The dull evidence of a typical hack political campaign is the “embargoed” speech or statement sent out many hours before the event it is supposed to address. And now we’ve got this email from a big P.R. firm claiming that the Occupy Wall Street response to Obama’s State of the Union speech is contained within this mass-mailed marketing material. That whole “mic check” thing was getting a bit stale even before it was written into a press release and sent to the nation’s political media with the dumb demand that it be kept from the common people’s eyes until after Barack Obama read his prepared comments.
So, for what it’s worth — very little, by the looks of it — here is the script that the Occupy Wall Street political organization will follow tonight, when they act like they are responding to Obama’s SOTU:
Occupy Wall Street’s Response to SOTU. The State of the 99%
This 2012 “State of the 99%” response to the State of the Union will be delivered by a group of Occupiers assembled outside in a well-lit spot at McPherson Square following the conclusion of the President’s State of the Union address and/or the Tea Party response. The presentation will unfold this way: one participant will begin in the center/front of the group, in the middle of the camera frame, surrounded by the others. That person will deliver the first line of the speech, and will then be echoed by the People’s Mic. That person will then read their second line, and as the People’s Mic echoes the second line, that person will move off to the side and rejoin the group, while another person will step into the center spot to read the next two lines, with each line again echoed by the People’s Mic. This will continue, cycling through the crowd, with each person reading two lines and being echoed by the People’s Mic.
Mic check! [mic check] Mic check! [mic check]
Fellow Americans, good evening! [Fellow Americans, good evening!]We are men and women of the 99 percent
Many of us have spent many months at Occupy Wall Streetand at other Occupations across the country and around the world
We are here tonight to report on the State of the 99 percent in AmericaOf course most Americans know the state of the 99 percent very well
But sometimes the one percent, on Wall Street and in Washington, need a reminderFinancially, the state of the 99% is not strong
That is an understatement.Never in our lifetimes have so many hard-working Americans
Faced so many difficulties, so many uncertainties, so many indignitiesIn Occupy camps around the country
We find Americans from all walks of life[3 personal story couplets]
Some of us have had it rougher than others
And it turns out living in camps is no picnic eitherBut we do not give up easily
And we take inspiration from the brave Americans who came before usFrom Dr. King, who gave his life fighting for economic justice
From the Suffragettes, who insisted the voice of women be heardFrom all of those brave or foolish enough to believe in America’s defining idea
theidea of democracy
That we are all created equal
And we all have an equal voice in shaping the laws we all live by
America
Let’s be honest.When our courts tell us corporations have more right to speak than we the people do
That’s not democracy.When pepper spray and midnight raids make a joke of the 1st Amendment right to assemble.
That’s not democracy.When defrauding clients, blowing up our economy, forging thousands of documents and seizing people’s homes illegally is not a crime
but protesting all that is a crimeThat’s not democracy.
Our America is not a democracy, not yet.We all know why: Wall street owns Washington.
Bribery is legal, and the laws we live by are for sale to the highest bidderThat is why our government serves the very rich and powerful
at the expense of the rest of usIt protects the bonuses of bankers and Wall Street executives,
while failing to keep hard-working families in their homes;It shields offshore tax havens for the very wealthy,
while letting our bridges, schools, and infrastructure fall apart;There have been dark periods in our nation’s history, when corruption became the norm
when grave injustices stood in the way of America living up to its best ideals.But time and time again, Americans stepped up to take back their government and correct our course.
Today Occupy Wall Street and the 99% movement step into this proud American tradition.But fear not, one percent!
We are not here just to help the 99% at your expense.We are here to help you too.
For when you’ve begun to think rigging the game is fair gameWhen you regard hard-working Americans as undeserving of a middle-class life
and unworthy of the profit their own work createsWhen you treat the people who build your buildings and serve your food and raise your children and patrol your streets
without respectYou have not only lost touch with our humanity
You have lost touch with your own humanityYou need to find it again, for everyone’s sake
Real democracy will do you goodWe are the 99%
We are here to create the democracy we have all been promised.We are the 99%.
Our finances are weak, but our spirit is strong.We are the 99%.
Our spring is coming.
Meh. Another People Power Movement reduced to banal hackery and PR email blasts.




{ 181 comments }
Like the other 99%, I don't have the time to read all that
I skimmed it for words like boobs and hand jobs so I have no interest.
I do that with ctrl+F, saves a lot of time and eyestrain.
I only read 1% of it.
I can't tell why it's supposed to be a response, given that it was written completely before the SOTU. At least the Republican/tea bag response puts on a show of having listened to the president before reciting the talking points.
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#OccupyOccupyWallStreet!
How to kill a movement 101
Eat too much cheese?
What is: How to make sant rum smell like brie, Alex?
Well I wouldn't mind making some santorum with Allison Brie; yummy.
Once that mic-check nonsense starts, I check out. There is no better way that to make your point pointless by stretching it out to 5x longer than it should be.
The presentation will unfold this way: one participant will begin in the center/front of the group, in the middle of the camera frame, surrounded by the others. That person will deliver the first line of the speech, and will then be echoed by the People’s Mic. That person will then read their second line, and as the People’s Mic echoes the second line, that person will move off to the side and rejoin the group, while another person will step into the center spot to read the next two lines, with each line again echoed by the People’s Mic. This will continue, cycling through the crowd, with each person reading two lines and being echoed by the People’s Mic.
Do what to who now?
It's called "The Aristocrats"!
Too much hash and not enough hashtags.
Will there be an official Wonkette response to the State of the Union?
"Take off your shirt!"
More like "Show your tits!"
We're not that subtle here.
Amy Klobachar is giving the speech?
Hawaiian Shark God or GTFO!
"Sing to me, BO!!"
"Get off my lawn!"
"You lie!!!"
"NEEDZ MOAR BUTTSECKS!11!!1!!"
Bottoms Up!
"You know who else had an official response?"
The SCOTUS to Troy Davis?
Does gratuitous fapping count?
Is there such a thing?
Only if it's chronic.
RESPONSE LIBEL!!
All of them, Katie.
If there's no official Wonkette response, we can always strap on pig noses and take part in the official GOoPer program of loud oinking and farting noises.
This entire blog can be shipped to Afghanistan, no one has lost any.
T
Trucknutz.
"Don't Teabag, me, Bro!"
This should only be discussed in a quiet room.
No response necessary. We are a War Blog, after all.
Verbose motherfuckers, huh?
Yeah, I'm sure the 1% is trembling in their Guccis over this.
one participant will begin in the center/front of the group, in the middle of the camera frame, surrounded by the others. That person will deliver the first line of the speech, and will then be echoed by the People’s Mic. That person will then read their second line, and as the People’s Mic echoes the second line, that person will move off to the side and rejoin the group,….
We used to do this in 1st or 2nd grade.
Row row row your boat,
gently down the stream,
etc etc etc
Needs moar Vulture Capitalist Blood running in the gutters.
something tells me this will be annoying to listen to after the first two lines. Message lost due to hipsters being hipsters. Next time mention Tebow.
You know who else did an unsuccesful/shitty sotu response?
That volcano in Alaska?
Mount Jindal?
SkoalRebel?
Kenneth the Page?
"Jane. Stop this crazy thing!"?
Oh wait…Her name in on the tip of my tongue….Nope almost had it.
Take your face out of her panties and gaze upon her visage for a minute. It'll come back to you.
John Roberts?
Joe "you lie" Wilson?
Joe [not his real name] the Plumber [not his real occupation.]
Sounds like a Mafia cognomen, doesn't it?
The one with the crazy eyes?
I KNOW I don't even have to say "Hitler."
I mean Jindal! I mean Jindal!
"Meh. Another People Power Movement reduced to banal hackery and PR email blasts."
Rilly, man. Isn't this what happened to the Tea Party? Well, I mean, if the Tea Party hadn't been a manufactured movement from the very beginning?
I like to write stuff when im High.
micbong check!I can't decide what I hate
more about this
dumb poem:
Its theme, its
structure, or the fact that
it doesn't
even fucking
rhyme.
</Walken>
When there's nothing good on TV, that's not a democracy.
I'd prefer watching Santorum's Apple ad to this pablum.
tl;dr.
Brought torches and pitchforks, tho. We can has bloodletting nao?
I'll second that. Howabout Occupying the Cayman Islands?
I'm in. I'm'a bring mah homies, too.
Has to still be more interesting than the Tea Party Response. And at least they will be looking at the camera.
That was alot of words, I dont know what the fuck you said, or if there was a point in there. I even read it twice, because I "started early" today.
I'm waiting for the OWS response to the Oscar nominations.
Is the same press release.
Somebody really needs to help the Occupy protesters sell their message better; by having separate people read word of the speech, the whole thing will be garbled, chaotic and incomprehensible. Try, like, one person per sentence; that could actually work.
I like your idea. I'll Tweet it. Couldn't hurt.
Speaking of SOTU responses, Herman Cain is soliciting suggestions on Twitter for what he should put in his official TP response to the SOTU tonight. Use the hashtag #CainResponse to send him some suggestions (his Twitter account is @THEHermanCain.) For some reason, "Give me capitalism or give me death" is extremely popular and seems to be used unironically.
Needs moar fetus jugglin'.
"This will continue, cycling through the crowd, with each person reading two lines and being echoed by the People’s Mic."
Oh for Christ's sake, it's going to be long, boring and incomprehensible.
I cannot believe that this is the same movement that was so classy at Davis during Katehi's silent evening walk to her car.
They had meant to do exactly the same thing at Davis that they are going to do here, but by the time everyone had figured out the directions Katehi had already driven off.
Please stop. I'm bored.
Shouted in high, clear little girl voice.
Repeat as necessary.
Too long,
Therefore wrong.
~
We could have used this after last night's debate.
I'd rather listen to a demented crackhead yell at the voices in his head than hear another one of those annoying fucking mic-checks.
That demented crackhead makes some good points.
I'll be anxious to get the read-ahead for the OWS response to the Super Bowl. I'm sure it will be more compelling than what I will have to hear from those idiots on the NFL Network. Go Pats!
You have not only lost touch with our humanity
You have lost touch with your own humanity
How does OWS know about me touching my humanity?
Moist?
OWS, the humanity!
Well everybody does it, so it kind of goes without saying.
Hey, I've never touched MissT's humanity! Tell my wife, MissT, before she gets the round chambered!!!
I have committed crimes against my humanity many times.
How did they know I just had a Pants-Off Dance-Off?
Mic check!
Adhesive side down!
Where did you get a huge manatee? Do you live in Florida?
At this point, who doesn't know?
Wasn't that the point of charging $5 to view the web cam footage?
If the success of the OWS revolution means that we have to listen to by-the-numbers boilerplate like that all the time, I'm voting for Gingrich.
This is what makes Keanu Reves sad.
I will occupy any place within walking distance for $37.28 because that is how much I need.
This is stupid. [This is stupid.]
Also, I observe that OWS rather cravenly avoids any mention at all of the plague of fetus-eating that is sweeping the country.
WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!!!
Nobody asked but I will give my response to Barry's SOTU.
"Yep, you're right."
If it wasn't for Sturgis, I'd leave this country!
Needs more guillotine.
Pitchforks and torches, at least.
tl;dr
"[3 personal story couplets]"
Oh? Do tell.
I was hoping for haikus, but there you have it.
In fairness to OWS, they embargoed a pretty shitty response. I can understand why they'd want to wait for bigger names to overshadow this.
Especially since most of it has been running on the TeeVee for a couple of weeks already.
I see what you did there.
That person will deliver the first line of the speech, and will then be echoed by the People’s Mic.
Wait. The Rock will be delivering the response?
Awesome!
I predict that this will be especially effective if read by people with chalkboard-scraping, strident voices who conclude by blaming everything on the Fed and Zionism.
Okay you guys, cut it out. These are your breathren, sistren, and/or children.
I'm an only child myself, but everyone I knew growing up that had brothers and sisters, they were always fucking with each other, beating on each other, teasing each other, making each other cry, etc.
And if the rumors were true, some of them were just plain old fucking each other.
All those rumors are false.
Thank you.
~ The Residents of the State of Kentucky
My sisters beat me at tennis
My cistern is empty
"Yeah… what they said."
I'd go with something succinct.
How about,
"We're going to hang all you corrupt, lying assholes from lamp posts."
[repeat]
~
Not only +1, but FTW
Gets right to the point. I'd go with this edit.
If only this was read aloud by Lieberman and Pawlenty, it could really. . . .zzzzzzzzzzz/thump.
So, couplets, eh? Oh, if I must…
There once were Occupiers who said
"Hey POTUS, off with your head!"
After Barry's SOTU,
They all shouted "Fuck You!"
And soon occupied Gitmo instead.
Ode, ode, ode.
I usually have to hear the other persons speech before rebuttal.
They must be time travelers.
But is there sex? Dirty hippie sex in sleeping bags?
I think that's what they mean by:
We are the 99%.
Our spring is coming
Santa Clause only comes once a year.
And here I thought it was "We are the 99%, offspring are coming" and figured the hippies had forgotten their condoms.
But fear not, one percent!
We are not here just to help the 99% at your expense.
We are here to help you too….
You have not only lost touch with our humanity
You have lost touch with your own humanity
You need to find it again, for everyone’s sake
Real democracy will do you good
That sound you hear is drawbridges being pulled up at 1% of the households in America.
Hippies did the same thing in the sixties, execpt it was…
Kumbaya my lord [Kumbaya]
Kumbaya my lord [Kumbaya]
Kumbaya my lord [Kumbaya]
Oh Lord [Kumbaya]
Then they went over to campus and blew up the Science Building
So, some hot DC cop on hipster action after the SOTU!
When I was a little kid I used to think poetry was gross and for girls. Then one day the English teacher read the words to War Pigs to show us that it was really poetry because it rhymed. He was right, Masses rhymed with Masses. So now I kind of like poetry because songs are really poetry with guitars except for some songs that don't have any words at all and they are all stupid.
"some songs that don't have any words at all and they are all stupid."
Derrick, you need to go back and listen to "Peaches en Regalia" or "Beck's Bolero" again.
It wasn't the Ventures fault that they were all dumb.
OT Martin Bashir is reaming that hideous Joe Walsh, delicious.
Did you see him yesterday? He was talking about Romney going after Gingrich in a more forceful way and added, "I reminds me of a politician in England who said his opponent's rebuttals were like being attacked by a dead sheep."
I love him, I never used to, but if you watch him he is so understated and snarky, he is probably on Wonkette.
I think MSNBC is giving him more leeway than ABC did.He's very droll and he has more knowledge about international issues than the other ones do which is why I watch.
I've caught his show a few times and I like the way he insults people in that British manner of his.
We are so fucking excellent at that, dentistry and haute cuisine-not soi much, but sarcasm we have down to an art form.
Marco Pierre White libel.
*achem*, as someone who stood out in a godamn WI winter for weeks, watching crowds go from a few thousand to 100k. Watching Doctors and Nurses risk their careers handing out "notes", and a tiny recall petition stand at the Capital steps start (none of us thought had a chance) it pains me to see these people as posers.
I love that they have added the income disparity to the dialogue, but for fucks sake do something else than digging igloos at Davos.
This is what we are doing http://mirrors.5nines.com/stream/ , and we still have an uphill battle.
*steps off soap box*
Amen to that…and thank you.
Thank you, Suds.
And thank you, too, patriotic volunteer Rainman army counting away quietly, on cam, for freedom.
Ooooooh, chatty Cathy with the ponytail has teh sexy nerd thing going on . . .
Thanks Suds. I wish I could give you 10ps.
A bootleg tape of the greatest hits from an occupied port-a-potty at Burning Man is finer dining music than this occupied muzak.
That mic check thing has always been embarrassing as fuck.
Needz moar roadies.
You couldn't sell a poem this shitty on Etsy, even if you sprinkled it with glitter and labeled it as "upcycled."
I thought no individuals spoke for the movement. Someone is in need of a flaming tire collar of one variety or another. Maybe we'll be nice and start them off with a bicycle wheel…
"V For Vegetable"…worst sequel ever.
As a member of the 99%, I am way too busy eating fetuses and drinking rubbing alcohol to read all that shit.
tl;dr
That Mike Czech dude sure gets around.
Pointless; an exercise in futility. All the 1% ever needed to know about the Occupy movement they learned from that newspaper photo of the cop in Oakland petting an occupy-orphaned kittycat.
I had a root canal this morning, which you might think promises to make the SOTU far more entertaining than usual, but because Jebus hates me I can't take painkillers any more potent than ibuprofen without violently puking. I haz a sad.
Aww. I'm kissing you wookie. Guess you can never be in a rock band. (Punk band maybe, puking could be part of the act.)
I may go with fetus shots instead; I hear they're delicious AND protein-packed.
Might help your recovery.Feel better.
Bong hits ?
Hey, it's not Miley Cyrus but sadly #OWS reminds me of this:
You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
—–
You say you got a real solution
Well, you know
We'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know
——-
You say you'll change the constitution
Well, you know
We all want to change your head
You tell me it's the institution
Well, you know
You better free you mind instead
“Every American community has varying shades of political opinion. One of the shadiest of these is the liberal. Ten degrees to the left of center in good times. Ten degrees to the right of center if it affects them personally.”
–Phil Ochs
OWS, I love you, but it's time for you assholes to stop acting like mimes and start acting like a real political movement. Cut the street theatre and get behind some policy changes.
Agreed. It reminds me of the entire Obama Administration up to this point, the wingnuts screaming about socialism and fundamentally changing America, so they've been going out of their way not to piss the wingnuts off.
Maybe the time has come for the OWS Movement to start showing up with some ropes and swinging some iron around to give the 1% the idea that we are getting tired of fucking around.
I don't even need tire irons (yet). How about having a person deliver the OWS repsonse? A single person delivering a coherent statement instead of this performance art people's mic bullshit. It wouldn't have to be a politician (although I think it's time we made use of Robert Reich, Buddy Roemer or Bernie Sanders). I know that there have been benefits to the fluid nature of OWS but it's time to evolve into something besides hippie mobs. This kind of stuff just begs to be mocked. We've changed the conversation now let's get to work on changing the SYSTEM.
My apologies for the lack of snark but I hate seeing OWS blow an opportunity like this with lame theatrics.
I disagree. OWS changed the conversation without any money or politicians behind them. The Tea Bagger movement, on the other hand, is all but dead because they tried to change the GOP from the inside and ended up compromising themselves. Now every body hates them and they're unhappy with the people they've put in office. Perhaps staying in the periphery is the best thing for OWS if they want to get the whole of the 99% on side, no?
When will we hear a response from Walker, Texas Ranger?
I accidently the SOTU. Is this bad?
"Yes, we're all different!"
If there's one thing I learned, it's to never allow anybody with any sort of political agenda to get a hold of my email address. They're all well aware that they don't qualify as "spam" under the law, and they all think they're so clever…
Embargo THIS!
I'm not embarrassed to say this, but I found this extremely difficult to masturbate to.
Tell us in one sentence, what you're going to tell us.
Tell us, in one or two sentences.
Tell us what you just told us.
4 sentences, tops, to explain anything, verbose, boring windbags…
Better idea: Collectively shit on a print-out of Newt, Mitts, Ron and Santorum in a lemon party photoshop, followed by a moment of silence.
They may never get the whole of the 99% on side, but the message they're trying to put out there would resonate with a lot more people if they avoid choosing blue over red.
Americans for prosperity helped the tea party focus on more strategic goals and helped them achieve some great results. But OWS dominates the conversation now because the baggers became a part of the political realm and now that they're on the inside they've been sold out by the very politicians they pinned their hopes on.
Bill Maher, Bernie Sanders, Robert Reich and Buddy Romer have been at it for years and they have never changed the conversation like OWS has been able to. Believe me, it feels counter intuitive to say this, but why not let these people keep on doing their thing and see how it plays out?
The teabaggers are calling the shots? That's news to me. If they were calling the shots Michele Bachmann would still be in the race.
I, for one, will not criticise the spirit of the movement. When this thing kicks back into high-gear when everything unthaws in the spring, their supposed allies won't be laughing.
Will the left ever learn what the Right has perfected? Go for the jugular, keep it short, keep it simple. Jeesh!
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