Sarah Palin Movie … Nominated For An Oscar? (OH WAIT NOT REALLY)

  america's last days

Time to get some goody bags or bling bags or whatever the Oscars call it.Can the Wasilla Grifter possibly get another five minutes added to her expired fifteen minutes of infamy? Well, yes, of course. Besides, her fifteen minutes actually turned out to be three-and-a-half years, which is pretty substantial for an aging snowbilly grandma whose one and only talent was being less physically repulsive than John McCain, back in 2008. Anyway, that awful feature-length commercial for Palin’s nonexistent presidential campaign, Undefeated, has been nominated for an Academy Award (TM) … and not even in the expected categories of Animated Feature Film or Hilarious Costume Design. UPDATE FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT MOVIES: Ha, thank Christ, it’s a different movie also called the same thing, Undefeated. Whew.

But here’s the rest of the post, anyway, for the lulz:

Here it is, fresh from Chris Dodd’s favorite evil corporate bullshit machine, the Motion Picture Lobbyists of America:

Documentary (Feature)

• “Hell and Back Again” Danfung Dennis and Mike Lerner
• “If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front” Marshall Curry and Sam Cullman
• “Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory” Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs
• “Pina” Wim Wenders and Gian-Piero Ringel
• “Undefeated” TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay and Richard Middlemas

Hell and Back Again and Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory are both much better names for a Sarah Palin documentary. The Thing and They Live and Halloween and pretty much any John Carpenter movie also has a better title for a Sarah Palin documentary.

Let’s hope she attends the televised awards program, and that the “current version of Chris Farley” throws up on her hair. [Movieline]

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113 comments

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Tagline: "You need to make out, you're looking for an empty theater. Undefeated. No one will be getting to second base during the riveting Brietbart Eunuch scene!"

    1. UnholyMoses

      To be fair, she has yet to lose to reality — the advantage of living in one of her creation.

  1. Generation[redacted]

    Were those really the 4 best documentaries last year? No wonder I got dragged off to see Twilight instead.

    1. JustPixelz

      That's not a surveyor's mark, it's just a test pattern.

      I play XBOX and shoot my teevee all the time. It's fun.

      When her other documentary — "Who's Nailin' Paylin?" — is on, I shoot my teevee, if you know what I mean.

  2. Texan_Bulldog

    I'm sure this confuses her. On one hand she wants to go & grab as many goody bags that she can hide in her Bump-It hairdo, but on the other hand, how can she complain about Hollywood eelites if she attends? What's a Snowbilly Grifter to do?

    And if she wins, I want her to go onstage and do the Sally Field speech, "You like me! You really like me!"

  3. dipfan

    Ah maybe I'm missing the joke but y'all realise it's another documentary named Undefeated, right?
    http://oscar.go.com/nominees/documentary-feature/

    Under the stewardship of Coach Bill Courtney, the Manassas High School football team has reversed its reputation as a perennial loser and established a winning record that is a source of pride for its players. The problems faced by several of the young men, however, threaten to undermine the team’s chances of making the playoffs.

  4. DerrickWildcat

    I did not see this movie. I did see that movie about the Indian kid who was really good at Jeopardy. It was a good movie so I think it should win the award for best movie.

  5. ElPinche

    I hope they get the "DON'T BOO" signs ready during the announcement. You know Kal Penn and Olivia Wylde will be yelling some shit.

  6. SexySmurf

    Because you all want to know, here are my Oscar picks:

    Best picture: That video of the Brazilain cops ramming the airplane with their car.

    Best Actor: Rob Lowe's wig in Drew Peterson: Untoachable.

    Worst Actor: Marcus Bachmann as a heterosexual.

    Best Actress: Jessica Alba in everyone of my sexual fantasies.

    Worst Actress: If Tara Reid made a movie this year: Tara Reid. If she didn't: still Tara Reid.

    Best Screenplay: Every word spoken on Mob Wives, especially when Karen told Carla that she doesn't care if Drita "Licks her fucking pussy in the middle of fucking Macy's.

    Best Celebrity Sex Tape: Those naked pictures of Scarlett Johansson

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Tara Reid? Yeah, I guess she peaked as "Bunny" in Big Lebowski. (just finished re-watching..)

      Worst Actress, if there were such a category: I doubt there'd be ballroom volume and time enough…

      1. SorosBot

        She was good in Big Lebowski, and also in (the surprisingly good) Josie and the Pussycats. In both films, she played stupid airheaded bimbos; I doubt that is a coincidence. (See also: Keeanu Reeves, who is good when he plays stupid surfer dudes, and nothing else).

        1. jqheywood

          See, e.g., his interpretation of Don John in Branagh's Much Ado About Nothing. I wanted to shoot someone over that casting decision…

  7. Indiepalin

    From what I've seen, "The Undefeated" deserves everything it can get. As pure entertainment, it ranks right up there with "The Indian in the Cupboard"

  8. 2oo9bra

    Not sure if this post is completely in jest … If not, it's in error. Undefeated is documentary about a Memphis football team.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    As dipfan mentioned above, it was a different movie — otherwise I just figured it was a ploy to treble the Sarah movie's audience, since the members of the Academy voting on documentaries would've had to watch it.

    Every time that half-been pious fraud is mentioned though, I get chills — I cannot wait for the day that she is as forgotten as the Nicene anathema.

  10. Mumbletypeg

    her fifteen minutes actually turned out to be three-and-a-half years

    This is all Obama's fault, of course. With his resounding defeat of McCain/Palin came the promise NO MORE OF THE SAME. Yet those are the very words that resume clanging in my noggin every time she scores another headline or photo op or soundbite. Her ill-begotten Phoenix rises from the ashes (flames fanned of course by adoring &/or masochistic media) where words like "overexposed," "ingratiating" and "soulless sycophant" continue to smoulder.

    1. LesBontemps

      It must have been all he could do to keep from slapping her every time she opened her pie hole.

  11. KeepFnThatChicken

    Hold on, everybody, hold on. Isn't "Best Documentary" one of those categories they mention without presenters, and right before commercial break?

    Sure, Sarah. You're welcome to attend… but you won't get any fucking face time.

  12. fartknocker

    I could give a rat's ass about the MPA. I want an unbiased critique of Joan of Wasilla's movie from the Joel and the cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

  13. SorosBot

    I'm, surprised by how many people have made that mistake – yes, the Oscar voters are the people dumb enough to have named such pieces of shit as Forrest Gump and American Beauty Best Picture of the year; but even they're not that stupid.

        1. Fare la Volpe

          Why is that still a movie genre? "Wonderful White People teach poor black slobs how to use a fork. Aren't those white people just wonderful?"

          1. SorosBot

            And White Ladies Were the Heroes of the Civil Rights Movement got nominated for Best Picture this year; though at least they nominated the black lady for Best Actress and the white lady for Supporting; that's progress anyway.

          2. Loaded_Pants

            I remember when the Magical White Lady (MWL) that the movie was based on showed up on various shows helping promote the movie. Everything about her rubbed me the wrong way, especially since she just talked about herself & it was always "I this-or-that…& me, me me.) I thought, she should have been involved with show business from day one.

    1. pdiddycornchips

      Forest Gump was at least beautiful to look at. I wanted to run out and buy a house in Dembo, Alabama after I first saw it. Then, a few years later, I visited Alabama and was dissuaded of any such thoughts.

    2. Fare la Volpe

      But Crash was such a brilliant and not at all obnoxious piece of cinema gold!

      Way better than those two gay cowboys touchin' butts.

    3. DahBoner

      What, some movie about an American golddigger who decides to marry her Irish car driver, after she finds out he's rich enough to own a pub is better than American Beauty????

    4. Loaded_Pants

      Oh god, thank you. Around the time it came out, I got into arguments about American Beauty. I fucking hated that movie.

  14. EatsBabyDingos

    I heard about this movie on the radio, but I thought it was about the new footie pajamas for men made with genuine grifter Underoos. Chris Christie wears them, and vows to remain Undie Feeted.

  15. Fare la Volpe

    I can't tell what's worse – getting your political documentary mistaken for one about football, or getting your football documentary mistaken for Sarah Palin.

  16. JustPixelz

    I bet she wishes she named her movie "War Whore".

    I bet she wishes she named her movie "Moneyball"

    I bet she wishes she named her movie "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close"

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    The New England Patriots tried this "Undefeated" shit a few years back, didn't work out so well for them, either.

  18. Indiepalin

    This is our chance to see Joan and Melinda Rivers rassle Bristol and Piper Palin, right there on the Red Carpet.

  19. pdiddycornchips

    off topic but assuming the slimy Newt wins the GOP nomination, who will be his running mate? Will he pick another equally reptilian has-been hellbent on revenge against her enemies? I bet someone hopes so.

  20. owhatever

    She actually was making a movie of her own, but quit halfway through when they ran out of popcorn and nobody would do a nude love scene with her.

  21. ElPinche

    Big Meth Lab in Little Wasilla

    Truck driver Jake decides to team up with cougar hockey mom Sarah and her pack of mentally disabled daughters to produce and sell meth in a trailer in Wasilla, AK. However, Lo Pan, a mystical magician/meth dealer kidnaps a babyt4rd and hilarity ensues.

  22. notreelyhelping

    Now I'm so looking forward to the episode where House, discussing Palin's case, says: "The mystery is how someone could be so stupid and still breathe."

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