GRAND OLD WINDBAGS  9:00 pm January 23, 2012

The Longest Apocalypse: Liveblogging Yet Another GOP Debate

by Wonkette Jr.

America's new husbands.Hello from your Wonkette liveblogging team, taking part once again in America’s “national pastime,” which is trying to get web video streams to function for long enough to hear whatever racist crazy talk the GOP candidates offer tonight. Are you ready? Does a recently converted-to-Catholicism serial adulterer/divorcer shit in the woods? No, because the Newt needs two bathrooms, which is one less than the number of wives he has needed, so far.

8:59 PM — Tonight’s debate is on the “NBC Politics” station, with Gawker commenter Brian Williams as the moderator. Will he ask Mitt a rude personal question the way liberals always do?
9:02 PM — Mitt has noted that the Newt is “erratic” and “creepy” and “has an ugly head.”
9:03 PM — Gingrich mumbles something about Herbert Hoover, meaning: “Ronald Reagan.”
9:05 PM — Was Romney truly “dancing on eggs” during this campaign? Is that a known phrase, in Republican executive compensation packages?
9:06 PM — “He had to resign in disgrace.” — Mittens on Newt.
9:06 PM — Newt doesn’t want to “waste time” answering Mitt’s actual facts about Newt Gingrich.
9:07 PM — In other words, NEWT.ORG. Will it have Tiffany jewelry whore diamond popups?
9:10 PM — Gingrich asked the Republicans to punish him. He wanted it, because he was a bad, fat little adulterer and hypocrite and crook. He ASKED FOR IT.
9:15 PM — Newt Gingrich is such an asshole that he won’t even graciously accept Ron Paul’s preemptive endorsement.
9:18 PM — Tomorrow is a very exciting day, because Romney is going to release a year’s worth of tax returns, covering last year. What will “get people talking,” Brian Williams asks. Maybe the Gazillions of Dollars of Income and Assets, along with the itty-bitty tax bill?
9:19 PM — Thank the Angel Moroni that Mitt Romney will FINALLY get corporate taxes down! The tax code is “far too intrusive” for the nation’s very richest men!
9:22 PM — We blinked (ran to the fridge for a refreshed beverage) and missed Santorum’s one question, which was apparently about his inability to win his own Senate races. Has the spooge-mentum finally dried up?
9:23 PM — Mitt is surprised to see the Republicans “pick up the weapons of the left.” Hahahahah. “I did not inherit what my wife and I have.” Really now.
9:23 PM — MITT WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR SUCCESS. It is too bad you LIBERAL LOSERS were born poor or black or poor/black/female, etc. You just hate America.
9:24 PM — Santorum just wants to know why Romney and Gingrich are saving Failed Capitalism. Because of WALL STREET, c’mon Santorum. You are such a minor league crook compared to these guys.
9:25 PM — What about Gingrich’s dirty Freddie Mac contract? $25,000 is good money for sitting on your fat ass hunting for new wives on the Internet or whatever, right?
9:26 PM — Oh, it’s not lobbying, it’s consulting. Totally worth $25,000 a month.
9:28 PM — Mitt notes that it’s $1.6 million, for six years of Newt’s contract, and that it sure as shit wasn’t for being a “historian,” it was as a lobbyist.
9:29 PM — Gingrich comes out strong IN FAVOR of federal welfare socialism housing financing.
9:30 PM — Oh this is wonderful, Gingrich and Romney are now in a bitch-chicken slap fight over how many millions they made, and how much came from sweetheart government deals, and now Gingrich is going to explain how the American People will “see through” this tactic! Insulin! Lipitor!
9:32 PM — It is time to pass the relay dildo to our next contestant, Liz Colville!
9:34 PM — It seemed as if Brian Williams there was informing Mitt that he couldn’t actually talk about Fannie and Freddie anymore because he’d just taken TOO LONG harping about those matters already. Oh, but really it is just a commercial, which in live feed world is utter silence, which is wonderful, really. Thank you, Brian/Internet.
9:44 PM — “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,” indeed.
9:49 PM — The shrinkage of the Navy. And now we have two men talking about things they know nothing about. Romney is the guy who would take an online poll before deciding what to do with the military. Gingrich would just write a book about it and tell the whole military to read it.
9:52 PM — Honestly unaware there were four people on the stage until just now. Very rude. Hello Ron.
9:54 PM — BREAKAGE. POLITE APPLAUSE. SEAFARING-LIKE MUSIC.
9:58 PM — We are joined now by Adam Smith of the Tampa Bay Times and Beth Reinhard of the National Journal. And yet Brian keeps badgering these poor men with riddles.
10:00PM — Santorum’s picked up where Rick Perry left off. He said today that he basically would declare war with Iran, i.e. dismantle its nuclear weapons for it if the country didn’t do it itself, if he became president.
10:02PM — “OIOIOIOIOIIIIILLLLLL” (“Oil”) — Rick.
10:03PM — Gingrich advocates ballots in English only. Romney agrees. Romney’s discussing Massachusetts education and how it was screwed up that foreign students would learn in their native languages because everyone realized eventually that they “Could no speak English well” — direct quote.
10:06PM — Romney is basically doing what Obama did in the early debates with Clinton — “What she said.” He agrees with Gingrich that he would not support the Dream Act as it currently stands. Romney, we know what you think about immigration. But do you? He pauses so many times in his immigration argument that it becomes clear that he is not, well, fluent in his own machinations. “Self-deportation.” TO A ROBOT SUCH A STATEMENT MAKES PERFECT SENSE. 0101000000000101101111111110000000000000000000000000001.
10:08PM — “America was worth it to do it the right way.” Santorum is discussing his forebears to explain How You Properly Emigrate to the U.S.A. and Dig Freedom Therein.
10:10PM — “CANE SUGAR HIDES BEHIND BEET SUGAR.” — Newt. Whatttttt is happening.
10:12PM — “He plays 90 rounds of golf when you have 20 million people out of work.” Romney is dissing Obama. Fine and good but the President H8S golf, yes? He just plays it because artificially-grown, pesticide-ridden grass is the only surface upon which John Boehner will speak to him.
10:16PM — {{{{{{crickets}}}}}}} Romney is getting quick SMIZE TIPS from Tyra Banks during the break while Santorum’s daughter touches up her father’s face with mineral powder.
10:19PM — One hand is clapping for Santorum’s explanation of his stance on do-not-resuscitate.
10:20PM — This is what we call a Thorny Issue, America. “It should teach us all a lesson to have good living wills,” DOCTOR Ron Paul says. “I would have preferred to see the decision made at the state level.”
10:22PM — Romney is talking about the space program and reminds us again that he is really all about collaboration, which is an easy way of saying that he doesn’t really trust any one entity to do anything, and doesn’t know enough about any one thing to trust himself to make executive decisions on said things. Not surprisingly, he wants NASA to work in conjunction with private, future-bankrupt companies.
10:24PM — Gingrich questions Romney’s stance, and digs in at the collaboration thing, saying a bunch of people “sitting around in a room” is not how you revive a broken program. Hey look, he’s right: meetings make you dumb[ER].
10:27PM — Going to liveblog someone else’s live blog for a second: The Caucus reports from Florida that some of the undecided voters watching the debate with Susan Saulny are pining for someone who isn’t there, namely JON HUNTSMAN. You guys. That is over now. It’s over. You fools. Why didn’t you TELL HIM how you felt with the WADS O’ ONES that you don’t have?!?!?
10:30PM — We’re wrapping up with “Why … are you doing this again?!”-type questions. Romney says he’s the best man for the job because he made babies and made money. Bye.
10:31PM — Gingrich was asked to comment on Romney’s response. Gingrich obvs declined this offer, because, boring. He’s telling us about his life, and how he’s spent his life “trying to develop a conservative movement across this country.” But those movements exist, man, and any time they see you they seem to move away from you.
10:34PM — Santorum is descending into a pit of deadly venomous Palinisms. Dude, this is your closing argument.
10:36PM — Wise Older Gentleman reminds us that there are many ways of being conservative, which is really just a cynical way of saying that these guys are flip-flopping panderers. And with that, the gentleman receives some of the only applause we’ve heard all night from these Tampaers (sic).
10:38PM — Everybody loves the Constitution because Ron Paul made it cool again. Romney name-drops the Constitution and reminds people in so many words that his pioneering health care plan is shite.
10:39PM — “I don’t ask people to be for me…I ask people to be with me.” Gingrich, man. He is kind of the Obama of the only guys we’ve got, which is four out of approx. 151,400,000 options, which is how many men we have in this country. (Oh, women? What? They’re busy. They’ve got kids.)
10:40PM — Romney wants to “crack down on cheaters.” This is a true Mittism: you know he went home crying to mommy about cheaters in grade school.
10:42PM — For some reason Romney has gotten the last word and that is THE END, everybody. And there is another one on Thursday, so see you then and also in 10 hours!
10:52PM — P.S.!!!!! “The room has cleared remarkably quickly.” — Brian Williams. WORD!

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 1046 comments }

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Yeeeeeeeehaw!

Extemporanus January 23, 2012 at 9:03 pm

DRIIINKKK!!

Warpde January 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Oh crap!!!!!!
I'm already out.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Ronald Reagan!
Drink!

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 9:03 pm

STUNT LIVER, ACTIVATE!

REAGAN! DRINK! Oh we're going to be fucked up tonight.

CountryClubJihadi January 23, 2012 at 9:20 pm

What channel in the Bay Area??? I cant find it!

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:30 pm

It's on NBC, and I think it's only live in the Eastern and Central time zones.

smashaduck January 23, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Reagan! Drink! We're not going to survive this shit are we?

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Never do.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Not sober, no.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:39 pm

I actually watched the whole thing sober, MB. I don't know what's wrong with me tonight.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:10 am

Let me feel your furry little forehead, pdog — clearly, it's serious.

Just kidding. I actually watched it stone-cold sober, although I lit the vape a couple of times. For the pain, y'unnerstand.

e_z January 23, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-sus!

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Newt is looking extra doughy tonight.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Freshly sated and swollen with blood, the newt will sleep well tonight.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:15 pm

How is this night different from all other nights?

Barb January 23, 2012 at 11:22 pm

And thanks to Newt, many women will be more yeasty. (down there)

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Tonight's Republiklan debates were brought to you by Pillsbury and Duncan Hines.

AlterNewt January 23, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Maybe someone will say something controversial.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Newt sure can lie purty

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Mittens is talking…. felling sleepy…. yawn……
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Resign in disgrace, take that doughboy ooh and "influence peddler".

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 9:06 pm

So if The 1% has raped our country, it's all part of God's Plan™ we should embrace.

DustBowlBlues January 23, 2012 at 9:33 pm

After all, the poor will inherit the earth. Once the Repubtards have destroyed it.

ThundercatHo January 23, 2012 at 9:39 pm

I don't care what Frothy says, abort the GOP.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 23, 2012 at 10:59 pm

God gave you lemons, so eat them. Why the fuck do you think he created the things?

Chet Kincaid January 24, 2012 at 9:23 am

Awesome.

ColonelDoctor January 23, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Resign in disgrace!

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Brian Williams is the moderator? So Brian Wilson was a no-show?

orygoon January 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm

He's floating above it.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 10:34 pm

He's home … In His Room, in his ro-o-o-om.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Newt's too focused on the issues to bother with all the failures Mitt just mentioned. In fact, Newt's leaving Callista for the issues.

Schmannnity January 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

If the issue were cancer, then what?

Biel_ze_Bubba January 23, 2012 at 11:00 pm

He'd leave her with that issue too.

Nostrildamus January 24, 2012 at 12:57 am

I don't think Newt's had any issue since wife #1.

smashaduck January 23, 2012 at 9:07 pm

I'm going to run out of my stocking stuffer mini bottles in about 3 minutes at this rate.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Drink slower, darling.

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 12:09 am

Well, then you were not prepared. I have no sympathy.

ColonelDoctor January 23, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Where's the mud pit?

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Yeah, because FOX talking head and part-time french tire mascot Huckabee and failed Presidential candidate McCain are noted thought leaders. Nice one Newton.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Where the hell is Santorum and Paul?

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 9:08 pm

I don't want a headache, so I'll just watch the Ed Show recap on MSNBC after the debate ends.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Is Newt under 5 ft 5" tall?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:10 pm

When he's on his back he's about that.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:11 pm

All the bile built up in his venom sack weighs him down a bit.

Steverino247 January 23, 2012 at 9:50 pm

You must be at least this tall to be President?

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Are you running?

Steverino247 January 23, 2012 at 10:21 pm

I'm 6'7" so I'm over qualified.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I love a tall man, I am 5″4 “and MrLimeylizzie is 6'4″.

AlterNewt January 23, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Is tonight the swimsuit competition?

Barb January 23, 2012 at 11:23 pm

They could never win the talent competition.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:42 pm

They ain't winnin' no nekky competitions neither, I don't need t'be tellin' you.

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Hmm… white people bragging about how many white people's votes they got. Color me unimpressed.

FraAnima January 23, 2012 at 9:23 pm

And once you're colored, you will cease to matter to the GOPers.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Wow, Mitt's on Newt like a dog on the back of a station wagon.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:19 pm

That was cold, Wookies. Pretty fucking C-O-L-D, man.

Schmannnity January 23, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Totally awesome.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Have to watch this on the online live stream because it's tape delayed for the left coast. Hope I don't miss too many amusing visuals…

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Mitt should never, ever laugh, it makes him seem like a serial killer.

Schmannnity January 23, 2012 at 9:25 pm

sinister eyes!

arihaya January 23, 2012 at 11:24 pm

uh Stephen Colbert already said that ,,, see: Mitt the Ripper

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Great minds think alike.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:41 pm

I tweeted that. And I affixed your name to it, too.

EdFlintstone January 23, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Newts jowl shawdows are scary.

Carrabuda January 23, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Mitt's a terrible historian!

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:46 pm

But he's a great hysterian!

Biff January 23, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Not finding a stream…

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:11 pm
BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 9:17 pm

There's always broadcast television.

Biff January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Not live in my timezone, goddamned Kabletown!

Nostrildamus January 24, 2012 at 1:00 am

Where there's a stream, there's Santorum!

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Newt wants to talk about someone else being a bad historian!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Newt's standard position: Verifiable Facts are now just "allegations."

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:11 pm

It's on an actual network, I can actually watch on the TV!

Biff January 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Stupidest thing, not live in Pacific time zone!

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:09 pm

It's streaming-only for you!

Just as all the cable-only debates have been for me.

Biff January 23, 2012 at 10:14 pm

And with my sub-par bandwidth, not even that!

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:11 pm

If you drink every time Newt says facts or frankly you will be dead in 14 minutes.

Spurning Beer January 23, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Clearly.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Either that or your liver will leap out through your cakehole and smack you senseless.

Warpde January 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Oh crap!!!!!!
3 minutes to live…..
Goodbye all.
Never did likE YOU ANYHOW……brAIN SEZZING.5%%…cAp LUCkS oN….dUNN!.
KJaOoAOhklkLlaOaJK………………..

Sorry, damn cat walked over the keyboard….again.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:48 pm

You forgot Poland Reagan!

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 12:12 am

Unless you have the curse (as do I) of an Irish liver. I could drink drain cleaner all night and feel only a little worse for the wear the next day. That is our power and our curse.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Oh, Father Ted! And I thought we'd lost ye!

Oh, wait, no, that was Father Jack that drank floor polish and that.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Ooooh, Newt got the last word. Mittens is pissed.

iburl January 23, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Neuter Newt! Sterilize Santorum! Emasculate Mitt!

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Poison Paul

NYNYNYjr January 23, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Darn Mittens!

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 12:13 am

Bugger Bachman! (either one).

AlterNewt January 23, 2012 at 9:12 pm

God. Why did I quit drinking? Why?!!

NellCote71 January 23, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I had quit, too, but i opened the wine when Newt opened with Reagan. So it is his fault.

NellCote71 January 23, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Yeah. That's the ticket.

Biff January 23, 2012 at 9:12 pm

found it, for what it's worth

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I'm digging dickish Mitt. Newt TRIED to be nice, but NOoOOOoOo. That giant head is going to explode. The more Newt says frankly, the drunker I'm getting. But I am totally loving watching these assholes again.

Puffperney January 23, 2012 at 11:36 pm

I'm envious of your enjoying this. I cannot get to a place in my head where this is not painful!

FakaktaSouth January 24, 2012 at 12:00 am

I sometimes get giddy when it feels like I am watching the actual last throes of the Rethug party as a policy making body. This LCD shit they are throwing out here is making me delerious. The fartsniffers I live around haven't even been defending this hellish nightmare of a clusterfuck-loser-choosing. I took a three week break from all of it in November, so I know the pain of which you speak, but this Mitt on Newt on Mitt violence is just de-lish.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Newt asked his fellow Republicans to vote against him on his own ethics violations. To get the issue behind him. I think the president of Afghanistan asked the Soviets to come invade them too, to get the threat of hegemony behind them.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 23, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Wow — this guy's imagination is off the charts. Who among us would ever have thought of that one, let alone been able to relate it with a straight face? Captain Schettino should consult with Newt on his excellent reasons for being in that lifeboat.

BerkeleyBear January 23, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Well, didn't you know that the Germans were invited into the Sudetenland by the oppressed people there? And that the Native Americans all but laid out a Welcome mat for white people to come and live on their land?

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:43 pm

There are liars, and then there are shameless liars.

coolhandnuke January 23, 2012 at 9:12 pm

My eight-year-old son is tuned into the debate with his dad. He is quite the astute, abstract thinker…he can already identify the participants..'Papa, there's Pompo the Clown, and thats Floppo, and Frotho and there's Rando."
God, I love my son.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:12 pm

There appears to be a coating of slime on Santorum.

Barrelhse January 23, 2012 at 9:23 pm

C.U.M.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:29 pm

What is that oily sheen?

littlebigdaddy January 24, 2012 at 12:14 am

No, it's a coating of santorum.

smashaduck January 23, 2012 at 9:12 pm

You show a clear contrast alright. Clear contrast with humanity.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Yeah, I like how Ricky forgets how he *lost* PA on the third try…

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:37 pm

By huge amounts.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

You don't talk about making deep cuts in Social Security (and Ricky was among the first) and get re-elected in PA.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Lord love a duck, they're all pathetic. No wonder Ron Paul has such a devoted following in RightWingnuttia. These people are stark staring mad.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Santorum's path to victory: When the two big cheeks squeeze, then the santorum gets noticed.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Santorum: "my plan is to talk about shit. that's plans right there. I plan to talk about all kinds of things."

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Won the Senate twice, Ricky? No word of the time you got your ass kicked? You're as bad a historian as Newt.

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 9:13 pm

The fuck?! Another debate?! My local TV guide did not show this (it says Fear Factor should be on, right now, and while this is close, this is no Fear Factor). I accidentially flipped by it to find Mitt Romney's smarmy face plastered front and center. Ugh.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Fear Factor is a good name for this crap if you think about it.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Same thing happened to me.

hebmskebm January 23, 2012 at 9:19 pm

I heard one of the challenges this year is bathing nude in a tub filled with Santorum while having to watch watching an entire Republican debate…

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 10:50 pm

And eating something Calista cooked. (She looks like a reservations-making girl to me.)

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Yeah, losing your election is still a BAD THING, Ricky.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Electile Dysfunction. There's pills for that now.

Warpde January 23, 2012 at 10:21 pm

So, that explains Newties hardon.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Ricky would know about a lot of folks crouching down…

Joshua Norton January 23, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Newt needs two bathrooms

Just in case he feels like cheating on the first bathroom.

zwoits January 23, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Or if he needs to cheat in the other bathroom.

Geminisunmars January 24, 2012 at 2:01 am

He has an open relationship with his bathroom.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 2:34 am

Probly more on the bathroom's part. I can't imagine Newt being open about *any*thing.

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Rick Sanotrum is such a Neidermeyer type prick. His nose is just too damn small for his face. Me and his nose are in a fight now. Whine whine whine.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:19 am

His face is too small for his head. He's a real big tall guy, but he has this face that would look at home on a little girl.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Yeah, Ricky lost in 2006 because he was just too principled for those corrupt PA voters…that's it…

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Ron Paul — cheapest suit in the GOP.

ProgressiveInga January 23, 2012 at 9:20 pm

He spends all of his money on eyebrow merkins.

Barrelhse January 23, 2012 at 9:26 pm

It's all over him.

AlterNewt January 23, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I will now coin a new term: PANDERHANDLE!

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Ron Paul!

"Can you win? Are you just going to fuck things up for everyone else?"

"I can definitely fuck things up with young voters."

SudsMcKenzie January 23, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Uncle Ron should get the "early bird special" vote.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Ron Paul's jacket is at least two sizes too large for him…reminds me of the presidency…

coolhandnuke January 23, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Or Stop Making Sense.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Cranky old man is babbling again.

Schmannnity January 23, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Wonkette Jr.: you are a better man/woman/straight/gay/lesbian/bi-sexual/transsexual/blue-stater/red-stater than I if you are going to watch this eye hemorrhoid instead of doing something slightly rewarding in your life. May the peace of the Lord, which is obviously eluding you otherwise tonight, be always with you, unless that is an issue, then Peace.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Ron Paul cleverly points out that not having enough votes can lose elections.

smashaduck January 23, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Did Ron forget to take the hanger out of his suit coat again?

Barrelhse January 23, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Wait til he goes to the airport…

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:16 pm

ooooooh Ron Paul smacks Newt.

Barb January 23, 2012 at 9:17 pm

He didn't mention Herbert Hoover. He said that Callista sucks like a Hoover.

AlterNewt January 23, 2012 at 9:19 pm

NOW it makes sense.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:19 pm

A Hoover with teeth.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Vultures don't have teeth.

MosesInvests January 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Neither do harpy eagles.

Chet Kincaid January 24, 2012 at 9:21 am

You're too kind.

neiltheblaze January 23, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I wonder if all the Botox helps with her technique.

Barb January 23, 2012 at 9:26 pm

One more face lift and bitch is going to have a goatee.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:35 pm

One more face lift and she'll be whistling through her knees.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:21 am

And the worst bags under her eyes.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Was that Taylor from The A List – Dallas behind Brian Williams?
Why ANYONE is a gay Reep is beyond me…

Katydid January 24, 2012 at 1:12 am

A gay Repub is better known as a homocon.

neiltheblaze January 23, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Christ, I fucking hate Newt Gingrich. I can't imagine listening to his voice every day from now until November. Fuck…..

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Harken!
Drink?

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 9:18 pm

The 1960's Beatles called, Newt. They want their haircut back. Wait, no, Justine Bieber called. My bad.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Mitt Romney: I will release my tax returns as soon as my people find out how to write numbers that big.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Well, goddammit, if I had any stray evil Atavistic structures left in my brain that were at all disposed to vote Republican, the Party's callous decision to hold yet another vile hateful racist bilious spewfest Primary Debate on a NON DRINKING NIGHT…this Has Settled Things. Decisively.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Anyone from LA ? MrLimeylizzie is making me miss the debate because he cannot find it on Time Warner in LA.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:20 pm
AlterNewt January 23, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Yes

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Can he not live-stream it on the computer box?

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Yes, but he wants to watch it on the big , enormous HDTV although in HD this would be frightening.

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Oh in that case. NBC was always Channel 4 on TW back when I had cable out here, but I think the HD channel was 104. Or something else with an 04 at the end.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:19 pm

"What's in there that you may find yourself defending?"
"Nothing, Brian–the whole point of tax avoidance is to keep that stuff *out* of your taxes…"

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Praise of Jesse Helms; that's one Racist dogwhistle!

Schmannnity January 23, 2012 at 9:34 pm

I'm counting on you to keep track because i can't watch.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I'll try.

smashaduck January 23, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Oh, so Mitt's not gonna loan us all a 20? Shit.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:20 pm

People making under 200K have savings, stocks, and any way to have capital gains?

Data Exactly January 23, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Did Romney pop a permanent vein after South Carolina?!?

Barrelhse January 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

No, it's from getting the tattoo on his dick.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:24 am

What dick?

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Mitt says he'll eliminate the "tax on savings" — which he goes on to say is interest and capilal gains — for those under $200,000 a year. Real man of the people talk there, Mitt, thinking that capital gains is savings.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 23, 2012 at 11:17 pm

In other words, he'll eliminate a big chunk of the taxes paid by people who rake in $200 grand a year in interest and capital gains. (That's the "common man", in Mitt's world.)

WiscDad January 23, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Good Christ…not another one…just like the other one…when will the pain be OVER

Extemporanus January 23, 2012 at 9:20 pm

I can't find this fucking squarejerk playing anywhere, so I'm just gonna slam one last shot of Jack with a rape baby back, and then hit the sack.

Fist ya later!

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:35 pm

It's on NBC, it says Fear Factor, which may or may not be irony.

Extemporanus January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Thank you, Lizzie.

Unfortunately, here in SF, this incredibly important clitorial event has been preempted by the NBC local news amateur hour.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:48 pm

You'll probably be getting it at 9 your time; no live broadcast for you!

Extemporanus January 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm

"Live" is a relative term with this crew.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Pay more taxes than you owe? The HORROR, the HORROR!!!

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 9:21 pm
Callyson January 23, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Facts are liberal things.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Newt wants to bring the rest of the country down to Mittens' level. We are doomed.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Ah, Newt quotes Alan Greenspan — who has since repudiated his entire worldview in front of Congress — that the best tax rate to create jobs is 0%.

SudsMcKenzie January 23, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Allen Greenspan just tapped Andrea Mitchell on the head and said "hey, they mentioned my name".

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Weapons of the left!

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Mittens: I earned it the old-fashioned way … reaming the American people!

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Of course, none of the 99% have anything in the way of enough assets to qualify for the 0% capital gains tax rate proposed by these elist corporate f**tards.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 23, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Sure, lots of us 99-percenters have stocks in our IRAs and 401(k)s. Capital gains in those plans are taxed as …. oops …. regular income. Evidently the justifications for lower taxes on "jerb-creatin" investments depend on who's doing the investing. (Corporations don't create jerbs with your money, they only use rich people's money.)

Funny how the 99% gets fucked, every time.

Biff January 23, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Mine's all deferred compensation. I'll get taxed on it when I start to draw it. Good thing, since it's still worth less than it was in 2008, but not by much…

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:24 pm

If Mitt didn't inherit any of his money, I'm sure he also made sure he profited in no way from his father's name and connections. Man started off washing dishes in a local diner and just worked his way up.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 23, 2012 at 11:38 pm

That's what all sons of CEO's do, innit?

Biff January 23, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Worked his way through school too, no doubt.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Yeah, but Mittens is not so proud of the companies he tore down…come on, Brian, don't let that slide…
…on to Ricky. That's what I get for hoping that a reporter will ask a serious question…

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 9:24 pm

wOOw 100+ comments already.

Mittens2000 wants to Staple your paycheck
~

Biel_ze_Bubba January 24, 2012 at 5:34 am

He wants to staple a pink slip to it.

smashaduck January 23, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Oh we're still pretending his wealth is an issue? His wealth isn't the goddam issue. Paying a lower rate than me, your unfriendly cable chic is the fucking issue. Hiding his money in the Caymans…that may be an issue. But fuck. His wealth isn't the fucking issue.

Biff January 23, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Using his wealth to purchase influence, that's kind of an issue for me.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Is "Capitalism" a drinking word?
~

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 9:25 pm

I have a "weapon of the left"….IN MY PANTS.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Tee Hee

Carrabuda January 23, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Let 'em burn, sez Ricky.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Mittens: I earned it the old-fashioned way … reaming the American people!

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Shorter Santorum: I was too busy sucking his dick to attack Mitt Romney's time at Bain.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 9:26 pm

ZOMG~!!!! SOMEONE FINALLY FUCKING BROUGHT UP MITT'S AND NEWT'S SUPPORT FOR THE WALL STREET BAIL-OUTS!!!!1

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Now that FakaktaSouth has mentioned Santorum's oddly-small nose it's really annoying me as well. I can't actually make myself listen to what he's saying.

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 10:48 pm

It is crazy-making I tell ya!

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Not just the small nose, but he talks through that and with clenched teeth, a lot, I've noticed. It makes him sound as if he's always whining, and that's fitting, because he most often is.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:26 pm

These guys all talk like creating jobs is the natural byproduct of our current free market system, as though it's automatic. If that's the case, can they see regulating the market to the point that shitty, predatory deals that almost certainly destroy jobs and industry are illegal?

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Ricky wants companies that cannot do their job to fail. Goldman Sachs will survive in that case.
"We got our money, that means we succeeded. What?"

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Kind of a subdued audience tonight. They must not be serving liquor.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I've never done any lobbying, if you ignore all of that lobbying I did.

AlterNewt January 23, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Nuance. That's what it's all about.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:39 pm

He's *such* a liar.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 24, 2012 at 5:36 am

I was faithful to all of my wives, 100%, right up until I wasn't.

Negligently_Joe January 23, 2012 at 9:27 pm

GUYS, Influence-peddling and "lobbying" are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. LEAVE NEWT ALONE!

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 9:27 pm

You really did fuck a whole buncha people's lives up Mitt, no matter what you call it (even free enterprise). Your type of business IS why we have so little manufacturing and we are worse as a nation for it. It may have been legal, and you may have been good at it, but it w still makes you really shitty.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Sweety, America was made on fucking over as many people as possible as often as possible. Why do you hate America?

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I think it's the envy. I am just an envious, jealous girl. Help me Mitt.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I'm so envious of Mitt Romney having all my money.

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:06 am

♫ Help me Romney, help, help me Romney. ♫

Biel_ze_Bubba January 24, 2012 at 5:46 am

Paul Krugman does a nice job of dissecting Bain Capital's business model: http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/01/23/breac

The goal is “value redistribution” rather than “value creation”: By breaking contracts with workers, suppliers and other stakeholders, they slash the liabilties column. They add nothing to the assets column; in fact they cut into it with their ginormous fees. At the end of the day, the balance sheet is 'improved", Bain's partners are richer, and everybody else is fucked.

Chet Kincaid January 24, 2012 at 10:21 am

I think I saw this on Showtime the other day, only Mitt was Don Cheadle and he was always fucking white women.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Newt wants to talk about being unnecessarily nasty?
ROTFLROTFLROTFL!!!

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Newt gets sad when people are personal and nasty.

Of course, Newt is not a person…
~

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:07 am

He needs to incorporate himself then. That'll solve that problem.

NellCote71 January 23, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Oh, newt has a sad over being called a lobbyist.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Again: Staples and Sports Authority are middle class jobs.

Part-time, minimum wage, middle class jobs.

smashaduck January 23, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Hey Newt. A simply "No" would have been more believable. Just sayin'. But you can't shut up can you?

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Ouch, that was a hit. "You were hired by the chief lobbyist"

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Wow, Mittens is taking the gloves off against Newt…

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Mittens has been training at CYBORG Attack Seminars, LLC.
~

Biel_ze_Bubba January 24, 2012 at 5:47 am

Is that a red glow behind his eyes?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Newt never lobbied. Yeah. Right. Historian. Smirk.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:29 pm

OK; here's hoping rebooting my wireless router fixes my internet issues…

EDIT .Yay, it has!

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Newt promises he' wasn't a lobbyist.

NellCote71 January 23, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Newt haz a sad because Mitt called him a lobbyist.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Newt wasn't a lobbyist like I wasn't a really easy lay in the 90s.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:40 pm

I wish I knew you in the late 90s.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:45 pm

You would have loved me, they all did.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Santorum and Paul disappeared again.

smashaduck January 23, 2012 at 9:30 pm

I never thought Mitt could seem more honest than anyone. But lookey there, I was wrong. I drink to you, sir. Wait, do you call robots "sir?" Eh. Whatevs

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Newt is babbling word salad.

BAIN! Now he's coming back.
~

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Newt: there are many government sponsored enterprises, and many of them have done good things.
Something associated with the government is good, besides the military? The Reeps won't have that…

Biel_ze_Bubba January 24, 2012 at 5:49 am

CIA, FBI, NSA … the list goes on.

AlterNewt January 23, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Alright candidates, let's move on to the talent portion…

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Ricky's been itching to show off his skill with the skin flute.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I hope there's no swimsuit portion.

AlterNewt January 23, 2012 at 9:34 pm

See above. Or Below.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Hit him Newt!!!!11!!!

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Have I mentioned that the schaden freudes itself?
~

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Look at Newt's flop sweat. He is shimmering like a Mormon vampire.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Mittens' fake smile when Newt talked about the Mittens "technique" is priceless…

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Newt seems off-balance by Mitt's relentless attack — Mitt definitely learned from McCain in 2008 — stay mean.

zwoits January 23, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Worked so well for walnuts

GhostBuggy January 23, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Shout out to my booze of choice tonight: Short's Brewing Co. Black Cherry Porter. Will switch to Crown Royale when appropriate.

Barb January 23, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Diet beer here.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I got a 5 gallon keg of homebrew, American Brown Ale…. hope it lasts.

Data Exactly January 23, 2012 at 9:36 pm

It's Pepsi for me. It may not give you the high that alcohol does, but the struggle to open it was like wrestling a bear.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 24, 2012 at 5:52 am

Maker's Mark, neat. Magical stuff, once you learn how.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Medicare Part D was a GIANT scam.
~

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Medicare part D is the reason most baggers are now independents. Since W spent money like a drunken sailor, liberal from San Francisco.

MilwaukeeKent January 23, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Are you saying there was something untoward about the Pharmaceutical Profit Guarantee Act?

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

My Cable company's listing says this is "Fear Factor." They are so right.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 9:36 pm
C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 9:41 pm

AH HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAH Priceless! Saved for Misuse Later.
Multiple Giant Upfists for you!

Spurning Beer January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Next on Fear Factor: the GOP contestants have to eat live newts and gargle with santorum to stay in the running.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Newt's defending public health insurance? It's backwards day!

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Newt's going for the "It depends on what your definition of 'is' is" defense to defend his being a lobbyist. CLINTON LIBEL!

zwoits January 23, 2012 at 10:47 pm

or copyright infringement….

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

What' the hell's Newt doing — he's wandering off on some tangent that didn't address the Freddie Mac question.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 24, 2012 at 5:55 am

He's not addressing the Freddie Mac question, doh!

AlterNewt January 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Please let tonight be the night that someone hacks the Mittware.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Is there an audience? Have they all died of boredom, or is Ron Paul playing charades to stage right?

haha there is – who are the whitey suit twins in the front row?

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Mittens: Free enterprise – good. Influence peddling – bad.
I guess that makes sense by someone's logic…

new_pic_for_NEWTer January 23, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Willard just described politics…

OC_Surf_Serf January 23, 2012 at 9:34 pm

When Mitt listens, he makes the same face my dog does when he takes a shit.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 11:37 pm

You may be on to something, because when Mitt is on the screen, he makes my dog want to take a shit.

DustBowlBlues January 23, 2012 at 9:35 pm

BRB: time for herbal pain medicine.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Mitt sees his whole future sliding down the drain and is fighting hard. So is Newt, of course — the difference is that Newt pictures his future as culminating in a neoclassical statue of him in a toga on the Mall, whereas Mitt's future includes his own planet and a harem of blonde space-Utahans.

Schmannnity January 23, 2012 at 9:49 pm

"Harem of blond space Utahans" I may be a hard-drinking Episcopalian, but you have my attention.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 24, 2012 at 6:00 am

Your own personal planet, stocked with blondes, with an orbiting moon made of solid Viagra. That's even better than what Scientologists expect to get for their money.

(Actually, what the fuck do Scientologists expect to get for their money? A signed portrait of Xenu? Does anybody know?)

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I wonder how it plays in Florida watching these two idiots argue over who made the most millions of fucking dollars.

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Second highest foreclosure rate in the nation. You do the math.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I think Mittens has won the flag pin contest, with Santorum a close second.

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Newt's looks black with all that gold. I can't see the stripes. Mitt's looks like a name tag for God's sake.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 24, 2012 at 6:02 am

That's classic mormon style.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 9:37 pm

The Debate So Far:

Newt: FUCK YOU!

Mittens: FUCK YOU TOO!

Santorum: FUCK YOU BOTH!

Ronpaul: THE FUCK! I'M STILL HERE!

Newt, Mittens, Santorum: GO FUCK YOURSELF PAUL!!

I haven't been watching. How'd I do?

Hey! where the Fuck is Brian Wilson?

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:14 am

I wished I'd settled for your 179 percent accurate precap instead of watching the whole thing.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:34 am

I can't believe I ate the whole damn thing either.

NYNYNYjr January 23, 2012 at 9:37 pm

It's getting hot in here, time to take off the Mittens

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Rick, how why you trying to control the mortgage problem by reforming Frannie and Freddie when they didn't cause the crisis but where victims of it?

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Again with blaming Fannie and Freddie for the foreclosure crisis. Never mind that the private banks were the ones who actually *caused* this problem.
Didn't think Ricky was serious about letting capitalism work and letting banks take the consequences…

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 9:38 pm

O.K. Now let's lie about the housing meltdown.

It wasn't Fannie and Freddie, you assholes.

it was deregulation, and Nomura, Morgan Stanley, Lehman, Bear Stearns, Countrywide, and AIG selling credit default swaps to "insure" it all.
~

Biel_ze_Bubba January 24, 2012 at 6:04 am

That, and the mass conversion of thousands of Florida con men into "mortgage brokers".

AlterNewt January 23, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Preach it, Liz, PREACH IT!

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:38 pm

No, Rick, capitalism does not work; the mortgage crisis you're talking about is proof of that, it was caused by a lack of government regulation.

Chichikovovich January 23, 2012 at 9:39 pm

“I did not inherit what my wife and I have.”

Carefully crafted sentence. In other words, Romney Sr. had sufficiently astute financial planners that they transferred money through various trusts and gifts so as to avoid the estate tax. So Mitt got millions from his father, before his father died when Mitt was already in middle age, but hardly any of it was – strictly speaking – inherited.

I hope the speechwriter got a generous tip for that one.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Just the tip, not the shaft.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:35 am

No, it's the rest of *us* that got the shaft. Or will.

Chet Kincaid January 24, 2012 at 10:00 am

Is that true, or are you just assuming?

Chichikovovich January 24, 2012 at 11:03 am

Just assuming, based on the precise phrase used, and observations about how these things seem to go among the upper crust. [I have some first-hand observations to draw on. There's really serious boodle in the wife's family; the effort and financial planner's fees that go into setting things up so that estate taxes are avoided is astonishing; apparently this is standard for people in the in-law's social circle.] Except for the part about Romney Sr. dying when Mitt was in middle age. Mitt was almost 50 when his Dad died, already a multi-millionaire. At that point any inheritance would have been a drop in the bucket. So any financial contributions George would have made to the young Mitt (supporting him in his mission to France, paying for law and business school, any seed capitol for early ventures, etc.) it would have come long before inheritance became an issue.So, really, of all the ways that Romney's current situation were facilitated by his father's wealth and position, inheritance is the least significant. Bearing that in mind, note that Romney could have said “I received no signficant financial support from my father in building my wealth.” or “I supported myself when I was building my fortune.” or something like that. But instead he just explicitly mentioned inheritance, gliding by everything else.Now that could be just an accidental feature of the phrase he chose. But generally, if a politician says something that a) sounds relevant, and has the benefit of closing off discussion but b) on reflection turns out to be completely beside the point, I assume it is intentional. That was clearly a prepared one-liner. Politicians choose their words carefully for those, in consultation with speech writers and campaign factotums. Hence my assumption that, there was a lot of transfer of various kinds, but not specifically inheritance.I don't have any specific information about the Romney finances – just the reasoning I've just given. For all I know, Romney may have paid his way through college gutting chickens for Tyson.But whatever the detailed facts about financial transfer may have been, whether or not Romney Jr. inherited money when he was nearly 50 years old is irrelevant to the question of whether or not he is what one would call a “self-made man”.—

bumfug January 23, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Fuck Santorum and Paul – Newt and Mitt were more fun than a 10th grade girl-fight.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Seriously: time to get back to the bitchslap fest!

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Forcing banks to make risky loans? Paul can lie with the best of them.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Paul wants the prices to go down.
Yeah. That'll go over with the folks who are already underwater…

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Blaming the housing crisis on the Community Reinvestment Act – that's two racist dogwhistles! Gingrich 1, Paul 1.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Ron Paul's going insane, chirping loudly about "all specters of the financial sphere."

new_pic_for_NEWTer January 23, 2012 at 9:40 pm

R(i)P says that it was the monies fault, not the banks. Damn, monies!

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:40 pm

They're dressing casual tonight – you can tell because they're not wearing their usual punch-worthy bow ties.

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:12 am

No bowties? Probably Mitt's Mormon advance men.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Ron Paul thinks the best thing the government could've done after the housing collapse is "get out of the way." It's like the government is the firefighers removing the inflatable mattress from under the burning building because it wants to get out of the way of the people jumping out the window.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Old man is ranting.
all I hear is
Get off my lawn!!

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:41 pm

No, Mittens, the government fucking did not create the mess; the free market did. Idiot.

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Is Mitt on coke or something? He seems all aggro to me tonight.

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 9:42 pm

The bullshit flies so fast and furiously, I'm actually typing this from beneath my desk.

new_pic_for_NEWTer January 23, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Safer under there…

OC_Surf_Serf January 23, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Man, that Frank Dodd guy sure pisses these guys off…

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Newt blames the horrible economy on Dodd-Frank. My only question to all these idiots saying that regulations are crushing the recovery: which regulation? Name one.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:42 pm

God, I wish Barney Frank were there to defend Dodd – Frank. This wimp Brian Wilson can't ask a decent follow up question to save his life…

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Newt: "Of course the financial sector is over-regulated."

Obscene.
~

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Why is Romney stammering and stuttering so bad? And why hasn't anyone said anything about it?

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:18 am

I did – last week when he was doing the same thing.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Holy crap, is Mitt saying the economy collapsed due to underregulation?

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Oh, thank you Jeebus, my feed froze up while Newtie was ranting.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:42 am

Lucky you.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Mittens wants to regulate derivatives? That won't go over well with Wall Street. Backpedaling in 3…2…1…

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Dodd-Frank. A regulatory framework the funding for which has been blocked by the house so there's no enforcement.

Repealing it wouldn't do shit, you lying shitbag Gingrich, since it's not being enforced anyway.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Mittens wants more regulations?
I'm surprised he didn't get booed

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:19 am

LIbrul Taxachusettsan!

EdFlintstone January 23, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Ok Cuban vote pandering commence……

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:44 pm

The Cubans are coming! The Cubans are coming!

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Regulations are good, Mittens? Why can't I open a god damn bank out of my garage, bastard?

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Hahaha, Mitt just advocated killing a world leader. What a card!

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Old regulation. Mitt? 1999 legislation slashing regulation of derivatives is old?

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:44 pm

What the hell, Brian Williams? If I were a Cuban and found out Fidel Castro just died, I wouldn't be inclined one way or the other to leave — being as he's not the leadder and hasn't been for a couple years now.

Data Exactly January 23, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Castro and Satan will make us a pizza?!?!

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Another land? Not another planet, Mitt?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:44 pm

The audience is appluding death!
There they are.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:45 pm

And why would Cubans leave Cuba, even if he were actually Raoul Castro? If I were a Cuban, I'd be inclined to stay.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Shorter Newt: MORE INVASION! MORE WAR! FOREVER, also!

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Invade Cuba – what a great idea!

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:19 am

It worked so well in 1961.

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Any time Mitt pauses, NBC should flash "buffering" on the screen.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 9:45 pm

YAY PANDER FOR CUBA! Jeebus.

Brian Wilson, you suck at this.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Newt: Fidel is going to the other place.
Well, since Newt is in close contact with Satan on a regular basis, he just might have the inside info on that one…

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:43 am

Watch it, Callyson, Biely's around here somewhere.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 24, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Newt and I go back a ways, true … but he's just guessing here.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Shit, they are pandering HARD to the Cubanlicans tonight.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Newt's going insane, now. He wants to overthrow Fidel Castro using the US military or covert or whatever and Pope John Paul fought the Soviet Empire. Holy Geez.

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I think Newt just called for re-invading the Bay of Pigs.

zwoits January 23, 2012 at 10:54 pm

history repeats itself….

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:21 am

Bay of Pigs = Howl of Newts?

bikerlaureate January 24, 2012 at 1:52 am

A Chatter of Buzzards ?

Or maybe a Brisket of Loons ??

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

If elected, Newt Gingrich promises to go to war with Cuba. There goes our intellectual, following in the footsteps of William McKinley.

Data Exactly January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

"The Place"?!? Sounds fancy-shmancy!

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Right, Newt. (Fidel's) …"going to go to The Place." He'll be keeping a nice warm spot, just for you.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Ron, "heigth" is not a word.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Ron Paul is making sense again.
Drink!

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Soviets and Cuba!

It's Back to the 70s.

DRINK!
~

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

OK, Paul gets credit for one thing. He is one of the few Reeps who knows that the Cold War is over.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

War with Cuba.

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I smell an invasion of Cuba. Newtie wants their delicious sandwich.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:50 pm

And cigars.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Gah, Ronald Regan and Margaret Thatcher did not bring down the Soviet empire; Mikhail Gorbachev did; hell George Soros did more to defeat them than either of those douchebags.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Ron Paul actually making sense, so no Cubanlicans will vote for him.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Stop making sense, Ron Paul!!!

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Fuck me, Ron Paul is making sense. Hold me, someone. We should talk to Cuba like we talked to the Chinese and the Russians. I see why he's so appealing to the last few Republicans who aren't total scum and thugs and bullies.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Just hold on until he starts talking about the UN, sweetie. Just hold on.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:45 am

HOLD ME!!!

Schmannnity January 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm

"the last few Republicans who aren't total scum and thugs and bullies." Search results zero. Broaden search?

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:47 am

SELECT * FROM REPUBLICANS WHERE SCUM=0 AND

I forget my SQL.

Chet Kincaid January 24, 2012 at 9:24 am

Oh come on, aren't you wise to his act yet?!

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Fidel fucked more chicks than you did, Newt.

Ron Paul is making Newt look like a dickhead on Cuba.

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Invade Cuba? Newt Gingrich, bravely fighting a sixty year old war that he also dodged the draft for.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm

It is not 1962?

NellCote71 January 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm

And now Paul says we shouldn't be so isolationist.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:47 am

Check if hell has frozen over, wouldja, hon?

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Ronpaul's just reminded everyone hat he's the only one onstage that hasn't run terrified from Government Service in Uniform.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:48 am

He's right. Say what you will about him, he's probably one of the only serving Republicans who has ever served his country on the battlefield as well.

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Yeah…what the hell's wrong with Obama? All obsessed with burgeoning demands for freedom in the Middle East, what's THAT shit about?? Cuba's WAY more..???…oh yeah, Florida. Pander meter engaged.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:48 pm

I'd never vote for Ron Paul, but I do love it when he makes the other candidates look pathetic and irrational. His attitude towards Cuba trumps their Cold War nonsense without any effort whatsoever.

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 9:50 pm

If Obama said the same thing Ron Paul did, he'd have every Miami Cuban under 50 years old on lock.

Chet Kincaid January 24, 2012 at 9:29 am

Explain? Younger-than-ancient Cubans aren't rabid anti-communists?

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Ricky: if you can't deal with us, get out of this hemisphere. It's ours. We stole it fair and square.

slowhansolo January 23, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Sorry, just tuning in! Did any fathers of raped daughters knife Santorum yet?

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:48 am

Sadly, No!

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 9:48 pm

It's almost like Ron Paul doesn't know he's in Florida. Oh wait…

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Where am I? What are you people doing in my house?

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:50 pm

This is not my beautiful house; this is not my beautiful wife.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Oh thank God, Ricky is back talking retard to the goopers.
~

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Bay of Pigs II: Electric Boogaloo
a Newt Gingrich production

OC_Surf_Serf January 23, 2012 at 9:49 pm

1962?? The Repubs want to go back to 1862

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 9:50 pm

To be, fair there WAS a Republican in office that year.

Steverino247 January 23, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Make that 962 and you're close.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Oh god, anti-Muslim / Latino conspiracy theory time. It's not a serious threat; it's an imaginary one, Rick.

EdFlintstone January 23, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Cuba, Venuzuela and Nicaragua the new axis of evil.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Santorum is talking about Dee Gee Hoddis — oh, no, it's The Jihadists. Jesus, what a babbling idiot.

MilwaukeeKent January 23, 2012 at 10:27 pm

And he's talking to the elderly, they may find him too confusing by the time of the primary.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Half the time, I have no idea what that nasal whine means.

NYNYNYjr January 23, 2012 at 9:49 pm

FL people clapping Paul's commonsense statements?

Yes, Cubans and jihadists. Absolutely happening… gaw

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:49 pm

War, War, War.

Barb January 23, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Newt started his political career in 1974. I don't think Sorosbot was even born yet.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

I was -2 years old! Damn I'm old now.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:51 am

Stop it. It hurts when *you* say that.

MB, charter member, Oldz Club

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 9:50 pm

OK, Call me Crazy, but where's the proof that there's all these wild-eyed TERRERRSTS in Cuba? Extraordinary Claims require Extraordinary proof. or any proof.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:51 am

What is this "proof" of which you speak? Is it defined in ConservaTRAD0pedia?

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:50 pm

A growing network of Cubans and Venezualans lusting to work with the Jihadis? What the fuck was Ricky snorting before the debates?

DemonicRage January 23, 2012 at 9:50 pm

What is Santorum suggesting: the Iranians are going to use Venezuela and Cuba to set up missiles aimed at the U.S., like the Russians did during the Cuban missile crisis? So what's his solution? What is this reckless guy advocating, because of a perceived threat?

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Uh Mitt, we still have 11 aircraft carriers with their associated battle groups. No other country even comes close, particularly Iran. Settle down.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Oh God, Mittens is going on about how small the Navy is. Um, that has *something* to do with improved technology meaning that we don't need as many troops. You'd think Mr Private Sector Freedom Leads to Innovation would know that.
Moran.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 9:50 pm

We Need More Dreadnoughts! Bully!

MosesInvests January 23, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Dreadnoughts? Nah-if you're going for sheer volume, you need some 20-gun sloops of war.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Hey, if it was good enough for John Paul Jones it's good enough for me.

Chet Kincaid January 24, 2012 at 10:27 am

Rastafarian Seamen?

OC_Surf_Serf January 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Newt: Americans don't like War. Is this man awake in America?

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Obviously never played "Call of Duty". Or watched TV with commercials.

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Or heard of "Red Dawn." WOLVERINES!

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Sit down and shut up, Pig Newton.
~

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Barack Obama builds 9 naval ships a year? God Damn that guy has a lot of hobbies.

Chet Kincaid January 24, 2012 at 10:18 am

In gigantic bottles.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Freedom of the Sea ftw.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Blockin the Straits of Hormuz is an act of terror? Mitt's babbling again.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Why is Mittens crying about the Navy shrinking? The Navy isn't really needed anymore. War! Terror! Amurka!

Newt is now being asked to gauge the appetite of the American people for war. Well, at least he's honest that we don't want war, BUT — Barack Obama just did something dangerous, AIEEEEE!!!

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Newt says we don't like going to war unless we're attacked. Um the Iraqis, the Vietnamese, the Spanish and the Mexicans might want to have a word with you.

MosesInvests January 23, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Dominicans, Grenadans, Haitians, Nicaraguans….

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:55 am

Koreans, Chinese, Cambodians, Laotians, Filipinos, El Salvadoreans, Guatemalans, Hawai'ians, Chileans, Iranians … the list is getting rather long, isn't it?

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm

NEWT, SHUT UP. FUCK.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Did Newt just say we did not want to go to war when Japen bombed Pearl Harbor? Historian my ass.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm

The Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor? Who should I believe, Newt Gingrich or John Belushi?

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm

So the Iranians are going to out-Navy us because Obama is a poopyhead?

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:57 am

He simply neglects to mention that, due to technological advances over the past half-century, there are very very few shipbuilders any more in this world, and I believe (although I might be wrong) that there are fewer than 10 shipbuilders who make military vessels, worldwide. And we control most of those.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm

"Dictators respond to strength, they don't respond to weakness"
Newt's quote should be used on the briefing papers next time Obama goes to negotiate with the Reeps in Congress.

NellCote71 January 23, 2012 at 9:57 pm

And wearing the ears of all the dictators he has taken down across his chest.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

That would be a nice touch.

Warpde January 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Oh!!! For fucks sake.
There's not enough popcorn and beer for more.
Time for bed.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm

How do you think NEWTIE would handle the Cuban Missile Crisis?

I think we'd all be radioactive ash right about now.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Mittens is talking about withdrawal? Hippie.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Hey Mitt — who put those surge troops in Afghanistan that you're criticizing President Obama for withdrawing in a little while?

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Politifact already called "pants on fire" on Mitt's claim about the size of the military: http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statement

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Holy shit. They can see into the future.

DerrickWildcat January 23, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Peace through bombing!

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Mittens thinks that the Afghani election was perceived as illegitimate because the US did not have observers there!?!
Yeah, that business about corruption had nothing to do with it…it was all because we needed more Americans standing around…

mayor_quimby January 23, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Ron Paul just declared war on Iran? We blockaded them, when??

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Why is Mittens crying about the Navy shrinking? The Navy isn't really needed anymore. War! Terror! Amurka!

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:56 pm

We don't need the Navy anymore, but Exxon-Mobil and Chevron and BP need the Navy. Also, too, rich yacht-sailing peoples.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Using the number of ships as a metric is preposterous. We have submarines that could literally wipe out all life on Earth, and we have aircraft carriers with crews in the thousands.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Exactly. It's all bullshit.

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

UNTIL THE DECEPTICONS GET HERE!!!

Data Exactly January 23, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Straits of Her Moose…

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Sarah Palin slit LIBEL!!!

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Ron Paul thinks war is "hot."

coolhandnuke January 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Did Newt say "the Straits of Vermooth."
Martini time

ProgressiveInga January 23, 2012 at 9:57 pm

WHOREmooth.

DustBowlBlues January 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Mittens is proving his strong, masculine side by repeating some tough words written for him and memorized.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

GODDAMMIT, RON PAUL, STOP MAKING SENSE!!!

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Yay, break time again.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Hey Ron Paul — an embargo is not a blockade. A blockade physically prevents countries who didn't participate in the embargo from trade. But at least you didn't mention 9/11, which is where I thought you were going.

CountryClubJihadi January 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

What is this "perspective" of which you speak?

EdFlintstone January 23, 2012 at 9:54 pm

During the break the crowd will be lynching a gay, mexican abortionist.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:01 am

Alternatively, lesbian soldiers of the blah variety who might even be serving in Iraq.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Ricky is walking away as they go to break. Even he can't stand being around these (other) clowns.

James Michael Curley January 23, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Is it still on? Sounds as bad and could go as long as Stephen Tyler's National Anthem.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 11:53 pm

I muted that part of the game. Should have thought of that idea when tonight's debate was on…

DerrickWildcat January 23, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Menards is cheaper than Home Depot.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Save big money at Menards! I miss those ads from when I lived in Chicago.

DerrickWildcat January 23, 2012 at 10:01 pm

We have 2 of them in my town. They are better than Home Depot.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Stop Making Sense – The Talking Heads, with Special Guest RONPAUL!

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Adorable squeaky elf Ron Paul is the only person on this stage making any sense at all. Crabby old man responses like "I think it's foolish" only make him look more precious and sleep-deprived. And that curved, hooky old-man forefinger wagging in the faces of these youngs pursuing the same prize! Oh, Ron Paul, your Libertarian creed I can swallow, if you only feed me more of this flipping off of the Rethugs live on stage combined with the shaking of that arthritic finger!

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 9:56 pm

You know, Willard, the size of the US's horseback cavalry is significantly smaller than 1917.

That bastard Obama.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

And how did those horses carry ICBMs?

MilwaukeeKent January 23, 2012 at 10:34 pm

You really want to know?

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:34 am

They dropped a lotta ICBMs outta their horsey asses. A lot of street sweepers lost their jobs in New York City when America went to the internal combustion engine.

imissopus January 24, 2012 at 1:11 am

This is good news for Pancho Villa.

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 5:55 am

And our fleet of hot air balloons? You don't even want to know.

mayor_quimby January 23, 2012 at 9:56 pm

I'm missing new Fear Factor for this bullshit! ??
Joe Rogan Libel!

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Man that Smash looks cheesy.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

I thought it was about a Fight Club until they started singing.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

It looks like Glee but even worse and more melodramatic.

DerrickWildcat January 23, 2012 at 9:56 pm

No Dream is too Big, looks pretty good.

Steverino247 January 23, 2012 at 9:56 pm

WHERE ARE THE CARRIERS?

Oh, there they are. Thanks.

Barb January 23, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Ron Paul doesn't have to rattle a saber at any country to make a point.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

With his arthritis, he can't rattle anything.

Barb January 23, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Fare, my friend, he certainly isn't rattling his opposition.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Tonight on NBC: BEER FACTOR!

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 9:58 pm

They're baaaaaaaaaack…

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 9:58 pm

There are no ads on the MSNBC live feed during the break. Why does MSNBC hate America?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:58 pm

I miss Anger Newt and Hissy Fit Mittens.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

They'll be back, shortly.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Brain apologizes for not getting Santorum in in the last round.

Steverino247 January 23, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Is the Navy looking for more appropriations again? These assholes seem to think so and want to have the next carrier named after them.

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:36 am

The only carrier these clowns have any relationship with is Typhoid Mary.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Wait, they've got Adam Smith asking questions? Here I thought he'd been dead for centuries; he also should tell them they keeping getting him wrong, since he supported a free market with strong regulations and a social safety net.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Annie Hall.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Heh. Don't you wish that could happen in real life?

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:04 am

A hundred times a day, sweetie.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Who is the Skirt? Hubba hubba.

DerrickWildcat January 23, 2012 at 9:59 pm

No limits bomb everything.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Damn. First time I ever lost a pee point live-blogging.

I'm going to have a shot of Blanton's.

Slàinte!
~

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I gave it back to you, happy upfist.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:05 am

I've never figured out this pee point shit till today. I guess I should just be grateful that somebody somewhere likes me and I have, ahem, a hefty p-ness.

How do you *lose* pee points?

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 1:39 am

Age?

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 2:35 am

Oh! Oh! OH, that HURT!!

You bad, bad little fox! Where's the paddle?

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Ricky is doing everything he can to ignore the question of just who he would bomb in Iran. He could save a lot of time by using the classic "all of 'em, Katie."

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Holy shit Ricky is sputtering a crap-load of lies.
~

Biff January 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Some alien script took over control of my 'puter for the last 45 minutes, took that long to even cold reboot. Did I miss anything?

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Invade Cuba! Invade Iran!

Biff January 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Hooray!

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Ronald Reagan showed up and bitch slapped Newt.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:06 am

You sure know how to get a person ALL hot and bothered, don'tcha, M'sieur Grumpe?

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

I leave for 15-20 minute, and this thing is already up to 400 comments.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:06 am

Are we trying for 1,000 again?

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 1:23 am

Trying? We've already made it!

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 1:27 am

YOO ESS AY, YOO ESS AY

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 2:42 am

Feeling our oats tonight, are we, darling?

Negropolis January 24, 2012 at 5:57 am

God, I hope not. These 1,000 post threads are killing my internet connection. Not even kidding.

Won't you post-whores think of us poor little slow connection folks?

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Rick, the threat Iran poses to the US is non-existent. He is a paranoid freak in addition to his hatred of women. Actually this is kind of ironic, since he wants to turn America into Iran.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm

That's why he hates them so much – they did it all first.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:07 am

Did you hear him babbling on about how the leaders of Iran are just like al Qaeda? Or was that some other eejit?

DustBowlBlues January 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Cut the budget. Invade the world. Sounds crazy, but deregulation and tax cuts will fix it.

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Wait, Iran is holding hostages? Why won't Carter do something????!!!!!

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:07 am

Wasn't that just a classic moment? These guys are actually LIVING in a different century. They're not yet aware that the rest of the world is in the 21st.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Santorum: the government of Iran, which is similar to al-Qaida, would be intolerable to American presidents besides Obama. I guess except for Dubya, Clinton, Fuckhead's Dad, Moron on a Horse or Jimmy Carter.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Those apologetic BP ads are airing in CA too and they make me want to vomit.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:01 pm

OK this Beth Rhineheart (sp?) is pretty cute.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:09 pm

She seems smart and sassy , I hope she reams a few of these freaks.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:01 pm

No President could permit a theocracy to run Iran, RIcky? Not Reagan, not Bush Sr., not Clinton, not Shrub? The stoopid is really starting to get to me.

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Hey, Prolapsed Santorum — regards nuking Iran because they made weapons that killed our people? You know how many countries could use that to go after us?

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

What, something like a more stringent oil embargo in conjunction with the EU and sending two aircraft carriers to the gulf? Something like that, Ricky?

Iran won't do shit with a nuclear weapon. North Korea has a significantly more nutball leadership and hasn't done shit.

scarface99 January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

'the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter resulting from anal sex are people my friend!!'

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Uh, Frothy – there's absolutely no equivalency between Al Quaida and Iran's government Sorry.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Muslims.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:06 pm

EVEL MOOOSIM TERRESTS

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Satorum: "especially Florida, which is a destination — uh — place."
The AARP will be asking you to take that back right after the show, Rick.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Was Santorum's nose pinched by a pair of pliers? It's really bothering me now.

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Santorum: More derricks in the Gulf equals more tourism for Florida.

Fuck it all. Only in America.

coolhandnuke January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Ricky is more opposed to IUDs than IEDs

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

A spike in oil prices in the summer of 2008? I'm sure that was Bommer's fault, too.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Ricky likes those long pipes…

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

The oil goes to BP, not America. I hate Rick Santorum. Please stop letting them say domestic supply. Please please.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Rick loves lubed piping. Who knew?

DerrickWildcat January 23, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Bomb all languages.

Barb January 23, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Santorum: "Florida is a destination place"
Rick, I am hoping hell is your destination place.

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:40 am

I'd settle for Florida being Ricky's detonation place.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Well, we can court voters in one language and do something entirely different in another. We're politicians after all: what's so new about that?

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 10:03 pm

OMG, megadumbass Santorum doesn't realize they intend to refine and ship the oil from the pipeline overseas once it gets to the end.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:03 pm

So…energy prices (which have been stable for the last couple of years) are a bigger threat to tourism than THE GIANT FUCKING OIL SPILL THAT ACTUALLY JUST HAPPENED LESS THAN 2 YEARS AGO. Ugh.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Oh, nice question! "Canddidates, why are you hypocrites about having a national language when you have websites in Spanish?"
Response: Uh — because we don't expect you to call us on it?

smashaduck January 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Clearly, that's why you have a choice of languages in which to take the citizenship test. Which no one on this stage could pass.

orygoon January 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Pandering is acceptable for panderers. Next!

DustBowlBlues January 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Three wimpy men, each trying to prove he's more macho than the other guys.

Oops–four men. I forgot about Paultard.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Oh and the English-only thing isn't a racist dogwhistle because it's just flat-out openly racist.

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Santorum is an idiot. Florida is very much against offshore drilling.

Biff January 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Except the folks in P-Cola that work for drilling and shipping companies in Louisiana, anyway.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Well, you coulda stopped after "idiot," you know.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Newt wants to have programs for people to understand English.
Again with calling for government to benefit people, Newt…you really don't understand your party's base, do you?

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 10:05 pm

And now back to your regularly scheduled race-baiting.
~

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:05 pm

You'd probably be better off teaching the kids Mandarin.

ProgressiveInga January 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I sorta miss Ol' What's His Name…….

Steverino247 January 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Pessimist!

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Ha-HA!

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:42 am

Oh yeah, Fukui, pander to a major orange-growing state.

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Mitt: "In my state…" You have houses in like nine states, which one specifically are we talking about?

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:43 am

In Mitt's case, I think it is the state of confusion.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Newt's in favor of teaching kids English. The government paying to teach kids English, even. And Mitt essentially agrees. You can just see half of North Carolina just now cringing in horror.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Newt is squeaking like an outraged hamster subjected to an anal probe. All these bastards are falling over themselves announcing how the others are right and Barack Obama is WRONG!!!

Meanwhile, RMONEY is talking about how kids couldn't spreak engish, but fails to mention his own failings in this regard.

DustBowlBlues January 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

If Williams were quick on his feet, he would have followed up with the question, then are you denying speaking another language might someday use the skill during their Mission.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:13 am

And if my uncle had tits, he'd be my aunt, darlin', but that ain't happening any time soon.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 1:30 am

They do amazing things with implants now.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 2:37 am

You have seen all those hairy-tittied Walmartians, right? Shopping in their nighties and bunny slippers?

Srsly. Not a just-before-bedtime picture.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:05 pm

"They could no speak English well."

No they could no, Mitt.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:05 pm

They could no speak English well. Did I mishear Mitt?

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Nope, we rewound and he said it.

mayor_quimby January 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Ditto, what do I have to do to publicize this epic gaffe?

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 10:06 pm

So BORING. Needz moar inappropriate crowd cheering.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Wait — Ron Paul wants to have a national language, and justifies it by saying that our system requires it? But has managed to live without it for more than 200 years? Where the hell did Big Government Ron Paul come from?

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Newt: those kids have to join the military. Fuck college–what good will educated citizens do the nation?

mayor_quimby January 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

romney just said "they could no speak english well" I even rewound to verify.
Exactly what kind of white dude is Mitt? What planet is he from ( he doesn't have his own yet, I know)

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Ron Paul makes sense again. Fucking hell.

Ah, Newton on immigration – this should be good. Oh, military pandering. Yeah, fuck those kids who go to college.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Newt only thinks aliens should be able to earn citizenship through putting their lives at risk through the military. Douche.

ShaveTheWhales January 23, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Hey Newt!! Which branch were you in, again?

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:56 pm

49th Chickenhawk Division

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:15 am

101st Chairborne?

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Self-deportation? Is that like self-fellatio?

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

A college professor wants citizenship for "illegals" that join the military, but not for those go to college?

finallyhappy January 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I was watching Hoarders and House- I don't remember any of this stuff happening

DustBowlBlues January 23, 2012 at 10:10 pm

By "this" did you mean the gathering that poor Junior was dumped with?

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Newt: "You can be a citizen if you fight in the wars me and my fellow chickenhawks dodge."
~

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

What we need is More American Press Gangs! For FURRINERZ

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

People in the audience are LOLing about Romney's "self-deportation" concept. What an idiot he is.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Speak English? Fuck that speak American!

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Self-deportation. Jesus.

EdFlintstone January 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Self deportation? Really Mitt?

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

What, a card of some kind, Willard? Maybe make it green.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:16 am

Except only really pink, like it's been for decades anyway.

CountryClubJihadi January 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Beam Me Up, Mitty!

Barb January 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

"self deportation?" Mitt, make them leave and then come back? Do you think these people all have credit cards with frequent flyer miles?

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:17 am

I'm sure he does. I'm sure he has absolutely no clue about how anyone without secretaries, personal assistants, money managers, and FF miles survives in this world.

Fare la Volpe January 24, 2012 at 1:28 am

The Onion had a great piece years ago: "John McCain unveils economic plan for all Americans: marry a wealthy beer heiress." It's very similar to Mitt's attitude:

"What? Why don't Americans just fire half their kitchen staff and retire to their summer mansions? It's so simple!"

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 2:42 am

The mayor of a certain Western city, a millionairess in her own right, reputedly responded to her constituents' request for childcare with: "If child care is so difficult to get, why don't they just hire nannies?"

They have no idea how the other 99% live.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Did Mittens says self deport?

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:11 pm

He did indeed, the idiot. He keeps trumpeting the benefits of capitalism. And oh god what's going n in florida?

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Mitt on self deportation…reminds me of his candidacy's self destruction…

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Hahahahah self deportation may be the phrase that ends Mitt's whole deal. Oh dear Christ. Come to Bama and talk that shit brother, I beg you.

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

He just proposed the Obama plan.

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 10:09 pm

So the Rethuglicans are embracing Robert Heinlein's "Military Service Guarantees Citizenship" position, as articulated in Starship Troopers. Needs moar Giant Bugz.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Yup. Giant Republican-eating bugz.

ShaveTheWhales January 23, 2012 at 10:47 pm

At least Heinlein required everybody to serve. Three of the guys behind the podia wouldn't be able to run for office (or vote).

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Self Deportation!
Satr Trek lives!

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Ricky: round up those criminals.
Yeah, that worked real well for the farmers in Alabama…

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Romney: Everyone needs a Card.

Imperial Stormtrooper: Your Papers?

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Happens now. If I get pulled for a traffic violation or whatever, I *have* to have my green card on me.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Bastards. Try & stay out of Georgia. You and your Droids.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Mitt's not going to talk about his Mexican dad tonight?

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:18 am

Not tonight, dear, he has a headache.

I don't know what the deal was with him tonight, but he sounded and looked like someone who had dropped some speed or snorted a few lines of fine Columbian.

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Santorum's grand daddy came to America before there were teabaggers angry about immigration.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Oh there were, and as an Italian he would've been the victim of their bigotry.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Or in the Italians case, big-a-tree! HYUCK!!

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Rick, when you're grandfather came to America all you had to do to become an American was come to America. It was completely different.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Also, Rick's grandpa? White.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Well in the 1920s Italians weren't quite white just yet; the Irish too. That's what gets me – grandpa Santorum would have been subject to the same bigotry Rick is throwing against Latino immigrants today.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:11 pm

And his grandfather fled Fascist Italy because he was an ardent communist.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Self deportation? Is that like self-abuse? If so, it has my vote!

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Didn't Newtie's first two wives self deport out of their marriage?

glamourdammerung January 23, 2012 at 10:11 pm

There is going to be a major spike in the suicide rate if conservatives have any capacity for shame or general self-awareness.

DustBowlBlues January 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Then they're all safe until they get Raptured up?

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Newt could not defeat the sugar interest groups…
…but he can defeat Obama? OK, if you say so…

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Corn Syrup addiction is a terrible thing.

DerrickWildcat January 23, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Sorry, I'd rather watch screaming and grunting lady tennis players. Jerkarova is playing Yankarova.

SudsMcKenzie January 23, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Which one is hotter? I have my own tennis ranking system.

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Haha, Mitt wants to get rid of subsidies for sugar. But quick, let's talk about the housing crisis and how it's Obama's fault.

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

I wish he would've talked about the billions Florida is spending on cleaning up the Everglades thanks to the Sugar industry.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Oh God, Mittens is trying to come across as sympathetic to the 99%. Not convincing.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Space Lizard Mittens feels your pain.

And would not play golf! (Space Lizards don't play golf, people.)
~

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Here's Mitt with a mass talking point dump.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm

It's kind of like diarrhea.

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Less chunky, more frothy.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Mitt, the stimulus did create jobs, you stupid lying fuck.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Golfing Nigger hey-ho!

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Yeah, Bush never golfed..

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:15 pm

But everybody just lerved Tiger Woods! Well, at least until he got caught abusing a WHITE woman.

Chet Kincaid January 24, 2012 at 9:19 am

What's that you say? He just fucked 'em, not abused 'em? IMPOSSIBLE!!!

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:19 pm

That's right, how dare that black, black, black man enjoy the game of wealthy white men!

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:45 pm

How much do I wish he enjoyed sailing on his yacht.

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 10:47 pm

What I wouldn't give to see him on a yacht down at the Washington Marina in the Potomac, and decked out head-to-toe in Lacoste, not because he wanted to, but just because he can. lol

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:59 pm

With a big-ass grin on his face because he's showing he's just doing it because he can. So awesome a mental image.

BerkeleyBear January 23, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Deck shoes, no socks, a sweater draped just so? Man would he rock that ensemble! I love it.

Then again, I'd half like him to pull off an NWA reunion concert in the White House, too, for the same reason. Or actually serve fried chicken and watermelon. Maybe on the occasion of Ronald Reagan's birthday, with a bunch of GOP talking heads in attendance for maximum head exploding..

BerkeleyBear January 23, 2012 at 11:10 pm

150+ weeks in office, 90 rounds of golf. You know what Boehner calls that?About 400 missed opportunities to play golf. So Mormon boy (and how does he stay tan, exactly? Tennis, maybe?) and fatso can just shut the fuck up.

Plus, he golfed 9 holes as he was waiting for Seal Team Six to smoke bin Laden. If there is anything that reveals his zen awesomeness more than him walking into monitor the situation in his golf togs, I don't know what it is. He is the real thing, and if he was a white man the GOP would be renaming Ronald Reagan sites after him in admiration of his brass stones.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 11:14 pm

That is so true, do they just find it a bit “off” that a black man enjoys golf AND basketball.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Tru dat. If he were a white man, or better yet, a white Republican, every one of those looney tunes would be singing his praises morn to night. But because he is not, it drives them insane with rage and hate and jealousy.

Geminisunmars January 24, 2012 at 2:06 am

"it drives them insane with rage and hate and jealousy."

it drives them insaner…

fixt

blows Mittie a kiss

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 2:33 am

Hey, darlin! (Hugs you)

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Uh-oh. Mittens is starting to froth at the mouth. We uh we uh we uh Obamacare this uh President

The Ibogaine is roasting his brain, kids.

GlowneyHouse January 23, 2012 at 11:06 pm

He's Muskied!

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:38 am

He's definitely beginning to develop that aroma.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Could someone give these clowns a thesaurus? I'm sure there's more than one word for fail.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Another break?
Not that I mind, but they're losing their stamina as this campaign goes on and on…

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Sneaky ol' Cane Sugar, hiding behind Beet Sugar. Hey Newt, you know who else is gonna get beet?

Steverino247 January 23, 2012 at 10:17 pm

My meat instead of watching this shit…

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Big Government Ron Paul will still fund the Everglades protection. Probably, as a federally-funded breeding ground for the highly-valued Burmese Python, it could be made to turn a profit.

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Wait. Is it smart to shit on sugar subsidies in Flar'da? Or any farm stuff really? They gots lotsa cows AND oranges there, dudes. LOTS.

ProgressiveInga January 23, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Denzel Washington is hot.

SudsMcKenzie January 23, 2012 at 10:14 pm

"Sugar Daddy"

DustBowlBlues January 23, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Whoa. Those were some pretty confusing sugar references. Remind me: how is this a laser focus on jobs.

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Erm… because we use lasers to refine sugar?

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Girl, you know these pigs don't give a shit about anybody *else's* job.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:14 pm

A lady in an ad just said she was going to hike the Appalachian Trail…unironically.

lizcolville January 23, 2012 at 10:16 pm

wow

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Crap, the livestream does not carry the ads. I may have to watch the tape delayed version just to catch that gem…

ProgressiveInga January 23, 2012 at 10:17 pm

The ads are the best part of this clusterf*ck.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:17 pm

ZOMG, this is becoming Kafkaesque.

Are we trying for another 1500-count thread?

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Oh yeah that one was funny.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I saw that!

Jerri January 24, 2012 at 9:42 am

I saw that the other day and choose to believe some smart-ass copywriter did it on purpose for our amusement.

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Obama creates jobs for caddies and golf-course landscapers and maintenance workers. So shut up, Mitt.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:15 pm

These assholes really don't need to debate any more. They're just trying to wear us down.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm

You may be correct.

The youngest cat has just gone insane — probably as a result of listening to Adam Smith yawping on about Terri Schiavo — and is now mounting a brutally vicious attack on a small sponge ball, which she has now lodged under the bedclothes.

Santorum begins lying about Schiavo.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Local news ad is talking about mourning Joe Paterno's death; I say we should celebrate it.

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 10:17 pm

If Santorum really wants to win Florida he would just whip out that jar of Gabriel and slam it down on the podium accompanied by the words "We don't abort, we pickle!"

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm

I don't remember gas prices being that low when Obama took office because I didn't fill up that day. The week before and the week after…that's another story.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Does anyone else think that Ron Paul could really use a Charlie McCarthy Dummy?

Data Exactly January 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm

If this place is called Rock Center, when's the stoning take place?!?

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm

He's asking Santorum about his idiocy with Terri Schaivo, awesome.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Nice question, Adam Smith.

Start lying, Frothy Mix.
~

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm

OH LORD–Terri Schaivo? Really?
Then I hope they don't ignore the "rape victims should plop out the child" business…

OC_Surf_Serf January 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Terry Schiavo: Smarter than Santorum, more empathetic than Newt, more lively than Mitt.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Santorum getting called out on the Terry Shiavo debacle. Because, you know, small government…

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:19 pm

I thought you were a lawyer, Rick; spouse's wishes always trump parents'.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:42 am

And Ron Paul said as much, too, skewering Santorum yet again.

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Terry Schiavo? These debates are putting me into a vegetative state.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:19 pm

I believe we should respect all human life, which is why I supported leaving Terri Schiavo a vegetable.

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Hey Rick, your whole campaign is wearing a "Do Not Resuscitate" toe tag.

Biff January 23, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Terry Schiavo!?

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Ok, Newt's DEFINITELY not a lawyer.

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 10:20 pm

I can see why Newt would defend Terry Schiavo. To be fair, she was white.

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:54 am

And brain dead.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Newt, LETTING HER DIE WAS RESPECTING HER RIGHTS, you sick fuck.

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Terri Schiavo? Really?

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:20 pm

WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT TERRI SCHIAVO?

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 10:21 pm

To show how fucking crazy they are, of course.

BTW: 9 pages?! Is Wonkette getting bigger, or are we just extra chatty, tonight?

orygoon January 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

As Florida citizens go, she was right up there.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:45 pm

An intellectual powerhouse.

orygoon January 23, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Pull the plug on all four of these guys.

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Oh lordy the Schiavo. And Rick said "if there was someone there that wanted to take care of her," ya hear? If there wasn't someone to PAY for it, ya know fuck it. Like with kids. No abortions, no WiC.

SudsMcKenzie January 23, 2012 at 10:21 pm

How dare you Uncle Ron
Living Will = Death Panel!12

Beowoof January 23, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Jeebus is this stuff stupid.

Data Exactly January 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Maybe Newt Gingrich's 2nd Moon will save the day?!?

glamourdammerung January 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Is that like Ron Paul's Hollow Earth?

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

They're dancing around Terri Schiavo like water dropped on a hot skillet.

DonnyKerabotsos January 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Florida put a man on the moon? Jeez, how did they afford it?

Barb January 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm

With senior citizen discounts they got at the early bird specials at the Hometown Buffet!

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

"This is the state that put a man on the moon"…OH FUCK YOU, FLORIDA, YOU DON'T GET TO CLAIM THAT!

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Space Coast: Ghost to Ghost

bikerlaureate January 24, 2012 at 2:13 am

You slyboots, you.

Biff January 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Here's newt's chance to shine on moon mining!

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Ohhhh, RMONEY's talking all sciency, now! Bad, bad, RMONEY.

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

I think Ron Paul is about to pass out from exhaustion. Could see it during that Everglades question, when for the first time ever he didn't shriek about the federal government butting in to a state issue. Probably tired from worrying about his kid being stomped by jack-booted thugs.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Obama scrapped a government space program in favour of a private sector solution and now Willard is shitting on that?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Mittens, is there anyone who is not suffering because of Obama?

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Yeah, Mittens, for one.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Mittens: there is no vision for the space program.
Oh, I've got a vision–we should send the candidates on this stage out to space…

Barb January 23, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Santorum will reject man on dog star sex. That is, unless he can force Lassie to have every litter.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Oh, Barb!

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 10:23 pm

One 'a these days, Callista…to the moon!

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:23 pm

space is expensive Mittens. Pay for itself? No.

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 10:23 pm

So Mittens says Obama has failed NASA while AT THE SAME TIME SAYING TO PRIVATIZE IT?

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Ron Paul's got a pretty nuanced take on Schavo. He's remarkably thoughtful when he's not being batshit crazy over Gold and whatnot.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:27 pm

I thought he was dodging the issue.

Barb January 23, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Loving the "living will" conversation! It's in my living will that if I am raped, I will not be forced bear my attacker's child. Woopsie, is that not covered in the living will?

orygoon January 23, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Haha, I didn't even know that Mittens was all for a space program. In New Hampshire and Iowa I heard not one word about his passion for a space program.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 23, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Privatize Mars NOW

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Mars Needs Guitars!

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Mars! I'm glad they're talking about the important issues.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Yes, ask Newt a question about space exploration….this will take a few minutes.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Private Space Exploration, Pig Newton?

I suppose he means LSD?
~

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

I love "Pig Newton". The name not the man.

OC_Surf_Serf January 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Private Sectors in Spaaaaaacccceeeee…..

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 12:59 am

Pig Newtons in Spaaaaacccceeee…..

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Newt's lookin for a hummer in Miami

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Did Newt just say "Hung with activity"?

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

How much could we get if we put up a collection to send Newt to outer space?

ThundercatHo January 23, 2012 at 11:01 pm

I'm in.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:26 pm

What Thundercat said.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Better than having Newt shine on mooning!

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Gingrich -go ahead, say it…ORPHANS FOR MOON MINING!

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Nice.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Bomb Mars!!!!!!!!!!

Biff January 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

PIGS IN SPACE!

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:26 pm

JEWS IN SPACE!

Barb January 23, 2012 at 10:25 pm

"Space will hum with activity" Newt, stop thinking with your "little missile"

ProgressiveInga January 23, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Hey Newt, who puts the money up for the prizes for the romantic and exciting futures in space?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 23, 2012 at 10:27 pm

The League of Gentlemen Explorers, by Jove!

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Where does Newt get this shit?
My god can he output crap.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:25 pm

OMG 9/11 KEPT THE BUSH TAX CUTS FROM WORKING!!!! DAMN YOU, AL QAEDA!!!!!

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Another great question: Why didn't the Bush tax cuts create jobs?

And Newtie just babbled about 5 lies in a row in response.
~

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Newt: things could have been worse.
When Obama mentions anything along those lines, the Reeps freak out (never mind that Obama actually is making things *better*.)
IOKIYAR…

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:25 pm

It's not over yet? FUCK.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Break; time to refill the drink.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:26 pm

The Bush Tax Cuts prevented us from going into a slump after 9/11.

Wait, What?

DonnyKerabotsos January 23, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Newt warns us not to micromanage the universe.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Newt, who has never managed anything.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:26 pm

One more break, again?
Then again, maybe it's the reporters who need to be spared from having to look at the freaks on the stage…

mayor_quimby January 23, 2012 at 10:30 pm

They all walk forward at the start of the breaks, like they're about to piss on the audience while the cameras are off.

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 10:26 pm

North Dakota has such low unemployment because they have anout a thousand people living up there, Prick Newton.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm

And nobody wants to live there.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Jimmy Fallon is still not funny.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Wait, repeal Sarbanes-Oxley, put in place after Enron and Worldcom and all that HUGE FUCKING CLUSTERFUCK? The clusterfuck only overshadowed but the gigantic mortgage/bank clusterfuck caused by deregulation allowing Bear Stearns etc to fractionalize at 1:40?

Jesus christ. Newt is properly fucking mad.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Or very clever, I'm not sure which. You know, as in, he's getting paid bloody huge amounts to do this.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Oh yeah, there's been NO oil and gas development on Federal land in the Square State since Obama became President. FUCK YOU and the horse (Callista) you rode in on!!!!!

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:27 pm

No, I'm not catching Jay tonight; he's not funny.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm

I could use a "J" about now.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Here go, hon. (Passes pdog the doobie)

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm

And if I see one more ad for "Smash" I am going to SMASH something.

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Channel 4 just said they will tell us "who's on top" of this shitshow at 11.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Ewwwww.

mayor_quimby January 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Same here in ATL

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Well? I'm waiting.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Gingrich: Babbla babble babblebabblebabblebabble BABBLEBABBLE…..

Luke: "They're Coming in Too Fast!

Chewie: " MWRRAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Final section…there is light at the end of the tunnel…

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:30 pm

So what is going to be the closing dumb, but light-hearted question after the break?

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Well you nailed that.

mayor_quimby January 23, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Marry, fuck, kill. GO!

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:13 pm

You're getting awfully excitable again, mayor_quimby.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Aw cute local news lady Beth is gone.

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 10:30 pm

The only thing I'm taking away from this is that I could be doing better things with my time than listening to these dipshits.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Initiating RomneyTron

PANDERMODE: ACTIVATE

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 23, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Tonight, we saw Newt and Mitt present a clear view of just how very different they are.

I get the impression they don't like each other very much

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Yay, ST the original!

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:31 pm

ZOMG. Mittens, what have you done for conservatism? I had five kids. Seriously, he said that.

BarackMyWorld January 23, 2012 at 10:33 pm

I only have 1 kid, so I'm only 1/5 as conservative as Mittens.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Obviously. If only I had known!

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm

I was making a delicious cup of hot chocolate , did he say that?

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Srsly, Lizzie. And then he caught himself and blathered on about he, with his wife, his wife and he, who have been married since the last pterodactyl kacked it, raised five sons and two hundred and elebenty grandkids.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Why do the Mormons breed like dogs? They don't have kids, they have litters.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:30 pm

I really don't know. I suspect they're tired of being a religious minority and are trying to breed their way to a majority. Explains why they're busy baptizing everybody's dead ancestors into their religion.

OC_Surf_Serf January 23, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Mitt: I fuck my wife.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm

oh god GOLD STAR!

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:31 pm

The Republican Party has a soul? LOL!

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Having a family helps the conservative agenda? Huh?

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:33 pm

More "job creators."

Barb January 23, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Brian Williams-"soul of the Republican party" Yeah, like they have a soul.

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Ask them all what baseball championship game they'd be watching with their fams if they weren't there tonight master-de-bating.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Oh, yea, like these Kochsuckers do *any*fucking thing with their fams, i.e., the beard and the required 2.25 sprog.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:31 pm

It Takes A Soul To Raise A Family.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Welp, that leaves the whole goddamn Republican party out then, I guess.

Data Exactly January 23, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Yeah, but did you call tell raped women to 'make the best of a bad thing'? Mitt's not pro life enough.

orygoon January 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Candidates in chorus: We are for sugar, spice (oops we mean space), oranges, Everglades (development thereof) whatever teh oldz want, and hanging chads. Oh, and familiez. And Reagan!

mayor_quimby January 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm

What about the spice mines?

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Mittens wants to take credit for Mass' schools?
Oh boy, my friends back there are freaking out. I can hear their cursing all the way out here in LA…

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm

"Mitt, you've had five kids, but I've had three wives AND I'm really old. Fuck you."

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Newt: Reagan, Reagan, Reagan, Reagan, Reagan.

DustBowlBlues January 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm

It's DemocratIC you fucking whores.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm

RRRonald Reagn!
Drinke!!!11

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Newt is slouching. Someone should tell him he does not look very presidential when he hangs his head like that.
Or not…

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Could there be three more unlikable liars than Mittens, Frothy, and Pig Newton?
~

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Since squeaky Gumby-lookalike Ron Paul has been actually sounding pretty sane for someone speaking in the range of a demented squirrel, I regret I'll have to say no.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Newt is such a lying, putrid, greasy sack of shit.

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Newt was instrumental in creating supply side economics. What the fuck didn't he do?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm

An honest days work.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:37 pm

An honest day.

ProgressiveInga January 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Remain faithful to a woman?

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Healthy eating and exercise?

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:33 pm

And how black he is , Newt, you left that out.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Reagan, Reagan, Reagan, Reagan, ad infinidumb.

ProgressiveInga January 23, 2012 at 10:33 pm

President One-Wife has the wrong values according to ex-Speaker Three-Wives….

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Ricky is going on about Obamacare. Does this mean he is no longer running for Veep?
There is a God…

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:34 pm

How dare Obama try to give health insurance to poor people.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Some of those people are blah, dontchaknow.

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Precisely. The Republicans just want it for white people. NOW LOOK WHAT HAS HAPPENED!!!11!!!!

Designer_Rants January 23, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Blah people will just spend all their healthcare on foodstamps.

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 10:37 pm

This makes him history's greatest monster.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Now Santorum claiming Mittens and Newt are really liberals; the circular firing squad is fun.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 23, 2012 at 10:34 pm

How dare any Republican think that science is real!

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Newt. You call yourself an Intellectual. I know Intellectuals. You, Sir, are no Intellectual.

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Did Romney just talk about how great he is at working with the other party? Um, he knows which party's nomination he's seeking, right?

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:44 pm

He keeps shooting at his foot and hitting.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Ricky: my opponents don't stand.
Yeah, we know you like a stiff posture, Ricky…

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm

I now see why Obama chose RomneyCare instead of the single-payer option. They're beating on that and beating on that. He got them. They're beating the shit out of their strongest candidates for all the positions they've held these past decades. And they ALL sound like anally raped hamsters.

Sweet Jeebus.

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Ew. Newt says Obama wants to spend a billion dollars Smearing stuff and Brian immediately thinks Santorum.

"Obamacare crushes freedom." Someone stop this fucktard before he hurts himself. Rick you are evil-dumb.

SudsMcKenzie January 23, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Santorum is getting all "toppy"

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Till someone brings out the paddle, anyway. Must be past his bedtime.

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Rick, Rick, just STFU already. I'm begging you.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:12 pm

He's destroying himself, don't stop him~!

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 10:36 pm

All anyone knows about Pam Bondi down here is that she was endorsed by the Alaskunt and she stole some poor Katrina victim's dog.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Santorum, Cap & Trade not only Works (See SO2 reduction in Acid Rain) but the idea was developed by the fucking HERITAGE FOUNDATION You Awful Jackass.

OC_Surf_Serf January 23, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Uh, Paul…The Founding Fathers also wanted to tax the Slave Trade…

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:37 pm

And whiskey.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:37 pm

I'm tellin' ya. These assholes are making Ron Paul look and sound the best of them all.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 23, 2012 at 10:38 pm

He's killed it tonight. He's mad as a box of frogs but he was the most sane person on stage this evening.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Absolutely. It's utterly horrifying. Right now, any Republican listening to this who does NOT walk away wanting to vote for Ron Paul is deluded. Because all these schmucs are OMG, pandering whorish assholes, and it's showing.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Yeah, Ron Paul, what's wrong with keeping the government out of our personal lives…
…like the personal decision whether to have an abortion or not…

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Ron Paul, try reading the Constitution; it does say government should create a welfare state.

Oh and you want the government to invade women's personal liberties you fuck.

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 10:38 pm

That's funny, isn't it? Isn't it right there in the preamble?

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Yep, and in Article 1, Section 8:

"The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States"

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Ron Paul's right eye brow is trying to escape.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Can you blame it? I want to get the hell away from those crazies, and I'm nowhere *near* them.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:37 pm

"I have a record, you can check it" – Mitt, you probably shouldn't tell people to do that.

Biff January 23, 2012 at 10:38 pm

AS IF ANY KENNEDY EVER HAD A MORTGAGE, MITT YOU LYING FUCK!

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 2:21 am

Romney's actually correct. Ted Kennedy did take out a mortgage on one of his houses to help finance that campaign.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:38 pm

And it's the "Ted Kennedy need to take a mortgage on his house to beat me" lie again. Kennedy was rich; we know you just pulled that out of your ass.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 2:20 am

It happened, though.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:38 pm

How vile is Mittens to find enjoyment in the fact that a now deceased Senator had to get a mortgage on his house. Cunt.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:09 pm

THERE you go! THAT's the crucial point people will walk away with. This guy made fun of a dead guy who was Ted Kennedy who was really rich, but even HE wasn't as rich as Mitt, and had to take out a mortgage to pay for his run for Senate. And now Mitt is making fun of him. And he's dead.

And why the fuck is Mitt *enjoying* this? What's to *enjoy* here? That his old rival is dead? That he died a horrible death? That he may have lost the race but at least the other guy is dead? That he's richer than this dead guy who once beat him in this race? WTF is he yammering on about?

He's talking to a bunch of mortgage-payers. Here's hoping they find it just as offensive as we did.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I think Mittens needs another reboot.
~

Designer_Rants January 23, 2012 at 11:32 pm

hm, I'm thinking it's time for a firmware upgrade. Or the scrapyard.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:34 pm

No, that wetware is totally fucked, dood. To the recycling vats!

Designer_Rants January 23, 2012 at 11:57 pm

He's Bain dead.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:13 am

Ar-ar-ar.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 23, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I promise to make America a country the Founders would recognize: An agrarian nation with fewer than 20 million inhabitants. We begin bombing in 5 minutes.

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Mitt Romney = State's Rights!!!lebenty!!!

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Christ. Now RMONEY is bragging about how Teddy Kennedy had to get a mortgage to run against him. What a fucking maroon. Now he's trashing Romneycare, I mean, Obamacare. Crikey, yer great big fookin' gobs.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Ricky is about to burst because Mittens says Romneycare is permissible under Mass' constitution. His follow up will be to shout that Mittens should have revised the socialist commie Massachusetts constitution, not done something constructive on health care access…

Data Exactly January 23, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Ted Kennedy's mortgage lives on in Romney's heart.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 23, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Because the Kennedys were so poor, you know.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:39 pm

What scares ME is the mention of "Newt" and "Presidency" in the same sentence.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Unlax, CRE. It won't happen. Neuter is playing it cool tonight, but he won't last long.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Thanks! *Whew*. I'm going to climb down off the Ledge, now.

FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Who told Mitt that that Kennedy had to take out a mortgage rap was selling well? Number one, it worked for Kennedy, secondly, I think it sounds appalling, no matter about whom he is talking – it's very cunty.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Thank you. Given that the man has JUST been fucking booed in public by the same people who are supposed to be *voting* for him, it sounds downright hamhanded, yammering all this bullshit about how "Kennedy had to take out a mortgage." Way to remind the not-obscenely-wealthy-electorate that you have more money than Croesus, MittensYouFuckingIdiot. Christ. He's on a mission to shoot holes through both his feet.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 23, 2012 at 11:47 pm

But, but … everybody at the cuntry club cracks up when he tells that story! Mitt is baffled by the failure of everybody else to snicker at it.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 12:07 am

The very rich are different from you and me. Esp. their sense of humour, it would seem.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Brian Williams: I know none of you believes in polls.

Brian made a funny!

DustBowlBlues January 23, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Being an Old, it's way past my long, drawn out bedtime. Let me just share this before I go:

The draft only took single men. Newt got married. When the war amped up, and they took married men with no children. Newt knocks up wife for first time. I can't remember whether they drafted men with only one kid. I'm guessing they did, however, since he knocked up cancer-wife again.

Nitey, nite, all, and sweet dreams to you of a world free of Repubtards. Scratch that. With a few 'tards left, so we have someone to make fun of in the good company of the wonkeratti.

Biff January 23, 2012 at 10:43 pm

First he went for the student deferments, then the married deferment, then the daddy deferment, x2. I'm sure he also had a pilonidal cyst on deck if all else failed.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:46 pm
FakaktaSouth January 23, 2012 at 11:36 pm

DBB, You are my favorite flower of a wonkette white-light-er. Historically accurate and ethically astonishing Newt-o-rific bedtime stories! Yay! He's like a miserably lumpy, itchy wool sweater that never gets thrown out and you check every once in a while to see if it's gotten any softer, but it always sucks just as hard.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Newt is humbled?
Puhleeeeeeeease.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Yeah, and I heard the Pope was excommunicate tonight.

Barb January 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Ted Kennedy had to take a mortgage out on his house to defeat Mitt? Yeah, it pisses me off that I had to bump into so many of the Kennedy family in the welfare line. They were playing touch football and having clam bakes and my food stamps didn't cover clams.

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Oh we're suffering Mittens, we're suffering.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

God I hate these bastards.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Mittens: we're still a great nation but a great nation doesn't have so many people suffering.
Does he even know that he just contradicted himself there?
Didn't think so…

imissopus January 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Tweet of the night from Jason Linkins: "I didn't beat Ted Kennedy, but I bet he wishes he had some of that money to fight his brain tumor, ha ha." — Mitt Romney

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:00 pm

I swear to god, that's about how tin-eared it sounded.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Brian Williams really sucks.

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

He really looked like he didn't want to be there, and I can't blame him.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 10:47 pm

He's not really a journalist. He's more like a host … or presenter as you Brits say.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Is Obama a socialist or a crony capitalist? HE CAN'T BE BOTH, MAKE UP YOUR MINDS.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 23, 2012 at 10:43 pm

He's my sister and my daughter…and a floor wax and a dessert topping!

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

I'm suffering, right here, watching these dreadfully laughable excuses for presidential candidates.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

We have a great nation but we don't have a great nation. Mitt has a short in one of his fuses, again.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Is it just me, or was he stammering and stuttering all night long? He sounded awful, confused, off his game, and downright shaken, at times.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Not just you – he was the same way at the previous debate, after people first started hassling him to release his tax returns. I can't help but feel that he's either used the weekend to file a revised return or we are in for a real shitstorm tomorrow. He's probably going to release it during<?> the State of the Union.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Excellent thought. Get it in under the radar. Everything about his performance tonight was screaming "Liar!" at about a thousand decibels. He needs to watch Newt more carefully, that fat little turd is the most polished of liars, barely stopping in mid stride.

SudsMcKenzie January 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Mitt just listed 7 things, Rick Perry just shot his TV.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

And it's over; there's still 20 minutes of analysis to go before your local news.

SudsMcKenzie January 23, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Daily Show\Colbert

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 11:20 pm

No cable here – I wait till the next day and watch on Hulu.

Callyson January 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

OK, on to the post – debate yammering. And I am out of alcohol. BRB…

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Too bad the team wasn't named the "NADS".

Data Exactly January 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Hooray for bull!

mayor_quimby January 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

7 things, mitt? Are you a moron? More fingers than bullet points, err, o something.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

A grease-like wall? Is that a subtle attack of Santorum?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Well, no shortage of Bull tonight, that's for sure…

SudsMcKenzie January 23, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Good job BDub, now go work on that tan.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:42 pm

No way I'm watching Chuck Toad. My brain hurts enought already.

Trannysurprise January 23, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I watch him to keep track of his hair/Rogaine experiment.

SudsMcKenzie January 23, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Please use the Kings English, its Fuck Toad.

orygoon January 23, 2012 at 10:42 pm

WE won. We survived.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Oh, good. It's Chuckles. Now I will know what to think.

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Romney is not for obliterating regulations. Teabaggers are going to be upset tomorrow.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I thought that was more like "we know you HAZ a redwood tree up your ass, Ricky."

ifthethunderdontgetya January 23, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Chuck Toad: "Pig Newton's ass tastes delicious!"
~

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Toady.

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Wasn't that just horrible?

Now, it's time to put on some Al Green, and sit back until November.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Chuck Todd is calling Gingrich the frontrunner, and I giggle – Obama against him would be a dream election.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:45 pm

The bobblehead Chihuahuas of the press are discussing a brokered convention!

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:45 pm

By the way, nice BLINGEE! I just wish all the candidates had to wear a bow tie like Mitt's, for reals.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:55 pm

It would lend the proper air of gravitas.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:45 pm

See you tomorrow, Liz!

rambone January 23, 2012 at 10:45 pm

And with that, the gentleman receives some of the only applause we’ve heard all night from these Tampaers (sic).

They're called Tampans. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

On second, thought, don't. It'd probably leave an aftertaste.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:22 pm

It's a good thing they didn't name the city Tampo.

Warpde January 23, 2012 at 10:46 pm

I feel dirty.
Time for a shower.
Keep this up and I'll have to take a loan out to pay the hot water bill.
Or never have a hardon again.
Brrrrrr!!!!

Monsieur_Grumpe January 23, 2012 at 10:47 pm

I hate to say this but my little brother looks just like chuck todd.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:51 pm

You have my heartfelt sympathy, M_G.

Negropolis January 23, 2012 at 10:52 pm

You're a very good brother, I'm sure, to have to endure that with such grace. My condolences.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:59 pm

It could be worse; back when I had a goatee I looked kind of like Chuck Todd.

Callyson January 24, 2012 at 12:22 am

Lots of plastic surgeons offer financing plans…

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:48 pm

The number of fucktards on the stage has been cut in half since the whole clown show started, but the crazy has doubled and the hate has quadrupled! Is there a mathematician in the house who can explain this to me?

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 11:15 pm

I only know Practical Math, but I think it's got something to do with Fractals.

SudsMcKenzie January 23, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Andrea, you made it through a whole sentence, Huzzah!

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Hey, someone please stay up with me. It's not over yet in Arizona. (The debate that is, many other things ARE over.)

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 10:50 pm

I'm here!

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Yay! I like you.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:39 pm

I like you too, sweetie! Then I got lost, of course, and had to navigate back here, and fourteen other folks showed up, but I'm still scoring a hug.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:52 pm

I was hearing something on the radio about not being able to teach Shakespeare's The Tempest in schools in Tucson because it hurts white people's feelings or something stupid like that.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 11:03 pm

That's a new one to me. My state rep is the one who wants to introduce Bible Studies in the public schools. She introduced her bill the day after the Mexican Studies classes were abolished in Tucson. She says students can't understand Shakespeare or the Greek classics unless they understand the Bible — and liberals have made teachers AFRAID to make Biblical references. ACLU libel.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Um, how would the Bible help in understanding the Greek classics written before it?

ShaveTheWhales January 23, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Predestination.

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 7:34 pm

In Arizona the Greek classics were only written about 3000 years ago.Around the time the Grand Canyon was formed.Troy is in Ohio, doncha know?

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:58 pm

I'll keep you company, darling…

Barb January 23, 2012 at 11:01 pm

New Mexico in the HOUSE!

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 7:35 pm

We're practically neighbors.Come over for coffee anytime.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Thanks, kids! Are you sober?

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 11:07 pm

AHAHAHAHAHA

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:41 pm

What is this "sober" of which you speak?

Callyson January 24, 2012 at 12:24 am

What? Honey, it's a miracle I'm still here for a second round: you can't expect me to be sober too…

memzilla January 23, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Should we spoil the ending for you?

SudsMcKenzie January 23, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Spoiler Alert, its just like Lost, they were all dead the whole time.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 11:54 pm

No, that was just the alternate timeline; which was actually purgatory instead of an alternate universe. Which was stupid, and ruined the finale despite the island happenings in it being really good; but they weren't dead all along on the island; that all happened.

MissTaken January 24, 2012 at 12:00 am

Ok, you're creeping me out. First, the Darth Vader/Death Star Transformer. Now, that is nearly word for word how I explained the Lost finale to a friend a couple weeks ago. Freaky.

SorosBot January 24, 2012 at 12:11 am

I think it's because the "the island was purgatory" misconception is so common; how that's the case I'm not sure, since the finale was pretty clear, but a lot of people somehow got that idea.

Also because the "the alternative universe is purgatory" resolution sucked, and destroyed the entire flash-sideways plot from the final season. I don't know how anyone could have liked that part. And it made the fact that they killed off so much of the main cast at the end, including almost all the nonwhite characters – Miles was the only minority to live – much more troubling; with the flash-sideways it seemed at least they lived in the other universe; but nope.

Jukesgrrl January 24, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Bravo!FTW.

ProgressiveInga January 23, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I'm so tired I am hallucinating that Andrea Mitchell is wearing a double fuschia sweater combo.

Inga out…..

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Ew, the pundits are saying Gingrich was flirting with Paul.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Lots of women like older men.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Hellooo.

Biff January 23, 2012 at 10:50 pm

My gawd, how many more of these will we have to endure?

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 11:07 pm

"Ve vill make you vatch zem, untill you SIGN ZE PAPEREZZ!!"

Biel_ze_Bubba January 23, 2012 at 11:55 pm

All of them, Katie.

Callyson January 24, 2012 at 12:25 am

At least five: http://www.2012presidentialelectionnews.com/2012-
I'm just glad I have classes Tu – W – Th nights…

Designer_Rants January 23, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Newt's Jerbs Plan: We're all Consultants!

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 10:56 pm

More deductions! (I kept trying to type that and it was coming out "dedickions.")

Designer_Rants January 23, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Obama's Jerbs Plan: Tax Cuts! … (aww, Boehner said "That's Socialism!")

"dedickions" sounds about right. Or maybe "Dickensians"?

Biff January 23, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Another board I spend all day at used to be awash in consultants. Now it's populated by out-of-work consultants. Not a good business plan.

Designer_Rants January 23, 2012 at 11:48 pm

"Consultants" should change their name to "Historians". Automatic $1.6million right there.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Is Pig Newton claiming he hates war … BUT … ("They keep pulling me back in!")

Well, we know he hates GOING to war.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:55 pm

He luvs he idea of sending illegals to war. He's also a fuckhead.

Biff January 23, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Even Tweety called it a dreadfully boring debate.

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Mittens very first job was a consultant. He's just like me.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Today we are all consultants.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 10:59 pm

These four clowns are insultants.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 10:57 pm

UGH NBC is using that awful Hey Soul Sister song for their bit on their young staffers; haaaaaate.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Hey, they could be playing the delightful Scott Wanker adoration song.

SorosBot January 23, 2012 at 11:06 pm

OK I'll give you that that one is even worse.

Tonight.

Gainsbourg69 January 23, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Good night everyone. I'm going to watch the Australian open.

Barb January 23, 2012 at 11:04 pm

I have no interest in Australia. No dingo is going to eat the baby that I plan to abort.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I could help out, if you need me to. Marinate the baby back ribs and stuff.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Crikey, mate.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Watch the Australian open what? Now if it were that cute Evonne Goolagong back in the day, I know what I would have liked her to open.

C_R_Eature January 23, 2012 at 11:04 pm

After watching each of these debates, I feel like I've just spent an hour kicking a 55-gal drum full of live Hagfish.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Barney Frank: “I did not think I lived a good enough life to see Newt Gingrich as the Republican nominee,” the 30-year House veteran said. “He would be the best thing to happen to Democrats since Barry Goldwater … It’s still unlikely, but I have hopes.”

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 2:24 am

Srsly. I haz such a HYUOOGE crush on Barney. What a dreamboat! Tongue like a filet knife.

subsum January 23, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Fuck Newt; fuck Mitt; fuck Rick and fuck Ron. There. The end.

Callyson January 24, 2012 at 12:26 am

If I write that in on the November ballot, will it count as an Obama vote?
If there is any justice in the world, the answer would be "hell to the yes."

Designer_Rants January 23, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Newt-Scoot-Booger.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Oooh, now Newt is offering citizenship to illegal entrants who "serve in our military." As he wouldn't do. But he hasn't made it clear if that is before or after they are child-janitors.

Barb January 23, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Achieving a college degree as an "illegal" is not as important as one who would join the military. The "Dream Act" is that we all dream that we can send some dreamy browns to die in our plethora of wars.

BerkeleyBear January 23, 2012 at 11:13 pm

I'd have to start believing in a benevolent and caring God if that happened. Unfortunately, if it did even psycho wingers would see the writing on the wall so the President's life would be in more danger than normal.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Oh, Sweet Jeebus, now Mitt is talking about how many rounds of golf the president has played since he was elected. Why isn't Obama cleaning toilets like other people who are in the country illegally?

Biff January 23, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Not everyone is into clearing brush, I guess.

Barb January 23, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Newt thinks of golf the same way he thinks about sex, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Not much of a golfer himself, though. 68 years old and he's only on his third hole.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:37 pm

I thought that was called "maximizing your stroke." No?

SayItWithWookies January 23, 2012 at 11:55 pm

It helps if you start with a good lie.

Spurning Beer January 24, 2012 at 8:36 am

Newt's strong suit as a golfer: short putz.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:36 pm

And who are blah, also, too.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 23, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Mitt's instincts tell him that Obama should be caddying, not playing.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Asked what he has done to further the cause of conservatism, Mitt said he got married and raised five sons. I was under the impression there were some Democrats who had families, too, but I guess I'm wrong.

Pig N's just answering, "Reagan, Reagan, Reagan, Reagan, Reagan."

He didn't even ASK Santorum. Who will speak for the fetuses?!

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I'm sure he did a whole lot of the son-raising.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Just like he did the laundry on Saturday.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Yay, SB!

NYNYNYjr January 23, 2012 at 11:54 pm

“I did not inherit what my wife and I have.”

Willard didn't inherit much from his dad, the Governor/CEO, because Gov had 7 wives and 60 children. So each kid only got a mill to start them off.

Jukesgrrl January 23, 2012 at 11:56 pm

I'm off, friends. Going to go watch the local news to listen to the conservatives scream about the election to replace Gabby Giffords costing $1M. As if it would have cost less had she quit last year. As if she asked to get shot.

Mojopo January 24, 2012 at 1:34 am

It wouldn't have cost anything to deny a mentally unstable maniac from having a gun, either.

FakaktaSouth January 24, 2012 at 12:15 am

I just accidentally saw Sarah Palin on Sean Hannity in a channel flipping debacle and I SWEAR to you she was wearing a wig from the Hello Dolly show we did at my high school in 1987. What has happened to that bitch for real? The ONE THING I gave her credit for was having enough sense to do the "giving rightwingwackjobs hard ons on purpose schtick." She really is a frumpcunt without the pro stylists.

Callyson January 24, 2012 at 12:31 am

Signing out with this alert:
Mitt Romney Tax Returns Released http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/24/mitt-rom

BerkeleyBear January 24, 2012 at 1:10 am

Kinda off topic, but Mitt's tax returns are out. 13.9 percent. That's all the asshole paid in 2010, when he should have known the world would be watching. This year, a whopping 15.4 percent. Over 200K a week in interest, for doing what, exactly? Shit, that's pro-athlete money, and they at least have to run around and get sweaty now and then.

Oh, and 7 million donated to charity over that period – only 4 of the 7 is to the Mormon Church, which shouldn't fucking count as charity in the first place given how little good the church actually does (as opposed to the number of people it annoys on an annual basis).

And his spokesperson had the balls to say this one time release will "settle the issue." Don't think so.

Steverino247 January 24, 2012 at 3:09 am

And don't forget how much money he made for them as they put money in his Bain enterprise, too.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 1:23 pm

So, indirectly, the Mormons are responsible for putting us outa work? Oh, that's gonna go down REAL well with the remaining seventeen people who don't hate them.

DerrickWildcat January 24, 2012 at 1:12 am

1,000!

DerrickWildcat January 24, 2012 at 1:13 am

1000 again

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 2:43 am

Yay us! (Runs around room screaming with underwear on head)

DerrickWildcat January 24, 2012 at 1:13 am

1000 again again

flamingpdog January 24, 2012 at 1:28 am
fuflans January 24, 2012 at 1:53 am

what's up with this?

something coming and it's not likely to be good.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 24, 2012 at 2:07 am

Just finished watching on the West Coast.

Does anyone know why Andrea Mitchell was wearing the skin of a Muppet?

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 2:24 am

Again, two words: Brokered Convention.

MittBorg January 24, 2012 at 2:32 am

It's gonna *happen* …

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2012 at 2:34 am

You have to think Haley Barbour's got to be kicking himself right now.

Steverino247 January 24, 2012 at 3:18 am

I won't apologize for being successful…in looting companies that once employed middle class Americans who made products that were used in this country, then putting them out of work forever.

I won't apologize for being successful…in influencing elected officials to rig the tax codes so I can make $200,000 a week doing nothing.

These guys make the Romanovs and Bourbons look like social workers.

Bluestatelibel January 24, 2012 at 8:16 am

Guess what, folks? Mittens has released his tax returns and he paid a whopping 14 percent in taxes on $45 million in income for two years. Don't you wish you could pay that rate! He also has Swiss banks accounts and bank accounts in Bermuda and the Cayman Islands – I guess good old American banks aren't good enough for Mr. Moneybags.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 24, 2012 at 8:49 am

He had the bare-faced gall to accuse Obama of saying the equivalent of "let them eat cake"

Multi-millionaire 13.9% man said that.

Chet Kincaid January 24, 2012 at 9:16 am

1,000+ is the new 250, I see. Now will some classy advertiser get the goddamned rat out of my motherfucking iced tea?!

Schmegeg January 24, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Newt: Asked the Republicans in the house to censure him. Ethics violations technical, and also dropped.

Santorum: I was just in that lady's neighborhood and stopped in to see her comatose.

Mittens: So I was governor???

Paul: Incomprehensible bullshit

All lies, except maybe Paul's since I have no idea what he is talking about, ever.

Fare la Volpe January 23, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Lucky! I'm 6'0" and have been trying for years to find a man who makes me feel small.

Biff January 23, 2012 at 11:31 pm

I was 6'4", until back surgery took me down a notch.

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 11:01 pm

There is something really nice about feeling all wee and protected.

flamingpdog January 23, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Is that anything like selfdeportation?

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:35 pm

We'll all still love you anyway, baby.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:40 pm

You know Mittens is SO getting his ass kicked over *that* one, right?

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 11:50 pm

^^This.^^

Totes.

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