GIFTS FROM A CRUEL GOD  1:29 pm January 19, 2012

Homeless Child Spared Usual Fate of Homeless Children Due To Rare Intellectual Gifts

by Ken Layne

Here is an “inspirational story” to make everybody happier about homelessness, etc.: A 17-year-old girl has been saved from homelessness, and a celebrity has given her poor family a home, all because the 17-year-old girl is an immensely gifted science prodigy.

After becoming a semifinalist in a prestigious national science competition, a homeless Long Island teen has earned an invitation to the State of the Union address — and a home for her family.

Samantha Garvey, 17, who has spent her childhood moving between shelters and rented homes, is in the running for the $100,000 Intel Science Talent Search prize for her research on mussels. Upon hearing Garvey’s inspirational story, Rep. Steve Israel (D-N.Y.) offered her a ticket to the State of the Union. “I want her to be an example of perseverance in the face of adversity.”

See kids, there is hope! You just need to be “gifted” (by Jesus) with abilities that far exceed the average, and then you need to be noticed by some politicians and celebrities looking for an Inspiration Story. Next thing you know, you’re watching Republicans refuse to give applause to the president!

Average and less-than-average poor people — by definition, the vast majority — must remain poor and homeless, however. [TIME]

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nounverb911 January 19, 2012 at 1:32 pm

She does, of course, have to pay her own way to DC.

Preferred Customer January 19, 2012 at 1:45 pm

From the article:

"Israel said he also hoped to force the President and his colleagues to consider a difficult, crucial question: how can a family with a genius-level child fall into homelessness?"

Because, you know, smart people are always rich, just like rich people are always smart. Isn't that what Social Darwin taught us?

Biel_ze_Bubba January 19, 2012 at 2:46 pm

If the kid had done janitorial duties at school, things would have worked out just fine.

Preferred Customer January 19, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Someday, Samantha, maybe you'll *own* that broom.

bureaucrap January 19, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Actually, I thought Newt said that the kiddies would not get paid munnies for their service. The "volunteer" labor was just to illustrate to them "the value of work." So they'd be no help to the parents (who were just fired from THEIR jobs as janitors so the kiddies could be put to work for free).

Biel_ze_Bubba January 20, 2012 at 2:19 am

Working for free teaches the value of work? I know the GOP playbook had some crazy shit in it, but that takes the prize.

BlueStateLibel January 19, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I agree – why wasn't this girl performing janitorial work to raise her family out of homelessness???

bumfug January 19, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Not to take away from her achievement but this reminds me of those ubiquitous, exploitative, emotionally manipulative "news" stories where some kid is surprised by Mommy or Daddy coming home from the war.

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 5:34 pm

There was one just today engineered by Kentucky Fried Chicken. At least they gave the manipulated children college scholarships.

mavenmaven January 19, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Haha, then she gets to Washington just in time to find out that all grant support for scientific research is being decimated….

Sparky MacGyver January 19, 2012 at 2:46 pm

It's really okay, because the hedge funds are doing cutting edge research and development that will come up with the scams and frauds that will power the next century.

Screw the next penicillin or curing cancer…we need the 21st century's "Donkey Punch".

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Yeah, who cares about mussels? Donald Trump needs another tax cut.

Callyson January 19, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Garvey and her family had been living in a house on Long Island until they were evicted on New Year’s Eve. Injuries from a car accident had required her mother to abandon her job as a nurse’s assistant, leaving Garvey’s father, a cab driver, unable to pay the bills
New Year's resolution for the banks: FFS, have the decency not to carry out evictions during the holidays at least…

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 1:56 pm

But I thought people without jobs don't have them because they're lazy?

Geminisunmars January 19, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Effing shirkers.

KenLayIsAlive January 19, 2012 at 6:55 pm

She let Injuries from a car accident keep her from work! That's lazy to me. And the dad? He could have doubled his work to 24 hours day, could he not? Lazy I say lazy.

These two loafers should really watch the next State of the Union address, I hear there may be some kind of inspirational moment of some type.

spinozasgod January 19, 2012 at 2:47 pm

WHAT no health insurance or mounds of savings to pull them through…..lazy socialists wanting tax payers like me to bail them out of trouble. How will they learn their lesson if they don't freeze to death on the streets?

Chichikovovich January 19, 2012 at 3:21 pm

It was a bad idea for them not to dip into the Cayman Islands savings. Tax consequences be damned.

Mumbletypeg January 19, 2012 at 1:49 pm

This is the most inspiring budding-genius-in-the-rough since Good Will Hunting made advanced mathematics seem cool. (Or, since higher math made Matt Damon seem cool?) Congratulations Samantha! – - and although science is your forte, keep those math skills whetted for when it's time to parse out the fine print on your student loan details. Some are variables, some are constants; none of 'em terribly coefficient if you know what I mean.

freakishlywrong January 19, 2012 at 1:52 pm

“I want her to be an example of perseverance in the face of adversity.”
Admirable, but the Republicans don't give a flying fuck.

Extemporanus January 19, 2012 at 1:54 pm

But behind the chalet, her holiday's complete.

GlowneyHouse January 19, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I'll have that in my head all day.

Lascauxcaveman January 19, 2012 at 3:49 pm

And a panda for sweet little niece.

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I feel like William Tell

Barb January 19, 2012 at 1:54 pm

What's with this happy and uplifting story? Who are you and what have you done with our Ken?
Just kidding, I saw this girl on TV and she made my heart smile.

flamingpdog January 19, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I'm always happy when someone finally finds the right combination of maintenance-level psychoactive meds.

Barb January 19, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I just saw the Ellen show and they gave this girl a $5,000.00 gift card to J.C. Penny, which will buy a lot and a $1,000.00 gift card to Whole Foods, which will buy 2 tomatoes and a tub of ice cream.

starfanglednut January 19, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Only if the tomatoes are on sale.

SayItWithWookies January 19, 2012 at 1:56 pm

But if she just held out for the Gingrich administration she could win a mop.

Mumbletypeg January 19, 2012 at 2:20 pm


SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 1:57 pm

In Newt's world she would have been more productive, working as a school janitor and to busy to do that silly scientific research.

GhostBuggy January 19, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Money in pockets! Spreading sawdust on puke! These are the pillars of a nation, not your science and other such wizardry!

BZ1 January 19, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Newt's child-rearing pronouncements must have worked, didn't they?

iburl January 19, 2012 at 2:00 pm

There is nothing congress likes more than a desperate teenager.

deanbooth January 19, 2012 at 8:02 pm

And giving them a leg up (so to speak).

BarackMyWorld January 19, 2012 at 2:02 pm

"If this homeless kid can excel in science, then we're spending too much on these other kids."
-conservative thought process

bureaucrap January 19, 2012 at 2:17 pm

"If this homeless kid can excel in science, that means he/she might edge out my brat to get into Princeton. No more teaching poors to read!"


MightySix January 19, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Right! Because rich alumni parents buying their kids a place at a nice Ivy League school (or Duke or USC) is not AT ALL like white affirmative action. Nope.

GOPCrusher January 19, 2012 at 4:26 pm

ie. George W. Bush

jus_wonderin January 19, 2012 at 5:02 pm


Baconzgood January 19, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Fucking egg head.

smokefilledroommate January 19, 2012 at 2:15 pm

What an incentive to be smart!

Guppy January 19, 2012 at 2:20 pm

"You just need to be “gifted” (by Jesus)"

In science? Oh no, Teabagger Jesus would want this one burnt at the stake.

Actually, drawn and quartered for the science part, with the remains burnt because she's a woman.

Chichikovovich January 19, 2012 at 3:29 pm

That's what St. Cyril's people did to Hypatia (well, not drawing and quartering exactly, but just as bad) and I observe that this didn't prevent the "Saint" from going in front of his name. It may have helped.

bureaucrap January 19, 2012 at 2:22 pm

"You there — genius-level kid — come up here, we gots a present for ya.

"The rest of ya — heads down and keep rowing!!!"

Biel_ze_Bubba January 19, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Politicians will suck up to anyboby who's in the top 1% of anything.

Lascauxcaveman January 19, 2012 at 4:12 pm

They haven't sent me a plaque for my beer drinking yet, but I'm sure it's coming.

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I think Suds McKenzie got it. He had an advantage because he's from Wisconsin. You'll have to drink more.

BaldarTFlagass January 19, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Science nerd chicks are hot, or at least they are when they get to be of legal age.

Chichikovovich January 19, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Ah, science nerd chicks. MM… That casts my mind back to when I was courting Chichikovna when she was in medical school. I would go with her to anatomy class and stare at her body.

Badabum! Really, folks, settle in for awhile! I got millions of 'em.

flamingpdog January 19, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Peeking at the bodies in the human anatomy lab as I walked by the open door would always make me feel blue.

Sue4466 January 19, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Isn't this the plot of feel-good hit Extreme Makeover: Home Edition?

Helps keep the poors in line to think if they were just good enough other people would give a fuck about them.

jus_wonderin January 19, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I always think of the Extreme Makeover situation as "How the fuck are they going to pay the taxes on that…now???"

Allmighty_Manos January 19, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Get a job you bum.

DonnyKerabotsos January 19, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Rick Santorum will not be impressed until she graduates from high school.

veritass January 19, 2012 at 3:53 pm

And gets straight married. Then she'll be in god's good favor and signs of his approval will be bestowed upon her in the form of tax shelters and country club memberships.

WhatTheHolyHeck January 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Sorry, but she's well past the only time she'd have had any real significance to him. She's been out of the womb for years now.

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 6:17 pm

But her womb is now at that age where Rick wants the state to control it.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 19, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Newt was really worried about this story … until he found out that she's a white kid. (Whew! Narrative intact!)

twoeightnine January 19, 2012 at 2:58 pm

The celebrity didn't give her the home, Suffolk County did. Also that celebrity who will use any feel good story to get her name out there and then plaster the story with her name didn't give her the actual scholarship money, AT&T did.

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 5:48 pm

As if Ellen couldn't afford it herself. What was that about?

hagajim January 19, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I'd be really inspired – if there weren't thousands more kids and adults out there homeless and of the non-genius type. Heck a homeless kid did well on Idol (I didn't see it I promise) and that was another feel good story. I feel sorry for the average fucks who can't get help from their Congressperson.

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Question: She's a girl who is a semi-finalist for the Intel prize, so that means she must have an awful fucking lot on the ball. Which means at SOME POINT, Steve Israel's office must have heard SOMEthing about her, because, you know, Brentwood High is not exactly your basic inner city school where children being shuttled from domicile to domicile is about as common as getting nits. The school is regularly in the news for its sports teams and its marching band. Somewhere along the line, you know, the principal must have bragged about this girl in his school smart as a whip but you know, was homeless.


Goonemeritus January 19, 2012 at 3:39 pm

“$100,000 Intel Science Talent Search prize for her research on mussels.”

What’s to research the baby Jesus put them on earth 5000 years ago and Noah saved them from the flood on the hull of the Ark. It was good of him to save a mating pair and not use them all up during Ark pasta nights.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 20, 2012 at 2:25 am

If Noah was saving mussels from the flood, he was a lot dumber than I thought. (Probably explains why he left the dinosaurs behind: the whales took up so much space.)

Chichikovovich January 19, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I hear you. Whenever I want to lose a lot of weight I just make sure I'm at a few Med. School faculty dinners where Chichikovna and her fellow healers can be counted on to slip into shop talk. ("I'm not sure how to proceed with the infected colon that was admitted yesterday. Maybe it's resistant to the antibiotics we've been using. The abscess is still full of pus and the stool still has that odd smell,….") Sometimes I don't feel like eating for days.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 19, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Well that's nice. Now all we have to do is find the inner genius in the rest of the homeless.

MaxNeanderthal January 19, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Of course, I only adopted my eldest daughter because I knew she'd have a frightening talent for music. I anticipate a retirement early as she travels the world's concert halls.. Or does this make me the moral equivalent of the Bachmann?
I think I need to reconsider my moral stance here…

sezme January 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Since when does being smart get you munnies? Stop the Garvey Train!

johnnymeatworth January 19, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Even now Newt is telling Calista he wants an open marriage so he can Hit That.

KenLayIsAlive January 19, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Good thing she didn't do any research on Climate Change.

Rowdy5000 January 20, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Check out the article's Related Topics: barack obama, ellen degeneres, Long Island, research, … teenagers

All of the worst things in the world in one string of topics, amiright!?

Soylent Green January 21, 2012 at 4:19 pm

whew – Newt almost had to 'put her to sleep'.

ttommyunger January 21, 2012 at 8:10 pm

"Samantha"? They prolly call her Sam. Fucking queer!

MinAgain January 22, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Huh. I thought most of the Republicans in Washington, D.C. hated science.

lulzmonger January 23, 2012 at 1:07 pm

So THAT's where I fucked up when I was homeless in high-school: I should've applied for that Mensa Card (that is, if I could have somehow paid the fee).


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