torture

Cheating, Serial-Divorcing Pig Upset By Adultery Question

Was there a highlight to tonight’s GOP debate? No. There is a GOP debate every four or five hours, constantly, forever, and there cannot be a highlight to something that is ongoing and eternal, like CNN Headline News or the Lake of Fire, in Hell. But CNN number-reader John King did manage to really get the amoral jewelry-debt piglet Newt Gingrich in full squeaking rage because, boo hoo, somebody asked Newt about his endless adultery and divorcing and banging other ladies while he’s married, etc.

So did the multimillionaire academic-politician-author Newt come clean and apologize to America for being such a disgusting sleazebag who always buys new whores with his $500,000 Tiffany line of credit? Haha, of course not. Instead, he said this:

“I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans.”

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The elite! Barack Obama!

Nothing else happened in this stupid debate. [Associated Press]

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353 comments

  1. Barb

    I'm not disturbed by Newt's wanting an "open marriage." I am disturbed that any woman would want to be married to this lying sack of shit.

    1. tribbzthesquidz

      There's a market for everybody. Apparently.
      Though I don't see how one can "power top" with an acorn. ACORN!!!!1!

    2. MittBorg

      As someone who actually knows what open relationships are all about, I am disgusted that Newt actually thinks what he has with other people can be classified as "relationships."

    3. hagajim

      And I, for one, laughed at his faux rage for even being asked about it. Talk about the hypocrisy. When he and all his holier-than-thou brethren were giving Clinton the morality beat down the only thing this gas bag wasn't doing that Clinton did was get caught. I assume he bought a big enough diamond to keep Callista quiet.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Repulsive fuckfaced beluga seeks attractive female under 40 for dalliance that will eventually result in whore diamonds for you.

    2. tessiee

      What makes you think it wasn't *actually* a craigslist ad?
      If Rick Perrah had the "brains" to figure it out, anyone could.

    1. Serfville

      "Oh Newt, you fat, smelly son of a choad. Go choke on a goddamn hot dog you gassy twat."
      Peggy Noonington would be proud!

  2. PuckStopsHere

    I don't believe a word of this "Gingrich banging a staffer named Callista Bisek at the very moment he was trying to get President Clinton impeached for, roughly, the exact same thing" as it was obvious to me at the time, as it should have been to any Merkin, that the man was far too exhausted from loving his country for so long and for so hard to be able to get it up for and get it on with a mere woman. Thank you.

      1. CapnFatback

        Ah crap, I think I stepped on your joke downthread. Oh well, there's something fitting to making a bisexual gag twice.

    1. paris biltong

      To the extent that "roughly" takes into consideration the material difference that separates a cigar from an actual dick.

      1. Gleem_McShineys

        An actual dick, but perhaps not Newt's actual dick. While it is loathe to consider, you have to take into account god-knows-what kind of chafing and/or scabbing might occur in the dark folds under that droopy tum-tum.

        Gah.

    2. PsycWench

      If by "loving his country" you are using a euphemism for "screwing it over repeatedly", yes you are correct.

    3. tessiee

      "the man was far too exhausted from loving his country for so long and for so hard to be able to get it up for and get it on with a mere woman."

      Oh, how I *want* to believe that!
      You don't know how much I *want* to believe that Newt's tiny Republican weiner, hidden among the rolls of stretchmarked fat and white pubic hair, stayed limp and floppy no matter what Callista…
      *dies*

        1. tessiee

          *flutters eyelashes*
          What th–?
          Why am I on my fainting couch?
          I must have fainted or something…
          You guys, I had the strangest dream, and you were in it… and you… and you…

    1. Negropolis

      Well, Perry had a "huge opening" and that didn't seem to help him much. Maybe, by the time he'd gotten in, their asshole quota had been filled.

  3. veritass

    Newt in 1998:

    "The speaker once again pledged to say during every public appearance that Americans have the right to know the truth about the Lewinsky matter and that the president is not above the law."

    Americans have the right to know! Have fun with that, Stay Puft Marshmallow Candidate.

  4. coolhandnuke

    I could smell the sulphuric desperation swirling around Newt as he delivered the fat thumbed combination to John King's chin. Who knew this chickenhawk chickenshit limp vulture could be a South Carolina GameCock.

      1. Nothingisamiss

        I had the same thought. And ohhhh, Chet……those Clintons…they are not ashamed to use the shiv and smile as they do it.

          1. tessiee

            I wish I could promise not to die, ever — but I *do* intend to, at the very least, outlive Newt.

    1. BarackMyWorld

      Lucky for John Edwards, whose corruption and hypocrisy was a fraction of Gingrich's, no one found out what he was up to until after the campaign was over.

      1. Nothingisamiss

        This is so true. I wish the damnable, ignorant narcissist Herman Cain had made it this far….I don't think the racist twits would have been able to keep from going Michael Richards and just start shouting "N@@@@@!" at the teevee.

    2. tessiee

      Please, you think they care that he's trash (and I agree with you, he is)? Like they give two shits about Newt's wives/girlfriends, or any woman, or anyone who isn't a white male millionaire? They'd run a nose-picking serial killer if he was a) white, b) christian, c) willing to do anything, anything whatsoever to sell out the country for the benefit of the 1%, — and I'd be surprised if anyone in their little He-Man Woman Hater's Club weren't nearly as loathsome as Newt (but perhaps better at hiding it).

    3. outragedcitizen

      The GOP is so morally bankrupt that Newt, Romney and Santorum are the best they can come up with. I any of them manage to win the general election then this country deserves everything it is going to get.

  5. BarackMyWorld

    In fairness, didn't we already know he's a lying, hypocritical, sleazy, arrogant, egotistical, misogynistic, opportunistic, corrupt demagogue? What's the point in bringing it up again?

    (Just kidding. Actually, I think John King should be commended on his restraint for not punching that piece of shit in the face.)

  6. Barb

    How can you have the mess we have in New Orleans, and not have had deep investigations of the federal government, the state government, the city government, and the failure of citizenship in the Ninth Ward, where 22,000 people were so uneducated and so unprepared, they literally couldn't get out of the way of a hurricane.” [Speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference, March 2007]
    —————–
    Do you think he will be able to stay in the race until the 2012 Louisiana Republican primary on March 24, 2012

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Wow, he actually said that at CPAC? I assume the audience applauded the "they literally couldn't get out of the way of a hurricane” part.

      Huzzah!! Let's drown more poor people! No investigations required.

      1. tessiee

        "Wow, he actually said that at CPAC? I assume the audience applauded the "they literally couldn't get out of the way of a hurricane” part."

        And that's the part he said in *public*. I have no trouble whatsoever imagining the conversation after the cameras were turned off, a la "Those People have so many babies, they'll replace the population in a year" (only less grammatical and about 1000x more hateful, of course).

    2. Negropolis

      I don't have any snark for that. That is just plain disgusting. What's he going to do, next? Blame the Jews for the Holocaust? Fuck that guy; fuck 'im all the way down to hell.

      The faux incredulity and the misrepresentation of the history of the event are just beyond evil. He deserves the GOP nomination. Anyone that tripped out on his own ego deserves the nomination of this infinitely bitter, morally bankrupt "party." Let it die, let it die…

      1. MittBorg

        I'm sure he *does* blame Jews for the Holocaust. Something tells me you've never spent time around serious racists, Negropolis. They say stuff like this all the time.

          1. MittBorg

            When I was in school, many, many years ago (it was a parochial school and there were three Jewish kids who went there), the nuns, and some of the older kids, would routinely repeat the Blood Libel — you know, that bullshit about Jews killing Christian babies and using their blood to make matzoh. Even as a child, I thought it was ridiculous (being of a geeky turn of mind, I tried to figure out the disposal of the numbers of Christian children required, and the figures didn't add up). You can't imagine how annoying it was to explain this to the various Sisters, when none of them would even listen.

    3. Chichikovovich

      "where 22,000 people were so uneducated and so unprepared, they literally couldn't get out of the way of a hurricane."

      But, but…. I thought nobody could have predicted the breach of the dikes. Bush said so.

      1. tessiee

        Lots of people predicted it. Hell, blues musicians were writing songs about "When the Levee Breaks" back in the 1930s. But, of course, they were blah, so why pay attention to them?

        1. MittBorg

          Yeah, if it hadn't been for the fact that NOAA REPEATEDLY warned the fucking idiots in the Bush admin … I mean, it's one ting to say them old blues singers are blah, what the hell do they know. It's quite another when someone hands you a piece of paper showing predicted landfall and water levels.

    4. AutomaticPilot

      I'm surprised he didn't say, "They literally did not have enough sense to come in from out of the rain."

  7. Joshua Norton

    “I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans.”

    HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA NEWTIE IS A COMIC GENIUS!!!

          1. MittBorg

            Ask any woman, black or white, what they would do under the circs. Just last month, some lady got arrested not too far from here for removing her husband's equipment and tossing it in the garbage disposal. Teh Laydeez, they haz lots of angree when it comes to being cheated on.

      1. tessiee

        Or that he's sitting in a high-backed chair in his secret hideout, petting a white cat in his lap and plotting, "Now what evil scheme can I use *today* to make Newt look like a scuzzy, worthless shitbag?" You know, because that's difficult and requires a lot of effort.

    1. PsycWench

      Newt has a Ph.D. and made over $3 million dollars last year. Most reporters I know make about 1/100th of that. How is he measuring elitism exactly?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hey, come on, people — he just wanted an "opem marriage", and he probably was hoping for some 3-way action, too. The man's just got a very active imagination, that's all.

      Heck, he even thinks he can be President!

      1. MittBorg

        Open relationships require honesty — which can be pretty fucking painful under the circs — and a willingness to acknowledge the primary relationship and work out any problems that arise, with everyone's needs being met as fairly as possible. It's hard enough and painful enough having ONE relationship.

        Newt didn't want an "open marriage." He wanted his wife to wink at his keeping a mistress, which is a whole different kettle of fish.

        1. Negropolis

          Yeah, I kind of winced at Marianne categorizing it as an open marriage. And open marriage is something both partners agree to beforehand, or both agree on sometime within the marriage. It's not a one-way street. If you have to coerce or finesse the partner into it, it ain't an open marriage.

          Newt didn't want an open marriage; Newt wanted an excuse.

          1. tessiee

            "If you have to coerce or finesse the partner into it, it ain't an open marriage.

            Newt didn't want an open marriage; Newt wanted an excuse."

            Yeah, like if you find out that your husband is a lying, cheating, smug, self-satisfied, morbidly obese crapweasel, and you go upside his head and fracture his thick, white-haired skull with a baseball bat, and say, "But Newtie Honey, I just wanted you to be more open-minded".

    1. hebmskebm

      Hey, my father is an awesome, hyperintelligent progressive type and he has diabeetus! He's also a fat fuck, but still.

    2. tessiee

      I thought it meant, "dares to question anything a Republican says, ever, instead of just groveling blindly", but yours is good, too.

      1. Barb

        Newt dumped his wife and daughters, leaving them to turn to the church for financial aid. How Presidential is that?

        I just read my husband's tweet:
        I'm calling Newt, the Pats and the Niners this weekend. He's been hanging out with Nate Silver for too long.

          1. Barb

            No daughter should have to discuss if their dad is a skank pronger or not. They are never going to frolic in the White House, rub elbows with celebs and royalty and appear on the cover of magazines. They will go down in history as the daughters of a dad who liked women who thought they were going down on a man who would be POTUS. They were just going down on a man who is going down.

          2. Chet Kincaid

            Is he using them? Neither Newt, nor anyone he has ever married (first wife slept with her 16 year old student, other two wives are adulterers), seems to have any integrity, so the apple ain't running away from the tree.

          3. MittBorg

            They work for him and are indebted to him financially. And it's pretty tacky to put your kids in the middle of your fucked up relationship. Especially when they can't really fight back. Although I'd rather eat cold earth than put up with this piece of dog's vomit.

          4. Biel_ze_Bubba

            You don't think kids ought to have to go out in public to discuss their dad's sexual escapades, and defend his serial adulteries and divorces? Newt doesn't think that's at all tacky.
            Besides, in South Carolina, the thinking seems to be, "Eh, could be worse … he could be a Mormon."

          5. MittBorg

            It's bad enough that most people have to think about the fact that they are living proof their parents had sex, once. It's bad enough to have to think about your parents having sex. I really feel for Newt's children. From the bottom of my heart.

            Mittens is resetting expectations downward, even as we speak, as hordes of slightly-less-than-ruly Brigham Young Moronians are running wild at his rallies in SC.

          6. Biel_ze_Bubba

            Running wild, as in knocking on doors, wearing white shirts and skinny ties and nametags? Trying to convert you to moronsim so you'll think Mitt's the man?

          7. MittBorg

            Apparently, it's more in the nature of showing up at his rallies holding placards/signs with his name and yelling "Mitt." What this is supposed to *do* is beyond me, but Mittens has roundly denied paying for the charter bus that schlepped these wilding youth to the environs of SC.

          8. Biel_ze_Bubba

            showing up at his rallies holding placards/signs with his name and yelling "Mitt."

            It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it. (And you know we can't, er, "coordinate" with the guy.)

    1. tealsheart

      Well it sort of is in a back to the future kind of way:
      TheNewt was just doing his duty by loving as many white women as possible, that way, there are fewer for the brothers. 360

      No lie

    2. tessiee

      "It's Obama's fault that Newt cheated on at least two wives."

      That is, when he wasn't creating the Reagan/Bush recession. Time-traveling Obama is a regular busy bee, isn't he?

  8. tealsheart

    He said this: “I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans.”

    I say this: His azz been talking to Sarah Palin.

    AU/as usual: It is Obama who causes Republicans to cheat on their mates.

  9. coolhandnuke

    For the first time in decades, a very small part of Newt moved on stage, unaided by blue pills or denture-free Stepford wives.
    Much like the Seinfeld where George had the mango and felt it move.
    He's still a King-sized prick…Newt, not George.

  10. Data Exactly

    "Was there a highlight to tonight’s GOP debate?"

    You also missed Ron Paul almost calling Rick Santorum a whippersnapper.

  11. Jukesgrrl

    With the diapers, the toe-tapping, the meth-fueled minister/rent boy trysts, and poking the Administrative Aide's wife and then firing him (need I go on?), hiking the Appalachian trail seems healthy and Newt looks like a man who just needs a wee bit variety in his life.

    Think of it as taking a little bit of the flu virus to keep from getting the flu. Gamecocks, indeed.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Whoa! Just starting to pump in the caffeine and I was thinking while Wonkette slowly loaded, "Maybe I'll change my avatar to the cover of Springsteen's new album (and throw a big FU at Cris Dodd)" Then I see your's and Upstage(d)!

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Hey, go for it. I really like the image on Wrecking Ball — good title, too. I just found out my Jukes pal, baritone sax player Eddie Manion, is on the album. He played on The Promise, too, so I'm not surprised but very pleased and hoping he'll get to tour even though it would be a blow to the Jukes. Ed deserves the money.

  12. tealsheart

    "I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans"

    …same chit he's says during sex…

    no lie

    1. CapnFatback

      elite media = condom
      Barack Obama = ovum
      attacking Republicans = employing spermicidal jelly?

      Oh God, I think I've made myself sick.

      1. tealsheart

        …HA!

        Whichever woman is at hand – as the Elite Media
        Barack Obama – as the Dick, literally.
        Her mouth – as the Attacking Republicans

        Now I'm confused

    2. tessiee

      Yeah, I'm sure sexual jealousy plays NO part in Newt's resentment of Obama!

      Greg Marmalard: I just HATE that Eric Stratton! He's lucky he's not in jail!
      Mandy: I'll say.
      Greg Marmalard: You'll say what?
      Mandy: Darn it Greg! If you're not even gonna try, I'm just gonna stop! *takes off rubber surgical glove*

  13. Radiotherapy

    Gingrich: "the Obama monogamy is elitism and Saul Alinsky radicalism that we cannot tolerate for four more years."

  14. SorosBot

    Yeah well, as far as anyone knows Barack has never cheated on Michelle; even though I suspect there is a certain subset of the Wonkette readership that wishes he would, with them.

    1. wolvenwood13

      SorosBot, read Wayne Madsen, a top notch investigative journalist and discovered that in Chicago, both Barack and Rahm go clubbing at gay bathhouses and have lifetime memberships in Man World or some such bathhouse. waynemadsenreport.com but you'll need to pay $7 but it's worth it. Wayne went to Chicago and did his detective work very, very well.

    1. tealsheart

      Bisek-ual, that Newts favorite Joke for her.

      Damn! She shoulda hyphenated her name: Bisek-Newt, just too much fun to pass on…

  15. MilwaukeeKent

    Red meat for the backward masses. This thing is going past South Carolina, folks, and Florida is going to get Shakespearean. Invest in popcorn futures…

      1. MilwaukeeKent

        If South Carolina had two debates figure Florida has ten? Onion/Food Channel and some others, probably three in The Villages alone. The Pensacola/Pepsi Cola Drive-in Debate will be a highlight, they're gonna measure approval/disapproval by car horns, followed by a demolition derby where each candidate gets his own clown car.

    1. fuflans

      i had the same thought this evening and it pleases me beyond measure.

      which sounds vaguely shakespearean and therefore pleasing.

        1. tessiee

          "it is universally agreed that a young white-haired man in possession of a credit line at Tiffany's must be in need of an open marriage."

    2. Callyson

      Popcorn, never mind that. I want in on the Thunderbird IPO, since that's all anyone will be able to afford if any of these clowns manages to unseat Obama…

      1. MittBorg

        Rest assured, they wont. Latest polls are showing a tremendous drop in interest on the part of the Republican faithful. They see Mittens and Newt as their choices, and both are terrible.

    3. Gainsbourg69

      Republicans don't give a shit about substance or character anymore. They just want someone who will shout stuff at that socialist, muslim negro in the white house. This is why Newt will win his party's nomination.

  16. SayItWithWookies

    Anyone who wonders how Newt still manages to get women to marry him need look no further than this few minutes — a cynical pathological jackass can go a long way by lying, stonewalling, bullshitting and — finally — acting out a full-spinnakered indignance when questioned or called out on it. It's a complete manipulator move, and of course his crowd loves it. I just hope they're happy with this third-rate emperor when he wants to enforce the morality that he feels is good enough for everybody else but doesn't apply to him.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      They'll be really upset when, as President, he dumps the USA for a younger, better-looking country.

    2. tessiee

      "Anyone who wonders how Newt still manages to get women to marry him need look no further than this few minutes — a cynical pathological jackass can go a long way by lying, stonewalling, bullshitting and — finally — acting out a full-spinnakered indignance when questioned or called out on it."

      Unfortunately, the women who are attracted to this type are all too often treated to a very unpleasant manifestation of it; the "Why do you do that, when you know it makes me hit you?" speech.

    1. Negropolis

      I wish someone could have got the look on his face when he was being lectured by Dr. Crazy Paul. He looked like Alfalfa. I was laughing out loud.

  17. SexySmurf

    Then as Newt left the stage, he tripped on an electrical cord and said, "Damn elitist electrical cords: always tripping Republicans." Later outside the studio it started to rain. Newt exclaimed, "Typical of elitist weather with its fancy precipitation. Barack Obama never gets wet." Back at the hotel, Newt turned on the TV and starting watching Storage Wars: "That Dave Hester is so elitist." Newt observed, "always driving the bid up on Republican storage lockers like an elitist. Elitist, elitist, elitist…"

  18. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Gingrich was terribly upset that they asked him a question about the leading story of the day and gave him a chance to reply, which he did with his totally prepared remarks and anger. How dare CNN, How dare they. FOX would have never asked a Republican an embarrassing question.

      1. MittBorg

        In which case, the audience would take over and let that blah person know what some of his ancestors might have felt like under similar circumstances. You know. In a roomfull of hostile white folks. Poor Juan!

          1. MittBorg

            I don't like Juan and never have. But it is pretty damn uncomfortable to sit in a roomful of hostile people who hate you simply because of the colour of your skin, since goodness knows Juan has no content or character. I'm sure when he rushed over to Pox, badmouthing public television as he ran, he little thought his bootlicking would be so cruelly repaid. He's about to find out that the much-lauded "diversity" of his new employer does not include the right of the "diverse" to be uppitty.

          2. tessiee

            "he little thought his bootlicking would be so cruelly repaid"

            Bootlicking usually is; overlords are notoriously bad about not holding up their end of the bargain.

          3. MittBorg

            Which, of course, then makes you wonder why the suckers keep falling for it.

            Although, in international politics, for example, it is well-known that being an "ally" of the US spells trouble both at home and abroad, for most Browns. Yet, they have few choices, since if they don't "ally," their neighbours who might have hostile intentions upon some turbid and unusable swampland of theirs (see, e.g., Rann of Kutch, etc.) will doubtless seize the offered opportunity and any arms that come with.

    1. tessiee

      They just don't get it, do they?
      Republicans have been saying since the Reagan years that it's bad form for reporters to ask questions.
      Can't they just sit there in awe-stricken silence, like they're supposed to?

  19. Serfville

    Picturing Madame Tussaud wax figure Calista in a 3 way with pig fart Newtie, the definition of Hypocrisy, is "Halloween #135 The Return of Swinger Speaker of Thee House."

  20. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Actually, more than Newt's little mock outrage, I thought it was more interesting that Romney still hasn't figured out a good answer to Bain or his Tax Returns. You have to wonder how much junk is in there that he is trying not to release anything until he hopefully has the Republican nomination wrapped up.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      And when he does release them, it will be 2011's return that an army of accountants is now working on to INCREASE his taxes. What I want to see is the 2008 return, the one right after he lost to McCain. The IRS probably refunded what he did pay by 150%.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          1. Interest and dividends: x bazillion
          2. Multiply the amount on line 1 by 0.15: _____
          3. Tax due (enter amount on line 2): _____

          Can't get easier than that.

  21. Serfville

    Oh, & Ron Paul here's one for ya:
    "It is better to be talked about, then not to be talked about". ~Oscar Wilde
    Fall off the radar much? The worst thing you can do to Ron Paul & Sarah Palin is to ignore them to death.

  22. tealsheart

    Well you know being faithful to the Republican Party is FAR MORE important that remaining faithful to 'da spouse who 'happens' not to go along with his plan to take up to four wives – as the Quran states.

    No lie

        1. Biff

          You'll never forget to never let me forget that, will you? And I thought you wanted an open relationship…

  23. Negropolis

    Nothing else happened in this stupid debate.

    Ain't that the truth. If he doesn't have this as his next commercial, tomorrow, he's a total failure. This was tee ball. John King even put the ball on the tee for him.

  24. Negropolis

    BTW, Maryanne says that Callista didn't care what or who else Newt was doing. Of course Callista didn't care; she was dripping with diamonds and other dubious substances…

    1. tessiee

      "Of course Callista didn't care"

      Since it left her more time to scrub frantically in long, hot showers.
      "Can't… get… clean…"

  25. OC_Surf_Serf

    Open Marriage to Newt means finding a woman to open up to folds of his gut to find his little 1-3/4" gingrich.

    Sorry. Had enough of this pig back in 1995.

  26. GhostBuggy

    This is…this is just out of control. What a fucking baby. All he's done for the entire campaign is bitch about the press. He started it with whining that Chris Fucking Wallace was too hard on him, and it just gets more and more obnoxious.

    The way this entire thing is going, here's what I think Republican Debate #4,286 will look like (which, at this rate, should be in about four hours from now):

    -Mitt Romney will stare into the camera, unspeaking and crying, until he suddenly walks off stage, sits in the audience and begins invoking the names of ancient gods long ago forgotten.

    -Rick Santorum will spontaneously combust.

    -Ron Paul will strip nude and, while shrieking at the top of his lungs about overregulation, slowly remove each tooth with pliers. When finished, he'll gum the words, "Finally, now there is time for sleep, I'm so very tired," and lay down and curl up.

    -The audience, about half of which having begun the final, mad transformation into the grotesque Chosen Ones as Romney continues his chanting, can't stop applauding despite their palms becoming red with blood.

    -And Newt Gingrich WILL STILL BE CRYING ABOUT EVERYONE BEING SO MEAN.

    1. Negropolis

      Hi-LARIOUS! Bwahahaha!

      Though, of the four remaining, I totally imagine one going back stage, taking out of a rifle, and just randomly firing into the crowd.

    2. Maman

      Hard to believe that this is the same ass who wants to refer to every unemployed person as a drug addict and every Democrat as against the family.

    3. heathenette

      That was beautiful. I am wiping away tears of laughter as I type. I’m saving it to read later, when the 5,000th GOP debate makes me what to shove a pencil through my brain.

    4. Redhead

      "-And Newt Gingrich WILL STILL BE CRYING ABOUT EVERYONE BEING SO MEAN. "

      Well, that tactic certainly worked out well for Palin.

    5. tessiee

      "Newt Gingrich WILL STILL BE CRYING ABOUT EVERYONE BEING SO MEAN"

      That's pretty much all he's got, isn't it?

    6. biblioteq_tress

      And Newt pulled his DAUGHTERS into his faux tantrum, in the uber-icky attempt to humanize himself and make this NOT about whether or not he is a loathsome amoral pathetic gruesome pig who can't treat any women within 5 feet of his flabby groin as if they are not a blow-up doll, but about whether or not his daughters will feel uncomfortable. Newt, your daughters will feel uncomfortable because YOU ARE THEIR FATHER, because you dumped their cancer inflicted mom in her hospital bed, because you did not pay child support and their mom had to go to food pantries, because you have such a crap record with women your poor daughters probably have no idea how a decent male human behaves with women (hint: no poop throwing), because you are a hypocrite, because you are a pussrunning sore on the face of mankind. That is why your daughters are unhappy.

  27. pinkocommi

    What is most surprising about this story is that there was not one, but two women willing to have sex with Newt during his lifetime. Because there is not enough Tiffany diamonds to make me go near that conceited, morally-repugnant, lardy windbag of a man.

      1. MittBorg

        They would *have* to be to surrender to the ministrations of this loathsome man. There is nothing *positive* that you can say about him. Even Dumbya, stupid as he was, repulsive as he was, was friendly enough in his stupid hick fashion. Newt has … a vile pit for a soul. Nobody likes him. Except these pitiful women.

          1. MittBorg

            Is there *anybody* who likes this worthless windbag? No one has stepped forward to defend him.

            Why am I even asking. Oh, yeah, and what's with these women?

    1. tessiee

      As difficult as it is to believe, "lardy" is the least ot that "man"'s problems. He's like a poisonous snake; anyone with a shred of self-preservation instinct would have to be repelled by his aura of hateful bitterness.

  28. Dashboard Buddha

    ""The destructive, vicious, negative nature of much of the news media makes it harder to govern this country, harder to attract decent people to run for public office. "

    Well…that pretty much explains why you're a "serious" candidate, Newt.

    "And I am appalled that you would begin a presidential debate on a topic like that,"

    Trust us, Newt…we're all appalled that someone like you, someone who isn't qualified to be a walmart greeter, is considered "presidential".

  29. Troglodeity

    Right now I am picturing a sweaty, naked, jiggly Newt, fat little toes curling up as he approaches orgasm, squealing in that distinctive voice of his "Oh yes, Callista!" – as his adulterous lover's bug-eyed face bobs up and down on his tiny member, her blond hair still amazingly, perfectly coiffed, her skinny, saggy, pasty tits swinging rythmically. All in Marianne's rumpled bed.

    I fear I shall never have an erection again.

    1. C_R_Eature

      I know that there's something more disgusting, vile and nightmare-inducing lurking somewhere out there in the Internet, but I'm sure as hell not going to look for it.

    2. sunmusing

      Thanks for squashing a promising day full of hope and a new beginning. Now I fear I must self flagellate back to sanity.

  30. ElPinche

    “I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans.”

    Oh but the independs [sic], swing voters, and conservatards lap that up like it was a bowl of santorum. "YEAH MEDIUH! PROTECTIN ELITES LIKE OBAMARS AND OPRAH! HEY NEWT ISNT SO ESTABLISHMINT AFTERALL DUUUUHH NOMNOMNOM"

    1. chicken_thief

      And he managed to get a drawn out "Hollywood" in the SOPA response. Newt knows how to work the base. And, no, in this context "working the base" is not a Larry Craig reference.

  31. Soylent Green

    That Barbara Bush impersonator was highly offended. Hand her her ass in November, Mr. President.

  32. tealsheart

    Open Marriage as in Open me a bank account, open me a charge account. A marriage of money&sex, no, money4sex. Also known as Love Republican Style

    1. Barb

      Love Republican Style:
      Mitt, Missionary Position in a Villa in France.
      Mitt, Doggie (on the roof of a car) style
      Callista, Facing Macy's
      Santorum, cum from behind
      Herman Cain, 69-9-9
      Santorum, Ben Dover
      Perry, Reverse Cowgirl, who happens to be a Cowboy.

      1. MilwaukeeKent

        GOP: It's not cool too have so many problems (but it's fun to watch). Needs more quiet rooms.

      2. Negropolis

        Callista, Facing Macy's

        Perry, Reverse Cowgirl, who happens to be a Cowboy.

        You are national treasure of snark. Facing Macy's? Who else would have thought of that but our Barb?

  33. FlipOffResearch

    Newt Gingrich strikes me as someone that once got a highish IQ score and took it too much to heart. You can tell when he gets this squinting gleam in his little pig eyes that he thinks he's going to fool everybody. But the only people buying his bullshit are the devoted Fox viewers, and of course, Newt himself.

    I wonder, if in moments of quiet reflection, does Callista asks herself were all the baubles were worth it?

    1. BelleSC

      She's young enough to outlive him especially considering his weight and possible other health problems. She probably sees it as a 20 year career with a great retirement ahead. Lousy job but great retirement benefits.

    2. tessiee

      "I wonder, if in moments of quiet reflection, does Callista asks herself were all the baubles were worth it?"

      Meh *shrug*, it's not like she was working on world peace or a cure for cancer, or anything that might have been considered an accomplishment, on her own. She was only ever gonna be *someone's* Stepford trophy wife; she might as well be Newtle's as anybody else's.

    3. tessiee

      "Newt Gingrich strikes me as someone that once got a highish IQ score and took it too much to heart."

      And the only reason he even got that is because he was sleeping with the teacher.

  34. DarwinianDemon

    The best line of the debate is being missed by everyone…it was Mitt saying he earned everything he has and he didn't get anything from his dad (who was a poor from Mexico)

      1. smokefilledroommate

        I couldn't find a clip but here's the text:
        “My dad, as you know, born in Mexico. Poor. Didn’t get a college degree. Became head of a car company. I could’ve stayed in Detroit like him and gotten pulled up in the car company. I went off on my own. I didn’t inherit money from my parents. What I have, I earned. I work hard the American way. I’m going to be able to talk to President Obama the way no one else can that’s in this race right now, about how the free economy works.”

        In and out of homeless shelters, his family cut him off. Eating out of garbage cans as he'd have you believe. Poor, poor Mitt.

        I also like the "didn't get a college degree. became head of a car company". His father must be the only fucking person in the world besides maybe Henry Ford that can say that.

        1. paris biltong

          Right. Worked my way through prep-school and college, etc.
          "Didn't inherit" probably means "We avoided estate taxes."

        2. BarackMyWorld

          Mitt has certainly overcome the handicap of having a rich, powerful father. I'm sure he got lots of doors slammed in his face when people found out he was son of the governor of Michigan and a member of Richard Nixon's cabinet.

        3. Negropolis

          George was a pretty remarkable man. I guess the best description of him would be a hustler who made good. He, indeed, never got a college degree, and he worked his way up by connecting himself to powerful patrons (particularly his wife's family) that gave him chances, and he took them and ran with them. Yeah, the guy was a hustler, though, unlike his son, he actually had to work for much of his early life.

          1. MittBorg

            I don't know if *Mittens* would be that declasse, as to say it out loud. Although it wouldn't surprise me in the least if he thinks it all the time.

      1. MittBorg

        Not just "not born in the U.S.A." George's father left the US for Mexico to protest the polygamy laws. He *renounced* his citizenship in protest. George Romney was not born to a US citizen father, but to a Mexican citizen.

        Now, those of us as know better know that that don't mean shit IF George Romney's mother was a US citizen or if George Romney was born on US soil. OR if George Romney applied for US citizenship upon his return to the US.

        But isn't it interesting that not a single person has even raised the question, despite all these damning facts?

    1. DahBoner

      "He was the youngest child of George W. Romney, automobile executive…When he was five, the family moved from Detroit to the affluent suburb of Bloomfield Hills….from seventh grade on, attended Cranbrook School in Bloomfield Hills, a private boys preparatory school of the classic mold where he was the lone Mormon and where many students came from even more privileged backgrounds"

      He was SOOOO poor, the other kids had new Porches and Mercedes convertibles, while Mitt had to putter around in a used AMC Pacer (with Levi's interior and 8-track player)….

      1. tessiee

        Porsches and Mercedeses in *Michigan*? Even in an "affluent suburb" of Detroit? Not in those days.

        1. Negropolis

          Hell, not even now, really. Even up to the 80's union folk were vandlizing foreign cars in their plants' parking lots, and wasn't their some big dust-up at the UAW Solidarity House in downtown Detroit a few years ago of someone one being denied a parking space in the garage because they were driving something foreign? The UAW does not pay, let me tell you.

  35. Extemporanus

    Newt Gingrich clearly couldn't handle that question because it was a Jaguar, and all he wanted was a Chevrolet.

    1. Barb

      The longer the campaign goes on the sooner we will find out that he also had a Buick LaCrosse-Dresser. It's just a matter of time.

  36. pearlsb4swine

    Am I the only one with a man-crush on Newt? Isn't there something at least a little bit heroic–and, yes, dreamy–about being able to lie so big? Dude may be a fraud but at least he's a GOLD PLATED fraud! Newt FTW!!!

  37. skaboomizzy

    The fact that Newt married one of his high school teachers says more about the quality of educators that are willing to teach in The South than anything else.

    1. tessiee

      They probably both considered it an accomplishment, since they weren't each other's blood relatives.

  38. DarwinianDemon

    LOL, yeah, how many decent people arent running for office just because they dumped their cancer stricken wives for a younger model?

  39. glamourdammerung

    So in the last week or so, we have gone from urinating on corpses to dumping your wife when she gets a serious illness as examples of "family values". Which just shows once again that it simply is projection when the teabaggers (or whatever they are calling themselves this week to try to make everyone forget about their many, many failures) shriek about "liberalism being a mental illness".

    1. Negropolis

      So in the last week or so, we have gone from urinating on corpses to dumping your wife wives when she both of them get a serious illness as examples of "family values".

      Fixed.

      Newt is bad juju; he got that death-dick, he does. But, Callista "Honey Badger" Gingrich doesn't give a shit. Blinded by diamonds, she'll learn soon enough.

  40. politics_nerd

    He looks like he's auditioning for the third Ghostbusters movie, as giant angry Stay-Puft marshmallow man.

  41. DerrickWildcat

    That Rick Perry guy is right. Most people that cheat at a thing may also cheat at many other things like Connect Four, Stratego, Mystery Date, Yahtzee or read the last page of a book first and use cheat codes to find all of the atomic armor. You have to watch that Gingrich all the time if you are playing a game with him.

  42. BarackMyWorld

    I hope Newt wins the SC primary. I even hope he wins the nomination, so he can lose to Obama by 30 million votes in November.

  43. SaintRond

    Oh, this from the same guy who helped spearhead a 70 million dollar oral sex investigation against President Bill Clinton, but now maintains that threesomes, or perhaps double dildos stuck up Marianne and Callista simultaneously (you know Callista wouldn't mind) or maybe even some girl fisting isn't an appropriate subject. What hypocrisy.

  44. Redhead

    "But that's priiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivate and none of your business! (Unlike what other consenting adults do with their bodies in their bedrooms, which is totally my business to regulate.)"

  45. johnnyzhivago

    Newt shows the qualities we need in a President – someone who can lure a foreign country with babbles to get them to do something with us – and then not feel badly about dumping them in a ditch the next day when a prettier, sexier country comes along.

    Newt/Sarah 2012!!!!!

  46. C_R_Eature

    I hereby nominate Newt to be President of Getting-Kicked-in-the-Balls-by-Every-Woman-in-America-who've-been-Cheated-on-and/or-left-for-some-Golddigging-young-Tart

    1. tealsheart

      He has 'No Balls'

      There's just an empty space
      There's nothing left here to remind him,
      Just the memory of her face

      …sorry Phil

    2. tessiee

      How about we just make it President of Getting-Kicked-in-the-Balls-by-Every-Woman-in-America? I mean, why limit ourselves?

  47. Bluestatelibel

    "And there all the GOPeers were all in one place
    A generation lost in space
    With no time left to lie again
    So come on, Newt be sleazy, Mitt be job destroyin'
    Blame it all on Barack Obama
    Cause lying is the devil's only friend
    And as I watched them on the stage
    My hands were clenched in fists of rage
    No Tea Party panderer born in Hell
    Could break those demagogues' spell
    And as the flames climbed high into the night
    To light the sacrificial rite
    I saw Satan laughing with delight
    The day the GOP died
    He was singin'
    Bye, bye American sanity…"

  48. freakishlywrong

    And of course, the media is braying that he "won". Again, never mind the offense, he "won". "These aren't the droids you're looking for".

  49. Negropolis

    You know, the more I hear about Newt, the less I'm sure that "a revolving line of credit at Tiffany" isn't code for regular outings to a DC strip club.

    Callista may be getting diamonds from Tiffany; but Newt is getting something else entirely from Tiffany…

    1. Chichikovovich

      And Brittany, and Mystique, and Cherish…

      And let's just say that his book about Reagan wasn't the only thing that could be called "A Date with Destiny", ifyaknow whattimean.

      1. Negropolis

        The jokes write themselves with Newt, don't they?

        Newt makes regular donations to Charity, I hear.

  50. johnnyzhivago

    Newt is right! The destructive news media IS what makes it hard to attract decent people to politics. That's why we're left with pigs like him to run for office.

  51. tealsheart

    “I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama FROM attacking Republicans.”

    See, all clear now.

  52. OKthennext

    That is one nasty f@cker. Calling his ex-wife a liar. Trying to use his daughters as human shields. Pathetic. Disgusting.

    Keep flinging the feces, Newt, and you will surely earn your South Carolina GOP Win.

  53. BaldarTFlagass

    Somebody should have told Newt that the qualifications for third wife include a fuckability quotient, i.e. is she hot and would other guys like to fuck her? Trophy wife fail.

    1. Negropolis

      To be fair, Callista is what we call "Republican Pretty." That is to say that she's had the skin of recently deceased orphans grafted onto, and stretched so taut over, her natural skin as to repel the hardest substance known to man, a hair coiffed something so fierce as to deflect hurricane force winds, a body in such a shape as to be passibly attractive, and most important the ability to suspend her dignity and self-awareness for years at a time. She's Stepford Pretty.

      1. tessiee

        "To be fair, Callista is what we call "Republican Pretty.""

        Very thin,
        Very white,
        Very blonde,
        Smiles a lot in every circumstance,
        No thoughts or opinions of her own.

  54. BaldarTFlagass

    And now Newt has a six point lead in the polls. I guess the SC Republican electorate's moral compass is as erratic as his.

  55. stanpan

    Most people laughed at the Otter Defense from "Animal House". Newtie, however, had an epiphany. He knew someday it could come in handy if he got his stubby Newtie Jr caught in a wringer. Seems to have worked with the audience.

  56. Ruhe

    "There is a GOP debate every four or five hours, constantly, forever, and there cannot be a highlight to something that is ongoing and eternal"

    If only this relentless and yet pointless expenditure of energy could be converted into an intergalactic propulsion system…like the Bistromatic Drive. But rather than relying on the unique behavior of numerical equations within the confines of a Bistro, this system would exploit the singular self-loathing of rationality itself that occurs within a republican debate.

  57. DahBoner

    Newt Ginrich is a Southern Gentleman???

    Why, southern gentlemen screwed their slaves, produced mixed-race children and then secured a tidy profit by selling them off to the highest bidder.

    They were true entrepreneurs!

    How many jobs has Newt Gingrich created for slave auctioneers lately???

  58. FakaktaSouth

    I am lying in my hotel room, 2 hours out of my timezone, a little drunk, AND STILL I AM NOT STUPID ENOUGH FOR THIS "I"m appalled" SHIT. (I do however have a different opinion of stiff hair, loose body Callista) What sucks for Newt is that he started the "CHARACTER DOES COUNT" BULLSHIT that they actually made a bumper sticker out of, and unfortunately for that twatbag, they STILL HAVE THEM AROUND HERE (not here Vegas, but here Bama). My own grandmother sports one TODAY on her NEW car. SO all this, being appalled about Clinton was then, being appalled with the media is NOW BLATHER is not going to to work. People still tote that shit around on their foreheads here and Newt is FUCKED. I KNOW they cheered him at the debate, but in their hearts and hypocritical minds, they know this is nothing but cognitive dissonance at its FINEST – and more of Newt's "if ya quote me you're a liar" ass-blowing. I gotta get up and drink more. Y'all have a great day.

  59. Tommy1733

    How disgusting to hear the vigorous applause and hoots from the audience as Gingrich turns on the Mean and sidesteps the question. This is the problem with our political system – ignorant people, and lots of them.

  60. owhatever

    First Lady Callista Gingrich, Vice President Sarah Palin and Secretary of Defense Michele Bachmann cordially invite you to … no, I cannot finish this thought. Gag.

  61. ttommyunger

    Although I relish John King being attacked by anyone for any reason, this obvious ploy by Newtie is so 20th Century, yet he got away with it. Amazing!

  62. tessiee

    They all have that sense of entitlement, and they all do that, "SILENCE, PEASANT!! *slap* HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME??" thing — but Newt's been doing it for 80 or 90 years longer than the rest of them, so he's had more time to perfect it.

  63. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Michele and Marcus Bachman? Oh wait, Marcus … right. Does it matter if she had to go out and aquire the kids elsewhere?

  64. MittBorg

    Um. I wonder what to think about Mary Cheney. Dick wouldn't even allow her in the picture of her own baby that he sent out. It was him, that hideous bat-wife of his, and the baby.

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