So many of you are asking, in very concerned-sounding emails, whether or not Wonkette will be performing its standard ritual of liveblogging and “a drinking game” on the night of the State of the Union address. COME ON WHAT DO YOU THINK, OF COURSE WE WILL DO THIS, JUST LIKE EVERY YEAR SINCE (gulp) 2004.
You will want to stop off at the medical marijuana dispensary for a supply of fireworks, alcohol, personal weaponry and dope-weed. Then, fill a glass or pop a top or load a bong or whatever one does, to get along these days. And we can all cry together. Herman Cain is delivering the “Tea Party Response,” hahahahahaha!
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How many drinks do we down every time Joe Whatshisface yells "You Lie"?
Hitler. No, wait… I mean all of them, Katie.
Dood.
all of them, nounverb911.
Yay, I should be done cleaning my apartment by then and able to join in.
Why do it yourself when you can hire a middle school student/janitor for cheap?
Is MissTaken planning on dropping by, or what?
I don't know, you'd have to ask her.
Aw, you edited out the feisty! Cheating!
She'll be by, soon enough, even if she *is* supposed to be working.
Yeah; i was afraid you might misinterpret it the way I wrote that first; I certainly don't want to offend you.
Are you saying that MissTaken is a working girl?
Now I know why my ears have been burning for the last hour.
Um … oops.
To clean?! Gawd no! Remember, my p is far too tiny to be anywhere near where Soros lives.
I like women with small p's. (sorry, LimeyLizzie)
Oh crap, now I've pissed off Soros again.
I can hear his knuckles cracking all the way to SF!
You and Lionel Hutz; I'm-a keepin' my eye on you two.
Girl? Smart, pretty ladies like you do NOT show up to clean. Let's get THAT straight. Show up to be flirted with, maybe, uh-huh.
Honey, Soros is only trying to help you grow that little p-ness. With his slow hand.
Ah that doesn't matter; you could still stop by anytime. Well anytime the place is clean and I wouldn't be embarrassed to have you see it.
OK, I'm still blushing from what I just said. I CANNOT believe I said that.
Forgive.
(runs away at high speed)
So poor Herman Cain is designated teabagger. I miss Bobby Jindal, does he still exist?
I'm not sure I'd call it "existing," but …
Once an NBC intern, always an NBC intern.
Kenny!
"Token" tea party response.
/fixed
Oh Dear Gawd yes he still exists and is still tormenting my adopted state.
Wonkette is on the terror watch list!
Wonkette's terrors are on the watch list!
Boehner must be playing from the pre-speech transcript, because he's been hella wasted (even by his standards) for the past forty-eight hours.
for the past
forty-eight hoursdecade.FTFY
Willard already issued his "prebuttal." He is just sick and tired of being called a "Monday Morning Quarterback."
Jesuz, what a load of boring codswallop that was. The Waah!Poo is really outdoing itself in an attempt to win Lickspittle of The Year, or something, innit?
Prebuttal from a probutthead.
I don't see any "game", though. How about we drink a can of PBR every time Barry says, "prosperity is just around the corner"? And we drink a bottle of grey goose every time the republican responder says "gold standard"?
Damn, son, what the fuck is YOUR liver made out of, titanium?
I like your style. I too was worried about the lack of drinking prompts.
(rolls eyes, spraining one eyeball)
This is the Wonketz. We don't need no steenkeen' PROMPTS.
It's been a long time since we've liveblogged something with someone who actually knows how to speak intelligently about difficult topics and in complete sentences. I may need to grab the bottle of Absinthe for this one.
Well, I know who I'm
stalkingdropping by tonight.Watch it, there's a SorosBot after you.
Um, what was that again? *glares angrily*.
Unlike the debates, I can even make it through Barrack's State of the Union without the aid of alcohol. The Republican response, on the other hand…
It's really for when the camera pans to some stupid GOPer giving Obama the stink eye for saying the truth, in a competent, well-thought out manner.
A sip of Fée Verte every time it hurts.
Oh no! I am not drinking and
wankingWonking!Do it sober then, but DO EEEET.
I did the whole Republiklan debate last night sober. You can surely do the BarryBash sober!
And don't call me surely!
Aw, I have class tonight. But I'll check in on the comments later.
Oh, and will the blog include the Reep's response to SOTU? You know they'll have something idiotic/hateful/wrong to say…
Shitt Romney has already ejaculated a mighty froth in a Prequel to the SOTU wherein he is waving his liver-spotted old paws about and blathering desperately about the desperation of Hopey. It's sad, really. On Waah!Poo, in case you really want to see it.
You have class tonight? You certainly won't see any of that on the liveblog tonight.
Shaddup I'm tryina drink heah.
snark off – I'm no good at it anyway – the response from Mitch Daniels is the start of his presidential campaign – the powers that be see the clown car/train wreck that is the R primary and are positioning an alternative –
I predict that his entering the race/draft will be mentioned on Fox before coverage ends tonight –
too, also – buttsecks
"Then, fill a glass or pop a top or load a bong or whatever one does, to get along these days."
All of the above.
Down a can of Genny Cream every time one of the analysts on Fox mentions Ronald Reagan. Oh shit, and I have a job interview tomorrow!
Good luck!
I got mah supplies.
Herman Cain is delivering the “Tea Party Response,” hahahahahaha!
Well, at least this will be mercifully short, to wit:
"999. I didn't touch no white women, except for those foxy hot Palin mamas. Resident Obumma hates my pizza. Vote for Slick Rick, and Snoop Dogg Bless America. Thank ye."
Three pages at the most, Herb! Preferably, octuple-spaced.
I'm hoping that the entire State of the Union consist of Obama walking to the podium, picking up the mic, saying "Fuck it, have you seen the idiots running against me? Peace out!" slamming the mic down and walking out again.
We should be so lucky.
hell yeah!!!
How about "Game Over bitches!" followed by "oh and for you assholes in Georgia…" then he turns around and drops trou.
I'm kinda thinkin' he might have *perfect* buns …
I'm expecting more like "We need to work together to make a better America" kind of shit, but I would fall in luv with Barry again if he would even go so far as to say, "I'm moving America forward, starting now, and you can either join me or get left behind in my dust." "Suckas", optional.
You know you'll fall for him the minute he opens his mouth. I always tell myself, now, MittBorg, THIS time, you're going to listen with a critical ear! and within minutes, I'm smiling and then laughing and then wondering how he would look in Speedos.
"Go fuck yourself, San Diego!"
Ohh, I hope we see him drop the mike right at Boner's feet and then just swag away. But that's probably more like the 2013 SOTU address.
I'm a little apprehensive, based on what David Plouffe has been saying and the call for a tax system based on what Warren Buffet advocates. It could all amount to the most timid steps toward reforming a system that is seriously out of whack, like the reformers' platforms in countries where nothing short of revolution – hopefully peaceful – is needed. Getting high may ease the pain.
You put it so well. Mere reform is no longer enough, but how to ensure that revolution remains peaceful?
The revolution that the Teatards bow down to because it resulted in the King James Version of the Constitution wasn't peaceful, not even here at home. I could get up for some tar and feathers, personally.
I just don't want all the poor old folks who are already hard put to make it through on cat food and crackers to not get their pittance, you know? The problem with revolution is, it is a time of chaos. It's always the weakest who get crushed underfoot. The rich, if they escape hanging, will live a long and happy life with their ill-gotten wealth. I worry about the young mothers with hungry crying kids, waiting for their food stamps, the old folks, the people in wheelchairs who won't be getting their disability checks, my vet friends who have lost an eye or a leg or an arm or their mind, suddenly having to cope with new hardships at their age.
Aw, you're just a bleeding-heart, librul commie sochuliszt!!!
Keep up the good work, MB.
I've found that last part works.
The trade-off isn't worth it. BTW, I thought you were just about to celebrate an anniversary.
New Yorkers should come drink/snark/cry with Drinking Librully at Building on Bond, located in a neighborhood I'm led to believe is called "Boerum Hill". I wouldn't know, not being a hipster.
Ah, Wonkette. The Drinking Blog with the Politics Problem.
I bought an Obama 2012 mug today at one of the souvenir stores in DC- just for the drinking game. But I will be drinking lukewarm tea or water
Just hit yourself in the head with a rubber mallet every time you would take a drink of alcohol if you drank. At least then you'd have a headache the next morning like all the drunks on teh Wonkette.
There's nothing wrong with being a *virtual* drunk. Us *virtual* drunks don't *get* headaches.
Stock up for the *next* liveblog with Gewurtztraminer Grape Juice from Navarro Vineyards. It's a delicious, non-alcoholic drink made from Gewurtztraminer grapes by a winery that makes a truly knockout Gewurtz fer reals. Over ice with a splash of soda, it's fragrant and heady and has the colour of a good golden wine, and you can sip to your heart's content and get a contact high.
Italian soda's good too, I find.
Don't forget the blood of aborted fetuses, too (not available in Oklahoma).
Dood, that's for the *hard-core* Wonketterz. The WWWs.
Well fuck me for saying it, but my drink word is reagan. Every time Hopey says reagan, I drink. Gawd I hate this shit…
"Reagan!"
Does it work with us?
I think the average wonketeer will need to supplement–"reagan" alone won't bring on the level of intoxication required to make it through to the end. I am a tea-toataler though, so it could be deadly.
Anything but Tea & you're Totaled, eh? Don't go ruinin' your health 'cos of us!
I'm sure that the rest of the Wonkette Clan, hoisting 3 or 10 for you, will more than make up.
OT – I knew a guy, years ago who's Attack Command for his dog was "Reagan!"
Drinking game chart for tonight: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/24/state-of...
Includes:
Obama mentions the 8.5% unemployment rate:
–Drink 8.5% of a bottle of Jack Daniels (no more, you're probably unemployed and Jack ain't cheap).
Obama mentions "Wall Street" or the 1%:
–Pour yourself a glass of 50-year old single malt scotch, throw the glass out, then pour another glass. You have plenty.
Boehner scowls, shakes head and/or cries:
–Do a shot of orange liqueur.
That last one's gonna get a lot of people very fucked up.
Hopey mentions any of the Republiklan Prezdential candidates:
- Do a shot of santorum while farting in your magic underwear as you shake your finger at the TV.
Which Wonketteer was it who commented: "We're fartin' through silk here"? Quick, for a bottle of single-malt!
Yay, another Wonkette liveblog!
Liver in a Coma
-I know, I know
It's Serious.
On my honor, Mr. Boehner, since you ask
You are a flatulent pain in the ass
I do not mean to be so rude
Still, this congress is a goner, Mr. Boehner —
Oh, give us money.
Outstanding. Gold Star!
Ugh. Just looked at my Facebook feed and it's currently filled with rightwing douchenozzles making comments like, "I sure HOPE – ha! -the Kenyan mentions how he killed Keystone and MILLIONS of jobs" and "B. Hussein Obama's idea of job creation is to hire people to type up his speech on the Teleprompter!"
Good grief.
Hey, can we get the guys from Mars Attacks to address the next Joint Session?
Just a thought.
Well, as a non-drinker, I guess it's just another night of Cheetos and Porn.
I thought you mighta been yelling at me, but then I came over here and saw that you were actually being your usual sweet, super-considerate self. (Hug)
You could never offend me. But don't take that as a challenge or nuthin'.
A working-hard girl, maybe, you pdog!
You better watch yourself, buddy, that SorosBot can be a jealous bot.
I know. It's my biggest fucking weakness. No street cred whatsoever.
Hold me, pdog. It'll be OK, I think.
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