Rand Paul Robot Caught By Brave TSA Body Scanner

  begun these clone wars have

EXTERMINATE!Top honors will be given to a brave TSA Body Scanner machine at the Nashville airport for apprehending a sinister Dalek robot-monster that was impersonating Senator Rand Paul. The cylon version of Rand Paul triggered the radioactive Body Scanner because of some miniscule fabrication error in the android’s knee joints — the scanner apparently had not been programmed to recognize extraterrestrial polymers, which very well may have saved human civilization today. The otherwise uncannily disheveled replicant of Rand Paul began a commotion using several prerecorded Rand Paul soundbites about “liberty” and “fascism” and “health care,” but the Body Scanner identified the ruse because it has access to the Trilateral Commission’s complete Earth information database — including all of Rand Paul’s numbskull speeches and C-SPAN rants.

The simulacra of the Kentucky senator was detained (asked to take a seat in a cubicle) while the managers of the United States reviewed the incident from their palace bunker in Brussels. USA Today reports on the “official version” of events:

GOP presidential hopeful Ron Paul is criticizing what he calls the “police state” in America after his son, Rand, was stopped at the Nashville airport.

“The police state in this country is growing out of control,” Paul said in a statement posted on his campaign website. “One of the ultimate embodiments of this is the TSA that gropes and grabs our children, our seniors, and our loved ones and neighbors with disabilities. The TSA does all of this while doing nothing to keep us safe,” the Texas congressman said.

Rand Paul was stopped this morning after passing through a full-body scanning machine that had set off an alarm. The scanner showed something unusual around his knee. He frequently travels through the Nashville airport from his home in Bowling Green, Ky.

The borg unit’s father borg unit, Congressman Ron Paul, quickly output a Twitter regarding the capture:

'I am not a Dalek.'

Human-cyborg relations experts say the Rand Paul robot likely evidenced a programming error by volunteering for the Body Scanner, which sprays humans with deadly radiation every time they attempt to take a commercial air flight in this country. Libertarian humans are steadfastly against both the dangerous cancer machines and the “hands on” searches performed by TSA human personnel, but the Dalek should have chosen the human “pat down” because TSA airport security employees barely know their own names, let alone how to identify a brilliantly constructed artificial human on its way to Washington to announce the takeover of Earth by the amoral, sentient super-intelligence of Alpha Centauri that early civilizations mistook for a loving god.

The Rand Paul droid was ironically trying to get to Washington to speak at a “Right to Life” rally. Perhaps that was one robotic inside joke too many. Today, the people of Earth stand strong, sort of, and the complete takeover by the alien hive mind metallic insect drones will wait for another day, later this year. [USA Today/Twitter]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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