AN OPEN INVITATION TO THE CIA  2:50 pm January 20, 2012

Newspaper Editor Suggests Israel Assassinate Obama

by Liz Colville

'diplomacy is so boring'

Andrew Adler, who owns an Atlanta-based newspaper called the Atlanta Jewish Times, wrote an op-ed last week in which he theorized on what Israel could do about its relationship with the United States vis à vis Iran. As Adler sees it, Israel has three options, and one of them involves “ordering a hit on” President Obama. Uhhhh.

Adler, whose newspaper has a circulation of about 3,500 (and a staff of merely five), is basically suggesting that assassinating Obama has to be something that Israel is considering, because it would allow it to put its foot down to an allegedly weaker vice president. The first two options: bomb Iran, or bomb Hamas and Hezbollah. Three:

Three, give the go-ahead for U.S.-based Mossad agents to take out a president deemed unfriendly to Israel in order for the current vice president to take his place, and forcefully dictate that the United States’ policy includes its helping the Jewish state obliterate its enemies.

Order a hit on a president in order to preserve Israel’s existence. Think about it. If I have thought of this Tom Clancy-type scenario, don’t you think that this almost unfathomable idea has been discussed in Israel’s most inner circles?

That’s not really the point? Gawker got on the phone with Adler to find out what the hell he is talking about. Apparently, he sounded “nervous” and backtracked with the following:

I was hoping to make clear that it’s unspeakable—god forbid this would ever happen.

See, the thing about unspeakable things is — TOO LATE.

In the end Adler tried to frame his Tom Clancy fan fiction as basically a ploy for more attention. Well, in that case. [Gawker]

 
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{ 353 comments }

nounverb911 January 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Mr. Adler, Secret Service on line three.

Preferred Customer January 20, 2012 at 4:26 pm

And someone named Moe Saad on line four.

beavertank January 20, 2012 at 5:38 pm

"Yes, Mr. Adler, we'd like to offer you an all expense paid trip to a tropical paradise. All you'd have to do is answer a few questions for us about your recent article."

Come here a minute January 20, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Also on lines two and one.

DrunkIrishman January 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Uh…

Callyson January 20, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I hope that's how the Israeli government is reacting, privately as well as publicly…

beavertank January 20, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I suppose that's vaguely better than, "HE KNOWS! WHO TALKED??"

horsedreamer_1 January 20, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Is Bibi Netanyahu ugly enough to go full Golda (Meir)?

Barb January 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

"I was hoping to make clear that it’s unspeakable"
I'm hoping the Secret Service makes a few things clear to you.

Pragmatist2 January 20, 2012 at 3:24 pm

When one actually "speaks" it, that's a pretty clear sign that one does not regard it as "unspeakable."

Tundra Grifter January 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Actually, while it is unspeakable apparently it was perfectly writable.

Last night Ole Newt called a fairly straightforward question despicable – Daffy Duck style. What word does he have for this debacle?

horsedreamer_1 January 20, 2012 at 7:13 pm

I just want to make a few things clear
Your Mamie President's not dead
He's still alive & bitchin'
& I don't have a hooknose
My septum is just blisterin'
& as for being an apartheid state
I don't know
I'm too scared to read history

SorosBot January 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck? And how the fuck is Obama "eemed unfriendly to Israel", like all US presidents he goes overboard in Israel's interests. But then the goal of having Israel "obliterate its enemies" shows that that is one sick, sick man.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

But then the goal of having Israel "obliterate its enemies" shows that that is one sick, sick man.

"Andrew Jackson had a pretty clear-cut idea about America's enemies: kill them."

Newt Gingrich, just the other day

Smithboy January 20, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Isarel is not a friend to the US… they are blood suckers. They will only claim us as an ally as long as we can provide them cover for their terrorist acts, such as killing innocent scientist and provoking wars that will kill hundreds of thousands of men, women and children.

The time is approaching to boycott these selfish hypocrites, who are starving Palestinians and stealing their land. It's just a stones throw from claiming to be God's chosen people to thinking of thmeselves as the super race.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 20, 2012 at 5:24 pm

As much as I often feel distaste for the policies of the Israeli government, your use of "They" there – when you contextualize with "God's chosen people" – strikes me as somewhat broad-brush

edit: oh, you were quoting Smithboy. Well, applies equally to him, I suppose.

Sometimes it's hard to separate "Israelis can be fucking assholes" from "Jews can be fucking assholes" when reading comments on this here intertube thingy.

real_dc_native January 20, 2012 at 5:36 pm

You're right. There are many fine people in Israel who are just as frustrated with their government and politicians as we are with ours.

doloras January 20, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I can't stand Israel's self-righteous colonialist mentality and support BDS and a one-state solution, but calling them "bloodsuckers" strays right over the edge into anti-Semitic tropes, I agree.

Anti-semites, fuck off. Palestine doesn't want your help.

finallyhappy January 20, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Fuck you- Blood suckers is such an old anti-semitic term. Lots of Jews and Israelis don't agree with the Isreali gov't but your remarks are classic – classic bigotry

SorosBot January 20, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I believe Jackson was referring to the Native Americans, who he was committing genocide against. And apparently Newt thought that was a positive; fuck.

Sue4466 January 20, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Well, Newt is willing to trade in racism for electoral votes, why not genocide? If it gets the redneck SC vote (like there's any other), totally worth it!

Fuck indeed.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Don't we have some nice folks from South Carolina right here in teh Wonketz? And even if we don't, we can't trash them all — after all, they did produce Stephen ColBEAR.

MissTaken January 20, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Yes, in Newt's next History for Dummies book the Trail of Tears will be renamed Trail Mix, It's Healthy…And Fun!

SorosBot January 20, 2012 at 4:11 pm

In his world, those Indians were asking for it, living on the land the white men wanted.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 20, 2012 at 4:37 pm

The inveterate shit-flingers over at HuffPo have a piece about how Doctor Historian fucked up and was thinking of Stonewall Jackson rather than Andrew Jackson. Which, considering Stonewall was a Confederate, rather changes the meaning of the quote.

Must admit, I've read a couple of bios of AJ and couldn't recall anything similar. Still, I don't get paid $1.6M to be an historian.

He was a fucking asshole to the Native Americans though.

SorosBot January 20, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Ignorant fuck-up, or intentional 'mistake" to hide a dog-whistle? Either is possible with Newt.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 7:55 pm

I'd be surprised if Newt knew Andrew from Stonewall from Samuel L.

prommie January 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

He doesn't go far enough overboard for Israel's interests, is the problem. For example, GW Bush let Israel take over the Pentagon. Obama won't let them.

Tundra Grifter January 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Not long ago Media Matters for America pointed out a major Israeli government leader said relations between the two nations have never been better.

Much of what Mr. Obama has said mirrors the views of the major political party over there.

It's the right wing nutz who have been telling lies about Mr. Obama (again). And now we can see one of the terrible results.

Generation[redacted] January 20, 2012 at 4:19 pm

"He agrees with us! Kill him!"

Texan_Bulldog January 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Wow, maybe he's just auditioning for a Fox gig.

nounverb911 January 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Do they have a Kosher kitchen at Gitmo?

actor212 January 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

It's treyf, yes.

Not that I've ever been [redacted] or even [redacted]. I'm a law-abiding [redacted]!

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Um … treyf is the opposite of kosher.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Which is why it's funny that Dr. Zoidberg is a lobster.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Oh, duh. OK. Thanks, tessiee.

CountryClubJihadi January 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Kabbalah Waterboarding, also.

KenLayIsAlive January 20, 2012 at 3:20 pm

He'll be a hit with the Afghans, I'm sure!

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Well, he'll be hit *by* them, of *that* you can certainly be sure.

starfanglednut January 20, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Well, halal and kosher are really close.

actor212 January 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Don't tell Pam Atlass that!

finallyhappy January 20, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Muslims will eat kosher but jews won't eat halal. I am a vegetarian so I don't care

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Muslims traveling outside Muslim countries don't have much of a choice, do they? At least Jews can *find* kosher. Until fairly recently, if you were an observant Muslim, you couldn't find halal food anywhere. Eating kosher is at least better than eating treyf/haram.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Kosher, halal — same thing, right?

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Sure, like the Torah and the Koran are the same.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:48 pm

I'm just being snarky, darlz. You know how it is. All us furrners and our furrn non-Christian religions are the same.

Rosie_Scenario January 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Paging: Gingrich, Romney, Santorum. Have we got a Veep nominee for you.

yrbmegr January 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Um…bomb Israel?

actor212 January 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

o/~ A-bomb bomb bomb, bomb Israel o/~

Nah. Sorry. Not as catchy.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 11:45 pm

That's…just crazy enough to work!

actor212 January 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

1) Israel assassinates Obama

2) Biden takes over, declares war on Israel

3) ????

4) PROFIT!

starfanglednut January 20, 2012 at 3:26 pm

As long as profit is the end result, its all good.

beavertank January 20, 2012 at 5:40 pm

End times here we come!

And they thought OBAMA was the antichrist. Little did they know they were aiming just slightly too high…

Chillwillard January 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Is the Editor by any chance the Kansas House Speaker?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Hey, at least Adler came out and directly said he thinks murder is a nifty idea, instead of the coy, cutesy "let's pray for Obama" bullshit.

comrad_darkness January 20, 2012 at 3:38 pm

No, but they worship the same righteously violent old testament god guy.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Geezus. Fuck me blind.

emmelemm January 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Why not do all three? AMIRITE??!!

sati_demise January 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Terrorist.

CommieLibunatic January 20, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Nah. From the sounds of that follow-up phone call, he's too wimpy to be a terrorist.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Oh, man–The Wimp Liberation Army is gonna have your number now.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:31 pm

We are the folk song army
Every one of us cares …

oh, wait. Wrong end of the political spectrum.

OneYieldRegular January 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Maybe next time Adler's on a plane he'll stick to doing sudoku, instead of reading male action fantasy fiction.

LesBontemps January 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Next time he's on a plane (tomorrow) it's going to be to a secret "detention" facility in Latvia.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:31 pm

And after what he said, who could possibly be more deserving?

I am sick and tired of stupid fucks threatening the life of our duly elected President.

CommieLibunatic January 20, 2012 at 3:50 pm

PSSHHaaaa, I could write better action stuff than that. I've probably had better fever dreams than that!

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 11:46 pm

John Ringo could write better action stuff than that.
Oh, wait — no, he couldn't.

BaldarTFlagass January 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Kill the hand that feeds you? Worked out well for the Menendez brothers, so why not?

evan7257 January 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm

This would make for one wacky Shemini Atzeret

finallyhappy January 20, 2012 at 8:04 pm

So I had this fantasy about writing a sitcom episode about Hoshana Rabbah- but I could combine it with Shemini Atzeret. What do you think?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 10:29 pm

It's tempting to make really obscure jokes, but ultimately you have little to shofar it.

finallyhappy January 21, 2012 at 7:43 am

Really, you can be the main writer!! I have no ability to write puns.

Chichikovovich January 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Unfortunately, Mr. Tough Guy, it can't be unspeakable because you spoke it.
Just like I wish that the existence of right-wing morons like yourself were incredible. But sadly, I'm forced to believe it.

ShaveTheWhales January 20, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Yeah, I'm afraid that word means what you think it means.

slithytoves January 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm

don’t you think that this almost unfathomable idea has been discussed in Israel’s most inner circles?

I'm just as paranoid as any well-informed person, but no, I don't think it has.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Is Mr. Happy teh kitteh?

slithytoves January 21, 2012 at 8:08 am

Yes he is – a sweetheart, too!

MittBorg January 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm

And he has teh asmaz? Poor Mr. Happeh! Zingiber had teh asmaz too. Poor guy was allergic to his own fur. I hope that's not Mr. Happy's complaint. He looks like a sweetheart. I kiss his furry nose.

slithytoves January 21, 2012 at 6:12 pm

I kissey his furry noze 100 times a day (even though I have the asmaz, too, and am probably allergic to him), and I will kissey him for you – he sez thx for the xtra kisseys today. Scared the bejeezus out of me when he started hacking like a four pack a day emphysema patient! Hope your Zingiber is okay – he's the spitting image of my Kilgore Trout! Past tense? Do you not have the big boy any more? Cats are people, too. Better people.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

"give the go-ahead for U.S.-based Mossad agents to take out a president deemed unfriendly to Israel"

He meant take out to nice Jewish deli for a nosh and talk.

nounverb911 January 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Katz's? Adler can meet them under the "orgasm" sign.

prommie January 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Krauthammer couldn't do it, he's a cripple, and Obama could take Doug Feith and Paul Wolfowitz at the same time. How many more Mossad agents are based in the US?

BornInATrailer January 20, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Don't forget Joe Lieberman, the sleeper cell.

(get it, cuz he's all old and constantly falls asleep)

starfanglednut January 20, 2012 at 3:31 pm

The sleepiest of them all!

AutomaticPilot January 20, 2012 at 9:30 pm

His jowls fall asleep a half an hour before the rest of him does.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:35 pm

DroopyDawg!

HempDogbane January 20, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Elliot Abrams?

Mariecohn January 20, 2012 at 4:01 pm

dead already

Dudleydidwrong January 20, 2012 at 11:16 pm

I think he's still slightly alive: http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/biogr

horsedreamer_1 January 20, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Kissinger?

starfanglednut January 20, 2012 at 3:31 pm

If by "nosh" you mean surround by undercover Mossad agents, and if by "talk" you mean a bullet to the head.

Chillwillard January 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I hope he enjoys those cock sandwiches at Guantanamo.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Sausage isn't really kosher.

Baconzgood January 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Holy fucking shit.

(this comment is 100% snark free)

Dashboard Buddha January 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Seriously

Toomush_Infer January 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

That's what's so remarkable about these Republican daze – the snark is seamless….!

Limeylizzie January 20, 2012 at 4:19 pm

It also should be bacon-free.

Baconzgood January 20, 2012 at 4:24 pm

NEVAR!!!!!!!!

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Pretty daring, eh? Sitting in safety in a country of which you are a citizen, and plotting the elected leader's demise for the benefit of a country you don't even want to live in. Pretty fucking cheeky.

BornInATrailer January 20, 2012 at 3:05 pm

"Andy always told me, you'd better get busy writing or get busy backpeddling"

NYNYNYjr January 20, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Andrew Jackson?

SexySmurf January 20, 2012 at 3:06 pm

If I have thought of this Tom Clancy-type scenario, don't you think that this almost unfathomable idea has been discussed in Israel's most inner circles?

It depends. Are they all fucking retarded?

Biel_ze_Bubba January 20, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Hey, you can't say that here! Or at least, the rest of us can't.

chicken_thief January 20, 2012 at 4:10 pm

The previous was a test – why do the evil overlord administrators hate me?!

Biel_ze_Bubba January 20, 2012 at 6:49 pm

It's a consipiracy: The evil overlord adminstrators play favorites.

BigDumbRedDog January 20, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Adler later added "No, no, no. I said somebody should HIT ON Obama. You know, like get a good sex scandle going so he would have to resign in shame. Some DNA on a dress should do the trick. Jeesh people, are you trying to get me dissapeared by the CIA or what? Just a second, there's somebody at the door."

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:38 pm

All attempts to contact him for comment on this article have been unsuccessful.

GhostBuggy January 20, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Wait, so his little scheme hinges on the idea that Biden is someone who's just gonna roll over and take some shit?

Yes, sure, that cant miss.

Dashboard Buddha January 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

The dude drives a TransAm…you just DO NOT fuck with that.

BaldarTFlagass January 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Yeah, just ask Jackie Gleason.

Chichikovovich January 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

don’t you think that this almost unfathomable idea has been discussed in Israel’s most inner circles?

Let's put it this way, Mr. Adler. It almost surely hasn't. But if it has been discussed, it's easy to imagine that the Mossad officials who would seriously discuss such a thing would be a bit psycho, and none too happy about you spouting off. Maybe the visit from Secret Service will be friendlier than some of the others you will get.

Just don't be sleeping in the same bed twice for the next decade or so, is what I'm saying.

Not_So_Much January 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Foot, meet Mouth. Scrotum, meet cattle-prod.

iburl January 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Treason, ever heard of it?

philpjfry January 20, 2012 at 3:35 pm

It's not just for breakfast anymore

elviouslyqueer January 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Oy. Enjoy Gitmo, you schmuck.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Such a putz, he has to drag the whole goddamn community into it, because now you know what people will be saying, right?

Radiotherapy January 20, 2012 at 3:11 pm

This is good news for Hank Williams Jr.

paris biltong January 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I'd like to fuck the boss's wife. Maybe if I kill her husband she'll fall in love with me.

Pragmatist2 January 20, 2012 at 3:26 pm

She might at least be grateful

Radiotherapy January 20, 2012 at 3:56 pm

The Jews did your boss.

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2012 at 6:28 pm

King David Libel, Kind Of, Except He Was The Boss!!!!

Barrelhse January 20, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Maybe you'll get Jody Foster!

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 11:49 pm

That's what Furio Giunta thought, too.

PlanetWingNut January 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

BOom BOOM BOOM I hope they have Kosher Buttseks at his Gitmo Room.

weej_bain January 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Adler may get his pork pulled and actually keep it kosher.

littlebigdaddy January 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Always kvetching about the schwarzers! Oy!

BaldarTFlagass January 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm

You know who else the Jews should have assassinated?

Blueb4sunrise January 20, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Jeebus?
Oh, wait.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Geez, dood.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Too soon!

KenLayIsAlive January 20, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Iranian President Achmedinijad?

starfanglednut January 20, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Ummmm, nope. Can't think of anybody.

littlebigdaddy January 20, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Henny Youngman?Pauly Shore?

GOPCrusher January 20, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Replace Henny Youngman with Howie Mandel and I'm onboard.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 20, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Agreed.

chicken_thief January 20, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Moses? Or at least got him a GPS.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 7:58 pm

or surveyors' instruments

Generation[redacted] January 20, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I'm racking my brain to think of an answer that isn't "Hitler," but nothing else comes to mind.

SayItWithWookies January 20, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Nebuchadnezzar?

Baconzgood January 20, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Ramses II?

Steverino247 January 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Nope. God kept hardening his heart so He could keep fucking with His people and let Pharoah take the blame. Asshole!

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 11:52 pm

How about Gordon Ramsey and we call it a day?

real_dc_native January 20, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Joseph Stalin? Killed more than that German guy and was smart enough not to keep records.

imissopus January 20, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Yitzhak Rabin? Oh wait…

horsedreamer_1 January 20, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Antonio?

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:39 pm

I *know* this one: Hitler.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Carrot Top?

Blueb4sunrise January 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm

So when Malia is President, she'll invade Atlanta because someone threatened her dad.

yrbmegr January 20, 2012 at 3:30 pm

As a historical re-enactment, perhaps?

Blueb4sunrise January 20, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Somewhere there's a teen named W.T. Sherman considering a career in the military.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm

As someone said the other day, Mister we could use a man like General Sherman again….

Steverino247 January 20, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Been there, done that.

W.T. Sherman

mayor_quimby January 20, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Can I sign up as a traitorous mole against the outh now, or do I have to wait until shit jumps off in SC?
Now, wait a minute…

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:44 pm

You KNOW the Obamas will raise her better than that.

SayItWithWookies January 20, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Oh sure — to some people, Israel assassinating the president in order to gain a more acceptable ally (just like they do to Fatah and Hamas, right? How's that working out?) seems like a piece of sheer idiocy that should be discarded without further consideration. On the other hand, it's less radical than Ronald Reagan's hope that we would be invaded by aliens so that we'd recognize our common humanity is greater than our differences.

So remember — one man's complete idiocy is another man's right-wing idea machine. Like invading Iraq, having a 9% flat tax and bringing back orphanages, you just never know what kinda awesome shit is gonna come out of it.

KenLayIsAlive January 20, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Like a cakewalk-cum-decade long morass in a desert?

NYNYNYjr January 20, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Orphanages rocked– all that singing and dancing

PubOption January 20, 2012 at 5:41 pm

It was still a hard-knock life.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 11:55 pm

And the gruel, can't forget the gruel.

Negligently_Joe January 20, 2012 at 7:40 pm

To be fair, Krugman's paraphrased that Ronald Ray Gun remark about aliens, vis a vis the economy.

Of course, unlike Reagan, Krugman has always strictly tongue-in-cheek when he's done so.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 20, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Someone just booked himself a gig on Fox & Friends.

Mumbletypeg January 20, 2012 at 3:19 pm

For the sake of ushering in an "allegedly weaker" vice prez it still reveals a major oversight: has this goofus taken any time to consider the wrath that'd be unleashed by our FLOTUS, who, lovely and amazing as she is, also commands a somewhat more assertive approach than her husband & Joe combined? Call me crazy but I wouldn't want to find myself in the path of the ensuing she-tempest if someone pointed their gun-finger, even vaudevillian-like, at her family.

vulpes82 January 20, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Michelle could take any Mossad agent they'd throw at Barry! The power of organic vegetables is beyond comprehension!

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Because of all the mythical evidence that she is an Angry Black Woman!!

mayor_quimby January 20, 2012 at 6:41 pm

I heard she once gave Sasha a firm pinch for acting up in Target! The horror!

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:58 pm

No, because a woman in defense of her family is scary. Any woman. Regardless of her colour. My ex-MIL (who brought her son unharmed through WW II in France) calls it "Mother-Fu." Deadlier than kung-fu.

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Two words. Mr Adler: "Extraordinary." "Rendition."

Oh, almost forgot. An Acronym: NADA.

The President of the United States of America is someone you Don't Wanna Fuck With,
So Don't Fuck with Barry, Don't Fuck With Barry…

Steverino247 January 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm

If you thought Billy the Mountain was bad…

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 4:08 pm

As soon as Barry gets done with Adler, he'll deal with those Studebacher Koch Brothers, surely.

Steverino247 January 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Barack was a mountain.
Michelle had nice arms growing off of her shoulders.

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Just…Outstanding.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:59 pm

You saw what just happened to the guy with the flies.

BornInATrailer January 20, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Barry's regretting that executive signing statement he made for the NDAA now, eh?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Huh… "The Mossad should assassinate Obama," eh?

The most charitable interpretation: he's trying to make Stormfront readers' heads explode

KenLayIsAlive January 20, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Haha. Yes, this puts them in quite a quandary with their racist selves. The Blacks or the Jews, who you gonna choose, nazi?

GOPCrusher January 20, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Or make them explode in their pants.

comrad_darkness January 20, 2012 at 3:26 pm

$3 billion a year for this? I want a refund.

Goonemeritus January 20, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Yes if only Israel would have been tougher over the last 60 years everything would be different now. Look how well it went for Russia in Afghanistan they stepped up to the plate and now Afghanistan is a placid Soviet satellite.

KenLayIsAlive January 20, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Good idea guys. I'm sure Joe Biden would just roll over after that. Roll over you with his head sticking out of an M1-Abrams Tank, that is.

I just don't get the impression Joe takes much shit, I don't know why.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Joe Biden should find this guy and go do donuts on his lawn in his bitchin Trans Am.

Generation[redacted] January 20, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Grumpy old newspaper editor is tired of Joe Biden playing mailbox baseball in his Trans Am.

NYNYNYjr January 20, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Really, this would be a crappy Mousad plan. It would look like the "Iranians did it", is what this turd was imagining…but come on. Some best laid plans of mice are better laid than others.

KenLayIsAlive January 20, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Yeah, my pet mice laid better "plans" in their cedar chips.

Barrelhse January 20, 2012 at 8:29 pm

'Cause he's crazy!!

Nothingisamiss January 20, 2012 at 3:27 pm

WTF. WTF. WTF. Seriously. WTF is wrong with these fucking people? And will this dickhead suffer professional shame for this? An award, most likely, for his "honesty in the face of liberal attacks."

widestanceshakedown January 20, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Will the GOP candidates have to also now sign a pledge to kill Obama if elected? There's still plenty of time before November.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Don't encourage them, dear. They're already babbling about bloodying his nose, shoving things down his throat, and iknocking him out. How much longer before they start screaming for the poor man's blood? I wouldn't have his job for all the tea in China.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Ugh, don't give them any ideas.

mereoblivion January 20, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Blessed is Bibi, the Source of Blessing, forever and always.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I think this guy just threw himself out a 40th-floor Overton Window.

philpjfry January 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm

And closed the window afterwards

gurukalehuru January 20, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Sounds sort of like a Zionist Jimmy O'Keefe, only more violent and, amazingly, even more retarded.

comrad_darkness January 20, 2012 at 3:29 pm

>Includes its helping the Jewish state obliterate its enemies.
Joshua fit the battle of Jerico, Jerico, Jerico, Joshua fit the battle of Jerico and the walls came tumbl'n down . . . .

Baconzgood January 20, 2012 at 3:29 pm

After the last two Wonkette postings I have been able to assess that the right wing has gone bat shit insane.

emmelemm January 20, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Every. Last. One of THEM!!

AlterNewt January 20, 2012 at 9:39 pm

There seems to be nothing, and I mean NOTHING left, that they won't say. In PUBLIC.

emmelemm January 20, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Yes, apparently despite NDAA and what-have-you, there are no longer any consequences for advocating the assassination of the President. Who's blah.

Good to know.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:03 pm

In all fairness, they have not called the President a Nigrah. Yet.

tessiee January 21, 2012 at 12:00 am

And these are the very same people who wanted to send citizens to the Gitmo Barbed Wire Rockin' Fun Zone for wearing a Kerry T-shirt when Bush was "President", and are in favor of pepper spraying peaceful demonstrators at a sit-in.

widestanceshakedown January 20, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Totes OT: what's with the guy in the ad who weighs 170 and benches weed? He's taking up space that that lovely FIT gym guy could be filling (heh, heh, over and over and over).

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Slut.

ETA: It's a term of endearment, honest! Just ask ttommyunger.

tessiee January 21, 2012 at 12:03 am

I don't have any ads with any guys at all, just that ad with the muthafuckin' iced tea.

MittBorg January 21, 2012 at 12:24 am

I think they scored our IP addresses and correlated them with our quiz answers, and are serving up a "personalized" ad palette. I'm getting Jesus Jeans, or something. Nice looking guy who totes sets my gaydar humming.

KenLayIsAlive January 20, 2012 at 3:30 pm

"Forcefully dictate that the United States’ policy includes its helping the Jewish state obliterate its enemies."

Oh, I didn't know that we were Israel's hit man. I guess that's only fair for all the foreign aid they give us.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 3:31 pm

The Eagle has plotzed.

philpjfry January 20, 2012 at 3:32 pm

And down the Rabbit hole we go. Doesn't anybody read this shit before it is printed and say " Ya know, maybe this is a little over the top"?

GOPCrusher January 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Maybe they hired the editor from Ron Paul's newsletters?

Smitros January 20, 2012 at 3:33 pm

This might be the opportunity the J Street Project needs to present itself more widely as an alternative to the Israel-can-do-no-wrong crowd.

owhatever January 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Dear Editor Adler,
Because you are advocating the assassination of our President, Israel is now on its own. Thanks, schmuck.
Signed,
A pissed off Jew

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I'm tellin' ya. They need to hear this shit from every MoT.

Mahousu January 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I give this one star. "The Mouse that Roared" already covered similar territory, and was funnier.

Limeylizzie January 20, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Love , love, love that film.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 3:37 pm

There is nothing worse than wet dreaming about wet work.

rickmaci January 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Mr. Adler meet Khalid Kelly of al-Qaeda.

proudgrampa January 20, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Well, this sounds like the PERFECT scenario anticipated by the National Defense Authorization Act. The President can order this cocksucker be detained, and we'll never hear from him again.

Steverino247 January 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

You say that like it's a bad thing.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Honestly, right now I wish they would use the NDAA to pick this schmuck up and toss him in a cell.

johnnymeatworth January 20, 2012 at 3:48 pm

So the Al Green cover for this situation is "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart," right?

fuflans January 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

for a moment there i read ALVIN greene.

in which case the cover would be entirely different.

johnnymeatworth January 20, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Right, the Alvin Greene cover is "They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Ha."

tessiee January 21, 2012 at 12:05 am

Or, "Take Him to the River (drop Him in the Water)"

WhatTheHeck January 20, 2012 at 3:52 pm

If the god of Israel is so powerful, s/he won't need no stinkin Mossad agents.
As for the Iran thingy, have a bunch of Israelis walk around Iran blowing trumpets. That should do it.

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I read that as "…walk around Iran blowing Strumpets.

Not sure that would have the same effect. Worth a try, though!

HarryButtle January 20, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Sounds like a job for Agent Lieberman.

Steverino247 January 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Lieberman, Liberman
Does whatever an asshole can
Is he strong?
Listen, Bud
He's got lobby cash
In his blood
Look out!
There goes the Lieberman!

Limeylizzie January 20, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Oh God, how do I love thee.

Steverino247 January 20, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I'm spoken for, but I can be "inspired," if you know what I mean. Have a great weekend!

Limeylizzie January 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Me too, but I can dream, can't I?

Blueb4sunrise January 20, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Oh man………any cartoonists here?
Joe Lieberman, Agent of W.H.I.N.E.

[hasn't this already been done?]

Generation[redacted] January 20, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Missed it by *that* much!

tessiee January 21, 2012 at 12:07 am

Any cartoonists who *could* draw that would commit suicide before they had completely finished drawing the baggy long underwear tights.

GOPCrusher January 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm

* cue Mission Impossible theme music *

horsedreamer_1 January 20, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Frankie Muniz is more intimidating.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:07 pm

You're right, he's certainly an expert at backstabbing.

fuflans January 20, 2012 at 4:01 pm

this should go well.

Toomush_Infer January 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

So, maybe this is A-blow's ideal presidential candidate: someone who is able to offer up unique ideas for consideration, without having first filtered them through any kind of reserve judgment at all… (Another Bizarro World Production)…

Shellwith2Ls January 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

So, he's trying to top Eric Cantor for the title of World's Worst Jew?
Bastard!

flamingpdog January 20, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Fat, drunk, and editor of a cheesey weekly newspaper is no way to go through life, son.

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 4:14 pm

"Yes, Mr. Adler…do you have something to say?"

"Out with it!"

Tundra Grifter January 20, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Who is the first GNoPee Presidential candidate going to be to step up and say this was a terrible thing to write?

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 4:15 pm

None of them, Katie?

Nothingisamiss January 20, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Shit, you totally beat me to it.

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Sorry! But it's true.

So terribly, depressingly true.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:10 pm

I hope you're not planning to hold your breath, or you'll be all lovely and blue before this is over.

Tundra Grifter January 23, 2012 at 8:43 pm

MB:

I just heard on the CBS Evening News (so I know if must be true) that the casino "magnate" who gave $10,000,000 to the Super PAC supporting Ole Newt (and I don't mean the FOXPAC, either) did so because Ole Newt supports Israel no matter what.

This is a remarkable turn of events. And puts Ole Newt at the bottom of the list of candidates likely to disavow these reprehensible statements.

MittBorg January 23, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Precisely, TG. These people are all disgusting, and Newt's probably the worst of the lot.

ElPinche January 20, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Sounds like a grumpy old Obama hater with violent fantasies. Get in line asshole.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 20, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Found him

Top right.

Sharkey January 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

"Dunwoody" HA!

ElPinche January 20, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Can't find the button that slaps his cunt-face with a raw cod fish.

imissopus January 20, 2012 at 7:05 pm

He's Jewish. Try gefilte. Or a salmon.

Limeylizzie January 20, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Fucking old cunt.

MissTaken January 20, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I keep trying to say something witty and snarky, but all I can come up with is "fuck".

Yup…fuck.

SorosBot January 20, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Yeah, some things are so over the line it makes it hard to mock them. That cocksucking motherfucker.

TonyaA6 January 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm

How about Israel learning to ply well with others? Moron. I hope that Secret Service spends an extreme amount of "quality time" with this man. Good grief!

Limeylizzie January 20, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I have to think of my favourite Jews now, Sami Frey and Robert Capa……dreamboats rather than shitheads.

tessiee January 21, 2012 at 12:09 am

Jon Stewart, too.

Callyson January 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I realize that there have been tensions in the US – Israeli relationship lately, but I do not think that even Netanyahu would go for this boneheaded idea. The US is Israel's best friend on this planet and I really don't think they'll risk losing that.
How this guy got to edit anything is beyond me…

real_dc_native January 20, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Talk about entitlements, when is Israel going to get off the US Government tit and get a job? Even this president who is suppose to be so unfriendly to Israel hasn't broached the subject of cutting her allowance.

– A Cranky Old Jew

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:30 pm

You see what they did to him the last time he said anything about it? Let him win this round and then we'll bring it up again — because those Likudnik schmucks in the Israeli govt. are endangering the lives of every Jew with their stupid bullshit. It's time for it to stop. Not every person of Jewish descent *wants* to live in Israel, and as long as these idiots keep up this bs, they can't live in peace wherever they have chosen to.

real_dc_native January 20, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Everybody is so worried about Iran getting nukes. What country in the mid-east has nukes and has shown no hesitation to attack their neighbor states over and over? Hmmmm? If I were Iran I think I'd want nukes too. (hint: It's not Pakistan)

Fukui_sanYesOta January 20, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Um, Hitler? Wait. No, North Korea.

FlownOver January 20, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Indiana?

Sorry… thought you said midwest.

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Hey.

The first rule of Israeli Nuke Club is not to talk about Israeli Nuke Club.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:32 pm

First we got the bomb, and that was good
Cause we believe in Motherhood
Then Russia got the bomb, and that's OK
Cause the balance of power's maintained that way

Egypt's gonna get one too
Just to use on you-know-who
So Israel's getting tense
Wants one in self-defense
The Lord's our Shepherd says the Psalm, but just in case —
We'd better get a bomb …

tessiee January 21, 2012 at 12:11 am

We give them money, but are they grateful?
No, they're spiteful, and they're hateful.
South America stole our name,
Let's drop the big one, there'll be no one left to blame us.

{sorry, can't remember if this is Tom Lehrer or Randy Newman}

MittBorg January 21, 2012 at 12:22 am

Randy Newman.

Guppy January 20, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Because if there's anybody firmly rooted in reality, it's Tom Clancy.

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Fat-headed, old, bespectacled Tom Clancy should be the player avatar in all Tom Clancy Xbox games.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Esquire has a very interesting article on the fat, old, bespectacled sickly men who were recently arrested as "terrorists." It seems to be a growth market — Internet Tough Guy Personas for the elderly, fat, disabled, lonely lunatic.

DahBoner January 20, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Henry Kissinger approves this message.

vulpes82 January 20, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Oy! Such a shonda for de Juden!

Tundra Grifter January 20, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Let's do a Dr. I'll Blow and look at this objectively.

Israel without US military aid has the life expectancy of a hummingbird.

So, my answer is going to be "Hell, no! They never thought of this and they never will."

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Yes.
In addition, the hypothetical Mossad Moron who did come up with this would be immediately fired, meet with an unfortunate "Motor Vehicle Malfunction" on the way home and all his personal & work files would go suddenly missing.

Tundra Grifter January 20, 2012 at 8:56 pm

CRE;

Yes – he'd get the Lebanese security service 401(k).

A pistol with one in the chamber and none in the box.

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Good one!

*tucks it away, carefully, for later*

Rotundo_ January 20, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Would that I were a fly on the wall for the conversation he must have had with the Secret Service and/or FBI about that little editorial. If I were him, I would be very, very, veeeeerrrrrry careful about my phone conversations for several years and file my taxes on time and accurately, I wouldn't advise jaywalking for a few months either. What a truly stupid asshole.

littlebigdaddy January 20, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I'd also watch out for guys on motorcycles attaching things to my car.

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Is the whole world going insane!!!???

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 5:42 pm

IS there, owns property and is building a Bunker Nice Cottage.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:37 pm

"Going," dear? The speed is certainly accelerating, but ever since that Blah man got into the White House … I don't know. I just don't. I never expected this level of hate.

Wonderthing January 20, 2012 at 5:51 pm

It's just getting harder and harder to plant subconscious wishes in the national brain without someone calling you up and expecting you to explain them.

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2012 at 6:17 pm

With a nigger President, nothing's off the table!

Limeylizzie January 20, 2012 at 6:51 pm

It truly seems as if the right-wing feels it has carte-blanche to say anything because , well, he is a black man, so the rules are different.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 7:01 pm

I think many of them believe* that as long as they stop just short of actually SAYING "nigger," it's magically not racist.
__________

* or maybe not even that. Just before the '08 election another teacher at the for-profit college I worked at said of Obama, "He's just an uppity nigger. And I am NOT racist!" **

** No, he was not being satirical. He was dead serious.

Limeylizzie January 20, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Dear God, where do you live? I shouldn't still be stunned by this crap, but I confess it still shocks me.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Boise Goddamned Idaho, sadly enough. I don't know whether he was from here originally, or what, but after the election, there were also students who chuckled appreciatively when one guy in a class said, "man, I hope somebody just…" and then pantomimed cocking and firing a bolt-action rifle. I didn't let it pass without comment, but of course, he was "only joking."

After 11 years here, Idaho still makes me nostalgic for the diversity and tolerance of Arizona.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Hey, I'm one of THOSE PEOPLE, if you know what I mean, and I'm constantly shocked and horrified by the level of hate. And imagine being GAY as well as brown. OK, I can kinda hide the gay part, but not too well.

tessiee January 21, 2012 at 12:16 am

Hey, I live in left-wing Portland, and I had an idiot cow-irker say to me, completely seriously, "I don't like his morals".

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Sickening.

imissopus January 20, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Ahem. As a Jewish American, I'm sure Mr. Adler prefers to use the word schvartze.

finallyhappy January 20, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Someone actually used that word to me recently to describe the president- i got up and walked away.

imissopus January 20, 2012 at 10:18 pm

I was so used to hearing it for much of my life that I was probably in my thirties before it occurred to me that it really is the Yiddish version of "nigger" and doesn't sound better just because you say it with a funny accent.

MittBorg January 21, 2012 at 12:10 am

Thank you. Somebody needs to let older folks know this is not acceptable. Jeez, I'm an Oldz myself, and I've never done any of this shit.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:40 pm

It sure feels that way, don't it? So many of us thoroughly disliked Bush, yet I don't recall hearing people say things about taking out hunting licenses on him, or bloodying his nose, or killing him, widowing his wife, orphaning his children. And there was a lot of RWNJ hatred for Clinton, but other than some schmuck warning him not to visit the South, I don't remember this level of batshit insanity, either.

tessiee January 21, 2012 at 12:17 am

They never shut up complaining about everything Clinton did, didn't do, said, didn't say, from the moment he took the oath of office — but it was nowhere near *this* kind of ugliness.

MittBorg January 21, 2012 at 12:20 am

Other than that one remark about not showing up on any Southern military bases, I don't recall anyone threatening his life or his wife and child publicly. I mean, there's always nuts who develop a fixation on a person, and not a lot we can do to stop that, but not public figures. This guy might not be a Pulitzer-prize-winning publisher, but still, he's a middle-class average kinda dude, not some raving wingnut. And *he's* saying stuff like this.

chicken_thief January 21, 2012 at 8:19 am

I'm not so sure about that. There is the whole Vince Foster and "trail of death" thing. The Pretender in Chief is routinely accused of treason and stupidity, but I don't recall any accusations of murder. And then of course, 9/11 was all Clinton's fault, too.

tessiee January 21, 2012 at 12:37 am

"hatred for Clinton, but other than some schmuck warning him not to visit the South"

That was Jesse Helms, the beloved and esteemed Senator from North Carolna for two hundred and thirty-seven years, and reactionary racist schmuck extraordinaire.

imissopus January 20, 2012 at 7:11 pm

I'm even more terrified about what the comments over at Salon will look like if Glenn Greenwald gets hold of this.

horsedreamer_1 January 20, 2012 at 7:21 pm

I prefer the Atlanta Jewish Times when they're trumpeting Shawn Green as the "Hammerin' Heeb".

Veritas78 January 20, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Alas, not dead yet, but I'm really looking forward to that happy day.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Jesus…the guy also references the "Kobayashi Maru scenario."

I'm sorry, sir, you do NOT get to make Star Trek references like decent patriotic nerds.

ThundercatHo January 20, 2012 at 11:02 pm

No, no he doesn't. Beam him down in a red shirt.

MittBorg January 21, 2012 at 12:14 am

Ha! I want those red shirts to give out to people who annoy me.

OT: My Xmas present for this year: a ST (Original) Lunch Box. I have waited 50 years for this thing. (OK, 40-some).

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 21, 2012 at 2:53 am

Oooooooooooooh. This one?

I am jealous. Had a friend who had one of those. I had a really boring Hot Wheels lunchbox myself

Of course, all the really cool kids had the Edwin Newman lunchbox.

MittBorg January 21, 2012 at 3:03 am

No, man, those are, like collectors' items. But mine has Lt. Uhura, which is totally the coolest.

Jadetiger79 January 20, 2012 at 10:47 pm

You know, over time my opinion of Israel has changed. As I was growing up, it was like: WE MUST SUPPORT ISRAEL AT ALL COSTS AFTER ALL, THAT'S WHERE JESUS CAME FROM. Now that I am older and can see all sides, I am finding my support for Israel diminishing to nothing. I see them as being deceitful bullies who are running around writing karma checks they can't possibly cash.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 11:30 pm

"Atlanta Jewish Times"

Is that anything like the Fargo African American Picayune or the Sharia Scranton Islamic Daily?

MittBorg January 21, 2012 at 12:14 am

Sure sounds like it, don't it?

tessiee January 21, 2012 at 12:19 am

I think Atlanta is one of those Old South cities like Charleston SC, Savannah GA, and Charlotte NC, that actually has a fair sized Jewish community.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Time that Ari gets a visit from the Obama administration's Shalom Team Six.

Putz, please.

Troglodeity January 21, 2012 at 12:06 am

Is this some of that "grandiose thinking" Newt was talking about?

bobbysneakers1 January 21, 2012 at 10:05 am

y'know, every time an OWS activist erects a tent in a public place she gets sent to guantanamo, while I've counted no fewer than 6 commentators, including 2 republican candidates, who've suggested the president should be assassinated.

fitley January 21, 2012 at 2:58 pm

A Jewish racist homicidal white trash hillbilly. Wow living in Atlanta can really have an effect on a person.

ttommyunger January 21, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Wonketeers are some of the most perceptive and intuitive readers on the Planet, yet all 352 comments so far have missed the scariest part of this piece: Three-Thousand-Five-Hundred souls who are educated enough to read SUBSCRIBE to this fucking rag.

benjo765 January 22, 2012 at 4:25 am

see, the thing about fascist extremist movements is…

…& phrpeas tge unpsaklbe slhuod jsut be wtitern lkie tihs? Mkae it seupr srceet.

MissTaken January 20, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I wish that was a joke, but we all know it isn't.

Steverino247 January 20, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Sure you can. But I have to warn you that they don't make "certain" uniforms in my size. I'd be more like the GI there to liberate the oppressed.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 20, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Difficult to tell, yeah. Although given the historical knowledge of the target audience I expect any attempt at dogwhistling would have lurched over their pointy heads.

Limeylizzie January 20, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Could you mistake me for a Nazi spy and deal roughly with me until you realize your mistake, then?

Steverino247 January 20, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I could after I get home, I suppose.

Limeylizzie January 20, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Your wife will thank me.

imissopus January 20, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Also many fine Jews in other countries, including America, who are pretty damn upset with the Israeli government and the right-wingers over there who are leading the place down its current path. Smithboy can fuck off.

Limeylizzie January 20, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Living in Harlem I had a very different experience, my lovely upstairs neighbour, who is about 80 was weeping when he was elected and said that she was terrified that he would get shot.

GeneralTapioca January 20, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Totally off topic but I love your avatar and name. I'm 40 years old and still miss Opus. Time to get the Meadow Party fired up!

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Also, I'll have you know that we only steal weak, sickly Christian infants to grind into our Passover matzos. Think of it as a way of culling the herd.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 7:57 pm

No doubt she had someone like one of my students in mind…

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:45 pm

I live in a mostly not-brown area that borders on a mostly-black/brown area, and all my friends from various minority groups have the same reaction as your neighbour. They're terrified, and have been since that day. Too many black and brown people assassinated IN this country and by people FROM this country. The Black Panthers are still a current memory for many people who live here.

finallyhappy January 20, 2012 at 8:02 pm

or Mahalia

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 20, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Or Action

Steverino247 January 20, 2012 at 9:28 pm

OK. Where was I? Oh, yeah…

I flipped the safety off my M-1 rifle and cautiously approached the door to the building ahead of me. I went up the stairs and heard loud moans coming from somewhere down the hall. I crept up to each door in turn, hoping to discover the source of the moans. As I approached the last door, I heard the unmistakeable sound of flesh slapping against flesh and a woman half-shouting, half-moaning instructions in German to someone. I racked my brain trying to remember my high school German, but her moaning drowned out the umlauts. I stepped back and kicked open the door. There, lying nude atop the dining room table was a beautiful woman lying naked with her legs in the air, a man half-wearing the uniform of an SS major was between her legs, thrusting away and oblivious to the fact that my weapon was pointed at his head. I raised my rifle so it was pointed at his other head and shouted, "Hande hoch!" The man continued to grind away and said, "Ein moment, bitte."

(to be continued?)

ThundercatHo January 20, 2012 at 10:21 pm

If we ever get that time machine up and running there are several white, male infants who I'd like to suggest for your matzo meal.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Start with Newt.

imissopus January 20, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Ha, thanks. I'm 37 and was obsessed with Bloom County as a kid. I don't see that a dead cat could be a worse candidate than any of the current Republicans. Hell, it would be a giant improvement.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 10:44 pm

STONE HIM~!!!!

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 11:53 pm

One of the best movies ever, and one of the funniest scenes in any movie ever.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap … wut?

Oh, yes!

Limeylizzie January 23, 2012 at 8:16 am

Thanks for the inspirational words.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 11:42 pm

He's already several people.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Love the beards.

C_R_Eature January 21, 2012 at 9:29 am

I flat-out Love this movie and the sight of John Cleese in that ridiculous priest's costume leaping about in fury gets me every time.
Also:

Priest: "Who threw that stone! Come on!?"
Crowd: *Falsetto* "She did! She did!" *switching to fake basso* "He did! He did!"

tribbzthesquidz January 21, 2012 at 12:47 am

Same here. Can't say enough about Berke. Totally changed my outlook as a kid. Reagan sucks!

Chet Kincaid January 21, 2012 at 1:34 am

'Twas Doonesbury for me, as a teen of the '70s. (I'm 51.) But the '80s were definitely the last great golden age of the newspaper strip, with Bloom County, Calvin, The Far Side and early Dilbert.

Jadetiger79 January 21, 2012 at 1:32 am

I did the same thing. The best I can piece it together is, maybe he was indulging in some 'blue skying'?

finallyhappy January 21, 2012 at 7:46 am

So I'm guessing Tzom Gedaliah means nothing to you either?(I hear it doesn't mean much to most people) I had a co-worker tell me Hoshana Rabbah wasn't real because she knew a Jewish guy who never heard of it. Of course, i am using the computer on Shabbat so ….

SorosBot January 21, 2012 at 10:39 am

The last great comic strip was The Boondocks, and I'm still sad McGruder dropped it for the cartoon, which doesn't have the timeliness of the comic. Those post-9/11 strips were great – and it was comforting to know that, despite what the media (not to mention my parents) was telling me, I and my then girlfriend were not the only ones who didn't trust what Bush was doing at the time.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 21, 2012 at 12:16 pm

While they almost never touch on politics, there are a couple of strips that I'm very taken with: Mark Tatulli's "Lio," which is what might result if you crossbred Calvin & Hobbes with Charles Addams' weirdest stuff, and Richard Thompson's "Cul de Sac," which is just gorgeously silly. Both strips are also occasionally get pretty meta… Tatulli did the best C&H sendup I've ever seen, and one of the kids in "Cul de Sac" is an obsessive fan of the early-20th century comic "Little Neuro." Also, as a dad, I just plain appreciate this one, even if it has nothing do do with "meta."

Nice essay on "Lio" here; I can't really disagree with the conclusion:

The problem is, where Calvin had a philosophy, Lio has a shtick. It doesn’t hold up as well under close scrutiny, or with prolonged exposure. It’s funny, sure. But Lio is just not as good as Calvin and Hobbes.

Then again — what is?

EDIT: And then, of course, there's always "Pearls Before Swine."

Chet Kincaid January 21, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I don't read The Boondocks, but that sounds similar to what happened with "Life In Hell", which I forgot to mention in the Honor Roll of the '80s-'90s. Groening was on an incredible roll, but as soon as The Simpsons became a hit, he just started xeroxing the same drawing of Akbar and Jeff for 20 years.

Sue4466 January 21, 2012 at 5:56 pm

I'm sure there are just dozens of Wonketteers voting in the Republican SC primary. Yeppers.

As a resident of redneck fucktard Georgia, feel free to trash this entire knuckledragging state.

MittBorg January 21, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I don't think our Worthly Woket Skum ever vote Repuglyklan, and I don't have any friends from that state, but whoever gave us Stephen was doing *some*thing right.

Did you see his performance with Cain yesterday? The choir kids behind him started out with the usual bored teenage expressions, and by the time he was done, it was all they could do to keep from LOLz. I think he's doing a great thing, and educating a new generation of voters. Top notch performance art, guerilla theater.

MittBorg January 21, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Yeah, I'm allergic to all my little rescues, but who can resist those sweet furry faces? Especially now, since I can not has teh dogz. (Too gimpy to walk a dog as it needs to be walked.)

Zingiber is no longer with us, to my great sorrow. It's been just over a year and I can't believe I still miss him so fucking much. Twenty-three pounds of sweet, red, hairy love. His brother lives with us still, but his days are drawing to a close, too.

Poor Mr. Happy! I have to keep the house vacuumed thoroughly for the kittehs. I try but don't always succeed in giving them the standard of cleanliness they would prefer. For little pigs in fur suits, they sure need a lot of cleaning up after. Kilgore Trout, eh? A fellow Vonnegut fan. I'm waiting for another big fat ginger kitty to come into my life someday. I might just name him Kilgore Trout, come to think of it.

slithytoves January 21, 2012 at 8:22 pm

So sorry about Zingiber. I lost my Piper (a grey Maine Coon) two years ago, which eventually led to getting Mr. Happy, another Maine Coon. I still dream about her. I cried harder when I had to have her put to sleep than at any funeral I had attended in 20 years. She was sweet, and she was without sin.

Careful about the naming; Kilgore Trout turned out to be as much of a curmudgeon as his namesake. He always wants love, but he tends to bite when you give it to him!! That's sort of endearing, in a weird way. Very Vonnegut. You might want to try Mr. Rosewater, instead. :)

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