'diplomacy is so boring'

Andrew Adler, who owns an Atlanta-based newspaper called the Atlanta Jewish Times, wrote an op-ed last week in which he theorized on what Israel could do about its relationship with the United States vis à vis Iran. As Adler sees it, Israel has three options, and one of them involves “ordering a hit on” President Obama. Uhhhh.

Adler, whose newspaper has a circulation of about 3,500 (and a staff of merely five), is basically suggesting that assassinating Obama has to be something that Israel is considering, because it would allow it to put its foot down to an allegedly weaker vice president. The first two options: bomb Iran, or bomb Hamas and Hezbollah. Three:

Three, give the go-ahead for U.S.-based Mossad agents to take out a president deemed unfriendly to Israel in order for the current vice president to take his place, and forcefully dictate that the United States’ policy includes its helping the Jewish state obliterate its enemies.

Order a hit on a president in order to preserve Israel’s existence. Think about it. If I have thought of this Tom Clancy-type scenario, don’t you think that this almost unfathomable idea has been discussed in Israel’s most inner circles?

That’s not really the point? Gawker got on the phone with Adler to find out what the hell he is talking about. Apparently, he sounded “nervous” and backtracked with the following:

I was hoping to make clear that it’s unspeakable—god forbid this would ever happen.

See, the thing about unspeakable things is — TOO LATE.

In the end Adler tried to frame his Tom Clancy fan fiction as basically a ploy for more attention. Well, in that case. [Gawker]

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  • nounverb911

    Mr. Adler, Secret Service on line three.

    • Preferred Customer

      And someone named Moe Saad on line four.

    • beavertank

      "Yes, Mr. Adler, we'd like to offer you an all expense paid trip to a tropical paradise. All you'd have to do is answer a few questions for us about your recent article."

    • Come here a minute

      Also on lines two and one.

  • DrunkIrishman


    • Callyson

      I hope that's how the Israeli government is reacting, privately as well as publicly…

      • beavertank

        I suppose that's vaguely better than, "HE KNOWS! WHO TALKED??"

        • horsedreamer_1

          Is Bibi Netanyahu ugly enough to go full Golda (Meir)?

  • Barb

    "I was hoping to make clear that it’s unspeakable"
    I'm hoping the Secret Service makes a few things clear to you.

    • Pragmatist2

      When one actually "speaks" it, that's a pretty clear sign that one does not regard it as "unspeakable."

      • Tundra Grifter

        Actually, while it is unspeakable apparently it was perfectly writable.

        Last night Ole Newt called a fairly straightforward question despicable – Daffy Duck style. What word does he have for this debacle?

    • horsedreamer_1

      I just want to make a few things clear
      Your Mamie President's not dead
      He's still alive & bitchin'
      & I don't have a hooknose
      My septum is just blisterin'
      & as for being an apartheid state
      I don't know
      I'm too scared to read history

  • SorosBot

    What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck? And how the fuck is Obama "eemed unfriendly to Israel", like all US presidents he goes overboard in Israel's interests. But then the goal of having Israel "obliterate its enemies" shows that that is one sick, sick man.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Wow, maybe he's just auditioning for a Fox gig.

  • nounverb911

    Do they have a Kosher kitchen at Gitmo?

    • It's treyf, yes.

      Not that I've ever been [redacted] or even [redacted]. I'm a law-abiding [redacted]!

      • Um … treyf is the opposite of kosher.

        • tessiee

          Which is why it's funny that Dr. Zoidberg is a lobster.

          • Oh, duh. OK. Thanks, tessiee.

    • CountryClubJihadi

      Kabbalah Waterboarding, also.

    • He'll be a hit with the Afghans, I'm sure!

      • Well, he'll be hit *by* them, of *that* you can certainly be sure.

    • Well, halal and kosher are really close.

      • Don't tell Pam Atlass that!

      • finallyhappy

        Muslims will eat kosher but jews won't eat halal. I am a vegetarian so I don't care

        • Muslims traveling outside Muslim countries don't have much of a choice, do they? At least Jews can *find* kosher. Until fairly recently, if you were an observant Muslim, you couldn't find halal food anywhere. Eating kosher is at least better than eating treyf/haram.

    • Kosher, halal — same thing, right?

      • tessiee

        Sure, like the Torah and the Koran are the same.

        • I'm just being snarky, darlz. You know how it is. All us furrners and our furrn non-Christian religions are the same.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Paging: Gingrich, Romney, Santorum. Have we got a Veep nominee for you.

  • yrbmegr

    Um…bomb Israel?

    • o/~ A-bomb bomb bomb, bomb Israel o/~

      Nah. Sorry. Not as catchy.

    • Negropolis

      That's…just crazy enough to work!

  • 1) Israel assassinates Obama

    2) Biden takes over, declares war on Israel

    3) ????

    4) PROFIT!

    • As long as profit is the end result, its all good.

    • beavertank

      End times here we come!

      And they thought OBAMA was the antichrist. Little did they know they were aiming just slightly too high…

  • Is the Editor by any chance the Kansas House Speaker?

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Hey, at least Adler came out and directly said he thinks murder is a nifty idea, instead of the coy, cutesy "let's pray for Obama" bullshit.

    • comrad_darkness

      No, but they worship the same righteously violent old testament god guy.

    • Geezus. Fuck me blind.

  • emmelemm

    Why not do all three? AMIRITE??!!

  • sati_demise


    • CommieLibunatic

      Nah. From the sounds of that follow-up phone call, he's too wimpy to be a terrorist.

      • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

        Oh, man–The Wimp Liberation Army is gonna have your number now.

        • We are the folk song army
          Every one of us cares …

          oh, wait. Wrong end of the political spectrum.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Maybe next time Adler's on a plane he'll stick to doing sudoku, instead of reading male action fantasy fiction.

    • LesBontemps

      Next time he's on a plane (tomorrow) it's going to be to a secret "detention" facility in Latvia.

      • And after what he said, who could possibly be more deserving?

        I am sick and tired of stupid fucks threatening the life of our duly elected President.

    • CommieLibunatic

      PSSHHaaaa, I could write better action stuff than that. I've probably had better fever dreams than that!

      • tessiee

        John Ringo could write better action stuff than that.
        Oh, wait — no, he couldn't.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Kill the hand that feeds you? Worked out well for the Menendez brothers, so why not?

  • This would make for one wacky Shemini Atzeret

    • finallyhappy

      So I had this fantasy about writing a sitcom episode about Hoshana Rabbah- but I could combine it with Shemini Atzeret. What do you think?

      • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

        It's tempting to make really obscure jokes, but ultimately you have little to shofar it.

        • finallyhappy

          Really, you can be the main writer!! I have no ability to write puns.

  • Chichikovovich

    Unfortunately, Mr. Tough Guy, it can't be unspeakable because you spoke it.
    Just like I wish that the existence of right-wing morons like yourself were incredible. But sadly, I'm forced to believe it.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Yeah, I'm afraid that word means what you think it means.

  • slithytoves

    don’t you think that this almost unfathomable idea has been discussed in Israel’s most inner circles?

    I'm just as paranoid as any well-informed person, but no, I don't think it has.

    • Is Mr. Happy teh kitteh?

      • slithytoves

        Yes he is – a sweetheart, too!

        • And he has teh asmaz? Poor Mr. Happeh! Zingiber had teh asmaz too. Poor guy was allergic to his own fur. I hope that's not Mr. Happy's complaint. He looks like a sweetheart. I kiss his furry nose.

          • slithytoves

            I kissey his furry noze 100 times a day (even though I have the asmaz, too, and am probably allergic to him), and I will kissey him for you – he sez thx for the xtra kisseys today. Scared the bejeezus out of me when he started hacking like a four pack a day emphysema patient! Hope your Zingiber is okay – he's the spitting image of my Kilgore Trout! Past tense? Do you not have the big boy any more? Cats are people, too. Better people.

          • Yeah, I'm allergic to all my little rescues, but who can resist those sweet furry faces? Especially now, since I can not has teh dogz. (Too gimpy to walk a dog as it needs to be walked.)

            Zingiber is no longer with us, to my great sorrow. It's been just over a year and I can't believe I still miss him so fucking much. Twenty-three pounds of sweet, red, hairy love. His brother lives with us still, but his days are drawing to a close, too.

            Poor Mr. Happy! I have to keep the house vacuumed thoroughly for the kittehs. I try but don't always succeed in giving them the standard of cleanliness they would prefer. For little pigs in fur suits, they sure need a lot of cleaning up after. Kilgore Trout, eh? A fellow Vonnegut fan. I'm waiting for another big fat ginger kitty to come into my life someday. I might just name him Kilgore Trout, come to think of it.

          • slithytoves

            So sorry about Zingiber. I lost my Piper (a grey Maine Coon) two years ago, which eventually led to getting Mr. Happy, another Maine Coon. I still dream about her. I cried harder when I had to have her put to sleep than at any funeral I had attended in 20 years. She was sweet, and she was without sin.

            Careful about the naming; Kilgore Trout turned out to be as much of a curmudgeon as his namesake. He always wants love, but he tends to bite when you give it to him!! That's sort of endearing, in a weird way. Very Vonnegut. You might want to try Mr. Rosewater, instead. :)

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    "give the go-ahead for U.S.-based Mossad agents to take out a president deemed unfriendly to Israel"

    He meant take out to nice Jewish deli for a nosh and talk.

    • nounverb911

      Katz's? Adler can meet them under the "orgasm" sign.

    • prommie

      Krauthammer couldn't do it, he's a cripple, and Obama could take Doug Feith and Paul Wolfowitz at the same time. How many more Mossad agents are based in the US?

      • BornInATrailer

        Don't forget Joe Lieberman, the sleeper cell.

        (get it, cuz he's all old and constantly falls asleep)

        • The sleepiest of them all!

        • AutomaticPilot

          His jowls fall asleep a half an hour before the rest of him does.

      • HempDogbane

        Elliot Abrams?

      • horsedreamer_1


    • If by "nosh" you mean surround by undercover Mossad agents, and if by "talk" you mean a bullet to the head.

  • I hope he enjoys those cock sandwiches at Guantanamo.

    • tessiee

      Sausage isn't really kosher.

  • Baconzgood

    Holy fucking shit.

    (this comment is 100% snark free)

    • Dashboard Buddha


    • Toomush_Infer

      That's what's so remarkable about these Republican daze – the snark is seamless….!

    • Limeylizzie

      It also should be bacon-free.

      • Baconzgood


    • Pretty daring, eh? Sitting in safety in a country of which you are a citizen, and plotting the elected leader's demise for the benefit of a country you don't even want to live in. Pretty fucking cheeky.

  • BornInATrailer

    "Andy always told me, you'd better get busy writing or get busy backpeddling"

    • NYNYNYjr

      Andrew Jackson?

  • SexySmurf

    If I have thought of this Tom Clancy-type scenario, don't you think that this almost unfathomable idea has been discussed in Israel's most inner circles?

    It depends. Are they all fucking retarded?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hey, you can't say that here! Or at least, the rest of us can't.

      • chicken_thief

        The previous was a test – why do the evil overlord administrators hate me?!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          It's a consipiracy: The evil overlord adminstrators play favorites.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Adler later added "No, no, no. I said somebody should HIT ON Obama. You know, like get a good sex scandle going so he would have to resign in shame. Some DNA on a dress should do the trick. Jeesh people, are you trying to get me dissapeared by the CIA or what? Just a second, there's somebody at the door."

    • All attempts to contact him for comment on this article have been unsuccessful.

  • GhostBuggy

    Wait, so his little scheme hinges on the idea that Biden is someone who's just gonna roll over and take some shit?

    Yes, sure, that cant miss.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      The dude drives a TransAm…you just DO NOT fuck with that.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Yeah, just ask Jackie Gleason.

  • Chichikovovich

    don’t you think that this almost unfathomable idea has been discussed in Israel’s most inner circles?

    Let's put it this way, Mr. Adler. It almost surely hasn't. But if it has been discussed, it's easy to imagine that the Mossad officials who would seriously discuss such a thing would be a bit psycho, and none too happy about you spouting off. Maybe the visit from Secret Service will be friendlier than some of the others you will get.

    Just don't be sleeping in the same bed twice for the next decade or so, is what I'm saying.

  • Not_So_Much

    Foot, meet Mouth. Scrotum, meet cattle-prod.

  • iburl

    Treason, ever heard of it?

    • philpjfry

      It's not just for breakfast anymore

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oy. Enjoy Gitmo, you schmuck.

    • Such a putz, he has to drag the whole goddamn community into it, because now you know what people will be saying, right?

  • Radiotherapy

    This is good news for Hank Williams Jr.

  • paris biltong

    I'd like to fuck the boss's wife. Maybe if I kill her husband she'll fall in love with me.

    • Pragmatist2

      She might at least be grateful

    • Radiotherapy

      The Jews did your boss.

    • King David Libel, Kind Of, Except He Was The Boss!!!!

    • Barrelhse

      Maybe you'll get Jody Foster!

    • tessiee

      That's what Furio Giunta thought, too.

  • PlanetWingNut

    BOom BOOM BOOM I hope they have Kosher Buttseks at his Gitmo Room.

  • Adler may get his pork pulled and actually keep it kosher.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Always kvetching about the schwarzers! Oy!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You know who else the Jews should have assassinated?

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Oh, wait.

      • Geez, dood.

      • tessiee

        Too soon!

    • Iranian President Achmedinijad?

    • Ummmm, nope. Can't think of anybody.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Henny Youngman?Pauly Shore?

      • GOPCrusher

        Replace Henny Youngman with Howie Mandel and I'm onboard.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq


    • chicken_thief

      Moses? Or at least got him a GPS.

      • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

        or surveyors' instruments

    • Generation[redacted]

      I'm racking my brain to think of an answer that isn't "Hitler," but nothing else comes to mind.

    • SayItWithWookies


    • Baconzgood

      Ramses II?

      • Steverino247

        Nope. God kept hardening his heart so He could keep fucking with His people and let Pharoah take the blame. Asshole!

      • Negropolis

        How about Gordon Ramsey and we call it a day?

    • real_dc_native

      Joseph Stalin? Killed more than that German guy and was smart enough not to keep records.

    • Yitzhak Rabin? Oh wait…

    • horsedreamer_1


    • I *know* this one: Hitler.

    • tessiee

      Carrot Top?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    So when Malia is President, she'll invade Atlanta because someone threatened her dad.

    • yrbmegr

      As a historical re-enactment, perhaps?

      • Blueb4sunrise

        Somewhere there's a teen named W.T. Sherman considering a career in the military.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      As someone said the other day, Mister we could use a man like General Sherman again….

    • Steverino247

      Been there, done that.

      W.T. Sherman

    • mayor_quimby

      Can I sign up as a traitorous mole against the outh now, or do I have to wait until shit jumps off in SC?
      Now, wait a minute…

    • You KNOW the Obamas will raise her better than that.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh sure — to some people, Israel assassinating the president in order to gain a more acceptable ally (just like they do to Fatah and Hamas, right? How's that working out?) seems like a piece of sheer idiocy that should be discarded without further consideration. On the other hand, it's less radical than Ronald Reagan's hope that we would be invaded by aliens so that we'd recognize our common humanity is greater than our differences.

    So remember — one man's complete idiocy is another man's right-wing idea machine. Like invading Iraq, having a 9% flat tax and bringing back orphanages, you just never know what kinda awesome shit is gonna come out of it.

    • Like a cakewalk-cum-decade long morass in a desert?

    • NYNYNYjr

      Orphanages rocked– all that singing and dancing

      • PubOption

        It was still a hard-knock life.

      • tessiee

        And the gruel, can't forget the gruel.

    • To be fair, Krugman's paraphrased that Ronald Ray Gun remark about aliens, vis a vis the economy.

      Of course, unlike Reagan, Krugman has always strictly tongue-in-cheek when he's done so.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Someone just booked himself a gig on Fox & Friends.

  • For the sake of ushering in an "allegedly weaker" vice prez it still reveals a major oversight: has this goofus taken any time to consider the wrath that'd be unleashed by our FLOTUS, who, lovely and amazing as she is, also commands a somewhat more assertive approach than her husband & Joe combined? Call me crazy but I wouldn't want to find myself in the path of the ensuing she-tempest if someone pointed their gun-finger, even vaudevillian-like, at her family.

    • vulpes82

      Michelle could take any Mossad agent they'd throw at Barry! The power of organic vegetables is beyond comprehension!

    • Because of all the mythical evidence that she is an Angry Black Woman!!

      • mayor_quimby

        I heard she once gave Sasha a firm pinch for acting up in Target! The horror!

      • No, because a woman in defense of her family is scary. Any woman. Regardless of her colour. My ex-MIL (who brought her son unharmed through WW II in France) calls it "Mother-Fu." Deadlier than kung-fu.

  • C_R_Eature

    Two words. Mr Adler: "Extraordinary." "Rendition."

    Oh, almost forgot. An Acronym: NADA.

    The President of the United States of America is someone you Don't Wanna Fuck With,
    So Don't Fuck with Barry, Don't Fuck With Barry…

    • Steverino247

      If you thought Billy the Mountain was bad…

      • C_R_Eature

        As soon as Barry gets done with Adler, he'll deal with those Studebacher Koch Brothers, surely.

        • Steverino247

          Barack was a mountain.
          Michelle had nice arms growing off of her shoulders.

          • C_R_Eature


      • You saw what just happened to the guy with the flies.

  • BornInATrailer

    Barry's regretting that executive signing statement he made for the NDAA now, eh?

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Huh… "The Mossad should assassinate Obama," eh?

    The most charitable interpretation: he's trying to make Stormfront readers' heads explode

    • Haha. Yes, this puts them in quite a quandary with their racist selves. The Blacks or the Jews, who you gonna choose, nazi?

    • GOPCrusher

      Or make them explode in their pants.

  • comrad_darkness

    $3 billion a year for this? I want a refund.

  • Goonemeritus

    Yes if only Israel would have been tougher over the last 60 years everything would be different now. Look how well it went for Russia in Afghanistan they stepped up to the plate and now Afghanistan is a placid Soviet satellite.

  • Good idea guys. I'm sure Joe Biden would just roll over after that. Roll over you with his head sticking out of an M1-Abrams Tank, that is.

    I just don't get the impression Joe takes much shit, I don't know why.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Joe Biden should find this guy and go do donuts on his lawn in his bitchin Trans Am.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Grumpy old newspaper editor is tired of Joe Biden playing mailbox baseball in his Trans Am.

    • NYNYNYjr

      Really, this would be a crappy Mousad plan. It would look like the "Iranians did it", is what this turd was imagining…but come on. Some best laid plans of mice are better laid than others.

      • Yeah, my pet mice laid better "plans" in their cedar chips.

    • Barrelhse

      'Cause he's crazy!!

  • Nothingisamiss

    WTF. WTF. WTF. Seriously. WTF is wrong with these fucking people? And will this dickhead suffer professional shame for this? An award, most likely, for his "honesty in the face of liberal attacks."

  • widestanceshakedown

    Will the GOP candidates have to also now sign a pledge to kill Obama if elected? There's still plenty of time before November.

    • Don't encourage them, dear. They're already babbling about bloodying his nose, shoving things down his throat, and iknocking him out. How much longer before they start screaming for the poor man's blood? I wouldn't have his job for all the tea in China.

    • tessiee

      Ugh, don't give them any ideas.

  • mereoblivion

    Blessed is Bibi, the Source of Blessing, forever and always.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    I think this guy just threw himself out a 40th-floor Overton Window.

    • philpjfry

      And closed the window afterwards

  • Sounds sort of like a Zionist Jimmy O'Keefe, only more violent and, amazingly, even more retarded.

  • comrad_darkness

    >Includes its helping the Jewish state obliterate its enemies.
    Joshua fit the battle of Jerico, Jerico, Jerico, Joshua fit the battle of Jerico and the walls came tumbl'n down . . . .

  • Baconzgood

    After the last two Wonkette postings I have been able to assess that the right wing has gone bat shit insane.

    • emmelemm

      Every. Last. One of THEM!!

      • AlterNewt

        There seems to be nothing, and I mean NOTHING left, that they won't say. In PUBLIC.

        • emmelemm

          Yes, apparently despite NDAA and what-have-you, there are no longer any consequences for advocating the assassination of the President. Who's blah.

          Good to know.

        • In all fairness, they have not called the President a Nigrah. Yet.

    • tessiee

      And these are the very same people who wanted to send citizens to the Gitmo Barbed Wire Rockin' Fun Zone for wearing a Kerry T-shirt when Bush was "President", and are in favor of pepper spraying peaceful demonstrators at a sit-in.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Totes OT: what's with the guy in the ad who weighs 170 and benches weed? He's taking up space that that lovely FIT gym guy could be filling (heh, heh, over and over and over).

    • Slut.

      ETA: It's a term of endearment, honest! Just ask ttommyunger.

    • tessiee

      I don't have any ads with any guys at all, just that ad with the muthafuckin' iced tea.

      • I think they scored our IP addresses and correlated them with our quiz answers, and are serving up a "personalized" ad palette. I'm getting Jesus Jeans, or something. Nice looking guy who totes sets my gaydar humming.

  • "Forcefully dictate that the United States’ policy includes its helping the Jewish state obliterate its enemies."

    Oh, I didn't know that we were Israel's hit man. I guess that's only fair for all the foreign aid they give us.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    The Eagle has plotzed.

  • philpjfry

    And down the Rabbit hole we go. Doesn't anybody read this shit before it is printed and say " Ya know, maybe this is a little over the top"?

    • GOPCrusher

      Maybe they hired the editor from Ron Paul's newsletters?

  • This might be the opportunity the J Street Project needs to present itself more widely as an alternative to the Israel-can-do-no-wrong crowd.

  • owhatever

    Dear Editor Adler,
    Because you are advocating the assassination of our President, Israel is now on its own. Thanks, schmuck.
    A pissed off Jew

    • I'm tellin' ya. They need to hear this shit from every MoT.

  • Mahousu

    I give this one star. "The Mouse that Roared" already covered similar territory, and was funnier.

    • Limeylizzie

      Love , love, love that film.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    There is nothing worse than wet dreaming about wet work.

  • rickmaci

    Mr. Adler meet Khalid Kelly of al-Qaeda.

  • proudgrampa

    Well, this sounds like the PERFECT scenario anticipated by the National Defense Authorization Act. The President can order this cocksucker be detained, and we'll never hear from him again.

    • Steverino247

      You say that like it's a bad thing.

    • Honestly, right now I wish they would use the NDAA to pick this schmuck up and toss him in a cell.

  • johnnymeatworth

    So the Al Green cover for this situation is "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart," right?

    • fuflans

      for a moment there i read ALVIN greene.

      in which case the cover would be entirely different.

      • johnnymeatworth

        Right, the Alvin Greene cover is "They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Ha."

    • tessiee

      Or, "Take Him to the River (drop Him in the Water)"

  • WhatTheHeck

    If the god of Israel is so powerful, s/he won't need no stinkin Mossad agents.
    As for the Iran thingy, have a bunch of Israelis walk around Iran blowing trumpets. That should do it.

    • C_R_Eature

      I read that as "…walk around Iran blowing Strumpets.

      Not sure that would have the same effect. Worth a try, though!

  • HarryButtle

    Sounds like a job for Agent Lieberman.

    • Steverino247

      Lieberman, Liberman
      Does whatever an asshole can
      Is he strong?
      Listen, Bud
      He's got lobby cash
      In his blood
      Look out!
      There goes the Lieberman!

      • Limeylizzie

        Oh God, how do I love thee.

        • Steverino247

          I'm spoken for, but I can be "inspired," if you know what I mean. Have a great weekend!

          • Limeylizzie

            Me too, but I can dream, can't I?

          • Steverino247

            Sure you can. But I have to warn you that they don't make "certain" uniforms in my size. I'd be more like the GI there to liberate the oppressed.

          • Limeylizzie

            Could you mistake me for a Nazi spy and deal roughly with me until you realize your mistake, then?

          • Steverino247

            I could after I get home, I suppose.

          • Limeylizzie

            Your wife will thank me.

          • Steverino247

            OK. Where was I? Oh, yeah…

            I flipped the safety off my M-1 rifle and cautiously approached the door to the building ahead of me. I went up the stairs and heard loud moans coming from somewhere down the hall. I crept up to each door in turn, hoping to discover the source of the moans. As I approached the last door, I heard the unmistakeable sound of flesh slapping against flesh and a woman half-shouting, half-moaning instructions in German to someone. I racked my brain trying to remember my high school German, but her moaning drowned out the umlauts. I stepped back and kicked open the door. There, lying nude atop the dining room table was a beautiful woman lying naked with her legs in the air, a man half-wearing the uniform of an SS major was between her legs, thrusting away and oblivious to the fact that my weapon was pointed at his head. I raised my rifle so it was pointed at his other head and shouted, "Hande hoch!" The man continued to grind away and said, "Ein moment, bitte."

            (to be continued?)

          • Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap … wut?

            Oh, yes!

          • Limeylizzie

            Thanks for the inspirational words.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Oh man………any cartoonists here?
      Joe Lieberman, Agent of W.H.I.N.E.

      [hasn't this already been done?]

      • Generation[redacted]

        Missed it by *that* much!

      • tessiee

        Any cartoonists who *could* draw that would commit suicide before they had completely finished drawing the baggy long underwear tights.

    • GOPCrusher

      * cue Mission Impossible theme music *

    • horsedreamer_1

      Frankie Muniz is more intimidating.

    • You're right, he's certainly an expert at backstabbing.

  • fuflans

    this should go well.

  • Toomush_Infer

    So, maybe this is A-blow's ideal presidential candidate: someone who is able to offer up unique ideas for consideration, without having first filtered them through any kind of reserve judgment at all… (Another Bizarro World Production)…

  • Shellwith2Ls

    So, he's trying to top Eric Cantor for the title of World's Worst Jew?

  • flamingpdog

    Fat, drunk, and editor of a cheesey weekly newspaper is no way to go through life, son.

    • C_R_Eature

      "Yes, Mr. Adler…do you have something to say?"

      "Out with it!"

  • Tundra Grifter

    Who is the first GNoPee Presidential candidate going to be to step up and say this was a terrible thing to write?

    • C_R_Eature

      None of them, Katie?

      • Nothingisamiss

        Shit, you totally beat me to it.

        • C_R_Eature

          Sorry! But it's true.

          So terribly, depressingly true.

    • I hope you're not planning to hold your breath, or you'll be all lovely and blue before this is over.

      • Tundra Grifter


        I just heard on the CBS Evening News (so I know if must be true) that the casino "magnate" who gave $10,000,000 to the Super PAC supporting Ole Newt (and I don't mean the FOXPAC, either) did so because Ole Newt supports Israel no matter what.

        This is a remarkable turn of events. And puts Ole Newt at the bottom of the list of candidates likely to disavow these reprehensible statements.

        • Precisely, TG. These people are all disgusting, and Newt's probably the worst of the lot.

  • ElPinche

    Sounds like a grumpy old Obama hater with violent fantasies. Get in line asshole.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Found him

      Top right.

      • "Dunwoody" HA!

      • ElPinche

        Can't find the button that slaps his cunt-face with a raw cod fish.

        • He's Jewish. Try gefilte. Or a salmon.

  • Limeylizzie

    Fucking old cunt.

  • MissTaken

    I keep trying to say something witty and snarky, but all I can come up with is "fuck".


    • SorosBot

      Yeah, some things are so over the line it makes it hard to mock them. That cocksucking motherfucker.

  • TonyaA6

    How about Israel learning to ply well with others? Moron. I hope that Secret Service spends an extreme amount of "quality time" with this man. Good grief!

  • Limeylizzie

    I have to think of my favourite Jews now, Sami Frey and Robert Capa……dreamboats rather than shitheads.

    • tessiee

      Jon Stewart, too.

  • Callyson

    I realize that there have been tensions in the US – Israeli relationship lately, but I do not think that even Netanyahu would go for this boneheaded idea. The US is Israel's best friend on this planet and I really don't think they'll risk losing that.
    How this guy got to edit anything is beyond me…

  • real_dc_native

    Talk about entitlements, when is Israel going to get off the US Government tit and get a job? Even this president who is suppose to be so unfriendly to Israel hasn't broached the subject of cutting her allowance.

    — A Cranky Old Jew

    • You see what they did to him the last time he said anything about it? Let him win this round and then we'll bring it up again — because those Likudnik schmucks in the Israeli govt. are endangering the lives of every Jew with their stupid bullshit. It's time for it to stop. Not every person of Jewish descent *wants* to live in Israel, and as long as these idiots keep up this bs, they can't live in peace wherever they have chosen to.

  • real_dc_native

    Everybody is so worried about Iran getting nukes. What country in the mid-east has nukes and has shown no hesitation to attack their neighbor states over and over? Hmmmm? If I were Iran I think I'd want nukes too. (hint: It's not Pakistan)

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Um, Hitler? Wait. No, North Korea.

    • Indiana?

      Sorry… thought you said midwest.

    • C_R_Eature


      The first rule of Israeli Nuke Club is not to talk about Israeli Nuke Club.

    • First we got the bomb, and that was good
      Cause we believe in Motherhood
      Then Russia got the bomb, and that's OK
      Cause the balance of power's maintained that way

      Egypt's gonna get one too
      Just to use on you-know-who
      So Israel's getting tense
      Wants one in self-defense
      The Lord's our Shepherd says the Psalm, but just in case —
      We'd better get a bomb …

      • tessiee

        We give them money, but are they grateful?
        No, they're spiteful, and they're hateful.
        South America stole our name,
        Let's drop the big one, there'll be no one left to blame us.

        {sorry, can't remember if this is Tom Lehrer or Randy Newman}

  • Guppy

    Because if there's anybody firmly rooted in reality, it's Tom Clancy.

    • Fat-headed, old, bespectacled Tom Clancy should be the player avatar in all Tom Clancy Xbox games.

      • Esquire has a very interesting article on the fat, old, bespectacled sickly men who were recently arrested as "terrorists." It seems to be a growth market — Internet Tough Guy Personas for the elderly, fat, disabled, lonely lunatic.

  • DahBoner

    Henry Kissinger approves this message.

  • vulpes82

    Oy! Such a shonda for de Juden!

  • Tundra Grifter

    Let's do a Dr. I'll Blow and look at this objectively.

    Israel without US military aid has the life expectancy of a hummingbird.

    So, my answer is going to be "Hell, no! They never thought of this and they never will."

    • C_R_Eature

      In addition, the hypothetical Mossad Moron who did come up with this would be immediately fired, meet with an unfortunate "Motor Vehicle Malfunction" on the way home and all his personal & work files would go suddenly missing.

      • Tundra Grifter


        Yes – he'd get the Lebanese security service 401(k).

        A pistol with one in the chamber and none in the box.

        • C_R_Eature

          Good one!

          *tucks it away, carefully, for later*

  • Rotundo_

    Would that I were a fly on the wall for the conversation he must have had with the Secret Service and/or FBI about that little editorial. If I were him, I would be very, very, veeeeerrrrrry careful about my phone conversations for several years and file my taxes on time and accurately, I wouldn't advise jaywalking for a few months either. What a truly stupid asshole.

    • littlebigdaddy

      I'd also watch out for guys on motorcycles attaching things to my car.

  • Is the whole world going insane!!!???

    • C_R_Eature

      IS there, owns property and is building a Bunker Nice Cottage.

    • "Going," dear? The speed is certainly accelerating, but ever since that Blah man got into the White House … I don't know. I just don't. I never expected this level of hate.

  • Wonderthing

    It's just getting harder and harder to plant subconscious wishes in the national brain without someone calling you up and expecting you to explain them.

  • With a nigger President, nothing's off the table!

    • Limeylizzie

      It truly seems as if the right-wing feels it has carte-blanche to say anything because , well, he is a black man, so the rules are different.

      • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

        I think many of them believe* that as long as they stop just short of actually SAYING "nigger," it's magically not racist.

        * or maybe not even that. Just before the '08 election another teacher at the for-profit college I worked at said of Obama, "He's just an uppity nigger. And I am NOT racist!" **

        ** No, he was not being satirical. He was dead serious.

        • Limeylizzie

          Dear God, where do you live? I shouldn't still be stunned by this crap, but I confess it still shocks me.

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            Boise Goddamned Idaho, sadly enough. I don't know whether he was from here originally, or what, but after the election, there were also students who chuckled appreciatively when one guy in a class said, "man, I hope somebody just…" and then pantomimed cocking and firing a bolt-action rifle. I didn't let it pass without comment, but of course, he was "only joking."

            After 11 years here, Idaho still makes me nostalgic for the diversity and tolerance of Arizona.

          • Limeylizzie

            Living in Harlem I had a very different experience, my lovely upstairs neighbour, who is about 80 was weeping when he was elected and said that she was terrified that he would get shot.

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            No doubt she had someone like one of my students in mind…

          • I live in a mostly not-brown area that borders on a mostly-black/brown area, and all my friends from various minority groups have the same reaction as your neighbour. They're terrified, and have been since that day. Too many black and brown people assassinated IN this country and by people FROM this country. The Black Panthers are still a current memory for many people who live here.

          • Hey, I'm one of THOSE PEOPLE, if you know what I mean, and I'm constantly shocked and horrified by the level of hate. And imagine being GAY as well as brown. OK, I can kinda hide the gay part, but not too well.

          • tessiee

            Hey, I live in left-wing Portland, and I had an idiot cow-irker say to me, completely seriously, "I don't like his morals".

        • Sickening.

    • Ahem. As a Jewish American, I'm sure Mr. Adler prefers to use the word schvartze.

      • finallyhappy

        Someone actually used that word to me recently to describe the president- i got up and walked away.

        • I was so used to hearing it for much of my life that I was probably in my thirties before it occurred to me that it really is the Yiddish version of "nigger" and doesn't sound better just because you say it with a funny accent.

        • Thank you. Somebody needs to let older folks know this is not acceptable. Jeez, I'm an Oldz myself, and I've never done any of this shit.

    • It sure feels that way, don't it? So many of us thoroughly disliked Bush, yet I don't recall hearing people say things about taking out hunting licenses on him, or bloodying his nose, or killing him, widowing his wife, orphaning his children. And there was a lot of RWNJ hatred for Clinton, but other than some schmuck warning him not to visit the South, I don't remember this level of batshit insanity, either.

      • tessiee

        They never shut up complaining about everything Clinton did, didn't do, said, didn't say, from the moment he took the oath of office — but it was nowhere near *this* kind of ugliness.

        • Other than that one remark about not showing up on any Southern military bases, I don't recall anyone threatening his life or his wife and child publicly. I mean, there's always nuts who develop a fixation on a person, and not a lot we can do to stop that, but not public figures. This guy might not be a Pulitzer-prize-winning publisher, but still, he's a middle-class average kinda dude, not some raving wingnut. And *he's* saying stuff like this.

        • chicken_thief

          I'm not so sure about that. There is the whole Vince Foster and "trail of death" thing. The Pretender in Chief is routinely accused of treason and stupidity, but I don't recall any accusations of murder. And then of course, 9/11 was all Clinton's fault, too.

      • tessiee

        "hatred for Clinton, but other than some schmuck warning him not to visit the South"

        That was Jesse Helms, the beloved and esteemed Senator from North Carolna for two hundred and thirty-seven years, and reactionary racist schmuck extraordinaire.

  • I'm even more terrified about what the comments over at Salon will look like if Glenn Greenwald gets hold of this.

  • horsedreamer_1

    I prefer the Atlanta Jewish Times when they're trumpeting Shawn Green as the "Hammerin' Heeb".

  • Veritas78

    Alas, not dead yet, but I'm really looking forward to that happy day.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Jesus…the guy also references the "Kobayashi Maru scenario."

    I'm sorry, sir, you do NOT get to make Star Trek references like decent patriotic nerds.

    • ThundercatHo

      No, no he doesn't. Beam him down in a red shirt.

      • Ha! I want those red shirts to give out to people who annoy me.

        OT: My Xmas present for this year: a ST (Original) Lunch Box. I have waited 50 years for this thing. (OK, 40-some).

        • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

          Oooooooooooooh. This one?

          I am jealous. Had a friend who had one of those. I had a really boring Hot Wheels lunchbox myself

          Of course, all the really cool kids had the Edwin Newman lunchbox.

          • No, man, those are, like collectors' items. But mine has Lt. Uhura, which is totally the coolest.

  • Jadetiger79

    You know, over time my opinion of Israel has changed. As I was growing up, it was like: WE MUST SUPPORT ISRAEL AT ALL COSTS AFTER ALL, THAT'S WHERE JESUS CAME FROM. Now that I am older and can see all sides, I am finding my support for Israel diminishing to nothing. I see them as being deceitful bullies who are running around writing karma checks they can't possibly cash.

  • Negropolis

    "Atlanta Jewish Times"

    Is that anything like the Fargo African American Picayune or the Sharia Scranton Islamic Daily?

    • Sure sounds like it, don't it?

    • tessiee

      I think Atlanta is one of those Old South cities like Charleston SC, Savannah GA, and Charlotte NC, that actually has a fair sized Jewish community.

  • Negropolis

    Time that Ari gets a visit from the Obama administration's Shalom Team Six.

    Putz, please.

  • Troglodeity

    Is this some of that "grandiose thinking" Newt was talking about?

  • bobbysneakers1

    y'know, every time an OWS activist erects a tent in a public place she gets sent to guantanamo, while I've counted no fewer than 6 commentators, including 2 republican candidates, who've suggested the president should be assassinated.

  • fitley

    A Jewish racist homicidal white trash hillbilly. Wow living in Atlanta can really have an effect on a person.

  • ttommyunger

    Wonketeers are some of the most perceptive and intuitive readers on the Planet, yet all 352 comments so far have missed the scariest part of this piece: Three-Thousand-Five-Hundred souls who are educated enough to read SUBSCRIBE to this fucking rag.

  • benjo765

    see, the thing about fascist extremist movements is…

    …& phrpeas tge unpsaklbe slhuod jsut be wtitern lkie tihs? Mkae it seupr srceet.

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