

      FAIL, Bishop Willard Mittens. Total fucking FAIL.

    • Buckminster

      You have to be it to really understand it.

    • Buckminster

      Some of us would like to tithe, although we are not Mormon, but our heat and electricity bills make that untenable.

      • LetUsBray

        From what Biff is saying, if you are Mormon and you have heat and electricity bills, that's just too damn bad.

        A church with its own IRS: Why, that's not cult-like at all, is it?

  • ProgressiveInga

    Congressman Reid Ribble (R Wisconsin) is being interviewed on msnbc. Are we being left-wing tv punked? And if that's his real name he must hate his parents.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      From the state that gave you Reince Priebus — when your Reid Ribbles, seek treatment and suggest your partner do the same.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Oh god are these parents just truly horrible people who hate their children, or what? If my parents had stuck me with a name like that, I'd be serving time today.

        • Radiotherapy

          Every fuck I have ever met with a stupid name has been a complete twat. Dick Cummings, Dick Bigelow, Harry C. Beaver (srsly, no lie) was an Ob-Gyn, and an idiot to boot, etc.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            OT: I was once referred to a surgeon named Carver. I decided his name was just too unfortunate for me to ever allow him to touch me. I picked up the paper recently to find that he had been arrested for a crime — I think it included carving upon someone.

            Sometimes our apparently irrational prejudices are little warning signals from our subconscious, which is noticing things our conscious mind does not.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            My china cabinet just fell over, Dr. Jung!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Sometimes, Sigmund, a cigar is just a good smoke.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            That Sabina Spielrein is crazy in bed! Let's steal all her good ideas.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            A nice Jewish boy like you, Sigmund? Vat you vere doing viz MY mistress?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Freud had a "thing" for his sister-in-law. Maybe it was just "research on the transferance."
            http://www.deseretnews.com/article/650217640/Hote

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I remember reading about that, ages ago. Back when Dr. Masson was still teaching here, before the huge fallout with the Freud Institute. Are you a psychologist by training? Why the sudden interest in Freud?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            No, I'm not, I just have a layperson's interest in Jung and Freud. Way back in the late-80s/early 90s I thought I was onto The Meaning Of Life by exploring and connecting Jung, Joseph Campbell, Gregory Bateson, Allan Watts, Chaos Theory, and that Dancing Wu Li Masters stuff; and Freud was interesting in reductionist, anti-mystical contrast to all of that, while not actually being very scientific, either. It seemed as if the Great Debate boiled down to Jung wanting to establish a scientific understanding of spirituality and growth, while with Freud it was all just elaborations of shitting and fucking.

            I also read the book, "A Most Dangerous Method" (the basis for the plays and movie) when it came out in the early '90s, and it's really fascinating, gossipy and novel-esque. I knew then it was going to be a mini-series or movie some day, and even wrote my own parody scene for laughs. Oh, but I'd never post that old thing, unless somebody wanted to see it…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Do it! C'mon, DO EET!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Later. And I'll post it a little further back up the thread, so I have more width. ;)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            You're sweet, even when you're not trying to be. Or trying not to be.Thanks, buddy.

          • Radiotherapy

            C'mon Chet, post it, or link to it. We'll be more than interested. Freud is important to me, in a very pragmatic, daily way because of his initiation of the discussion of anxiety as an important component of our psyche's. 70% of what I do while at work is anxiety management.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Coming right up!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Chet Kincaid's A MOST DANGEROUS METHOD

            Based upon the 1994 nonfiction book dishing the juicy details of the Freud/Jung beef over Jung's sexy patient/lover and their later colleague, Sabina Spielrein
            http://www.amazon.com/Most-Dangerous-Method-Sabin

            INT — PARK HOTEL, MUNICH, NOVEMBER 1912 — COUNCIL OF PRESIDENTS OF LOCAL PSYCHOANALYTIC SOCIETIES — LUNCH

            FREUD (Cranky):
            Riklin, you schmuck! You didn't even cite my work in your last article! Is that so much to ask?

            RIKLIN (Flustered):
            Why, your contributions are so well known, it seemed redundant to always —

            FREUD:
            Oh, so I'm redundant, then!

            JONES:
            Ahem! Er, why don't you share with us some of your most recent discoveries, Dr. Freud?

            FREUD:
            Well, *if* you're interested…I've just finished reading Abraham's essay on Amenhotep, the ancient Egyptian ruler and founder of monotheism. As part of his reforms, he erased his father's name from public monuments. It's obvious to *me* that he harbored parricidal wishes, and that this in fact proves the ancient origins of my Oedipal theory —

            JUNG (Earnestly):
            I disagree, Herr Doktor! It's a bit more complicated than that. Amenhotep's father had been considered a god, and eliminating the old god's name was part and parcel of consolidating the new religion.

            FREUD (Irritated):
            Well, it all rather reminds *me* of you Swiss, and your tendency to forget to cite my name in your psychoanalytic publications!!

            (A hubub arises.)

            JUNG (Solicitously):
            My dear Freud, you underestimate the esteem with which we hold your seminal accomplishments! Because we have taken them to heart, there's no need to constantly —

            FREUD:
            Well excuse me and my ideas for being so tedious!

            JONES:
            Don't you think you're taking this a bit personally, Dr. Freud…?

            JUNG:
            Besides, the Amenhotep story is indeed true to nature. The father already has a name, and the son must go out and make one for himself.

            FREUD (Sarcastically):
            Am I dissociating? I thought I was in Munich, not Memphis!

            JUNG:
            I've done a bit of research on Amenhotep myself. I've found that —

            (Freud looks shocked, and suddenly falls off his chair in a dead faint.)

            JUNG (Alarmed):
            Herr Doktor!! Herr Doktor!!

            (Jung rushes to Freud, picks him up and carries him toward the door. Freud comes to while being carried.)

            FREUD:
            How sweet it must be to die!

            CUT

            (As you can see, my version would have tended more toward Seinfeld/Monty Python than whatever David Cronenberg came up with.)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Fascinating, Chet. Do you write fiction, or is this your only, so to speak, essay into the field?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            This is basically exactly what happened at this particular lunch, as described in the book! It was so absurd that I thought it was a great scene. All I added was a couple of colloquialisms.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Really?I've never seen the film. I suppose I shall have to, now, just to see that scene.Reading something by Walter Moseley tonight, he was the first author to bring Chester Himes to my notice.What do you think of Moseley and Himes as writers?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            I haven't seen the movie yet either, so I don't know if this incident is in it.

            Hey, I am a big Walter Mosely fan! I've read all the Easy Rawlins mysteries.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I've read most of his detective stories except Bad Boy Brawley Brown. Right now I'm reading a collection of his called Futureland, and I think what I am most grateful to him for is his portrayal of black male heroes. He has said that that is his mission as a writer, to make heroes for us to replace those who have been taken away, hidden and buried in the mythology we are taught in school. A mythology in which all black men are slaves and all black women either mammies who give love and care to everyone but themselves, or exotic harlots. Mosley turned me on to Chester Himes, for which I will always be grateful. Himes spotlighted a particularly ugly episode of American history. As does Mosley. Great writer. I'm waiting for the next Great Black Novel from a new young writer, though. Zadie Smith is certainly good, but she's not the one, and Alice Walker has already proved her merit. So tell me, which young Black writers can you recommend who write about the plight of Black people exactly as it is out there?Not the African writers, who are all just great and fantastic, but are writing about being African in Africa, which doesn't begin to describe the hell of racism for Blacks in the White man's land.Whom do you recommend?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Can't even begin to make a reco, as I haven't been keeping up with literature. I'm more qualified to recommend some African music, which I promised, and will get around to one of these days.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Well, if you haven't read Futureland, let me highly recommend it now. The collection contains his story, The Nig in Me. All I can say is I'm so fucking furious right now that I just blew up at a fellow Wonketeer, which I know is a no-no. Ugh. Why do white people feel SO obliged to tell me about all the shortcomings of black folk? Do they think I'm stupid, that I can't see how flawed we are? Or do our flaws excuse their attitudes?Enough! I'm going to get my ass kicked in a bit for what I just said.Thanks very much for remembering the music. I'll just go calm down and read some, I don't know, white folks' literature for a bit.

          • Radiotherapy

            Excellent, I get id.

  • WiscDad

    Ribble Rabble

  • Fare la Volpe

    The Fox talking heads are now criticizing Obama for giving "a political speech."

    Fuck them right in the fucking holes in their heads.

    • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

      Don't watch Faux News.

  • WiscDad

    Where's the OW(insert city) rebuttal?

  • DrunkIrishman

    Mitt Romney thinks Mitch Daniels lacks charisma.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    I just looked up info about John Kerry's face. His office says, "Kerry suffered two black eyes and a broken nose during a 'friendly game of hockey' with family and buddies over the Christmas break." My 20-years-older mother looked just like that when she tripped over a curb in a parking lot and fell face down on the sidewalk. I hope a 68-year-old recovers faster than she did.

    • flamingpdog

      Yikes, he better stick [ha ha, I said "stick"] with touch football, like the Kennedy bros.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I know a buncha chicks that have looked like that after a trip to the plastic surgeon. He looks like botox and a scalpel might've gotten him harder than anything.

    • smashedinhat

      From the colour of those bruises I'd say he's well on his way. Keep your head up John, you got caught napping!

  • WiscDad

    Rebuttal…huhhuhuh…that's a Santorum move

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Huh, Jim deMint is on CNN saying he's talked to manufacturers and they've said Dodd-Frank will damage their businesses.

    The "Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act", which only affects financial services companies.

    Jim DeMint can fuck off as well.

    • BarackMyWorld

      DeMint's need to fuck off is a given.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Mittens on Hannity. Brain cells…dying…fast…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Stop it, Fare! Pull back, man, PULL BACK!

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    G'night folks. As they say in Pittsburgh, "I'm outta here, yunz."

  • MissTaken

    Cain: "I can't get off".

    • flamingpdog

      Nein, nein, nein.

    • SorosBot

      So no one wanted a job?

      • MissTaken

        Only Colbert who "couldn't get on".

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Not *that* badly.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      We wished we could quit him, and, as it turns out, we could.

  • BarackMyWorld

    And John Stewart is here via 6-hour tape-delay to talk about Mitten's taxes.

  • vulpes82

    Oh, Ken. Don't ever change.

  • AlterNewt

    "Now we will go weep into a cup of bourbon"

    I believe the old-timers call that 'Bourbon and sad-water'.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Bloody fins and shit.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      What, like "five bloody fins up" for the SOTU, or what?

  • Mojopo

    So Mitch Daniels might be the consensus candidate if Titty Baby and the Robot can't stop clawing at each other? That pasty butt toad? Sorry, he's no Lincoln.

    • flamingpdog

      More like an Edsel.

      • Mojopo

        I want to see the horse trading that would go down if it comes to this. I want front fuckin row.

        • Mondo_Cane

          Mitt's proving himself a loser – Newt can be bought off (cheap) – Santorum's mother wouldn't vote for him – RP is going his own way –

          Daniels has been a loyal hack, doing what he's told – he's a 1 percenter that does 'aw shucks', an 'anti Gingrich' personal story, made his $$$ pushing drugs running Eli Lilley –

          oh – and he's white….

          • Mojopo

            How will the voters feel? And how many alliances will be broken when it comes time to vote someone off the island? When the deals come to pass in 2013, we might get to see some Eastern Bloc style beatdowns in the chambers.

          • SorosBot

            The thing is, Mitt's proving himself a sore loser; he could probably have shrugged off the South Carolina loss and continued on the inevitability train, but instead he's reacted horribly to the loss and keeps digging himself into holes. He really may be the Republican equivalent of Ed Muskie.

          • Mojopo

            Oh man. You're so right.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Did Ed Shultz just say the guy who wrote tonight's speech was the guy who directed "Iron Man"?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Needs more 'splosions.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Jon Favreau – same name different guy

      • SorosBot

        It's strange that the one who used to date extremely funny and sexy actress Rashida Jones is the speechwriter, and not the director.

        • http://www.facebook.com/groups/227406670645311 Fred_Wertham_Jr

          I'm not familar with Rashida Jones, but her name is so sexy that I'd do her.

          • SorosBot

            Then watch Parks and Recreation! You should anyway; it's one of the best sitcoms on now.

            And she is very, very sexy, too.

          • Extemporanus

            Quincy Jones truly is a top notch producer.

          • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

            This is fact.

  • Negropolis

    Just back from a burger run, and I'm still giddy about this speech. I thought "pass this bill" was good, last year, but this was chocked so full of specifics and so "refudiated" the Republicans bullshit talking points I was nearly overwhelmed.

    BTW, Mitch who?

  • FakaktaSouth

    BERNIE!!!!!! Okay, I can lie down now, having listened to this beautiful man talk and really feel that it's NOT ME that's utterly crazy (on this particular subject) and maybe, one day, I'll get to Vermont before one of us dies.
    Good night and truly, thank you wonkette – without you guys specifically I could never make it through all this bullshit – y'all keep me sane, or at least out of the clock-tower…love.

    • Mojopo

      I am catching up with everyone now. Only five more pages to go. Oh, this is wonderful!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Goodnight, darlz, sleep well! Hopey will win this! No doubt, no fear.

  • http://www.full-brief-panties.blogspot.com/ Panty_Buns

    Argh! I hate to admit it but I voted for Barack. How wonderful that he's in favor of putting a higher tax rate on the dividends of senior citizens on fixed income even if they make less money per year than they need for food, water and shelter. Even better he apparently still wants to make the hard choices and tax half of the social security paid to seniors if they earn over $15,000 per year and are between the ages of 62 and 65, er 66, er the age will keep going up. But DON'T WORRY. President Obama made it clear he won't cut spending on any of the really important things like war, bombs, drones, the Pentagon, increased surveillance, imprisonment without trial, etc.. The Pres. will make sure everyone can borrow money at loan-shark rates so they can go to college and understand what the jobs were about that they're missing out on because they were shipped overseas due to trade agreements without the advice, consent concurrence of 2/3 of the Senators and wind up with huge loans to pay off for learning about it. He'll make sure the Corporations are still people and the will of people is still ignored. You could tell the fix was in because Joel Lieberman was smiling. The phone companies can rest assured that they won't be held responsible for helping the government and the corporations spy on you. Rest easy, defense contractors. As long as Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul can be ignored and denied speaking time on camera your flow pork-barrel goodies won't be one of those tough budget choices in question.

    • Z Crudmonger

      I really want a pork-barrel, is it like a loft? I mean, pork, nudge nudge.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      I can definitely get over your fetish, your blog spamming and your rather incoherent post. All that is fine.

      However: please, PLEASE use paragraphs.

    • LetUsBray

      Paultard concern troll is Paultardedly concerned. Got it.

    • fuflans

      well panty honey i don't know if you're a boy or a girl, but if you actually put any buns in those panty ovens and want a choice about reproductive rights, i suggest you think about obama as, well, a distasteful firewall.

      cause i personally don't think the roberts court needs any tilting to the right.

      • http://www.full-brief-panties-male-modeled.blogspot.com/ Panty_Buns

        Wouldn't it be nice if we had a Chief Justice and President capable of not flubbing the Oath of Office? I love the Bill of Rights and I'm pro-choice. No buns baking in my panty oven – no cannon fodder and wage slaves from my loins. At least Paultards and Kucinich supporters don't want to increase the prison-industrial complex the way Mitt Rummy, Newt Grinch and Rick Sanitarium do.

        The Supreme kangaroo Court has been tilted off the scale to the right ever since Lewis Powell got on it back in the Nixon administration. Your correct. It doesn't need to be tilted any further to the right, but neither does it need justices who advocate a unitary executive. Obama is like Bush in advocating more Presidential power.

      • Nothingisamiss

        Amen, fuflans. I note that in his/her reply there's still no understanding of this salient fact: SCOTUS is for decades, and the repercussions of the Bush years are hardfly started. Hate on O as you will, a lot more is at stake than the next 4 years.

    • SorosBot

      TLDR.

      Well actually no; I would've read something that long, if it didn't start off so incoherent with no paragraph breaks.

    • DarwinianDemon

      Hahaha…Dennis Kucinich or Ron Paul. That's like saying "I could watch Empire Strikes Back" or "Phantom Menace"…they're both good."

      • http://www.full-brief-panties-male-modeled.blogspot.com/ Panty_Buns

        When will Barack discover that Bush is his father?

        • DarwinianDemon

          A nerd would point out that although Luke was Vader's son, he was not evil himself. I will merely point out that Kucinich and Paul are complete opposites on almost every single domestic issue and even on foreign policy their reasoning is quite different.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Remember the Paultard trolls from years past? There were giants in those days.

      • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

        To be sure. Today's crowd is merely trolling on the LOL-durrs of giants.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Touche!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Good Lord, Ken. Go eat some prunes or drink a few double espressos or something.

    • LiveToServeYa

      Nix on the prunes. He probably gets a lot of fiber from all that carpet chewing.

  • flamingpdog

    More likely the one in his codpiece.

  • Buckminster

    If Boehner's heart doesn't explode in the next year, I'm going to lose a gigantic bet.

    • http://www.full-brief-panties-male-modeled.blogspot.com/ Panty_Buns

      Boner's heart should hold up as long as he remembers to have his eyebrows tweezed BEFORE they put on his orange makeup.

  • Sparky MacGyver

    Okay, I paused the Tivo, so I'm behind…

    But did anyone find it odd that Mitch Daniels ended by talking about "Free-Born" Americans? As opposed to those slaves? Who the f— talks about "Free-Born" people in 2012?

    • LetUsBray

      In Roman times free-born meant children you *didn't* get by boinking your slaves. I believe we've been given a bit more of a glimpse of the Rethug vision for America than intended.

      • Sparky MacGyver

        You know, I'm going to spend the whole next day trying to unthink that thought, and the mental images that followed.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Might need a drink. Or a few of 'em.

    • Z Crudmonger

      He’s dyslexically channeling Russell Watson, no duh. Ahme.

  • Diabeetis

    Mitch Daniels looks like a salamander.

    • tealsheart

      Salaam'alaikun to you too.
      I'm lately late

  • Beanball

    I fell asleep at about 2 minutes in.

    I take it I didn't miss anything.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/FlipOffResearch FlipOffResearch

    Hey, I just got back from work and then the bar (thankfully no teabaggers), and watched a rerun of the last half of the SOTUA.

    This is my take away: Boehners mugging just cracked me up. He kept making uncomfortable and foul faces. It was the greatest study in play acting since the Janet Jackson nip slip.

    My new goal is to be speaker of the house, just so I can sit behind the President at the SOTUA and make faces.

    • C_R_Eature

      Boehner did everything but hold up cardboard signs saying Sphincter Boy and He Blows Goats. I Have Proof..

  • Warpde

    Ah! Fuck….missed another one.

  • Negropolis

    I wasn't the only one who skipped over Ken's commentary when I first came here am I? 'Cause, I just got around to reading it, and it is truly worse than a Fox News roundtable, because, God Bless 'em, some of them are too stupid enough to know any better. I mean, talk about trying way too hard. If you have to try that hard, you're doing it wrong…good lord.

    • LiveToServeYa

      I skimmed it enough to see it wasn't even funny.

    • Bluestatelibel

      I read it closely, and see it's probably closest to the truth you'll find anywhere. We've been around this block before. Case in point: how many Wall Street criminals are now in jail or at least got a slap on the wrist for bringing down the economy?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Is it wrong to want to kill that asshole e-trade baby?

    • FraAnima

      At least make some baby oil and fajituses when you do.

      • Nothingisamiss

        Ok, fajituses?!?! That is a double triple win, my cunning linguist friend.

        • FraAnima

          I wish I could take credit, but another Wonketeer has the copyright for fajituses.

    • finallyhappy

      I used to like that commercial – the first two. Isn't that kid like 12 now?

      • Biff

        It's like Lassie. Or Babe the pig. They keep growing, so you keep getting a younger one. All babbie look the same, how are they form?

  • C_R_Eature

    Well, while Republicans were Harrumphing and Turning Reddish-Orange & Making Faces at the SOTU. The SEALS were beating the shit out of Somali Pirates and freeing hostages.

    Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that SEAL Ops have to all be given a presidential "Go". That takes Nutz, if so.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      No, no, that's the wrong way to think about it–it's simply another example of the US killing disenfranchised brown foreigners to "rescue" privileged white Westerners. There is no heroism, only shame and moral failing.

      • C_R_Eature

        Ken?!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      And the hostages were all like, "I'll hold my nose and vote for him, but…"

      • C_R_Eature

        …even though he's Blah.

  • C_R_Eature

    Well Congressman Andy Harris (R, Ive-got-mine-Jack-keep-your-hands-off-My stack) says that he "Didn't hear anything new" and "He mentioned Solyndra". Which is Bad and a thing that we Republicans have been trying really hard to blow up into an Administration crippling Scandal.
    Meanwhile, Maryland's Eastern Shore continues to sink beneath the waves as Anthrogenic Global Climate Change (which doesn't exist and we can't do anything about it anyway because Socialism) continues and accelerates.
    Yeah, I'm Grumpy. Does it show?

    • FakaktaSouth

      Hola. As I am sitting here sweating balls at 10am and almost 70 plus degrees right after ANOTHER devastating tornado IN JANUARY FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I too ponder the hateful socialism causing all of these weather woes. That and all the job crippling regulations. If only things weren't so harshly regulated, I bet the oil/dispersant/dead animal carcasses washing up on my shores would stop too.

      • C_R_Eature

        People forget that CO2 Cap and Trade was a plank in the election platform of those Radical Socialist Fascist's John McCain/ $arah Palin.
        That was before the EXXON and the Koch Bro's propaganda assault. After that everything went down the Memory Hole and belief in AGW among the American general public plummeted from something like 65% general to less than 50% aggregate. Lots less amongst FOX viewers. Of course.
        Meanwhile, Ice sheets the size of Rhode Island break off of Antarctica, all of a sudden there's an Ice free Northwest passage for the first time in recorded human history and weird weather and 100 year storms every year are the norm.
        But we can't talk about all that, because it's "Controversial".

        Wow, that was a Rant and not even Funny.

  • Bluestatelibel

    Just woke up! What'd I miss?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    I don't usually wolf-whistle at the FLOTUS, dignity of the office and all that, but MAN, she was wearin' the hell out of that blue dress!

    • Mojopo

      She wears beautiful clothes so well. I kept trying to picture Callista trying to look classy in that blue dress and I couldn't do it.

      Did you know that Callista is only 45? Doesn't she look much older?

      • proudgrampa

        Really? Jeez. She looks like she's about 70, with (bad, very bad) facelifts.

        • SorosBot

          She's one of those people who has had so much plastic surgery she doesn't even look human anymore. Why the fuck do some people do that to themselves? Do they actually think it makes them more attractive? It doesn't; it makes them look creepy.

          • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

            A facial equivalent of a bad rug. But are there any good rugs?

          • finallyhappy

            Ask Meg Ryan and Melanie Griffith

          • jus_wonderin

            I think Dolly has done it well, though.

          • Limeylizzie

            When I was younger I used to have people tell me all the time that I looked like Melanie Griffith, this was around the time of Working Girl pre-plastic, thank God I do not get that anymore.

          • Geminisunmars

            I really appreciated seeing Jessica Lange at the Golden Globes last week. She hasn't had any work done (I don't believe) and she looked, gasp, real. I applaud her, and think I shall try and find a way to voice that in some way.

        • finallyhappy

          really, they have money-couldn't she go to a good doctor? I was at a certain theater in Dc last week- and there were 4 women- that had over done plastic surgery- but they were all actually late 70's.

          • Mojopo

            I know, right? Apparently she must have one of those sub-par East Coast surgeons. Have you seen Catherine Deneuve? That's some good surgery. If I ever wanted it, I would make it my life's mission to find her doc.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Catherine Deneuve had *work* done? ZOMG, you have broken mai hartz.

    • Limeylizzie

      She looked amazing, she has the best ass of any First Lady ever, I remember first noticing it when she was campaigning with Hopey and she wore a purple dress that clung ferociously, it was stunning.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      She would look good in a paper bag. Something about being tall and slender.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    How many times did he make the "We won't go back!" anti-racist dog whistle?

    • prommie

      Oh, damn, I missed that, it must be above the frequency range of my honkey cracker hearing! I didn't know there was such a thing as anti-racist dogwhistling, and I am glad there is.

      • jus_wonderin

        "Sony Dogwhistle Cancelling Headphones"

    • Nothingisamiss

      The dogwhistle of hope.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Looks like nobody but us cullud folks even realised the significance of "We won't go back."

  • Steverino247

    It takes huge balls to launch a SEAL mission just before the SOTU address. You can't have something like that go wrong before that speech or you're screwed. Only Reagan could pressure NASA to launch in adverse conditions and blow up a school teacher and get away with it.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Ain't nobody in furrn parts that don't think Hopey has great giant brass balls like a motherfucker. He needs to waste some Republicans, then they'll get the message.

  • prommie

    I am disappointed that Obama avoided one enormous issue of vital importance: Achewood. What the fuck? It was back, and jubliation reigned, but now, no new strips for a month, just like right before it went on hiatus last year. Has it become autobiographical? Did Onstadt go to rehab? Has he relapsed? What is Obama doing about this?

    • Biff

      Is there any such thing as an Achewood Shower, yet?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Only one new strip since the beginning of the month. Ray's in rehab. I'm not sure where this is going.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    I'll believe Obama and Holder will do something about the banksters when it actually happens, and not before.

    They've done nothing but try to protect them (and line their pockets) for 3 years.

    WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

    Not Optimistic

    It's hard to see the Schneiderman thing as anything but bad news.

    I also don't know how the economy can rebound with a completely corrupt and corrupted banking system in place, but obviously Very Serious People think that's not important.

    by Atrios at 10:02
    ~

  • notreelyhelping

    Note: 98%. Not 99%. Now that's triangulation.

  • Ruhe

    "So the nation is great because after terrorists lash out at us, we will spend 10 years fucking up totally unrelated countries, and then eventually slaughter some half-mythical terror king in a suburb, in Pakistan, because we are so great."

    We are big but we act small.

  • SorosBot

    So um, it's almost 11:30; do our editors all hate SOTU-related hangovers this morning?

    • MissTaken

      Seriously. My head feels like it's filled with cotton balls (from a cold, not hungover) and I just learned that one of my good work friends got the ax yesterday during our pink slip party. Could really use some funnies right about now.

      • SorosBot

        Aw, sorry to hear that. Layoffs suck.

      • SorosBot

        And yay, a new post finally, entertainment!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Oh, babe. That seriously sucks. Hope you stay in touch with him/her. Don't let it get you down, though. Put some big honking slices of ginger in a saucepan with about two cups of water and make yourself a strong hot cup of tea. Add a little honey to soothe the throat and sip on it as needed. I hope you're at home in bed, all rolled up in warm blankies.

        • MissTaken

          If by home you mean sitting in my office reconciling spreadhsheets of data for stupid managers who won't do it themselves, then yes I'm at home!

          Thanks though! I've been chugging jamba juice coldbuster and tea all day and planning to bail out by 3 today. As for the now non-coworker, she's very smart and great at what she does so I'm sure she'll be okay. Plus, she's in Toronto and I don't think Canada lets its unemployed end up in cardboard boxes like the US does.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Oh, you poor thing! And you're in SF in winter!

            Thanks for letting me know about the co-worker. I won't worry about her then.

            I hope you have your extra-warm things for the rush to BART at 3. Best to leave at 3 on the dot, you know how crazy it gets when the commuters hit. Stay warm and safe, sweetie! Hope you feel better soon.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      It's Chet's fault. Now 1000 comments are mandatory.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Mea culpa!

        • Geminisunmars

          Well, let's get the filler/comments rolling. You start.

          • Blueb4sunrise

            We're saved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • prommie

    Yo, man, we pay good money for this Wonkette thing, and look at this, nobody home today, whats up with that?

    • CivicHoliday

      The entire Wonkette editorial staff is sleeping it off after that final cup of Makers + tears

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      They were not only live blogging they were also doing the Seals Team 6 rescue thingie. They have to get the Somali sand out of their HP85s.

  • proudgrampa

    Yeah, I'm with Prommie: you guys don't start wonketting soon, I'm gonna ask for a refund!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Possible racism at Wisconsin Recall Count. One black woman in an otherwise empty room.
    http://mirrors.5nines.com/stream/

    • Biff

      People get fired for working through their lunch break…

      • Blueb4sunrise

        Uh oh, there's some white cop there now.

    • Steverino247

      At least they've decorated the walls a bit.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Look at the bottom of the page and you'll see that there's a new thread.

  • ttommyunger

    Know why Chief Justice Roberts has that silly grin on his face? If you listen quietly you can hear it: vibrating butt-plug.

  • http://www.full-brief-panties.blogspot.com/ Panty_Buns

    Actually Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich have a lot in common. They both believe in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights (that covers a lot of issues) and they both want peace. Ron Paul: I'd consider putting Dennis Kucinich in my cabinet – Political Hotsheet – CBS News.

    As for Bush being President Obama's father: I'm not saying he Barack is evil, but he has been an accessory after the fact to Bush's policies on rendition, torture, surveillance of U.S. citizens, undeclared wars, and much more. I'm not saying Barack is as evil as Bush, but unfortunately he hasn't escaped the grasp of the (corporate) Emperor.

    Help us Obi Wan Kenobi! You're our only hope.

  • http://www.full-brief-panties.blogspot.com/ Panty_Buns

    A PETA sponsored "State Of The Undies" would have been much more interesting than all that slick snookering.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Ar-ar-ar. WHO needs a belly rubbed? WHOOOOO???

    You watch it bud. I have catnip spray and I'm NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!

  • C_R_Eature

    That's the first thing the sonovabitch threw a fit about when he got to D.C. Just embarrassing.

    Really went downhill after Wayne Gilchrest. I still have a lot of respect for him.