grand old windbags

The Longest Apocalypse: Liveblogging Yet Another GOP Debate

America's new husbands.Hello from your Wonkette liveblogging team, taking part once again in America’s “national pastime,” which is trying to get web video streams to function for long enough to hear whatever racist crazy talk the GOP candidates offer tonight. Are you ready? Does a recently converted-to-Catholicism serial adulterer/divorcer shit in the woods? No, because the Newt needs two bathrooms, which is one less than the number of wives he has needed, so far.

8:59 PM — Tonight’s debate is on the “NBC Politics” station, with Gawker commenter Brian Williams as the moderator. Will he ask Mitt a rude personal question the way liberals always do?
9:02 PM — Mitt has noted that the Newt is “erratic” and “creepy” and “has an ugly head.”
9:03 PM — Gingrich mumbles something about Herbert Hoover, meaning: “Ronald Reagan.”
9:05 PM — Was Romney truly “dancing on eggs” during this campaign? Is that a known phrase, in Republican executive compensation packages?
9:06 PM — “He had to resign in disgrace.” — Mittens on Newt.
9:06 PM — Newt doesn’t want to “waste time” answering Mitt’s actual facts about Newt Gingrich.
9:07 PM — In other words, NEWT.ORG. Will it have Tiffany jewelry whore diamond popups?
9:10 PM — Gingrich asked the Republicans to punish him. He wanted it, because he was a bad, fat little adulterer and hypocrite and crook. He ASKED FOR IT.
9:15 PM — Newt Gingrich is such an asshole that he won’t even graciously accept Ron Paul’s preemptive endorsement.
9:18 PM — Tomorrow is a very exciting day, because Romney is going to release a year’s worth of tax returns, covering last year. What will “get people talking,” Brian Williams asks. Maybe the Gazillions of Dollars of Income and Assets, along with the itty-bitty tax bill?
9:19 PM — Thank the Angel Moroni that Mitt Romney will FINALLY get corporate taxes down! The tax code is “far too intrusive” for the nation’s very richest men!
9:22 PM — We blinked (ran to the fridge for a refreshed beverage) and missed Santorum’s one question, which was apparently about his inability to win his own Senate races. Has the spooge-mentum finally dried up?
9:23 PM — Mitt is surprised to see the Republicans “pick up the weapons of the left.” Hahahahah. “I did not inherit what my wife and I have.” Really now.
9:23 PM — MITT WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR SUCCESS. It is too bad you LIBERAL LOSERS were born poor or black or poor/black/female, etc. You just hate America.
9:24 PM — Santorum just wants to know why Romney and Gingrich are saving Failed Capitalism. Because of WALL STREET, c’mon Santorum. You are such a minor league crook compared to these guys.
9:25 PM — What about Gingrich’s dirty Freddie Mac contract? $25,000 is good money for sitting on your fat ass hunting for new wives on the Internet or whatever, right?
9:26 PM — Oh, it’s not lobbying, it’s consulting. Totally worth $25,000 a month.
9:28 PM — Mitt notes that it’s $1.6 million, for six years of Newt’s contract, and that it sure as shit wasn’t for being a “historian,” it was as a lobbyist.
9:29 PM — Gingrich comes out strong IN FAVOR of federal welfare socialism housing financing.
9:30 PM — Oh this is wonderful, Gingrich and Romney are now in a bitch-chicken slap fight over how many millions they made, and how much came from sweetheart government deals, and now Gingrich is going to explain how the American People will “see through” this tactic! Insulin! Lipitor!
9:32 PM — It is time to pass the relay dildo to our next contestant, Liz Colville!
9:34 PM — It seemed as if Brian Williams there was informing Mitt that he couldn’t actually talk about Fannie and Freddie anymore because he’d just taken TOO LONG harping about those matters already. Oh, but really it is just a commercial, which in live feed world is utter silence, which is wonderful, really. Thank you, Brian/Internet.
9:44 PM — “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,” indeed.
9:49 PM — The shrinkage of the Navy. And now we have two men talking about things they know nothing about. Romney is the guy who would take an online poll before deciding what to do with the military. Gingrich would just write a book about it and tell the whole military to read it.
9:52 PM — Honestly unaware there were four people on the stage until just now. Very rude. Hello Ron.
9:58 PM — We are joined now by Adam Smith of the Tampa Bay Times and Beth Reinhard of the National Journal. And yet Brian keeps badgering these poor men with riddles.
10:00PM — Santorum’s picked up where Rick Perry left off. He said today that he basically would declare war with Iran, i.e. dismantle its nuclear weapons for it if the country didn’t do it itself, if he became president.
10:02PM — “OIOIOIOIOIIIIILLLLLL” (“Oil”) — Rick.
10:03PM — Gingrich advocates ballots in English only. Romney agrees. Romney’s discussing Massachusetts education and how it was screwed up that foreign students would learn in their native languages because everyone realized eventually that they “Could no speak English well” — direct quote.
10:06PM — Romney is basically doing what Obama did in the early debates with Clinton — “What she said.” He agrees with Gingrich that he would not support the Dream Act as it currently stands. Romney, we know what you think about immigration. But do you? He pauses so many times in his immigration argument that it becomes clear that he is not, well, fluent in his own machinations. “Self-deportation.” TO A ROBOT SUCH A STATEMENT MAKES PERFECT SENSE. 0101000000000101101111111110000000000000000000000000001.
10:08PM — “America was worth it to do it the right way.” Santorum is discussing his forebears to explain How You Properly Emigrate to the U.S.A. and Dig Freedom Therein.
10:10PM — “CANE SUGAR HIDES BEHIND BEET SUGAR.” — Newt. Whatttttt is happening.
10:12PM — “He plays 90 rounds of golf when you have 20 million people out of work.” Romney is dissing Obama. Fine and good but the President H8S golf, yes? He just plays it because artificially-grown, pesticide-ridden grass is the only surface upon which John Boehner will speak to him.
10:16PM — {{{{{{crickets}}}}}}} Romney is getting quick SMIZE TIPS from Tyra Banks during the break while Santorum’s daughter touches up her father’s face with mineral powder.
10:19PM — One hand is clapping for Santorum’s explanation of his stance on do-not-resuscitate.
10:20PM — This is what we call a Thorny Issue, America. “It should teach us all a lesson to have good living wills,” DOCTOR Ron Paul says. “I would have preferred to see the decision made at the state level.”
10:22PM — Romney is talking about the space program and reminds us again that he is really all about collaboration, which is an easy way of saying that he doesn’t really trust any one entity to do anything, and doesn’t know enough about any one thing to trust himself to make executive decisions on said things. Not surprisingly, he wants NASA to work in conjunction with private, future-bankrupt companies.
10:24PM — Gingrich questions Romney’s stance, and digs in at the collaboration thing, saying a bunch of people “sitting around in a room” is not how you revive a broken program. Hey look, he’s right: meetings make you dumb[ER].
10:27PM — Going to liveblog someone else’s live blog for a second: The Caucus reports from Florida that some of the undecided voters watching the debate with Susan Saulny are pining for someone who isn’t there, namely JON HUNTSMAN. You guys. That is over now. It’s over. You fools. Why didn’t you TELL HIM how you felt with the WADS O’ ONES that you don’t have?!?!?
10:30PM — We’re wrapping up with “Why … are you doing this again?!”-type questions. Romney says he’s the best man for the job because he made babies and made money. Bye.
10:31PM — Gingrich was asked to comment on Romney’s response. Gingrich obvs declined this offer, because, boring. He’s telling us about his life, and how he’s spent his life “trying to develop a conservative movement across this country.” But those movements exist, man, and any time they see you they seem to move away from you.
10:34PM — Santorum is descending into a pit of deadly venomous Palinisms. Dude, this is your closing argument.
10:36PM — Wise Older Gentleman reminds us that there are many ways of being conservative, which is really just a cynical way of saying that these guys are flip-flopping panderers. And with that, the gentleman receives some of the only applause we’ve heard all night from these Tampaers (sic).
10:38PM — Everybody loves the Constitution because Ron Paul made it cool again. Romney name-drops the Constitution and reminds people in so many words that his pioneering health care plan is shite.
10:39PM — “I don’t ask people to be for me…I ask people to be with me.” Gingrich, man. He is kind of the Obama of the only guys we’ve got, which is four out of approx. 151,400,000 options, which is how many men we have in this country. (Oh, women? What? They’re busy. They’ve got kids.)
10:40PM — Romney wants to “crack down on cheaters.” This is a true Mittism: you know he went home crying to mommy about cheaters in grade school.
10:42PM — For some reason Romney has gotten the last word and that is THE END, everybody. And there is another one on Thursday, so see you then and also in 10 hours!
10:52PM — P.S.!!!!! “The room has cleared remarkably quickly.” — Brian Williams. WORD!

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        1. MittBorg

          Let me feel your furry little forehead, pdog — clearly, it's serious.

          Just kidding. I actually watched it stone-cold sober, although I lit the vape a couple of times. For the pain, y'unnerstand.

  1. SayItWithWookies

    Newt's too focused on the issues to bother with all the failures Mitt just mentioned. In fact, Newt's leaving Callista for the issues.

  2. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Yeah, because FOX talking head and part-time french tire mascot Huckabee and failed Presidential candidate McCain are noted thought leaders. Nice one Newton.

  3. BarackMyWorld

    I don't want a headache, so I'll just watch the Ed Show recap on MSNBC after the debate ends.

  4. Callyson

    Have to watch this on the online live stream because it's tape delayed for the left coast. Hope I don't miss too many amusing visuals…

    1. Warpde

      Oh crap!!!!!!
      3 minutes to live…..
      Goodbye all.
      Never did likE YOU ANYHOW……brAIN SEZZING.5%%…cAp LUCkS oN….dUNN!.

      Sorry, damn cat walked over the keyboard….again.

    2. littlebigdaddy

      Unless you have the curse (as do I) of an Irish liver. I could drink drain cleaner all night and feel only a little worse for the wear the next day. That is our power and our curse.

  5. FakaktaSouth

    I'm digging dickish Mitt. Newt TRIED to be nice, but NOoOOOoOo. That giant head is going to explode. The more Newt says frankly, the drunker I'm getting. But I am totally loving watching these assholes again.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        I sometimes get giddy when it feels like I am watching the actual last throes of the Rethug party as a policy making body. This LCD shit they are throwing out here is making me delerious. The fartsniffers I live around haven't even been defending this hellish nightmare of a clusterfuck-loser-choosing. I took a three week break from all of it in November, so I know the pain of which you speak, but this Mitt on Newt on Mitt violence is just de-lish.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    Newt asked his fellow Republicans to vote against him on his own ethics violations. To get the issue behind him. I think the president of Afghanistan asked the Soviets to come invade them too, to get the threat of hegemony behind them.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Wow — this guy's imagination is off the charts. Who among us would ever have thought of that one, let alone been able to relate it with a straight face? Captain Schettino should consult with Newt on his excellent reasons for being in that lifeboat.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      Well, didn't you know that the Germans were invited into the Sudetenland by the oppressed people there? And that the Native Americans all but laid out a Welcome mat for white people to come and live on their land?

  7. coolhandnuke

    My eight-year-old son is tuned into the debate with his dad. He is quite the astute, abstract thinker…he can already identify the participants..'Papa, there's Pompo the Clown, and thats Floppo, and Frotho and there's Rando."
    God, I love my son.

        1. MittBorg

          Lord love a duck, they're all pathetic. No wonder Ron Paul has such a devoted following in RightWingnuttia. These people are stark staring mad.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    Santorum's path to victory: When the two big cheeks squeeze, then the santorum gets noticed.

  9. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Santorum: "my plan is to talk about shit. that's plans right there. I plan to talk about all kinds of things."

  10. flamingpdog

    Won the Senate twice, Ricky? No word of the time you got your ass kicked? You're as bad a historian as Newt.

  11. Negropolis

    The fuck?! Another debate?! My local TV guide did not show this (it says Fear Factor should be on, right now, and while this is close, this is no Fear Factor). I accidentially flipped by it to find Mitt Romney's smarmy face plastered front and center. Ugh.

    1. hebmskebm

      I heard one of the challenges this year is bathing nude in a tub filled with Santorum while having to watch watching an entire Republican debate…

  12. FakaktaSouth

    Rick Sanotrum is such a Neidermeyer type prick. His nose is just too damn small for his face. Me and his nose are in a fight now. Whine whine whine.

  13. Callyson

    Yeah, Ricky lost in 2006 because he was just too principled for those corrupt PA voters…that's it…

  14. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ron Paul!

    "Can you win? Are you just going to fuck things up for everyone else?"

    "I can definitely fuck things up with young voters."

  15. Schmannnity

    Wonkette Jr.: you are a better man/woman/straight/gay/lesbian/bi-sexual/transsexual/blue-stater/red-stater than I if you are going to watch this eye hemorrhoid instead of doing something slightly rewarding in your life. May the peace of the Lord, which is obviously eluding you otherwise tonight, be always with you, unless that is an issue, then Peace.

  16. Callyson

    Was that Taylor from The A List – Dallas behind Brian Williams?
    Why ANYONE is a gay Reep is beyond me…

  17. neiltheblaze

    Christ, I fucking hate Newt Gingrich. I can't imagine listening to his voice every day from now until November. Fuck…..

  18. Negropolis

    The 1960's Beatles called, Newt. They want their haircut back. Wait, no, Justine Bieber called. My bad.

  19. SayItWithWookies

    Mitt Romney: I will release my tax returns as soon as my people find out how to write numbers that big.

  20. C_R_Eature

    Well, goddammit, if I had any stray evil Atavistic structures left in my brain that were at all disposed to vote Republican, the Party's callous decision to hold yet another vile hateful racist bilious spewfest Primary Debate on a NON DRINKING NIGHT…this Has Settled Things. Decisively.

  21. Limeylizzie

    Anyone from LA ? MrLimeylizzie is making me miss the debate because he cannot find it on Time Warner in LA.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Yes, but he wants to watch it on the big , enormous HDTV although in HD this would be frightening.

        1. imissopus

          Oh in that case. NBC was always Channel 4 on TW back when I had cable out here, but I think the HD channel was 104. Or something else with an 04 at the end.

  22. Callyson

    "What's in there that you may find yourself defending?"
    "Nothing, Brian–the whole point of tax avoidance is to keep that stuff *out* of your taxes…"

  23. SayItWithWookies

    Mitt says he'll eliminate the "tax on savings" — which he goes on to say is interest and capilal gains — for those under $200,000 a year. Real man of the people talk there, Mitt, thinking that capital gains is savings.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      In other words, he'll eliminate a big chunk of the taxes paid by people who rake in $200 grand a year in interest and capital gains. (That's the "common man", in Mitt's world.)

  24. Extemporanus

    I can't find this fucking squarejerk playing anywhere, so I'm just gonna slam one last shot of Jack with a rape baby back, and then hit the sack.

    Fist ya later!

      1. Extemporanus

        Thank you, Lizzie.

        Unfortunately, here in SF, this incredibly important clitorial event has been preempted by the NBC local news amateur hour.

  25. SayItWithWookies

    Ah, Newt quotes Alan Greenspan — who has since repudiated his entire worldview in front of Congress — that the best tax rate to create jobs is 0%.

  26. SudsMcKenzie

    Allen Greenspan just tapped Andrea Mitchell on the head and said "hey, they mentioned my name".

  27. memzilla

    Of course, none of the 99% have anything in the way of enough assets to qualify for the 0% capital gains tax rate proposed by these elist corporate f**tards.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Sure, lots of us 99-percenters have stocks in our IRAs and 401(k)s. Capital gains in those plans are taxed as …. oops …. regular income. Evidently the justifications for lower taxes on "jerb-creatin" investments depend on who's doing the investing. (Corporations don't create jerbs with your money, they only use rich people's money.)

      Funny how the 99% gets fucked, every time.

      1. Biff

        Mine's all deferred compensation. I'll get taxed on it when I start to draw it. Good thing, since it's still worth less than it was in 2008, but not by much…

  28. SayItWithWookies

    If Mitt didn't inherit any of his money, I'm sure he also made sure he profited in no way from his father's name and connections. Man started off washing dishes in a local diner and just worked his way up.

  29. Callyson

    Yeah, but Mittens is not so proud of the companies he tore down…come on, Brian, don't let that slide…
    …on to Ricky. That's what I get for hoping that a reporter will ask a serious question…

  30. smashaduck

    Oh we're still pretending his wealth is an issue? His wealth isn't the goddam issue. Paying a lower rate than me, your unfriendly cable chic is the fucking issue. Hiding his money in the Caymans…that may be an issue. But fuck. His wealth isn't the fucking issue.

  31. BarackMyWorld


  32. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Now that FakaktaSouth has mentioned Santorum's oddly-small nose it's really annoying me as well. I can't actually make myself listen to what he's saying.

    1. Negropolis

      Not just the small nose, but he talks through that and with clenched teeth, a lot, I've noticed. It makes him sound as if he's always whining, and that's fitting, because he most often is.

  33. SayItWithWookies

    These guys all talk like creating jobs is the natural byproduct of our current free market system, as though it's automatic. If that's the case, can they see regulating the market to the point that shitty, predatory deals that almost certainly destroy jobs and industry are illegal?

  34. Callyson

    Ricky wants companies that cannot do their job to fail. Goldman Sachs will survive in that case.
    "We got our money, that means we succeeded. What?"

  35. FakaktaSouth

    You really did fuck a whole buncha people's lives up Mitt, no matter what you call it (even free enterprise). Your type of business IS why we have so little manufacturing and we are worse as a nation for it. It may have been legal, and you may have been good at it, but it w still makes you really shitty.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Sweety, America was made on fucking over as many people as possible as often as possible. Why do you hate America?

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Paul Krugman does a nice job of dissecting Bain Capital's business model:

      The goal is “value redistribution” rather than “value creation”: By breaking contracts with workers, suppliers and other stakeholders, they slash the liabilties column. They add nothing to the assets column; in fact they cut into it with their ginormous fees. At the end of the day, the balance sheet is 'improved", Bain's partners are richer, and everybody else is fucked.

  36. BarackMyWorld

    Again: Staples and Sports Authority are middle class jobs.

    Part-time, minimum wage, middle class jobs.

  37. smashaduck

    I never thought Mitt could seem more honest than anyone. But lookey there, I was wrong. I drink to you, sir. Wait, do you call robots "sir?" Eh. Whatevs

  38. Callyson

    Newt: there are many government sponsored enterprises, and many of them have done good things.
    Something associated with the government is good, besides the military? The Reeps won't have that…

  39. SayItWithWookies

    Newt seems off-balance by Mitt's relentless attack — Mitt definitely learned from McCain in 2008 — stay mean.

  40. GhostBuggy

    Shout out to my booze of choice tonight: Short's Brewing Co. Black Cherry Porter. Will switch to Crown Royale when appropriate.

    1. Data Exactly

      It's Pepsi for me. It may not give you the high that alcohol does, but the struggle to open it was like wrestling a bear.

    1. Gainsbourg69

      Medicare part D is the reason most baggers are now independents. Since W spent money like a drunken sailor, liberal from San Francisco.

  41. memzilla

    Newt's going for the "It depends on what your definition of 'is' is" defense to defend his being a lobbyist. CLINTON LIBEL!

  42. SayItWithWookies

    What' the hell's Newt doing — he's wandering off on some tangent that didn't address the Freddie Mac question.

  43. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Is there an audience? Have they all died of boredom, or is Ron Paul playing charades to stage right?

    haha there is – who are the whitey suit twins in the front row?

  44. Callyson

    Mittens: Free enterprise – good. Influence peddling – bad.
    I guess that makes sense by someone's logic…

  45. SayItWithWookies

    Mitt sees his whole future sliding down the drain and is fighting hard. So is Newt, of course — the difference is that Newt pictures his future as culminating in a neoclassical statue of him in a toga on the Mall, whereas Mitt's future includes his own planet and a harem of blonde space-Utahans.

    1. Schmannnity

      "Harem of blond space Utahans" I may be a hard-drinking Episcopalian, but you have my attention.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Your own personal planet, stocked with blondes, with an orbiting moon made of solid Viagra. That's even better than what Scientologists expect to get for their money.

        (Actually, what the fuck do Scientologists expect to get for their money? A signed portrait of Xenu? Does anybody know?)

  46. Trannysurprise

    I wonder how it plays in Florida watching these two idiots argue over who made the most millions of fucking dollars.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Newt's looks black with all that gold. I can't see the stripes. Mitt's looks like a name tag for God's sake.

  47. C_R_Eature

    The Debate So Far:

    Newt: FUCK YOU!

    Mittens: FUCK YOU TOO!

    Santorum: FUCK YOU BOTH!

    Ronpaul: THE FUCK! I'M STILL HERE!

    Newt, Mittens, Santorum: GO FUCK YOURSELF PAUL!!

    I haven't been watching. How'd I do?

    Hey! where the Fuck is Brian Wilson?

  48. SorosBot

    Rick, how why you trying to control the mortgage problem by reforming Frannie and Freddie when they didn't cause the crisis but where victims of it?

  49. Callyson

    Again with blaming Fannie and Freddie for the foreclosure crisis. Never mind that the private banks were the ones who actually *caused* this problem.
    Didn't think Ricky was serious about letting capitalism work and letting banks take the consequences…

  50. ifthethunderdontgetya

    O.K. Now let's lie about the housing meltdown.

    It wasn't Fannie and Freddie, you assholes.

    it was deregulation, and Nomura, Morgan Stanley, Lehman, Bear Stearns, Countrywide, and AIG selling credit default swaps to "insure" it all.

  51. SorosBot

    No, Rick, capitalism does not work; the mortgage crisis you're talking about is proof of that, it was caused by a lack of government regulation.

  52. Chichikovovich

    “I did not inherit what my wife and I have.”

    Carefully crafted sentence. In other words, Romney Sr. had sufficiently astute financial planners that they transferred money through various trusts and gifts so as to avoid the estate tax. So Mitt got millions from his father, before his father died when Mitt was already in middle age, but hardly any of it was – strictly speaking – inherited.

    I hope the speechwriter got a generous tip for that one.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Just assuming, based on the precise phrase used, and observations about how these things seem to go among the upper crust. [I have some first-hand observations to draw on. There's really serious boodle in the wife's family; the effort and financial planner's fees that go into setting things up so that estate taxes are avoided is astonishing; apparently this is standard for people in the in-law's social circle.] Except for the part about Romney Sr. dying when Mitt was in middle age. Mitt was almost 50 when his Dad died, already a multi-millionaire. At that point any inheritance would have been a drop in the bucket. So any financial contributions George would have made to the young Mitt (supporting him in his mission to France, paying for law and business school, any seed capitol for early ventures, etc.) it would have come long before inheritance became an issue.So, really, of all the ways that Romney's current situation were facilitated by his father's wealth and position, inheritance is the least significant. Bearing that in mind, note that Romney could have said “I received no signficant financial support from my father in building my wealth.” or “I supported myself when I was building my fortune.” or something like that. But instead he just explicitly mentioned inheritance, gliding by everything else.Now that could be just an accidental feature of the phrase he chose. But generally, if a politician says something that a) sounds relevant, and has the benefit of closing off discussion but b) on reflection turns out to be completely beside the point, I assume it is intentional. That was clearly a prepared one-liner. Politicians choose their words carefully for those, in consultation with speech writers and campaign factotums. Hence my assumption that, there was a lot of transfer of various kinds, but not specifically inheritance.I don't have any specific information about the Romney finances – just the reasoning I've just given. For all I know, Romney may have paid his way through college gutting chickens for Tyson.But whatever the detailed facts about financial transfer may have been, whether or not Romney Jr. inherited money when he was nearly 50 years old is irrelevant to the question of whether or not he is what one would call a “self-made man”.—

  53. Callyson

    Paul wants the prices to go down.
    Yeah. That'll go over with the folks who are already underwater…

  54. SorosBot

    Blaming the housing crisis on the Community Reinvestment Act – that's two racist dogwhistles! Gingrich 1, Paul 1.

  55. Fare la Volpe

    They're dressing casual tonight – you can tell because they're not wearing their usual punch-worthy bow ties.

  56. SayItWithWookies

    Ron Paul thinks the best thing the government could've done after the housing collapse is "get out of the way." It's like the government is the firefighers removing the inflatable mattress from under the burning building because it wants to get out of the way of the people jumping out the window.

  57. SayItWithWookies

    Newt blames the horrible economy on Dodd-Frank. My only question to all these idiots saying that regulations are crushing the recovery: which regulation? Name one.

  58. Callyson

    God, I wish Barney Frank were there to defend Dodd – Frank. This wimp Brian Wilson can't ask a decent follow up question to save his life…

  59. Callyson

    Mittens wants to regulate derivatives? That won't go over well with Wall Street. Backpedaling in 3…2…1…

  60. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Dodd-Frank. A regulatory framework the funding for which has been blocked by the house so there's no enforcement.

    Repealing it wouldn't do shit, you lying shitbag Gingrich, since it's not being enforced anyway.

  61. SayItWithWookies

    What the hell, Brian Williams? If I were a Cuban and found out Fidel Castro just died, I wouldn't be inclined one way or the other to leave — being as he's not the leadder and hasn't been for a couple years now.

  62. SayItWithWookies

    And why would Cubans leave Cuba, even if he were actually Raoul Castro? If I were a Cuban, I'd be inclined to stay.

  63. Callyson

    Newt: Fidel is going to the other place.
    Well, since Newt is in close contact with Satan on a regular basis, he just might have the inside info on that one…

  64. MittBorg

    Newt's going insane, now. He wants to overthrow Fidel Castro using the US military or covert or whatever and Pope John Paul fought the Soviet Empire. Holy Geez.

  65. SayItWithWookies

    If elected, Newt Gingrich promises to go to war with Cuba. There goes our intellectual, following in the footsteps of William McKinley.

  66. C_R_Eature

    Right, Newt. (Fidel's) …"going to go to The Place." He'll be keeping a nice warm spot, just for you.

  67. Callyson

    OK, Paul gets credit for one thing. He is one of the few Reeps who knows that the Cold War is over.

  68. SorosBot

    Gah, Ronald Regan and Margaret Thatcher did not bring down the Soviet empire; Mikhail Gorbachev did; hell George Soros did more to defeat them than either of those douchebags.

  69. MittBorg

    Fuck me, Ron Paul is making sense. Hold me, someone. We should talk to Cuba like we talked to the Chinese and the Russians. I see why he's so appealing to the last few Republicans who aren't total scum and thugs and bullies.

    1. Schmannnity

      "the last few Republicans who aren't total scum and thugs and bullies." Search results zero. Broaden search?

  70. Gainsbourg69

    Fidel fucked more chicks than you did, Newt.

    Ron Paul is making Newt look like a dickhead on Cuba.

  71. memzilla

    Invade Cuba? Newt Gingrich, bravely fighting a sixty year old war that he also dodged the draft for.

  72. C_R_Eature

    Ronpaul's just reminded everyone hat he's the only one onstage that hasn't run terrified from Government Service in Uniform.

    1. MittBorg

      He's right. Say what you will about him, he's probably one of the only serving Republicans who has ever served his country on the battlefield as well.

  73. FakaktaSouth

    Yeah…what the hell's wrong with Obama? All obsessed with burgeoning demands for freedom in the Middle East, what's THAT shit about?? Cuba's WAY more..???…oh yeah, Florida. Pander meter engaged.

  74. SayItWithWookies

    I'd never vote for Ron Paul, but I do love it when he makes the other candidates look pathetic and irrational. His attitude towards Cuba trumps their Cold War nonsense without any effort whatsoever.

    1. Gainsbourg69

      If Obama said the same thing Ron Paul did, he'd have every Miami Cuban under 50 years old on lock.

  75. Callyson

    Ricky: if you can't deal with us, get out of this hemisphere. It's ours. We stole it fair and square.

  76. SorosBot

    Oh god, anti-Muslim / Latino conspiracy theory time. It's not a serious threat; it's an imaginary one, Rick.

  77. NYNYNYjr

    FL people clapping Paul's commonsense statements?

    Yes, Cubans and jihadists. Absolutely happening… gaw

  78. C_R_Eature

    OK, Call me Crazy, but where's the proof that there's all these wild-eyed TERRERRSTS in Cuba? Extraordinary Claims require Extraordinary proof. or any proof.

  79. flamingpdog

    A growing network of Cubans and Venezualans lusting to work with the Jihadis? What the fuck was Ricky snorting before the debates?

  80. DemonicRage

    What is Santorum suggesting: the Iranians are going to use Venezuela and Cuba to set up missiles aimed at the U.S., like the Russians did during the Cuban missile crisis? So what's his solution? What is this reckless guy advocating, because of a perceived threat?

  81. imissopus

    Uh Mitt, we still have 11 aircraft carriers with their associated battle groups. No other country even comes close, particularly Iran. Settle down.

  82. Callyson

    Oh God, Mittens is going on about how small the Navy is. Um, that has *something* to do with improved technology meaning that we don't need as many troops. You'd think Mr Private Sector Freedom Leads to Innovation would know that.

  83. MittBorg

    Why is Mittens crying about the Navy shrinking? The Navy isn't really needed anymore. War! Terror! Amurka!

    Newt is now being asked to gauge the appetite of the American people for war. Well, at least he's honest that we don't want war, BUT — Barack Obama just did something dangerous, AIEEEEE!!!

  84. SorosBot

    Newt says we don't like going to war unless we're attacked. Um the Iraqis, the Vietnamese, the Spanish and the Mexicans might want to have a word with you.

    1. MittBorg

      Koreans, Chinese, Cambodians, Laotians, Filipinos, El Salvadoreans, Guatemalans, Hawai'ians, Chileans, Iranians … the list is getting rather long, isn't it?

  85. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Did Newt just say we did not want to go to war when Japen bombed Pearl Harbor? Historian my ass.

    1. MittBorg

      He simply neglects to mention that, due to technological advances over the past half-century, there are very very few shipbuilders any more in this world, and I believe (although I might be wrong) that there are fewer than 10 shipbuilders who make military vessels, worldwide. And we control most of those.

  86. Callyson

    "Dictators respond to strength, they don't respond to weakness"
    Newt's quote should be used on the briefing papers next time Obama goes to negotiate with the Reeps in Congress.

  87. C_R_Eature

    How do you think NEWTIE would handle the Cuban Missile Crisis?

    I think we'd all be radioactive ash right about now.

  88. SayItWithWookies

    Hey Mitt — who put those surge troops in Afghanistan that you're criticizing President Obama for withdrawing in a little while?

  89. Callyson

    Mittens thinks that the Afghani election was perceived as illegitimate because the US did not have observers there!?!
    Yeah, that business about corruption had nothing to do with it…it was all because we needed more Americans standing around…

    1. flamingpdog

      We don't need the Navy anymore, but Exxon-Mobil and Chevron and BP need the Navy. Also, too, rich yacht-sailing peoples.

    2. BarackMyWorld

      Using the number of ships as a metric is preposterous. We have submarines that could literally wipe out all life on Earth, and we have aircraft carriers with crews in the thousands.

  90. DustBowlBlues

    Mittens is proving his strong, masculine side by repeating some tough words written for him and memorized.

  91. SayItWithWookies

    Hey Ron Paul — an embargo is not a blockade. A blockade physically prevents countries who didn't participate in the embargo from trade. But at least you didn't mention 9/11, which is where I thought you were going.

  92. Callyson

    Ricky is walking away as they go to break. Even he can't stand being around these (other) clowns.

  93. James Michael Curley

    Is it still on? Sounds as bad and could go as long as Stephen Tyler's National Anthem.

  94. MittBorg

    Adorable squeaky elf Ron Paul is the only person on this stage making any sense at all. Crabby old man responses like "I think it's foolish" only make him look more precious and sleep-deprived. And that curved, hooky old-man forefinger wagging in the faces of these youngs pursuing the same prize! Oh, Ron Paul, your Libertarian creed I can swallow, if you only feed me more of this flipping off of the Rethugs live on stage combined with the shaking of that arthritic finger!

  95. Fukui_sanYesOta

    You know, Willard, the size of the US's horseback cavalry is significantly smaller than 1917.

    That bastard Obama.

      1. flamingpdog

        They dropped a lotta ICBMs outta their horsey asses. A lot of street sweepers lost their jobs in New York City when America went to the internal combustion engine.

  96. Steverino247

    Is the Navy looking for more appropriations again? These assholes seem to think so and want to have the next carrier named after them.

  97. SorosBot

    Wait, they've got Adam Smith asking questions? Here I thought he'd been dead for centuries; he also should tell them they keeping getting him wrong, since he supported a free market with strong regulations and a social safety net.

    1. MittBorg

      I've never figured out this pee point shit till today. I guess I should just be grateful that somebody somewhere likes me and I have, ahem, a hefty p-ness.

      How do you *lose* pee points?

  98. Callyson

    Ricky is doing everything he can to ignore the question of just who he would bomb in Iran. He could save a lot of time by using the classic "all of 'em, Katie."

  99. Biff

    Some alien script took over control of my 'puter for the last 45 minutes, took that long to even cold reboot. Did I miss anything?

      1. Negropolis

        God, I hope not. These 1,000 post threads are killing my internet connection. Not even kidding.

        Won't you post-whores think of us poor little slow connection folks?

  100. SorosBot

    Rick, the threat Iran poses to the US is non-existent. He is a paranoid freak in addition to his hatred of women. Actually this is kind of ironic, since he wants to turn America into Iran.

    1. MittBorg

      Wasn't that just a classic moment? These guys are actually LIVING in a different century. They're not yet aware that the rest of the world is in the 21st.

  101. SayItWithWookies

    Santorum: the government of Iran, which is similar to al-Qaida, would be intolerable to American presidents besides Obama. I guess except for Dubya, Clinton, Fuckhead's Dad, Moron on a Horse or Jimmy Carter.

  102. flamingpdog

    No President could permit a theocracy to run Iran, RIcky? Not Reagan, not Bush Sr., not Clinton, not Shrub? The stoopid is really starting to get to me.

  103. memzilla

    Hey, Prolapsed Santorum — regards nuking Iran because they made weapons that killed our people? You know how many countries could use that to go after us?

  104. Fukui_sanYesOta

    What, something like a more stringent oil embargo in conjunction with the EU and sending two aircraft carriers to the gulf? Something like that, Ricky?

    Iran won't do shit with a nuclear weapon. North Korea has a significantly more nutball leadership and hasn't done shit.

  105. SayItWithWookies

    Satorum: "especially Florida, which is a destination — uh — place."
    The AARP will be asking you to take that back right after the show, Rick.

  106. FakaktaSouth

    The oil goes to BP, not America. I hate Rick Santorum. Please stop letting them say domestic supply. Please please.

  107. Callyson

    Well, we can court voters in one language and do something entirely different in another. We're politicians after all: what's so new about that?

  108. Trannysurprise

    OMG, megadumbass Santorum doesn't realize they intend to refine and ship the oil from the pipeline overseas once it gets to the end.

  109. BarackMyWorld

    So…energy prices (which have been stable for the last couple of years) are a bigger threat to tourism than THE GIANT FUCKING OIL SPILL THAT ACTUALLY JUST HAPPENED LESS THAN 2 YEARS AGO. Ugh.

  110. SayItWithWookies

    Oh, nice question! "Canddidates, why are you hypocrites about having a national language when you have websites in Spanish?"
    Response: Uh — because we don't expect you to call us on it?

  111. DustBowlBlues

    Three wimpy men, each trying to prove he's more macho than the other guys.

    Oops–four men. I forgot about Paultard.

  112. Callyson

    Newt wants to have programs for people to understand English.
    Again with calling for government to benefit people, Newt…you really don't understand your party's base, do you?

  113. SayItWithWookies

    Newt's in favor of teaching kids English. The government paying to teach kids English, even. And Mitt essentially agrees. You can just see half of North Carolina just now cringing in horror.

  114. MittBorg

    Newt is squeaking like an outraged hamster subjected to an anal probe. All these bastards are falling over themselves announcing how the others are right and Barack Obama is WRONG!!!

    Meanwhile, RMONEY is talking about how kids couldn't spreak engish, but fails to mention his own failings in this regard.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      If Williams were quick on his feet, he would have followed up with the question, then are you denying speaking another language might someday use the skill during their Mission.

          1. MittBorg

            You have seen all those hairy-tittied Walmartians, right? Shopping in their nighties and bunny slippers?

            Srsly. Not a just-before-bedtime picture.

  115. SayItWithWookies

    Wait — Ron Paul wants to have a national language, and justifies it by saying that our system requires it? But has managed to live without it for more than 200 years? Where the hell did Big Government Ron Paul come from?

  116. Callyson

    Newt: those kids have to join the military. Fuck college–what good will educated citizens do the nation?

  117. mayor_quimby

    romney just said "they could no speak english well" I even rewound to verify.
    Exactly what kind of white dude is Mitt? What planet is he from ( he doesn't have his own yet, I know)

  118. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ron Paul makes sense again. Fucking hell.

    Ah, Newton on immigration – this should be good. Oh, military pandering. Yeah, fuck those kids who go to college.

  119. SorosBot

    Newt only thinks aliens should be able to earn citizenship through putting their lives at risk through the military. Douche.

  120. flamingpdog

    A college professor wants citizenship for "illegals" that join the military, but not for those go to college?

  121. Barb

    "self deportation?" Mitt, make them leave and then come back? Do you think these people all have credit cards with frequent flyer miles?

    1. MittBorg

      I'm sure he does. I'm sure he has absolutely no clue about how anyone without secretaries, personal assistants, money managers, and FF miles survives in this world.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        The Onion had a great piece years ago: "John McCain unveils economic plan for all Americans: marry a wealthy beer heiress." It's very similar to Mitt's attitude:

        "What? Why don't Americans just fire half their kitchen staff and retire to their summer mansions? It's so simple!"

        1. MittBorg

          The mayor of a certain Western city, a millionairess in her own right, reputedly responded to her constituents' request for childcare with: "If child care is so difficult to get, why don't they just hire nannies?"

          They have no idea how the other 99% live.

  122. FakaktaSouth

    Hahahahah self deportation may be the phrase that ends Mitt's whole deal. Oh dear Christ. Come to Bama and talk that shit brother, I beg you.

  123. memzilla

    So the Rethuglicans are embracing Robert Heinlein's "Military Service Guarantees Citizenship" position, as articulated in Starship Troopers. Needs moar Giant Bugz.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      At least Heinlein required everybody to serve. Three of the guys behind the podia wouldn't be able to run for office (or vote).

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      Happens now. If I get pulled for a traffic violation or whatever, I *have* to have my green card on me.

    1. MittBorg

      Not tonight, dear, he has a headache.

      I don't know what the deal was with him tonight, but he sounded and looked like someone who had dropped some speed or snorted a few lines of fine Columbian.

  124. SorosBot

    Rick, when you're grandfather came to America all you had to do to become an American was come to America. It was completely different.

      1. SorosBot

        Well in the 1920s Italians weren't quite white just yet; the Irish too. That's what gets me – grandpa Santorum would have been subject to the same bigotry Rick is throwing against Latino immigrants today.

  125. SayItWithWookies

    Haha, Mitt wants to get rid of subsidies for sugar. But quick, let's talk about the housing crisis and how it's Obama's fault.

    1. Gainsbourg69

      I wish he would've talked about the billions Florida is spending on cleaning up the Everglades thanks to the Sugar industry.

        1. Negropolis

          What I wouldn't give to see him on a yacht down at the Washington Marina in the Potomac, and decked out head-to-toe in Lacoste, not because he wanted to, but just because he can. lol

          1. Fukui_sanYesOta

            With a big-ass grin on his face because he's showing he's just doing it because he can. So awesome a mental image.

          2. BerkeleyBear

            Deck shoes, no socks, a sweater draped just so? Man would he rock that ensemble! I love it.

            Then again, I'd half like him to pull off an NWA reunion concert in the White House, too, for the same reason. Or actually serve fried chicken and watermelon. Maybe on the occasion of Ronald Reagan's birthday, with a bunch of GOP talking heads in attendance for maximum head exploding..

    1. BerkeleyBear

      150+ weeks in office, 90 rounds of golf. You know what Boehner calls that?About 400 missed opportunities to play golf. So Mormon boy (and how does he stay tan, exactly? Tennis, maybe?) and fatso can just shut the fuck up.

      Plus, he golfed 9 holes as he was waiting for Seal Team Six to smoke bin Laden. If there is anything that reveals his zen awesomeness more than him walking into monitor the situation in his golf togs, I don't know what it is. He is the real thing, and if he was a white man the GOP would be renaming Ronald Reagan sites after him in admiration of his brass stones.

      1. Limeylizzie

        That is so true, do they just find it a bit “off” that a black man enjoys golf AND basketball.

      2. MittBorg

        Tru dat. If he were a white man, or better yet, a white Republican, every one of those looney tunes would be singing his praises morn to night. But because he is not, it drives them insane with rage and hate and jealousy.

        1. Geminisunmars

          "it drives them insane with rage and hate and jealousy."

          it drives them insaner…


          blows Mittie a kiss

  126. SayItWithWookies

    Big Government Ron Paul will still fund the Everglades protection. Probably, as a federally-funded breeding ground for the highly-valued Burmese Python, it could be made to turn a profit.

  127. FakaktaSouth

    Wait. Is it smart to shit on sugar subsidies in Flar'da? Or any farm stuff really? They gots lotsa cows AND oranges there, dudes. LOTS.

  128. DustBowlBlues

    Whoa. Those were some pretty confusing sugar references. Remind me: how is this a laser focus on jobs.

    1. Callyson

      Crap, the livestream does not carry the ads. I may have to watch the tape delayed version just to catch that gem…

    2. Jerri

      I saw that the other day and choose to believe some smart-ass copywriter did it on purpose for our amusement.

    1. MittBorg

      You may be correct.

      The youngest cat has just gone insane — probably as a result of listening to Adam Smith yawping on about Terri Schiavo — and is now mounting a brutally vicious attack on a small sponge ball, which she has now lodged under the bedclothes.

      Santorum begins lying about Schiavo.

  129. Trannysurprise

    If Santorum really wants to win Florida he would just whip out that jar of Gabriel and slam it down on the podium accompanied by the words "We don't abort, we pickle!"

  130. BarackMyWorld

    I don't remember gas prices being that low when Obama took office because I didn't fill up that day. The week before and the week after…that's another story.

  131. Callyson

    OH LORD–Terri Schaivo? Really?
    Then I hope they don't ignore the "rape victims should plop out the child" business…

  132. Fare la Volpe

    I believe we should respect all human life, which is why I supported leaving Terri Schiavo a vegetable.

    1. Negropolis

      To show how fucking crazy they are, of course.

      BTW: 9 pages?! Is Wonkette getting bigger, or are we just extra chatty, tonight?

  133. FakaktaSouth

    Oh lordy the Schiavo. And Rick said "if there was someone there that wanted to take care of her," ya hear? If there wasn't someone to PAY for it, ya know fuck it. Like with kids. No abortions, no WiC.

  134. BarackMyWorld

    "This is the state that put a man on the moon"…OH FUCK YOU, FLORIDA, YOU DON'T GET TO CLAIM THAT!

  135. imissopus

    I think Ron Paul is about to pass out from exhaustion. Could see it during that Everglades question, when for the first time ever he didn't shriek about the federal government butting in to a state issue. Probably tired from worrying about his kid being stomped by jack-booted thugs.

  136. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Obama scrapped a government space program in favour of a private sector solution and now Willard is shitting on that?

  137. Callyson

    Mittens: there is no vision for the space program.
    Oh, I've got a vision–we should send the candidates on this stage out to space…

  138. C_R_Eature

    Ron Paul's got a pretty nuanced take on Schavo. He's remarkably thoughtful when he's not being batshit crazy over Gold and whatnot.

  139. Barb

    Loving the "living will" conversation! It's in my living will that if I am raped, I will not be forced bear my attacker's child. Woopsie, is that not covered in the living will?

  140. orygoon

    Haha, I didn't even know that Mittens was all for a space program. In New Hampshire and Iowa I heard not one word about his passion for a space program.

  141. ProgressiveInga

    Hey Newt, who puts the money up for the prizes for the romantic and exciting futures in space?