panties by any other name...

Sarah Palin Under the Impression That Chris Christie Wears ‘Panties’

hakke yoi!

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, the supposed-to-have-run of the Republican party, declared Newt Gingrich to be an “embarrassment” to the party during an appearance on NBC’s Meet the Press this past weekend, so as usual a Republican is embarrassed by America, since Newt, you know, won the South Carolina primary with many more votes than John McCain won in 2008. To this remark, Fox News loiterer Sarah Palin condescendingly forgave Christie immediately — “Poor Chris. That was a rookie mistake” — but at the same time suggested that the New Jersey governor was getting his “panties in a wad,” though this is probably a requirement/side effect of joining the Romney campaign. Romney himself prefers long chastity underwear, worn inside out, with the buttons on the inside to make access by others more difficult.

Classic Sarah Palin style: mad-libbing by substituting a perfectly suitable word/phrase like BOXER BRIEFS or KNICKERS or TIGHTY WHITEYS with another, less fortunate word, PANTIES.

Still, such a Mama Bear even while mauling her prey:

You know, sometimes, if your candidate loses in just one step along this path, as was the case when Romney lost to Newt the other night — and, of course, Romney is Chris Christie’s guy — well, you kind of get your panties in a wad, and you may say things that you regret later. And I think that that’s what Chris Christie did.


About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


        1. Not_So_Much

          I'd wager that Scientology John hasn't near the galumphing thigh meat girth of either of those two skanks…

    1. GregComlish

      I will bet real money that says that Bristol wears cheap Victoria's Secret thongs at least 90% of the time

  1. CliveWarren

    "Romney himself prefers long chastity underwear, worn inside out, with the buttons on the inside to make access by others more difficult. "

    Why would you need buttons on Magic Underwear? They're magic after all…

    1. sunmusing

      Are we talking silk underwear? or nylon with rip stop. It makes a difference when you have to knock out the skid marks before folding. I know these things as a successful parachute packer, who has left skid marks in one or two thrilling episodes of rookie packing mistakes.

  2. MittsHairHelmet

    I'd like to get Sarah Palin's panties in a wad at the foot of my bed if you know what i'm saying….

    On second thought, she's been lookin kinda rough lately.

    1. jus_wonderin

      I wouldn't touch her with my nine and a half foot pole. She's a mean one. Her heart is three sizes to small.

      1. DerrickWildcat

        Ha, joke's on you!
        There is a Swank and Juggs! However, there is no Tail. There is a Black Tail, but I don't think he would look at that, so I just said Tail. You were totally somewhat wrong!

  3. FNMA

    Mention of "Christie," "Palin" and "wad" in the same sentence?
    Jesus, people are trying to eat lunch here!

    1. LesBontemps

      By my count, Romney's already lost in Iowa and South Carolina, he was rejected by more than 60% of the voters in the one state he did "win," and he's about to lose in Florida. Plus, Christie just nominated a gay black man and a Korean to the NJ Supreme Court yesterday, so the teatards are gonna be having conniptions about that, also too.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Guess ___________'s not an expert door plower like Sarah. Or a Politico veteran like her also too. She's got that fire in her belly to pick on people who have the balls to run for office or political figures who actually 'endorse' a candidate instead of dither implied preferences State-by-State.

  4. johnnyzhivago

    Ok, Newt's scoring points with his tough talk on invading Cuba and killing Castro, but what's he going to do about the Evil Empire to the North?? Is he man enough to attack Canada, kill its leaders and convert the Canadiens to the English System of Measurement?

  5. ElPinche

    Romney is money ($12 million/year). He doesn't use ordinary linen-based underwear. He uses mexicans.

    As for ice cuntress Palin, she's no rookie. She's a pro at quitting, grifting, and constructing meandering run-on sentences.

  6. Baconzgood


      1. Steverino247

        He's so fat, when he went swimming in the lake, he left a ring!

        He's so fat, when he went to the Empire State Building, a squadron of planes attacked him.

        (Man, I miss Rodney Dangerfield…)

  7. freakishlywrong

    BRB…overwhelming need to remove panties, feel tainted, no, they're not wadded. It's just all so gross. Grifter saying it and Christie wadding them. Ugh.

  8. Guppy

    “Poor Chris. That was a rookie mistake”

    Ignoring for the moment that Christie is governor of a state that is bigger than Alaska in all ways except land area, how many more days until Christie will have been a sitting governor longer than Palin?

    EDIT: Answered my own question: September 10, 2012.

      1. widestanceshakedown

        And you do not want to be in the tri-state area on poop day. Luckily it only happens twice a month.

  9. LetUsBray

    Not to defend The Governor Who Ate New Jersey, but who's Dumbelina to be calling him a rookie? It's not like he quit his post because the job was just too darn hard.

  10. EatsBabyDingos

    Which would we rather see, Chris with his panties in a wad, or Chris with a wad in his panties?

    Either way, it reminds me of that famous Rage Against the Machine song, "Bores on Parade."

  11. Baconzgood

    Dear Sarah Palin,

    Shut the fuck up. We don't like you anymore and never really did in the first place. We gave you all that money so you would show us your titties. But you didn't. So get lost.


    The Citizens of The United States of America

  12. SayItWithWookies

    …well, you kind of get your panties in a wad, and you may say things that you regret later.

    Sarah scores a twofer — not only is she condescending to a politician who has at least as much experience as she does, but she's also under the impression that Christie — who routinely yells at his own state troopers and teachers — has the self-awareness to regret anything he says or does.

    If Chris Christie reacts at all to the hollow yap of that half-term porch terrier, it'll be to utter a "fuck you" she'll be able to hear from her house.

    1. tessiee

      "If Chris Christie reacts at all to the hollow yap of that half-term porch terrier, it'll be to utter a "fuck you" she'll be able to hear from her house."

      While grabbing his crotch and sneering, "Wad THIS, ya hoor!".

  13. SorosBot

    The Republicans really are eating their own right now. I love it! Please let this primary fight become even more bitter and the party further apart.

  14. prommie

    Christie hates when women criticize him, he always over-reacts, watch for it.

    This little catfight epitomizes the divide in the GOP; the Cunt-tress of the tea party, whose hate rallies in 2008 sparked the uprising of the fucktards, and Christie, married to Wall Street, and proud and eager to serve the Romneys of the world, so that he can gain entry to their club.

  15. flamingpdog

    OT, but the mention upthread of Lou Sarah reminded me that I read on teh internetz the other night that Callista's family calls her Cally Lou*. Shiver.

    *Callista Louise

  16. Eve8Apples

    Sarah is jealous because Christie has a $500,000 revolving line of credit at Victoria's Secret and he can afford to wad his panties whenever he wants.

  17. spends2much

    This woman is so unrelentingly awful that even when she's trying to be "cute", she is both insulting and smug.
    Christie is going to have to eat a whole lot of pies to get over being condescended to by Earth's Reigning Moron.

  18. iburl

    Christie has only served as governor just over two years, so he's obviously a "rookie" unlike Palin who served 2 and a half years.

  19. Slim_Pickins

    I hear that when the McCain campaign asked Sarah for copies of her tax returns she remarked, "what's a tax return?"

  20. ttommyunger

    "Sarah Palin Under the Impression That Chris Christie Wears ‘Panties’". – They would have to be some really big panties. You know, Sarah should have tried them herself, maybe she wouldn't be up to her armpits in ankle-biters. Oh well, it does take a lot of time to get them off.

  21. NewtsChicknNeck

    no single sentence should ever be more than four lines of text. not in an insurance policy. not in a contract. not in conversation. not in a transcript of a wordy-salady answer to a question that wasn't asked. not in life. fuck subject-verb agreement. how about agreement on the language we're all supposed to be speaking?

  22. Tundra Grifter

    Has anyone else noticed Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot?" uh InSannity's manged syntax when he says "Obama has to put on his pants."

    I think (and it is very hard to tell) he's reaching for the cliche about a woman puttling on her big girl panties.

    Not only does it have a certain crazed tone – it's kinda personal and a bit gross all the same time. Just like InSannity himself.

  23. Redhead

    Sarah – just because your spawn don't know how to keep their panties on (if they even wore them in the first place), doesn't mean other people are similarly underwear-challenged.

  24. Millennial Malaise


    Since the word "panties" is used almost exclusively by underwear salespeople, pedophiles trolling AOL Chat Rooms and 14 year old boys trolling AOL chat rooms, messing with the pedophiles. Its mere utterance elicits quite the visceral reaction.

    From the above list, I know it's hard to determine which one is Sarah Palin but…ah, fuck it.

    All of them, Katie

    1. MissTaken

      Thank you! I loath the word panties, almost as much as I loath the word moist. And don't get me started on moist panties….blech.

      1. Millennial Malaise


        "Secrete" and "moist" narrowly beat out "panties" on my personal Ickiest Words Ever List.

  25. Ohforcripessake

    "well, you kind of get your panties in a wad, and you may say things that you regret later."

    The voice of experience if ever I did hear it! Except she's so stupid she probably doesn't regret anything she's ever said.

  26. FakaktaSouth

    That is one cluster fuck of ugly – SP, CC, panties, and wads. I swear to God I TRY to be a classless cunt ON PURPOSE and STILL this bitch kicks my ass. And John McCain thinks SHE could have been Pres too, so, ya know, quit jerking off to that one so hard there, Mitt.

  27. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Rookie mistake on Palin's part. She just assumed that any male in power in the Republican party is at least wearing panties if not full out drag.

  28. weej_bain

    Lou Sarah needz to get her metafours and metafives straight. It's knickers in a twist, panties in a knot, and bloomers in a bunch. Geesh, some peoplez.

  29. Chet Kincaid

    "well, you kind of get your panties in a wad, and you may say things that you regret later."

    So this is her explanation for why she slept with Glen Rice and then ran around screaming "OMG, I slept with a nigger!!" ?

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Okay, see NOW you're talking. I've been kinda puke-ish about all this imagery, but if I wore panties, Glen Rice could pretty much do whatever with them. Miiiiiiiiiiichigan.

      Wait, what? Oh right. Yeah, she's a horrid, horrid person.

  30. widestanceshakedown

    Christie's panties are leftover Christo installation fabric.

    And does 'wad' still apply to CC's Brobdingnagian briefs?

      1. widestanceshakedown

        Thank you. I almost deleted the comment due to my disdain for alliteration, even though it kinda worked here. Glad I kept it.

      2. widestanceshakedown

        I can be so retreaded sometimes. My disdain for alliteration is for prose, not commenter names. I looked back and saw my own idiocy staring back at me.

  31. Nesnora

    Oh for fucks sake the woman wore panty-hose under RUNNING SHORTS. She knows a thing or two about wadded, fetid panties…

  32. GOPCrusher

    What kind of America have we become when a man can't wear women's underwear without being judged for it?

  33. tessiee

    Is it wrong that the sumo wrestler bodies in the pic are actually slimmer and more fit-looking than Newt and Chris' *actual* bodies?

  34. Neoyorquino

    (Sigh/Facepalm). She can't even keep one of the most ubiquitous colloquialisms straight. One gets their "panties in a *twist*." Or, given another situation or context, one might "shoot his wad." So, if his panties were in a wad . . . (Vomits/shakes head in confusion).

    TL;DR – she's a mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, can't-read-a-book fucktard.

  35. Panty_Buns

    From my point of view it sure would be Ironic if Caribou Barbie is right and Chris Christie does wear panties. I love to wear ladies panties myself, and the thought that a right-wing-nut like Palin could make me think more highly of a Reptilian, er, Republican like Chris Christie is, well, kind of freaky. I wonder if he has some kinky dominatrix mistress – (like Sarah herself)?

Comments are closed.