ANGRY LITTLE WORM PEOPLE  5:02 pm January 24, 2012

Karl Rove Invents Worst SOTU Drinking Game Ever, In History

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Here is Karl Rove’s State of the Union drinking game, which has only one rule: the middle class makes Karl Rove want to puke when he hears it mentioned. The middle class makes Karl Rove so sick he can even skip the drinking and go right to the vomiting. “That doesn’t sound like much of a drinking game,” you might say, because it isn’t. Karl Rove must throw the worst parties in America.

“What he is going to do tomorrow night? He is going to [use the phrase] middle-class — until you about want to get sick the next time he says it — in fact, please let’s not having drinking games based around the phrase middle-class — or we’re going to have a lot of drunk people in America tomorrow night,” Rove told Fox News’ Sean Hannity. “Second of all, he’s going to talk about how the wealthy are not paying their fair share of taxes and how they need do just a little bit more and everything will be all right.

UGH. Your Wonkette can do better than this. AND WE WILL, later tonight…

[No we are not going to link to the Newsmax article]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 95 comments }

nounverb911 January 24, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Is Rove's favorite drink called the "Turdblossom"?

edgydrifter January 24, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Yes. It's peach schnapps and bitters served over cholera-tainted ice. Garnish with rat droppings.

elviouslyqueer January 24, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Equal parts vinegar and water, more like.

C_R_Eature January 24, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Add Dried Salted Rat Dick, as a Swizzle Stick.

Pizzle Stick?

Angry_Marmot January 24, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Santorum Sling, with extra froth.

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 7:51 pm

But hold the jizz…

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Look a-yonder comin'
Comin' down that railroad track
Hey, look a-yonder comin'
Comin' down that railroad track
It's the Turd Blossom Special
Bringin' my baby back

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 5:10 pm

You can play the same game with Republicans, except with the words "job creators." It's just in the president's case, he's talking about a group of people who aren't completely misnamed.

spudgun January 24, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Ooh, ooh, or "class warfare" or "small government" or "family values"…

Fun!

DaRooster January 25, 2012 at 9:23 am

Although replacing "system scamming thieves" with "Job Creators" actually is vomit inducing.

widestanceshakedown January 24, 2012 at 5:15 pm

I gave up drinking years ago, but I would do a shot if I heard the news break in to report Karl Rove is in critical condition in a northern Virginia hospital.

SudsMcKenzie January 24, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Save it for Cheney.

DaRooster January 25, 2012 at 9:24 am

… too.

Isyaignert January 27, 2012 at 2:28 am

I always want to ask Cheney The Dick how that socilaist gubbmit healthcare thinggy is working out for him. What a fukkin' Diablo!!

Man0nTheStreet January 24, 2012 at 5:50 pm

What's his diagnosis, Acute Moral Sepsis?

ifthethunderdontgetya January 24, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Those guys have done their damage.

Now John Roberts, on the other hand, needs to eat a lot of sausage mcmuffins.
~

emmelemm January 24, 2012 at 7:20 pm

I'd like Clarence Thomas to get in on that action. Or, alternatively, an autoerotic asphyxiation episode.

Rotundo_ January 24, 2012 at 7:30 pm

If ever there was someone whose karma lined up death by autoerotic asphyxiation misadventure, Clarence would be the one. No need for wet suits, anally inserted toys, just Clarence, hand clenched in rigor mortis around his dick would be just right.

emmelemm January 24, 2012 at 7:37 pm

My thoughts exactly.

Isyaignert January 27, 2012 at 2:29 am

The sooner, the better. That fuk's a waste of skin.

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Clarence is an overgrown cartoon character. Somebody just needs to drop an anvil on his head. I'll love the part where his body goes up and down like an accordion.

Callyson January 24, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Champagne for everyone!

ProgressiveInga January 24, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Karl Rove invents worst SOTU ever, in history.

/fixed.

Callyson January 24, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Karl Rove invents worst POTUS ever, in history.
/alternate fix

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Can we beat him with Barb's old uterus?

nounverb911 January 24, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Isn't she still using it?

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Only for about a week more, I believe.

jus_wonderin January 24, 2012 at 5:41 pm

LL, could you knit Barb a new one????

finallyhappy January 24, 2012 at 5:44 pm

There was an artist here in Dc who did crocheted breats, penises, testicles and vaginas- she may have also done uteri

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Well, I have one right here.http://knitty.com/ISSUEwinter04/PATTwomb.html

widestanceshakedown January 24, 2012 at 5:26 pm

She never did anything of value with it, anyhow.

elviouslyqueer January 24, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Not true. She once wore it, along with an onion in her belt (as was the style at the time).

emmelemm January 24, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I believe she has children, so maybe a few things of value…

widestanceshakedown January 24, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Wait. We are talking about Barb Bush here, right (I know I was)? Commenter Barb's uterus never produced a litter of varmints to my knowledge.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 5:47 pm

No, our Wonkette Barb was talking about having her uterus out in a couple of weeks.

widestanceshakedown January 24, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Oh. That's different. Very different. Nevermind.

I'm going home now before I do any more damage here.

Not_So_Much January 24, 2012 at 6:32 pm

"No, I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass… No, wait. It's gotta be your bull."

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Two weeks from today, in fact. She's promised to liveblog while trashed on pain meds.

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 8:00 pm

She is the bees knees.

SayItWithWookies January 24, 2012 at 5:19 pm

That's funny, Karl — 'cause I get sick whenever I hear your unabashed contempt for democracy and the American people. Elitism is especially revolting when it comes from a parvenu, oui?

Limeylizzie January 24, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Bien sur,cheri.

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Karl Rove can go baiser himself, for all I care.

edgydrifter January 24, 2012 at 5:20 pm

And if we hear the words "debt," "reckless," or "class warfare" during the Republican response, I get to pop you in the nuts with a nail gun–do we have a deal, Karl?

GOPCrusher January 24, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Fuck Karl Rove with a red hot poker.

jus_wonderin January 24, 2012 at 5:43 pm

I don't know if I would wish that on a red hot poker. Poor thing.

Man0nTheStreet January 24, 2012 at 5:53 pm

with a red-hot poker he doesn't *already* own, I assume?

HempDogbane January 24, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Just this weekend I finished watching 4 seasons of Showtime's The Tudors, on Netflix. At Christmas, when my daughter was here, we were going to watch an episode, but she ended it saying "I can't watch this." The scene was an interrogation and the victim was pulled down onto a table and the interrogator held up the red-hot poker from behind him. My daughter chose a Miss Marple drama, and shortly before I fell asleep watching it one of the female characters standing around outside a church talking about the vicar said "He looks like he has a red-hot poker up his bum."

Mahousu January 24, 2012 at 5:21 pm

the middle class makes Karl Rove want to puke when he hears it mentioned.

Funny, the reverse is also true.

Boojum_Reborn January 24, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Every time I read SOTU, I see STFU. I don't know why.

Chillwillard January 24, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Same here (especially when it comes to the SOTU "rebuttals")!

Callyson January 24, 2012 at 6:25 pm

If Obama said STFU to the GOP in tonight's SOTU, it would be FTW!

starfanglednut February 5, 2012 at 9:40 pm

GTFO!

Isyaignert January 27, 2012 at 2:32 am

Every time I see SCOTUS (Supreme Court …) I see SCROTUS.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 24, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Isn't the Karl Rove Drinking Game ™ the one where they tie you up, blind fold you, and then force water down your nose until you admit that you are a terrorist?

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Boom! Headshot.

iburl January 24, 2012 at 5:27 pm

They are SOOOO mad at NObama for inventing the term "Middle Class".

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Fox "News" pays a man who committed treason by outing a covert CIA agent on as a news analyst; they must hate America.

Negligently_Joe January 24, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Fox loves giving air time to traitors. See also: Ollie North.

valgal2342 January 26, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Fox would give a prime time show to Orwell if he were not dead.

Guppy January 24, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Glad to see that Newsmax is still able to command respect from people relevant in today's politics, like Karl Rove.

Chillwillard January 24, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Karl strikes me as the kind of fratboy assclown who tried really hard to get girls drunk enough to fuck him, but always failed miserably.

Beowoof January 24, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Judging by the number of Jeff Gannon visits to the White House, I think KKKarl really likes it in the closet.

tessiee January 24, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Whichever gender he's into, I sure hope they slap him around first.
The ball gag is a must-have, too.

MissTaken January 24, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Thank you Karl for openly expressing your contempt for the vast majority of Americans. You are a true hero.

Beowoof January 24, 2012 at 7:01 pm

And yet they keep tuning in to Faux News to hear what assholes they are. Ironic.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 8:22 pm

But see, once they win Powerball, they'll be part of the 1% and don't wanna pay the taxes!

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Not a hero, just a miserable little three-day-old santorum sandwich.

Negligently_Joe January 24, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Second of all, he’s going to talk about how the wealthy are not paying their fair share of taxes and how they need do just a little bit more and everything will be all right.

Yeah, the nerve of that fucking POTUS, saying things are transparently true and fairly obvious to pretty much everybody.

paris biltong January 24, 2012 at 5:56 pm

"[...] he’s going to talk about how the wealthy are not paying their fair share of taxes and how they need do just a little bit more and everything will be all right."

So Rove thinks they should pay a lot more for everything to be all right?

Extemporanus January 24, 2012 at 6:03 pm

First round of shots are on me.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 24, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Just got back from the store meself.

Funny thing, I woke up this morning with a headache and no booze in the house.
~

tessiee January 24, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Needs moar blues riff.

Woke up this morning (da DAH da dum!)
My head hurt so bad (da DAH da dum!)
Went looking for my booze (da DAH da dum!)
But I already done drank up all I had (da DAH da dum!)
etc.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 25, 2012 at 3:29 am

Where's Stevie Ray when you need him?

OneYieldRegular January 24, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Is Rove still talking? I mean, hasn't he done enough damage already?

Callyson January 24, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Yes, the Republicans have made it quite clear that they are sick of the middle class: hence, their relentless efforts to get rid of it.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 25, 2012 at 3:27 am

They'll find out in November that the feeling is mutual.

chascates January 24, 2012 at 6:32 pm

I still want Karl to explain his very close friendship with Jeff Gannon.

Beowoof January 24, 2012 at 7:02 pm

KKKarl just appreciates the discipline of a military man.

Not_So_Much January 24, 2012 at 6:34 pm

My crowd gave up the GOP "class warfare" drinking game after three people died of alcohol poisoning…

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Fuckthat. All Karl Rove drinks is Kool-Aid.

C_R_Eature January 24, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Here's my Drinking Game, Karl :

* Save pennies, purchase 1 bottle of Springbank 50 year old Campbeltown Single Malt Scotch Whisky.
* Visit your Grave and after proper introspection, pour the contents out over your headstone.
* Grin, and leave.

Oh, one more thing. I'm going to pass the Scotch through my kidneys first.

Evil fucker.

Come here a minute January 24, 2012 at 7:28 pm

In fact, please let’s not having Karl Rove around.

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Here's my drinking game. Drink red wine until you get diarrhea. Put it in a bag. FedEx it to Karl Rove at Faux Nooze.

tessiee January 24, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Postage due.

Sharkey January 24, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Wow, y'all are being pretty mean. I mean, all Karl really deserves is a funnel into his mouth from the excrement of sick pigs and herpetic prostitutes, so let's just leave it at that.

tessiee January 24, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Well… That's KIND of a drinking game.

FakaktaSouth January 24, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Karl is consistent. Take a strength and make it a weakness.

What sucks for Karl now is that "don'tcha just wish the middle class would go ALL the way away? I mean, we tried, but man a couple of these fuckers are still just barely hanging on – can't Obama finish ANYTHING?" makes him sound like such a dick.

What's lucky for him is that most of the people who still listen to him don't know what words mean.

mrblifil January 25, 2012 at 1:35 am

If Karl took a shot for every time he saw his own genitals, the wax seal on the bottle would be undisturbed to this very day.

actor212 January 25, 2012 at 10:28 am

What if we secretly replaced every sign at a Newt Romney rally with one that said "Middle Class"?

Manhattan123 January 25, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Well it figures since he invented the worst President in history.

ttommyunger January 25, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Karl suspects that Barry's dick is bigger than his…Way bigger!

MinAgain January 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I would have participated, but I'm in the middle class, and I can't afford good liquor.

jus_wonderin January 24, 2012 at 5:48 pm

"It's not completely anatomically accurate. I've taken a few liberties with the general shape and scale, as well as leaving out the ligaments connected to the ovaries. And, of course, the human uterus is not normally bubblegum pink."

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 7:51 pm

I just happen to have two very hot, smart and successful sons. Except that one isn't into the daughters.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 7:57 pm

You wouldn't happen to have his number would you?

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