DRINK!

Liveblogging the Sorry State of the Union! Which Is Still Around!

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Yo yo yo! We are not hosting a children’s Game of Thrones-themed birthday party with Obama as the entertainment/clown, as this picture might indicate. But we ARE conveying to you the state of the State of the Union of 2012! Which — here that thing is. The boring old Oval Office has already LEAKED INFORMATIONS about what this particular SOTU will contain, but Obama’s ability to be spontaneous, irate, drunk and giggly in public leads us to believe this thing will be worth watching. When’s the soonest that we will have money and jobs again? What is money, anyway? What is a president? And so on. Please stay for the breakdown of the breakdown, and play our SOTU 2012 game of drinks while you’re at it. Let the standing and clapping and announcements of free cash payouts to every American except Romney and a few others begin!

9:00 PM — So what are the big colors for spring???? I see lots of oranges, royal blues, Kelly greens. Oops wrong blog.
9:02 PM — Just one more thing about FASHAWN. Hillary Clinton’s hair is the Person of the Year 2012.
9:05 PM — Can the natural human condition generate the kind of cheers and whoops that were just uttered? What I mean to say is, what kind of sick bottle service happens prior to this event? Drink every time you hear what sounds like a woman clapping.
9:09 PM — GABRIEL GIFFORDS SIGHTING. TOAST GIFFORDS PRIOR TO DRINKING.
9:11 PM — Boehner, you whisky-loving son of a gun, you are too tanned, monsieur.
9:12 PM — Obama opens with a reminder that Happy January, War Is Over. “For the first time in nine years, there are no Americans fighting in Iraq. For the first time in nine years, Osama Bin Laden is not a threat to this country.”
9:14 PM — “…A future where we are in control of our own energy.” IT HAS BEEN FIVE MINUTES and The Future, that poor punching bag of time, has already been mentioned.
9:15 PM — “The defining future of our time is how to keep that promise” — the promise that the Greatest Generation fulfilled, so he is now name-checking both Grandfather Time and Future Baby Time.
9:17 PM — Anyone watching the “enhanced” live feed on the White House website? It is basically a PowerPoint, zzz.
9:18 PM — Jobs have apparently been created. They remain in a hologram state until further notice.
9:19 PM — THAT WAS A WEIRD POWERPOINT SLIDE. There was like a circle around the Wall Street bull’s nostril? “This nostril is the defining nostril of our time.”
9:20 PM — Yes, naturellement, tonight he is going from War Is Over to General Motors is YUGE, haven’t you noticed? Lots of cheers for General Motors being #1 again.
9:21 PM — “And tonight, the American auto industry is back! What’s happening in Detroit can happen in other industries.” Well, actually, Detroit is noooooot doing so well, Barry. But fine. Point for Barry.
9:23 PM — Obama is pointing out that American companies whose employees get outsourced currently get tax deductions for doing so. It should OBVS be the opposite: get breaks if you bring jobs back home. But ummm, what about the fact that overseas labor is disgustingly cheap?
9:26 PM — “I will go anywhere in the world for new markets for American products.” Well, this is a big turnaround from where Obama stood last year. But will he act on it? That is the question.
9:27 PM — Oh, but he’s also unveiling a Trade Enforcement Unit, to get rid of shitty pirated crap.
9:29 PM — Skill training! The Prez shared an anecdote about a woman named Jackie who was able to get skill training for a job when Siemens partnered with a community college. She trained for a job, then she got said job. And then he was all, it would be nice if more than one person could have that happen for them.
9:31 PM — EDUCASHAWN time. “Reward the best” teachers. “Teach with creativity and passion. Stop teaching with the test.” OOoohoooo.
9:32 PM — Stiffer enrollment requirements, namely kids need to stay in school “until they graduate or turn 18.” He’s also talking about work-study jobs. Surely you are not speaking of cleaning toilets and removing hair from drains while learning pre-calculus?
9:34 PM — Hello, Occupy movement. Obama sent a message to the campus occupiers and universities by warning universities not to continue raising tuition. Woohoo! Oh but right, he is not a magician.
9:36 PM — What is happening with Obama’s voice tonight? He’s doing a weird gravelly thing that emphasizes important words like “last” and “every” and “worked” and “struggled.”
9:37 PM — STEVE JOBS.
9:38 PM — Oh god, moneeeeeeey. Still we have to ask how all the magical things delivered by unicorns are going to be paid for. These are great priorities but they are so damn expensive, man. Not to sound like an elephant but what would he cut???? Besides the military????
9:42 PM — Shale gas. No dude, do not go there. “The payoffs don’t always come right away.” In other words, “First we have to deal with all the lawsuits from the people who are poisoned by drinking shale-water, but in 2032, when we have cured cancer…!”
9:43 PM — We’re going to “flight climate change.” We’re going to send it on a mission to Pluto, non-planet extraordinaire.
9:44 PM — And now we handing things over to our Chief Intra-Word Pause Analyst, Ken Layne!

About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barb

    I hope Bammers does this with his shirt off.

    • Harry_S_Truman

      I hope Boehner will put his trenchcoat on.

    • snackypants

      I hope he sings Al Green.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Yum!

  • GlowneyHouse

    I spy with my little eye something orange. And hateful.

    • Fare la Volpe

      The annoying orange?

    • iburl

      and a "Just Pathetic" crybaby?

    • snackypants

      Agent Orange?

    • hollywooddood

      Is he crying? Squirting out some orange tears?

  • MissNancyPriss

    would add a little color to the proceedings!

  • Radiotherapy

    You Lie!!1!

    • snackypants

      You LIE-BEL!

  • iburl

    Drinking game for non-drinkers:
    Drink every time Obama talks about the "Fierce Urgency of Now".

    • AlterNewt

      …or quotes anything from ZZ Top.

      • iburl

        Yes I'm bad, I'm nationwide.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Pants off, folks. We got business to take care of.

    • Barb

      Yeah, like I ever had them on today.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Hey, how you doin'?

        • Barb

          Hey! Good to see you. I am waiting for my glass of wine to be delivered.

      • SorosBot

        Um, you trying to get us all excited when we're supposed to be drinking?

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Who the hell wears pants anymore? Thats what I wanna know.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Not everyone has received their Forever Lazy in the mail.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Is that the thing with the butt opening? Cuz I'd be embarrassed, and I live alone.

          • AlterNewt

            Ha! It's the 'Slanket Generation".

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Hope they had to go through metal detectors to be there. I smell trouble from a Joe (see Wilson or Walsh).

  • SorosBot

    Gah turned on the TV a little too soon and had to catch the end of some crappy reality show about fat people trying to lose weight.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Drink!

    • lizcolville

      that IS the state of the union, dontcha know

      • SorosBot

        This woman was bloated, desperate and crying; yeah that's pretty much it.

        • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          That's why she needs a drink.

        • OurHoboSenator

          Newt?

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Nah, her boobs were too small to be Newt.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Welcome to Christie's America.

    • SkinnyNerd

      I love my C-SPAN.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Gabby looks incredible.

    • NellCote71

      More integrity in her little finger than Lou Sarah and all her spawn.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Look at Gabby Giffords. What a class act she is.

  • Barb

    Elliot Spitzer in on Olbermann's show. I like Elliot.

    • Terry

      Me, too. Too bad he was fond of the hookers yet responsible enough to resign.

    • BarackMyWorld

      He's incredibly smart and knowledgeable… and not just about hookers.

    • Limeylizzie

      I find him sexy knowing that he has a wild side.

  • yyyaz

    David "Babbling" Brooks is on the PBS feed. Barf.

    • zwoits

      voMitt

    • fuflans

      better than matt fucking continetti who replaced him on npr tonight.

      gross.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      I hate his "aw shucks," "who me?" routine.
      And also that his son idolizes Boner(!).

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    In an alternate universe, Pat Buchanan is delivering his twentieth State of the Confederacy.

    • Fare la Volpe

      "Tonight I've been asked to address 'The Negro Problem…'"

    • iburl

      To an all-aryan congress?

    • Loaded_Pants

      In a retirement community, Pat Buchanan is delivering his twentieth State of the Confederacy.

      Fixed.

  • Terry

    Gabrielle Giffords looks great.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      yeah!

  • KathrynSane

    Say what you want about how shitty this country is–Gabrielle Giffords looks great and it's amazing that she's there.

    Gabby for Prez? I'm sure she still has a bigger brain than all the GOP candidates combined.

    • NellCote71

      . . . Bigger brain? Goes without saying. And integrity, guts and determination.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Boehner looking like he either needs a smoke or buff the bishop.

  • Barb

    I wonder if anyone will have the ballz to shout out, "you lie!"

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Gabby Giffords to anyone talking about how murderous rhetoric is "just words"?

      • Barb

        I upfist you for that.

  • philpjfry

    Which will be the first Republican/supreme court justice to do something attentiuon grabbing and totaly humiliating. If they actualy felt shame. Cocksuckers all of 'em

    • Fare la Volpe

      That is a spurious insult against cocksuckers, a group of people with grace and skill deserving of our admiration.

      • philpjfry

        You are absolutely right. My appology to honest cocksuckers everywhere

    • finallyhappy

      who yelled no,no?

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Well, OK, a glimpse of Gabby Giffords and I'm turning weepy already.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    How about a drink for every time our President adopts Republican framing and/or talking points?
    ~

    • Diabeetis

      I think I'd die from alcohol poisoning.

  • Barb

    Liz honey, tell them to RELEASE THE HOUNDS! Our minds are on fire with blogging knowledge.

  • Terry

    At times like this, you really miss Trafficant's thrift store leisure suits. Not much else about him to miss other than his wigs.

  • http://www.marinmaven.com marinmaven

    Rep. Doug Lamborn (R- Colorado) says he isn't going to the State of the Union tonight.

    You know who else isn't going to be watching the State of the Union?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Ted Bundy?

    • Barb

      Stevie Wonder?

    • Limeylizzie

      Blind Lemon Jefferson?

    • Loaded_Pants

      Dubya Bush?

      Reagan?

    • mannacler

      Usama Bin Laden.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Osama bin Laden. Name Check, motherfuckas.

      • SorosBot

        Oh win.

      • http://www.marinmaven.com marinmaven

        The B-Bear FTW.

  • philpjfry

    Why is weasel face Cantor right behind the President?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Sniffing farts… I hope.

      • philpjfry

        I was thinmking that but didn't want to say it. Thank you.

      • NellCote71

        But if he is behind Obama, it would unicorn, rainbow kind of farts.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Oh oh. There's that little puke Cantor.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Little puke? Don't you know he's a major puke in the House?

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        I stand corrected.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I have this fear of Michele Bachmann jumping out and putting a strangle hold on Hopey that no one can break.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      2 l's would kick her ass.

    • Beowoof

      A succubus of republican hate.

  • SorosBot

    I do love the enthusiasm of some of the House Democrats here. Also Brian Williams' blather is boring.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Turn to MSNBC. You can fap to Maddow and Sharpton's dulcet tones.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    OT, but this is my first liveblog. I can't do the debates, cuz every time one of those fuckers opens his mouth, they say something that makes me so angry it takes 3 days to calm down. Can't afford the therapy, frankly.

  • Terry

    My elderly father called to make sure I'm watching because he's hoping this speech really pisses off the Republicans.

    • Angry_Marmot

      If only.

    • HistoriCat

      The State of the Union speech is being delivered by a Negro and a Democrat. Of course it will piss off the Republicans.

  • EdFlintstone

    I bet Alito skipped out this year.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Did Hopey just shake his hand?

    • BarackMyWorld

      I think they said only 5 Justices were there.

    • Beowoof

      He has some important fapping to do.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Hey, that one lady in the audience looks like Hillary Clinton! Whatever happened to her, I wonder…

    • Terry

      She's gone back to her hairstyle from her days in Arkansas.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I love Barry! That was beautiful.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Giffords!! Hugs!!

  • Barb

    Awwww, ((((huggles))) for Gabby and Bammers.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Oh my, there is something in my eye…

  • SorosBot

    And that hug; just let me wipe a tear from my eye here.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Well I've got Brain Williams again (I get NBC and ION).

    Don't hate me if I switch to Criminal Minds reruns from the real thing in D.C.

    Last night was kind of rough.
    ~

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Awww, look at Hopey hugging Gabby.

  • yyyaz

    The hug from Ruth Bader Ginsburg was heartening.

    • Limeylizzie

      I know that was so sweet, I bet she loathes Alito and the other bastards.

  • philpjfry

    You know, Gabby is gorgeous

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      She is completely adorable.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I really hope Nancy's back up there behind him at next year's speech.

    • MissNancyPriss

      me too

    • fuflans

      from your mouth to god's ear.

  • Barb

    Bammers just handed Boehner a large envelope. I hope there is a pink slip in there and an x-ray of his shriveled liver. "You're fired and it looks like God is about to fire you, too"

    • NellCote71

      Hey, Boner is a jobz creator. Think of all the unemployed tanning salon operators if he were to leave.

    • Beowoof

      Ah the revenge of all those Barclay cigarettes and bourbon.

  • PlanetWingNut

    Why was Eric Cantor behind Obama…besides licking his shoes like the dog he is…

  • Fare la Volpe

    Stand up, you turds.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Orange speaks1

    • Fare la Volpe

      IT LIVES!!!

      • Angry_Marmot

        Imitation of Life.

  • BarackMyWorld

    My new nickname for Boehner:
    Honey Glazed Ham.

    • Barb

      I call him "the morphine drip"

  • Wadisay

    Somebody yell at Boehner that he lies.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      On a tanning bed!

  • philpjfry

    How it must kill Boner to say it is an honor to present the President. Good I hope he chokes

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    The orange speaks..

  • Terry

    Has Joe Biden been visiting the tanning salon along with Boehner?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      No, Prez. Hopey is making them both look weird.

  • SorosBot

    Troops home from Iraq, yay!

  • Fare la Volpe

    Maybe it's just my shitty TV, but Joe, Barry, and Johnny are working the full spectrum of orange tonight.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Yes! I see it!

      My theory: Barry's got a new Cheeto Bath, and Boner's willing to put partisan differences aside to get some of that bronzin' bubblins.

  • Barb

    Biden is still awake. *drink*

    • Terry

      He's daydreaming about his Camaro to stay awake

      • NellCote71

        Or the puppy he was sporting around inaugural time, cute little German Shepherd.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Over/under on how long into the speech before Obama bro-ices Boehner?

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Biden looks weepy.

    • Fare la Volpe

      He met Gabby just before. You'd be weepy too.

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Well, you told me!

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Ray Odierno is one mean looking mofo.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Why is the NPR audio feed for these things always a half-second behind the TV? (Probly something to do with the speed of sound, I don't "get" science…)

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      It's the tubes.

      • Fare la Volpe

        What does this have to do with the internet?

  • SorosBot

    I got Osama, bitches; remember that!

    • ThundercatHo

      Drink! Plus Tollee Bon, love it

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    That's right! I said it! Osama, bitches!

    • SorosBot

      Jinx!

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Buy me a Coke!

  • Terry

    Osama bin Laden sleeps with the fishes, bipartisan cheering

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Killed by blah, doesn't count.

  • AlterNewt

    If he says 'moving forward' or 'meet half way' or anything about 'people telling their stories' I'm going to….well…I'm going to be very sad.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Boehner's hair looks like the product of a 3D printer.

    • Terry

      I was thinking it looks like plasticine clay.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I like how he says Tolly-bon and Pock-iston. Correct pronunciation.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    "The War on Iraq made us safer and more respected around the world."

    DRINK! Republican framing and talking point. And a lie.

    Sorry, folks, but I can't handle this war glorification b.s.

    Peace!
    ~

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    FOX Headline: Obama calls for Military Dictatorship!

  • yyyaz

    In your ugly orange face, Mr. Speaker.

  • iburl

    Boner is tearing up with shame… only 2 minutes in…:)

    • Terry

      Eh, he's just wondering if eating six Activias today was really a good idea.

      • iburl

        "Ac-tivíaaaaa!"

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Osama??? Obama??? I'm confused!

  • KathrynSane

    I love how his voice oh-so-slightly quavered in apprehension while saying "We can do this! I know we can!" Oh, Bammz.

  • ejcsanfran

    So, I guess we're just going to pretend the whole "urinating on dead bodies" video doesn't exist…

    • Loaded_Pants

      Why must you piss on the SOTU address?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    No wars, but lotz of Afghan Weddings to bomb!!!

  • Barb

    Bammers Grandpa was in Patton's Army? Kenya had a Patton too?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Awful, yet funny, and almost *never* tasteless. How dya do it, dammit.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Rednecks: "You liar your grandparents were in Africa!"

  • GlowneyHouse

    You can almost see the thought balloon over Boehner's head with a martini glass being filled.

  • MissNancyPriss

    how hard would it be for someone to plunge a tiny syringe of something into the flabby shoulder ofna scalia or an alito?

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Scalito. They've become one.

      • MissNancyPriss

        HA!

  • RavenRant

    Obama wants us to follow the troops' example. Does this mean I can piss on Republicans?

  • Limeylizzie

    I wish he would just turn around and bitch slap Boner.

    • Fare la Volpe

      With his dick.

      • Limeylizzie

        or yours.

        • SorosBot

          What do you have against Fare here?

          • Limeylizzie

            I like the idea of Volpe just swinging his, doubtless, enormous member at Boners face.

          • Fare la Volpe

            doubtless, enormous member

            You know me so well.

  • JackObin

    The state of the union: obese and vacuous.

  • Wadisay

    …triumphed over fascism…

    GOP boos.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Working together? Wow, is he ever divisive.

  • ThundercatHo

    Vets and Middle Class, WWII grandparents. Drink and bong hit

  • Fare la Volpe

    Fox headline: OBAMA ADVOCATES SOCIALIST "FAIRNESS" PLAN

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    But rules don't apply to billionaires!

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      What's that? You must mean "Job Creators!"

  • philpjfry

    In other words a world without republicans

  • Limeylizzie

    Fair share, fair play, fair bunch of cunts on the other side of the aisle.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Conservatives: "He just went from real warfare to class warfare!"

  • Barb

    I hope Bammers and Biden had a double helping of Senate bean soup and Boehner just has to sit there and take it. You think those Navy SEALS were silent but deadly?

  • SorosBot

    The American economic promise was great – until Reagan and the Bushes destroyed it. While this country has gotten a great deal better since the 50s in terms of minority rights and personal liberty, it's gotten much worse for economic equality.

    • HistoriCat

      I'm beginning to think those conditions are related. Were wealthier people more willing to pay taxes before the result were directly benefitting blah people?

      • SorosBot

        I think it's more that poor white racists became more willing to get fucked in favor of the rich once benefits started helping blah people too.

  • proudgrampa

    Fair share, fair shot, same set of rules!!!

    You tell 'em, Mr. President!

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Joe Biden's tie is doing evil visual-distortion things on my old TV. Not that you yuppies with HD sets would know…

    • finallyhappy

      I have that- Husband is watching something DVR'd on the good big TV

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Yeah, Hopey! Address that fuckin income inequality. "everybody plays by the same rules". This means you, Mittens!

  • iburl

    You Cry! (Preferably yelled at Boner by an outgoing-nothing-to-lose-congresswoman Giffords)

  • Fare la Volpe

    Yay jobs!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    OH NOESSSSSSSS
    FACTS!!!!!!

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Konservative Kryptonite!

  • Limeylizzie

    Millions of jobs, fuck you Mittens and your lies.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Remember…Any mention of anything that happened prior to Jan. 2009 is just him blaming Bush.

  • SorosBot

    OK I couldn't possibly keep up with the Wonkette drinking rules at this part.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    New Rules!

  • Limeylizzie

    Look at Boner's face, he is loaded.

  • Radiotherapy

    I so miss the Pelosi blink count.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Job creation. More tearing our country apart.

  • AlterNewt

    He's going to do magic tricks. I just know it.

  • BarackMyWorld

    His mention of "new rules" reminds me I'd rather be watching Bill Maher. Thanks, Barry.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    GIVE IT TO 'EM, BAMMAZ! MAKE IT HURT!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      None lube for sure.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I'm loving this Repugly ass-reaming.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Damn. Barry brought an extra helping of sack tonight.

  • philpjfry

    What is Bohenor thinking about? He is obviously not listening

    • BarackMyWorld

      Honey glazed hams?

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Soaked in gin!

  • OurHoboSenator

    John Kerry, dude, that's why you wear a cage if you aren't getting paid to play hockey…

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Did I just hear heckling?

    • finallyhappy

      me too- or is our crappy TVs?

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Yeah, I heard that as well. Classless motherfuckers.

  • SorosBot

    Nice underhanded jab at the Republican deregulation plans.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Never again. NEVER.

  • Wadisay

    I wish Barry would have lit up a Lucky after the part about fighting obstruction with action.

  • ThundercatHo

    Fight obstruction with action(Jackson). Somebody's getting laid tonight!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Presume you are talking about the movie rather than the for real 300 lb dude that met a very sorry end in a Chicago slaughterhouse.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Barry, bring up that ENTIRE AUTO INDUSTRY that you rescued. Do it again. It pleases me.

  • ejcsanfran

    What is this "manufacturing" he speaks of..?

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Sorry, I still like my Mazda. *blasphemy*

  • Terry

    Some even said we should let the auto industry die? He's talking about YOU Mittens.

  • proudgrampa

    GM. Yay!!

    • Terry

      I was hoping her refer to Deeetroit City.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Boehner looks like he wishes he hadn't drank that last half-bottle of bourbon before the State Of The Union address.

    Sleep or Barf? Both? CSPAN has hi-def now, so make a show of it.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    I really want to see a GM line worker ask at one of the R debates: So, why do you think America would be better off if my employer had folded?

  • SorosBot

    And of course, gah, there were some boos from the back of the chamber when he talks about how well the auto bailout worked.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Biden's tie could cause a seizure

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Vertigo tie

  • PlanetWingNut

    lIMEY he's loaded when he doesnt have anything to drink as in full of ______

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    I've got Twitter open on another tab and Benincasa's practically melting. Bamz must be doing good.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Wow, Joe Biden just passed a really big fart.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Just imagine, if you will, Newt doing the SOTU.

    • Fare la Volpe

      *blork*

    • OurHoboSenator

      Ugh, where is the downfist when I need it?

    • littlebigdaddy

      The word "wheedling" comes to mind.

    • BarackMyWorld

      What's sad is that there was a point while he was Speaker he actually tried being gracious to the Democrats in speeches a few times.

    • Terry

      A boring lecture focusing on the high esteem in which holds himself. The rest will be a flurry of lies.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You're not gonna get a whole lotta pee points making yourfellow Wonketteerz sick like this.

  • Barb

    "We bet on American workers" Yes, because in 2008, we bet on black!

    • Fare la Volpe

      And in 2010, Repubs bet on orange.

    • Limeylizzie

      Fuck I hope the loss of uterus doesn't take away your snark.

      • orygoon

        That's not where I keep mine. Well, not any more.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Someone remind later to post the chart I made comparing the unemployment rate under Obama to the unemployment rate under Pres. Reagan.

  • Negropolis

    We will not go back!

    Tell 'em. Oh, and thanks for the shout out to Detroit, Mr. President. We do appreciate it.

    Romney win Michigan? Yeah fuckin' Right.

  • savethispatient

    Programming note: "Some people said" = "Romney said".

  • Fare la Volpe

    Yeah, it makes sense to bring jobs back home because Americans are desperate enough to work at Chinese wages.

    • littlebigdaddy

      I would work at the wages of a Tong boss or maybe a Shanghai real estate developer.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I don't think I get the channel that this debate is on. I'll just watch this to get a good idea of how the debate is going.

  • SorosBot

    An yay, unions!

  • littlebigdaddy

    Of course if Barry is too good, it will undermine Newt's argument that he can beat Bammers in a debate, which is bad.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Sadly, some people think winning a debate doesn't mean being more convincing, but just talking louder and sounding like the biggest asshole.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Millwaukee!
    Drink!

  • Terry

    Has John Kerry been in a pub brawl?

    • Negropolis

      Close, a hockey brawl.

      • Terry

        Maybe Teresa has taken up kickboxing

  • Wadisay

    Master Lock is bringing jobs back home.

    A silver lining on high rates of incarceration.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Ha!

    • snackypants

      Or daytime burglaries.

  • rocktonsam

    Master Lock is back because stealing is back too

  • GlowneyHouse

    Wow. Rough look for Kerry. Don't mess with those Heinz women.

  • Limeylizzie

    Pay the taxes you bastards!!!!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    ZOMG, he is pounding the FUCK out of the Repuglythugs. Please oh pleez oh pleez.

  • ThundercatHo

    What was that? Unionized plant in Milwaukee, Wisconsin? Fuck you Scott Walker

  • SorosBot

    Corporations paying their fair share of taxes? Swoon.

  • philpjfry

    Yay Barry

  • Terry

    Republicans: not fond of the whole "bringing jobs home" thing

    • iburl

      What about the human rights of these Multi-National Corporations?

  • Negropolis

    2012 is going to be a good year.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Obama is in Lock step with his corporate Masters, eh?

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Damn, I do believe he's figured out what to do about offshoring and taxes that will make the 99% cream their fucking jeans.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I have a pair of fucking jeans. Show off my ass real nice.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        That's because you have a real nice ass, hon.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Look at the Congressional jack-in-the-boxes.

    Applause line
    SPROING!
    Applause line
    SPROING!

  • WinterOuthouse

    Biden is scratching like he's got lice

    • GlowneyHouse

      They're called "Veep Cooties"

  • AlterNewt

    This would be a really good time to steal silverware at The White house.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Oooh, Widdle Eric looks pissy.

    • orygoon

      He always looks pissy.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I swear. He's pooping his pants as we speak.

      Can you imagine what that's doing to his frilly silks?

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Rewarding job creators. Fuckin' Boehner and Cantor hate that idea now.

  • OurHoboSenator

    LOLCantor

  • philpjfry

    Cantor, looking more and more like a weasel

    • flamingpdog

      MUSTELID LIBEL!!!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Eric Cantor just shit his pants. He's wearing that "What is that SMELL?" look.

    • Fare la Volpe

      He looks like a ticked off patron at the Olive Garden: "I asked for creamy marinara and what you brought me is watery tomato."

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        AAAGH!!! Yowza! That's awful, fare. Just awful.

  • proudgrampa

    American jobs for Americans! That's the America I love!

  • Limeylizzie

    Cantor looks especially peeved.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      No shit, hahahaha, so to speak.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      It's his "time of the term".

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        snort!

  • Negropolis

    Obama should just cold stop his speech, point at Cantor, and yell "Get out. Get the hell out!" And then watch as the seargent at arms walk him out with so much quietness you could hear a mouse piss on the House floor.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I hate Eric Cantor so much it makes me mad at myself. I HATE him. HAAAAATE.

      • Negropolis

        I hate him with the heat of a thousand Chris Christie farts.

        • fuflans

          yes

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Imported from Detroit. Take that, bitches!

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Kerry looks like a Praying Mantis hit the windshield.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Must've been a wind surfing accident.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      WTH happened to his face?

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    New markets – ooh, that's a bit internationalist, isn't it?

  • Soylent Green

    oooooo – Cantor is so upset about that jerbs-in-america thing. what a puss.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Chinese pirates. Naughty

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Eric Cantor will only allow incentives for American manufacturing if they're offset in cuts to disaster aid.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Come on Cantor. Clap. It will feel good. Try it. You can do it.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      It'll kill him, trust me.

      • MissNancyPriss

        I read that as "I'll kill him, trust me" and felt a tiny leap in my heart.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I'm sorry, hon, I has Teh Gimpitude. But if he gets close enough, I promise to wap him with my hiking stick.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Oh cool! Is it all carved with inscrutable runes and inscriptions?

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Republicans: groan we want lead in our shit!

  • Negropolis

    This pounding on the economy is going to win us this election. I'm loving this shit.

  • SorosBot

    Now I'm sure I'm down with this trade war stuff.

  • SkinnyNerd

    Is that duct tape in that binder, or is every single page inside one of the plastic things?

  • BarackMyWorld

    ENFORCING LAWS OMG MOAR GOVERMENT PROGRUMS AND MOAR SPENDING!!!!

  • orygoon

    The ideas of jobs and level playing fields obviously give Boehner a sad.

  • GlowneyHouse

    But the playing fields have NEVER been level. And we have worked very hard to keep them that way

  • Fare la Volpe

    Hehe, "Siemen's."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Ar. Ar, ar, ar.

  • Limeylizzie

    Jackie should have dashed to the beauty shop before coming.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Be nice…

      • Limeylizzie

        Sorry. I'll try.

    • ThundercatHo

      That's just what I said to Mr. THo I mean , c'mon nat'l TV and sitting next to FLOTUS

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Detroit is noooooot doing so well, Barry.

    But they just signed Prince Fielder for like $200 million so things are looking up.

  • SorosBot

    Siemens – that brings back memories. Also Siemens, giggle.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Hey! Siemans is hiring!

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    So, what, to sit next to Michelle all I gotta do is go to voc-ed classes? NOW you tell me….

  • savethispatient

    Isn't Germany more productive and also works fewer hours and has real vacation time?

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      SHUSH! FACTS!

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Republicans: skills = job? wha?

  • philpjfry

    Barry speaks so well, and says such intelegent, reasonable things, how can the repubs NOT clap?

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Huh-huh…he said semens

  • Terry

    I'm not sure I want two million Americans trained to use frickin' lasers.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Just think of all the new business opportunities for eye surgeons and burn units!

      • Terry

        I'm more worried about them trying to install them on sharks

    • OurHoboSenator

      If the Repubs win in November, Medicare will pay for lasers mounted on Hoverounds for all the teabaggers.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Businesses like semens?

  • WinterOuthouse

    Fucking boner has darker skin than our POTUS. WTF?

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I have to pee and make another martini.

    • Fare la Volpe

      At the same time?

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Yep. You should see me at parties.

  • flamingpdog

    Educate people?? They can all join the Army: Newt

    • Fare la Volpe

      They can all get jobs as "historians."

  • SorosBot

    Great, the President's telling everyone they need to watch Community! Get the word out!

    (Wait, what's that you said he really meant…?)

  • littlebigdaddy

    Boner is clapping like he forgot Barry is blah.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    My gawd, he's knocking this fucker out of the park!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Clappity clap!

    Joe, don't talk back.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    He's right with vocational community college stuff. Not every kid is going to be an exec and people have to fucking deal with that.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Best Republican nomination acceptance speech evah.

    • Negropolis

      Huh?

  • PuckStopsHere

    Is Tim Thomas in the house tonight?

  • SkinnyNerd

    Based on what I have been seeing, it seems like we spend less than 1% on education.

  • Barb

    "Teachers matter" Newt married his math teacher.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    He is swinging it like Eddie Murphy's Dexter St. Jacques.

  • SorosBot

    As both the son and brother of teachers, I'm loving this part.

  • Limeylizzie

    Ha, fuck you Wisconsn union busting arseholes.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Holding my nose while he discusses teachers' challenges.. Ugh, if he says 'merit pay' I'll choke on my beverage.

  • flamingpdog

    Stop teaching to the test?? Dubya just dumped a load.

  • e_z

    What the hell does Eric Cantor have in his mouth to cause him to look that way?

    • PlanetWingNut

      its called Bile

    • Fare la Volpe

      Zombie Reagan's jizz. Very bitter.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I wish it was my fist.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Koch, of course.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Why did he add the "or turn 18" part? He was going so well.

  • SlunkyPete

    Mandatory high school, yikes!

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Arizona will have tons of 18 year old ninth graders.

    • flamingpdog

      Mississippi will have tons of 18 year old third graders.

    • Terry

      As opposed to the tons of 18 year old fifth graders they have now?

  • philpjfry

    Hurray for Barry. And Fuck those asshole who don't agree with him

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Obama wants to take the profit out of student loans! Shouldn't lenders be able to repossess students?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Sallie Mae, is now adding an "unemployment penalty". If you can't pay cuz you're out of work, they charge you an extra $150 every 3 months.

  • proudgrampa

    Keep kids in High School??!?? What is this, Russia?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Well, who would clean those high schools otherwise?

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Al Franken! I hope he's sitting next to a Republican and whispering "your candidate will lose" repeatedly.

    • Limeylizzie

      How fabulous would that be?

  • SorosBot

    Lower interest rates on student loans; this part actually still affects me so I'm listening.

  • iburl

    Top 10 things that the Republicans wish they could pull out of their pockets right now…

    10. Twitter enabled phone
    9. Earplugs
    8. Weaponry
    7. Rentboy.com enabled phone

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      6. iPhone with Grindr app

    • Fare la Volpe

      5. The Cone vibrator.

  • philpjfry

    I can't wait to hear how the republicans think all this is a dumb idea.

    • finallyhappy

      first keeping kids in school keeps those elementary school kids from working with the janitor

  • Beowoof

    Holy shit, next thing you know he will want kids to know stuff before they get a diploma.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Making kids go to school is slavery. Who will become the janitors?

  • SorosBot

    Keep college costs down? But then how will they afford the $5,000,000 salary for their football coaches?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Same way they do now – nutbar alums who will spend that for football but not a dime on humanities.

    • ThundercatHo

      Dont even get me started

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      That's *their* problem, innit?

  • CHUDster_Arthur

    "Those who do not walk the stage, dance the pole. And those who dance the pole, ride the dragon."

  • Limeylizzie

    I have the hope back , shame I can't vote.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I'll vote for ya!

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Amen to that lizzie.

      Also too me neither. Oh well.

    • philpjfry

      me too, what a speech filled with such great ideas

  • Come here a minute

    State of the Union?

    C A P S

    W I N ! ! ! !

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Many students face another challenge: They can't be janitors.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    They probably want to go home.

  • Limeylizzie

    Hennnnnngh.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    McCain sits like a toad.

  • Negropolis

    Barry just said he's done his job on immigration within the confines of this horrible and narrow law, now it's time for them to make things better.

  • shrillharpy

    Build the dang wall!

  • Beowoof

    Grumps McCain looks like he just filled his pants.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Rick Perry just gave an inadvertent happy-burp at the mention of "Boots on the border"

  • BarackMyWorld

    "Boots on the Border" sounds like the name of a Mexican restaurant.

    • Negropolis

      Tex-Mex, which is the bastard child of Mexican and "American" food.

      • BarackMyWorld

        Point taken.

        • Negropolis

          Yeah, just sayin' that any Mexican worth his or her salt would never name their restaurant that. lol

    • Fare la Volpe

      I was thinking a Texarkana strip club.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    McCain is such an old bitter bridge troll.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    That shit McCain just couldn't get himself to stand for something he supports.

  • PlanetWingNut

    NOTICE JOHN MCCAIN NOT STANDING UP??? BASTARD

  • Limeylizzie

    Double Hennnnnnnngh.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    No jobs lowers illegal immigration. Genius.

  • SorosBot

    DREAM Act yay.

  • Wadisay

    I am glad he isn't going down the self-deportation road.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Ugh.

  • Terry

    Educating immigrant kids, oh, the GOPers will get right on that

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Fuckin' Republicunts are howling crazy about Latinos and immigration. Booing and howling.

    • Terry

      At the same time their party is wondering why they aren't more popular with Hispanic voters…

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      and yet then they try to court the Latino vote

  • WinterOuthouse

    The ladies luv the Bammers

  • SorosBot

    Pay women the same? But they don't have penises; that's crazy talk!

  • Beowoof

    Women get equal pay, did any republicans stand?

    • Terry

      Boehner didn't for sure

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Biden is playing his very own drinking game.

  • shrillharpy

    Who's the blonde they keep showing? What did I miss? Gah!

    • Limeylizzie

      Steve Jobs' widow.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      The Small Business Lady

    • finallyhappy

      Steve Jobs widow

  • BarackMyWorld

    I'm not down with this threatening to cut university budgets if they don't lower tuition…seems like it'd have the opposite effect. Especially when the higher tuition is because funding has already been cut so much.

  • proudgrampa

    Yay! Steve Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!

  • Negropolis

    Mr. Boehner, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    New vests that fight cancer!

  • IndianaKevin

    Both parties agree on these things; put 'em in a bill and get it on my desk this year, he says. No, Mr. Preznit, cause then you get credit, and we can't have that!

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Boehner just almost shouted "You Lie!" when Barry said put deregulation in a bill and get it on his desk this year!

  • philpjfry

    Off shore???? Oh no Barry, you were doing so well

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      He means offshore red states.

      • philpjfry

        ok then

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Newt Gingrich must be hopping mad that congress is permitted to applaud.

  • Negropolis

    Barry's just laying down the fact that he has out-Republicaned Republicans on energy exploration, so, they should sure as hell be willing to give a little on renewables.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Should?

  • PlanetWingNut

    Ricky Perry, is watching this from home saying THAT COULD HAVE BEEN MY JOB!!! MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FOR SAKEN MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Tears, I'm tellin' ya.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Mitch McConnell is a Ballchinian. That is all.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Paul Ryan: "Oh, fuck, he's stealing our best lines."

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Turtle Power!

  • FakaktaSouth

    35 expansion%? Can you get all the shit out of the water we still got down here first?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Obama's been watching the energy company commercials on MSNBC again. He sounds like one.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    America, we are fracked…

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    cleaner meaner cheaper leaner

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Fizzy fuzzy big and buzzy

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        barkeep?

  • ejcsanfran

    If you look up "douchebag" in the dictionary, there's a picture of Mitch McConnell.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Eric Cantor is full of a hundred years of natural gas.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Win

  • iburl

    Frack.

  • Terry

    Each time the camera pans across the chamber, I wonder which one of them will have their freak closet flung open next.

  • SorosBot

    Ugh no no fracking please.

  • Negropolis

    LOVE the fact that he made the distinction between natural gas and truly clean energy, 'cause frackin' ain't clean, let me tell you.

    • Loaded_Pants

      It's the sanoturm of the energy industry.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Yeah, like pumping chemical shit into the water supplies isn't going to cause problems. Don't get me started.

  • Barb

    High tech batteries! No wonder the ladies love them some Obama!

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      A boon to the remote-controlled pink dildo industry, no?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Gurl, put that wand down.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Nooooooooooooooo!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Wimminz is goin' NUTS for that man, I don't know WHUT-all they be gettin' up to next.

  • SlunkyPete

    What's all this drill baby drill stuff?

    • PlanetWingNut

      its for the vibrators that the new batteries are gonna be used in..drilling that _______

  • flamingpdog

    Developing a resource with endangering the health of our people? BURN the RIVERS, LEVEL the MOUNTAINS – the buffalo in Yellowstone need those oil rigs to rub the excess fur off of their bodies.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Fuck fracking.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Brian the wind turbine widget polisher.

  • Limeylizzie

    Boner has a pantload.

  • philpjfry

    So take that Republiassholes

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Luxury Yucks?

  • e_z

    Boners cheeks are getting flushed but his eyes are dead. A plus for him is the lip twitch thing going on. I fully expect a Lizard tongue to come whipping out to wipe his eyes, like a Ralph Steadman cartoon come to life.

  • SorosBot

    Welease Bwian!

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    HOLY SHIT! HE'S FUCKING THE OIL COMPANIES! SO SO AWESOME!

  • EdFlintstone

    Im ready for some tax smackdown
    .

  • SlunkyPete

    Brian (Droopy Dog voice) "Hello, all you happy people."

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Holy shit, end the oil industry subsidies. Dear god preserve my President.

  • SorosBot

    And yes, just fuck the oil industry; they suck.

  • SkinnyNerd

    Where has this guy been the last three years? Will he be around the rest of the year?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Seriously.

  • philpjfry

    Yayyyyy no oil subsidies. Long may Barry reign

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Are those fuckers booing renewable energy? What the hell have they got against that?

  • ejcsanfran

    Is Tim Geithner a Vulcan or a Romulan? I can never remember…

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Nice!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Romulan. Look at that face.

  • yyyaz

    Energy dissonance anyone?

  • Fare la Volpe

    Uh oh, feel the wingnut heads exploding over talk of "climate change" – that shit ain't in the Bible ya Moslem!

  • SorosBot

    "The difference in this chamber may be too great" means the Republicans have been obstructive douchebags.

  • OzoneTom

    Looked like Brian thought that his last name was mispronounced.

  • Negropolis

    YES! Presidential order for clean energy on public lands, to-fuckin'-night! Fuck drilling in Yellowstone, let's put some turbines up on that btich!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I love how he keeps saying "send me a bill that…" he's putting it right back on Congress, where it belongs.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    World's largest pighogs

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Michele Bachman will now promise to return incandescent bulbs to the Navy.

  • Terry

    Barry's putting windmills and solar panels on military bases and other public lands

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      It has to be military bases. That's the public land.

      This is genius.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    He just kicked the Pubs flat again. Oh sweet jeebus. He's got an amazing fcking idea for the energies the energies. ZOMG. (faints)

    Send me a bill! (faints again)

    • Fare la Volpe

      We're getting you a fainting couch for your birthday, m'dear.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        At this rate, I'm gonna need it darling.

  • flamingpdog

    Clean energy Navy? We can build moar ships like Mint RMoney wants – sailships!!!

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      All the Repubs' other ideas would take us back to the 18th century, might as well have the Navy do it too.

  • Wadisay

    So far, you haven't acted.

    Read: So far, you haven't acted bitches.

  • Terry

    Ruth Bader Ginsberg is asleep, bless her heart

    • AlterNewt

      This is pretty late for her to be up.

  • SkinnyNerd

    Dude, you know you can send bills to Congress, right?

  • AlterNewt

    "….and now, with your permission….a little Al Green.."

    • Terry

      Tonight, it's Barry White.

  • BarackMyWorld

    This concludes the T. Boone Pickens portion of this evening's speech.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Please excuse if this has already asked, but… What is going on with John Kerry's face? Was there an all out knock-down drag-out erupting before the cameras turned on?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Supposedly he had a "sports" accident.

    • finallyhappy

      Played hockey according to nBC

  • smashedinhat

    Heh heh, "send me a bill." The war cry. Plenty of blank faces.

    • rocktonsam

      Ha ha a black guy saying "send me a bill."

  • rocktonsam

    Whats up with the lights?

    Is jeebus there?

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    …and we still don't have one single mirror on the moon…

  • Limeylizzie

    Go Bamz.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    I'm waiting for the Republicans to start chanting, "We can't afford it. We can't afford it."

  • SorosBot

    Infrastructure! No more of T-Paw's bridge collapses please.

  • ejcsanfran

    OH JESUS! He just mentioned the HOOVER Dam. Do we really need to hear any Hoover references in an election year? Ill-advised…

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      It was a shout-out to Rachel Maddow, Queen of the Hoover Dam.

  • Limeylizzie

    He is fucking awesome tonight. They got nothing.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Except "NO!"

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I'm tellin' ya. You need to update your tagline. He's GREAT!

      Richard Cordray smiles a little smile as Hopey mentions him.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Investment is socialism. We must undo the socialist errors of the past and dismantle the Commie/ Nazi interstate highway system!

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Yay Construction! Yay Nation Building ("Right Here At Home"!)

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Executive order!
    Drink!

  • philpjfry

    Spend money at home what a concept.

  • iburl

    Gietner is such a revolting weasel.

    • Terry

      He looks like the villain from Ghostbusters.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    …and it would be great if I had a Congress that didn't cockblock me on every goddamn issue!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Home viewers throw confetti in the air.

  • Negropolis

    Government has a role in building infrastructure. Deal with it, GOP. Deal with it and like it.

    Honestly, this is his best SOTU, yet. I mean, by far. He's found his voice.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Did I just see the boner hiccup

  • BarackMyWorld

    Again: Fuck you, Mittens.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I like the "send me the bills" "put in on my desk" "DO YOUR FUCKING JOBS ASSHOLES" part of this. Kinda shuts up the "do-nothing president" nonsensical bullshit – not that it matters that it's bullshit, they'll say it anyway…I wish they'd cut to Boner actually saying the "hell no you can't thing" just for perspective

  • SkinnyNerd

    Why does Boehner have salt and pepper shakers on his desk?

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ooooh, re-fi assistance funded from bank taxation. SUPERB

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Hillary Clinton, 1993 called. They want their headbands back.

    • CountryClubJihadi

      It sparkles! Hideous.

  • flamingpdog

    Um, I've been in the environmental end of the highway business for 32 year. When I hear about "cutting red tape" in the highway construction business, I know what that means. I hope Hopey doesn't mean that.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Homeowners will not have to hit bottom. Take that Mitt, you bitch.

  • SlunkyPete

    Geithner looks like he's watching a movie about a dying collie.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    This man is the most handsome president, ever.

    • Limeylizzie

      I am more moist, vaginally, during this SOTU than any other.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Hopey is sooooo getting laid tonight. And if Michelle has a headache, he can come over to my place.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          You do realize that haf the female population of America probably has wet pants for this man, right?

          And as for the male population, they're NOT TELLING!!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "Nation-building right here at home." That's not the morally weak Barry talking.
    If I thought he'd feel like singing I'd suggest "Love Can Build a Bridge." But I doubt he knows any tunes by The Judds.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Refinance ain't principle reduction. C'mon Barry.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Nany looks good. I bet she can't wait to get the gavel

  • SorosBot

    Responsibility from the banks? Now that's crazy talk!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Tim Geithner looks like Hillary Clinton just forced a live newt down his throat. And Hillary looks like he bit her fingers.

  • Negropolis

    I tell you, the Republicans are going to be pissed when they go full spin after this speech. This is going to drive them up the fucking wall.

  • Limeylizzie

    Don't destroy the free market…ha , ha fucking ha!!!!

  • SorosBot

    Hey now Liz, there is a mission to Pluto; it'll get there in 2015.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Barry, stop reminding us how Republican you are…

  • flamingpdog

    Wait a minute – he's dumping on the buyers of toxic mortgages? Sounds like Timmeh still has Barry's ear.

  • Limeylizzie

    Ewww Droopy Dog Liberman.

  • finallyhappy

    Just saw lieberman with his lips moving (ABC)

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Lieberman looks Irish.

  • rocktonsam

    No he didn't day "no cop outs?"

  • Terry

    Fewer regulations than Dubya? Oh, burn!

  • Beowoof

    Lieberman, fuck him.

  • Negropolis

    Bad joke epic fail. lol

    EDIT: Even he knew it was bad. lol

  • philpjfry

    Barry made a joke!!!!

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    *rimshot*

  • flamingpdog

    Barry needz a new joke writer.

  • philpjfry

    Who thought that stupid rule about spilled milk was a good idea?

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    He's a MOO-slim!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Milk spill? I'm lost.

  • Wadisay

    …with a rule like that, I guess it was worth crying over spilled milk…

    Thank you, I'll be here all week. Please tip your pages.

  • philpjfry

    Stand up you republican bastards

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    turning people into bonsai trees..

    • GlowneyHouse

      Waiting to hear Cantor's version of "Kill the Poor."

  • ThundercatHo

    Barb, please, PLEASE, Barry needs some help with his jokes

  • AlterNewt

    Mitch Daniels better have strippers and a band.

  • Terry

    Don't back down! Woo hooo

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    I'm getting hot every time he says, "I will NOT back down!" How about you, Lizzie?

    • Limeylizzie

      Sorry, I had my hand down my pajama bottoms.

      • Angry_Marmot

        Pics or it didn't happen.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Y'all know EXACTLY what he means when he says "I will not go back," right?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Santorum?

  • FakaktaSouth

    Stand up and clap for this equal pussy payment shit, you hear? Also, clean food. I like clean food.

  • Beowoof

    Why there was big bad John from Texass. Fuck him too.

  • Terry

    That is a big assed fake flower on that woman's sweater

  • WinterOuthouse

    Those republitards sure don't like Hopey.

    • Terry

      Good.

    • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

      He's stealing all their good ideas.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        What good ideas?

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    In other news, an epaulet on Maxine Waters' dress metastasized, devouring her entire shoulder.

    • Negropolis

      ROTFLMAO!

      Shelia Jackson Lee is also in something that looks like she was in a car crash.

  • Negropolis

    We are not bailing you out ever again. Tell 'em.

    Your ass has been kicked off the gravy train, you fuckers.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Al Franken, Elder Statesman. Whoda thunk?

  • So Tired

    Isn't that the same lighting from The Blues Brothers? When they knew they were on a mission from Gawd?

  • OurHoboSenator

    Woo! Richard Cordray! OHIO!

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Richard Cordray looks like Kenneth from 30 Rock.

    • Negropolis

      LOL! I knew he looked familiar. Just couldn't place the face. You are SO right.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Recess appointment, bitches.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    CSI: Wall Street

  • philpjfry

    Did they boo cordray?

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    It would be great if congress would actually pass any of these ideas.

    • philpjfry

      They might if people got their heads out of their ass and demanded it

  • rocktonsam

    haha, special unit

  • littlebigdaddy

    Biden is totally texting.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      POS: president over shoulder.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Cordray! Take that recess appointment, McConnell, and shove it up your ass.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Oh, die Eric Cantor.

  • Limeylizzie

    Cantor is chewing his lip, at least it's Kosher.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Oh yeah, Newtron would win a debate with Hopey. Riiiight.

  • philpjfry

    Cantor you weasel, I hope you choke on your spleen

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Ooh, that vinegar-faced little Eric Cantor is a total fucking weasel.

    PASS THE PAYROLL TAX CUT he says!

  • Terry

    CNN is having caption issues, that or Holder is now going by the name Kathleen Sebilius

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Did he have the operation yet?

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      I always thought of him as a 'Kathleen'.

  • Beowoof

    Eric Cantor applauding like he just heard Boehner has the clap.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Cantor needs to feed a cat to the ATM soon.

  • Negropolis

    He smiled. My god, he smiled! WTF?! Barry broke his raggedy ass.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Cantor looked like he was kinda smitten with the tall American president.

  • Terry

    Repeal the goddamn tax cuts.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      And how!

  • SkinnyNerd

    Do not forget Mitt.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Nice touch, busing in Warren's secretary like that.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Cantor is thinking of what evil he can attach to the payroll tax cut.

  • Beowoof

    Sticking it up Mitt's ass with no lube right now, awesome.

  • Limeylizzie

    Mitch Daniels, oh you are this year's Bobby Jindal.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      He has even less charisma. How'd they get him to agree to do it?

      ("As soon as we get rid of Newt, you're in, dude.")

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    And a certain unnamed R candidate…

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    OMG, he just took a poke at the millionaires in Congress! YEAH!

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    nooooooo! not fair share of taxes!!

  • Negropolis

    Yes. Equalizing the rate for those that make money on money, and those that make money on working. 'Bout damned time.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Gee, I wonder who he's talking about.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    GO BAMMAZ!

    98% no new taxes, top 2% in the ass. Do it. Do it.

  • Terry

    Coburns thinks millionaires should pay more taxes? Does he know this?

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    We could pay off the deficit if we simply got all those poors to turn in their cell phones.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    The Warren Buffett/Screw Mitt Romney Rule

  • shrillharpy

    Oh, he's nailin' it! Get 'em, Hopey!

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Heh…he said "blow'

  • SkinnyNerd

    Is somebody seriously transcribing this speech? Dude, just stick a flash drive in that teleprompter.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    For some reason, I sometimes sit around trying to figure out which repub is the most despicable. Cantor rises to the top regularly.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He should. He's shit.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Every time he says, "Send me a bill," some people pee their pants.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Inside traders are people, my friend

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Fck me, he's getting a standing ovation for asking for a bill to stop congress from insider trading. Attacking bundlers and lobbyists.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Send me a bill that we fucking agree on.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      and don't tie it to that fucking pipeline

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Like the worthless fucking weasels that you are.

        Sorry.

  • IndianaKevin

    He keeps saying "send me a bill" He'd better have American Express.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    uh, DVR just autotuned to "Tori & Dean." We're going to have to review our recorded shows list.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Holy shit, attacking the filibuster? That's blasphemy!

  • Negropolis

    Ha! Like the Senate is going to change its rules. Even Barry knows that ain't gonna happen. That's why he almost laughed through his teeth.

  • FakaktaSouth

    STOP BEING REASONABLE WITH THESE PEOPLE. STOP IT. Call out Cantor by name. I think it should be illegal for YOU ERIC CANTOR to short sell America and then implement policies to ensure our downfall.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    'Perpetual campaign of mutual destruction" FTW.

  • Terry

    How old is Patrick Leahy? He has looked exactly the same for as long as I can remember. Was he born balding and grey haired?

  • Negropolis

    LOL! He's falling off, a bit. Going back into the bipartisan bullshit with an opposition that is quite literally insane.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Shit'll never change, Barry–people making too much dough.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Oooh, threat – "with or without this congress"

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Occupy Congress.

      • Angry_Marmot

        Occupy hell, quarantine Congress.

  • Terry

    Breaking news: Republicans like pork projects for their home districts

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Smart? Effective? Congress?!! Get the fuck outta here.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Stand up and applaud you fucking Republican weasels he just said love America.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Ahem. Blah.

  • Negropolis

    Nancy is looking good, tonight.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    One thing that would help: During all House or Senate votes, play the National Anthem

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      NO!! NOT CLAW-PLAGH!

  • BerkeleyBear

    Did Hilary have a stroke? She looks bad.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      She looked better like 10 minutes ago. She must be one of them Democrat Witch Shapeshifters.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    We have always been at war with Syriania.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Oh-oh. Assad's gonna get it.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Oh, fuck that guy.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        No, thanks!

  • SkinnyNerd

    Human dignity cannot be denied . . . except if you want to protest in the US.

  • littlebigdaddy

    I really wonder why there is not a move afoot as with George Washington ("he'll kick you apart") to make Barry king. He is the most effective president since FDR, and is a better speaker. Maybe because he's blah?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Well — YEAH.

  • ThundercatHo

    Can we get Hills some extreme makeover action?

    • CountryClubJihadi

      There needs to be a rule/equation about headbands and jowls.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Hey! He's pronouncing furrin names all correct and shit. He's a muslin/socialist/communist/anti colonnialist!111!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Yup. Yeppers.

  • Negropolis

    Booo! Let's leave the Dubya shit in the past, okay?

  • GlowneyHouse

    Yep. Start the speech with war, end with war. War, and more war.

  • MosesInvests

    Does someone have a vuvuzela in there?

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      I think you're right. I heard that as well.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I don't know, but there are a few vulvas in the room.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Er … in *where,* exactly.

  • Terry

    "Safe guard the rights of Christians, Muslims, and Jews.". The rest of y'all are out of luck.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I will pray to my pantheon of gods and goddesses about that.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Iran rah! That got old Liebs to stand up and grudgingly golf clap.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Oh god, bamz. don't even talk about invading Iran.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Schumer likes that. (the quintessential Jew or something? why do they keep focusing?)

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    YAY ISRAEL

    yawn

    I still don't understand America's boner for Israel

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      It is baffling. Is everybody afraid to confront the evangelists about their condescending "love" of Israel and her people when they really think Jews will go to hell? Do we still feel guilty about world war II?

  • MosesInvests

    America is back! I love it!

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Wait, I thought he just apologized all the time and shit.

  • Graham Cracker

    Been trying to ignore the elephant(s) in the room all evening.

  • ThundercatHo

    Was this guy just recently treated for Low T?

  • Negropolis

    Okay, Barry, you're wavering, here. Time to say something nice about Gabby and close this out before you let us down.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Ah, a bit of Veterans stuff. So now it's time to close it out.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Mark Kelly knows he's badass.

  • MosesInvests

    Oooh-subtle reference to DADT repeal.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Yay! Gay! FINALLY! It really doesn't matter! Okay I just got choked up, I admit it.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Yah. YEAH!!

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    …they were all Republicans.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Unfortunately, the flag is heavily redacted for security purposes.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Oh noes! He said something nice about teh gayz!

  • Angry_Marmot

    McConnell looks taxidermied. Taxidermied, not stuffed– getting stuffed might change that expression on his face.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Ooh, a metaphor! Shiny!

    (OK, actually, it really works, too… positively Jed Bartlettesque)

  • Negropolis

    McCraven has the beadiest of beady, little eyes. lol

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Powerful Orator Mode!!!

  • Negropolis

    What, no shout-out to Gabby's service? Seriously?

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Seriously! How the hell did he miss that?

  • littlebigdaddy

    Actually, the best political speech of my lifetime. Maybe too good.

    • MosesInvests

      Too good?

      • littlebigdaddy

        It plays into the idea that Barry talks a good game but doesn't deliver. (Complete nonsense, as American politics is completely symbolic).

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      If even HALF of it could come true.

  • PlanetWingNut

    now how will the repuhblicans spin this into shit?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      So far their Top Sekrit Paln is not working so very well.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Now come on rebuttal-tards and lie about everything he said, say what you want without any regard for what his words were, lie lie lie with a sneer on your derisive, bitter, evil faces – after all this positivity, come on dickwads – be who you are.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Why didn't they have Marcus Bachmann do a "prebuttal." Get it? Get it?!

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    That was a truly stunning speech. I might not agree with everything in it (e.g. wrt energy) but that delivery and conviction was amazing. It really shows up the truly pedestrian nature of the current crop of Repub candidates.

    Loving the "no new taxes on the 98% but the 2% are paying more" theme.

  • SorosBot

    Man this just kept growing and growing well after the new thread started.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Mitch Daniels said we're a nation of "Haves, & Soon To Haves". What nation does he live in? Can I come?

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Jeez, Mitch Daniels sounds like an old commie with all his talk of reforming taxes so Rich People don't buy as many yachts. What's the deal, Republicans? Don't you like YACHT JOBS?

  • PlanetWingNut

    as much as i hate republican politicians i hate republican voters more…just too much stupid.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Yeah, but they were all fucked by their football coaches when they were six, so it is understandable. Mitt is a billlion times worse.

  • littlebigdaddy

    So…it's blowjobs and steaks for us all!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I was watching Fox for a little bit and they didn't like it very much.

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    Ever noticed how SOTU looks like STFU when you do a quick glance? Actually, it would probably be pretty cool if Obama told Congress to STFU…

  • ttommyunger

    After hearing Eric Cantor praise Gabby Giffords tonight, I am convinced he couldn't recite the Lord's Prayer in Church on Easter Sunday without sounding snide and smarmy.