grand old windbags

The Longest Apocalypse: Liveblogging Yet Another GOP Debate

America's new husbands.Hello from your Wonkette liveblogging team, taking part once again in America’s “national pastime,” which is trying to get web video streams to function for long enough to hear whatever racist crazy talk the GOP candidates offer tonight. Are you ready? Does a recently converted-to-Catholicism serial adulterer/divorcer shit in the woods? No, because the Newt needs two bathrooms, which is one less than the number of wives he has needed, so far.

8:59 PM — Tonight’s debate is on the “NBC Politics” station, with Gawker commenter Brian Williams as the moderator. Will he ask Mitt a rude personal question the way liberals always do?
9:02 PM — Mitt has noted that the Newt is “erratic” and “creepy” and “has an ugly head.”
9:03 PM — Gingrich mumbles something about Herbert Hoover, meaning: “Ronald Reagan.”
9:05 PM — Was Romney truly “dancing on eggs” during this campaign? Is that a known phrase, in Republican executive compensation packages?
9:06 PM — “He had to resign in disgrace.” — Mittens on Newt.
9:06 PM — Newt doesn’t want to “waste time” answering Mitt’s actual facts about Newt Gingrich.
9:07 PM — In other words, NEWT.ORG. Will it have Tiffany jewelry whore diamond popups?
9:10 PM — Gingrich asked the Republicans to punish him. He wanted it, because he was a bad, fat little adulterer and hypocrite and crook. He ASKED FOR IT.
9:15 PM — Newt Gingrich is such an asshole that he won’t even graciously accept Ron Paul’s preemptive endorsement.
9:18 PM — Tomorrow is a very exciting day, because Romney is going to release a year’s worth of tax returns, covering last year. What will “get people talking,” Brian Williams asks. Maybe the Gazillions of Dollars of Income and Assets, along with the itty-bitty tax bill?
9:19 PM — Thank the Angel Moroni that Mitt Romney will FINALLY get corporate taxes down! The tax code is “far too intrusive” for the nation’s very richest men!
9:22 PM — We blinked (ran to the fridge for a refreshed beverage) and missed Santorum’s one question, which was apparently about his inability to win his own Senate races. Has the spooge-mentum finally dried up?
9:23 PM — Mitt is surprised to see the Republicans “pick up the weapons of the left.” Hahahahah. “I did not inherit what my wife and I have.” Really now.
9:23 PM — MITT WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR SUCCESS. It is too bad you LIBERAL LOSERS were born poor or black or poor/black/female, etc. You just hate America.
9:24 PM — Santorum just wants to know why Romney and Gingrich are saving Failed Capitalism. Because of WALL STREET, c’mon Santorum. You are such a minor league crook compared to these guys.
9:25 PM — What about Gingrich’s dirty Freddie Mac contract? $25,000 is good money for sitting on your fat ass hunting for new wives on the Internet or whatever, right?
9:26 PM — Oh, it’s not lobbying, it’s consulting. Totally worth $25,000 a month.
9:28 PM — Mitt notes that it’s $1.6 million, for six years of Newt’s contract, and that it sure as shit wasn’t for being a “historian,” it was as a lobbyist.
9:29 PM — Gingrich comes out strong IN FAVOR of federal welfare socialism housing financing.
9:30 PM — Oh this is wonderful, Gingrich and Romney are now in a bitch-chicken slap fight over how many millions they made, and how much came from sweetheart government deals, and now Gingrich is going to explain how the American People will “see through” this tactic! Insulin! Lipitor!
9:32 PM — It is time to pass the relay dildo to our next contestant, Liz Colville!
9:34 PM — It seemed as if Brian Williams there was informing Mitt that he couldn’t actually talk about Fannie and Freddie anymore because he’d just taken TOO LONG harping about those matters already. Oh, but really it is just a commercial, which in live feed world is utter silence, which is wonderful, really. Thank you, Brian/Internet.
9:44 PM — “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,” indeed.
9:49 PM — The shrinkage of the Navy. And now we have two men talking about things they know nothing about. Romney is the guy who would take an online poll before deciding what to do with the military. Gingrich would just write a book about it and tell the whole military to read it.
9:52 PM — Honestly unaware there were four people on the stage until just now. Very rude. Hello Ron.
9:54 PM — BREAKAGE. POLITE APPLAUSE. SEAFARING-LIKE MUSIC.
9:58 PM — We are joined now by Adam Smith of the Tampa Bay Times and Beth Reinhard of the National Journal. And yet Brian keeps badgering these poor men with riddles.
10:00PM — Santorum’s picked up where Rick Perry left off. He said today that he basically would declare war with Iran, i.e. dismantle its nuclear weapons for it if the country didn’t do it itself, if he became president.
10:02PM — “OIOIOIOIOIIIIILLLLLL” (“Oil”) — Rick.
10:03PM — Gingrich advocates ballots in English only. Romney agrees. Romney’s discussing Massachusetts education and how it was screwed up that foreign students would learn in their native languages because everyone realized eventually that they “Could no speak English well” — direct quote.
10:06PM — Romney is basically doing what Obama did in the early debates with Clinton — “What she said.” He agrees with Gingrich that he would not support the Dream Act as it currently stands. Romney, we know what you think about immigration. But do you? He pauses so many times in his immigration argument that it becomes clear that he is not, well, fluent in his own machinations. “Self-deportation.” TO A ROBOT SUCH A STATEMENT MAKES PERFECT SENSE. 0101000000000101101111111110000000000000000000000000001.
10:08PM — “America was worth it to do it the right way.” Santorum is discussing his forebears to explain How You Properly Emigrate to the U.S.A. and Dig Freedom Therein.
10:10PM — “CANE SUGAR HIDES BEHIND BEET SUGAR.” — Newt. Whatttttt is happening.
10:12PM — “He plays 90 rounds of golf when you have 20 million people out of work.” Romney is dissing Obama. Fine and good but the President H8S golf, yes? He just plays it because artificially-grown, pesticide-ridden grass is the only surface upon which John Boehner will speak to him.
10:16PM — {{{{{{crickets}}}}}}} Romney is getting quick SMIZE TIPS from Tyra Banks during the break while Santorum’s daughter touches up her father’s face with mineral powder.
10:19PM — One hand is clapping for Santorum’s explanation of his stance on do-not-resuscitate.
10:20PM — This is what we call a Thorny Issue, America. “It should teach us all a lesson to have good living wills,” DOCTOR Ron Paul says. “I would have preferred to see the decision made at the state level.”
10:22PM — Romney is talking about the space program and reminds us again that he is really all about collaboration, which is an easy way of saying that he doesn’t really trust any one entity to do anything, and doesn’t know enough about any one thing to trust himself to make executive decisions on said things. Not surprisingly, he wants NASA to work in conjunction with private, future-bankrupt companies.
10:24PM — Gingrich questions Romney’s stance, and digs in at the collaboration thing, saying a bunch of people “sitting around in a room” is not how you revive a broken program. Hey look, he’s right: meetings make you dumb[ER].
10:27PM — Going to liveblog someone else’s live blog for a second: The Caucus reports from Florida that some of the undecided voters watching the debate with Susan Saulny are pining for someone who isn’t there, namely JON HUNTSMAN. You guys. That is over now. It’s over. You fools. Why didn’t you TELL HIM how you felt with the WADS O’ ONES that you don’t have?!?!?
10:30PM — We’re wrapping up with “Why … are you doing this again?!”-type questions. Romney says he’s the best man for the job because he made babies and made money. Bye.
10:31PM — Gingrich was asked to comment on Romney’s response. Gingrich obvs declined this offer, because, boring. He’s telling us about his life, and how he’s spent his life “trying to develop a conservative movement across this country.” But those movements exist, man, and any time they see you they seem to move away from you.
10:34PM — Santorum is descending into a pit of deadly venomous Palinisms. Dude, this is your closing argument.
10:36PM — Wise Older Gentleman reminds us that there are many ways of being conservative, which is really just a cynical way of saying that these guys are flip-flopping panderers. And with that, the gentleman receives some of the only applause we’ve heard all night from these Tampaers (sic).
10:38PM — Everybody loves the Constitution because Ron Paul made it cool again. Romney name-drops the Constitution and reminds people in so many words that his pioneering health care plan is shite.
10:39PM — “I don’t ask people to be for me…I ask people to be with me.” Gingrich, man. He is kind of the Obama of the only guys we’ve got, which is four out of approx. 151,400,000 options, which is how many men we have in this country. (Oh, women? What? They’re busy. They’ve got kids.)
10:40PM — Romney wants to “crack down on cheaters.” This is a true Mittism: you know he went home crying to mommy about cheaters in grade school.
10:42PM — For some reason Romney has gotten the last word and that is THE END, everybody. And there is another one on Thursday, so see you then and also in 10 hours!
10:52PM — P.S.!!!!! “The room has cleared remarkably quickly.” — Brian Williams. WORD!

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Comments

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  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Yeeeeeeeehaw!

  • Extemporanus

    DRIIINKKK!!

    • Warpde

      Oh crap!!!!!!
      I'm already out.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Ronald Reagan!
    Drink!

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    STUNT LIVER, ACTIVATE!

    REAGAN! DRINK! Oh we're going to be fucked up tonight.

    • CountryClubJihadi

      What channel in the Bay Area??? I cant find it!

      • SorosBot

        It's on NBC, and I think it's only live in the Eastern and Central time zones.

  • http://justspitballing.blogspot.com/ smashaduck

    Reagan! Drink! We're not going to survive this shit are we?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Never do.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Not sober, no.

      • flamingpdog

        I actually watched the whole thing sober, MB. I don't know what's wrong with me tonight.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Let me feel your furry little forehead, pdog — clearly, it's serious.

          Just kidding. I actually watched it stone-cold sober, although I lit the vape a couple of times. For the pain, y'unnerstand.

  • e_z

    Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-sus!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Newt is looking extra doughy tonight.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Freshly sated and swollen with blood, the newt will sleep well tonight.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      How is this night different from all other nights?

    • Barb

      And thanks to Newt, many women will be more yeasty. (down there)

    • flamingpdog

      Tonight's Republiklan debates were brought to you by Pillsbury and Duncan Hines.

  • AlterNewt

    Maybe someone will say something controversial.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Newt sure can lie purty

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Mittens is talking…. felling sleepy…. yawn……
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • Limeylizzie

    Resign in disgrace, take that doughboy ooh and "influence peddler".

  • memzilla

    So if The 1% has raped our country, it's all part of God's Plan™ we should embrace.

    • DustBowlBlues

      After all, the poor will inherit the earth. Once the Repubtards have destroyed it.

    • ThundercatHo

      I don't care what Frothy says, abort the GOP.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      God gave you lemons, so eat them. Why the fuck do you think he created the things?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Awesome.

  • ColonelDoctor

    Resign in disgrace!

  • flamingpdog

    Brian Williams is the moderator? So Brian Wilson was a no-show?

    • orygoon

      He's floating above it.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      He's home … In His Room, in his ro-o-o-om.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Newt's too focused on the issues to bother with all the failures Mitt just mentioned. In fact, Newt's leaving Callista for the issues.

    • Schmannnity

      If the issue were cancer, then what?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        He'd leave her with that issue too.

    • Nostrildamus

      I don't think Newt's had any issue since wife #1.

  • http://justspitballing.blogspot.com/ smashaduck

    I'm going to run out of my stocking stuffer mini bottles in about 3 minutes at this rate.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Drink slower, darling.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Well, then you were not prepared. I have no sympathy.

  • ColonelDoctor

    Where's the mud pit?

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Yeah, because FOX talking head and part-time french tire mascot Huckabee and failed Presidential candidate McCain are noted thought leaders. Nice one Newton.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Where the hell is Santorum and Paul?

  • BarackMyWorld

    I don't want a headache, so I'll just watch the Ed Show recap on MSNBC after the debate ends.

  • Limeylizzie

    Is Newt under 5 ft 5" tall?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      When he's on his back he's about that.

    • Fare la Volpe

      All the bile built up in his venom sack weighs him down a bit.

    • Steverino247

      You must be at least this tall to be President?

      • Limeylizzie

        Are you running?

        • Steverino247

          I'm 6'7" so I'm over qualified.

          • Limeylizzie

            I love a tall man, I am 5″4 “and MrLimeylizzie is 6'4″.

          • Fare la Volpe

            Lucky! I'm 6'0" and have been trying for years to find a man who makes me feel small.

          • Limeylizzie

            There is something really nice about feeling all wee and protected.

          • Biff

            I was 6'4", until back surgery took me down a notch.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            We'll all still love you anyway, baby.

  • AlterNewt

    Is tonight the swimsuit competition?

    • Barb

      They could never win the talent competition.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        They ain't winnin' no nekky competitions neither, I don't need t'be tellin' you.

  • memzilla

    Hmm… white people bragging about how many white people's votes they got. Color me unimpressed.

    • FraAnima

      And once you're colored, you will cease to matter to the GOPers.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wow, Mitt's on Newt like a dog on the back of a station wagon.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      That was cold, Wookies. Pretty fucking C-O-L-D, man.

    • Schmannnity

      Totally awesome.

  • Callyson

    Have to watch this on the online live stream because it's tape delayed for the left coast. Hope I don't miss too many amusing visuals…

  • Limeylizzie

    Mitt should never, ever laugh, it makes him seem like a serial killer.

    • Schmannnity

      sinister eyes!

    • arihaya

      uh Stephen Colbert already said that ,,, see: Mitt the Ripper

      • flamingpdog

        Great minds think alike.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I tweeted that. And I affixed your name to it, too.

  • EdFlintstone

    Newts jowl shawdows are scary.

  • Carrabuda

    Mitt's a terrible historian!

    • flamingpdog

      But he's a great hysterian!

  • Biff

    Not finding a stream…

  • Callyson

    Newt wants to talk about someone else being a bad historian!
    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

  • memzilla

    Newt's standard position: Verifiable Facts are now just "allegations."

  • SorosBot

    It's on an actual network, I can actually watch on the TV!

    • Biff

      Stupidest thing, not live in Pacific time zone!

      • SorosBot

        It's streaming-only for you!

        Just as all the cable-only debates have been for me.

        • Biff

          And with my sub-par bandwidth, not even that!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    If you drink every time Newt says facts or frankly you will be dead in 14 minutes.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Clearly.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Either that or your liver will leap out through your cakehole and smack you senseless.

    • Warpde

      Oh crap!!!!!!
      3 minutes to live…..
      Goodbye all.
      Never did likE YOU ANYHOW……brAIN SEZZING.5%%…cAp LUCkS oN….dUNN!.
      KJaOoAOhklkLlaOaJK………………..

      Sorry, damn cat walked over the keyboard….again.

    • flamingpdog

      You forgot Poland Reagan!

    • littlebigdaddy

      Unless you have the curse (as do I) of an Irish liver. I could drink drain cleaner all night and feel only a little worse for the wear the next day. That is our power and our curse.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Oh, Father Ted! And I thought we'd lost ye!

        Oh, wait, no, that was Father Jack that drank floor polish and that.

  • Callyson

    Ooooh, Newt got the last word. Mittens is pissed.

  • iburl

    Neuter Newt! Sterilize Santorum! Emasculate Mitt!

    • Limeylizzie

      Poison Paul

    • NYNYNYjr

      Darn Mittens!

    • littlebigdaddy

      Bugger Bachman! (either one).

  • AlterNewt

    God. Why did I quit drinking? Why?!!

    • NellCote71

      I had quit, too, but i opened the wine when Newt opened with Reagan. So it is his fault.

      • NellCote71

        Yeah. That's the ticket.

  • Biff

    found it, for what it's worth

  • FakaktaSouth

    I'm digging dickish Mitt. Newt TRIED to be nice, but NOoOOOoOo. That giant head is going to explode. The more Newt says frankly, the drunker I'm getting. But I am totally loving watching these assholes again.

    • Puffperney

      I'm envious of your enjoying this. I cannot get to a place in my head where this is not painful!

      • FakaktaSouth

        I sometimes get giddy when it feels like I am watching the actual last throes of the Rethug party as a policy making body. This LCD shit they are throwing out here is making me delerious. The fartsniffers I live around haven't even been defending this hellish nightmare of a clusterfuck-loser-choosing. I took a three week break from all of it in November, so I know the pain of which you speak, but this Mitt on Newt on Mitt violence is just de-lish.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Newt asked his fellow Republicans to vote against him on his own ethics violations. To get the issue behind him. I think the president of Afghanistan asked the Soviets to come invade them too, to get the threat of hegemony behind them.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Wow — this guy's imagination is off the charts. Who among us would ever have thought of that one, let alone been able to relate it with a straight face? Captain Schettino should consult with Newt on his excellent reasons for being in that lifeboat.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Well, didn't you know that the Germans were invited into the Sudetenland by the oppressed people there? And that the Native Americans all but laid out a Welcome mat for white people to come and live on their land?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      There are liars, and then there are shameless liars.

  • coolhandnuke

    My eight-year-old son is tuned into the debate with his dad. He is quite the astute, abstract thinker…he can already identify the participants..'Papa, there's Pompo the Clown, and thats Floppo, and Frotho and there's Rando."
    God, I love my son.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    There appears to be a coating of slime on Santorum.

    • Barrelhse

      C.U.M.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      What is that oily sheen?

    • littlebigdaddy

      No, it's a coating of santorum.

  • http://justspitballing.blogspot.com/ smashaduck

    You show a clear contrast alright. Clear contrast with humanity.

  • Callyson

    Yeah, I like how Ricky forgets how he *lost* PA on the third try…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      By huge amounts.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        You don't talk about making deep cuts in Social Security (and Ricky was among the first) and get re-elected in PA.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Lord love a duck, they're all pathetic. No wonder Ron Paul has such a devoted following in RightWingnuttia. These people are stark staring mad.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Santorum's path to victory: When the two big cheeks squeeze, then the santorum gets noticed.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Santorum: "my plan is to talk about shit. that's plans right there. I plan to talk about all kinds of things."

  • flamingpdog

    Won the Senate twice, Ricky? No word of the time you got your ass kicked? You're as bad a historian as Newt.

  • Negropolis

    The fuck?! Another debate?! My local TV guide did not show this (it says Fear Factor should be on, right now, and while this is close, this is no Fear Factor). I accidentially flipped by it to find Mitt Romney's smarmy face plastered front and center. Ugh.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Fear Factor is a good name for this crap if you think about it.

    • Limeylizzie

      Same thing happened to me.

    • hebmskebm

      I heard one of the challenges this year is bathing nude in a tub filled with Santorum while having to watch watching an entire Republican debate…

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        And eating something Calista cooked. (She looks like a reservations-making girl to me.)

  • Fare la Volpe

    Yeah, losing your election is still a BAD THING, Ricky.

    • C_R_Eature

      Electile Dysfunction. There's pills for that now.

      • Warpde

        So, that explains Newties hardon.

  • Callyson

    Ricky would know about a lot of folks crouching down…

  • Joshua Norton

    Newt needs two bathrooms

    Just in case he feels like cheating on the first bathroom.

    • zwoits

      Or if he needs to cheat in the other bathroom.

    • Geminisunmars

      He has an open relationship with his bathroom.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Probly more on the bathroom's part. I can't imagine Newt being open about *any*thing.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Rick Sanotrum is such a Neidermeyer type prick. His nose is just too damn small for his face. Me and his nose are in a fight now. Whine whine whine.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      His face is too small for his head. He's a real big tall guy, but he has this face that would look at home on a little girl.

  • Callyson

    Yeah, Ricky lost in 2006 because he was just too principled for those corrupt PA voters…that's it…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Ron Paul — cheapest suit in the GOP.

    • ProgressiveInga

      He spends all of his money on eyebrow merkins.

    • Barrelhse

      It's all over him.

  • AlterNewt

    I will now coin a new term: PANDERHANDLE!

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ron Paul!

    "Can you win? Are you just going to fuck things up for everyone else?"

    "I can definitely fuck things up with young voters."

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Uncle Ron should get the "early bird special" vote.

  • Callyson

    Ron Paul's jacket is at least two sizes too large for him…reminds me of the presidency…

    • coolhandnuke

      Or Stop Making Sense.

  • flamingpdog

    Cranky old man is babbling again.

  • Schmannnity

    Wonkette Jr.: you are a better man/woman/straight/gay/lesbian/bi-sexual/transsexual/blue-stater/red-stater than I if you are going to watch this eye hemorrhoid instead of doing something slightly rewarding in your life. May the peace of the Lord, which is obviously eluding you otherwise tonight, be always with you, unless that is an issue, then Peace.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ron Paul cleverly points out that not having enough votes can lose elections.

  • http://justspitballing.blogspot.com/ smashaduck

    Did Ron forget to take the hanger out of his suit coat again?

    • Barrelhse

      Wait til he goes to the airport…

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    ooooooh Ron Paul smacks Newt.

  • Barb

    He didn't mention Herbert Hoover. He said that Callista sucks like a Hoover.

    • AlterNewt

      NOW it makes sense.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      A Hoover with teeth.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Vultures don't have teeth.

        • MosesInvests

          Neither do harpy eagles.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            You're too kind.

    • neiltheblaze

      I wonder if all the Botox helps with her technique.

      • Barb

        One more face lift and bitch is going to have a goatee.

        • Fare la Volpe

          One more face lift and she'll be whistling through her knees.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          And the worst bags under her eyes.

  • Callyson

    Was that Taylor from The A List – Dallas behind Brian Williams?
    Why ANYONE is a gay Reep is beyond me…

    • Katydid

      A gay Repub is better known as a homocon.

  • neiltheblaze

    Christ, I fucking hate Newt Gingrich. I can't imagine listening to his voice every day from now until November. Fuck…..

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Harken!
    Drink?

  • Negropolis

    The 1960's Beatles called, Newt. They want their haircut back. Wait, no, Justine Bieber called. My bad.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Mitt Romney: I will release my tax returns as soon as my people find out how to write numbers that big.

  • C_R_Eature

    Well, goddammit, if I had any stray evil Atavistic structures left in my brain that were at all disposed to vote Republican, the Party's callous decision to hold yet another vile hateful racist bilious spewfest Primary Debate on a NON DRINKING NIGHT…this Has Settled Things. Decisively.

  • Limeylizzie

    Anyone from LA ? MrLimeylizzie is making me miss the debate because he cannot find it on Time Warner in LA.

    • Callyson
    • AlterNewt

      Yes

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Can he not live-stream it on the computer box?

      • Limeylizzie

        Yes, but he wants to watch it on the big , enormous HDTV although in HD this would be frightening.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          Oh in that case. NBC was always Channel 4 on TW back when I had cable out here, but I think the HD channel was 104. Or something else with an 04 at the end.

  • Callyson

    "What's in there that you may find yourself defending?"
    "Nothing, Brian–the whole point of tax avoidance is to keep that stuff *out* of your taxes…"

  • SorosBot

    Praise of Jesse Helms; that's one Racist dogwhistle!

    • Schmannnity

      I'm counting on you to keep track because i can't watch.

      • SorosBot

        I'll try.

  • http://justspitballing.blogspot.com/ smashaduck

    Oh, so Mitt's not gonna loan us all a 20? Shit.

  • flamingpdog

    People making under 200K have savings, stocks, and any way to have capital gains?

  • Data Exactly

    Did Romney pop a permanent vein after South Carolina?!?

    • Barrelhse

      No, it's from getting the tattoo on his dick.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        What dick?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Mitt says he'll eliminate the "tax on savings" — which he goes on to say is interest and capilal gains — for those under $200,000 a year. Real man of the people talk there, Mitt, thinking that capital gains is savings.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      In other words, he'll eliminate a big chunk of the taxes paid by people who rake in $200 grand a year in interest and capital gains. (That's the "common man", in Mitt's world.)

  • WiscDad

    Good Christ…not another one…just like the other one…when will the pain be OVER

  • Extemporanus

    I can't find this fucking squarejerk playing anywhere, so I'm just gonna slam one last shot of Jack with a rape baby back, and then hit the sack.

    Fist ya later!

    • Limeylizzie

      It's on NBC, it says Fear Factor, which may or may not be irony.

      • Extemporanus

        Thank you, Lizzie.

        Unfortunately, here in SF, this incredibly important clitorial event has been preempted by the NBC local news amateur hour.

        • SorosBot

          You'll probably be getting it at 9 your time; no live broadcast for you!

          • Extemporanus

            "Live" is a relative term with this crew.

  • flamingpdog

    Pay more taxes than you owe? The HORROR, the HORROR!!!

  • BarackMyWorld
    • Callyson

      Facts are liberal things.

  • Callyson

    Newt wants to bring the rest of the country down to Mittens' level. We are doomed.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Ah, Newt quotes Alan Greenspan — who has since repudiated his entire worldview in front of Congress — that the best tax rate to create jobs is 0%.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Allen Greenspan just tapped Andrea Mitchell on the head and said "hey, they mentioned my name".

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Weapons of the left!

  • flamingpdog

    Mittens: I earned it the old-fashioned way … reaming the American people!

  • memzilla

    Of course, none of the 99% have anything in the way of enough assets to qualify for the 0% capital gains tax rate proposed by these elist corporate f**tards.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Sure, lots of us 99-percenters have stocks in our IRAs and 401(k)s. Capital gains in those plans are taxed as …. oops …. regular income. Evidently the justifications for lower taxes on "jerb-creatin" investments depend on who's doing the investing. (Corporations don't create jerbs with your money, they only use rich people's money.)

      Funny how the 99% gets fucked, every time.

      • Biff

        Mine's all deferred compensation. I'll get taxed on it when I start to draw it. Good thing, since it's still worth less than it was in 2008, but not by much…

  • SayItWithWookies

    If Mitt didn't inherit any of his money, I'm sure he also made sure he profited in no way from his father's name and connections. Man started off washing dishes in a local diner and just worked his way up.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That's what all sons of CEO's do, innit?

      • Biff

        Worked his way through school too, no doubt.

  • Callyson

    Yeah, but Mittens is not so proud of the companies he tore down…come on, Brian, don't let that slide…
    …on to Ricky. That's what I get for hoping that a reporter will ask a serious question…

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    wOOw 100+ comments already.

    Mittens2000 wants to Staple your paycheck
    ~

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He wants to staple a pink slip to it.

  • http://justspitballing.blogspot.com/ smashaduck

    Oh we're still pretending his wealth is an issue? His wealth isn't the goddam issue. Paying a lower rate than me, your unfriendly cable chic is the fucking issue. Hiding his money in the Caymans…that may be an issue. But fuck. His wealth isn't the fucking issue.

    • Biff

      Using his wealth to purchase influence, that's kind of an issue for me.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Is "Capitalism" a drinking word?
    ~

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    I have a "weapon of the left"….IN MY PANTS.

    • Limeylizzie

      Tee Hee

  • Carrabuda

    Let 'em burn, sez Ricky.

  • flamingpdog

    Mittens: I earned it the old-fashioned way … reaming the American people!

  • Negropolis

    Shorter Santorum: I was too busy sucking his dick to attack Mitt Romney's time at Bain.

  • BarackMyWorld

    ZOMG~!!!! SOMEONE FINALLY FUCKING BROUGHT UP MITT'S AND NEWT'S SUPPORT FOR THE WALL STREET BAIL-OUTS!!!!1

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Now that FakaktaSouth has mentioned Santorum's oddly-small nose it's really annoying me as well. I can't actually make myself listen to what he's saying.

    • FakaktaSouth

      It is crazy-making I tell ya!

    • Negropolis

      Not just the small nose, but he talks through that and with clenched teeth, a lot, I've noticed. It makes him sound as if he's always whining, and that's fitting, because he most often is.

  • SayItWithWookies

    These guys all talk like creating jobs is the natural byproduct of our current free market system, as though it's automatic. If that's the case, can they see regulating the market to the point that shitty, predatory deals that almost certainly destroy jobs and industry are illegal?

  • Callyson

    Ricky wants companies that cannot do their job to fail. Goldman Sachs will survive in that case.
    "We got our money, that means we succeeded. What?"

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Kind of a subdued audience tonight. They must not be serving liquor.

  • Fare la Volpe

    I've never done any lobbying, if you ignore all of that lobbying I did.

    • AlterNewt

      Nuance. That's what it's all about.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He's *such* a liar.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I was faithful to all of my wives, 100%, right up until I wasn't.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

    GUYS, Influence-peddling and "lobbying" are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. LEAVE NEWT ALONE!

  • FakaktaSouth

    You really did fuck a whole buncha people's lives up Mitt, no matter what you call it (even free enterprise). Your type of business IS why we have so little manufacturing and we are worse as a nation for it. It may have been legal, and you may have been good at it, but it w still makes you really shitty.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Sweety, America was made on fucking over as many people as possible as often as possible. Why do you hate America?

      • FakaktaSouth

        I think it's the envy. I am just an envious, jealous girl. Help me Mitt.

        • Fare la Volpe

          I'm so envious of Mitt Romney having all my money.

        • flamingpdog

          ♫ Help me Romney, help, help me Romney. ♫

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Paul Krugman does a nice job of dissecting Bain Capital's business model: http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/01/23/breac

      The goal is “value redistribution” rather than “value creation”: By breaking contracts with workers, suppliers and other stakeholders, they slash the liabilties column. They add nothing to the assets column; in fact they cut into it with their ginormous fees. At the end of the day, the balance sheet is 'improved", Bain's partners are richer, and everybody else is fucked.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        I think I saw this on Showtime the other day, only Mitt was Don Cheadle and he was always fucking white women.

  • Callyson

    Newt wants to talk about being unnecessarily nasty?
    ROTFLROTFLROTFL!!!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Newt gets sad when people are personal and nasty.

    Of course, Newt is not a person…
    ~

    • flamingpdog

      He needs to incorporate himself then. That'll solve that problem.

  • NellCote71

    Oh, newt has a sad over being called a lobbyist.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Again: Staples and Sports Authority are middle class jobs.

    Part-time, minimum wage, middle class jobs.

  • http://justspitballing.blogspot.com/ smashaduck

    Hey Newt. A simply "No" would have been more believable. Just sayin'. But you can't shut up can you?

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ouch, that was a hit. "You were hired by the chief lobbyist"

  • Callyson

    Wow, Mittens is taking the gloves off against Newt…

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Mittens has been training at CYBORG Attack Seminars, LLC.
    ~

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Is that a red glow behind his eyes?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Newt never lobbied. Yeah. Right. Historian. Smirk.

  • SorosBot

    OK; here's hoping rebooting my wireless router fixes my internet issues…

    EDIT .Yay, it has!

  • Gainsbourg69

    Newt promises he' wasn't a lobbyist.

    • NellCote71

      Newt haz a sad because Mitt called him a lobbyist.

    • Limeylizzie

      Newt wasn't a lobbyist like I wasn't a really easy lay in the 90s.

      • SorosBot

        I wish I knew you in the late 90s.

        • Limeylizzie

          You would have loved me, they all did.

  • flamingpdog

    Santorum and Paul disappeared again.

  • http://justspitballing.blogspot.com/ smashaduck

    I never thought Mitt could seem more honest than anyone. But lookey there, I was wrong. I drink to you, sir. Wait, do you call robots "sir?" Eh. Whatevs

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Newt is babbling word salad.

    BAIN! Now he's coming back.
    ~

  • Callyson

    Newt: there are many government sponsored enterprises, and many of them have done good things.
    Something associated with the government is good, besides the military? The Reeps won't have that…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      CIA, FBI, NSA … the list goes on.

  • AlterNewt

    Alright candidates, let's move on to the talent portion…

    • Fare la Volpe

      Ricky's been itching to show off his skill with the skin flute.

    • flamingpdog

      I hope there's no swimsuit portion.

      • AlterNewt

        See above. Or Below.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Hit him Newt!!!!11!!!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Have I mentioned that the schaden freudes itself?
    ~

  • Fare la Volpe

    Look at Newt's flop sweat. He is shimmering like a Mormon vampire.

  • Callyson

    Mittens' fake smile when Newt talked about the Mittens "technique" is priceless…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Newt seems off-balance by Mitt's relentless attack — Mitt definitely learned from McCain in 2008 — stay mean.

    • zwoits

      Worked so well for walnuts

  • GhostBuggy

    Shout out to my booze of choice tonight: Short's Brewing Co. Black Cherry Porter. Will switch to Crown Royale when appropriate.

    • Barb

      Diet beer here.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I got a 5 gallon keg of homebrew, American Brown Ale…. hope it lasts.

    • Data Exactly

      It's Pepsi for me. It may not give you the high that alcohol does, but the struggle to open it was like wrestling a bear.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Maker's Mark, neat. Magical stuff, once you learn how.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Medicare Part D was a GIANT scam.
    ~

    • Gainsbourg69

      Medicare part D is the reason most baggers are now independents. Since W spent money like a drunken sailor, liberal from San Francisco.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Are you saying there was something untoward about the Pharmaceutical Profit Guarantee Act?

  • C_R_Eature

    My Cable company's listing says this is "Fear Factor." They are so right.

    • BarackMyWorld
      • C_R_Eature

        AH HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAH Priceless! Saved for Misuse Later.
        Multiple Giant Upfists for you!

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        Next on Fear Factor: the GOP contestants have to eat live newts and gargle with santorum to stay in the running.

  • SorosBot

    Newt's defending public health insurance? It's backwards day!

  • memzilla

    Newt's going for the "It depends on what your definition of 'is' is" defense to defend his being a lobbyist. CLINTON LIBEL!

    • zwoits

      or copyright infringement….

  • SayItWithWookies

    What' the hell's Newt doing — he's wandering off on some tangent that didn't address the Freddie Mac question.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He's not addressing the Freddie Mac question, doh!

  • AlterNewt

    Please let tonight be the night that someone hacks the Mittware.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Is there an audience? Have they all died of boredom, or is Ron Paul playing charades to stage right?

    haha there is – who are the whitey suit twins in the front row?

  • Callyson

    Mittens: Free enterprise – good. Influence peddling – bad.
    I guess that makes sense by someone's logic…

  • new_pic_for_NEWTer

    Willard just described politics…

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    When Mitt listens, he makes the same face my dog does when he takes a shit.

    • Callyson

      You may be on to something, because when Mitt is on the screen, he makes my dog want to take a shit.

  • DustBowlBlues

    BRB: time for herbal pain medicine.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Mitt sees his whole future sliding down the drain and is fighting hard. So is Newt, of course — the difference is that Newt pictures his future as culminating in a neoclassical statue of him in a toga on the Mall, whereas Mitt's future includes his own planet and a harem of blonde space-Utahans.

    • Schmannnity

      "Harem of blond space Utahans" I may be a hard-drinking Episcopalian, but you have my attention.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Your own personal planet, stocked with blondes, with an orbiting moon made of solid Viagra. That's even better than what Scientologists expect to get for their money.

        (Actually, what the fuck do Scientologists expect to get for their money? A signed portrait of Xenu? Does anybody know?)

  • Trannysurprise

    I wonder how it plays in Florida watching these two idiots argue over who made the most millions of fucking dollars.

    • Gainsbourg69

      Second highest foreclosure rate in the nation. You do the math.

  • flamingpdog

    I think Mittens has won the flag pin contest, with Santorum a close second.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Newt's looks black with all that gold. I can't see the stripes. Mitt's looks like a name tag for God's sake.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That's classic mormon style.

  • C_R_Eature

    The Debate So Far:

    Newt: FUCK YOU!

    Mittens: FUCK YOU TOO!

    Santorum: FUCK YOU BOTH!

    Ronpaul: THE FUCK! I'M STILL HERE!

    Newt, Mittens, Santorum: GO FUCK YOURSELF PAUL!!

    I haven't been watching. How'd I do?

    Hey! where the Fuck is Brian Wilson?

    • flamingpdog

      I wished I'd settled for your 179 percent accurate precap instead of watching the whole thing.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I can't believe I ate the whole damn thing either.

  • NYNYNYjr

    It's getting hot in here, time to take off the Mittens

  • SorosBot

    Rick, how why you trying to control the mortgage problem by reforming Frannie and Freddie when they didn't cause the crisis but where victims of it?

  • Callyson

    Again with blaming Fannie and Freddie for the foreclosure crisis. Never mind that the private banks were the ones who actually *caused* this problem.
    Didn't think Ricky was serious about letting capitalism work and letting banks take the consequences…

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    O.K. Now let's lie about the housing meltdown.

    It wasn't Fannie and Freddie, you assholes.

    it was deregulation, and Nomura, Morgan Stanley, Lehman, Bear Stearns, Countrywide, and AIG selling credit default swaps to "insure" it all.
    ~

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That, and the mass conversion of thousands of Florida con men into "mortgage brokers".

  • AlterNewt

    Preach it, Liz, PREACH IT!

  • SorosBot

    No, Rick, capitalism does not work; the mortgage crisis you're talking about is proof of that, it was caused by a lack of government regulation.

  • Chichikovovich

    “I did not inherit what my wife and I have.”

    Carefully crafted sentence. In other words, Romney Sr. had sufficiently astute financial planners that they transferred money through various trusts and gifts so as to avoid the estate tax. So Mitt got millions from his father, before his father died when Mitt was already in middle age, but hardly any of it was – strictly speaking – inherited.

    I hope the speechwriter got a generous tip for that one.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Just the tip, not the shaft.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        No, it's the rest of *us* that got the shaft. Or will.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Is that true, or are you just assuming?

      • Chichikovovich

        Just assuming, based on the precise phrase used, and observations about how these things seem to go among the upper crust. [I have some first-hand observations to draw on. There's really serious boodle in the wife's family; the effort and financial planner's fees that go into setting things up so that estate taxes are avoided is astonishing; apparently this is standard for people in the in-law's social circle.] Except for the part about Romney Sr. dying when Mitt was in middle age. Mitt was almost 50 when his Dad died, already a multi-millionaire. At that point any inheritance would have been a drop in the bucket. So any financial contributions George would have made to the young Mitt (supporting him in his mission to France, paying for law and business school, any seed capitol for early ventures, etc.) it would have come long before inheritance became an issue.So, really, of all the ways that Romney's current situation were facilitated by his father's wealth and position, inheritance is the least significant. Bearing that in mind, note that Romney could have said “I received no signficant financial support from my father in building my wealth.” or “I supported myself when I was building my fortune.” or something like that. But instead he just explicitly mentioned inheritance, gliding by everything else.Now that could be just an accidental feature of the phrase he chose. But generally, if a politician says something that a) sounds relevant, and has the benefit of closing off discussion but b) on reflection turns out to be completely beside the point, I assume it is intentional. That was clearly a prepared one-liner. Politicians choose their words carefully for those, in consultation with speech writers and campaign factotums. Hence my assumption that, there was a lot of transfer of various kinds, but not specifically inheritance.I don't have any specific information about the Romney finances – just the reasoning I've just given. For all I know, Romney may have paid his way through college gutting chickens for Tyson.But whatever the detailed facts about financial transfer may have been, whether or not Romney Jr. inherited money when he was nearly 50 years old is irrelevant to the question of whether or not he is what one would call a “self-made man”.—

  • bumfug

    Fuck Santorum and Paul – Newt and Mitt were more fun than a 10th grade girl-fight.

    • Callyson

      Seriously: time to get back to the bitchslap fest!

  • flamingpdog

    Forcing banks to make risky loans? Paul can lie with the best of them.

  • Callyson

    Paul wants the prices to go down.
    Yeah. That'll go over with the folks who are already underwater…

  • SorosBot

    Blaming the housing crisis on the Community Reinvestment Act – that's two racist dogwhistles! Gingrich 1, Paul 1.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Ron Paul's going insane, chirping loudly about "all specters of the financial sphere."

  • new_pic_for_NEWTer

    R(i)P says that it was the monies fault, not the banks. Damn, monies!

  • Fare la Volpe

    They're dressing casual tonight – you can tell because they're not wearing their usual punch-worthy bow ties.

    • flamingpdog

      No bowties? Probably Mitt's Mormon advance men.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Ron Paul thinks the best thing the government could've done after the housing collapse is "get out of the way." It's like the government is the firefighers removing the inflatable mattress from under the burning building because it wants to get out of the way of the people jumping out the window.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Old man is ranting.
    all I hear is
    Get off my lawn!!

  • SorosBot

    No, Mittens, the government fucking did not create the mess; the free market did. Idiot.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Is Mitt on coke or something? He seems all aggro to me tonight.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    The bullshit flies so fast and furiously, I'm actually typing this from beneath my desk.

    • new_pic_for_NEWTer

      Safer under there…

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Man, that Frank Dodd guy sure pisses these guys off…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Newt blames the horrible economy on Dodd-Frank. My only question to all these idiots saying that regulations are crushing the recovery: which regulation? Name one.

  • Callyson

    God, I wish Barney Frank were there to defend Dodd – Frank. This wimp Brian Wilson can't ask a decent follow up question to save his life…

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Newt: "Of course the financial sector is over-regulated."

    Obscene.
    ~

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Why is Romney stammering and stuttering so bad? And why hasn't anyone said anything about it?

    • flamingpdog

      I did – last week when he was doing the same thing.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Holy crap, is Mitt saying the economy collapsed due to underregulation?

  • flamingpdog

    Oh, thank you Jeebus, my feed froze up while Newtie was ranting.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Lucky you.

  • Callyson

    Mittens wants to regulate derivatives? That won't go over well with Wall Street. Backpedaling in 3…2…1…

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Dodd-Frank. A regulatory framework the funding for which has been blocked by the house so there's no enforcement.

    Repealing it wouldn't do shit, you lying shitbag Gingrich, since it's not being enforced anyway.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Mittens wants more regulations?
    I'm surprised he didn't get booed

    • flamingpdog

      LIbrul Taxachusettsan!

  • EdFlintstone

    Ok Cuban vote pandering commence……

  • Callyson

    The Cubans are coming! The Cubans are coming!

  • Gainsbourg69

    Regulations are good, Mittens? Why can't I open a god damn bank out of my garage, bastard?

  • Fare la Volpe

    Hahaha, Mitt just advocated killing a world leader. What a card!

  • flamingpdog

    Old regulation. Mitt? 1999 legislation slashing regulation of derivatives is old?

  • SayItWithWookies

    What the hell, Brian Williams? If I were a Cuban and found out Fidel Castro just died, I wouldn't be inclined one way or the other to leave — being as he's not the leadder and hasn't been for a couple years now.

  • Data Exactly

    Castro and Satan will make us a pizza?!?!

  • flamingpdog

    Another land? Not another planet, Mitt?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    The audience is appluding death!
    There they are.

  • SayItWithWookies

    And why would Cubans leave Cuba, even if he were actually Raoul Castro? If I were a Cuban, I'd be inclined to stay.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Shorter Newt: MORE INVASION! MORE WAR! FOREVER, also!

  • SorosBot

    Invade Cuba – what a great idea!

    • flamingpdog

      It worked so well in 1961.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Any time Mitt pauses, NBC should flash "buffering" on the screen.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    YAY PANDER FOR CUBA! Jeebus.

    Brian Wilson, you suck at this.

  • Callyson

    Newt: Fidel is going to the other place.
    Well, since Newt is in close contact with Satan on a regular basis, he just might have the inside info on that one…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Watch it, Callyson, Biely's around here somewhere.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Newt and I go back a ways, true … but he's just guessing here.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Shit, they are pandering HARD to the Cubanlicans tonight.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Newt's going insane, now. He wants to overthrow Fidel Castro using the US military or covert or whatever and Pope John Paul fought the Soviet Empire. Holy Geez.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    I think Newt just called for re-invading the Bay of Pigs.

    • zwoits

      history repeats itself….

    • flamingpdog

      Bay of Pigs = Howl of Newts?

      • bikerlaureate

        A Chatter of Buzzards ?

        Or maybe a Brisket of Loons ??

  • SayItWithWookies

    If elected, Newt Gingrich promises to go to war with Cuba. There goes our intellectual, following in the footsteps of William McKinley.

  • Data Exactly

    "The Place"?!? Sounds fancy-shmancy!

  • C_R_Eature

    Right, Newt. (Fidel's) …"going to go to The Place." He'll be keeping a nice warm spot, just for you.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Ron, "heigth" is not a word.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Ron Paul is making sense again.
    Drink!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Soviets and Cuba!

    It's Back to the 70s.

    DRINK!
    ~

  • Callyson

    OK, Paul gets credit for one thing. He is one of the few Reeps who knows that the Cold War is over.

  • Limeylizzie

    War with Cuba.

  • Trannysurprise

    I smell an invasion of Cuba. Newtie wants their delicious sandwich.

    • Fare la Volpe

      And cigars.

  • SorosBot

    Gah, Ronald Regan and Margaret Thatcher did not bring down the Soviet empire; Mikhail Gorbachev did; hell George Soros did more to defeat them than either of those douchebags.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ron Paul actually making sense, so no Cubanlicans will vote for him.

  • flamingpdog

    Stop making sense, Ron Paul!!!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Fuck me, Ron Paul is making sense. Hold me, someone. We should talk to Cuba like we talked to the Chinese and the Russians. I see why he's so appealing to the last few Republicans who aren't total scum and thugs and bullies.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Just hold on until he starts talking about the UN, sweetie. Just hold on.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        HOLD ME!!!

    • Schmannnity

      "the last few Republicans who aren't total scum and thugs and bullies." Search results zero. Broaden search?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        SELECT * FROM REPUBLICANS WHERE SCUM=0 AND

        I forget my SQL.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Oh come on, aren't you wise to his act yet?!

  • Gainsbourg69

    Fidel fucked more chicks than you did, Newt.

    Ron Paul is making Newt look like a dickhead on Cuba.

  • memzilla

    Invade Cuba? Newt Gingrich, bravely fighting a sixty year old war that he also dodged the draft for.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    It is not 1962?

  • NellCote71

    And now Paul says we shouldn't be so isolationist.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Check if hell has frozen over, wouldja, hon?

  • C_R_Eature

    Ronpaul's just reminded everyone hat he's the only one onstage that hasn't run terrified from Government Service in Uniform.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He's right. Say what you will about him, he's probably one of the only serving Republicans who has ever served his country on the battlefield as well.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Yeah…what the hell's wrong with Obama? All obsessed with burgeoning demands for freedom in the Middle East, what's THAT shit about?? Cuba's WAY more..???…oh yeah, Florida. Pander meter engaged.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I'd never vote for Ron Paul, but I do love it when he makes the other candidates look pathetic and irrational. His attitude towards Cuba trumps their Cold War nonsense without any effort whatsoever.

    • Gainsbourg69

      If Obama said the same thing Ron Paul did, he'd have every Miami Cuban under 50 years old on lock.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Explain? Younger-than-ancient Cubans aren't rabid anti-communists?

  • Callyson

    Ricky: if you can't deal with us, get out of this hemisphere. It's ours. We stole it fair and square.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Sorry, just tuning in! Did any fathers of raped daughters knife Santorum yet?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Sadly, No!

  • Trannysurprise

    It's almost like Ron Paul doesn't know he's in Florida. Oh wait…

    • Fare la Volpe

      Where am I? What are you people doing in my house?

      • SorosBot

        This is not my beautiful house; this is not my beautiful wife.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Oh thank God, Ricky is back talking retard to the goopers.
    ~

  • BarackMyWorld

    Bay of Pigs II: Electric Boogaloo
    a Newt Gingrich production

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    1962?? The Repubs want to go back to 1862

    • BarackMyWorld

      To be, fair there WAS a Republican in office that year.

    • Steverino247

      Make that 962 and you're close.

  • SorosBot

    Oh god, anti-Muslim / Latino conspiracy theory time. It's not a serious threat; it's an imaginary one, Rick.

  • EdFlintstone

    Cuba, Venuzuela and Nicaragua the new axis of evil.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Santorum is talking about Dee Gee Hoddis — oh, no, it's The Jihadists. Jesus, what a babbling idiot.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      And he's talking to the elderly, they may find him too confusing by the time of the primary.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Half the time, I have no idea what that nasal whine means.

  • NYNYNYjr

    FL people clapping Paul's commonsense statements?

    Yes, Cubans and jihadists. Absolutely happening… gaw

  • Limeylizzie

    War, War, War.

  • Barb

    Newt started his political career in 1974. I don't think Sorosbot was even born yet.

    • SorosBot

      I was -2 years old! Damn I'm old now.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Stop it. It hurts when *you* say that.

        MB, charter member, Oldz Club

  • C_R_Eature

    OK, Call me Crazy, but where's the proof that there's all these wild-eyed TERRERRSTS in Cuba? Extraordinary Claims require Extraordinary proof. or any proof.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      What is this "proof" of which you speak? Is it defined in ConservaTRAD0pedia?

  • flamingpdog

    A growing network of Cubans and Venezualans lusting to work with the Jihadis? What the fuck was Ricky snorting before the debates?

  • DemonicRage

    What is Santorum suggesting: the Iranians are going to use Venezuela and Cuba to set up missiles aimed at the U.S., like the Russians did during the Cuban missile crisis? So what's his solution? What is this reckless guy advocating, because of a perceived threat?

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Uh Mitt, we still have 11 aircraft carriers with their associated battle groups. No other country even comes close, particularly Iran. Settle down.

  • Callyson

    Oh God, Mittens is going on about how small the Navy is. Um, that has *something* to do with improved technology meaning that we don't need as many troops. You'd think Mr Private Sector Freedom Leads to Innovation would know that.
    Moran.

  • C_R_Eature

    We Need More Dreadnoughts! Bully!

    • MosesInvests

      Dreadnoughts? Nah-if you're going for sheer volume, you need some 20-gun sloops of war.

      • C_R_Eature

        Hey, if it was good enough for John Paul Jones it's good enough for me.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Rastafarian Seamen?

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Newt: Americans don't like War. Is this man awake in America?

    • C_R_Eature

      Obviously never played "Call of Duty". Or watched TV with commercials.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Or heard of "Red Dawn." WOLVERINES!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Sit down and shut up, Pig Newton.
    ~

  • FakaktaSouth

    Barack Obama builds 9 naval ships a year? God Damn that guy has a lot of hobbies.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      In gigantic bottles.

  • Limeylizzie

    Freedom of the Sea ftw.

  • flamingpdog

    Blockin the Straits of Hormuz is an act of terror? Mitt's babbling again.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Why is Mittens crying about the Navy shrinking? The Navy isn't really needed anymore. War! Terror! Amurka!

    Newt is now being asked to gauge the appetite of the American people for war. Well, at least he's honest that we don't want war, BUT — Barack Obama just did something dangerous, AIEEEEE!!!

  • SorosBot

    Newt says we don't like going to war unless we're attacked. Um the Iraqis, the Vietnamese, the Spanish and the Mexicans might want to have a word with you.

    • MosesInvests

      Dominicans, Grenadans, Haitians, Nicaraguans….

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Koreans, Chinese, Cambodians, Laotians, Filipinos, El Salvadoreans, Guatemalans, Hawai'ians, Chileans, Iranians … the list is getting rather long, isn't it?

  • Fare la Volpe

    NEWT, SHUT UP. FUCK.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Did Newt just say we did not want to go to war when Japen bombed Pearl Harbor? Historian my ass.

  • flamingpdog

    The Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor? Who should I believe, Newt Gingrich or John Belushi?

  • Trannysurprise

    So the Iranians are going to out-Navy us because Obama is a poopyhead?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He simply neglects to mention that, due to technological advances over the past half-century, there are very very few shipbuilders any more in this world, and I believe (although I might be wrong) that there are fewer than 10 shipbuilders who make military vessels, worldwide. And we control most of those.

  • Callyson

    "Dictators respond to strength, they don't respond to weakness"
    Newt's quote should be used on the briefing papers next time Obama goes to negotiate with the Reeps in Congress.

    • NellCote71

      And wearing the ears of all the dictators he has taken down across his chest.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        That would be a nice touch.

  • Warpde

    Oh!!! For fucks sake.
    There's not enough popcorn and beer for more.
    Time for bed.

  • C_R_Eature

    How do you think NEWTIE would handle the Cuban Missile Crisis?

    I think we'd all be radioactive ash right about now.

  • SorosBot

    Mittens is talking about withdrawal? Hippie.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey Mitt — who put those surge troops in Afghanistan that you're criticizing President Obama for withdrawing in a little while?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Politifact already called "pants on fire" on Mitt's claim about the size of the military: http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statement

    • Trannysurprise

      Holy shit. They can see into the future.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Peace through bombing!

  • Callyson

    Mittens thinks that the Afghani election was perceived as illegitimate because the US did not have observers there!?!
    Yeah, that business about corruption had nothing to do with it…it was all because we needed more Americans standing around…

  • mayor_quimby

    Ron Paul just declared war on Iran? We blockaded them, when??

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Why is Mittens crying about the Navy shrinking? The Navy isn't really needed anymore. War! Terror! Amurka!

    • flamingpdog

      We don't need the Navy anymore, but Exxon-Mobil and Chevron and BP need the Navy. Also, too, rich yacht-sailing peoples.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Using the number of ships as a metric is preposterous. We have submarines that could literally wipe out all life on Earth, and we have aircraft carriers with crews in the thousands.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Exactly. It's all bullshit.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        UNTIL THE DECEPTICONS GET HERE!!!

  • Data Exactly

    Straits of Her Moose…

    • flamingpdog

      Sarah Palin slit LIBEL!!!

  • Fare la Volpe

    Ron Paul thinks war is "hot."

  • coolhandnuke

    Did Newt say "the Straits of Vermooth."
    Martini time

    • ProgressiveInga

      WHOREmooth.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Mittens is proving his strong, masculine side by repeating some tough words written for him and memorized.

  • flamingpdog

    GODDAMMIT, RON PAUL, STOP MAKING SENSE!!!

  • SorosBot

    Yay, break time again.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey Ron Paul — an embargo is not a blockade. A blockade physically prevents countries who didn't participate in the embargo from trade. But at least you didn't mention 9/11, which is where I thought you were going.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    What is this "perspective" of which you speak?

  • EdFlintstone

    During the break the crowd will be lynching a gay, mexican abortionist.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Alternatively, lesbian soldiers of the blah variety who might even be serving in Iraq.

  • Callyson

    Ricky is walking away as they go to break. Even he can't stand being around these (other) clowns.

  • James Michael Curley

    Is it still on? Sounds as bad and could go as long as Stephen Tyler's National Anthem.

    • Callyson

      I muted that part of the game. Should have thought of that idea when tonight's debate was on…

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Menards is cheaper than Home Depot.

    • SorosBot

      Save big money at Menards! I miss those ads from when I lived in Chicago.

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        We have 2 of them in my town. They are better than Home Depot.

  • C_R_Eature

    Stop Making Sense – The Talking Heads, with Special Guest RONPAUL!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Adorable squeaky elf Ron Paul is the only person on this stage making any sense at all. Crabby old man responses like "I think it's foolish" only make him look more precious and sleep-deprived. And that curved, hooky old-man forefinger wagging in the faces of these youngs pursuing the same prize! Oh, Ron Paul, your Libertarian creed I can swallow, if you only feed me more of this flipping off of the Rethugs live on stage combined with the shaking of that arthritic finger!

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    You know, Willard, the size of the US's horseback cavalry is significantly smaller than 1917.

    That bastard Obama.

    • BarackMyWorld

      And how did those horses carry ICBMs?

      • MilwaukeeKent

        You really want to know?

      • flamingpdog

        They dropped a lotta ICBMs outta their horsey asses. A lot of street sweepers lost their jobs in New York City when America went to the internal combustion engine.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      This is good news for Pancho Villa.

    • Negropolis

      And our fleet of hot air balloons? You don't even want to know.

  • mayor_quimby

    I'm missing new Fear Factor for this bullshit! ??
    Joe Rogan Libel!

  • SorosBot

    Man that Smash looks cheesy.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I thought it was about a Fight Club until they started singing.

      • SorosBot

        It looks like Glee but even worse and more melodramatic.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    No Dream is too Big, looks pretty good.

  • Steverino247

    WHERE ARE THE CARRIERS?

    Oh, there they are. Thanks.

  • Barb

    Ron Paul doesn't have to rattle a saber at any country to make a point.

    • Fare la Volpe

      With his arthritis, he can't rattle anything.

      • Barb

        Fare, my friend, he certainly isn't rattling his opposition.

  • C_R_Eature

    Tonight on NBC: BEER FACTOR!

  • Callyson

    They're baaaaaaaaaack…

  • flamingpdog

    There are no ads on the MSNBC live feed during the break. Why does MSNBC hate America?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I miss Anger Newt and Hissy Fit Mittens.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      They'll be back, shortly.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Brain apologizes for not getting Santorum in in the last round.

  • Steverino247

    Is the Navy looking for more appropriations again? These assholes seem to think so and want to have the next carrier named after them.

    • flamingpdog

      The only carrier these clowns have any relationship with is Typhoid Mary.

  • SorosBot

    Wait, they've got Adam Smith asking questions? Here I thought he'd been dead for centuries; he also should tell them they keeping getting him wrong, since he supported a free market with strong regulations and a social safety net.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Annie Hall.

      • SorosBot

        Heh. Don't you wish that could happen in real life?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          A hundred times a day, sweetie.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Who is the Skirt? Hubba hubba.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    No limits bomb everything.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Damn. First time I ever lost a pee point live-blogging.

    I'm going to have a shot of Blanton's.

    Slàinte!
    ~

    • Limeylizzie

      I gave it back to you, happy upfist.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I've never figured out this pee point shit till today. I guess I should just be grateful that somebody somewhere likes me and I have, ahem, a hefty p-ness.

      How do you *lose* pee points?

      • Fare la Volpe

        Age?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Oh! Oh! OH, that HURT!!

          You bad, bad little fox! Where's the paddle?

  • Callyson

    Ricky is doing everything he can to ignore the question of just who he would bomb in Iran. He could save a lot of time by using the classic "all of 'em, Katie."

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Holy shit Ricky is sputtering a crap-load of lies.
    ~

  • Biff

    Some alien script took over control of my 'puter for the last 45 minutes, took that long to even cold reboot. Did I miss anything?

    • SorosBot

      Invade Cuba! Invade Iran!

      • Biff

        Hooray!

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Ronald Reagan showed up and bitch slapped Newt.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You sure know how to get a person ALL hot and bothered, don'tcha, M'sieur Grumpe?

  • Negropolis

    I leave for 15-20 minute, and this thing is already up to 400 comments.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Are we trying for 1,000 again?

      • SorosBot

        Trying? We've already made it!

        • Fare la Volpe

          YOO ESS AY, YOO ESS AY

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Feeling our oats tonight, are we, darling?

      • Negropolis

        God, I hope not. These 1,000 post threads are killing my internet connection. Not even kidding.

        Won't you post-whores think of us poor little slow connection folks?

  • SorosBot

    Rick, the threat Iran poses to the US is non-existent. He is a paranoid freak in addition to his hatred of women. Actually this is kind of ironic, since he wants to turn America into Iran.

    • Fare la Volpe

      That's why he hates them so much – they did it all first.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Did you hear him babbling on about how the leaders of Iran are just like al Qaeda? Or was that some other eejit?

  • DustBowlBlues

    Cut the budget. Invade the world. Sounds crazy, but deregulation and tax cuts will fix it.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Wait, Iran is holding hostages? Why won't Carter do something????!!!!!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Wasn't that just a classic moment? These guys are actually LIVING in a different century. They're not yet aware that the rest of the world is in the 21st.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Santorum: the government of Iran, which is similar to al-Qaida, would be intolerable to American presidents besides Obama. I guess except for Dubya, Clinton, Fuckhead's Dad, Moron on a Horse or Jimmy Carter.

  • Callyson

    Those apologetic BP ads are airing in CA too and they make me want to vomit.

  • SorosBot

    OK this Beth Rhineheart (sp?) is pretty cute.

    • Limeylizzie

      She seems smart and sassy , I hope she reams a few of these freaks.

  • flamingpdog

    No President could permit a theocracy to run Iran, RIcky? Not Reagan, not Bush Sr., not Clinton, not Shrub? The stoopid is really starting to get to me.

  • memzilla

    Hey, Prolapsed Santorum — regards nuking Iran because they made weapons that killed our people? You know how many countries could use that to go after us?

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    What, something like a more stringent oil embargo in conjunction with the EU and sending two aircraft carriers to the gulf? Something like that, Ricky?

    Iran won't do shit with a nuclear weapon. North Korea has a significantly more nutball leadership and hasn't done shit.

  • scarface99

    'the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter resulting from anal sex are people my friend!!'

  • C_R_Eature

    Uh, Frothy – there's absolutely no equivalency between Al Quaida and Iran's government Sorry.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Muslims.

      • C_R_Eature

        EVEL MOOOSIM TERRESTS

  • SayItWithWookies

    Satorum: "especially Florida, which is a destination — uh — place."
    The AARP will be asking you to take that back right after the show, Rick.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Was Santorum's nose pinched by a pair of pliers? It's really bothering me now.

  • Negropolis

    Santorum: More derricks in the Gulf equals more tourism for Florida.

    Fuck it all. Only in America.

  • coolhandnuke

    Ricky is more opposed to IUDs than IEDs

  • flamingpdog

    A spike in oil prices in the summer of 2008? I'm sure that was Bommer's fault, too.

  • Callyson

    Ricky likes those long pipes…

  • FakaktaSouth

    The oil goes to BP, not America. I hate Rick Santorum. Please stop letting them say domestic supply. Please please.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Rick loves lubed piping. Who knew?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Bomb all languages.

  • Barb

    Santorum: "Florida is a destination place"
    Rick, I am hoping hell is your destination place.

    • flamingpdog

      I'd settle for Florida being Ricky's detonation place.

  • Callyson

    Well, we can court voters in one language and do something entirely different in another. We're politicians after all: what's so new about that?

  • Trannysurprise

    OMG, megadumbass Santorum doesn't realize they intend to refine and ship the oil from the pipeline overseas once it gets to the end.

  • BarackMyWorld

    So…energy prices (which have been stable for the last couple of years) are a bigger threat to tourism than THE GIANT FUCKING OIL SPILL THAT ACTUALLY JUST HAPPENED LESS THAN 2 YEARS AGO. Ugh.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, nice question! "Canddidates, why are you hypocrites about having a national language when you have websites in Spanish?"
    Response: Uh — because we don't expect you to call us on it?

  • http://justspitballing.blogspot.com/ smashaduck

    Clearly, that's why you have a choice of languages in which to take the citizenship test. Which no one on this stage could pass.

  • orygoon

    Pandering is acceptable for panderers. Next!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Three wimpy men, each trying to prove he's more macho than the other guys.

    Oops–four men. I forgot about Paultard.

  • SorosBot

    Oh and the English-only thing isn't a racist dogwhistle because it's just flat-out openly racist.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Santorum is an idiot. Florida is very much against offshore drilling.

    • Biff

      Except the folks in P-Cola that work for drilling and shipping companies in Louisiana, anyway.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Well, you coulda stopped after "idiot," you know.

  • Callyson

    Newt wants to have programs for people to understand English.
    Again with calling for government to benefit people, Newt…you really don't understand your party's base, do you?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    And now back to your regularly scheduled race-baiting.
    ~

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    You'd probably be better off teaching the kids Mandarin.

    • ProgressiveInga

      I sorta miss Ol' What's His Name…….

    • Steverino247

      Pessimist!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Ha-HA!

    • flamingpdog

      Oh yeah, Fukui, pander to a major orange-growing state.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Mitt: "In my state…" You have houses in like nine states, which one specifically are we talking about?

    • flamingpdog

      In Mitt's case, I think it is the state of confusion.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Newt's in favor of teaching kids English. The government paying to teach kids English, even. And Mitt essentially agrees. You can just see half of North Carolina just now cringing in horror.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Newt is squeaking like an outraged hamster subjected to an anal probe. All these bastards are falling over themselves announcing how the others are right and Barack Obama is WRONG!!!

    Meanwhile, RMONEY is talking about how kids couldn't spreak engish, but fails to mention his own failings in this regard.

    • DustBowlBlues

      If Williams were quick on his feet, he would have followed up with the question, then are you denying speaking another language might someday use the skill during their Mission.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        And if my uncle had tits, he'd be my aunt, darlin', but that ain't happening any time soon.

        • Fare la Volpe

          They do amazing things with implants now.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            You have seen all those hairy-tittied Walmartians, right? Shopping in their nighties and bunny slippers?

            Srsly. Not a just-before-bedtime picture.

  • Fare la Volpe

    "They could no speak English well."

    No they could no, Mitt.

  • flamingpdog

    They could no speak English well. Did I mishear Mitt?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Nope, we rewound and he said it.

      • mayor_quimby

        Ditto, what do I have to do to publicize this epic gaffe?

  • Negropolis

    So BORING. Needz moar inappropriate crowd cheering.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wait — Ron Paul wants to have a national language, and justifies it by saying that our system requires it? But has managed to live without it for more than 200 years? Where the hell did Big Government Ron Paul come from?

  • Callyson

    Newt: those kids have to join the military. Fuck college–what good will educated citizens do the nation?

  • mayor_quimby

    romney just said "they could no speak english well" I even rewound to verify.
    Exactly what kind of white dude is Mitt? What planet is he from ( he doesn't have his own yet, I know)

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ron Paul makes sense again. Fucking hell.

    Ah, Newton on immigration – this should be good. Oh, military pandering. Yeah, fuck those kids who go to college.

  • SorosBot

    Newt only thinks aliens should be able to earn citizenship through putting their lives at risk through the military. Douche.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Hey Newt!! Which branch were you in, again?

      • Fare la Volpe

        49th Chickenhawk Division

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        101st Chairborne?

  • Fare la Volpe

    Self-deportation? Is that like self-fellatio?

  • flamingpdog

    A college professor wants citizenship for "illegals" that join the military, but not for those go to college?

  • finallyhappy

    I was watching Hoarders and House- I don't remember any of this stuff happening

    • DustBowlBlues

      By "this" did you mean the gathering that poor Junior was dumped with?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Newt: "You can be a citizen if you fight in the wars me and my fellow chickenhawks dodge."
    ~

  • C_R_Eature

    What we need is More American Press Gangs! For FURRINERZ

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    People in the audience are LOLing about Romney's "self-deportation" concept. What an idiot he is.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Speak English? Fuck that speak American!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Self-deportation. Jesus.

  • EdFlintstone

    Self deportation? Really Mitt?

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    What, a card of some kind, Willard? Maybe make it green.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Except only really pink, like it's been for decades anyway.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Beam Me Up, Mitty!

  • Barb

    "self deportation?" Mitt, make them leave and then come back? Do you think these people all have credit cards with frequent flyer miles?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I'm sure he does. I'm sure he has absolutely no clue about how anyone without secretaries, personal assistants, money managers, and FF miles survives in this world.

      • Fare la Volpe

        The Onion had a great piece years ago: "John McCain unveils economic plan for all Americans: marry a wealthy beer heiress." It's very similar to Mitt's attitude:

        "What? Why don't Americans just fire half their kitchen staff and retire to their summer mansions? It's so simple!"

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          The mayor of a certain Western city, a millionairess in her own right, reputedly responded to her constituents' request for childcare with: "If child care is so difficult to get, why don't they just hire nannies?"

          They have no idea how the other 99% live.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Did Mittens says self deport?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He did indeed, the idiot. He keeps trumpeting the benefits of capitalism. And oh god what's going n in florida?

  • Callyson

    Mitt on self deportation…reminds me of his candidacy's self destruction…

  • FakaktaSouth

    Hahahahah self deportation may be the phrase that ends Mitt's whole deal. Oh dear Christ. Come to Bama and talk that shit brother, I beg you.

    • Gainsbourg69

      He just proposed the Obama plan.

  • memzilla

    So the Rethuglicans are embracing Robert Heinlein's "Military Service Guarantees Citizenship" position, as articulated in Starship Troopers. Needs moar Giant Bugz.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Yup. Giant Republican-eating bugz.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      At least Heinlein required everybody to serve. Three of the guys behind the podia wouldn't be able to run for office (or vote).

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Self Deportation!
    Satr Trek lives!

  • Callyson

    Ricky: round up those criminals.
    Yeah, that worked real well for the farmers in Alabama…

  • C_R_Eature

    Romney: Everyone needs a Card.

    Imperial Stormtrooper: Your Papers?

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Happens now. If I get pulled for a traffic violation or whatever, I *have* to have my green card on me.

      • C_R_Eature

        Bastards. Try & stay out of Georgia. You and your Droids.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Mitt's not going to talk about his Mexican dad tonight?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Not tonight, dear, he has a headache.

      I don't know what the deal was with him tonight, but he sounded and looked like someone who had dropped some speed or snorted a few lines of fine Columbian.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Santorum's grand daddy came to America before there were teabaggers angry about immigration.

    • SorosBot

      Oh there were, and as an Italian he would've been the victim of their bigotry.

      • flamingpdog

        Or in the Italians case, big-a-tree! HYUCK!!

  • SorosBot

    Rick, when you're grandfather came to America all you had to do to become an American was come to America. It was completely different.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Also, Rick's grandpa? White.

      • SorosBot

        Well in the 1920s Italians weren't quite white just yet; the Irish too. That's what gets me – grandpa Santorum would have been subject to the same bigotry Rick is throwing against Latino immigrants today.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      And his grandfather fled Fascist Italy because he was an ardent communist.

  • flamingpdog

    Self deportation? Is that like self-abuse? If so, it has my vote!

  • Trannysurprise

    Didn't Newtie's first two wives self deport out of their marriage?

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    There is going to be a major spike in the suicide rate if conservatives have any capacity for shame or general self-awareness.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Then they're all safe until they get Raptured up?

  • Callyson

    Newt could not defeat the sugar interest groups…
    …but he can defeat Obama? OK, if you say so…

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Corn Syrup addiction is a terrible thing.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Sorry, I'd rather watch screaming and grunting lady tennis players. Jerkarova is playing Yankarova.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Which one is hotter? I have my own tennis ranking system.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Haha, Mitt wants to get rid of subsidies for sugar. But quick, let's talk about the housing crisis and how it's Obama's fault.

    • Gainsbourg69

      I wish he would've talked about the billions Florida is spending on cleaning up the Everglades thanks to the Sugar industry.

  • Callyson

    Oh God, Mittens is trying to come across as sympathetic to the 99%. Not convincing.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Space Lizard Mittens feels your pain.

    And would not play golf! (Space Lizards don't play golf, people.)
    ~

  • BarackMyWorld

    Here's Mitt with a mass talking point dump.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      It's kind of like diarrhea.

      • memzilla

        Less chunky, more frothy.

  • SorosBot

    Mitt, the stimulus did create jobs, you stupid lying fuck.

  • Limeylizzie

    Golfing Nigger hey-ho!

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Yeah, Bush never golfed..

    • flamingpdog

      But everybody just lerved Tiger Woods! Well, at least until he got caught abusing a WHITE woman.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        What's that you say? He just fucked 'em, not abused 'em? IMPOSSIBLE!!!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      That's right, how dare that black, black, black man enjoy the game of wealthy white men!

      • Limeylizzie

        How much do I wish he enjoyed sailing on his yacht.

        • Negropolis

          What I wouldn't give to see him on a yacht down at the Washington Marina in the Potomac, and decked out head-to-toe in Lacoste, not because he wanted to, but just because he can. lol

          • Fukui_sanYesOta

            With a big-ass grin on his face because he's showing he's just doing it because he can. So awesome a mental image.

          • BerkeleyBear

            Deck shoes, no socks, a sweater draped just so? Man would he rock that ensemble! I love it.

            Then again, I'd half like him to pull off an NWA reunion concert in the White House, too, for the same reason. Or actually serve fried chicken and watermelon. Maybe on the occasion of Ronald Reagan's birthday, with a bunch of GOP talking heads in attendance for maximum head exploding..

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            ^^This.^^

            Totes.

    • BerkeleyBear

      150+ weeks in office, 90 rounds of golf. You know what Boehner calls that?About 400 missed opportunities to play golf. So Mormon boy (and how does he stay tan, exactly? Tennis, maybe?) and fatso can just shut the fuck up.

      Plus, he golfed 9 holes as he was waiting for Seal Team Six to smoke bin Laden. If there is anything that reveals his zen awesomeness more than him walking into monitor the situation in his golf togs, I don't know what it is. He is the real thing, and if he was a white man the GOP would be renaming Ronald Reagan sites after him in admiration of his brass stones.

      • Limeylizzie

        That is so true, do they just find it a bit “off” that a black man enjoys golf AND basketball.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Tru dat. If he were a white man, or better yet, a white Republican, every one of those looney tunes would be singing his praises morn to night. But because he is not, it drives them insane with rage and hate and jealousy.

        • Geminisunmars

          "it drives them insane with rage and hate and jealousy."

          it drives them insaner…

          fixt

          blows Mittie a kiss

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Hey, darlin! (Hugs you)

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Uh-oh. Mittens is starting to froth at the mouth. We uh we uh we uh Obamacare this uh President

    The Ibogaine is roasting his brain, kids.

    • GlowneyHouse

      He's Muskied!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        He's definitely beginning to develop that aroma.

  • flamingpdog

    Could someone give these clowns a thesaurus? I'm sure there's more than one word for fail.

  • Callyson

    Another break?
    Not that I mind, but they're losing their stamina as this campaign goes on and on…

  • memzilla

    Sneaky ol' Cane Sugar, hiding behind Beet Sugar. Hey Newt, you know who else is gonna get beet?

    • Steverino247

      My meat instead of watching this shit…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Big Government Ron Paul will still fund the Everglades protection. Probably, as a federally-funded breeding ground for the highly-valued Burmese Python, it could be made to turn a profit.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Wait. Is it smart to shit on sugar subsidies in Flar'da? Or any farm stuff really? They gots lotsa cows AND oranges there, dudes. LOTS.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Denzel Washington is hot.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    "Sugar Daddy"

  • DustBowlBlues

    Whoa. Those were some pretty confusing sugar references. Remind me: how is this a laser focus on jobs.

    • memzilla

      Erm… because we use lasers to refine sugar?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Girl, you know these pigs don't give a shit about anybody *else's* job.

  • Fare la Volpe

    A lady in an ad just said she was going to hike the Appalachian Trail…unironically.

    • lizcolville

      wow

    • Callyson

      Crap, the livestream does not carry the ads. I may have to watch the tape delayed version just to catch that gem…

      • ProgressiveInga

        The ads are the best part of this clusterf*ck.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      ZOMG, this is becoming Kafkaesque.

      Are we trying for another 1500-count thread?

    • SorosBot

      Oh yeah that one was funny.

    • Limeylizzie

      I saw that!

    • Jerri

      I saw that the other day and choose to believe some smart-ass copywriter did it on purpose for our amusement.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Obama creates jobs for caddies and golf-course landscapers and maintenance workers. So shut up, Mitt.

  • C_R_Eature

    These assholes really don't need to debate any more. They're just trying to wear us down.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You may be correct.

      The youngest cat has just gone insane — probably as a result of listening to Adam Smith yawping on about Terri Schiavo — and is now mounting a brutally vicious attack on a small sponge ball, which she has now lodged under the bedclothes.

      Santorum begins lying about Schiavo.

  • SorosBot

    Local news ad is talking about mourning Joe Paterno's death; I say we should celebrate it.

  • Trannysurprise

    If Santorum really wants to win Florida he would just whip out that jar of Gabriel and slam it down on the podium accompanied by the words "We don't abort, we pickle!"

  • BarackMyWorld

    I don't remember gas prices being that low when Obama took office because I didn't fill up that day. The week before and the week after…that's another story.

  • C_R_Eature

    Does anyone else think that Ron Paul could really use a Charlie McCarthy Dummy?

  • Data Exactly

    If this place is called Rock Center, when's the stoning take place?!?

  • SorosBot

    He's asking Santorum about his idiocy with Terri Schaivo, awesome.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Nice question, Adam Smith.

    Start lying, Frothy Mix.
    ~

  • Callyson

    OH LORD–Terri Schaivo? Really?
    Then I hope they don't ignore the "rape victims should plop out the child" business…

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Terry Schiavo: Smarter than Santorum, more empathetic than Newt, more lively than Mitt.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Santorum getting called out on the Terry Shiavo debacle. Because, you know, small government…

  • SorosBot

    I thought you were a lawyer, Rick; spouse's wishes always trump parents'.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      And Ron Paul said as much, too, skewering Santorum yet again.

  • memzilla

    Terry Schiavo? These debates are putting me into a vegetative state.

  • Fare la Volpe

    I believe we should respect all human life, which is why I supported leaving Terri Schiavo a vegetable.

  • memzilla

    Hey Rick, your whole campaign is wearing a "Do Not Resuscitate" toe tag.

  • Biff

    Terry Schiavo!?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Ok, Newt's DEFINITELY not a lawyer.

  • Trannysurprise

    I can see why Newt would defend Terry Schiavo. To be fair, she was white.

    • flamingpdog

      And brain dead.

  • SorosBot

    Newt, LETTING HER DIE WAS RESPECTING HER RIGHTS, you sick fuck.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Terri Schiavo? Really?

  • Fare la Volpe

    WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT TERRI SCHIAVO?

    • Negropolis

      To show how fucking crazy they are, of course.

      BTW: 9 pages?! Is Wonkette getting bigger, or are we just extra chatty, tonight?

    • orygoon

      As Florida citizens go, she was right up there.

      • Fare la Volpe

        An intellectual powerhouse.

  • orygoon

    Pull the plug on all four of these guys.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh lordy the Schiavo. And Rick said "if there was someone there that wanted to take care of her," ya hear? If there wasn't someone to PAY for it, ya know fuck it. Like with kids. No abortions, no WiC.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    How dare you Uncle Ron
    Living Will = Death Panel!12

  • Beowoof

    Jeebus is this stuff stupid.

  • Data Exactly

    Maybe Newt Gingrich's 2nd Moon will save the day?!?

    • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

      Is that like Ron Paul's Hollow Earth?

  • flamingpdog

    They're dancing around Terri Schiavo like water dropped on a hot skillet.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Florida put a man on the moon? Jeez, how did they afford it?

    • Barb

      With senior citizen discounts they got at the early bird specials at the Hometown Buffet!

  • BarackMyWorld

    "This is the state that put a man on the moon"…OH FUCK YOU, FLORIDA, YOU DON'T GET TO CLAIM THAT!

  • Fare la Volpe

    Space Coast: Ghost to Ghost

    • bikerlaureate

      You slyboots, you.

  • Biff

    Here's newt's chance to shine on moon mining!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Ohhhh, RMONEY's talking all sciency, now! Bad, bad, RMONEY.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    I think Ron Paul is about to pass out from exhaustion. Could see it during that Everglades question, when for the first time ever he didn't shriek about the federal government butting in to a state issue. Probably tired from worrying about his kid being stomped by jack-booted thugs.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Obama scrapped a government space program in favour of a private sector solution and now Willard is shitting on that?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Mittens, is there anyone who is not suffering because of Obama?

    • flamingpdog

      Yeah, Mittens, for one.

  • Callyson

    Mittens: there is no vision for the space program.
    Oh, I've got a vision–we should send the candidates on this stage out to space…

    • Barb

      Santorum will reject man on dog star sex. That is, unless he can force Lassie to have every litter.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Oh, Barb!

  • Negropolis

    One 'a these days, Callista…to the moon!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    space is expensive Mittens. Pay for itself? No.

  • Trannysurprise

    So Mittens says Obama has failed NASA while AT THE SAME TIME SAYING TO PRIVATIZE IT?

  • C_R_Eature

    Ron Paul's got a pretty nuanced take on Schavo. He's remarkably thoughtful when he's not being batshit crazy over Gold and whatnot.

    • BarackMyWorld

      I thought he was dodging the issue.

  • Barb

    Loving the "living will" conversation! It's in my living will that if I am raped, I will not be forced bear my attacker's child. Woopsie, is that not covered in the living will?

  • orygoon

    Haha, I didn't even know that Mittens was all for a space program. In New Hampshire and Iowa I heard not one word about his passion for a space program.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Privatize Mars NOW

    • C_R_Eature

      Mars Needs Guitars!

  • SorosBot

    Mars! I'm glad they're talking about the important issues.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Yes, ask Newt a question about space exploration….this will take a few minutes.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Private Space Exploration, Pig Newton?

    I suppose he means LSD?
    ~

    • Limeylizzie

      I love "Pig Newton". The name not the man.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Private Sectors in Spaaaaaacccceeeee…..

    • flamingpdog

      Pig Newtons in Spaaaaacccceeee…..

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Newt's lookin for a hummer in Miami

  • Fare la Volpe

    Did Newt just say "Hung with activity"?

  • Callyson

    How much could we get if we put up a collection to send Newt to outer space?

    • ThundercatHo

      I'm in.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      What Thundercat said.

  • flamingpdog

    Better than having Newt shine on mooning!

  • C_R_Eature

    Gingrich -go ahead, say it…ORPHANS FOR MOON MINING!

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Nice.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Bomb Mars!!!!!!!!!!

  • Biff

    PIGS IN SPACE!

    • C_R_Eature

      JEWS IN SPACE!

  • Barb

    "Space will hum with activity" Newt, stop thinking with your "little missile"

  • ProgressiveInga

    Hey Newt, who puts the money up for the prizes for the romantic and exciting futures in space?

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      The League of Gentlemen Explorers, by Jove!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Where does Newt get this shit?
    My god can he output crap.

  • BarackMyWorld

    OMG 9/11 KEPT THE BUSH TAX CUTS FROM WORKING!!!! DAMN YOU, AL QAEDA!!!!!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Another great question: Why didn't the Bush tax cuts create jobs?

    And Newtie just babbled about 5 lies in a row in response.
    ~

  • Callyson

    Newt: things could have been worse.
    When Obama mentions anything along those lines, the Reeps freak out (never mind that Obama actually is making things *better*.)
    IOKIYAR…

  • Fare la Volpe

    It's not over yet? FUCK.

  • SorosBot

    Break; time to refill the drink.

  • C_R_Eature

    The Bush Tax Cuts prevented us from going into a slump after 9/11.

    Wait, What?

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Newt warns us not to micromanage the universe.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Newt, who has never managed anything.

  • Callyson

    One more break, again?
    Then again, maybe it's the reporters who need to be spared from having to look at the freaks on the stage…

    • mayor_quimby

      They all walk forward at the start of the breaks, like they're about to piss on the audience while the cameras are off.

  • Gainsbourg69

    North Dakota has such low unemployment because they have anout a thousand people living up there, Prick Newton.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      And nobody wants to live there.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Jimmy Fallon is still not funny.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Wait, repeal Sarbanes-Oxley, put in place after Enron and Worldcom and all that HUGE FUCKING CLUSTERFUCK? The clusterfuck only overshadowed but the gigantic mortgage/bank clusterfuck caused by deregulation allowing Bear Stearns etc to fractionalize at 1:40?

    Jesus christ. Newt is properly fucking mad.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Or very clever, I'm not sure which. You know, as in, he's getting paid bloody huge amounts to do this.

  • flamingpdog

    Oh yeah, there's been NO oil and gas development on Federal land in the Square State since Obama became President. FUCK YOU and the horse (Callista) you rode in on!!!!!

  • SorosBot

    No, I'm not catching Jay tonight; he's not funny.

    • flamingpdog

      I could use a "J" about now.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Here go, hon. (Passes pdog the doobie)

    • BarackMyWorld

      And if I see one more ad for "Smash" I am going to SMASH something.

  • Trannysurprise

    Channel 4 just said they will tell us "who's on top" of this shitshow at 11.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Ewwwww.

    • mayor_quimby

      Same here in ATL

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Well? I'm waiting.

  • C_R_Eature

    Gingrich: Babbla babble babblebabblebabblebabble BABBLEBABBLE…..

    Luke: "They're Coming in Too Fast!

    Chewie: " MWRRAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!

  • Callyson

    Final section…there is light at the end of the tunnel…

  • flamingpdog

    So what is going to be the closing dumb, but light-hearted question after the break?

    • Trannysurprise

      Well you nailed that.

    • mayor_quimby

      Marry, fuck, kill. GO!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You're getting awfully excitable again, mayor_quimby.

  • SorosBot

    Aw cute local news lady Beth is gone.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    The only thing I'm taking away from this is that I could be doing better things with my time than listening to these dipshits.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Initiating RomneyTron

    PANDERMODE: ACTIVATE

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Tonight, we saw Newt and Mitt present a clear view of just how very different they are.

    I get the impression they don't like each other very much

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Yay, ST the original!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    ZOMG. Mittens, what have you done for conservatism? I had five kids. Seriously, he said that.

    • BarackMyWorld

      I only have 1 kid, so I'm only 1/5 as conservative as Mittens.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Obviously. If only I had known!

    • Limeylizzie

      I was making a delicious cup of hot chocolate , did he say that?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Srsly, Lizzie. And then he caught himself and blathered on about he, with his wife, his wife and he, who have been married since the last pterodactyl kacked it, raised five sons and two hundred and elebenty grandkids.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Why do the Mormons breed like dogs? They don't have kids, they have litters.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I really don't know. I suspect they're tired of being a religious minority and are trying to breed their way to a majority. Explains why they're busy baptizing everybody's dead ancestors into their religion.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Mitt: I fuck my wife.

    • C_R_Eature

      oh god GOLD STAR!

  • flamingpdog

    The Republican Party has a soul? LOL!

  • SorosBot

    Having a family helps the conservative agenda? Huh?

    • Fare la Volpe

      More "job creators."

  • Barb

    Brian Williams-"soul of the Republican party" Yeah, like they have a soul.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Ask them all what baseball championship game they'd be watching with their fams if they weren't there tonight master-de-bating.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Oh, yea, like these Kochsuckers do *any*fucking thing with their fams, i.e., the beard and the required 2.25 sprog.

  • C_R_Eature

    It Takes A Soul To Raise A Family.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Welp, that leaves the whole goddamn Republican party out then, I guess.

  • Data Exactly

    Yeah, but did you call tell raped women to 'make the best of a bad thing'? Mitt's not pro life enough.

  • orygoon

    Candidates in chorus: We are for sugar, spice (oops we mean space), oranges, Everglades (development thereof) whatever teh oldz want, and hanging chads. Oh, and familiez. And Reagan!

    • mayor_quimby

      What about the spice mines?

  • Callyson

    Mittens wants to take credit for Mass' schools?
    Oh boy, my friends back there are freaking out. I can hear their cursing all the way out here in LA…

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    "Mitt, you've had five kids, but I've had three wives AND I'm really old. Fuck you."

  • SorosBot

    Newt: Reagan, Reagan, Reagan, Reagan, Reagan.

  • DustBowlBlues

    It's DemocratIC you fucking whores.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    RRRonald Reagn!
    Drinke!!!11

  • Callyson

    Newt is slouching. Someone should tell him he does not look very presidential when he hangs his head like that.
    Or not…

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Could there be three more unlikable liars than Mittens, Frothy, and Pig Newton?
    ~

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Since squeaky Gumby-lookalike Ron Paul has been actually sounding pretty sane for someone speaking in the range of a demented squirrel, I regret I'll have to say no.

  • Limeylizzie

    Newt is such a lying, putrid, greasy sack of shit.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Newt was instrumental in creating supply side economics. What the fuck didn't he do?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      An honest days work.

      • flamingpdog

        An honest day.

    • ProgressiveInga

      Remain faithful to a woman?

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Healthy eating and exercise?

  • Limeylizzie

    And how black he is , Newt, you left that out.

  • flamingpdog

    Reagan, Reagan, Reagan, Reagan, ad infinidumb.

  • ProgressiveInga

    President One-Wife has the wrong values according to ex-Speaker Three-Wives….

  • Callyson

    Ricky is going on about Obamacare. Does this mean he is no longer running for Veep?
    There is a God…

  • Fare la Volpe

    How dare Obama try to give health insurance to poor people.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Some of those people are blah, dontchaknow.

    • Trannysurprise

      Precisely. The Republicans just want it for white people. NOW LOOK WHAT HAS HAPPENED!!!11!!!!

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Blah people will just spend all their healthcare on foodstamps.

    • Negropolis

      This makes him history's greatest monster.

  • SorosBot

    Now Santorum claiming Mittens and Newt are really liberals; the circular firing squad is fun.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    How dare any Republican think that science is real!

  • C_R_Eature

    Newt. You call yourself an Intellectual. I know Intellectuals. You, Sir, are no Intellectual.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Did Romney just talk about how great he is at working with the other party? Um, he knows which party's nomination he's seeking, right?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He keeps shooting at his foot and hitting.

  • Callyson

    Ricky: my opponents don't stand.
    Yeah, we know you like a stiff posture, Ricky…

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    I now see why Obama chose RomneyCare instead of the single-payer option. They're beating on that and beating on that. He got them. They're beating the shit out of their strongest candidates for all the positions they've held these past decades. And they ALL sound like anally raped hamsters.

    Sweet Jeebus.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Ew. Newt says Obama wants to spend a billion dollars Smearing stuff and Brian immediately thinks Santorum.

    "Obamacare crushes freedom." Someone stop this fucktard before he hurts himself. Rick you are evil-dumb.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Santorum is getting all "toppy"

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Till someone brings out the paddle, anyway. Must be past his bedtime.

  • Negropolis

    Rick, Rick, just STFU already. I'm begging you.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He's destroying himself, don't stop him~!

  • Gainsbourg69

    All anyone knows about Pam Bondi down here is that she was endorsed by the Alaskunt and she stole some poor Katrina victim's dog.

  • C_R_Eature

    Santorum, Cap & Trade not only Works (See SO2 reduction in Acid Rain) but the idea was developed by the fucking HERITAGE FOUNDATION You Awful Jackass.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Uh, Paul…The Founding Fathers also wanted to tax the Slave Trade…

    • Fare la Volpe

      And whiskey.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    I'm tellin' ya. These assholes are making Ron Paul look and sound the best of them all.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      He's killed it tonight. He's mad as a box of frogs but he was the most sane person on stage this evening.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Absolutely. It's utterly horrifying. Right now, any Republican listening to this who does NOT walk away wanting to vote for Ron Paul is deluded. Because all these schmucs are OMG, pandering whorish assholes, and it's showing.

  • Callyson

    Yeah, Ron Paul, what's wrong with keeping the government out of our personal lives…
    …like the personal decision whether to have an abortion or not…

  • SorosBot

    Ron Paul, try reading the Constitution; it does say government should create a welfare state.

    Oh and you want the government to invade women's personal liberties you fuck.

    • Negropolis

      That's funny, isn't it? Isn't it right there in the preamble?

      • SorosBot

        Yep, and in Article 1, Section 8:

        "The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States"

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Ron Paul's right eye brow is trying to escape.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Can you blame it? I want to get the hell away from those crazies, and I'm nowhere *near* them.

  • Fare la Volpe

    "I have a record, you can check it" – Mitt, you probably shouldn't tell people to do that.

  • Biff

    AS IF ANY KENNEDY EVER HAD A MORTGAGE, MITT YOU LYING FUCK!

    • BarackMyWorld

      Romney's actually correct. Ted Kennedy did take out a mortgage on one of his houses to help finance that campaign.

  • SorosBot

    And it's the "Ted Kennedy need to take a mortgage on his house to beat me" lie again. Kennedy was rich; we know you just pulled that out of your ass.

    • BarackMyWorld

      It happened, though.

  • Limeylizzie

    How vile is Mittens to find enjoyment in the fact that a now deceased Senator had to get a mortgage on his house. Cunt.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      THERE you go! THAT's the crucial point people will walk away with. This guy made fun of a dead guy who was Ted Kennedy who was really rich, but even HE wasn't as rich as Mitt, and had to take out a mortgage to pay for his run for Senate. And now Mitt is making fun of him. And he's dead.

      And why the fuck is Mitt *enjoying* this? What's to *enjoy* here? That his old rival is dead? That he died a horrible death? That he may have lost the race but at least the other guy is dead? That he's richer than this dead guy who once beat him in this race? WTF is he yammering on about?

      He's talking to a bunch of mortgage-payers. Here's hoping they find it just as offensive as we did.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    I think Mittens needs another reboot.
    ~

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      hm, I'm thinking it's time for a firmware upgrade. Or the scrapyard.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        No, that wetware is totally fucked, dood. To the recycling vats!

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          He's Bain dead.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Ar-ar-ar.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    I promise to make America a country the Founders would recognize: An agrarian nation with fewer than 20 million inhabitants. We begin bombing in 5 minutes.

  • memzilla

    Mitt Romney = State's Rights!!!lebenty!!!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Christ. Now RMONEY is bragging about how Teddy Kennedy had to get a mortgage to run against him. What a fucking maroon. Now he's trashing Romneycare, I mean, Obamacare. Crikey, yer great big fookin' gobs.

  • Callyson

    Ricky is about to burst because Mittens says Romneycare is permissible under Mass' constitution. His follow up will be to shout that Mittens should have revised the socialist commie Massachusetts constitution, not done something constructive on health care access…

  • Data Exactly

    Ted Kennedy's mortgage lives on in Romney's heart.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Because the Kennedys were so poor, you know.

  • C_R_Eature

    What scares ME is the mention of "Newt" and "Presidency" in the same sentence.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Unlax, CRE. It won't happen. Neuter is playing it cool tonight, but he won't last long.

      • C_R_Eature

        Thanks! *Whew*. I'm going to climb down off the Ledge, now.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Who told Mitt that that Kennedy had to take out a mortgage rap was selling well? Number one, it worked for Kennedy, secondly, I think it sounds appalling, no matter about whom he is talking – it's very cunty.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Thank you. Given that the man has JUST been fucking booed in public by the same people who are supposed to be *voting* for him, it sounds downright hamhanded, yammering all this bullshit about how "Kennedy had to take out a mortgage." Way to remind the not-obscenely-wealthy-electorate that you have more money than Croesus, MittensYouFuckingIdiot. Christ. He's on a mission to shoot holes through both his feet.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        But, but … everybody at the cuntry club cracks up when he tells that story! Mitt is baffled by the failure of everybody else to snicker at it.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          The very rich are different from you and me. Esp. their sense of humour, it would seem.

  • flamingpdog

    Brian Williams: I know none of you believes in polls.

    Brian made a funny!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Being an Old, it's way past my long, drawn out bedtime. Let me just share this before I go:

    The draft only took single men. Newt got married. When the war amped up, and they took married men with no children. Newt knocks up wife for first time. I can't remember whether they drafted men with only one kid. I'm guessing they did, however, since he knocked up cancer-wife again.

    Nitey, nite, all, and sweet dreams to you of a world free of Repubtards. Scratch that. With a few 'tards left, so we have someone to make fun of in the good company of the wonkeratti.

    • Biff

      First he went for the student deferments, then the married deferment, then the daddy deferment, x2. I'm sure he also had a pilonidal cyst on deck if all else failed.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe
    • FakaktaSouth

      DBB, You are my favorite flower of a wonkette white-light-er. Historically accurate and ethically astonishing Newt-o-rific bedtime stories! Yay! He's like a miserably lumpy, itchy wool sweater that never gets thrown out and you check every once in a while to see if it's gotten any softer, but it always sucks just as hard.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Newt is humbled?
    Puhleeeeeeeease.

    • flamingpdog

      Yeah, and I heard the Pope was excommunicate tonight.

  • Barb

    Ted Kennedy had to take a mortgage out on his house to defeat Mitt? Yeah, it pisses me off that I had to bump into so many of the Kennedy family in the welfare line. They were playing touch football and having clam bakes and my food stamps didn't cover clams.

  • Trannysurprise

    Oh we're suffering Mittens, we're suffering.

  • Limeylizzie

    God I hate these bastards.

  • Callyson

    Mittens: we're still a great nation but a great nation doesn't have so many people suffering.
    Does he even know that he just contradicted himself there?
    Didn't think so…

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Tweet of the night from Jason Linkins: "I didn't beat Ted Kennedy, but I bet he wishes he had some of that money to fight his brain tumor, ha ha." — Mitt Romney

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I swear to god, that's about how tin-eared it sounded.

  • Limeylizzie

    Brian Williams really sucks.

    • Negropolis

      He really looked like he didn't want to be there, and I can't blame him.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      He's not really a journalist. He's more like a host … or presenter as you Brits say.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Is Obama a socialist or a crony capitalist? HE CAN'T BE BOTH, MAKE UP YOUR MINDS.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      He's my sister and my daughter…and a floor wax and a dessert topping!

  • C_R_Eature

    I'm suffering, right here, watching these dreadfully laughable excuses for presidential candidates.

  • flamingpdog

    We have a great nation but we don't have a great nation. Mitt has a short in one of his fuses, again.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Is it just me, or was he stammering and stuttering all night long? He sounded awful, confused, off his game, and downright shaken, at times.

      • flamingpdog

        Not just you – he was the same way at the previous debate, after people first started hassling him to release his tax returns. I can't help but feel that he's either used the weekend to file a revised return or we are in for a real shitstorm tomorrow. He's probably going to release it during<?> the State of the Union.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Excellent thought. Get it in under the radar. Everything about his performance tonight was screaming "Liar!" at about a thousand decibels. He needs to watch Newt more carefully, that fat little turd is the most polished of liars, barely stopping in mid stride.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Mitt just listed 7 things, Rick Perry just shot his TV.

  • SorosBot

    And it's over; there's still 20 minutes of analysis to go before your local news.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Daily Show\Colbert

      • SorosBot

        No cable here – I wait till the next day and watch on Hulu.

  • Callyson

    OK, on to the post – debate yammering. And I am out of alcohol. BRB…

  • C_R_Eature

    Too bad the team wasn't named the "NADS".

  • Data Exactly

    Hooray for bull!

  • mayor_quimby

    7 things, mitt? Are you a moron? More fingers than bullet points, err, o something.

  • flamingpdog

    A grease-like wall? Is that a subtle attack of Santorum?

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Well, no shortage of Bull tonight, that's for sure…

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Good job BDub, now go work on that tan.

  • flamingpdog

    No way I'm watching Chuck Toad. My brain hurts enought already.

    • Trannysurprise

      I watch him to keep track of his hair/Rogaine experiment.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Please use the Kings English, its Fuck Toad.

  • orygoon

    WE won. We survived.

  • C_R_Eature

    Oh, good. It's Chuckles. Now I will know what to think.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Romney is not for obliterating regulations. Teabaggers are going to be upset tomorrow.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    I thought that was more like "we know you HAZ a redwood tree up your ass, Ricky."

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Chuck Toad: "Pig Newton's ass tastes delicious!"
    ~

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Toady.

  • Negropolis

    Wasn't that just horrible?

    Now, it's time to put on some Al Green, and sit back until November.

  • SorosBot

    Chuck Todd is calling Gingrich the frontrunner, and I giggle – Obama against him would be a dream election.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    The bobblehead Chihuahuas of the press are discussing a brokered convention!

  • flamingpdog

    By the way, nice BLINGEE! I just wish all the candidates had to wear a bow tie like Mitt's, for reals.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      It would lend the proper air of gravitas.

  • SorosBot

    See you tomorrow, Liz!

  • rambone

    And with that, the gentleman receives some of the only applause we’ve heard all night from these Tampaers (sic).

    They're called Tampans. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

    On second, thought, don't. It'd probably leave an aftertaste.

    • flamingpdog

      It's a good thing they didn't name the city Tampo.

  • Warpde

    I feel dirty.
    Time for a shower.
    Keep this up and I'll have to take a loan out to pay the hot water bill.
    Or never have a hardon again.
    Brrrrrr!!!!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I hate to say this but my little brother looks just like chuck todd.

    • flamingpdog

      You have my heartfelt sympathy, M_G.

    • Negropolis

      You're a very good brother, I'm sure, to have to endure that with such grace. My condolences.

    • SorosBot

      It could be worse; back when I had a goatee I looked kind of like Chuck Todd.

    • Callyson

      Lots of plastic surgeons offer financing plans…

  • flamingpdog

    The number of fucktards on the stage has been cut in half since the whole clown show started, but the crazy has doubled and the hate has quadrupled! Is there a mathematician in the house who can explain this to me?

    • C_R_Eature

      I only know Practical Math, but I think it's got something to do with Fractals.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Andrea, you made it through a whole sentence, Huzzah!

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Hey, someone please stay up with me. It's not over yet in Arizona. (The debate that is, many other things ARE over.)

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I'm here!

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Yay! I like you.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I like you too, sweetie! Then I got lost, of course, and had to navigate back here, and fourteen other folks showed up, but I'm still scoring a hug.

    • flamingpdog

      I was hearing something on the radio about not being able to teach Shakespeare's The Tempest in schools in Tucson because it hurts white people's feelings or something stupid like that.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        That's a new one to me. My state rep is the one who wants to introduce Bible Studies in the public schools. She introduced her bill the day after the Mexican Studies classes were abolished in Tucson. She says students can't understand Shakespeare or the Greek classics unless they understand the Bible — and liberals have made teachers AFRAID to make Biblical references. ACLU libel.

        • SorosBot

          Um, how would the Bible help in understanding the Greek classics written before it?

          • ShaveTheWhales

            Predestination.

          • flamingpdog

            Is that anything like selfdeportation?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            You know Mittens is SO getting his ass kicked over *that* one, right?

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            In Arizona the Greek classics were only written about 3000 years ago.Around the time the Grand Canyon was formed.Troy is in Ohio, doncha know?

    • Fare la Volpe

      I'll keep you company, darling…

    • Barb

      New Mexico in the HOUSE!

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        We're practically neighbors.Come over for coffee anytime.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Thanks, kids! Are you sober?

      • memzilla

        AHAHAHAHAHA

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        What is this "sober" of which you speak?

      • Callyson

        What? Honey, it's a miracle I'm still here for a second round: you can't expect me to be sober too…

    • memzilla

      Should we spoil the ending for you?

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Spoiler Alert, its just like Lost, they were all dead the whole time.

      • SorosBot

        No, that was just the alternate timeline; which was actually purgatory instead of an alternate universe. Which was stupid, and ruined the finale despite the island happenings in it being really good; but they weren't dead all along on the island; that all happened.

        • MissTaken

          Ok, you're creeping me out. First, the Darth Vader/Death Star Transformer. Now, that is nearly word for word how I explained the Lost finale to a friend a couple weeks ago. Freaky.

          • SorosBot

            I think it's because the "the island was purgatory" misconception is so common; how that's the case I'm not sure, since the finale was pretty clear, but a lot of people somehow got that idea.

            Also because the "the alternative universe is purgatory" resolution sucked, and destroyed the entire flash-sideways plot from the final season. I don't know how anyone could have liked that part. And it made the fact that they killed off so much of the main cast at the end, including almost all the nonwhite characters – Miles was the only minority to live – much more troubling; with the flash-sideways it seemed at least they lived in the other universe; but nope.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Bravo!FTW.

  • ProgressiveInga

    I'm so tired I am hallucinating that Andrea Mitchell is wearing a double fuschia sweater combo.

    Inga out…..

  • Fare la Volpe

    Ew, the pundits are saying Gingrich was flirting with Paul.

    • flamingpdog

      Lots of women like older men.

      • Limeylizzie

        Hellooo.

  • Biff

    My gawd, how many more of these will we have to endure?

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Newt's Jerbs Plan: We're all Consultants!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      More deductions! (I kept trying to type that and it was coming out "dedickions.")

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Obama's Jerbs Plan: Tax Cuts! … (aww, Boehner said "That's Socialism!")

        "dedickions" sounds about right. Or maybe "Dickensians"?

    • Biff

      Another board I spend all day at used to be awash in consultants. Now it's populated by out-of-work consultants. Not a good business plan.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        "Consultants" should change their name to "Historians". Automatic $1.6million right there.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Is Pig Newton claiming he hates war … BUT … ("They keep pulling me back in!")

    Well, we know he hates GOING to war.

    • flamingpdog

      He luvs he idea of sending illegals to war. He's also a fuckhead.

  • Biff

    Even Tweety called it a dreadfully boring debate.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Mittens very first job was a consultant. He's just like me.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Today we are all consultants.

    • flamingpdog

      These four clowns are insultants.

  • SorosBot

    UGH NBC is using that awful Hey Soul Sister song for their bit on their young staffers; haaaaaate.

    • flamingpdog

      Hey, they could be playing the delightful Scott Wanker adoration song.

      • SorosBot

        OK I'll give you that that one is even worse.

        Tonight.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Good night everyone. I'm going to watch the Australian open.

    • Barb

      I have no interest in Australia. No dingo is going to eat the baby that I plan to abort.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I could help out, if you need me to. Marinate the baby back ribs and stuff.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Crikey, mate.

    • flamingpdog

      Watch the Australian open what? Now if it were that cute Evonne Goolagong back in the day, I know what I would have liked her to open.

  • C_R_Eature

    After watching each of these debates, I feel like I've just spent an hour kicking a 55-gal drum full of live Hagfish.

  • flamingpdog

    Barney Frank: “I did not think I lived a good enough life to see Newt Gingrich as the Republican nominee,” the 30-year House veteran said. “He would be the best thing to happen to Democrats since Barry Goldwater … It’s still unlikely, but I have hopes.”

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Srsly. I haz such a HYUOOGE crush on Barney. What a dreamboat! Tongue like a filet knife.

  • subsum

    Fuck Newt; fuck Mitt; fuck Rick and fuck Ron. There. The end.

    • Callyson

      If I write that in on the November ballot, will it count as an Obama vote?
      If there is any justice in the world, the answer would be "hell to the yes."

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Newt-Scoot-Booger.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Oooh, now Newt is offering citizenship to illegal entrants who "serve in our military." As he wouldn't do. But he hasn't made it clear if that is before or after they are child-janitors.

    • Barb

      Achieving a college degree as an "illegal" is not as important as one who would join the military. The "Dream Act" is that we all dream that we can send some dreamy browns to die in our plethora of wars.

  • BerkeleyBear

    I'd have to start believing in a benevolent and caring God if that happened. Unfortunately, if it did even psycho wingers would see the writing on the wall so the President's life would be in more danger than normal.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Oh, Sweet Jeebus, now Mitt is talking about how many rounds of golf the president has played since he was elected. Why isn't Obama cleaning toilets like other people who are in the country illegally?

    • Biff

      Not everyone is into clearing brush, I guess.

    • Barb

      Newt thinks of golf the same way he thinks about sex, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique

      • flamingpdog

        Not much of a golfer himself, though. 68 years old and he's only on his third hole.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I thought that was called "maximizing your stroke." No?

      • SayItWithWookies

        It helps if you start with a good lie.

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        Newt's strong suit as a golfer: short putz.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      And who are blah, also, too.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Mitt's instincts tell him that Obama should be caddying, not playing.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Asked what he has done to further the cause of conservatism, Mitt said he got married and raised five sons. I was under the impression there were some Democrats who had families, too, but I guess I'm wrong.

    Pig N's just answering, "Reagan, Reagan, Reagan, Reagan, Reagan."

    He didn't even ASK Santorum. Who will speak for the fetuses?!

    • flamingpdog

      I'm sure he did a whole lot of the son-raising.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Just like he did the laundry on Saturday.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Yay, SB!

  • NYNYNYjr

    “I did not inherit what my wife and I have.”

    Willard didn't inherit much from his dad, the Governor/CEO, because Gov had 7 wives and 60 children. So each kid only got a mill to start them off.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    I'm off, friends. Going to go watch the local news to listen to the conservatives scream about the election to replace Gabby Giffords costing $1M. As if it would have cost less had she quit last year. As if she asked to get shot.

    • Mojopo

      It wouldn't have cost anything to deny a mentally unstable maniac from having a gun, either.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I just accidentally saw Sarah Palin on Sean Hannity in a channel flipping debacle and I SWEAR to you she was wearing a wig from the Hello Dolly show we did at my high school in 1987. What has happened to that bitch for real? The ONE THING I gave her credit for was having enough sense to do the "giving rightwingwackjobs hard ons on purpose schtick." She really is a frumpcunt without the pro stylists.

  • Callyson

    Signing out with this alert:
    Mitt Romney Tax Returns Released http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/24/mitt-rom

  • BerkeleyBear

    Kinda off topic, but Mitt's tax returns are out. 13.9 percent. That's all the asshole paid in 2010, when he should have known the world would be watching. This year, a whopping 15.4 percent. Over 200K a week in interest, for doing what, exactly? Shit, that's pro-athlete money, and they at least have to run around and get sweaty now and then.

    Oh, and 7 million donated to charity over that period – only 4 of the 7 is to the Mormon Church, which shouldn't fucking count as charity in the first place given how little good the church actually does (as opposed to the number of people it annoys on an annual basis).

    And his spokesperson had the balls to say this one time release will "settle the issue." Don't think so.

    • Steverino247

      And don't forget how much money he made for them as they put money in his Bain enterprise, too.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        So, indirectly, the Mormons are responsible for putting us outa work? Oh, that's gonna go down REAL well with the remaining seventeen people who don't hate them.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    1,000!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    1000 again

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Yay us! (Runs around room screaming with underwear on head)

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    1000 again again

    • flamingpdog
    • fuflans

      what's up with this?

      something coming and it's not likely to be good.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Just finished watching on the West Coast.

    Does anyone know why Andrea Mitchell was wearing the skin of a Muppet?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Again, two words: Brokered Convention.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      It's gonna *happen* …

  • BarackMyWorld

    You have to think Haley Barbour's got to be kicking himself right now.

  • Steverino247

    I won't apologize for being successful…in looting companies that once employed middle class Americans who made products that were used in this country, then putting them out of work forever.

    I won't apologize for being successful…in influencing elected officials to rig the tax codes so I can make $200,000 a week doing nothing.

    These guys make the Romanovs and Bourbons look like social workers.

  • Bluestatelibel

    Guess what, folks? Mittens has released his tax returns and he paid a whopping 14 percent in taxes on $45 million in income for two years. Don't you wish you could pay that rate! He also has Swiss banks accounts and bank accounts in Bermuda and the Cayman Islands – I guess good old American banks aren't good enough for Mr. Moneybags.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      He had the bare-faced gall to accuse Obama of saying the equivalent of "let them eat cake"

      Multi-millionaire 13.9% man said that.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    1,000+ is the new 250, I see. Now will some classy advertiser get the goddamned rat out of my motherfucking iced tea?!

  • Schmegeg

    Newt: Asked the Republicans in the house to censure him. Ethics violations technical, and also dropped.

    Santorum: I was just in that lady's neighborhood and stopped in to see her comatose.

    Mittens: So I was governor???

    Paul: Incomprehensible bullshit

    All lies, except maybe Paul's since I have no idea what he is talking about, ever.