angry little worm people

Karl Rove Invents Worst SOTU Drinking Game Ever, In History

Here is Karl Rove’s State of the Union drinking game, which has only one rule: the middle class makes Karl Rove want to puke when he hears it mentioned. The middle class makes Karl Rove so sick he can even skip the drinking and go right to the vomiting. “That doesn’t sound like much of a drinking game,” you might say, because it isn’t. Karl Rove must throw the worst parties in America.

“What he is going to do tomorrow night? He is going to [use the phrase] middle-class — until you about want to get sick the next time he says it — in fact, please let’s not having drinking games based around the phrase middle-class — or we’re going to have a lot of drunk people in America tomorrow night,” Rove told Fox News’ Sean Hannity. “Second of all, he’s going to talk about how the wealthy are not paying their fair share of taxes and how they need do just a little bit more and everything will be all right.

UGH. Your Wonkette can do better than this. AND WE WILL, later tonight…

[No we are not going to link to the Newsmax article]

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  • nounverb911

    Is Rove's favorite drink called the "Turdblossom"?

    • edgydrifter

      Yes. It's peach schnapps and bitters served over cholera-tainted ice. Garnish with rat droppings.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Equal parts vinegar and water, more like.

      • C_R_Eature

        Add Dried Salted Rat Dick, as a Swizzle Stick.

        Pizzle Stick?

    • Angry_Marmot

      Santorum Sling, with extra froth.

      • littlebigdaddy

        But hold the jizz…

    • littlebigdaddy

      Look a-yonder comin'
      Comin' down that railroad track
      Hey, look a-yonder comin'
      Comin' down that railroad track
      It's the Turd Blossom Special
      Bringin' my baby back

  • BarackMyWorld

    You can play the same game with Republicans, except with the words "job creators." It's just in the president's case, he's talking about a group of people who aren't completely misnamed.

    • spudgun

      Ooh, ooh, or "class warfare" or "small government" or "family values"…

      Fun!

    • DaRooster

      Although replacing "system scamming thieves" with "Job Creators" actually is vomit inducing.

  • widestanceshakedown

    I gave up drinking years ago, but I would do a shot if I heard the news break in to report Karl Rove is in critical condition in a northern Virginia hospital.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Save it for Cheney.

      • DaRooster

        … too.

      • Isyaignert

        I always want to ask Cheney The Dick how that socilaist gubbmit healthcare thinggy is working out for him. What a fukkin' Diablo!!

    • Man0nTheStreet

      What's his diagnosis, Acute Moral Sepsis?

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      Those guys have done their damage.

      Now John Roberts, on the other hand, needs to eat a lot of sausage mcmuffins.
      ~

      • emmelemm

        I'd like Clarence Thomas to get in on that action. Or, alternatively, an autoerotic asphyxiation episode.

        • Rotundo_

          If ever there was someone whose karma lined up death by autoerotic asphyxiation misadventure, Clarence would be the one. No need for wet suits, anally inserted toys, just Clarence, hand clenched in rigor mortis around his dick would be just right.

          • emmelemm

            My thoughts exactly.

          • Isyaignert

            The sooner, the better. That fuk's a waste of skin.

        • flamingpdog

          Clarence is an overgrown cartoon character. Somebody just needs to drop an anvil on his head. I'll love the part where his body goes up and down like an accordion.

    • Callyson

      Champagne for everyone!

  • ProgressiveInga

    Karl Rove invents worst SOTU ever, in history.

    /fixed.

    • Callyson

      Karl Rove invents worst POTUS ever, in history.
      /alternate fix

  • Limeylizzie

    Can we beat him with Barb's old uterus?

    • nounverb911

      Isn't she still using it?

      • Limeylizzie

        Only for about a week more, I believe.

        • jus_wonderin

          LL, could you knit Barb a new one????

          • finallyhappy

            There was an artist here in Dc who did crocheted breats, penises, testicles and vaginas- she may have also done uteri

          • Limeylizzie
          • jus_wonderin

            "It's not completely anatomically accurate. I've taken a few liberties with the general shape and scale, as well as leaving out the ligaments connected to the ovaries. And, of course, the human uterus is not normally bubblegum pink."

      • widestanceshakedown

        She never did anything of value with it, anyhow.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Not true. She once wore it, along with an onion in her belt (as was the style at the time).

        • emmelemm

          I believe she has children, so maybe a few things of value…

    • widestanceshakedown

      Wait. We are talking about Barb Bush here, right (I know I was)? Commenter Barb's uterus never produced a litter of varmints to my knowledge.

      • Limeylizzie

        No, our Wonkette Barb was talking about having her uterus out in a couple of weeks.

        • widestanceshakedown

          Oh. That's different. Very different. Nevermind.

          I'm going home now before I do any more damage here.

          • Not_So_Much

            "No, I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass… No, wait. It's gotta be your bull."

        • Fare la Volpe

          Two weeks from today, in fact. She's promised to liveblog while trashed on pain meds.

          • Limeylizzie

            She is the bees knees.

  • SayItWithWookies

    That's funny, Karl — 'cause I get sick whenever I hear your unabashed contempt for democracy and the American people. Elitism is especially revolting when it comes from a parvenu, oui?

    • Limeylizzie

      Bien sur,cheri.

    • flamingpdog

      Karl Rove can go baiser himself, for all I care.

  • edgydrifter

    And if we hear the words "debt," "reckless," or "class warfare" during the Republican response, I get to pop you in the nuts with a nail gun–do we have a deal, Karl?

  • GOPCrusher

    Fuck Karl Rove with a red hot poker.

    • jus_wonderin

      I don't know if I would wish that on a red hot poker. Poor thing.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      with a red-hot poker he doesn't *already* own, I assume?

    • HempDogbane

      Just this weekend I finished watching 4 seasons of Showtime's The Tudors, on Netflix. At Christmas, when my daughter was here, we were going to watch an episode, but she ended it saying "I can't watch this." The scene was an interrogation and the victim was pulled down onto a table and the interrogator held up the red-hot poker from behind him. My daughter chose a Miss Marple drama, and shortly before I fell asleep watching it one of the female characters standing around outside a church talking about the vicar said "He looks like he has a red-hot poker up his bum."

  • Mahousu

    the middle class makes Karl Rove want to puke when he hears it mentioned.

    Funny, the reverse is also true.

  • Boojum_Reborn

    Every time I read SOTU, I see STFU. I don't know why.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

      Same here (especially when it comes to the SOTU "rebuttals")!

    • Callyson

      If Obama said STFU to the GOP in tonight's SOTU, it would be FTW!

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        GTFO!

    • Isyaignert

      Every time I see SCOTUS (Supreme Court …) I see SCROTUS.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Isn't the Karl Rove Drinking Game ™ the one where they tie you up, blind fold you, and then force water down your nose until you admit that you are a terrorist?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Boom! Headshot.

  • iburl

    They are SOOOO mad at NObama for inventing the term "Middle Class".

  • SorosBot

    Fox "News" pays a man who committed treason by outing a covert CIA agent on as a news analyst; they must hate America.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

      Fox loves giving air time to traitors. See also: Ollie North.

      • valgal2342

        Fox would give a prime time show to Orwell if he were not dead.

  • Guppy

    Glad to see that Newsmax is still able to command respect from people relevant in today's politics, like Karl Rove.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

    Karl strikes me as the kind of fratboy assclown who tried really hard to get girls drunk enough to fuck him, but always failed miserably.

    • Beowoof

      Judging by the number of Jeff Gannon visits to the White House, I think KKKarl really likes it in the closet.

      • tessiee

        Whichever gender he's into, I sure hope they slap him around first.
        The ball gag is a must-have, too.

  • MissTaken

    Thank you Karl for openly expressing your contempt for the vast majority of Americans. You are a true hero.

    • Beowoof

      And yet they keep tuning in to Faux News to hear what assholes they are. Ironic.

      • SorosBot

        But see, once they win Powerball, they'll be part of the 1% and don't wanna pay the taxes!

    • flamingpdog

      Not a hero, just a miserable little three-day-old santorum sandwich.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

    Second of all, he’s going to talk about how the wealthy are not paying their fair share of taxes and how they need do just a little bit more and everything will be all right.

    Yeah, the nerve of that fucking POTUS, saying things are transparently true and fairly obvious to pretty much everybody.

  • paris biltong

    "[…] he’s going to talk about how the wealthy are not paying their fair share of taxes and how they need do just a little bit more and everything will be all right."

    So Rove thinks they should pay a lot more for everything to be all right?

  • Extemporanus

    First round of shots are on me.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Just got back from the store meself.

    Funny thing, I woke up this morning with a headache and no booze in the house.
    ~

    • tessiee

      Needs moar blues riff.

      Woke up this morning (da DAH da dum!)
      My head hurt so bad (da DAH da dum!)
      Went looking for my booze (da DAH da dum!)
      But I already done drank up all I had (da DAH da dum!)
      etc.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Where's Stevie Ray when you need him?

  • OneYieldRegular

    Is Rove still talking? I mean, hasn't he done enough damage already?

  • Callyson

    Yes, the Republicans have made it quite clear that they are sick of the middle class: hence, their relentless efforts to get rid of it.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      They'll find out in November that the feeling is mutual.

  • chascates

    I still want Karl to explain his very close friendship with Jeff Gannon.

    • Beowoof

      KKKarl just appreciates the discipline of a military man.

  • Not_So_Much

    My crowd gave up the GOP "class warfare" drinking game after three people died of alcohol poisoning…

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Fuckthat. All Karl Rove drinks is Kool-Aid.

  • C_R_Eature

    Here's my Drinking Game, Karl :

    * Save pennies, purchase 1 bottle of Springbank 50 year old Campbeltown Single Malt Scotch Whisky.
    * Visit your Grave and after proper introspection, pour the contents out over your headstone.
    * Grin, and leave.

    Oh, one more thing. I'm going to pass the Scotch through my kidneys first.

    Evil fucker.

  • Come here a minute

    In fact, please let’s not having Karl Rove around.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Here's my drinking game. Drink red wine until you get diarrhea. Put it in a bag. FedEx it to Karl Rove at Faux Nooze.

    • tessiee

      Postage due.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Wow, y'all are being pretty mean. I mean, all Karl really deserves is a funnel into his mouth from the excrement of sick pigs and herpetic prostitutes, so let's just leave it at that.

    • tessiee

      Well… That's KIND of a drinking game.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Karl is consistent. Take a strength and make it a weakness.

    What sucks for Karl now is that "don'tcha just wish the middle class would go ALL the way away? I mean, we tried, but man a couple of these fuckers are still just barely hanging on – can't Obama finish ANYTHING?" makes him sound like such a dick.

    What's lucky for him is that most of the people who still listen to him don't know what words mean.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    If Karl took a shot for every time he saw his own genitals, the wax seal on the bottle would be undisturbed to this very day.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    What if we secretly replaced every sign at a Newt Romney rally with one that said "Middle Class"?

  • Manhattan123

    Well it figures since he invented the worst President in history.

  • ttommyunger

    Karl suspects that Barry's dick is bigger than his…Way bigger!

  • MinAgain

    I would have participated, but I'm in the middle class, and I can't afford good liquor.

  • flamingpdog

    I just happen to have two very hot, smart and successful sons. Except that one isn't into the daughters.

  • Fare la Volpe

    You wouldn't happen to have his number would you?