TORTURE  11:33 pm January 19, 2012

Cheating, Serial-Divorcing Pig Upset By Adultery Question

by Wonkette Jr.

Was there a highlight to tonight’s GOP debate? No. There is a GOP debate every four or five hours, constantly, forever, and there cannot be a highlight to something that is ongoing and eternal, like CNN Headline News or the Lake of Fire, in Hell. But CNN number-reader John King did manage to really get the amoral jewelry-debt piglet Newt Gingrich in full squeaking rage because, boo hoo, somebody asked Newt about his endless adultery and divorcing and banging other ladies while he’s married, etc.

So did the multimillionaire academic-politician-author Newt come clean and apologize to America for being such a disgusting sleazebag who always buys new whores with his $500,000 Tiffany line of credit? Haha, of course not. Instead, he said this:

“I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans.”

The elite! Barack Obama!

Nothing else happened in this stupid debate. [Associated Press]

 
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{ 353 comments }

Barb January 19, 2012 at 11:36 pm

I'm not disturbed by Newt's wanting an "open marriage." I am disturbed that any woman would want to be married to this lying sack of shit.

anniegetyerfun January 20, 2012 at 1:09 am

Barb, frankly, that's a true insult to lying sacks of shit everywhere.

tribbzthesquidz January 20, 2012 at 1:40 am

There's a market for everybody. Apparently.
Though I don't see how one can "power top" with an acorn. ACORN!!!!1!

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:25 am

As someone who actually knows what open relationships are all about, I am disgusted that Newt actually thinks what he has with other people can be classified as "relationships."

PsycWench January 20, 2012 at 7:42 am

See: Tiffany's, line of revolving credit = $500,000.

tealsheart January 20, 2012 at 9:46 am

OPEN as in LEGS, and its a well known FACT that Tiffany opens lots of legs

elviouslyqueer January 20, 2012 at 9:51 am

Your lips, God's ears.

hagajim January 20, 2012 at 10:12 am

And I, for one, laughed at his faux rage for even being asked about it. Talk about the hypocrisy. When he and all his holier-than-thou brethren were giving Clinton the morality beat down the only thing this gas bag wasn't doing that Clinton did was get caught. I assume he bought a big enough diamond to keep Callista quiet.

sarah_connor January 20, 2012 at 10:34 am

CHUBBY CHASER LIBEL!!11!

Joshua Norton January 19, 2012 at 11:37 pm

So Gingrich wanted an open marriage.

That would have been one helluva of a Craigslist ad.

anniegetyerfun January 20, 2012 at 1:11 am

Repulsive fuckfaced beluga seeks attractive female under 40 for dalliance that will eventually result in whore diamonds for you.

Nothingisamiss January 20, 2012 at 9:56 am

Again and again I am reminded of the true reason I read wonkette.

tribbzthesquidz January 20, 2012 at 1:45 am

Man of wealth and influence seeks discrete encounters with rubber doll. Won't take long.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:25 pm

What makes you think it wasn't *actually* a craigslist ad?
If Rick Perrah had the "brains" to figure it out, anyone could.

DrunkIrishman January 19, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Oh Newt, you fat, smelly son of a choad. Go choke on a goddamn hot dog you gassy twat.

Serfville January 20, 2012 at 12:37 am

"Oh Newt, you fat, smelly son of a choad. Go choke on a goddamn hot dog you gassy twat."
Peggy Noonington would be proud!

smokefilledroommate January 19, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I'm appalled by Newt fucking Gingrich.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:27 am

I'm appalled at ANYONE fucking Gingrich.

sewollef January 20, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Newt fucking Gingrich, would likely be his left hand

PuckStopsHere January 19, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I don't believe a word of this "Gingrich banging a staffer named Callista Bisek at the very moment he was trying to get President Clinton impeached for, roughly, the exact same thing" as it was obvious to me at the time, as it should have been to any Merkin, that the man was far too exhausted from loving his country for so long and for so hard to be able to get it up for and get it on with a mere woman. Thank you.

Radiotherapy January 19, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Callista Bisek y'all.

CapnFatback January 20, 2012 at 12:14 am

Ah crap, I think I stepped on your joke downthread. Oh well, there's something fitting to making a bisexual gag twice.

tealsheart January 20, 2012 at 9:42 am

Something tells me, Newt is the B!t€# in that relationship

NYNYNYjr January 20, 2012 at 12:06 am

Me, and Callista's merkin, and all the other merkins out there support the Newt. Neo-dadaism lives!

paris biltong January 20, 2012 at 3:55 am

To the extent that "roughly" takes into consideration the material difference that separates a cigar from an actual dick.

Gleem_McShineys January 20, 2012 at 12:38 pm

An actual dick, but perhaps not Newt's actual dick. While it is loathe to consider, you have to take into account god-knows-what kind of chafing and/or scabbing might occur in the dark folds under that droopy tum-tum.

Gah.

PsycWench January 20, 2012 at 7:44 am

If by "loving his country" you are using a euphemism for "screwing it over repeatedly", yes you are correct.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:28 pm

"the man was far too exhausted from loving his country for so long and for so hard to be able to get it up for and get it on with a mere woman."

Oh, how I *want* to believe that!
You don't know how much I *want* to believe that Newt's tiny Republican weiner, hidden among the rolls of stretchmarked fat and white pubic hair, stayed limp and floppy no matter what Callista…
*dies*

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Oh, NOEZ!!@! We haz lost our tessiee!

Come back, little tessiee!

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm

*flutters eyelashes*
What th–?
Why am I on my fainting couch?
I must have fainted or something…
You guys, I had the strangest dream, and you were in it… and you… and you…

smokefilledroommate January 19, 2012 at 11:40 pm

The bigger the asshole, the more they love 'em!

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 12:34 am

Well, Perry had a "huge opening" and that didn't seem to help him much. Maybe, by the time he'd gotten in, their asshole quota had been filled.

BTWBFDIMHO January 20, 2012 at 10:25 am

Of course, because they represent the worst of this country.

sarah_connor January 20, 2012 at 10:37 am

It's all about redemption. Red necks especially eat this shit up… with a spoon.

veritass January 19, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Newt in 1998:

"The speaker once again pledged to say during every public appearance that Americans have the right to know the truth about the Lewinsky matter and that the president is not above the law."

Americans have the right to know! Have fun with that, Stay Puft Marshmallow Candidate.

Trinket January 19, 2012 at 11:56 pm

God, no shit. Even worse that at least THREE women have.

coolhandnuke January 19, 2012 at 11:44 pm

I could smell the sulphuric desperation swirling around Newt as he delivered the fat thumbed combination to John King's chin. Who knew this chickenhawk chickenshit limp vulture could be a South Carolina GameCock.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 20, 2012 at 1:42 am

Brimstone libel! (And that's a serious business.)

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:29 am

And you are unanimous in that.

(For their name is legion)

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:31 pm

A gamecock with no game is a pretty sorry thing.

ChrisM2011 January 19, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Bill Clinton wants to throw his ass into a time machine right about now.

CapnFatback January 20, 2012 at 12:00 am

Good thing the TARDIS is so much bigger on the inside, then.

GhostBuggy January 20, 2012 at 12:39 am

But is there room for TWO black holes at the heart of the TARDIS?

trampndirtdown January 20, 2012 at 12:57 am

If anyone could write it in it would be Moffat.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:29 am

He's too busy laughing it off.

jus_wonderin January 20, 2012 at 6:36 am

goddamn laws of physics!!!

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2012 at 9:18 am

Bill Clinton is the one person who can stick the knife between Newt's ribs on this issue. I wouldn't be surprised to see him do that one day soon.

Nothingisamiss January 20, 2012 at 9:59 am

I had the same thought. And ohhhh, Chet……those Clintons…they are not ashamed to use the shiv and smile as they do it.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I would pay money to see that… even if I *had* any money.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:00 pm

If you promise not to die, I'll pay your ticket.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I wish I could promise not to die, ever — but I *do* intend to, at the very least, outlive Newt.

smokefilledroommate January 19, 2012 at 11:45 pm

I'm frankly astounded that the GOP would take trash like Newt and allow him to campaign for President.

BarackMyWorld January 19, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Lucky for John Edwards, whose corruption and hypocrisy was a fraction of Gingrich's, no one found out what he was up to until after the campaign was over.

Callyson January 20, 2012 at 1:47 am

You go to war with the candidates you have, not with the candidates you wish you had…

Biff January 20, 2012 at 8:02 am

newt is the magnetic aberration to the party's moral compass.

Limeylizzie January 20, 2012 at 9:48 am

Their hatred for the Black man in the White House trumps all common sense.

Nothingisamiss January 20, 2012 at 10:04 am

This is so true. I wish the damnable, ignorant narcissist Herman Cain had made it this far….I don't think the racist twits would have been able to keep from going Michael Richards and just start shouting "N@@@@@!" at the teevee.

hagajim January 20, 2012 at 10:14 am

GOP now = Grand Old Pussbags.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Please, you think they care that he's trash (and I agree with you, he is)? Like they give two shits about Newt's wives/girlfriends, or any woman, or anyone who isn't a white male millionaire? They'd run a nose-picking serial killer if he was a) white, b) christian, c) willing to do anything, anything whatsoever to sell out the country for the benefit of the 1%, — and I'd be surprised if anyone in their little He-Man Woman Hater's Club weren't nearly as loathsome as Newt (but perhaps better at hiding it).

outragedcitizen January 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm

The GOP is so morally bankrupt that Newt, Romney and Santorum are the best they can come up with. I any of them manage to win the general election then this country deserves everything it is going to get.

BarackMyWorld January 19, 2012 at 11:45 pm

In fairness, didn't we already know he's a lying, hypocritical, sleazy, arrogant, egotistical, misogynistic, opportunistic, corrupt demagogue? What's the point in bringing it up again?

(Just kidding. Actually, I think John King should be commended on his restraint for not punching that piece of shit in the face.)

Barb January 19, 2012 at 11:46 pm

How can you have the mess we have in New Orleans, and not have had deep investigations of the federal government, the state government, the city government, and the failure of citizenship in the Ninth Ward, where 22,000 people were so uneducated and so unprepared, they literally couldn't get out of the way of a hurricane.” [Speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference, March 2007]
—————–
Do you think he will be able to stay in the race until the 2012 Louisiana Republican primary on March 24, 2012

Jukesgrrl January 20, 2012 at 12:05 am

Wow, he actually said that at CPAC? I assume the audience applauded the "they literally couldn't get out of the way of a hurricane” part.

Huzzah!! Let's drown more poor people! No investigations required.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:36 pm

"Wow, he actually said that at CPAC? I assume the audience applauded the "they literally couldn't get out of the way of a hurricane” part."

And that's the part he said in *public*. I have no trouble whatsoever imagining the conversation after the cameras were turned off, a la "Those People have so many babies, they'll replace the population in a year" (only less grammatical and about 1000x more hateful, of course).

fuflans January 20, 2012 at 1:48 am

well i sure as hell hope he's staying in the race.

i mean that quite seriously.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 2:44 am

I don't have any snark for that. That is just plain disgusting. What's he going to do, next? Blame the Jews for the Holocaust? Fuck that guy; fuck 'im all the way down to hell.

The faux incredulity and the misrepresentation of the history of the event are just beyond evil. He deserves the GOP nomination. Anyone that tripped out on his own ego deserves the nomination of this infinitely bitter, morally bankrupt "party." Let it die, let it die…

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 3:20 am

I'm sure he *does* blame Jews for the Holocaust. Something tells me you've never spent time around serious racists, Negropolis. They say stuff like this all the time.

starfanglednut January 20, 2012 at 10:33 am

They brought it on themselves, with their hooked noses and the greed and the drinking blood of christian children, doncha know!

Wow. I feel dirty even writing that.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm

When I was in school, many, many years ago (it was a parochial school and there were three Jewish kids who went there), the nuns, and some of the older kids, would routinely repeat the Blood Libel — you know, that bullshit about Jews killing Christian babies and using their blood to make matzoh. Even as a child, I thought it was ridiculous (being of a geeky turn of mind, I tried to figure out the disposal of the numbers of Christian children required, and the figures didn't add up). You can't imagine how annoying it was to explain this to the various Sisters, when none of them would even listen.

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 7:31 am

I'd fly out there just to see that and I Hate flying.

Chichikovovich January 20, 2012 at 8:06 am

"where 22,000 people were so uneducated and so unprepared, they literally couldn't get out of the way of a hurricane."

But, but…. I thought nobody could have predicted the breach of the dikes. Bush said so.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Lots of people predicted it. Hell, blues musicians were writing songs about "When the Levee Breaks" back in the 1930s. But, of course, they were blah, so why pay attention to them?

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Yeah, if it hadn't been for the fact that NOAA REPEATEDLY warned the fucking idiots in the Bush admin … I mean, it's one ting to say them old blues singers are blah, what the hell do they know. It's quite another when someone hands you a piece of paper showing predicted landfall and water levels.

Chichikovovich January 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Ladies and gentlemen that was another fine post from tessie! Let's have a big round of applause!

Now for our next act, we've got Zimmy and a few of his pals – I think you know who they are, people:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQJV6EYc0Ps

Nothingisamiss January 20, 2012 at 10:31 am

The problem being that down here this is the reason the facists will vote FOR him.

AutomaticPilot January 20, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I'm surprised he didn't say, "They literally did not have enough sense to come in from out of the rain."

Joshua Norton January 19, 2012 at 11:47 pm

“I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans.”

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA NEWTIE IS A COMIC GENIUS!!!

tealsheart January 19, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Maybe he's hinting that PrezO cheated?

Jukesgrrl January 20, 2012 at 12:18 am

If he had the nerve to cheat on Michelle, he really IS Seal Team 6 material.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:32 am

He'll need that skillset to survive. She'll take his ass right out, if he even thinks of it, I'm sure.

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2012 at 9:23 am

Because she's an Angry Black Woman!

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Or that he's sitting in a high-backed chair in his secret hideout, petting a white cat in his lap and plotting, "Now what evil scheme can I use *today* to make Newt look like a scuzzy, worthless shitbag?" You know, because that's difficult and requires a lot of effort.

PsycWench January 20, 2012 at 7:47 am

Newt has a Ph.D. and made over $3 million dollars last year. Most reporters I know make about 1/100th of that. How is he measuring elitism exactly?

under_score January 19, 2012 at 11:48 pm

It's the hypocrisy, stupid

Biel_ze_Bubba January 20, 2012 at 1:46 am

Hey, come on, people — he just wanted an "opem marriage", and he probably was hoping for some 3-way action, too. The man's just got a very active imagination, that's all.

Heck, he even thinks he can be President!

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:34 am

Open relationships require honesty — which can be pretty fucking painful under the circs — and a willingness to acknowledge the primary relationship and work out any problems that arise, with everyone's needs being met as fairly as possible. It's hard enough and painful enough having ONE relationship.

Newt didn't want an "open marriage." He wanted his wife to wink at his keeping a mistress, which is a whole different kettle of fish.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 7:51 am

Yeah, I kind of winced at Marianne categorizing it as an open marriage. And open marriage is something both partners agree to beforehand, or both agree on sometime within the marriage. It's not a one-way street. If you have to coerce or finesse the partner into it, it ain't an open marriage.

Newt didn't want an open marriage; Newt wanted an excuse.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:50 pm

"If you have to coerce or finesse the partner into it, it ain't an open marriage.

Newt didn't want an open marriage; Newt wanted an excuse."

Yeah, like if you find out that your husband is a lying, cheating, smug, self-satisfied, morbidly obese crapweasel, and you go upside his head and fracture his thick, white-haired skull with a baseball bat, and say, "But Newtie Honey, I just wanted you to be more open-minded".

Guppy January 19, 2012 at 11:49 pm

I think we're reaching the point where "elite" means "not suffering from diabetes."

hebmskebm January 19, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Hey, my father is an awesome, hyperintelligent progressive type and he has diabeetus! He's also a fat fuck, but still.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I thought it meant, "dares to question anything a Republican says, ever, instead of just groveling blindly", but yours is good, too.

Barb January 19, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Sarah Palin said that the interview with Newt's ex wife would "help him to soar even more."

Radiotherapy January 20, 2012 at 12:00 am

help him to sore even more
/fixed

Barb January 20, 2012 at 12:06 am

Newt dumped his wife and daughters, leaving them to turn to the church for financial aid. How Presidential is that?

I just read my husband's tweet:
I'm calling Newt, the Pats and the Niners this weekend. He's been hanging out with Nate Silver for too long.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 12:37 am

And, yet, his daughters are on TV protecting his ass. Disgusting.

Barb January 20, 2012 at 1:00 am

No daughter should have to discuss if their dad is a skank pronger or not. They are never going to frolic in the White House, rub elbows with celebs and royalty and appear on the cover of magazines. They will go down in history as the daughters of a dad who liked women who thought they were going down on a man who would be POTUS. They were just going down on a man who is going down.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 20, 2012 at 1:49 am

What's thoroughly disgusting is that he would use them for this.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:36 am

They work for him and are indebted to him financially. And it's pretty tacky to put your kids in the middle of your fucked up relationship. Especially when they can't really fight back. Although I'd rather eat cold earth than put up with this piece of dog's vomit.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Stockholm syndrome.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 20, 2012 at 1:48 am

help him to score even more.

Broke it for you. NNTTM

Toomush_Infer January 20, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Like that Bush JD who sang on Air Force One: "Like an Eagle Flies…" What was his name?…

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Ashcroft. John Ashcroft, who spent too much of his reign covering up boobies on statues. What fucking twerps these idiots are.

angerbear January 19, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Yes. It's Obama's fault that Newt cheated on at least two wives. Totally.

tealsheart January 20, 2012 at 12:18 am

Well it sort of is in a back to the future kind of way:
TheNewt was just doing his duty by loving as many white women as possible, that way, there are fewer for the brothers. 360

No lie

insidebeltway January 20, 2012 at 6:20 am

No, it's the liberal media's fault.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

"It's Obama's fault that Newt cheated on at least two wives."

That is, when he wasn't creating the Reagan/Bush recession. Time-traveling Obama is a regular busy bee, isn't he?

outragedcitizen January 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Of course it's Obama's fault. I mean he is black and he is in the White House. Gotta be his fault.

tealsheart January 19, 2012 at 11:55 pm

He said this: “I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans.”

I say this: His azz been talking to Sarah Palin.

AU/as usual: It is Obama who causes Republicans to cheat on their mates.

Barrelhse January 20, 2012 at 8:16 am

I thought you were gonna say AuH2O '64!

tealsheart January 20, 2012 at 9:28 am

before my time. LOL did he think of that himself?

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Chemistry humour!

coolhandnuke January 19, 2012 at 11:55 pm

For the first time in decades, a very small part of Newt moved on stage, unaided by blue pills or denture-free Stepford wives.
Much like the Seinfeld where George had the mango and felt it move.
He's still a King-sized prick…Newt, not George.

Data Exactly January 19, 2012 at 11:56 pm

"Was there a highlight to tonight’s GOP debate?"

You also missed Ron Paul almost calling Rick Santorum a whippersnapper.

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 11:57 pm

With the diapers, the toe-tapping, the meth-fueled minister/rent boy trysts, and poking the Administrative Aide's wife and then firing him (need I go on?), hiking the Appalachian trail seems healthy and Newt looks like a man who just needs a wee bit variety in his life.

Think of it as taking a little bit of the flu virus to keep from getting the flu. Gamecocks, indeed.

James Michael Curley January 20, 2012 at 7:26 am

Whoa! Just starting to pump in the caffeine and I was thinking while Wonkette slowly loaded, "Maybe I'll change my avatar to the cover of Springsteen's new album (and throw a big FU at Cris Dodd)" Then I see your's and Upstage(d)!

Jukesgrrl January 20, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Hey, go for it. I really like the image on Wrecking Ball — good title, too. I just found out my Jukes pal, baritone sax player Eddie Manion, is on the album. He played on The Promise, too, so I'm not surprised but very pleased and hoping he'll get to tour even though it would be a blow to the Jukes. Ed deserves the money.

tealsheart January 20, 2012 at 12:01 am

"I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans"

…same chit he's says during sex…

no lie

CapnFatback January 20, 2012 at 12:09 am

elite media = condom
Barack Obama = ovum
attacking Republicans = employing spermicidal jelly?

Oh God, I think I've made myself sick.

tealsheart January 20, 2012 at 12:40 am

…HA!

Whichever woman is at hand – as the Elite Media
Barack Obama – as the Dick, literally.
Her mouth – as the Attacking Republicans

Now I'm confused

Angry_Marmot January 20, 2012 at 12:46 am

It would take S. Clay Wilson to illustrate this mess.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Yeah, I'm sure sexual jealousy plays NO part in Newt's resentment of Obama!

Greg Marmalard: I just HATE that Eric Stratton! He's lucky he's not in jail!
Mandy: I'll say.
Greg Marmalard: You'll say what?
Mandy: Darn it Greg! If you're not even gonna try, I'm just gonna stop! *takes off rubber surgical glove*

Radiotherapy January 20, 2012 at 12:03 am

Gingrich: "the Obama monogamy is elitism and Saul Alinsky radicalism that we cannot tolerate for four more years."

SorosBot January 20, 2012 at 12:03 am

Yeah well, as far as anyone knows Barack has never cheated on Michelle; even though I suspect there is a certain subset of the Wonkette readership that wishes he would, with them.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:51 am

Oh, like *you* never wished that.

wolvenwood13 January 23, 2012 at 11:17 am

SorosBot, read Wayne Madsen, a top notch investigative journalist and discovered that in Chicago, both Barack and Rahm go clubbing at gay bathhouses and have lifetime memberships in Man World or some such bathhouse. waynemadsenreport.com but you'll need to pay $7 but it's worth it. Wayne went to Chicago and did his detective work very, very well.

trampndirtdown January 20, 2012 at 12:05 am

“I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans.”
So Obama made that King of Bain movie?

Biel_ze_Bubba January 20, 2012 at 1:52 am

Without coordinating with Newt.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:51 am

Damn, he's just getting sneakier by the second.

Joshua Norton January 20, 2012 at 12:05 am

He's asked Callista for an open marriage because he wants to screw all of us.

BarackMyWorld January 20, 2012 at 12:22 am

Win.

CapnFatback January 20, 2012 at 12:11 am

Of course Newt wanted an "open marriage"; he was trying to get with a Bisek-ual.

tealsheart January 20, 2012 at 9:56 am

Bisek-ual, that Newts favorite Joke for her.

Damn! She shoulda hyphenated her name: Bisek-Newt, just too much fun to pass on…

BarackMyWorld January 20, 2012 at 12:12 am

“I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans.”

And you thought Dick Cheney was a sociopath!

MilwaukeeKent January 20, 2012 at 12:12 am

Red meat for the backward masses. This thing is going past South Carolina, folks, and Florida is going to get Shakespearean. Invest in popcorn futures…

Jukesgrrl January 20, 2012 at 12:21 am

Do we have the debate schedule so I can order my pizzas in advance?

MilwaukeeKent January 20, 2012 at 12:42 am

If South Carolina had two debates figure Florida has ten? Onion/Food Channel and some others, probably three in The Villages alone. The Pensacola/Pepsi Cola Drive-in Debate will be a highlight, they're gonna measure approval/disapproval by car horns, followed by a demolition derby where each candidate gets his own clown car.

BelleSC January 20, 2012 at 7:30 am

Don't forget the South Florida/Early Bird dinner debates starting at 4:00.

fuflans January 20, 2012 at 1:32 am

i had the same thought this evening and it pleases me beyond measure.

which sounds vaguely shakespearean and therefore pleasing.

tealsheart January 20, 2012 at 8:54 am

"I hardly know."
Oh, that's Austen, not Shakespeare

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:07 pm

"it is universally agreed that a young white-haired man in possession of a credit line at Tiffany's must be in need of an open marriage."

Callyson January 20, 2012 at 1:52 am

Popcorn, never mind that. I want in on the Thunderbird IPO, since that's all anyone will be able to afford if any of these clowns manages to unseat Obama…

Barrelhse January 20, 2012 at 8:22 am

Silver Satin and Old Duke are viable alternatives.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Rest assured, they wont. Latest polls are showing a tremendous drop in interest on the part of the Republican faithful. They see Mittens and Newt as their choices, and both are terrible.

jus_wonderin January 20, 2012 at 6:43 am

dick-ensiean?

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Dick-endsian.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 8:58 am

The only line from Shakespeare I want to hear is from King Lear: And my poor fool is hanged.

Gainsbourg69 January 20, 2012 at 10:29 am

Republicans don't give a shit about substance or character anymore. They just want someone who will shout stuff at that socialist, muslim negro in the white house. This is why Newt will win his party's nomination.

SayItWithWookies January 20, 2012 at 12:12 am

Anyone who wonders how Newt still manages to get women to marry him need look no further than this few minutes — a cynical pathological jackass can go a long way by lying, stonewalling, bullshitting and — finally — acting out a full-spinnakered indignance when questioned or called out on it. It's a complete manipulator move, and of course his crowd loves it. I just hope they're happy with this third-rate emperor when he wants to enforce the morality that he feels is good enough for everybody else but doesn't apply to him.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 20, 2012 at 1:55 am

They'll be really upset when, as President, he dumps the USA for a younger, better-looking country.

Radiotherapy January 20, 2012 at 2:35 am

Callistastan?

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:53 am

One that's not sick.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:10 pm

China laughed in his face and hung up on him.

Gainsbourg69 January 20, 2012 at 10:26 am

"full-spinnakered indignance."

AWESOME!!!!

zappadoo76 January 20, 2012 at 12:08 pm

"Always attack. Never defend." — L. Ron Hubbard.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:10 pm

"Anyone who wonders how Newt still manages to get women to marry him need look no further than this few minutes — a cynical pathological jackass can go a long way by lying, stonewalling, bullshitting and — finally — acting out a full-spinnakered indignance when questioned or called out on it."

Unfortunately, the women who are attracted to this type are all too often treated to a very unpleasant manifestation of it; the "Why do you do that, when you know it makes me hit you?" speech.

Jukesgrrl January 20, 2012 at 12:15 am

Only slightly OT: Joe.My.God. asked his readers to caption an interesting photo of Former Senator Frothy Mix taken at the debate. Don't miss it.
http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2012/01/caption-this

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 12:42 am

I wish someone could have got the look on his face when he was being lectured by Dr. Crazy Paul. He looked like Alfalfa. I was laughing out loud.

Callyson January 20, 2012 at 1:53 am

Wonkette's on that one too: check the articles in the upper right hand corner.

SexySmurf January 20, 2012 at 12:21 am

Then as Newt left the stage, he tripped on an electrical cord and said, "Damn elitist electrical cords: always tripping Republicans." Later outside the studio it started to rain. Newt exclaimed, "Typical of elitist weather with its fancy precipitation. Barack Obama never gets wet." Back at the hotel, Newt turned on the TV and starting watching Storage Wars: "That Dave Hester is so elitist." Newt observed, "always driving the bid up on Republican storage lockers like an elitist. Elitist, elitist, elitist…"

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 20, 2012 at 12:22 am

Gingrich was terribly upset that they asked him a question about the leading story of the day and gave him a chance to reply, which he did with his totally prepared remarks and anger. How dare CNN, How dare they. FOX would have never asked a Republican an embarrassing question.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 12:43 am

Except, of course, if the inquisitor was one of the blahs.

Jukesgrrl January 20, 2012 at 12:54 am

A blah named Juan. Extra hate points for that.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:56 am

In which case, the audience would take over and let that blah person know what some of his ancestors might have felt like under similar circumstances. You know. In a roomfull of hostile white folks. Poor Juan!

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2012 at 9:35 am

I feel no more sympathy for Juan than I do for Mika on Morning Blowhard.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I don't like Juan and never have. But it is pretty damn uncomfortable to sit in a roomful of hostile people who hate you simply because of the colour of your skin, since goodness knows Juan has no content or character. I'm sure when he rushed over to Pox, badmouthing public television as he ran, he little thought his bootlicking would be so cruelly repaid. He's about to find out that the much-lauded "diversity" of his new employer does not include the right of the "diverse" to be uppitty.

Biff January 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Well-compensated punching bags.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:16 pm

They just don't get it, do they?
Republicans have been saying since the Reagan years that it's bad form for reporters to ask questions.
Can't they just sit there in awe-stricken silence, like they're supposed to?

Serfville January 20, 2012 at 12:26 am

Picturing Madame Tussaud wax figure Calista in a 3 way with pig fart Newtie, the definition of Hypocrisy, is "Halloween #135 The Return of Swinger Speaker of Thee House."

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 20, 2012 at 12:29 am

Actually, more than Newt's little mock outrage, I thought it was more interesting that Romney still hasn't figured out a good answer to Bain or his Tax Returns. You have to wonder how much junk is in there that he is trying not to release anything until he hopefully has the Republican nomination wrapped up.

Jukesgrrl January 20, 2012 at 12:58 am

And when he does release them, it will be 2011's return that an army of accountants is now working on to INCREASE his taxes. What I want to see is the 2008 return, the one right after he lost to McCain. The IRS probably refunded what he did pay by 150%.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 20, 2012 at 1:22 am

He is unemployed, so his tax returns can't be that complicated.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 20, 2012 at 2:03 am

1. Interest and dividends: x bazillion
2. Multiply the amount on line 1 by 0.15: _____
3. Tax due (enter amount on line 2): _____

Can't get easier than that.

Serfville January 20, 2012 at 12:29 am

Oh, & Ron Paul here's one for ya:
"It is better to be talked about, then not to be talked about". ~Oscar Wilde
Fall off the radar much? The worst thing you can do to Ron Paul & Sarah Palin is to ignore them to death.

tealsheart January 20, 2012 at 12:29 am

Well you know being faithful to the Republican Party is FAR MORE important that remaining faithful to 'da spouse who 'happens' not to go along with his plan to take up to four wives – as the Quran states.

No lie

Biff January 20, 2012 at 8:28 am

His exes obviously just didn't love America enough.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

You should know, cheating on me with that hussy 25 years ago.

Biff January 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

You'll never forget to never let me forget that, will you? And I thought you wanted an open relationship…

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I did, until we got gay-married, dood. Now it's all "Look, don't touch."

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 12:31 am

Nothing else happened in this stupid debate.

Ain't that the truth. If he doesn't have this as his next commercial, tomorrow, he's a total failure. This was tee ball. John King even put the ball on the tee for him.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 12:32 am

BTW, Maryanne says that Callista didn't care what or who else Newt was doing. Of course Callista didn't care; she was dripping with diamonds and other dubious substances…

Maman January 20, 2012 at 1:27 am

She didn't care until she became Mrs. Gingrich and NOW she won't let him out of her sight. Smart lady.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm

"Of course Callista didn't care"

Since it left her more time to scrub frantically in long, hot showers.
"Can't… get… clean…"

OC_Surf_Serf January 20, 2012 at 12:34 am

Open Marriage to Newt means finding a woman to open up to folds of his gut to find his little 1-3/4" gingrich.

Sorry. Had enough of this pig back in 1995.

GhostBuggy January 20, 2012 at 12:37 am

This is…this is just out of control. What a fucking baby. All he's done for the entire campaign is bitch about the press. He started it with whining that Chris Fucking Wallace was too hard on him, and it just gets more and more obnoxious.

The way this entire thing is going, here's what I think Republican Debate #4,286 will look like (which, at this rate, should be in about four hours from now):

-Mitt Romney will stare into the camera, unspeaking and crying, until he suddenly walks off stage, sits in the audience and begins invoking the names of ancient gods long ago forgotten.

-Rick Santorum will spontaneously combust.

-Ron Paul will strip nude and, while shrieking at the top of his lungs about overregulation, slowly remove each tooth with pliers. When finished, he'll gum the words, "Finally, now there is time for sleep, I'm so very tired," and lay down and curl up.

-The audience, about half of which having begun the final, mad transformation into the grotesque Chosen Ones as Romney continues his chanting, can't stop applauding despite their palms becoming red with blood.

-And Newt Gingrich WILL STILL BE CRYING ABOUT EVERYONE BEING SO MEAN.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 12:46 am

Hi-LARIOUS! Bwahahaha!

Though, of the four remaining, I totally imagine one going back stage, taking out of a rifle, and just randomly firing into the crowd.

GhostBuggy January 20, 2012 at 12:50 am

Which, of course, would receive a standing ovation from the survivors.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 2:43 am

Another WIN!

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 3:02 am

I swear, GhostBuggy is taking all the golds tonight.

Maman January 20, 2012 at 1:29 am

Hard to believe that this is the same ass who wants to refer to every unemployed person as a drug addict and every Democrat as against the family.

heathenette January 20, 2012 at 2:17 am

That was beautiful. I am wiping away tears of laughter as I type. I’m saving it to read later, when the 5,000th GOP debate makes me what to shove a pencil through my brain.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 3:02 am

I am so stealing this entire scene.

paris biltong January 20, 2012 at 4:33 am

You may want to consider laying off the stuff.

chicken_thief January 20, 2012 at 7:08 am

Or doubling up. Your choice…

GhostBuggy January 20, 2012 at 9:17 am

I don't know how else I'd get through an election cycle.

Redhead January 20, 2012 at 7:10 am

"-And Newt Gingrich WILL STILL BE CRYING ABOUT EVERYONE BEING SO MEAN. "

Well, that tactic certainly worked out well for Palin.

Sharkey January 20, 2012 at 11:24 am

Three bloody, cut-off fins up!

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm

"Newt Gingrich WILL STILL BE CRYING ABOUT EVERYONE BEING SO MEAN"

That's pretty much all he's got, isn't it?

biblioteq_tress January 21, 2012 at 12:22 pm

And Newt pulled his DAUGHTERS into his faux tantrum, in the uber-icky attempt to humanize himself and make this NOT about whether or not he is a loathsome amoral pathetic gruesome pig who can't treat any women within 5 feet of his flabby groin as if they are not a blow-up doll, but about whether or not his daughters will feel uncomfortable. Newt, your daughters will feel uncomfortable because YOU ARE THEIR FATHER, because you dumped their cancer inflicted mom in her hospital bed, because you did not pay child support and their mom had to go to food pantries, because you have such a crap record with women your poor daughters probably have no idea how a decent male human behaves with women (hint: no poop throwing), because you are a hypocrite, because you are a pussrunning sore on the face of mankind. That is why your daughters are unhappy.

pinkocommi January 20, 2012 at 12:39 am

What is most surprising about this story is that there was not one, but two women willing to have sex with Newt during his lifetime. Because there is not enough Tiffany diamonds to make me go near that conceited, morally-repugnant, lardy windbag of a man.

Jukesgrrl January 20, 2012 at 1:01 am

Actually there were three — that we know of. Maybe more. Conservative women are quite self-loathing.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 3:06 am

They would *have* to be to surrender to the ministrations of this loathsome man. There is nothing *positive* that you can say about him. Even Dumbya, stupid as he was, repulsive as he was, was friendly enough in his stupid hick fashion. Newt has … a vile pit for a soul. Nobody likes him. Except these pitiful women.

emmelemm January 20, 2012 at 3:10 am

It's true… he's pure evil.

Gleem_McShineys January 20, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking pure evil.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Is there *anybody* who likes this worthless windbag? No one has stepped forward to defend him.

Why am I even asking. Oh, yeah, and what's with these women?

Callyson January 20, 2012 at 1:58 am

Not enough Tiffany diamonds…you said it. I'll take the cubic zirconia, thanks…

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:30 pm

As difficult as it is to believe, "lardy" is the least ot that "man"'s problems. He's like a poisonous snake; anyone with a shred of self-preservation instinct would have to be repelled by his aura of hateful bitterness.

Dashboard Buddha January 20, 2012 at 12:41 am

""The destructive, vicious, negative nature of much of the news media makes it harder to govern this country, harder to attract decent people to run for public office. "

Well…that pretty much explains why you're a "serious" candidate, Newt.

"And I am appalled that you would begin a presidential debate on a topic like that,"

Trust us, Newt…we're all appalled that someone like you, someone who isn't qualified to be a walmart greeter, is considered "presidential".

Troglodeity January 20, 2012 at 12:44 am

Right now I am picturing a sweaty, naked, jiggly Newt, fat little toes curling up as he approaches orgasm, squealing in that distinctive voice of his "Oh yes, Callista!" – as his adulterous lover's bug-eyed face bobs up and down on his tiny member, her blond hair still amazingly, perfectly coiffed, her skinny, saggy, pasty tits swinging rythmically. All in Marianne's rumpled bed.

I fear I shall never have an erection again.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 3:08 am

Rest assured that most of Wonketz probably sympathizes with your plight which they share, even as they curse you for inducing it.

BelleSC January 20, 2012 at 7:39 am

I just vomited on my keyboard.

PsycWench January 20, 2012 at 7:50 am

Someone please pass the brain bleach.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

We ran out.

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 7:54 am

I know that there's something more disgusting, vile and nightmare-inducing lurking somewhere out there in the Internet, but I'm sure as hell not going to look for it.

Limeylizzie January 20, 2012 at 9:52 am

It's Newt masturbating to a picture of a naked and spread-eagled Margaret Thatcher.

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 9:59 am

NOOOOOO… *Retch*

elviouslyqueer January 20, 2012 at 10:24 am

Have you no sense of decency, Lizzie? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?

sunmusing January 20, 2012 at 11:14 am

Thanks for squashing a promising day full of hope and a new beginning. Now I fear I must self flagellate back to sanity.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Pass me that cat o'nine tails when you're done.

Sharkey January 20, 2012 at 11:31 am

Your forgot to mention her pimply cottage cheese ass grinding on his face. But otherwise, three fins up!

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Serves you right for making us picture that.

BZ1 January 20, 2012 at 12:57 am

How many cockamanny debates do they need?

ElPinche January 20, 2012 at 1:01 am

“I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans.”

Oh but the independs [sic], swing voters, and conservatards lap that up like it was a bowl of santorum. "YEAH MEDIUH! PROTECTIN ELITES LIKE OBAMARS AND OPRAH! HEY NEWT ISNT SO ESTABLISHMINT AFTERALL DUUUUHH NOMNOMNOM"

chicken_thief January 20, 2012 at 7:11 am

And he managed to get a drawn out "Hollywood" in the SOPA response. Newt knows how to work the base. And, no, in this context "working the base" is not a Larry Craig reference.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Upfist for your new avatar. That really is a face made for punching in, isn't it?

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm

If it was anywhere near me, it would already be wearing multiple contusions.

Soylent Green January 20, 2012 at 1:04 am

That Barbara Bush impersonator was highly offended. Hand her her ass in November, Mr. President.

tealsheart January 20, 2012 at 1:08 am

Open Marriage as in Open me a bank account, open me a charge account. A marriage of money&sex, no, money4sex. Also known as Love Republican Style

Barb January 20, 2012 at 1:29 am

Love Republican Style:
Mitt, Missionary Position in a Villa in France.
Mitt, Doggie (on the roof of a car) style
Callista, Facing Macy's
Santorum, cum from behind
Herman Cain, 69-9-9
Santorum, Ben Dover
Perry, Reverse Cowgirl, who happens to be a Cowboy.

MilwaukeeKent January 20, 2012 at 2:34 am

GOP: It's not cool too have so many problems (but it's fun to watch). Needs more quiet rooms.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 7:47 am

Callista, Facing Macy's

Perry, Reverse Cowgirl, who happens to be a Cowboy.

You are national treasure of snark. Facing Macy's? Who else would have thought of that but our Barb?

tealsheart January 20, 2012 at 9:37 am

Truth in Snark, as it ought to be

Barb January 20, 2012 at 9:57 am

Thanks Negropolis and good morning!

FlipOffResearch January 20, 2012 at 1:19 am

Newt Gingrich strikes me as someone that once got a highish IQ score and took it too much to heart. You can tell when he gets this squinting gleam in his little pig eyes that he thinks he's going to fool everybody. But the only people buying his bullshit are the devoted Fox viewers, and of course, Newt himself.

I wonder, if in moments of quiet reflection, does Callista asks herself were all the baubles were worth it?

Jukesgrrl January 20, 2012 at 1:36 am

She's inhaled too much hairspray to have complex thoughts.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 3:10 am

The only reflection in which Mrs. Gingrich The Third has ever indulged is the one that faces her in her mirror.

Geminisunmars January 20, 2012 at 5:27 am

nice one.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Thank you, darlz (kisses the dear cheek). High praise indeed, coming from you.

BelleSC January 20, 2012 at 7:43 am

She's young enough to outlive him especially considering his weight and possible other health problems. She probably sees it as a 20 year career with a great retirement ahead. Lousy job but great retirement benefits.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:39 pm

"I wonder, if in moments of quiet reflection, does Callista asks herself were all the baubles were worth it?"

Meh *shrug*, it's not like she was working on world peace or a cure for cancer, or anything that might have been considered an accomplishment, on her own. She was only ever gonna be *someone's* Stepford trophy wife; she might as well be Newtle's as anybody else's.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm

"Newt Gingrich strikes me as someone that once got a highish IQ score and took it too much to heart."

And the only reason he even got that is because he was sleeping with the teacher.

DarwinianDemon January 20, 2012 at 1:38 am

The best line of the debate is being missed by everyone…it was Mitt saying he earned everything he has and he didn't get anything from his dad (who was a poor from Mexico)

BarackMyWorld January 20, 2012 at 3:07 am

Please tell me there is a clip of this!

smokefilledroommate January 20, 2012 at 4:19 am

I couldn't find a clip but here's the text:
“My dad, as you know, born in Mexico. Poor. Didn’t get a college degree. Became head of a car company. I could’ve stayed in Detroit like him and gotten pulled up in the car company. I went off on my own. I didn’t inherit money from my parents. What I have, I earned. I work hard the American way. I’m going to be able to talk to President Obama the way no one else can that’s in this race right now, about how the free economy works.”

In and out of homeless shelters, his family cut him off. Eating out of garbage cans as he'd have you believe. Poor, poor Mitt.

I also like the "didn't get a college degree. became head of a car company". His father must be the only fucking person in the world besides maybe Henry Ford that can say that.

paris biltong January 20, 2012 at 4:40 am

Right. Worked my way through prep-school and college, etc.
"Didn't inherit" probably means "We avoided estate taxes."

BarackMyWorld January 20, 2012 at 5:39 am

Well, its hard to inherit money when your parents don't die until you're around 50.

BarackMyWorld January 20, 2012 at 5:17 am

Mitt has certainly overcome the handicap of having a rich, powerful father. I'm sure he got lots of doors slammed in his face when people found out he was son of the governor of Michigan and a member of Richard Nixon's cabinet.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 8:08 am

George was a pretty remarkable man. I guess the best description of him would be a hustler who made good. He, indeed, never got a college degree, and he worked his way up by connecting himself to powerful patrons (particularly his wife's family) that gave him chances, and he took them and ran with them. Yeah, the guy was a hustler, though, unlike his son, he actually had to work for much of his early life.

iburl January 20, 2012 at 11:18 am

Yes, sons of 3 time governors have no special privileges in life.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:43 pm

"I’m going to be able to talk to President Obama the way no one else can"

He means like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjU03P_6nbQ&fe

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I don't know if *Mittens* would be that declasse, as to say it out loud. Although it wouldn't surprise me in the least if he thinks it all the time.

DarwinianDemon January 20, 2012 at 3:21 pm

There is! It's at the back end of his "Don-make-me-release-my-records-or-Obama-wins" rant on TPM
http://2012.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/01/mitt-ro

Gainsbourg69 January 20, 2012 at 10:08 am

He lived in America's streets, also.

Rosie_Scenario January 20, 2012 at 12:02 pm

So how did George Romney get to run for Prez if he was not born in the U.S.A.?

BarackMyWorld January 20, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Was white.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Not just "not born in the U.S.A." George's father left the US for Mexico to protest the polygamy laws. He *renounced* his citizenship in protest. George Romney was not born to a US citizen father, but to a Mexican citizen.

Now, those of us as know better know that that don't mean shit IF George Romney's mother was a US citizen or if George Romney was born on US soil. OR if George Romney applied for US citizenship upon his return to the US.

But isn't it interesting that not a single person has even raised the question, despite all these damning facts?

DahBoner January 20, 2012 at 12:14 pm

"He was the youngest child of George W. Romney, automobile executive…When he was five, the family moved from Detroit to the affluent suburb of Bloomfield Hills….from seventh grade on, attended Cranbrook School in Bloomfield Hills, a private boys preparatory school of the classic mold where he was the lone Mormon and where many students came from even more privileged backgrounds"

He was SOOOO poor, the other kids had new Porches and Mercedes convertibles, while Mitt had to putter around in a used AMC Pacer (with Levi's interior and 8-track player)….

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Porsches and Mercedeses in *Michigan*? Even in an "affluent suburb" of Detroit? Not in those days.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Hell, not even now, really. Even up to the 80's union folk were vandlizing foreign cars in their plants' parking lots, and wasn't their some big dust-up at the UAW Solidarity House in downtown Detroit a few years ago of someone one being denied a parking space in the garage because they were driving something foreign? The UAW does not pay, let me tell you.

Extemporanus January 20, 2012 at 1:40 am

Newt Gingrich clearly couldn't handle that question because it was a Jaguar, and all he wanted was a Chevrolet.

Barb January 20, 2012 at 1:46 am

The longer the campaign goes on the sooner we will find out that he also had a Buick LaCrosse-Dresser. It's just a matter of time.

Extemporanus January 20, 2012 at 2:27 am

Judging by his current ride, I'd say that he's definitely blown a tranny.

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 7:30 am

The real problem he had, was that he wanted to drive them both at the same time.

Barrelhse January 20, 2012 at 8:33 am

Or a Cougar.

Callyson January 20, 2012 at 1:42 am

You know who else had a destructive, vicious, negative nature?

Barrelhse January 20, 2012 at 8:33 am

Mrs. Barrelhse.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 8:50 am

Genghis Khan?

Bobby Knight?

SorosBot January 20, 2012 at 8:53 am

Negaduck?

jus_wonderin January 20, 2012 at 8:56 am

JR Ewing?

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 8:58 am

Nixon?

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Dick Cheney?

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Hitler?

Hey, wut, nobody else said it.

pearlsb4swine January 20, 2012 at 1:48 am

Am I the only one with a man-crush on Newt? Isn't there something at least a little bit heroic–and, yes, dreamy–about being able to lie so big? Dude may be a fraud but at least he's a GOLD PLATED fraud! Newt FTW!!!

tribbzthesquidz January 20, 2012 at 1:48 am

The grass is always blonder on the other side of a bleach manufacturing plant.

skaboomizzy January 20, 2012 at 1:53 am

The fact that Newt married one of his high school teachers says more about the quality of educators that are willing to teach in The South than anything else.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:53 pm

They probably both considered it an accomplishment, since they weren't each other's blood relatives.

fuflans January 20, 2012 at 1:57 am

gross gross gross gross

that is all.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:24 am

Kirsten? Kirsten, is that you? "Amoral jewelry-debt piglet" FTW.

DarwinianDemon January 20, 2012 at 2:47 am

LOL, yeah, how many decent people arent running for office just because they dumped their cancer stricken wives for a younger model?

glamourdammerung January 20, 2012 at 3:05 am

So in the last week or so, we have gone from urinating on corpses to dumping your wife when she gets a serious illness as examples of "family values". Which just shows once again that it simply is projection when the teabaggers (or whatever they are calling themselves this week to try to make everyone forget about their many, many failures) shriek about "liberalism being a mental illness".

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 7:53 am

So in the last week or so, we have gone from urinating on corpses to dumping your wife wives when she both of them get a serious illness as examples of "family values".

Fixed.

Newt is bad juju; he got that death-dick, he does. But, Callista "Honey Badger" Gingrich doesn't give a shit. Blinded by diamonds, she'll learn soon enough.

politics_nerd January 20, 2012 at 3:24 am

He looks like he's auditioning for the third Ghostbusters movie, as giant angry Stay-Puft marshmallow man.

DerrickWildcat January 20, 2012 at 4:45 am

That Rick Perry guy is right. Most people that cheat at a thing may also cheat at many other things like Connect Four, Stratego, Mystery Date, Yahtzee or read the last page of a book first and use cheat codes to find all of the atomic armor. You have to watch that Gingrich all the time if you are playing a game with him.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Of course, Rick Perry gets confused playing Candyland, but otherwise, I agree.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Of course, YOU might not want to play any kind of game with him, but if he wants to play a game with you? You're so played.

BarackMyWorld January 20, 2012 at 5:37 am

I hope Newt wins the SC primary. I even hope he wins the nomination, so he can lose to Obama by 30 million votes in November.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I hope it's a hundred million votes. That would make me truly happy.

SaintRond January 20, 2012 at 6:57 am

Oh, this from the same guy who helped spearhead a 70 million dollar oral sex investigation against President Bill Clinton, but now maintains that threesomes, or perhaps double dildos stuck up Marianne and Callista simultaneously (you know Callista wouldn't mind) or maybe even some girl fisting isn't an appropriate subject. What hypocrisy.

Redhead January 20, 2012 at 7:06 am

"But that's priiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivate and none of your business! (Unlike what other consenting adults do with their bodies in their bedrooms, which is totally my business to regulate.)"

johnnyzhivago January 20, 2012 at 7:08 am

Newt shows the qualities we need in a President – someone who can lure a foreign country with babbles to get them to do something with us – and then not feel badly about dumping them in a ditch the next day when a prettier, sexier country comes along.

Newt/Sarah 2012!!!!!

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 7:28 am

I hereby nominate Newt to be President of Getting-Kicked-in-the-Balls-by-Every-Woman-in-America-who've-been-Cheated-on-and/or-left-for-some-Golddigging-young-Tart

BelleSC January 20, 2012 at 7:45 am

I second the nomination.

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 7:49 am

All In Favor?

I think I know the answer to this one…

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I'm pretty sure you do, C.

tealsheart January 20, 2012 at 9:29 am

He has 'No Balls'

There's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind him,
Just the memory of her face

…sorry Phil

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:56 pm

How about we just make it President of Getting-Kicked-in-the-Balls-by-Every-Woman-in-America? I mean, why limit ourselves?

C_R_Eature January 20, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Thinking Big – I like it. Seconded!

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I like this better. We don't want to discriminate against the women and men who have never been cheated on.

Bluestatelibel January 20, 2012 at 7:46 am

"And there all the GOPeers were all in one place
A generation lost in space
With no time left to lie again
So come on, Newt be sleazy, Mitt be job destroyin'
Blame it all on Barack Obama
Cause lying is the devil's only friend
And as I watched them on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No Tea Party panderer born in Hell
Could break those demagogues' spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the GOP died
He was singin'
Bye, bye American sanity…"

emmelemm January 20, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Deserves more upfisties.

freakishlywrong January 20, 2012 at 7:47 am

And of course, the media is braying that he "won". Again, never mind the offense, he "won". "These aren't the droids you're looking for".

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 7:57 am

You know, the more I hear about Newt, the less I'm sure that "a revolving line of credit at Tiffany" isn't code for regular outings to a DC strip club.

Callista may be getting diamonds from Tiffany; but Newt is getting something else entirely from Tiffany…

Chichikovovich January 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

And Brittany, and Mystique, and Cherish…

And let's just say that his book about Reagan wasn't the only thing that could be called "A Date with Destiny", ifyaknow whattimean.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 7:21 pm

The jokes write themselves with Newt, don't they?

Newt makes regular donations to Charity, I hear.

Mrspanky January 20, 2012 at 8:31 am

Did anyone else notice that the crowd for this "debate" looked and sounded like they came straight from "The Jerry Springer Show"?

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Yeah, "looked like".

johnnyzhivago January 20, 2012 at 8:38 am

Newt is right! The destructive news media IS what makes it hard to attract decent people to politics. That's why we're left with pigs like him to run for office.

BTWBFDIMHO January 20, 2012 at 8:39 am

The country needs more blowjob creators like Newt Gingrich.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Shuttt-uuuppp!, you want Herman Cain to hear you?

tealsheart January 20, 2012 at 8:46 am

“I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama FROM attacking Republicans.”

See, all clear now.

OKthennext January 20, 2012 at 8:53 am

That is one nasty f@cker. Calling his ex-wife a liar. Trying to use his daughters as human shields. Pathetic. Disgusting.

Keep flinging the feces, Newt, and you will surely earn your South Carolina GOP Win.

BaldarTFlagass January 20, 2012 at 9:04 am

Somebody should have told Newt that the qualifications for third wife include a fuckability quotient, i.e. is she hot and would other guys like to fuck her? Trophy wife fail.

Negropolis January 20, 2012 at 9:16 am

To be fair, Callista is what we call "Republican Pretty." That is to say that she's had the skin of recently deceased orphans grafted onto, and stretched so taut over, her natural skin as to repel the hardest substance known to man, a hair coiffed something so fierce as to deflect hurricane force winds, a body in such a shape as to be passibly attractive, and most important the ability to suspend her dignity and self-awareness for years at a time. She's Stepford Pretty.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:58 pm

"To be fair, Callista is what we call "Republican Pretty.""

Very thin,
Very white,
Very blonde,
Smiles a lot in every circumstance,
No thoughts or opinions of her own.

BaldarTFlagass January 20, 2012 at 9:05 am

And now Newt has a six point lead in the polls. I guess the SC Republican electorate's moral compass is as erratic as his.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 4:09 pm

No, this is just another demonstration of how much the electorate *hates* Bishop Willard "Mitt the Fuckface" RMONEY.

stanpan January 20, 2012 at 9:13 am

Most people laughed at the Otter Defense from "Animal House". Newtie, however, had an epiphany. He knew someday it could come in handy if he got his stubby Newtie Jr caught in a wringer. Seems to have worked with the audience.

NewtsUndies January 20, 2012 at 9:24 am

Now I'm embarrassed by my choice of username. Why did I do it?

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Because someone had already claimed, "MittsMagicPanties"?

Terry January 20, 2012 at 10:01 am

Newtie lives, and has always lived, but the motto "do as I say, not as I do".

dabanks January 20, 2012 at 10:24 am

Is asking about your affair more or less despicable than cheating on your MS-stricken wife?

Ruhe January 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

"There is a GOP debate every four or five hours, constantly, forever, and there cannot be a highlight to something that is ongoing and eternal"

If only this relentless and yet pointless expenditure of energy could be converted into an intergalactic propulsion system…like the Bistromatic Drive. But rather than relying on the unique behavior of numerical equations within the confines of a Bistro, this system would exploit the singular self-loathing of rationality itself that occurs within a republican debate.

DahBoner January 20, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Newt Ginrich is a Southern Gentleman???

Why, southern gentlemen screwed their slaves, produced mixed-race children and then secured a tidy profit by selling them off to the highest bidder.

They were true entrepreneurs!

How many jobs has Newt Gingrich created for slave auctioneers lately???

FakaktaSouth January 20, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I am lying in my hotel room, 2 hours out of my timezone, a little drunk, AND STILL I AM NOT STUPID ENOUGH FOR THIS "I"m appalled" SHIT. (I do however have a different opinion of stiff hair, loose body Callista) What sucks for Newt is that he started the "CHARACTER DOES COUNT" BULLSHIT that they actually made a bumper sticker out of, and unfortunately for that twatbag, they STILL HAVE THEM AROUND HERE (not here Vegas, but here Bama). My own grandmother sports one TODAY on her NEW car. SO all this, being appalled about Clinton was then, being appalled with the media is NOW BLATHER is not going to to work. People still tote that shit around on their foreheads here and Newt is FUCKED. I KNOW they cheered him at the debate, but in their hearts and hypocritical minds, they know this is nothing but cognitive dissonance at its FINEST – and more of Newt's "if ya quote me you're a liar" ass-blowing. I gotta get up and drink more. Y'all have a great day.

Tommy1733 January 20, 2012 at 1:32 pm

How disgusting to hear the vigorous applause and hoots from the audience as Gingrich turns on the Mean and sidesteps the question. This is the problem with our political system – ignorant people, and lots of them.

Gleem_McShineys January 20, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Newt's got 99 problems and the elite media protecting Barak Obama is 99 of them.

owhatever January 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

First Lady Callista Gingrich, Vice President Sarah Palin and Secretary of Defense Michele Bachmann cordially invite you to … no, I cannot finish this thought. Gag.

ttommyunger January 21, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Although I relish John King being attacked by anyone for any reason, this obvious ploy by Newtie is so 20th Century, yet he got away with it. Amazing!

Steverino247 January 20, 2012 at 3:50 am

It's the fucking elitist Russian judge again.

GhostBuggy January 20, 2012 at 9:18 am

Gosh, thanks. (not sarcasm)

Biff January 20, 2012 at 8:52 am

Pretty sure that's a fine line between "inheritance" and "gift" when it comes to taxation.

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2012 at 9:25 am

That about sums it up.

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2012 at 9:27 am

Is he using them? Neither Newt, nor anyone he has ever married (first wife slept with her 16 year old student, other two wives are adulterers), seems to have any integrity, so the apple ain't running away from the tree.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:24 pm

They all have that sense of entitlement, and they all do that, "SILENCE, PEASANT!! *slap* HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME??" thing — but Newt's been doing it for 80 or 90 years longer than the rest of them, so he's had more time to perfect it.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Gabe "Jar Fetus" Santorum?

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

No one?

Biff January 20, 2012 at 8:25 pm

The entire membership of College Republicans?

Biel_ze_Bubba January 21, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Michele and Marcus Bachman? Oh wait, Marcus … right. Does it matter if she had to go out and aquire the kids elsewhere?

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Ask any woman, black or white, what they would do under the circs. Just last month, some lady got arrested not too far from here for removing her husband's equipment and tossing it in the garbage disposal. Teh Laydeez, they haz lots of angree when it comes to being cheated on.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:25 pm

See wut I mean? Teh Laydeez, they don't care so much for teh cheating.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Oh, no, no, I thank YOU. I had to read that out loud to my partner last night, when I finally recovered from laughing hysterically.

emmelemm January 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Someone is defending him:
http://wonkette.com/460762/newt-gingrichs-tawdry-

UGH! So awful.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

"he little thought his bootlicking would be so cruelly repaid"

Bootlicking usually is; overlords are notoriously bad about not holding up their end of the bargain.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Good enough for me.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Um. I wonder what to think about Mary Cheney. Dick wouldn't even allow her in the picture of her own baby that he sent out. It was him, that hideous bat-wife of his, and the baby.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Which, of course, then makes you wonder why the suckers keep falling for it.

Although, in international politics, for example, it is well-known that being an "ally" of the US spells trouble both at home and abroad, for most Browns. Yet, they have few choices, since if they don't "ally," their neighbours who might have hostile intentions upon some turbid and unusable swampland of theirs (see, e.g., Rann of Kutch, etc.) will doubtless seize the offered opportunity and any arms that come with.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 4:45 pm

You talkin' to me? Huh?

Biff January 20, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Juan y compadres.

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Sweet fucking christ on a crutch.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 21, 2012 at 5:14 pm

You don't think kids ought to have to go out in public to discuss their dad's sexual escapades, and defend his serial adulteries and divorces? Newt doesn't think that's at all tacky.
Besides, in South Carolina, the thinking seems to be, "Eh, could be worse … he could be a Mormon."

MittBorg January 21, 2012 at 6:03 pm

It's bad enough that most people have to think about the fact that they are living proof their parents had sex, once. It's bad enough to have to think about your parents having sex. I really feel for Newt's children. From the bottom of my heart.

Mittens is resetting expectations downward, even as we speak, as hordes of slightly-less-than-ruly Brigham Young Moronians are running wild at his rallies in SC.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 21, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Running wild, as in knocking on doors, wearing white shirts and skinny ties and nametags? Trying to convert you to moronsim so you'll think Mitt's the man?

MittBorg January 21, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Apparently, it's more in the nature of showing up at his rallies holding placards/signs with his name and yelling "Mitt." What this is supposed to *do* is beyond me, but Mittens has roundly denied paying for the charter bus that schlepped these wilding youth to the environs of SC.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 21, 2012 at 7:06 pm

showing up at his rallies holding placards/signs with his name and yelling "Mitt."

It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it. (And you know we can't, er, "coordinate" with the guy.)

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