flotus files

Michelle Obama’s ‘Let’s Move!’ Receives Critical Endorsement From Fat Joe

That's MRS. Flotus to you...“Why hello, 2004, we had almost (thankfully) forgotten about you,” was our first reaction to the news that Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity campaign has a new “celebrity” champion in Joseph Antonio “Fat Joe” Cartagena, who at one point made a lot of suburban middle school dance chaperones nervous with his funny lyrics about the act of pulling up one’s pants, as a dance move. Back in those days, Fat Joe was practically a professional obese person, weighing in at over 450 pounds. But today, he is the image of a Let’s Move! victory, having lost over 100 pounds and even curing his own diabetes! We can imagine why someone decided to tap into his street cred and miraculous weight loss story to bring health to the children of Newark, New Jersey.

Fat Joe, who is CEO of “Terror Squad Entertainment,” has been arrested for assault more than once and witnessed many a murder, which makes him a unique choice for the Motivator-of-Schoolchildren position. But deep down, he has always been just a fat kid with a dream.

“I was just a kid myself, dealing with childhood obesity,” says Joseph (Fat Joe) Cartagena, who realized his oversized persona was killing him after six friends died prematurely from obesity-related illnesses since 2000. They included fellow NYC artist Big Pun, who had a fatal heart attack at 28.

Now Cartagena is turning the tables on the obesity epidemic with First Lady Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! Campaign, which launched a creative competition in Newark last fall to get more teens off their rears.

“When I go to schools, the kids always say, ‘Why don’t you rap for us?’ I tell them: Listen when you get older you’ll understand that this is the realest rap I ever gave to you.”

There is nothing on the Let’s Move! web site about Fat Joe becoming an official spokesperson for the campaign, so he is most likely doing this out of the goodness of his big, fat heart. Still, we can only imagine how much protest-eating the Crazies will do once they get word that some sort of black Mexican terrorist rapper is on the side of our FLOTUS. [NY Daily News]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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    1. iburl

      Fat Newt, a.k.a. Big Joke, a.k.a. M.C. History Pimp, a.k.a. D.J. Icy Bling, a.k.a. Polygamystical G.

      1. teatarded2012

        polygamystical G might actually be the best name for a fat, cat political hack ever! Bet that gets Willard Mittens all up in his grill!

  1. hagajim

    Nothing like a mobster telling you to get off your fat ass to motivate you. Of course mobsters and bad guys never existed in Tennessee.

  2. ThundercatHo

    Joe the professional obese person is now Joe the CEO? Only in America could his story …….

  3. Joshua Norton

    Still, we can only imagine how much protest-eating the Crazies will do once they get word that some sort of black Mexican terrorist rapper is on the side of our FLOTUS

    I'd recommend a big basket of Paula Dean's Type 2 deluxe frosted, deep fried butter sticks to start.

  4. slowhansolo

    As a former fattie, I'm here to tell you that losing 100 pounds, as a man, when you start at 450, ain't no great shakes. Eschewing the tubs of corn syrup soda will do that all by itself.

    Let me know when he gets from 350 to 200.

    1. prommie

      Do you mean to say there is a downside to drinking Super Big Gulps of soda! And just when the car companies have finally super-sized the cupholders!

      1. jus_wonderin

        I think, the way it is going, soon the interiors of our cars will be soda-tight and all we will need to do is bring a straw.

  5. elviouslyqueer

    I'm sure Rushbo and Glenn Beck will welcome this news with the same classy, above-board equanimity for which they are famous.

  6. ManchuCandidate

    See this is why the Contarded don't get it.

    "They" say that to understand a person you have to walk a mile in his/her shoes. It's darn near impossible when a contard passes out after walking 50 steps in someone else's shoes.

  7. prommie

    I knew this would happen if we let a Near in the White House, they'd invite all their freinds, take over the place, and next thing you know, there goes the neighborhood.

  8. MrFizzy

    There's another new weight loss initiative underway, the "Let's Take a Giant Dump" campaign. I'm starting now.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    Sarah Palin will now be sending America's children free Hostess products in order to get them to blow up like balloons to protest this reckless abuse of Federal power.

    1. 102415

      Hostess just went bankrupt, no one told you? No wonderbread ding dongs or twinkies.ever again. Ever again.

  10. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    From what I've heard, obesity is the least of the problems for kids growing up in Newark.

    1. Negropolis

      You lie!

      The skinnier you are, the quicker you can run from a bullet. All of these things are related. Do you not realize how much the murder rate would go down per pound, alone?

  11. LabRodent

    Fat Joe didn't want to end up like Big Pun, Heavy D and 2 of the fat boys see where im going with this,

  12. SenileAgitation

    Fat Joe, who used to always be on the radio screaming "Ya heard?!" about some upcoming appearance? Star and Buckwild, we hardly knew yez. Well, good for you fatso. We can all learn something from your example!

  13. ttommyunger

    Don't know about "fat", but I'm certainly chubbing up looking at that pix of my FLOTUS. Excuse me while I whip this thing out…

Comments are closed.