DRINK!  8:57 pm January 24, 2012

Liveblogging the Sorry State of the Union! Which Is Still Around!

by Liz Colville

GlitterPhoto

Yo yo yo! We are not hosting a children’s Game of Thrones-themed birthday party with Obama as the entertainment/clown, as this picture might indicate. But we ARE conveying to you the state of the State of the Union of 2012! Which — here that thing is. The boring old Oval Office has already LEAKED INFORMATIONS about what this particular SOTU will contain, but Obama’s ability to be spontaneous, irate, drunk and giggly in public leads us to believe this thing will be worth watching. When’s the soonest that we will have money and jobs again? What is money, anyway? What is a president? And so on. Please stay for the breakdown of the breakdown, and play our SOTU 2012 game of drinks while you’re at it. Let the standing and clapping and announcements of free cash payouts to every American except Romney and a few others begin!

9:00 PM — So what are the big colors for spring???? I see lots of oranges, royal blues, Kelly greens. Oops wrong blog.
9:02 PM — Just one more thing about FASHAWN. Hillary Clinton’s hair is the Person of the Year 2012.
9:05 PM — Can the natural human condition generate the kind of cheers and whoops that were just uttered? What I mean to say is, what kind of sick bottle service happens prior to this event? Drink every time you hear what sounds like a woman clapping.
9:09 PM — GABRIEL GIFFORDS SIGHTING. TOAST GIFFORDS PRIOR TO DRINKING.
9:11 PM — Boehner, you whisky-loving son of a gun, you are too tanned, monsieur.
9:12 PM — Obama opens with a reminder that Happy January, War Is Over. “For the first time in nine years, there are no Americans fighting in Iraq. For the first time in nine years, Osama Bin Laden is not a threat to this country.”
9:14 PM — “…A future where we are in control of our own energy.” IT HAS BEEN FIVE MINUTES and The Future, that poor punching bag of time, has already been mentioned.
9:15 PM — “The defining future of our time is how to keep that promise” — the promise that the Greatest Generation fulfilled, so he is now name-checking both Grandfather Time and Future Baby Time.
9:17 PM — Anyone watching the “enhanced” live feed on the White House website? It is basically a PowerPoint, zzz.
9:18 PM — Jobs have apparently been created. They remain in a hologram state until further notice.
9:19 PM — THAT WAS A WEIRD POWERPOINT SLIDE. There was like a circle around the Wall Street bull’s nostril? “This nostril is the defining nostril of our time.”
9:20 PM — Yes, naturellement, tonight he is going from War Is Over to General Motors is YUGE, haven’t you noticed? Lots of cheers for General Motors being #1 again.
9:21 PM — “And tonight, the American auto industry is back! What’s happening in Detroit can happen in other industries.” Well, actually, Detroit is noooooot doing so well, Barry. But fine. Point for Barry.
9:23 PM — Obama is pointing out that American companies whose employees get outsourced currently get tax deductions for doing so. It should OBVS be the opposite: get breaks if you bring jobs back home. But ummm, what about the fact that overseas labor is disgustingly cheap?
9:26 PM — “I will go anywhere in the world for new markets for American products.” Well, this is a big turnaround from where Obama stood last year. But will he act on it? That is the question.
9:27 PM — Oh, but he’s also unveiling a Trade Enforcement Unit, to get rid of shitty pirated crap.
9:29 PM — Skill training! The Prez shared an anecdote about a woman named Jackie who was able to get skill training for a job when Siemens partnered with a community college. She trained for a job, then she got said job. And then he was all, it would be nice if more than one person could have that happen for them.
9:31 PM — EDUCASHAWN time. “Reward the best” teachers. “Teach with creativity and passion. Stop teaching with the test.” OOoohoooo.
9:32 PM — Stiffer enrollment requirements, namely kids need to stay in school “until they graduate or turn 18.” He’s also talking about work-study jobs. Surely you are not speaking of cleaning toilets and removing hair from drains while learning pre-calculus?
9:34 PM — Hello, Occupy movement. Obama sent a message to the campus occupiers and universities by warning universities not to continue raising tuition. Woohoo! Oh but right, he is not a magician.
9:36 PM — What is happening with Obama’s voice tonight? He’s doing a weird gravelly thing that emphasizes important words like “last” and “every” and “worked” and “struggled.”
9:37 PM — STEVE JOBS.
9:38 PM — Oh god, moneeeeeeey. Still we have to ask how all the magical things delivered by unicorns are going to be paid for. These are great priorities but they are so damn expensive, man. Not to sound like an elephant but what would he cut???? Besides the military????
9:42 PM — Shale gas. No dude, do not go there. “The payoffs don’t always come right away.” In other words, “First we have to deal with all the lawsuits from the people who are poisoned by drinking shale-water, but in 2032, when we have cured cancer…!”
9:43 PM — We’re going to “flight climate change.” We’re going to send it on a mission to Pluto, non-planet extraordinaire.
9:44 PM — And now we handing things over to our Chief Intra-Word Pause Analyst, Ken Layne!

 

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 737 comments }

Barb January 24, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I hope Bammers does this with his shirt off.

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:04 pm

I hope Boehner will put his trenchcoat on.

snackypants January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

I hope he sings Al Green.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Yum!

GlowneyHouse January 24, 2012 at 9:00 pm

I spy with my little eye something orange. And hateful.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:01 pm

The annoying orange?

iburl January 24, 2012 at 9:02 pm

and a "Just Pathetic" crybaby?

snackypants January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Agent Orange?

hollywooddood January 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Is he crying? Squirting out some orange tears?

MissNancyPriss January 24, 2012 at 9:00 pm

would add a little color to the proceedings!

Radiotherapy January 24, 2012 at 9:00 pm

You Lie!!1!

snackypants January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

You LIE-BEL!

iburl January 24, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Drinking game for non-drinkers:
Drink every time Obama talks about the "Fierce Urgency of Now".

AlterNewt January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

…or quotes anything from ZZ Top.

iburl January 24, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Yes I'm bad, I'm nationwide.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Pants off, folks. We got business to take care of.

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Yeah, like I ever had them on today.

imissopus January 24, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Hey, how you doin'?

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Hey! Good to see you. I am waiting for my glass of wine to be delivered.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Um, you trying to get us all excited when we're supposed to be drinking?

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Who the hell wears pants anymore? Thats what I wanna know.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Not everyone has received their Forever Lazy in the mail.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Is that the thing with the butt opening? Cuz I'd be embarrassed, and I live alone.

AlterNewt January 24, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Ha! It's the 'Slanket Generation".

Texan_Bulldog January 24, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Hope they had to go through metal detectors to be there. I smell trouble from a Joe (see Wilson or Walsh).

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Gah turned on the TV a little too soon and had to catch the end of some crappy reality show about fat people trying to lose weight.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Drink!

lizcolville January 24, 2012 at 9:02 pm

that IS the state of the union, dontcha know

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:05 pm

This woman was bloated, desperate and crying; yeah that's pretty much it.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:07 pm

That's why she needs a drink.

OurHoboSenator January 24, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Newt?

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Nah, her boobs were too small to be Newt.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Welcome to Christie's America.

SkinnyNerd January 24, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I love my C-SPAN.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Gabby looks incredible.

NellCote71 January 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

More integrity in her little finger than Lou Sarah and all her spawn.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Look at Gabby Giffords. What a class act she is.

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Elliot Spitzer in on Olbermann's show. I like Elliot.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Me, too. Too bad he was fond of the hookers yet responsible enough to resign.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:09 pm

He's incredibly smart and knowledgeable… and not just about hookers.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I find him sexy knowing that he has a wild side.

yyyaz January 24, 2012 at 9:02 pm

David "Babbling" Brooks is on the PBS feed. Barf.

zwoits January 24, 2012 at 11:11 pm

voMitt

fuflans January 25, 2012 at 12:45 am

better than matt fucking continetti who replaced him on npr tonight.

gross.

DemmeFatale January 25, 2012 at 10:25 am

I hate his "aw shucks," "who me?" routine.
And also that his son idolizes Boner(!).

imissopus January 24, 2012 at 9:02 pm

In an alternate universe, Pat Buchanan is delivering his twentieth State of the Confederacy.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:03 pm

"Tonight I've been asked to address 'The Negro Problem…'"

iburl January 24, 2012 at 9:04 pm

To an all-aryan congress?

Loaded_Pants January 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

In a retirement community, Pat Buchanan is delivering his twentieth State of the Confederacy.

Fixed.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Gabrielle Giffords looks great.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:05 pm

yeah!

KathrynSane January 24, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Say what you want about how shitty this country is–Gabrielle Giffords looks great and it's amazing that she's there.

Gabby for Prez? I'm sure she still has a bigger brain than all the GOP candidates combined.

NellCote71 January 24, 2012 at 9:19 pm

. . . Bigger brain? Goes without saying. And integrity, guts and determination.

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Boehner looking like he either needs a smoke or buff the bishop.

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:03 pm

I wonder if anyone will have the ballz to shout out, "you lie!"

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Gabby Giffords to anyone talking about how murderous rhetoric is "just words"?

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

I upfist you for that.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Which will be the first Republican/supreme court justice to do something attentiuon grabbing and totaly humiliating. If they actualy felt shame. Cocksuckers all of 'em

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:06 pm

That is a spurious insult against cocksuckers, a group of people with grace and skill deserving of our admiration.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:09 pm

You are absolutely right. My appology to honest cocksuckers everywhere

finallyhappy January 24, 2012 at 9:20 pm

who yelled no,no?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Well, OK, a glimpse of Gabby Giffords and I'm turning weepy already.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 24, 2012 at 9:04 pm

How about a drink for every time our President adopts Republican framing and/or talking points?
~

Diabeetis January 25, 2012 at 12:44 am

I think I'd die from alcohol poisoning.

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Liz honey, tell them to RELEASE THE HOUNDS! Our minds are on fire with blogging knowledge.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:05 pm

At times like this, you really miss Trafficant's thrift store leisure suits. Not much else about him to miss other than his wigs.

marinmaven January 24, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Rep. Doug Lamborn (R- Colorado) says he isn't going to the State of the Union tonight.

You know who else isn't going to be watching the State of the Union?

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Ted Bundy?

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Stevie Wonder?

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Blind Lemon Jefferson?

Loaded_Pants January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Dubya Bush?

Reagan?

mannacler January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Usama Bin Laden.

BerkeleyBear January 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Osama bin Laden. Name Check, motherfuckas.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Oh win.

marinmaven January 24, 2012 at 10:32 pm

The B-Bear FTW.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Why is weasel face Cantor right behind the President?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Sniffing farts… I hope.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I was thinmking that but didn't want to say it. Thank you.

NellCote71 January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

But if he is behind Obama, it would unicorn, rainbow kind of farts.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Oh oh. There's that little puke Cantor.

Loaded_Pants January 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Little puke? Don't you know he's a major puke in the House?

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I stand corrected.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:07 pm

I have this fear of Michele Bachmann jumping out and putting a strangle hold on Hopey that no one can break.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

2 l's would kick her ass.

Beowoof January 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm

A succubus of republican hate.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:07 pm

I do love the enthusiasm of some of the House Democrats here. Also Brian Williams' blather is boring.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Turn to MSNBC. You can fap to Maddow and Sharpton's dulcet tones.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

No cable here.

reliefsinn January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

http://www.rentadrone.tv/msnbc-live-rockinrooster
I will always be grateful to the fine Wonketeer who provided this link a few weeks ago. Ole!

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:08 pm

OT, but this is my first liveblog. I can't do the debates, cuz every time one of those fuckers opens his mouth, they say something that makes me so angry it takes 3 days to calm down. Can't afford the therapy, frankly.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:08 pm

My elderly father called to make sure I'm watching because he's hoping this speech really pisses off the Republicans.

Angry_Marmot January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

If only.

HistoriCat January 24, 2012 at 11:08 pm

The State of the Union speech is being delivered by a Negro and a Democrat. Of course it will piss off the Republicans.

EdFlintstone January 24, 2012 at 9:08 pm

I bet Alito skipped out this year.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Did Hopey just shake his hand?

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

I think they said only 5 Justices were there.

Beowoof January 24, 2012 at 9:31 pm

He has some important fapping to do.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Hey, that one lady in the audience looks like Hillary Clinton! Whatever happened to her, I wonder…

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:10 pm

She's gone back to her hairstyle from her days in Arkansas.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I love Barry! That was beautiful.

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Giffords!! Hugs!!

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Awwww, ((((huggles))) for Gabby and Bammers.

OurHoboSenator January 24, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Oh my, there is something in my eye…

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:09 pm

And that hug; just let me wipe a tear from my eye here.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 24, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Well I've got Brain Williams again (I get NBC and ION).

Don't hate me if I switch to Criminal Minds reruns from the real thing in D.C.

Last night was kind of rough.
~

reliefsinn January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Forgive me if I repost this, but it's useful: http://www.rentadrone.tv/msnbc-live-rockinrooster

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Awww, look at Hopey hugging Gabby.

yyyaz January 24, 2012 at 9:10 pm

The hug from Ruth Bader Ginsburg was heartening.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

I know that was so sweet, I bet she loathes Alito and the other bastards.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:10 pm

You know, Gabby is gorgeous

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:28 pm

She is completely adorable.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:10 pm

I really hope Nancy's back up there behind him at next year's speech.

MissNancyPriss January 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm

me too

fuflans January 25, 2012 at 12:46 am

from your mouth to god's ear.

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Bammers just handed Boehner a large envelope. I hope there is a pink slip in there and an x-ray of his shriveled liver. "You're fired and it looks like God is about to fire you, too"

NellCote71 January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Hey, Boner is a jobz creator. Think of all the unemployed tanning salon operators if he were to leave.

Beowoof January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Ah the revenge of all those Barclay cigarettes and bourbon.

PlanetWingNut January 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Why was Eric Cantor behind Obama…besides licking his shoes like the dog he is…

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Stand up, you turds.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Orange speaks1

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

IT LIVES!!!

Angry_Marmot January 24, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Imitation of Life.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

My new nickname for Boehner:
Honey Glazed Ham.

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I call him "the morphine drip"

Wadisay January 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Somebody yell at Boehner that he lies.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:12 pm

On a tanning bed!

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

How it must kill Boner to say it is an honor to present the President. Good I hope he chokes

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

The orange speaks..

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Has Joe Biden been visiting the tanning salon along with Boehner?

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 10:01 pm

No, Prez. Hopey is making them both look weird.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Troops home from Iraq, yay!

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Maybe it's just my shitty TV, but Joe, Barry, and Johnny are working the full spectrum of orange tonight.

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Yes! I see it!

My theory: Barry's got a new Cheeto Bath, and Boner's willing to put partisan differences aside to get some of that bronzin' bubblins.

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Biden is still awake. *drink*

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

He's daydreaming about his Camaro to stay awake

NellCote71 January 24, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Or the puppy he was sporting around inaugural time, cute little German Shepherd.

imissopus January 24, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Over/under on how long into the speech before Obama bro-ices Boehner?

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Biden looks weepy.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm

He met Gabby just before. You'd be weepy too.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Well, you told me!

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Ray Odierno is one mean looking mofo.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Why is the NPR audio feed for these things always a half-second behind the TV? (Probly something to do with the speed of sound, I don't "get" science…)

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:15 pm

It's the tubes.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

What does this have to do with the internet?

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I got Osama, bitches; remember that!

ThundercatHo January 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Drink! Plus Tollee Bon, love it

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm

That's right! I said it! Osama, bitches!

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Jinx!

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Buy me a Coke!

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Osama bin Laden sleeps with the fishes, bipartisan cheering

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Killed by blah, doesn't count.

AlterNewt January 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm

If he says 'moving forward' or 'meet half way' or anything about 'people telling their stories' I'm going to….well…I'm going to be very sad.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Boehner's hair looks like the product of a 3D printer.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

I was thinking it looks like plasticine clay.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

I like how he says Tolly-bon and Pock-iston. Correct pronunciation.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

"The War on Iraq made us safer and more respected around the world."

DRINK! Republican framing and talking point. And a lie.

Sorry, folks, but I can't handle this war glorification b.s.

Peace!
~

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

FOX Headline: Obama calls for Military Dictatorship!

yyyaz January 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

In your ugly orange face, Mr. Speaker.

iburl January 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Boner is tearing up with shame… only 2 minutes in…:)

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Eh, he's just wondering if eating six Activias today was really a good idea.

iburl January 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm

"Ac-tivíaaaaa!"

johnnyzhivago January 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Osama??? Obama??? I'm confused!

KathrynSane January 24, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I love how his voice oh-so-slightly quavered in apprehension while saying "We can do this! I know we can!" Oh, Bammz.

ejcsanfran January 24, 2012 at 9:15 pm

So, I guess we're just going to pretend the whole "urinating on dead bodies" video doesn't exist…

Loaded_Pants January 24, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Why must you piss on the SOTU address?

johnnyzhivago January 24, 2012 at 9:15 pm

No wars, but lotz of Afghan Weddings to bomb!!!

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Bammers Grandpa was in Patton's Army? Kenya had a Patton too?

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 1:48 am

Awful, yet funny, and almost *never* tasteless. How dya do it, dammit.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Rednecks: "You liar your grandparents were in Africa!"

GlowneyHouse January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

You can almost see the thought balloon over Boehner's head with a martini glass being filled.

MissNancyPriss January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

how hard would it be for someone to plunge a tiny syringe of something into the flabby shoulder ofna scalia or an alito?

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Scalito. They've become one.

MissNancyPriss January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

HA!

RavenRant January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Obama wants us to follow the troops' example. Does this mean I can piss on Republicans?

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

I wish he would just turn around and bitch slap Boner.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:21 pm

With his dick.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:44 pm

or yours.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:44 pm

What do you have against Fare here?

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:59 pm

I like the idea of Volpe just swinging his, doubtless, enormous member at Boners face.

JackObin January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

The state of the union: obese and vacuous.

Wadisay January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

…triumphed over fascism…

GOP boos.

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Working together? Wow, is he ever divisive.

ThundercatHo January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Vets and Middle Class, WWII grandparents. Drink and bong hit

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Fox headline: OBAMA ADVOCATES SOCIALIST "FAIRNESS" PLAN

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

But rules don't apply to billionaires!

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 9:31 pm

What's that? You must mean "Job Creators!"

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

In other words a world without republicans

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Fair share, fair play, fair bunch of cunts on the other side of the aisle.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Conservatives: "He just went from real warfare to class warfare!"

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

I hope Bammers and Biden had a double helping of Senate bean soup and Boehner just has to sit there and take it. You think those Navy SEALS were silent but deadly?

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

The American economic promise was great – until Reagan and the Bushes destroyed it. While this country has gotten a great deal better since the 50s in terms of minority rights and personal liberty, it's gotten much worse for economic equality.

HistoriCat January 24, 2012 at 11:15 pm

I'm beginning to think those conditions are related. Were wealthier people more willing to pay taxes before the result were directly benefitting blah people?

SorosBot January 25, 2012 at 12:44 am

I think it's more that poor white racists became more willing to get fucked in favor of the rich once benefits started helping blah people too.

proudgrampa January 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Fair share, fair shot, same set of rules!!!

You tell 'em, Mr. President!

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Joe Biden's tie is doing evil visual-distortion things on my old TV. Not that you yuppies with HD sets would know…

finallyhappy January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

I have that- Husband is watching something DVR'd on the good big TV

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Yeah, Hopey! Address that fuckin income inequality. "everybody plays by the same rules". This means you, Mittens!

iburl January 24, 2012 at 9:18 pm

You Cry! (Preferably yelled at Boner by an outgoing-nothing-to-lose-congresswoman Giffords)

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Yay jobs!

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:18 pm

OH NOESSSSSSSS
FACTS!!!!!!

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Konservative Kryptonite!

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Millions of jobs, fuck you Mittens and your lies.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Remember…Any mention of anything that happened prior to Jan. 2009 is just him blaming Bush.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:19 pm

OK I couldn't possibly keep up with the Wonkette drinking rules at this part.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:19 pm

New Rules!

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Look at Boner's face, he is loaded.

Radiotherapy January 24, 2012 at 9:19 pm

I so miss the Pelosi blink count.

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Job creation. More tearing our country apart.

AlterNewt January 24, 2012 at 9:19 pm

He's going to do magic tricks. I just know it.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:19 pm

His mention of "new rules" reminds me I'd rather be watching Bill Maher. Thanks, Barry.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:19 pm

GIVE IT TO 'EM, BAMMAZ! MAKE IT HURT!

weej_bain January 24, 2012 at 9:21 pm

None lube for sure.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I'm loving this Repugly ass-reaming.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Damn. Barry brought an extra helping of sack tonight.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:20 pm

What is Bohenor thinking about? He is obviously not listening

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Honey glazed hams?

imissopus January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Soaked in gin!

OurHoboSenator January 24, 2012 at 9:20 pm

John Kerry, dude, that's why you wear a cage if you aren't getting paid to play hockey…

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Did I just hear heckling?

finallyhappy January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

me too- or is our crappy TVs?

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Yeah, I heard that as well. Classless motherfuckers.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Nice underhanded jab at the Republican deregulation plans.

Sharkey January 24, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Never again. NEVER.

Wadisay January 24, 2012 at 9:20 pm

I wish Barry would have lit up a Lucky after the part about fighting obstruction with action.

ThundercatHo January 24, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Fight obstruction with action(Jackson). Somebody's getting laid tonight!

weej_bain January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Presume you are talking about the movie rather than the for real 300 lb dude that met a very sorry end in a Chicago slaughterhouse.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Barry, bring up that ENTIRE AUTO INDUSTRY that you rescued. Do it again. It pleases me.

ejcsanfran January 24, 2012 at 9:21 pm

What is this "manufacturing" he speaks of..?

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Sorry, I still like my Mazda. *blasphemy*

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Some even said we should let the auto industry die? He's talking about YOU Mittens.

proudgrampa January 24, 2012 at 9:21 pm

GM. Yay!!

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I was hoping her refer to Deeetroit City.

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Boehner looks like he wishes he hadn't drank that last half-bottle of bourbon before the State Of The Union address.

Sleep or Barf? Both? CSPAN has hi-def now, so make a show of it.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I really want to see a GM line worker ask at one of the R debates: So, why do you think America would be better off if my employer had folded?

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:21 pm

And of course, gah, there were some boos from the back of the chamber when he talks about how well the auto bailout worked.

WinterOuthouse January 24, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Biden's tie could cause a seizure

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Vertigo tie

PlanetWingNut January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

lIMEY he's loaded when he doesnt have anything to drink as in full of ______

imissopus January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I've got Twitter open on another tab and Benincasa's practically melting. Bamz must be doing good.

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Wow, Joe Biden just passed a really big fart.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Just imagine, if you will, Newt doing the SOTU.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

*blork*

OurHoboSenator January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Ugh, where is the downfist when I need it?

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

The word "wheedling" comes to mind.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

What's sad is that there was a point while he was Speaker he actually tried being gracious to the Democrats in speeches a few times.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

A boring lecture focusing on the high esteem in which holds himself. The rest will be a flurry of lies.

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 1:34 am

You're not gonna get a whole lotta pee points making yourfellow Wonketteerz sick like this.

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

"We bet on American workers" Yes, because in 2008, we bet on black!

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

And in 2010, Repubs bet on orange.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Fuck I hope the loss of uterus doesn't take away your snark.

orygoon January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

That's not where I keep mine. Well, not any more.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Someone remind later to post the chart I made comparing the unemployment rate under Obama to the unemployment rate under Pres. Reagan.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Post that chart you told me about, would you, baby?

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm
Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

We will not go back!

Tell 'em. Oh, and thanks for the shout out to Detroit, Mr. President. We do appreciate it.

Romney win Michigan? Yeah fuckin' Right.

savethispatient January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Programming note: "Some people said" = "Romney said".

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Yeah, it makes sense to bring jobs back home because Americans are desperate enough to work at Chinese wages.

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I would work at the wages of a Tong boss or maybe a Shanghai real estate developer.

DerrickWildcat January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I don't think I get the channel that this debate is on. I'll just watch this to get a good idea of how the debate is going.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

An yay, unions!

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Of course if Barry is too good, it will undermine Newt's argument that he can beat Bammers in a debate, which is bad.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Sadly, some people think winning a debate doesn't mean being more convincing, but just talking louder and sounding like the biggest asshole.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Millwaukee!
Drink!

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Has John Kerry been in a pub brawl?

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Close, a hockey brawl.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Maybe Teresa has taken up kickboxing

Wadisay January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Master Lock is bringing jobs back home.

A silver lining on high rates of incarceration.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Ha!

snackypants January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Or daytime burglaries.

rocktonsam January 24, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Master Lock is back because stealing is back too

GlowneyHouse January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Wow. Rough look for Kerry. Don't mess with those Heinz women.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Pay the taxes you bastards!!!!

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

ZOMG, he is pounding the FUCK out of the Repuglythugs. Please oh pleez oh pleez.

ThundercatHo January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

What was that? Unionized plant in Milwaukee, Wisconsin? Fuck you Scott Walker

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Corporations paying their fair share of taxes? Swoon.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Yay Barry

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Republicans: not fond of the whole "bringing jobs home" thing

iburl January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

What about the human rights of these Multi-National Corporations?

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

2012 is going to be a good year.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Obama is in Lock step with his corporate Masters, eh?

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Damn, I do believe he's figured out what to do about offshoring and taxes that will make the 99% cream their fucking jeans.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

I have a pair of fucking jeans. Show off my ass real nice.

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 1:45 am

That's because you have a real nice ass, hon.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Look at the Congressional jack-in-the-boxes.

Applause line
SPROING!
Applause line
SPROING!

WinterOuthouse January 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Biden is scratching like he's got lice

GlowneyHouse January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

They're called "Veep Cooties"

AlterNewt January 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

This would be a really good time to steal silverware at The White house.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Oooh, Widdle Eric looks pissy.

orygoon January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

He always looks pissy.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

I swear. He's pooping his pants as we speak.

Can you imagine what that's doing to his frilly silks?

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Rewarding job creators. Fuckin' Boehner and Cantor hate that idea now.

OurHoboSenator January 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

LOLCantor

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Cantor, looking more and more like a weasel

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

MUSTELID LIBEL!!!

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Eric Cantor just shit his pants. He's wearing that "What is that SMELL?" look.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

He looks like a ticked off patron at the Olive Garden: "I asked for creamy marinara and what you brought me is watery tomato."

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm

AAAGH!!! Yowza! That's awful, fare. Just awful.

proudgrampa January 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

American jobs for Americans! That's the America I love!

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Cantor looks especially peeved.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm

No shit, hahahaha, so to speak.

Designer_Rants January 25, 2012 at 7:08 am

It's his "time of the term".

Chet Kincaid January 25, 2012 at 11:13 am

snort!

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Obama should just cold stop his speech, point at Cantor, and yell "Get out. Get the hell out!" And then watch as the seargent at arms walk him out with so much quietness you could hear a mouse piss on the House floor.

FakaktaSouth January 24, 2012 at 9:31 pm

I hate Eric Cantor so much it makes me mad at myself. I HATE him. HAAAAATE.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I hate him with the heat of a thousand Chris Christie farts.

fuflans January 25, 2012 at 1:00 am

yes

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Imported from Detroit. Take that, bitches!

CountryClubJihadi January 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Kerry looks like a Praying Mantis hit the windshield.

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Must've been a wind surfing accident.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

WTH happened to his face?

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

New markets – ooh, that's a bit internationalist, isn't it?

Soylent Green January 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

oooooo – Cantor is so upset about that jerbs-in-america thing. what a puss.

WinterOuthouse January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Chinese pirates. Naughty

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Eric Cantor will only allow incentives for American manufacturing if they're offset in cuts to disaster aid.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Come on Cantor. Clap. It will feel good. Try it. You can do it.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

It'll kill him, trust me.

MissNancyPriss January 24, 2012 at 9:38 pm

I read that as "I'll kill him, trust me" and felt a tiny leap in my heart.

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 1:29 am

I'm sorry, hon, I has Teh Gimpitude. But if he gets close enough, I promise to wap him with my hiking stick.

Chet Kincaid January 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

Oh cool! Is it all carved with inscrutable runes and inscriptions?

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Republicans: groan we want lead in our shit!

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

This pounding on the economy is going to win us this election. I'm loving this shit.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Now I'm sure I'm down with this trade war stuff.

SkinnyNerd January 24, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Is that duct tape in that binder, or is every single page inside one of the plastic things?

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:28 pm

ENFORCING LAWS OMG MOAR GOVERMENT PROGRUMS AND MOAR SPENDING!!!!

orygoon January 24, 2012 at 9:28 pm

The ideas of jobs and level playing fields obviously give Boehner a sad.

GlowneyHouse January 24, 2012 at 9:28 pm

But the playing fields have NEVER been level. And we have worked very hard to keep them that way

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Hehe, "Siemen's."

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Ar. Ar, ar, ar.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Jackie should have dashed to the beauty shop before coming.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Be nice…

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Sorry. I'll try.

ThundercatHo January 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

That's just what I said to Mr. THo I mean , c'mon nat'l TV and sitting next to FLOTUS

imissopus January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Detroit is noooooot doing so well, Barry.

But they just signed Prince Fielder for like $200 million so things are looking up.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Siemens – that brings back memories. Also Siemens, giggle.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Hey! Siemans is hiring!

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

So, what, to sit next to Michelle all I gotta do is go to voc-ed classes? NOW you tell me….

savethispatient January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Isn't Germany more productive and also works fewer hours and has real vacation time?

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

SHUSH! FACTS!

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Republicans: skills = job? wha?

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Barry speaks so well, and says such intelegent, reasonable things, how can the repubs NOT clap?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Huh-huh…he said semens

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

I'm not sure I want two million Americans trained to use frickin' lasers.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Just think of all the new business opportunities for eye surgeons and burn units!

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I'm more worried about them trying to install them on sharks

OurHoboSenator January 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

If the Repubs win in November, Medicare will pay for lasers mounted on Hoverounds for all the teabaggers.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Businesses like semens?

WinterOuthouse January 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Fucking boner has darker skin than our POTUS. WTF?

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm

I have to pee and make another martini.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

At the same time?

smokefilledroommate January 25, 2012 at 3:23 am

Yep. You should see me at parties.

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Educate people?? They can all join the Army: Newt

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

They can all get jobs as "historians."

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Great, the President's telling everyone they need to watch Community! Get the word out!

(Wait, what's that you said he really meant…?)

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Boner is clapping like he forgot Barry is blah.

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm

My gawd, he's knocking this fucker out of the park!

Mumbletypeg January 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Clappity clap!

Joe, don't talk back.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:31 pm

He's right with vocational community college stuff. Not every kid is going to be an exec and people have to fucking deal with that.

Pop_Socket January 24, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Best Republican nomination acceptance speech evah.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Huh?

PuckStopsHere January 24, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Is Tim Thomas in the house tonight?

SkinnyNerd January 24, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Based on what I have been seeing, it seems like we spend less than 1% on education.

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

"Teachers matter" Newt married his math teacher.

CountryClubJihadi January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

He is swinging it like Eddie Murphy's Dexter St. Jacques.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

As both the son and brother of teachers, I'm loving this part.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Ha, fuck you Wisconsn union busting arseholes.

Mumbletypeg January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Holding my nose while he discusses teachers' challenges.. Ugh, if he says 'merit pay' I'll choke on my beverage.

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Stop teaching to the test?? Dubya just dumped a load.

e_z January 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

What the hell does Eric Cantor have in his mouth to cause him to look that way?

PlanetWingNut January 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

its called Bile

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Zombie Reagan's jizz. Very bitter.

FakaktaSouth January 24, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I wish it was my fist.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Koch, of course.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Why did he add the "or turn 18" part? He was going so well.

SlunkyPete January 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Mandatory high school, yikes!

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Arizona will have tons of 18 year old ninth graders.

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Mississippi will have tons of 18 year old third graders.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:35 pm

As opposed to the tons of 18 year old fifth graders they have now?

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Hurray for Barry. And Fuck those asshole who don't agree with him

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Obama wants to take the profit out of student loans! Shouldn't lenders be able to repossess students?

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Sallie Mae, is now adding an "unemployment penalty". If you can't pay cuz you're out of work, they charge you an extra $150 every 3 months.

proudgrampa January 24, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Keep kids in High School??!?? What is this, Russia?

imissopus January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Well, who would clean those high schools otherwise?

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Al Franken! I hope he's sitting next to a Republican and whispering "your candidate will lose" repeatedly.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:37 pm

How fabulous would that be?

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Lower interest rates on student loans; this part actually still affects me so I'm listening.

iburl January 24, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Top 10 things that the Republicans wish they could pull out of their pockets right now…

10. Twitter enabled phone
9. Earplugs
8. Weaponry
7. Rentboy.com enabled phone

imissopus January 24, 2012 at 9:35 pm

6. iPhone with Grindr app

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

5. The Cone vibrator.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:34 pm

I can't wait to hear how the republicans think all this is a dumb idea.

finallyhappy January 24, 2012 at 9:35 pm

first keeping kids in school keeps those elementary school kids from working with the janitor

Beowoof January 24, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Holy shit, next thing you know he will want kids to know stuff before they get a diploma.

Pop_Socket January 24, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Making kids go to school is slavery. Who will become the janitors?

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Keep college costs down? But then how will they afford the $5,000,000 salary for their football coaches?

BerkeleyBear January 24, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Same way they do now – nutbar alums who will spend that for football but not a dime on humanities.

ThundercatHo January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Dont even get me started

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 1:24 am

That's *their* problem, innit?

CHUDster_Arthur January 24, 2012 at 9:35 pm

"Those who do not walk the stage, dance the pole. And those who dance the pole, ride the dragon."

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I have the hope back , shame I can't vote.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I'll vote for ya!

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Amen to that lizzie.

Also too me neither. Oh well.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

me too, what a speech filled with such great ideas

Come here a minute January 24, 2012 at 9:35 pm

State of the Union?

C A P S

W I N ! ! ! !

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Many students face another challenge: They can't be janitors.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:35 pm

They probably want to go home.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Hennnnnngh.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

McCain sits like a toad.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Barry just said he's done his job on immigration within the confines of this horrible and narrow law, now it's time for them to make things better.

shrillharpy January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Build the dang wall!

Beowoof January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Grumps McCain looks like he just filled his pants.

Mumbletypeg January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Rick Perry just gave an inadvertent happy-burp at the mention of "Boots on the border"

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

"Boots on the Border" sounds like the name of a Mexican restaurant.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Tex-Mex, which is the bastard child of Mexican and "American" food.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Point taken.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Yeah, just sayin' that any Mexican worth his or her salt would never name their restaurant that. lol

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:38 pm

I was thinking a Texarkana strip club.

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

McCain is such an old bitter bridge troll.

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

That shit McCain just couldn't get himself to stand for something he supports.

PlanetWingNut January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

NOTICE JOHN MCCAIN NOT STANDING UP??? BASTARD

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Double Hennnnnnnngh.

Pop_Socket January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

No jobs lowers illegal immigration. Genius.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

DREAM Act yay.

Wadisay January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I am glad he isn't going down the self-deportation road.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Ugh.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Educating immigrant kids, oh, the GOPers will get right on that

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Fuckin' Republicunts are howling crazy about Latinos and immigration. Booing and howling.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:38 pm

At the same time their party is wondering why they aren't more popular with Hispanic voters…

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

and yet then they try to court the Latino vote

WinterOuthouse January 24, 2012 at 9:37 pm

The ladies luv the Bammers

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Pay women the same? But they don't have penises; that's crazy talk!

Beowoof January 24, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Women get equal pay, did any republicans stand?

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Boehner didn't for sure

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Biden is playing his very own drinking game.

shrillharpy January 24, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Who's the blonde they keep showing? What did I miss? Gah!

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Steve Jobs' widow.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

The Small Business Lady

finallyhappy January 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Steve Jobs widow

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:38 pm

I'm not down with this threatening to cut university budgets if they don't lower tuition…seems like it'd have the opposite effect. Especially when the higher tuition is because funding has already been cut so much.

proudgrampa January 24, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Yay! Steve Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Mr. Boehner, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:38 pm

New vests that fight cancer!

IndianaKevin January 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Both parties agree on these things; put 'em in a bill and get it on my desk this year, he says. No, Mr. Preznit, cause then you get credit, and we can't have that!

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Boehner just almost shouted "You Lie!" when Barry said put deregulation in a bill and get it on his desk this year!

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Off shore???? Oh no Barry, you were doing so well

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:40 pm

He means offshore red states.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

ok then

DonnyKerabotsos January 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Newt Gingrich must be hopping mad that congress is permitted to applaud.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Barry's just laying down the fact that he has out-Republicaned Republicans on energy exploration, so, they should sure as hell be willing to give a little on renewables.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Should?

PlanetWingNut January 24, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Ricky Perry, is watching this from home saying THAT COULD HAVE BEEN MY JOB!!! MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FOR SAKEN MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 1:16 am

Tears, I'm tellin' ya.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Mitch McConnell is a Ballchinian. That is all.

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Paul Ryan: "Oh, fuck, he's stealing our best lines."

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Turtle Power!

FakaktaSouth January 24, 2012 at 9:40 pm

35 expansion%? Can you get all the shit out of the water we still got down here first?

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Obama's been watching the energy company commercials on MSNBC again. He sounds like one.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm

America, we are fracked…

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm

cleaner meaner cheaper leaner

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Fizzy fuzzy big and buzzy

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 11:19 pm

barkeep?

ejcsanfran January 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm

If you look up "douchebag" in the dictionary, there's a picture of Mitch McConnell.

Pop_Socket January 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Eric Cantor is full of a hundred years of natural gas.

Mumbletypeg January 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Win

iburl January 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Frack.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Each time the camera pans across the chamber, I wonder which one of them will have their freak closet flung open next.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Ugh no no fracking please.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm

LOVE the fact that he made the distinction between natural gas and truly clean energy, 'cause frackin' ain't clean, let me tell you.

Loaded_Pants January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

It's the sanoturm of the energy industry.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Yeah, like pumping chemical shit into the water supplies isn't going to cause problems. Don't get me started.

Barb January 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm

High tech batteries! No wonder the ladies love them some Obama!

Mumbletypeg January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

A boon to the remote-controlled pink dildo industry, no?

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Gurl, put that wand down.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Nooooooooooooooo!

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 1:18 am

Wimminz is goin' NUTS for that man, I don't know WHUT-all they be gettin' up to next.

SlunkyPete January 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm

What's all this drill baby drill stuff?

PlanetWingNut January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

its for the vibrators that the new batteries are gonna be used in..drilling that _______

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Developing a resource with endangering the health of our people? BURN the RIVERS, LEVEL the MOUNTAINS – the buffalo in Yellowstone need those oil rigs to rub the excess fur off of their bodies.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Fuck fracking.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Brian the wind turbine widget polisher.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Boner has a pantload.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm

So take that Republiassholes

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Luxury Yucks?

e_z January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Boners cheeks are getting flushed but his eyes are dead. A plus for him is the lip twitch thing going on. I fully expect a Lizard tongue to come whipping out to wipe his eyes, like a Ralph Steadman cartoon come to life.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Welease Bwian!

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

HOLY SHIT! HE'S FUCKING THE OIL COMPANIES! SO SO AWESOME!

EdFlintstone January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Im ready for some tax smackdown
.

SlunkyPete January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Brian (Droopy Dog voice) "Hello, all you happy people."

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Holy shit, end the oil industry subsidies. Dear god preserve my President.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

And yes, just fuck the oil industry; they suck.

SkinnyNerd January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Where has this guy been the last three years? Will he be around the rest of the year?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Seriously.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Yayyyyy no oil subsidies. Long may Barry reign

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Are those fuckers booing renewable energy? What the hell have they got against that?

ejcsanfran January 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Is Tim Geithner a Vulcan or a Romulan? I can never remember…

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Nice!

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 1:19 am

Romulan. Look at that face.

yyyaz January 24, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Energy dissonance anyone?

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Uh oh, feel the wingnut heads exploding over talk of "climate change" – that shit ain't in the Bible ya Moslem!

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:44 pm

"The difference in this chamber may be too great" means the Republicans have been obstructive douchebags.

OzoneTom January 24, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Looked like Brian thought that his last name was mispronounced.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:44 pm

YES! Presidential order for clean energy on public lands, to-fuckin'-night! Fuck drilling in Yellowstone, let's put some turbines up on that btich!

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I love how he keeps saying "send me a bill that…" he's putting it right back on Congress, where it belongs.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:44 pm

World's largest pighogs

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Michele Bachman will now promise to return incandescent bulbs to the Navy.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Barry's putting windmills and solar panels on military bases and other public lands

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

It has to be military bases. That's the public land.

This is genius.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

He just kicked the Pubs flat again. Oh sweet jeebus. He's got an amazing fcking idea for the energies the energies. ZOMG. (faints)

Send me a bill! (faints again)

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

We're getting you a fainting couch for your birthday, m'dear.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

At this rate, I'm gonna need it darling.

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Clean energy Navy? We can build moar ships like Mint RMoney wants – sailships!!!

imissopus January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

All the Repubs' other ideas would take us back to the 18th century, might as well have the Navy do it too.

Wadisay January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

So far, you haven't acted.

Read: So far, you haven't acted bitches.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Ruth Bader Ginsberg is asleep, bless her heart

AlterNewt January 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

This is pretty late for her to be up.

SkinnyNerd January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Dude, you know you can send bills to Congress, right?

AlterNewt January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

"….and now, with your permission….a little Al Green.."

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Tonight, it's Barry White.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

This concludes the T. Boone Pickens portion of this evening's speech.

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Please excuse if this has already asked, but… What is going on with John Kerry's face? Was there an all out knock-down drag-out erupting before the cameras turned on?

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Supposedly he had a "sports" accident.

finallyhappy January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Played hockey according to nBC

smashedinhat January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Heh heh, "send me a bill." The war cry. Plenty of blank faces.

rocktonsam January 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Ha ha a black guy saying "send me a bill."

rocktonsam January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Whats up with the lights?

Is jeebus there?

DonnyKerabotsos January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

…and we still don't have one single mirror on the moon…

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Go Bamz.

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I'm waiting for the Republicans to start chanting, "We can't afford it. We can't afford it."

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Infrastructure! No more of T-Paw's bridge collapses please.

ejcsanfran January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

OH JESUS! He just mentioned the HOOVER Dam. Do we really need to hear any Hoover references in an election year? Ill-advised…

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

It was a shout-out to Rachel Maddow, Queen of the Hoover Dam.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

He is fucking awesome tonight. They got nothing.

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Except "NO!"

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I'm tellin' ya. You need to update your tagline. He's GREAT!

Richard Cordray smiles a little smile as Hopey mentions him.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Investment is socialism. We must undo the socialist errors of the past and dismantle the Commie/ Nazi interstate highway system!

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Yay Construction! Yay Nation Building ("Right Here At Home"!)

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Executive order!
Drink!

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Spend money at home what a concept.

iburl January 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Gietner is such a revolting weasel.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

He looks like the villain from Ghostbusters.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

…and it would be great if I had a Congress that didn't cockblock me on every goddamn issue!

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Home viewers throw confetti in the air.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Government has a role in building infrastructure. Deal with it, GOP. Deal with it and like it.

Honestly, this is his best SOTU, yet. I mean, by far. He's found his voice.

WinterOuthouse January 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Did I just see the boner hiccup

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Again: Fuck you, Mittens.

FakaktaSouth January 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

I like the "send me the bills" "put in on my desk" "DO YOUR FUCKING JOBS ASSHOLES" part of this. Kinda shuts up the "do-nothing president" nonsensical bullshit – not that it matters that it's bullshit, they'll say it anyway…I wish they'd cut to Boner actually saying the "hell no you can't thing" just for perspective

SkinnyNerd January 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Why does Boehner have salt and pepper shakers on his desk?

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Ooooh, re-fi assistance funded from bank taxation. SUPERB

Pop_Socket January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Hillary Clinton, 1993 called. They want their headbands back.

CountryClubJihadi January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

It sparkles! Hideous.

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Um, I've been in the environmental end of the highway business for 32 year. When I hear about "cutting red tape" in the highway construction business, I know what that means. I hope Hopey doesn't mean that.

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Homeowners will not have to hit bottom. Take that Mitt, you bitch.

SlunkyPete January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Geithner looks like he's watching a movie about a dying collie.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

This man is the most handsome president, ever.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

I am more moist, vaginally, during this SOTU than any other.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Hopey is sooooo getting laid tonight. And if Michelle has a headache, he can come over to my place.

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 1:14 am

You do realize that haf the female population of America probably has wet pants for this man, right?

And as for the male population, they're NOT TELLING!!

Mumbletypeg January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

"Nation-building right here at home." That's not the morally weak Barry talking.
If I thought he'd feel like singing I'd suggest "Love Can Build a Bridge." But I doubt he knows any tunes by The Judds.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Refinance ain't principle reduction. C'mon Barry.

WinterOuthouse January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Nany looks good. I bet she can't wait to get the gavel

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Responsibility from the banks? Now that's crazy talk!

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Tim Geithner looks like Hillary Clinton just forced a live newt down his throat. And Hillary looks like he bit her fingers.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

I tell you, the Republicans are going to be pissed when they go full spin after this speech. This is going to drive them up the fucking wall.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Don't destroy the free market…ha , ha fucking ha!!!!

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Hey now Liz, there is a mission to Pluto; it'll get there in 2015.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Barry, stop reminding us how Republican you are…

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Wait a minute – he's dumping on the buyers of toxic mortgages? Sounds like Timmeh still has Barry's ear.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Ewww Droopy Dog Liberman.

finallyhappy January 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Just saw lieberman with his lips moving (ABC)

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Lieberman looks Irish.

rocktonsam January 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

No he didn't day "no cop outs?"

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Fewer regulations than Dubya? Oh, burn!

Beowoof January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Lieberman, fuck him.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Bad joke epic fail. lol

EDIT: Even he knew it was bad. lol

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Barry made a joke!!!!

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

*rimshot*

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Barry needz a new joke writer.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Who thought that stupid rule about spilled milk was a good idea?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

He's a MOO-slim!

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Milk spill? I'm lost.

Wadisay January 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

…with a rule like that, I guess it was worth crying over spilled milk…

Thank you, I'll be here all week. Please tip your pages.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Stand up you republican bastards

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

turning people into bonsai trees..

GlowneyHouse January 24, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Waiting to hear Cantor's version of "Kill the Poor."

ThundercatHo January 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Barb, please, PLEASE, Barry needs some help with his jokes

AlterNewt January 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Mitch Daniels better have strippers and a band.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Don't back down! Woo hooo

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

I'm getting hot every time he says, "I will NOT back down!" How about you, Lizzie?

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Sorry, I had my hand down my pajama bottoms.

Angry_Marmot January 24, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Pics or it didn't happen.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Y'all know EXACTLY what he means when he says "I will not go back," right?

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Santorum?

FakaktaSouth January 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Stand up and clap for this equal pussy payment shit, you hear? Also, clean food. I like clean food.

Beowoof January 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Why there was big bad John from Texass. Fuck him too.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm

That is a big assed fake flower on that woman's sweater

WinterOuthouse January 24, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Those republitards sure don't like Hopey.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Good.

Pop_Socket January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

He's stealing all their good ideas.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:57 pm

What good ideas?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:52 pm

In other news, an epaulet on Maxine Waters' dress metastasized, devouring her entire shoulder.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:52 pm

ROTFLMAO!

Shelia Jackson Lee is also in something that looks like she was in a car crash.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:52 pm

We are not bailing you out ever again. Tell 'em.

Your ass has been kicked off the gravy train, you fuckers.

Pop_Socket January 24, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Al Franken, Elder Statesman. Whoda thunk?

So Tired January 24, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Isn't that the same lighting from The Blues Brothers? When they knew they were on a mission from Gawd?

OurHoboSenator January 24, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Woo! Richard Cordray! OHIO!

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Richard Cordray looks like Kenneth from 30 Rock.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:53 pm

LOL! I knew he looked familiar. Just couldn't place the face. You are SO right.

Pop_Socket January 24, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Recess appointment, bitches.

DonnyKerabotsos January 24, 2012 at 9:53 pm

CSI: Wall Street

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Did they boo cordray?

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:53 pm

It would be great if congress would actually pass any of these ideas.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

They might if people got their heads out of their ass and demanded it

rocktonsam January 24, 2012 at 9:53 pm

haha, special unit

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Biden is totally texting.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:58 pm

POS: president over shoulder.

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Cordray! Take that recess appointment, McConnell, and shove it up your ass.

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Oh, die Eric Cantor.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Cantor is chewing his lip, at least it's Kosher.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Oh yeah, Newtron would win a debate with Hopey. Riiiight.

philpjfry January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Cantor you weasel, I hope you choke on your spleen

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Ooh, that vinegar-faced little Eric Cantor is a total fucking weasel.

PASS THE PAYROLL TAX CUT he says!

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

CNN is having caption issues, that or Holder is now going by the name Kathleen Sebilius

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Did he have the operation yet?

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 10:03 pm

I always thought of him as a 'Kathleen'.

Beowoof January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Eric Cantor applauding like he just heard Boehner has the clap.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Cantor needs to feed a cat to the ATM soon.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:54 pm

He smiled. My god, he smiled! WTF?! Barry broke his raggedy ass.

Harry_S_Truman January 24, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Cantor looked like he was kinda smitten with the tall American president.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Repeal the goddamn tax cuts.

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 9:56 pm

And how!

SkinnyNerd January 24, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Do not forget Mitt.

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Nice touch, busing in Warren's secretary like that.

Pop_Socket January 24, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Cantor is thinking of what evil he can attach to the payroll tax cut.

Beowoof January 24, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Sticking it up Mitt's ass with no lube right now, awesome.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Mitch Daniels, oh you are this year's Bobby Jindal.

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 9:58 pm

He has even less charisma. How'd they get him to agree to do it?

("As soon as we get rid of Newt, you're in, dude.")

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:56 pm

And a certain unnamed R candidate…

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 9:56 pm

OMG, he just took a poke at the millionaires in Congress! YEAH!

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 9:57 pm

nooooooo! not fair share of taxes!!

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Yes. Equalizing the rate for those that make money on money, and those that make money on working. 'Bout damned time.

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Gee, I wonder who he's talking about.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 9:57 pm

GO BAMMAZ!

98% no new taxes, top 2% in the ass. Do it. Do it.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Coburns thinks millionaires should pay more taxes? Does he know this?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:57 pm

We could pay off the deficit if we simply got all those poors to turn in their cell phones.

Pop_Socket January 24, 2012 at 9:59 pm

The Warren Buffett/Screw Mitt Romney Rule

shrillharpy January 24, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Oh, he's nailin' it! Get 'em, Hopey!

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Heh…he said "blow'

SkinnyNerd January 24, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Is somebody seriously transcribing this speech? Dude, just stick a flash drive in that teleprompter.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 10:00 pm

For some reason, I sometimes sit around trying to figure out which repub is the most despicable. Cantor rises to the top regularly.

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 1:06 am

He should. He's shit.

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Every time he says, "Send me a bill," some people pee their pants.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Inside traders are people, my friend

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Fck me, he's getting a standing ovation for asking for a bill to stop congress from insider trading. Attacking bundlers and lobbyists.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Send me a bill that we fucking agree on.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 10:01 pm

and don't tie it to that fucking pipeline

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 12:54 am

Like the worthless fucking weasels that you are.

Sorry.

IndianaKevin January 24, 2012 at 10:01 pm

He keeps saying "send me a bill" He'd better have American Express.

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 10:01 pm

uh, DVR just autotuned to "Tori & Dean." We're going to have to review our recorded shows list.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Holy shit, attacking the filibuster? That's blasphemy!

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Ha! Like the Senate is going to change its rules. Even Barry knows that ain't gonna happen. That's why he almost laughed through his teeth.

FakaktaSouth January 24, 2012 at 10:02 pm

STOP BEING REASONABLE WITH THESE PEOPLE. STOP IT. Call out Cantor by name. I think it should be illegal for YOU ERIC CANTOR to short sell America and then implement policies to ensure our downfall.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 10:03 pm

'Perpetual campaign of mutual destruction" FTW.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 10:03 pm

How old is Patrick Leahy? He has looked exactly the same for as long as I can remember. Was he born balding and grey haired?

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 10:03 pm

LOL! He's falling off, a bit. Going back into the bipartisan bullshit with an opposition that is quite literally insane.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Shit'll never change, Barry–people making too much dough.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Oooh, threat – "with or without this congress"

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Occupy Congress.

Angry_Marmot January 24, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Occupy hell, quarantine Congress.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Breaking news: Republicans like pork projects for their home districts

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Smart? Effective? Congress?!! Get the fuck outta here.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Stand up and applaud you fucking Republican weasels he just said love America.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Ahem. Blah.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Nancy is looking good, tonight.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 10:05 pm

One thing that would help: During all House or Senate votes, play the National Anthem

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 12:58 am

NO!! NOT CLAW-PLAGH!

BerkeleyBear January 24, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Did Hilary have a stroke? She looks bad.

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 10:07 pm

She looked better like 10 minutes ago. She must be one of them Democrat Witch Shapeshifters.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 10:06 pm

We have always been at war with Syriania.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Oh-oh. Assad's gonna get it.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Oh, fuck that guy.

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 12:59 am

No, thanks!

SkinnyNerd January 24, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Human dignity cannot be denied . . . except if you want to protest in the US.

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I really wonder why there is not a move afoot as with George Washington ("he'll kick you apart") to make Barry king. He is the most effective president since FDR, and is a better speaker. Maybe because he's blah?

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 12:59 am

Well — YEAH.

ThundercatHo January 24, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Can we get Hills some extreme makeover action?

CountryClubJihadi January 24, 2012 at 10:08 pm

There needs to be a rule/equation about headbands and jowls.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Hey! He's pronouncing furrin names all correct and shit. He's a muslin/socialist/communist/anti colonnialist!111!

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 12:59 am

Yup. Yeppers.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Booo! Let's leave the Dubya shit in the past, okay?

GlowneyHouse January 24, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Yep. Start the speech with war, end with war. War, and more war.

MosesInvests January 24, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Does someone have a vuvuzela in there?

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 10:11 pm

I think you're right. I heard that as well.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 10:17 pm

I don't know, but there are a few vulvas in the room.

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 1:00 am

Er … in *where,* exactly.

Terry January 24, 2012 at 10:08 pm

"Safe guard the rights of Christians, Muslims, and Jews.". The rest of y'all are out of luck.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 10:10 pm

I will pray to my pantheon of gods and goddesses about that.

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Iran rah! That got old Liebs to stand up and grudgingly golf clap.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Oh god, bamz. don't even talk about invading Iran.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Schumer likes that. (the quintessential Jew or something? why do they keep focusing?)

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 10:09 pm

YAY ISRAEL

yawn

I still don't understand America's boner for Israel

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 10:12 pm

It is baffling. Is everybody afraid to confront the evangelists about their condescending "love" of Israel and her people when they really think Jews will go to hell? Do we still feel guilty about world war II?

MosesInvests January 24, 2012 at 10:09 pm

America is back! I love it!

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Wait, I thought he just apologized all the time and shit.

Graham Cracker January 24, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Been trying to ignore the elephant(s) in the room all evening.

ThundercatHo January 24, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Was this guy just recently treated for Low T?

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Okay, Barry, you're wavering, here. Time to say something nice about Gabby and close this out before you let us down.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Ah, a bit of Veterans stuff. So now it's time to close it out.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Mark Kelly knows he's badass.

MosesInvests January 24, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Oooh-subtle reference to DADT repeal.

FakaktaSouth January 24, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Yay! Gay! FINALLY! It really doesn't matter! Okay I just got choked up, I admit it.

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 1:02 am

Yah. YEAH!!

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 10:14 pm

…they were all Republicans.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Unfortunately, the flag is heavily redacted for security purposes.

starfanglednut January 24, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Oh noes! He said something nice about teh gayz!

Angry_Marmot January 24, 2012 at 10:15 pm

McConnell looks taxidermied. Taxidermied, not stuffed– getting stuffed might change that expression on his face.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Ooh, a metaphor! Shiny!

(OK, actually, it really works, too… positively Jed Bartlettesque)

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 10:15 pm

McCraven has the beadiest of beady, little eyes. lol

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Powerful Orator Mode!!!

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 10:16 pm

What, no shout-out to Gabby's service? Seriously?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 24, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Seriously! How the hell did he miss that?

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Actually, the best political speech of my lifetime. Maybe too good.

MosesInvests January 24, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Too good?

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 11:09 pm

It plays into the idea that Barry talks a good game but doesn't deliver. (Complete nonsense, as American politics is completely symbolic).

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 10:22 pm

If even HALF of it could come true.

PlanetWingNut January 24, 2012 at 10:18 pm

now how will the repuhblicans spin this into shit?

MittBorg January 25, 2012 at 12:53 am

So far their Top Sekrit Paln is not working so very well.

FakaktaSouth January 24, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Now come on rebuttal-tards and lie about everything he said, say what you want without any regard for what his words were, lie lie lie with a sneer on your derisive, bitter, evil faces – after all this positivity, come on dickwads – be who you are.

littlebigdaddy January 25, 2012 at 12:08 am

Why didn't they have Marcus Bachmann do a "prebuttal." Get it? Get it?!

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 10:21 pm

That was a truly stunning speech. I might not agree with everything in it (e.g. wrt energy) but that delivery and conviction was amazing. It really shows up the truly pedestrian nature of the current crop of Repub candidates.

Loving the "no new taxes on the 98% but the 2% are paying more" theme.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Man this just kept growing and growing well after the new thread started.

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Mitch Daniels said we're a nation of "Haves, & Soon To Haves". What nation does he live in? Can I come?

Designer_Rants January 24, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Jeez, Mitch Daniels sounds like an old commie with all his talk of reforming taxes so Rich People don't buy as many yachts. What's the deal, Republicans? Don't you like YACHT JOBS?

PlanetWingNut January 24, 2012 at 10:53 pm

as much as i hate republican politicians i hate republican voters more…just too much stupid.

littlebigdaddy January 25, 2012 at 12:13 am

Yeah, but they were all fucked by their football coaches when they were six, so it is understandable. Mitt is a billlion times worse.

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 11:48 pm

So…it's blowjobs and steaks for us all!

DerrickWildcat January 25, 2012 at 1:15 am

I was watching Fox for a little bit and they didn't like it very much.

outragedcitizen January 25, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Ever noticed how SOTU looks like STFU when you do a quick glance? Actually, it would probably be pretty cool if Obama told Congress to STFU…

ttommyunger January 25, 2012 at 10:52 pm

After hearing Eric Cantor praise Gabby Giffords tonight, I am convinced he couldn't recite the Lord's Prayer in Church on Easter Sunday without sounding snide and smarmy.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 10:24 pm

doubtless, enormous member

You know me so well.

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