SHARE

Come ON, Rick Santorum, at least try to make it look like you haven’t been practicing your moves.

[Twitter]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • DrunkIrishman

    Oh sure, gays can't marry, but it's just fine and dandy for Slick Rick to deep throat the mic right there on stage.

    • tcaalaw

      It used to be illegal in South Carolina to fellate microphones, but that law was struck down in a companion case to Lawrence v. Texas.

  • Barb

    He's trying to get a pair of Tiffany's cuff links out of Newt.

    • C_R_Eature

      "This looks just like a Penis. But smaller!"

      • PsycWench

        or not!

  • mavenmaven

    Rick Perry is jealous.

    • Callyson

      Perry to Santorum: "I can give a better hummer than that."

  • Barb

    Rick Santorum is more annoying than a 6 year-old kid with a six pack of Mountain Dew and a kazoo.

    • He has a really annoying voice, too. Is it just me, or has this entire crop of candidates been short-changed in the voice department? Or maybe it's just that Obama's mellifluous, dulcet tones leave them all sounding squawky and nasal and febrile.

      • Barb

        I can live with his voice, it's that smirk/smile that makes me want to punch him in the throat.

        • Bonzos_Bed_Time

          Must be from hanging out w/ Cantor.

        • It's the Trademarked Republican Sneer/Smirk/Smile. They've all got it. It's nasty and superior and says, "I got mine, so fuck you, and what have you got for me today?"

          • I read an interesting article, the gist of which was that, when it comes to psychopaths, what most people interpret as hatred is actually contempt. It's not so much that they hate others, but more that they view themselves as being superior, and others as deserving of any cruel treatment they receive.

          • I'm sure you're well aware that Corporate America is an ideal, uh, medium for these types. Chances are, if you've worked in a large corporation, you've encountered these people. Especially in the finance industry. Suffice it to say that I've met people that I honestly believe would kill you and me without thinking twice if we proved inconvenient to them. We're not talking "beat up their wife, kid, or dog, stole their car, set their house on fire" stuff. We're talking "cut in front of them in the turn lane" or "got the last slice of salami pizza."

        • Crank_Tango

          me, I want to break his jaw.

  • BarackMyWorld

    #heblowsalot.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    <whisper>I'm batman</whisper>

  • Barb

    This isn't the first Mike I've fellated.

  • SexySmurf

    "And then with your left hand, you gently cup the balls…"

  • OkieDokieDog

    You suck, Santorum, and you blow too!

  • nounverb911

    Santorum seems to be missing his little Marcus.

  • pukebot

    testing, 1 2 sperm. testing 1 2 sperm.

    • emmelemm

      "Testes… testes… one, two… three?"

    • Beowoof

      tasting, 1 2 sperm, tasting 1 2 sperm.

      I think that is closer to what Rick is hoping for.

  • Spitting up santorum? eeeugh.

  • Barb

    "That's one beef meximelt, one beefy crunch burrito, one chicken crunchwrap supreme and a large Mountain Dew Baja Blast, please drive around to the first window."

    Rick, this is the closest you will ever come to controlling who makes a "run for the border."
    You are the pinkest link! Goodbye!

  • angerbear

    Don't bogart that fetus, my friend…

  • SayItWithWookies

    First of all, no — he's not giving the mic a blowjob. He's whispering to it, "If you make me look like a fool tonight you're toast."

  • hollywooddood

    Practicing?

  • Hello Jesus, it's me Rick, no the other Rick…. um I was wondering if you could maybe help me out tonight?

    • After what jesus did to Tim Tebow, I'd think twice about asking for anything.

  • Data Exactly

    Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?

    • Barb

      More like Repressive-Repulsive Disorder.

  • Sound guys really hate cleaning Santorum off mics.

    • I wouldn't want to clean santorum off *any*thing.

    • Loaded_Pants

      They still dispose of the mics in hazmat bags after the debates, just in case.

  • Extemporanus

    Fuck Santorum's microphallus.

    I wanna know what's up with that shitty CNN Gingrich hologram in the background.

  • Soylent Green

    "hellooo.. is this thing on? hell-, helloooo".

  • poncho_pilot

    i think it looks more like he's using air to unclog some santorum. i imagine it's a lot like cleaning the dust out of an old Nintendo cartridge.

    but if he is fellating that mike? you're doing it wrong. hands free, Rick. hands free.

  • Callyson

    "Hey, you told me you were ten inches!"

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I think that was about a ten inch record of his favorite blues

  • Barb

    O/T:
    In tonight's debate, Mitt Romney says only he has lived on the 'Real Streets Of America'
    Yeah, the streets named "Easy Street."

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Work it, work it…

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Relax, everyone … he didn't inhale.

  • Bonghits4Jesus

    Hello? Testing, 1, 2, 3… Does anyone have a corndog?

  • pinkocommi

    You could look at this photo and wonder, is Santorum performing fellatio or smoking a joint? But that would be an insult to gay men and stoners. Santorum is neither. He is just a douche.

  • Negropolis

    Come on, guys. He just loves America so much.

    His milk shake brings all the boys to the yard, and their like, it's better than your's, damn right…

    • mayor_quimby

      He could teach you, but he'd have to charge.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Clearly someone wants to be the next Mrs. Gingrich.

  • Steverino247

    So, CNN is now using a Breathalyzer on the candidates? (Pssst. It's not alcohol, guys.)

  • Steverino247

    It's the money shot from an ATM porn flick.

    (Ass-to-mouth, for those who need a hint…)

  • Redhead

    Marcus? Marcus, are you listening?

  • Who's the microphone assassin!?

  • C_R_Eature

    How nice of him to pose for a Photoshop Moment!

  • johnnymeatworth

    Loooooooove…soft as my lead in Iowa…..

  • It's the new Electro-Corndog™, Rick's only attempt at relevance in the digital age.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Less teeth, you idiot. Christ, has your poolboy Lars taught you nothing?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Tasting, tasting, tasting 1 2 3.

  • kissawookiee

    Aw, he was just beat-boxing before busting out with the beloved Mittens cover of "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

  • He's just practicing for his post-campaign job:

    "Clean up on aisle 5!"

  • WeHaveIssues

    Small, delicate, soft hands. Tiny peenie.

    • SenileAgitation

      i was struck by how little his mitt is, too. Child size almost.

      • It's probably like shaking hands with an underinflated plastic bag.

  • Baconzgood

    NEEDZ MOAR BEAT-BOX!

    • GOPCrusher

      Rick Santorum showing off his mad skillz as a human beat box. Once this Presidential candidacy gig falls through, he's planning on to moving in to his next job as a member of the new gangsta rap group Ice Cream and T-Cup.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Like Blahzel.

  • Mapmonger

    Meh, David Yow does it better. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_2mHNLTRIAuk/SORJQxcq1xI

    • Baconzgood

      UPFISTS FOR THE JESUS LIZARD! BEST LIVE BAND EVAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • DAVID YOW RULZ!

      But if I ever have to see a nude Santorum at one of these debates, thats the LAST one I'm ever watching.

  • He's sucking the santorum off of it.

  • iburl

    I saw that last night. He was whispering "I'm pro life" to mock Romney's allegedly weak support of big government intrusion of the womb. Not sure why it wouldn't have been more effective to pull out one of his fetus jars and do it that way.

    • slithytoves

      That was so funny. The whole debate was high-larious. Just when you thought these guys couldn't lose any more brain cells – there they go – right out the window, cheered along by the audience.

  • Gleem_McShineys

    He even sucks at sucking.

  • DahBoner

    That was when he got a ride with a trucker, and he pulled his harp out of his dirty, red bandana…

  • That hand is horrifying. Is there nothing about this man that's *not* creepy?

  • ttommyunger

    Alt. Cap: "Pay attention, Newt, this is the last time I'm going to show you how to do this!".

  • SaintRond

    Clearly he doesn't know what he's doing. When a Republican holds a cock they have to do it the way generations of Southern belles learned in their etiquette lessons – when holding a cock, especially up to your face, it's only proper to keep your pinky extended at all times.

    I guess Rick really is a populist, blue collar kind of guy.

  • Isyaignert

    He's taking a hit off of a vaporizer (wish); if anyone needs to get stoned it's this guy.

  • YouBetcha

    Someone give him some pointers. Guys don't like it when you get that vacant look on your face when you go down on them. You have to look up and stare at them. You'd think a guy whose name was synonymous with frothy lube would know better.

Previous articleCheating, Serial-Divorcing Pig Upset By Adultery Question
Next articleIf You’re Not Whiplashed You’re Not Paying Attention (Which Would Have Been a Good Idea Yesterday!)