an open invitation to the cia

Newspaper Editor Suggests Israel Assassinate Obama

'diplomacy is so boring'

Andrew Adler, who owns an Atlanta-based newspaper called the Atlanta Jewish Times, wrote an op-ed last week in which he theorized on what Israel could do about its relationship with the United States vis à vis Iran. As Adler sees it, Israel has three options, and one of them involves “ordering a hit on” President Obama. Uhhhh.

Adler, whose newspaper has a circulation of about 3,500 (and a staff of merely five), is basically suggesting that assassinating Obama has to be something that Israel is considering, because it would allow it to put its foot down to an allegedly weaker vice president. The first two options: bomb Iran, or bomb Hamas and Hezbollah. Three:

Three, give the go-ahead for U.S.-based Mossad agents to take out a president deemed unfriendly to Israel in order for the current vice president to take his place, and forcefully dictate that the United States’ policy includes its helping the Jewish state obliterate its enemies.

Order a hit on a president in order to preserve Israel’s existence. Think about it. If I have thought of this Tom Clancy-type scenario, don’t you think that this almost unfathomable idea has been discussed in Israel’s most inner circles?

That’s not really the point? Gawker got on the phone with Adler to find out what the hell he is talking about. Apparently, he sounded “nervous” and backtracked with the following:

I was hoping to make clear that it’s unspeakable—god forbid this would ever happen.

See, the thing about unspeakable things is — TOO LATE.

In the end Adler tried to frame his Tom Clancy fan fiction as basically a ploy for more attention. Well, in that case. [Gawker]

About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville
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    1. beavertank

      "Yes, Mr. Adler, we'd like to offer you an all expense paid trip to a tropical paradise. All you'd have to do is answer a few questions for us about your recent article."

  1. Barb

    "I was hoping to make clear that it’s unspeakable"
    I'm hoping the Secret Service makes a few things clear to you.

    1. Pragmatist2

      When one actually "speaks" it, that's a pretty clear sign that one does not regard it as "unspeakable."

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Actually, while it is unspeakable apparently it was perfectly writable.

        Last night Ole Newt called a fairly straightforward question despicable – Daffy Duck style. What word does he have for this debacle?

    2. horsedreamer_1

      I just want to make a few things clear
      Your Mamie President's not dead
      He's still alive & bitchin'
      & I don't have a hooknose
      My septum is just blisterin'
      & as for being an apartheid state
      I don't know
      I'm too scared to read history

  2. SorosBot

    What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck? And how the fuck is Obama "eemed unfriendly to Israel", like all US presidents he goes overboard in Israel's interests. But then the goal of having Israel "obliterate its enemies" shows that that is one sick, sick man.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      But then the goal of having Israel "obliterate its enemies" shows that that is one sick, sick man.

      "Andrew Jackson had a pretty clear-cut idea about America's enemies: kill them."

      Newt Gingrich, just the other day

      1. Smithboy

        Isarel is not a friend to the US… they are blood suckers. They will only claim us as an ally as long as we can provide them cover for their terrorist acts, such as killing innocent scientist and provoking wars that will kill hundreds of thousands of men, women and children.

        The time is approaching to boycott these selfish hypocrites, who are starving Palestinians and stealing their land. It's just a stones throw from claiming to be God's chosen people to thinking of thmeselves as the super race.

        1. Fukui_sanYesOta

          As much as I often feel distaste for the policies of the Israeli government, your use of "They" there – when you contextualize with "God's chosen people" – strikes me as somewhat broad-brush

          edit: oh, you were quoting Smithboy. Well, applies equally to him, I suppose.

          Sometimes it's hard to separate "Israelis can be fucking assholes" from "Jews can be fucking assholes" when reading comments on this here intertube thingy.

          1. real_dc_native

            You're right. There are many fine people in Israel who are just as frustrated with their government and politicians as we are with ours.

          2. imissopus

            Also many fine Jews in other countries, including America, who are pretty damn upset with the Israeli government and the right-wingers over there who are leading the place down its current path. Smithboy can fuck off.

          3. GeneralTapioca

            Totally off topic but I love your avatar and name. I'm 40 years old and still miss Opus. Time to get the Meadow Party fired up!

          4. imissopus

            Ha, thanks. I'm 37 and was obsessed with Bloom County as a kid. I don't see that a dead cat could be a worse candidate than any of the current Republicans. Hell, it would be a giant improvement.

          5. Chet Kincaid

            'Twas Doonesbury for me, as a teen of the '70s. (I'm 51.) But the '80s were definitely the last great golden age of the newspaper strip, with Bloom County, Calvin, The Far Side and early Dilbert.

          6. SorosBot

            The last great comic strip was The Boondocks, and I'm still sad McGruder dropped it for the cartoon, which doesn't have the timeliness of the comic. Those post-9/11 strips were great – and it was comforting to know that, despite what the media (not to mention my parents) was telling me, I and my then girlfriend were not the only ones who didn't trust what Bush was doing at the time.

          7. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            While they almost never touch on politics, there are a couple of strips that I'm very taken with: Mark Tatulli's "Lio," which is what might result if you crossbred Calvin & Hobbes with Charles Addams' weirdest stuff, and Richard Thompson's "Cul de Sac," which is just gorgeously silly. Both strips are also occasionally get pretty meta… Tatulli did the best C&H sendup I've ever seen, and one of the kids in "Cul de Sac" is an obsessive fan of the early-20th century comic "Little Neuro." Also, as a dad, I just plain appreciate this one, even if it has nothing do do with "meta."

            Nice essay on "Lio" here; I can't really disagree with the conclusion:

            The problem is, where Calvin had a philosophy, Lio has a shtick. It doesn’t hold up as well under close scrutiny, or with prolonged exposure. It’s funny, sure. But Lio is just not as good as Calvin and Hobbes.

            Then again — what is?

            EDIT: And then, of course, there's always "Pearls Before Swine."

          8. Chet Kincaid

            I don't read The Boondocks, but that sounds similar to what happened with "Life In Hell", which I forgot to mention in the Honor Roll of the '80s-'90s. Groening was on an incredible roll, but as soon as The Simpsons became a hit, he just started xeroxing the same drawing of Akbar and Jeff for 20 years.

          9. doloras

            I can't stand Israel's self-righteous colonialist mentality and support BDS and a one-state solution, but calling them "bloodsuckers" strays right over the edge into anti-Semitic tropes, I agree.

            Anti-semites, fuck off. Palestine doesn't want your help.

          10. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            Also, I'll have you know that we only steal weak, sickly Christian infants to grind into our Passover matzos. Think of it as a way of culling the herd.

          11. ThundercatHo

            If we ever get that time machine up and running there are several white, male infants who I'd like to suggest for your matzo meal.

        2. finallyhappy

          Fuck you- Blood suckers is such an old anti-semitic term. Lots of Jews and Israelis don't agree with the Isreali gov't but your remarks are classic – classic bigotry

      2. SorosBot

        I believe Jackson was referring to the Native Americans, who he was committing genocide against. And apparently Newt thought that was a positive; fuck.

        1. Sue4466

          Well, Newt is willing to trade in racism for electoral votes, why not genocide? If it gets the redneck SC vote (like there's any other), totally worth it!

          Fuck indeed.

          1. MittBorg

            Don't we have some nice folks from South Carolina right here in teh Wonketz? And even if we don't, we can't trash them all — after all, they did produce Stephen ColBEAR.

          2. Sue4466

            I'm sure there are just dozens of Wonketteers voting in the Republican SC primary. Yeppers.

            As a resident of redneck fucktard Georgia, feel free to trash this entire knuckledragging state.

          3. MittBorg

            I don't think our Worthly Woket Skum ever vote Repuglyklan, and I don't have any friends from that state, but whoever gave us Stephen was doing *some*thing right.

            Did you see his performance with Cain yesterday? The choir kids behind him started out with the usual bored teenage expressions, and by the time he was done, it was all they could do to keep from LOLz. I think he's doing a great thing, and educating a new generation of voters. Top notch performance art, guerilla theater.

        2. MissTaken

          Yes, in Newt's next History for Dummies book the Trail of Tears will be renamed Trail Mix, It's Healthy…And Fun!

        3. Fukui_sanYesOta

          The inveterate shit-flingers over at HuffPo have a piece about how Doctor Historian fucked up and was thinking of Stonewall Jackson rather than Andrew Jackson. Which, considering Stonewall was a Confederate, rather changes the meaning of the quote.

          Must admit, I've read a couple of bios of AJ and couldn't recall anything similar. Still, I don't get paid $1.6M to be an historian.

          He was a fucking asshole to the Native Americans though.

          1. Fukui_sanYesOta

            Difficult to tell, yeah. Although given the historical knowledge of the target audience I expect any attempt at dogwhistling would have lurched over their pointy heads.

    2. prommie

      He doesn't go far enough overboard for Israel's interests, is the problem. For example, GW Bush let Israel take over the Pentagon. Obama won't let them.

    3. Tundra Grifter

      Not long ago Media Matters for America pointed out a major Israeli government leader said relations between the two nations have never been better.

      Much of what Mr. Obama has said mirrors the views of the major political party over there.

      It's the right wing nutz who have been telling lies about Mr. Obama (again). And now we can see one of the terrible results.

        1. MittBorg

          Muslims traveling outside Muslim countries don't have much of a choice, do they? At least Jews can *find* kosher. Until fairly recently, if you were an observant Muslim, you couldn't find halal food anywhere. Eating kosher is at least better than eating treyf/haram.

    1. beavertank

      End times here we come!

      And they thought OBAMA was the antichrist. Little did they know they were aiming just slightly too high…

    1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Hey, at least Adler came out and directly said he thinks murder is a nifty idea, instead of the coy, cutesy "let's pray for Obama" bullshit.

  3. OneYieldRegular

    Maybe next time Adler's on a plane he'll stick to doing sudoku, instead of reading male action fantasy fiction.

    1. LesBontemps

      Next time he's on a plane (tomorrow) it's going to be to a secret "detention" facility in Latvia.

      1. MittBorg

        And after what he said, who could possibly be more deserving?

        I am sick and tired of stupid fucks threatening the life of our duly elected President.

    2. CommieLibunatic

      PSSHHaaaa, I could write better action stuff than that. I've probably had better fever dreams than that!

    1. finallyhappy

      So I had this fantasy about writing a sitcom episode about Hoshana Rabbah- but I could combine it with Shemini Atzeret. What do you think?

  4. Chichikovovich

    Unfortunately, Mr. Tough Guy, it can't be unspeakable because you spoke it.
    Just like I wish that the existence of right-wing morons like yourself were incredible. But sadly, I'm forced to believe it.

  5. slithytoves

    don’t you think that this almost unfathomable idea has been discussed in Israel’s most inner circles?

    I'm just as paranoid as any well-informed person, but no, I don't think it has.

        1. MittBorg

          And he has teh asmaz? Poor Mr. Happeh! Zingiber had teh asmaz too. Poor guy was allergic to his own fur. I hope that's not Mr. Happy's complaint. He looks like a sweetheart. I kiss his furry nose.

          1. slithytoves

            I kissey his furry noze 100 times a day (even though I have the asmaz, too, and am probably allergic to him), and I will kissey him for you – he sez thx for the xtra kisseys today. Scared the bejeezus out of me when he started hacking like a four pack a day emphysema patient! Hope your Zingiber is okay – he's the spitting image of my Kilgore Trout! Past tense? Do you not have the big boy any more? Cats are people, too. Better people.

          2. MittBorg

            Yeah, I'm allergic to all my little rescues, but who can resist those sweet furry faces? Especially now, since I can not has teh dogz. (Too gimpy to walk a dog as it needs to be walked.)

            Zingiber is no longer with us, to my great sorrow. It's been just over a year and I can't believe I still miss him so fucking much. Twenty-three pounds of sweet, red, hairy love. His brother lives with us still, but his days are drawing to a close, too.

            Poor Mr. Happy! I have to keep the house vacuumed thoroughly for the kittehs. I try but don't always succeed in giving them the standard of cleanliness they would prefer. For little pigs in fur suits, they sure need a lot of cleaning up after. Kilgore Trout, eh? A fellow Vonnegut fan. I'm waiting for another big fat ginger kitty to come into my life someday. I might just name him Kilgore Trout, come to think of it.

          3. slithytoves

            So sorry about Zingiber. I lost my Piper (a grey Maine Coon) two years ago, which eventually led to getting Mr. Happy, another Maine Coon. I still dream about her. I cried harder when I had to have her put to sleep than at any funeral I had attended in 20 years. She was sweet, and she was without sin.

            Careful about the naming; Kilgore Trout turned out to be as much of a curmudgeon as his namesake. He always wants love, but he tends to bite when you give it to him!! That's sort of endearing, in a weird way. Very Vonnegut. You might want to try Mr. Rosewater, instead. :)

  6. Monsieur_Grumpe

    "give the go-ahead for U.S.-based Mossad agents to take out a president deemed unfriendly to Israel"

    He meant take out to nice Jewish deli for a nosh and talk.

    1. prommie

      Krauthammer couldn't do it, he's a cripple, and Obama could take Doug Feith and Paul Wolfowitz at the same time. How many more Mossad agents are based in the US?

      1. BornInATrailer

        Don't forget Joe Lieberman, the sleeper cell.

        (get it, cuz he's all old and constantly falls asleep)

    1. MittBorg

      Pretty daring, eh? Sitting in safety in a country of which you are a citizen, and plotting the elected leader's demise for the benefit of a country you don't even want to live in. Pretty fucking cheeky.

  7. SexySmurf

    If I have thought of this Tom Clancy-type scenario, don't you think that this almost unfathomable idea has been discussed in Israel's most inner circles?

    It depends. Are they all fucking retarded?

  8. BigDumbRedDog

    Adler later added "No, no, no. I said somebody should HIT ON Obama. You know, like get a good sex scandle going so he would have to resign in shame. Some DNA on a dress should do the trick. Jeesh people, are you trying to get me dissapeared by the CIA or what? Just a second, there's somebody at the door."

  9. GhostBuggy

    Wait, so his little scheme hinges on the idea that Biden is someone who's just gonna roll over and take some shit?

    Yes, sure, that cant miss.

  10. Chichikovovich

    don’t you think that this almost unfathomable idea has been discussed in Israel’s most inner circles?

    Let's put it this way, Mr. Adler. It almost surely hasn't. But if it has been discussed, it's easy to imagine that the Mossad officials who would seriously discuss such a thing would be a bit psycho, and none too happy about you spouting off. Maybe the visit from Secret Service will be friendlier than some of the others you will get.

    Just don't be sleeping in the same bed twice for the next decade or so, is what I'm saying.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      I'm racking my brain to think of an answer that isn't "Hitler," but nothing else comes to mind.

      1. Steverino247

        Nope. God kept hardening his heart so He could keep fucking with His people and let Pharoah take the blame. Asshole!

    1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      As someone said the other day, Mister we could use a man like General Sherman again….

    2. mayor_quimby

      Can I sign up as a traitorous mole against the outh now, or do I have to wait until shit jumps off in SC?
      Now, wait a minute…

  11. SayItWithWookies

    Oh sure — to some people, Israel assassinating the president in order to gain a more acceptable ally (just like they do to Fatah and Hamas, right? How's that working out?) seems like a piece of sheer idiocy that should be discarded without further consideration. On the other hand, it's less radical than Ronald Reagan's hope that we would be invaded by aliens so that we'd recognize our common humanity is greater than our differences.

    So remember — one man's complete idiocy is another man's right-wing idea machine. Like invading Iraq, having a 9% flat tax and bringing back orphanages, you just never know what kinda awesome shit is gonna come out of it.

    1. Negligently_Joe

      To be fair, Krugman's paraphrased that Ronald Ray Gun remark about aliens, vis a vis the economy.

      Of course, unlike Reagan, Krugman has always strictly tongue-in-cheek when he's done so.

  12. Mumbletypeg

    For the sake of ushering in an "allegedly weaker" vice prez it still reveals a major oversight: has this goofus taken any time to consider the wrath that'd be unleashed by our FLOTUS, who, lovely and amazing as she is, also commands a somewhat more assertive approach than her husband & Joe combined? Call me crazy but I wouldn't want to find myself in the path of the ensuing she-tempest if someone pointed their gun-finger, even vaudevillian-like, at her family.

    1. vulpes82

      Michelle could take any Mossad agent they'd throw at Barry! The power of organic vegetables is beyond comprehension!

      1. MittBorg

        No, because a woman in defense of her family is scary. Any woman. Regardless of her colour. My ex-MIL (who brought her son unharmed through WW II in France) calls it "Mother-Fu." Deadlier than kung-fu.

  13. C_R_Eature

    Two words. Mr Adler: "Extraordinary." "Rendition."

    Oh, almost forgot. An Acronym: NADA.

    The President of the United States of America is someone you Don't Wanna Fuck With,
    So Don't Fuck with Barry, Don't Fuck With Barry…

      1. C_R_Eature

        As soon as Barry gets done with Adler, he'll deal with those Studebacher Koch Brothers, surely.

  14. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Huh… "The Mossad should assassinate Obama," eh?

    The most charitable interpretation: he's trying to make Stormfront readers' heads explode

  15. Goonemeritus

    Yes if only Israel would have been tougher over the last 60 years everything would be different now. Look how well it went for Russia in Afghanistan they stepped up to the plate and now Afghanistan is a placid Soviet satellite.

  16. KenLayIsAlive

    Good idea guys. I'm sure Joe Biden would just roll over after that. Roll over you with his head sticking out of an M1-Abrams Tank, that is.

    I just don't get the impression Joe takes much shit, I don't know why.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Grumpy old newspaper editor is tired of Joe Biden playing mailbox baseball in his Trans Am.

    1. NYNYNYjr

      Really, this would be a crappy Mousad plan. It would look like the "Iranians did it", is what this turd was imagining…but come on. Some best laid plans of mice are better laid than others.

  17. Nothingisamiss

    WTF. WTF. WTF. Seriously. WTF is wrong with these fucking people? And will this dickhead suffer professional shame for this? An award, most likely, for his "honesty in the face of liberal attacks."

  18. widestanceshakedown

    Will the GOP candidates have to also now sign a pledge to kill Obama if elected? There's still plenty of time before November.

    1. MittBorg

      Don't encourage them, dear. They're already babbling about bloodying his nose, shoving things down his throat, and iknocking him out. How much longer before they start screaming for the poor man's blood? I wouldn't have his job for all the tea in China.

  19. comrad_darkness

    >Includes its helping the Jewish state obliterate its enemies.
    Joshua fit the battle of Jerico, Jerico, Jerico, Joshua fit the battle of Jerico and the walls came tumbl'n down . . . .

  20. Baconzgood

    After the last two Wonkette postings I have been able to assess that the right wing has gone bat shit insane.

        1. emmelemm

          Yes, apparently despite NDAA and what-have-you, there are no longer any consequences for advocating the assassination of the President. Who's blah.

          Good to know.

    1. tessiee

      And these are the very same people who wanted to send citizens to the Gitmo Barbed Wire Rockin' Fun Zone for wearing a Kerry T-shirt when Bush was "President", and are in favor of pepper spraying peaceful demonstrators at a sit-in.

  21. widestanceshakedown

    Totes OT: what's with the guy in the ad who weighs 170 and benches weed? He's taking up space that that lovely FIT gym guy could be filling (heh, heh, over and over and over).

      1. MittBorg

        I think they scored our IP addresses and correlated them with our quiz answers, and are serving up a "personalized" ad palette. I'm getting Jesus Jeans, or something. Nice looking guy who totes sets my gaydar humming.

  22. KenLayIsAlive

    "Forcefully dictate that the United States’ policy includes its helping the Jewish state obliterate its enemies."

    Oh, I didn't know that we were Israel's hit man. I guess that's only fair for all the foreign aid they give us.

  23. philpjfry

    And down the Rabbit hole we go. Doesn't anybody read this shit before it is printed and say " Ya know, maybe this is a little over the top"?

  24. Smitros

    This might be the opportunity the J Street Project needs to present itself more widely as an alternative to the Israel-can-do-no-wrong crowd.

  25. owhatever

    Dear Editor Adler,
    Because you are advocating the assassination of our President, Israel is now on its own. Thanks, schmuck.
    A pissed off Jew

  26. proudgrampa

    Well, this sounds like the PERFECT scenario anticipated by the National Defense Authorization Act. The President can order this cocksucker be detained, and we'll never hear from him again.

  27. WhatTheHeck

    If the god of Israel is so powerful, s/he won't need no stinkin Mossad agents.
    As for the Iran thingy, have a bunch of Israelis walk around Iran blowing trumpets. That should do it.

    1. C_R_Eature

      I read that as "…walk around Iran blowing Strumpets.

      Not sure that would have the same effect. Worth a try, though!

    1. Steverino247

      Lieberman, Liberman
      Does whatever an asshole can
      Is he strong?
      Listen, Bud
      He's got lobby cash
      In his blood
      Look out!
      There goes the Lieberman!

          1. Steverino247

            Sure you can. But I have to warn you that they don't make "certain" uniforms in my size. I'd be more like the GI there to liberate the oppressed.

          2. Limeylizzie

            Could you mistake me for a Nazi spy and deal roughly with me until you realize your mistake, then?

          3. Steverino247

            OK. Where was I? Oh, yeah…

            I flipped the safety off my M-1 rifle and cautiously approached the door to the building ahead of me. I went up the stairs and heard loud moans coming from somewhere down the hall. I crept up to each door in turn, hoping to discover the source of the moans. As I approached the last door, I heard the unmistakeable sound of flesh slapping against flesh and a woman half-shouting, half-moaning instructions in German to someone. I racked my brain trying to remember my high school German, but her moaning drowned out the umlauts. I stepped back and kicked open the door. There, lying nude atop the dining room table was a beautiful woman lying naked with her legs in the air, a man half-wearing the uniform of an SS major was between her legs, thrusting away and oblivious to the fact that my weapon was pointed at his head. I raised my rifle so it was pointed at his other head and shouted, "Hande hoch!" The man continued to grind away and said, "Ein moment, bitte."

            (to be continued?)

    2. Blueb4sunrise

      Oh man………any cartoonists here?
      Joe Lieberman, Agent of W.H.I.N.E.

      [hasn't this already been done?]

      1. tessiee

        Any cartoonists who *could* draw that would commit suicide before they had completely finished drawing the baggy long underwear tights.

  28. Toomush_Infer

    So, maybe this is A-blow's ideal presidential candidate: someone who is able to offer up unique ideas for consideration, without having first filtered them through any kind of reserve judgment at all… (Another Bizarro World Production)…

  29. Tundra Grifter

    Who is the first GNoPee Presidential candidate going to be to step up and say this was a terrible thing to write?

      1. Tundra Grifter


        I just heard on the CBS Evening News (so I know if must be true) that the casino "magnate" who gave $10,000,000 to the Super PAC supporting Ole Newt (and I don't mean the FOXPAC, either) did so because Ole Newt supports Israel no matter what.

        This is a remarkable turn of events. And puts Ole Newt at the bottom of the list of candidates likely to disavow these reprehensible statements.

  30. MissTaken

    I keep trying to say something witty and snarky, but all I can come up with is "fuck".


    1. SorosBot

      Yeah, some things are so over the line it makes it hard to mock them. That cocksucking motherfucker.

  31. TonyaA6

    How about Israel learning to ply well with others? Moron. I hope that Secret Service spends an extreme amount of "quality time" with this man. Good grief!

  32. Limeylizzie

    I have to think of my favourite Jews now, Sami Frey and Robert Capa……dreamboats rather than shitheads.

  33. Callyson

    I realize that there have been tensions in the US – Israeli relationship lately, but I do not think that even Netanyahu would go for this boneheaded idea. The US is Israel's best friend on this planet and I really don't think they'll risk losing that.
    How this guy got to edit anything is beyond me…

  34. real_dc_native

    Talk about entitlements, when is Israel going to get off the US Government tit and get a job? Even this president who is suppose to be so unfriendly to Israel hasn't broached the subject of cutting her allowance.

    — A Cranky Old Jew

    1. MittBorg

      You see what they did to him the last time he said anything about it? Let him win this round and then we'll bring it up again — because those Likudnik schmucks in the Israeli govt. are endangering the lives of every Jew with their stupid bullshit. It's time for it to stop. Not every person of Jewish descent *wants* to live in Israel, and as long as these idiots keep up this bs, they can't live in peace wherever they have chosen to.

  35. real_dc_native

    Everybody is so worried about Iran getting nukes. What country in the mid-east has nukes and has shown no hesitation to attack their neighbor states over and over? Hmmmm? If I were Iran I think I'd want nukes too. (hint: It's not Pakistan)

    1. MittBorg

      First we got the bomb, and that was good
      Cause we believe in Motherhood
      Then Russia got the bomb, and that's OK
      Cause the balance of power's maintained that way

      Egypt's gonna get one too
      Just to use on you-know-who
      So Israel's getting tense
      Wants one in self-defense
      The Lord's our Shepherd says the Psalm, but just in case —
      We'd better get a bomb …

      1. tessiee

        We give them money, but are they grateful?
        No, they're spiteful, and they're hateful.
        South America stole our name,
        Let's drop the big one, there'll be no one left to blame us.

        {sorry, can't remember if this is Tom Lehrer or Randy Newman}

  36. Tundra Grifter

    Let's do a Dr. I'll Blow and look at this objectively.

    Israel without US military aid has the life expectancy of a hummingbird.

    So, my answer is going to be "Hell, no! They never thought of this and they never will."

    1. C_R_Eature

      In addition, the hypothetical Mossad Moron who did come up with this would be immediately fired, meet with an unfortunate "Motor Vehicle Malfunction" on the way home and all his personal & work files would go suddenly missing.

      1. Tundra Grifter


        Yes – he'd get the Lebanese security service 401(k).

        A pistol with one in the chamber and none in the box.

  37. Rotundo_

    Would that I were a fly on the wall for the conversation he must have had with the Secret Service and/or FBI about that little editorial. If I were him, I would be very, very, veeeeerrrrrry careful about my phone conversations for several years and file my taxes on time and accurately, I wouldn't advise jaywalking for a few months either. What a truly stupid asshole.

    1. MittBorg

      "Going," dear? The speed is certainly accelerating, but ever since that Blah man got into the White House … I don't know. I just don't. I never expected this level of hate.

  38. Wonderthing

    It's just getting harder and harder to plant subconscious wishes in the national brain without someone calling you up and expecting you to explain them.

    1. Limeylizzie

      It truly seems as if the right-wing feels it has carte-blanche to say anything because , well, he is a black man, so the rules are different.

      1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

        I think many of them believe* that as long as they stop just short of actually SAYING "nigger," it's magically not racist.

        * or maybe not even that. Just before the '08 election another teacher at the for-profit college I worked at said of Obama, "He's just an uppity nigger. And I am NOT racist!" **

        ** No, he was not being satirical. He was dead serious.

        1. Limeylizzie

          Dear God, where do you live? I shouldn't still be stunned by this crap, but I confess it still shocks me.

          1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            Boise Goddamned Idaho, sadly enough. I don't know whether he was from here originally, or what, but after the election, there were also students who chuckled appreciatively when one guy in a class said, "man, I hope somebody just…" and then pantomimed cocking and firing a bolt-action rifle. I didn't let it pass without comment, but of course, he was "only joking."

            After 11 years here, Idaho still makes me nostalgic for the diversity and tolerance of Arizona.

          2. Limeylizzie

            Living in Harlem I had a very different experience, my lovely upstairs neighbour, who is about 80 was weeping when he was elected and said that she was terrified that he would get shot.

          3. MittBorg

            I live in a mostly not-brown area that borders on a mostly-black/brown area, and all my friends from various minority groups have the same reaction as your neighbour. They're terrified, and have been since that day. Too many black and brown people assassinated IN this country and by people FROM this country. The Black Panthers are still a current memory for many people who live here.

          4. MittBorg

            Hey, I'm one of THOSE PEOPLE, if you know what I mean, and I'm constantly shocked and horrified by the level of hate. And imagine being GAY as well as brown. OK, I can kinda hide the gay part, but not too well.

          5. tessiee

            Hey, I live in left-wing Portland, and I had an idiot cow-irker say to me, completely seriously, "I don't like his morals".

      1. finallyhappy

        Someone actually used that word to me recently to describe the president- i got up and walked away.

        1. imissopus

          I was so used to hearing it for much of my life that I was probably in my thirties before it occurred to me that it really is the Yiddish version of "nigger" and doesn't sound better just because you say it with a funny accent.

    2. MittBorg

      It sure feels that way, don't it? So many of us thoroughly disliked Bush, yet I don't recall hearing people say things about taking out hunting licenses on him, or bloodying his nose, or killing him, widowing his wife, orphaning his children. And there was a lot of RWNJ hatred for Clinton, but other than some schmuck warning him not to visit the South, I don't remember this level of batshit insanity, either.

      1. tessiee

        They never shut up complaining about everything Clinton did, didn't do, said, didn't say, from the moment he took the oath of office — but it was nowhere near *this* kind of ugliness.

        1. MittBorg

          Other than that one remark about not showing up on any Southern military bases, I don't recall anyone threatening his life or his wife and child publicly. I mean, there's always nuts who develop a fixation on a person, and not a lot we can do to stop that, but not public figures. This guy might not be a Pulitzer-prize-winning publisher, but still, he's a middle-class average kinda dude, not some raving wingnut. And *he's* saying stuff like this.

        2. chicken_thief

          I'm not so sure about that. There is the whole Vince Foster and "trail of death" thing. The Pretender in Chief is routinely accused of treason and stupidity, but I don't recall any accusations of murder. And then of course, 9/11 was all Clinton's fault, too.

      2. tessiee

        "hatred for Clinton, but other than some schmuck warning him not to visit the South"

        That was Jesse Helms, the beloved and esteemed Senator from North Carolna for two hundred and thirty-seven years, and reactionary racist schmuck extraordinaire.

  39. horsedreamer_1

    I prefer the Atlanta Jewish Times when they're trumpeting Shawn Green as the "Hammerin' Heeb".

  40. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Jesus…the guy also references the "Kobayashi Maru scenario."

    I'm sorry, sir, you do NOT get to make Star Trek references like decent patriotic nerds.

      1. MittBorg

        Ha! I want those red shirts to give out to people who annoy me.

        OT: My Xmas present for this year: a ST (Original) Lunch Box. I have waited 50 years for this thing. (OK, 40-some).

        1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

          Oooooooooooooh. This one?

          I am jealous. Had a friend who had one of those. I had a really boring Hot Wheels lunchbox myself

          Of course, all the really cool kids had the Edwin Newman lunchbox.

  41. Jadetiger79

    You know, over time my opinion of Israel has changed. As I was growing up, it was like: WE MUST SUPPORT ISRAEL AT ALL COSTS AFTER ALL, THAT'S WHERE JESUS CAME FROM. Now that I am older and can see all sides, I am finding my support for Israel diminishing to nothing. I see them as being deceitful bullies who are running around writing karma checks they can't possibly cash.

  42. Negropolis

    "Atlanta Jewish Times"

    Is that anything like the Fargo African American Picayune or the Sharia Scranton Islamic Daily?

    1. tessiee

      I think Atlanta is one of those Old South cities like Charleston SC, Savannah GA, and Charlotte NC, that actually has a fair sized Jewish community.

  43. bobbysneakers1

    y'know, every time an OWS activist erects a tent in a public place she gets sent to guantanamo, while I've counted no fewer than 6 commentators, including 2 republican candidates, who've suggested the president should be assassinated.

  44. fitley

    A Jewish racist homicidal white trash hillbilly. Wow living in Atlanta can really have an effect on a person.

  45. ttommyunger

    Wonketeers are some of the most perceptive and intuitive readers on the Planet, yet all 352 comments so far have missed the scariest part of this piece: Three-Thousand-Five-Hundred souls who are educated enough to read SUBSCRIBE to this fucking rag.

  46. benjo765

    see, the thing about fascist extremist movements is…

    …& phrpeas tge unpsaklbe slhuod jsut be wtitern lkie tihs? Mkae it seupr srceet.

  47. C_R_Eature

    I flat-out Love this movie and the sight of John Cleese in that ridiculous priest's costume leaping about in fury gets me every time.

    Priest: "Who threw that stone! Come on!?"
    Crowd: *Falsetto* "She did! She did!" *switching to fake basso* "He did! He did!"

  48. Jadetiger79

    I did the same thing. The best I can piece it together is, maybe he was indulging in some 'blue skying'?

  49. finallyhappy

    So I'm guessing Tzom Gedaliah means nothing to you either?(I hear it doesn't mean much to most people) I had a co-worker tell me Hoshana Rabbah wasn't real because she knew a Jewish guy who never heard of it. Of course, i am using the computer on Shabbat so ….

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