AMERICA'S LAST DAYS  1:00 pm January 24, 2012

Sarah Palin Movie … Nominated For An Oscar? (OH WAIT NOT REALLY)

by Wonkette Jr.

Time to get some goody bags or bling bags or whatever the Oscars call it.Can the Wasilla Grifter possibly get another five minutes added to her expired fifteen minutes of infamy? Well, yes, of course. Besides, her fifteen minutes actually turned out to be three-and-a-half years, which is pretty substantial for an aging snowbilly grandma whose one and only talent was being less physically repulsive than John McCain, back in 2008. Anyway, that awful feature-length commercial for Palin’s nonexistent presidential campaign, Undefeated, has been nominated for an Academy Award (TM) … and not even in the expected categories of Animated Feature Film or Hilarious Costume Design. UPDATE FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT MOVIES: Ha, thank Christ, it’s a different movie also called the same thing, Undefeated. Whew.

But here’s the rest of the post, anyway, for the lulz:

Here it is, fresh from Chris Dodd’s favorite evil corporate bullshit machine, the Motion Picture Lobbyists of America:

Documentary (Feature)

• “Hell and Back Again” Danfung Dennis and Mike Lerner
• “If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front” Marshall Curry and Sam Cullman
• “Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory” Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs
• “Pina” Wim Wenders and Gian-Piero Ringel
• “Undefeated” TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay and Richard Middlemas

Hell and Back Again and Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory are both much better names for a Sarah Palin documentary. The Thing and They Live and Halloween and pretty much any John Carpenter movie also has a better title for a Sarah Palin documentary.

Let’s hope she attends the televised awards program, and that the “current version of Chris Farley” throws up on her hair. [Movieline]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 113 comments }

Barb January 24, 2012 at 1:05 pm

The sequel will be named "The Unattended"

Generation[redacted] January 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Tagline: "You need to make out, you're looking for an empty theater. Undefeated. No one will be getting to second base during the riveting Brietbart Eunuch scene!"

Chillwillard January 24, 2012 at 1:25 pm

"An Inconvenient Pregnancy."

ttommyunger January 24, 2012 at 1:07 pm

"Unwatchable"

FNMA January 24, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Best documentary since "Spinal Tap"!
It was satire, right?

nounverb911 January 24, 2012 at 1:08 pm

How many nominations did "Atlas Shrugged" get?

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Awards are the efforts of parasites to steal from the creators, the Paultards will say.

KeepFnThatChicken January 24, 2012 at 1:24 pm

None of them, Katie.

Generation[redacted] January 24, 2012 at 3:13 pm

That movie had "Gone Galt" within a week of its release.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 24, 2012 at 5:17 pm

The Free Market will decide!

OC_Surf_Serf January 24, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Also a winner in the "Most Fucking Ironic Title" category…

UnholyMoses January 24, 2012 at 1:43 pm

To be fair, she has yet to lose to reality — the advantage of living in one of her creation.

Chillwillard January 24, 2012 at 1:08 pm

How many Oscars did "Who's Nailin' Paylin?" win again?

johnnymeatworth January 24, 2012 at 1:28 pm

If by "Oscars" you mean "AVN Awards," apparently one–for Clever Title of the Year 2010.
http://www.cduniverse.com/productinfo.asp?pid=779

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 24, 2012 at 5:28 pm

As many as the documentary?

Wait, which one was the documentary again?

SexySmurf January 24, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Fucking liberal Hollywood.

Chillwillard January 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm

You know she won't miss the opportunity to attend the ceremony, though, wearing her favorite Neiman Marcus dress.

GOPCrusher January 24, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I bet if Michael Moore or Al Gore made a documentary, it would of gotten nominated.

nounverb911 January 24, 2012 at 1:09 pm

The Academy™ really does have a warped sense of humor.

Generation[redacted] January 24, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Were those really the 4 best documentaries last year? No wonder I got dragged off to see Twilight instead.

Not_So_Much January 24, 2012 at 1:09 pm

If that cunt appears at the ceremonies, I'm shooting my teevee.

JustPixelz January 24, 2012 at 1:28 pm

That's not a surveyor's mark, it's just a test pattern.

I play XBOX and shoot my teevee all the time. It's fun.

When her other documentary — "Who's Nailin' Paylin?" — is on, I shoot my teevee, if you know what I mean.

Texan_Bulldog January 24, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I'm sure this confuses her. On one hand she wants to go & grab as many goody bags that she can hide in her Bump-It hairdo, but on the other hand, how can she complain about Hollywood eelites if she attends? What's a Snowbilly Grifter to do?

And if she wins, I want her to go onstage and do the Sally Field speech, "You like me! You really like me!"

Extemporanus January 24, 2012 at 1:10 pm

"And the Oscar goes to…that cunt!"

nounverb911 January 24, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Who's gown will Palin wear on the red carpet?

GOPCrusher January 24, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Carhartt?

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 24, 2012 at 5:29 pm

All of them, Katie?

dipfan January 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Ah maybe I'm missing the joke but y'all realise it's another documentary named Undefeated, right?
http://oscar.go.com/nominees/documentary-feature/

Under the stewardship of Coach Bill Courtney, the Manassas High School football team has reversed its reputation as a perennial loser and established a winning record that is a source of pride for its players. The problems faced by several of the young men, however, threaten to undermine the team’s chances of making the playoffs.

Generation[redacted] January 24, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Drudge Siren! Now!!!!!

nounverb911 January 24, 2012 at 1:13 pm

A Wonkette can dream can't they.

FNMA January 24, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Oh, come on. Let us have our fun.

Generation[redacted] January 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Let's all post congratulations on her facebook page.

dipfan January 24, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Now that's comedy gold

weej_bain January 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Are you saying Wonkette Jr has been bull runned?

jqheywood January 24, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I see what you did there…

memzilla January 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Are we all Manassasholes?

Gratuitous World January 24, 2012 at 1:20 pm

yes, but Palin used to be a sportscaster + probably slept with the Coach so it's kind of like she's nominated.

qwerty42 January 24, 2012 at 1:21 pm

It isn't really a Clint Eastwood movie about an aging gunfighter?

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm

HA HA, you said "man ass".

DerrickWildcat January 24, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I did not see this movie. I did see that movie about the Indian kid who was really good at Jeopardy. It was a good movie so I think it should win the award for best movie.

memzilla January 24, 2012 at 1:12 pm

If it is indeed the Palin mockumentary, then why isn't she also up for Best Griftress?

ifthethunderdontgetya January 24, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I am going to pirate every goddamned movie I can get my hands on, just to show my support.
~

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 1:20 pm

SOPA libel!!

GOPCrusher January 24, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I'm downloading Who's Nailin Paylin as we speak.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 24, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Isn't there a requirement that someone watch the movie first before it is nominated?

imissopus January 24, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Only in theory.

ElPinche January 24, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I hope they get the "DON'T BOO" signs ready during the announcement. You know Kal Penn and Olivia Wylde will be yelling some shit.

SexySmurf January 24, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Because you all want to know, here are my Oscar picks:

Best picture: That video of the Brazilain cops ramming the airplane with their car.

Best Actor: Rob Lowe's wig in Drew Peterson: Untoachable.

Worst Actor: Marcus Bachmann as a heterosexual.

Best Actress: Jessica Alba in everyone of my sexual fantasies.

Worst Actress: If Tara Reid made a movie this year: Tara Reid. If she didn't: still Tara Reid.

Best Screenplay: Every word spoken on Mob Wives, especially when Karen told Carla that she doesn't care if Drita "Licks her fucking pussy in the middle of fucking Macy's.

Best Celebrity Sex Tape: Those naked pictures of Scarlett Johansson

Mumbletypeg January 24, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Tara Reid? Yeah, I guess she peaked as "Bunny" in Big Lebowski. (just finished re-watching..)

Worst Actress, if there were such a category: I doubt there'd be ballroom volume and time enough…

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 1:25 pm

She was good in Big Lebowski, and also in (the surprisingly good) Josie and the Pussycats. In both films, she played stupid airheaded bimbos; I doubt that is a coincidence. (See also: Keeanu Reeves, who is good when he plays stupid surfer dudes, and nothing else).

jqheywood January 24, 2012 at 1:32 pm

See, e.g., his interpretation of Don John in Branagh's Much Ado About Nothing. I wanted to shoot someone over that casting decision…

Mumbletypeg January 24, 2012 at 2:01 pm

In Private Idaho and River's Edge, he's passable. Should've quit while ahead w/ those.

Gratuitous World January 24, 2012 at 1:30 pm

hilarious. lowe's "chicago accent" also deserves some sort of lifetime achievement award.

Indiepalin January 24, 2012 at 1:14 pm

From what I've seen, "The Undefeated" deserves everything it can get. As pure entertainment, it ranks right up there with "The Indian in the Cupboard"

2oo9bra January 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Not sure if this post is completely in jest … If not, it's in error. Undefeated is documentary about a Memphis football team.

SudsMcKenzie January 24, 2012 at 1:18 pm

,,, and George Clooney is on her Celebrity Fuck List, its award season people!

SayItWithWookies January 24, 2012 at 1:18 pm

As dipfan mentioned above, it was a different movie — otherwise I just figured it was a ploy to treble the Sarah movie's audience, since the members of the Academy voting on documentaries would've had to watch it.

Every time that half-been pious fraud is mentioned though, I get chills — I cannot wait for the day that she is as forgotten as the Nicene anathema.

VinnyThePooh January 24, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I guess we'll witness Sarah's water breaking onto Joan's new Pradas live on TV.

FNMA January 24, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Way ahead of you. See ya' there!

NorthStarSpanx January 24, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Dang, and she was so ready to go back to Hollywood and nab some SWAG for Willow's wedd'in.

EatsBabyDingos January 24, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Faaaabulous Blingee, and the only thing to change is the first "P" in "Happy" to an "R."

BaldarTFlagass January 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm

She should have got Michael Moore to direct it.

Slim_Pickins January 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Sarah, "I used to ridicule Hollywood elites, now I are one."

Mumbletypeg January 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm

her fifteen minutes actually turned out to be three-and-a-half years

This is all Obama's fault, of course. With his resounding defeat of McCain/Palin came the promise NO MORE OF THE SAME. Yet those are the very words that resume clanging in my noggin every time she scores another headline or photo op or soundbite. Her ill-begotten Phoenix rises from the ashes (flames fanned of course by adoring &/or masochistic media) where words like "overexposed," "ingratiating" and "soulless sycophant" continue to smoulder.

Nostrildamus January 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Sarah's taste in robotic dildoes is certainly not mine. Is this some weird Christian thing?

Sharkey January 24, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Best Supporting Actor: Trig Palin

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Best Supporting Actor: her bra.

LesBontemps January 24, 2012 at 1:37 pm

It must have been all he could do to keep from slapping her every time she opened her pie hole.

bureaucrap January 24, 2012 at 2:33 pm

They do not give academy awards to props, political or otherwise.

cheaphits January 24, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Is the upcoming "One for the Money" (Katherine Heigl, Jason O'Mara) about Sarah Palin?l

Indiepalin January 24, 2012 at 1:25 pm

If she wins the Oscar, she'll send an Indian up there to accept it for her.

imissopus January 24, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Todd?

Tundra Grifter January 24, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Indiepalin:

Dot or feather?

DahBoner January 24, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Won't be able to understand what they are saying without subtitles…

KeepFnThatChicken January 24, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Hold on, everybody, hold on. Isn't "Best Documentary" one of those categories they mention without presenters, and right before commercial break?

Sure, Sarah. You're welcome to attend… but you won't get any fucking face time.

fartknocker January 24, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I could give a rat's ass about the MPA. I want an unbiased critique of Joan of Wasilla's movie from the Joel and the cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 1:29 pm

And fuck that Mike asshole.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I'm, surprised by how many people have made that mistake – yes, the Oscar voters are the people dumb enough to have named such pieces of shit as Forrest Gump and American Beauty Best Picture of the year; but even they're not that stupid.

Barb January 24, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I will never forgive Hollywood for giving Mira Sorvino an Oscar for "Mighty Aphrodite"

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 1:36 pm

At least she was better than Sandra Bullock in White People Condescendingly Help Poor Black Kid.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Why is that still a movie genre? "Wonderful White People teach poor black slobs how to use a fork. Aren't those white people just wonderful?"

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 1:55 pm

And White Ladies Were the Heroes of the Civil Rights Movement got nominated for Best Picture this year; though at least they nominated the black lady for Best Actress and the white lady for Supporting; that's progress anyway.

Loaded_Pants January 24, 2012 at 7:50 pm

I remember when the Magical White Lady (MWL) that the movie was based on showed up on various shows helping promote the movie. Everything about her rubbed me the wrong way, especially since she just talked about herself & it was always "I this-or-that…& me, me me.) I thought, she should have been involved with show business from day one.

pdiddycornchips January 24, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Forest Gump was at least beautiful to look at. I wanted to run out and buy a house in Dembo, Alabama after I first saw it. Then, a few years later, I visited Alabama and was dissuaded of any such thoughts.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 1:34 pm

But Crash was such a brilliant and not at all obnoxious piece of cinema gold!

Way better than those two gay cowboys touchin' butts.

GOPCrusher January 24, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I liked Forrest Gump. Sure, it's no Machete, but it still a solid movie.

DahBoner January 24, 2012 at 5:15 pm

What, some movie about an American golddigger who decides to marry her Irish car driver, after she finds out he's rich enough to own a pub is better than American Beauty????

Loaded_Pants January 24, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Oh god, thank you. Around the time it came out, I got into arguments about American Beauty. I fucking hated that movie.

Steverino247 January 24, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Uhhhm! Somebody used the "R" word!

EatsBabyDingos January 24, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I heard about this movie on the radio, but I thought it was about the new footie pajamas for men made with genuine grifter Underoos. Chris Christie wears them, and vows to remain Undie Feeted.

faster_kittycat January 24, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Does he wear them with his "panties in a wad"?

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I can't tell what's worse – getting your political documentary mistaken for one about football, or getting your football documentary mistaken for Sarah Palin.

Extemporanus January 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

The world needs more Undefeateds, not fewer.

Sharkey January 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

If by "Oscar", you meant "Oscar the Grouch"…

JustPixelz January 24, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I bet she wishes she named her movie "War Whore".

I bet she wishes she named her movie "Moneyball"

I bet she wishes she named her movie "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close"

BaldarTFlagass January 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm

The New England Patriots tried this "Undefeated" shit a few years back, didn't work out so well for them, either.

Millennial Malaise January 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm

"Undeserving"

Indiepalin January 24, 2012 at 1:35 pm

This is our chance to see Joan and Melinda Rivers rassle Bristol and Piper Palin, right there on the Red Carpet.

Loaded_Pants January 24, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Joan to Bristol: "Who are you wearing & who will be wearing you later tonight?"

pdiddycornchips January 24, 2012 at 1:37 pm

off topic but assuming the slimy Newt wins the GOP nomination, who will be his running mate? Will he pick another equally reptilian has-been hellbent on revenge against her enemies? I bet someone hopes so.

Loaded_Pants January 24, 2012 at 8:00 pm

She's inflating her bra & teasing her wigs with a pitch fork as we speak.

dadanarchist January 24, 2012 at 1:51 pm

I bet she's a lock for a few Golden Raspberry (Razzie) nominations.

Loaded_Pants January 24, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Unfortunately, we won't find out until April Fool's Day.

owhatever January 24, 2012 at 1:56 pm

She actually was making a movie of her own, but quit halfway through when they ran out of popcorn and nobody would do a nude love scene with her.

Loaded_Pants January 24, 2012 at 8:02 pm

You mean not even Todd?

ElPinche January 24, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Big Meth Lab in Little Wasilla

Truck driver Jake decides to team up with cougar hockey mom Sarah and her pack of mentally disabled daughters to produce and sell meth in a trailer in Wasilla, AK. However, Lo Pan, a mystical magician/meth dealer kidnaps a babyt4rd and hilarity ensues.

Tundra Grifter January 24, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Best documentary since "Chalk."

mrblifil January 24, 2012 at 2:25 pm

And the Award for Most Distinguished Propulsion of a Ping-Pong Ball goes to…

OneYieldRegular January 24, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Please lord if it wins let Tina Fey come out to accept on the director's behalf.

johnnyzhivago January 24, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Next year's nominee: The Republican President Candidate Centipede

notreelyhelping January 24, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Now I'm so looking forward to the episode where House, discussing Palin's case, says: "The mystery is how someone could be so stupid and still breathe."

DahBoner January 24, 2012 at 5:09 pm

The Girl With A Dragon Stuck Up Her Cunt????

rocktonsam January 24, 2012 at 6:30 pm

$arah is sure to win the Best Writing on her hand award.

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