THE FUN POLICE  3:45 pm January 19, 2012

Gingrich Bashes Obama for Holding Elitist Town Hall in Disney World

by Liz Colville

Newt Gingrich thinks it’s really inauthentic of President Obama to hold an event inside the gates of Disney World. It’s elitist, he implied, during an event of his own in Bluffton, SC on Thursday, because the event is “invitation only,” and it shows just how fake Obama is, because Disney World is not a real place. Main Street, USA, Disney World is not the same as Main Street, USA, America! And the whole thing proves that Obama is not only out of touch, but self-important, for thinking he’d need the event location to be secured. Who does this guy think he is?

“[T]hey’re apparently closing half of the Magic Kingdom” for the event, Gingrich said, “for which I apologize to all the people who for months have planned to take their children and go to the Magic Kingdom, but after all, who are they compared to Obama?”

Then Gingrich realized he was kind of insulting Disney World, which, oops, he actually loves, and that he was going to call up Disney and ask them if he could arrange to have his own town hall meeting outside the velvet rope, so everybody can come.

But where does the candidate really stand on cartoons? He seems to enjoy invoking Disney while insulting people, saying during a Fox News debate last fall that the moderators were engaging in “Mickey Mouse games” rather than asking tough questions.

As for the fact that Obama’s event was intended to boost US tourism, Gingrich would probably respond that tourism discourages people from doing more important things, like cleaning school bathrooms. [Washington Post]

 
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{ 261 comments }

nounverb911 January 19, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I've been to Bluffton and Newt, Bluffton is no Disneyworld.

fuflans January 19, 2012 at 8:35 pm

damn, my former employers from hell were based in bluffton.

terror flashbacks!

Beetagger January 19, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Maybe Gingrich wanted an open meeting.

bureaucrap January 19, 2012 at 3:58 pm

While he was there, Obama should have offered to appoint Newt "King of Conservative Fantasyland".

Barb January 19, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I'm still going to vote for the coffee-colored gentleman over Newt.

Dr_Zoidberg January 19, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Coffee is gooooood…..

Baconzgood January 19, 2012 at 4:21 pm

So is bacon.

SudsMcKenzie January 19, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Oohh, Thats It, Bacon Flavored Coffee, .. see you in the Caymans suckers.

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:13 pm

That's what *you* say.

BornInATrailer January 19, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I bet there are parts of Newt that are coffee-colored.

Loaded_Pants January 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Gah!

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm

It's OK, baby, think of some totally STUDLY dood instead, and take your mind off that podgy marshmallow.

Heath Ledger? Gone but still cuter and sexier than Newt any day.

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I'll bet that you can't pay anybody enough to want to find out.

yrbmegr January 19, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I'd vote for any gentleman over Newt.

CommieLibunatic January 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I'm going to vote to have a swollen demon phallus jammed down the GOP nominee's throat in front of the Washington Monument.

Gleem_McShineys January 19, 2012 at 4:41 pm

We've made a couple substitutions.
"The Sistine Chapel", "a corndog," and "Rick Perry." Otherwise, WISH GRANTED!

CommieLibunatic January 19, 2012 at 5:43 pm

NO EXCEPTIONS. Give me a nominee valiantly attempting to swallow a horrific studded sausage or give me death. They deserve no less for the neverending stream of shit they've given us.

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Why studded, instead of SPIKED? I'd love to see a Jacob's Ladder-style MULTIPLE PENETRATION of demon parts.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:09 pm

That's why Ann Coulter has such a freakishly long neck and mannish Adam's apple; they're from all those years of deep-throating Satan.

smokefilledroommate January 19, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I'm voting for That One as well.

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Let's face it, not a single one of these batshit loons compares to the man, even as I seethe in anger about some new thing he's done. Dammit, Mr. O, Y U make it so hard to support you politically, you handsome brilliant bastard?

Terry January 19, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Over Mitts, too

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Have I told you lately that I love you?

enkalitah January 20, 2012 at 3:14 am

Dark and from Hawaii…good…

MissTaken January 19, 2012 at 3:59 pm

To be fair, "It's A Small World" is socialist. Not to mention the worst fucking song to get stuck in your head.

BaldarTFlagass January 19, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Much more appropriate for the Republicans:

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We extort and pilfer, we filch and sack.
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
Maraud and embezzle and even highjack.
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.

Generation[redacted] January 19, 2012 at 4:21 pm

That's why it's important we all support SOPA.

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I'm kinda surprised I'm the first person to mention "Zippedi Doo Dah"

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Gee….thanks.

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 4:13 pm

And now you've gotten it stuck in my head! This is revenge for all the bad earworms I've inflicted on you, isn't it?

MissTaken January 19, 2012 at 4:19 pm

It took a while to come up with something worse than Afternoon Deelight, but Newt pulled through for me.

And by the way, you owe me for the lost contact that popped out when I laughed at your poor kids need to work at Disneyland comment.

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Yeah I don't think I can top that; there is no worse song on Earth that I know of.

And I'll pay you back with a – well to get into detail would probably inspire more "get a room' comments, but you can probably figure it out; it involves my tongue.

LesBontemps January 19, 2012 at 4:31 pm

OK, get a room, you two.

MissTaken January 19, 2012 at 4:31 pm

In any other circumstance, thinking about how you will pay me back with your tongue would be quite inspirational, ifyouknowwhatimean

But, remember, this is a Newt thread, not the Huntsman daughters anymore.

jqheywood January 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm

"Seasons in the Sun"?

"MacArthur Park"? Especially the version sung (?) by Richard Harris.

Terry January 19, 2012 at 5:18 pm

You've obviously forgotten MacArthur Park. I understand that a cake was left out in the rain.

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Just remember, we expect her back safe, sound, and smiling fit to beat all when you're done. So if you're secretly a serial killer or something? Wrong girl to try it on.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:11 pm

"there is no worse song on Earth that I know of."

Welcome to the Hotel California!
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face (such a lovely face)
Renting a room at the Hotel California,
Any time of year
You can find us here…

slowhansolo January 19, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I think "Angel of the Morning" qualifies.

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:36 pm

AAAAUUUUGGGHH!!

Now that's stuck in my head.

Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Don't worry.

Be happy!

Steverino247 January 19, 2012 at 5:29 pm

OK, now we're even for my mentioning that "other person" in the Huntsman Daughters fantasy thread.

It's a Small Wol…SHUT UP!!! Gah!

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:37 pm

NO! NO!

(beats Steverino with a wire hanger)

Dudleydidwrong January 19, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Newt's a big dick, after all
He makes us sick, after all
He a dumb prick, after all
Newt's a slime ball, after all

OneYieldRegular January 19, 2012 at 6:06 pm

A thread like this really needs its own web site, but: "Watching Scotty Grow"?

Dudleydidwrong January 19, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Yeah. "Scotty" may be my all-time vomit maker, but "Afternoon Delight" is close. No matter how bad a song is, none of them are as bad as the Republican sour chorus they're trying to sing. I'll listen to "Ayn-gell Of the Morning" ten times before listening to anything from the mouths of Mitt, Newt, or Ron.

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Disney pays their staff way too much; they should fire them and replace them with the poor kids who come to visit.

yrbmegr January 19, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Think of all the janitorial jobs we could give to children at Disney World!

Geminisunmars January 19, 2012 at 4:41 pm

One could stand at the entrance and be the greeter!

Terry January 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm

That's clearly a job for a senior citizen. WalMart set that precedent.

Toomush_Infer January 19, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Agism libel!…

Geminisunmars January 19, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Yes, but the Gringrich also said being a greeter at school would be a suitable job for kids, along with the janitorial after school activities.

arihaya January 19, 2012 at 5:55 pm

you just gave them more ideas …

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:38 pm

That is just SO fucking cold. You need some kind of award.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:15 pm

They could replace those goddamn creepy singing robots.

OneYieldRegular January 19, 2012 at 4:00 pm

So, you're a little kid, and you're at Disney World for the first time, and maybe on your first big vacation ever, and you maybe get a chance to see the President of the United States? Trifecta!

Crank_Tango January 19, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Then imagine your disappointment when it's a black president.

I guess it's like the time I thought the pitcher in the fridge had kool aid in it but it actually held iced tea.

Newt is just trying to save American kids from that kind of horror, but we're too stupid to realize it, because Newt is smart.

starfanglednut January 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm

True story: my mom once kept a urine sample in an apple juice jar in the fridge.

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:40 pm

You KNOW my question, right? RIGHT?

starfanglednut January 19, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Almost. But she happened by and caught me just in time. Alcoholic parents are grand.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:17 pm

"the time I thought the pitcher in the fridge had kool aid in it but it actually held iced tea"

My mother, aunts, and grandmother liked to cook and bake from scratch. The two life lessons I learned from this as a child:
1) Baker's chocolate does NOT taste like regular chocolate;
2) Beaten egg whites do NOT taste like whipped cream.

HuddledMass January 20, 2012 at 9:50 am

Oh geez – the crushing disappointments of yesteryear. How you bring back the perils of counter-cruising …

LesBontemps January 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm

The Hall of Presidents got nothing on the real thing.

nounverb911 January 19, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Newt then went on to criticize Obama for inviting future illegal aliens to Florida.

Schmannnity January 19, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Gingrich for President rally should be held in Fantasyland.

Callyson January 19, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I prefer Never Never Land.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Anything but Tomorrow Land.

MaxNeanderthal January 19, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Cupid Stunts will be Cupid. And Stunts as well…….

cheaphits January 19, 2012 at 5:16 pm

It is…every time they have 'em.

Terry January 19, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Calista might suggest holding it at Tiffany's, or perhaps Marianne Gingrich's bedroom.

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I'm sure Callista's much pickier now that she's got Newt's ring on her finger.

SexySmurf January 19, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Fucking elitists live in Cinderella's Castle and work at their fancy jobs on Space Mountain after they ride the monorail.

BornInATrailer January 19, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Oh no! I wonder if The Hall of Food Stamp Presidents was closed?!

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 4:07 pm

"Four beers and seven meals ago…."

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:46 pm

I thought that was four *score* beers, dood.

johnnymeatworth January 19, 2012 at 4:00 pm

He's just pissed because Obama is the first president since Kennedy who could pull off a three-way.

hagajim January 19, 2012 at 4:21 pm

While Newt just wants to pull a threesome.

Chillwillard January 19, 2012 at 4:01 pm

"Hakuna matata, bitches!"

– Barry to the GOP.

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:47 pm

"Hasa diga, bitches" is much more like it.

DarwinianDemon January 19, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Sarah Palin spoke at the Florida GOP convention last year at Disney World. Hey didn't that elitist just endorse Gingrich in SC?

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 19, 2012 at 5:04 pm

But not in Florida. Cunning, eh?

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Very cunning stunt.

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Yeah, and she thinks Marianne Gingrich's story will just make Newt "soar more." Although she could've meant "more sore." Spelling was never her forte.

ChernobylSoup January 19, 2012 at 4:01 pm

And Mitt was there riding Pirates of the Caribbean, looking for some of his money.

EdFlintstone January 19, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I thought elitist was owing Tiffanys a few hundred grand.

MissTaken January 19, 2012 at 4:05 pm

No, that's capitalist

BornInATrailer January 19, 2012 at 4:10 pm

This right here. To refer to anything Disney as elitist is fairly spectacular on its own. But when done by someone with a 500k Tiffany's account, it truly transcends the normal political bullshit doublespeak.

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:49 pm

So tweeting that.

Toomush_Infer January 19, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Again: what happens in Tiffanies' stays in Tiffanies – you'd have to ask Tiffanies about that…

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 19, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Owing isn't elitist. Paying is.

smokefilledroommate January 19, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Gingrich is a Disney character.

Dr_Zoidberg January 19, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Eh, he's more like a poorly-animated, third-world sweatshop knockoff of a Disney character.

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Yea, like something out of that Futurama trash….

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I'd say he looks most like a Smurf but I wouldn't want to insult the Belgians.

cheaphits January 19, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Callista sure looks like Cinderella's evil step-sister, doesn't she?

NorthStarSpanx January 19, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Actually, he's more like that insulting, ego-centric rabble-rouser Mr. Potato Head on Toy Story, but less likeable.

nonbeliever7 January 19, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Slimy, the 8th dwarf.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Sarah Palin is fuckin' goofy.

BaldarTFlagass January 19, 2012 at 4:03 pm

This guy is fucking Goofy.

bureaucrap January 19, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Callista AND Goofy; it's an open relationship.

Mahousu January 19, 2012 at 4:08 pm

That's not a nice thing to call Callista.

jqheywood January 19, 2012 at 4:56 pm

oooh…there are not enough upfists in the world for your comment!

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 4:16 pm

You mean Dopey, dontcha?

smokefilledroommate January 19, 2012 at 4:34 pm

He's Honky.

chicken_thief January 19, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Gay dog libel!!!!

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 4:03 pm

OMG! The President is from the exotic foreign nation of Hawaii! And he holds a jobs conference in Disneyworld (thus neatly highlighting the quality of McJobs we'll all be in for in the coming decades) and Newt thinks that's ELITIST?

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Cokie Roberts deserves a lifetime of being shit on by smelly hairy strangers for that comment about Hawai'i. Stupid fucking elitist bitch.

Lucidamente1 January 19, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Hey Newt Gingrich, you just got Rick Perry's endorsement! What are you going to do?

Schmegeg January 19, 2012 at 4:34 pm

He is going to South of the Border.

Geminisunmars January 19, 2012 at 4:47 pm

When does Perry say "Oops"?

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Ah b'leev he's saying it even as he speak. Among a bunch of other blather, like claiming he's an ex-pilot so he can never get confused. (Wuh?)

veritass January 19, 2012 at 4:04 pm

If Newt's taking the time to apologize to the children, then I will as well.

Children of the world: I'm sorry that we (adults of both the United States of Real Americans and Not Real Americans) have devised a system and society which has given a rejected half-baked s'more marshmallow a chance to be the leader of our country. I just want you to know that after this election cycle, it gets better. Maybe.

Schmannnity January 19, 2012 at 4:04 pm

He's just mad that Disney modeled the Dumbo the Flying Elephant ride after him.

JustPixelz January 19, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Dumbo libel!

elviouslyqueer January 19, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Oh STFU, Newt, before Dumbo slaps you with a trademark infringement lawsuit.

mayor_quimby January 19, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Or maybe an elephant cock …

Lucidamente1 January 19, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Didn't Mickey and Minnie have an open relationship?

LesBontemps January 19, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Nah, he divorced her because she was fucking Goofy.

chicken_thief January 19, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I think that was Popeye and Olive Oil.

Geminisunmars January 19, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I believe that was Donald and whatshername.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 19, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Ivana Trump? It is so hard to keep all these cartoon characters straight.

Geminisunmars January 19, 2012 at 6:34 pm

The Donaldo is a Disney character, isn't he.

Geminisunmars January 19, 2012 at 6:44 pm

The Donaldo is a Disney character, isn't he.

Steverino247 January 19, 2012 at 5:34 pm

That would be Daisy Duck.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:24 pm

I never believed that Huey, Dewey, and Louie were really his nephews; I mean, come on, Donald goes around pantsless all the time.

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 4:05 pm

But where does the candidate really stand on cartoons?

Oh, come on, Liz! He's was Dumbo's stunt double, fercrissake!

MissTaken January 19, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I'm a little shocked that Newt didn't dog whistle about how much Obama likes the Jungle Cruise.

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Geez, he should hire you for his staff. He missed that one.

Veritas78 January 19, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Dear God, I know you haven't heard from me in a while, but this is extra-special: pleasepleaseplease let Newt be the Republican nominee just this one time.

P.S. — loved the drafts of your book! Happy to help with the final edit.

bumfug January 19, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Newt's Fantasyland involves threesomes.

smokefilledroommate January 19, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Peter Pan, Pinocchio and Dumbo. Newt likes to watch.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:27 pm

"Lie to me, Pinocchio! Oh, you're a real boy!"

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 19, 2012 at 5:11 pm

As does all of ours. As does all of ours.

Chichikovovich January 19, 2012 at 4:11 pm

"for which I apologize to all the people who for months have planned to take their children and go to the Magic Kingdom, but after all, who are they compared to Obama?"

Another sign of American decadence and loss of values, Newt: A lot of parents wait a long time and plan, so as to have a chance to see the President. And the kids find it pretty cool, too.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:32 pm

"I apologize to all the people who for months have planned to take their children and go to the Magic Kingdom, but after all, who are they compared to Obama?"

I planned to stay middle class instead of becoming poor with little hope of ever regaining lost ground — but thanks to Newt and his pals, I didn't get my wish. Where's *my* apology?

smokefilledroommate January 19, 2012 at 4:11 pm

…but I have to confess. As I thought this morning about the President flanked on one side by mag-ee ga gee ga gee ga gee

was that for effect or just my computer?

BZ1 January 19, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Newt calling anyone else elitist is rich… (in irony, of course)

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Didn't you notice Mowgli behind him in the photo?

Radiotherapy January 19, 2012 at 4:13 pm

How soon we forget.
And the prescient words of a Right Wing Watch commentor:
No Hank, no Monday Night Football, ESPN, owned by far left leaning Disney struck back at Hank Williams today, taking his trademark, “Are you ready for some football?” song off fo [sic] the opening of Monday night football.

Why? Williams dared to insult Disney darling Obama.

ShaveTheWhales January 19, 2012 at 5:29 pm

"Far left leaning Disney"? Ha Ha. Hahahahaha. Hahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Yes, Disney who will always be remembered by those who can still read as a red-baiting union-buster who hated "minorities," is now "left-leaning," in the alternative Gaga reality in which these dummkopfs live. Ai-yi-yi!

horsedreamer_1 January 21, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Did he want to repeal amendments 13-15? No. Ergo, leftist.

joshleefolsom January 19, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Oh, who didn't see that coming the fucking second it was on the news this morning? I psychically read this whole story 8 hours before it happened, didn't you?

teebob2000 January 19, 2012 at 4:13 pm

GOD, I hope this turd gets the GOP nomination. Every fucking day of the campaign will be an adventure! And the Obama campaign HQ will be the happiest place on earth.

jqheywood January 19, 2012 at 5:01 pm

"GOD, I hope this turd gets the GOP nomination. Every fucking day of the campaign will be an adventure! And the Obama campaign HQ will be the Happiest Place On Earth." ™

Fixed.

Mumbletypeg January 19, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Shut UP Newt, too soon! You're going to give Rick Perry a sad, thinking of all the Beer Summit's he was gonna hold as President of the Magic Kingdom.

PsycWench January 19, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Which half are they closing? If it's the overprice souvenirs and snack bar, I might make a special trip.

Baconzgood January 19, 2012 at 4:15 pm

"who are they compared to Obama"

Hmmmm….let's see here. They are NOT the POTUS! Ya think?

Extemporanus January 19, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Disney World is Ground Zero for furries.

NEVER FURGET!!1

meatlofer January 19, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I lost all respect for Disney, when they asked me to leave their resort for pissin in the corner pocket of the pool table. Assholes, I called that shot!

hagajim January 19, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Must have something to do with Newt being there, my eyes saw Bluffton and my mind read Buffoon.

Lucidamente1 January 19, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Newt's just pissed because they made him sit in the back of Peter Pan's Flight.

Ruhe January 19, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Shorter Newt: "Can you believe this guy…acting all presidential and stuff?''

Newt, if it's real criticism of Mr. Obama that you're looking for please allow one of us disillusioned libtards show you the way. You're just not doing it right.

Ducksworthy January 19, 2012 at 4:18 pm

The reptile house at the Bluffton County Zoo would be a more fitting venue for the Newt. (They have amphibians there too, right?)

SudsMcKenzie January 19, 2012 at 4:19 pm

In all fairness, you have to clear space for Hopey's Four Unicorns wherever he goes.

Ruhe January 19, 2012 at 4:19 pm

You know, while Newt's overall critique seems pointless and shallow he may have been using the phrase "inauthentic" in some deep existential or even Heideggerian sense. He's pretty smart, you know.

IncenseDebate January 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Wasn't Heidegger a Nazi? Makes sense.

Geminisunmars January 19, 2012 at 4:52 pm

That was my first thought too.

SayItWithWookies January 19, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Newt's just pissed that President Obama is holding court in an expensive playground where slovenly middle-class folks wait docilely in line for 45 minutes for two minutes of disappointment, over and over again. He didn't think liberals were allowed in Republican fantasyland.

BornInATrailer January 19, 2012 at 4:21 pm

If Newt was down there, he'd tell Jim Crow and the rest of his gang how to get a paycheck instead of singing about ears all day, suckling off the government teat.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:37 pm

"singing about ears all day"

??
I've been thinking about this for almost fifteen seconds, and I *still* can't think of a song about ears.

BornInATrailer January 20, 2012 at 9:48 am

Weren't the crows in Dumbo going on about ears in the elephants fly song or am I not remembering? And wasn't the lead crow named Jim Crow?

Or has the meth started to take its toll?

EDIT: The song never mentions ears…

Baconzgood January 19, 2012 at 4:22 pm

At least he kept the whole Walt Disney Hitler thing out of the picture.

smokefilledroommate January 19, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Newt and the Slurm Factory

Generation[redacted] January 19, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Captain Newt Brannigan.

Stubenville January 19, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I am so damn tired of the mischaracterizations and half truths that spring endlessly from the lips of the Republican presidential hopefuls. Has anyone reading this blog ever tried to get into a town hall event?

For the past two presidential elections I've tried. Each time I called to get a ticket for a local Republican event I was told it was invitation only, to registered Republicans only. Apparently that way the news media sees only a sea of smiling faces and the candidates only get asked easy questions from the audience. God forbid an unscreened member of the general public should show up and boo or ask a tough question.

Okay Newt; people have to pay for admission to Disney World to get into Obama's town hall meeting. They'd have to sell their soul to get into one of yours.

BaldarTFlagass January 19, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Good thing Obama didn't hold this meeting at Six Flags over Whereverthefuck; Newt would have accused him of being indecisive. "Six? What's the matter with one? You know, OLD GLORY!!"

carlgt1 January 19, 2012 at 5:11 pm

He's probably say it's really "666 Flags" the theme park of the beast"

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:39 pm

"Good thing Obama didn't hold this meeting at Six Flags over Whereverthefuck"

Not least because one of those six flags is the confederate stars and bars.

Tundra Grifter January 19, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Disneyland is the spot for Ole Newt. There isn't a doubt in my mind he's fuckin' goofy.

Tundra Grifter January 19, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Yet all the GNoPee candidates, sooner or later, parade to that Florida reirement home (a gated community, I'm sure) that amounts to Disneyland for the olds.

Minus all the cool rides, of course.

Extemporanus January 19, 2012 at 4:25 pm

In related news, Mitt Romney bashed President Obama for plans to close half of the Magic Underwear Kingdom during an event next month in Salt Lake City.

BaldarTFlagass January 19, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Newt's favorite Disney movie? Why, the full-length version of Song of the South, of course.

Steverino247 January 19, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I don't know. I saw a lot of movies in Korea when I was stationed there and that was the only one everyone went to see. I guess if you miss home as much as we did, any part of it is wonderful.

widestanceshakedown January 19, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Hmm, is that a crack in the fat suit that is Newt, leading to his meltdown? You know it's coming. No one that thin-skinned and emotionally stunted is going to hold up much longer. The pressures of the campaign are working their magic. Bring it.

slowhansolo January 19, 2012 at 4:28 pm

There's only room for one six-foot, fuckin' rat at Disney World.

MrFizzy January 19, 2012 at 4:29 pm

I saw Newton Leroy blowing Pluto at EPCOT.

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I hope it was in Fake France.

coron4 January 19, 2012 at 4:30 pm

It's a weekday. The kids are at work.

ShaveTheWhales January 19, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Oh, that's good.

FatalServerErrorFace January 19, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Yes, but what if they're at work AT Disneyland… hmmm.

…and yes that was very good – I LOL'd

jus_wonderin January 19, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Just plain fuck you, Newt. Fuck you hard. Fuck you with the force of ten million mega-tons! Suck my flange too!

Limeylizzie January 19, 2012 at 4:47 pm

You are awesome.

jus_wonderin January 19, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Thank you. Thank you. I'm here all week.

Oh, wait. I am taking the afternoon off on Friday.

Baconzgood January 19, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Tee-Hee

"Flange"

mavenmaven January 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Newt's just peeved because he was thrown out of the park for hitting on Minnie.

iburl January 19, 2012 at 4:38 pm

"Callista's totally cool with it, Minnie!"

jus_wonderin January 19, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Man on Mouse?

iburl January 19, 2012 at 4:37 pm

If Newtie owned Disney world, black kids would have to clean the bathrooms. The blackest and poorest ones would have to clean up the vomit in Space Mountain.

Blueb4sunrise January 19, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Vid of Obama making his own Big Ears Joke…..unfortunately, the grammarians are going to wince.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOONLpfJV-4&fe

fuflans January 19, 2012 at 8:39 pm

oh thank you for that. it's so damn nice to see something – anything – that isn't fucking republicans.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:46 pm

A few years back, Ben Stiller…

You guys all know who Ben Stiller is, right? Take a moment to picture him in your minds.

Anyway, Ben Stiller made a joke that was making fun of Duhbya, and some heckler in the audience yelled out that he should make fun of Obama.
Ben Stiller: I should make fun of Obama? OK. Obama has big ears.

chicken_thief January 19, 2012 at 4:40 pm

WTF is Newt talking about – "parents who might be planning to take their children"?

Who's going to clean the schools if the kids are all at Disney World?!

SudsMcKenzie January 19, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I remember when Roman Columns seemed gaudy.

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Hey, Suds, I send a shout-out to you and your comrades. A MILLION signatures?!? A great day for Wisconsin. Today we are all cheeseheads.

neiltheblaze January 19, 2012 at 4:44 pm

One half of me wants Newt to win the nomination because Obama would kick his ass in the general election. The other half of me wants him to get incinerated in a giant fireball.

I cannot reconcile these two things. Though, I'm leaning toward "fireball" right this minute.

Baconzgood January 19, 2012 at 4:57 pm

My guilty pleasure was wanting Perry to get the nod. It would have been quite a sight to see Obama destroy him in a debate.

starfanglednut January 19, 2012 at 5:29 pm

That would be hiii larious.

ShaveTheWhales January 19, 2012 at 5:34 pm

How about a fireball in mid-November?

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Fire! Fire! Fire!

FatalServerErrorFace January 19, 2012 at 7:46 pm

"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function."
-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Extemporanus January 19, 2012 at 4:45 pm

When reached for comment, Walt Disney said the following: "That's cold!"

JustPixelz January 19, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Once again I see the Go-Pee'ers have given up on "better ideas". All they've got to offer is pissing and moaning about Obama's optics and "he's a socialist".

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Yeah, and Newt's supposed to be the smart one.

GOPCrusher January 19, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I swear. These assholes would find something to bitch about if President Obama went on national TV, resigned, and then went out on the front lawn of the White House and set himself on fire.

smokefilledroommate January 19, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Think of the children!!!!!!11!!1!1

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 5:23 pm

The Vietnamese monks did it better.

(I know, I'm gettin bad karma for that one.)

Steverino247 January 19, 2012 at 5:52 pm

They would complain that the choice of starter fluid was environmentally unsound and thus evidence that liberals cannot live up to their own ideals.

imissopus January 19, 2012 at 6:00 pm

HOW MUCH TAX MONIEZ DO WE HAVE TO PAY TO RESEED TEH WHITE HOUSE LAWN???!!!!111!

Troglodeity January 19, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Next thing you know, Obama will be traitorously ceding Main Street U.S.A.'s sovereignty to Epcot Center.

jus_wonderin January 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Oh my, I just hope he didn't apologize to Disney World for America. Or bow to Mickey.

Guppy January 19, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Walt Disney World is as authentic as Newt's marriages.

Judging from his track record, Newt probably leveled these "inauthentic" and "exclusive" charges while hosting a "less-than-public" gathering at The Villages ala Rick Scott.

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Or at a bookstore while he was having one of his money-making signing ceremonies (as Chris Matthews calls them).

owhatever January 19, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Obama will fly Air Force One (on which Newt still doesn't have a seat) from Disneyland to make a speech promoting literacy at the Wasilla Public Library.

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 5:25 pm

In my dreams!!

Extemporanus January 19, 2012 at 4:50 pm

"Sorry, folks…park's closed. Newt out front shoulda told ya."

Mumbletypeg January 19, 2012 at 4:51 pm

It's high time this carnival barker directed his attentions back to Syria where he said he'd gladly take the reins? And I can't think of a better place I'd rather see him preside over a town hall, come one come all.

Rotundo_ January 19, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I can almost imagine the inner thoughts of Newt! ripping on Barry for doing the Dinnywold town hall: He is there, half the joint shuts down, and here I am (damn, what was the name of this shithole backwater again?) hanging out with these dumbasses. I wanna be president dammit!

crybabyboehner January 19, 2012 at 4:55 pm

You will not find any soda-guzzling, hamburger-chomping, SUV driving Americans at Disney World. The only people there are eggheads and Frogs.

Limeylizzie January 19, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Oh Good I can tell my Dad's favourite joke of all time, it has to be said in a Scottish accent…"What's the difference between a Scotsman and Walt Disney?" "A Scotsman wears a kilt but Walt dis nae"

starfanglednut January 19, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I almost sort of get that.

whatupirondog January 19, 2012 at 5:03 pm

If Obama was a real American (WHICH HE ISN'T) he would hold his event at that mini-golf place near the airport. WHAT'S THE MATTER, SOCIALIST? ARE THE BATTING CAGES NOT FANCY ENOUGH FOR YOU? because I think they called someone to fix the netting in cage #2.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Newt must be a barrel of fun at restaurants.
Waitress: Let me tell you about our specials this eveni–
Newt: WHAT'S THE MATTER?? YOU THINK THE REGULAR MENU IS TOO GOOD FOR ME??

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I half expected Newt to finish his press conference with a rousing rendition of "Bare Necessities"

HarryButtle January 19, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Baloo libel!

real_dc_native January 19, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I am beyond snark now. I just f'cking hate all of the GOP "Candidates" and wish the re-election of Obama was over already.

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Please, don't take away my fun times. I am SO enjoying all this comedy. My dinner hour will be so dull once the Republicants have their convention.

carlgt1 January 19, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Bluffton does sound like a Repug paradise in name & reality though!

Newt would have the kids singing "It's A Small World After All" start doing janitorial services. And change the song to "It's An Outsourced World."

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:56 pm

It's a world of work and a world of fears
It's a world of sweat and a world of tears
There's so much that we mop, and they feed us all slop,
It's a Newt world after all

John Birf Society January 19, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Just wait until Newt finds out that Barry gets to see the frozen Walt Disney exhibit.

jus_wonderin January 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Newt would get all atwitter to see that. He could perserve Callista. But, how do you freeze something that is at absolute zero already?

Thing is, she'd be easy to trick into the freezing room. "Callista? I have something glistening and shiny for you."

Steverino247 January 19, 2012 at 5:57 pm

And all this time I've been running around the base singing about Eskimo pussy being mighty cold.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 19, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Isn't it about time that Disney locks Newt back in the vault?

Toomush_Infer January 19, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Obama had a Big Ears moment; Newt's nose is getting longer…

JackObin January 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Hey Gingrich, I'll offer you a lifetime supply of Doritos if you disappear.

cheaphits January 19, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Universal and Sea World's checks must have come into Newt's stubby little fingers today,

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Just to be fair, Newt *does* have to leap completely out of his tank to earn the check from Sea World.

anniegetyerfun January 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm

I'm so glad that Newt's chosen to go after the issues that really matter.

mrblifil January 19, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Newt's just jealous because of the flush in Snow White's cheeks after Obama gave her his personal fireworks display.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:57 pm

How do you think she hits those high notes when she's singing to the little birdies perched on her shoulders?

BarackMyWorld January 19, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Gawd….really?

imissopus January 19, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Newt, please. No middle-class parents can afford to take the kids to Disney World these days.

Wonderthing January 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Obama is also black. Er, I mean, he's totally fiscally irresponsible. And black. Oops.

rickmaci January 19, 2012 at 7:09 pm

As I live and breathe I know that before the week is over Newt will make a crack about Obama and the jungle ride. A guy running for Grand Wizard of the RepublicKKKan Klavern won't be able to resist. I'd bet $10,000 but I'm just another broke American trying to pay my 28% taxes.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 11:00 pm

"I know that before the week is over Newt will make a crack about Obama and the jungle ride"

I wouldn't put it beyond Newt to refer to Obama as "King Louie", and then pretend it was a mistake.

fuflans January 19, 2012 at 8:39 pm

oh just fuck all.

ttommyunger January 21, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Barry could make it rain solid gold nuggets and Newt would complain about how heavy it was.

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 4:44 pm

True; the image of Newt is a real boner-killer and, um, whatever the equivalent of boner-killing is for you ladies.

starfanglednut January 19, 2012 at 5:17 pm

At 17?
Cats in the Cradle?

Both of these songs make me contemplate suicide.

GOPCrusher January 19, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Pat Boone's cover of Paradise City

/END OF THREAD

ShaveTheWhales January 19, 2012 at 5:23 pm

There was a picture of that a couple threads back, I think.

TanzbodenKoenig January 19, 2012 at 5:33 pm

…that love was just for beauty queens….

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 6:36 pm

No way. Pat Boone's cover of Smoke On The Water.

Oh gawd.

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Don't worry, I intend to do everything I can to please her.

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:12 pm

"whatever the equivalent of boner-killing is for you ladies."

Clank!
(the sound of ladyparts slamming shut)

tessiee January 19, 2012 at 10:14 pm

"Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby"

An invitation to mooning if I've ever heard one!
(__|__)

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Cheeky~!

(reaches out for a quick pinch)

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 11:29 pm

I hope it all works out, good buddy.

MittBorg January 19, 2012 at 11:30 pm

My poor, darling girl (hugs you). Such a life.

tessiee January 20, 2012 at 12:16 pm

"Turn the other cheek" — Jeebus

MittBorg January 20, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I'll have none of that cheek from you, young lady. (Pinches the other cheek)

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