not what the nea had in mind

Man Writes Spectacularly Bad Song, ‘Stand With Governor Walker’

Glen Shulfer is an authentic, honest-to-god supporter of Wisconsin Governorish Scott Walker, but he is a musician first, and by first we mean, Oh my word, this guy has written songs: “Dog Bone Blues,” “You Never Do What I Say” and “Hidden Princess” are the titles of just three of Shulfer’s too, too many compositions, many of which sadly are not available on his website except in title form. What better way to honor victim of justice Walker than to write the man a song? Shulfer, in a local Wisconsin radio interview, says he’s been a fan of politics since he was “a young little boy,” and considers himself like, a hipster Scott Walker supporter: he was a fan of the guy before anyone else seemed to be, and endured a lot of adversity in showing his support. He was heckled and bullied by Walker haters “almost to the point of touching,” he says. The horror. This song, “Stand With Scott Walker,” should teach ‘em.

Shulfer’s Muppets/Journey/Manilowe-eque ballad of course has a video of boring pictures of Scott Walker existing and sporting dyed hair the color of eggplant. It also features some serious vocal runs, a reference to Sisyphus, elementary rhyming (“Scott Walker”/”not a big fancy talker”) and pushy declarations like:

We got to keep moving ahead
All the way
With Governor Walker

By the second verse, he’s already lowering expectations:

He took on the deficit
And asked the union folks to pay
Just a teeny tiny bit
To make it fair in every way

Just a teeny tiny bit. If this isn’t enough to get you in the spirit, there is another, better/worst of all and thematically similar number called “Union Man.” [AV Club]

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About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville

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191 comments

  1. SorosBot

    He's standing 10 feet to from Ashland to Monroe? God those lyrics are awful. Agh Liz you are hurting us.

  2. Mumbletypeg

    Sorry Scott.. but you haven't had gen-u-ine fandom inflicted upon you by amaturd songwriters until you've had Battle Hymn of the Republic mashed up into tin-ear dregs of fawning word-salad reflux, i.e. worthy only of Her Highness Lou Sarah.

    1. MittBorg

      You know I love you. You absolutely know that. But after that HORRENDOUS video, I am so not fucking clicking on that link, Mumbletypeg. SO NOT!!!

      (runs screaming out of the room)

  3. Golfing_OJ

    Fine then, recruit this fucking twerp to sing "Nearer My God to Thee" when the neo-Jacobins frog-march Walker to the front of the firing squad.

    1. Chichikovovich

      One song that invariably lifts my spirits whenever I'm troubled or despairing is the live version of "Nearer to Thee" sung by Sam Cooke and the Soul Stirrers at the 1955 Shrine concert. I'm listening to it right now, to wash the strains of Mr. Shulfer's creation from my consciousness. And I assure you, if that no-talent weed-voiced wingnut should ever soil that song by singing it in my presence he'll be dead before he completes two bars.

      1. deelzebub

        That is a beautiful performance, but did Sam Cooke ever do anything in front of a microphone that wasn't at least 500% better than anyone else could do?

        1. Chichikovovich

          Sam Cooke was a once-in-a-lifetime voice and musical talent, that's true. But even by his high standards those three songs in the Shrine concert are transcendent. The performance of "I Have a Friend Above all Others" is, to my taste, even better. The call and response with Paul Foster on "Be With me Jesus" is a revelation too – I love the way their voices contrast on the Soul Stirrers studio recordings, but this live performance they're pushing each other to a burning intensity that goes beyond anything in the studio.

    1. littlebigdaddy

      Cuz I went through a singer-songwriter phase in the 70s-80s and that was the only reason for doing it.

  4. Antispandex

    To make it fair in every way? So he asked the bazillionaire's to pay too? Oh, that's taxin' folks out of their hard earned money? I never get this crap right. I'm still trying to figure out how Paris, Nikki, and folks like that, can make it by on what the gomment has left them with…you know, of the money they worked so hard for. I need more schoolin' I reckon.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Considering the union employees came right out and volunteered to take a pay cut, I'm guessing our future Grammy-Winner has forgotten the part where his hero said, "Naw, fuck you guys, this is about taking away your bargaining rights; not a few bucks."

    1. Chichikovovich

      Mr Shulfer, there is only one reason someone would write and sing a song this execrable: it is because you have made the personal decision that you are prepared to get rich by destroying our children. I have made the decision that I love our children enough that we will kill you if you do this.

  5. JackDempsey1

    I congratulate the songwriter for NOT using the obvious and overused "cheese/please/knees/bees" rhyming scheme.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    He cut our teachers' salaries
    And fired all the rest
    'Cause we need ignorant widget turners
    Not citizens who protest.

    And he ended collective bargaining
    To cut taxes for the wealthy
    'Cause Dickenisan economics
    Are what makes America healthy

    And we will peeeeeeee
    On Governor Walker
    We will peeeeeee
    On Governor Walker

  7. Beowoof

    i have a dream of watching someone beat this guy senseless El Kabong's Kabonger. Oh he already is senseless, okay well just a good beating then.

  8. Tundra Grifter

    I honestly think the crappy Christian rock has polluted many other forms of music. Not that this song is really music, but you get the idea.

    A couple of those young ladies holding protest signs have astonishingly chubby pins.

    I did not the screen shot of the Dykes on Bykes.

    Terrible lyrics, lousy beat, couldn't really dance to it – I'll give it a 1, Dave.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        MB: Was it in "Airplane" where the ticket agent said "I'll just punch it up on the computer" and then hit the screen with a boxing glove?

          1. Tundra Grifter

            MB:

            No need to apologize for a classic. And there is on doubt "Airplane" is a classic. "Up a Creek," "Tin Men," "Used Cars," "Animal House" – good times!

  9. elviouslyqueer

    He’s been a fan of politics since he was “a young little boy"… He was heckled and bullied by Walker haters “almost to the point of touching,” he says.

    Okay, so what I'm getting from Glen Shulfer is that Scott Walker touched him when he was a young little boy, and he's been a Walker supporter ever since. Gotcha.

  10. ManchuCandidate

    Sounds vaguely like the Enterprise (Star Trek) "Theme" Song…

    It´s been a long road, beating up teachers here.
    It´s been a long time, but my time is finally near.
    And I can feel the change in the wind right now. Everyone's in my way.
    And they´re just gonna beat me down some more, yes they´re just gonna beat me down.

    Cause I´ve got Koch in my heart.
    I´m going where the Koch will send me.
    I´ve got delusion to believe that I can do anything.
    I´ve got strength of the dumb. And they are gonna bend or break me.
    I can ruin any state. I´ve got Koch, I´ve got Koch, Koch in my heart.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      that's one big koch if it reached all the way up to your heart – the brothers have a future in the adult entertainment industry if this whole Bloated Plutocrat gig doesn't pan out

      1. SorosBot

        His opponent he'll slander,
        his speech will meander,
        He walks with a canter,
        He's a known insane ranter.

        (OK those last two are near rhymes).

  11. NorthStarSpanx

    Conservatives aren't artistic, and if they think they are, they are just bad. They look at artists and say, "Get a job."

    1. MittBorg

      Hon, it would sound better if the local fucking town drunk did it. This guy can't sing. I mean, he can, obviously, but his voice is irritating, and the music is terrible and it's just so incredibly *bad* and puerile and meaningless and pathetic — it's like a bunch of pre-teens with overindulgent parents squawking away on a school stage. No one can tell them they're bad, but everyone would really like to.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Ah, memories – I haven't heard that line since Witchiepoo's uplifting rendition on H. R. Pufenstuf.

  12. ononehand

    Here are some different lyrics you can sing to that tune, probably by the same writer:

    It's Friday, Friday
    Gotta get down on Friday
    Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
    Friday, Friday
    Gettin' down on Friday
    Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

  13. Generation[redacted]

    Jesus, man, can you change the youtube? I had a rough night and I hate the fucking Eagles, man.

  14. elviouslyqueer

    I would also like to unsee forever that still of Scott Walker, astride a motorcycle, and wearing quite possibly the gayest looking leather vest in the history of gay.

  15. WhatTheHeck

    “I’d like to teach
    the world to sing
    in perfect harmony.”

    Unfortunately, the world’s gone to shit.

  16. mavenmaven

    The fascists didn't write many good songs back then, either, and it doesn't sound like they've improved any.

  17. Mahousu

    When we faced an uphill climb, with a future not too bright,

    Yeah, there's something not too bright here.

  18. SaintRond

    There was a Koch-Sucker from Heath
    Who'd push back the foreskins with his teeth
    It wasn't for fame or for love of the game
    But to get at the cheese underneath…

    Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Yeah yeah yeah yeah!

  19. Rotundo_

    Just a note from the Badger State: There are some talented individuals in the arts, music, dance and drama here. We don't consider Glen to be among them, but there are some talented individuals. This song is almost as good a song as Scooter is a governor. We're almost all looking forward to Scooter going back to whatever he might be capable of in private enterprise (parking lot attendant? french fry technician? mop boy at adult arcade?).

  20. Juicy_Stalin

    What a hack! "Stand with Governor Walker" is just his earlier hit "America" with different lyrics.

  21. HarryButtle

    Made it to the bridge at 2:20, what's that win me?

    Seriously, Sgt Barry Sadler's laughing at this ridiculous shit.

    1. new_pic_for_NEWTer

      I watched the whole thing, but with the sound off. Who wins, your scarred eardrums, or my bleeding eyeholes?

  22. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    With all the money the Koch's have, you think they could have at least gotten Woody Guthrie's non-union Mexican equivalent to write their songs.

    1. Rotundo_

      Swap out Jesus for Walker, throw in a few Holly Lew YAHH's in and you're there. I suspect this guy will go xtian shortly if he hasn't already.

    1. Steverino247

      How about some Nazareth…

      There's no votin' for
      That son of a bitch!
      There's no votin' for that sonofabitch.

  23. Mojopo

    This is the kind of song that makes me miss cassette tapes, because when something sucked you could rip the tape out of the case and throw it out the window. That always made me feel better. That and backing my car over the cassette. I wish I could do both to this song.

  24. real_dc_native

    It's really amazing, from Newt Gingrich to Scott Walker, the GOP has manage to produce such a crop of human turds ate every level of government. I wonder if this is how it felt in the Roman Empire.

  25. MittBorg

    Dear god that was truly awful. WHEN am I gonna fucking learn NOT to watch/listen/ask about ANYthing here?

    Liz Colville, you better not wear a huge sign saying "I am responsible for unleashing Glen Shofar upon the world." Not if you want to celebrate many more birfdays. Jes' sayin'.

  26. Callyson

    JFC, I lasted all of thirteen seconds. This guy makes Ashcroft's "Let the Eagle Soar" sound good…

  27. mathme

    I assume that "Hidden Princess" is about the 11 year old girl he has hidden in the hole he dug in the basement.

  28. mathme

    I don't want to slander either of these terrific artists, but he sounds like either the lead singing of Barnes and Barnes (of "Fish Heads" fame) or um… the guy who sung "Pac-Man Fever."

  29. WiscDad

    Uhhh..,I live there and I'm a musician and know a lot of folks and I've never heard of this fuckstick, much less one of his stupid ass songs

  30. Negropolis

    I hit play and had to quit it 1:26 in.

    I'm so glad you guys are about to correct your mistake, but it will forever be a mystery to me how this guy got in office.

  31. mmeetoilenoir

    AAAAAHAHAHAHAHA. I almost choked on a mouthful of pancakes listening to that mess. I don't know what's worse: the weinie voice, or the completely horrendous writing. Wingnuts should NEVER try to be creative, because it just doesn't work.

  32. L188188

    Hmmm… .rhyming "Walker" with "talker". I only wish Scottie's last name was Wucker so I could write my own song.

  33. outragedcitizen

    you just know he is dreaming/fantaizing about walker personally thanking him for this obvious platinum diddy. He gonna be sporting some seriously wood on that magic day.

  34. glyph

    Heard this about this "ballad" on the Stephanie Miller Show. This guy claims to be a Christian, but after watching "Union Man" one has to wonder.

    The guy he opens with in that diatribe, was the guy that was on a hunger strike at the State Street corner of the Capitol Square in Madison. If memory serves, the guy was a Disabled VET.

    Why are these guys such big _ricks
    its cause they got tiny little _icks
    I'm not done having my fun
    I think they've got more short comings than one.

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