Look at Mitt Romney in South Carolina today trying so hard to operate a small container of laundry detergent like he knows how it works, AW. No no, Mitt, the machine does not have change for a fifty, QUIT jamming the bill into the coin slot. Sigh. What were the other candidates up to?
Here is Newt wedged into the order window at a Chick-Fil-A drive-thru trying to give some obese customers that final push toward a heart attack. Hope they voted first!
Rick Santorum is returning to invisible mode and polling in fourth place behind Ron Paul. This is how he is trying to remind everyone that he still exists on the front page of his campaign website right now:
Aaaaaaand he got caught trying to service his microphone, again, to console himself.
“Poor” Mittens, he better have sprinkled in some of his magic moon dust along with the box of Tide. After leading in South Carolina by a wide margin for weeks, NYTimes poll nerd king Nate Silver is now giving Newt Gingrich an 89% chance for victory tonight due to, uh, senile wingnut Chuck Norris’s endorsement or something. [Twitpic/ MoJo Tumblr]
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http://www.redstate.com/leon_h_wolf/files/2012/01...
I pulled this off Red State so you don't have to actually wallow in that muck.
What a charming couple. I'm sure those crazy kids are going to make it.
Is that Wife #1 or #2?
I think it's #2.
It is #2, haha, Marianne Giger. Wife #1, Jackie Battley, is nearly a decade older than Newtie, and, in his opinion, not pretty enough to be a first lady.
Does RS have a general favorite here? I assume it's Santorum.
It appears to be either Newt or Perry.
Yeah, just read Erikson's article– it definitely WAS Perry, and he seems fine with Newton Leroy.
Well, Newt's got the wrong costume on. Oh, wait, there's no Mr. Piggy.
Ya beat me to it.
OOPS! You've got the next one.
They were once…humans…in animal costumers. Now, one of them is an animal in a human costume.
He was just jealous that she got the pig costume.
Nah. They both decided that the pig costume on Newt would be redundant.
After several people asked Newt why he didn't come to the costume party *in costume*, they traded so that his wife du jour was wearing the pig costume.
Yahoo is already calling it for Mr. I Love America So Much I Can't Stay Faithful To My Wives.
America the Homewrecker!
America is such a slut.
Oh beautiful, for spacious thighs…
… for waving at capital gains…
Mittens = epic blue jeans fail.
Notice the wallet impression left in the back pocket, presumably by his gigantic money-stuffed wallet.
Also, somebody needs to tell Mittens that mom jeans are just as unflattering on middle-aged men!
Eh. He's not middle-aged, he's OLD.
Mitt's not going to fare well in the visuals, up against Obama. He's the (ew) best-looking of the remaining candidates, but he is still a pasty, paunchy, wrinkly, saggy, gray-haired old man.
Maybe he'll try to summon his puppy-dog pity face from his younger days when he was a "missionary"?
Pity fucks are so last-decade, though. He's not gonna win this thing. Ron Paul is using Obama's strategy to pick off delegates, and even though Santorum isn't going to revive, Newt will prove to be a pain. Oh, yes, he will. Oh, my. Pass the popcorn, darling. It's going to be a LONG, fun election.
Looks ridiculous in jeans and Brooks Brothers flannel shirt, looks like a vulture capitalist (who'd a thunk it) in a suit. The guy can't win. Meanwhile, Obama totally rocks whatever he wears.
Let's just pray that unemployment continues to drift downwards for another ten months. So long as the lying shits at Fucks Gnus don't graph the data, it will make for a compelling graphic.
It's because he's a thorough fake. There's a lot of things about our dear Prez that sometimes just make me want to sit him down and have some stern words with him. But when all is said and done, the man knows who and what he is, and that is his great strength. He has an authentic center. He has a place he calls home. He knows where his principles are grounded, and he knows what he can and will do, and he is confident in his own abilities and acknowledging of his own frailties and wants.
Newt, Mitt, and that lot — they are the hollow men.
that is SO fucking well said MB and I couldn't agree more, BObama is always the coolest, most authentic person in the room, except when MObama is there…and this photo says who/ what the dude is as much as anything, my man is always keepin' it real http://dudelol.com/obama-fist-bumping-white-house...
Excellent analysis Mr. Borg, sir!
Money talks
But it don't sing and dance
And it don't walk
And long as I can have you here with me
I'd much rather be
Forever in mom jeans
"epic blue jeans fail. "
*snooty Thurston Howell-type voice*
I thought it was rather clever of him to wear dungarees — as though one were poor.
*In best "Lovey" Howell voice*
"But really dear, don't you think it looks just so … common?"
$35.00 pair of jeans that a campaign aide rushed over to buy at the Gap, paired with a $650.00 shirt that Mitt buys from a London tailor that only a handful of zillionaires have ever heard of.
Win. How could it be anything but a win?
Santorum says he's in through Florida, at least.
He's got this weeks third place "ticket to ride"?
Why not? This thing seems pretty fluid. The polls change there, he wins Florida, then he has won 2 of 4. Romney and Newt may capably dismantle each other.
I guess, it is sweater vest season in FL.
Where else *but* America's shlong next for Santorum?
Well, the obvious answer would be the asshole of the country, but there's so much competition for that honor right now that it would be impossible to decide on just one place.
[hint: it's a great day in South Carolina]
Perry just went home to defend America's backside. Santorum might surge past the Mitt, but it's gonna be a tight squeeze in Tex's ass.
Are you saying that he's saying that "it's on like Donkey Kong"?
Santorum is gonna be ALL OVER America's wang.
Rick himself was aiming a little higher. He wanted Santorum on the lips of every Young Republican.
It's a pretty low-lying state … could easily be flooded by a rising tide of santorum.
Concession speech coming up, oh joy , oh bliss.
I've been going to ChickFilA 2-3 times a week for a couple months now, but I think that Newt photo has finally put me off it. I'll always try to remember that last delicious Spicy Chicken Deluxe sandwich.
I used to really like Chick-fil-a, but if I knew that Newt's filthy hands had been on my order, I think I'd just chuck it back through the drive through window.
I quit taking my kids to Chick Fil A when I read that they donate LOTS of dinero to anti-gay groups. I just told my kids that someone was murdered in the local chain & they don't miss it….
I'm still waffling over that. Chick-Fil-A themselves doesn't make those donations, it's the owner's personal money. Of course it's a thin line…
And I'm kind of fond of the "closed on Sundays" bit if only because they have to be the only fast food place where the workers always know what one of their days off will be. They only have to deal with random job schedules 6 days a week.
I'm one of those moms who doesn't fill my kids with fast food three times a day. They actually get it about once a month, so my paltry boycott doesn't hurt them any. I just felt better doing it; I also boycott circuses and rodeos. I know this doesn't hurt any of these corporations–I just feel better about myself by doing it..
I feel better about you too.
i have heard it is delish. never been.
i guess that's ok though.
I've been, twice. It's a fast food chicken sandwich.
"that last delicious Spicy Chicken Deluxe sandwich"
Newt's a chicken, but I'd hardly call him spicy.
Who would have thought that the troop of candidates would winnow down to these four guys, and that Newt! of all people, would be considered by anyone, even the crazies in the southeast USofA as a viable candidate for anything, let alone president? You keep watching, amazed thinking "They really can't be that flipping nuts can they?" and sure as the sun rises in the east, they are.
The Anybody-But-Romney brigade really came out. This must sting him as much as his 2008-2009 run did.
He's a slow learner. Did he really think that these religionuts were going to like him any better four years later? I mean, what has he done for *them* lately?
You have to cut them some slack …. I mean, look at the fucking ballot that was handed to them. If "None of the Above" had been an option, we'd be laughing our asses off right now.
Which one is the washing machine?
The square, white one. Didn't help? The one that runs on electricity? Man, this is hard. The one stuffed full of money? Jeesus.
The mechanical one? The one that's clean and well-oiled?
Wait, I've got it …. the one you'd prefer to see in the White House!
Whew.
The blah person that was cropped from the picture?
The square white one. Oh, whoops.
It may not have been as quickly as I'd like, but Operation Chaos is finally being pulled off.
BTW, that gif is so immature…and I'm laughing like a twelve year old.
Gingrich/Whore Diamonds '12!
Love that wave thing the Romney crowd is doing!
Mitt, it's a little late to start laundering that Bain money now.
Three states, three different winners. The 1% must be freaking out.
I saw Romney on TV the other day, and then it hit me – Romney reminds me of Donnie Osmond.
Then I was thinking about how much Gingrich reminds me of a pig, a big fat white pig. And then it hit me – Snowball!
Three wives good one wife bad.
I guess someone else beat me to Santorump.
I'll take Santorump, too. I already adopted Rmoney and Pig Newton. But what about the King of the Paultards? I got nothin short and sassy.
I've thought about calling him Alberich, after the vicious dwarf obsessed with gold, in Wagner's *Ring of the Niebelungs* opera cycle. But that's maybe too fancy-pants.
"Operation Chaos" = Democrats do absolutely nothing, sit back, watch, drink and laugh, laugh, laugh.
needz moar bleech.
Needz moar bletch.
Not enuf in teh universe.
The Santorum blowjob has plenty of bleech, for me at least.
it's really hard to get rid of that santorum!
Mitt is about as white as he's going to get.
Needz moar blah.
It seems like it's been a month or two since since a righteously indignant conservative has told Newt to his face, on camera, that he's an A hole, a disgrace to his party and should drop out. Maybe those were plants from one of the campaigns that have ended or maybe his handlers have learned to recognize the type and head them off at the pass.
Not that I want to see this freak show end just yet.
This is really good news for McCain.
Whoever wins this shitshow is gonna get his white ass handed to him by Barry way harder than in 08.
Fucking classic.
I'm glad someone has faith that their nationwide press to disenfranchise voters will not succeed. I'm not so sure.
Ah, look at the little Romney spawn! You know they'll be running for something before too long.
Crazy. Before I even read your post my first thought was "look; it's one of the Romney spawn." lol
More Romneys on the public dole. Are they Irish or what?
Mitt looks stunned, he has always bought everything he ever wanted. BTW What delicious irony is it that Citizens United bit the Republicans first?
Truly.
Oh yeah – and it's going to get much, much worse. What knocked Gingrich down in Iowa? What knocked Romney down in S.C.? The Repuke PACs are going to unleash a shitstorm of negative ads over every contested state from here on out, and the country is going to be sick to death of all of them before it's over.
Use all the detergent you want, Mitt; it won't wash the taint of filthy lucre off you.
Tonight Newt is revelling in his victory by rolling in a nice big pen full of shit.
Man, you just KNOW this is going to go to Newt's head, so it's only a matter of time before he starts babbling about his key role in the master plan of the universe, or something along those lines to make sane people go, "whoaaa".
It'll happen, but I'm hoping he saves it for the election campaign. Mitt likes to issue bullshit statements about Obama, but Newt is utterly insane when it comes to hating Democrats, and we can look forward to some really insane, racist gibberish when he gets fired up — especially when he finds himself behind and gets desperate.
Or when he ahead and gets over-confident, if possible.
There goes that "appeasement" bullshit, again. Go away, Willard. Better yet, lets cut out the middle man. Go to hell.
Oh, Mittens… Blaming Obama for the shitty economy in FL is like blaming the cop who responds to a burglary for all the shit the robbers took.
It's too bad Barry never did anything to help the FL tourism industry, like give a fucking speech on visas at Disneyw…
Wow, currently Newt clobbering Mitt by 7%. Beautiful.
Well, at least we know that in the South, if it comes down to having the morality of a viagra-injected pig in heat or being Catholic or Mormon, the viagra-pig wins!
The Salamander is, theoretically, Catholic now.
Them good ol' boys know the difference between theoretical Catholics and the real thing, and Newt's careful about crossing that line. Don't expect him to visit with the Pope any time soon.
And don't expect the pope, as odious as he is, to invite him.
Mitt: "Failed policies of the Obama Administration"
Where in the Jumping Screaming Tapdancing Jesus was He during the Catastrophic George W. Bush Administration?
"Obama has No experience running a business" MBA President. How did that work out, again?
"Obama divided the country" Wait, What?
Mittens is freaked out by the thought that "attacks on success" were effective. Which means Bain's actions will remain in the news cycle. Yes!
He's pitiful. He's a whining crybaby who has never had anyone say no to him in his entire fucking life, and now Newt, of all people, Newt the Needle Gingrinch is sticking that shiv between RMONEY's shoulder blades and twisting, and twisting, and smiling. And Mittens can't take it. He's falling apart in front of god and everybody. It's unnerving the voters.
Unnerving to the voters perhaps, but it's comedy gold to me!
Hey, there, how ya doin?
Glad you're enjoying it. Don't forget to stock up on popcorn for November.
Hey Mr. Borg – Thanks for asking – I'm doin' great now! I live an hour south of Seattle in the woods. You may have heard we just had a huge ice storm. Our house lost power for 47.5 hours; but it's all good – we cooked on our Coleman camp stove on the front porch, moved the refrigerator/freezer food ouside in coolers, charged our cell phones on the car battery, huddled by the gas fireplace around our LED lantern, listening to AM on our hand-crank radio. Now we have to clean up the property – it looks like the trees all got drunk and had a fight to the death with chainsaws.
Type to ya later.
So if anyone attacks Mitt's success, he's attacking YOU!
Mitt needs to take it up a notch – play up his history of animal cruelty, maybe. Or next interview – just reach out and start strangling that liberal media monster!
How much you want to bet that Grandpa Paul is already in bed, tucked in by his children?
EDIT: Mitt has just made the threat that he'll run for president forever, if he has to. Y'all better believe him.
That crowd is taking Brigham Young literally.
Mittens vs Gingrinch: the catfight is on!
More like a fat cat fight.
My god, Newt now up by 12%. I hope Mitt washed his anus before showing up to this fuckfest.
Ha, that's what "the help" is for.
"Jeeves! Get golden dingleberry trimming clips, will you? No, no, the ones with the diamond handle. Thank You! Idiot."
Lucky for Jeeves, Mitt's crap smells like crushed rose petals. The moneez does that, ya know.
Why, because Newt will be plowing it so hard? Newt's used to muck and dirt.
Oh boy. With 18% in, it's already 41% to 27%, Newt. I don't care how much closer it gets, just to see that number has schadened my freude.
How did Newt trounce Santorum? Did Santorum not use enough dog whistles?
He got it confused with his man-on-dog whistle?
Oh boy. Santorum's coming on next!
And some intern's gone out to wake up Grandpa Paul to make his speech. Yay, Roomful of Paultards!
I've just been listening to the coverage on NPR. Seems like old Paul thinks he now has to sound as shrill as Sarah P. in addressing his devotees.
The important news is how much is Herman Cain(aka one S. Colbert) getting. I'm sure he's getting something. Has the msm colluded to not report Cain's results?
This has been very amusing, but I think I'll have to switch to Suze Orman when her show comes on. Just in case any of these freaks does manage to unseat Obama in November, it will take all of the money management skills in the world just to keep a roof on my head…
Any of these awful fucksticks wins the Presidency I'm converting everything I own into a 65' LOA motor ketch filled with MRE's gold, guns & ammo and getting the fuck out of here.
Maybe Australia. That's the last place the radiation will hit. On The Beach.
It's not gonna happen, darlz. These daft eejits couldn't get half of themselves on their own ballots, half the time. Whoever wins, it'll be a limping three-legged dog of a race, dragged out to the last painful second, but Barack could call this thing in. He's winning it.
it will take all of the money
management skillsin the world just to keep a roof on my head.Fixed.
Paultards are applauding for "a long, hard slog." lol Yea, grinding, destructive disappointment, yea! Four more months! Four more months!
Oh, fuck! 41% – 26%, Newt. lol
A long hard schlong? That's what was delivered to the Paultards, without lube.
They'll be back for more. It's just the way they are.
Well, I guess nearly crashing that hot air balloon directly onto a busy highway didn't have the effect the paultards were hoping for…
Well, now I've got the choice of abusing my soundsystem, ears and the house's structural integrity by blasting either American Idiot
or Zevon's Disorder in the House.
AAAHHH. now my tevee's filled up with RONPAUL!
I'm going with Zevon.
A bit of Talking Heads might be in order. (Crank it up to 11.)
Hey GOP, watch out. You might get what you're after!
Duly played. Loudly.
*removes sunglasses* YEAHHHHHHHH!
Oh God–Paul is going on about the gold standard. Any third rate economist can recite chapter and verse on why returning to that would be a very bad idea…
Who gave Ron Paul the ritalin?
Poor Mitt. Look what he's become. Doing his own laundry in a coin operated washing machine. How do you expect me to vote for him now, knowing that he's a busy, multi-millionaire politician and doesn't have the good sense to send his clothes out while he's on the road.
I figured that was a staged photo-op. Some aide handed him the detergent at the last minute, and told him to hold it there until the photo flashes subsided. Mitt's reading the back of the box where it says to separate whites from colored, and thinking how he didn't realize there was Southern detergent.
That's why I use ALL, it doesn't judge based on color, yet it won't let them mix together…
And I would love to know what is going through the mind of Nikki Haley right about now…
meow meow meow meow. meow meow meow meow….
Oh I just have to award you a GOLD STAR for that one!!
"SHIT, it's going to be a long year."
Looks like Rick Perry has secured the vote of the 1% of the electorate too stupid to realize he dropped out. Birds of a feather, and what not.
Dr. Strangelove just declared himself the Honey Badger when it comes to what the media thinks of him: he doesn't give a shit.
Paul's momentum is growing…
…well, I guess that is impressive for a man of his age…
If it lasts more than 4 hours, call his doctor.
Oh God, it's the frothy mix…
Magic underwear or not, Mitt, those skid-marks aren't going away by themselves. Needz moar Tide, pleeze!
Woohoo! . Santorum's on!!
Santorum! Santorum! Santorum!
"It Takes A Stanley Steamer, to Clean Up Santorum!"
Oh, great. They finally got to 9/11.
President Obama cares about you, South Carolina. This, of course, makes you history's greatest monster, Mr. President.
Uh oh. Santy is going all OWS on our asses. Of course, his actual policies are the antithesis of OWS's.
EDIT: Heckler alert!
"We need to create opportunities to compete for those blue collar jobs…"
This means we need to pay our workers what Chinese workers make, give them the same benefits Chinese workers have and the same levels of Air & Water pollution and food contamination that Chinese workers enjoy.
Because, you know, Job Killing Regulations.
The "whites only" laundry mat doesn't mean what you think it does.
Newt's pulling a Sly Stone at his victory speech, he's probably backstage on the line to the White House, demanding that Obama give him a congratulatory call that he can speaker-phone to the audience before he'll take stage. They're saying "We'll make a note of that and bring it to his attention tomorrow." Particularly sleazy songs on the PA.
Seems that those jeans are too new to have a wallet mark like that. I bet they were ironed in.
Obama's mom jeans are polling 12 points ahead of Mitt's mom jeans.
Gingrich all the way. He's going to go all the way. all the way…hes all way…way
I thought that was Mitts laundering money in the Cayman Islands.
Frothy the Santorum looks like he's taking a hit off of a vaporizer.
Awww…aren't you sweet?
…for maxed out loans at Tiffany's, and persecuting gays.
Cool pix of the famous "terrorist fist bump" LOL!
ZOMG, I had no idea! I'm glad you're safe and sound, my dear, and I hope things are soon back to normal for you. Last winter, a tree came down on my house — right ON my bedroom, above my bed. It was pretty scary lying in bed all night listening to it creak and squeak as the wind blew through its branches. Best of luck, stay safe!
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