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Santorum Steals Apple’s ‘1984’ Ad In Misguided Attempt To Seem Hip

Here is Rick Santorum’s latest campaign ad “Rebellion,” a modern bigoted man’s knockoff of Apple’s famous “1984” ad, except that the girl who is supposed to be wearing hot pants is wearing mom jeans and instead of Apple’s old rainbow pride logo flashing up at the end it’s, ha ha, clips of Rick Santorum grinning wildly. Mitt Romney gets the starring role of “the establishment,” which in this version casts him as a mass murderer who telepathically orders his supporters to march to their deaths wearing blindfolds like some kind of Mormon Stalin. Rebel guerrilla leader Rick Santorum to the rescue!

So if hardline Catholic theocrat Rick Santorum is a rebel, let’s see… that would make the Pope, what, Che Guevara? Sure. That sounds right.

Here’s the original Apple “1984” ad for your compare and contrast essay in the comments section:

Anyhow, we’re guessing Santorum’s campaign is trying to copy the viral success of the 2007 pro-Obama “1984” spoof mocking Hillary Clinton, which means that Mitt Romney must now make the equivalent of this mind-shatteringly fantastic old Hillary ad in retaliation. [YouTube]

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    Santorum should emulate the 1985 Apple "Lemmings" ad and walk off a cliff.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Brilliant ad, and I see Santorum tried to use it also in his … offering.

  • chascates

    And a big splash of santorum covers the screen at the end!

  • Crank_Tango

    OMG I almost never watch these videos, but when the dude took off the grey sweatshirt to reveal a santorumvest, I almost shit myself.

    Fucking hilarious.

    • flamingpdog

      I was wondering what was going on there?

    • neiltheblaze

      And it was such a daring shade of brown too!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      It wasn't clear that it *was* a Santorum vest. It just looked like he was getting undressed for some bizarre non-sex-related reason. Very strange.

      • chicken_thief

        I think he was just trying to impress the very doable chick that was handing out the blindfolds. Take me! Take meeeeeee!!!!!!

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    Creative! LOL Jk.

  • edgydrifter

    Who the fuck is Rick Sant-Rum? Sounds foreign.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Santorum is a latin name
      Catholicism is a latin religion
      Catholic priests fuck children

      ergo ….

  • Barb

    Wow, they flashed a clip of him as he holds his Trisomy 18 daughter, Bella. (1:30) She's too good to be his campaign prop.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Yeah, there is a babe showing quite a bit of clavicle!!!!
      Is she a frothy too?

    • SpiderCrab

      Named, no doubt, after Bella Abzug.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

        Did she get a cool hat too?

      • flamingpdog

        More likely, belladonna.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      That is plain fucking nasty. I had overcome so much of my dislike for this eejit because he's never going to win this thing. And I just can't keep negative feelings going for too long, it isn't what I like to be. But using that child, when he can't be bothered to be with her at a time when her hold on life is so tenuous — he's a lying, smarmy, self-serving, worthless piece of SHIT who flaunts his religion but can't be bothered to try to live it. He should be with the kid. He's gonna lose anyway. Here's hoping he loses *every*thing. Evil man.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Yesterday I clicked on spreadingsantorum.com about 20 times. I felt it was my civic duty.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Everyone who despises Rick Santorum (and that would include the greater portion of the LGBTQ community) thanks you.

      • Barb

        I can't help but to wonder what would happen if Miss Bella passed away during this campaign. Would he get the sympathy vote or would people figure out what a crap weasel, horrible parent he is and turn on him?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          That would be horrible, wouldn't it? Hopefully, people would be horrified. It seems we've become so polarized though that some people will wish for it because they don't like the poor child's father; others, because they think she's an obstacle to his political ambitions; and still others will forgive him anything, even such heinous treatment of his own child.

          My parents never really recovered from my sister's death. We were very resentful of that as children, but of course, in hindsight, it seems totally understandable. No parent should have to bury their own child.

  • EdFlintstone

    It's OK, after they fall in the hole they land in a pool of Santorum.

    • CommieLibunatic

      Pfff, I'd rather take the pit.

  • Soylent Green

    Here comes a Candle to light you to Bed. Here comes Santorum to F*ck with your Head!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I remember that from my childhood! And the parental units wondered why we *all* had nightmares! (OK, the last line was different.)

      • flamingpdog

        Bill Cosby had a great routine early in his career where he chastised parents for teaching their little kids the prayer, "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should DIE before I wake …

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          It's not like little kids need any help believing that the world is an unpleasant scary place full of big monsters,yaknow? Eejits.

        • SorosBot

          Hey now, when I was a kid I feared I might die before I waked but it didn't have to do with that prayer; it was because of Ronald Reagan and my fear that we and the Soviets might blow each other up over night.

          But yet yeah, teaching kids to say that is really not good.

          • flamingpdog

            You would have loved the Cuban Missile Crisis then.

          • SorosBot

            My generation was so lucky to have Reagan to bring back those fears our parents faced.

          • flamingpdog

            At the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis, I was nine years old and lived about 4 miles from the US Capitol building. My biggest fear was that they'd drop the big one on the Capitol during a week day when I was at school. My dad was at work downtown, my mom was at home, one sister was in junior high, my brother was in high school, and my other sister was at American University. It was not a sweet time in my life.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            No, it wasn't, sweetie. I used to have nightmares about that too. Not too many years later, it was the Americans sending B-52s into VN, and it wasn't too difficult to believe that the blithering idiots would "accidentally" bomb us, hundreds of miles away.

          • flamingpdog

            On the other hand, when I was in high school, and lived a whole 5 miles away from the Capitol, I read a chilling and yet at the same time comforting article in the WaPo (back when the WaPol was worth the read). It stated that there would be three things to worry about if a 50 megaton bomb were exploded above the Capitol: the initial light and heat blast, then the shock wave, and lastly the fallout. It said that if you lived within 5 miles of the Capitol, you wouldn't have to worry about the last two.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            That's what made you so cynical, innit?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I remember the younger stepson looking at me with consternation when Reagan was blathering some bullshit or the other. "Mr. Reagan doesn't care if we all die," he said with eyes like saucers, "because he already lived and now he's old. I want to get old like him." Out of the mouths of babes. I handed him pen and paper and told him to write that to the miserable old bastard. And that heartless fuck looks reasonable next to these intellectual farts.

  • Extemporanus

    TOO SOON!

    • neiltheblaze

      An idea whose time should never have come.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Oh, 2012, you are the gift that keeps on giving.

    • Fare la Volpe

      It's gonna be a good year, Barry.

  • Callyson

    Can we get the buff babe from the Apple ad to throw that hammer at Rick Santorum?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Mmmm. Make my day.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I'll watch later. I bet there's a totally nauseating "money shot."

    • OneDollarJuana

      Knowing Santorum, there's probably a "monkey shot", too.

  • iburl

    Not surprising in the least, but every single person in this ad is white. But I'm sure Sanrtorum has lots of minority friends.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      He'll tell you himself: just as many as he has gay ones.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        You mean, none?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Some of his best friends are blah people.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Some of his best friends ar blah flags.

    • Selfish_T

      Well, he used to be friends with Eddie Long.

      • SpiderCrab

        How long? Not long.

    • flamingpdog

      I kinda of doubt he even has lots of majority friends.

    • tessiee

      "I'm sure Sanrtorum has lots of minority friends."

      If he doesn't, he can always borrow some from Donald Trump; I hear he's very popular among The Cullid.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Mr. Trump has not yet discovered the term "teh culludz." I believe he still uses the term "Teh Blahs." He claims to have a very good relationship with Teh Blahs.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    A sweater vest in every pot!

    • SpiderCrab

      And a stew-crab claw up the kazoo.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I like you. That would be extremely painful for Mr. Santorum.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Hun, just look at Santorum. You know he would get off on that shit.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            You *are* an evil child. (hugs the little one)

    • OneDollarJuana

      Someone oughta collar that guy in a press conference and force him to tell just where his sweater vest was made. Dollars to donuts, it wasn't the US, or even a country where they don't use slave labor.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I don't remember if Santorum voted on the bill that designated products made in the Marianas Islands (where Chinese female slave labour is used, and abortion is routinely provided — no, forced — upon the workers) as "Made in America." But it's something his entire party heartily supported. I believe John McCain has been the recipient of munnies from the wealthy family that controls the garment industry there.

    • lulzmonger

      … & a Uterus Monitor in every garage!

  • Radiotherapy

    Santorum '84

    • elviouslyqueer

      If by '84 you mean 1684, then yes. Hell Yes, even.

      • Negropolis

        If by '84, he means Orwell, then yes. Also. Too.

        • LesBontemps

          Either way, too soon!

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Shouldn't the ad just be a video of a shit and lube tidal wave?

  • Selfish_T

    That guy at 1:24 is right. Nothing says "anti-establishment" like a sweater-vest.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Rebel without a brain.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    I thought "Intruder Alert" is what Karen says when the butt plug comes out.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Much more likely that she breathes a sigh of relief and finally falls asleep.

  • flamingpdog

    "Santorum" and "1984" are two things that I definitely" can see in the same sentence.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Cute av.

      • flamingpdog

        I wanted to put it up for the SOPA blackout day yesterday, but it was on my home comp, so I couldn't get it uploaded until last night.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Someday, I'll find out what it is with you and prairie dogs. In the interim, I take the greatest pleasure in envisioning a large and somewhat crabby prairie dog manning a desk in some gubmint job, sending in incomprehensible status reports along the order of: Nuts!

  • Generation[redacted]

    Man, Ridley Scott's career has really gone downhill.

    • tcaalaw

      Just wait for the Monopoly movie he's directing.

  • SexySmurf

    Sweet, you can watch it in 3D. It's like santorum is coming right at your face.

    • DustBowlBlues

      That makes me want to throw up the large size conversation hearts that I'm having for dinner. I'm saving the package of kettle cooked chips for the live blog–PLEASE TELL ME THERE IS A LIVE BLOG. I've been out all day. Is Kristen posting a bunch of stories at the end of the day in an attempt to satiate our snark-and-profanity appetites before she claims her teevee is broken as she slinks away to the seclusion of a loud bar with some friends?

      • flamingpdog

        Kristen has real-live friends?? I wouldn't be posting here if I had real-live friends.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          We *are* your real-live friends. We're just not so annoying as to intrude into your REAL life because we live miles away behind keyboards.

          Srsly, I've come to the conclusion that I like my virtual friends better because I don't quarrel with them as often. Also I don't have to schlep up and down stairs to hang with them.

  • flamingpdog

    It's times like this that I could support SOPA, just to have Santorum's website shut down for copyright infringement.

  • coolhandnuke

    Fritz Lang and Up With People.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Jesus H. Christ.

    Just give it up, frothy.
    ~

    • chicken_thief

      Hey, HE WON IOWA!!!! The Sant rum surges!!!

  • SorosBot

    iRipoff.

  • The_Lucky_Wife

    Frothy is right about one thing in his ad – the last gop ticket did go off the cliff.

  • MissTaken

    Hmmm….if Mitt is the New Hillary, does that mean he's going to start crying on the campaign trail and wearing pastel pant suits? I'd enjoy that.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I have noticed him sporting some delish new brooches.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You would!

    • chicken_thief

      That would prolly be an ix-nay on the pant suits. If Hills is any kind of bellweather, they make your ass look fat and Mr. Cayman Dollars wouldn't stand for that.

    • SorosBot

      Or he's wearing pastel panties under his suit.

      • MissTaken

        Ah yes, the Magical Mormon Manziere in Mauve

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          He needs 'em, with his moobs.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Not a lot of melanin in that ad.

    Just sayin'.

    • neiltheblaze

      He knows his audience.

      • Crank_Tango

        but it is full of blah people, amirite?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    …a plan that includes Christians from all across the economic spectrum

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      *white*

    • tessiee

      "all across the economic spectrum"

      Rich, very rich, and obscenely rich.

  • FatalServerErrorFace

    Is voting for the guy on the tee vee in the Apple ad an option? He seems a lot nicer than Sant Rum or Willard R.

  • flamingpdog

    An Apple a day will keep Rick Santorum away.

    If you throw it hard enough.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    workity work work work

  • Mahousu

    Mitt Romney … a mass murderer who telepathically orders his supporters to march to their deaths wearing blindfolds like some kind of Mormon Stalin.

    Please, we prefer the term "leveraged buyout artist."

    • chicken_thief

      I noticed that the Euro commie French "artiste" idea was nixed. Good thinking.

  • Fare la Volpe

    A plan that includes people from all across the economic spectrum

    From upper class all the way to upper middle class, Rick Santorum is the man for you!

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Yeah, really – who the fuck does this weasel think he's kidding?

      A plan that includes everyone

      Everyone who happens to be white, christian and a bit stupid, sure.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Also monied. Too.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Apparently Newt is surging ahead of both of them. But, I'm confused. Granted, the remaining candidates are all douchebags of the first water…but damn, Newt, 3 marriages, divorcing sick wife, digs open marriages could possibly be the front-runner? How can conservatives square that in their minds. Why haven't these wal-mart greeters been laughed off of the national stage and why the fuck to they have to make me nostolgic for Nixon??

    • DustBowlBlues

      Republitard men are always described by the so-called "social conservatives" to King David. Not the heroic part–just Bathsheeba and her husband David sent to die. Was he Utz? Uriah? Obad? I can't remember.

    • fuflans

      not after penultimate wife-y gets done with her tale of woe this evening.

      i hope she takes out callista too.

    • chicken_thief

      "How can conservatives square that in their minds."

      Easy. He ain't Mitt. Fucking. Romney.

      • FatalServerErrorFace

        …and he's not blah, or near (the sheriff is a)

    • HarryButtle

      How can conservatives square that in their minds.

      Because the president is a fucking NEAR! Newt could get caught screwing choirboys in a church and they'd still pick him over the Kenyan usurper.

  • neiltheblaze

    The thought ballon on one actor in the commercial looked like "The shit that fucking agent makes me do….."

  • Schmannnity

    Steve Jobs is rolling.

  • Extemporanus

    OBAMA: "Hello. I'm a Mac."

    SANTORUM: "And I'm a feces."

    • Nostrildamus

      OBAMA: I do lots of cool stuff like economics and foreign policy.

      SANTORUM: And I'm pushing #2.

  • SmutBoffin

    Look at all of the extras! JOB CREEAYSHUN

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    These are "new ideas" the Repubicans are offering. All that's missing is a DeLorean and some time travel back to 1777.

    1984 was horrible. Reagan was president. Santorum hates Reagan?!?

    I think he wants to trim "the fat" out of government, starting with the First Amendment.

    • flamingpdog

      Santorum wants to recall Chris Christie?

      • chicken_thief

        That ain't "trimming" – he'd need a fork lift to extricate Christie.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          You know how, when you, like, *really, really* fat, when you sit down anywhere too long, your skin just sweats and sticks to it?

          Might need surgical tools, too. Also.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You don't simply *recall* Chris Christie!

        • flamingpdog

          How about *tow* Chris Christie, with a tow truck?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I think you have to distract the Eye of Sauron, first.

  • Generation[redacted]

    "Just like last time."

    Yeah, I don't remember any of you Republican fuckwads calling Bush anything but a true conservative, at least until his fuck ups became to obvious to ignore.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I think he's referring to McCain.

  • flamingpdog

    Rebel guerrilla leader Rick Santorum to the rescue!

    Does that mean we're going to see his face printed on the sweater vests of college students who don't even know who he is?

    • chicken_thief

      At first I read that as "…. see his feces printed….", but it seems to work either way.

  • monty4prez

    Santorum says we should work together, (but only if you're white, Christian and from the suburbs).

    • Fare la Volpe

      Rick Santorum believes in diversity: white Christian Americans from rural areas can come along too!

  • owhatever

    I was in a santorum once, and it wasn't pleasant, except for the handcuffs and awesome drugs.

  • fuflans

    i just heard mr. foster friess on npr. mr. foster friess is a significant donor to ricky's superpac and makes the entirely reasonable point that if we just didn't have those danged mccain / feingold restrictions everybody everywhere would be able to see who was giving exactly what to whom. and then it would all be fine.

    foster friess sounds like a batman villain.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Whut?

      SuperPACs are supposed to be transparent wrt contributions – it was one of the big arguments the Repubs made.

      Of course, Colbert shows how you just set up a 501(c)(4) which can accept unlimited, anonymous money. Then that entity donates everything it receives to the SuperPac.

      Hey presto, those pesky transparency rules have gone up in a puff of smoke.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Transparent = Invisible

    • flamingpdog

      Wasn't Foster Friess the drunk guy on the Dean Martin Show?

  • rickmaci

    Notice. Not a single person of color in the entire ad. What does that tell you about the RepubliKKKlan?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You mean the past four years of "the President is a NEAR" haven't already told us this? I've had to listen to more of this "take that bone out of your nose and call back" shit in the past four years than I've ever heard before. Believe me, us culludz are under no illusions about the Republican party. There's a reason they make such a song and a dance about every nonwhite face that joins their ranks. It ain't because they're being overrun with applicants.

      • rickmaci

        I agree with you. It was like the election of Pres. Obama pulled the cork out of the bottle and all the uglies came flying out. Everything, from the "take our country back" rhetoric to the "food stamp" meme of late, has been about one thing and one thing only, that the man that 52% of America wants as their President is black. I was sad but now I am just plain F'ing angry about the way the media has allowed this to play out without a word.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Z, I crafted a profound, eloquent reply, and it was "deleted by the administrator" WTF?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          It probly included the word re+@rded, yes?

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            No. That's the puzzling thing. It was just the usual wonkette mix of swears and references to anal sex and excessive drinking.Not really. It was a furious and nauseated indictment of the virulent and shameful paroxysm of racism exhibited in this country since hopey got elected.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I've had a few of those lately too, but it's always been so innocuous that I can't remember WTH I said to deserve the Hammer of Wrath.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Yeah, once you get tagged by the cybercensor, you're pretty much screwed … and you'll never know why.

          • flamingpdog

            I think it's just Intense Debate being Intense Debate. It's been doing all kinds of screwy stuff to me lately. If I post a comment, and refresh the page, the comment doesn't show up, but if I close out my web browser and open up Wonkette again, there's my comment!

          • tessiee

            Sometimes when a comment has a certain number of replies, I click on the down arrow to see them, and when it opens them up, it's a lower number of replies than it was a second ago before I clicked.

            My best guess is that the computer is being a butt.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Back when we coded in BASIC, we used to say gremlins ate the code. It was spaghetti code, so I can see why.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    What will this movie be rated? It looks a little scary.

  • fuflans

    Here’s the original Apple “1984″ ad for your compare and contrast essay in the comments section to get rid the taste of santorum.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Such joyous viewing for my Thursday afternoon: a video that posits a frightening dystopian hellscape where the will to live has been crushed out of humanity, and also Apple's "1984" ad.

  • barto

    Interesting that they all continue to look like zombies even after hearing old Rick. Well, not too interesting…

  • Barrelhse

    liveblogging this PM?

    • DrunkIrishman

      liveblogging this BM?

  • DrunkIrishman

    That's a lot of white folk!

    • tessiee

      Looks like a:
      a) NASCAR rally
      b) Grateful Dead concert
      c) hockey game

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    That was spectacularly awful. Someone should out the Creative Director on this one. That person will surely never work again in the industry.

    • Fare la Volpe

      "Creative"?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Precisely.

    • fuflans

      i was thinking the same thing. then i thought: they don't have the money for a creative director.

      this is the second year ad major at liberty university.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Whoever did it will never, ever mention it on their resume, I'm sure of it. It is beyond belief bad.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm just waiting for the "Don't squeeze the Santorum" ad.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      And you with a tagline that says "The brownest of the brown […]," too!

    • flamingpdog

      "Don't squeeze the Santorum" would probably sell more Charmin "bath tissue" than "Don't squeeze the Charmin" ever did.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You know, pdog, sometimes you actually gross *me* out. And that's no mean feat.

        • flamingpdog

          Thank you!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Siksikpup.

  • chicken_thief

    Normally, I'm a Jack and 7 guy. Or beer. But every time I see Ricky's logo I have a yearning for a Cuba Libre or a Daiquiri. Anyone know which is better – Sant Rum or Bacardis?

    • tessiee

      I think Ricky's got a little of the Captain in him.

  • Steverino247

    Here's my new ad:

    "Hi. I like to wear sweater vests. I've been wearing them for years, but ever since Rick Santorum started selling them to raise funds for his campaign, everyone thinks I'm an asshole. Well, I'm here to tell you that just because you wear a sweater vest, that doesn't mean you think women should be barefoot and pregnant, that the economic injustice in this country can't be fixed or that working Americans shouldn't have access to health care when they need it."

    I'm Steverino247 and I approve of Rick Santorum fucking himself."

    • Limeylizzie

      Works for me.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Me likey.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    UNPERSON SANTORUM DOUBLEPLUS UNGOOD!

    Oh, hey, that reminds me–are we liveblogging the 120 Minutes' Hate tonight?

  • carlgt1

    RepugliKKKans can't do anything original — they rip off music from rock/pop stars who don't want them to use their intellectual properly, and their top comedians are Drew Carey & the Ferris Bueller's Day Off old geezer….

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You forgot the crazy lady with the blonde dust mop on her head, whatever her name is. Used to be an extra on a movie or tv show or something, and is now spouting weird stuff about lizard people and the Presidency, or something.

      • AutomaticPilot

        Victoria Jackson?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Yes, that's her! Whenever I think of her, my brain gets fluffy like a hamster and my words don't come out right.

          • tessiee

            "my brain gets fluffy like a hamster and my words don't come out right"

            I think that's pretty much Victoria Jackson's entire existence.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            She's one of several people who just flat out make my brain stop working. Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann are two others. They talk, and my neurons shut down. I just want to repeat "does not compute." Nothing they say makes sense.

            And then there's Newt and RMONEY and their reptilian ilk, who give me a deeper more visceral reaction.

  • Barrelhse

    Two long hours tonight. I don't think Mitt is good enough to stay phony that long, he's going to lose his shit like a rooftop Setter. Newt, meanwhile, will be so pig-ugly that only the 27%ers would consider him more desirable than Capt. Schettino. The whole GOP scene is so repugnant it seems like a bad joke that has gone on for far too long- or maybe a nightmare. Or, it could just be that they are what America really is and we are an aberration.

    • chicken_thief

      Seamus libel!!!!

      *a big thumbs up for the "lose his shit like a rooftop Setter"!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I don't think so, Barrelhse. If it's any consolation, Jerry Springer called out Pox Ooze for their hate crazy today. I mean, it's gotta be gettin' bad if Jerry Springer objects, yaknow.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Newt: "I tripped and fell into that other woman."

      • flamingpdog

        Oh, Jesus X. Christ, when I got home from work tonight and turned on the TeeVee it was still on Fucks Nooze because I haven't watched the TV since the last debate, and Hannity had two of Newt's daughters on defending his behavior with Callista! I guess the shit doesn't fall far from the toilets.

  • Barrelhse

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jan/20/south
    These guys are usually amusing.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      And AMC is gonna be one of the commentators. Ass-fucking galore!!!

  • Radiotherapy

    Cue the poignant music: the Southern Heritage. White guys fighting…..Ron Paul with his Army of young supporters! hahhaha

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    After the sweater vests will he roll out a sport coat with suede patches on the Tebows elbows?

    • Radiotherapy

      And a fucking bow tie.

  • Limeylizzie

    Lordy, what a bunch of dozy cunts! Liveblog, please….

  • Radiotherapy

    Shouldn't they be whistling Dixie?

  • Limeylizzie

    I saw a Negress!

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      I saw something nasty in the woodshed…

      • Limeylizzie

        Did Mitt say something about shoving something down Hopey's throat?

        • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

          Yep–and that was immediately followed by Santorum, as you'd expect.

    • flamingpdog

      If she was a Republican, I think she would prefer to be called an Africunt-American.

    • tessiee

      In that part of the country, she was probably just on a break from her job cooking for the whitefolks.

  • Radiotherapy

    Romney it's great to be back in SC where I fired so many people and made bags of cash.
    Carpetbagger!

  • Fare la Volpe

    Fuck monkeys, get your butts on Chatango.
    http://wonkette.chatango.com/

  • Radiotherapy

    Paul just said he was an Ob-Gyn for a long period…..

    • Limeylizzie

      Bad choice of words.

    • AutomaticPilot

      So…7 days?

  • C_R_Eature

    This was clearly the wrong Millennium to give up hallucinogens.

  • Limeylizzie

    But not everybody has fucked around on their wives Toad.

  • lochnessmonster

    OMG! Would the grown-ups PALEEZE show up to the election this YEAR??? Pretty, pretty PALEEZE?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      'Fraid there's only one of those, and he's gonna win this thing.

  • Limeylizzie

    Elite media should be lynched?

  • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Ayn Rand Paul Tard

    Santo-froth puts the 'bland' in bland paltitudes.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Santorum: I hope that we're judged by fairly low standards. I mean, Jesus, just LOOK at us!

  • Negropolis

    Oh, John King. You fucking idiot. Way to hand Newt the nomination.

  • Nostrildamus

    You know, this isn't a bad concept for an ad. But in order to make it understandable to someone dumb enough to support Frothy, they had to load it up with ridiculous amounts of heavy-handed overkill narration that completely undermines the grace of the original concept.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Santorum: It's time to end the War on Poverty and declare War on the Poor!

    • tessiee

      Newt will be healous jealous that Ricky stole his line.

  • MissNancyPriss

    Why is Newt so mad at John King?

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      John King (rather stupidly) started the whole thing off by asking Newt about the ABC ex-wife hatchet job.

      • MissNancyPriss

        Oooh. Well, give the audience what they want I guess.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    No liveblog? What, did the editors decide their dignity was more important or something?

    • Bluestatelibel

      No, I think they realized their sanity was more important.

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    anyone have a link to the live stream pleeeaxe?

    • fuflans

      you sir have a stronger stomach than i.

      clearly – and including ows service – you are a hero.

      • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

        I just like to puke.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    After WW2 there was a college plan (government subsidized, natch) for returning veterans.

    Shut the fuck up, Ron Paul.

  • Negropolis

    Umm, Santorum. Fuck you.

  • SorosBot

    I'm sure I'm missing out in watching 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation instead of yet another infuriating Republican debate.

  • elviouslyqueer

    TF; DW

    (too frothy; didn't watch)

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    Romney will replace Romneycare with Romneycare.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    I agree, Newt–we should have tax rates similar to those in the 1950s.

    $400,000 and over: 84.357%
    http://www.stanford.edu/class/polisci120a/immigra

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    A bunch of rich assholes with healthcare figuring out healthcare.

  • Bluestatelibel

    My teevee is always in danger of getting the shit kicked out of it every time I've tried to spend even 5 minutes watching one of these GOP "debates," so I can't watch. But I have a hunch Mittens' feeling extra petulant tonight and is going to go after Newt, should be fun.

    • C_R_Eature

      I had a battery powered Nerf gun to shoot the tevee with . Got me through almost the entire Bush Administration. Almost.

  • C_R_Eature

    Shit, is the debate on already? Another one? Again?

    This just ain't that pretty. No, it ain't that pretty at all

    So I'll just go and Hurl myself against the wall…

  • Limeylizzie

    Mittens is getting peeved, goody!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Season 2 of Walking Dead seems to have run out of gas.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Yeah, I'm tired of watching these fucking Republican debates too.

      • tessiee

        Although there's litle chance of them running out of gas.

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    Telepromaters!

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    http://thinkprogress.org/health/2012/01/15/404636

    Yeah, Ricky, tell us all about how you've never supported mandatory buy-in for insurance…

    FUCK ALL THESE LYING FUCKS!!!!

  • C_R_Eature

    So…who is drinking what? I've got Sam Adams and McClelland's.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      A nice chianti and the home-made lasagna is ready to go in the oven.

      • C_R_Eature

        Outstanding. Home made grilled shrimp Fajitas, out here. Salut!

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          Nice! за ваше здоровье

      • tessiee

        "chianti and the home-made lasagna"

        *shows up at Fukui's front door with napkin tied in a bib*

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh please, Rick. "I'm solid." No darling, you're too frothy to be solid.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      My, but you're in fine form tonight!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Yadda yadda yadda Newt zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

  • C_R_Eature

    Look at these sad bastards. This is exactly why the latest PPP poll has Steven Colbert on top. TOP! A fucking Culture-Jamming comedian beating the finest intellectual flower of the Modern Republican party.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Excuse me, given the current state of the Republican party, it would seem a given that a comedian would beat the pants off of most of them without trying.

      I guess Teh People figure, if yer gettin' a clown anyway, go for a professional.

      • C_R_Eature

        "Professionalize the Federal Service. Elect Professional Clowns!"
        It's got a nice ring to it, it does.

      • tessiee

        At least Colbert is *intentionally* funny.

        Come to think of it, I would vote for Colbert just because he made Duhbya cringe on national teevee.

        • C_R_Eature

          Oh Yeah.

          Colbert's a national treasure, IMHO

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I second that motion.

          • C_R_Eature

            ALL IN FAVOR?

          • Negropolis

            Aye.

            All oppposed?

            Well, those opposed can STFU. lol

          • C_R_Eature

            Xactly! Upfist!

    • Radiotherapy

      Even kudzu has a miserable flower for a few paltry days in May.

    • flamingpdog

      Carrot Top could beat the finest intellectual flower of the Modern RepubliKlan Party.

  • Negropolis

    The Howdy Doody-lookin' motherfucker stood up to Newt Gingrich…and I still don't like him because he was whining while he was doing it.

    Another observation. A Paultard just done lost her damn mind in the audience. I mean, it was a blood curddling scream.

    • Data Exactly

      I think that was one of Ron Paul's 'forest friends', apparently: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zk1mAd77Hr4
      Ron Paul does better when he brings his whole enchanted forest with him.

    • tessiee

      "The Howdy Doody-lookin' motherfucker"

      David Caruso?

      • NYNYNYjr

        I had to look it up, but Mr. Show is the great institution that gave us the phrase 'Howdy doody looking mother fucker'

  • mavenmaven

    Note that there's not a single African American in that video, apparently their GOP has been successful in keeping minorities out of the voting process.

  • C_R_Eature

    Geeze, it's the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Newt. The camera really hates him, doesn't it?

    • tessiee

      And why should the camera be the sole exception in the universe?

  • Negropolis

    Oh shit. Romney just threw daddy under the bus. Like, just cold threw him under the bus. This guy has no soul.

    • Barrelhse

      You would, too, if your old man was George Romney.

      • Negropolis

        Mitt's not even a quarter of the leader his daddy was. Not even a quarter.

        • flamingpdog

          Rick Perlstein has a commentary in the Rolling Stone about Mitt and his Daddy. I don't think it's some of Perlstein's better work, but it's good for a few LOLZ, and a nice reminder that his Daddy was one of the NICE Republicans, when that kind still existed.

  • C_R_Eature

    Santorum: "I have a Cunning Plan!

  • Negropolis

    What is up with the hecklers? This is a GOP debate, not some Southern hootenanny. Oh, wait…

    • C_R_Eature

      Can't we have both?
      Oh, wait…

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Oh here it is! I knew there was drinking and a fucktard debate going on.

    And drinking.
    ~

  • C_R_Eature

    Woohoo! ANYTHING GOES ON THE INTERNET!

    Santorum! Goatse! Wonkette!

    Buttsechs, also.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Oh, good one frothy.

    Losing jerbs to China? Cut taxes! And regulamentation, of course.
    ~

  • Negropolis

    Mitt has the strangest, most unnatural smile and laugh on that stage. **shivers**

    • DustBowlBlues

      He is completely robotic. Can't you see that unnatural smile in the Tabernacle when he's wearing his white angel clothes and getting baptized for dead people?

      Is this the rogue liveblog?

      • Negropolis

        Yes; yes it is.

  • Negropolis

    WTF?! That woman just strung together some words and hoped it was a sentence, but so long as she got "American jobs" and "illegal aliens" in, she was happy.

  • TheMeatmaker

    “…A plan that includes everyone (who is white and middle-aged).”
    Fixed.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Not sure I can deal with this……did Newt just say that he wants Visa to verify citizenship?

    • Chichikovovich

      This must be some of that "freeing American businesses from burdensome regulations" I keep hearing about.

    • Steverino247

      What's in your sweatshop?

  • C_R_Eature

    Santorum, your ancestors were COMMIES!!1!

    Where's the Immigration Certificate?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Frothy is sounding so sincere it sounds like he's gonna start crying any minute.

    • tessiee

      We should be so lucky.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Damn, that Santorum girl claps like a Team America puppet.

    • Gainsbourg69

      I saw that too. She looked like a zombie.

    • teebob2000

      What do you mean "LIKE" a puppet?

  • C_R_Eature

    Mitt wants everybody who comes into this country to get their Periods. Temporarily.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    " Perry is answering the "if you could do one thing over" question in the mirror, holding a bottle of Jim Beam and playing Merle Haggard. "

    — Ana Marie Cox (@anamariecox) January 20, 2012

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Ron Paul gets big cheer for putting U.S. Army on the Mexican border.

    • Steverino247

      What these dolts fail to realize is that most of the Army consists of the logistical "tail" that keeps the grunts up front supplied with bullets and beans, fixes things when the grunts get hurt or their equipment breaks, and keeps all the communications in working order. A strategic microwave systems repairman is NOT going to be worth a shit carrying a rifle while he walks around in the dark outside El Paso. It's about a 10-1 ratio of supporters to grunts these days. Having been at the very pointy end of the Army for a number of years, you can take my word for it. It's nice to have all that support behind you, but you really don't want them anywhere near you when they're carrying a weapon.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Uh oh, ROMNEYCARE ABORTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    9:21 p.m. — After a break, the candidates are asked their biggest regret.

    Newt Gingrich: Spending the early months as a "traditional" candidate, rather than an "idea-oriented" one.

    Sure, Newt. Claim you invented the 3-way.
    ~

  • C_R_Eature

    Uh, Oh. PAULTARD UPROAR!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Frothy says Ron Paul = Harry Reid.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Was it something I said?

  • Negropolis

    Paul just threw down. He finally told the overgrown baby it was time for his nap. Quiet, Santorum; grown folks are talking.

  • DustBowlBlues

    "Back when pornography came in." Oh, Ron Paul, you are adorable.

    btw–How the fuck can Paul oppose all regulations except for those controlling women's uteruses?

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Porn coming in …………….the Bible?

    • Negropolis

      That's the thing, though. He's not for eliminating legal abortion by regulating it to death. In fact, he said that's why eliminating it has failed. He realizes like smart folks do that if you turn it back to the states, Roe vs. Wade would be gone, tommorow. He's not for more regulating it to death or keeping up the failed attemtp eliminate it at the national level; he's for getting rid of it altogether in one fell swoop by backdooring this through the states.

      Ron Paul is right. He's easily one of the most anti-abortion candidate on that stage, and unlike the others, he's not about flogging the issue to keep it as a wedge issue, but actually finishing the horrible deed. Ron Paul is the most dangerous man on that stage for women's health. That fucker is scary smart when it comes to backdoor ways to destroy the republic.

      • Radiotherapy

        Santorum is good at backdoor ways too, especially SOPA.

      • flamingpdog

        I thought backdoor ways to destroy the republic dropped out of the picture after Miche1e and Rick Perruh dropped out.

    • C_R_Eature

      Simple. he hasn't got one.

    • teebob2000

      Because he plays a doctor on TV.

  • arcadesproject

    You've heard of Thelonius Sphere Monk? Now we've got Willard Mitt Cube Romney.

    Boy is hopeless.

  • C_R_Eature

    Ron Paul:
    Abortion = act of Violence
    Violence = under purview of States
    Solution = Repeal Federal Row V. Wade Law
    ???
    Profit!

  • C_R_Eature

    "South Carolina's known for their Liberty."
    …and treasonous uprising against the lawfully elected government of the United States of America.

    • tessiee

      "South Carolina's known for their Liberty."

      Why, yes; the folks at the slave market talked of nothing else.

      • C_R_Eature

        And then we made them dance for us.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Boring debate was boring.

    • SorosBot

      So was watching NBC's Thursday night sitcoms instead not a mistake?

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      It was kinda shite but with the wonkette peoples it was win.

      I wanted more Romney/Gingrich attack action but the spark just wasn't there.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Wow, the bravery that that woman shows, flashing that sign at them and stuff. Chilling.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Wait…whut?

  • DrunkIrishman

    Newt Gingrich is the type of guy you just know loves to smell his own farts.

    • Radiotherapy

      That's what happens when you haven't seen your junk in 30 years. And maybe that's why Callista looks 20 years older than her stated age.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Savours them.

    • ttommyunger

      ….and steps out of the shower to take a leak.

  • C_R_Eature

    Well, now I'm drunk. And angry. And drunk.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Sounds like most evenings for me.

      • C_R_Eature

        I don't make a habit of this, but it does happen with shocking frequency when things Republican are abroad. I've got to pace myself – going to be a long year.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I've found that it doesn't do to have alcohol nearby when reading the news or internet blogs where Republican might be the topic of the day.

          • C_R_Eature

            Yeah I will definitely have to cut down.

            On this Politics-watching.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I see you have your priorities straight.

          • C_R_Eature

            Hell yes. Politics can kill you.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Does Newt actually think anyone wants a Lincoln/Douglas debate. No questions, hours of solid talk. BORING.

    I live in the country, where we make our own fun. Like this liveblog–the wonkeratti goin' rogue and having our own liveblog.

    Holy shit. On CNN, Santorum (eeuuuwwww) isn't saying anything about Newt that might make anyone in the audience ask to be listed in his dance card. Wait–was Rick wearing a sweater vest under that jacket? If he wasn't, that would explain why he went all asshole on Newt's fat ass.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Well, John King's asshole apparently wanted an open marriage, so that was amusing. Otherwise, I'm not feeling so well.

  • DustBowlBlues

    My bag of kettle chips is just about empty and I've eaten nearly half a bag of Conversation Hearts, so it's time for me to say 'Nitey. (just hope all the dye in the C.Hearts doesn't kill me.)

    • tessiee

      "Conversation Hearts"

      "These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this human emotion known as "WUV"?" — Lurrr on Futurama

  • C_R_Eature

    That was like watching a perfect epistemically closed Gyre of fear, anger misinformation, propaganda, historical revisionism, violence and sexism.

    Pretty much what's on FOX every night.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    I'm watching TV36 in the bay area (which is KTVU2 affiliated, which in turn is FOX affiliated) and the presenter talked about the debate as "Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney face off today…"

    Where's Ron Paul? Yeah, he's a nut, but he polls higher in SC than the frothster.

  • mavenmaven

    OT: Wonkette got a shoutout in the New Yorker, of all places, as a "liberal blog" in an article on the Savage-Santorum thing. The quote linked Wonkette to posters proclaiming "Anal Rapists for Bush", which to my mind, is a sign of pride.

    • C_R_Eature

      It's nice to be appreciated for your intellectual accomplishments.

  • SorosBot

    OK; just heard a bunch of sirens for a bit, eventually joined by a helicopter overhead. There's something major going on down the street a bit, but I can only get a partial view from my windows. There is a fire engine and several ambulances, which makes me think it might be a fire, but I don't see any smoke.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    I don't know about you guys, but I just get really turned on when Ricky gets all edgy and shit.

  • flamingpdog

    Crap, I broke my consecutive string of RePoopliKlan debates watched. But at least my brain likes me tonight.

  • ChrisM2011

    Did the ad suddenly turn to color? It's hard to tell when every single actor remains white.

  • a_pink_poodle

    We SHALL PREVAIL!

    *BOOOOOOM!*

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    You OK?

    • SorosBot

      Yeah, I;m fine; everything broke off shortly after I commented on it. Still wondering what was going on there.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Thanks for letting me know. Sometimes I wonder if I'm living in surrealandia already. Not too long ago, I was driving around at 1 am and (not literally) ran into a tank going the wrong way up a one-way street, heading FROM the University. WTF a tank was doing at that hour coasting the streets of a small and usually peaceful university town is beyond me, but there was never a word about it in the papers.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Santorum is definitely a PC, not a MAC …

  • Jerri

    Not for the first time in this primary campaign, I'm reminded of the Treehouse of Horror where, in an alternate universe, Ned is a terrible dictator and everyone is forced to wear green sweaters and smile all the time.

    Except this time the "Ned" wants us all knocked up and married to men in sweater vests.

  • tealsheart

    Rick San to-rum-rum-to-rum-rum

  • NYNYNYjr

    The phrase has become common usage then, it seems. Mid-1990s, on HBO.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Link doesn't seem to be working, dollink. But thanks for the thought.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    That is SO sweet. (Hugs teh Cat) Thank you so much. I shall enjoy this. A progressive, eh? Who'd'a thunk it?

  • ttommyunger

    I'm jumping in here on Saturday night, amazed and bewildered that so many Wonketeers actually watch these fucking horse and pony shows they call "Debates"… What determination, what fortitude, what devotion; what the fuck?

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    derp. thaankks!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    No. Where can I find this?

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    When you have 88 stairs to your eyrie, your friends don't schlep to you unless they're slim and fit, believe me. Listening to them kvetch about the climb is enough to put one off sickroom visits, also. In fact, some of my lowlife reallife friends have been known to pull such lame-ass pranks as lying on the doorstep pretending to gasp for breath while clutching their chests, as a way of indicating that the stairs are daunting. Plus, I can't get down the stairs to let them in, which is also discouraging.