What are the Christian wingnut conservative Republicans doing about 2012 now? Uniting behind Santorum, of course! Because when you’re stuck with a slate of candidates including a liberal billionaire foreigner who loves the wrong Jesus and a repulsive kidney-shaped punching bag who is so venal and amoral he makes Bill Clinton look like a family man, what are you going to do, support the principled libertarian Texan family man with three decades of campaign success? No, of course not. You’re going to support the corrupt airhead dipshit who believes abortions are okay for his wife but a FELONY for everyone else in America. Rick Santorum, truly the conservative wingnut base is uniting behind you!
How much do GOP primary voters hate themselves, these days? A lot, we bet! Now that their front-runner can’t even claim an Iowa victory and the “oh I guess we’ll support him” sleazeball Newt has again exploded in a frothy ejaculate of Tiffany whore diamonds and bile, full-time loser Rick Santorum is getting another round of desperate attention.
We just want to remind everyone, again, that beyond all the Santorum fecal spooge jokes and his creepy/convenient abortion policies and his stupid sweater vest and his insane obsession with gay men having gay sex, Rick Santorum was a two-term senator who got his frothy ass handed to him in 2006 and hasn’t won anything but scorn since that day — he can’t even claim a real Iowa victory, because who knows where the votes from those eight missing precincts went, maybe Romney’s god is God after all, right? Maybe Ron Paul won, in space. Maybe, in this idiotic alternate universe, Rick Perry’s endorsement of Gingrich means something.
HAHAHA, and in the time it took to prepare this frothy little post, the ConservativeHQ.com website realized they handed us a very easy joke, and have now corrected the headline to something less obviously homosexual.
Santorum is never going to be president of anything, except the gay sex resort he operates 24/7 in his fevered, shrunken brain.
{ 160 comments }
Hope there gonna give him a reach around too.
NASDAQ report: Dweebinsweater.com just went up 150%.
The wingnuts are hoping for a cum from behind win with Santorum, as if there is any other kind.
By definition.
These are people who believe that humans frolicked with dinosaurs – guys who think The Flintstones is a documentary aren't going to make wise decisions about anything.
So when Herman Cain outpolls Santorum in South Carolina, will Teabaggers be completely confused?
They usually are; they just don't realize it.
Sadly, No!
Well, Christofascists have been frothing at the mouth for a true conservative candidate.
There's their problem – wrong orifice.
If they've been frothing at the mouth, their doing it wrong.
Blingie Win!
Here, here. I could leave my favorite Pelosi/demon Blingee with cancer for this one.
I wouldn't want to be behind Santorum, but on the other hand, I wouldn't want him behind me.
You summed it up. Nobody wants santorum around. Anywhere.
This should give his campaign a nice money shot.
You know, if Jesus wasn't such an ass, he would just materialize and run for the GOP nomination.
And be denounced as a communist hippie.
Turning the water into wine? Feeding the multitudes with a couple of fish and a loaf of bread?
Obviously a communist hippie.
It's the free health care for the sick and dying that will lose him the nom.
Can you imagine, though, Jesus on the cross? They'd all be demanding "let him die! Let him die!"
This time around, they'd nail him to a burning cross.
On the White House lawn.
Are you fucking kidding me, they'd *crucify* him.
Naaah…we're way more civilized these days! We "Dissapear" our inconvenient political dissidents to Unofficial Foreign secure holding facilities where they are subjected to
TortureEnhanced Interrogationin perpetuityuntil they hang themselves.Fixed.
If God were one of us… He wouldn't be a Republican.
If god were one of us? Just a slob like one of us? Just a stranger on the bus?
Public transit? Socialism.
Also: Cuts into the profits of autodealers & road builders.
Seriously: "Blessed be the Peacemakers." and his numbers go off a cliff.
Heh heh… he said "behind Santorum."
Santoribble will need to push extra hard during the next 24 hours if he is going to come from behind.
If this push lasts any longer he'll need to seek treatment.
Yea, verily, the men of good conscience did get to the rear of Santorum on that day, for greatly did he surge and their cups runneth over.
I think that could describe the current slate of mormon/non-mormon candidates. 2 Jesus's, one cup.
Creamcups?
Actually, given the corruption and love of unusual sexual practices that is a foundation of the modern Right-Wing Christian movement, you would think they would love Newt, except for him being a Papist now.
Santorum also Papist, n'est-ce pas?
Yep, two Catholics, a Mormon, and a Loonist. Suck on that, Republicans. Where is your WASPy god, now?
Little Ricky oozes from behind in S.C.!
~
What a fuckin lipless little fuckweed he is! I am NOT going to let him ruin my weekend!
If you're uniting behind santorum, you're doing it wrong.
2 Girls, 1 Sweatervest?
2 puppies, one sweater?
Even my work husband's sweater vest can't distract me from that flexing ass.
It is rather distracting, isn't it?
Work husband? OK you're making me feel jealous now.
Remember, he's a "husband", therefore the thought of having sex with him is repulsive. And the sweater vest doesn't help.
Does that mean wonketeers are your 'work eye-candy'?
Oh yes, I had momentarily forgotten about that; and I'm just kidding.
Dang, I thought it was kinda cute when you got jealous.
You two, get a … oh, wait, you are.
Never mind.
I didn't notice that at first. I was distracted by the finger action of the two figures on the left. But now it's just…flexing butt, flexing butt, flexing butt.
Glad I'm not at work.
The finger action is a popular East Asian game, known in Korea, for example, as dong chim. I forget what it's called in Japan. Yow!
Yeah, that's some butt there.
Teleloafing, dear?
Wonkette: always edumacational.
Yes, I'm loaferin'.
ZOMG, LERVE the new av and tag! LERVE!
And, verily, did the Evangelicals say unto Santorum, "Let us spray".
gather ye facial to bear witness
Is there a human being with a stick farther up their asses than Rick Santorum? Because I don't think there is.
Shouldn't this comment be : "You know who ELSE has a stick farther up their ass than Rick Santorum?"
Joe Friday?
Dean Vernon Wormer?
Punch and Judy?
flagpole sitters?
Harvey Danger Libel!
The Tea Party is evidence that only stupid people are breeding, though.
well, i see the blingee brand is expanding their subject matter.
as it were.
Little Dickie Viguerie got some santorum on his britches.
Once they get a clue they will be uniting in front of him. Behind Santorum just isn't a good place to be.
You don't want Santorum behind you, either.
Everybody's jumping into the Santorum pool!
Is it me, or are the Wonkette Blingees getting more suggestive/disturbing/obscene?
Is it just an artifact of this hilariously disturbing Gingrich + Santorum news cycle?
I like it.
No matter how hard he tries, Newt just can't clean up the Santorum.
If Gingrich wins easily but Santorum comes in second: Gingrich skates over Santorum.
If Santorum wins big: Santorum explodes in SC;
If Santorum comes in second in a close race: Santorum squeezes by Romney, is cheek-to-cheek with Gingrich;
If Santorum has a poor showing: Gingrich, Romney, Paul crush bottom dweller Santorum; etc.
Behind Santorum
Is there any other kind?
Any truth that Ted Haggard was behind this endorsement? Or was he on top of it?
He supplied the method to this madness. And the lube.
I'm pretty sure I see what you did there.
He was on the bottom of it, of course.
The group of conservative leaders named today includes Dr. James Dobson, Gary Bauer, Joseph Farah, Foster Friess, Elaine Donnelly, and many others representing all four segments of the new conservative coalition who are coalescing behind Rick Santorum’s candidacy.
This is one of those rare cases of the assholes coming to Santorum. But then it's been a topsy-turvy world for a while.
Uniting behind Santorum.
Translation:
I mopped up the mess and it is now in a bucket.
It's now in a bucket, coalescing.
If you knew Rick Santorum in grade school you just have to punch him.
I mean, the urge would simply be overpowering.
As I look back on my time there, I sincerely regret being such a jerk to a couple of kids who really didn't deserve it. It was a cruel, cruel thing to have done.
However, had I had the opportunity to rub little Ricky's face into the playground dirt, today that wouldn't bother me one bit.
GOP ballot:
Incompetent loonie tune No.1
Incompetent loonie tune No.2
Incompetent loonie tune No 3
Incompetent loonie tune No 4 – (that one, that one!)
yougetthepicture…
Or:
#1 Rich guy in funny underwear trying to buy the election
#2 Hack politician on wife 3 who was his mistress when he was married to the mistress who he married after wife 1.
#3 Smarmy asshole fixated on gay sex and abortion
#4 Senile old codger still masturbating while reading Ayn Rand books
Well, the image of #4 has cured me of scrolling back up to watch the flexing butt.
Better go up and stare at the flexing butt for a few minutes just to get the image of the senile old codger out of your brain.
Reminds me a spring break for horny college students who, despite their dreams of banging a supermodel or stud, end up enduring a week of disappointing hookups with people no more attractive than themselves, because, well, they were available and equally willing, and at the end of the day, someone's lever had to be pulled.
"principled libertarian Texan family man with three decades of campaign success?" And who, exactly, would that be? The racist, homophobic, misogynist piece of shit that is apparently all the rage among the dumbshits on the left blogs?
Was starting to think I was the only person who noticed the Paultardian bent of this post. Not to mention casual misogyny and homophobia! Hooray, terrifically awful new Wonkette Jr.!
Remember when Layne suggested we vote for Ron Paul because government is awful so we may as well crash it? Paulness sneaks in here from time to time.
Maybe Wonkette Jr. is suggesting people vote for Kinky Friedman as a write-in.
He may be a racist, homophobic, misogynist piece of shit, but he is consistently a racist, homophobic, misogynist piece of shit. You can't say that about any of the other candidates.
You can't?
Ron Paul consistently hates government more than any of those other things (e. g. hates Muslims while opposing the DoD, etc.). The other candidates love themselves some big government when it's doing things they agree with.
Romney hates socialized healthcare, like they have in Massachusetts.
Gingrich wants to save the sanctity of marriage from… himself?
Santorum is the Cafeteria Catholic candidate, opposed to contraception but mum on capital punishment and unjust war.
No, Ron Paul hates FEDERAL government. He *wants* states to stop choice and equality in marriage.
Nice turnabout on Cafeteria Catholic. Usually, people like Tweety use it to demean pro-choicers who want to close Gitmo.
I'd really like to see Mitt and Rick go at it head to head.
So to speak.
Eiffel Tower?
double "Dutch Rudder".
Conservative leaders are getting behind Santorum. The rest of America is getting it without lube.
You have to wonder how much his politics are influenced by the fact that his wife was a slut before they met.
Once a slut, always a slut, thankfully.
Needz moar poppers!!1!
Thanx and a hat tip to Bryan J Fischer and his obsession with teh ghays.
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/fischer-pop…
Haha, genius, that's from today!
How on earth is this country a superpower when people like Fischer have any kind of public voice? It baffles me, it truly does.
edit: wait, God's design is one sexual partner for life? How did you work that out, Fischy? Sounds like being a gayer is much more fun if the average number of partners is in the hundreds. If it were only a choice.
To be fair, we are a declining superpower.
It *is* a choice. Any RWNJ will tell you so. Of course, if you ask them to "choose" to be gay long enough to suck your cock, they get all mad and stuff,but hey.
"one sexual partner for life" … I'm no biblical scholar here but I bet there are one or two examples of people who had at least a couple sexual partners happening around the same time.
so gingrich surges while everyone gets behind santorum?
are these things even possible simultaneously?
The headline may have changed to something less homosexual, but the reference to Manassas remains!
Manassas good as dogass?
Manassas, or as we call it in the north, Man on Bull Run.
Virginia is for Lovers libel!
Christian wingnut conservative Republicans, they are the gift that just keeps on giving.
Yep. Though I don't think that when the author of Acts of the Apostles wrote of the "gift of the Holy Spirit" (2:38) he was talking about this crowd.
"Mean-Spirited Practical Joke of the Holy Spirit", perhaps.
Giving *what,* you'd better not say, I suppose.
he makes Bill Clinton look like a family man
Bill Clinton had many, many flaws and weaknesses. He has done many things, committed many betrayals, that have deeply hurt the people closest to him. But unlike Newt, he and his wife have stayed together and have managed to forge a relationship which is hard for many people to understand (including me, I must say) but which does seem to be held together with genuine affection, respect and support. He has been, to all appearances, a loving, supportive and devoted father to Chelsea, despite the pain his high-profile infidelities may have brought her, and she appears to have grown into a poised and confident adult.
So, yes, child-support dodging, multiply-married Gingrich, the annulment of whose first marriage makes his children illegitimate in the eyes of the Holy Church, makes Bill Clinton look like a family man. Because for all of his other flaws, Bill Clinton is a family man.
To use another Dan Savage neologism, Ol' Bill is monogamish.
(Though, I do think the idea of being monogamish has a few holes.)
*giggle*
(pokes Loaded_Pants)
This is where I always come for Breaking News involving God & Santorum…
Santorum wins the nom? We're never gonna be that lucky.
Remember the good old days when we just had gerbils for buttsechs imagery?
Ana and both Sara[h]s were always good Wonk eye-candy; don't know about any of the current editors, and I'm not a good judge for the male contributors.
Try, hon. I can help.
Always thought Jim Newell was a cutie, but I am partial to gingers.
OK I'm blushing again.
Are you a redhead, sweetie? I'm sorry, I'm being an insufferable tease, but you two are just too cute for words.
Yes, i am and have always bean a redhead.
I see whoever made the blingee knows about the role that dong chim might play in the formation of santorum.
dong chimp = hot monkey sex?
It's Korean for "sexual battery by a minor."
Let me rephrase that: DONG CHIM!
Can you hear me now?
Wow … that's just … wow …
Viguerie! Viguerie! Yaaaaaaaay, TEAM!!!
What terrible way to end the week. Fuck Santorum. This shit is beyond snark.
And the lube is beyond snark too.
I find it adorable how the fundamentalist Christen wing of the Republican Party still thinks they get to sit at the big boy table. The Party will mouth your stupid talking points and then spend all their time doing what large corporations and trust fund babies want. For all intensive purposes your whole voting block is the equivalent of a liberal putting a China out of Tibet bumper sticker on their Subaru.
You watched 30 Rock last night, too?
Next to a COEXIST sticker, of course.
I refuse to do the bumper sticker thing, but I did manage to scrape off a Subaru logo and put it on the back of my GMC Sierra. It helps not being able to see cars that small when I'm backing up.
What's so bad about this? When Christians unite, they feed the poor, shelter the weak, practice tolerance, give the meek the earth…kidding HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA we're fucked.
A santorum wave is sweeping the religious reich!
The 2012 GOP primary campaign is a game of musical chairs, set to Erasure.
The tiny animated "Iced Tea Shocker" ad was an inspired touch, Junior.
[ADDING: Manassas, Virginia?! "Man Asses, Virgina"?! BWAHAHAHA!!]
Oh I just noticed the flexing bottom. so to speak, that is a work of genius.
A vote for Colbert is a vote for sanity.
I shall be re-registering as a Republitard in NJ just so I can cast my vote for the worst of the worst. But frankly, they're indistinguishable!
Obviously the eight precincts' ballots were raptured.
Thank G-d, somebody FINALLY mentioned Mrs. Santorum's abortion, and a late term one at that. Faced with life threatening complications from a pregnancy (if they'd used contraception to limit her pregnancies or at least space them properly, she may not have gotten quite so sick), they did the right thing.
They decided to "induce labor" and get that dangerous little fetus out of there before he killed his mother. Personally, I think killing the fetus in utero before inducing labor would have been more humane than having him expelled only to die later, but Catholics lose their reason when faced with reality of human reproduction.
The conservochristians can't make heads or tails out of the "principled" candidate's "The government should stay out of your business" and "unless it's your LADY business!" stands any more than anyone else.
If Ron Paul was principled, he would stand behind his newsletters and defend them as he did in the 90s. Instead he tries to weasel his way out of it with a ridiculous excuse nobody but the staunchest Paul supporters believe.
I was just behind a car with a "Palin * 2012" bumper sticker. I know she's not technically running, and the sticker didn't whether they were supporting her for president, highest-paid Faux News bobble-head or quitter of the year in 2012, but it's not like anything else in this primary has made any sense.
Bloody woman has a TV studio in her fucking house. I think that tells you all you need to know.
In an anecdotal aside, I followed some car into Safeway with a Mitt Romney license plate holder ("Romney 2012 / end the nightmare" or similar), which was also sporting a World Net Daily bumper sticker. One of these fuckers who does a left turn on a green with no filter and then promptly stands on the anchors as soon as they're in the parking lot, blocking everyone else from making the turn. Anyway, followed the cunt into the lot and kept an eye because he'd annoyed me. Idiot pulls into a space and dings the car next to him as he does it. Wouldn't you know it? Cranky old white guy.
I'm still not sure if he's the same guy that was screaming at the cashier on a different occasion because she had the temerity to call him "darling" during his transaction. All these cranky old white guys look the same to me.
HE'S DARK-SIDED, TOO!!!!
A "President Santorum" (grabs stomach and dry heaves) would make George W. Bush look like someone who had bat-sense. I know, the mind boggles.
They're uniting behind him to produce mass quantities of santorum that they will sell as a facial mask…or is that fecal mass
Well then, forget I said that; I am very jealous!
You know it. If they didn't actually drag the poor guy off the cross and put paid to him with their own hands. I worry so much about President O when he's out there talking to the people. These people are so crazy and filled with hate. And I remember what they have done to every one of our leaders who tried to climb out of that crab bucket.
You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.
I shall never forget Gene Wilder's pitch-perfect delivery in that movie. It's my favourite film. I watch it once or twice a year, just to keep the blues away. (Hugs LesBontemps) Thanks. I needed to stop thinking those ugly thoughts.
Comments on this entry are closed.