Come ON, Rick Santorum, at least try to make it look like you haven’t been practicing your moves.
HE'S GOT TECHNIQUE
January 20, 2012
Political Wire
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Authors
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (924)
Rebecca Schoenkopf (413)
Liz Colville (170)
Kris E. Benson (10)
Sulagna Misra (3)
John Schoenkopf (7)
Jim Newell (5640)
Josh Fruhlinger (646)
Erik Jay (27)
Blair Burke (181)
{ 81 comments }
Oh sure, gays can't marry, but it's just fine and dandy for Slick Rick to deep throat the mic right there on stage.
It used to be illegal in South Carolina to fellate microphones, but that law was struck down in a companion case to Lawrence v. Texas.
He's trying to get a pair of Tiffany's cuff links out of Newt.
"This looks just like a Penis. But smaller!"
or not!
Rick Perry is jealous.
Perry to Santorum: "I can give a better hummer than that."
Rick Santorum is more annoying than a 6 year-old kid with a six pack of Mountain Dew and a kazoo.
He has a really annoying voice, too. Is it just me, or has this entire crop of candidates been short-changed in the voice department? Or maybe it's just that Obama's mellifluous, dulcet tones leave them all sounding squawky and nasal and febrile.
I can live with his voice, it's that smirk/smile that makes me want to punch him in the throat.
Must be from hanging out w/ Cantor.
It's the Trademarked Republican Sneer/Smirk/Smile. They've all got it. It's nasty and superior and says, "I got mine, so fuck you, and what have you got for me today?"
I read an interesting article, the gist of which was that, when it comes to psychopaths, what most people interpret as hatred is actually contempt. It's not so much that they hate others, but more that they view themselves as being superior, and others as deserving of any cruel treatment they receive.
me, I want to break his jaw.
#heblowsalot.
<whisper>I'm batman</whisper>
This isn't the first Mike I've fellated.
"And then with your left hand, you gently cup the balls…"
You suck, Santorum, and you blow too!
Santorum seems to be missing his little Marcus.
testing, 1 2 sperm. testing 1 2 sperm.
"Testes… testes… one, two… three?"
tasting, 1 2 sperm, tasting 1 2 sperm.
I think that is closer to what Rick is hoping for.
Spitting up santorum? eeeugh.
"That's one beef meximelt, one beefy crunch burrito, one chicken crunchwrap supreme and a large Mountain Dew Baja Blast, please drive around to the first window."
Rick, this is the closest you will ever come to controlling who makes a "run for the border."
You are the pinkest link! Goodbye!
Don't bogart that fetus, my friend…
First of all, no — he's not giving the mic a blowjob. He's whispering to it, "If you make me look like a fool tonight you're toast."
Practicing?
Hello Jesus, it's me Rick, no the other Rick…. um I was wondering if you could maybe help me out tonight?
After what jesus did to Tim Tebow, I'd think twice about asking for anything.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?
More like Repressive-Repulsive Disorder.
Sound guys really hate cleaning Santorum off mics.
I wouldn't want to clean santorum off *any*thing.
They still dispose of the mics in hazmat bags after the debates, just in case.
Fuck Santorum's microphallus.
I wanna know what's up with that shitty CNN Gingrich hologram in the background.
"hellooo.. is this thing on? hell-, helloooo".
i think it looks more like he's using air to unclog some santorum. i imagine it's a lot like cleaning the dust out of an old Nintendo cartridge.
but if he is fellating that mike? you're doing it wrong. hands free, Rick. hands free.
"Hey, you told me you were ten inches!"
I think that was about a ten inch record of his favorite blues
O/T:
In tonight's debate, Mitt Romney says only he has lived on the 'Real Streets Of America'
Yeah, the streets named "Easy Street."
Work it, work it…
Relax, everyone … he didn't inhale.
Hello? Testing, 1, 2, 3… Does anyone have a corndog?
You could look at this photo and wonder, is Santorum performing fellatio or smoking a joint? But that would be an insult to gay men and stoners. Santorum is neither. He is just a douche.
Come on, guys. He just loves America so much.
His milk shake brings all the boys to the yard, and their like, it's better than your's, damn right…
He could teach you, but he'd have to charge.
Clearly someone wants to be the next Mrs. Gingrich.
So, CNN is now using a Breathalyzer on the candidates? (Pssst. It's not alcohol, guys.)
It's the money shot from an ATM porn flick.
(Ass-to-mouth, for those who need a hint…)
Marcus? Marcus, are you listening?
Who's the microphone assassin!?
How nice of him to pose for a Photoshop Moment!
Loooooooove…soft as my lead in Iowa…..
It's the new Electro-Corndog™, Rick's only attempt at relevance in the digital age.
Less teeth, you idiot. Christ, has your poolboy Lars taught you nothing?
creepy resemblance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Shdj5muS8Z4
Tasting, tasting, tasting 1 2 3.
Aw, he was just beat-boxing before busting out with the beloved Mittens cover of "Who Let the Dogs Out?"
He's just practicing for his post-campaign job:
"Clean up on aisle 5!"
Small, delicate, soft hands. Tiny peenie.
i was struck by how little his mitt is, too. Child size almost.
It's probably like shaking hands with an underinflated plastic bag.
NEEDZ MOAR BEAT-BOX!
Rick Santorum showing off his mad skillz as a human beat box. Once this Presidential candidacy gig falls through, he's planning on to moving in to his next job as a member of the new gangsta rap group Ice Cream and T-Cup.
Like Blahzel.
Meh, David Yow does it better. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_2mHNLTRIAuk/SORJQxcq1xI...
UPFISTS FOR THE JESUS LIZARD! BEST LIVE BAND EVAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAVID YOW RULZ!
But if I ever have to see a nude Santorum at one of these debates, thats the LAST one I'm ever watching.
He's sucking the santorum off of it.
I saw that last night. He was whispering "I'm pro life" to mock Romney's allegedly weak support of big government intrusion of the womb. Not sure why it wouldn't have been more effective to pull out one of his fetus jars and do it that way.
That was so funny. The whole debate was high-larious. Just when you thought these guys couldn't lose any more brain cells – there they go – right out the window, cheered along by the audience.
He even sucks at sucking.
That was when he got a ride with a trucker, and he pulled his harp out of his dirty, red bandana…
That hand is horrifying. Is there nothing about this man that's *not* creepy?
no. He is repugnant in every way imaginable.
Alt. Cap: "Pay attention, Newt, this is the last time I'm going to show you how to do this!".
Clearly he doesn't know what he's doing. When a Republican holds a cock they have to do it the way generations of Southern belles learned in their etiquette lessons – when holding a cock, especially up to your face, it's only proper to keep your pinky extended at all times.
I guess Rick really is a populist, blue collar kind of guy.
He's taking a hit off of a vaporizer (wish); if anyone needs to get stoned it's this guy.
Someone give him some pointers. Guys don't like it when you get that vacant look on your face when you go down on them. You have to look up and stare at them. You'd think a guy whose name was synonymous with frothy lube would know better.
I'm sure you're well aware that Corporate America is an ideal, uh, medium for these types. Chances are, if you've worked in a large corporation, you've encountered these people. Especially in the finance industry. Suffice it to say that I've met people that I honestly believe would kill you and me without thinking twice if we proved inconvenient to them. We're not talking "beat up their wife, kid, or dog, stole their car, set their house on fire" stuff. We're talking "cut in front of them in the turn lane" or "got the last slice of salami pizza."
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